#plus the garage is finished!!!! cant he go in there!! god forbid i want to exist outside the room im stuck in 24 hours a day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silasona · 4 years ago

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Tbh i wonder if my mom has ever truly considered what its like to go through life knowing no matter what I do Ill always just be a walking inconvenience. Or how every minute action i do has to please someone or make me as small as possible or else.

#the or else is me being ridiculed and ostracised #or sometimes my inteusive throughts get really bad and someone finally kills me #or they finally realise im more trouble than im worth and stop caring about me #long shot but maybe the fact multiple people have said something along the lines of #youre stupid for ever thinking we were friends #affected me in a deep way #just a guess #also the fact that as soon as my mom was gone for a week a few years back my stepdad stopped accomodating my allergies and neglected me #really says something but #if i bring up literally anything he does. like hurting thw cat or doing things to make me feel unsafe #then my mom takes his side and tells me im misinterpreting things or reaching or whatever #her favourite refrain is that shes not taking sides but like #come on lisa im a 19 year old child and hes an almost 50 year old man who pitches a hissy fit if i lock the front door to feel safe #or god forbid! sit in my own living room of the house ive lived in my entire life.#it really says everything that she has to ask me to move to the basement or my room if he wants to watch tv #despite the fact theres a tv in their room and the basement. and if i go in the basement i cant breathe bc of the pet hair #plus the garage is finished!!!! cant he go in there!! god forbid i want to exist outside the room im stuck in 24 hours a day #bc i don't feel safe anywhere else :)

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