#postal 3 beta dude

[clannadhymn]

DO YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO KISS THIS MAN

[noahfuel-gaming]

This is what The Dude looked like during Postal 3's beta

[markosep2001-blog]

I checked video about transparency by CozyChicken so I tried to experiment using Postal 3 Beta Dude

[SFM] Postal Dude's urge to stop the evil

[clannadhymn]

decided to just do a regular old painting for a vague amalgamation of postal dudes, he's kinda beta!p3 mixed with p2 for some reason i will not understand the reason why i did that but WHATEVER LOL

here's without his sunglasses

[qwuilty]

Clockwork - A Postal 1 Dude x Reader fic

Guess who finally got inspiration to actually write one motherfuckers

This is pre-Postal 1, kinda sorta a coffee shop au if you squint your eyes hard enough? More so just a food service setting because he just works there.

Reader is given no gendered pronouns or titles, second person POV, apologies for any awkwardness cause i haven written one of these in a hot minute and thanks to a friend to beta reading when my power went out, gotta love summer </3

It was almost like clockwork.

Work was always long and tedious, it left you heading out in the dead of night and hungry with hardly anywhere open at this hour. It was understandable, hardly anyone was up at this time of day, but you didn’t want to drive home on an empty stomach regardless. 

So you tended to pull into the closest place that’d take you in, a pretty small doughnut shop in a truck stop just a bit down the road that was always there, even if it was pretty stuffy. There weren't that many people who worked so late at night so you usually only saw one guy there when you ordered, he was pretty tall, even when he hunched down so much he was still a bit taller than you were. You didn’t know his name, you asked if the uniforms were supposed to have a name tag or something, but he sheepishly admitted he didn’t like wearing one and especially didn’t like people knowing it, so you didn’t want to press any further than that. 

He had long ginger hair, just about resting on his shoulders around where his goatee was, as well as a fairly strong brow-line and an air of discomfort at almost all times. A pair of sunglasses rested on the bridge of his nose, maybe to hide his lack of eye contact, though sometimes you could spot his hazel eyes darting around behind them. 

You figured he took these hours because less people showed up, in fact, around this time you never really saw anyone else ordering besides maybe law enforcement stopping by to get something to eat before quickly heading back out. Whenever they came in he seemed worried, almost avoidant and looking over his shoulder more to see if they were going to do something until they finally left.

Still, despite his odd tendencies, you’d started to grow fond of his presence in a way. He didn’t talk too much, thankfully not asking why you always showed up so damn late or why you always got the same thing each time. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to stand there in silence, but you found he didn’t mind you just talking to him while he worked, so you eventually just talked about just whatever was on your mind if he was willing to listen. Shitty customers, some coworker gossip, general issues with management, almost losing track of time until he reminded you your order was finished. 

Sometimes he even spoke up as well, mentioning little bits and pieces of his life, just enough to give you a small peek at himself that you wondered if any others got to see. At a certain point he even memorized your order down to the specifics, it felt embarrassing to realize just how much you pulled into here, but in a way, it was nice to be remembered. 

So, when you showed up one night and saw someone else at the register, it threw you off your rhythm. 

If it wasn’t for them asking what you wanted, you’d stay frozen in thought for a while. They seemed impersonal, just going through your order until you spoke up and asked where the last guy went. For a moment they stopped and then just shrugged. “Hell if I know. Guess he decided to not come in tonight.”

At first you thought maybe he had gotten sick, but after the fourth absence, your mind began to wonder. Had he quit? Moved town? Died? It felt irrational to worry so much about someone you barely knew, but you couldn't just let that thread of your life fall off like that. 

You tried asking his coworkers, but they seemed just as confused as you were. Even the manager said he just kind of left and no one really knew how to contact him, nor were they willing to give out his personal information to a stranger. 

The only other leads you had were shaky at best, one said they thought they might have seen him at a gun shop nearby, the person at the counter there saying he walked towards the outskirts, another recounting him going out to the downtown area a while back, and with work you didn't have much time to pursue it. Should you have been pursuing it at all? He was just a stranger, people quit talking all the time. But with no one really knowing what happened to him, you couldn't help but worry, no matter how much you tried you just couldn't drop it. 

Even on the day off that week, your mind hovered around the memory of him, how soft spoken he was, his mannerisms, how he had long ginger hair just like that guy taking a drag of a cigarette as you passed by.

Wait.

You turned around quickly, damn near giving yourself whiplash to get another look. He had the same long, disheveled hair, huddled in on himself in his own little world. You'd never seen him out of his uniform, but a black trenchcoat felt natural on him. When he looked back down at you, it seemed it clicked for him as well. Your tone was a little rash when you asked where the hell he's been, but he'd worried you half to death. How he just left all of a sudden, leaving you scared for his well being.

He seemed confused, both at your sudden loudness and your concern at all. "I.. I just didn't like working there anymore? I was going to tell you but I figured you'd probably find out anyways-"  Judging by his explanation, maybe he was just used to picking up and leaving jobs without anyone actually caring when he left. At least not to the extent you got yourself worked up to. "I mean like, I'm sorry just- I didn't think you'd like… Care this much?"

You let out a loud exhale, stopping him from talking any further as you dug into your pockets. Thankfully you still had a shitty little pen and a receipt in there, tearing off a bit of it and writing on it before pushing it out towards his hands. "There, now you can call me back and I can actually know where you are if you jump off the side of the world again like that…"

He looked down towards your number, almost mesmerized by it. "Please just… Just keep me updated, okay man? Sorry to yell at you, I was just- I was really worried, okay? I've got some other stuff to do so I can't stay here, but promise me you're gonna call, okay?" You asked, walking out a bit as he looked up. 

"...Promise."

[markosep2001-blog]

[SFM] tfw no one floats down with you

Credits to Famixofpower for Postal 3 Beta Dude Credits to me for Pennywise texture

[markosep2001-blog]

[SFM] Postal 3: Trainspotting mockup

I remembered some movie called Trainspotting from 1996 and decided to make a mockup poster with POSTAL 3 gang: The Postal Dude Jr. from beta days, Uncle Dave, Uwe Boll, Cesar Milan and Osama bin Laden. All of these models are ported by Famixofpower

[markosep2001-blog]

[SFM] Postal: Bumpmap and basetexture stuff

Bumpmap did some weird stuff with Postal 3 Beta Dude. Try it out.

[qwuilty]

Muppets In Paradise: Gone Postal (Postal 1 Crossover fic)

Hiii i had this idea a while back but was mid-semester, but after bringing it up on a draw session i got egged on to actually write it so now you get to deal with it too <3 Basically imagine one of those Muppet movies with one human but its Postal 1

No majorly bad trigger warnings, mainly just descriptions of meltdowns, comic violence, descriptions of puppets if that freaks you out, canon-typical paranoia build-ups, nothing else besides that. (and if you need anything else tagged let me know!) This is just kind of a crack fic taken semi-seriously.

(Also thank you to my friend for beta reading before i passed out <3 <3 <3)

Maybe it was good to get a new start. Sure, leaving behind everything he knew before was never easy, maybe it was running away from it all to save himself the shame of admitting he failed, but when one door closed, another opened. At least that's what they said.

The listing seemed a bit strange, a completely fine looking house listed for practically nothing, furniture left behind, no real damage to the property, and the seller seeming desperate to get out as soon as possible rang some alarm bells before he even accepted it. The area seemed like something of a ghost town, little to nothing about it online besides some landscape shots, but when he was this desperate, did he really have a choice to be picky? 

He tried not to think about it for too long, maybe they just needed to move for a job, a family emergency, something that denoted him not even wanting to meet up to move in, no he just wanted to leave the keys under the doormat. But again, with the position he was in, Dude couldn't afford to be picky. He and Champ needed somewhere to stay, anywhere was better than nothing.

Driving into the small town, there didn't seem to be much commotion besides a sign simply welcoming him in and saying there was a fairly small population, but with no one on the streets, it felt like he was the only one really there. A looming sense of unease set in by the time he finally made it to his new home in a sea of other small and obnoxiously colorful homes, beginning to wonder if this really was a ghost town or some sort of elaborate set up. 

Was he walking into some kind of trap? Did they intend to go in when it was night and rob him blind? There seemed to be something looking at him, whatever it was closing their curtains as soon as he looked back to them while Champ seemed to push his legs trying to get inside the house. Steeling his nerves, he took the key out from under the doormat and made his way in.

Things seemed to be normal, if not a little dusty. Furniture was all there like it was listed, nothing moving much in the old house besides him and his dog. Maybe he was just making mountains out of molehills again. This was his new start, he was going to be fine again. He was just going to enjoy sitting on this couch, even if it was a little dusty, and he was going to-

A knock at the door.

Dude looked besides himself to the door, the knocking was soft but persistent. Champ had made himself comfortable in the armchair next to the sofa, and laid out like that he clearly had no intention of moving any time this year. Standing up with caution, Dude approached the door with a hand rested over his hip, though he didn't want to use it so soon in his brand new start, if he needed to defend himself he had a sidearm at the ready. As he opened the door however, his eyes weren't met with another human, no, they looked down to see some sort of... Green frog puppet?

"Hidey-ho!"

Dude shut the door behind him in a quick slamming motion, his heart racing a little. Did that puppet just talk? No, no it had to just be nerves. Some sort of stupid prank or something, his mind fucking with him. He opened the door again, slower than last as he looked down to the puppet who stared patiently back at him and still, it began to speak again. "Hi there, sorry, didn't mean to scare you there neighbor." Dozens of thoughts crossed his mind as the fleece covered frog talked back to him, moving too... Organically. Even after taking off his glasses, blinking a little and trying to go back to some sense of reality didn't make this thing go away. 

"And your name?" He asked, pulling Dude back into the moment. "What?" "What's your name?" The puppet asked seemingly in earnest, and though he was still deeply confused, he responded and told him his name. "Well it's nice to meet you, my name is Kermit! You must be the new guy moving in after the old one left, shame he had to go so soon, do you know where he went?"

Dude just slowly shook his head, a look of concern etched into his face while Kermit continued. "Well that's a shame. Still, i'd love to get to know you a little more, is it ok if I bring a few friends over to meet you?" His voice, though somewhat high pitched and croaky, seemed to hold little malice in it. "...I mean- Sure? I don't think-" He was cut off before he could finish his train of thought, Kermit looking back quickly as his voice raised to a holler. "Come on out everyone, we've gotta meet the new neighbor!" 

Before he could protest, doors swung ajar and curtains opened, seemingly spewing out a hoard of similarly strange creatures that now flooded towards his house. Even as a fairly tall, strong guy having all those things moving around him damn near knocked him over and pulled him in like a lost child through a river current, Champ waking up and standing a little on the cushion of the chair as what was once a quiet little home was now bursting with the sound of many voices speaking over each other. It was hard to make out many figures in the crowd, the green one had made his way over to what appeared to be a pig woman wearing heavy makeup and a bear wearing a hat, some resembled something closer to a human than the others, but their proportions were exaggerated and strange with the same round eyes and fabric skin as the rest. 

One particular blue… Thing beside him with a long curved nose bumped into his leg, chasing after what seemed to just be a normal chicken at an abnormally large size, speaking in a loud shrill voice about someone named “Camilla”. Trying not to trample any of them over, Dude made his way to the empty spot on the sofa, sitting down to try and look over at Champ who was sniffing another one of them who seemed to just be some kind of nondescript brown dog. He let out a loud sigh, trying to collect his thoughts until he was startled by one wearing some sort of flashy top hat with green skin and red hair thanking him for throwing such a “rocking house party” until the frog finally made his way back to him and tugged on his pant leg. “Oh, I completely forgot to introduce you to everyone! Come on, I'll help you meet everyone!” 

The evening seemed to pass in a blur, a complete brain rattling sensation of colors, shapes, and names thrown his way as they went through every colorful character until the last one finally left, no one in the house but him, Champ, and Kermit. “Thanks for having us over, neighbor. Try to get some sleep, ok? See you tomorrow!” Dude tried to muster whatever smile he could until the frog left and for the first time since those doors opened he could really breathe. 

Champ followed closely behind as Dude grabbed one of his bags and walked to the bedroom, stepping over some feathers and clumps of red fur until he finally made it inside. Thankfully none of them seemed to go in here, everything was still in good condition as Dude took out some clothes to wear for the night and put down one of his spare pillows for Champ to sleep on. 

Though he intended to unpack that night now he had hardly any energy to keep himself standing, spending what little he had on getting changed into something more comfortable. Laying his head down on the mattress, he decided his diary entry for the night could wait until the next morning. After all, how could he even process what had happened to him that evening? So instead he curled over, closing his eyes and went to sleep. Or at least, he tried to. The noise outside made it hard, but with how exhausted he was, he eventually broke though.

He would have hoped to wake up back at home, finding out everything was just some bizarre fever dream, but in the morning he was in the same bed with Champ drooling over onto the floor. He changed sluggishly, still feeling drained from before as he tried to maintain some kind of routine even in the madness. There was almost a sense of peace to it, a familiar comfort. Except for the undeniable sounds of… Whatever those things were talking and screaming outside. Maybe it was a good idea to just stay inside for the day, do some of that unpacking he was going to before.

Even still, it was hard to focus when he could hear those felt creatures knocking things over, even with the walls of his new home they seemed to break through and disturb him while he got his belongings around. It was like he could hardly hear himself think, especially as he swore he heard the sound of something exploding, but when he looked out the window all he saw was one with a long head and orange hair running down the street as one with a green head ran after him. Even having everything out didn’t seem to help him feel any better, maybe he just needed something- 

Shit, right. The fridge was empty. 

Dude grimaced a little, nothing much in there but dust and cold air before he stood up. Alright, maybe he’d have to go outside. That was okay. It was totally okay. Everything was okay. He scrambled through his belongings, pulling out a CD player and some headphones to put on. It wasn’t the perfect answer but it’d at least block out some of the noise, plus he had some cassettes still in his car to listen to. Sure, he hated the bright fluorescents, sure the noise was insufferable, but he had to eat. Putting on some sunglasses to block out the bright sun, he said his goodbyes to Champ resting outside the door, trying not to make eye contact with those around him. 

He had just one goal, make it to the grocery store, get what he’d need for a bit, then get back home and hunker down a little until he felt better again. He drove through the streets, every house all seemed to blend together into this uncomfortably colorful blur as he looked around for a grocery store. He should have tried to get a map or something, but it was too late now, how big was this damn town anyways? He almost passed it by the time he finally did find the thing, parking his quaint car besides the other bizarre ones and putting his sunglasses back on while preparing himself for whatever other insanity waited inside and putting an old CD inside the player. 

He walked into the store with his shoulders hunched over, trying not to stare at anyone or notice anyone staring at him and instead focusing on just getting the essentials. If he could find them. The shelves seemed to be sectioned off for puppets of differing heights, nothing on them looking familiar at all and everything the same eye straining bright colors that surrounded him everywhere in this town, throwing him off his mental list of what he had gotten every other time he got groceries. Still, he tried to fight an ever looming feeling he was going to burst out of his very own skin, making his way quickly to try and locate what he needed and shove it into his basket so he could get out and go as soon as possible. 

Finally he managed to locate the last bit needed, a bag of dog food he hoisted under one of his arms that he located in these labyrinth halls of pure mental overstimulation as he could finally make his way up to the front. The wait thankfully wasn’t too long, however the one at the front looked familiar. It was one of the more humanoid ones, though her bright orange skin and lack of nose was a bit discomforting. Her name was Janice, as her name tag had labeled her, her valley girl accent permeating through the room as she talked to herself for a while ringing him up, Dude only responded with faint mumbling and nodding until she was finally done and he could leave this place. 

The drive back was just as confusing to him as the drive there, everything in this town was like an absurdist painting mocking the average suburbia. It was normal if you gave it a passing glance but every moment there made it feel a little strange. Maybe he was beginning to understand what made the previous resident of his house leave so soon. The sun began to set as he finally made it back home, hauling everything in as fast as he could to try and minimize time spent outside as much as possible. Things seemed to be a little less chaotic at nighttime, giving him a slight respite while he put his food away until he called it in for the night and pulled his diary out to finally write about what had happened these prior days.

Diary:

This move has been one of the strangest moments of my life. What seemed like just a merely alarming occurrence has spiraled a brand new world of color and noise, an endless cacophony of insanity that wears me out after only a short time here. 

I’m trying to keep calm as best I can, maybe one day i can learn to embrace it or escape all this. But for the time being I must keep my wits about me. 

The things here seem harmless, (seem harmless…) but they’ve got to have (got to have…) some sort of ulterior motive. (ulterior motive…)

Dude paused, the feeling of something light on his shoulder whispering down his ear in a shrill voice as he turned his head, eyes meeting with a pair of bulbous eyes uncomfortably close. It was the blue thing again, having somehow made his way inside this home. HIS home.

“Has anyone told you that you have lovely penmanship?”

The blue puppet was practically weightless as Dude held him by the collar of his shirt, trying to spit out an explanation for what he was doing, but Dude had little patience to hear it at the moment. He wanted these creations out of his only place of solace until he could learn to cope with it, they were his grounds to feel like he could actually be safe from all the noise, and having these felt creatures breaking in was an affront to that with his strange chicken partner following closely behind the two of them. 

As he put the blue one on the ground he slammed the door behind him, the sound of two older men heckling the events around him muffled behind as he stormed his way back to his room, shutting his diary preemptively and trying to go back to bed again for another night of restless sleep.

The days that followed were hardly much better, trying to spend as much time inside as he could to avoid his new ‘neighbors’ as he could, time spent outside only made his brain ache and his mind twist trying to comprehend his surroundings. Some of these people spoke what seemed to be complete nonsense, their incessant singing, their loud talking, it began to dig into his brain like a drill picking at his skull. He thought if he gave it time he would come around to it all, but how could any man adapt to a world of pure insanity? What had been a “new start” only left him regressing back to his isolated state, now surrounded by pure senseless noise.

Some of them tried to get inside, they knocked on the door, asked for him by name, but he didn’t want to give them much time of day unless he was letting Champ inside and out. There had to be something else to this, there was something sinister about it, wasn’t there? Some kind of cruel intention to this madness, these uncanny creatures and how they sang and danced with a hive-like rhythm, a disgusting parody of mankind’s behavior. It was all too much, endless sounds, migraine inducing colors, he couldn’t handle it.

The final straw had come after almost a full month of pure unbridled mania that everyone but him seemed to understand and walk in tune to but he was forever out of sync with. Sleep had been harder and harder to come by, the noise didn’t let him. Instead he spent time trying to comprehend it, connecting what, where, and why it all was like this. Maybe if he knew it all, maybe he could finally have peace. That was, until he heard something even louder than usual outside the door. 

Banging drums, hollering, the sound of brass instruments and singing breaking through the walls of his home, there was no place to think in this god forsaken town! As he shambled outside, holding onto the doorframe, he got a view of what was happening, it was a damn parade! The sight of it was horrific, a testament that there was nothing to understand about any of this. They had no sense of sanity, no coherence, everything was pure madness that he was forced to be subject to unless he DID something about it.

If he could find a way to stop these strange beasts, end their madness, then he would finally rest. No one else would have to suffer through this like he had to. It had to end NOW. Dude moved through the crowd, pushing past with little regard as he was stuck on a mission, a goal in all of this that he was fixated on. The last moments as he made it to the front were more of a blur than anything, stopping a large float then screaming. They all ran like rats caught in the light, the instruments fell out of sync, everything swinging around and knocking the puppets around as the sound of a cannon damn near shattered his eardrums, and finally the last thing he saw was a fast moving blue object barrelling towards him and impacting his head as he suddenly lost consciousness.

By the time he had woken up all he heard was the sound of faint beeping of a heart monitor and still some ringing in his ears. His eyes adjusted to the light, he was in some sort of makeshift hospital gown, startled as he looked beside himself and saw that damn green puppet again. Something on his face seemed concerned however, a moment of silence permeated until he spoke up in his same croaking voice. “I… see you’re awake.”

Dude winced, a sharp pain in his head as he touched where the impact happened and pulled back a small amount of blood while Kermit tried to stop him from messing with it any further. “It’s still tender, you’re gonna want to let it heal a bit.” There was still a sense of real worry in his voice while Dude sat back again. 

“...Did anyone die?” It was morbid, but it was the only thing he could think of as Kermit reassured him. “No, don’t worry. No one died, they’re just…” He looked away, hopping off of the stool and walking toward the door and leaning out as the sound of groaning echoed down the hall. “They’re just a little injured.” They sounded more than just a little injured. Kermit sighed and walked his way back to the stool, hoisting himself back onto it before looking back at Dude.

“Listen, i just. I wanted to talk about something with you, is that ok?” Dude looked back for a moment before giving a somewhat reluctant nod. “Now, I don't like prying into anyone’s business. It’s rude to do so, and it’s not good of a neighbor to be rude. But i just- That little journal of yours, we found it after trying to see what happened to you to do something like that…” 

It was clear he was trying to tread carefully, having some sensibility that the subject would be sensitive after waking up right after. “If we’d have known, we would have done something to help, you know? It’s hard to speak up, I get it, but we didn’t mean to make you so worried.” Maybe he really was losing it, but it felt somewhat comforting to be told so, even if it was by some strange frog puppet. 

“They’re probably gonna have to hold you for a bit, they’re not gonna let you just walk out of here after that big event at the parade until they know you’re really sorry about the whole thing, but after you and i can talk about stuff, we can get something set up, and we’ll try to help you, okay?” Kermit moved off from the stool, walking off to the door before looking back. “Get some rest, ok? See you tomorrow.” 

As he had said, they intended to hold him for a while, talking about community service, public apologies. Just a month or so, maybe they’d wanted to be more lenient considering his circumstances. Still, maybe he was right when he first got here. 

Something about new starts, rocky as they were. But at least it could change and he could make it work. 

Even if it was in a town as crazy as Paradise.

[markosep2001-blog]

I found on KYM a trending GIF which was a parody of Skinamarink in which the voice asks Kevin to go through the tunnel which was a painting in the wall. I checked Skinamarink on IMDb and was quite shocked to read synopsis. I imagined a guardian angel who would look like Postal Dude. So I made this. The models from Workshop are Postal 3 Beta Dude, Olivia Mann, Adam the kid and farmer from COD 4. I had no plan on adding the farmer, but I did anyway.