#plz reread if this applies to you and you want to send me anon hate (or send the hate; i like the attention)

[maslows-pyramid-scheme]

This is going to rub some people the wrong way but I don't care, they need to hear it -

If you realised you were a lesbian after leaving an abusive relationship with a man, you're probably not a lesbian - you're probably a traumatised heterosexual or bisexual woman subconsciously trying to explain how you ended up in the relationship and why it took you so long to leave.

I've been there too - I'm a traumatised bisexual woman who subconsciously sought answers in the same damn way. I related to a lot of posts that posited lesbianism as being a lack of attraction to men (rather than as the exclusive attraction to women). I saw my disgust at the male form, at the thought of sex with men, and at my inability to imagine myself in a long-term relationship with a man as a sign I'd been duped into bisexual identification by a lesbophobic society. I felt like I'd finally discovered myself - 'lesbian' felt safe and correct in ways that 'bisexual' just didn't.

(And, if I'm being completely honest with y'all, I also liked the idea of being able to explain how I could end up in an abusive relationship... I felt so stupid)

But my disgust at the male form eventually started to ebb and I realised that I was just trying to escape my traumatic past - I'm not a lesbian, I'm a happy albeit traumatised bisexual (and this does not mean I wanted the abuse or that I'm 'sexually available to men').

I hope some of y'all really think about it... you shouldn't have to hyper-analyse your sexual past using academic concepts like 'comphet' or 'extreme internalised lesbophobia' in order to 'justify' your current conclusion.