#plus dont even get me started ranting about the stupid mobile game ads i will scream about how all of them suck forever

[pokeathlondome]

this site truly amazes god forbid anyone from posting boobs on here but thankfully I can get ads of women wearing barely anything to promote an ai anime yourself app and many other great ads such as picking gross shit from a foot or ear!!

[svtskneecaps]

im actually curious now... ive never played the game myself but ive seen ads floating around... why Are you so heated abt hogwarts mystery if u dont mind me asking?? --💕

OH BUD, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET ASKING

i've ranted before on here and i'm too lazy to read it over and make sure i don't repeat points so if you want to hear me say the same stuff a different way then this post is the main rant i did before (although some bits are out of date, like the stats rant; they fixed that some), basically i have a few big problems

gameplay is frustrating

energy is required to do almost all things story related, except like. the occasional duel.

energy recharges one point at a time, every four minutes. there is an energy maximum that you can increase at certain points during the story. as far as i can tell, everything is divided between things that are "1 hr", "3 hr", and "8 hr". this goes for classes, story moments, etc. you use the energy to tap highlighted shapes and fill a star meter and if you collect all the stars you need, you pass

the 1 hr stuff requires a full energy meter, no matter how big your meter is, as far as i can tell. my meter is 33 max energy. it takes me 2 hrs to fill this meter. THE ONE HOUR STUFF TAKES ME TWO HOURS TO COMPLETE. SO NATURALLY, I THINK THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT.

either way, waiting for the energy to recharge is fucking boring, especially when the story is progressing at a snail's pace (it's a mobile game, they're trying to make you pay money to complete the game faster, which i GET. i play idle games. i have the patience of a god. BUT AT LEAST FUCKING BAKERY STORY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING)

duelling used to be worse (it uses a rock-paper-scissors mechanism and it used to be if you lost the rock paper scissors you just didn't get to go, so you could get stunlocked by the enemy and lose just because you suck at random chance rock paper scissors, which was fucking frustrating. now the rock paper scissors just decides who goes first, which i'll admit is better)

i guess they've been trying to fix it and make it less. shitty. so a while back they added "clubs" which is pretty much just another incentive to complete events. the highlights you tap on to fill up the meter to complete events are a different color sometimes and it gives bonus club exp that gets you rewards sometimes. clubs aren't terrible, like they're a bandaid fix but i mean they did at least add some measure of satisfaction to the experience. even if it's like. not enough.

they also added a "memory log" which i guess the idea was that it would be fun to revisit scenes from past years and quests and ~view your memories~ but. it doesn't work. like i try to play a memory and it loads for infinity. so. that's a useless feature

they also added "pages" which are just. pieces of paper you can bind into a notebook (used as a form of special currency in the game; you buy animals with it). apparently you can also use them to buy another chance at the timed quests but i hate timed quests very deeply so they're useless to me. not sure if that feature works but considering it's triggered using the memory log it's really anyone's guess. so that's pretty. awful.

(it's much harder to get genuinely heated when i'm taking the time to list the faults i take with the game one by one in an essay like format but this game sends me into rand mode 90% of the time i'm just apathetic to it right now, i'm being clinical)

it's ugly

this game is more glitch than graphic. i cannot count on my appendages how many glitches and weird moments and gross graphical choices there are. maybe this is just because it's a mobile game and it's a hardware limitation, i have no idea. that's probably the case. doesn't make me hate the game any less. doesn't make me hate how ugly it is any less.

now i don't record the quidditch matches so i don't have many examples of that but those cutscenes are glitchy as all fucking get out and that's one of the things you can use to grind stats, energy, etc. there's not a quidditch event going on so i can't get images of the tail end of my broom EXTENDING OFF INTO THE TREELINE FOR FIVE MILES OFFSCREEN in certain cutscenes so you'll have to take my word for that one, but it's a thing that happens in two separate cutscenes and it's fucking bananas that it's still a thing that exists and hasn't been FIXED or NOTICED do they not have quality assurance????????????

AND WHY DOES MY WRIST LOOK LIKE THAT. WHY. I WANT TO HOLD MY FROG. I LOVE MY FROG. BUT GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAS TWISTED MY WRIST LIKE A WET TOWEL. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT???

I'M PRETTY SURE THE QUAFFLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY ARM, WHY IS THIS WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS CLIP PLAYS IN EVERY QUIDDITCH MATCH I EVER DO.

WAIT THERE'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING BROOM THERE I LITERALLY NEVER NOTICED THAT THERE'S NOT EVEN A BROOM. I WAS SO DISTRACTED BY THE QUAFFLE I DIDN'T NOTICE THERE'S NO FUCKING BROOM.

THEY'RE HANGING OFF THE BACK END OF THEIR BROOMS. THIS PLAYS EVERY MATCH. WHAT THE FUCK. (don't mind the image quality that's coming from me screenshotting a screen recording)

i don't feel like editing video clips right now just for a shitty rant post about a shitty app game so you'll have to take my word for it that there is more shit and it is egregious and barely a scene goes by where something ugly doesn't happen. half the time they're like "cast this spell!" and i cast it and there's supposed to be a sweet little animation of your character casting the spell but every time i do it, the game glitches and my character freezes, and then the spell has been cast. no animation. which is awful. half the time it loads in such a way that you think you blinked, but no. the screen just glitched everything into place. i don't know how to describe it honestly. it's awful.

it's boring

the story COULD be good, if it wasn't fed to you in tiny chunks over the course of several years. it's an okay plot, the usual harry potter chasing after some mystery (in this game it's the Cursed Vaults, usually there's a specific vault you're chasing in every year to hopefully find your brother and save hogwarts from the curse in the process). that's a pretty solid start

but there's so much FILLER. like there's a bit in year 3 where you go fucking around trying to make an extra sweet butterbeer for madame rosmerta while she's trying to track down your brother's journal in her back room (which is apparently as organized as my fuckin bedroom) and like. it takes so fucking long to actually progress with ANYTHING related to the story after that. like the entire plot STALLS while you try to make the butterbeer. LIKE IMAGINE IF A HARRY POTTER NOVEL STOPPED FOR A CHAPTER TO DESCRIBE HIM DOING SOMETHING SO FUCKING BORING. like at least in there you might get some character development or something, there's no shit like that in this fucking godawful shit of a game. hell there's barely character development, for you, for your friends, for the professors, fuckin NOTHING

they bloated their cast out. there's way too many characters and they waste their time on filler rather than actually developing the characters (for reference, i'm halfway through year 4). ben's personality is "cowardly gryffindor". rowan's personality is "books and socially awkward". tonks's personality is "prankster" (which, incidentally, i've heard is also the entire personality of another character you meet later). they aren't developed. i think they're blowing their character development budget on the "enemies to friends" arc they're trying to pull (i'm guessing that based on a christmas theme side quest and her uncharacteristically spilling her tragic backstory, that's a prediction)

year 1 was entirely wasted time. they could have done so much more with year 1, and they just. didn't. year 1 is disproportionately short and it only involves three friends (rowan, ben, and penny) plus your main enemy. it lays the base bones for your rivalry fairly well, all things considered, and starts the chase for the cursed vaults, and lays some bases for your friendships (wish they would have done more, since the characters are still a little one-note), and then they fucking drop the ball in later years. like i haven't seen ben since year 2, but there was SOMETHING going on between him and the vaults, what the fuck was that? why is no one acknowledging that?? there is a mystery that they're just fucking ignoring and i'm going to go fucking crazy

i went into greater detail on this in the other rant so i'm not going to do it again but it pisses me off. that and how useless the house is. and the fact that it presents you with choices like they'll do anything, but they don't really affect anything (at least not where i'm at in the game). like, i've been presented with the option to take different characters with me, but the friend i took with me didn't get any meaningful dialogue at all so what even would the difference be if i'd taken someone else?? what was the point?? it's stupid. it's dumb. i hate it. i hate it.

anyway there's 1600 words on it. the only reason i'm still playing it is because i plan on reworking the whole damn thing using the "each house gets a different storyline with a few constant story beats", but to do that i need to know the plot of the stupid fucking thing. so that's what i'm doing for the moment. it might take me a couple years to finish though. this game sends me spiraling into burnout at speeds only rivaled by public school, even when it's NOT forcing you to stop and wait eight straight hours.