#post-rescue guys are still doing loop de loops in my head and your guys’ genius is not helping

[inkyrainstorms]

Martian Stan AU. Ford's torn between sharing what happened to him, and struggling to even think of something sometimes (like his implied isolation during college). He doesn't want to admit he was doing badly, he doesn't think that something hurt him even though it did, and or he doesn't want to burden Stan.

And knowing that Stan would've never said many of the things aloud he shared across the radio had he known that Ford could hear him. Not only the horrible things that he experienced during the last ten years, but also how the isolation and the uncertainty of his survival in the nightmare realm weigh on him. It's not fair that Ford knows so many vulnerable details about Stan, and Stan doesn't know about him.

Ford looks over his logs on Stan, mind and chest churning with anxiety. He thinks of the lost pages of Journal 3 - those which would appear in The Book of Bill -, which would be the only equivalent. But he's already destroyed them. He can't bear to recreate even just summaries of the events on paper.

He writes a shaky note that he's going to give Stan at his return. He promises that he'll tell him everything, as soon as Ford's ready. Or maybe he makes voice recordings on tape, which are different enough from a book that he can manage speaking about the last years. And Stan (and Ford during recording) can space things out.

Ford's not ready, he never will be. But his emotional breakdown after Stan reveals he incapacitated Bill by accident just makes that first conversation happen sooner.

you guys are dropping whole fics into our inboxes now oh my gosh :0 you’re so so right of course. Ford has a generally incredibly hard time opening up, and he’s fully aware (when it strikes him at least) that he knows more about Stan than Stan was ready to share with him. It’s just another thing to add to the pile of All Consuming and Probably Unreasonable (but still reasonable) Guilt

I think Ford used the Stanley-journal as both a diary to write down what he’d want to say to Stan when he comes back, things he wants to show him, and of course, things that Stan has said. Transcripts.

I’ve made a separate post about this, but Ford definitely gave Stan the book after all was said and done. He left it on Stans bed in the room he set up for him, and let his brother come to him for questions. And he probably pushes himself way to hard to try and answer them(out of guilt) (even though he’d rather not, not yet)

it’s gonna take a lot for them to find a healthy balance and recover their relationship, and find out how to proceed (the bill conversation definitely helps!). The radio made things simultaneously easier and harder, because Ford can name all of Stan’s favorite foods and has a list of his favorite stories and a list of his triggers and traumas, and Stan… He doesn���t know anything. It’ll be a learning experience for them both

@aroace-get-out-of-my-face more post-rescue stuff bc these guys are gonna go Through It