#posting so thats good. not so good how depressive and dissociative i am rn tho | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

misc-merde · 6 years ago

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do you ever have a bad stretch that goes for a Hot While and then it ends and you come out of the worst of it and youre just like “thank fucking god” but then after a day or two you realize that youre not really in a good stretch and if it didnt come right after the Bad™ stretch you just had you would probably say that this now is a bad stretch but in comparison its still a massive improvement so you just feel kind of drained from the last week or so of Bad™ and sort of numb from the new round of bad and you dont really know what to do you just know that nothing really feels super real and you dont have energy for jack shit

#yeah we're gonna post this publicly bc i kind of dont care enough and also i feel like if i let myself isolate again itll swing back into #Bad™ territory instead of moving up into not bad. so yeah. this is going public even tho part of me doesnt want to do that bc shocker:#i dont like worrying people or feeling like any sort of inconvenience and that mindset includes venting on my own blog. so. but hey im still #posting so thats good. not so good how depressive and dissociative i am rn tho #ive spent the last three days literally lying around doing nothing (tho i have had a good distraction which is what actually helped me get #out of the Bad) and it looks like its been about a week somehow since i last showered which is 1) surprising 2) disgusting and 3)going to #get fixed in the morning bc i quite honestly didnt realize it had been that long until just now like i knew it wasnt great but i thought it #was like three days bordering on four not an entire full on week holy fuck. yeah ok this is..maybe a bit worse than i thought maybe i gave #myself a bit too much credit for simply stopping the Bad™... its fine that bit will be fixed in the morning and even if i still dont do much #tomorrow i will shower and ill actually eat something for lunch bc i didnt today and i dont think i really did yesterday either so that will #happen i promise and those two things alone will be a huge step up which feels a little pathetic to say but hey progress is progress and i #cant compare my pace to anyone elses. right.#oh also no one let me forget the accountability post at the turn of the month bc that will be an important thing to make myself do #even if its just once a month thats way more accountability than i have rn and honestly sometimes i just need to do my basic human functions #for my friends to get me to do them at all and while thats not a great place to be itll work in a pinch so we'll go with it but i cant do #that if they dont know whats up so. accountability. yeah. anyway this has been merc is a fucking mess but hey theyre trying tune in next #time to see if any of this worked in any way shape or form or if they just slipped back into very bad shit again #hopefully it will be the former bc the latter is really not fucking fun

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