#poopboss

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Burned Bridges

penismp my beloved. Milfboss’ pov, with @mesmir-ized‘s oc Poopwad!! Poopboss/Milfwad supremacy. (though I may have implied PoopbossAnus, the ot3 of the century) I couldn’t resist, that burned bridge scene was SO cool and I know people think Penis actually did it but!! Imagine the canon divergence of Milfboss being more involved!!!!! IMAGINE!! being able to avenge Poopwad’s first death!!

Content warnings for manipulation, premeditated murder, scar mention, weapons mention, arson, arguing, swearing.

Milfboss’ heart was racing. Her ears were perked, twitching every time ash fell from the sky and irritated her delicate fur. She crouched lower, knees aching as the gravel dug into her legs and dirtied her pink skirt. It would be worth it, it had to be.

She took another swig from her flask, the bubbly, watery taste of an invisibility potion sending shivers down her spine, and her tail thrashed against the ground for one moment at the feeling, thankfully without her usual bells adorning it. The aesthetic had to be sacrificed for her plans, unfortunately.

If there was one thing she learned on this server, it would be that sacrifices are necessary to get what you want.

Milfboss’ eyes narrowed, her pupils contracting into thin lines as the sun set into golden hour, shining right in her face. She shifted in her spot hiding behind the hay bales, sniffing a bit as joints ached, restraining the urge to sit down. She had to be prepared for action, as always. In the past few months she had learned that you only survived by being prepared to fight or flee at any moment.

Being unaware got people killed. She learned that the hard way when her girlfriend lost her first life while Milfboss only could stand aside and do nothing. Even in the warm sunset of early autumn, she shivered, a memory of rain pouring down, of a trident raised and crackling with electricity as the skies prepared to answer a mortal’s call.

That was one of the many reasons Milfboss was here now. To organize the beginning of the end for the one who dared to take the life of Poopwad, her girlfriend. Even when Poopwad trusted them, when she stood with her back to him to protect him, he still struck her down.

And now she would always have the spiraling scars of a lightning strike, and three round scars of the trident’s prongs, a constant memory of betrayal.

Vengeance was Milfboss’ main objective, and she’d sacrifice anything to get it. For Poopwad, and for herself.

The sound of netherite boots crunching on gravel and cobblestones made her ears perk up and swivel, head turning quick at the sound. There, in the strange mask of a baby’s face, was Shitty. From the other side of the ravine’s bridge she could see the bright holographic form of Penis.

Her hands clenched, claws extending, netherite gauntlets shining with enchantments trying to activate. She watched as Penis hopped up on the railings of the bridge, as calm as could be. As if he wasn’t a murderer. A monster in a player’s skin, always waiting for the moment to strike when his prey was helpless, when they trust him. And Shitty sat there as if nothing had changed, maybe a bit farther apart than usual, but still willing to be in his presence, still able to look at that stupid box on his head and act like he’s worthy of respect.

After a tense moment, both of them relaxed, swords and axes sheathed or set in their holsters, a faint strained laugh from Shitty reaching Milfboss’ ears.

The time was coming. Milfboss raised the shiny, enchanted netherite hoe, a gift from Poopwad back when they first started dating, and left it on top of the hay bale. Once it left her invisible fingers, the invisibility potion’s magic left it, and the sudden appearance would be what her paid help would be looking for.

Turbo better not fuck this up for her, or heads would roll by her own hand instead of manipulating the situation to kill them by proxy. Getting her claws dirty would ruin her dress.

Sacrifices were necessary.

Across the ravine she saw flickers of movement, the treeline shifting with no breeze, an obvious tell of invisibility potions when someone knew to look for it. 

Her heart began to race again and she began to grin, sharp teeth bared as she moved to sit atop the hay bale. She had front row seats to the show, and she wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, they would be too occupied to notice her when the invisibility ran out.

The ashes drifting in the air settled on her skin, the remnants of a city lost to everyone, of lives cut down for selfish gain. Under the constant smell of gunpowder that permeated the server, there was now an underlying tinge of active redstone that made her fingers twitch in anticipation. The mechanism would be starting.

Soon enough, the smell of charred wood began to fill the air, the faint bubbling of lava pouring from dispensers by the wooden supports of the bridge becoming more and more audible as the slow moving liquid began to fall.

At this point Shitty and Penis were fully invested in their conversation, now standing and arguing about something. Shitty sounded tearful, resentful. He was facing away from Milfboss, but she could see his disturbing baby mask in his hands, gesticulating with it as his voice cracked yet again.

Penis stood there, arms crossed, defensive but not denying his transgressions. The murder of people, of course, but also the slaughter of animals. Balls the cow, a beloved pet. Fuckass the sheep, who assisted in destroying the city so many people lived in. The bats that were kept in the zoo Poopwad created as a memory to the chase.

Smoke began to twirl in the faint breeze, rising ever upwards into the orange light of the setting sun. The crackle of flames began to roar, the creak of straining beams interrupting Shitty’s tirade.

“What did you do?!” Shitty yelled as he leaned over the edge, watching as the fire spread.

“I didn’t!” Penis stepped back. “I wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you! You god damned monster! Nothing is sacred, huh? Nothing fucking matters to you, not pets, not lives! Not even the fucking bridge!” Shitty screamed, throwing his mask.

The ceramic mask dented the holographic cardboard of the box on Penis’ head, causing him to stumble back. “I swear I didn’t!”

“You swear a lot of fucking things, Penis. You swore to keep us safe! You swore to love me! But where did that fucking get us?!” Shitty stomped in anger, the wooden boards underfoot crumbling away from him, and he clutched to the railing with a squeak of terror, trying to pull his boot up and out of the hole.

Penis rushed forward, arms reaching out, but Shitty unsheathed his sword, slashing wildly. “No! Don’t fucking touch me! Just go!”

“I’m not going to leave you here you idiot!” Penis yelled.

“GO. I don’t want to see you ever again until the Admiral drags you in to your execution, you fucking traitor!” Shitty snarled.

Milfboss chuckled under her breath as her invisibility potion wore off, flickering back into view. Not that they would notice her, too caught up in their own soap opera of a relationship.

Penis backed up, shaking his head and trying to apologize, before turning and running away into the woods, boards falling out from under his feet as he ran.

After a moment, the wood holding Shitty up buckled, and he was holding onto the bridge above the ravine, above the lava, by just his hands.

Now it was her time to shine.

Milfboss ran up, pretending to be breathless. “Shitty! I heard yelling!” She raced towards him, holding out her axe with the handle facing him. “Grab on!”

With a broken sob, Shitty’s hands grabbed the handle, and she pulled him up easily. He really was a beanpole of a person, no muscle at all, unlike her, who had arms built for cutting down trees and carrying her girlfriend.

She slung her axe onto her back and lifted him up in a fireman’s carry as she ran back into the small sanctuary of the aquarium, one of the few places left untouched by the carnage created by Fuckass and Penis.

“Thank you.” Shitty sobbed into her shoulder, shaking.

“I won’t let anyone lose their last lives on my watch.” Milfboss said. As if she had honor anymore. As if she cared for anyone but her, Poopwad, and Admiral_Anus, the woman who gave her a home.

Everyone else could burn. But it wasn’t Shitty’s time yet.

“Guess I owe you a life-debt now, huh?” Shitty sniffled into her neck, laughing with self-deprecation.

Milfboss grinned victoriously, eyes shining with bloodlust and malice that Shitty couldn’t see.

“Let’s call it a favor.” She said casually. As if it didn’t matter.

As if it wouldn’t be integral in her plan to take Penis down a notch.

Poopwad died by the hand of her trusted friend, Penis. She died quick and painfully, electricity arcing down her bones and into her heart.

Penis would die the same way.

But it wouldn’t be quick.

Milfboss would make sure of that.