#plussized!yn

[harstyle]

the styles’ nanny

Summary: Y/N is a twenty-three year old uni student and Harry is a thirty-six year old single dad. Y/N is a part-time nanny and Harry is her employer. Y/N thinks Harry is hot, and Harry… well, he’s a bit confused.

Pairing: plussize-nanny!yn + older-singledad!harry

Word-count: 7.3k

Warnings: age gap (13 years), mentions of alcohol and drinking and lashing out during an argument, no happy ending yet

A/N: I don’t know why I keep writing characters that start out insecure but I swear it’ll get better later!! Let me know if you want to read more, I’m thinking maybe three parts? Also, the fact that y/n is plus-size doesn’t really become a big deal in the story, but that was how I originally had her in mind so I’m leaving it that way. Hope you enjoy!

Y/N was twenty three. She was twenty three, and she used to love being twenty three. She used to love going out to party, the feeling of alcohol burning down her throat, the rush of palpable excitement when having sex with people she’d never met before. She used to love that. But she didn’t anymore.

And the reason for that? One Harry Styles.

It was ridiculous, of course; Harry had other companions he could turn to before ever settling on her— oh and not to mention, he was her boss. Yet, it felt daring, like that time she’d fallen in love with her biology teacher or looked differently at her camp instructor in high school. Authority figures did something to her brain, and Harry was no different.

But of course there was a lot at stake and she would never actually approach the idea; it was a fantasy at most. And she thought… as long as she didn’t act on her brain’s poisoning, it would be fine.

“Y/N, did you hear me?”

“Oh,” Y/N was snapped back following a short distraction, the butter knife in her hand now seeming more dangerous than when she’d held it seconds before. “Sorry, Harry, what was that?”

She swore she could see an amused smile tugging at his lips for a brief second. She’d always wondered what he thought of her.

“Are you free next Thursday? I have this meeting until late and I doubt I’ll be home for dinner—I was thinking you could maybe put Jamie to bed? You can stay the night if it’s too late to catch a train, or just take the other car?”

Y/N’s work day at the Styles’ house ended at five pm most days in time for Harry to get home, but she did adore Jamie, so staying longer wasn’t remotely an issue.

“That’s okay, I can just stay the night like I did last time, if that’s alright?”

Harry had insisted when she’d begun working for him that she have a room in the house where she could take naps to rest or stay the night all together when it got too tiring to catch the train home, and the notion of it had pulled at her heartstrings. He was very considerate and that was rare in bosses.

Harry shook his head, waving her off with ease, “course it’s okay.”

“Great. I should get home, I have an important test coming up tomorrow. Am I good to go?”

He glanced at the clock, noticing how late it had gotten (he’d offered to cook dinner and Y/N had never been one to reject hot men’s company) and cursed quietly to himself. “I’ll drive you.”

“Oh no Harry, really, it’s okay!”

“It’s almost eight and I feel uneasy whenever I send you away in the dark. Sides, I’m sure Jamie will love a late road trip to your flat,” he reassured with a smile, standing up as if to restrict her getting a choice and starting to load the plates into the dish washer. “Grab your coat and I’ll wait by the door. I’ll get Jamie.”

Y/N did love the way he asserted his wishes to her, kind but dominant in his decisions. He never let her deter him and she, for one, didn’t mind it at all.

“Okay, thank you.”

“No problem, love.”

—

“Can I please just get one scoop? Please?”

“I’m sorry, buddy, we just don’t have any ice cream! I would let you have it if we did, but we don’t. Is there any other snack you’re interested in?”

Jamie was being fussy today and Y/N couldn’t figure out why. He’d been happy when she’d picked him up from school, raving on about his art teacher’s praise on a drawing he’d done with the widest grin resting lazily on his small lips. It had been at around three that he’d started whining at her, not wanting to eat even though he’d requested the grilled cheese and flicking through about twenty channels until he’d finally settled on not watching anything at all. Y/N had figured he was tired, but he didn’t want to sleep either, so she was left thoroughly baffled trying to find ways to tame his mood.

But he wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop whining and crying, wouldn’t stop flailing his tiny arms and legs, wouldn’t stop pouting at her. Jamie had the best behaviour Y/N had ever seen on a boy, really, so this outburst worried her. “I just want ice cream!”

“Jamie, we don’t have any ice cream. How about I get you ice cream tomorrow, hm? And today we’ll have something else? Come on, remember how we learned about compromise?”

Y/N was trying, pulling Jamie into her lap to comfort him even though he didn’t care for any of it. His face was red and angry and nothing she said registered in his brain. He cried into her shoulder instead, gripping at her sides in terror. “You’re being mean to me.”

“Hey, that’s not very nice, I’m trying to help you bud.”

“Please, I just want ice cream.”

It was kind of cute how even in his state of devastation, he still managed to be polite to her.

“And I hear you, Jamie, but we don’t have any right now. Will you settle for Oreos? Or chocolate?”

He merely shook his head.

Y/N breathed a grateful sigh when she heard the front door being unlocked, still bouncing Jamie up and down in her lap in hopes that he’d settle down just a bit. She was sure Harry’d heard the crying from the front door because his steps were fast and his expression of concern clear.

“What’s wrong, bub?”

Jamie reacted with a devastating whine, calling for his dad and reaching his arms out begging to be carried. Harry shot Y/N a look of mixed confusion and apology, leveling the boy out from inside of her lap. He mouthed the question she knew he’d been thinking and felt bad when all she could offer in return was a shrug because she knew it wasn’t the ice cream anymore

Harry sung in whispers into his ear in the hopes of calming him, bouncing him around on the spot. He pressed kisses to his forehead, drawing circles on his back. It worked better than when Y/N had done it, Jamie’s sobs having soothed into few hiccups and sniffles.

Y/N couldn’t help but admire how naturally skilled Harry was at being a father. She knew a little bit of the history— his fiancée at the time leaving him for another man months after having given birth to Jamie and having to raise him by himself. He was a busy man and Y/N could tell that he felt bad about being unable to do things like pick up his son from preschool or spend all day playing in the den, but he was still a better father than hers had ever been. He was a great father.

Not long after his crying had died down, Jamie fell asleep in Harry’s arms. Y/N finally breathed a sigh, relieved to catch a break. She loved taking care of Jamie, but jesus had today been hard. Harry carried him up to his bedroom, careful as to not bother him and advised Y/N to wait for him to come back.

Whilst Harry was putting Jamie to bed, she decided to clean up a bit. She went through the array of toys Jamie had taken out and discarded after a short minute of playing with them, and placed them back in the drawers. A smile tugged at her lips when she saw the dino plush toy she’d gifted him when she’d first started working for this family months ago— he still played with it all of the time. In fact, Harry had once sent her a photo of it sitting next to him in the car when they’d gone on vacation in the summer. She recalled tearing up because of it.

“Hi, sorry for taking so long.”

She swore she almost jumped in reaction to his thick voice, gripping the plush tightly against her chest in shock. Harry allowed himself a chuckle, raising his hands just enough to surrender. “Sorry, should’ve knocked.”

Y/N’s only response was a forced chuckle. It still felt weird to be in a room with him by herself, without the presence of a cute five year old to tend to. It was moments like these she felt guilty about fancying him. Most of the time Harry was merely a ghost around the house and whenever he settled back in, she would leave. She rarely ever had time to utter more than a quick ‘see you tomorrow’ and rush off home. It wasn’t like he was there, so her thoughts about him didn’t seem too off putting— now, with the company of awkward silence engulfing them, she couldn’t help but feel disgusted by herself.

“Think he’s getting sick,” he then added.

“Probably,” she agreed. “I don’t think I’ve seen him like that before so it was just a bit worrisome.”

“Yeah, he only really gets like that when he’s sick, so I think it’s safe to say… you’re alright, though?”

“I’m fine, just a bit worried, as I said.”

He smiled like he found that amusing, “he’ll be okay. Are you hungry? I was going to make pasta for dinner.”

“Oh, are you sure?”

Last time she’d had dinner here, Jamie had sat next to her. It hadn’t been just her and him.

“Yeah. Why don’t you put the dino down and we’ll go make it together?”

In an instant, her cheeks heated up. She hadn’t even noticed she was still clutching to it for support and figured he must’ve thought she looked so stupid welcoming the comfort of a plush toy. Another awkward chuckle escaped her as she threw it gently into its container, bucking down to lock it away as well as her memory of these last two minutes, hopefully.

Harry was a good cook, but that wasn’t really surprising at all— in fact, she couldn’t imagine there were many things he wouldn’t excel at. Y/N, on the other hand, she was terrible. She’d burned so many things in her apartments kitchen that she couldn’t keep count even if she tried. So naturally, he took the lead in every task she did, from cutting onions to seasoning the salmon.

“Wait, no, y’can’t— here,” she couldn’t help but giggle as he took the knife from her hands, cutting into the flesh himself. He huffed, but she knew it was teasing. “You’ve gotta learn how to cook.”

“I know how to cook basic things, just not some five star gourmet meal. I think you’d be surprised what I can do with some seasoning, eggs and tomatoes.”

“I have no choice but to take your word for it, do I?”

“Guess not. Can I do something else? I feel so useless.”

He clicked his tongue, not even sparing a glance her way. “Go sit on the counter and look pretty.”

And at first, Y/N didn’t know how to respond to that. Did she just… literally sit on the counter? Probably not. It was… a joke, right? How did he expect she would react to such a bizarre request? For a second the guilt she’d been feeling about potentially being unprofessional subsided in a flush.

Then he finally let his eyes settle on her and she just about fainted at what he had to say, “what? Do you need help getting up?”

She was 99% sure at this point that he just got off on pestering her, what with the dino, and now this? Prior to these last two weeks he’d never even spoken more than five words to her, and now he was inviting her to dinner. He probably found the confusion written all over her face amusing.

She could probably indulge a little then, right?

“Yeah, I do.”

He didn’t just laugh, though, like she’d expected him to— no, he ran his hands under hot water, wiped his hands on his (very) expensive trousers and walked toward her. He motioned to the counter as if asking her to get closer and—

“Wait, no, I can do it.”

He immediately stepped back, hands dropping from her waist and smirk molding his mouth.

“You can now?”

“Yes.”

He held eye contact for a few more beats before moving away with a solid nod.

What the fuck was that?

Y/N had expected him to dismiss her, uttering something along the lines of ‘I was only joking’, but that? Never would she have thought that that would be the response.

It was funny, too, because he never could’ve carried her up without at least a bit of struggle. She knew what he was used to— thin women, supermodels even, and she was neither.

So despite the confusion, she got up on the counter like he’d asked. On her own.

And when he’d started asking her about normal things like family and uni, Y/N slowly eased out of her awkward stance. She told him about her mother, her brother, and left her deceased father out of it. He smiled, nodding along to her words whenever the situation allowed it and kept his eye on the food.

A blink was all it took for him to announce dinner and the two of them sat at the table together, peacefully quiet.

It was around six thirty when the patter of tiny feet sounded through the house, from the stairs to the kitchen. Both of the adults waited patiently, eyebrows raised in surprise that the little gremlin had decided to wake up after only having slept for two hours.

“Daddy?”

Y/N almost melted at his sweet, buttery voice.

Harry hummed, “is that you, bub?”

He finally poked his head into the room, carrying a plush toy in one hand and rubbing his sleepy eyes with the other. He studied the room before settling his green irises (clone of his dad’s) on Y/N.

“Y/N, you’re still here.”

She smiled, a pity smile, and answered in a sweet tone, “I am, bud. Is that okay?”

He merely nodded, stalking closer. Harry pulled him up into his lap, kissing his forehead before letting him rest against his front.

“I wanted to apologize for being mean before.”

Her stomach did another flip.

Was this a dream, or did a five year old just apologize to her on his own incentive? She swore these Styles boys surprised her every day!

Her eyes flickered to Harry and she watched as a proud smile stretched his mouth. He met her gaze, the grin undeniably wide, and shrugged as if to say didn’t tell him to.

“That’s okay, Jamie, I understand you were frustrated. Are you feeling better?”

He nodded again, although it was weak and subtle, “my throats itchy.”

Harry’s smile faded with his confession and he pressed the back of his palm to his son’s forehead, “why’d you get out of bed, then, silly? You need to rest if you’re sick.”

“Missed you, daddy.”

She could see that same guilt she’d seen so many times before manipulate Harry’s features again, and her heart broke a little bit for him. She couldn’t keep track of the amount of times she’d wanted to just break and say you’re a wonderful father to him, but stopped herself in fear of overstepping.

Knowing he wasn’t going to say anything soon enough, too lost in his own thoughts, she went on for him. “Tomorrow is Saturday, Jamie, how about you go rest so you can have a full day with your dad tomorrow? S’not nice spending weekends sick in bed, as you know.”

In a manner that was so much more than cute, Jamie’s fingers trapped his chin to appear deep in thought, and then he nodded. “That makes sense.”

Y/N almost laughed, “doesn’t it?”

“Will you be here too, Y/N?”

Jamie knew very well that Y/N wasn’t here on Saturdays, so she guessed he was only implying that she should be. An invitation of sorts.

But she really couldn’t handle being around Harry on the weekends as well as on weekdays, so she shook her head gently, “no, but I’ll be back on Monday, is that okay with you?”

To show his dismay, he jutted his lip out in a pout. “Can’t you come over for lunch?”

Harry nudged him, “Jamie, remember how we talked about what Y/N does when she isn’t here with us?”

“School. But there’s no school on Saturdays!”

“She does school, you’re right. When you get older, there’s so much you have to do for school that it never stops, not even on weekends. And you know what else she does? She meets up with friends, she plays tennis, she goes shopping for groceries. There’s tons she has to do besides spend time with us, yeah?” He never met her gaze as he spoke to Jamie, and it was better that way— he’d probably have caught her loved up eyes if he dared to do it. He remember details about her she didn’t recall telling him about. As if it hadn’t been enough, he added onto it, “plus, I reckon she’d appreciate a break from us, huh? We’re definitely not the only boys in her life, so we should share once in a while. No matter how much we like having her around.”

It was almost magical, the connection Harry and Jamie shared with each other. Nevermind what he’d said to make Jamie understand (she definitely hadn’t missed that last sentence— or the idea of ‘other boys’ altogether), it just made her happy to listen to them converse. It was healthy, a bit serious when need be but mostly light and protective. He did everything in his power to preserve Jamie’s innocence, especially about his upbringing and the whole mother issue.

After a long train of thought, Jamie slowly nodded his small head, “okay. Fine. But I get you Monday! No other boys Monday through Friday.”

Y/N couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled from her mouth, incessant and silly. “Okay, Jamie, I promise I won’t let other boys come between us Monday through Friday, okay? Is that good for you?”

“Me and daddy, though. He’s the only other boy allowed.”

She giggled again, avoiding Harry’s gaze but nodding nonetheless, “sure. Daddy too.”

She felt Harry shift out of her periphery.

“Okay,” he finally settled, outstretching his arm across the table, “pinky promise?”

She did the same, but just before Jamie had a chance to interlink his much smaller finger with hers, she pulled back. “If I pinky promise you on this, will you pinky promise me that you’ll finally go rest?”

He hummed in agreement.

She welcomed the promise, letting her finger link with Jamie’s for a few seconds until he felt ready to let go.

“Now go lay down. I’ll see you Monday, okay?”

“Kay. Can I have a hug?”

“Of course,” she cooed at him, arms already outstretched the moment he’d climbed down from Harry’s lap. Jamie gave the best hugs, so she figured Harry would as well. She’d never gotten to test that theory, though. “Okay, good night.”

“Night.”

Jamie took slow steps (he was much like his father that way, taking his time in everything he did) and slowly disappeared into the main room, eventually stalking up the stairs as both Y/N and Harry listened for it.

“Thank you,” Harry then broke the silence. Her eyes flickered toward him, eyebrows drawing together in confusion, but a nervous smile playing on her mouth. “You’re so good with him.”

“It’s my job to be good to him.”

“It’s your job to take care of him, but you’re not… you’re doing much more than just be nice to him and I appreciate that. So thank you.”

“He’s a great kid, so… not a very difficult thing to do.”

The air had somehow become thick and unwavering, unspoken words wafting between their bodies across the table and back. Harry looked like he wanted to say more but his jaw stayed shut in place and she certainly wasn’t going to pester him about it. It was already difficult to keep in mind that despite the lighthearted dinner, he was still her employer, and that the boundaries they had been practicing since the beginning of her time here were slowly being blurred and tested.

So it didn‘t really matter what she felt whenever he spoke to her, she had to preserve herself and her position here.

She feigned a glance at the clock to justify looking away and sat up in her chair, “I should go home.”

His nod was curt, “okay. I’ll get the keys.”

“No, don’t worry, I have to stop by somewhere else before. I’ll manage.”

It was a lie, of course it was.

“Fine.”

As Y/N made her way back outside, she regretted declining his offer and the farther she walked away from the house, the more she thought about the things they could’ve talked about had she let him grab his keys and escort her home. If he would walk her to the door like last time, without Jamie in the car of course, and bid her a proper goodbye. How maybe, if they’d inched close enough, they would share a moment of hesitation before kissing. Her imagination ran wild with it and she knew that it wouldn’t really happen, but the chances would’ve been greater had she just been bad.

Shit.

—

Y/N was crying.

She was bursting into tears outside of a bar looking like a pathetic, lost idiot— and it just wouldn‘t stop. She couldn’t recall anymore what exactly she‘d expected before going into the date she‘d spontaneously agreed to as a result of her mother‘s pleas, but it certainly hadn‘t been such an embarrassing let down. Her shoulders slumped as she thought back on her date‘s words: I don’t see this going anywhere, but you’re a really nice girl. Friends?

And why was she crying? She was crying because she knew what he’d really meant was: you’re not my type at all, and this was a waste of my time. How did she know? The way he’d looked at her, with a sparkle of disgust in his eyes, the tone he’d used; pitiful and mean. How he’d looked at other, skinny girls while Y/N had been planted directly in front of him and lastly, how he’d left before the date had even ended.

Y/N hadn’t left the bar as soon as he had, no, she’d stayed until now; closing time. She’d drunk herself to exhaustion, pulling shot after shot and even worrying the barista who went to her psych class at uni. Before she’d known it, the clock had struck three am and four hours had passed since what’s-his-face had left her to rot in there.

She had no idea what to do, she could barely even form a thought. It didn’t matter that she’d been rejected— this wasn’t about that, it was about something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Since the beginning of time relationships had been sparse and dreadful, so another notch on her belt couldn’t have mattered so much as to bring her to a multitude of tears, but she did feel unlovable and undesirable in the way she had throughout all of her life. People had told her things would get better if she waited it out, but they’d lied. Guys were still assholes.

There was really only one person she felt like contacting, and that was Harry. He’d been on her mind all weekend. She’d been wondering if she ever crossed his mind, if for a sliver of a second he allowed himself to think about her in the way she thought about him, and felt a disgustingly sour taste in her mouth when she realized the answer had to have been no.

But Y/N was drunk, and people did stupid things when they were drunk— so without much afterthought, she used the remainder of her battery on dialing his number. He answered after the first ring and her mind wandered to question the plausibility of him being awake at this hour.

“Y/N?”

She was struck watching the road in front of her, unable to answer. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

What had she done?

“Y/N, is everything okay?” another wave of tears overwhelmed her senses and as a result, she sobbed right into the speaker, and heard shuffling on the other side. “Sweetheart, where are you? What’s happened?”

“This guy— he just— he was so mean and he left me here—“

“Where? Where are you? Who left you?”

“The viper.”

“Y/N, that place closed twenty minutes ago. Are you inside?”

“No, she… she said I need to get out, so I did, but I didn’t know where to go cause m’drunk, and I…” there was a pause in which she realized how stupid he must’ve thought she was, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, listen to me. Please stay there, don’t move, and send me your location. I’m coming to get you.”

She had no fight left in her, so she nodded to herself. Harry didn’t see, obviously, but he hung up with the hope that she’d understood him clearly.

When he arrived not fifteen minutes later, he put his car in park and hopped out to find Y/N sat on the floor, a lazy smile pulling at her lips when she laid eyes on him.

“Harry, hi! I was just thinking about you!”

He said nothing, a tick in his jaw as he helped her up on her feet, grounding her stature. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder and he kept a steady beat to bring her to warmth as quickly as possible. Y/N got the idea, aimlessly buckling up and failing miserably until he offered assistance.

“Thank you,” she murmured to him, though he refused to give a verbal response. He merely nodded, jaw still locked in place before he closed the door. Y/N watched as he walked over to the other side and opened the door.

He drove in silence and Y/N tried to be okay with that. She stared ahead, mind still gloomy, with her lips jutted out in a pout. The silent treatment made her feel like a scolded child, like Harry was her angry father who refused to speak to her because she’d come home past her bedtime. She looked over to scan over his features, make sure the crease between his forehead had subsided at least a little, but it hadn’t.

After the longest minute of her life, she finally asked, quietly, “are you mad at me?”

And when he didn’t say anything, her heart dropped.

“Oh,” she whispered.

Y/N didn’t dare to say anything for the rest of the ride. When they got back, Y/N opened her own door and hopped out, refusing to wait for Harry to help. He sighed, she could hear, but she just slowly trailed after him.

“Up on the counter,” he grumbled, grabbing a glass of water to help sober up. She took it from his hand.

“Harry, I’m sor—“

“Drink the water.”

She almost flinched at his angry tone.

Y/N was halfway done with the glass when he scoffed, unable to bite his tongue any longer, “I’m angry because you were irresponsible. First you go on a date with some dickhead—“ she opened her mouth to protest, but failed to when he put up a finger to halt her, “then you get yourself drunk and sit outside of the bar alone in a stingy area. Something could’ve happened to you, then what?”

All Y/N could say was, “it didn’t,” and it was the weakest argument she could’ve thought of.

“It very well could’ve and you’d have your stupidity to thank for it.”

Her heart banged again. She didn’t like getting reprimanded by Harry, nearly at the end of her rope anyway. She‘d never seen this side of him before, stern and miserly. Clearly Y/N had only really seen one version of him and had gotten lost in the illusion of it all.

In a last attempt to make him understand, vulnerable and naked, she let herself sniffle, “I don’t think anyone is ever going to love me.”

She‘d expected it to pull at her heartstrings more than it ended up doing— ironically enough, she felt fine confessing to him. Maybe it was the fact that she‘d bottled it up for so long that it was nice to finally admit to it, to allow somebody else to step into her shoes. Of course, every confession came with a tinge of embarrassment (it wouldn’t be a confession otherwise), but this one was still manageable. And yeah, maybe it was the alcohol coursing through her system, but who cared?

“What?”

“No one loves me. I’ve never… guys have never liked me enough to want to brag about it, or keep me around for longer than a month, and… and I do get it, cause I come with a shit ton of baggage, but it just… it takes a lot to be motivated about things that way. I’m twenty three and I’ve barely experienced what it means to love someone and actually have them love you back.”

The display of vulnerability floated heavily through the air.

He was silent for a second. He did that sometimes, she noticed, especially when he was processing things.

Once he did open his mouth, though, he knew exactly what to say, “you can’t let some immature boys get to you like this, you hear me? Tell me one good asset the guy you went on a date with had.”

Y/N shook her head, not because she couldn‘t have if she‘d thought about it hard enough but because she had no energy to continue this conversation any longer. He wouldn’t get it

“See? No guy is worth crying over, especially not on some dirty pavement outside of a bar.”

He truly did have a point there, she supposed.

But it wasn’t just about that, so she told him exactly that— well, at least tried to, “it’s more than… I don’t… I don’t feel good enough.”

“You’re being a bit silly, sweetheart.” She registered how sweet he’d gotten again, finger brushing against her knee and features softening just enough to convince her of safety. He probably felt bad for her. “You’re plenty good enough.”

“Y’don’t get it,” she murmured, “you don’t understand what it feels like to get rejected solely because of your looks.” Y/N had always felt slightly weird talking about her appearance with people who weren’t her closest friends, and even then she felt judgment coming from them. Each time they asked if she would come clubbing with them to score boys, she was never able to honestly express that she‘d never wanted to go because it was always her who was left riding home in an uber alone. And it wasn’t like she felt ugly— in fact, there were instances she felt so confident nobody could’ve told her anything, but then there were those few others… and her whole system came down crashing.

“What do you mean?”

He couldn’t be so daft, could he?

“You’re— you just don’t fucking get it, okay? It’s… whatever, I don’t care.”

That took some courage too, courage she only registered after having uttered the words, but she couldn’t say it. She couldn’t mutter the words this guy didn’t fancy me because I’m fat, because she still had more class than that— even drunk. Ever the childish, pouty person she was, she had more shame than that.

She buried her face in her hands, breathing out, “I’m sorry. Sorry, that was rude of me.”

“It’s fine,” he placed a warm hand on her thigh, thumb stroking soothingly. With a sympathetic look in his eye (confusion too, she guessed), he tried to pacify her concerns, “you need sleep, everything will be better when you wake up.”

He was probably right about that.

“Okay.”

As he escorted her up the stairs, she couldn’t help but let her eyes trail over his features, watching as they hardened and softened based on the turmoil occurring inside of his mind. She wanted to reach in there and grab onto clues, grasp an understanding of the workings of him, but he made that nearly impossible. She would look away if he caught her eye, cheeks heating up every time she was captured by his darkened green irises.

He opened the door, allowing her to take the first step. She didn’t really need the help, but she couldn’t complain when his hand posed on the small of her back so he could maneuver her onto the sheets.

“Do you want a change of clothes, Y/N?”

“Um, if you have something?”

She doubted there was anything in his huge closet that would fit her in the way she preferred, but the idea of spending the night in jeans was just as dreadful, so she took the chance and nodded.

He came back later with a stack of clothes perched on his left hand, the other holding another glass of water. “Anything else?”

Y/N paused for a moment to think and shook her head, “no. But just—“ she swallowed around the lump in her throat, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She couldn’t believe the words she spoke next, no thought invested into them: “will you come into bed with me?”

Time refused to pass, the ball was in his court.

When he gave a subtle nod, it was like god and the universe were sending good karma her way. Her compensation for the night. “Just until you fall asleep.”

Y/N scooted to the other edge of the bed, reaching down under the blanket to rid herself of her jeans and pull on those grey sweatpants. Surprisingly enough, they fit extremely well. Harry laid down over the blanket (to prevent getting too comfortable, probably) and perched himself onto his forearm.

Another bold wave met with Y/N’s courage as she reached out her hand to trail over his chest. Harry swallowed thickly.

“You’re really nice t’me.”

“You deserve to be treated well.” The snort that left her was completely involuntary, but it still made Harry frown. “You do.”

“Everyone does,” she later mumbled in agreement. He seemed to dislike the way she’d surrendered, though, because he did that thing with his jaw whenever he was ticked off.

What he didn’t like was the implication behind her tone that she only deserved respect because everyone did, regardless of her own character. She was disregarding her beauty and her kindness, her character, and reducing it to a commodity when it wasn’t.

He’d always had difficulty expressing his feelings, though, so he stuck with silence. Stone cold silence.

It pertained for five more minutes until he watched as sleep slowly overtook her figure, peaceful breaths cascading from her mouth. She looked so pretty asleep; relaxed, void of concerns and the crinkle in her forehead from tonight’s events dissipating into its initial form.

He wondered if she’d ever given him other implications of being an insecure girl— if she had, he’d caught none of them. He never would’ve thought somebody so effortlessly beautiful and kind as her could think to deserve less on such extreme levels. It made him wonder if anyone had ever treated her as she deserved; he noticed once that whenever she spoke about her family, she failed to mention her father. It seemed men had disappointed her in more ways than one.

There was inner turmoil bothering him. He didn’t know what he was feeling for his child’s nanny, but there was surely no other woman he felt as eager to take care of— picking her up, driving her home, clearing a room for her.

It was terrifying to allow himself these few minutes of observation because he feared the impure thoughts which would cross his mind. Not perverse, but intimate. She deserved more than him, he was sure of it.

He left the room after another five minutes, trying to be as subtle as possible as he walked to the door. It was later than four am, so he stopped by his son’s room to check on him. When he saw nothing out of the ordinary, he finally carried himself to his own bedroom.

He would lie awake until sunrise.

—

Y/N had never woken up so panicked before, chest heaving and mind elsewhere entirely. Her head was pounding and her heart rate palpable, she was sweating all over and she could only recall last night in small, blurry tidbits.

God, and she had to face Harry. On a Monday morning.

After maybe ten minutes of lying around and procrastinating, she finally moved herself out of bed. She pulled on her clothes from last night, drank the water that was situated on her nightstand and tidied up in the bathroom before going to search for him. She looked upstairs— no trace of him, so she cascaded down the stairs and made her way to the kitchen. On the way there, his office caught her eye. The door was cracked opened and at a closer peek, she saw him sitting at the desk with his hand buried in his hair, mumbling something. She knocked, he flinched.

“God, Y/N, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” she gave a sheepish smile, “are you busy?”

“I—“ he sighed, shaking his head. It was when he spoke into the phone lying on his desk that she realized he’d been one a phone call. Before she could backtrack, he’d muttered an ‘I’ll call you later, Stace’ to them and hung up for her. She stood there, fingers interlaced in front of her body and balancing on the balls of her feet in intimidation.

He didn’t look happy either, and that was probably because ‘Stace’ was Jamie’s mother. She would call every few months, he’d told her, and cause some sort of havoc— from wanting to talk to Jamie on the phone to wanting to see him in person. When asked why he didn’t like letting her see Jamie, he’d given Y/N a very vague answer; wouldn’t do any good. She’d settled with that back then, having sensed the energy shifting.

Y/N felt bad for him now, the stress assuming control of his features almost overwhelming to look at.

He was already glancing up at her expectantly, but the words disappeared from her brain and all she wanted to do, really, was comfort him.

“I— are you okay?”

It was a visceral reaction he had to those few little words, the furrow in his eyebrow deepening, “yes, why?”

“Because… well because you were talking to Stacie on the phone—“

His scoff interrupted her pity stutter, “so you’re listening in on my conversations now?”

Oh, she was no longer sorry; she was scared. “No! No, I’m not, I swear! I was walking past looking for you and I heard you mumble something, I don’t— I would never…” and he must’ve known that. He must’ve known that she would never, ever listen in on his conversations, nor try to overstep the line by doing that (obviously she’d fucked up last night, but aside from that). He knew her, he’d trusted her for long enough for her to know that he knew that, so his accusation ticked her off.

But he looked terrifying right now; eyes dark, eyebrows furrowed, closed off stance, and nothing like the Harry she’d gotten to know well. And she had no idea if it had been last night or this that had finally pushed him over the edge.

“So why bring it up?”

“Because you— because you’ve talked about it before and I was just— I wanted to check on you!” She was stuttering like an idiot, she was aware, but with her comfort bubble gone, her speech wasn’t a reliable asset anymore. She’d always been terrible at communication and even worse at confrontation. And he must’ve known that because he was using it to his advantage— and that was mean, because he knew she would never. He knew. Didn’t he?

“It’s not professional, Y/N, but I’m sure you know that. I’m sure you know that last night wasn’t either, but you keep fucking pushing me.”

And that… well, was partly right.

“I know last night wasn’t…” she shook her head, “it wasn’t professional, I know that. I don’t know why I called you, I don’t get it either, it just happened, really, and I wanted to apologize. I understand if you—“ she peered down toward her hands, swallowing the lump in her throat, “if you don’t feel comfortable with me being here anymore. With your son, I mean, I’d totally understand.”

Y/N thought that was quite sensible of her. Of course, if she could get a chance to have a repeat of last night, she would take it in a heartbeat— but she couldn’t, so this was all she could do. She loved working here, giving it up would hurt, but she understood if that was what needed to be done.

“You just… you can’t fucking call me at three am in the morning drunk off of your arse—“

“I know that—“

“Clearly you don’t!” And she detested how his voice raised. “And clearly you don’t get that there are things you just can’t talk about; like Stacie, or your own relationships, or whatever the fuck else you’ve brought up to me.” If she felt like a scolded child yesterday, then she’d had no idea how bad it could get. “I’m your— I’m your employer, not your fucking therapist. I’m not here to clean up your fuck-ups, pat you on the head and tell you it’s alright.”

Her eyebrows furrowed because she knew that too, and she found it borderline preposterous that he would imply she didn’t.

There was a 180 here, and she was becoming less and less understanding.

“I told you I don’t know why I called you, Harry, I don’t know! What am I supposed to say? I was terrified and sad and don’t ask me why, but you’re the only person who actually gets what I’m talking about half of the time, so it just happened!”

“You act like I’m somehow responsible for you.”

Her frown deepened; she hated the notion that he had to take care of her in some way, as if she was incapable of it on her own account. “On what basis? I think you might be pressuring yourself into that, Harry, because it’s fucking ridiculous. I never made you be any type of way.”

He released a frustrated breath, “you have to stop worming your way into our lives— you’re our nanny, that’s it. You don’t ask me about my personal life, you don’t call me in the middle of the night to make me worry and you don’t ask me to get into bed with you.”

“You act like I don’t know that!”

“Evidently you don’t.”

“Yes I d—“

“Just—just stop. Stop talking.”

It shut her up. It did not only that, the increase of his volume had made her flinch on the spot. She wasn’t a fan of confrontation, as mentioned before, but what she despised even more was yelling. She couldn’t stand yelling, fighting, accusations being thrown in the air with no regard to anyone’s feelings. It was an extremely sensitive thing for her and she definitely hadn’t expected to experience it with him today.

Y/N saw him a little differently in this light. The sternness with which he delivered those words, strict and mean, reminded her of her childhood. He saw her weakness, saw the stress she was under, and did nothing to relieve the situation. Instead he’d yelled at her.

Her hand was shaking a little and tears were forming in her eyes. She couldn’t let him see it, though, the weakness. She couldn’t allow him to see that a simple instruction had made her want to cry.

“I can’t deal with you today, Y/N, so please just… just go.”

She left without another word— straight up turned around and closed the door behind her with shaky hands. She couldn’t stand him right now, but even more she couldn’t stand herself.

She’d fucked up so badly.

And maybe… maybe she needed to quit.

-

part two!

And there we have it! don’t hate me for that ending it was necessary!

[hobisstar]

moving you | jjk x plussize!reader

summary: sitting on weverse with your best friend seems like fun! until your best friend finds his fingers deep in between your folds.

warning: jungkook is touchy, yn is also touchy, matching besties, smut, jungkook dom, yn sub, yn champagne confetti. i think thats it.

it was time. time for yn, his favorite person outside of family and friends to come over.

this was normal ya know, her coming over every other week for week just to sit with jungkook and bam. but this time he had to do something.

so jungkook grabbed his phone and sat it up on his kitchen counter. he was going to go live on weverse. he has talked to her before and asked if it was fine, he wanted his fans to meet her really bad and she agreed without hesitation.

this wasnt his usual lives though since yn was over. its was kinda like a meet & greet through weverse if you will.

yn was just walking in from the bathroom when he grabbed her hand and pulled her close. jungkook kissed her cheek off camera and then pulled her into the camera, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

“army, this is yn. i’ve promised you guys were going to meet her..” he smiled and watched the comments on the live go by extremely fast. it was definitely hard to read anything they were saying but jungkook managed to see a few comments.

“matching pajamas? you guys look like a couple. we get told that a lot. believe it or not Joon, bought these for us for my birthday.” he answered. “ your bestie is my bestie. no, she is mine only.” he laughed. yn smiled watching the interaction between him and his fans.

yn pulled to go pet bam since he was staring at her and whimpering this entire time. she sat down and cuddled with bam on the floor and laughed as he continued his live.

“me and yn want to back some brownies. even though its 2 am” he mentioned as she stood up. walking up to him and stating “ Kookie was hungry and thats all he has in his house” laughing as she walked back into the camera.

as much as he thought this wasnt going to work, it was going smoothly. they were baking and interacting with army as if this was normal. but the only problem was that, jungkook loved putting his hands on any part of yn. she liked doing the same. since being on live they haven’t really touched and he misses it.

“we will be right back army!” he stated and took her to his bedroom. their bedroom at this point because his sheets smelled like her.

without missing a beat he instantly pulled her into him gripping on her hips and letting his hands rome down to her ass.

he gripped it softly then slapped both cheeks. she chuckled and held onto his biceps.

you know jungkook and yn have been this way since theyve met actually.

they have always been blunt, touchy, honest with each other. it’s normal. so normal that the rest of the group is so tired of seeing it.

“if we are gone too long they are going to assume that we are doing something naughty…” yn whispered to his ear which sent him to chuckle.

“ ah… you are such a tease..” yn watched him poke his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

one of yns biggest fears was crushing Jungkook. everytime he sits her on top of him its a fear. when she sits on his face. its a fear.

jungkook absolutely enjoys it. give him a run for his money. or life.

he loves it :)

absolutely. never be scared to give your man or bestie all of your weight. youd be surprised how much they can handle.

anyways, jungkook picks yn up and puts her on his desk. not caring if she was sitting on important information.

“then we should make this quick no?”

without waiting for a response jungkook kisses her deeply and eagerly. its like there lips were made for each other. both their bodies were crafted for each other’s.

wasting no time, he slipped her pajama pants down to her ankles. he glade he persuaded her to not wear underwear with him. this is so much easier.

going back to her lips he slowly massaged her clit with his four fingers. he loved her lips but right now he needed to mask her moans with his own lips.

“your so wet for me and i barely did anything yet” jungkook whispered into their kiss which made her shiver and whimper into the kiss.

“please… kook please” yn quietly whined.

needing to hear nothing more Jungkook entered two digits and slowly moved them while he bit on her lip. he felt her grinding against his fingers trying to get him to go faster to which he did. soon, he was moving his two fingers in and out of her at a nice enough pace. yn felt her wave of orgasm coming with each sharp thrust of his fingers. as if on que, yn bit his lip and he speed up even faster.

“ oh fuck k-kook im cumming…” jungkook smirked and took his fingers out and slapped her clit fast watching her release and go to her high. He put there lips together again and she moaned well probably screamed into the kiss as she squirted all over his floor and desk.

he slowed down his hand and soon massaged her pussy helping her come down from her high.

yn was a shaking mess and very limp. when she opened her eyes she saw jungkooks shirt wet and the floor infront of her covered in her juices.

he kissed away her shock then pulled away chuckling.

“ mmm… champagne confetti.” kook looked her up and down with lust in his eyes. god he needed more.

without saying a word he walked out the room and grabbed his phone “ army, im sorry but i have to end the live… yn got a little tummy ache and i need to comfort her.. ill talk to you guys later. Bye!” he smiled and waved ending the live.

he put his phone on the counter then also grabbed the oven mitt and took the brownies out the oven. those will definitely be good, but not better than the meal he was ready to have.

after putting the brownies on the stove to cool off, he headed back into the room and smirked while closing the door.

“ready for round two, doll?”

[thisismeracing]

The phantom of miscommunication | LH44

― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x black!plussize!reader (she/her) ― Word count: 1.8k ― Warnings: not proofread; suggestive content; angst with a happy ending; mentions of an argument. Minors DNI! ― Summary: Dating a professional athlete is hard, and it’s even harder when you are famous too, and your schedules just keep crashing. how will their love beat their insecurities?  ― A/n: I took forever to finish this request, but I hope the waiting was worth it and I did the request justice 🤍.

⁕ Based on this request. ⁕ my masterlist and my taglist ⁕ you can support my writing by reblogging, and leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece)

You often hear about loving someone being easy and natural, a fall that you would pray the other catch you from. Turns out, as Yn discovered with Lewis, it feels natural, and she’s sure he’ll be there to catch her if she falls, but easy? Love wasn’t that easy. Or life was hard with it. 

That’s at least how it feels for her while she finishes getting ready for the last performance of her Broadway play. Alone. She’s ditching her favorite dress because it reminds her of Lewis and how he would look smug whenever she wore it because she would need his help to zip her up. Lewis loved being needed. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that meant he loved to be helpful to those he cherished. Loved to hear their joyful tones while they thanked him, or the warm arms around his body, and in her case, the cold lips against his. 

Lewis loved loudly. 

Maybe that’s why they ended up fighting that last week. Because if he loved being helpful and seeing others happy, how could he not cancel a meeting to watch her finish the play she spent months traveling around overseas? 

Yn loved silently.

It was as if she liked to feel him slide beside her in bed at night, rather than hear the noise of the door closing, and knowing he would be there. The silence that led to the moment was deeply appreciated by her. And her love somehow worked similarly. She wouldn’t ask more than twice for something she wanted, something important, something someone who loves her should know. To her, it was enough her dad showed up, he didn’t need to tell her she did a great job, no words of affirmation or bouquet of flowers and gifts whatsoever. Just their presence. And that was what Yn was expecting from Lewis: his presence. 

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she quickly wiped it before grabbing her bag and keys and leaving her house, making her way to one of her favorite cafes. There was something so unique, it mundane on finishing her tour home. Just minutes away from the house she shared with Lewis. A quick walk to her favorite café. The view of a grey, yet very beautiful London being her company. 

Yn goes about her day doing most things on the automatic mode. Sometimes, she would think about how she always dreamt of this day when she was just younger. Starting on Broadway as a black girl was a hard task, that, in her case, was two times harder because she was also a plus-size actress. Some of the producers would reduce her to her weight, her skin tone, or just about anything, but her talent. She had to prove herself over and over until she finally became a phenomenon in the country and then, years ahead, she started to have a significant international impact. That’s when she met Lewis. She had traced most of her career, she had a name, and so did he, and maybe that was the first thing that brought them closer: the fact that it seemed as if everyone was attentively watching over them not because they wanted to appreciate the work they put on, but because they needed them to do something wrong, anything wrong, just so this wrongdoing could be talked about more than the rights.

It was hard. 

And having Lewis there to share this burden made it a bit lighter. 

Having him there to love her, and recognize her more than anyone ever would, was heartwarming. Being someone else’s first pick felt amazing. And though the ups and downs of their careers existed, they always faced it together. Just like they shared their victories together too. That’s why it felt so wrong not having him on her Musical ending show. He shared the struggles of her waking up early, and going late to bed just so she could grab each emotion needed, and memorize all the lines. She was the leading actress. The main start. Yet, she missed having him be illuminated by her light. 

Truth is, Yn felt sad without Lewis, not that her happiness depended on him showing up, but they had created those small traditions. He would always be on the final stops of her shows. She would always make it to his most expected races. 

As the saying goes, a dream you dream by yourself is just a dream, but a shared one is a reality.  It’s hard to create a reality while in a long-distance, or mostly long-distance, relationship. You gotta be ten times more attentive and understanding. So when Lewis told her he had to make it to an interview before preparing for his race weekend without even waiting for her response, it did not feel like an understanding relationship, he, for the first time, did not seem attentive. And that hurt.

“But, love, why can’t you reschedule your interview for Friday after free practice? Or maybe even Saturday after qualy?” Yn asked, a pout on her lips, while Lewis was finishing packing his suitcase. 

He sighed, “You know very well the rush after those two, Yn.”

Fair enough, “Well, then do it online! That way you could do it right before my play, and then come to the Teather after. It’s not that far from our house, you sure can make it.” She was full of solutions, to a problem that felt like Lewis himself created.

When his eyes found hers, determination written all over it, he didn’t even have to open his lips and tell her an audible “no”, she already knew, so she tried to practice healthy communication. “Look, Lew, it’s just that this is our last stop and they were okay with it being in London when most of the time it happens somewhere in the USA. You know how this city is important to me, and this play, it’s just- I can’t help but feel like you’ve been lacking in terms of support lately.”

The British finally stopped packing, dropping his shirt inside the suitcase, and leaving with a quick glance towards Yn, mumbling how he didn’t want to fight. 

“But I want you to fight with me. Fight for me!” She trailed behind him, stopping at the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Well, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Yn!” he snapped, and before he could apologize or backtrack she nodded, leaving the room. Love should never feel forced. She shouldn’t have to ask for it. 

The door slammed behind her as she made her way to the Teather to bury her head in work, sweat the hurt away, dance, and sing until the energy made her feel comfort. 

“Yn?” one of her colleagues asked, snapping Yn out of her memories. “They’re calling us for one last rehearsal before the show.”

She nodded and glanced at her phone, hoping to see a message, either an apology or a good luck one, anything that showed that he remembered, but there was nothing. Her shoulders slumped lightly and she made her way to the stage, the audience still deserved the best ending show, she deserved the best ending show. 

So that was exactly what happened: Yn shined along with the whole crew. They sang, danced, smiled, and even cried after the curtains opened to an outstanding ovation from the audience. That’s when Yn’s eyes found his, right on the front row, a bouquet of flowers on his seat, one of his shy grins, while he stood clapping the most beautiful performance he had ever seen Yn deliver.

Lewis was there.

Lewis wasn’t in an interview on the other side of the world.

He was standing there.

Smiling.

Clapping.

Proudly watching. 

And when her lips quirked up slightly he nodded as if knowing they still had to talk, but for now, he took the right decision.

When the curtains closed again and Yn made the walk to her dressing room, she wasn’t surprised to find Lewis there, “hey,” she said, closing the door behind her and staying glued to the wooden.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Lewis started. “Look, I’m-”

“Can we save all the headaches and solutions for when we get home?” She suggested, still a bit breathless from the play. “That is if you’re coming home tonight. Or are you flying to do the interview late?” 

There was a  sad smile on Lewis's plush lips, “I’m home, with you.” 

A breath of fresh air got into Lewis’ lungs when he noticed her shoulders relax with the news. She was relieved he would be home. She was happy to have him around. It wasn’t too late. 

“And I agree on saving the deep talk to when we get home, but I want to say I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t support you or love you enough to reschedule and work my way around my things. You’re my treasure, love. And I’ve been lacking lately, I’ve been stressed, and with my head all over the place, but I’ll get better. I promise,” and a Hamilton promise would always come true. You could count on that. 

Yn bit her lips, trying to hold back the tears, but they fell around her face like waterfalls just the same, and Lewis was in front of her in the blink of an eye, fingers brushing the wet splotches, lips kissing her delicate skin. 

“I’m sorry, I am so so sorry,” he whispered painly.

“I was so terrified we were about to get on a dead-end road. That you would stop showing up for my plays, and-”

“Sweetheart, breathe,” he held her face between his soft palms and Yn tried to even her breath with his. “I’m here, I’m always going to be here. You have my endless support and undying love, you can count on that.” He was a runner, one of the fastest drivers on the grid, but he could never run away from her and what she made him feel. What he could do was beat the phantom of miscommunication to the finishing line, get there first, say he’s sorry before it’s too late, and work so that this ghost won’t ever bother their relationship again. 

Yn nodded, gulping a bit more of air, and finally crashing her body on his in a tight hug. Lewis kissed her hair and found her lips with his, tasting their own tears and love. Yn mumbled how sorry she was for not being patient enough, and Lewis shook his head, kissing her again.

“I’m the sorry one, and I’m gonna make it up to it,” he explained. 

Yn arched her brows, looking into his honey eyes, “I know just the way you can express how sorry you are,” she smirked, undoing the bow for her white dress and making it cascade around her ankles. 

And Lewis did exactly that. 

He whispered apologies and love promises in her ear, the sound of a symphony with her body banging against the door. That was their private play. Their favorite one. 

― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hiii!! I hope you guys liked it! I hope your Friday is amazing! Don't forget to reblog and leave me a comment if you can, it means a lot and it usually inspires me to write more *mwah*

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[written-in-flowers]

Got A Secret (Can You Keep It?): Pt. 1

Pairing: Chan x fem!plussize!reader, Felix x Hyunjin, Seonghwa x several characters

Genre: smut, fluff, dark romance

Rating: M

Word Count: 9k

Summary:

Hotel CEOs Bang Chan and Lee "Felix" Yongbok have a good thing going with The Rising Sun Hotel. A labyrinth of secret passages and death traps designed for them to indulge in their darkest fantasies, the saying "no body = no crime" is their mantra. However, one night there IS a body, and there IS a crime. Only a handful of people could be guilty, and they all have a secret to keep. If Chan and Felix did not do it, which of them did?

Disclaimer: These works are completely fictitious and for entertainment purposes only. They are not meant to reflect or label the members of Stray Kids of ATEEZ in any way. The events within never took place. Thank you.

Warnings: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Murder, Murder Mystery, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Blood and Violence, Unhealthy Relationships, Obsessive Behavior, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Rough Sex, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Sex Toys, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Blackmail, Alternate Universe - Detectives, Light Sadism, Secret Relationship, Forbidden Love, idols doing very terrible things if that bothers you.

AO3 Link

***

It started when you came home from meeting up with friends and running errands to see boxes stacked in your living room. You thought perhaps Seonghwa planned to donate and you’d forgotten to pack everything up. Checking through them, you realize they’re all yours. Someone packed away your spring, summer, fall and winter wardrobes. Things you’d collected over the years and sentimental belongings were carefully placed on rolled up pieces of paper. You’d started pulling things from boxes, wondering what made Seonghwa think you’d want to get rid of them, when he appeared from around the corner. 

Park Seonghwa is a marketing director for a very famous car company brand. He’s always been well-off, and able to provide for the both of you. Handsome, suave, and charismatic, he’d captured your heart right away when you met at university. You spent five years together, going through the ups and downs, the highs and lows of your lives side-by-side. Seonghwa had been your first real boyfriend; a first true love. You adored him beyond belief, and sought to make sure he remained happy. He worked so hard to support the both of you, took care of you in ways other men never did, and loved you. At the end of the day, regardless of the truth staring at you, you knew he loved you. You became such an important part of his life, you thought he might propose soon. But, recalling his confused expression, you felt foolish thinking about that now. 

“Um, YN, you’re here…” were his first words to you, stunned and anxious. “When-When did you get here?”

“Just now…”

“Oh, um, wow,” he pushed strands of soft black from his angular face, and said, “I thought…This is really…Um, you’re back early though. I thought-I thought you were coming home later on?”

“Yeah,” you said cautiously, looking around the room of boxes, “I thought we’d go out for dinner-Seonghwa, what is going on? Why is everything in boxes?” 

Seonghwa sighed. It was the low, disappointed sigh he gave when you asked him a stupid question. The sigh instantly rolled your stomach around. “YN, I think we should talk,” he began, “I’ll get some stuff sorted out and we can sit together to work it all out.”

“Seonghwa, what is going on?”

The answer walked down the stairs, wearing an expensive satin blouse and a pencil skirt. Clearly, she’d come straight from her office in another district. Slender, shapely, and gorgeous, everything clicked at once. This woman, whoever she was, appeared to be everything you weren’t: pretty, skinny, and delicate. She might be a supermodel or an idol with her good looks and s-line body. You looked at Seonghwa for an explanation. You might have the situation all wrong, and it’s not what you think it is. 

"Who’s she?" You asked him, keeping back tears. 

"Kyungmi," he'd said, "And I have been seeing one another for a while. I…I really didn’t want you to find out this way, YN. Kyungmi was just leaving; I-”

“-So, you decided kicking me out was a good way? Don’t you think you skipped a few steps in the break-up manual?” you spat back at him. 

“It’d make things easier for everyone,” Kyungmi dared to speak, arms crossed. 

“You mean easier for you,” you glared at her. “You probably don’t even love him. You only want his money and his looks. I actually love him!” you’d turned back to Seonghwa, “I love you, Seonghwa! Can’t you see that after everything I do for you? You’re going to throw me out like this over a fling with the office slut?!”

“Fuck you, you bitch-”

“-Kyungmi, I think you should go,” Seonghwa told her gently. 

“Why should I go? She’s the one you’re kicking out.”

“This is something YN and I need to talk about privately.”

Kyungmi huffed her discontent, threw you a nasty look, then left the house. Seonghwa stared out the window to watch her leave. Your chest tightened, and you forced yourself to take deep breaths. Tears started spilling from your eyes and down your cheeks. A plethora of memories flooded back to you in those few minutes: anniversary dinners with Seonghwa, vacations with Seonghwa, movie nights, date nights, walks in the park, bike riding alongside the river, going to your favorite coffee shop, and even mundane things like shopping or driving around together. You sat through every Star Wars marathon; indulged him in his Lego collections and toy figurines. You loved him, therefore loved anything he loved. You’d given everything to him, and he repaid you with disloyalty. All the years you spent together felt like a waste of time; they’re pointless now, especially if Seonghwa did them half-heartedly. 

“YN…” his voice brought you into reality, and you wished it didn’t. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I was going to confess everything to you when you came home later. I didn’t mean to hurt you; you have to believe me. I didn’t want you-”

“-Didn’t want you to find out,” you finished for him. “You hoped to never get caught, is what you really mean. How long have you been fucking her, huh? Six months? A year?”

“Two.”

“Two ‘what’?” you knew what, and it only boiled your insides more. Your hands clenched into fists. 

“Years, YN,” he said. 

“You’ve been seeing her behind my back for two years?” you let your tears fall freely, but not an ounce of sadness lingered inside you. All you felt was rage. It moved underneath the surface like a snake slithering through mossy waters. You swallowed it down, and forced yourself to focus. “And now is when you decide to tell me?”

“I didn’t think what Kyungmi and I had was that serious, but I can’t fight it anymore. I love Kyungmi.”

The realization dawned on you slowly. It crept like a leech over your skin and latched itself to you. You felt it sucking every single piece of hope out of you. He loved her. He loves her. Not you. Never you. Every happy moment between you two suddenly withered away, and left nothingness. Everyone always leaves you. Why does he want to join them? “She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”

“What?” he laughed softly, pushing hair from his face. No. She’s not.”

“Then why are you only just breaking up with me? You don’t end a five-year relationship over something ‘not that serious’.” You glared at him, your breath hitching in your throat. “I can’t fucking believe you. I can’t…You son of a bitch…I hate you.” The last words came out with pure venom. “All day, every day, I do everything for you. I cooked. I cleaned. I washed for you. I slaved away doing everything in my power to make you happy, to give you the life you deserved and worked hard for, and THIS is how you show your appreciation?! By trading me in for a goddamn whore?!” The anger surged and pulsated in your body; it made your vision narrow onto one thing. “You got the bitch pregnant. You must have. She must’ve come here to blackmail you, right? Either take care of her or she ruins your career with her-

“-YN, Kyungmi isn’t pregnant,” he said over you. “I tried breaking it off before, but I couldn’t leave her. My life felt so empty without her, and-”

“-Then what about me? What did you feel for me?” 

“You know I care about you. I love you too, but I’m just not in love with you anymore, YN. We’ve been drifting apart for a while; you had to have noticed this. You’re not a stupid person, YN,” he said. 

“But I held on because I love you,” you replied tearfully. “I held onto you because I can’t see myself without you. I can’t…” the lump in your throat exploded into a sob, and it nearly suffocated you. You saw the signs of distance, but you’d hoped it’d been in your imagination. “I…”

“-YN-”

“-I hate you…” you seethed, shutting your eyes in hopes of subduing your anger, but it didn’t help. You sobbed so hard it hurt your chest. They always leave you. You do everything to make them happy, and they leave you. “I hate you so fucking much.”

“You hate me right now because I’ve hurt you-”

“-And I’m going to hurt you!”

“YN, don’t be ridiculous. YN! Come back!”

You walked away from him at that point. Anger flowed through your veins like blood, filling your organs and taking over your senses. Nothing else mattered. All you thought of revenge. He hurt you in the worst way a man could. You’d hurt him in the worst way you could in return. Storming into the kitchen, you paused. No, you’re being stupid. No, no, you’re being rash. You can’t kill him. He isn’t a stupid ten-year-old boy or a dimwitted babysitter. He’s an important person with lots of friends. His family are exorbitantly wealthy. People will know he’s missing. You should leave. You should leave and go somewhere to calm down. This will only end badly for you. 

“YN,” Seonghwa followed you into the kitchen, “Let’s sit down and talk. We can work this out so everyone is happy.”

“You….don’t care about my happiness. You never did.”

“That’s not true, YN, and you know that.” 

You heard him come closer to you. You braced yourself against the island counter, fingers sliding on the cool marble tiles. Your eyes flitted upwards to see the knife holder. Different types of knives sat in thin slots to keep them all together. They’re the expensive types, stainless steel with a good grip on the handle. You’d bought them because professionals used them, and you liked the intricate designs on the blades. A good carving knife is invaluable. 

“YN,” he spoke to you softly, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve been more honest with you.”

“You should have, but you didn’t. You didn’t care. You don’t care. You’ve already made your decision: kicking me out with nowhere to go.” Those knives cut through meat like butter. You’ve never struggled to slice flesh from bone with them. But, ugh, the blood. You hate blood; it stinks and stains easily. The thought of the clean up already exhausted you. 

“You don’t have to leave tonight. You can stay until you find a place. I would never just throw you out. I still love you, YN.”

No, he doesn’t. “No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be doing this to me. You wouldn’t have fallen for her. You wouldn’t be choosing her over me. You wouldn’t have cheated or lied to me.” You took steady breaths. 

“It’s…It’s hard to explain right now,” he said. “But, let’s sit down and talk about it. We can work this out together.”

You've never been one for bloody deaths. The clean up is tough and bodily fluids make you queasy. Most people who’ve done what you have say they like the feel of blood on their fingers, enjoy causing immediate pain. You couldn’t relate. It always makes you feel sick. Even during sex, it bothered you despite what you told Seonghwa. Another sacrifice you made because you loved him so much. 

As tempting as those knives appeared, you knew they're out of the question. You wiped your cheeks and took deep breaths to clear your head. The rage inside you screamed for justice, for vengeance. You couldn't let him get away with it. The thought of him laughing with Kyungmi, making fun of your reaction and your stupidity to not see it sooner boiled your blood. It seeped into your muscles, which caused them to tense and harden under the fatty layers. Several seconds went by before you felt a pair of hands gingerly touch your shoulders. Seonghwa's warm touch once made you fold out of anger right away; they always soothed any sadness or unsettling feelings away. But now, you only thought of hurting him. 

"YN," he said softly, his voice so clear in your ear, "Let's sit down and talk, okay? You don't have to leave tonight, if you can't find a place. I'll sleep in the guest room and you can take the bed."

Even when he is breaking your heart, he is sweet. He’s like a venus fly trap. Being so beautiful and sweet, only to clamp its jaws down to slowly suck the life from you. Your eyes scanned the kitchen from where you stood. Everything from the wooden cabinets to the tiled backsplash reminded you of Seonghwa right away. You saw the fine china set he bought you for your birthday in one of the glass door cabinets. It wasn’t the typical boyfriend present, but you'd loved it because he picked it out himself. He'd thought of you when he saw it, he said. The thin white plates stacked on top of each other had been used at so many dinners and get-togethers. What would your friends think? They might already know about Seonghwa's unfaithfulness; it'd be like them to protect him over you. They're really his friends, in truth. Not yours. You had no friends. 

"What about Her?" You sniffled. 

"I'll explain stuff to her later," he said. "Right now, I want to talk about us. YN, I'm-"

“-Sorry, yeah I know.” 

The feeling itched underneath your skin. You wanted to do it. The urge from before slowly built itself up, but you knew better. Seonghwa isn’t a dumb babysitter or a student. He’s the son of a wealthy family, who are often in the news. His death will spark intrigue and suspicion. You felt Seonghwa’s hands fall to your waist, and it almost broke through your armor. 

“Why don’t you take a seat, and I’ll pop a bottle for us, hm?” he asked. 

No. You couldn’t do that. If you do that, the slithering beast coiling your insides will come out. You can’t let that happen. 

“No,” you broke free from his embrace and stepped away from him. You spent far too long trying to separate yourself from that person. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be here.”

“YN-”

“-You’ve already made a fool of me,” you spat at him, turning to the stairs outside the kitchen, “I won’t make it worse by staying in the same place as you.”

You went upstairs, hearing his footsteps right behind yours. A faint sweet scent hit your nose upon the top landing. No doubt Kyungmi sprayed some perfume after letting Seonghwa rail her in your bed. Why walk around with Seonghwa's musk on her skin and risk people knowing what a whore she is? The scent alone made you gag. Cheap women wear cheap things, you supposed. 

Walking into your bedroom, you found your suitcase in the walk-in closet and tossed it on your bed. You didn’t know what you’d do or where you’d go, but you couldn’t stay here. You can’t. 

Memories of the last time this demon awakened came flooding back to you as you started changing out of your blouse and skirt. Yang Doshik had been hired by your parents to look after you while they worked at night. Even at thirteen, your parents did not trust you to stay home alone; they thought you’d get into trouble and destroy their house. It wasn’t your fault they didn’t bother medicating you. Broad and handsome, Doshik worked out and boxed a lot which resulted in a jaw-dropping physique. Not to mention, he was nothing but kind towards you. You thought he might like you. Despite the wide age gap, you considered that one night he might come onto you and confess his feelings, but when he did not, you decided to make the first move. Pulling on a sweatshirt and lounge pants, you recalled the slinky cocktail dress you’d stolen from your mother and how you stumbled in her black stilettos. 

‘YN, what are you doing?...No, this is wrong. You’re thirteen, I’m twenty-two. It’s illegal…’ 

You couldn’t handle the rejection. You felt humiliated. You’d put all that effort into being pretty for him, and he pushed you away. Doshik left you sitting on the couch, weeping and embarrassed. The rage settled itself into you quickly. You remember it vividly. On the couch, in your mother’s dress and heels, you watched him take off his shirt and pants at the edge of your pool. He sometimes swam laps to make up for missing the gym. You don’t know what came over you. As you folded clothes into your suitcase, you tried pulling up any memory of what you’d done that night but nothing came to you. 

You only remember your mother’s dress soaked to your skin and Doshik floating face down in the water. 

“YN, can we please talk?” Seonghwa’s voice broke through your memories, but you did not stop. “You don’t have anywhere to go. Come on. You’re being ridiculous.”

“The only one being ridiculous around here, Hwa, is you,” you said, stuffing skin care and makeup into a carry-on bag. You took the unopened bottles. His whore can have your leftovers. “What sane person stays in the same house as the person who cheated on them?” You took what you needed, and then put the bag inside your suitcase. Jewelry came next. You didn’t really care what you picked up, since you planned to keep it all. “Why would I want to stay where I’m clearly not wanted or loved anyways? To hurt myself more? To look more pathetic?” 

“Where are you going to go anyways?” he asked. He stopped you from grabbing a rhinestone necklace off a display, and said, “There’s no shame in staying at least tonight.” 

You stared up into his face. Beautiful brown eyes you once admired stared at you as gently and kindly as they always had done. They looked at you like he hadn't stomped on your heart and laughed about it afterwards. But, you still let him push hair from your face and cup your chin. You caught sight of the light scratches still on his forearm. 

At a company banquet a few nights ago, Seonghwa injured himself after a chandelier fell a few feet away from him. The gold and crystal fixture detached from the ceiling and crashed into the middle of the ballroom. You shuddered recalling the gentleman who'd been skewered by the pole, nearly slicing him in half. Seonghwa walked away with a few lacerations from flying pieces of glass, which you constantly fretted over. You'd spent time changing his bandages and making sure he cleaned them correctly. You did it because you loved him. You cared what happened to him. Clearly, he no longer feels the same way.

"I still care about you," he said once more. "I can't have spent five years with you and not have any affection for you." He studied your face, taking in your puffy eyes and wet cheeks. 

"Did you ever really love me?" The question left you in a single breath. 

"Of course I did," he laughed softly, as if you're stupid for thinking otherwise. “It’s…You’re wonderful, YN. You’re smart, bright, talented, lovely…” he wiped your cheek with his thumb, “It’s that…We’re not right for each other anymore. I need someone who can stand on her own feet, and be a person outside of me.”

“I…I am my own person, Seonghwa-”

“-YN, you do things because of me. You like things just because I like them. I mean, you don’t even have a job because you want to spend all your time with me and doing things for me.”

“You’re mad that I want to take care of you?”

“I’m not mad. I’m saying that I can’t be with someone who is so dependent on me. I need someone who doesn’t cling onto me so tightly; who gives me space without making me feel guilty about it later.”

“I never meant to make you feel that way,” you sobbed. “I just wanted you to know that I loved you, and wanted to take care of you. Why would that bother you? What’s the point in being with someone if you don’t show you care about them? That doesn’t make sense to me.” 

“YN, name a time where you weren’t doing something that involved me.” 

“That…” you honestly couldn’t think of one, “That’s not important. We’re…We’re soulmates, Hwa-”

“-YN, I’ve fallen in love with someone else. How can we be soulmates if that’s true?”

The hand holding the necklace gripped it tightly, the square stones starting to indent into your palm. “You want space?” you seethed, that monster rolling inside you, “You want me to keep my distance and not be clingy, huh? You don’t want a partner that loves you and cares for you? Don’t worry, Seonghwa,” you slipped from his grasp, “You’ll have plenty of it now.” 

“YN-”

Nothing made sense. Your thoughts started to jumble together while you put the bag of jewelry in your suitcase. He says he wants space, yet in the same breath tells you to stay in the house. Why? To hurt you more? That’s outright cruel. 

But you can be crueler. 

No, no, you can’t. You bit back the urge slowly creeping over you, taking deep breaths. 

“-It’s late. I don’t want you out in the street at this hour,” he said. “Something bad might happen to you.” 

“As if you care.”

“I do.”

“Just leave me alone, Seonghwa.” 

You zipped up your suitcase. Honestly, you can only think of one person who’d take you in with no questions. Jeongin. 

“Fine, whatever,” Seonghwa said, defeatedly. Throwing his arms up, he stepped away from you as you packed up your laptop and tablet into their respective bags. “Be like that. I tried being nice and letting you stay. If you want to make shit harder on yourself, then be my guest. We both know you have nowhere to go. You don’t even have your own money. You’ll be back.”

“For a guy who said he felt suffocated,” you retorted, “You sure as hell are trying hard to keep me. I wonder why that is?” you shot him a glare before taking your bags and your phone. “Could it be because your whore can’t cook? She can’t clean? You know she won’t be the dutiful, faithful, caring housewife that you wanted? Psh, ‘housewife’,” you went down the stairs, “We’ve been together for five years and you haven’t even proposed to me.”

“I wanted to wait-”

“-If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ‘wait’,” you shouted over your shoulder at him. 

The anger festered in your stomach to the point it made you sick. You thought you might vomit from the sensation. It reminded you of Doshik again. You pulled up your phone, and brought up Jeongin’s number. Seonghwa said nothing else to you as you walked out of the door, and out of his life. 

*****

Walking down the street, you’d taken the train from your neighborhood to the uptown tourist district where he lived and worked. Moving through the crowded streets, night had fallen over the city of tall buildings, large lit up billboards and advertisements, and people going from store to store shopping and eating. You came to the district often to visit your cousin where he worked, and you knew if anyone would give you a place to stay, it’d be Jeongin. You told him mostly the truth about what happened, and he reacted in a way that surprised you. 

“He…dumped you?” asked Jeongin, stunned by what you told him. “Just like that?”

“Yes.”

“After all this time later?”

“Yes.”

You noticed your cousin’s sudden silence, and you guessed he must be as shocked as you. “He didn’t even give you time to find a proper place to stay? He just kicked you out?”

“He let me pack up some stuff, but told me he didn’t think it was a good idea for me to be there when Kyungmi came back,” you told him, tears getting caught in your lashes so you had to wipe them away. You decided if Seonghwa wanted to embarrass you, the least you can do is make him look as bad as possible. “I still can’t believe this is happening! I did so much for him! I put up with all his bullshit, and this is what he does to me! I don’t know what I’m going to do, Innie. I hardly have any money, clothes or anything. He left me with nothing.”

“You guys have a shared bank account, don’t you?” he asked. 

“He locked me out of it,” you sobbed, crossing the street towards the place. 

“I’m so sorry this happened, sweetie,” he said apologetically. “Come to my place. You can stay here with me until you get on your own feet.” 

“Your bosses will be okay with that? Don't they have a bunch of living conditions?”

Yang Jeongin worked at the famous Rising Sun Hotel. Lavish, luxurious, and chic, the hotel drew in droves of people from all walks of life. From affordable guest rooms to high end penthouses on the top floor, the hotel catered to every kind of budget. The owner, Bang Chan, ran the place like a well-oiled machine according to Jeongin. He handled the finances and business side of things, while others ran the interior operations and every day tasks. Being Seonghwa’s cousin, you often ran into him at family gatherings and special events. A small voice in the back of your head often whispered about Chan’s lingering glances and flirty smirks whenever he spoke to you. They told you to note how close he'd stand to you whenever Seonghwa wasn't around. Your boyfriend often told you to steer clear of him; he said Chan wasn't the sort of guy you should associate with. You'd reply with a joke that Seonghwa was jealous, to which he'd scoff and roll his eyes. But he couldn't be all bad. He let some employees live in the lower levels of the hotel, with a few stipulations. No regular employer would do that. 

It’d been at the Rising Sun where Seonghwa’s company hosted their company event, and where Seonghwa injured himself. Chan truly seemed remorseful about it, offering to pay medical expenses for them. 

"I'm glad that you're alright, though," he'd told you afterwards when he brought you both home "You could've been seriously hurt too, and I'd hate myself forever if that happened."

“He does,” Jeongin said, “But it won’t be a problem once I explain the situation.”

“I don’t want you to get in trouble, Jeongin. I know how hard it was for you to get a job. I don’t want to ruin things for you.”

“It won’t be a problem, I swear.”

He gave you the exact address and called a cab for you. He told you to wait for him in the lobby, so then you’ll go up to his place together. On the road there, you thought back to Seonghwa and Kyungmi. She’s probably returned by now, and is enjoying his warm embrace and kisses. Images of them both laughing at you, mocking your stupidity at not seeing it sooner, made your blood boil. Your phone suddenly went off in your pocket. 

Seonghwa ✨: YN, where did you go? At least tell me so I know you’re okay. 

When you didn’t respond, more messages came:

Seonghwa ✨: it’s not too late to come back. I’ll pay for the cab. Baby, please, let’s talk for real like adults. 

Seonghwa ✨: i’m only worried about you. I still care and want to know you’re safe. 

For a man who complained about clingy behavior, he seems to exhibit a lot of it. You continued ignoring his messages and tried focusing on containing yourself. You couldn’t afford to lose yourself at the moment. At any moment, in all reality. When your parents found you soaked to the bones, and saw Doshik in their pool, it did not take much for them to put two and two together. Your mother cleaned you up right away, while your father called the police. You’d been certain they’d lock you up. They’d tell the police everything, and you’d go to prison. Instead, your mother told you to say you’d been in your bedroom and didn’t hear anything until you came downstairs much later. Police bought the story well enough, since they had no reason to believe otherwise, and your parents sent you to the psychiatric ward once again. They did this whenever you blacked out or started “showing”. You now had medication to help with that, so it never happened. 

Until today. 

You had to keep replaying everything in your head to make sure you remember everything. The idea you might have a memory lapse somewhere worried you. Your mind turned to less worrisome things when the taxi turned into another district. You thought of someone who might be glad about Seonghwa’s misfortune.  

Chan. Seonghwa and Chan grew up together in the same house after Seonghwa’s parents died. He said he did not know when it started, but Chan carried this particularly vicious envy of Seonghwa. Whatever successes Chan managed, the family always mentioned how Seonghwa did it first: passing tough exams, winning a sports competition, graduating university, getting a good entry level job, having his own place and a nice car. You personally saw why Chan envied his older cousin; you knew you’d feel the same if that happened to you. You might have loved Seonghwa, but you never failed to notice Chan’s specific interest in you. He always caught you alone whenever you visited his family, asking you about life updates and your relationship with Seonghwa. You always noticed the twinkle of disappointment when you told him things between you were fine. 

You wondered if you could take advantage of this infatuation. Chan isn’t bad looking; far from it, honestly. If Seonghwa can do it, why can’t you? It isn’t as if he’d care. 

The Rising Sun Hotel stood on a busy street in the posh, upscale district. A cul-de-sac drop off point circled a gorgeous gold and white marble fountain rimmed by plants. Wide glass windows gave a peek inside the main lobby, decorated with white walls and black leather furniture that was accented with gold. Jeongin said he’d be leaving work in an hour or so, and to wait for him in the lobby. Your driver opened your door and you stepped out onto the pavement. It became clear enough that this hotel attracted mainly the wealthy. You felt so out of place amongst the well-dressed people coming and going. Your baggy hoodie and sweatpants happened to be the first thing you found when you changed, and you regretted the choice now. You must look awful. All the warnings and scoldings your mother gave you came floating back. Girls like you, she said, needed to be put together all the time or otherwise they looked sloppy. She'd scold you for sure if she saw you now. You took your things from the driver and then pushed through the revolving gold and glass doors. 

Refined and sophisticated, you’d told Seonghwa that a birthday weekend at The Rising Sun would be a nice getaway from work. Neither of you went into the city that often, so you’d get a lovely change of scenery. He said he’d think about it. Looking back now, you’re sure he’d brought Kyungmi here on many occasions and didn’t tell you. It produced a few fresh tears that you smeared away with your sleeve. At the end of the long aisle, you saw the brass colored elevators that took guests up through the fourteen floors. An archway off the side led to the restaurants, retail stores, beauty and spa locations the hotel offered, and another led to the banquet rooms. Seeing the yellow tape across plastic tarps, you guessed they’re still rebuilding the chandelier that collapsed during the company dinner. People talked about suing the hotel for not maintaining their light fixtures, but Seonghwa mentioned how Chan will somehow get around any actual lawsuits. 

Taking a seat at one of the vacant couches, you spotted your cousin standing behind the front desk. Round faced, wearing a black blazer and button down shirt, he talked amicably to a guest he was checking in. A daunting realization dawned on you. With Seonghwa dead, you’d have to get a ‘real job’. No more shopping trips. No more luxury vacations to the islands or being financially stable enough to live comfortably. You’d have to hustle for your money; you’d have to budget and balance and live from paycheck to paycheck. You and Seonghwa never married so the break up doesn't come with benefits. His family loved you, so they might let you keep the house, but you couldn’t live there. Not when Seonghwa’s presence is embedded into the walls. Perhaps you could rent it to a wealthy couple or a well-off family.

 Living with a man who could provide for you completely was an integral part of your dream life. After a childhood of seeing your parents struggle to keep afloat and how it broke them both, you wanted the exact opposite. You’d be the loving housewife who took care of the home while he worked. Yes, it sounded misogynistic and a modern woman shouldn’t play into gender roles, but it wasn’t like that. Ever since you were young, you wanted a proper family. You dreamed of the polar opposite of what you'd had: a ‘Leave It to Beaver’ style of home, with a loving husband and attentive wife. You remembered watching those old sitcoms after school and wishing you were that woman. With Seonghwa, you almost had that, but then he ruined everything. Having your own job and financing yourself sounded hard and not what you’d wanted. You didn't want to go back to scrounging and saving. You deserved nice things. You deserved love. 

Why do men ruin everything?

****

‘What a lovely surprise…’

Chan stood by the tinted windows watching you walk into the lobby. You looked very different from the last time he saw you. At the banquet, you’d been a vision in your green dress and shimmering makeup. Chan found it difficult to keep his eyes off you for too long. Now, you walked around in a baggy, dirty hoodie he recognized as Seonghwa’s, and wrinkled sweatpants with a bare face. No matter. Once Seonghwa arrives, you’ll be the sparkling beauty he knows you to be. He watched you take a seat on one of the couches, and noticed your perfect posture and the crossed fingers on your lap. You’re always such a lady, classy and pristine nearly all the time. You’re the kind of woman his mother always hoped one of her boys would marry. Chan tended to agree with her, but only in regards to himself and not his cousin. 

If things had gone his way, you’d be at the hotel for different reasons. 

“He was supposed to die,” Chan seethed, glaring down into the lobby. He puffed the end of his cigarette, blowing a stream of smoke afterwards. “We had everything arranged perfectly. Why did it not work?”

“Because luck and chance are close friends, and they’ll only work in our favor so many times,” jested Felix. 

Chan looked at Felix in the window reflection. Felix, having loosened his tie and taken off his blazer, pushed blond hair from his face and chuckled. Felix, like him, came from wealth. His family owned a series of construction and land development companies, so Felix grew up with the same generational wealth that Chan did. He and Felix met at university, where they discovered greed was not their only common interest.

Felix had drafted the hotel’s modern interior designs. He said their hotel needed to attract the rich, whose wealth they could take once they disposed of them. Killing people was one thing, but killing rich people was another. Chan used to target anyone; be indiscriminate and open-minded. But, Felix insisted they put the bodies to good use. They sold the valuables to private pawn brokers; their organs went on the black market and their flesh used in their kitchen to cut kitchen costs. It worked out for everyone in the end. Felix majored in architecture, being the mastermind behind their special hotel. He’d changed construction crews often to avoid odd questions over the hotel’s layout. Because of Felix, the Rising Sun Hotel had several passages between the walls, breakers that controlled light and air in each room, and special chutes that went down to their spacious basement. Lee Felix always said, “no body, no crime.” 

“Besides, it did kill that one guy,” said Felix, taking a drink from his whisky glass. “You should’ve seen it up close. The center skewed right through him like a kebab.”

Chan planned to let his cousin go out the same way. If an accident won’t work, then an invite for a family weekend in a premium suite would do the trick. 

“But it was supposed to be Seonghwa.” 

‘Your grandmother’s decided to make Seonghwa her heir.’ 

His mother gave him the news two weeks ago. He’d gone to visit his family in their countryside estate when his mother told him that their grandmother finally drew up her will. The tourism empire his ancestors created will pass over to Seonghwa since both their fathers have passed away. She and her lawyer explained that all of his grandmother’s assets and wealth would be Seonghwa’s since he is the eldest boy in the family. Chan couldn’t control his rage. Several priceless antiques found themselves shattered upon his bedroom floor when they told him. Seonghwa already had everything: a successful job, a nice home, and a wife-material girlfriend. He didn’t want or show interest in the family business like Chan. He never showed the same interest as Chan, who’d done everything to ensure their business stays profitable. He couldn’t let it stand. He would not let it. He approached Felix about the arrangement, and they both agreed an accident would be better suited to the situation. If anyone suspected foul play, the jealous younger cousin might end up on the police’s radar. Chan felt so confident that night. He’d floated on cloud nine the entire party, chatting to important people and flirting with women in beautiful gowns. But then the chandelier fell. He’d prepared himself to play the distraught, devastated relative, but instead became another bystander. 

“I don’t get why you want it so bad,” said Felix, taking a drink from his glass. “We’ve got a good thing going here.”

“It’s not about the money,” he said, puffing his cigarette again. “It’s about the principal. I’ve shown way more interest in the business than Seonghwa. He could’ve come to work for our family, but instead goes to intern for a stupid car company. I’d been the one to put my own money and effort into expanding our empire…” He kept his eyes on you, “Seonghwa always gets everything. My parents felt sorry for him when his family died, so they wanted to shower him with love and affection. My mom said Seonghwa was more sensitive. She said he needed them more than I did. The least the bastards could do is give me what is supposed to be mine.” 

 To make matters worse, his grandmother mentioned that she wanted Chan to look over the documents of her will for her, since she trusts so few lawyers in her life. He’d seen how much she planned to leave him, and thought he’d lose his mind. When he finally confronted her, she said he had enough wealth of his own. She told him he had his beach resorts, his apartment buildings, his hotel, and his shares in the family tourism company. Her precious Seonghwa has “nothing”. To her, Seonghwa might as well be a mail clerk in the company office. Chan did not care about his personal finances. He deserves more. He does more. Chan wanted the business; he wanted the money and capital that came with the business. The “accident” was meant to get him that. The plan he created had been a total failure. 

Seonghwa already proved he squanders the good things he has by cheating on you; he’d do the same with the family money. 

"You can always invite him to stay at the hotel, sir."

Hyunjin spoke next, refilling Felix’s glass. In a black vest, shirt and pants, his golden nametag glinted in the warm light. Black hair tied back from his face, nobody would've guessed that the handsome man was an expert poisoner. Hired as their personal assistant, Hyunjin showed no distaste or hesitancy at the tasks asked of him by his two employers. They'd earned his loyalty when they discovered he'd been poisoning guests in the resturant, and did not turn him in. 

"That might be my only option," Chan told him. "Seonghwa won't turn his nose up at a free vacation." He kept his eyes on you as he said, “He cheats on his girl, you know."

“YN? Really?”

“He does. He says the other girl is just for fun, but I think it’s more than that.”

When he first saw Seonghwa with his new girl, he thought he’d been mistaken. Perhaps she was a colleague who he invited to a company get together. But, when he saw the pair passionately kissing in his lobby, he confronted his cousin. Seonghwa explained that his relationship with The Woman meant nothing; that he still loved and cared about you. The Woman was for fun; you were for marriage. The fact made him nearly punch Seonghwa. How could he take something so wonderful for granted? Chan thought of telling you multiple times, but the thought of you finding out on your own and dumping Seonghwa amused him. Seonghwa kept his relationship with Whatshername so secretive because he worried he’d lose his housewife, and have to pay for an actual maid and chef. Whenever you fawned over him, kissed him or showed any affection, Chan’s blood boiled. Seonghwa did not deserve you. Nobody did. Only Chan. You needed a real provider, who’d look after you and give you whatever you needed; not someone who spent more money on his mistress than you. 

“That sucks,” scoffed Felix. “She’s actually a real sweetie. She’d been so worried over him, even if he got a few stitches.”

“She worships him,” replied Chan. 

When he spotted you there fretting over Seonghwa that night, pushing hair from his face and vowing to take care of him, the thought came to Chan. If Seonghwa would take something from him, then he’d take something from Seonghwa. You. Screwing Seonghwa’s girlfriend with him nearby sent a rush of warmth down his body. He pictured an unsuspecting Seonghwa in the opposite room, unaware of what his cousin is doing to his girlfriend. He wouldn’t rub it in his face, either. You’d keep it between the two of you. Chan imagined stolen kisses in private corners, rough passionate sex hours or even minutes before Seonghwa came home. He’d give you everything. He’d treat you better, love you deeper and worship you. All without your boyfriend knowing about it. 

But, of course, this won’t ever happen. You’re far too in love with Seonghwa to cheat. If you did give into a moment of weakness, you’d confess to Seonghwa immediately and the family will come down on him. Not that Seonghwa would do the same for you. He pulled out his phone and brought up the text message again for his own amusement. 

Hwa: Dude, I’m breaking up with Kyungmi.

You: Weren’t you going to move her into your house? That’s what she’s been telling the group. 

Hwa: promise me you won’t say anything.

You: of course bro

Hwa: I lied to her about that. 

You: stfu!

Hwa: I can’t leave YN. I can’t. Kyungmi is fun and the sex is great but YN is a ‘wife’, you know? I can bring her to family stuff and everyone loves her. She’d be a good wife and an awesome mom. You saw her with Arin and Eunji. I can’t just leave that. 

You: So you're dumping Kyungmi. When?

Hwa: in a few days. I have to let her think I’m leaving YN so she stops bugging me about it. I got some things of YN’s packed up in the living room, but it’s stuff she doesn’t care about anyways. 

You: where is YN gonna stay?

Hwa: with me 😏

You: psh, yeah right. No sane woman would stay. 

Hwa: she has no money, no job, no other place to go. She’ll stay if she thinks there’s hope for us still. 

You: damn I thought I was an asshole. 

Chan honestly felt proud of him for that bit of manipulation. He liked to think he rubbed on Seonghwa at least a little bit. However, not enough since you came to the hotel. 

“What do you plan to do about Seonghwa?” Felix asked him. “Another accident so soon after the last might raise some flags and be difficult to stage again. Too many here in the hotel will drive guests away.”

“Yes, and where would our fun come from then?” Chan mused out loud. Finishing his cigarette, he tipped it out of the holder into an ashtray, then said, “YN is here.”

“She is?” he sat up right. He walked to the windows, “Where?”

“She’s by the couches,” he said. “If she is here that means Hwa is too.” He might’ve moved you both to the hotel for ‘a getaway’ to talk about things. 

If he wanted something done right, he guessed he’d do it himself. The Rising Sun Hotel became a perfect way to indulge in his fantasies. Ever since he was young, Chan dreamt about doing morbid, heinous, vicious acts to people. Everything from a simple stabbing to flaying them alive crossed his mind at regular intervals. But, he’d gotten so few opportunities over the years. He usually stuck to animals at first, since nobody cares when a cat or a dog goes missing, but soon that wasn’t enough. He needed more. He needed bigger prey. He thought rough sex might please this appetite, but it didn’t. Spankings, whippings, and the like never fully satiated him; he rarely found partners who enjoyed such pain anyways. So, when he discovered Felix balls deep inside a man covered in deep gashes, he knew he found his partner. They came up with the hotel together, and built it from the ground up using their families wealth and resources. Now, Chan can plunge himself deep into his fantasies. Also, it sometimes helped him dispose of rivals or people he didn’t like. If Seonghwa came to the hotel, he’d gain the most from that kill. He’d get the family, the money, and you. 

You nude in his bed would be the icing on a Dead Seonghwa cake. 

“I’ll be back,” he told Felix.

"Don't forget," Felix called out to him, "We're playing darts tonight."

"Noted."

He left the office for the lobby, and immediately spotted you. His eyes flitted over to the door where he expected to see Seonghwa any moment. Perhaps an issue with valet parking or organizing the luggage kept him from arriving. No matter. Chan only needed a few minutes with you. But, as he approached, he noticed you wiping your face with your sleeves. He could tell you did your best to not let people see your distress, but the facade slowly crumbled away. He prepared himself for a tearful conversation. 

"YN?" He pretended to be surprised as he came over. 

"Oh, Chan, um," you didn't look at him, "It's nice to see you again."

"Are you alright? What are you doing here?" He asked, "Where is Seonghwa? I didn't know you two had a reservation here; I would've gotten us a table at The Ivory."

"Seonghwa…he, um…he's not here."

"He's not?" 

"No."

That sounded off. Seonghwa’s plan involved you both being together. “So, he’s coming later then?”

“He…He won’t be…” you held back tears that nearly spilled onto your cheeks. He frowned and handed you a handkerchief. 

“I see,” he did his best to appear upset by the news. “And you came here because…?” ‘You wanted to find comfort in my familiar arms?’

You wiped your cheeks and said, “I actually came for my cousin, Jeongin. He works reception here, and he’s gonna let me stay with him for a little while.”

“What? Why?”

“Seonghwa…” you hesitated before you blurted, “He kicked me out!” 

He pulled you into his arms, feeling you shake against him. That didn’t sound like Seonghwa. If he intended to keep you, he should’ve kept you close to him, unless this is all part of the plan? He throws you out, and then comes back to you remorseful and begging for forgiveness. Chan released you, and smoothed down your hair. 

“Oh, look at you,” he cooed. “Lovely YN. You must’ve left quickly if you didn’t even pick out a decent outfit.” One he noted included one of Seonghwa’s university sweaters. How strange you pick this when he kicked you out…

“That's all I could find,” you replied ashamedly. “He didn’t give me much of a chance.”

Another thing Seonghwa would never do. Even if he did cheat, Chan knew he still cared about you. He’d let you at least gather some things and fix yourself up before leaving. Chan would text him later for an explanation. 

“But, surely you’re not going to stay in the employee residency? They’re basically closets with bathrooms.”

“It’s the only place I could go.” 

“Oh, that’s not true,” he insisted, “Stay with me instead.”

“What?” you asked, taken aback by his offer. 

“Stay with me,” he said, “I have a penthouse up top with a nice city view. It’s got its own bar, a terrace with a hot tub, a big kitchen, two different living areas, two bedrooms with walk-in closets and two bathrooms. It’s big enough for the both of us, and you’ll be more comfortable there.”

“I couldn’t impose on you like that, Chan.”

A total lie. Chan knew that you’d become very accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You’re used to big houses, shopping sprees and luxury vacations. You enjoy having financial stability, and living comfortably. It’s why you latched onto Seonghwa when you met him: he’s the handsome heir to a vast fortune and a child of generational wealth. From what Chan understood, you came from a well-off family, but nothing like what Seonghwa and himself have. Chan could tell when someone was faking their modesty and humbleness to avoid appearing greedy. You’re only saying ‘no’ because you don’t want him to think you’re desperate, which in his case, he liked. Seonghwa might’ve not liked you being close to him and depending on him, but Chan did. 

“I insist,” he said. “Seonghwa would want you somewhere safe and familiar.”

“He doesn’t care,” you sniffled. “He said he didn’t care where I went as long as I left before she came back.”

Seonghwa likely wanted a few more rounds with Kyungmi before giving her up completely. Chan tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and stepped closer to you. Seonghwa just gave him the perfect window into getting you in his bed. You’ll be much easier to persuade if you believe Seonghwa is done with you. Excitement began bubbling inside his stomach, picturing the moment he unravels you completely. 

“He kicked you out? Just like that?”

“Yes.”

“That’s very unlike him,” he noted, “But he’s always been good at hiding things.” He then repeated, “Stay with me. I don’t mind at all, and I’d feel better knowing you’re being taken care of properly. Those residency rooms are not suitable for two people, and they’re not entirely safe either. I would feel terrible if something happened to you here in my hotel, and I hadn’t done anything to prevent it.”

“Chan, that’s nice of you, but I couldn’t-”

“-Yes, you could. A woman like you should have someone taking care of her.” He took both your hands in his to see the neatly manicured nails with their white French tips. “If you started working a normal job, you’d ruin these expensive nails. You’ll be burnt out from work and start not taking care of yourself properly. You’d be an absolute mess like the girls I see coming out of the restaurant after their shifts. You’re far too classy and delicate to work a job like that. I can’t in good conscience stand by and let that happen to you. Please, stay at my place.” When you continued your humble-act, he said, “It won’t be a problem for me at all. I do own the hotel, so I can do whatever I like.” He lowered his voice, and grasped your hands gently, “If not for me, then maybe my mom? She’ll be devastated when she hears about you and Seonghwa, but knowing you’re somewhere safe and comfortable will make her feel better.” 

He saw you mull over the idea for a moment. You always did your best to stay on his family’s good side, since you knew the alternative resulted in being shunned and ignored by them. Chan saw it with past girlfriends of his: his family never approved of them for one reason or another, and pretended to forget their existence when party invitations came out. His mother and grandmother would be overjoyed if he dated you; that way, you’re still in the family and they have reasons to keep having you around. 

“Are you sure-”

“-Yes, I’m sure. I’m more than sure.” 

If he’s lucky, a few days in the lap of luxury with a man who only desires you may have you rejecting a groveling Seonghwa. After he’s taken Seonghwa’s girl, he’ll focus on getting the inheritance next. 

“Alright,” you finally agreed. “But, I do intend to pay you back…however I can.” 

Was that a glint of flirtation in your eyes, or did he imagine that? “Good,” he smiled at you, “Let’s get you a key, so you can come and go as you please.” He led you over to the front desk where Jeongin looked at you both with a questionable stare. “Jeongin,” he said, “Give me a spare key to my penthouse. Your cousin will be staying with me for a while.”

“No, Mr. Bang, you don’t have to do that. YN can stay in my room. It’s big enough for us both,” he said. Chan detected a flicker of panic in his voice. “You shouldn’t bother yourself with-”

“-YN happens to be a close family friend. I can’t let her stay in any old room. My mother would kill me if she found out I didn’t give YN the absolute best we have to offer,” he then said, “Now, give me a key copy.”

“But, sir, she’s not-”

“-Give me the key, Yang, now,” he repeated more sternly. Did Jeongin believe he’d hurt you? He’d be stupid to try it, and if he did hurt you, it’d be in more pleasurable ways. 

“Yes, sir,” he said, defeatedly. 

Jeongin swiped a gold and white card through a reader, and handed it to Chan, who then handed it to you. “There, your own key.” He turned back to Jeongin, “Have one of the bell boys take YN’s things to the suite.”

“Yes, sir.”

Chan offered you his arm, which you linked with your own. “How about when you’re settled in and dressed properly, you and I have dinner at The Ivory? It’s one of the finest restaurants in the city.” 

“I don’t think I brought anything appropriate,” you said, following him into the elevator.

“In that case,” he hid his sneer as he let the doors close and the box ascended. “We can have something brought up for us. Then, tomorrow I’ll go to your place and get your stuff for you.”

“You don’t need to do that. Seonghwa said he’d put it in storage for me.”

“Psh, like that’s appropriate. You need your things. How else are you going to keep yourself put together, hm? Especially when people hear about the breakup and expect you to look like a hot mess. I can’t let you go to the house by yourself. It might get ugly if that woman is there,” he took your hand and kissed the backs of your knuckles, “Don’t worry, pet. I’ll take care of everything.”

“That’s extremely kind of you, Chan. I really appreciate what you’re doing for me.” You then added, because you must, the obligatory, “I plan to pay you back however I can.”

There he saw it again. That flicker of suggestion had his mind reeling with scenarios. Seonghwa cheating on you may have given you the idea to cheat in turn. He faced you and said, dropping his voice once more, “Oh? How do you plan to do that?”

“I could cook for you,” you replied innocently, no longer weepy or upset. “Your mother always nags at you for eating out too much and not having a proper chef at home. I don’t mind fixing food for you.”

‘Only if you do it naked,’ he thought, picturing you in nothing but an apron as you did so. 

“That’d be sweet of you,” he said, unable to stop the constant flow of lust running through him. “Seonghwa always talked about how good you taste,” he then chuckled, “I meant, how good your food tastes.” 

You shyly looked away, “He did?”

“Yeah, he did. All the time.”

And now he’d experience that goodness himself.

[seidenbros]

Don't Panic, I'm a Mechanic - Part 1 Lover's Lake

Pairing: Mechanic!Eddie x Shy!Plussize!Bookstore!Reader

Warnings: modern AU, female reader, allusions to smut, fluff, insecurities (body image), I tried not to include anythign about yn's looks uncluding skin colour, so if there's anything you find, anything I can make better, please let me know, cause I wanna try to make you all enjoy this, best friend Steve, very shy y/n, teasing and petnames (princess), mutual pining, eddie &reader are 29/28 (let me know what I misses)

Word Count: 2198

Author's note: here we are, I'm not gonna have chapters in themselves, like the next part won't start exactly where this one leaves off. There might be shorter blurbs or longer parts, I don't know yet, but they will (hopefully) appear in order.

Summary: You like Eddie, Eddie likes you, but you are too shy and cannot talk to him properly. Especially not when he keeps teasing you. Meanwhile Eddie thinks you don't like him like that and just get flustered beause he teases you. A day at Lover's Lake suddenly brings a little change when Eddie sees what book you read and you get closer than you've ever been before.

Part 2

The unmistakable sound of a motorcycle made your ear perk up. It wasn’t just any motorcycle, you knew exactly who it belonged to. Even the sound of his motorcycle made your skin tingle and your heart beat faster. What it was about Eddie Munson that made you behave the way you did, you couldn’t tell, but he’d gotten to you the moment you’d set eyes on him.

For some time now, you’d been part of the same group of friends, because Steve had pretty much adopted you when you’d moved to Hawkins, Nancy had become one of your closest friends as well, and when you’d been introduced to Eddie after some time, he’d taken your breath away, and he’d occupied your thoughts and fantasies. But you were never able to say anything. Well, it was hard for you to speak at all sometimes, when he was around. With everyone else, it wasn’t a problem at all. You were witty, made them love, showed how enthusiastic you could become about something you loved, but with Eddie? Your mouth betrayed you, and you weren’t able to form coherent sentences sometimes. Especially not when he called you princess. Rationally, you knew that he called a lot of people that, but when he used that petname for you and gave you that little smirk, you were close to a heart attack. He was only teasing you, you knew that, but it still got to you.

Today, you spent the time with the others at Lover’s Lake. You’d planned this day ahead, so Steve had brought pizza and beer along, and you’d helped him carry everything, cause he’d picked you up and taken you along with him. You’d gotten into a bit of a rush in the end, so you’d just grabbed two books from your table to bring them along. You never left the house without a book, no matter where you went, even if it was just to go grocery shopping. Ever since you were little, you’ve stuck your nose in a book, so it was probably not a big surprise that you were working at a bookstore now. Whenever someone needed a book recommendation, they could come to you and ask you about it. There was a good possibility that you knew just the right book for everyone.

You sank lower in the water when you watched Eddie approach. While he walked, he pulled the helmet off, shaking out his locks. When he found your spot, he put down his bag as well as the helmet and took off his leather jacket. You felt your whole body heat up when he lifted his hands to put his hair into a low bun, his shirt riding up to reveal just a little patch of his stomach, but enough for you to see that little happy trail.

“What’re you looking at?” Steve’s teasing voice was close to your ear, making you jump slightly, before you duck under water completely, nearly letting out a frustrated scream. Steve knew you too well. Way too well, and he always managed to tease you like that when it came to Eddie. But he’d promised never to breathe a word about your feelings. Nancy had found out all by herself, and she had also promised you not to say anything. She only tried to encourage you to say something to Eddie. Yeah, but that wasn’t possible if you always managed to stumble over your words when it came to him. With everyone else, it wasn’t a problem at all, but Eddie…

When you came back up for air, Steve was grinning at you. Goddamn, you should have known that Eddie would be here as well, that he’d come by when he’d finished work for the day, but you’d somehow forgotten about the time, because you were enjoying yourself with the others. Otherwise, you would have been out of the water, wrapped in a towel or dressed again already when he got here.

There were days when you felt really good in your own body, but then there were days when you just wanted to vanish, when all the insecurities bubbled up. Usually those days were rare, and your friends hyped you up so much that you felt comfortable in going for a swim with them, in putting on a bikini and joining them. But with Eddie around, you somehow felt more aware of the size of your body. Not that you thought that Eddie would judge you, he was one of the least judgemental people you knew when it came to something like that, but… still, something in your head switched and made you want to put on some more clothes, or go swimming with a shirt over the bikini.

“I should… get out of the water,” you let Steve know before you swam to the edge and got out of the water. Eddie’s eyes were on you the moment he spotted you getting out, and he didn’t take his eyes off you. That was only more reason for you to walk quicker to grab the towel to wrap around your body. You didn’t want to be rude and sit down somewhere alone, you were friends after all, so you hurried to your clothes and put on the flannel you’d brought with you that hit you about mid thigh, grabbed a book from your bag, and walked over to Eddie.

“Hey Eddie,” you managed to say, before you sat down on the landing stage, leaving a bit of space between the two of you, dipping your feet into the water.

“Hello princess, already enough swimming fun for today?” Eddie tilted his head to the side, eyes roaming over your body until they focused on your eyes. God he really couldn’t get enough of looking at you. Especially when he saw you talking with someone else about something you really loved. Books most of the time. He just wished that you would talk to him like that, but there was something holding you back. He was pretty sure you didn’t like him all that much, at least that was the feeling he got, but Steve had assured him that this wasn’t the case. Steve, who always managed to make you laugh. Steve, who even made you squeal when started tickling you to make you loosen up. Steve who was always there to save the day for you.

Honestly, Steve was Eddie’s friend, a good friend even, but when he saw you two together, he couldn’t shake that feeling of jealousy that crept up on him. Rationally, Eddie knew that there was nothing going on between the two of you, but his poor heart didn’t really listen to that all the time. Especially not when you were so open and always smiling with Steve, and with him… you always seemed to have nothing to say, when he knew for a fact that you told wonderful stories.

“Yeah… just… need a break I guess,” you managed to say, focusing your eyes on the water in front of you, nibbling on your bottom lip.

“Too bad, I thought I could join you, but maybe I can convince you to get in the water with me again.” He smiled at you, his eyes scanning over your thighs, then slowly up your torso to your face. To the way your teeth bore into your lips, the way your nose scrunched up slightly before you answered.

“Yeah… maybe.” That was as good as he was gonna get, he knew that. But he was determined to at least get you talking a little bit, so he asked about the one thing he knew you were passionate about.

“Whatcha reading there?” Eddie nodded towards the book in your hands. Since you had no idea which book you’d taken, you simply handed it to him.

“Haven’t started reading it yet,” you managed to say, looking over at Steve, who asked you without a sound, if you were alright. You weren’t really, but that was because of your heart beating for the metalhead next to you. The guy who made you so nervous that you had trouble speaking. But apart from that…? So you nodded.

“See Jane Score,” Eddie read the title, turning the book over to read the blurb on the backside. You tensed next to him, figuring that you had grabbed the one steamy romance novel from the table. There had been five books altogether, all of them different genres, and you had chosen that one blindly. Fucking perfect. It was the second book in a series you had just started, and the first one had already made you squirm in your seat when you’d read it. Maybe because it combined ice-hockey and the steamy romance aspect. But now that Eddie held it in his hands, you felt your whole body heat up again, your flannel suddenly feeling way too tight and warm for this day.

“Sounds interesting,” he said, looking at you with a twinkle in his eye, when he handed the book back to you. “Should maybe give it a read myself.”

You took the book back from him, his fingers lingering on yours a moment too long, but you tried your best to ignore it, putting the book beside you.

“It’s not… it’s completely different from what you read most of the time, so… I-I don’t know…” You sighed, shaking your head.

“If I’ll like it? Gotta have to try to find that out. Besides, I wonder what makes you tick, what you enjoy.” He winked, before he slowly got up, rising to his full height, before he whipped his shirt over his head.

“W-What are you doing?” you asked, eyes wide with surprise, because you hadn’t expected this at all. For a moment, your eyes were glued to his stomach, before you were able to shake your head and rip your eyes from him and stop your mind from wandering. What he did to you with his mere presence was simply not fair.

“Getting in the water, what does it look like?” There it was again, that smirk that made your knees weak. “You gonna join me?” The soft smile on his lips, the pleading look in his eyes… you weren’t able to say no. Gone were your insecurities for the moment when you started unbuttoning your flannel again, while Eddie dropped his pants and pushed them aside.

“Lemme help you,” he offered, holding out his hand for you. Without thinking about it, you took his hand, expecting him to just help you up, but instead, he pulled you flush against his chest as soon as you were up. Your boobs were squished against his chest, your eyes set on his lips, slowly moving up to look into his deep brown eyes. God, you were sure, he could feel your heart beating, could probably even hear it.

“Hold your breath,” Eddie mumbled before he jumped into the water with you. You managed to do as you were told, but once beneath the cold water, Eddie let go of you, even pushed you slightly towards the surface, because he didn’t want you to swallow any water or lose your breath. He stayed below the surface a moment longer. When you came up, you gasped for air. The water managed to cool your body down a bit after everything Eddie had done to it, to you with his presence and the closeness just now.

Every single one of your senses was on high alert, your skin tingling, your heart racing, your thighs clenching together just because of Eddie. Eddie who was gone a moment longer before he popped up again a bit away from you, pushing the loose strands of hair from his face to look at you.

“You alright? Didn’t wanna tackle you like that.” A look of concern crossed Eddie’s face, but it was quickly gone when he saw the pretty smile on your lips.

“‘M alright… Was getting a bit hot anyway.” But that was not exactly due to the weather.

“Yeah… Yeah me too,” Eddie admitted, but he was quickly called over by Dustin and diverted his attention to his friend. He needed that, needed the distraction from you. because he’d pushed you away from himself beneath the water for a reason. A reason that was very prominent in his boxers right now, so he really had to cool and calm down, and definitely stop himself from thinking about your soft body beneath his, his hands all over you while he was buried deep inside you. Needless to say, you’d had the same thoughts being flush against him, but neither of you did anything about it, and instead, you’d be spending your evening in bed, writing up another scenario for your readers on tumblr with your original characters Wallace “Ace” and Heather… Steve was the only one who knew about that, and he was your biggest fan. He just had to blend out that you had modeled Ace after Eddie.

Tag-List: @hellv1ra @sweetpeapod @eddiemunson95 @e0509 @munsonology @niceboyeds @loverology @bolontiku @tessab154 @m00nlight101 @tellhound @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @bellamy-barnes @hardysbitch @give-em-hellfire @samlealea @hacker-ghost @kirsteng42 @princesseddie @anaisweird @harringtonfan4 @ethereal27cereal @goldenkinglouis @goldylions @lightvixxen  

Tagged a few of the people who asked about it and who I thought might be interested 💚 let me know if you want to be added or taken from this list 💚

[tuliprry]

sunbeam 3

prompt: ballerina!yn x barista!harry, y/n is a ballerina and harry works at the café in the same building, both have a little crush on each other

warnings: mostly fluff, mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety, mentions of eating disorder

word count: 2k

part 1 part 2 part 4 part 5 extras

it's currently february, y/n has been planning a surprise party for harry, she had to message harry's mum which was terrifying for her as they haven't even been introduced, it wasn't the end of the world and anne was so excited that even though they were only dating for a few months that y/n was so ready to do these little things for her son. harry thinks they're just going on a date tonight and then come back to his house for a really sweet night of i love yous and sloppy sex. y/n was able to arrange a 15 minute window for anne to come over and start getting his apartment ready for the party. y/n had gotten harry a suit for his birthday and insisted that he would change at her house, harry was confused but he didn't think anything much of it.

y/n loved seeing harry in beiges and browns, it was something she genuinely loved, not that he looks bad in anything but there's just something that gets her all mushy inside when he wears beige, even pink, so clearly, she got him beige suit pants that go with a white shirt and a tan vest with pear drawings, y/n had an eye for fashion and she always took a mental note of things harry has mentioned, including this vest.

"how do i look?" harry asks, taking the well loved hair clip from his hair, "like a very sexy 28 year old" y/n giggled and stood up to properly check him out, "yeah you look so good my mouth is watering", he kissed her in between laughs, y/n looked good too, in a off white summer dress with puffy short sleeves and a little bow on her chest, white tights with really cute embroidered drawings and black mary janes. harry always thought she looked drop dead gorgeous, even when she was sweaty and exhausted from ballet class and would kiss him and sit on a stool awaiting her precious latte, he just thought she looked like what god is supposed to look like. "you know... if we didn't have our dinner... i'd definitely take this off right now" harry whispers in her ear sending shivers down her spine, he knew exactly what he did to her, in that department things have been... different, they've been trying a few things out and the more he learns about y/n in bed the easier it is for him to tease her and make her cheeks get a rosy coloured flush. "harry... cmon we still have to go to your house" y/n is trying hard to not get her knees weak or worse accidentally say theres a surprise party for him. "right fuck i still can't believe i left my phone at home, i'm sorry bunny" y/n knew exactly she was the one making sure his phone was at home so they had to go back but she just kissed his lips, grabbed her purse and went out the door.

on the uber ride, y/n texted anne saying they were on their way so they could hide and get remotely ready for the surprise, the jitters through y/n's body were absolutely killing her poor stomach, making her have a really big pain on that area, "bunny? do you wanna stay home? u look like you're sick" harry says as he puts his right over her tummy, "no no it's your birthday!!"

once harry opened the door and turned the lights on, his closest friends and family jumped and yelled surprise, harry stood tall with a shocked yet happy expression on his face, putting his hands on his face in disbelief, "oh my god you guys", he ran to his mum and sister hugging them tightly, "you planned all this?" he asks still in the hug, "no, darling, y/n planned all of this, we just helped getting it to come true" anne said going back to hug her son on his special day. 

the party wasn't the kind of birthday party 21 year old y/n goes from her university friends, this is sweet, there's an 80s playlist playing, wine and cheeses and vegan spreads, harry was talking to his friends, they all looked about harry's age and really nicely put, she's listening to their conversation, sort of, they're going over writing and magazines and issues going on at the mother company of few of the magazines harry writes for outside of his side job as a barista. truth be told y/n understood nothing and felt like a little girl just sulking while waiting for harry to give her attention. 

it's now 3am, y/n has just finished putting the leftovers inside the fridge, harry, who was supposed to still be loading the dishwasher, was attentively following her every move, grunts and small sighs, "ready to tell me whats inside that pretty mind?" harry asks, following her into the living room, "there's nothing to tell", y/n isn't as emotionally grown as harry, not that's she's childish when it comes to emotions, she just immediately has bad thoughts and uses anger as a coping mechanism, harry has a gut feeling y/n's ex wasn't actually the best person on earth and so many of her questions and worries and fears come from never knowing what true love is supposed to be like. "bunny... you wouldn't be pouty without reasoning" harry hugged her from behind, "but if you don't want to talk i get it, we can just stay like this", y/n closed her eyes and let herself rest in his arms for a minute, "i just.. all of your friends they're so... grown.. and i'm not and what if you want more? what if you need more? it's just... scary, h." harry tightened the hug, "i'm ruining your birthday i'm so sorry", he mouthed a little shush and turned her around to look at her face, "y/n.. i want you, please never doubt for any minute that you aren't the person i want and love the most, yeah they’re my age but look at you, 2 years of uni and you scored an internship at a studio, you do ballet, you work with all kinds of people.. you’re grown too, a little too grown for a 21 year old, i promise you i was a fuck up at your age” his lips met her forehead,  the most underrated of kisses, "listen to me let's take a shower okay? get these clothes off and sleep, mm? can we do that?" of course they could.

 it's been a week since y/n's moment of honesty and so many more moments of honesty were shared between them, especially at the end of the day before falling asleep. it snowed today, london has been messy and people have been rude and acting like they've never seen snow in their lives, y/n walks into the tall building where her ballet classes and rushes to see harry, he's restocking the food in display when he hears his girlfriends teary voice, he immediately puts the tray of deserts down and gets out behind the counter to kiss her, "you're freezing, let me get u coffee", he goes back and makes her a warm drink, he knew y/n had been on her nerves lately but today just seemed like the last straw by the sad look on her face. "people are so stupid, this man almost made me fall while leaving the tube by pushing me really hard, my foot hurts a little and i have class now and i really need to wash my hair and i have internship deadlines to meet at the photography studio and-" harry cut her off placing a croissant in front of her, "please eat and let me talk", she nodded, "first off next time someone pushes u like that just step on their feet, second are you okay to dance? does it hurt?... and y/n you have been working a lot lately i'm sure you can meet your deadlines you're just nervous and thats okay", he put a piece of her curtain bangs behind her ear and rested his forehead on hers, "everything is okay bunny, eat your croissant and drink your latte, yeah?" 

harry's shift ended while y/n was still in class, usually his shift ends after and y/n just waits for him so they can go to either one of their places together, he decided to go upstairs and watch a bit of her class, he was really curious about the whole atmosphere and dynamic of y/n in her ballet class, y/n has told him a million times if he ever wants to watch it for a little that he's always welcome, he took his opportunity and walked in, y/n's teacher saw him in the corner of her eye and came up to him. "hello? how can i help?" she asked, "i'm harry, y/n's boyfriend i work downstairs", he was still standing at the ballet studio door, "oh! i'm maya, y/n's teacher", she smiles and points at the floor, "you can sit there we're just finishing up!". y/n already doing stretches, his heart shrunk a little by not seeing her dance, something he absolutely loves to watch y/n do, y/n spots him through the mirror in front of her and makes a sign to go meet her, he does and sits next to her, also stretching. 

"what are you doing here?"

"well i finished my shift earlier and i wanted to see you"

"we're just finishing"

"you look so good"

"h..."

"no no! i mean it you look out of a music box, you're so beautiful”

“don’t make me blush right now”

harry was carrying y/n’s stuff inside his house, placing them on top of his dining table, y/n had been the entire tube ride explaining how her class is doing a small production of the nutcracker to present at a local theatre, mostly for schools to go to, she didn’t have a big hope to be a lead has she knows she’s been on this class for 6 months and it’s not her time to shine yet, but she is actually so excited and ready to start rehearsing. “when are you guys supposed to present it?”, harry asks getting his shoes off, “maya said late may, she’s hosting auditions next week with one of her colleagues in another school, they’re judging us by our regular routines so i’m a little less nervous” y/n explains, they were quickly changing clothes to go and do touristy things in london, they have been doing this every time his shift and her class are in the morning, usually on tuesdays, y/n always takes the chance to photograph harry, her favourite model. “borough market date?” she asks, packing some linen food bags onto her bag, “oh yeah my fridge actually looks very sad, i’ve gotten used to your cooking” he kisses her forehead, “want to cook dinner tonight? i’ll help” he continues, doing his puss in boots eyes to her, “stop it, i can’t say no if you look at me like that….maybe a bowl? with veggies and rice, we could get broccoli, mushrooms, some vegan chicken and vegan pesto?” his stomach growls just thinking about it, “i don’t know how you do it, you just always know what i’m craving.” harry sees improvement on y/n’s eating, she eats more and hasn’t fainted in a long while, he doesn’t totally get it as he hasn’t been there but he still reads about it a lot. 

borough market was packed as usual, it’s a tourist spot but y/n and harry love going there and get their fruit and veggies, once they even got garlic tofu and started buying it way too often for their own good, one of harry’s favourite meals y/n has ever made, said tofu, brown rice, hummus and a side salad of rainbow veggies, his mum mentioned his tummy was definitely bigger, comfy, something he didn’t mind if it meant eating this good every night.

“garlic tofu?”

“that’s not a question harry, it’s always a yes”

“is it also always a yes for a kiss?”

“absolutely”

y/n's birthday post for harry

y/n's little london post

y/n's story about harry losing her at a uni party

part 4?

taglist: @his-only-angel-1989 @oscarissacsslut @odilevonbrekker @youd0ntkn0wm3 @tenaciousperfectionunknown

[silkholland]

Summary: Running into your former best friend on your 25th birthday wasn’t in your celebration plans. What makes It even worse is that he doesn’t even seem to remember you or the reason you completely disappeared from his life. What is in your plans though, is to make him fall in love with you only to break him the way he broke you. There’s no way you could end up hurt again…right?

Pairings: Tom Holland x plus size! reader

Warnings: SMUT (additional warnings under the cut), language, fluff.

Word Count: 3.2K

Chapter 10: Living On A Feeling

Smut Warnings: oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), praise kink, slight degradation kink, slight exhibitionism (no one gets caught), pet names. I think that’s it?

Golden rays pierced through the blinds, your eyes blinking to adjust. It took you a few seconds to get your bearings, recognizing you weren’t in your own bedroom. Warm breath and soft snores tickled your neck, a pleasant reminder of exactly where you were.

Once Tom had woken you up from your short nap on the roof, you helped him gather the leftover snacks and blanket. When you made it inside his apartment you were half expecting him to try to initiate something. He didn’t though. Instead, he offered you a shirt of his, to which you eyed skeptically. He turned around while you rid yourself of your clothing, leaving yourself only in your panties and his oversized orange tee. He climbed into bed, clad only in a pair of boxers, and lifted the blanket for you to join him. You fell asleep to the soothing sound of his heartbeat.

You could have stayed like that forever, but alas both your bladder and work wouldn’t allow.

“Tom,” you spoke softly, gently nudging him. His only reply was a low grumble as his arms wrapped tighter around your waist.

“Tom,” you tried again, to no avail.

You decided to try something different, hoping that your words would have the same reaction as throwing a bucket of cold water on him.

“Baby,” you spoke lowly, your hand caressing his.

“Ugh,” he grumbled once again, this time more awake. “That’s not fair,” he continued, pressing soft kisses against the skin of your neck.

“No, what’s not fair is the UTI you are currently forcing on me,” you retorted, your hands slowly pulling his from your waist despite his grip.

The whining didn’t cease, even as you scurried to the bathroom to relieve yourself. When you entered the room again you were faced with an actual child. A pout was worn on his petal pink lips as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“What time even is it?” his morning voice was much lower than you remembered and you had to mentally slap yourself to keep from crawling back into bed with him.

“It’s 9. I have to head back to my apartment to shower and get ready for work…” you said reluctantly. Damn capitalism.

You began to grab your clothes, redressing yourself in yesterday’s attire.

“Can’t you just stay here?” The covers were now thrown off of him and he was approaching you, the pout on his face still ever present. You turned away from him as you continued getting dressed. You knew if you stared at him long enough, you’d give in.

“I wish I could but if I don’t make money, who’s gonna pay for your fast food addiction?” You leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around you.

“It’s not an addiction, it’s a convenience,” he rebutted, his lips placing feather like kisses on your shoulder, neck and cheek. “There’s a difference.”

“There is not,” you turned in his arms so you could look into his eyes. “Regardless, I think Kie would be really mad at me if I couldn’t pay for my half of the rent.”

He sighed, finally relenting. “I guess…fine.”

“Oh thank you, master,” you mocked, your fingers lacing through his messy curls.

“Mmm…maybe call me that later,” he smirked, leaning down to capture your lips in his. You rebuffed him, swatting his chest.

“Gross,” your nose scrunched up in disgust.

The monotony of your job felt more discernible than ever. Fold a tee. Help a customer. Fold another tee. Ring out a customer. Fold a pile of tees. Help someone in the fitting room.

You had been working at River Blue - a small fashion boutique three blocks from your apartment - about four years now. It was an easy job to maintain in college and an even easier job to maintain out of it. You knew your job like the back of your hand, which was the current cause of your fatigue. Every day was the same, save for a rude customer or two.

Today felt worse for some reason. Maybe it was the knowledge that you could be bundled up in a nice, warm bed with equally warm arms wrapped around you. Maybe it was the fact that you couldn’t get the way his eyes shined as he stared into yours out of your mind. There was also a chance it could be the thought that this was all going to blow up in your face.

It pained you to even entertain the idea that Kiara might be right. You knew how to build a wall between your brain and your heart. You did it for pretty much the entirety of high school and even a few months into college. It was just easier that way - no pain, no repercussions, just meaningless fun. Tom wasn’t like the other guys before though. You knew that, Kiara knew that, even Lucia who didn’t utter a word of disagreement knew it.

Things were so easy between you two though - so seamless. You didn’t have to second guess yourself like you assumed you would have, similarly to how you’d act around any other guy. Whether he realized it or not, he knew you inside and out. He knew what comforted you, what made you laugh, what made you worried, what made you, well, you.

That was the scariest part of it all. He knew you so deeply and yet he didn’t know you. He knew all the good things about you, everything you allowed him to. If he knew who you really were, deep down, he’d be disgusted. Hell, you were disgusted by yourself. The way you treated yourself and those around you for months - it was inexcusable. That thought terrified you.

It was impressive how much you could immerse yourself in your work when your mind was wandering. It was nearly four hours into your eight hour shift, and you were in a daze. You were running on autopilot, folding clothes, helping an older woman find lingerie - that part you were glad you blocked out for the most part- and ringing up customers who didn’t understand how rude it was to talk on their phone at the register. Your head was in the clouds, but your brain was a hurricane. A cacophony of thunder and wind drifting through and crashing into their surroundings. The sound of a buzzing, a siren perhaps, joined the assortment of hazardous warning bells. It took you a second to realize the sound wasn’t coming from your thoughts, but your back pocket.

You ducked behind a fixture, shielding yourself and your cell phone from your manager’s disapproving gaze. You tapped on the screen and were greeted with a text message from Tom. ‘I miss you. Where are you?’

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you replied, ‘At my job, you dumbfuck. Have you ever had one before?’

You hit send before your heart dropped, second guessing your response. You always teased and taunted as a sign of affection. Tom didn’t know that yet though, not really. Sure you called him a jerk and an ass from time to time, but that was when he could hear your voice, your facetious inflection letting him know he was in on the joke. This was different. What if he thought you were cruel. What if he wanted to break up with you. What if—

Your thoughts were interrupted by a buzz of your phone. Reluctantly, you swiped it open to reveal his reply. Multiple laughing emojis stared back at you, what felt like the weight of the world lifting off your shoulders. Your phone buzzed again right after with his next reply. ‘Nah, Luke is a pretty good sugar daddy. And, I’m sorry, I guess I just miss my girl. What time is your break?’

A thousand butterflies burst from your chest and fluttered throughout your body. My girl. This fucker was smooth. As much as you wanted to be pessimistic about it, you couldn’t deny the feeling of your entire body turning to goo at his words.

‘In about a half hour. Think you can get here in time?’ You replied.

‘Already half way out the door.’ Was his instant response.

Sure enough, the second you clocked out for your break, the bell above the door chimed to signal a new customer. You were sure your eyes resembled actual hearts as you gazed up at him entering with a small brown paper bag in hand.

“Just in time?” He grinned widely, slowly approaching.

“Just in time,” you confirmed. “Slight dilemma though,” you began, watching his happy expression shift to a dejected one instantly. “The break room kinda flooded last week….badly. We’ve been taking our lunches in the furthest fitting room,” you peered up at him through your lashes, fearing annoyance. Instead he just shrugged, his hand grabbing yours.

“Lead the way, m’lady.” You scrunched your nose up at his term of endearment and he laughed.

The fitting room wasn’t small, per se, but it definitely wasn’t meant for two people to hang out in. Initially, Tom offered to sit on the cushioned bench with you on his lap but he quickly abandoned that suggestion at the look of panic on your face. It wasn’t that you never sat on guys before - or rode them for that matter - but you were still nervous about this entire situation. One wrong move could ruin everything you worked for so far.

You settled in after some bickering, you sitting comfortably on the bench while he sat on the ground, his back pressed against the floor length mirror.

“I um…I was kinda in a rush and I wasn’t sure if you usually eat out on your lunch breaks or what…I mean I could have taken you out but between sitting down and ordering and then actually eating and also trying to be polite to the server and not rush them and—“ Your bemused expression caused him to cut off his rant halfway through, a cough clearing his throat. “I made you this,” he concluded, handing you the brown paper bag.

You peered inside, a wide grin adorning your face as you lifted the small sandwich wrapped in a ziplock bag from the paper one. “You made me a sandwich?” You questioned in disbelief.

“Turkey, Ham and Cheese. It was all we really had….” He peered up at you, hoping it was satisfactory. He received his answer in the form of a chaste kiss on his lips.

He watched you intently as you ate, an indiscernible look in his eyes. You immediately shrunk in on yourself when you noticed, years of watchful eyes as you ate staring back at you. “You hungry?” You managed to get out, a small bite still lodged in your throat.

He hummed in agreement but didn’t take his eyes off of you.

“You should have said something, I would have given you half,” you apologized, suddenly feeling embarrassed at how quickly you ate.

“I’m not hungry for food.”

“Then what are you—“ your words were cut off as he leaned forward, his lips pressing against yours. Your fingers found purchase in his messy curls, tugging him closer. You kissed for a moment longer before pulling apart just enough to let out a small laugh. When you looked into his eyes though, the laughter caught in your throat.

“You’re gonna have to be really quiet, okay?”

Your brows instantly furrowed, confusion etched on your features. He placed another chaste peck to your lips before his lips began their descent. Your eyes flittered closed at the feel of his velvet lips on your throat. You could soak in that moment forever, feeling the soft nips of his teeth followed by his soothing tongue. As heavenly as it felt, you still weren’t sure what he warned you for.

His lips continued further down, ghosting over your breasts and stomach, placing gentle kisses along the way before he finally got to his destination. His fingers made quick work of the button on your jeans, the zipper soon following while your eyes widened at his intentions.

“T-tom. I’m at work,” you nearly hissed. “We can’t have sex here.” As much as you wanted to, and god did you want to. You had been too drunk the last time to really enjoy every detail. You promised yourself the next time you slept with him, if you slept with him again, you’d commit every inch of him to memory.

His lips quickly ascended your body until they were back at your lips, making sure to leave little pecks along the way. “We’re not,” he breathed against your lips. “It’s just my turn to eat…”

It took you a moment to process his words, your body running on autopilot as you lifted up your hips to help him slide your jeans down and off of you. Were you really going to let him go down on you here? In the dressing room of your store?

Your panties were being slid down your legs when he paused to lock eyes with you, silently asking if he should continue. His grin widened at your tiny nod.

It wasn’t that the idea of him going down on you here of all places wasn’t exciting. It’s just that you had, in all honesty, never experienced it. Your previous boyfriends and hook ups weren’t exactly giving lovers. You only agreed to give a blowjob to one of them because he actually took the time to make sure you’d cum. He never offered to reciprocate though, just got you off with his fingers that you basically had to puppeteer.

Your legs widened on their own accord as he placed his hands on your inner thighs, the heat from them only adding to your dripping core.

“Never knew you were such an exhibitionist,” his breath on your cunt causing you to shiver.

“I-I’m not,” you muttered, eyes already closing.

You whimpered as the tip of his finger traced your entrance.

“Could have fooled me. You’re soaked.”

He pulled away from you completely and you couldn’t help the huff that came out.

“So impatient,” he chided. You were about to snap at him, a smart ass comment on the tip of your tongue when you felt him lick a stripe from your entrance to your clit. An involuntary moan slipped through your parted lips and his left hand instantly flew up to clasp over your mouth. Your wide eyes gazed down at his chocolate brown ones, his eyebrows nearly disappearing in his hairline.

“Have to be quiet, okay, baby?”

You nodded furiously - whatever would make him continue. He dipped his head back down, his lips wrapping around your clit as his hand stayed firm on your mouth. The notion that he physically needed to keep you silent got you even wetter.

He could sense the affect he had on you. You knew by the way his lips curved into the slightest smirk as he continued to suck at your bud. He released your clit, only for a moment, before his tongue began licking at it. He traced the outline of it before dipping his tongue further down, just breaching your entrance but never actually going in.

He glanced up to see your eyebrows knitted together, your breath coming out in pants against his hand. He watched as your eyes rolled back into your head the second he finally dipped his tongue inside of you. He lapped at your juices, savoring every drop. His crooked nose nudged your bud with every dip of his tongue, your eyes squeezing tighter at the sensation. “So sweet for me, baby,” he mumbled against your lips, a groan releasing from your throat at his praise.

“You like that? You like when I tell you how good you’re doing for me?” He peered up at you and you nodded your head forcefully, just wanting him to keep up his ministrations. He placed a chaste kiss against your clit, the heat from his breath and lips never leaving your core. “You’re doing so good staying quiet for me. You think you can stay quiet if I make you cum?”

“Mhmmm,” your response was muffled but urgent.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?” A kiss. “I’m so fucking hard right now.” A lick. “I wish I could pound you against this wall right now. Let everyone know who you belong to.” A suck of your clit.

You could feel your orgasm building, your thighs beginning to shake. Your hips began to move on their own, bucking up towards his head. “So fucking needy,” he nearly growled, his lips sucking harder on your bud. Your fingers twisted in his curls, holding him closer to your core as you basically used his tongue to get yourself off. You could feel the knot in your stomach forming, almost ready to burst. Your previously closed eyes flew open and you gasped against his hand when he shoved his right middle and ring finger inside you, starting up a quick pace instantaneously.

You were thankful he never released your mouth from his grasp, it was impossible for you to contain the moans and groans currently leaving your lips.

“Come on, baby. Come for me. Let me taste you,” he quickened the thrust of his fingers, his lips wrapping around your clit to suck harder and faster.

’T-T-Tom,” your muffled cries caused him to glance up at you, wanting to watch as you fell apart on his tongue.

You cried out against his hand as the tsunami of your orgasm hit you. Your eyes squeezed tight, stars bursting behind your lids. Your hips kept moving, riding out the waves of your orgasm and his pace never ceased. Your back arched off the wall, hands struggling to find purchase in both the bench below you and his silky curls. He only stopped when your fingers began to tug his head away from your core, but not before he had the chance to lick up everything you gave him and leave a gentle kiss on your clit. You involuntarily shivered at the contact, your bundle overstimulated.

Your chest was still heaving considerably, trying to catch your breath from one of the best orgasms you had ever experienced.

There was a sheen to his lips, evidence of the earth shattering orgasm he just gave you, as he crawled back up your body to place a kiss against your lips. You hungrily pulled him in, your tongue instantly dancing along his. He chuckled into the kiss and you pulled away to give him a questioning look.

“Who knew my girl was such a freak?”

Your mouth dropped open, your rebuttal hanging in the air as the timer on your phone went off. Your break was done. Yet here you were, panties and jeans still on the floor and the bench below you more than likely soaked.

“I—“ you stuttered.

“Put your pants on and I’ll take care of the rest. Go make some money, sugar momma,” he kissed your forehead as he began to clean up from your activities.

Your nose scrunched up at his lame joke, but you couldn’t concentrate on that right now. Right now, you had to focus on how exactly you were expected to stand on your shaking legs for the next four hours.

You probably looked like a new born deer as you fumbled to get your jeans on and stumbled out of the fitting room. You raised your middle finger in the air, directing it at Tom as you heard him chuckle at your trembling legs behind you.

Taglist:

@blindingdutchy | @the-key-to-me-myself-and-i | @wayfaring----stranger | @gh0stgurl | @marajillana | @raajali3

[sweetness47]

Her first time

Pairing Dean x PlusSize!reader

This is for @spnkinkbingo

Kink Square filled: first time

Warnings!!! SMUTTY FLUFFY STUFF 18+ READERS ONLY

Dean’s lips were warm and inviting as he captured hers in a gentle kiss. She was nervous but she was also in love, and Dean promised to go slow. She thought he would tease or make fun of her, but instead here he was showering with love and affection. His hands cupped her waist, pulling her closer, then pushing her gently toward the mattress. She felt his fingers slide along her skin, and the sensation ignited a fire in her very core.

Dean removed her dress and bra, then discarded his shirt. YN ran her hands over his smooth torso, causing him to shiver. She smiled. He lowered his head to capture a nipple in his mouth, teasing the sensitive bud with his teeth. YN threw her head back as a moan escaped her lips, her apex now wet with desire. The fire was quickly becoming a raging inferno, and she felt the pressure building as the first orgasm surfaced. It slammed into her like a freight train. Dean moved his hand to her dripping center, and slipped a finger inside. Her hips bucked off the bed as he moved his finger in and out, adding a second, then picking up the pace. Her second climax flooded her body and Dean’s fingers.

He repositioned himself then, pushing her legs apart, and seeking entrance to her wet core. Thrusting his hips forward he entered her, breaking the virginal barrier. She wrapped her legs around his torso, gasping with pleasure as she adjusted to his size stretching her. Then he pulled back and slammed into her. YN’s body was hit with massive shockwaves of erotic climaxes as the intensity became a reality. Holy fuck! Then again he moved, out then in, with almost painstaking precision, each thrust hitting her sweet spot.

She cried out his name as he picked up the pace, slamming even harder with each movement of his hips. YN felt like she was coming undone as her core was set aflame once more, causing her body spasm and jerk as another release came. Suddenly he was joining her, the sight of her cumming was too much. It was her name that his lips cried out as he emptied his hot seed into her, grunting and pumping hard. Then he was laying beside her, holding her close, and she clung to him and the peace that came with having him in her life.

“I love you Mr. Winchester.” She said sleepily.

Dean smiled at his new bride. “I love you too Mrs. Winchester.”

@akshi8278

[thisismeracing]

A friend of a friend | LH44

SOCIAL MEDIA AU

Pairing: black!plussize-model!reader (she/her) x lewis hamilton

Warnings: curse words, Twitter environment, it’s not proofread, etc etc. Minors DNI!

summary: After a friend in common introduced them, Lewis and Yn can't seem to stay away from each other, and the fans are quick to catch and manifest a relationship.

Per this request 💜 I hope you like it!

a/n: none of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps. everything else is made up by me and I do not give permission for it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

my masterlist | taglist

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, normani, and others

yourusername Got a nice invitation to spend my Sunday somewhere new 🫶🏾

View all 3,462 comments

mercedesamgf1 It was amazing having you! 💜

⤷ swiftglow will we see her in the paddock again?? Spill the tea admin 🙏🏾

normani bestie, take me w you next time!!!!

lewisfan1990 It’s like she’s always ready for a runway, she’s really pretty!

preciousyn How can she look this good all the time???

lewishamilton 💜

⤷ justracing1 THE MATH IS MATHING

lewishamilton

liked by pierregasly, normani, and others

lewishamilton 💜 Life is good. Blessed.

View all 6,823 comments

afterglowlh44 silence, he thinks we won’t know

hamiltonnature A SOFT LAUNCH???

⤷ leclover16 more like a hard launch because considering the curly hair this is clearly Yn

normani 😍😍

ynprincess1 Why didn’t Yn like it?

⤷ forzaf155 maybe she’s trying to play it cool so we won’t freak out

⤷ winterraces_ her best friend liked tho

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, dualipa, and others

yourusername You guys are too quick. Anyways, good to be “off the market” as some of you say 😝

View all 7,532 comments

lewishamilton ❤️ life is better w you, ily

⤷ lewislight When is gonna be my time??? 😭😭😭😭

cullen_angela I’m the happiest for you guys

ynsummer this was not on my 2023 bingo card, but I’m glad it happened. Yn deserves someone to cherish and pamper her

fan2002 she really said: fuck this shit, you guys found out, now Im hard launching for the clueless ones

taglist: @sachaa-ff

[tuliprry]

sunbeam 2

prompt: ballerina!yn x barista!harry, y/n is a ballerina and harry works at the café in the same building, both have a little crush on each other

warnings: fluff, a bit of angst, mentions of eating disorder, christmas

word count: 2k

part 1 part 3 part 4 part 5 extras

it has been a month since y/n and harry's first date, it's now december 21st, y/n has been practising with pointe shoes which led to a lot of bleeding and bruising, harry has been super inspired, the words flow out of his mouth like a river and he owes it all to y/n, for giving him reasons to write. 

their first week of dating was weird, y/n followed harry on instagram and that's when it hit him he never asked for her age... he knew she was an adult but it never crossed his mind until the moment y/n is long gone on the tube and he's sitting on his sofa reading her instagram bio "21, london based photographer", yeah she was an adult but he was 6 years her senior and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable in any way. "stupid stupid stupid", he thought. when y/n got off the tube her phone was buzzing like crazy, "i swear on GOD that i didn't realise you were so young", "i promise u i'm not a creep i just really thought you were at least 25", y/n's eyes widened to the worried messages from harry, she never mentioned her age because she forgot, when harry mentioned he was 27 she was gonna make a joke about millenials but her mind trailed off when the pasta came to the table. 

"harry i'm so sorry i was on the tube! if i wasn't clear by almost swallowing your face tonight, i'm absolutely more than okay with you being older than me... is it an issue being 21?"

"i just don't want you to think i'm some creep taking advantage of you"

"i genuinely don't think that"

"but seriously who the fuck is born in 2000"

"don't be mean a lot of people were born in 2000"

"mean? i'm not mean"

"yeah you're a millennial, it's worse."

during that entire week harry was always thinking his moves and trying to be even more respectful, his entire dating history was always with people older than him so all of this was relatively new to him, y/n explained a thousands times she was okay but harry still had to wrap his head around it. it was the same week y/n started pointe shoes, she was constantly tired and in pain and the hours she wasn't practicing she was working and then spending hours at the café editing so she could keep harry company. harry admired her, if it was him he would've definitely fallen asleep on the tube and getting off at a stop much further than his.

the second week was just sweet, lovebirds honeymoon phase clingy sweet, harry even got y/n tickets to go to the royal ballet, he understood nothing of it, but the sparkling eyes and smile coming from y/n made it just perfect. that same night harry fell asleep on y/n's sofa, cuddling oli, while watching taskmaster, another thing he swears on, y/n's sofa is amazing to take naps on (oli included). y/n had given harry's name to a magazine she does some shoots for, just in case they needed an article to he written, and still now she prays it's an article that needs photos so they can work together. the times they are apart are so little but those moments only make them crave each other even more.

the third week was hell, y/n fell in class, harry couldn't puzzle out why she was avoiding food or why she didn't want to eat outside the house anymore. truth be told y/n feels deeply conscious about herself whenever she's in the ballet studio, her teacher is cool and against the unachievable goal of the ballerina body but the other ballerinas were starting to ruin y/n's experience.

she didn't want harry to know, the "relationship" was so fresh and she wasn't emotionally ready to sit down and tell him sometimes (most times) being overweight and plus sized was a war with herself. harry did mention it to his sister, his sister just said being there is the best you can do, so he did.

this week was better than before, harry met y/n's friends and slept over one more time, this time in bed with her, he was still finding a way to ask y/n to be his girlfriend, he was sleeping in her bed for fucks sake. he also started talking kindly about food to y/n, showing his tummy multiple times.

"you have boobs bigger than mine harry"

"borrow me a bra then?"

y/n opened up a little more about the sad thoughts that lived in her when it came to food, so he googled about it, and tried to be as comforting and understanding as possible.

they went ice skating for their weekly date, both sucking terribly at it, harry did suck a little more, his knees always finding their way to the ice flooring, harry still thinks about her outfit, matching beige leggings and crewneck with a big white bunny in it, hair half up half down tied with a white lace bow and obviously her leg warmers, his eyes were glued to her, he just thought she was so beautiful and sexy and he craved her, he wanted to keep the decorum but this girl made his head spin. they ended up having sex for the first time that same night, sloppy kisses, harry couldn't keep his hands to himself, y/n was about to warn him about the fat above her hips but he stopped right there, "god it looks great to bite on", his lips travelled her entire body, always praising her, "you're a goddess, i'm in bed with god right now, fuck me", a memorable night indeed.

harry met y/n's two bestest friends the next morning, he assumed they already knew what had happened the night before by the funny exchanged looks between them and y/n, one of them was still studying, doing a masters in ecology and the other one was a visual artist like y/n but a videographer, harry liked them, they were loud and constantly offering him food and drinks. harry kept an eye out for y/n, constantly worried that she could be skipping meals. 

today is saturday, y/n is laying on harry’s sofa with a very purring poppy cuddling her while harry is finishing editing an article that he has to email until 11pm, he's not too worried as he got most of it written on his days off. "y/n do you want to order veggie burgers for lunch, babe?" harry asked without taking his eyes off his desktop computer. "oh yeah! with the sweet potato fries and that veganaise sauce... i'll order!", he smiled to himself, the last few days have been good for y/n mental health wise, she was on a ballet break until the new years, he hasn't stopped thinking about her flying home for christmas and missing her. "harry do you want the black bean burger? or the chickpea one?” y/n asked wrapping her arms around harry from behind, “what are you heaving? actually never mind i know you want the black bean one”,  he brushed his fingers against her hand, “…harry stop it’s creepy how you know me so well it’s been a month!!!” y/n pouts, it’s not really heartfelt, she loves that he knows her so well and genuinely wants to learn more about her as she had never lived anything like this. “i’m a genius and the chickpea one, please-“ before he speaks again y/n interrupts him “extra veganaise i know, you’re not the only one memorising things, old man”, harry’s worry about y/n being younger was still there but smaller, he loved that she felt comfortable enough to tease him about pushing 30.

“old man? i wasn’t an old man when i was fucking you last night”

“HARRY??? NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN”

“sorry, sorry, i promise i won’t traumatise our children”

“our? so poppy is also mine? good to know”

“i mean, we both love you so i don’t see why not”

y/n’s felt her heart skipping a whole beat before processing what harry had just said, “h, what did you say?”, he turned his chair around and patted his thigh so y/n would sit on top of it. “i love you. you don’t have to say it back, i just do love you, i’m here trying to focus and not think about having to drop you off at the airport tomorrow and be away from u a whole week and not even get to start the year with you. i find myself writing about you, accidentally making your favourite drink when the customer absolutely not asked for him, i just know that i do. i do love you” y/n was speechless, she had thought about those 3 words and how what she feels for harry is stronger and only i love you in her mother language would make sense but she felt it too, not wanting to be away, finding reasons to be together, she was right where he was, emotionally.

“harry.”, y/n whispered, “you don’t have to say it, bunny”, he whispered back, placing his chin on her shoulder, “harry i love you, i love you too”

this is one of the moments harry most writes about

harry’s journal,  23rd december 2021

christmas season love only felt true 

in all of those nights i watched

love actually

colin firth falling in love with someone

he could barely understand

i needed it for myself

you came along and made me feel

right in his shoes

learning portuguese

just so i can tell you i love you

in a way only you would get it

your whispers,

my name,

your three words,

the most beautiful christmas gift 

i could have ever gotten

i miss you

come home to me

♡˚.༄  january 3rd 2022

harry is at the airport with a bouquet of white and blush coloured tulips, he had a busy christmas, he moved oli with him and poppy for the holidays to make sure oli wouldn't feel alone, poppy and oli bonded immediately like sisters, against all feline odds, they now can’t live without each other, much like their parents. his sister and mum flew over to his london house this time around, a chaotic christmas because harry burnt his not so great oat christmas cookies.

harry sees her coming through the arrivals door in a sea of people, his love actually moment, he speeds up to her and kisses her passionately. “god bunny, i missed you”, getting her carry-on and walking with her towards the tube. “how was your flight?” he asks, placing his tote bag better on his shoulder, “exhausting, a baby cried most of the way, poor little guy, if i get grumpy and i’m 21 i can’t imagine a baby, other than that it was okay, i got some work done. how are the girls?”, the girls, meaning poppy and oli and anne and gemma, harry was alone in the middle of women. “they’re okay, kinda fussy, i think they miss you. my mum says i’ve been fussy too”, y/n just giggled.

“harry, can we just get a coffee before we go home?”

“just not a christmas drink, please”

“you’re not the barista for this drink, h”

“yeah but i fear for the poor person that has to make anything christmas related”

“i had a gingerbread latte one time harry, one time”

“and the guy looked terrified!”

part 3?

do tell me if u want me to tag u on a possible part 3!

[tuliprry]

cloudburst

preschool teacher!harry x special education teacher!yn

prompt: y/n and harry met while working together at a preschool, y/n is engaged but her fiancé has been distancing himself from y/n, making her spend more time with harry, wishing she was marrying him instead

part 1

[tuliprry]

sunbeam 5

prompt: ballerina!yn x barista!harry, y/n is a ballerina and harry works at the café in the same building, both have a little crush on each other

warnings: fluff, smut (please don't read if you're not 18), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

word count: 3.7k

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 extras

november 23rd 2024

it’s y/n and harry’s three year anniversary of their first date, last year they celebrated it by doing exactly the same, a sweet little date at the same italian restaurant, had the same meal and just talked about how insane the last year has been. harry released a book of poetry and photos, the book was a best seller in the poetry sections in the various waterstones around all of england and soon enough also a bestseller on amazon, making harry insanely comfortable monetarily, one of the reasons why he was so nervous on this day two years ago. 

they had just left the italian restaurant, they were walking towards harry’s car, (yes he got a car!), when y/n saw a truck selling ice cream, harry thought she was incredibly out of her mind for eating ice cream in november at 10pm... but he loved her, he loves her so much. they got into harry's car both with ice creams and just sat there for a minute eating and still talking, when harry started driving y/n realised this wasn't the way to their home, "where are we going?" y/n asks still trying to realise where they are, "it's a surprise, bunny."

when they got to the special destination, there's a back garden, decorated with lights in the branches of the trees, a bunny blanket y/n has seen in harry’s childhood home and a good amount of pillows on top of it. “what is all of this?” y/n asks sitting down in one of the pillows, there’s a big white projector in front of her, harry sits down next to her and without her noticing does a thumbs up to the photographer hidden between the bushes, harry presses play and there’s a compilation of videos of them to their song, i just want to be your everything by andy gibb, y/n just watched attentively, tearing up at watching her moments with harry.

“y/n can you stand up for me?” harry asks and she obeys, he gets down on his knee and gets a ring box out of his pocket, “harry… what..what are you doing”, the song starts playing gently once again but without a video this time, “y/n… two years ago i somehow managed to ask you out and you’ve given me a life i could never even imagine, before you i thought love was temporary and something i didn’t deserve, you showed me that i do deserve it, you show me love in the mundane, you show your love through food, dance, i never tire of seeing myself through your lens, you’re the one cup of coffee i’ll never get tired of making, even if it’s a complicated drink that makes my brain hurt, i love you so much bunny, my god, i can’t stop writing about you, i can’t stop learning portuguese for you, life only makes sense with you in it.. so i have to ask you, will you please be in my life forever and marry me?” y/n has found herself crying in the middle of his speech and her face is now puffy and red, “yes yes holy fuck yes”

and here they are, a year later, getting married on their third year of dating anniversary, y/n thought it was cheesy at first but as they planned the entire thing the more emotional and sweet it felt to get married on their special day. it’s currently 9.30am, they’re in a villa in rural portugal, y/n said she wouldn't want to marry anywhere else and harry agreed, she also mentioned a saying in portuguese that harry didn't quite catch on so he just smiled, agreeing. they didn’t sleep together last night, making them miss each other a little too much even though they were getting married in about 5 hours, y/n is pacing in her bedroom back and forward second guessing all of the choices she had made for their wedding, mimi, niamh, aimee, maria and terra sat on y/n’s bed just staring at the poor girl anxiously biting her nails as she walked around the bedroom. “y/n i’m gonna need for you to calm down and sit down so you can start getting ready, it’s a great day c’mon!” niamh said getting up and holding y/n’s face, “i feel like i’m gonna throw up” y/n says breathing in and out, “listen to us, just go take a shower yes? we’ll be here so you can start getting ready, everything is okay, i can go check on harry if you want me to!” aimee speaks this time, gently caressing y/n’s shoulder, y/n just nodded and did as asked, leaving to shower for a good 30 minutes.

it’s been 2 hours, y/n is now getting her hair and make up done, her now dirty blonde hair is loose with long waves, she has little white flower applications throughout the length of her hair, as for the make up she chose a nude-ish pink makeup, long lashes and black eyeliner. she has been giggling with her girlfriends, her mum, anne and gemma, mostly about wedding disasters they have seen, at first y/n thought “god what if that happens to me” but quickly forgot about it when terra told the group about a bride that said no and ran away from the wedding venue, “no, you guys don’t get it, i had just came out as trans and i thought i was going to be the freak of the party, my cousin simply said no and ran out of the church”  terra giggled to herself and the group joined her, terra is one of y/n’s newest friends but they immediately bonded, terra was new in y/n’s ballet class and the only trans girl too, y/n sat next to her doing stretches and they’ve been inseparable ever since. 

y/n’s dress was beautiful, long cream silk dress with a V cleavage, a matching silk belt wrapped around her waist, finishing in a bow on the side of her hip, her shoes were also cream, not her usual mary janes but stilettos, she also got her nails done in a a light pink, y/n was looking out the window to her wedding being prepared, she didn’t realise her mum was right behind her, “are you ready to put your veil on?” she asks and y/n nods yes, y/n sits down and allows her mum to put the white tulle with embroidered gold stars veil on her head, y/n had matching moon and stars earrings as the theme of the wedding was exactly that, moon, starts, gold, dark blue.. except for harry and y/n in their cream/white coloured outfits.

harry’s morning was a nerve wreck, he kept feeling sick and like he has forgotten his vows, his suit was more white than cream, his shirt blue and he wasn’t wearing a tie, his curls weren’t on top of his head and as much as he wanted his little hair clip he knew he couldn’t have it, not today. “mum. i think i forgot my vows again… oh my god how was y/n?? i bet she looks so breathtaking” he says, shaking, as his mum walks into the room, “harry baby u didn’t forget your vows, it’s just nerves and y/n looks really beautiful, she’s just finishing getting ready.” she says gently, hugging her son, “do you want to say the vows to me, see if you remember everything?”

everything was ready, inside a stone building with glass doors, there’s chairs on each side of the room with a part of the also stone floors uncovered, the room was decorated with flowers, on chairs, on the walls and on the floors, all the way up to the vine decorated arch where the officiant was waiting already, harry was outside still talking to his best man and his daughter that is the flower girl, there’s already most of the guests hanging around, drinking and eating around the tables outside, there’s a big white tent where the actual wedding party is going to be, y/n and harry had planned all of this mostly by themselves and he couldn’t wait for y/n to see how beautifully it turned out. people started going in and finding a chair to sit, smiling to harry that was already standing in front of the arch awaiting y/n. 

harry describes the next moment of his life as the most beautiful one he has lived until now, the moment he sees her, walking in holding her mum’s hand and obviously a bouquet of tulips, he was speechless, he knew she was beautiful but this moment was impossible to describe, the walk to him seemed like forever, he didn’t even try to hold back his tears anymore, he had told himself he wouldn’t cry but it was the love of his life right there, on her way of promising forever to him.

when it came to the moment, y/n and harry shared parts of their vows, they had agreed to not say everything they wanted to say in front of everyone they knew, keep special parts just for them, there was not a dry face in the crowd, especially when harry spoke, his way with words didn’t leave anyone indifferent, his shaky voice, sweating even though it’s a cold november day and the words “i don’t think i would ever have found myself if i hadn’t found you” definitely left everyone somewhat emotional but especially the girl in front of him, big teary eyes that he would do anything to stare at forever.

“i do”

“god i do”

“you may kiss your bride then!”

inside the tent, there was a big diagram with all of the names of where everyone was sitting down at, each table was round and had a dark blue table with white plates with gold napkins and gold glasses and candles, a little paper in front of the plate with the name of the person. everything was adorned with gold stars and moons falling out of the tent ceiling. there was a photo area with a beige back ground and a big moon with y/n and harry’s name and today’s date. 

for the menu they had agreed to make their wedding vegetarian at first but quickly changed it after a lot of family members from each side started complaining about it, so now they have a big buffet with various options to accommodate all of the guests, there’s a guest book and a polaroid instant camera do guests can take their photo and leave a message, for harry and y/n to make an album later on. y/n and harry disappeared for a good while for their own little photos around the venue, obviously y/n isn’t the photographer for her own wedding but she did suggest it.

their first dance wasn’t to their regular song, y/n being a swiftie just knew she couldn’t get married if not to lover by taylor, so their first dance was exactly to it, after weeks of rehearsing this with harry and making sure he no longer would step on her feet, here they are, like they’re alone, to what y/n claims to be the ultimate love wedding forever and ever most special song ever.

ladies and gentleman, will you please stand?

with every guitar string scar on my hand

i take this magnetic force of a man to by my

lover

my heart's borrowed and yours has been blue

all's well that ends well to end up with you

swear to be overdramatic and true to my

lover

it’s now around 2:30am, harry had never thought the party would take this long, most of harry’s family had already left but y/n’s family was holding on strongly despite all the alcohol they had consumed, harry felt slightly sleepy around now, he looked over at y/n, still dancing with her cousins that were about 8/9/10 years old, he wondered how those kids were still up and running and playing, harry thought his 30s were finally catching up to him and he would give anything to get to bed and just sleep, but let’s be honest, the night had barely started.

more people left, grabbing their gift bags and making their way out, giving y/n finally some time to sit down and eat cake, her favourite too, red velvet, she had eaten a bit for the toast but hadn't even finished it, the toast consisting of harry's best man mitch and y/n's best friend maria roasting the shit out of harry and y/n, it was a sweet moment regardless because the last 3 years have been the best years for both y/n and harry, but especially harry…. but that’s a conversation for later.

the couple ended up leaving the villa around 3:30am as their mothers agreed to stay and make sure everything is okay by the time everyone has left, they’re staying at a rural hotel, harry asked y/n to surprise her so this was her first time seeing where they were gonna spend their wedding night, when you walk in you immediately see a big bed with white tulle curtains, there’s wine and two glasses on a tray on top of the bed, to the right there’s a beige and white coloured stone wall with a big photo of the village they’re in hung up on it, there’s two steps to a sofa area with a wooden table, there’s a door behind the sofa’s, a bathroom with the same white walls and the one stone accent wall, right outside, in the balcony there’s a jacuzzi just for the two of them. “wow harry.. this is wow! thank you” y/n hugs him, “FUCK i should’ve brought you in bridal style! i forgot” harry says letting go of the hug and holding her in that same way, “yeah this is it now” harry giggles, walking with y/n on his arms towards the bed. “you look so beautiful in that dress.. it’s such a shame it has to leave” harry whispered, “god bunny i’ve been thinking about this moment all day long.. jesus i could cum just looking at you”

his lips were attached to y/n’s, he was so hungry for her, he could feel his cock squeezed by his clothes, "harry wait wait give me two minutes" y/n got up, grabbing her purse and running to the bathroom, y/n was all shaved which wasn't totally usual for her but that wasn't the issue, she had gotten the cutest lingerie set for the wedding night and was almost beating herself up for almost forgetting it. the set consisted of a white satin slip, silky all the way except for y/n's chest that was covered only by white lace, her panties are also white lace matching the stockings that are adorned with little white bows over the knee. y/n got out of the bathroom and walked towards harry, sitting on top of him. "fucking hell.." harry knew y/n's lingerie collection from start to finish and knew what she liked but this, he had to take a deep breathe before looking the girl in the eyes again. "i swear you're gonna kill me baby.. oh fuck" harry whines as y/n and places herself exactly on top of his cock, "baby.. bunny... i'm not gonna last very long if you keep doing that with your hips" harry groaned in pleasure, "all mine, bunny, all miiiiineee fuuuuuuuuck!", harry could feel his heartbeat on his cock, y/n tired him out, in a good way. "lay down princess, let me" y/n does as told and immediately whimpers at harry's hands meeting her waist, "you look so divine.. it's so dirty what i'm about to do to you" pure filth, his words were pure filth and y/n's brain was already fogged up by just thinking of what he could possibly do to her, his hands cup her face for a long sloppy kiss, slowly travelling through her body and the satin slip dress, his eyes focused on y/n's chest, he had a thing for her breasts.. especially like this barely covered by a white lace, he pulled the satin dress up, helping her take it off, exposing most of her body, god how a few years ago she would be ashamed of her body and he couldn't get it, he put her right nipple on his mouth, licking and sucking like had been craving the entire night, she sighed multiple times in pleasure trying to keep her cool to not wake anyone in the rooms next to them, his left hand was on y/n's left boob, especially his index finger and thumb on her nipple, making it impossible for y/n to think clearly.

leaving a thread of kisses all over her stomach, gripping on her love handles, she could feel his breathing so close to her folds and that itself made a mess in her panties more than anything, harry took her panties off, he knew her well, too well but even knowing her biblically he couldn't stop feeling like he had been blessed by god anytime he was this close to her pussy. "daddy... daddy please" y/n begged, he could feel his cock twitch even more inside his pants, he couldn't focus on getting naked right now, shirtless but his pants still on, he didn't think twice, immediately showing his presence by putting his tongue through her slit, "fuck princess.. you taste so good", he kept sucking on her clit, still holding onto her waist, y/n couldn't keep her mouth closed, trying to speak but successfully failing at it, her hands tugging on harry's hair, pulling his curls closer to her. as his tongue explored every single inch of her pussy he slid one finger in making y/n's entire body shiver, "da..daddy" she manages to say breathing in and out, "please fuck me", literal music to his ears, "shhhh let me make you cum princess, i promise i'll fuck you right after", he spoke, adding another finger as his tongue went back to her clit, making y/n's leg shake. 

"harry. i'm gonna cum"

"fuck princess please do"

y/n couldn't even think when harry kissed her, tasting her juices in his kiss, he whispered "can i fuck you" and y/n whispered a very whiny "yes" back to him. harry would always tease y/n but tonight he just wants to fuck her until she falls asleep, he slid his cock inside of her, waiting for a second to start moving, harry kissed y/n as he started thrusting inside of her, their love making has always been sweet, very intimate and romantic, they were both quite tipsy so harry's thrusts became more and more sloppy as he reached his climax, holding onto the bed frame, "oh fuck i'm gonna cum" harry moaned, they had agreed to not wear a condom lately, if it happened it happened, they weren't against making a baby at this stage of their life. it didn't take the both of them to cum and making mess on the recently bought sheets, they stayed there, intertwined for a whole minute before giggling and heading to the shower together.

december 27th 2024

y/n and harry have just gotten back home from spending an entire month in portugal, they’re bringing their luggage in to their new apartment, they had bought it before getting married but are only officially moving their stuff today and the next few days. now is the time to catch up to what these two have been up to for the last three years, harry published his book in late 2022, it immediately became a best seller in multiple stores all over the uk and later on the world, the book consisted of poetry harry wrote from his early 20s until a few months before publication, y/n has a lot of her pictures on the book, almost as a visual aid to the reader, harry got very comfortable monetarily to the point he got a car and their first home together, he spent the last 2 years writing his next book, out in march 2025, he is super excited for a possible book tour around the uk and being able to share his art with even more people that really want to listen to what he has to say. as for y/n she still does ballet, she has opened her own photography studio, focusing mostly on portraits and this time she’s the one freelancing for magazines, she still finds time to teach a ballet class for teens at the ballet studio with the help of terra. y/n swears one of her older ballerinas is smitten for the 16 year old barista that just started at the café, making her heart almost glow thinking of her story with harry. poppy and oli are living their best life, eating good food and enjoying their new view of greenwich out the window. their home is a two bedroom apartment… you know, just in case, in the last month they haven’t been very lucky in that department but they’re not too sad just yet, the kitchen meets the living room and there’s a wall of windows that show the beauty of london, they fell in love with it the moment they saw it and honestly couldn’t believe this would be their first home. 

“do you ever think what would’ve happened if i hated coffee?”

“i would not have purchased that machine that makes the hard drinks for me”

“harry c’mon i’m serious”

“i would’ve found you anyways, you’re my person, i’m sure i would’ve somehow found you”

“you mean it?”

“yes, i’ll find you in any life”

the end

their ig posts :)

taglist: @his-only-angel-1989@oscarissacsslut@odilevonbrekker@youd0ntkn0wm3@tenaciousperfectionunknown

[tuliprry]

sunbeam 4

prompt: ballerina!yn x barista!harry, y/n is a ballerina and harry works at the café in the same building, both have a little crush on each other

warnings: mostly fluff, some smut (please do not read if you're not 18 or older because this isnt for you), mentions of kinks, mentions of anxiety

word count: 2.2k

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 5 extras

may 29th

harry's heart is about to beat out of his chest, he's front row at a local theatre, about to see his y/n perform, he has another bouquet of tulips to give her at the end of the show, he feels like when they first went on a date, nervous shits, sweaty palms and a tummy ache. the seat next to him is empty and has a paper saying "y/n y/l/n's mother", only making his anxiety even worse, y/n's mum speaks little to zero english and his portuguese isn't exactly the best. 

"hello harry" a woman slightly taller than y/n says, "ohhh oh um olá (hello)!" his brain starts acting up immediately, y/n's mum sits next to him and they're just sitting in silence as they wait for everything to start.

 y/n was the dewdrop fairy, the lead in one of the waltzes, harry was so proud, he was mesmerised, she was so beautiful and looked so professional up there, his point still stood, she was out of a music box and he could stare at her for a lifetime, just watching her spin and spin, just for him.

harry and y/n's mum were at the auditorium doors after the show, waiting for y/n, her mum had a winnie the pooh bear with her, y/n's favourite disney character, harry knew that, he just thought flowers were the appropriate thing for a ballerina. y/n walks out of the backstage door with one of her colleagues, mimi, mimi was from another ballet studio but they got along super well, easing y/n while performing.

"mimi, my make up is burning my eyes"

"tell me fucking about it, i don't know who said ballerinas need make up to dance i actually can't see shit in front of me"

y/n ran to her mum first, "mamã!" she hugged her tight,  speaking in portuguese way too fast for harry's knowledge on the language, then she kissed him, it was a passionate kiss, they've been getting even more passionate lately, sometimes harry feels like keeping up with her will lead him to death, "i got you tulips" he smiled and handed her the bouquet with a little note.

"y/n, my most recently beloved blonde, i'm insanely proud of you my sweet girl, my bunny, my tulip, i love you so much.

amo-te,

harry"

y/n smiled at the reference of her recently bleached blonde hair and then held her tears back at harry's word in portuguese, he had said it to her a few times and every single time she sheds a tear on how powerful that word is to her. "também te amo (i love you too)" she says kissing him again.

june 15th

harry is seriously thinking about quitting his barista job, he spent the last two months reading into how to self publish and he’s finally ready to sit down with y/n and say he’s quitting, so moving in together could be happening quicker than what they had planned as harry would get a huge cut on his usual income but he needed to fully focus on writing only and he had enough poetry and y/n’s photography to publish his own book. he rehearsed it in his apartment alone a billion times, “i need to quit my barista job to start focusing on editing this book and publishing it…. no god no.. um i have to quit my barista job. too harsh harry too harsh”. he didn’t want to make such a big decision without y/n, especially after a really long talk a few nights ago about… what if in two or three years they got married and started a family, she was there and he couldn’t just make a rash decision by myself on a book he might just lose money from. 

y/n finished her final year at university with spectacular grades thanks to her internship that became a paid job offer the same day she graduated, yesterday. so today she sped up to the studio she now officially worked at, setting up her own desk with her laptop and her stuff for when she’s in to edit some photos, she already has a semi busy schedule, except for 4th to 10th of july, when she’s going to italy with harry to celebrate her birthday, she was so happy she could burst in tears at her desk. she comes back home around lunch time to tell harry how amazing her little office at the studio is.

“harry!! i’m home i brought us some shake shack!” she says, taking her sandals off at the entrance of his house, “you have to come over and see my tiny office, it’s so cute and i have an amazing view to those big greenwich buildings and the tulips you got me for graduation just look so beautiful there, i also put up a photo of poppy, oli and you, ah i’m so happ- what’s wrong?” y/n placed the paper bag with food on the tea table, “y/n.. i have to quit my barista job” the girl was on her knees in front of him, trying to look him in the face, holding his hand and rubbing it gently, “i really want to publish my book, i’m not happy, i’m always late for magazine deadlines, i honestly only like to go because i get to see you and it’s how we met, i don’t ever want you to feel like i’m turning my back on you, my god i love you so much.” y/n was silent for a second, “harry.. i would never expect you to be a barista for your whole life, you’re a poet harry, this was a side job until you felt like it was time so if it is time go ahead, i’m here, do you need help looking into publishers? i can talk to some photographers who have released books and how they did it, seriously harry, you were born to be an author, i could never be mad” harry sniffled and looked at y/n, thinking of how she truly is an angel in his life. “fuck, i love you so much… shake shack was it?”, “mhm! let’s please it while it’s warm please? and then i promise i’ll start helping with your book”.

july 7th

palinuro, italia

it’s y/n’s birthday, harry woke her up at 8:30am to officially wish her a happy birthday at the exact time she was born, their days in italy have been so recharging he feels 22 like y/n, they’re staying at an airbnb, a whole italian villa just for the two of them. there’s a little patio with a whole bunch of flowers and vines, they’re currently having breakfast there, sweet strawberry jam on toast and a lot of cheeses, seriously they’ve been feasting on cheeses the entire time. 

*smut*

“harry… i know we just woke up but god, i need you so bad”  harry's lips immediately met y/n's, he could feel himself harden with a simple kiss but this woman left him absolutely on edge every single time, the kiss was passionate, almost violent, trying to find their way to the bedroom without stopping the kiss, harry's hands traveled through y/n's body, gripping at her love handles, god he loved her love handles, "god bunny", he whispered, getting her silky cream night gown out of the way, her nipples were fully erect without harry even touching them, the power he has over her is seriously out of this world, "if i put my hand inside your panties, how wet are you going to be, princess?" she could feel herself melt even more as his left hand held onto her and the right one did what he was saying, "so fucking wet aren't ya? all for me huh? all for daddy?" y/n tried to speak words but all out of her mouth were whimpers and sighs, "cmon lay down, let daddy take care of you".

y/n's legs are still shaky from earlier, the entire time on the car to the city she would close her eyes and take little power naps with her head rested on the jeep window. y/n doesn't really know how the whole daddy thing started, she moaned it accidentally one day and ever since they have explored it .... a lot, harry thinks y/n is the brattiest person he has dated, she has a true princess side but he just loves when she gets tough for him, just to melt the moment he says the word princess. "bunny wake up, we're here" harry says, turning off the car, "did daddy tire you out?" he asks with a cocky smile on his face, "just help me out, please" and so he did. the birthday lunch was at a little restaurant in the city centre, they've been eating good in italy, especially cacio e pepe, they also share a lot of deserts, some locals even ask them if they just had gotten married by the amount of touching and kissing, harry doesn't really understand much, he just waits for y/n to speak and then translate back to him, finding one of her hottest traits to speak italian.

for dinner they drove to napoli for a more fancy dinner in the city, or so y/n thought, harry saved enough money up to take y/n on a boat date, just for the two of them. harry was wearing brown corduroy pants and a pink shirt that was already half unbuttoned because of the weather. y/n has a long beige silk dress with little applications of tulle on the skirt and lace on her cleavage, white high heel sandals. "you're a goddess y/n, thank you for showing me heaven"

september 24th

harry has officially quitted his barista job, y/n was there for him to say goodbye to his friends and make sure he wouldn't back out, he had a book deal, he couldn't back out now, he got a little emotional saying goodbye to the place he met y/n at but y/n made sure to remind him what mattered was what they lived not where.

y/n and harry ended up moving in together in his apartment, y/n already spent so much of her time there and to help with money she just moved in a few nights ago, it has been chaotic to say the least, they've got an insane book collection both of them and no space for the 500 books they own, y/n has a lot of decorative pieces and harry has been choosing which one of his he wants to get rid off, thank god poppy and oli love each other and immediately falling asleep cuddling each other. one thing was easy, the kitchen, y/n loves cooking so making the kitchen more hers was something harry wanted to do, it has her plants and a filled up fruit basket, photos and magnets on the fridge, she turned his regular kitchen into a place it always smells good and feels like home. as for the rest of the house they're working on it, waking up next to each other and going to sleep without ever wanting to be away made up for the indecisiveness of the interior décor of the house.

"maybe we could get a rug we both like instead of arguing about bathroom rugs" y/n says holding her peach rug, "but bunny you love that peach rug... i don't think i mind if we get rid of mine" harry meant it, throughout these 10 months he knows how much y/n loves getting out of the shower and rub her feet on the peach rub, it's literally a peach. "are you sure?", "100%"

y/n has been working in multiple projects at the same time, romeo and juliet has been taking a lot of her time at the studio with mimi, they've been cast as rosaline and lady montague. "bunny we need a night out, we've been working so much, i miss you”, he means it, he has spent so many days looking at his poetry he’s starting to miss all the things they used to do when they started dating, he wouldn’t call it a love slump, they’re just so busy that when they get home they end up falling asleep, “yes, i miss you”, she can’t help but to shed a tear, “do you think me moving in was a mistake? i don’t want you to get tired of me”, harry sat on the bathroom floor with her, “tired of you? i could never, you’re my better half y/n, i would totally be lost without you in my life”, “promise?”, “i promise you”. 

they decided to order in, big boxes of vegan sushi and ate them sitting on the sofa watching taskmaster, a show they’ve been watching together since they started dating, it feels light and funny and it always gets their mind off the hard topics talked about between them.

“do you think you could open a watermelon with your thighs?”

“of course bunny”

“i’d like to see that”

“are you implying i can’t do it?”

“i’m sure you can’t do it”

y/n's birthday posts

i fear part 5 will be the last

taglist: @his-only-angel-1989 @oscarissacsslut @odilevonbrekker @youd0ntkn0wm3 @tenaciousperfectionunknown

[silkholland]

Summary: Running into your former best friend on your 25th birthday wasn’t in your celebration plans. What makes It even worse is that he doesn’t even seem to remember you or the reason you completely disappeared from his life. What is in your plans though, is to make him fall in love with you only to break him the way he broke you. There’s no way you could end up hurt again…right?

Pairings: Tom Holland x plus size! reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, mentions of past ed and sh, nothing too descriptive, reader being dumb

A/N: So, this chapter kinda took on a mind of its own. I'm halfway through the next chapter but support would mean a lot. Please comment/reblog if you enjoy this story.

Chapter 8: Love On My Mind

There was a twinkle in your eyes as you gazed upon your phone, your fingers moving swiftly across the keyboard. A giggle bubbled from your throat at the words on the screen.

It had been nearly two weeks since you had run into Tom on your birthday. Your busy schedules made it nearly impossible to meet up again after your coffee date the morning after, but that didn’t stop you two from keeping in touch. You texted every day, multiple times a day. Sometimes at night you’d even FaceTime each other to tell the other about your highs and lows.

It felt easy with Tom. There was a gravitational pull towards him, as if you were both connected by one single string that had been frayed for far too long. The aggregation of sweet words, praises and jokes were like the hot glue your frayed rope so desperately needed to become whole again.

Another snicker snuck past your lips before it was rudely cut off by the pressure of fabric hitting your lips and nose. Your hands dropped your phone to grab the pillow as you looked up at the perpetrator.

“What the fuck, Kie?”

“Sorry, couldn’t handle the lovesick puppy look on your face anymore.”

Your mouth gaped open as you defensively uttered, “I’m not a—“

Your words caught in your throat as you stared back at her quirked eyebrow.

“I’m not in love. I’m just trying to make it realistic so it’s more impactful when I dump his ass,” you lied to both Kiara and yourself

“Whatever you say. Just don’t hate me when I say I told you so.”

You uncrossed your legs, lifting yourself up off the couch with a confident smile.

“You won’t, because I’m not falling for him. I just know him better than anyone so I know what will hurt him the most.”

“Do you though? Know him, that is? He could have changed after all these years.”

“I’m sorry, weren’t you the one singing a different tune just a few weeks ago?” You queried, unsure where her change of attitude came from.

“I’ve been trying to get more info from Lucas about him….ya know, to protect you. Lucas trusts the dude and I trust Lucas.”

“I can promise that as much as Lucas thinks he knows Tom, he doesn’t. Hell, i thought i knew Tom and then look at what he did,” you exasperated as you reminded yourself just how much someone could surprise you.

“He was a teenager, Y/N,” Kiara spoke softly as to not irritate you any further.

It didn’t work.

“Who the fuck are you?! One second you hate him and the next you’re defending him? I’m getting fucking whiplash, Kie.”

“I know, I know. I just…I don’t know…I don’t want anyone to get hurt here…” she trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with her best friend.

“But i deserved to get hurt? I deserved to tear apart every single aspect of myself for years, wondering what the fuck I could have possibly done to drive my only fucking friend away?!”

“N-no I…”

You didn’t let Kiara speak as you kept going, too occupied by the past running through your thoughts to focus on the present.

“You know what that did to me!! You know how much I struggled with food after that! How you and Lucia and my mom had to remove every sharp object from my room so I wouldn’t take it to my skin! And that was months after it happened. Months after the psychological and physical damage was already done! You don’t know what those first few days were like. You’ll never know because you’re the epitome of perfection!!” You bellowed, all of your pent up feelings finally flowing free like a bursting dam.

Kiara stared back at you, hurt evident in her chocolate brown orbs. “That’s not fair,” her voice came out shakily as her lip trembled.

You blinked away the droplets of tears, your eyes softening at the fragile state of your best friend. What the hell was wrong with you? She was just trying to help.

“Kie, I’m sorry…i just…i don’t…”

With a meager grin stretched across her saddened expression, she nodded. “I know. But…and don’t get defensive,” she began with her hands up to stop whatever onslaught of excuses you were ready to give. “Have you ever thought about just telling him how much he fucked up and hurt you?”

You sighed, your matte black nails pinching the bridge of your nose to keep yourself together. “There’s just one little problem, Kiara. He doesn’t remember who the fuck I am.”

“And you’re sure about that?” She quirked her eyebrow.

“He wouldn’t have slept with me if he knew who I was…” you mumbled before realizing the key piece of information you shared that you had previously, purposefully, left out. Your eyes shot open at the same time as Kiara’s, two deers caught in headlights just staring at each other waiting for the other to make the first move.

Kiara guffawed, a wide grin plastered on her face as if she had just heard her middle school bully had herpes.

“You FUCKED him?!?”

You moved on autopilot, your hands hurriedly pressing to her glossy lips, as if that would somehow shove the words she just shouted back in. “Shh shh fuck shhh. I don’t need the entire neighborhood to know!”

So, maybe you had left a few details out in your retelling to Lucia and Kiara. They knew all they needed to know in your opinion - you and Tom talked all night, you made out, and he took your drunken ass home. There was no justifiable reason for them to know that in between making out, Tom had made you cum faster than your favorite vibrator ever had. There was no reason for him to know that either.

Kiara’s smug grin grew once your hands slowly retreated from her lips.

“I fucking knew it. You still like him.”

And just like that, things were okay between you two. You always knew it would be, your friendship standing the test of times and stupid, childish arguments.

“I was drunk, Kie. You can’t blame me for that. Plus, anyone can see that he’s an attractive guy.”

And he was. You’d had a crush on him all throughout your childhood but this Tom was different. He was more mature, more filled out, more like the man you always knew he’d grow up to be. It was hard not to be attracted to that.

Kiara rolled her eyes, not believing a single word out of your mouth.

“You do what you gotta do, Y/N. But next time you have sex, I expect all the juicy details.”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest defiantly. “There won’t be anymore sex. Just heartache,”

Kiara raised her eyebrow, a smirk lingering on her lips.

“For him! Not for me!” You let your arms fall to your sides, suddenly nervous to approach the next topic. “He did invite me to go costume shopping tonight…can you and Lucia come? Lucas too. We’ll probably all hang out on Halloween anyway and maybe we could do a group costume, I don’t know. Unless you and Lucas had a couples costume planned then I completely understand but—“ You hadn’t realized you were rambling until Kiara’s hands were resting on your shoulders, shaking you back to the present.

“Y/N, chill. We’ll go. Just tell me the time and I’ll text the others.”

You let out the breath you were unconsciously holding in in anticipation of her response, your shoulders sagging in relief.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Now call up lover boy and tell him it’s a date,” Kiara winked.

She began walking away before you could comprehend her words, forcing you to yell out into your tiny two bedroom apartment. “It’s not a —“

Once again you were cut off by Kiara’s angelic yet overpowering tone, “It’s a date!” She shouted over her shoulder as she made her way into her bedroom.

The gaping expression plastered on your face didn’t disappear until a beep from your phone caught your attention.

‘6 o’clock, Spirit Halloween date. See you then.’ The text from Tom read. You read it over once, twice, three times before you mentally cursed Kiara and yourself. “Fuck, it is a date.”

Taglist:

@blindingdutchy @wayfaring----stranger @gh0stgurl @the-key-to-me-myself-and-i

[silkholland]

It means so much to me how much you like my story! Thank you!!

Summary: Running into your former best friend on your 25th birthday wasn’t in your celebration plans. What makes It even worse is that he doesn’t even seem to remember you or the reason you completely disappeared from his life. What is in your plans though, is to make him fall in love with you only to break him the way he broke you. There’s no way you could end up hurt again…right?

Pairings: Tom Holland x plus size! reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, mentions of past ed and sh, nothing too descriptive, reader being dumb

A/N: So, this chapter kinda took on a mind of its own. I'm halfway through the next chapter but support would mean a lot. Please comment/reblog if you enjoy this story.

Chapter 8: Love On My Mind

There was a twinkle in your eyes as you gazed upon your phone, your fingers moving swiftly across the keyboard. A giggle bubbled from your throat at the words on the screen.

It had been nearly two weeks since you had run into Tom on your birthday. Your busy schedules made it nearly impossible to meet up again after your coffee date the morning after, but that didn’t stop you two from keeping in touch. You texted every day, multiple times a day. Sometimes at night you’d even FaceTime each other to tell the other about your highs and lows.

It felt easy with Tom. There was a gravitational pull towards him, as if you were both connected by one single string that had been frayed for far too long. The aggregation of sweet words, praises and jokes were like the hot glue your frayed rope so desperately needed to become whole again.

Another snicker snuck past your lips before it was rudely cut off by the pressure of fabric hitting your lips and nose. Your hands dropped your phone to grab the pillow as you looked up at the perpetrator.

“What the fuck, Kie?”

“Sorry, couldn’t handle the lovesick puppy look on your face anymore.”

Your mouth gaped open as you defensively uttered, “I’m not a—“

Your words caught in your throat as you stared back at her quirked eyebrow.

“I’m not in love. I’m just trying to make it realistic so it’s more impactful when I dump his ass,” you lied to both Kiara and yourself

“Whatever you say. Just don’t hate me when I say I told you so.”

You uncrossed your legs, lifting yourself up off the couch with a confident smile.

“You won’t, because I’m not falling for him. I just know him better than anyone so I know what will hurt him the most.”

“Do you though? Know him, that is? He could have changed after all these years.”

“I’m sorry, weren’t you the one singing a different tune just a few weeks ago?” You queried, unsure where her change of attitude came from.

“I’ve been trying to get more info from Lucas about him….ya know, to protect you. Lucas trusts the dude and I trust Lucas.”

“I can promise that as much as Lucas thinks he knows Tom, he doesn’t. Hell, i thought i knew Tom and then look at what he did,” you exasperated as you reminded yourself just how much someone could surprise you.

“He was a teenager, Y/N,” Kiara spoke softly as to not irritate you any further.

It didn’t work.

“Who the fuck are you?! One second you hate him and the next you’re defending him? I’m getting fucking whiplash, Kie.”

“I know, I know. I just…I don’t know…I don’t want anyone to get hurt here…” she trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with her best friend.

“But i deserved to get hurt? I deserved to tear apart every single aspect of myself for years, wondering what the fuck I could have possibly done to drive my only fucking friend away?!”

“N-no I…”

You didn’t let Kiara speak as you kept going, too occupied by the past running through your thoughts to focus on the present.

“You know what that did to me!! You know how much I struggled with food after that! How you and Lucia and my mom had to remove every sharp object from my room so I wouldn’t take it to my skin! And that was months after it happened. Months after the psychological and physical damage was already done! You don’t know what those first few days were like. You’ll never know because you’re the epitome of perfection!!” You bellowed, all of your pent up feelings finally flowing free like a bursting dam.

Kiara stared back at you, hurt evident in her chocolate brown orbs. “That’s not fair,” her voice came out shakily as her lip trembled.

You blinked away the droplets of tears, your eyes softening at the fragile state of your best friend. What the hell was wrong with you? She was just trying to help.

“Kie, I’m sorry…i just…i don’t…”

With a meager grin stretched across her saddened expression, she nodded. “I know. But…and don’t get defensive,” she began with her hands up to stop whatever onslaught of excuses you were ready to give. “Have you ever thought about just telling him how much he fucked up and hurt you?”

You sighed, your matte black nails pinching the bridge of your nose to keep yourself together. “There’s just one little problem, Kiara. He doesn’t remember who the fuck I am.”

“And you’re sure about that?” She quirked her eyebrow.

“He wouldn’t have slept with me if he knew who I was…” you mumbled before realizing the key piece of information you shared that you had previously, purposefully, left out. Your eyes shot open at the same time as Kiara’s, two deers caught in headlights just staring at each other waiting for the other to make the first move.

Kiara guffawed, a wide grin plastered on her face as if she had just heard her middle school bully had herpes.

“You FUCKED him?!?”

You moved on autopilot, your hands hurriedly pressing to her glossy lips, as if that would somehow shove the words she just shouted back in. “Shh shh fuck shhh. I don’t need the entire neighborhood to know!”

So, maybe you had left a few details out in your retelling to Lucia and Kiara. They knew all they needed to know in your opinion - you and Tom talked all night, you made out, and he took your drunken ass home. There was no justifiable reason for them to know that in between making out, Tom had made you cum faster than your favorite vibrator ever had. There was no reason for him to know that either.

Kiara’s smug grin grew once your hands slowly retreated from her lips.

“I fucking knew it. You still like him.”

And just like that, things were okay between you two. You always knew it would be, your friendship standing the test of times and stupid, childish arguments.

“I was drunk, Kie. You can’t blame me for that. Plus, anyone can see that he’s an attractive guy.”

And he was. You’d had a crush on him all throughout your childhood but this Tom was different. He was more mature, more filled out, more like the man you always knew he’d grow up to be. It was hard not to be attracted to that.

Kiara rolled her eyes, not believing a single word out of your mouth.

“You do what you gotta do, Y/N. But next time you have sex, I expect all the juicy details.”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest defiantly. “There won’t be anymore sex. Just heartache,”

Kiara raised her eyebrow, a smirk lingering on her lips.

“For him! Not for me!” You let your arms fall to your sides, suddenly nervous to approach the next topic. “He did invite me to go costume shopping tonight…can you and Lucia come? Lucas too. We’ll probably all hang out on Halloween anyway and maybe we could do a group costume, I don’t know. Unless you and Lucas had a couples costume planned then I completely understand but—“ You hadn’t realized you were rambling until Kiara’s hands were resting on your shoulders, shaking you back to the present.

“Y/N, chill. We’ll go. Just tell me the time and I’ll text the others.”

You let out the breath you were unconsciously holding in in anticipation of her response, your shoulders sagging in relief.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Now call up lover boy and tell him it’s a date,” Kiara winked.

She began walking away before you could comprehend her words, forcing you to yell out into your tiny two bedroom apartment. “It’s not a —“

Once again you were cut off by Kiara’s angelic yet overpowering tone, “It’s a date!” She shouted over her shoulder as she made her way into her bedroom.

The gaping expression plastered on your face didn’t disappear until a beep from your phone caught your attention.

‘6 o’clock, Spirit Halloween date. See you then.’ The text from Tom read. You read it over once, twice, three times before you mentally cursed Kiara and yourself. “Fuck, it is a date.”

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@blindingdutchy @wayfaring----stranger @gh0stgurl @the-key-to-me-myself-and-i