#pls exusce my crisis

[comfy-fae]

i want to be feminine so badly. i want long, beautiful hair. i want that attraction of eyes. i want the stunning beauty of being connected to the earth though my womb. i want to be the creator of life, all wrapped inside. but every time i try, something screams inside of me that it’s not true. that i hate being seen a female and being told i’m a girl. that i just want to be a creature. no parts. only a body trying to move through life like an old ghost in a house. i feel it eat at my insides like a dog choking on food. i feel a nest of tangled thorns and limbs and dead plant matter. i don’t know what i want to be. maybe i just want to exist somewhere between male and female. tuck myself into that corner as a child would at bedtime, all cozy with a blanket. i’m scared i’ll never know…