#pointed at an ally flag in a shop window in our lovely conservative state and said “ugh straight people looking for attention”

[mediocreclementine]

Psychically projecting this to the person who ended an eight-year-long close friendship over problems they had with me and never expressed. Sometimes I'd notice a shift in their demeanor while we were hanging out or chatting, shooting the shit and teasing back and forth, and I'd ask if I said or did anything to make them upset or uncomfortable, and always got the response of "no, I'm fine." Or "it's nothing with you, its personal stuff, and I'd tell you if it was something with you."

I then found out like a month after they cut contact that they'd found enough jokes I made to be hurtful that they'd decided I was intentionally trying to bully them, and I had no fucking idea because they told me that if I was upsetting them, they'd say so, and if I ever crossed a boundary, they'd tell me.

I'm not trying to play victim by saying this, but the amount of guilt I felt and still feel over hurting a friend that deeply without having any idea sent me down a really intense spiral and months of self-isolation because I was convinced I was evil and worthless, ruminating, wondering how could I be such a piece of shit as to never realize that I was hurting my friend, why didn't I read through them telling me they were fine, etc etc.

It took me a really long time to recognize that I am not at fault for trusting what my friend told me, and am not evil for, despite my best efforts, being unable to read minds.

Anyways yeah, communicate with your friends. Sometimes they don't realize they're being hurtful, and everybody on this earth fucks up at some point and crosses boundaries.

If somebody disregards a boundary after you set it, or hurts you repeatedly after telling them their behavior is hurtful, that's one thing and you should probably get some distance. If you have set standards of how you should be treated in your head and never communicate those standards to those close to you? That's kinda different. That one's on you buddy.

Nobody is going to read your mind and understand that you're upset if you don't tell them, or if you go so far as to lie about it and hold it against them when they believe you. I'd even go so far as to argue that it's shitty to get upset when somebody trusts you enough to think you'd be honest with them about your feelings. It sucks, but you do need to communicate your feelings to others if you want healthy friendships and relationships.

"No one remembered my birthday-" Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?

"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?

"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn't care!