#pls ignore me im ill and having a mental breakdown

[bp-zb1fics]

Somebody, arrest this man. - me currently

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey there ! anon with the abusive sister here. hope you're doing okay ! (if i've already sent in an ask pls ignore the last one—my memory is super bad rn and i cant really remember if i did or not-)

thank you so much for your kind words !! september went really well and she didn't show up ! i was a bit stressed, and did spend the first two days feeling incredibly sick from stomach cramps. on the bright side, i invited my friend down and spoke to her and her mum about the trauma and they both said that it sounds like i have ptsd (i trust them both on their opinions because my friend has ptsd from something in her childhood that affected her really badly, so she has first-hand experience about living with ptsd). they both suggested that i go to therapy, which i think my parents are warming up to, but we're all concerned about social services getting involved. we've had negative experiences with social services before, and we dont want them making a fuss of things. we're also worried that i might not be believed or that it will get downplayed as 'sibling rivalry.' although, sometimes my parents backtrack and downplay it themselves and say that it 'wasnt that bad' which really, really hurts. i've given up trying to explain how her abuse affected me and i dont really talk about it with my parents anymore, since my mum always brings up something from her childhood which was worse. sometimes i start to wonder if im making it all up for attention, and that my hatred towards her is distorting things...then i remember my lack of memories, a particular event when i was around 12/13 that terrified me, and a mental breakdown i had in the school locker room, in the middle of the day, because of the gaslighting text messages she sent me.

my sister's been causing trouble recently because it was my birthday in early december (the only birthday i can remember was last year's and the year before—i cut her off three months before that first birthday i can remember) and then it was christmas, so she wanted presents. she also changed her name to her birth father's name (we have separate dads, thank god) which upset my mum quite a lot. it didnt help that my mum's side of the family spent christmas together and never invited us down, which sucked and made us realise that, to them, my parents and i aren't very important to my toxic family members. i got over that pretty quickly, though.

i do have a question: how do i comfort myself when im triggered/feeling sad or overwhelmed from the abuse? my dog and rabbit died within three months of each other, and they were my main sources of comfort whenever things got too much or mental illness was too bad. now that they're gone, though, im finding myself feeling quite disconnected from reality—especially now that my rabbit is gone. everything seems more overwhelming then it did before. im not sleeping well, or im sleeping too much (either way im still exhausted when i get up) and i seem to be getting triggered more and more by physical touch and sounds.

thank you so much in advance !! have a nice day :D

Hi again! ❤️

I'm really glad your sister didn't show up during September after all, and really glad you had people around you who were understanding about your trauma.

I'm sorry your parents haven't been as supportive as they should be, though. It's awful that they try to downplay your abuse and tell you they went through worse. If your mum had experiences she considers "worse" than yours, then she should go to therapy herself so she can talk about them, and not use them to downplay your own experiences. Trauma isn't a competition, and what matters isn't who had it "worse". What matters is what each individual person needs so they can be safe and eventually heal and/or learn to live with their trauma. I'm glad you have proof of your sister's abuse that you can resort to when doubt starts creeping in. But just in case you need to hear it: no, you are not making anything up for attention. Your sister abused you.

Ugh, it sucks that she caused trouble again during Christmas and your birthday. It's great that you got over all of it quickly, but you shouldn't have to put up with her or any toxic family member's crap.

Also, I'm really sorry for your loss :( It's always hard to lose a pet, but I can't imagine how devastating it must be when they were your main source of comfort when triggered.

Here is a list of healthy coping skills you can check out. Since your pets used to help you, maybe you can try soothing yourself through touch, like using stuffed toys, blankets or soft clothes. They might have the same effect as holding your pets close did. Smells can also be very helpful; have you got any blankets that smell like them? Are there any other smells in general that you like and that you can carry around with you?

Something that can also help is to make an easily accessible list of things that soothe you as you find them. You can make it (and update it) when you're feeling fine, and that way, you'll be able to look at it when you get triggered and you won't have to come up with ways to soothe yourself when you're already in that state of emotional distress.

Alongside the list, you can even have an emergency box filled with things that bring you comfort, like soft toys, fidget toys, things that smell nice, or anything else you can think of that might distract you or make you feel better. When I made mine, I filled it with sticker sheets because stickers soothe me, and also with lists of all my comfort shows, movies and videogames.

Other than that, have you considered adopting another pet? It' might not be a possibility, but if it is, I think it could really help, since you already know that being near animals when you're triggered helps you calm down.

Hope some of this helps, and hope you're doing well. Sending a big virtual hug ❤

[zarovich]

mental health professionals are fucking incompetent, at least where i live

[virtual-luvr]

Not fair

Pairing: Sero x Reader

Pronouns: gender neutral; they/them

Warning: angst at first, if theres anything else i should tag as a warning pls tell me <3

Description: did Sero really not notice how much you liked him??

Note: this is defenetly not based off of my daydreaming before going to bed

------------------

Sero had his knees tucked to his chest, head held down so that nobody noticed the tears pricking from his eyes. Big droplets falling onto the fabric of his U.A uniform.

He is breath hitches hearing footsteps near him. He desperately hopes no one catches him, god, it be embarrassing if someone caught him crying.

He didn't want people to think of him as weak.

The footsteps suddenly stop and a figure is sat right in front of him

The figure crouches down and pats Sero's head

Sero looks back at the figure, tears streaming down his face still and he raises both his shaky hands to desperately clean his tears away.

"What's wrong Sero?" You say, tilting your head to the side, worried for your friend

You sit down in front of him, a small frown etched onto your face

"I-its nothing" he hics and stutters while standing up, trying to move his wobbly legs

You swiftly stand up with him and catch him when he's about to fall

"Please Sero talk to me, what's wrong?"

He just sighs, looking down at fiddling with his hands he only give you a small response saying, "its okay, i have to go to class"

And before you could utter out another word he's running off to his classroom.

The frown on your face is back and you grumble as you walk to your own classroom, dragging your feet against the floor.

Even through your whole lecture you were thinking about how you caught Sero in that state, you were seriously worried.

Walking out of the classroom your eyes meet with Ururaka and she gives you a kind smile. Waving at her you run your way over to her and say your greetings towards everyone else in the group.

"Hey Ururaka I need to talk with you"

She gives you a small "hm?" And you both walk somewhere more private other cooing and whistling seeing you both walk alone

Sero sees this and frowns, thinking just like the others that it was a confession and it makes him remember the reason why he was having that breakdown in the first place.

No one liked him, atleast not in that way. Or well thats what he thought.

Not like he'd tell anyone that though

That would be weird, wouldnt it?

Back to you and Ururaka

She softly gasps when you tell her the news, covering her mouth her eyes well up with small tears similar to how Sero was before. She hated seeing or hearing that her friends are sad and when you told her the news she almost broke down as well.

"Do you know why he was like that??" She asks while rubbing at her eyes

"Im not sure, he ran off before i could really ask. But i wanted you to know just in case you could maybe help. I've tried to talk to him these days but he's ignored me" you frown for the third time that day, by your own words at that.

Its really made you sad that he's been ignoring you.

She puffs out her cheeks, her eyes filled with determination, "dont worry (Y/N) ill make sure to find out whats the cause of it, just leave to me!"

And just like that shes off as well

You grab your backpack and hold on tight to it while walking to the cafeteria to get some food

--------------

Sero walked with his friends, head hung low and his usual smile was duller then how it normally was.

"Hey a little birdie told us they saw you crying, are you okay Sero?" Ururaka abruptly says

"What-?" Sero looks at her, chuckling nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck, a habit of his.

"They were really worried about you, did something happen Sero?"

He really felt cornered this time, all his friends waiting for his answer. He chewed on nails and gave out a sigh.

"Its just not fair" he says

"All you guys are so pretty, and smart. And your quirks are amazing and then there's just me with...tape"

They all stood shock and bewildered

Sero keeps on talking

"And ive seen so many people confess to you guys!! Ive never even gotten one confession, i feel like nobody like me in...that way"

He sat there, talking as if there clearly wasn't a person who had a crush on him,

When the person from the next door class has been crushing on him since the day they met.

As if you weren't around the corner listening to what he had to say

Did he really not notice your feelings for him?

You were sad to see him talk so bad about himself, you had never seen him act this way

"Are you an idiot?"

"I cant believe you said that in front of us, in front of (Y/N)!"

"What about (Y/N)?? They're not here--"

God he really was oblivious

"Im here Sero" you walk around the corner giving Sero a sad smile

"Oh (Y/N) hey-"

"Sero that's really not manly of you to say, we all love you, (Y/N) especially!"

You blush at Kirishimas comment, "hey stop it no need to tell Sero that"

"Tell me what?" Sero looks between the both of you, still oblivious to everything

Everybody mentally facepalms except you, they had enough of you both pining for each other without even noticing the others feelings

Ururaka and Kirishima push you closer towards each other and then everyone in group besides you two run away as fast as possible.

An awkward silence falls on the both of you

"Uhm-"

"Sero i dont know how you haven't noticed yet but i really like you please dont think that nobody likes you in that way because i do and have for a long time i mean you barely have any brain cells sometimes but thats okay because i dont either and your smile brightens up my day plus when you use your tape for pranks i find it really funny and-"

You stop your rambling, you didn't want to embarrass yourself just in case he didn't like you in that way

You look at Sero in the eyes and he smiles so brightly it makes your heart melt

There it is

The smile you fell in love with.

Small tears well up in the corners of his eyes and you inch your hands towards his face to wipe them away, but he grabs your face and pulls you toward him

Crashing his lips against yours he smiles into the kiss, you stumble a bit but try to stand your ground even while Sero has a death grip on your collar

"Ser- wAit- we're in pubLIC" you yell out in between kisses

You grab at the back of his uniform so you can at least pull him back from you to breath a bit but its useless, he keeps on kissing you and you receive small pecks all around your face.

"Im guessing thats an 'i like you back'" you say out of breath

"Hell yeah!!"

[1212 words; august/8/2020]

[victorshutup]

he/him or become the dirt i walk on

im a minor. i know im great and all but keep ur grubby adult hands from typing obscenities pls

dont yell at me im not afraid 2 cry

full time catboy (derogatory)

screwed up and had a cottagecore phase and now its my main oops

i have a lot of mental illnesses + trauma so i may go into breakdown mode here, ignore that

[chandrasphoenix]

ok fr i blog about this a lot on my personal but i'm mad enough to say this on my main blog right now

 it's. not hard. usually. (mostly. there are caveats ofc.) to let your friends know you care about them. n that they are important to you. n usually it's a simple thing like you just talk to them and such. esp. since. like. being on a virtual/digtal plane allows for ease. of access. (but also ease of isolation.) 

(having a wee bit of a breakdown, in case y'all were wondering. more whining and being stupid beneath the cut.)

so. it's difficult for me personally to engage people in conversation or join calls often bc im so desperately self isolating lately. is it hypocritical of me, then, to want that someone reply to my texts or messages over a long period of time? and not just like. a few days. more months -- despite me knowing in full that. everyone's. dealing with their own bullshit. particularly with my shitty grasp of object permanence or fear of abandonment bullshit. (u don't exist?? if u don't. talk to me. it's stupid.)

and like. it’s so cripplingly painful to feel like someone you idolise and value as a great friend doesn’t want to have anything to do with you - despite knowing that they’re likely just busy or handling their own things at their own pace. like. i feel like i need Too Much Validation and / or attention or something - i don’t feel like. my head is ticking correctly right now. 

its weird bc my self worth is tied so intrinsically to my ability to feel like im important/wanted. which is kinda the definition, but in this case almost certainly is a symptom of my mental illness, which locked in with tendency to Feel Too Much makes me a big fucking mess all the time. especially when i’m feeling undervalued or unimportant.

its easy to be like ‘hey just talk to ur pals!! they care’ when they do but its so fucking difficult to actually execute it. like. i dont think im a / v / p / d but sometimes the symptoms do align that way n i hate how its manifesting - how am i supposed to treat the narcissism n borderline desires to be loved if i shut myself away perpetually? asijflasfjalsfhalgijasljasf i hate everything i want to die (not in a death way just in a social way if that makes sense)

 tldr: ur friend alex is feeling down on themself bc being ignored n left on read is one of the worst things u can do to someone. (in their opinion.)

 anyways. thanks for reading i guess i'm. being dumb. help ur local mentally ill fucko feel better about themselves, pls be kind to me. im so fuckin tired.

[angel-nero]

11 questions...

I was tagged by @pureren @zaevran @glaspaladin @z-ayauitl and @kcgane ty so much !!! ♥

RULES: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

my questions…

1. what’s the worst piece of clothing you own?

2. what’s the coolest piece of uh fashion that is so cool you can’t even wear to go out? lol

3.- what book have you read that you feel it has been the worst?

4.- What’s the healthiest meal you actually like?

5.- do you love keith kogane? (or vld keith lmfao what u prefer to use)

6.- something paranormal ever happened to you? if yea, what?

7.- do you get jealous easily? with who? (friends, popular ppl, talented ppl, the s/m)

8.- what’s the cutest thing you own?

9.- what are your favorite crisps?

10.- do you have a favourite drink?

11.- can you tell im hungry? what hobby you wish you liked or wish you did?

i tag: @kukinta​ @kittyr0se​ @heirith​ @liesfromsatansbuttcheeks​ @sheith-love-always​ @acequeenm​ @blessedkeith​ @lukaspatel​ @ke1th​ @ace-pidge​ @keith8​ but only if you want to!

TESSA’SS AND!! TAMI’S QUESTIONS1!!!

1.  Do you connect with people easily?

mmm, I don’t becos im a very quiet person and can be w u w/o talking at all and I get overwhelmed by convos I don’t care about also it’s kinda hard to win my trust and also interest lol. I’m nice tho, i mite not be enjoying myself but i’ll forev b nice w u.  

2. Did something good happen to you this week?

uH yeah, i’m doing things to improve my health, i did my uni exam, im frEE, i finally don’t have to go to rEliGIoUs classes aNYMORE and UH,,, i got a diet to win weight and its cool i get to eat ESQUITE LMFAO. i will see my bffs in friday and i have browney mix there i should bake but im lazy

3. What’s the personality trait that annoys you most in other people?

When people pretend to like something just 2 b friends w someone or ME, do you know we can be total dif and maybe still b friends if u cOOL. Ass kissers, hypocrisy, LIES LOL. I don’t like fake ppl at all.

4. If you could participate in any existing tv reality show, which one would you choose?

The ones where they change ur style and buy clothes for u 2 love urself and do ur hair and make up and buy u xpensive undies. I loved that crap when i was in secondary school lmao

5. What’s something you’re insecure about?

That I can’t be in one place without wanting tofuckin run, the fact that i can’t eat w ppl at all, that i have to go to the fucken gYM

6. What’s your favourite way to hang out with friends?

:’)) well,,, i go to my bff’s house or they come. If im fine then walk around my neighborhood cus it’s nice ahaha anxiety am i rite. oKAY, even if i get anxiety i like ice skating, or roller skating, i have a lot of fun. My friend want us to go to this pixies concert and im like :(( boo i love u

7. What’s your favourite fic trope?

lol idk,,,,, pining? mutual pining? no pining and they getting to know therngs im melttin sTOP idk…… it depends on whAT shIP. I just know i’ll read any fake dating of my otp. idk idk duuuude i legit don kno. It’s not a trope but i love crunchy feelings, showefjsid fksjnj its hard to talk about this im sOrry

8. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve liked in the past?

hahahahahaha my crush

9. What do you consider to be the best period of your life?

When I was 14. I went to parties more than i go to them now lol, i drank and smokkd w who where my best friends back theN i know it’s whack. we used to go to roller skate? all the damn time and did sleepovers and everything was funny, we practically lived together and my friend that was 16 drove us to places lmao,, everything was so good. but like, dont imagine me too wild i only smokd like 5 cigs in my life and hookah and we even broke one.

10. What do you consider to be the worst period of your life?

mpghgg, when i turned 15,,, in the middle of it everythin went to shit to the actual date. But im trying to change that

11. How did you meet your best friend?

I met her,,,, 11 years ago. Look, I usually have best friends in pack. I have 3 bffs at the moment, one of them sat next to me in 2nd year of primary school. IDK how i got to actually know my absolute bff tho but we did a lot of weird shit. we also met in the same classroom and she was my bff back then. The third one was also a frind but not so much during those years. Later i changed of classrooms and shit and bonded more when I was 14 w 6 friends and those r i did crazy shit w but we got separated and stopped talkin and they invited me to the club a week before my uni exam but i was high on meds and sick af. and never replied also going to meet em again at the club makes me nervous af tbH…. I have had a lot of super close friends in my life wTf. In my new school i have also 7 friends that r super close.And we’re also a pack of bffs. I actually had a hard time to use the word bestfriend lol, not bc of me havin a lot or anythin, i was just emo i guess

BEX’S QUESTIONS YOo

1. What’s the strangest nickname you’ve ever been given?

:))))))))))))))))))))))))) gabhole, gabaloney, TETI THAT SOUNDS LIKE TITTY. now ft Aztec secret 

2. Do you like to gossip?

UMMMMMM,, i dont like to listen to another ppl judging someone, I hate it and i normally tell them to stop. it depends i guess

3. Are you afraid of the dark? um,,, no but i dont like it lol

4.Have you ever been stung by a bee?

no, but i steppeddd on one. I also was pickin a tree and till this day i dont knoW wTF it was but i had something big in my middle finger and it fucken hurt like a bitch and i had A BALL on it UGHHHHH I HATE BUGS

Bigfoot or mothman? fucking none

Do you trust anyone with your life? i mean, idk

Do you have any habits you wish you could break? yEAH, to stop tweeting my mental breakdowns is one lmao. 

Would you go ghost/alien hunting? 

both tbh, who wants to break into abandoned houses w me, i live in front of one,,, i mean not so infront but in the row of houses infront of me lmao english whO? dude rosetta stoned by tool is my aesthetic, alien stuff. bex listen to it pls

Best pickup line? (you’ve heard or used on you/you’ve used)

u r the best chair *proceeds to sit on em* keith to shiro probably

Mint or fruit gum?

I dont like gum much cos it makes me hungry or thirsty. I also drink too much soda to fuck w mint stuff :(( say that to the mints i bought lol :( i only eat halls or gum bc im nerves w ppl so they stopped bein a thing i enjoy for me lol. i do that since im like,,, uh,,, idK 15. it fuckd my stomach

What do you want to be remembered for?

I mean if I have to pick and b unrealistic, for art maybe,,, or for the thing i end up working with, like architecture or somethin. Art, def art cus i like art so much

ZURI’S QUESTIONS!!!

1.-if you had to chose one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be? 

I MEAN THIS QUESTION IS THE DEVIL I GET TIRED OF EVERYTHING TO THE POINT I DONT WNAN EAT ANYTHING I WILL JUST IGNORE IT SSAYS ONE AND SAY MEXICAN FOOD

2.- what are you most afraid of? Mental illnes and being ill and living 

3.- do you have a favorite place to visit?

I mean,,,, i love walking in the center? centre? of my city bc is like going to another place. Is also fucking Cuba in there. Everyone says that, my dad asked a cuban marine he met if it was true and he said it was ‘’ the fackin same’’ So its like,,, travelling in time and places. also the beach and the port.

4.- what type of weather you enjoy the most?

I need the sun, otherwise i get sad… i like cloudy w sun. I just like to go out in the afternoon tho lol so like,,, sun pls so the sky can turn pinkish

5.- do you have a rare ability like dislocating your thumb or moving your eyes really fast?

i move my tongue real real fast and also can do the cherry knot thing and uh i can like, be aberrantly stupid too. hey but dont fuk w me and bother me 4 bein stupid, i will fist fite u and i mite b stupid but i will also mite think u r stupid if i don like u so fuk off. Dam,,, i get like, bothered so easy LOL like, think u r better than me and i’ll fist fite u LMFAO WHY THO I SUK, but like, if not bothered, i think of everyone as my equal… wow this was not the question

6.- do you think it would be easier to create one universal lenguage or an accurate translator? nO… dont delete culture like that,,, an accurate translator mite come in handy u kno but like, some languages have words that don’t exist in others so like :-/

7.- is there something that soothes you no matter what? um no i wish

8.- favorite piece of clothing? boots and thights

9.- is there a song stuck in your head right now? YEAH dig down by muse i love it, every1 says it sUCLks but i can’t stop listenin to it

10.- why is your favorite animal your favorite animal? i don play favs but i love the honey badger bc of this pleas fuckin watch it and THIS

11.- morning person or late riser? Oh,, i cant wake up to save my life so late riser

SUNNY��S QUESTIONS!!!

1. do you have any plushies? a LOT but im like,,, they r in my wardrobe and i luv em but like,,, they’re all gifts,,, did u kno one of my past bffs bought me a dino for christmas?

2. have you ever walked out the cinema before? 

Yeah, i love drive’s aesthetic and Ryan gosling a lot but is SO boring so idk if my friends and I got kicked out or we prefered to get out to talk haha. 

3. if you could have a mascot what would it be and why?

A CHINCHILLA, they’re a irl pokemon and they r so cUTE

4. what would your theme song be? kool thing, sonic youth maybe or is she weird by pixies. All Over the world by pixies too lol

5. do you have any phrases or sayings you find yourself coming back to often? not really, im so bad at remembering sayings and quotes

6what’s the nearest object to your right? a book called azul by ruben dario

7. would you rather live in the big city or out in the middle of nature? 

Big city forever. I love high? buildings a lot. I dont do that well in the rural life lmao 

8. are you working on any creative projects right now (fic/art/music/photography/ect) Nope at all and das sad cus i should b doing art lmao

9. what’s your favourite movie score? idk what is score… but the soundtrack of trainspotting is one of my favs… oh but score… aghgsdhaj any tarantino movie tbh or wes anderson movie… or before I disappear or demolition oR southpaw or the girl w the dragon tattoo

10. i say vol you say….? uuhhhhh,,,,,  vol….tron??? (ICONIC, I MELT, I LVOE HIM)

[amanda-online]

my fav thing is when someone unfollows me Right After i post the most personal details about my trauma or mental illnesses or whatever the fuck i dont blame u i blame myself and i know deep down im angling for ppl to abandon me anyways so then i'll have no one left to pretend they care about me but i always at least Try to wait an hour or so before i unfollow someone bc of their post if it is obvious to me they are hurting and crying out.. anyways im having a breakdown rn and im really sorry just ignore me pls