#pls ignore me im just in my feels
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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Everyone - I ordered 4 blind box plushies and the seller really said “I dub thee Savanaclaw….with an Ace”
They’re bullying him for not being swol lmfao
#twisted wonderland#twst#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#leona kingscholar#ace trappola#im dead lmfao my first twst purchase ever and it feels like a meme#i need to draw this with the its finally me and you and us and your friend steve audio#pls ignore the dust. this is a new display case i just built for my office (hence i had to get some of my bois for decoration)#and im cleaning
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2009 Malaysian Grand Prix - Red Flag - Mark Webber(ft. Fernando Alonso)
#feeling incredibly feral over sopping wet mark...#standard mark webber walking gif bcs his sexy waist...seriously...my god..#he is getting sooooo much camera time compared to everyone else#tho i think its bcs hes the gdpa director at this point in time so hes checking on everyone#(fun fact: apparently all the drivers except Kimi were part of the gpda at this time LMAO)#im not gonna be able to finish this race before it becomes the miami race wknd so i thought i might as well post these for now!#*i cheated and learned this race doesnt restart lmao#nevertheless these cant be grouped with the post-race as they arent technically the post race!#watching this was basically just me zoning out but then bolting up in my chair every time i saw a driver i like#ignore the little black bar at the bottom aaaahhhhh its late and i didnt crop well enough pls forgive me#mark webber#fernando alonso fa14#webbonso#2009 malaysian grand prix#2009 malaysian gp#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#season: 2009
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i love sapphic people so much we’re all so beautiful and deserve so much love i love you i love you i love you
#hiiii!#it is emotion time for me#listened to some of my favorite songs after midnight#im very emotional#i love you so much#i hate how many people interact with this blog#because i want to grab your faces and tell you how much i hope you’re happy#and how badly i hope you feel loved#i hope you read my posts and feel the love in them#it’s for you#i wrapped it up in all my silly little words and hit post l#and now i just get to live hoping someone could feel it#because i desperately hope they do#because you’re just like me and im just like you and we both deserve SO much from this world#@ future me u can delete this but i hope you’re still this in love with the world when u do#@ people who read all these tags srry it’s late and im having a cry sesh and a lot of emotions#pls ignore me
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how do you get a guy to realise you’re just not interested? like i can’t make it much clearer without it making my mornings at work awkward :/
#he just won’t fucking quit#i’ve tried being short with replies and like almost snappy even#and i’ve tried to show how im the same with other people so he doesn’t take it as flirting#and ive tried ignoring him#today he almost half asked for my number (it’s as awkward and fucking teen-y as you’re imagining) and i just went right no and blanked him#after that but i just feel like he’s going to keep going 😭#i can’t outright tell him to fuck off bc i literally see him every day through work#im debating making up a partner at this point to get him off my back#i just don’t see how he’s taking our interactions as encouraging at alllll#he calls me such degrading nicknames i get so mad#pls feel free to ignore this im just ranting to get it all out#stelle yaps
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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Charbee Prompts Part 7
(im going to number these now)
What if Bee never left the garage?
What if Charlie decided to not go to work
What if Charlie watched over Bee after the police chase?
Bee was never found. After a year of no results, the government got impatient and killed the Shatter and Dropkick and destroyed any trace of their presence, not even daring to use their technology out of fear of the Soviets getting their hands on them. The Autobots still arrive on Earth but Bee was missing, unable to be contacted and traced.
For the past seven years, Charlie and Bee were inseparable. Charlie didn’t want Bee to be cooped up all his life so after she went to trade school for auto mechanics, she decided to spend the next few years traveling the world with her best friend, taking side jobs as a mechanic.
While visiting a few countries in Europe, Bee sees the beacon from the transwarp key. Realizing that only Bee could see it, the two hopes that there are other people like him. Bee searches for any sign of the transwarp key and follows the sign to Peru. They look around and detects Cybertronian activity on two terribly disguised humans, Elena and Noah, sneaking through a parade and into an underground temple. Charlie follows them into the cave which the Autobots take notice.
After Noah and Elena finds the key missing, Charlie accidentally reveals herself and is held at gunpoint. Noah tells Mirage that someone followed them so Charlie runs away. Noah and Elena chase after her before all three being cornered by Primal. Mirage arrives, aiming his blaster at Primal and Charlie, who realizes that there’s more robots like Bee. When Mirage gets tackled, Bee comes rushing in to defend Charlie.
The rest of the Autobots arrive, overjoyed and shocked to see Bee alive but Bee doesn’t recognize them. Arcee scans Bee, realizing that he has no memory. Optimus assures Bee that they will come to no harm to Charlie and after some convincing, he alongside the Maximals stand down. Although, Bee is wary about the Autobots.
The bots reveal that Bee was a scout named B-127 and that their species in a middle of a war. Prime expects Bee to come back but Bee doesn’t want to leave, wanting to stay with Charlie. It starts tension that leads to an arguement that Charlie tries to calm down. Optimus, in his rage, blames Charlie which leads to Bee accidentally activating his gun out of protection and nearly shooting Prime. In his shock and fear, Bee storms away.
Bee apologizes to Charlie who knows that he didn’t mean to put her in danger. He feels a bit uncomfortable, wanting to go back to the status quo. Charlie says that Bee has to leave because he has people who needs him even though Bee doesn’t want to. Neither does Charlie but she doesn’t say anything.
The Terrorcons then attack and Bee helps fight them while the humans run away. Charlie sees Noah trying to destroy the key but she tries to convince him not to and confesses that she loves Bee so much that she wants him to return home. Optimus and Noah hears this and Noah changes his mind. Charlie and Elena gets captured by Airazor but while Elena gets dropped, Charlie is taken away.
Bee is furious but doesn’t want to fight, having no collective memory on how to. Optimus is understanding and allows him to sit out so they can save Charlie.
The usual fight happens. Scourge holds Charlie captive and Mirage saves her, telling her to run through the vents Noah and Elena are using. When Noah is caught, Charlie tries to protect him, leading to Mirage sacrificing himself for both of them. Mirage turns into a suit for Noah and gives Charlie a blaster to defend Elena with.
Bee is back with the natives and debates to go. He doesn’t want to be in a war but remembers Charlie’s words and at the same time, the Energon blast erupts, giving Bee his memories again. Bee arrives at the fight and the movie ends as usual.
Bee and Charlie both prepare to part ways, hugging and confessing, until Optimus says that the Charlie can help Noah rebuild Mirage, allowing her to stay a little bit longer.
#transformers#transformers rise of the beasts#bumblebee#charlie watson#noah diaz#charbee#rise of the beasts#rotb#transformers rotb#bumblebee 2018#charbee bad mood rambles#pls ignore the tags#this is just me ranting#im sorry#i hate how everyone in my family is miserable#i hate how everyone is dissensitized to their trauma#it should be a good thing but it hurts knowing you’re so used to pain that you can’t feel it anymore#i hate how i have a prosperous life but it’s not a good one#i want my family to be happy#so why does it feel like everyone makes it their mission to make everyone miserable#i hate it here#i feel useless#im the privileged one and i hate it#im a bully and i want to stop#my existence only hurts people#i can be as nice as much as i want and i still can’t do anything#my funeral will be only filled with people i have lied to#but im not strong enough to die#not yet
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WHO WANTS A DUMP OF PHOTOS IVE DRAWN/MADE SAY MEEEE!!! 😇😇😇😇
(This is also my excuse to share my ocs)
#atla#avatar the last airbender#ozai#atla ozai#zuko#iroh#atla zuko#fire lord ozai#uncle iroh#irohs wife#hakoda#my ocs#can u guys tell I’ve been on my grind#(im trying to ignore the urge to tweak out)#I didn’t tag ursa cuz I feel#like she’s unrecognizable#but that’s just me#tumblr pls don’t hide let the people see#OK BYEEE
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#i just need to vent abt this ok pls don’t yell at me or tell me im being ungrateful#but tfw u have almost 500 asks sitting in ur inbox and u literally don’t know what to do with them😀#the guilt that eats away at me because im not getting to what people say to me gets so bad sometimes#like you guys all have such great things to say and i want to be able to respond but there’s just such a large volume i get overwhelmed#and ive been so busy lately they’ve piled up bad#and ive even been missing ones from mutuals which i feel so bad about#im so sorry guys i really am like pls don’t abandon me im sorry ANDJJJSJ#and i just like. esp my regular anons i feel bad because i don’t mean to ignore you but stuff just gets lost#and the worst part is that if im spending hours on asks then im not writing fic#and im so behind on fic too#so. im not excelling in anything currently msdnskdjskdjskdjskdksks#el oh el#sorry i just needed that off my chest#i love u guys i appreciate you all seriously#delete later#🙏🙏🙏
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.
#sa mention#proship#fandom discourse#fiction is the closest i can feel to normal cos my severe ptsd irl makes me violent if strangers so much as brush up against me#we all handle it differently and yes i write utterly fucked up shit to desensitize myself & somehow managed to stabilized through the years#despite me still having my snappy “scary” moments if people touch me without permission and i punched a dude for standing too close to my#back. he was literally smelling me and i lost my shit and now im banned from that walgreens but meh#now im unloading in the tags but if you're an anti sincerely gfy cos y'all literally attack sa victims on here like its your day job#y'all also don't know the first thing about psychology cos guess who's a psychologist here??? yes this unhinged bitch that covers up like a#gothic church mommy and cusses like a trucker is an actual professional in the field. i studied thinking studying psychology would make me#cope better... it somewhat did help but i should have just gone to a therapist rather than bottling in a going to a freaking university#yes i troll and say fucked up shit on here. this is a social media for my fandom shit so i aint gonna act like the doc i was ages ago and#fiction actually can help some people (especially those like me who are still having violent ptsd eps affecting them) little by little#retake their lives back#there's other forms of therapy but not everything works for everyone and its ridiculous to put all victims under the same umbrella#and its condescending and ignorant af to expect all sa victims to be your perfect little victims of convenience and treat us like crap cos#not all of us fit your toxic narrative of attacking freaking fake people in a nonexistent fictional world.#i have friends that are sa victims that can't handle it in fiction but they know thats my mechanism. since im a now retired professional#i have done everything i can to help them cos yes there's multiple ways to help victims cope with this. even regression exercises help#but that's another thing#and it involves multiple sessions. i no longer practice but can teach people some techniques to regulate their emotions in high stress#situations cos the aftermath of sa is brutal regardless of how you cope with it#you'll need a support group to catch you when you can't handle it sometimes. you're not alone or broken. pls know this
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#ts4 render#sims 4 render#ts4 edit#my sims#simblr#sims community#back at it w the renders again#im also rly unsatified w my renders/edits these days😭#idk i wanna change the editing style im so bored of my current but idk whattt style i wanna do#and im struggling to even figure out what direction id like to take my blog in#i want a cohesive theme but i feel like i dont rly have one#its just so random lol#also pls ignore the terrible shadow issue around the lace#idk how to fix that#and i can't find any easy tutorials to follow😭#if anyone knows a fix tell me how. i'd love u forever lol
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the end of exams has been the biggest goal for me to get to for a couple of months but now it's here i'm realising everything is still awful even if i don't have to study for hours on end
#this is the inevitable post-exam exhaustion situation tbh#i told myself i'd sort it all out once they were over but i still can't respond to my parents. ventposting because my dad just tried to cal#btw#cant pick up#i'm so tired#just seeing his name on my phone screen makes me so scared and sad like i was all christmas but if i tell him that who knows what he'll do#probably shout at me#or tell me it's painful for him to hear and make me feel so guilty#or ignore me for a week then i'll worry he's dead#im so so scared that he thinks i don't want to talk to him or don't care and that's why i'm not responding#idk what he'll do if he gets too deep in that belief#and i want to respond and act all happy so he knows it's not true#but i can't#and my mum . :/#she's always been my mother who i love above anything else but now she's just a reminder of everything and i can't stand it#need to get away from them pls i wish i could tell them to leave me alone without the inevitable paranoia my dad will kill himself#and my mum will neglect herself#as she's admitted to doing because i didn't talk to her for 2 days#as i know my dad does too just because he doesn't care#and now i'm the worst person in the world because i can't reply and be all cheerful despite knowing these things#can't even chat to my housemates smh i fucked that up too#i'm too autistic to hold a conversation no matter how badly i want to#glad i'm not going out tonight wow#it would have gone SO badly#tw vent#i guess#got to stop this jfc
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for the vrains colour pallete, #177 and blue angel? no worries if the request is too late, absolutely no pressure, have a lovely day :)
Tysm!!!
#ok ok ok i genuinely am trying to say this in the nicest way possible#i just really wanna know why you picked this palette#was it to be festive? was it to challenge me?#im not even trying to be a hater i just want to know why there is multiple people out there who want blue angel without the blue#is it boredom of people drawing her the same way?#tysm again!#(also to everyone im saying this to. pls do not feel discouraged from submitting requests)#its just when u sit for hours drawing something u get curious yk#yugioh#vrains#aoi zaizen#skye zaizen#art#reblogs appreciated#IGNORE ME EDITING IT BTW. MY FRIEND SAID I FUCKED UP THE SHADING ON THE FACE SO I CHANGED IT
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man im not built for customer service jobs
#i dont even work much honestly#but 2 8hr shifts followed by 2 5hr shifts has rudely reminded me that i am disabled in more way than one#like i cant be going semi verbal in a cashier position#and standing still for hours on end with hypermobile joints is killer#also we're gonna ignore that for the last 3 shifts ive been having chest pain specifically right over my heart and in my arm#im sure its fine#summer itself has been absolutely fucking with me too just in a constant limbo with feeling low levels of sick cause of it#had to cancel my birthday plays halfway through cause of it#not to mention the lowkey dangerous combination that is intrusive thoughts mixed with tourettes#im actually fine this is fine im just fed up with working retail lmao#idc if im broke nexf year anymore i need to quit once uni starts again (if i get in)#anyways live laugh love#bedtime now before i gotta do it all again tomorrow#i hope its quiet#pls#personal
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You know you have a problem when you start RELATING to the song Waving Through A Window
#lol just wrote the sentence 'everyone gets sick of him eventually' and started spiralling because it hit too close to home#because my friend didnt text me back and because a different friend who I was always with walked into my common room said hi and ignored me#and don't get me wrong she was talking about me behind my back so I am trying to distance myself but fuck it hurt#im so tired of everyone getting sick of me#but i know its my own fault so i guess I can't complain#my social anxiety is so severe at the moment that i can't really handle much social interaction anyway#and I can't stop crying because I'm so sick of feeling this way#and i have my writing workshop tomorrow and I'm really scared#and the one person I want to talk to didn't text me back so now I'm scared to ask her for help#because I'm also riddled with guilt every time I go to her for help and I'm convinced she views me as a burden#BUT I MEAN THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE I'LL JUST COOK MY BURGER AND CALL IT A DAY#pls ignore this#personal#rambles#ramblings
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