#poor kevin the wife is leaving him and the girlfriend moving on :(((

[nilonne]

beginning | previous - next

like @madebycoffee said penny is prenup now because johnny should get one 🤣🤣🤣

[wrestlingwithhistory]

A Gentleman Never Tells - Chris Adams

Gentleman Chris Adams is a name that many people miss when they talk about wrestlers from the UK who not only did good business in the US during the 80’s but helped to train some of the biggest names in professional wrestling during the 90’s and helped to bring to light one of the most popular finishers in the industry today.

Chris Adams was born in Rugby, Warwickshire on 10th February 1955 and from a young age was involved in competitive Judo, which he continued training in exclusively for around 14 years which he earned a Black Belt in the discipline. Both he and his brother Neil competed in national and world championships, with Neil actually winning a silver medal in the 1980 and 1984 Olympics. Chris was a member of the 1976 Olympic team but never competed for Great Britain.

Chris Adams began taking part in Professional Wrestling in 1978. He had no formal training in wrestling and used his expertise in Judo in his early years of wrestling. He worked with Joint Promotions and appeared on ITV’s World of Sport regularly taking on the likes on Mark ‘Rollerball’ Rocco, Dynamite Kid, Fit Finlay, Adrian Street and Davey Boy Smith. His finishing move, originally called ‘the Judo Kick’ was later renamed a ‘Superkick’ and is still used by many professional wrestlers today.

By 1983, Adams was approached by Fritz Von Erich to work for World Class Championship Wrestling and he officially joined on 15th April, 1983. During his time with WCCW, he feuded with many of the company’s big stars, from The Von Erichs to Ric Flair, and the Fabulous Freebirds. He was tag partners with Gino Hernandez and became the second iteration of The Dynamic Duo in 1985, where one of their most notable matches was a hair match against the Von Erichs which The Duo lost and were shaved in front of a rapturous crowd.

Chris was due to go into a feud with Gino going into 1986. They had worked an angle against The Cosmic Cowboys, who were actually Kevin and Kerry Von Erich in disguise. The finish to the match was Adams being blinded by hair cream that was thrown by Hernandez, resulting in a loss against the Cowboys. Chris used this time in the storyline to go back to the UK and visit him family, but during that time, on 2nd February 1986, Gino Hernandez died of a Cocaine Overdose. Adams was questioned by Scotland Yard about Gino’s death as authorities in Texas originally treated the incident as a homicide, but this was later changed to an Overdose by officials. There is still some scepticism over Hernandez death today.

Shortly after this, Adams started to become involved in a number of high-profile altercations, many of which would hamper his career despite his talent in the ring. In June of 1986 while travelling back from a show in Puerto Rico, Adams headbutted an Airline pilot and punched a male attendant. This resulted in a 90-day jail and a $500 fine. It is believed that Adams’ belligerence was a result of being denied alcohol by an FAA inspector and that he was restrained by Kevin Von Erich in the process. By September of 1986, Adams had left WCCW to join Bill Watts’ UWF but later returned to WCCW in 1987 as UWF was absorbed into the NWA.

In UWF, Adams became tag partners with Terry Taylor, known to many as The Red Rooster in WWF in later years. They later feuded and carried this back over into the newly acquired by NWA, WCCW. Over the next few years, Adams would find himself in the upper mid-card region of the company’s talent pool, competing against many of the companies’ big stars and also working with companies like Georgia Championship Wrestling and World Wrestling Alliance.

In 1988, Chris Adams opened his own training school based out of the world-famous Dallas Sportatorium. Two of his most popular students were Scott Hall/Razor Ramon and Stone-Cold Steve Austin. In 1989, Adams was arrested and sentenced to a year’s probation after his wife was found beaten after Adams had flown into a rage, again related to his Alcohol abuse. He was later involved in more legal troubles and again place don probation for 2 DUI arrests in 1991.

After the WCCW has ceased business in 1990, Adams returned to the independent circuit. He would visit numerous territories having matches for various championships during this time. He won the GWF Heavyweight Title on 2 occasions in 1994 and also a brief stint as the NWA Heavyweight champion in 1995 after Jim Crockett had taken control of the company.

He continued wrestling with various NWA affiliated territories and other independents up until joining WCW in 1997.

When joining WCW, Chris was placed into a British stable called The Blue Bloods alongside Lord Steven Regal (later William Regal) and Squire David Taylor. This stable was not together for very long due to some personal issues between Regal and Adams which hampered the stable from becoming credible in the eyes of the WCW officials. Adams wrestled against Randy Savage in the first match of WCW’s new midweek show, Thunder in 1998. Adams got a pinfall over Savage, but the decision was overturned by JJ Dillon after interference from Lex Luger swayed the match in Adams’ favour. He began to drop down the card, working as an enhancement for other talents to get victories over. He left the company in 1999 and returned to Texas where he began promoting shows and wrestling part time.

During his career, Adams unfortunately fell victim to a number of addictions, his first with Alcohol. David Manning said in the Documentary ‘Gentleman’s Choice’ that his Alcohol dependency was heightened after a flight cancellation due to unforeseen circumstances by the airline prompted them to offer a free bar to the wrestlers on the flight, not for a few drinks but for several hours until a flight was arranged for them.

Adams was also a heavy user of GHB, which at the time was being used by bodybuilders and wrestlers alike as an alternative to steroids but it did not have the same anabolic effects as steroids and left longer addictive tendencies with the users. Many of the people using them believed that the GHB worked while they slept.

Adams and his then girlfriend Linda Kaphengst overdosed on a combination of alcohol and GHB in April 2000. Adams survived, but Kaphengst was not so lucky. The overdose starved her brain of oxygen and her family were told that should she survive, she would likely have long term brain trauma. A few hours later, her situation worsened, and her family had to make the difficult to turn off her breathing apparatus.

Adams was not originally suspected in any foul play at the time of the incident and went on to marry again in August 2001, but an intoxicated and threatening voicemail left on answer machine to Pam Hernandez stating that if she did not stop meddling in his affairs then she would ‘end up like Linda’. This voicemail was brought to the Homicide team dealing with Linda’s death and Chris was indicted on a manslaughter charge.

He was due to be indicted but the day before his hearing, he was fatally shot in the chest during a drunken fight with a close friend Brent ‘Booray’ Parnell on October 7th, 2001. Booray claimed self-defence, stating that Adams snapped off a piece of bedframe and tried to attack him with it. Booray claims in the documentary ‘Gentleman’s Choice’ that he does not know the reason for Adams’ behaviour at the time, other than asking him to keep the noise down as his mother was sleeping in the next room. He said that his eyes were black and almost demonic at the time of the fight, which is a known side effect of the drug GHB.

Booray was cleared of all charges against him as acting in self-defence.

Adams, although a clean-cut Olympic prospect from the UK, fell victim to the harsh lifestyles of living on the road as a professional wrestler. Though many still speak of him based on the poor choices he made during his life, many still speak of the apt moniker ‘Gentleman’ given to the late Judoka-turned-Wrestler.

His legacy of wrestling some of the sport’s greatest names in the 80’s and 90’s, training future hall of fame wrestlers and one of the UK’s least discussed exports is somewhat tarnished by his final days.

I have posted the link from Youtube to the 2008 documentary ‘Gentleman’s Choice’ below uploaded in full by The Hannibal TV.

If you have liked this post, please leave a review and follow for future posts.

Thanks!

https://youtu.be/-sgxAH47TsA

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[netflixandgrill-blog]

How to Get Through a Quarantine in 10 Movies

(The Netflix and Grill Guide to Movies You Will Love to Hate)

1. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are both charming and pleasing to look at, but even they can’t out-act this God-awful script. We felt our minds wandering through all the exposition, so much so that the movie should be called How to Lose a Viewer in 10 Minutes (nailed it.) Kate Hudson’s gold dress was, and always will be, the star of this movie. 

2. The Notebook

We both (separately) bought tickets for this movie in the theater when it was released in 2004, when the average movie ticket price was only about six bucks, and we both had the same thought upon leaving: “I definitely overpaid.” We watched it again on Netflix and, after figuring out our per-movie cost from our monthly subscription, found that this viewing cost us about 34 cents. We still think we overpaid. Someone needs to tell Allie she’s in an abusive relationship with Noah. Someone needs to tell Noah that no means no--an easy way to remember that is that it’s the first syllable of his name. We thought it was an interesting choice that Allie’s later dementia was foreshadowed by her younger self forgetting what accent she was supposed to have in any given scene. Allie the Sometimes Southern Belle is a flighty bird, Never-Say-Die Noah is a toxic male bird, and we wish we could fly back in time 2 hours. 

3. Eat Pray Love

What could be less interesting than a well-off white woman traveling across the world to escape her first-world problems, the worst of which seems to be that her husband loved her too much and her subsequent much younger boyfriend loved her even more? Answer: nothing. Why this movie became such a phenomenon escapes us the same way Julia Roberts’ character escapes accountability for any of her shitty behavior. 

4. Crazy, Stupid, Love

Ryan Gosling is a street-smart Brooklyn-Italian-sounding ladies man who says things like “Just bang the broad, Bah-fahn-gool. Fuhgeddaboutit.” (We paraphrased.) And Steve Carell was like, “Remember when we did 40-Year-Old Virgin? Let’s do the exact same thing again.” Let’s also not forget that boundaries and propriety don’t seem to be a thing in this movie, as the grown-assed babysitter gives nude pictures to a minor and we’re all supposed to be cool with it. A lot of people are crazy, stupid in love with this movie. We think they are crazy and stupid. 

5. P.S. I Love You

This movie begins with what feels like a 3-hour exposition scene to set up the fact that Hilary Swank is oh-so-unhappy with the fact that she's already 28 years old and her carefree Irish husband hasn’t given her 5 kids yet. Also, their ultra-beautiful and hip New York apartment isn’t enough--why don’t they have a house already??!!  Waaaaahhhhh. Then her husband dies, and Hilary’s already unlikeable character spirals from annoying into the realm of insufferable. The dead husband orchestrates a series of notes to be delivered to Hilary, still trying to please his sullen and ungrateful wife from beyond the grave, proving that he has just as poor taste in women in death as he did in life. 

6. Catch and Release

Oh, we caught it, but we didn’t release it soon enough. We suffered through to the end. Why was Kevin Smith in this movie, and why was he trying so hard to be funny? The plot is so unclear and convoluted that we can’t tell you exactly what happened, but the bullet points are: Jennifer Garner’s fiancé dies, leaving behind a million bucks that she didn’t realize he had; she moves into a house with her dead fiancé’s buddies for some reason; her dead fiancé had a secret lover (Juliette Lewis) and possibly fathered a son with her; and, in the end, Jennifer Garner gets with Timothy Olyphant, her dead fiancé’s best friend. Why does all of this make for a compelling movie? It doesn’t. Why was this movie called Catch and Release? Beats the hell out of us. What could possibly account for this movie getting made? Our guess, cocaine. 

7. Monster-in-Law

Monster-in-Law...more like a Monster Waste of Time (nailed it x 2). Jennifer Lopez is at war with her fiance’s mother (played by Jane Fonda), who has a death-like grip on her son, Michael Vartan. Jennifer Lopez is just a simple dog walker with the beachside apartment of a tech CEO who fell in love with the world’s biggest mama’s boy and got engaged to him after what seems to be four dates, a fact which Jane Fonda hates. Conflict ensues. And that’s it, just 102 minutes of that. Except for Wanda Sykes, the no-nonsense assistant and only sympathetic character, and you can practically see the sweat beading on her forehead from her straining to try and save this steaming pile. The other movies on this list we either loved or loved to hate. This one we just hated. 

8. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Makers of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, you did it. You made a movie that not even Emma Stone, Matthew McConaughey, or Charles Goddamn Dickens could save. This movie came out eight years before the #metoo movement, and has aged about as well as Harvey Weinstein’s face. To be clear, it sucked regardless, but now it suffers from the double-whammy of both sucking and trying to evoke empathy for a sexual predator.   

9. My Best Friend’s Wedding

In fairness, Heidi actually loves this movie, and Mike thinks it’s not the worst thing ever. Ok, he loves it too, in spite of (and sometimes because of) its many flaws. The movie begins with a music video that has nothing to do with the rest of the story, leading you wonder how it’s going to pay off, and yet it never does. It’s so laughably dumb that we both wish we had thought of it. Julia Roberts’ gay (2nd) best friend, Rupert Everett, flies in not once but twice to save her ass. And at the last minute, too, so you know those flight prices must have been steeeeeep. Which made us realize we need better best friends. Mike’s best friend stole his wallet. On his birthday. Heidi’s best friends are not quite so bad. They just forget her birthday.

10. Dear John

What a snooze fest. Any movie that Channing Tatum is in where he doesn’t dance isn’t worth watching. Any movie that Amanda Seyfried is in that’s not Mean Girls isn’t worth watching. Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum don’t get together, though. She instead marries family friend Henry Thomas, who even as he’s dying of cancer admits that he’s really only a sub-plot in Channing and Amanda’s life--a plot device more alien to us than the one in Henry Thomas’ most well-known role (Elliot in ET), in which he encounters an actual alien. 

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Colour Me In (Part 5)

Eliza gasped as a blue butterfly landed on her nose and giggled when she looked over at Calum. He had a yellow butterfly in his dark curls and his mouth was hanging open, eyes wide as he fed several others from his hand. He'd brought her to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park.

They'd started in the butterfly jungle and Eliza swooned at Calum trying to be extra careful with the tiny delicate creatures.

Next was the aviary where Eliza stared at the birds the zoo keeper brought out one by one following along with the script on Calum's phone. He seemed a little more skittish around the birds as they were brought up close, but he tried to play it off.  She marveled at the colors, and judging by the way Calum flinched when it opened its beak she guessed it was very loud.

Calum bought behind the scenes tickets so they learned about kangaroos for about an hour, even holding and feeding a baby roo. The park employees teased Calum about being a natural, being from Australia and all. Eliza noticed the side glances cast her way, some girls nodding at her and smiling in appreciation of the man she was on a date with. Other females shot her looks of pure envy and venom, but Eliza ignored them, she was too happy to care what anyone thought.

They grabbed a quick snack before Calum took her on a caravan safari through the Asian and African savannah. Calum had preloaded the guides script into his phone so Eliza could read along, but he kept poking her and pointing, signing “What's that?”

She'd sign back “lion, rhino, antelope,” and so on and the tour continued. A couple of kids sitting in front of them turned around to watch the impromptu lesson and were soon asking their own questions.

Calum grinned watching Eliza answer every one while still paying close attention to the animals they were there to see. He brushed a curl off her cheek tucking it behind her ear earning him a smile that made his heart catch in his throat. He took a video of her teaching the kids to sign “giraffe” and he couldn't help but think she'd be such a good mom someday. The thought unnerved him for a second, but he squeezed her knee and smiled back. The kids got distracted by their parents who felt bad intruding on what was obviously a date, and Eliza snuck in a quick kiss, pressing her lips to his briefly, just long enough to let Calum know he was already in too deep.

The safari was about two hours long with Eliza alternating between signing for Calum and the kids and holding his hand enjoying the scenery. Every now and then resting her head on his shoulder so her hair tickled his face, and he noticed it smelled like honeysuckle flowers and coconut. Cal couldn't remember the last time he'd taken a girl out on a date and he'd never done anything like this before.

By the time the tour was over they were both hungry and the parents of the two kids offered to treat them to lunch at the restaurant on that side of the park. They wandered back through the park deciding to try the zipline even though Eliza objected not wanting Calum to spend any more money. He overruled her objections and flying above the animals she was glad he'd insisted. He'd gone first so he was waiting when she landed. Eliza was so overwhelmed at the days experience, and this gorgeous man grinning at her with his arms out, she couldn't help but throw her arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. His hands tangled in her hair and his tongue parted her lips when they were asked to move along. Calum frowned as he pulled back, leading Eliza back down the trail.

They held hands as they made their way out of the park, stopping occasionally to look at an exhibit and even popping in to feed some colourful lorikeets. Eliza laughed when Calum seemed to finally be warming up to birds until one pooped right in his hand. He looked so embarrassed and grossed out, she felt bad for him but laughed harder as she handed him a wet wipe. They stopped at the petting kraal so Calum could brush a goat which Eliza just had to get video of.  

They made their way to Calum's car, and he acted like he was gonna reach around to open the passenger door for her. Instead his hands found her waist backing her against the car. Eliza stood on her toes tilting her head up as his mouth came crashing down on hers continuing where they'd been rudely interrupted. The kiss was deep and passionate, his hands running down her sides gripping her hips, her fingers pulling his curls as her teeth grazed his bottom lip. He started to dip down to kiss her neck and Eliza pushed him away, suddenly.

“I'm sorry I'm sorry” she signed, wide eyed and shaking her head. She grabbed her phone.

I can't have marks on my neck. Where my mom and boss could see them.

Calum backed up and nodded before leaning in and kissing her lips again.

If I ever leave marks, they'll be where no one can see them.

Eliza's jaw dropped and Calum burst out laughing. He opened the door for her, before walking around and getting in himself.

I'm still hungry, let me buy you dinner

That's not how this is supposed to work ya know

Calum was using voice to text so he could talk to her while driving.

Don't care, you just dropped several hundred dollars taking me out today, I can buy you a pizza.

Okay fine, but let's go back to the hotel and let me get a quick shower before we get dinner.

Shower? Where?

I got a room this morning because I figured I'd be too tired to drive back tonight after getting up that early to drive down

How much is this costing you?

Don't worry about it, I can afford it and it was worth it to come see you.

Eliza got freshened up in her room and changed into a yellow sundress with sneakers and a white denim jacket over the dress. Calum was at her door looking handsome as always in a black tank top with an unbuttoned red shirt over it. Ripped black jeans and boots with his hair still wet from his shower, Eliza had to fight the urge to forget about dinner.

The desk clerk was a fan and insisted they try her favorite restaurant about twenty minutes away. The menu was California cuisine with a Greek twist. Eliza skipped it and went straight for the kebab, the smell of the lamb meat already had her mouth watering. Calum followed her lead and it was a slow night so the owner was also running food. He stopped to chat them up and they had a laugh how international the table was, a Maori-Scottish man on a date with an Portuguese-Iranian woman at a Greek restaurant in a Mexican named city eating Turkish food.

He insisted they take a shot of Ouzo on the house, only relenting when Eliza explained she was Muslim, insisting Calum take two in her place.

Calum texted her can you drive a stick? Eliza nodded with a wink and he took the shots. He nursed a beer for the rest of the night not wanting to get silly around Eliza. The liquor got him feeling a bit loose and he couldn't stop touching her. He kept playing with her fingers, rubbing her shoulder, bumping her knee with his, Eliza wasn't drunk but felt intoxicated by the attention.

The food was amazing finally breaking the spell as they concentrated on their meal.

Afterwards they were absolutely stuffed but the owner insisted they take some of his wife's famous kourabiedes, Greek walnut sugar cookies, with them to go.

They got back and Calum walked her to her room. Eliza stopped and pulled out her phone

I want you to come in and hang out, but I don't want you to think this is an invitation to fool around

Okay but you're looking really pretty tonight so I can't promise I won't try and kiss you

I'll consider myself warned

They ended up sitting on the bed holding their phones to chat. Calum was sitting up with a pillow behind him with Eliza sitting between his legs, her back resting against his chest. They were both fully clothed although she'd changed into yoga pants and an oversized t shirt with a sports bra underneath and Rocket and Groot knee socks.

If you're trying to look unappealing, it's not working, but what's with the socks

Maggie is Rocket and I am Groot

He giggled and she looked back at him receiving a kiss before settling back against him.

They stayed that way until after 2am. Cuddling and texting eventually putting one phone one the charger while they passed the other back and forth. Calum talked about his two girlfriends in high school and how awful he'd been to them. He'd had sex for the first time at 15 and he was embarrassed to admit he honestly couldn't tell her how many girls he'd slept with. After that he told her about the girl who'd convinced him he was finally in love. She'd been a drummer and a tattoo artist about a year older than him. He'd become jaded when that fell apart piece by piece until they hated each other. He never missed them as a couple, but sometimes he still missed her.

Eliza nodded she told him about her first boyfriend, Miguel who'd been deaf like her. They'd met at school, as there was only two high schools in the district that had ASL interpreter. They'd dated from sophomore to senior year, and he'd been the one to take her virginity, convincing her they would marry after college and live happily ever after. She found out he was cheating a week before graduation. Her second serious boyfriend was Patrick who she met in literature class her first week of college. They'd been together a little over a year despite Maggie and Kevin never being fully happy with the relationship.

As far as sex was concerned she and Miguel had been kids, sneaking around, figuring things out together, and it had been enjoyable. Patrick had been boring in bed, she knew enough to know that. When she'd gotten the courage to suggest trying something different he'd turned it around on. Patrick had blamed her extra weight and her lack of experience for his poor performance. Their relationship crumbled quickly after that.

Eliza felt suddenly bashful explaining her limited sexual experience and prowess.

I hope if something ever happens you won't be disappointed

Eliza felt Calum's whole body tense up as he read that.

You could never disappoint me, don't ever think that.

He turned her head so she was looking at him and mouthed “Never” before pulling her into a kiss.

Soon they were tangled together in a flush of heavy breathing, roaming hands and passionate kisses. Calum stopped and pulled away watching her face. Eliza was still unsure if she was ready for this and Calum understood that. He got up of the bed and helped her up.

“Not yet” she signed.

“I understand” he signed back before kissing her forehead. “I should go get sleep.”

He kissed her goodnight and went to the desk to see if he could keep his room until Monday.

The next day Calum slept till 10 but Eliza was already up and ready with a bagel sandwich and a coffee for him. She'd decided that since Calum had planned yesterday, and it had been expensive, that today would be the opposite.

They went to Balboa Park to explore the gardens. She only expected to be there a couple hours but the place was huge and breathtakingly beautiful. They marveled at the stunning Spanish-Moorish fountains in Alcazar Park, took pictures at the lily pond in front of the Botanical Building and delighting at the rare orchids inside. They grabbed a light lunch before heading to the carousel.

It was a gorgeous historic menagerie carousel with many animals to choose from.  Calum picked a horse but Eliza wanted the dragon. She smiled the entire ride her eyes kept wandering around taking it all in. Calum's heart was in his throat, and he couldn't stop staring. Reputation be damned, he liked this girl, and he had to make sure she knew.

The rest of the short day was spent wandering hand in hand through the Memorial Rose Garden, Calum memorizing which flowers were her favorites. Then the Japanese Friendship garden where they enjoyed strolling through authentic buildings and reading the exhibits.  He stole kisses walking down the paths before standing behind her holding her and resting his chin on top of her head while they silently watched the koi ponds.

Calum stepped back and turned her around to face him and raised his eyebrows carefully signing “want girlfriend my will.”

It took Eliza half a second to realize what Calum just asked her.

“Of course” she signed back at him beaming before raising up on her toes to kiss him.\

@wildhearthood @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @cal-puddies @biba3434 @babygirlcashton @angelbabylu @itstheholls @5sos-ficssmut @cal-pal-cuddles @calumh-excess @1dthewantedlove

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Eighteen: When a Stranger Calls”

good afternoon, this episode made me lose sleep

Jughead doesn’t even have his framing narration voiceover, because he is in too much pain, RETROACTIVELY, to WRITE IT DOWN

this is a great episode, but it’s especially a great episode for Betty’s left eyebrow, Alice’s left eyebrow, and Jughead’s pecs

there’s a very STEALTHY ticking clock sound in the background of Betty and the Black Hood’s phonecall, taken in spirit, I hope, from Hans Zimmer’s Dunkirk soundtrack, where you don’t notice it but the protracted effect makes you feel like you’re going crazy

Jughead is Betty’s “mystery-loving boyfriend”

Alice was fond of Jughead so long as he was on Betty’s newspaper staff and showed Alice compassion when her family life was crumbling, but now that he lives in a different zip code she’s over it

Archie in green is always his best choice

Archie of course walks Betty to school and of course promises not to tell a secret before he hears it

does Betty enlist Archie as her handmaiden because he’s the best choice (will do as she says, will not branch out on his own, will refuse on moral grounds to abandon her) or because she can do so with the least amount of fanfare?

“BETTY, YOU HAVE TO TELL THE POLICE, EVEN IF IT’S NOT HIM.” Archie drops some vintage bon mots today!

The Blossom spawn: it’s incredible that the Black Hood knows where Polly is when it seems like Betty doesn’t even know

Dilton Doiley is a canonically great dancer: Dilton’s stunt got the southside into more trouble, which seems like exactly the amount of power he wants to wield

remember last season when Dilton caved to Jughead’s threat of exposing him as a gun-loving loon? Dilton has purged his life of all semblances of normalcy, out in the open, so no one can do that again

apparently now we can all chill in Hiram’s study with him

Veronica was rich: Hiram’s true crime is gentrification! sounds about right!

Certified pedigree: Veronica perks up and Hermione and Hiram look at each other and agree to the same game plan silently: pimp her out

Sweet Pea is, I think, showing commendable patience towards Jughead, for someone who does not necessarily have to, for still having this particular girlfriend and best friend (“your boy, Andrews”) after day after day of southside-reasons not to. Jughead is like….I know….I don’t control them….

Jughead did not see Veronica shooting a gun coming! poor Jug is so out of the loop!

I guess Fangs earned his stripes? was it by getting an engineering degree?

What damn high school in America: okay wait, I missed before when they explained that “Fogarty’s cousin” is “in the Army” and was “going to build us something.” I can’t believe they actually FUCKING EXPLAIN IT

Sweet Pea did not know who he was talking to when he tried to hit Jughead with “It can’t get any worse.” Jughead is like, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING—

“You can’t be half a Serpent”: it’s FASCINATING TO ME how the actual on-the-ground Serpents deal with Jughead, who is familially a Serpent but not an indoctrinated one, who has been baptised but not confirmed, if you will, who keeps telling them to knock it off with the gang stuff, and yet they’re like, very careful about giving him latitude to move around in their world without having paid his membership fee, you know? I just think it’s amazing how, and I know it’s a TV show and not like a documentary, but I think it’s an interesting choice how Sweet Pea isn’t just like, Get fucked, Jughead. he hears Jughead’s objections. he explains himself

These students are legally children: the grown-up Serpents either ghost-endorse the Serpent kids taking matters into their own hands or have no idea it’s happening. either way, these kids may not have flashy extracurriculars, but they have moxie

Toni calls Sweet Pea an idiot, which is great

Veronica says she and Nicky were the “will-they-or-won’t-they” of her old “jet-set”

admirably, she immediately tells Archie not to worry about him

Betty is barely hanging on to patience for absolutely anything

I want it on the record that Jughead not wearing his fleece jacket is slightly jarring after all this time and that he still looks great in the leather one

Sweet Pea calls him a “northsider” when he walks in, which seems like a callback to a World War II sergeant calling everybody “ladies”

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Jughead is lit from behind by one of the yellow lamps, casting a glow around his hat like a fucking Renaissance painting

Gay?!: SERPENT DADDDDDYYYYY is going to “initiate” Jughead, because Riverdale loves me

Toni is looking at Jughead like she truly regrets his death, which is probably right

Archie, chilling out with Betty in her bedroom, totally without sexual pretence and just there to listen to the phone call on speaker, is GOOD ARCHIE

when Betty parries the Black Hood’s demand with her own, Archie mouths “WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” because he set a game plan

Betty is blue is her best choice

“Wait...is that…” ...VINTAGE TWIN PEAKS-ERA MÄDCHEN AMICK??!

the baby Serpents lined themselves up classically, in descending order from the middle, for Jughead’s aesthetic benefit

is it possible Toni is the only one who knows Jughead’s name is Forsythe?

Archie is pretty okay with Betty building this relationship with the Black Hood, as you will remember Archie is just as obsessed with him. also, Archie is taking it pretty well that it turns out BH is into Betty instead of him. he’s not insulted or anything

he’s SO RIGHT about Alice always ragging on all of them, too! Archie’s sudden flashes of insight are revelatory

the St. Clairs are appropriately fur-covered and smug, and Nicholas St. Clair, AKA ZACH FLORRICK FROM THE GOOD WIFE, is adorable and that actor has looked exactly like that for the past seven years

why didn’t Nicky and Veronica ever sync up? they’re both schemers and that’s a difficult needle to thread? like Blair and Chuck?

I am insulted on Betty’s behalf that Alice would think Betty would write the cipher herself, in that I would hope Alice would know Betty would have more sense than to be so obvious as to use a Nancy Drew code

Jughead is officially Betty’s “Serpent boyfriend”!!!! we have arrived, Alice!

50 Shades of Betty: Betty straight destroys her mother after getting eye-rolled at

Archie does bicep curls on his bed because he’s THAT good-looking

Toni’s FLANNEL TIGHTS are great

Jughead calls Sweet Pea an idiot too, after Toni opened that gate

OF COURSE Jughead is only joining the Serpents to try and keep the peace, because he finally found a cause to martyr himself to that is as grungy and doomed as possible and with no goshdarn way he can succeed

I’m down with the six rules! but I don’t think the show has told me exactly what being a Serpent entails yet. like what do gangs do? the Serpents aren’t a particularly druggy gang, apparently, like the motorcycle dudes in True Detective (the Ghoulies) or anything. it seems like they mostly exist to get ragged on and take care of their widows, like a very sad union

Jughead is truly scared to stick his hand in that tank and if Kevin were there he would have burst into tears

in fond congratulations, Toni calls him “Juggie,” which set off a synaptic transmission in my amygdala first time around. Jughead does a double take at it and Toni herself looks kind of like, Whoops, but then sort of pleased at her own daring

POP DOESN’T JUDGE. HE WAS HERE DURING THE RIOTS AND HE DOESN’T JUDGE

Betty having her own fucking newspaper makes me so fucking happy. I fucking love Betty goddammit

Betty’s splash of sparkles on her sweater is great too. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO PRETTY BETTY

Hermione made a flan. Hermione kind of cooks! ...unless it was Andre

Nicky’s bullet is kind of cute, in a stupid way

Archie was blindly terrified to drink rum, so I don’t think he’s going to snort cocaine

in the beginning of this episode, in the beginning, Nicky basically IS Veronica. just watch it and pretend Camilla is reading all his lines. he calls Archie “Big Red” and everyone “country mice” and says things like “What a brave new world it is” and thinks it’s hot Veronica is in a band with a sexy name. and Veronica knows this, and it makes her uncomfortable

“Damn good coffee”: the retro “Lollipop” ringtone is psycho by only the second time you hear it. Dilton would love it

“How does it feel, Betty?” FEELS GREAT!

Black Hood out here really believing Veronica is complicit with her father’s crimes??? maybe if it was for getting that girl to drink gutter water

Betty and Jughead haven’t seen each other in 24-48 hours and their meetup kiss is like if Jughead like, immigrated to America and sent money back home FOR YEARS while he worked in THE MINES until he saved enough for Betty to join him and they just met on the pier during a glorious sunset, I didn’t get a lot of sleep!!!!! the kiss is really good. is it the best kiss? it’s because it’s like their first kiss but over the other shoulder. was their best kiss in the trailer park with the God light?

THEY FEEL “UNMOORED” WITHOUT EACH OTHER, GOOD EVENING DEATH

obviously the best kiss was when Jughead tossed her up on his countertop like she was a black truffle salad at the Grill Room and bit her collarbone

Jughead: “I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” Betty: “KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.”

Jughead read the Blue & Gold article online and glowed with pride. he showed Sweet Pea: “SEE. SHE writes stuff like THIS.”

aw, they’re both sitting there, holding hands, lying to each other

I love Jughead wanting to literally leave Riverdale. Season One Jughead was obsessed with Riverdale. Season Two Jughead is like FUCK Riverdale

I hate how Jughead is gazing at Betty from across the table when she cries her single tear because it was so beautiful I had to punch through a window like Josh Lyman and it hurt and I retroactively hate Jughead for that

Betty calls them “Romeo and Juliet, but we live happily ever after instead,” because she doesn’t know she’s only eighteen minutes into the episode

Nick’s white cardigan? sure

he gets another Veronica line with “You Pussycats are pearls before the swine of Riverdale.” is this how people in Manhattan talk now?

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl gets herself invited to the party by introducing herself, which would not work if this were Jane Austen, unless Nick were Henry Crawford, but Cheryl’s got this like black romper thing going on and posed in the doorway like one of the “Cell Block Tango” girls and at this point is a walking Riverdale legend

“Ten o’clock you said? I’ll be there at eleven.”

Archie crashes gently into someone while he chases Betty, which is a callback to Archie constantly falling over shit in the comics

Veronica probably went to the Gilded Lily after one of those Met Galas she keeps comparing things to

I think Gal Gadot’s last name is more like “Gadought” (not really like that) than like in Waiting for Godot, but whatever Cheryl wants

God bless jingle-jangle: my man hooked him up!!!

Veronica’s layered floral dress is like what my ten-year-old self being dressed by my mom for church wished one day I would be cool enough to wear. I don’t go to church now, but I still hope one day I will be cool enough to wear it

Cheryl’s sheaths: Cheryl’s art deco dress is really good too

Melody is in a GREAT ruffly red jumpsuit

Kevin in like, Don’t mind if I do!

Melody is like DON’T MIND IF I DO

Reggie and Josie are making out when they’re high, because they’re contractually obligated as the two most beautiful people in the room

Betty is miserable, like a teacher chaperoning a dance where the kids are allowed to grind

Cheryl’s hair: Cheryl whips her hair around like Beyoncé in the video for “Baby Boy” and I had to punch another window

it took me a second to remember that Betty had to alienate Veronica and that that was why she was suddenly talking to her like Drunk Alice and that it wasn’t just Pissed Betty

Betty’s read is pretty good! exactly what Veronica is afraid of: that she has been performing as a good girl this whole time. or that people only think she is performing it. “You’ll always be a bad person.” but Veronica is very measured for someone a little drunk and high! (are you “high” if you’re on jingle-jangle?) she calmly tells Betty to leave. BECAUSE SHE IS A GOOD PERSON

damn this episode is so low-lit. like, Hannibal dark. I can barely fucking see Jughead in this trailer. Toni is half-lit by the mysterious blue trailer park light and is beautiful, so we can see her laced-up jeans

Jughead doubts it: Jughead has a very Jugheadian response to the Gauntlet: “It’s whatever.”

Toni wants to be clear that if Jughead joins this gang, everyone else will abandon him. Jughead is like...This one time...I choose not to believe it...

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica still thinks Betty is her best friend and that something weird just happened that she will investigate later. Veronica is so fucking LEVEL-HEADED

Veronica unfortunately has to engage in the dance of “Mmmm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression…” when Nick just like strokes her thigh, like she isn’t clearly happily with Archie or just a person who may not want a thigh-stroking right this minute

Nick calls Archie a “hayseed yokel”

good slap! GOOD SLAP, ZACH

Betty dragged herself out to this, the world’s most suspect bus stop, in a staging not even Alfred Hitchcock would have dared pitch to Grace Kelly

Lili Reinhart does something shockingly good every episode, but Betty’s breakdown, especially her shudder-shiver breath when her phone rings, is so far beyond what the CW deserves

when BH is like “JUGHEAD,” and Betty is like “[gasp] NO,” and I’m like “I’M OUT OF WINDOWS”

...you know what the greatest trope of all time is?

—no. the greatest trope of all time is Make Him Think You Don’t Love Him. solidly, confidently, signed, sealed, delivered, the greatest, most delicious, stupidly painful thing one character can do to another. it combines SO MUCH lurid goodness: two people who, apparently, shouldn’t be together; desperate heroic measures; lack of communication—for safety reasons!; selflessness; self-torture; “I DON’T UNDERSTAND”; BRUTAL WORDS; hitting him where you know it hurts; the heartbreaker is always a GREAT actor suddenly; turning the corner after going through with it and weeping abjectly; DANGER AVOIDED BUT SOMETHING EVEN WORSE HAPPENING!!! just like—just like in Moulin Rouge! like in Twilight for god’s sake! you loved that part!

I do like how BH has no particular objection to Jughead as his own person but rather just to his father and his circumstances. Jughead’s a good kid, says BH

Archie’s Captain America Henley is back and better than ever

who is Archie calling? endless possibilities, but I hope Veronica

Archie gets EVEN MORE little moments of greatness seeing Betty spiral (is she spiralling?) and being like, Betty, this is not sustainable: “How are you going to put yourself through that?” I know there are like 12 Archies on this show, but this is one of the sweet ones

I don’t even know if it’s totally clear that Betty is telling him to “break up” with Jughead inasmuch as just keep him away from her for a couple days or so. is it possible Betty just wants Archie to be like, “Something’s happening but we have it under control, so stop coming to Pop’s”? how much credit am I giving these two?

Archie > Dawson: Archie has never been wiser than with “You HOPE we can.” and the look he gives her? devastatingly fleeting sagacity. he knows Jughead is Soft Grudge Boy

Betty knows what she’s doing using a sports metaphor on Archie’s conscience

okay what the fuck does “SoDale” mean. South Riverdale?

Best costume bit: Hermione’s white cutout dress and top knot are Academy-worthy

Veronica’s “charm offensive”

OH YEAH, FRED’S STILL THERE

ooooh Hal certainly stepped up with Alice gone, did he not?

when Alice strides in in the Outfit, there are some prop-girls at the tent entrance in denim skirts and hard hats, like as pretend construction workers

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice’s, I don’t know what to call it, flowy snakeskin cape-suit is either something she had stashed or something she bought on Amazon Prime that morning. is this what FP meant when he said she didn’t dress like the southside anymore? is this the other option, besides flannel? ...Toni? JUG?

the eyebrow? “Shove it, Hal”? Cheryl walks in too late, if you ask me

is Nick’s bowtie like .5% too big?

Veronica is in the midst of deciding whether or not to say “I DON’T GIVE A SHIT” when she sees her parents talking to Nick’s parents and feels the pull of her father telling her she was a real part of Lodge Industries now

poor fucking lonely Cheryl. Cheryl is ALONE. Cheryl looks good!

ARCHIE TAKES A TURN in this scene from the upcoming Hostel III: My Favorite Characters. was I ready for the greatest moment in the history of television Wednesday night? I was not. nothing else measures up: “The hardest thing to do in this world is to—” —who? “Cruciatus in crucem” what? who shot JR? I don’t even care. Jughead thought Archie was here to save him. don’t talk to me

The female gaze: Jughead’s tank top is back, because on top of everything else he should be physically vulnerable (direct quote from Sweet Pea)

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: Jughead SO GENTLY puts his hands on Archie’s shoulders to try and communicate by Morse code how urgently Archie needs to leave

Archie was going along with Betty’s instructions up until Sweet Pea & the Gang strolled up, and then it turned into him breaking up with Jughead for Betty and breaking up with Jughead for Archie, because Archie explodes when he’s angry and he just got like really angry

“thugs” is a terrible thing to say, when Archie obviously means “like-minded young men who want to protect their clan, as I do my own, like I did that one time”

the wrongness of calling Reggie and Dilton Jughead’s friends is blatant, but implying that Veronica got attacked is either Archie being a garbled storyteller or Archie rounding up to make Jughead’s crime, or whatever, even worse, as if Jughead is being a bad friend. Jughead is practically THE BEST FRIEND ON THIS SHOW

Jughead (I just took my glasses off, for a visual of the unplumbable depths of my emotion) asking Archie if Archie came to warn him that the Serpents are dangerous, because Archie loves him, is so motherfucking sad, it’s sadder than like, like anything else, it’s sadder than the end of Homeward Bound when you’re eight and you think Shadow fucking died in that trainyard (before he comes back; spoilers for Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey)

Archie’s follow-up is that Betty doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and in fact hasn’t wanted to be with him for a while, which, on top of everything else!, is mortifying to a certain kind of person, that someone you enjoy being with has been rolling their eyes at you behind your back

Gay.: okay Sweet Pea looking back at Fangs, who’s like, Mhmmm, when Archie’s doing his thing, is really good

Sweet Pea is really good throughout! he’s standing there but he doesn’t step in, even at the “dark side” stuff. he’s kind of minding his own business!

Jughead is apparently so wretched about himself that the incongruity of this attack isn’t even a blip on his radar. he’s not like, Archie, respectfully, this is coming out of nowhere. Archie, what? What the hell? instead he’s like, The day has come

Archie’s pornographic cruelty here (which is precisely what Betty told him NOT TO DO) is to include the “agonizing over it” detail, which is a REALLY GOOD detail, and then his AMAZING bluff about “CALL HER.”

Jughead’s internal certainty about Betty’s unimpeachable conduct starts to crack

“She saw where you were headed. We all did.”: it’s not enough that Betty, the creature he loves most in all the world, thinks he’s trash and wants him gone, but it’s all of us, and Jughead buys it because he’s conditioned to expect that everyone will tolerate him up until the point they realize he’s trash and want him gone, as the Powers That Be, like he put it, keep telling him over and over and over (his mother, his father, Reggie, Sheriff Keller, Fred Andrews, the Rockland County school system, Alice, Sweet Pea, Toni, Archie)

Archie knows he might’ve put a toe over the line (obliterated it?) when Jughead looks like he’s about to cry, and Jughead tells him he got it and he just quietly says “Yeah,” and walks away, through the Serpents, who leave him alone

I honestly don’t know what Sweet Pea was about to say before Jughead cut him off! something bracing? he was definitely AT LEAST going to be neutral. there’s no “I told you so,” which is good otherwise Jughead might’ve Gauntleted himself. he changes the subject!

“I’m choosing to blame Betty’s Britney-esque meltdown.”

Cheryl isn’t fucking around with baby sips

GOD!!!!!!! I hope Lodge Industries razing the entire southside BRINGS BACK how it destroyed Jughead’s drive-in and FINALLY MAKES JUGHEAD AND VERONICA YELL AT EACH OTHER

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: the Pussycats and Veronica looks incredible (the corset-like back of Veronica’s dress?) and perform the only song from Rent that I like!

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: VALERIE

Riverdale brings back one of their very good things: somebody cheerfully singing over top the visual of something horrible happening

Please protect Betty: Betty unrestrainedly sobbing in her windowsill while Jug cracks his neck (something he does now) in CrossFit mobility training for running the gauntlet is better than anything Alice predicted would happen when they started dating

Archie deserves to sit alone at Pop’s counter for a little while

Josie is so...fit. she’s tiny and she’s all muscle

okay LOVED Jughead’s smoky silhouette before he starts walking, loved

Cheryl’s sparkly boots???

Veronica and Josie take note of Nick leading Cheryl away IMMEDIATELY, because as you recall Veronica is a feminist superhero and senses when sketch is afoot

the gauntlet was good until it was GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT:

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Sweet Pea probably breaks Jughead’s fucking cheekbone with that. Jughead doesn’t really have cheekbones, but he has cheek bones and it’s probably fucking broken, and it was, IT WAS EXACTLY the kind of sexy, bloody, homoerotic standoff I crave. that lighting? Sweet Pea’s FACE? Jughead standing there with his shoulders back, daring him to go harder? Jughead is not having a good time, but I’m having a great time. I fucking love the Serpents

the real gauntlet looks like it would be lying on the floor while Josie and the Pussycats kick the shit out of you

Sweet Pea and Toni and the Daddy are SO PROUD OF JUGHEAD!!! SO AM I!!!!!

it’s possible Betty seriously no longer cares if she lives or dies, is the only explanation for her going to an “abandoned house on the edge of Fox Forest” by her own damn self

I will say the wallpaper in this house is more or less the same as in Betty’s bedroom, and that is a very Betty mirror

Archie could literally kill someone tonight, so it’s probably for the best he didn’t make the leap the Nick went back to HIS HOTEL ROOM

Josie keeps slightly fixing the warm orange knit over Cheryl’s legs

“It’s not your fault, Veronica.”

Jughead got the tiniest little Serpent tattoo, because he is just a child

I LOVE Toni’s headband wrap

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: is it kind of tacky for Toni to kiss him right now? yes. is it BAD? no. he’s developing another layer of trauma as we speak, but he’s single. somebody wants him!

OOOOOOOOHHHH BETTY!!!!!!!

NEXT WEEK: Cheryl in round sunglasses