#post might have came out weird cause the mobile app has been shitting with me

[snapzie]

Got tagged by @fly-sky-high-09

Rules: Bold those statements that are true for you and italic what is partially true. Tag 9 people you’d like to know better.

APPEARANCE

I am 5′7″ or taller 


I wear glasses


I have at least one tattoo


I have blond hair (originally)


I have brown eyes


I have short hair


My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces.

PERSONALITY

I love meeting people


People tell me that I’m funny


Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me


I enjoy physical challenges


I enjoy mental challenges


I’m playfully rude with people I know well


I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it 


There’s something I’d change about my personality

ABILITY


I can sing well


I can play an instrument


I can do over 30 push-ups without stopping


I’m a fast runner


I can draw well 


I have a good memory


I’m good at doing math in my head


I can’t hold my breath underwater for over a minute


I have beaten at least 2 people on arm wrestling


I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch


I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES


I enjoy playing sports 


I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else


I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else


I’ve learned a new song in the past week


I work out at least once a week


I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months


I have drawn something in the past month


I enjoy writing


I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCE


I have had my first kiss


I have had alcohol


I have scored the winning goal in sports game


I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting


I have been at an overnight event


I have been in a taxi


I have been in the hospital or ER in the past years


I have beaten a video game in one day 


I have visited another country


I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS


I’m in a relationship 


I have a crush on a celebrity


I have a crush on someone I know 


I have been in at least 3 relationships


I have never been in a relationship


I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them


I get crushes easily


I have had a crush on someone for over a year


I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE


I have at least one person I consider a best friend


I live close to my school


My parents are still together 


I have at least one sibling 


I lived in the United States


There’s snow right now where I live


I have hung out with a friend in the past month


I have a smartphone


I have at least 15CDs


I share my room with someone (does living tohether count?)

RANDOM SHIT


I have breakdanced


I know a person named Jamie 


I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce


I have dyed my hair 

I’m listening to a song on repeat right now


I have punched someone in the last week 


I know someone who has gone to jail 


I have broken a bone


I know what I want to do with my life


I have eaten a waffle today


I speak at least 2 languages


I have made a new friend in the past year

I’m tagging @thatgalwiththepantson @creativlyawesome @ironwolf-gone @marythacake @otanukii @tesnuzzik @camburr @crystalitar @devilbot

if you guys want to tho c:

[hermannsthumb]

ok trying this again lol hopefully tumblr doesn't eat my message but i saw where you reblogged that halloween prompts last night and wanted to request "strangers who hooked up at a party while in costume but tbh i might be in love with you so i’m gonna walk this earth looking for the right woodland nymph" for newmann. the thought of hermann dressed as a woodland nymph is CUTE!! thank you, maria

from list of halloween prompts here

HEHE this one took me a while bc i’ve been slammed with a cold the past few days thats made me want to do nothing but like. lie in bed. HERE YOU GO ENJOY

———————————————

“Sexy fairy, huh?” Newt says.

The dude leaning against the wall lowers his drink and frowns. “Pardon?”

“Shit,” Newt says. “Hang on. Sorry.” He pulls out his plastic fangs and works his jaw a few times, then settles right back into his most charming smile. “I said sexy fairy, huh?”

“Oh,” the dude says. He looks down at himself–the illfitting white tunic, the tacky fake vines glued to it, his sandals (socks with sandals, actually, wow)–and gives a self-conscious tug at the equally tacky flower crown atop his head. He’s a real hottie. Big brown eyes, dark eyelashes, cheekbones–definitely Newt’s type. He’s surprised that no one else dove in to chat him up first. “I think it’s meant to be a nymph, actually. I bought it at the costume shop on the way here.”

He’s all posh and English. Newt wasn’t expecting that, but he thinks he can dig it. He leers. “So the sexy is all you, then?”

The nymph’s frown only deepens. “What do you mean?”

“I mean–” Newt sighs. “I was calling you sexy.”

“Oh,” the nymph says again. “Er. Thank you.”

They slip into uncomfortable silence. (Way to go, Newt. Struck out already.) “Are you here alone?” Newt tries again.

It’s the wrong thing to ask: the nymph makes a face and takes a long sip of his drink. (Purple, with weird foam on top, probably whatever’s sitting in the punchbowl marked Witch’s Brew.) “Yes,” he says. “I came with my date, but he–ah–”

His eyes drift to a guy in a semi-matching costume on the dance floor, who’s currently bumping up against some hunk dressed as a sexy pirate.“Ditched you?” Newt says.

The nymph makes a non-committed sound. His hand tightens around the head of his cane (which he’s also wound fake vines around–Newt appreciates the creativity). “I didn’t want to dance,” he says, and then it’s his turn to sigh. “We only met a week ago, on some moronic–dating app my sister insisted I try. I should’ve known he’d…”

That won’t do; Newt was trying to get the guy’s number, not send him spiraling into moodiness. “Hey, I’m here alone, too,” Newt says. “All alone.” He doesn’t even know the host–it’s one of Tendo’s exes, he thinks, who he may or may not have gotten sushi with one time years ago but never bothered unfriending on Facebook.

“Mm,” the nymph says. He gives Newt a long once-over. Newt wishes that he’d planned better, and worn something a little sexier than just standard vampire. (Like sexy pirate; the guy the nymph’s date latched onto instead had the right idea.) As is, he’s probably only passably sexy: his pants are tight enough, and his shirt is open enough, and he has enough glitter in his hair (because it’s fun) to light up like a fucking disco ball in the light. “I suppose you’re going to ask me for my mobile number now. Or offer to get me a drink, despite the fact that I clearly already have one.”

Newt grins goofily. “That was the plan.”

He get another long, considering stare. Then the nymph sets his drink down and clasps his free hand around Newt’s wrist. “Follow me,” he says.

“Cool,” Newt says. “Uh, are we going to the kitchen? I think it’s–”

They’re not going to the kitchen: they’re going to an empty broom closet. Newt can appreciate a forward-thinking man who knows what he wants.

“You ought to know,” the nymph gasps, tangling his fingers in Newt’s hair, “I don’t really do these sorts of things.”

“Really?” Newt says. He grins up at him, face inches from the guy’s stupid tighty-whiteys. “’Cause I do. You want me to put my fangs back in?”

“No. Ah–!”

***************************

Newt wakes up with a hangover (predictable), his phone buzzing off the side table with his alarm (annoying), and the strangest sensation that he met the love of his life last night (unexpected). The sensation is only amplified when he picks up his phone and sees that he’s, apparently, sent no less than five texts to his dad about it (his fucking dad, of all people, Newt needs some friends), but it quickly turns to dread when he sees the mess that is his poor forearm.

(“I’ve got a spot right here,” Newt slurred. After mutually-reciprocated hijinks in the closet, he and the nymph–who had told him his name at one point, Newt was sure, he just totally forgot–proceeded to get totally smashed off whatever the fuck Witch’s Brew was and then make out in the corner until Newt finally reminded him that he still wanted his phone number. The nymph was game. He was less game when Newt showed him where to write it in bold black Magic Marker one he rucked up his sleeve: his right forearm, between his jellyfish tattoo and his Godzilla tattoo, on a small patch of empty, freckled skin.

“Cute,” the nymph said, wryly.

He said it in a way that made it clear he didn’t think Newt’s tats were actually very cute. “I like them,” Newt said.

“Can’t I just–” the nymph was struggling with the marker, “–put it right in your, ah, phone?”

“This is more fun,” Newt said.”)

The number is nothing more than a smeary mess now–probably casualty to the massive rainstorm raging outside that, if Newt’s soaked pile of clothing on the floor means anything, has been raging since he stumbled home last night. 

He can’t even remember the guy’s name.

SOS, he ends up texting Tendo after a healthy amount of coffee and Tylenol. hooked up with super hot guy at a party last night and have no fucking clue how to see him again and i think i might be in love. help

you’re almost forty, Tendo replies, which is no help and isn’t at all the sick burn Tendo probably thought it was.

Newt resorts to stalking Tendo’s ex’s Facebook page instead. For anything, really. There are only a few photos up from the party last night (so far, anyway), and most of them are focused on the dance floor and the guy’s friends. Newt clicks through obsessively anyway. The ornate Jack-O-Lanterns that’d been on the front porch, Tendo’s ex and some chick in zombie makeup, the punchbowl of foaming purple Witch’s Brew, and–finally, in the very back corner of a shot–Newt standing with his mystery man. Tacky crown and all. He exists, at least, not some extremely specific hallucination on Newt’s part, even though a reverse image search turns up with absolutely nothing but links to buy his costume. 

He has better luck with a blurry photo of his mystery guy’s (deadbeat) date laughing in the kitchen under the bright orange string lights: Tendo’s ex actually tagged him. Probably because he wasn’t totally crashing the party after seeing a post about it like Newt was. Newt’s luck pretty much stops there; not only does the guy make no mention of the nymph Newt spent the night with when Newt stalks his page, but he hasn’t updated his status in literally six months, and none of his friends (because Newt combs through his friends list, too) look remotely like Newt’s mystery man.

So. Newt sends him a friend request.

He accepts it in the amount of time it takes Newt to take to feed his fish, heat up a tiny bowl of spaghetti-o’s, and regret sending it in the first place; he almost spills the bowl over his laptop in his hurry to send a message. Hey, weird question, but who’d you bring to that party last night?

lol why?

“I’m in love with him” is definitely a little forward, so Newt makes up a fast, and hopefully at least mildly believable, lie. He has my umbrella.

Typing for a while. tbh idrk him, we met online. his name was hermann

Then: i think hes a teacher or something

who are you anyway? comes a second later.

Hermann. Newt likes it. It also rings a very, very vague bell. cool thanks! Newt sends back, and then quickly unfriends the guy. Anyone who could possibly ditch a guy as hot and funny and, overall, perfect as Hermann (as Newt remembers him, anyway) is not worth Newt’s time.

exciting update, he texts Tendo. his name is Hermann!

Newt has a lecture to teach at six, three hours from now, so in lieu of actually preparing for it, he decides to be a creepy stalker instead. Hermann’s date said he was a teacher: none of the local public schools have a Hermann (or a Herman, for that matter) on any of their staff pages, K all the way up to Twelve, nor do the private schools. He has better luck when he pokes through staff directories for nearby universities instead: this gives him two Hermans and one Hermann, but neither of their provided pictures look remotely like Newt’s Hermann. Not even when Newt squints.

He spares another miserable glance at the smeary ink on his arm before shutting his laptop. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.

He’s walking to campus from his bus stop the following week–the day before Halloween–when the most fucking unbelievable thing in the world happens.

He sees Hermann.

Just sitting outside the campus coffee shop at a little table, sipping a paper travel mug dotted with little orange pumpkins. Reading over some notes. Newt’s sure it’s Hermann: it’s Hermann’s big brown eyes, Hermann’s long eyelashes, Hermann’s sharp cheekbones, Hermann’s cane propped against the brick wall next to him. Newt’d recognize him even with the stupid nymph costume swapped for more sensible sweatervest and tweed. “Hermann!” he shouts excitedly, waving both arms. “Dude!”

Hermann looks up. He drops his coffee.

He’s completely speechless when Newt finally manages to book it across the street (dodging traffic, including the bus he came in on) and collapse, panting, into the empty seat across from him. “I can’t believe it’s you!” Newt says. “Holy shit, dude! I’ve been trying like crazy to track you down. I lost your number, so I had to message your shitty boyfriend–”

“Not my boyfriend,” Hermann says, faintly.

“Right, your shitty date,” Newt corrects. “You look so good. I almost didn’t recognize you without all the leaves. I’m so glad I found you. What are you doing here, anyway?”

Hermann blinks a few times. Registering it all. “I work–” He says, and gestures to the stairs that lead up to the main part of campus. “Er, here. Physics. I teach physics.”

That explains why Newt couldn’t find him on any faculty pages–he just assumed that Hermann couldn’t possibly be working at the same university as him and didn’t bother checking. He though he would’ve remembered seeing a face like that around. Physics, though, makes sense–it’s not like they’d be in the same building. “I do too!” Newt says. He leans in, beaming away. “Well, not physics, biology. I can’t remember if I told you my name or not. It’s Newt. Dr. Geiszler, if you wanna be serious, but I’m pretty sure we’re way beyond that at this point.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. “No, you didn’t say your name.” He blinks a few more times before finally seeming to get over his shock, and it’s replaced with mild amusement instead. A small smile. “You’re a doctor?”

“Are you that shocked?”

“You’re not very–” Hermann does a very bad job of disguising his laugh as a cough. “Professional. You know–at the, ah, party, you really should’ve just let me–”

“I know,” Newt says, and Hermann’s smile grows.

“Writing it on your arm was a terrible idea,” Hermann says. “I was horribly offended, you know, when you didn’t call the next day.”

Newt fishes his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and offers it out to Hermann with a grin. “Looks like I won’t be making the same mistake twice, then.”

[heavilyonionated]

okay but can we talk about the super mario series for a sec???

okay, before i write a text wall let me just say:

YES GUYS, i know that this is not the biggest thing to complain about. like yes, things like bayonetta and streetfighter and all that are seemingly a way bigger issue, but nobody is writing about super mario and i think we need to talk about it

anyway, so it’s to no one’s surprise that the video game industry is full of sexism, hypermasculinity and hyperfemininity, all of that. but it seems to me that everyone is just focusing on the big obvious stuff. like, dead or alive paradise, grand theft auto, the two other games i listed above, and millions of other ones. and yet no one is talking about super mario. let’s discuss how:

- it perpetuates the idea that women are helpless

          like, seriously??? it is 2017, you would think that we’d be kind of over the whole damsel in distress thing. and you know, super mario has been doing a lot better in comparison as of late, but that mobile app game.. geez. like, nintendo moved back 20 years with that release.           i’m pretty sure that princess peach can hold her own if you’d just let her, nintendo.

- where are feminine characters on the covers?

          despite the fact that, you know, princess peach is in most every game, she is on so few of the covers. did you know that out of the first 34 games in the super mario franchise, peach was only on the cover of one of them? yeah. i know, i can’t believe it either. 

          also, i’m just going to lightly mention how up until more recently there were like, no feminine characters on the covers, especially the sports-related ones. like mario kart 64? yeah, donkey kong, bowser, wario, and mario on the cover. the three biggest “toughest” dudes in the game, plus mario. and it’s the same with tennis, and most of the other sports games. oh, let me guess, because if you put feminine characters on the game it wouldn’t sell as well cause it would look like a weak wimpy toddler’s game. yeah, i see you, nintendo, you’re not fooling me.           also that ad for super mario strikers? it’s so sexist and speaks for itself; i’m gonna stop before i make myself vomit over this unbelievable shit:

- believe it or not, yes, there is sexism and the male gaze in it

          i know, you’re probably like “but onion-san, it’s super mario! it’s such an innocent game!” and i hate to be the first one to burst the bubble for you, but it’s actually not as innocent as you think           for example, paper mario, more specifically, the thousand-year door, because i was cleaning out the garage and found my brother’s box of video games, and i remembered watching him play the game everyday after school to completion. yeah, the style of the game is all cute, the characters are so cutesy, everything is just so this and that. and i get it. there’s a big fanbase for that series in particular of the franchise.           but like, are we gonna just ignore madame flurrie? does no one remember how sexualized her character was? she literally had jiggle physics. it’s a paper mario game. like, are you serious? and you know, i really wanted to do my research with this post and find the details my memory might have forgotten, like, gee i don’t know, the fact that she has a move where she literally sucks the opponent as a move. call me extra, but that’s gross. and they knew what they were thinking and what they were doing. bad on you, nintendo.           besides that, also, the scene where peach has to take a shower in front of a camera for you to progress?? like, actually what the fuck?? 

          so if you have never played the game, basically you have to take a shower as peach in some weird place she’s being held hostage at, and you cant progress until you do. then, doors start opening for you and it turns out that the AI computer led you in there, and he tells you (upon peach asking why), and i quote exactly:

“I am unsure. An unusual program deviation occurred when I observed you earlier. My higher-brain circuitry malfunctioned and nearly overheated at your image. Also, an unidentified impulse sped through my processors. These events are new to me.”

          that is gross. like, i cannot believe, even to this day, that that is in the game. “unidentified impulse sped through my processors”??? that is fucking gross. i am in disbelief that nintendo put out a game where peach is being watched showering, and then a male voice computer tells her that was hot and bothered by her body, and then came. 

          and you know what? nintendo couldn’t have peach be like “gross what the fuck!!!!” like, you know, a woman would say, or literally anyone for that matter. instead, she’s like “oh, maybe you’re in love with me!!! <3<3<3″ as if that is any way to say you’re in love with someone. you know, that’s why so many little girls think they need approval from boys, and soon enough grow up thinking they need approval from men, and they think any attention is in love and not other intentions. and that is heartbreaking. 

          anyways, sorry that i just ruined probably half of your childhoods. the game is cool and all that, but we cannot deny the shit i just brought up. nintendo did not have to have any of that in there, and i still cannot believe while writing this that they thought that was okay.

          just when you though there was a video game that didn’t promote subordination and sexualization of female characters :/