#plus the. constant fatigue. of binding. but not binding is even worse. i need divine intervention (surgery) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moe-broey · 10 months ago

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I've never been a "born in the wrong generation" type of guy because for So Many reasons I would be dead. Full stop like I would have died during childbirth I would have died of appendicitis age 8 and that's not even factoring in my queerness and neurodivergency and ultimately my mental health (carefully maintained thanks to support/modern advances in medicine and treatment). On Top Of That my hobbies include The Video Game and many such things that are of modern invention (adjacently: including The Device I'm typing this out on right now which has become my main avenue of communication to the outside world)

But I'm just saying that. It WOULD be nice. To exist in a world where fluorescent lighting doesn't exist and everything is possibly 99% less overstimulating all of the time forever.

#and like. a little less capitalist dystopia. i could do with less of that.#but focusing primarily on my own struggle. it's just a bummer sometimes like #i genuinely had fun!!! w my sisters and friends!!! esp at the arcade w ddr that is ALWAYS so fun #but man you can't even take me to your own damn house unless if you're ready to accept vampire rules.#my sister can/does dim the lights if i ask and i don't mind asking it's just fucking crazy to me like #damn uoy guys live like this. bright ass lights ten diff convos at once music in the bg. what if i died on this beanbag #BUT. THAT IS. one thing that is very nice i AM allowed to die on the beanbag!!!!!!! i'm allowed to cozy up and rest #while everyone does their own thing and i can listen in and chime in every now and again. severely underrated tbh #i really only feel a little hopeless when i think about like. public spaces where the only thing i can control is myself #IF i am ever employable again my requirements would be. no florescent lighting. i will die.#which like. kind of limits my prospects.#i do enjoy outdoors/physical work actually though so. i'm just limited bc i have to bind.#i am. so severely. banking on top surgery working out. it won't be a cure-all but by god it WILL open up my options #plus the. constant fatigue. of binding. but not binding is even worse. i need divine intervention (surgery)#SAD. well there are other people in yhe world #but man rhat is like my fave joke to make but i feel so much sadness attached to it. the world will move on without me.#there are a million other people who are far more capable. much 'easier'. ect.#and i know the answer is well there's only one me and there are a handful of people who love me. who keep me and include me #i am very thankful for that.#it's just a bit of a bummer sometimes. i stay silly and have the most fun i can but i am a little sad about it.

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