#plus i’m hoping it eases a bit of my discomfort on main

[osarina]

i’m probably going to make a little personal side blog for me to scream into the void and not bother all 300 billion of u so if u would want the url if i make it just like this

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

oh my bad, i didn’t see you didnt write for atsumu or sakusa. can you do the same headcanons (s/o who’s smol and fragile) but with kuroo, bokuto, and oikawa? if possible, i would still like to see these headcanons with atsumu and sakusa <333

hey hey hey anon!! ty for the requests :)

I think this is such a cute idea (´♡‿♡`)

I just started watching S4 soo I'll save your other request for atsumu and sakusa in my inbox and get to that once I'm done!!

in the meantime, I hope you enjoy some of my favorite captains <3

btw sorry it’s definitely not my best, I was having major writers block so this is basically all I could manage :(

•Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa w/ a Small and Fragile S/O•

warnings: none

genre: fluff

characters: kuroo, bokuto, + oikawa

•Kuroo•

Kuroo had teased you about your height ever since the two of you had become friends

it was his way of playful flirting, harmless really

“Ah, hey there chibi-chan, still need help with that chem assignment.”

“I thought I told you to quit calling me that.”

“Aw, but it suits you.”

It was all harmless until he began to actually fall for you 

the way your laugher erupted through the air at one of his stupid chemistry jokes or how you would never fail to flash a pretty smile and throw him a wave whenever you two were near

every single thing about you drew him in and he just had to make you his, so that’s exactly what he did you said yes obviously

even though he spent quite a bit of time with you before making things official, he never realized how prone to injury you were

seriously you got hurt so often it was crazy

at first he thought it was just bad luck until he noticed that you collided with the majority of things that were in your path

it was actually quite entertaining to him a lot of the time, but even if he let out a chuckle he would always take care of you

didn't matter if it was him grabbing the first aid kit from the gym or keeping you company in the nurses office while you got checked out

as much as he loved to tease you for everything, he was always right by your side 

even though he put on a calm and collected front, he got worried every time you got hurt

it didn’t matter how minor or major the injury was, he just wanted to make sure you were okay

he was always making sure you were taking care of yourself too

making sure you ate and drank water and took care of your injuries when needed

sometimes he’d even tease you by buying you a carton of milk and claiming that you needed it for bone growth

he definitely could be a huge pain sometimes, but it always brought a smile to your face

with your height differences, his favorite thing was to pick you up by your waist, hold you up high, and spin you around

he didn’t care who was watching, all that he was focused on in that moment was the lovely smile stitched on your face

he loved to lean down when you were standing around or talking with someone and rest his chin on your head and wrap his arms lightly around your neck

this was especially common when he noticed someone else trying to flirt with you, a piercing gaze followed as well in these situations

if anyone tried to tease you about your height he would pick you up, throw you over his shoulder, and run the opposite direction hey problem solved

as much as he teased you himself, he was always making sure to let you know how much he loved you just the way you were

he always eased you insecurities and whispered compliment after compliment in your ear when you were down

he was your #1 hype man no matter the time

he truly saw you as perfect and he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life letting you know

•Bokuto•

when you and bokuto first met, he was very upfront about your height

"HEY HEY HEY! Wow, you're super tiny!”

cue your pouting

bokuto noticed your change of expression and quickly saved himself

“OH! No no, not in a bad way, like a cute way, you know? Tiny and squishy!”

cue him pinching your cheeks like an old lady

Akaashi ended up dragging him back to practice but not before he turned your cheeks bright red, from the excessive pinching and his comments

after that incident, you saw bokuto a lot more

usually due to you bumping into him in between classes

you didn’t mean to but he was just so tall and you were just so clumsy

those situations usually ended with you both apologizing profusely to each other while bokuto walked you to the nurses office

overtime, you two grew closer and closer and eventually made things official 

despite all the energy he had, he was always very gentle with you

he knew he could get a little much at times and with how easily you got injured he wanted to make sure he was never the one causing you pain

his touch was always very soft and loving, allowing you to feel just how much he cared

since you would get hurt so often he would always carry bandaids in his school bag they had little hearts on them

he would drop anything he was doing and sit you down to place a bandaid and a kiss wherever the damage was

“There you go, Dr. Bokuto is always at your service Y/N.”

“Thank you Bo.”

if it was something more intense he would walk you to the nurse’s office, hair drooping and tears in his eyes

he honestly hated seeing you hurt or in pain

if he could, he would take away any and all of your discomfort

he just wanted to see you smiling, that was his favorite look on you

no matter how much you would tell him you were okay he still would not leave your side until you got fully cleared by the nurse and the rest of the day he would be clinging to you with a pout stitched on his face

he adored the height difference between you two

your small hand fit perfectly in his and the was your tiny figure molded into his when you two cuddled felt right

he knew that sometimes you could get a little insecure

he never really understood why you couldn't see yourself how he saw you but that didn't prevent him from bring you up and letting you know exactly how he saw you

he truly saw you as the most flawless person he’s ever seen

compliments were always followed up by a lot of hugs and kisses

he always felt like you deserved to feel like you were on top of the world so giving you piggy back rides or letting you sit on his shoulders was his favorite thing to do

he never missed the laughter that escaped your lips when he would pick up speed definitely his favorite sound ever

his main goal was to protect you from anything and everything and make sure you were loved

and he succeeded with that each and every day

•Oikawa•

oikawa had had a thing for you since middle school

you never really thought much of the way he would act towards you due to his high popularity

honestly, you just thought he was being polite

that was until he asked you out your first year of high school

ever since then you became aoba johsai’s power couple

you didn't really care about titles though, all that mattered was that you and oikawa were happy

and contrary to popular belief, oikawa was a really great boyfriend

he never failed to make you feel appreciated and cherished

he honestly just couldn’t believe he was with someone so perfect, and honestly the blush that spread across your cheeks was just too cute to pass up

this didn't excuse you from oikawa’s teasing, your height being a main target

“Y/N-chan, mind if I rest my arm here, it’s so tired from practice”

“Tooru, get your gross, sweaty arm off my head.”

“Ahh so mean baby.”

although he never missed the opportunity to rile you up about you height, he always recognized when to stop and followed it up with a bunch of compliments

he knew it could be an insecurity of your sometimes and he would never dream of making you feel less then perfect

if any of his fan girls tried to mention something involving your height, he didn’t hesitate to confront them

occasionally going the extra mile and pulling you into a loving kiss right in front of them

he didn’t care if they stopped supporting him, he had you by his side and that was more then enough 

although you usually got hurt quite often, that all stopped when you started dating oikawa

you honestly couldn’t believe it at first

all the scratches, scars, and bruises that frequently littered your body and slowly healed over time and no new ones took their place

you could not wrap your head around how he managed to do it

he was very observant and almost had this sixth sense when it came to you and your injuries

usually catching you before you fell, pulling you out of the way of something, or grabbing something and moving it away before it could cause you harm

you were practically like a small child he had to watch

he always followed up his smooth movements with a flirty remark

“Ah ah ah, you have to be more careful Y/N-chan, I'm the only one you should be falling for.”

although he loved spending any moment with you, his favorite memories had to be watching you in the stands during one of his games, cheering for him

his jersey was so big on you, he found it so adorable it always smelled like you when you returned it which was a huge plus

his favorite thing to do during games was throw you a wink before each serve he did, watching you laugh and wink right back

he always played his best when you were there

watching you from the court made him fall in love with you all over again

you were his world and he would make it his top priority to remind you of that each and every day

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[7wanderingpaws]

The Art of Shakiness

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: collegue AU, doctor AU, wee bit of angst, romance, fluff

Warnings: none

Word count: 5.3K

A/N: I saw the pretty moodboard and asked dear Marie @iloveagain​ if I could attempt to write this for her! I hope so much you will like it, sorry it took me so long! I would appreacite any kind of feedback! I enjoyed this! ❤😭 and omg I apologise for  the terrible name of the oneshot, I am very bad at names :((( 

-

“Miss, your hand is trembling too much,” scolded the professor as he walked to your lab table where the dead frog was lying, his white belly cut open. He stood in front of you, tsk tsking at you as he shook his head disapprovingly. “How do you want to take out his spleen if your hand is trembling so much? It is a small organ surrounded with even smaller ones. You know a surgeon needs a steady hand.”

Pressing your lips together, sucking them in you didn't meet the eye of your professor, too ashamed to look at him and see the disappointment.

You have always been struggling with shaky hands, whether you were stressed or not. If you were stressed and held a thin piece of paper, you could be rest assured you wouldn't even be able to read from it, the paper shaking violently in your weak fingers. It was something you have been extremely self-conscious about, and you learned early on how to mask the discomfort on your face whenever you caught people staring at your shakiness. Of course, just like all the elementary school kids, you were no exception to jokes or teasing, but you could deal with that. Accepting the truth and being able to make fun of it was a mature treat of yours when you were young and unknown to the cruel human nature.

“Just look at the gentleman next to you,” pointed out the professor, his hand gesturing to no other than Byun Baekhyun himself. “Steady hands, precise clean cut, causing as little damage to the body as possible. Maybe you should learn from him.” He didn't even look at you as he continued his way down the path of lab tables, all filled with surgical equipment and focused (or rather stressed) students. “Just continue working, miss.”

Gritting your teeth, you tried hard not to give ANY attention to the male next to you. He was chuckling, while working through the intestines of the little animal. His hands were swift, steady and just like the professor described, precise. Although you would never admit it out loud, having steady hands on a male was something that could turn you on and have you stare at the steadiness of the hands for way too long. Plus point would always be, if those hands were handsome too.

But back to your main point.

You hated the male next to you. He was you working partner, sitting partner and there was not much you could do about it. He was a playful charmer, always getting the best (or worst?) out of you, driving you up the wall. He was the number one student in almost all practical seminars besides… well, general medicine. In that one class, you were the number one.

“It's cause all you have to do is memorizing,” he would retort.

Sure.

Of course.

You weren't aiming to be the number one student at all. No. He was competing with nonexistent competition.

Or was he?

Because maybe the utmost, infuriating fact about him was that he didn't have to as much as sit down and thoroughly study. No. He was the one, who could read the text once or twice and he would recite it backwards.

So, in the words of students and friends that you shared, he was a scarily intelligent genius.

And you had to agree, and you hated him for that. He was everything you weren't. He was relaxed, you were stressed. You were trembling, he was steady. You were angry, he was cheerful. You had different personalities because of which your exchange of opinions clashed. And as much as everyone adored him, you couldn't.

-

It was the presentation day.

Your stack of diligently prepared papers was lying on your table, ready to be presented to the audience consisting of your classmates and your professor, who definitely didn't listen to information about the consistency of DNA before at all (sarcasm). Heck, he was your professor. If there was anyone that knew his thing better about this subject, it was exactly him. So you researched and studied hard, went to various lengths to give a good impression. But there was one thing that was holding you back, a scar that was threatening to bust open once you stood in front of the big auditorium, your well-structured ppt screened on the vast wall behind you.

As you were holding the single piece of paper, ready to start, was when you noticed your stress had got the better out of you again. It was shaking, violently, and despite you being confident in your presentation skills, this threw you off guard.

The silence in the huge space was literally deafening, and you struggled to get your heart to beat in a regular pace again. You didn't want to show this side of you. For once, you wanted people to be awed at how good you were at this…

But it didn't work. No matter the determination, the desire and mental will power to control the paper and the shakiness, it did not stop. If anything, it would tremble even more.

Screaming inside, you just decided you wouldn't look at the paper, hoping your memory of the text you were supposed to present was still well engraved in your memory.

Taking a deep breath, you were about to start when someone cleared their throat and stood up. Someone. It was him. He was walking down the steps that led from his seat to the podium you were on, and you professor raised a questioning eyebrow at the slim figure that was now almost in front of you. Not even giving him a chance, you frowned, whispering: “What are you doing?”

Without a word, he handed you something. It was a clipboard. “Just take it. Use it,” was what he said, giving you an encouraging smile.

Staring at the clipboard, you saw his hand - the steady one, that was now trying to help you by easing your anxiety. “Stop staring and take it. You have an audience to impress,” he murmured but he was playful. Grabbing your hand, he pressed it into your sweaty palm. Before he let go of you, you felt his hand squeezing yours gently, causing your heart to jump painfully.

Winking, he turned around swiftly, and on his way back he spoke out loud to the class: “Our colleague forgot her support.”

Your professor chuckled and motioned for you to start. By hearing him chuckle, and then facing an encouraging face of Baekhyun who was now staring at you like a puppy with perked ears and a wiggly tail, you finally managed to have a peace of heart. Your hand got a bit steadier as you put the paper on the clipboard, and with no trace of shakiness haunting you, you presented.

-

He was always there to support you, yet you never gave it a thought. You never questioned his fond smile when he looked at you struggling with scalpel or when the memorizing of the muscles in latin wouldn't work well with your brain. You never even thanked him when he told you the easier ways to remember the difficult terms and you almost cut him open with your own scalpel when he helped you at autopsies.

Patiently, he would lean over the lab table you shared, his elbows on the surface as he clasped his handsome hands together. Wait. Did you just say handsome? N-no, you meant steady and good-look-NO! Just. Steady.

“And now grab the left side,” he murmured, his attention fully on the work at hand. His hot breath fanned the skin on your hand and the goosebumps caused a wave of shakiness overtaking your limbs.

“Woah,” he grabbed your hand gently before it would stab another organ. “Relax. We can't ruin-”

“I know,” you snapped, stepping away from the table and focusing your gaze upwards to ease the tension from focusing for too long. “I can't scratch the other organs, it needs to be precise, and I should take out the stomach, not the guts… I know it all, Baekhyun. You aren't the only knowledgeable person here.” You were still staring elsewhere, rolling your eyes to exercise the muscles.

Baekhyun frowned, not showing the hurt you caused with your snappy attitude. “I know you know,” he tried, straightening up to his full height, his lab coat in a funny angle around his broad shoulders. “I'm just trying to help. You only need to pass this one exam and then you don't have to do more autopsies, or surgeries.”

“No,” you replied resolutely. He went silent. “This isn't the only time. I want to be a surgeon, just like my father. I want to be as good as him.”

“You can do it,” he stated. He waited until you turn and finally look at him, but you didn't. It was making him sad to see you suffering and if it meant spending all his free time to help you, then so be it. “I know you can.”

“I can't! The professor will kick me out of this course at the exam!”

“Just trust yourself a little bit!” he insisted now, his voice louder as he took a hold of your shoulder, needing to see your eyes. He wanted you to see his, so that maybe you could understand.

Once you finally locked eyes with him, he spotted your teary eyes and he gasped softly, hating the view. He never saw you cry before.

“What?” you whispered, afraid to speak louder in case your voice would fail you. You already hated he was witnessing this side of you.

He opened his mouth to speak, but you suddenly shook your head in dismissal, shaking his hand off of your shoulder. “No, don't talk. Don't. I can't stand you right now.”

And you left.

-

Pff, that idiot kept being annoying even more after that day in the labs. He wouldn't stop pestering you, always doing silly stuff to try to tick you off and it would end up in him laughing at you. Yeah. You always knew he was no good news.

It was next week when you had the last autopsy seminar at 7am before the final exam. You came in earlier, your thoughts still sleepy but soon to be woken by your determined self to pass the course and prove the world that even people with the worst shakiness in their hands could become amazing surgeons.

Baekhyun was already there, preparing the equipment and checking his notes when he heard you enter the silent room. The smell of disinfectant hit your nose once again, and you suppressed the disgust and negative emotions that were tied to the smell.

“Good morning,” he smiled at you and let his gaze rest on you until you reached the table on the other side. When you didn't respond, only letting out a grunt, he frowned. “That isn't your seat.”

“Well, now it is.”

Once again, he tried not to show the hurt he felt at your actions. He always had you next to him; throughout all the labs he could keep a secret eye on your work and amend issues quickly when you weren't looking. But now, sitting too far away from him and the exam literally around the corner, you couldn't afford to make a mistake.

“You should get tissues from the toilets then,” he said, feigning ignorance as he focused his attention back on his doodles of corgi dogs that he was scribbling until you interrupted his diligent work - the one you mistook for him studying his notes. “The table's dirty and I saw a piece of a finger not far away.”

Hearing his monotone voice, you didn't know what scared you more - the information he was providing you and made you flinch away from the table, or his sudden cold attitude. He was never cold with you.

“Sure,” you replied, turning to leave, giving him one last glance before exiting.

Baekhyun, hearing your absence, quickly stood up and took his water bottle, successfully pouring it on the chair made of light wood. Good, he thought to himself smuggly. Thanks to the light colour, it would be difficult to spot the puddle and plus, it wasn't like people usually paid attention to the chairs they were about to sit on, right?

You returned with some toilet papers, and quickly cleaned the table up, although it wasn't as messy as Baekhyun told you it was. Getting rid of the dirty papers, you finally sat down, wanting to just move on and start preparing when you felt it.

Wet coldness made itself inside through the textile of your jeans, all the way to your underwear. Letting out a yelp, you jumped up, turning around to see that, indeed, there was a puddle on the chair that you failed to notice.

Chuckles coming from the side couldn't be stopped, more so when you locked eyes with Baekhyun's laughing ones, his eyes half-moons turned downwards as he couldn't keep it in anymore and he started to laugh out loud, his mouth wide open.

“You-” you let out, seething from anger. “You did this?!” you shouted, your face growing hot, as angry tears made their way to your eyes. Disbelief in his actions was an understatement. How could he do this to you? “Are you freaking nuts? BYUN BAEKHYUN!!!” you screeched, letting out a loud, high-pitched scream as you closed your eyes and kept screaming.

Stopping abruptly, you opened your eyes, huge tears falling out of them. Taking your bag, you made three quick, big steps towards his laughing figure only for him to stop, surprised at the sight of your tear-stained face. “You,” you leaned in, so, so close that his eyes widened at the proximity, his heart jumping fast. “I,” you re-started, breathing heavily as you pointed your finger at him, poking it into his shoulder. “I. Hate. You. And if I see you anywhere near me, I will end you.”

-

You didn't fail that exam. But your professor didn't forget to mention the difficulties you would have once proceeding on with your field of study - an orthopaedic surgeon.

It left you so utterly devastated, disappointed and just overall bitter about your whole studies that you ended up locked in your room for days, crying.

You made sure, whenever you had to go to school and attend exams, you would make great effort in ignoring Baekhyun, who was so shocked at your cold attitude. You not even batting an eyelash at him, and he, just like you, ended up being bitter. He missed you, missed your presence. Despite you being grumpy with him, he never wanted to lose you. He admitted he might have gone too far with the wet chair thingy… He thought… 

What did he think? 

Well, now he could see it didn't bring you back to him. It officially made you hate him and he was hopeless. Trying to start conversations with you was completely fruitless. Surprising you with bouquets of flowers on your table didn't work at all. It had only one plus: he could see you genuinely smile until you recognized him hiding behind the wall, watching your reaction and you would realize the gift was from him. As much as you were touched, and it may have made your heart flutter, you couldn't stop the frown. You would stand up, leaving the bouquet there for Baekhyun to sadly walk over and retrieve it, watching your leaving figure.

The next semester he never saw you in the classes again. Did you give up? Or did you take a semester off? No, you couldn't have given up! You came too far for you to give up!

Contacting you was not working; apparently you changed your phone number.

Why other friends knew this, but he didn't?

Did you really hate him so much?

And what was this pain he was feeling? The darkness that was surrounding him, caused by your absence… it was hurting too much. He missed you.

He was, in fact, the entire time, hopelessly in love with you.

And you... 

You hated him.

-

5 years later

You were just walking down the corridor at your department, hands deep inside your pockets when you heard your name being called out. Turning, you saw your colleague Hana running down after you. “I have a huuuuuge favour to ask of you,” she sighed once she stopped in front of you, clutching her hip for support.

“What favour?” you asked, worried you might have to stay longer in the hospital again. Even though your department wasn't the one where overnight shifts were common (actually, extremely rare) but staying longer than 5-6pm was always tiring. “I have covered your ass way too many times, don't you think?”

Finally her breath evened out and she straightened up, giving you puppy eyes.

“No!” you pointed your finger at her. “Don't you dare do this to me!”

“Please!” she wailed, locking her hands together in a plea. “I swear this is the last time. Then you can order me around as much as you want.”

You sighed, pressing your index and middle finger to your temple, trying to ease the stress of the day. “You know I don't like ordering people around…”

“Whatever, you will have me at your mercy. But Sehun managed to get a reservation at this fancy restaurant-”

You heaved out another sigh, her words now completely draining you out. These people. Dating, meeting up, being romantic, intimate… everything that you barely ever experienced, and now as a working person, you swore you could say bye to finding any kind of love in your life. You work was your life. But you didn't love work. Did that mean you didn't love your life then...?

You waited until she finished and you gave her a grunt. “What do you want me to do? I can do the exercises with your patients if that's what you want.”

She smiled nervously, but shook her head slowly, obviously wary and suddenly hasty.

“What is it?” you frowned. “You are acting like I bite.”

She scratched the back of her neck, avoiding your gaze. “Well, it is a bit of an annoying work, that is why I am not the happiest about asking you…”

“You don't seem like it,” you scoffed.

She ignored you and went on: “Anyway. Remember there was this huge accident few weeks ago? With two parents and two kids... “

You nodded, already dreading what was coming. It was an absolutely horrendous car crash that had two parents falling out through the front window, leaving them in a terrible state, meanwhile the kids didn't get as much as a scratch. News reporters were flooding the hospital and there was a huge interest regarding the two parents who were now lying on the intensive care after going through lengthy, difficult and complex surgery.

“So both parents have trouble with walking as you know. They are now at the orthopedic department after getting another surgery few days ago.”

“Oh, I wasn't aware they moved them.”

“Well, yeah, because of the naggings from the TV stations it is being kept a secret. But anyhow… The boss put me under the recovery supervision. They require basic exercises to support muscle activity. Do you think you could go to the orthopedics department and do it for me?”

You were hesitant. Not because you didn't want to do it. Actually, you would gladly help that poor family that went through such tragedy. But there was something else holding you back.

After few seconds of tense contemplating, you finally nodded. “Okay. Alright. I will do it. Do you have the necessary documents?”

“Thank you so much!” she squealed, hugging you. “I prepared the docs, they are in the common room on my table.”

When you arrived at the orthopedics department, it was quiet given the time of the day you visited. Kindly asking for directions from the nurses, you finally found the patients in question. A doctor was turned with his back towards the entrance, tending to the patients and making small talk. You hesitated only for a second before entering, the doctor not familiar to you.

“You will soon fly, miss, forget about walking,” he joked as he laughed breathily and that was what made you freeze. That voice was familiar…

The patient's eyes fell on you, and that was what probably made Baekhyun turn in his spot, wanting to check who was behind him. His eyes locked with yours and you saw that his manly features that were now in a friendly smile froze as he took you in.

How many seconds have passed with both of you staring at each other? Why was this so painful?

You knew it.

You. Knew. It.

That he would be there.

But you still came to his department. Of course, if there was any department closer to orthopedics, it was yours - physiotherapy. You and your colleagues were the ones who put into practice what the surgeons in orthopedics pieced together. The two departments were so vital to each other, they would be almost inseparable.

“The nurse arrived,” chimed in a friendly voice of the father. “Welcome!”

“Our doctor is already bewitched, we see,” chuckled the mum as she exchanged looks with her husband lying on the bed next to her.

You cleared your throat, heat rushing into your cheeks, matching your pink lipstick that complimented your face, and your personality. Baekhyun would agree, without hesitation. Sweet. Smart. Pretty. And real. Right now. In front of him.

“I came to tend to the patients, following the post-surgery recovery.” You said, still staring at Baekhyun wide-eyed. “If you could brief me in on the details, I would appreciate that.”

You weren't sure what, but something was so different about him. It had been too long. Comparing him to the Baekhyun you saw last many years ago, he was now more chubby in cheeks, seemed very healthy yet buffed up in a way. Sporting a clean haircut with brownish hair, you could now see how his face stood out. Sparkly eyes were still the same. Lips, that were now slightly parted at the unexpected sight of you, still so, so honest when he finally let out: “Well, damn.”

He was their main surgeon. The youngest in the department. The youngest ever to accomplish such an outstanding surgery. And as you learned while you were doing exercises with his patients, he was also “very, very kind and even more funny.”

You chuckled, feeling warm inside. Yes. Just like you remembered him, even though at the time you never acknowledged him that way.

“You know, all the nurses are swooning,” whispered excitedly the wife as you gently took her leg and pushed it towards her chest slowly before straightening it back up. “But the way he went silent when he saw you - wow. Dr Byun never goes silent on people.”

“Trust me,” added the husband, winking at you from the other bed. “We have been here for a while to know.”

“Yes, you have been here way too long,” you heard the voice from the doors and you felt your heart skip a beat. He was leaning against the doorframe, amusedly listening. The husband and wife chuckled, while you calmly continued working. “You are finishing up now, right?” he asked, the question now directed at you.

You looked at him from behind your shoulder. “Yes. We will finish in a few minutes.”

He nodded, looking at the exercises for a bit before he cleared his throat again and straightened up. “Could you please see me in the office before you leave?”

Humming an approval, he left.

And so, when finished and parted ways with the kind patients, you found yourself in his office, sitting on a chair opposite him.

“You wanted to see me…” you mumbled, not sure what to make of him constantly gawking at you.

He shook his head slowly. “Ah, sorry. I wasn't… I never knew you are working in this hospital,” he started.

“Well, I am,” you smiled at him.

“You knew I was here,” he stated. “Yet you not once came to visit me. And, and… all those years ago you disappeared…” he trailed off, slight hurt still present in his features.

Sure, first loves always hurt. It wasn't a shame for him to admit he never really loved before he met you, as much as it was difficult to believe it. 

“Yes, I changed my university and my major, too,” you replied. “So I graduated later than you. I never knew you worked here until recently when you became the youngest surgeon to be successful at such a difficult surgery.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked, curiosity eating him away. He always wanted answers and he thought he would never get them. But finally, finally you were here. He could reach out and touch you, if he as much as wished so. “I thought we were friends.”

“Baekhyun,” you sighed before coughing. You knew he was asking about the past. “I mean, Dr Byun. It was a difficult stage in my life. I don't want to talk about it. I'm happy to know and witness you are doing well though. You became something I could never become.”

“You would have made it,” he replied passionately, speaking your name with such intensity it made you lock eyes with him immediately. “I had you all covered. I wouldn't have let you leave if you only talked to me!”

You were speechless as he slightly raised his voice, but not in a bad way. There was something bothering him, and you gently smiled at the hunch you were getting. “You always made fun of me, did you forget? You were my rival. I couldn't just be friends with you when you were the one having everything I ever wanted.”

Baekhyun went silent, heaving out a breath after your confession. “I never saw you as a rival.” Not even once.

“That doesn't matt-”

“I missed you,” he cut in, not letting his stare falter, and also sick and tired of keeping his emotions at bay when he had you in front of him. “You disappeared on me. Now you are the one who is doing the post-production of my work. Yet, you aren't even on the papers for the patients.”

“Yes, my colleague asked me to come in for her,” you replied, but your mind was racing at his previously uttered words. He missed you. It was true then. You knew it all along, and he confirmed it now. He liked you back then. Did he still like you now? “But I won't be coming back, don't worry. It was only for today.”

Baekhyun's eyes dropped on the paper in front of him. “I would like you to be the physiotherapist for my patients.”

You frowned and followed his gaze. “You want to change my colleague?”

“Yes,” he replied, his gaze carefully analyzing your reaction. “You belong to one of the best from your sort. So I want you with me. Would you accept it?”

-

You were seeing him everyday, just like back in university days. He was very busy, many times you caught him studying books and sometimes he came to check up on the exercises and the way you were practicing. He wanted to learn from you, so he asked you many questions, which always made the two patients chuckle. His funny remarks and entertaining commentaries made you laugh so much it hurt your belly and soon enough, he would ask you to come to his office where you would chat a bit longer.

Finally, you saw him in a different light. No enemy. No one to steal your place. Because he was complementing your work and you his. Drinking coffee or tea, you finally told him everything that was happening in your life and why you made the decisions that you made and you carefully explained him the way you saw him at the time.

Annoying.

Stupidly funny, which basically equalled annoying.

Handsome, which basically equalled ugly and disgusting.

Steady handed genius, which basically equalled handsome idiot…

Caring, which meant your rival.

But now, you could read it all backwards, and you would get the results that you saw now, but back then couldn't, blinded by your competitiveness. Funny, steady handed genius, caring, friendly, handsome and manly, and now in his attire, the title of the surgeon he worked so hard for, sexy.

He dared to make the first joke about your shaky hands after many years, and you laughed with him and showed him, that indeed, you were still just as shaky as before. But now you were shaking because of the butterflies he gave you. Oh yeah, shaky all for him. He would kiss away your tremblings whenever he got a glimpse of them... And you just trembled even more.

Seeing things now from a different perspective, you felt ashamed and embarrassed about how you used to behave around him back at university while he liked you.

It was almost two months after you first met at the hospital when he pulled you back into his office as you opened the door and were almost out. He closed it once he had you pressed against the wall next to it and his only approval of his doings was your bright, happy smile when he slowly leaned in and gave you a longing kiss. Smirking, he wanted to pull away, not having other intentions when you grabbed him by his cheeks and brought him back, wanting more than just a peck.

He was frozen for a heartbeat, but once back to his senses, he grabbed you by your hips bringing your bodies closer as he opened your mouth and explored more.

“I might have had a dream about you last night,” you whispered to him, chuckling again and he couldn't help but follow your chuckles because, goodness, this was actually happening. Once again, your sweet lipstick that tasted like strawberries, matched the colour of your cheeks and the stars in your eyes when you looked at him made him want to squeal from happiness. Because he had been dreaming about you all along. 

-

Secretly dating in a hospital full of gossiping nurses was a bit challenging for almost one year. But it became so unbearable and his secret visits at your department went almost unnoticed except the fact that a doctor like HIM had no business at YOUR department. It was always the physiotherapist that came to the surgeon.

“Baekhyun,” you giggled when he once again stepped into the common room of the physiotherapy department. You were just fetching yourself some tea for the short break before heading back to your work. Your colleagues gave you quizzical looks tinted with suspicion, but they had it all confirmed in a way; you two being a thing. It was all over your faces.

“Excuse me, I will have to steal her for a moment. Need to discuss a patient,” he exclaimed shamelessly before waiting for you patiently at the doors as you made your way to him with your cup of tea. Once out in the corridor, he looked around before taking the hot cup out of your hand, putting it on the floor quickly and grabbing you by your waist to give you a huge, loud kiss. You should have fought with him but you were past that stage. Let everyone see.

The college sweethearts, was what you heard in the gossips after you talked to Hana, telling her how you and Baekhyun first met.

Looking up at Baekhyun as he was smiling at you affectionately before leaning in for another kiss, you could confirm that it was true. College sweethearts. And now, lovers. 

“I love you,” he whispered into your mouth.

Hugging him, you meant it when you closed your eyes and your lips brushed his ear: “And I love you, my dear.”

Him, the best orthopedic surgeon.

You, the best physiotherapist.

The iconic duo of the hospital.

❤ 

hope you liked it!

CuriousCat Ask box is also open! Or comments!💕

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt. 1

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anon- “ could you write one where the reader is a rock singer and they and mcr are on warped tour together, and they both lowkey like each other but think they’re both out of each other’s league, and find out that they’re both secretly into nerdy stuff + maybe getting together? thank you so much xxx”

AN: This is a multi-part series--I couldn’t help myself! Also, I based this fic around something Gerard said in a Rolling Stone interview:

Hope its ok Anon! enjoy!

You had dreamed of this moment since you first picked up a guitar. Back then it felt like an impossible fantasy, being on stage with your band, playing in front of a crowd of screaming fans; which is why it felt so surreal when your manager Tim told you that your band, The Violent Delights, had booked Warped Tour.

"June 18th," he told you with a satisfied grin, "you're in for the long haul, kids."

Your band-mates let out a collective shriek of joy, while you planted a grateful kiss on Tim's cheek.

"You're an OK manager, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, dramatically wiping his cheek where your lips had been. "Now you guys better get practicing. This is a good opportunity to really get your name out there. Plus you got some real popular acts to compete with."

Your interest was peaked. "Oh yeah? Like who?"

"Off the top of my head? Fall Out Boy, Dropkick Murphys, and I think a band called My Chemical Romance."

"Oh shit, My Chem?" your bassist, Gavin, piped up excitedly. "That's the band I'm always trying to get Y/N to listen to."

"I'll have to finally borrow their last album," you replied, "gotta scope out the competition after all." Gavin rolled his eyes while you laughed.

Your manager got serious. "It's three months on the road, and its gonna take a lot of energy and hard work. Quite frankly, it ain't glamorous."

"Tim, when have we ever been glamorous? I wouldn't care if it were a 12 month tour," you declared, "I wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world." Liz, your drummer, nodded in agreement beside you.

"You might be singing a different tune when you haven't had a shower in three days."

"As long as I'm singing it in front of an audience, we'll be fine."

* * *

Back at your apartment you marked June 18th on your calendar with a star, feeling invigorated with excitement all over again. This was it, you thought, the next level for our band. You were determined to give it your very best, outperforming every other band there.

After all, you had worked so hard to get to this point. Starting in friend's basements and tiny cafes, the band had slowly built up a sizable following of loyal fans. You were no longer the opening act, drawing sell out crowds more often than not. You made a promise to yourself that the band wasn't going to lose this momentum. There would be no distractions for you on this tour, just hard work and the thrill of performing. That meant no parties, and absolutely no boys. You weren't ready for another relationship, you told yourself, especially since the last one ended in disaster.

Yes, this was the moment the band had been waiting for. You let the warm excitement that this knowledge brought envelope you, and you lay your head down on your pillow, falling asleep to fantasies of what lay ahead.

* * *

Its a long road from Maryland to Ohio. Columbus was the first stop of the tour, which meant your band had 6 and a half hours to go over the set-list, make adjustments  discuss their hopes and fears for the three month experience. Gavin gave you a few CDs to listen too, including My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.  You had heard their first album ages ago and enjoyed it, but there was something incandescent to the music you were hearing now. It stirred a whirlwind of heavy emotion, and you were enthralled from beginning to end. You made a mental note to see them perform at Warped as soon as possible.

When your bus arrived at its destination, you felt the unwelcome buzz of nerves building in your stomach. This was real, you thought, this was happening. You were used to performing at this point, but it was the amount of people you'd be performing for that was nerve-wracking. Not to mention the fellow artists who may be watching and judging your sound. You breathed deep and tried to push past the nervous thoughts that hummed incessantly around your head like insects.

Your band-mates were buzzing about with excitement, but you needed to distract yourself. Fresh air always helped settle you, so you grabbed your shoes and decided to go for a walk around the venue.

It looked almost like a circus with all the trailers and tents that had quickly populated the surrounding area. Merch stands and catering tents were being organizes as dozens upon dozens of vans and trailers pulled in. There were already a few fans camped outside of the chain-link fence that surrounded the area, eagerly awaiting a glimpse of their favorite artists.

You kept wandering, and you saw that a band was being interviewed in the media tent. There were five of them, each holding a microphone; but one member, a dark haired boy, was doing most of the talking. He was cute, you thought, and your stomach did little flips watching him respond to the questions that were being asked.

You watched a little bit longer from a distance, until you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned to see Gavin and Liz, who had been doing a bit of exploring as well.

"Hey, there you are! I was talking to a few people by the catering tent. They said some bands are having a party on their buses later tonight, we should check it out." Gavin informed you excitedly.

You hesitated. No parties. "I dunno, I want us to be in good condition to perform tomorrow."

Liz chimed in. "All work and no play, Y/N. C'mon, it'll be a great chance to make some connections with other bands."

"If you don't come with us," Gavin pronounced dramatically, "we'll be far too devastated to perform tomorrow." His hand went to his forehead, as though he was about to faint.

"Somehow I doubt that."

"Pretty please?" Liz stuck her lower lip out pathetically.

"With sugar on top?" Gavin added.

You glanced at the black haired boy in the distance. Maybe he'd be there, a small voice in your head piped up.

"Ugh Fine! But I'll only stay for a little bit."

Satisfied, the pair stopped harassing you, and left you to continue wandering, promising to meet up with them later.

* * *

People spilled out from open trailers as music blared from an unknown source in the background. Some were already far gone, stumbling from place to place, or lying on the ground blacked out.

You followed Gavin inside one of the trailers. You watched as he interacted with the strangers inside with ease, a trait you envied. He managed to find you both drinks, and you grabbed the mystery beverage, sculling it in hopes that it would numb your nervousness. You may have been a great performer onstage, but offstage it was easy for your social anxiety to take the wheel.

Gavin began to walk away, ignoring your whispered pleas not to leave you. Fuck. It always felt awkward to not know anyone at a party. You clutched your red cup like a life jacket keeping you afloat in a sea of drunken strangers.

A man approached you out of nowhere, the smell of alcohol emanating from every pore on his body.

"You look lonely." He leered at you expectantly.

"Then it seems like you need glasses. I'm just fine on my own."

He laughed. "Ooo! I like you. You've got spunk. Name's Brent, guitarist from Midnite Heist."

"Can't say I've heard of you guys."

Brent was either oblivious to your indifference, or just chose to ignore it. "So how'd you end up at this party?"

"I'm in a band on the tour too. Lead singer actually."

"No way! That's awesome, we need more talented eye candy on this tour."

You screamed internally while he droned on, tuning him out as you continued to sip from your fast emptying cup.

You scanned the room, watching people laugh and dance. Your stomach suddenly flipped again as you noticed the black haired boy from this afternoon, solemn faced and quiet, silently nursing a diet coke in his hands. He was clearly not having a good time. The guitarist who had been talking you up soon saw you looking at the sullen figure and turned his attention towards him, his eyes lighting up with recognition.

"Gerard fucking Way!" he bellowed, carelessly sloshing his drink as he waved him over, causing a stream of alcohol to fall to the floor below.

Gerard seemed to hesitate before walking over. "It's been awhile man," he said softly. His eyes, a warm hazel, flicked to you repeatedly as he spoke. "you here for the whole tour this time?"

Brent laughed, his sobriety dangling by a thread.  "Yeah, but still not up on the main stage, unlike you big-shots." he said, punching Gerard in the arm. Gerard offered a crooked smirk in return, his patience already wearing thin. Brent nudged you in the arm. "This is Y/N, her band is new to Warped. I told her I'd show her the ropes." He grinned at you. Ugh.

Gerard seemed to sense your discomfort. "Welcome, nice to see a new face around."

Brent interrupted before you could respond. "How come you're wasting time with a coke? I would've expected you to be the first one wasted here."

Gerard's jaw clenched, and you cringed internally at the sheer awkwardness of the encounter. "I'm sober now," he informed Brent, "I don't touch that shit anymore."

Brent laughed dismissively. "Dude, you?  Do you even remember the last Warped tour? I'll give it 2 days before you're lying face down in the bushes again." he laughed as if he had just said something hilarious.

You were livid, and Gerard was on edge. You decided to step in when you noticed his knuckles turn white from clenching his coke can.

You moved slightly, ready to get between them. "Hey you know what? I'd really love a coke right now too. Mind showing me where they are?" you looked pleadingly at Gerard. He took the hint.

"Follow me."

You gave a curt wave to Brent, who looked on in confusion before continuing his drinking binge.

You stepped outside, and the sounds from the party behind you became a faint, thumping buzz in the background. You were both silent for a moment before you decided to break the ice.

"So that guy was a dick."

Gerard's scowl turned into a thin, lopsided smirk. Your heart melted a bit. "Yeah. I just realized some of these people are only tolerable when I'm drunk."

Stop. Move away. You don't need a distraction like this. You tried to scold yourself but words kept escaping from your lips, prolonging the encounter.

"This is my first time doing Warped Tour, but I'm assuming these parties are pretty much never-ending?"

Gerard pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "Oh yeah, its every night for some of these bands. You're in for an interesting experience." You looked at him for a moment, perhaps for a bit too long. You had never seen anyone look so beautiful while surrounded by clouds of smoke.

"Yoohoooo! Y/N!" you heard the hollering of a clearly tipsy Gavin call from the doorway of the next trailer. "Where'd you go? The night is young! Get back here!"

You sighed. "That's my cue. Well actually that's my bassist, but he'll never let me live it down if I don't go back in there."

Gerard turned his head to the side and exhaled. "Catch you around. Next time you need rescuing from a douche-bag just light the bat signal."

You gave him a soft smile, forcing yourself to turn away and walk back to the trailer. As you did, you whispered aloud to yourself as a reminder:

"No distractions. No boys."

[saharamae21]

All of My Wrongs - Chapter 11

Pairing: Topper x OC and Rafe x OC

Summary: After her adventure with Topper, Rory is more confused than other. Her feelings for Topper were as unstoppable as gravity. She was just drawn to him. However, she knows that she will never be enough to please him or his family. Then there was Rafe. He was broken like her. They understood each other, but everything is moving to fast. She feels an enormous amount of pressure to please everyone and she can’t.

Word Count: 2.1K

A/N: Thank you for all the positive feedback, I love hearing what you guys have to say! Please keep commenting and sharing your thoughts with me.

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We walked out of the planetarium even though I never wanted to leave. I smiled to myself thinking about how amazing Topper was. He went to such far lengths to make me smile. I hoped that he knew that I would always do the same for him. He was just special to me. The day had slipped away from us and night was approaching quickly. I walked side by side with Topper, stealing glances at him every once and a while. He wore the most charming smile. The evening golden hour danced across his face, just like that first day on the dock.

“Thank you for today,” I said shyly. He glanced over at me, radiating pride in his smile. He told me I was welcome as we walked up to the harbor. Just as we were walking up, the last boat was leaving. We had completely lost track of time. He apologized and asked me what I wanted to do. I think he was expecting me to be upset, but instead I laughed. Secretly I had just wanted some more time with him and that wish came true. I froze as his hand brushed a strand of hair out of my face. The way his skin grazed my cheek was enough to make my heart flutter for a second. I blinked up at him and bit my lips together. This was how you were supposed to feel around someone you loved.

“C’mon,” he said, taking my hand in his to guide me through the harbor. He guided me back to one of the main roads. His hand felt so big around mine. I couldn’t focus on anything else except his hand on mine. Even though all of this felt so perfect, it also felt horribly wrong. No matter what I was feeling now, nothing could happen until Rafe and I were over. I couldn’t do that to him when he was so infatuated with me. I wished that feeling was mutual…

We came across a house in the nicer part of town. Topper checked the area for a key and I looked around wondering how he knew about this place. He slipped the key into the door, but I grabbed his wrist. I didn’t want to intrude on someone else’s home. He smiled at me and explained that his family owns this house. They used it for business when they had to be in Chapel Hill for longer than a day. I was shocked, but with the understanding I had of his family, it all made sense.

From there we just ordered pizza and watched movies. It was such a simple thing to do, but with him it felt special. When it was all over, I crashed in his designated room. There was almost nothing in it, but still it suited him. Minimalistic in a sense, but still full of personality. I laid in bed and thought about today. Everytime I thought about Topper, an uncontrollable smile covered my face, but guilt came with it. I was something with his best friend. Rafe and I weren’t really dating, but we were. There were no labels, but I knew what was going on. I didn’t want to hurt him, but how could I continue to ignore these feelings for Topper?

Those thoughts kept me up all night. I couldn’t sleep knowing that I was doing everything so wrong. I didn’t even know how Topper felt about me and jumping to conclusions wasn’t doing me any favors. My thoughts and worries swirled around my head like a whirlpool, harsh and uncontrollable. I walked down the steps the next morning and heard Topper on the phone with his mom.

“I’m with Kelce, chill out. I’ll handle it when I get home,” he muttered. I frowned as I realized that I stole him from his everyday life. He had expectations at home and he had people who wanted him there. “Yeah, I’ll talk to Sarah when I get back.”

Sarah. Every doubt I had about loving Topper came back with one mention of her name. Did he still love her? Would I ever compare to her? I didn’t want to think like that, that’s one of the reasons I gave him up. I walked into the room like I hadn’t been listening to his phone call and pulled a piece of pizza out of the fridge. I smiled at him when I caught his eye and he smiled back. Even this early in the morning, he looked handsome. I hated it. He walked out onto the patio to finish his conversation, leaving me to think about how the past 24 hours had felt like a dream. A dream that I needed to wake up from.

We caught a ferry home and smiled as we walked back to where his car was parked. I grabbed my bear out of the passenger seat and thanked him for taking my mind of everything. I knew from the phone call with his mom that he had things to do and I didn’t want to keep him from them. Plus, I had no intention on going home yet.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride home?” he asked me, his voice laced with concern. I nodded and hugged the bear tightly to my chest. “Rory, I can give you a ride somewhere else too if you want. At least let me get you back to your car.”

“I’m fine, bottom,” I snickered. He rolled his eyes as his nickname came back for a reprise. I knew that secretly he loved it though. He sighed and told me to come over when I went home so he knew I was alright. I nodded confidently and held out my pinky to pinky swear. He shook his head, smiling at how childish I could be sometimes. He obliged though and we promised on it.

I felt my smile fade as he drove away. It was like you were waking up from a dream that you wished could keep going. I bit my lips together and walked back in the direction of the beach. The adventure I had just had with Topper swirled through my head endlessly. It made my stomach drop into the pit of my stomach, because I knew that home was the next step. Knowing that made me walk a little slower, but it didn’t stop me.

I reached the beach and got into my car, sitting there for a moment before starting it up. The interior was burning hot, but that discomfort was worth not having to walk anymore today. It was a short drive, but wanted it to last forever. No amount of time would be enough to ease my nerves. Luckily, I had promised Top to tell him when we came home.

I walked up the steps to his house and heard some yelling inside the house. I frowned as I thought about how angry his mom sounded on the phone this morning. I wondered if he was in trouble because of me. As I raised my hand to knock on the door, I heard his mom’s voice ring out loud and clear.

“Go talk to Sarah or you end up with someone like that girl next door,” she yelled at him. My shoulders sank as I slowly lowered my hand back down to my side. In that moment, I realized why I had given up on Topper. I would never be good enough for him… A guy like him deserved someone who could give him the world, but I had nothing to provide. I would just be dragging him into my mess of a life, just like I had done yesterday. Then the door opened and a body walked right into me.

“Rory…” he said. I knew that I wasn’t concealing my feelings and that he could read you like a book. “I’m sor-”

“Don’t be,” I interrupted. “She isn’t the first mom not to like me.”

He didn’t laugh at my joke. He saw right through my coping mechanism and pulled me into his arms. Only now when he did that, I only felt guilt. A girl like me would ruin his life. I told him that I should go inside and he nodded, observing my face closely. Now that he knew what my real smile was like, lying to him would be a million times harder. I didn’t even try to tell him I would be fine, because I knew he would see through me. He released me from his hold and let me walk away, never taking his eyes off me.

Upon entering my home, dad immediately ran to me. He pulled me into his arms and muttered how sorry he was. His arms around me used to comfort me, but now it made me feel trapped. I just wanted to go up to my room without seeing my mom. I just wanted to go undetected, but Skipper ruined that dream. As soon as he saw me, he yelled out and ran over to me. I knew that he was scared from the events that took place yesterday. I had never acted out before and I was always the one to pick up the pieces. He had never seen mom spiral so far and I wasn’t there to be his big sister.

“Aurora…?” a small voice rang out. My eyes looked up to see my mom. She looked as if she hadn’t slept at all. I stared at her, knowing that I couldn’t stay here. Just seeing her made me feel like I couldn’t breath anymore.

“I’m just grabbing stuff,” I said without thinking. I didn’t even know where I’d go for sure. I walked towards the steps, but my dad grabbed my arm. He raised his voice, saying that I lived under his roof. He said I couldn’t just come and leave as I pleased. He said that I was being ungrateful. My heart broke as my dad told me off. He had always been understanding of how I felt, but ever since moving here, everything was different. “Dad…”

He didn’t stop though. He told me that we were all having a hard time adjusting. He told me to stop being selfish. The way he looked at me was like a bullet through the heart. Tears filled my eyes and as he saw that, his expression softened. He realized what I went through yesterday and regretted raising his voice, but I could tell that he meant ever word he said.

“I’m suffocating here,” I said in a flat voice. I began to block out every emotion and disassociate with the situation. “When I see mom, I can’t breathe. If I stay here, I feel like I’m tieing my own noose. I can’t be here right now.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond to me. I just pulled my arm from him gently and walked up to my room. I packed a small bag, throwing everything I needed in hapharzardly. I heard a small knock on the door and saw Skipper peering at me. I frowned and walked over to him, pulling him into a hug. He was a sensitive kid, even if it wasn’t obvious to others. I muttered I was sorry and that he had to be strong. He nodded and told me to tell him when I found a place to stay. I agreed and walked towards the front door, waving sadly at him as I left.

I walked over to the only place I knew I was welcome, Rafe’s house. He pulled me into his arms as soon as he saw me. As his arms tightened around me, guilt filled my being. I knew that my feelings for Topper were undeniable and it was horrible to lead Rafe on. He pulled away and stared at me, wondering what was wrong. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and observed my face carefully. Then, in a last ditch effort to make me smile he said the three words that should’ve made me happier than any other girl.

“I love you,” he said. My stomach dropped as I stared up at him unable to say it back. I opened my mouth to say anything, but no sound came out. He just looked at me, a soft smile spread across my face. I watched as it started to fade as moments went by. I panicked. Everything was happening so quickly and you couldn’t process what was going on.

“I-I love you,” I stuttered out. I didn’t mean it yet though. I knew it was wrong, but that part of me that didn’t want to let people down began to kick in. He just cupped my face in his hands and placed a kiss on my forehead. He stared down at me with a huge smile. His face was full of pride, much like Topper’s was yesterday. However, his was different. Topper’s was proud and Rafe’s was almost cocky.

“Hey, Buttercup? I need you to do me a favor,” he muttered. At this point he knew exactly how to manipulate me… “If you love me, you’ll do this for more.”

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Tag List: @outerbankslut​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @jiaraendgame​ @bricksatanakinswindow​ @outerbongs​ @maybanksmalfoy​ @ilovejjmaybank​ @potterheadhollander​ @spilledtee​ @queenieloveswriting​ @multifandomlovess​ @starlightstarkey @tomhardybby​ @shelbsays​ @sadcupofcoffee​ @maybanksbaby​ @teenagekook​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @teenwaywardasgardian​

[illfoandillfie]

Curtains - Part 5

SERIES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Roger x F!Reader

Summery: First two dates, you and Roger move on

Warnings: Smut (18+), dealing with Emotions, smoking, car sex, public sex, oral sex (m receiving), (slightly hesitant) dom!Rog

Words: 6872 

A/N: Originally I planned chapter 5 to be the last one but some stuff changed from my original plan and it ended up getting waaaaaaayyyy too long so there’ll be a chapter 6 lmao. The Morris Mini Roger drives in this was a car he actually owned (it’s in the photo and everything)

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor   @ezmina98  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely​

@bohemiansweede​​​ @rogershoe​​​  @lnnuend0​​​  @funitrog​

You changed your outfit about sixteen times before you settled on the right one. It had actually been the first one you chose – a dress you were sure Roger had never seen you in before – but you’d had to rule out everything else you owned before you could be sure, or rather, before you could feel less anxious about the decision. You were determined to look your best and to make sure he evening was fun, even though the nerves twisting in your stomach made you want to pick up the phone and cancel again. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go, it was just the pressure of it all. Everything that had happened between you and Roger felt like a lead up to this date. Like a great big drumroll building and building until he knocked on your door. And you couldn’t help feeling like there was a big chance you were going to fuck it up, probably for good. So, one by one you held your clothes up in front of the mirror and one by one you added them to the absolutely not pile, discarding them for reasons big and small – too uncomfortable, too hard to get in to, too much a colour Roger didn’t like. The pile of clothes deemed not good enough had steadily grown larger as you added outfit after outfit – this one was too slutty, this one not slutty enough, and this one was something your mother would have suggested and therefore a definite no. Until eventually you’d been left with the dress you originally pulled out and a sense of satisfaction with your choice. Despite the urge to throw up you felt at the knock on the door, the decision was made even more satisfying when Roger took one look at you and whistled.  “You ready to go?”  “Yeah just let me grab my bag,”  “Not tempted to cancel again?” he winked as he asked so you knew he was joking but it still made you cringe.  “Do you start all your first dates trying to make the girl feel as guilty as possible?”  “Only the good ones. C’mon,”  He took your hand and led you out towards a 60s Morris Mini that was parked on the street between your units.   “No van tonight?”  “Of course not,” he said as he opened the door for you, “you didn’t think that was my main ride, right?” he closed the door behind you, shooting you a disbelieving look through the windshield as he ran round to his door.  “Well it’s the only one I’ve ever seen you in,”  “No, this is my baby,” he lovingly tapped the dashboard as he started the engine, “The van I just got to lug around stage equipment. Couldn’t fit a drumkit in here.”  “No you could not,” you laughed, taking in the small interior of the car.  “Hey, don’t laugh at her. She was a gift from my mum when I moved up here.”  “Sorry, just not the car I pictured you in. It’s cute though.”  “She is a bit small actually. Very hard to get a girl into the back.”  “Might have to ask for proof later,”  Roger looked over at you briefly before looking back at the road, “I’m just gonna say this now and get it out of the way so I don’t make this date too awkward later on, but,” he paused and took a deep breath that only made the nerves twist your stomach into knots, “we don’t have to have sex tonight. If you want to take this slow or you want to set some boundaries to start it’s okay, I’d understand.”  You smiled at him as he glanced back over again. His thoughtfulness as least helped ease your lingering worries about his sincerity about dating you, “Thank you. But you don’t have to like take a vow of chastity to prove you’re for real or anything.”  “Because if you did want to wait, I’d get it,”  “Rog, relax. Let’s just see how tonight goes okay? Besides,” you laughed, “sex might make things feel more normal.”  “I’m happy to do anything to help make it more normal. If that means sneaking into the restaurant bathroom with you then so be it.”  After that you fell into an easy conversation, your nerves almost reduced to those you’d feel on any other first date. 

“Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look tonight?” Roger said softly as he pulled your chair out for you. The restaurant was small though by no means empty, other tables holding other dates as well as a family or two. A few of the other people looked familiar, other students you’d seen around campus or the pub, and you quickly realised this was the go-to spot for a fairly cheap date. Nice enough to impress but not enough to break the bank.  “I was going to pay you the same complement. I think this might be the first time I’ve seen you in something other than those ratty jeans.”  “Oi, don’t hear me insulting your wardrobe. And I wear plenty of other stuff.”  “Mmm you do, I must admit I’m a little jealous of your collection. I just have one question, and stop me if this is rude, but how the fuck can you afford so much?”  Roger chuckled and, looking around for eavesdroppers, crooked his finger so you’d lean it, “That’s my secret though, love, I can’t,” he sat back in his chair, comfortably relaxed, “They’re all nicked from the stall.”  You did your best to ignore the flip your stomach did at the sound of the pet name, “The one you and Freddie run? Kensington, right?”  “Did Fred mention it?”  “Yeah, th- the night we all hung out in the van he told me about it,” you hoped Roger would ignore your slight stutter at the memory of what had happened after that night, “Said I should drop by if I got the chance.”  “You should!”  Your conversation was briefly interrupted by the waiter, another familiar face you were sure you’d seen around campus, coming to take your order.  “What was I saying?” Roger asked once you’d ordered, “Oh wait I remember! The markets are great fun even if you’re working there. Plus, I’m sure I could find you something to buy off us.”  “That desperate for sales you’ll shill to your friends?”  “Of course. Easier marks since they care whether we can afford food.” he laughed, “no but you should come. I could take you if you want? As long as you don’t mind being called on to help sell a thing or two.”  “Sounds like fun.”  “That's settled then, you can come watch me work.”  “Second date sorted then?”  “Believe me, as fun as the markets are, I would not be taking you there as a second date. For one thing Fred’d be there the whole time and I’m not so keen on a third wheel so early on.” 

Your waiter returned with the bottle of wine Roger had ordered and a promise the food would be out shortly.  “So, Rog,” you said as he poured you a glass, “Tell me about yourself. Y’know, considering how much time we’ve been together, I don’t really know much more about you than your name.”  “What do you want to know?”  You paused, unconsciously sucking your bottom lip between your teeth as you pondered the question, “I don’t know. Everything,”  “Is that one of your first date moves? The slight lean forward so he can see down your top, the lip bite, the everything?” Roger’s imitation of you fell into laughter.  "Do people actually have moves? I’m just curious,”  “I’ll take that as a complement then. Where to start though...”  There was barely a pause to your conversation. The only disruptions came in the form of your meals arriving, and moments when you both pulled yourself away from talking long enough to remember to take a bite. Otherwise one of you was always in the middle of a thought. He took your words to heart, telling you about his family and his friends and his studies and his band and anything you hadn’t covered in the time you’d already known each other, which was admittedly quite a lot. And it seemed that for every anecdote Roger shared you were called upon to share one of your own, his interest in you equal to yours in his. It was an easier first date than you could have possibly imagined, awkward silences replaced by curious questions, discomfort replaced by familiarity, leaving you both trying to time sips of your drinks for moments when you weren’t likely to spit it out as you fell into another round of laughter. 

“So,” Roger said as he led you back out of the restaurant, leaving the waiter to clear away the empty plate from your shared dessert, “be honest, was it as terrible as you thought it would be?”  “No,” you said with a huff of sheepish laughter, “I’m happy to say I had a really lovely night. Feel like even more of a knob for the whole cancelling thing but I’m glad I eventually got my shit together.”  “Me too. Smoke?” he offered you the pack he’d dug out of his pocket but you waved him off, pushing yourself to sit on the hood of his car as he dug in his pocket for his lighter. He held it long enough to take two drags before you were taking it from his fingers and pulling on it yourself.  “Hey, I offered you one,”  “I didn’t want a whole one, just a puff or two, here look you can have it back,” he took it off you, stepping between your legs, eyes locked on yours as he put it between his lips again. To your surprise he stubbed it out under his foot as he breathed out the smoke.  “What a waste! If you didn’t want it I could’ve taken it,”  Roger smiled at you as he leaned in close. You could taste the smoke on his breath as he kissed you, softly, his hands resting on your thighs.  “Was that okay?” he was still leaning in close.  “Rog,” you said sternly, “stop asking if I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere,” to prove it you placed your arms over his shoulders, pulling him into another kiss, deeper and longer. It seemed to be convincing enough, his hands slipping up until they were on your waist pulling you against him. The skirt of your dress was askew, pushed out of place as his hands rose further up your body, exposing the top of your thigh. Neither of you could bring yourselves to stop for longer than it took to take another breath, hungry for more. Heedless of passersby, on their way to the restaurant or heading back to their cars. Your hands began to wander, sliding back over Roger’s shoulders, deceptively muscular from years of drumming, and down onto his chest. The buttons of his shirt pressed into your palm, daring you to undo them.  “Think I’d like to see that backseat now,” you panted against his lips, toying with his top button, able to feel his breath as he sighed.  “Told you, backseat’s too small,”  “Well you could always come back to mine,” 

He drove you home, moving his hand from the gear stick to your thigh whenever he could, and pulled back up in the same spot you’d found the car when you left, opening your door for you once again. There was something oddly domestic about the way Roger took your bag as you fumbled getting the key into the lock, following you inside. It made your chest feel tight, the slightly sick nervous feeling rearing its head again.   “Do you want a drink?” you asked, already reaching for your wine glasses.  Roger’s seemed distracted as he turned to face you, his gaze pulled away from the doorway to your room, “Uh, think I’ll pass,”  “Alright,” you shrugged, putting one glass back “hope you don't mind if I have one anyway,”  “Actually, I think I’m going to get going,”  The slightly sick feeling only got stronger, “Oh. Okay then,” had you misread the situation?  “I had a really great time tonight,” he said as he took your hand, “Just...don’t want to rush anything, y’know?”  “Okay. Do you, um, do you wanna go out again?"  “How about Thursday night? I’d say earlier but I’ve got a couple late classes and then some sessions with the band.”  “Thursday sounds good.”  “Cool, I’ll see you then.”  He kissed you once more before he left. You could hear his footsteps as he walked the short distance to his front door, while you sat in your quiet kitchen trying to work out what Roger had meant by not rushing anything. Your whole relationship was essentially built on rushing things. The first time you’d spoken he’d had his hand under your skirt and within minutes he’d been in your bed. Now he was worried about it? And talk about mixed signals. Between his comments about the backseat that was practically an invitation to climb on back there and his assurance that you didn’t have to have sex which almost sounded like he was trying to convince you not to, and the way he’d kissed you and kept touching your thigh and then decided to leave, you felt like you had whiplash. It made you feel anxious, going over every moment to try and figure him out as you lay in bed and worried that things would never quite be okay between you.  

Luckily you didn’t have much time to dwell on it during the week. Your classes were starting to ramp up towards exams and you found yourself being bombarded with topics to revise in preparation. A few times you saw Roger around and each time brought a twinge of uncertainty that kind of made you want to throw up, but it was always pushed from your mind fairy quickly, replaced by only marginally less puke-inducing thoughts about studying. In fact, you barely had a moment to think about your second date before Thursday evening arrived and Roger was once again knocking on your door. During a very brief conversation you’d had upon bumping into each other between classes, he’d advised you to dress casually, so he found you in jeans and t-shirt. You’d contemplated wearing a skirt, learning from previous mistakes, but you couldn’t be certain how he’d react to it. Would he teasingly scald you for not dressing casually enough or would he pull you into a public bathroom again? Jeans were the far easier option. Plus it made it that little bit harder for him to get into your pants if that was what he wanted, and you kind of liked the idea of making him work for it.  

When Roger pulled into the carpark behind the pub you looked at him with raised eyebrows, the now familiar sick feeling only getting stronger, “Really? Here?”  “C’mon it’ll be fun. We had fun last time,”  Last time when everyone at the bar had heard you moaning for him. Last time when you’d hung out in his van. Last time right before you’d made an arse of yourself and almost ruined everything.   Roger must have sensed your hesitation because he put a reassuring hand on your knee, “Y/N?”  “It’s fine, I’m being stupid,” you shook your head and pulled a smile onto your face.  “Are you sure? We can go somewhere else if you want,”  “I’m sure. Last time was very fun,”  Roger looked at you for a moment longer but you were already opening the door and climbing out of the car. He hurried to follow, lacing his fingers through yours and giving your hand an encouraging squeeze. It felt easier once you were sat together at a small table off to the side of the room, a drink in front of each of you. You let yourself relax into your conversation, laughing at Roger’s jokes and becoming enraptured with the way he spoke. By the time the band came on stage you’d almost forgotten your earlier discomfort, happy to just sit with Roger and watch them play. Especially when he beckoned you to pull your chair closer to his, allegedly so you could see the stage better, though it also gave him the opportunity to wrap and arm around your waist.  “What d’you think of them?” he asked suddenly, leaning towards your ear so you could hear better.  “The band? They’re okay I guess,”  “Would you say Queen is better?”  “These guys don’t even come close,”  “Correct answer,” he winked at you and placed a finger under your chin, tilting your face towards him. You sighed against his lips as he kissed you softly.  “This drummer is especially unimpressive. Nowhere near as talented as Queen’s. Or as cute,”  “Someone’s playing for the top prize,”  “Mmhmm, did I win?”  He leaned in to kiss you again, his hand resting on your knee, which you took as a yes. Slowly he began sliding his hand up your thigh. You shifted in your seat, turning your body to face him more, though he kept you from crossing your legs, pawing at your over your jeans. A small, quiet moan escaped you as he pressed the seam of your jeans against your clit and you felt Roger smile. He grew tired of not touching you properly though, deftly undoing your fly and wriggling his fingers under the waistband of your underpants.  “Funny how often we end up here,” his voice was quiet enough that only you could hear him, yet practically demanding your full attention, “what’s the rule?”  “I don’t know,” you half whined as Roger toyed with your clit.  “Eyes on me, yes?”  “Yes,” it took some effort but you managed to force your eyes open and bring them to rest on his face.  “Good girl. You know why I want you looking at me?”  You shook your head, biting your lower lip to keep from moaning too loudly.  “There are two reasons. Number one, I don’t want you getting distracted worrying about who can see you. And two, I like watching your face. The way you get that pleading look in your eyes, almost begging me not to stop.” he paused, “Y’know this’d be easier if you’d worn a skirt. Which I’m fairy sure I’ve said to you before,”  “D’you wanna find somewhere a little more private and help me out of these jeans then?”  Roger’s finger stopped their motion and he tugged his hand free, “As tempting as that is, might be better if we head off.”  “Head off like, go back to mine and spend the rest of the night together?”  “I more meant... head off and go home to our own separate beds.”  “Oh-kay,” you said slowly, trying to work out what you’d done wrong as he took your hand and led you back out into the warm night air. You were halfway across the carpark when you spoke up, “Why?”  “Why what?”  “Why do you want to go home already?”  “I’ve got an early class tomorrow.”  “Do you?” you dropped his hand, crossing your arms over your chest.  “Yes. Why would I lie about class?”  “I don’t know Roger. But you’ve been so fucking hot and cold with me I don’t really know what to think. Seriously though, what the fuck is your problem? Like one minute you’re inviting me into the backseat of your car and then next you’re saying you don’t want to rush things. You’ll touch my thigh, you’ll finger me under the fucking table but the minute I suggest we actually have sex you back off again!”  “I know. I’m just...” he shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked a loose stone across the carpark. “Nervous. After what happened last time. The screaming match and the -” he broke off, biting his lip but you knew what he meant.  You softened at his worried expression, “Rog, I’ve told you already that wasn’t your fault. I’m the one that started it.”  “Yeah but I was way too rough with you that night. I could have hurt you, I did hurt you.”  “I think your forgetting the scratches I left you with,”  “That’s different. The way I choked you I could have done actual damage. And then there was the – the other part,”  “Is this what things are going to be like from now on?”  “What?”  “Is that whole fight going to infect every interaction we have? Every time I’m reminded of it I feel awful and embarrassed and guilty, and I can’t help but panic. You keep pulling away because of a bad angry fuck. What if we never get past it properly? What if we can’t?”  He kicked at the gravel again, not making eye contact, “No, I think we can. The moments when we’re talking and I forget about everything else that happened are really good. I just think it’ll take a bit of time to completely move on.”  “What happened to putting it behind us?”  “Easier said than done,” he shrugged, “Come on, we can talk about it more in the car.”  You nodded and followed though you weren’t really paying attention. Instead you were going over everything in your head, trying to find a solution. Just waiting it out wasn’t good enough. There was too much uncertainty and doubt. You needed to do something. Something that would put Roger’s mind at ease about potentially hurting you and fix the discomfort you felt. Roger opened the door for you but you didn’t get in.  “Y/N?”  “We need to have sex.”  “We literally just went over this,”  “No, I know, but we need to. I said it on our first date and played it off as a joke but the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Sex would make things feel more normal.”  Roger just looked at you.  “Think about it Rog. Our whole relationship was built on it. Our very first interaction was you seeing me masturbate and then finding me here,” you pointed at the building behind you, “and fingering me in a room full of strangers. It wasn’t until after we’d slept together a few times that we actually like, talked properly.”  “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to, Y/N, I do. Fuck I want to, but...”  “I get it,” you said softly, taking his hand in yours and gently rubbing your thumb over his skin, “But it won’t be like last time.”  There was silence for a few moments as Roger considered but then he nodded, “Okay, yeah. Um... hop in and we’ll go back to yours.”  “There’s a perfectly fine car here, why drive all that way?”  "Privacy maybe?”  “Rog, since when have we cared about being in public?  “Touché. But I meant what I said before about the lack of space. Might wanna take your pants off before you get inside.”  “You first,”  “No need to be so suspicious, was your idea remember,” but he kicked his pants off all the same, throwing them into the drivers seat followed by his underwear, “I can’t believe you’ve convinced me to go balls out behind the pub,” Roger said as he folded the front seat forward.  “Didn’t really take much,” you looked around to double check for any peeping toms before quickly pulling off your own jeans. They joined Roger’s, though unlike him, you kept your underpants on, “besides, I heard about you losing that bet and running starkers around the block, I know you’re not shy about this sort of thing.”  “Losing a bet is losing a bet. I knew the cost and I paid it,”   “Yes well, apparently that bet and sorting this,” you waved your hands between you, “this mess out, have the same cost,”  “A cost you’ve noticeably not payed,”  “Don’t worry, I’ll get there. But there’s something I want to do first.”  Roger looked confused until you kneeled at his feet, “Woah, love,”  “I’m pretty sure I owe you a blowjob, remember?”   “I remember, but here? That gravel can’t be comfortable.”  “It’s fine, it won’t last long.”  “Excuse you but I think we both know I can last.” The end of his argument was lost in a gasp as you wrapped your hand around his length and squeezed just a little, smiling at his instant reaction. Without another word you looked up at him and took him in your mouth, sucking until he groaned, his hand flying out to brace himself against the roof of the car. You bobbed up and down, gradually taking him deeper, until he hit the back of your throat and you gagged. You pulled back off him, sliding your hand over his length, spreading your saliva out. And then you were back on him, though not taking him quite so deep, pumping your hand over what you couldn’t reach, hollowing your cheeks as you tried to draw more pretty noises from him.   “Y/N, love,”  You hummed in response, earning another groan and his fist banging on the roof of the car twice.  “Jesus, I know I said I could last longer, but I swear to god if you keep this up, I won't,”  You pulled back and smiled at him, “Isn’t that kind of the point?”  “‘Spose so,”  “Besides, we’re in the middle of a carpark and I’m kneeling on gravel. Think I’d prefer this to be over a little bit quicker,”  That made him laugh, covering his mouth so as not to attract any attention from a gaggle of people exiting the bar and jumping into a car, “I told you it’d be uncomfortable,”  You hadn’t explicitly said it and you had no idea if Roger realised, but there was a sense of apology in your actions. Modern day self-flagellation, though perhaps that wasn’t a good metaphor since you were quite enjoying yourself despite the stones pressing into your knees. But in your mind, this made things more even, went some way to erasing the awkwardness and discomfort you’d created. And that spurred you on, made you want to give him a good performance.   “Quiet, smarty pants and let me get back to it,”  He gave you a go on then wave with one hand, “was only warning you in-n case you – fuck,” Roger’s head fell forward as he moaned and you picked up the pace, mouth and hand moving in tandem to push him over the edge. Thankfully no one was around to hear him as he moaned, knuckles white where he held onto the car, hips jerking as you milked his cock.  “In case I what?” you asked swiping at the corner of your mouth with your thumb, as a precaution.  “I was going to say, in case you were planning on riding me before I came, but it’s a bit late for that now,”  “Little bit,” you held out your hand so he could help pull you to your feet, dusting off the gravel still stuck to your knees as soon as you were up, “you still want to do this?”  “More than ever, just give me like a minute,”  “Sure, you know how much I love standing around in public half naked,”  “Take your knickers off and we can talk about half naked. How are your knees?”  “They’re fine,”   “Good,” he stepped in close, trapping you between himself and the open car door.  Your breath hitched as he kissed you, his fingers sliding into your underwear again. To any observers crossing the carpark on the way to or from the bar you would have appeared a regular loved up couple, stealing a kiss before you got in the car and drove away. At least, until they walked behind you and saw Roger’s bare arse and your spread legs. Not that you would have noticed if someone had walked by, much too caught up in how Roger’s fingers felt working their way into you, stretching you out.   “Aren’t you just a filthy little slut,”  “Only when you’re around.” 

Roger wrenched his fingers free of your pussy, and stepped back half a step, holding his arm out towards the interior of the car, “Ladies first,”  You’re just saying that to get a look at my bum,” you laughed, but you climbed inside all the same, pulling your shirt off as Roger followed and slammed the door behind him. In seconds he was reaching for you again, finding your lips again. It felt nice to be wrapped up in him once more, his touch lighter than it had been in the past, remnant concern manifesting physically. You placed your hands over his, giving him permission to be that little bit firmer as he lay you back, your head propped up against the wall behind you, taking a few seconds to look you over before he began rolling your underwear down your legs.   “Wait, um, if you bend your knees for me,” he said, awkwardly trying to reposition himself to get them off your ankles. When he finally had them in his hand he slingshot them into the front seat, drawing a laugh from you. You let one leg fall to the floor as Roger pulled his shirt off, leaning forward so as not to punch the roof of the car. Once his shirt had been tossed aside he brought his hand back to your wet folds, running his fingers along you teasingly slowly.   “Rog please,”  “Love hearing you beg,”  With a whine you readjusted yourself, scooting a little further back so more of your head rested against the wall, getting your neck into a slightly more comfortable position. He leaned over you in search of another hungry kiss but broke it off when you whimpered into his mouth.  “Did I hurt you?”  You shook your head, “just want you to fuck me already,”  “Just, hang on love, give me a second,” he said as he tried to find a comfortable position.  “Maybe if you move back a bit?”  “My arse is already so close to the window I’m mooning anyone who looks this way,”  You let out another laugh, “Can’t you just kneel on the seat?”  “Not unless I want to bump my head. Can you move?”  “Rog If I try to move back any further I may as well sit up,”  “That could work,” he grabbed your arm and pulled you up so you could move across to straddle his lap.    “Alright, just give me, shit-” your forehead whacked into Roger’s both of you swearing. You fell into another laughing fit as you landed on his lap, arms around his neck, though Roger wasn’t quite as amused.  “God, are you okay?” he asked, pushing your hair back to examine the site of impact, “I told you it was small,”  “Might not wanna say that while your dicks hanging out,”  His eyes narrowed at you, “Yeah, you’re fine.”  “Mmhmm, think this can work,” you wrapped your hand around Roger’s cock, making him hiss as you stroked him. You raised yourself onto your knees too fast and felt the top of your head collide with the roof of the car.  “Oh Jesus bloody fuck,” you almost yelled, dropping back down straight away and rubbing the top of your head.  “Christ Y/N,” Roger said getting you to look down so he could see the top of your head, “that sounded bad.”  You rubbed the spot you'd hit, “It’s nothing,”  “That’s it, I’m taking you home. We gotta get some ice on it.”  “I’m fine,”  “Y/N, it’s a head injury,”  “It’s a bump Rog, nothing serious,”   “It could be serious. I study biology, I know how fucking fragile the skull can be.”  You sighed and lay a hand on his cheek, “Roger, I’m okay. This is not a sign from the universe or anything like that. It’s a small bump because I want you so bad.”  “You sure you don’t want me to get some ice?”  “Oh I am much too horny for that,”  Roger still looked a little concerned but he chuckled along with you and dropped his hands to your waist, “you’ll let me know if you want to stop?”  “You know I will.” 

Going slower, taking a little more care, you tried to mount him again, managing it without injury. Roger still seemed wary, his hold on you lighter than you wanted but once again you placed your hands over his, pressing on his fingers until he tightened his grip. Gradually you began rolling your hips against his, letting out small hums and tempting moans against his neck as you leaned in to leave a trail of kisses and grazed teeth. Roger was biting the inside of his cheek as if he were trying to keep himself under control, lest he go too far. He hadn’t been afraid to let his domineering side show while he was just using his fingers, but now that things had progressed, and in the wake of your self-inflicted head knock, he seemed to be holding back again. It wasn’t what you needed.  “C’mon Rog,” you whined between sucking at his neck, “grab me properly. Slap me, pinch me, use me. Want you to show me what needy whores like me are good for.”  He swallowed audibly, fingers twitching against you as you clenched down on his cock.  “Got so turned on inside, hearing you call me a good girl. And I was so close to cumming just from your fingers,” you changed the motion of your hips, drawing a gasp from Roger.  “That’s because you’re a slut who likes getting off in front of an audience,” his grasp still wasn’t hard enough, though he was clearly getting more comfortable and more eager to take charge the longer you talked, your steadily swiveling hips riling him up.   “Your slut.”  Roger growled. One of his hands left your hip to swat at your arse, and then it was back, his grasp firm enough to hold you still, “Enough. I know you’re desperate for me to use you again but we’ve got a problem,” he laced his fingers in your hair and tugged your head back, “Because you’re so fucking needy and couldn’t wait the ten minutes it would have taken to get home we’re here, where there isn’t enough space to do everything I want to do to you. Now, if you really want me to use you, I could always push you to the floor and fuck your mouth. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you stopped when I hit the back of your throat. Maybe it’s time I taught you how to suck dick like a proper whore.”  You whined and tried to rock your hips but he pulled on your hair again.  “Keep still.”  “Sorry,”  He raised his eyebrow and waited another moment before he continued, “I could do that. But I like being in your cunt too much. So instead, you’re going to ride me properly. No more of these teasing little rocking movements. You’re going to put those knees of yours to work and ride me, show me you can be obedient even when you’re on top. If you do well enough, I might let you cum.” He bucked his hips, a signal for you to get to it.  Bracing your hands on his chest you raised yourself up and dropped down onto his cock, careful not to hit your head again, steadily building your rhythm.   “Good girl,” he said softly, sliding his hands up your sides and around to your breasts.  You gasped when he pinched your nipples, disrupting the rhythm you’d found which earned you a sharp spank and a warning to keep going. It didn’t help when Roger began talking again, whispering a filthy stream of consciousness monologue to you that covered every possible topic from the way your tits felt in his hands to why your neck looked better covered in his teeth marks to how much he loved being buried so fucking deep in your cunt, and everything in between. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, burning as he laid claim to every inch of you with his words and his hands and his lips. The feeling only grew when you heard a wolf whistle from the other side of the window followed by Roger’s hitched laugh.  “Jesus, the way you just clenched on me. You really do like an audience, don’t you?”  All you could do was whine, the need to cum only getting stronger as you repeatedly impaled yourself on him.  “Go on, love, give them a show,” he spanked you again, pushing a moan from your throat and you wondered if the person who’d whistled was hanging around to listen in.   You held onto Roger tighter as he raised his hips to meet yours, both of you chasing release. You were done for when he dropped his fingers to your clit, holding out long enough to hear him breathlessly order you to cum. He followed quickly, squeezing your hips again, as you collapsed against his chest.  

When you found the energy, you climbed off his lap and fell into the seat beside him, stretching your legs as much as you could in the limited space. Roger leaned towards the door, winding the fogged-up window down an inch to let some fresh air into the car, before he sat back and threw an arm around you, pulling you against his side.  “Was that good?” he mumbled into your hair.  “Brilliant. Told you there was nothing to worry about. Quite like it when you get all rough, really.”  “I know. Couldn’t help worrying though, could I? I really like you, didn’t want to scare you off,” he said it casually but from how you were leaning against him you could feel his heart racing, your own speeding up too.   You pulled away from him, just far enough that you could properly see his face, “I like you too Rog.” The shy smile you’d offered turned into a fully-fledged grin, the expression mirrored on his face, as he kissed you again.  “Does this mean we’re all good?” you asked when he finally let you go, “no more weirdness?”  “I can’t promise no more weirdness but definitely less. And I’m more than happy to keep sleeping with you until it's gone,”  You giggled, head falling into the crook of his neck, “maybe not in the car again though.”  “I’ll bring the van next time, give us a bit more room,” he bumped your shoulder playfully with his, “don’t want you hitting your head every time you get too impatient to wait,”  “Ooh next time? You got any ideas?” you asked, reaching to grab your shirt and throw Roger his.  “Like what we’re gonna do?” he paused as he pulled his shirt on, “Not really. Exam preps kinda taken over my brain. Only came up with coming here last minute,”  You laughed as he scrunched his nose up and leaned forward to retrieve the rest of your clothes, “let me guess...close and cheap?”  “Pretty much. Hey!”   “Sorry, couldn’t resist. You’ve got a cute bum,”  “No need to pinch it!” he laughed, throwing your jeans at you, "Think I better take you home before you get any more ideas,”  “Yeah alright, can’t sit here half-dressed forever. Chuck us my knickers would you?”  Roger threw the underpants at you, laughing as he watched you wriggle back into them. Carefully he opened the door, sticking his head out to check the coast was clear before he climbed out and hurriedly pulled his jeans on. You did the same, trying to be as quick as possible, while Roger put the front seat back into position and went round to the driver's side.  

The drive back to your street was comfortable, his hand again falling to your knee whenever it wasn’t on the gear stick, but this time there was no question of what it meant. You were still laughing at a joke he’d made when he walked you to your front door.   “You wanna come in? I could make you a coffee if you want?”  “I would but, early class.”  “Oh yeah, forgot about that. You know, you live right next door though, could stay for a couple of hours at least. Or just stay the night and then jump the fence in the morning.”  “I can’t believe I’m about to turn you down but I really can’t. I swear most days I’d say fuck the class but with the exams so close I can’t afford to miss it. And I know if I did stay, I wouldn’t want to leave.”  “I get it. I should probably crack open a book before I turn in anyway,”  “I’ll talk to you soon though, okay?”  “Yeah, okay,”  Roger wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug before laying a soft goodnight kiss against your lips.  “You better go or else I’m going to ask you to stay again.”  “G’night. And put some ice on that bump before you go to bed, okay?”  “Goodnight Roger.”

[the-hufflepuff-dramatist]

Pages Between Us (1/?)

Anonymous requested: For the drabble game, could you do number 4 with leo pls❤ I love your writing so much

Anonymous requested: I know your links are broken and you’re busy with other stuff but can I please request #4 from the drabble game with vampire or immortal Leo? He owns/works at a library and reader finds it secluded in a dingy part of town but she likes it so much she makes a habit of going as much as she can? Thank you!! I really love your blog!!

A/N: So this is an Immortal AU and it’s going to be a series because I got a little carried away. I hope it’s okay that I combined your requests, I just really didn’t want to write the same prompt for the same person twice. I don’t know how long this series is going to be just yet, but I hope you like it! Hopefully I’ll be updating regularly and thank you so much for requesting! I’m so sorry it took me so long to complete these requests. 

Pairing: Immortal!Leo x Female Reader

Warnings: None really, there’s some slight angst at the beginning and some slight issues with self worth near the end but nothing major

Word Count: 2,659

Drabble Challenge Prompts

4. “You are easily the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a thousand years.”

You had stormed out of the apartment and started walking with no particular destination in mind. You were fuming. 

Your significant other of a year and a half who you were living with had decided all of a sudden that they didn’t love you anymore. That it was time to break up. It hurt, but you figured it was a long time coming. The love between the two of you had been fading for a long time. What hurt the most though, was not that they were no longer in love with you, but that they had found someone else. Someone new. Someone better. 

They were packing up their stuff but you couldn’t take it. You couldn’t stand to be in the apartment with them any longer. You couldn’t deal with wallowing in the insecurities that you felt like you were drowning in, and then their new partner had shown up. 

It was a friend of theirs that you had met several times and you were stunned, to say the least. You didn’t know how to process your feelings, the anger and the hurt bubbling to the surface, so you left. You grabbed your purse that had been hanging by the door and you left. 

You had no idea where you were going, only knew that you had to be away from them. You were wandering around town and you felt lost. You didn’t feel like crying, no all you really felt was anger but you were sure that would pass. The tears would come eventually. You didn’t know when, could be in a few hours or a few days. All you really knew is that they would come eventually. They always did. 

You were so tired of relationships. You were so tired of trying to find “the one” that everyone was talking about. You hated it. Dating was stressful and relationships were work and everyone you had ever had failed. Maybe you were doomed to spend the rest of your life alone. Maybe you would just need to learn to be okay with that. You had friends, lots of them, and those relationships were just as fulfilling as a romantic one. But the truth was you craved a romantic relationship. 

You craved every aspect of falling in love and being with someone, of getting to know each other and getting married. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone. You wanted to share every aspect of your life with a partner. You wanted to be romantically entangled with them. 

You sighed as you stopped at a street corner, shaking your head to clear it and looking around to see where you were. You had wandered into the quiet part of town, the more dingy part of town. You had only been to this part of town a few times, mostly to try some of the restaurants that were around. You had a vague sense of where you were, and it was still daylight outside plus your phone was charged. You weren’t worried about getting lost. 

You wanted to stay out of the apartment as long as possible, you knew it would be hell when you went back. Your heart clenched at the thought of returning to the empty apartment that you know had to figure out a way to pay for by yourself. You sighed once more and began walking again. 

You didn’t know how long you walked before you spotted it: a bookshop across the street right on the corner. It didn’t look too small but it also wasn’t big either. It looked old, really old in fact and the sign reading “Everlasting Books” was quite faded. You couldn’t help but think of ways to fix it and repaint it as you crossed the road and walked towards the shop. You were an artist and were always looking for your next project. If the owner would let you, maybe repainting the sign for their store could be your next project. You would definitely need the distraction. 

Without thinking about it, you entered the bookshop.

A bell rang throughout the shop as you entered. It was a crowded shop, not because of the number of people but because of the number of books. They were everywhere. There were shelves from floor to ceiling with books placed in every possible empty space and there were even stacks of books on the floor, out of the way of course so people could still walk through the store. You could see down a hallway that was lined with books as well and had pages of different books hanging from the ceiling, into the rest of the bookshop. You were immediately intrigued by this little shop. 

You looked around, searching for anyone else but saw no one. You frowned in confusion but quickly shook it off. Clearly the shop wasn’t trafficked very often so the one or two workers that you were sure worked there weren’t always at the register. Having set your mind at ease, you walked through the hallway. 

The hallway opened up to a grand room filled with shelves and shelves of books. You had always been an avid reader and books had always brought you comfort, and you were falling more and more in love with your accidental discovery. There was a doorway to a smaller room on your right. You walked towards it to discover that it was a children’s reading nook. It was a normal-sized room, but much smaller than the grand one that the hallway led to. There were children’s books and stuffed animals everywhere. There were murals painted on the walls of fairytales and animals, but they were faded. Once again you were struck with ideas on how to fix it. You smiled and turned back to the main room. 

You walked along the shelves, admiring all of the books. Your discovery of the bookshop had pushed your thoughts away from your ex and you were honestly grateful for the distraction. You ran your finger along the spines of the books as you walked the length of the room. You were surrounded by books and it honestly made you feel relaxed, you felt safe. 

Once you reached the other side of the room, you spotted another room, the door ajar. Intrigued, you walked towards the room and poked your head inside. It was another reading room but clearly meant for adults. You pushed the door open all the way and stepped inside. The wall directly in front of you was covered in more books while the wall across from it had a fireplace that you were sure would make the room warm and cozy in the wintertime. To your left, there was a window that overlooked a park with a seat as well and to your right, there was a couch and a few armchairs. You started when you saw a man sitting in one of the armchairs, looking directly at you, an open book in his lap.

“Um...sorry to disturb you, I was just...well I saw the shop and it said it was open and so I was just looking around,” you said hurriedly. His eyes were trained on you, never wavering as he put a bookmark in the book and got up to make his way over to you. As he got closer, you were struck by how handsome he was and could feel your cheeks heat up at your thoughts. 

“You have no reason to apologize,” the man said once he was standing right in front of you. He had a very soft voice that was oddly comforting to you. “I’m sorry I didn’t hear the bell ring otherwise I would have greeted when you first entered, this is my shop after all, but I guess I was too lost in my book.”

“Oh, you’re fine. I understand losing track of well, everything when you get really into a book. What are you reading?” 

“Pride and Prejudice, well rereading.” 

“Oh that’s one of my favorites, well Jane Austen, in general, is one of my favorites authors,” you laughed. A small smile spread across his cheeks as he listened to you talk and then heard you laugh. “I’m still sorry to interrupt your reading.” He waved your apology off. 

“It’s been a slow day which is the only reason I was even reading. I’m happy to have a customer.” You nodded as you glanced around the room once more, still impressed with the sheer amount of books that were in his shop.

“Well, you have a very nice shop...um...” you hesitated, wanting to say his name but not knowing it. Thankfully, he seemed to catch on.

“Oh, Leo. You can call me Leo.” He held out his hand for you to shake which you gladly took. 

“It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Leo, and you have a wonderful little bookshop. I’m (Y/N).” He smiled as you said your name. 

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” You giggled softly as he brought your hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on the back of your hand. It felt very old fashioned but you kind of liked it. 

“You’re just saying that.” 

“I’m saying it because it’s true.” You shook your head, feeling your cheeks heat up once more. You nervously bit your lip, unsure of what to say. He seemed to notice your discomfort. “Well, I’ll let you look around. Feel free to ask me if you need any help and if you want to read while you’re here you are welcome to use this room.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course, (Y/N).” He smiled once more at you then walked away, leaving you alone to peruse the books. 

You walked over to the shelf in the room and started looking at all the books. You found one of your favorites and excitedly pulled it from the shelf. You carried it over to one of the armchairs and settled in, opening the book to the first chapter. 

You came back to the bookshop almost every day that week. It was a good excuse to get out of your empty apartment when you weren’t working and it was a good distraction. The tears had yet to come and you had Leo to thank for that. He always greeted you and talked to you while you were there, asking you questions about yourself and your life. He seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say but he rarely shared much about himself. On your third visit, you met Leo’s co-worker, Hakyeon. He was a very excitable man of the same age as Leo and he enjoyed teasing you when Leo wasn’t around. He also shared with you that he and Leo had been friends since their childhood.

“Has he told you his real name yet?” Hakyeon asked you one day about two weeks after you had discovered the shop.

“His what?” You turned to look at Hakyeon in confusion.

“His real name, Leo’s just a nickname.” You shook your head. 

“No, he hasn’t, but we haven’t known each other that long so it makes sense.” Hakyeon rolled his eyes teasingly and pestered you to ask Leo about his real name. You tried to ignore him, but you couldn’t help but wonder why Leo wouldn’t tell you his real name. He wouldn’t tell you much of anything about himself now that you really thought about it. 

You frowned as you settled into your preferred armchair and opened the book you had chosen for the day. Why wouldn’t Leo tell you his real name? The thought was eating at you but you tried to push it away and focus on your book. 

You didn’t know how long you were reading before the thoughts made their way back to the forefront of your mind. Did Leo not trust you? Did he not like you? Were you just some annoying customer that he would rather stop coming in all the time? Your insecurities were bubbling to the surface and the tears that had yet to be shed over your breakup were pushing at the back of your eyes. You sniffed slightly as you stared at the book, willing yourself to ignore your feelings and continue reading, but it was too late. The tears came. 

Leo finished closing up most of the shop before he remembered that you were still in the reading room. He smiled at the thought and made his way to the back to gently tell you that the shop was cloning but you were welcome to come back tomorrow. When he entered the room and saw you, he froze and his smiled faded. You were curled up in the chair, book in your hands, and tears streaming down your face. He slowly made his way over to you and you looked up at him as he did. 

You quickly tried to wipe your tears away, embarrassed about crying in a public space, especially in his bookshop. 

“(Y/N),” he almost whispered, “what’s wrong?” You didn’t want to tell him, but it all came spilling out at once. 

“Why won’t you tell me anything about yourself? Am I that annoying? I mean, I’m sure I am. I’m here all the time and I’m sorry but I just...I can’t spend time in my apartment. I-I’m all alone there and I hate it, I’m not used to being on my own. I don’t even know your name, just your nickname. Why won’t you tell me your real name?” He was taken aback by your outburst but he knelt down in front of you and gently took your hand in his. 

“Why does it matter if you know my real name or not?”

“Why don’t you trust me? Am I...am I that hideous of a person? Am I that horrible? I’m sure that’s why my ex left me...I-I know it is but I just thought...you ask about me all the time and so I just thought you maybe, actually cared but that’s crazy, right? I’m just being stupid.” 

“You’re not being stupid, I do care about you. I’m sorry to hear about your ex, they really don’t know what they’re missing. (Y/N), you are easily the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a thousand years. Inside and out.” His over-exaggeration made you laugh slightly.

“Oh, a thousand years huh? Because you’ve been alive that long,” you teased. He forced a laugh. 

“Of course I’m exaggerating.” There was something in his voice that made you think maybe he wasn’t joking. But that was insanity, no one could live for a thousand years. Immortal beings were fiction, not real life.

“Thank you, for comforting me and putting up with me.” 

“It’s my pleasure, really.” He stood up and helped you up, gently taking the book from you. “It’s pretty late, I was just closing up.” 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry for staying so late! I’ll leave right now.” Your cheeks were hot with embarrassment. 

“Calm down, you’re fine,” Leo said with a laugh. “How are you getting home?”

“I was going to walk, I usually walk.” 

“Would you mind if I walked you home? I want to make sure you get home safely.” 

“I’ll never say no to company,” you said, a shy smile playing at your lips. 

Leo walked you home and talked to you about some of his favorite books, and you listened happily but your mind kept wandering back to his earlier comment. He seemed nervous when you called him out for over-exaggerating, which was weird to you. He couldn’t actually be a thousand years old, could he? 

You shook your head to clear it and focused on what Leo was saying. No, it must have just been an over-exaggeration. It was craziness to think that Leo was an immortal being, and yet the thought would not leave the back of your mind.

[masseffecthoe]

Soul Glitches

Chapter 4

< Chapter 3

The Observation Deck was a wreck, with metal scraps and wires trailing from one end to the other. A few pads and monitors bleeped alive with colorful writings all around the L shaped couch. The only "clean" part of the room was the improvised cot in the far left corner. But there was order in the chaos of tech. Jun knew exactly where things were and each served a precise purpose. Most importantly, it made the place feel like home. The only thing amiss was one depressed looking commander staring blankly into the dark void ahead.

"Weight of the world on your shoulders again, huh?"

"Fells like it will never end. We warn them, they ignore us and then we struggle on our own to save everyone. A vicious cycle."

"I don't know, this one seems pretty final. I mean, the reapers were the end game from the start, right?" She placed a hand on the other woman's shoulder, squeezing just enough to grab her attention from the stars outside. They locked eyes and she wished she could do more to help Shepard carry that weight. "Just one more, then it's shore leave, baby! I'm thinking of visiting more of Earth." The commander smiled sheepishly at her.

"You? On Earth? Vega got to you that badly?"

"Pff no, we're just passing time." She realized the possible interpretation as soon as the words left her mouth and she paused a bit to reconsider. "Wait, that sounded wrong. We just get along, that's all. Nothing weird happening between us."

"Mhm."

"He flirts like that with everyone, I wouldn't look too much into it."

"If you say so. But it looks pretty different from the outside." What looked different? Jun was pretty sure she figured him all out: he was just a fun guy, masking his inner demons from a shitty childhood probably, with little flirts and jokes. She doubted he'd actually put any of those naughty things that came out of his mouth into practice. He was all bark and no bite and she was perfectly okay with it.

"How's Kaidan?"

"He's awake already. Might have been worse if you weren't there to take action so fast. Thank you."

"Any time, Shep. You do know I don't actually hate him, right? Damn, I've been saying this a lot lately."

"I know. I'm sure he knows it too."

"I do hope he gets over himself..."

"Jun!"

"Ok, ok, I promise to try to be nicer to him when he gets back." She put her hands up in defeat, noting the small smile playing on the commander's lips, and went to sit on the clear spot on the couch. Shepard's eyes followed her, then scanned the state of the room, brows slightly furrowed.

"You working on something?"

"Yeah, you'll see soon enough. EDI's helping me with... a pet project."

"Something for fighting?" Jun raised her head from the little circuits she was working on and looked the commander dead in the eyes.

"Well it wasn't going to, but that could actually be pretty cool." She turned to regard the pieces in front of her, a new spark in her voice. "I'd have to make it a little bigger to make room for the additional systems and reinforce the other layer. The shielding will be easy enough, so I'll figure that one last... but... yeah, that would be neat. Can't wait to test this baby out!"

"You got me a little curious. But make sure you check on that Cerberus robot soon. I want it off the ship as soon as possible."

"I'm on it." She didn't raise her head from pile of wires she was sorting out as the commander left her room. She was completely engrossed in the possibilities this new idea brought. Claws! Now that would be awesome. It wouldn't be as efficient as any of her current drones, but it would be marvelous to watch her little creation in battle. After a little fun in a test drive, it could stay on the Normandy as a little extra defense. Never repeat the situation with Joker and the Collectors again. When EDI's voice sounded above her she was almost done modifying the outer carcass.

"Jun, I was wondering if you could help me with something as well?"

"Sure, EDI. What do you need?"

"I was scanning the Cerberus unit for more Prothean data, but I can't run a full diagnostic."

"Yeah, I'll check for anything useful in a minute."

"I would be more suitable for the job as I already have all the system mapped out."

"Then... what do you need me for?"

"It would be more accurate if I had a psychical link to the unit?" Jun dropped the little laser she was using and looked at the ceiling as if the AI would be pocking though it.

"You want me to plug an unsafe Cerberus unit to your main core?"

"Yes. I have located an appropriate cable in the Shuttle bay."

"That's a bad idea EDI, even for my standards."

"If I had any doubt of failure I wouldn't have asked." There was the briefest of pauses, not giving Jun the occasion to shut her down again. "Plus, as you said before, you 'owe me one'."

"Shepard will never allow it..."

"It will be our little secret."

"You're getting cheekier by the minute, girl! Hot damn!" Pinching the bridge of her nose, she thought about the outcomes. "I can't believe I'm actually considering this... But, I will run some diagnostics first, see how dangerous that thing can still be, okay?"

"If it will help ease your mind."

With a final look at the piece she had been working on and a long sigh, Jun made her way to the Shuttle Bay. The elevator ride there was long, her mind filled with questions about what they were about to do. One one hand EDI was right, she'd be faster and more thorough in her search, but on the other hand they were sort of going behind Shepard's back, though not doing anything particularly nefarious. She was hoping the commander would never know the full scope of their little rebellion, but when did she ever get what she wanted?

The double doors hissed open and she casually stepped into the shuttle bay. She'd never spend much time down there and was unsure where they kept spare parts and all that jazz. But as she rounded the corner she was met with a sight she did not expect: James Vega doing pull ups. And what a sight it was! With his back towards her, she could ogle him without shame, glorious muscles going taunt every time he lifted himself. The expanse of his back, even through the sweat ridden t-shirt, was just calling for her to run her greedy little fingers on. She found herself wishing what the commander said was true, and he did act differently around her, flirted just a bit more, with just a hint of seriousness to his words. Or maybe his eyes would linger on her a second more they did on others.

"Quite the view, isn't it?" Jun's spirit almost left her body, both from surprise and shame for being caught drooling all over the lieutenant. She was happy the man spoke loud enough for just her to hear.

"Umm, well, like I told him, I've seen better."

"Oh, that must have hurt, but I guess his ego didn't need to grow any bigger." The man looked fondly towards the lieutenant and Jun got the impression they were close, the kind that taunted each other a lot. He turned towards her shortly after, hand outstretched. "Steve Cortez, I'm the new shuttle pilot."

"Oooh that's great, no one should suffer through Vega's piloting skills ever again. Jun Saros." She shook his hand energetically, genuinely happy they now had an actual pilot for the damn shuttle. Besides Joker, there was no one on the blasted ship who could drive anything, her stomach would still turn when someone even mentioned the Mako.

"So you're Jun."

"You've heard of me?"

"A little bit." A smirk plaid on his lips as he gestured towards the still busy lieutenant. It took Jun every ounce of self control and dignity not to turn her focus back on his work out. "But Saros... why does that sound familiar?" She felt like she might have paled a few shades, but if her discomfort showed, Cortez said nothing about it and before she could change the subject he remembered, his eyes widening the second he made the connection. "Were you on Torfan?"

"Um, well... yes..."

"Impressive. I'm glad too see you're up and kicking."

"It's been, a long journey, but um, thanks." She wished, for a brief moment, that she could just teleport back to her little tech cluttered room and bury herself in research and possibly never speak to any living being again. She knew she didn't really want that and one day she'll have to get over it and talk about... Hell, it might even help to actually talk abut it. But that day was not the day and thankfully the Cortez guy was empathic enough to see she was dying on the inside and changed the subject.

"You were looking for something down here? Maybe I can help."

"Yes actually, I need a Y72 cable."

"Ah yes, I've seen it a few days ago. I'll get it for you." She watched him go deeper into the bay, behind the shuttle. She was waiting, a little impatient to get out of there, when she noticed the little white robot dog running around the room. Now that was interesting. She got just a little closer and crouched in it's path. It came closer, before making a small turn as if to avoid her, but she was faster. She made fast work, opening the small panel on it's back and examining the infrastructure. It had an odd choice of head and no functional mouth. Weren't dogs supposed to fetch things? And with no fur, petting it or "rubbing its belly" seemed pointless, even if may have been programmed to act like it enjoined the action.

"I don't think that's the way to play with it." How was he so silent on his feet when he was so damn bulky? She lifted her gaze and almost swore under her breath. James was, well, hot and it was affecting her a little more than she cared for. Maybe it had been all the commander's fault, putting ideas in her head. Or maybe it had been there all along, but whatever the case, it was not good.

"I was just curious what makes it tick. And also what's its purpose..."

"Yeah, this one's a little weird, but he grows on you." When she close the panel, the dog came back "to life" and made a few circles around James. It was probably designed just as a companion to show affection, maybe for a small child even, but the lieutenant was right, the more you starred at it the cutter it got.

"Well he seems to like you, Vega."

"It's because I spend a lot of time down here. Not a lot of people come this far except when we leave for missions." He scratch the back of his neck, thick, strong neck... Get it together, Saros! "Speaking of which, why are you here? Missed me already, cariño?"

"She was actually here for this." She ignored the question altogether and took the cable from Cortez, thanking to the stars he came when he did, for she might have actually said something positively retarded.

"Thank you. And it was nice meeting you. I look forward to next mission now that Vega isn't in the pilot's seat."

"Oh come on, we all got there and back in one piece."

"If it could, the poor shuttle would argue with that." She poked her tongue out, already backing away towards the elevator. "I've got to go finish something, see you guys around."

James waved her goodbye, eyes never leaving her until the elevator doors closed behind her. He wanted to ask if she needed help with anything, but he doubted he could actually understand anything of what she'd be working on. Nevertheless, he was weirdly interested in her passion for tech. His smile dropped a bit when he noticed Cortez' worried look.

"What?"

"You have no idea who she is, do you?"

"What are you getting at, jefe?"

"She was on Torfan. Their ship had been badly hit, they were abandoning it, but she went back alone and crashed the entire thing in an enemy dreadnought. She saved her entire team that day." It took James a few moments to process the information, mostly because it seemed surreal: Jun, sweet and fun Jun, piloting a burning ship into another. Steve saw the questioning look in his friend's eyes and continued. "I don't know the full story, they kept it pretty quiet for some reason. All I remember was that she was badly injured and they graduate her early from N7 for her service."

The first thing James thought about was how distraught she had been when he crashed the shuttle, how fast she hid her face, knees giving in under her and her voice cracking up. He felt like a jackass, especially with the comment he'd made. How was she still talking to him? He was beyond curious to find out more about about her accident and why she never mentioned she was N7. Most wore it like a sign on pride, but Jun didn't once talk about it. If anything, she avoided any topic slightly relating her time in with the Alliance before Shepard's suicide mission. He was sure the commander knew everything, but it didn't seem fair to pry. Even the bits of information Steve had told him felt like an invasion in her personal life she hadn't wanted to be known. He was sure curiosity would take the best of him sooner or later, though. He might at least apologize and ask Jun herself. Soon.

Back in the AI core, Jun was having a different dilemma. She had ran all the diagnostics she could think of, and a few suggested by EDI despite the cheeky AI probably already having done them. EDI had been patient with her, only cracking a few jokes about the speed process, but otherwise not pestering Jun to plug the robot to her main terminal. She had been staring at the still form of the robot a good fifteen minutes, having ran out of precautions she could take, but not yet ready to take a plunge.

"I'm going to regret this..."

"There is no scenario where we fail, the probability of success-"

"There's always one more variable we didn't account for, one more surprise factor we didn't notice..." She pinched the bridge of her nose, fatigue settling in. After this, a hot shower and sleep until they reached Palavan. "Alas, here we go. Anything goes wrong, you back out of there and tell me to unplug this thing." With her onmi-tool on hand in case the worst came to pass, Jun hooked one end of the cable in Dr. Eva's back, the other in EDI's terminal.

What followed were a few seconds straight out of those old "man vs machine" movies. The robot's eyes opened, a few moments of disorientation, before fixing on Jun. She barely had enough time to duck and evade the first shot. Cloaking her self, she wanted to move from her current position, thinking she could sneak behind her and unplug. She didn't get far before one of the shots ignited a fire and the extinguishers turned on, blocking her vision. The whole ordeal must have lasted less than half a minute, but the stress certainly took one year out of Jun's life. The panel above the console had gone dark, was EDI alright? Was the ship alright? Joker had probably freaked out and already alerted Shepard who was going to barge through the door in any second!

"Jun, are you alright?"

"EDI?" She peaked from behind her hiding spot, the air clearing enough to see the robot lady, thankfully not shooting at her anymore.

"Yes, I have taken control of this unit." It was said so matter-of-factly that Jun wondered if that had been the AI's plan all along. Shepard's voice rang loudly from the other side of the door, but she just sank back on the ground, headache drumming at her temples.

"This is going to be a fun one to explain."

[inactiveaccountsorrylol]

Can I have an appearance matchup pls for fe3h? I’m a straight female, 5’7” with brown hair and—this is gonna sound pretentious—green eyes with brown around the irises so they look brown from a distance (I usually just say brown, lol). I can look quite good when I put effort in. I’m a Ravenclaw, ISTJ, and enneagram 8w9. I spend my free time riding horses, doing theater, or reviewing films. I pride myself on being organized and logical (and I love arguing and pointing out flaws in others’ logic, which can be uhhh problematic at times). I’m straightforward and honest with no time for false flattery or bullshit (makes me really bad at flirting! plus the fact I am a bit socially oblivious sometimes); however, I keep emotions close to my chest and don’t like to be vulnerable. I can come off as abrasive but I’m also funny and loyal, and always put in the hard work. Love sticking to a schedule, hate improvising but whenever my friends drag me out of the house on a whim I know it’s for my own good, lol. Dubbed “the smart one” in my friend group. I can get really passionate about my more niche interests—like fe3h, haha. I don’t have a strong music taste but prefer fantasy and sci-fi for books and such; even though I’m very grounded in day-to-day life, I like to escape via fiction. I’m happy to see a new blog and hope y’all will get more requests soon!! 🥰

 aww thanks and congrats on being our first fe3h request!! 

I match you with Yuri Leclerc! 

-✩- you and yuri clicked, you were just riding your horse out hunting and yuri was being reckless? surprisingly. you decided to be nice and bandage him up.  Of course him being like no I don’t like owing people tried to stop you but did you? No. You two just sat there silently in peace, after he thanked you and bid your farewells but was this the end? 

-✩ -No, you ended up in a similar situation you were on a small mission there ended up being demonic beasts, you got hurt after defeating them and then passed out. Yuri recognized you and took you in Abyss.

-✩-  Yuri took care of you at Abyss and everyone else was like “???” Once you woke up that’s when the teasing started and you developed feeling for the mischievous lilac haired man. It didn’t help that he was indeed a flirtatious man. 

- ✩- The rest of the Ashen Wolves watched you bicker back and forth like an old married couple. They teased you about it and you were both flustered and ended up confessing. They laughed and congratulated you.

-✩- A lot of dates were just cuddling and reading together. He ended up cooking for you a lot. And you were fine with that. Since you like theater you watched Dorothea preform quite often. You two are easily her biggest fans!

_______________________________________________________________________

-✩- why he fell for you  -✩ -

- ✩ - he has his barriers up like you but he just felt calm and at ease around you

-✩ -  he noticed your discomfort when he took you in but like him you just agreed, to make small talk he teased you about something and how you should be more careful or you’ll be eaten up, you debated back on how he is the same 

- ✩ - that’s when he knew you were the one 

- ✩ -  he doesn’t like singing but he did it for you he appreciated small gestures like remembering his favorite foods when he’s slightly upset

- ✩-  one thing you did for him was pick flowers for him he asked you why and you responded that it happened it one of your fantasy books

- ✩ - he likes when you go on and on what’s going on in your books 

-✩ -  “hey yuri you know the book i started reading a while ago i finished it! The ending was really good, the main character bring their best friend’s favorite flowers after they died although they died years ago. But wait  there’s more in the book earlier on the main character brought their favorite flowers to them when they were upset.” He’d just chuckle and smile at your ramblings

- ✩ - you guys would snuggle and tease each other with cute nick names and all 🥺

I hope this was enough! Thank you!

[maiddegree71-blog]

Our Favorite Videos of 2018

We put out a lot of videos this year, but the ones we've chosen to highlight below were are our personal favorites, the ones we cooked from and watched the most. These videos made us hungry, made us laugh, and helped us become better cooks. We learned how to roll out flaky and crisp paratha, cook dosa batter, emulsify a perfect pasta alla gricia, and more.

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

This is a great video. Maybe it's because Stella uses the term "Flufftown, USA;" maybe it's because of the really sexy chocolate-dipping shot to kind of Batman-ish soundtrack; or maybe it's because "Boop Boop Boop" has made it into Serious Eats vernacular. Aside from that, I truly appreciate the effort Stella made to develop the recipe. These Klondike bars are absolutely perfect, and the video made me feel like perhaps I could be successful at making them myself. —Ariel Kanter, director of commerce strategy and editorial

What Wouldn’t You Do for a Homemade Klondike Bar? »

[Video: Serious Eats Video.]

I don't think Stella will mind me telling you that she really, really doesn't like being on camera. I, however, love watching Stella on camera. Not because I'm sadistic and like seeing someone in discomfort; it's because she so successfully takes that "I don't want to be here" feeling and converts it into a perfectly snarky, yet still very likable, persona. This video is just one good example of Stella doing the thing she hates doing so well. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

Texas Sheet Cake Forever »

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Every time I eat dim sum (read: every single weekend), I marvel at the enormous towers of bamboo steamers coming from the kitchen. Providing a behind-the-scenes look at how these restaurants function is a fascinating idea, but doing so from the vantage point of a dim sum cart is both hilarious and revealing. Plus, the video illustrates just how talented—not to mention hard-working—the chefs and waiters at our favorite dim sum establishments are. —Elazar Sontag, editorial assistant

A Day in the Life of a Dim Sum Cart »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

I really love this short and fun video. It’s a great combination of Sohla’s delightful energy and fun camera angles, and Vicky and Daniel’s hilarious cameo certainly help. Not to mention how fantastic the elote risotto pancake looks! —Grace Chen, office manager

Elotes Meet Risotto al Salto in an All-Star Mashup »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

This starts out as an elegant but straightforward recipe video for a pressure cooker corn risotto, playing out to what looks like an orderly conclusion, only to carry on into an anarchic “next day” epilogue. It's a celebration of the impulsive spirit of making new dishes from leftovers. —John Mattia, video producer

Pressure Cooker Corn Risotto Cooks in Four Minutes, Tastes Like Summer »

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

Before I start, I need to give y'all a preface: I'm allergic to shellfish, and therefore did not eat this crab. But I did get to participate in the filming of it, where we hauled a big vat of crabs out into the courtyard of our office complex and had ourselves a little afternoon respite. I have happy memories of sitting and drinking beer in the sunshine, watching my coworkers savagely tear open crabs with their bare hands while following Daniel's instructions. The final product was one of our most-viewed videos of the year, which incited a lively debate in the comments on the semantics of "crab feast" versus "crab boil," which I moderated with great joy. — Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor

Zen and the Art of the Maryland Crab Feast »

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

I never jumped on the slime video bandwagon, and I think this is as close as I'm ever going to get. Equal parts strangely satisfying, suspenseful, and trypophobia-triggering, it’s got all the components of those videos you watch on the internet but you’re not really sure why. Plus, I learned how to griddle a dosa. —Maggie Lee, designer

Dosa (Indian Rice-and-Lentil Crepes) Recipe »

[Video: Natalie Holt]

In my personal life, I strive to maintain a nonjudgmental attitude, but my professional self knows that strong, sometimes unpopular, and well-founded convictions make good food writing, and, as it turns out, good food videos. (The "well-founded" aspect is an element I find to be missing from a lot of clickbait-y food opinion pieces out there.) Plus, food waste is a pet peeve of mine, so I had to love Wing Hysteric Daniel Gritzer's office exposé/mini tirade against those half-hearted eaters who lose interest in their chicken wings once they catch even a glimpse of bone. C'mon, people! Even your dog knows better than that! I especially like the theatrically sneaky jog into the kitchen around 1:05. —Miranda Kaplan, senior editor

The Right Way to Eat Chicken Wings Is All the Way »

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

I'll be honest: I really thought this video had a chance of going viral. Then I showed it to my sister-in-law, who looked confused and asked me what an Instant Pot is. Having to explain a joke isn't an encouraging sign about its quality; it also isn't really the kind of thing you want to do for a second time when you show it to your mom. And a third when you show it to your best friend. But, BUT! I'll do it for you anyway, because really, I promise, once you get it, you'll think it's just about the most hilarious thing you've ever seen. Premise: Instant Pots are all the rage! And they're great. They're also just...electric pressure cookers. When we decided to do this video, we thought we'd poke some inside-jokey-fun at the fact that Pinterest/Instagram/Facebook/The Whole Internet had become obsessed with a specific brand of a product that's been around for a long time. So...how about now? Is it funny now? DO YOU GET IT? I hope so. It's pretty great. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor

How to Get the Most Out of Your Instant Pot »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

Toum really is the garlicky eggless mayo that goes with everything—watch the video—and it really is easy to make, and you really should make some yourself. But I picked this video as a reminder and warning for my past and future colleagues and friends: If you visit the Serious Eats office, you, too, might get tricked into singing Toumbop (to the tune of Mmmbop) on camera. —Paul Cline, VP of product

Traditional Toum (Lebanese Garlic Sauce) Recipe »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

There's a lot to love about this video: parathas are one of my favorite foods; the double-coil technique; the weird, kind of creepy jazz. But the main reason I love this video is because of the "ooh" Sohla lets out when she puts her back into flattening the dough. — Sho Spaeth, features editor

Paratha (Flaky South Asian Flatbread) Recipe »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

I could watch pasta videos for hours. Let's be honest, I have definitely done that. —Sasha Marx, culinary editor

Gricia Is the Silky, Porky Roman Pasta Everyone Should Know »

[Video: Natalie Holt]

As much as I love copycat recipes AND Lao Gan Ma brand chili crisp, it never occurred to me this was something I could make from scratch. But Sohla's excitement for breaking down the complexities of the recipe and straightforward technique won me over, and I wound up making a life-changing batch for myself. The video made it look like a lot of fun to try at home, and it was! —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Chili Crisp: Spicy, Salty, Crunchy, Tingly, and Good on Everything »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

I love this video because it took Stella and Sohla out of their comfort zones, and let their natural instincts shine through. This was one of the more chaotic/labor intensive/challenging shoots to date, but getting them out into the world at the farmer's market and then back in the kitchen was worth it for all the fun moments. I also think it gave the audience a closer look into how the Serious Eats test kitchens work. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Mystery Box Cooking Challenge: Sohla Versus Stella »

[Video: Natalie Holt]

I'm a sucker for a Sohla video, and this one doesn't disappoint. Not only is it doubly informative, teaching you how to make a pan sauce and fix a broken one, but there's also a bit of comic relief towards the end. Two dogs, a Brad, and Sohla's crack-up laugh really round out a cooking video. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

How to Make a Pan Sauce, and How to Fix a Broken One »

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

This video has changed my life. Okay, maybe a bit extreme, but it's true—I'll never pronounce "pestle" wrong again. The main reason I love this video so much is that it shows the level of research and obsession Daniel and the rest of the Serious Eats crew have for food, and all the ways you can prepare and cook it. Seeing Daniel test out and speak his mind about what applications each M&P succeeds and struggles with, I finished the video feeling like an expert. —Joel Russo, video producer

How to Pick the Best Mortar and Pestle »

[Video: Serious Eats Team]

How can you not love Stella's videos when she says stuff like, "Scraping a bowl is a way of showing a dough you care." It doesn't matter to me that this video is all about holiday gingerbread cookies, which I don't even like. I love this video for the same reason I love all of Stella's videos for Serious Eats. I think the way she interacts with the camera ends up putting the viewer at ease, and makes her incredibly delicious work seem all the more approachable. —Ed Levine, founder

Quick Gingerbread Cookies for Busy Holiday Bakers »

This post may contain links to Amazon or other partners; your purchases via these links can benefit Serious Eats. Read more about our affiliate linking policy.

Source: https://www.seriouseats.com/roundups/our-favorite-videos-2018

[thechampagnecircus]

My Frenemy the Dentist

The dentist. The dreaded place feared by adults and kids alike. I have always felt somewhat bad for dentists. They are up there with the IRS and DMV, people avoiding them like the plague. If it weren't for all the money they were able to charge, I’d truly lament for them. But after a Periodontitis diagnosis eight years ago the dental office has become a frequented place for me. If you are lucky enough to not know what that is, I will give you a quick download. Periodontitis is advanced gum disease.  We have all heard of Gingivitis from toothpaste and mouthwash ads. Used to invoke fear in us as kids to not miss a night’s brushing. This is basically that left untreated. It is unclear as to its main cause, but a mix of lifestyle choices, genetics, and abstaining from regular dental visits seem to be part of the recipe.  

At this point, when it comes to dental procedures, you name it, I have had it. Root canals are child’s play. I have had deep scaling treatments, bone grafts, crowns, laser therapy, all the things. I feel blessed to get the care that I need and I have come to peace with the fact this is something I will battle for the rest of my days. Periodontal Disease is incurable but maintainable. It is given me a soap box to preach to all my little nieces and nephews. Make sure to floss, or you’ll end up like Auntie Carly. Having said all that, I still get nervous going in for even routine appointments.  

About four or five years ago, due to my gum recession, my hygiene appointments started becoming painful. The normal anxiety and discomfort had evolved into a bigger beast than I could handle. They had to freeze all the areas in order to clean them properly. Therefore we broke it up into two appointments. My anxiety got so high and tense that it was hard for the freezing to take. Even Novocaine couldn't get through the stiffness my anxiety caused. The bottom left section of my mouth was the worst and lots of trial and error took place.  Enough was enough and I decided to look into sedation dentistry. I spoke to my hygienist and dentist and we all agreed I was a good candidate.  Like all things, I was scared to take medication and didn’t know what to expect. Nothing could be worse than my current situation so I gave in and never looked back.  

It is now 2021, a normal Sunday night and I review my calendar and to-do list for the week.  There it is, glaring at me. A dental appointment on Wednesday. Has it really been 4 months? As I think this to myself, a tingling of anxiety sets into my stomach, churning its contents like a washing machine mid cycle. Within a moment or two, along comes a deep breath of acceptance and I continue on with my night. Before I know it, it is Tuesday afternoon and I get the confirmation call from the office. There is no postponing it now. I have been there countless times and it’s only a cleaning. Relax. As I fall asleep that evening, I will myself into dreamy compliance.

My eyes open gently, the thickness of our blinds shrouds me in darkness although the sun has been up for hours. I flick my wrist over to see my watch which reads 8:30 am. I’ve slept through the night, without waking up to go pee; a small miracle. I’m over 30, it’s just the new normal. Having somehow had a great night sleep I feel rested and bright until I remember it’s a dental day. I sit up in bed, opening my eyes wider and giving them a little rub. Everyone else is already up and at em’, the kids at work, and the dog downstairs with my husband who’s working at his desk. 

I get up, open the blinds and absorb the light. The sun pours into the room like water gushing from a freshly broken dam. I walk into our master bathroom, its marble tiles cold on my feet. My hair is a tangled mess of crumpled curls, half of which managed to stay in a matted bun. I attempt to swallow my nervousness and begin my normal morning ritual. This consists of brushing my teeth, Listerine rinse, followed by washing my face and applying Ponds face cream. It’s the same lotion I have been using since I was a kid.  If they ever stop selling it, I’d be in for a rude awakening.

I look at the time and it’s now 9 am. Time to take my pre-dentist sedative. Something to settle the nerves. It sits under my tongue, dissolving into a calming serum that eases my mind. I get dressed; leggings, a tank top covered by a big comfy hoodie. It is leopard print with the BRUNETTE label splayed across my chest. Every girl needs a little flare, even if it is to get her teeth cleaned. I head downstairs, and my husband is all ready to go. I obviously can’t drive myself having taken an Ativan, so we hop in the vehicle and head out.

On the drive there, I slowly start to feel the drugs kicking in. My stomach flips a bit, while my insides melt into velvet.  I feel alert yet washed over with serenity. Before I know it, we are pulling into the parking lot, as though we teleported. Aaron starts griping about how busy this parking lot always is. There is an adjacent Lab Services building, along with a few other medical offices, so he is not wrong in his observation. Plus we are tad behind which adds to his agitation.  We finally find a parking spot and head upstairs. We are a few minutes late but are greeted with kind sentiments by the receptionist and hygienist. I have had so many things done here, I feel as though I am a regular and they all know my name. Like Cheers, but not nearly as fun. I tell Aaron I love him and will see him later as I follow her into my designated room.  

The dental chair is there, taunting me. It tries to promise comfort but I know what it holds. I set my purse on one of the countertops and take off my mask. I sit back in the chair, my leg shaking, the anxiety that is stifled somewhat by the meds coming to the surface. My hygienist and I exchange a few pleasantries, before she tilts the chair back into the final position. She then gives me a pair of the classic dentist sunglasses, watch out Vogue. My face is angled up toward the obligatory hanging television. It is always on HGTV. Perhaps there is something subconsciously soothing about quirky couples renovating people’s homes. I don’t really get it. But I have downloaded some media onto my phone and plan to listen with my new airpods. This ends up being a mistake as they keep falling out and I end up giving up on them entirely part way through the appointment. My mind starts to think about how many germs it picked up from the dental room floor.

It is now time for the freezing. My least favorite thing in the world. I breathe deeply in and out while carrying out a hand rubbing technique that doesn’t really work, but I do it anyway. After a couple applications of topical ointment, I brace myself as I see the huge needle descending into my mouth. She says “Ok, here we go”. I feel the pressure in the bottom of my cheek, the pain turns to tingles that resonate into one side of my tongue. Ok, one down. I know there are at least 4 more to go so I am not celebrating yet. The second one comes and goes. We then do right between my two upper front teeth. It feels as though the shot is going into my nose, the stinging pressure radiating into my sinus cavity. This is a new spot for the shot and it feels different than usual. Which of course sends my mind into a mild panic.  What if my face is frozen forever? What if there is nerve damage? Before I can completely spiral, there is another shot on the other side, then another.The chemical flavor breaks free from my insides and the syringe, hitting the back of my throat like a punch of metallic bitterness. I burst up, my gag reflex on edge. I use the suction that they allow me wield at my own free will, and gather myself. I lay back down, apologizing through mumbled words. My tongue is now totally numb and my lips feel fat and awkward. She says “It’s alright, just one more to go” ONE MORE? I think to myself but before it has time to sink in, it is over.  My face is now a detached mess, which in its uncomfortableness is a good thing since I know the cleaning is about to begin.

She first takes measurements of my pockets. The space that can grow between the gum and tooth. This gap can trap bacteria and plaque. With advanced gum disease this is the most important thing to monitor. It is normal to have a small space there but over a certain size is when you get into trouble. A few months ago I underwent a new laser treatment that was intense but hopeful to make a huge impact on said pockets. This was the moment of truth. As she reads out the numbers of each tooth, I hear none higher than four. There are a bunch of zeros and ones and I am thrilled. Once the readings are all done, we get down to business. Ultrasonic scaling, followed by manual scaling.  Both of which I can hear happening but can’t feel. The buzz of the water-pick on steroids and the grating of metal against my tooth. To round the visit out, I get treated to a polish and fluoride treatment. She tells me I am all done and that my husband is here to pick me up. It felt like every second lasted forever yet I time travelled.  

The fluoride gunk left on my teeth has a horrible aftertaste that no matter how much I try to spit into my little dixie cup I can’t remedy it. Two hours have passed in that chair and I am a grumpy Gus. My head is spinning as I adjust to being upright. I almost forget to put on my mask but she reminds me.  It’s probably a blessing since my mouth is floppy and unyielding in its numbness. I am drooling involuntarily like I just got lobotomized.  My husband is in the waiting room, masked up but I can see his loving eyes. I’m happy to see him.  

I sulk the whole ride home like a child who was forced to leave their friend’s house early. We get home and I migrate up to our room to sleep off the meds and anesthetic. I close the blinds, converting the room back into a den of darkness. I change into some pajamas and snuggle into bed. I’m still bitter, surprisingly restless and hungry. I turn on the television, putting on something mindless to usher me to sleep. A sense of delight starts to slowly seep in as I close my eyes. I will wake up in a couple hours with pearly white teeth, and a sore mouth, but it is over. For a few months I am free.

Copyright © 2021 Carly Eddy.