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yamithediaperdork · 3 years

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Billy's Birthday Bash part 1 (DC)

Billy yawned and sat up in bed, reaching over and turning off his alarm clock which was blabbering away about how the justice league had saved the day last night, again. from alien attackers, Again.

"Like I don't know that." Billy muttered, swinging his blanket off and twisting in his bed so his bare feet could hit the floor. "I was only there."

Billy Batson after all was the secret identity of the world's mightiest mortal Shazam, gifted with gifts from seven gods and one of the league's heavy hitters.

Just thinking about that brought a smile to the 13 year old hero's face and he turned to pose in in the mirror in his bedroom, and then his face fell as he saw his reflection.

while once he said his magic word he was a 6'9 muscled beefcake, the image looking back him with it's scrawny arms and chest which were covered with a faded flash themed PJ top while around his hips was a semi bulky and again flash themed overnight diaper, that was drooping from being used many times (Thankfully only wettings though, something he confirmed with a quick pat to his padded rear and a sniff of the air) despite Billy having only made it to bed at around 3 am.

He hadn't of been worried about getting in trouble for being out so late though.

the once orphan had been happily adopted and taken in by one Barry Allen and got alone great with his new dad and tried to be pleasant around Miss west, Barry's girlfriend who came over often enough to have her own key.

It wasn't that she was unpleasant or anything, it was just with Billy's 'problems' acting up bad enough that he needed his diapers basically 24/7, she insisted on diaper checks, even in front of her nephew Wally who'd come over sometimes with her and was like the coolest guy ever!

The reason why he hadn't of been worried about Barry finding out though was because Barry was also a member of the Justice league, ironically the Flash who's symbol had been on the front of the bulky diaper at one point.

"You'd think he'd be mad these things even exist since till Bat's set up that account for us there was no way to collect royalties." Billy grumbled to himself.

But when asked Barry admitted if he could help kids like Billy who had potty issues feel big and brave like superhero's, He was fine with the diapers being made and mostly didn't touch his share of the royalties.

though as Billy's legal guardian Shazam couldn't touch his share either without permission and was irked that Barry would use some of Billy's money to stock up on his diapers.

"I'm teaching you to be reasponable. if you have to pay for the diapers you'll be less likely to rip them up like that first pack Iris got you." Barry had reminded Billy, with a smirk on his face but a slight stern tone.

"I said sorry..besides they had stupid ponies and stuff on them." Billy had whined back.

still he fell in line and even if he had wanted to just blast the diapers with his lighting some times and suck up the wasted cost, with his new day's symbol on it he just couldn't do it.

Since he was only wet Billy was allowed to change himself, there had been the great carpet incident a few days after he'd moved in trying to change a dirty diaper on his own and Barry had made him pinky swear to ask for help with those.

since Billy was on the family plan and had his own cell phone he could just discretely call Barry when he was smelly, though thankfully his daytime accidents were few and fair in between.

Snapping the tapes off Billy had a minor moment sulkiness again since his budding pubic hair had been shaved clean because of his diapers, though he had to admit Barry had been right, he was getting a LOT less rashes.

balling the soggy diaper up and holding it out with one hand, Billy took a deep breath and pinched his nose with the other one as he stepped on the foot petal for his diaper pail and dropped it in, not wishing to smell memories of diaper past.

with that done he walked around enjoying the lack of a waddle in his step for the precious few moments he would and tugged opened his version of a underwear drawer, stocked full of daytime and overnight flash brand diapers.

"Gee, what's a boy to wear, flash themed disposable undies or flash themed disposable undies?" He asked, tapping a finger on his chin and smirking a little."the struggle is real for 13 year old pants wetter."

"heh, Oh really?" Came a voice from the doorway and Billy yelped and tugged to tug his shirt down, even though he knew Barry had seen everything.

"B-Barry knock!" He huffed, and blushed, hands over over his crotch now.

"I did, someone was off in his own little world.. in fact so off he forgot what today is." Barry said and smirked, pointing over to a Shazam themed calendar on the wall, with the dates date circled in red."Your not 13 anymore silly. Happy birthday~"

Billy, who normally was ignored on his birthday either by choice or lost in the shuffle while in foster care really had forgotten and now grinned big time.

"That's right! I get a real party, with cake, and ice cream an-" Billy was saying and was cut off as Barry zipped over, a little bit slower in his blue jeans and denim shirt but not by much and was ruffling Billy's hair.

"And you get a birthday spanking." Barry teased, but winked to let Billy know he was joking.

"Try it and I'll saw you know what." Billy giggled and blew a raspberry.

"Hmmm flash vs. Shazam in a spanking fight. we could sell out areas. But At last, your butt's just too cute to mare." Barry chuckled and gave the boys chubby cheeks a soft pat before zipping back to the door frame.

the pat while gentle, was unexpected and Billy yelped and a little trickle of pee came out, something Barry missed but the now hard wood floor of Billy's room could handle it.

"Finish getting dressed buddy and I'll get this cleaned up in-"

"Don't say it!" Billy groaned rolled his eyes.

"A flash!" Barry said, zipping off as Billy snatched a pair of daytime diapers out.

'He's so corny sometimes.' Billy thought.

Dressed in a red t-shirt and a baggy pair of black shorts that did a good job of hiding the bulk of his padding (there there was a tell tale crinkle for those listening for it) he made his way to the dinning room and grinned ear to ear as the table was loaded with chocolate pancakes, blue berry waffles, fried eggs, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages and a pitcher of chocolate milk and a pitcher of orange juice.

with how fast Barry's metabolism was he was always making big meals and was part of the reason Billy had put on some much needed wait, but even so, this was above and beyond.

with drool trailing down his chin he grabbed a plate and looked over the feast, almost at a lost of where to begin.

"heh, Did daddy do good or did daddy do good?" Barry asked, zipping into the room.

"This. Is. Awesome!" Billy squealed. "Was this all you or did Iris help too?" Billy asked.

"She's out of town on a assignment for a news papers, she's sorry she's gonna miss the party." Barry said, looking sorry.

"Well it's ok." Billy said, starting to load up his plate, a impish grin coming across his face. "we can just have anther party with more cake when she gets back. It'll be hard having all that sugar and getting double presents, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." he said, topping off his plate and plopping his butt onto his special chair.

with his bulky diapers and the fact he leaked sometimes, Barry had gotten him a dinner chair with sides coming up to the middle of his tummy so Billy wouldn't lose balance and fall off, and it had a plastic cover for a easier clean up instead of the stained oak that the rest of the chairs had.

Naturally Billy had been least then pleased at the fact he had a toddler chair but after falling off of the other chairs three times he'd finally bit the bullet.

"Oh, your willing to have two party's huh? truly, your a saint among men. We'll see what happens." Barry said, coming over and getting his own plate while taking a second to mentally gush at just how adorable Billy looked, his legs kicking under the table as he scooped food in his mouth like he hadn't eaten in a month. "Heh, wow, and I thought I was fast..slow down before you choke buddy."

Billy as normal, took that warning as a challenge and sped up.

After 4 helpings Billy just sat back in his chair, burping softly and groaning as he put a hand to his belly, not even offering a fight as Barry came over with a cloth to wipe his face and hands.

"Did somebody maybe eat more then he should of?" Barry asked sweetly, as he helped the groaning boy out of the chair, and after a second picked him up, setting him on his hip and patting his back.

Billy's reply was a loud blench and Barry winced, glad he'd had the foresight to get Billy's head over his shoulder.

"well put. any follow ups?" Barry chuckled, and kept patting, this wasn't Billy's first semi food coma and he doubted it would be the little thunder champions last.

Billy went to open his mouth to say something then a loud booming fart blasted out of his bottom and for a split second Barry wondered if his arm would of been burnt if not for the padding.

"I-I didn't..I.." Billy whimpered and buried his head into Barry's shoulder and Barry could feel the heat from the boys face.

"Hey..hey..it's ok. fart's happen. besides you've gone uh-oh in my lap so this is hardly worse." Barry said, tilting his head and giving the poor blushing little guy a smooch on the head.

"N-Not helping!" Billy whined.

"Ok ok, I'll drop it.. here let's get you sat down and watching some carto-" Barry started to say but anther thunder poot from the champion of lighting cut him off.

"gawd! that stinks!" Billy whined.

"...Or Maybe you wanna go and sit on the potty." Barry said trying to be nice, but the boy wasn't wrong.

"I know when I have to go poop Barry!" Billy huffed and two more loud farts came out and the boy switched from huffy to shocked. "..and that would be right now. Potty daddy!"

Any other daddy wouldn't of stood a chance in the world, But Barry Allen didn't call him the fastest man alive for nothing, but even then it was a close call as he barley got Billy's shorts and diaper down and got him on the toilet before the boy started to unleash hell.

Knowing how Billy valued some privacy, Barry left almost as quick as he'd gotten him in there, though not before bringing a few room freshers into the bathroom and opening a window.

'don't want him to pass out form his own stink.. man..I wonder if there's anther god powering.. skunkculues, champion of stink.' Barry mused as he waited outside the bathroom door just in case he was needed.

Billy groaned as he hunched over and pounded a fist on the sink's counter, wondering if maybe he had a natural power over lava because that's what this felt like as he made use of the potty.

His own stink was assaulting his nose though thankfully daddy had set it up so it would be as bad, though he still ended up having to flush a couple of times just to help with the smell.

Sweating, Panting and feeling drained, he barley had it in him to wipe himself when it was all said and done, and swore he'd never cram that much food into his tummy again all at once.

(of course since he swore that once every three or so days the oath may of fallen on deaf ear.)

which his cheeks wiped, Billy went to stand up on shaky legs and plopped back down, then noticed the shart stains in the back of the diaper and signed.

"Dadddd..IUh...I need help." he called out. huffing and slumping, elbows on his knees and waiting.

when the door opened up and his cousin/cool bro via adoption opened the door Billy yelped and in vain tried to cover up the diaper around his ankles.

4 minutes earlier...

Wally who had retired from the superhero game while going to collage and trying to be a CSI like Barry, had surprised Barry by showing up for the party.

"Wally! good to see you!" Barry had said, shaking the younger mans hand, but then, ever the good daddy/uncle had narrowed his eyes. "Aren't you suppose to be in class right now?"

"The professor for the only class I had today had a family emergency, so the class was called off, and I was gonna try and make it anyways." Wally said, keeping his voice down and Barry picked up on it and kept his down as well.

"Ah, a birthday surprise for Billy." Barry said and smirked. "you know he thinks the world of you right?"

"I might of picked up on that. hence why I pretend not to notice his little problem." Wally chuckled and ran a hand though his orange hair. "you'd think he would of linked how Aunt Iris doesn't do bum checks when I'm around with it buttt.."

"Heh, Well he see's what he wants to see. He's on the potty right now though so maybe if you hi-" Barry started to say when his com beeped.

it wasn't his JL com, but the one he'd given the Meta human crimes department for central and Keystone city, being the hero of the twin cities.

dashing over he answered it, and frowned, then dashed back to Wally but even as he did he was in costume.

"I hate to do this, but Weather wizard and Captain cold are causing heck in Keystone. could you stay with Billy? he might need a little help." Barry said and gestured his head to the bathroom.

"Of course. Listen, if you need any back up.. I might not have my costume, but after Billy gets out.."

"Hey, I'll handle it. I'll be back.."

"in a flash. I know I know." Wally groaned, having the same opinion as Billy about the phase.

Barry just smirked like it was the worlds greatest dad joke and took off.

"W-Wally!? Get out! I-" Billy was whining and had actual tears welling up in his eyes, making Wally just wanna hug him.

"Billy, Billy listen to me, Barry had to go and fight the rouges, I came here for your party..and I've know about your diapers since Barry adopted you." Wally said, cutting right to the chase.

"..No you haven't! I was super careful and someone as cool and awesome as you wouldn't wanna hang out with a diaper wetting baby!" Billy whined, in denial even as Wally sighed and shook his head.

"Really Billy? I'm training to be a CSI, so I'm learning to notice little things, I move at super speed, not as fast as Barry but still, and you crinkle lots." Wally listed off on his hand, raising fingers, then giving Billy a hurt look. "Also, you think SO little of me I wouldn't wanna hang out with a awesome and cool little guy like you just because you have accidents?"

"But..I.." Billy whimpered and sniffled, and went to wipe at his tears with his arm but Wally was there, with a wad of tissue.

"Hey, it's ok Billy. Truth be told, I wet the bed for 3 years after getting my powers. But My Parents weren't as nice and Uncle Barry and aunt Iris. they were the ones who looked after me like they're looking after you now. so no more tears alright? let's get you dressed and then we can play some video games." Wally said, and ruffled the boys hair.

Billy gave him a smile and then hugged Wally's waist, and the 19 year old almost melted and patting his head.

Tossing the dirty diaper, Wally got Billy in a clean over night diaper, and added powder, though Billy whined a little he was pacified by Wally saying he thought those looked cooler.

Going off of that logic Billy when offered a pair of baggy pants to go over the thicker diaper went all shy.

"uh. well..I mean.. if you wanna see this diaper because it's cuter.. and we're not going out anywhere.." Billy said, squirming and shifting all around.

"..I do think it's cuter, and Barry said he'd call if he needed us. Uh.. " wally trailed off and then blushed himself, and put a hand behind his head. "I have ONE question that's been bugging me."

"heh, what is it?" Billy said, holding up his arms for the older boy to pick him up.

"when you change.. do you have to take the diapers off first or..how does that work?!" Wally asked, picking him up and gushing as Billy cuddled in.

"heh, Nah, the big guy isn't padded, and as to how that works.." Billy paused and let wally hold his weight as he spread his hands, wiggling his fingers.

"Maggggggic~"

Wally snorted and smirked.

"your such a dork sometimes you know that?" he asked playfully, carrying Billy at normal speed down the stairs.

"Pffft please, I've seen you marking out over dad's cases when going over them with him, and not his stuff as flash, but as Barry Allen,CSI."Billy teased back.

Wally huffed and blushed himself and then smirked.

"You're lucky your cute or I'd super speed your butt to central park right now."

"heh, you wouldn't do that, A) because I'd say the word and leave, B) because Dad would kick you butt and C).." Billy said and tapped Wally's chest as he listed off his points. "You'd made me cry and hate yourself for it~"

"..Dang, guilty as charged."

Getting into the living room, Wally sat Billy on the couch and then went to look though the selection of games they had for two player.

"Super monkey fury 5 good for you?" He asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Um..whatever YOU think is a cool game!" Billy said, and gave a big grin.

he might of been 14 but in his diaper and t-shirt, and all eager to please his 'big bro' figure, he looked like a toddler.

"Heh, it's YOUR special day Billy, whatever YOU wanna play we'll play it." wally chuckled.

"W-Wellll.. Dad doesn't let me play Duty calls a lot because it's so violent.." Billy said, poking two fingers together.

"..I think Barry will understand." Wally smirked and put the game in, coming over with controllers for both of them.

As Wally sat down he was surprised as Billy moved from his spot next to him to sitting in his lap.

"heh,What are y-"

"it's MY Special day right?" Billy asked, flashing his imp smirk. "So I can sit anywhere I want.. rightttt?"

"heh. of course."

Barry hated how long it took him to deal with the rouges, they had gotten reinforcements from mirror master so it took longer then he would of liked to finish up, plus then he had to deal with the police over and handle the press, all part of keeping up the hero image and while any other day it wouldn't of irk'ed him, knowing he was missing out on Billy's big day, he was short tempered

he had almost snapped at Detective Morro, a long time friend on the force in both identities but caught himself.

"you ok Flash?" his friend asked.

"I..I'm missing out on my kid's birthday party for this." Barry admitted.

"heh, didn't know you HAD a kid. go on, get." the heavy set cigar chomping hard ass said. "We'll try to manage without you for the rest of the day...Oh, tell yer kid happy birthday."

"heh, Will do!" Barry said and after a trademark flash salute, was off and running.

Getting back to the house Barry found Billy in Wally lap and whining a little, sucking his thumb and a kiddy cartoon was on the TV, much younger then Billy usually liked to watch.

"Hey guys, I'm back, whats going on?" Barry asked.

"Oh well see, I was a jerk and tried to make Billy play a game I like an-" Wally started to speak up but a whimpering Billy cut him off.

"Noo! it was me! I made Wally play duty call's with me and it was way more awful then I thought and I know I've done worse as you know who but but..I dunno and I started to cry and and-" Billy whined and whimpered.

"..Billy when your Shazam you have the wisdom of Solomon that let's you work out why you have to do the things you do. not so much as yourself. that's why I didn't want you playing that, you're not in trouble, either of you but I think we're gonna keep it to cartoons or silly games for the day." Barry said, coming over and as Wally hugged the whining Billy in his lap, Barry did too and Billy sniffled and smiled.

"Kay"

with Billy calmed down, they sat down for a few episodes of different baby shows, with billy giggling and clapping alone even if Wally and Barry were bored out of their skulls. trying to break it up they pulled out a few board games but after having to watch Billy do his 'i won you lost' diaper booty shake 4 times in a row (which admittedly was pretty cute with his diaper butt on display) they switched from candy land to clue, where Wally won 2 out of the 4 games.

Barry technically could of won the other two but played bad on purpose for the last game where billy was getting all huffy.

After that they played pay day and once again were subjected to Billy's singing about how awesome he was and how much they sucked, while wiggling his padded rear in their faces but compared to the sulky silence that losing brought, Barry and wally put up with it.

Or at least they tried to till in the middle of shaking his butt in both their faces Billy froze and then let out a muffled poot.

"Really Billy?" Barry asked, waving his left hand at super speed to blow the smell away.

"I-I didn't mean to.d-do that! I'm Sorry!" Billy squeaked and turned around, blushing and starting to tear up. "P-Please don't ha-"

Before Billy could finish his thought, Wally and Barry were on either side of Billy, hugging him.

"Hey, hey, It's alright, Fart's happen." Wally was saying, rubbing and patting Billy's back.

"And I'm 90 percent sure you wouldn't fart on me after winning a game. Now if you lost.." Barry said and winked, patting billy's bum.

"D-Daddy!"

"Hmmm, Feels like it was just a fart, do you wanna sit on the potty just to be sure buddy?" Barry asked.

"Daddy, I know when I have to po-" Billy started and let out a long fart, one eye half closing and a leg coming up. the fart went from a normal sounding if massive one to wet and muddy, then Billy's leg came down and he was popping a squat.

Of course either Wally or Barry could of gotten him to the bathroom, but honestly, they had both agreed wordlessly to just let him fill his diapers.

"D-Daddy I'm Pooping!" Billy whined, as if Wally or Billy couldn't of told, and they just hugged him tighter and went double time with the bum and back pats as he whimpered and put his face in either shoulder, bearing down and finishing up even as whimpers of 'stinky' came out of his mouth.

As the diaper drooped in the back and Billy finished up, he sniffled a few times then pulled back.

"D-Daddy..Wally..Diapie change?" He asked in a voice that made him sound like a toddler.

"Of course buddy. I'll have you clean i-" Barry started to say but Wally moved his hand over and closed Barry's lips.

"I'll change him it means I don't have to hear that pun again." Wally said and winked to Billy even as Barry's eyes went wide from shock then a little glare.

Billy meanwhile was giggling like crazy and hands coming up his mouth to try and hide it.

Barry got Wally's fingers off his lips and smirked.

"oh, you think that's funny little man?" Barry asked, looking to wally and giving a evil smirk.

"I mean.. Kinda.. sowwy.." Billy said.

"Oh come on Barry, it WAS funny." Wally said and smirked.

"..Not as funny as this is gonna be." Barry said and Wally saw what was going to happen but could never beat Barry's speed, so was too slow to stop what happened next.

His hand moving at a blur, Barry smushed and squished the mess in the diaper around, making sure the boom boom went EVERY where as Billy's mouth formed a O and Wally groaned.

Zipping up to his feet Barry smirked.

"Have fun cleaning that up.. Oh and you can't use speed speed for cleaning up a poopie diaper, it'll hurt billy's bum." Barry said and went off to go and start working on lunch.

"wait what?!"Wally yelped.

"I..Poopie all over..I.." Billy was mumbling, looking out of it, and swaying back and forth on his feet, too out of it for Wally to ask if that was really a thing.

"DICK MOVE BARRY!" Wally yelled, then cradled Billy, the smell was even worst now and Wally gulped, wondering if he was strong enough to do this.

Billy mewed softly and wrapped his arms around Wally's neck and nuzzled his head into Wally's chest.

"I Sowwy. I stinky." Billy mewed, eyes semi glazed over.

Looking at how much Billy needed him, Wally found the will power needed and dashed billy off to the bathroom, though he did a slight detour to get a clothespin for his nose.

'maybe it won't be as bad as I think.' Wally thought, getting Billy on his back on a towel in the bathroom, sliding the little guys thumb into his mouth and gushing at how cute he looked.

opening the diaper, Wally realized it wasn't as bad as he thought.

it was worse, much much much.

Wally wasn't a stranger to changing diapers, as big of a family as he had and baby sitting jobs but this was the record for longest and grossest he'd ever handled.

going though a whole freshly opened box of wipes, he got it done, going at normal speed and taking time to comfort billy and talk softly to him.

it took the better part of 15 minutes, and then just to be safe Wally gave Billy a quick bath, semi worried as Billy had apparently slipped into a baby mode of sorts and was playing with some rubber duckies while Wally washed him, at one point offering one of the duckies he had been chewing on to wally.

"Uh..No thanks. you keep chewing." Wally said with a sweat drop.

Billy just giggled and nodded, noming on his ducky and letting wally wash him, only fussing when his hair was being washed, though thankfully Barry had gotten no more tears shampoo.

with Billy washed up all nice and clean, Wally got him dried off with a big fluffy towel and was walking him back toward his room to get him dressed when Barry cut him off, holding one of the presents under one arm.

"Thought I heard the tub running.Lunch is ready downstairs, I'll get the birthday boy dressed. go get something to eat." Barry said.

"Heh, Sure, now that I've handed all the smelly stuff you wanna tag in." Wally teased, and Billy giggled.

"What can I say, Perks of being a daddy and honorary uncle." Barry said.

Wally just shook his head and headed down the step while Billy toddled along side Barry, wrapped up in the towel and then just laid back his bed, willing to let Barry do all the work.

"heh, your being pretty cute kiddo. maybe you should poop your pants more often." Barry teased, tickling billy's tummy and getting a fit of giggles out of him.

Deciding with how little Billy was acting and the bigger accidents he was have, Barry got billy into a daytime diaper but cut slit in the front of back of it first, while Billy watched with a confused look and a finger on his bottom lip.

"Ummm daddy, what cha doing? I'm leak all over now." Billy pointed out.

"Well, if that was your only diapie you would, but daddy figures since we're not going out and you're having lots of accident's.." Barry said and pulled out the bulky bed time diaper.

"Sheesh, I'll be waddling like a toddler with both of these on!" Billy said and stuck out his tongue.

"I know! I don't know why i didn't think of this sooner!" Barry gushed and got a raspberry from billy.

with the bulky diaper taped up over the thinner one, Barry helped billy stand up and gushed and coo'ed at how Billy's legs were forced apart.

"Sheesh, One more and I think I'd be stuck crawling!" Billy said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Don't temp me." Barry said then handed Billy the present. "Here, open this up, it's from Iris and I thought it might be useful right now."

Warning bell's were going off in Billy's head as he took the present and he had to suppress a groan, it was a flash themed diaper shirt.

"Well what do you think? Iris noticed that your diaper sag a lot when you got pants-less and this will help! Heck, might even get you a few of theses if it works out. but for now,you can be the fastest pamper butt alive!" Barry asked.

"..I think I'll save it special occasions." Billy tried and Barry just laughed.

"Silly boy, this is your birthday, that IS special, here, I'll help you get it on." Barry said taking the diaper shirt from Billy and dashing around the boy. in seconds he was snugly fit in the diaper shirt.

Despite how humiliating it was to need the shirt for his saggy diapers, Billy had to admit it felt right, even if his bulky diapers semi showed.

"Soooo?" Barry asked.

"..I could get used to it. " he said and started to head for the door, realizing just HOW bad his waddling was now as Barry squealed behind him. "..I'll calling it in. carry me."

Billy sighed then giggled, holding his arms out.

"Well if I HAVE to." Barry laughed, coming over and picking up Billy and heading for the dinner table.

So far the day had been fun and cute, and it was only gonna get better.

11 notes · View notes

mikedjc · 8 years

Photo

Ididian Incident report form:

[Please do not sign above this line]

The following report is for incident # 8542, hereby known as “No Zero days”

Since Ididian 7 lost all power during this time no security footage could be found, so we will be having our onsite artist depict the events to hopefully show a clearer time line of what transpired.

Survivor report 17

[Door to the interview room is kicked open by unknown smiling man in suit]

Interviewer: Who!?!Wha--

Unknown man: Howdy turd blossom!

Interviewer: oh, I see you survived…Gerald… or would you prefer Mr. [redacted] head of the Ididian Co.?

Mr. [redacted]: either way is fine by me ya little doofus, I see the board put you in charge while I was away. Also heard you tried to kill one of my friends ya little shit.

I: Yes, he had info that was detrimental to public saf--

M: BLAH BLAH POOT POOT FART!!! First let me talk to this doll over here

[Mr. [redacted] dashes to interview stenographer]

So what ya got going after this babe? How bout you, me, and this bottle of SUPER WINE!! Make some fun memories! WINK!

[Mr. [redacted] reveals a bottle of wine seemly out of nowhere, his advances are ignored he then looks over stenographer shoulder]

“reveals a bottle of wine seemly out of nowhere, his advances…” Awwww you guys suck EL.OH. EL

[Mr. [redacted] throws bottle over shoulder at wall]

You have to type everything I do? Also why do you keep writing [in mock robot voice] “REDACTED” on my last name… it’s LITERALLY the same as the company. Plus I thought you guys did that after anyway, so that means every time I say my name you have to put [in mock robot voice] “REDACTED”?

Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [re3dacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redactdaed] Mr. [reseddacted] Mr. [reddsacted] Mr. [redacted] Mr. [redadsdcted] Mr. [redacdsed]

[Mr. [redacted] looks over my shoulder]

Ohhhhh ya messed up a few times, give me a kiss and I won’t tell your boss

[Mr. [redacted] looks over stenographer’s shoulder again, not realizing the stenographer will clock him if he refuses to stop hitting on her]

“Over stenographer’s shoulder again, not realizing the stenographer will clo--“ jeez tough crowd, hey who is that guy over there?

[Points to interview on-site artist]

Hey!!! Draw me doing this!!!

[Makes stupid pose, then walks over to look over his shoulder]

LAME!!! You even have to block out my face!??!! GAWD I hate what you and the board have done to this place Tom Tom.

I: please don’t call me that, and the board is merely concerned with public safety.

M: enough to try and have me killed again Idiot face?

I: The board and I have no idea what you’re ta--

M: Can it Butt-head, I might be immortal, but you and the board know as well as I do that I can be killed, this makes what… the fifth attempt in the last 62 years. I refuse to let you idiots turn MY company into military for hire.

I: Sir, these calms are unfounded and--

M: with me out of the way, the board would get free reign over everything, not happening today or any other day ya communist faggot!! I mean, what was it, about 500 people killed, over a hundred contained, just to get at me.

I: I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir.

M: Hey, Ding dong face, I had “the Unit’ investigate Big sister #1, seems 3 weeks before this whole thing went down you had a conversation with her. Smart move cutting all the cam feeds… Guessing it was just coincidence that right after you leave and cams come back on she just so happens to know she can use her gravity abnormality to hit pressure points and basically control minds, I’m guessing it was also coincidence she found out she could mentally communicate with some of the Big sisters huh? Maybe plan a coordinated attack? hmmmmmm But im no Dick Tracy i--

I: who?

M: Shut up ya little cum toaster!! I’m no Dick Tracy, but that shit don’t add up. Now I’m sure you might not have planned on all this chaos going down, but you and your boys set all this up I’m betting, funny coincidence all the Big Sisters were transferred to my building where I’m stationed with my sick bachelor pad for “repairs on cells” and no one thought to tell me… I was half way through Harvest Moon when this shit went down ya little asshat!

Lucky me Captain C. Montgomery Maul and C.J. found and saved me, oh and by the way I reinstated his rank you little Fart bucket!

I: I have no i--

M: I can’t demote you because you’re on the board, but I know, you know, that I know, that you knew, that I knew, that I know, that you know, that you knew, that Maul would come and find me first and protect me with his life… Guessing you’ve been asking everyone where he was huh? Find him, find me?

I: I have no ide--

M: also, I’m using my Alpha executive privilege to remove Emily, Big sister 4, from the big sister list… She will be raised, trained, and cared for by C. Montgomery Maul from here on out. Corporal Johnathon “Johnny” Hicks, 4th brigade, Unit Ididian 6 will be moved to second in command under C. Montgomery Maul and receive a purple heart for bravery (I knew teaching him that damn passcode everyday would save him). C.J. is to be memorialized in all our buildings as a hero, also give C.J.’s family a purple heart. Tell them C.J. died saving us all. Are we clear son?

I: yes…Dad

M: good, time to get back more involved with the company and set us back to what our original goals were and the reason I started the company…Which arrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee… [looks at interviewer]

I:Ididian, To secure, Contain, and prot--

M: NOPE [makes loud “BUZZING” noise] it’s to find HAWT Monster girls with big sexy boobs!!! Go on…

I: [interviewer sighs] to find hot monster girls with big sexy boobs, sir.

M: good! Also you’re adopted.

I: you, me, and mom, rest her soul, know that’s not true.

M: Doesn’t matter, [Mr. [redacted] moves to exit] EAT A BAG OF DICKS SON!!! SEE YOU AT CHRISTMAS DINNER YA DOUCHENOZZLE!

“No Zero days” death count is estimated to be 499 and 183 Contained at this point.

#mikejc #scp #horror

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its-lifestyle · 5 years

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It’s extremely rare nowadays to see someone spending their day without using their smartphone. Can you guess the total hours we spend looking at our smartphone in a year?

According to a survey done by the American Occupational Therapy Association, in a year, the teen population spends up to 5,000 hours hunching over a smartphone while adults spend up to 1,400 hours.

It makes sense as all information is readily accessible by clicking on the smartphone.

If you want to find a taxi, just click on the Grab application, if you feel hungry, just click on Food Panda, if you want to keep in touch with your friends, use social media applications such as Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp and many more. It’s so simple, right?

There are thousands of applications offered in the smartphone that make our life easy, thanks to Sir Martin Cooper who invented the first cell phone in 1973, which has now evolved into a smartphone.

Despite the advancement of smartphone technology that gives huge benefits, users silently suffer from health issues due to prolonged usage, poor posture and poor ergonomics awareness when using this device.

Numbness, stiffness, pain at your thumb, wrist, neck and back are several common symptoms. The consequences are usually related to the musculoskeletal system, for example joints, muscles, nerves, and ligaments. Some of the most common injuries related include:

Cervical Postural Syndrome (neck)

Thoracic Postural Syndrome (mid back)

Lumbar Postural Syndrome (lower back)

Cervical Disc Bulge (neck)

Thoracic Disc Bulge (midback)

Lumbar Disc Bulge (lower back)

Cervicogenic headache

Thumb tendonitis

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Wrist Tendonitis

What is ergonomics?

Ergonomics is one of the non-pharmacological solutions to reduce the symptoms of injuries. The word ergonomics is quite commonly used as a selling point to market a product.

Buyers are more attracted to the word ergonomics as they have the impression that it leads to a healthy lifestyle. The fact is, not all ergonomics implementation have to be purchased in terms of a product. It depends on the techniques you use to implement it.

Here are five simple ergonomics techniques that you can use when using a smartphone.

Find a suitable smartphone

When you want to buy a smartphone, make sure you can fit your hand around it. You should be able to touch your thumb and fore finger around your smartphone. Just because a phone has the biggest screen, it doesn’t mean it is suitable for you.

Correct way of typing on a smartphone

It is recommended to switch between using your thumbs and fingers to type as it will reduce thumb pain.

Whenever possible, try to use your fore fingers to type instead of your thumbs. This can be achieved by placing your smartphone down on a hard surface if you’re texting, or holding the phone in one hand and texting with the other. Try not to type using only one hand as it can lead to pain at your thumb and wrist.

If you are using your thumbs to type, try to use the pad of your thumb as opposed to the tip of the thumb as this can cause an awkward bent position for your thumb, which may lead to pain.

Make sure your wrists are straight while you’re texting and swiping. This is the best method to minimise strain at your wrist.

If your wrists are awkwardly bent, it forces your fingers to work harder than is necessary.

Correct posture while holding your smartphone

Do maintain a good posture while using your smartphone. You may have a tendency to slouch and it could lead to back pain. Keep your back and shoulder straight to reduce pain in your neck, shoulders and back.

Avoid looking down at your smartphone screen as this bends the neck and tends to round the shoulders. This can ultimately lead to neck, shoulder or upper back pain.

Avoid holding the phone in your lap or below your chest. Try to maintain the phone at your chest, chin or eye level to minimise the bend in your neck and to maintain optimal posture. If your phone is below eye level, try to look down with your eyes rather than your neck.

Don’t hold your smartphone too tightly as it will puts stress on your fingers, thumbs and wrist.

Modification of your smart phone

Set your smartphone to easy access buttons. Put your frequently used controls and apps within easy reach of your thumbs.

Try to maximise usage of voice command to access the smartphone button. For example, IOS users can try SIRI voice commands.

You might have long phone conversations and sometimes, during the call, you might need to do some other tasks. Cradling your smartphone between your ear and shoulder isn’t just uncomfortable but it may also lead to injuries. It will pinch your spinal discs and can cause nerve compression.

Therefore, it is worth investing in a Bluetooth ear phone. Try to make minimum interactions with your smartphone as it will reduce the number of hours you are exposed to pain.

Take a break and stretch

Take frequent breaks and rest if you feel pain. Respect pain. Take a minute to stretch. It’s recommended that you spend one to two minutes on stretching for every 30 minutes you spend on your smartphone.

Try applying the following stretching exercises.

Wrist Extensor/Flexor Stretch: Keep elbow straight. Grasp one hand and slowly bend wrist forward until stretch is felt. Hold for 30 seconds. Then face the palms up. Grasp fingers with other hand and slowly bend wrist backward until stretch is felt. Hold for 30 seconds.

Finger Opposition: Starting with the index finger and proceeding towards the little finger, actively touch thumb to each fingertip. Move slowly at first, then more rapidly as motion and coordination improve.

Flexor Tendon Gliding: Straighten all fingers, then make a fist, bending all joints.

Lateral Neck Flexion: Slowly tilt head towards one shoulder. Hold for 15 seconds and switch sides.

Ergonomics is more important in this era rather than when it was first introduced in the 19th century. Advancements in technology come with a price. The small smartphone can contribute to big effects to our health. As long as we know how to use it with correct ergonomics, we will be able to minimise injuries.

Even though there is no treatment for all these injuries, it will be beneficial if we take precautionary steps in advance before it becomes worse.

As Benjamin Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

This article is written by Erna Faryza Mohd Poot, a lecturer/examination coordinator at Perdana University’s School of Occupational Therapy. This article is courtesy of Perdana University. For more information, email [email protected]. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader’s own medical care. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.

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