#plus i think for resentment to fester you have to like. keep quiet about your anger

[majimaisms]

if you view majima as immune to resentment how would you go about classifying his relationship to sagawa? i think it’s obviously multi-faceted, but i would still say there’s resentment thrown into that mix at least with my thought process 🤔

i am actually fascinated by majima's lack of resentment towards sagawa. his final scene with him was such a contrast to how i expected him to behave. like really? youre not gonna spit in this guy's face?? he literally thanks him and clearly still has respect for him. and i was baffled by this for a long time but i've been able to make sense of it by realizing majima doesn't take things *personally*

even throughout the game, as much as he can't stand sagawa, i don't think he's quite... resentful. here's the definition im working with to be clear

like he does get annoyed or frustrated but i think he still ultimately holds himself responsible for all the shit sagawa is putting him through. because as far as he's concerned, he signed up for it the moment he disobeyed shimano in '85. he knew what the consequences would be, so he has no room to complain. so he doesn't actually perceive any of it as unfair treatment. there's no indignation there

i have no doubt that he deeply dislikes the man, i just don't think he like. simmers in this feeling the way most people would. he's already over it by the end of the game. and it's because he's way past giving a shit about himself in any way. he doesn't hold grudges like that because to do that you have to have some emotional attachment to your own wellbeing. so you can get mad at injustice being done to you. and he literally doesn't. majima never complains about unfair treatment because he simply does not perceive anything as such, and he never shifts responsibility or blame. he takes it all on himself

[alargebear]

Letters

Summary: Honoka can’t bring herself to confess, but Kotori has an old cliche on standby.

Pairing: HonoUmi

Words: 2k

Links FFnet  AO3 

Note: It’s been so long since I’ve written these two so I’m pretty rusty, but I still love em so much. 

For Honoka, Kotori's room was nothing but pure comfort. Somewhere to hide away from anything but what was within those four walls. A place to unwind and enjoy the company of a friend, or a place to confide and open up. Honoka knew she would never be judged or chastised in the ways she would outside for things said or done. Secrets could be said and they would never leave.

That comfort brought with it a discussion that always came. One that Honoka was never all to keen on getting brought up.

"How many times have I told you, Honoka?" Kotori didn't so much as spare a glance as she stitched away at a half-finished outfit on the table in the center of her room. "Umi isn't going to understand how you feel if you don't tell her. You know how she gets with romance."

"You say that every time." Honoka was sprawled out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Kotori worked.

"Because it's true every time."

Honoka groaned. "But you know I can't just tell her."

Kotori held the skirt up, inspecting its flaws before getting back to work, still not looking toward Honoka. "And why is that."

"Because we're talking about Umi here." Honoka sat up. "You know, our best friend Umi Sonoda. The prettiest and nicest girl in the whole world."

"Honoka, we've talked about this before." Kotori set her needle down, but wouldn't look over to Honoka. This turn in conversation always leading to predictable frustration. "You're just as pretty and nice as she is."

"But not like Umi." Honoka cut Kotori off. "She's super amazing at everything. If I confessed there's no way it would work out with someone like me."

Kotori bit back the rise in her voice, something that could only be bred from Honoka's self-deprecation. "Well, I think you're amazing and I know that Umi does, too. Plus, I think it's up to Umi to decide if you're good enough for her or not."

"You're my best friends. You guys are supposed to say stuff like that." Honoka tossed her legs over the side of the bed near Kotori.

"Anyone who's ever met you would say the same thing." Kotori looked up, meeting Honoka's eyes for the first time that afternoon.

Honoka scratched the back of her neck and bit her lip. "Even if people did think I was as amazing as Umi, that doesn't mean she would like me back."

"And you won't know that if you don't ask her." Kotori kept her stare leveled as Honoka squirmed under her eyes.

"But I can't just ask her that." Honoka lolled her head back as the conversation made a nice circle. "Umi would just reject me."

Kotori softened her eyes as she took in a long, deep breath. "It's not like you to be so scared like this, Honoka. You're always so cheerful and happy about everything. It's weird."

"It's not weird." Honoka crossed her arms. "This is a big deal."

"So was competing in Love Live, but you were never scared of that."

"That wasn't confessing to your childhood friend who you've loved since middle school." Honoka rolled her eyes. "This is totally different."

"Yeah." Kotori smiled. "But I bet some people would find standing on stage and singing even scarier than that."

"I don't." Honoka puffed her cheeks. "If I confessed, I'd just be doing something scary to get my heart broken."

Kotori rubbed the bridge of her nose, not sure if the frustration was from Honoka's obstinance or poor view of herself. Both just as infuriating as the other when coming from a dearest friend.

"What if I helped you confess." Kotori was at the end of her patience. "I could be there for you when you tell Umi."

"That'd just make it even more awkward when she says no," Honoka said.

Kotori allowed herself a few seconds of silence before continuing. "I could tell Umi for you. Do you think that would work."

Honoka shook her head fast. "No. No. No. I know Umi wouldn't like that."

Honoka huffed before laying back down on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. The room going quiet as neither knew how to continue. A conversation that would always come to the same stalemate of pessimism and an always encouraging friend. No tension or resentment, something that could never fester between them, but it was a silence that signaled that they weren't getting anywhere.

Kotori tapped a knuckle on the table and hummed with chin in hand. "What if you wrote a letter?"

Honoka sat up, blinking as she looked at Kotori. "A letter?"

"Yeah.' Kotori was out of ideas. "I think it's romantic when they do it in manga and movies. And since you're too scared to tell Umi to her face, why not write her a letter?"

Honoka scratched her chin. "Isn't that kinda cheesy?"

Kotori nodded. "But it would make sure that Umi knew how you felt about her."

A brief moment of hesitation before Honoka spoke back up, almost relenting. "I can't write a nice letter, though."

"Why not?" Kotori dug in the bag at her side, ignoring most of Honoka's protest as she pulled out a sheet of paper and cleared room on the table. "All you have to do is write down how you feel about Umi, and I know how much you like her. You've been telling me since middle school which I think is very sweet."

A rare, genuine blush took hold of Honoka as she slid from the bed to Kotori's side. "I'm not very smart, and don't know all the fancy words like Umi does."

"You don't have to be smart to write a love letter, even though you aren't dumb, Honoka." Kotori slid a pen in front of Honoka with the paper. Wanting to break out in cheer as major progress had started being made. "Just tell Umi how you feel."

Honoka took the pen and gnawed on the end. A stomach full of doubt and mind filled with anxieties were hard to dispel, but she was in Kotori's room with Kotori at her side, and with a deep breath she might be alright.

"Will you help me?" Honoka asked, red-faced and looking down at the blank paper.

"With anything you need."

Umi hated when she was the last to leave. Archery was something she loved, and the late practices after idol activities were never something she would wish away. But the lone walks home were a different story.

She could ask Honoka and Kotori to wait up for her, and without a doubt, they would agree, but Umi couldn't do that. Those practices were hers alone, and she couldn't ask anyone to bear any of that weight with her, so lonely walks home was the only option. She just missed the chatter-filled evenings and Honoka's energy as a pick-me-up to the day's stress'. Not that it would ever need to be admitted. Especially to Honoka's face. Umi doubted she could even if she wanted to. Which is why she had other plans.

The school's entrance was empty in the setting suns orange glow. The afterschool chatter at shoe lockers already passed hours ago. Umi wasted no time opening her's and pulling out her shoes.

A plain white envelope fell to her feet, and Umi started, waiting for some punchline that never came. With ginger fingers, she picked up the letter and flipped it over revealing her name written in bright blue marker. The writing was sloppy at best and it wasn't hard to decipher whose it was. She'd seen it hundreds of times of the past years, after all.

With a dry mouth, trembling fingers, and a rapidly beating heart, Umi opened the envelope. Was it too much to hope? She had seen the scenario countless times in romances that Kotori had forced the trio to watch. Those memories made it hard to think straight, and trembling hands wouldn't help.

She was right, the poor lettering was Honoka's. A love letter, Umi never liked romances, but she knew enough. Embarrassment made it hard to press on, but hope spurred, that this could be something she'd wanted coming to fruition. One last look around to make sure she was alone and a deep breath to keep from fainting before she read on.

Hi Umi,

I know I'm not smart and I don't know all the fancy words you do, but I was too scared to tell you in person so I wrote you a letter. We've been best friends since we were born, and I've never ever wanted that to change even if we got old and wrinkly I wanted to still be your best friend.

That's what I thought.

But when we got to middle school I stopped wanting to be your best friend forever. You started to get really really pretty, not that you weren't before, but I noticed it more. You've always been so nice to me even if I'm not even close to as amazing as you are at everything. I can't believe how much you help me with homework even though I don't listen to you all the time. You started to be more than a best friend to me, and that was scary because what's better than a best friend? I thought about it a lot and it took me a long time, you know how slow I can be, but when I figured it out it made so much sense.

I love Umi.

Everything made so much more sense when I figured that out. How beautiful you are. How smart you are and how you can do anything. How you made my heart beat really fast whenever you smiled. It all made sense when I realized I was in love with you the whole time, and I couldn't have fallen in love with someone more amazing than you.

You don't have to answer me, and I know this wasn't a very good letter, but I know that I love you a whole lot. I couldn't tell you to your face because I was scared, Kotori said that wasn't like me at all, but I was able to write this letter. I wish you would say you love me, too, but I know that might not happen. What are the odds of two childhood friends falling in love with each other anyway?

I love you Umi,

Honoka

P.S. Kotori helped me write some of this and she said you should say yes.

Silence as Umi reread the letter. There were tears building, what they came from she wasn't all too sure. Was it the fact that Honoka loved her? Or was it that even now Honoka couldn't see just how amazing she was? She guessed it was both.

Without a second thought, Umi jammed the letter into her bag. Her vision was blurred and the room had nearly gone dark as the sun set below the city's skyline. Her legs knocked and breath was ragged as she parsed through what was read. Honoka loved her. That was a statement of fact, and not a guess or hope. It fueled embarrassment that she'd never known, but helped give the confidence to do something that had been years in the making.

Threes lockers down from her own sat Honoka's, and with measured steps, she walked over and pulled it open. A quick glance at her sides and Umi dug into her own bag. It was filled with books, training clothes, notes, and a new letter she'd cherish forever. At the bottom sat a white, plain envelope, crumpled and worn with years of wear as it never left its spot at the bottom. For the first time in years, Umi pulled it out.

The only writing was Honoka's name on the front, and without giving herself time to second-guess, Umi tossed it in the locker.

Honoka's name sat facedown and the only decoration visible before Umi closed the door was the partially torn heart sticker that had held the envelope closed for years.