#plus if even if i decide law school isn't in the cards for me i can gain experience and get work when i do get an actual grad degree
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i do think there is something poetic about me deciding to go back to school but to get a lesser degree than the one i currently have to try to move up
#besties i am thinking about going back to my Paralegal AS#i've always considered law school but a. it would be impossible for me to do it any time soon and b. i want to be sure i actually like it#this program would take existing credits from my BA as well so it would be even shorter#when i worked as a legal assistant at a corporate office i was actually engaged even though i know business law isn't my cup of tea#but god i feel like i'm wasting my life and if ANYTHING it'll make me more valuable/increase job prospects#and give me something to work toward#bc besties i am rotting!!!#rotting!!!! at my current job#even my MOTHER is like i think you should go back to school again for something#because this is the most unhappy you've been almost ever#the same woman who said not to waste my time with college#if anyone wants to weigh in please do the rope is a thread and the spool is spinning far too quickly#plus if even if i decide law school isn't in the cards for me i can gain experience and get work when i do get an actual grad degree#a
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my parents' situation has escalated in the time I haven't been here properly, I'll summarize:
I had to call the police because my mother, a grown woman of 47, thirty years older than me, and my father, a grown man of 50, decided to attack my younger brother for sassing them.
He's got a tone issue. He's always had a tone issue. But apart from that, he's obedient, much more than a normal child, good in his studies despite a slight disability that makes it hard for him to read, and takes care of our younger siblings.
this grown couple decided they needed to beat him to teach him a lesson. he hid in the bathroom. I had to hold my mother back and literally block my father's way. when I first tried to call the police, he took my phone and locked it in a room.
It's happened in the past. Same thing, but with my older brother, who is decidedly more troublesome, but also definitely not delinquent status.
it's been a few days since then. the police arriving stopped them from contemplating more violence - also, I managed to make them give allowance and transport to school by threatening to file charges. but some changes have been made. all of us older kids have to cook our own meals, sleep at 9.30 pm, and adhere to random rules they've decided to put into place without prior notification. furthermore, my mother has been throwing away the gifts we gave her in the past.
it's not the rules I hate adhering to - in fact, it's a bit of relief since I no longer have to depend on their constantly fluctuating schedule. It's the awful reason behind them - our parents wanting to alienate us from them and make everything a business transaction. it's the frostiness and polite greetings and designated responsibilities purposely planned to make us bear the weight of their lack of affection.
it's the way my mother refuses to talk about anything that's happened. she says she can't manage it emotionally. so i can hold back my parents from attacking my siblings and research laws and scholarships to get out of this place and she can't bring herself to have a mature, reasonable conversation. any disagreement is seen as disrespect, arguing with her.
we have five kids in this family. the older kids take care of two of the youngers. we don't go out after school, don't take any extracurriculars other than the school mandated ones, don't take tuition because we know family expenses are tight, don't even have friends we spend time with on a daily basis.
my mother's parents kicked her out of the house once she got married and played favourites, preferring her brothers to her. my father's mother was promiscuous during her marriage, is a Buddhist who forces her view of religion on others - think making everyone eat vegetables - and his father was abusive.
It's not that I don't know they've gone through pain. But pain isn't an excuse for them to pass on their life trauma. My mother bought a couple of clocks after the argument. They make the same sound as the clocks her parents have at their house. Ding-dong. Think creepy school bell.
I'm researching full-ride scholarships overseas. If worst comes to worst I'll take a government bond scholarship. I'm also thinking about setting up my own debit card since I'm over 16, and starting to work part time - which I've wanted to do, but which they've never let me.
I'm not injured by this, per se, because I still love them, even though they definitely don't love me. But my self worth does not hinge on whether they love me or not, and I want to, moving forward, find a source of income and work harder at my studies and extracurricular activities, plus creative pursuits, so I have a better portfolio that I can use to get myself into a scholarship.
They didn't actually have enough money to pay in full for my university/college anyway. Instead of relying on them, I'd really like to broaden my horizons in a foreign country, take subjects I'm interested in, and see how far I can go without them to hold me down and shut me up.
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Been dyspraxia have few promble but does not stop me first promblecis can't log on Compassionuk at feeling not very good sponder at movements sometime wish have adult mobie phone not stupid monkey mobie phone at don't work change evertimevlog on Google £30 on tesco mobile network rip of Tesco not very help.
My second promble is handwriting not very good and have wait for mum writing letter for me and told sponder child what done this Christmas but family won't do photos to my sponder child and looking just me.
I do want sponder child,dog and cat and donkey and chicken
I want voluntar for dyspraxia foundation and Stafford 3UA but won't be able too because been looking after mum when she going hospital so be having break from farm crouse but do miss Sydnee and Annable my little Angels miss Darcy my little lamb tail Darcy was my dog Sydnee and Annabel was cats missing then badly.
Today went church and really enjoy but feeling things what does God want from me?
When went Asda women " Said Que at back" thinking I was push in so now decide not doing shopping in Stafford town because in Stafford town is very selfshire.
Tomorrow is last Lower Dyton farm (care) Christmas crouse and have enjoy it but be having break also want volunteer for Coelicuk too and volunteer for church but find I am too quiet something someone beat me too it and when do volunteer in charity shop " I too slow" " I don't understand your English at get PSDA and even on wattpad I got on comment " You need write own language because clearing Engish isn't Language " when write Boarding school because writing with God because today school in UK don't do pray taking God out school now in UK and think that wrong even take God off Guide promises to now I promise do my best and serrive commute and help other people keep Guide law.
At why world is mess because good shores taking away games like tag,music chairs and music bumps even duck and gones and monkey field all kids do today if mobie phone,tablet can't stand still for one minute so can't sit down colour paper but want more fun.
But me want more of God I don't think buy Sims 5 because can't afford paid cost missoft more money,Google too want move more money so does Amazon prime and Amazon music and Netflix want more money but not alwon watch football on Amazon prime for low prices for £15.99 sky sport want everybody paid £35 for sky sport on Now TV I have cannel Now TV and Cannel Pruegym membership and cannel Disney Plus , cannel audio book and kindle books 📚 📚 and even cannel friends of chalet school all because cost living too much I did want do something for uk kids sponder them but don't know how too. I have decided sponder child another child but haven't told mum yet I be sponder cats too soon but at movements lost cheque book write account number but can't do card payment because mum is jealous of me order think of Amazon Prime but need save paid for EA play £85 per year soon or won't be able play Sims be frustrated if don't happon.
These pictures do but rember I love Christmas
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A case in suburbia, domestic dynamics, and a forever home. What could go wrong?
the moment i’ve been waiting for! chapter one is up now! read here or under the cut.
Cas and Dean were searching for a forever house. They had been pretty much since Cas got back from the empty. They were ready to distance themselves from hunting. Dean had always wanted a sort of suburban, white picket fence life, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone. And since he already admitted how he truly felt to Cas, why not throw his need for a domestic lifestyle into the mix. Cas was all for it. Ever since Jack had given up most of his powers to Amara, thus causing her to take his place as God and him almost human, Cas had been hoping for a place to raise him like a normal child. The bunker was great for hunting and a place for Cas, Dean, and Sam, but not so much for raising a 5-year-old kid.
House hunting had been a burden to bear, but they were making out alright. Up till this, they’d looked at about 3 other houses. They were all a no for different reasons. The first one Cas decided was in a school district that wouldn’t be good for Jack, the second didn’t have a big enough garage or backyard, and the third didn’t have enough bedrooms for all of their family to stay. With the whole credit card scam they’d been running for as long as they remember, budget wasn’t really a problem, but they didn’t want something extravagant.
There it was, 538 Chapel Street in Pine River Crossings. It wasn’t too far out of Lawrence, only a few hours' drive, and all the houses looked nice. Very cookie cutter, but that was sort of the appeal. They couldn’t guarantee that they would fit in with the traditional, upper middle-class people, but what the hell, if they could kill god they could take suburbia.
A few days passed, and they were set up to look at the home. They drove the hour and a half to the next medium-sized town with the belief in their minds that this was the one. It had all they needed, a two-car garage, a respectable school district, and two guest bedrooms. They were so caught up in this concept they made the mistake of not checking the news for the nearby areas. Once they arrived, a realtor who showed them around the dwelling greeted them. It was all they could ask for and more practically too good to be true, especially for people like them. The actual presentation of the house went over without too many problems. The person exhibiting the residence commented on how it had been on display for almost a month now, which was the first red flag. A house as nice as this, in a densely populated area, would usually not be on the market for that long in weeks unless there was some hidden con.
They signed on it not a day after seeing the house in person. It was all set up and they could officially start moving stuff in the next week. They officially shared the good news with everyone the day after they signed. Sam was beyond happy for them. Not only would he finally have a space to himself, he was proud of his brother for living the life he’d always wanted. Jack was thrilled that he would get to go to actual school and have friends that were his age and not cosmic entities. In the meantime, Cas did more research into the neighborhood. There was their hidden con. The newspaper Cas had pulled up on his phone said, “Local Couple Murdered in Own Home.”
“Dean, look at this.”
Okay, that was a setback. A murderer on the loose in the neighborhood they were moving into was not exactly what he had planned, but he had delt with worse. “Alright, that could be a problem.”
“I think it’s a little bigger than a problem,” Cas retorted.
“Is it our type of thing or just something local law enforcement could deal with?”
Cas read on in the article, “the couple was stabbed, there was no sign of forced entry, neighbors reported nothing amiss besides lights flickering before the murder. The weapon, as well as the perpetrator, was never found. No official suspects have been labeled, everyone has seemed to have an alibi.”
“It definitely sounds like our thing. Lights flickering, no breaking and entering, and all.”
They decided they could pose as residents, as it seemed perfectly normal for the newcomers to be concerned about the literal murderer on the loose. Since Cas was newly human, and Jack was, well, 5, Dean thought they might need outside help. Being out of practice to spend more time with your husband and child really had its fallbacks. Sam was off the table as backup. He was out of town and Dean didn't want to interrupt his first weekend without him in god knows how long. Plus, they needed someone who wouldn't draw too much attention to their family dynamic.
“Hey, Cas, what do you think about calling in Claire to help us with this one? You think she’d do it?”
“Calling her in for help is a good idea, whether or not shed actually do it is another question.”
“I’ll call and ask, and if she wants to help, and if not then I can think of something else.”
He kept his promise and called Claire not an hour later. He decided it might be best not to tell her it was undercover work, or that it was taking place in a white picket fence neighborhood, as that might turn her off from it almost immediately.
“Hey Claire, its been too long since we’ve talked,” he started.
“Hi Dean. what do you want, there’s no way you’re just calling to catch up if you’re starting with ‘its been too long.’”
“You got me there. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me and Cas on a hunt. Its not too far from the bunker and we’d have you back home in a week.”
“Sure, that works. When do we start?” She hadnt seen Dean and Cas since they rescued Cas. That was over a month ago, she’d been meaning to visit, but she’d been so busy with hunting, and getting to know Kaia again now that she was finally back. This seemed like a perfect opportunity to reconnect and not miss out on anything too big back at home.
“If you could come down here by Wednesday, that’d be great.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” She was tempted to sign off with an ‘I love you’ but she was never a lovey-dovey person in that way.
On tuesday she promised Jody she’d be extra careful and would be back in under a week. Kaia told her to make sure to call every day and update her on what was happening. Claire agreed, promising to keep in touch. She spent the rest of the day driving down to Kansas.
Back on Dean and Cas’s end, they were trying to get the house set up for 4 people when they had no furniture prior to this. Cas had always loved furniture shopping even before he had a use for it. When he worked at the Gas-and-Sip, he would browse the home improvement magazines in his spare time. Dean was pretty much the opposite. He had never had reason to care for it, so he didn't. Maybe his hatred for Swedish furniture was rooted in his deep-seated commitment issues. It didn't matter much why he hated it, he just left most of the choices up to Cas. there was then the issue of appliances and such you couldn't find in a furniture store. That was left up to him. Cas sent him out to Walmart to get things for the kitchen. That was something he could do. He picked out a mixer, some silverware, and a pioneer woman kitchenware set. It came with pots and pans, mixing bowls, and a few normal sized plates. That was enough for him to consider it an absolute steal. He brought his finds home to the bunker, setting them on the table designated for things that were to go in the new house. Jack was sitting on Cas’s lap, pointing at things on the computer.
“What’re you guys finding?” Dean asked, hovering behind Cas’s shoulder.
“Djungelskog!” Jack exclaimed, showing Dean a photo of a large stuffed brown bear.
“I thought you were looking for furniture?” Dean directed the question more at Cas, but he was still looking at Jack.
“We are. Jack just got us a bit sidetracked. We found the majority of what we need. Among other things not of as grave importance.”
Dean looked over the shopping cart and then gave the go ahead. Not before adding the stuffed bear to the cart, though.
The next day Claire arrived. Everyone was thrilled to see her. Jack ran up and threw himself around one of her legs and Cas gave her an awkward dad side hug. Dean wondered when he would tell her what the hunt would actually consist of, but he didn't want to interrupt the moment.
A few hours later, Dean fixed everyone a real dinner and had them sit down at the kitchen table. The realization dawned on him that this was going to be his last sit down meal officially living in the bunker. Everyone sort of just sat in silence for a beat. Perhaps reflecting on their own lasts of officially living there. “Claire, I sorta forgot to add this when I called you, but the case is a lot of undercover work. Also its in a suburban area.”
“And why didn't you tell me this sooner?”
“Well to speak freely, I wanted you on this case and I was worried it would make you not want to come.”
“It almost does, but i'm already here now, and i wouldn't want to waste a days driving on something i'm not actually going to do.” She guessed this would probably take longer than a week. “And i'm guessing this isn't just something you decided to do out of the goodness of your hearts?”
“We bought a house in the area, and we just wanted to make sure it was safe,” Cas explained.
“Hang on, you bought a house for real and you didnt even think to tell me? You didn't think that that was valuable information?”
“It didn't come up in our phone call,” Dean said.
“And? That’s no excuse to leave your daughter out of major life events!” The ‘daughter’ part just sort of came out without her noticing, but seconds after she said it she regretted it. God, how embarrassing.
“You’re right. We should’ve told you sooner. It was kind of a recent decision, though, so you haven’t been out of the loop for too long,” Cas said.
The next day was moving day. Dean loaded the appliances into the back of Claire’s car, since the back of the Impala was already full. Claire took her own car, while Dean, Cas, and Jack rode in Baby. Their real furniture was being delivered as they spoke. Cas offered to ride with Claire, but she assured him she’d be fine by herself. The drive wasn’t even that long, especially compared to the distance she drove yesterday.
Dean was silently nervous. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it was written all over his face. His first real stable house, with the man he loved, and his two kids, he could only hope that he didn’t mess it up. Cas put a hand on his shoulder showing he saw how Dean was feeling.
They turned onto Chapel Street and pulled up into the driveway of the house. It somehow looked bigger and more daunting than it had during the walkthrough. Claire arrived almost ten minutes later. Everyone just sort of paused in front of the house for a minute, reveling in the stability most of them had never had.
#pspspsps you want to reblog my hard work sooo bad#supernatural#spn#castiel#dean winchester#supernatural fic#samael speaks#sammy sires
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