#pls i aint hating on sahms

[did-we-imagine]

Not a lawyer, but as a north african person, religious/conservative opinions aside, I feel that someone saying they don't want to marry their SO ever is a redflag. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Marriage normally secures both partners' rights esp the SAHMs...

However, I highly advise women NOT to put their careers on hold while men accumulate wealth and assets in GENERAL, and PARTICULARLY in my country/countries with similar laws, the assets aren't split evenly and while you can get some financial support, it will be meager (more commonly child support, alimony is not as easy to get, and many men will drive the wives to FILE for divorce to renounce their rights to financial support by them 🙂), AND you are only entitled to assets that you LEGALLY own (have boughy by yourself or the spouse declares that it is a shared property when acquiring it) though you may stay in the house (as long as the kids are minors, you aren't its owner), and btw, even this the men begrudge and resent lol. Obviously, cohabiting is not even an option here (illegal), but I guess in western countries it's definitely the less financially/socially beneficial variant of marriage. There is a reason why marriage is more secure than unmarried cohabiting in general.

I've seen women complain that their SOs refused to marry them even after having kids and spending 5 years+ together. I don't think that it's insane on these ladies' part to question their partners' intentions, despite their claiming that marriage is just a paper blah blah blah. If marriage really is just a meaningless piece of paper, then why don't you want to sign it? What is it going to change...? Imagine laboring emotionally and physically, enabling your other half to reach a certain level of material comfort and then being ditched with 0 claims to any of it.🤡

It's funny how those who wear rose tinted glasses will call me a cynical materialist or whatever, BUT it's the truth, and I'd fucking rather you know it right now rather than 20-30 years down the road as you get kicked out because the other person is leaving for a "younger/hotter" sugar babe OR they end up dying & their fam takes everything, leaving you in the dirt

My concluding 2 cts: if you are in a serious relationship that might result in marriage, consult a local lawyer to write a pre-nup, know your rights/duties, AND assume that the worst COULD happen, don't let the butterflies in your stomach tell you otherwise. People change. People can have bad intentions they HIDE until they get what they want. If someone refuses this and plays mindgames by questioning "your trust in them", run for the fucking hills because they are guilt tripping you lol. Being a SAHM long term is a very risky gamble IMO esp if the marriage laws don't guarantee you a minimum of the assets (just 20-30% is good, considering my country's law doesn't even do this) OR you aren't married, and even without assuming the worst of the breadwinning person, in the event of their death...How will you fare after 10+ years out of the job market, with very likely little qualifications or OLD ones?

this might be because I’m a family law lawyer and also an old crone who remembers when marriage equality wasn’t a thing (as in, marriage equality only became nation-wide two months before I went to law school), but I have Strong Feelings about the right to marry and all the legal benefits that come with it

like I’m all for living in sin until someone says they don’t want to get married because it’s ~too permanent~ and in the same breath start talking about having kids or buying a house with their significant other. then I turn into a 90-year-old passive-aggressive church grandma who keeps pointedly asking when the wedding is. “yes, a divorce is very sad and stressful, but so is BEING HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ENTITLED TO EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF MARITAL PROPERTY, CAROLINE!”