#plenty of lords who have kids they want lloyd to marry

[sunflowercider]

Sometimes (frequently) I think about the fact that the only examples of married couples in TGED are of the count and countess (mushy. super in love. embarrassingly sweet couple) and fucking Verkis (you dont see his wife. hes excited shes gone. communicating with her is a chore.)

[lorainelaneyblog]

‘I want to talk about this God, I just want to.’

‘What’s that, Loraine?’

‘I want to talk about how many guys I owe sex to, courtesy of the Canadian government.’

‘Why is that, Loraine?’

‘You make up your mind to stay home, because everything goes crazy when you go out. So there you are staying home, and you have decided to become a prostitute, because when you do go out, somebody and a friend wants you, and you want it, so you do it, and then you are on your own again, so there you are now, getting paid to stay home. And that’s what you’ve always wanted, was to stay home.’

‘How many apartments in your lifetime, Loraine?’

‘You’re taxing me, God.’

‘Do them, Loraine.’

‘First I moved to a house, with a university student, who was caring for his parents house in the city. Then I moved to my own apartment (one). After that, I went to Mom’s and she helped me find the apartment in Marpole (two). After that, I stayed with a friend, and then went travelling, and rented an apartment in Spain. After that, I moved in with two men, who were relaxed, pot smokers who didn’t clean the bathroom. After that, I moved in with [ ], into the house where we started a grow op. Here, by now, I’m 29. 

‘I next moved into an apartment in a white house, in Kitsilano. Then I decided to become a prostitute. The landlord was always around, as they ran the Kinko’s next door. There were many car alarms at the time. I had a front door and a back door. I took some naked photos there. There are some with me in a strap on, too. I was feeling bisexual at the time. Strap ons come in handy, in the absence of men. I was very possessive of women. And I don’t care. On the other hand, my life has been very boring, with few exceptions. 

‘I had to leave, she knew me too well, and knew that, I would imagine, there were no men coming and going, so I had to move again. There was sun on the back porch and I grew lovely geraniums.

‘It was a rooming house, because I had, upon undertaking this life event of prostitution, quit my job at a church. I was a church secretary at the time, my mother helped me to get the job, and apparently I interviewed well. It was fun, but I still was short on rent and weed money. I didn’t do any hard drugs at the time. The rooming house gave rise to one night of cocaine, like forty five dollars worth, which I shared with a roommate. She commented on my lingerie hanging to dry. Another woman gave me a black dress in which I made good money at the massage parlour, downtown Vancouver. 

‘Soon I was able to move into a studio apartment. I once lost my keys and met the very pretty Chinese owner, though I believe it was also her father’s building. It was excellent, but small. So next, dating [ ], my transsexual girlfriend, I decided to move in together. I cried one night, without knowing why. The only thought in my head was that I was moving in with her.

‘Next, she left me. My father said, “Not even married couples pay that much in rent,” and, though I would have finally had enough room for a massage table, in a bright and sunny room, soon enough, a week before the rent was due, the landlord was yelling my name in the hall, asking for rent. The property manager came once, and God tells me that he said, “this is the girl that you’re fighting with?”

I moved into a one bedroom again, from the high rise, with an elevator, and three washers and dryers. It had mirror doors on all the closets, and I was an idiot, I asked the land lady to paint over a feature wall. I like blue. I knew, and I mean, I knew, the couple that lived there before, we drank Orange Crush one night. They were gay and the younger man cut my hair. He died of HIV and hepatitis, and once he laughed at me, and I knew, did I know God?’

‘Yes, you knew, Loraine.’

‘--laughed at me for being a whore. And I abandoned his partner.

‘He dyed my hair blue red once, and it looked terrible. But it gave rise to the copper blond that I’m still with today.

‘I was almost evicted, and, again, the land lord yelled my name in the hall. We went to arbitration and I was told that if I was a prostitute, I would have to leave. The landlord suggested that I stop being a prostitute, but, though I was mostly a hand job girl, which, I predicted, and without ever corroborating it, I decided not to stop being a prostitute.

‘I decided to move to the downtown east side. I thought there would be a better chance of clemency there. And I thought a Chinese landlord, as it turned out, property manager, realtor, etc. was a better bet.’

‘That was the loft, with repletious halogen lights and no actual bathtub, which lasted only around sixteen months, because, and I hated it the whole, entire time, because the building, concrete buildings are like this, conducted the bass without the lyrics and treble. Annoying. I warred on either side, and took the low road. And then a dormant construction sight came to life. The dormant construction sight was only a stone’s throw away. 

‘This is off topic. I had a construction salute there. What is a salute, God?’

‘A salute, Loraine, as you know, is when a group of men approve of something, and turn to creating an organization for a moment’s time. It is an organization of men who agree similarly. And that is what a salute is, Loraine. And Loraine Laney has had three. One in construction. One in the prison. And one in hockey. And she likes to say it was the minors. Because she likes to say it was the Brandon Wheat Kings. That’s what she likes to say, on the ether,’ says God.

‘What was the construction one?’ asks 50 Cent.

‘Let’s ask.’

God says, ‘They admired her work in the journal. And they realized she wasn’t whoring, because, honestly 50, they could see everything into the window, because there were inadequate blinds. And, when Loraine saw the salute, she realized she had to improve her permeability and immediately, she hung curtains, which they also noticed, and approved of.’

‘Loraine.’

‘Yes?’

‘Remember the brothers?’

‘Yes.’

‘They love you still.’

‘Have they found love?’

‘Yes, they say. With one woman. We are two on ones together. And we love it.’

‘Do you live together?’

‘We’re working on it.’

‘Yay.’

‘You want women to be cared for within parameters of polysexuality, this is what is coming through, Loraine.’

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s hazy, isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘It’s true, Loraine.’

‘Thank you. Who is this little chicky.’

‘She’s fun.’

‘Do her parents approve?’

‘They love us, Loraine. Let’s leave it, Loraine.’

‘Okay. Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome, Loraine.’

‘What is this call they are referring to?’

‘She, the construction workers talk to the police a lot, because they are on the street, and because they are responsible for noise complaints. And there were plenty, let me tell you. The industrial belt sander was the worst of it. But there was a collectivity of metal scraping that amounted to deafness. Lots of men lost their hearing, Loraine, as did you.’

‘Yup. I was working for us both, trust me. I can’t lose any more men. It disgusts me.’

‘To work and war?’

‘That’s right.’

‘We loved her for it. We loved her, 50 Cent. We loved her. And we saluted her daily in our silence prior to the industrial belt sander which would run a couple of times a day.’

‘This was later though.’

‘Yeah. The call, 50, was simply a phone call to the owner of the construction company, which lasted about fifteen minutes.’

‘It was a long soliloquy of complaining, 50 Cent. She just whined about the light, and that was it. She said she had a horrible Christmas, and all she wanted was to home to a peaceful environment, and smoke some weed, and we ruined it. Over Christmas, we decided, and we decided this, Loraine, to torture you with the light. And that’s it.’

‘Oh. And, at one point, and I was there for it, and they were pissing themselves, 50, I played Bitch, Get In My Car really loudly.’

‘Funny, Loraine. I had not heard that. We will finish with your apartments, but you have a twenty dollar appointment with an old friend.’

‘You are right, my love. How could you think you looked gay in that picture. I didn’t think so.’

‘I tried to look gay because I was irritated. Same as you tried to be a slut, because you were irritated.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘A gang bang boy was supposed to come see me. I cried on [ ] a couple of days ago, and he was supposed to organize for me.’

‘Pimp you.’

‘Were you sad?’

‘A little, Loraine.’

‘But you’re not going to do it?’

‘I don’t think so, Loraine. But I will pimp my wife for you.’

‘Good boy.’

‘Why don’t you think that is funnier, 50 Cent?’

‘The song?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Because I don’t get it, Loraine. Why would you tell that you loved me so much, in my music.’

‘You’re funny. What?’

‘I’m not even kidding, Loraine. You made yourself out to be easy for nothing, Loraine.’

‘This is relative. I was easy, 50 Cent. I am easy, 50 Cent.’

‘Relative to what?’

‘Sorry. What a woman should be? How many clients would I have had by now?’

‘More, Loraine.’

‘Oh. But I would have had you and Lloyd and maybe Eminem to take care of me.’

‘That’s right, Loraine. But this group has grown, Loraine.’

‘I will say this. The song was innocent. I only realized what I had done by their reaction. To me, it was 50 Cent speaking to me as a whore. It was comforting.’

‘Oh, you’re funny, Loraine. Go get ready.’

‘K.’

‘50 wants to say something.’

‘Why Bitch, Get In My Car? That’s the harshest of all my songs, Loraine. What did you think would happen.’

‘I thought it over, and I thought it was sweet, to ask hookers to get in your car. That’s what you do when you want a hooker. And nobody was asking me to get in their car. I was lonely.’

‘There’s a poem about it.’

‘Yeah.’

‘K. Just wondering.’

‘God?’

‘Yes, Loraine.’

‘What percentage of women, and what percentage of hookers loved, Bitch, Get In My Car?’

‘You’re funny, Loraine. One hundred percent of hookers, escorts, of all races loved Bitch, Get In My Car, Loraine. They loved it, Loraine. It sold like crazy and many women would ask their boyfriends to buy it, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.’

‘Oh, I see,’ 50 Cent says. ‘I see, Loraine. You loved it.’

‘Right.’

‘I see. I never thought to ask that. How many women, Lord?’

‘None, 50. It was a rap anthem to hookers, 50 Cent. How many tried to get you over that?’

‘A lot,’ he says. ‘And I was too busy, Loraine.’

‘They call, you answer.’

‘For awhile, Loraine. And then I realized it would never stop, so I stopped. And the twenty woman gang bang was unrelated, Loraine. It came later, after my marriage. Yes, Bitch, Get In My Car was during my marriage, Loraine, and she hated it. She hated it. She smelled--’

‘I did, Loraine. You are the woman for 50 Cent, I am telling you. I don’t know a single black woman who would put up with this shit, Loraine. You are the one and only in every race, we feel.’

‘Wow. Whoa. Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome, Loraine. You are superlative for this. He need someone like you. He does, Loraine. He’s crazy, Loraine. He’s crazy, Loraine. He asked me to do shit I would never have done, and then, behind his back, I found myself doing them, Loraine.’

‘Were you ever scared of men?’

‘Always, Loraine. It placated my jealousy and that’s why I did it.’

‘Oh.’

‘Do you understand?’

‘Yes, jealousy and promiscuity, yes, I do. I wouldn’t want to be a wimp with 50 Cent, but evidently I’m innocent enough for him.’

‘You love it now.’

‘Well, years and years and years of being ahead of men, teaches you that it is somewhat unpleasant to be ahead of men.’

‘I agree now.’

‘But I was there. And I get it. What are you?’

‘A marrying woman, Loraine. I would have had one man a year and been happy, but he needed much more, and he spoke of it, and it tortured me, so I cheated, and made myself unhappy too.’

‘Oh.’

‘You don’t know what to say, do you? Is it the audacity?’

‘It’s the fearlessness which stuns me. I was always very afraid of men.’

‘Oh, I see. Why?’

‘My dad was a bit of a tyrant. And I thought the higher men were worse than the lower men, so I shied away from my type, which, ironically, it comes out now, had a much higher tolerance for female promiscuity.’

‘He does, Loraine. He loves it. Watch out. He’ll get you. Yes, I would have had more fun with him there, Loraine, but it didn’t satiate the jealousy, Loraine.’

‘We’re on the wrong side to understand this, 50.’

‘I know that, Loraine. We talked and annoyed people, and barely acted on it, but the jealousy of the numbers was established.’

‘Yup.’

‘Let’s go on. Do you want to ask her, Loraine?’

‘I wasn’t scared. I knew he would never hurt me. He was sending a message about women who withhold their children. And I won’t now.’

‘What about now, though?’

‘I know, Loraine. But the die was cast. Our agreement says there has to be a woman in the house. And yes, I know that you and Jesus have a reputation as ideological pedophiles, but I also trust God now, I am a three already, and Eminem’s wife is a three too. We’ve both stopped slutting and we talk occasionally, and we’re doing much better. We feel better about ourselves, Loraine. When, etherwise, 50 Cent--’

‘Are you jealous?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘Not because you’re pretty, just because you had him.’

‘Oh, I see. I didn’t want him. I wanted smaller men, Loraine. I think I might be a two on one, Loraine. And his poly intrigued me because I thought I could get that with him, but I never loved his penis, it was too big for me, mouth and pussy, Loraine. Ironic, isn’t it, Loraine?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘What’s ironic is we’ve been a big dick culture for so long, and woman are pining for different things. This two on one is fascinating to me, because you, you, you, always want to have sex with both men, that’s anal sex, every night.’

‘That’s right, Loraine. That’s right, Loraine. And I’ve heard that [ ] is the same, and that [ ] has never been fulfilled, despite her size being appropriate. He needs more submission and she needs lower men.’

‘Yeah. It’s weird.’

‘Why?’

‘The fact that the dominance and submission scale starts at each end, and moves towards the middle.’

‘What do you mean, Loraine?’

‘It means that the most submissive woman, needs the most dominant man.’

‘It makes sense, says God.’

‘What am I?’

‘All women are submissive.’

‘I talk about my men being more subservient to me. Loraine talks about extreme domination, the group, and dirtier sex.’

‘Oh, I see. So that asshole stuff that 50 Cent wanted from me, is conducive for you?’

‘I’m scared of mess, but yeah, in theory.’

‘So you’ll do it, Loraine. Because he needs it.’

‘I do want to. I will. I need to.’

‘For yourself.’

‘She loves it,’ says 50 Cent. ‘Let’s leave this boring chatter, Loraine. I loved her once, but it is over, though she is beautiful and all my friends are calling you ugly, Loraine. Except the ones who have had sex with you on the ether. They love you, Loraine. They love you. Neil can’t believe you’re so smart and not all feministy. He thought he would have boring line ups with you, and play the field for excitement, Loraine. Now he feels, as we all do, that the home will be the exciting place and the field will bring us up to par with you, Loraine.’

‘I know.’

‘Explain.’

‘Just that you need to stay ahead of me, as men. I understand. And I will have the whole family, and you will have only me. And as heterosexual polygamist peripherees, your orientation is primary to women, so there will be numbers of women. And that’s what I understand.’

‘And you enjoy that, Loraine. People think you are strained by this.’

‘Who?’

‘People, Loraine.’

‘That would be awfully selfish. I have to ask, how, with a line up, are you going to keep my numbers low.’

‘You’re funny, Loraine. I have about a hundred men on the ether who want one time with you. And you, Loraine Laney, do not understand men at all. They want you, Loraine. Even with a condom. They just want you, Loraine. They have been listening and they think you’re sweet, and they want you, and some want to hit it and quit it, and some want you to be their hooker, and they don’t care if you’re boring or if you’re not into it, they like you, Loraine.’

‘Okay. I’m always surprised at the level of boring men are willing to accept in me. I’m not trying to be boring. Am I bored?’

‘You’re bored, Loraine,’ says 50 Cent. ‘God? Is she bored or boring? Because she’s never had a line up, even [ ] had one, and she loved it, Loraine. She loved it, she told me.’

‘Really?’

‘She had me though. And I was rampant at the time, Loraine. I was doing about fifty fans a week, Loraine.’

‘What is it with that sex drive?’

‘I don’t always come, Loraine.’

‘How many times?’

‘Several, Loraine.’

‘I thought the line ups started after your wife.’

‘They did, Loraine. This was one by one, Loraine, as whores, Loraine. And she was losing it, Loraine. I would come home and tell her and she would freak out, Loraine. And she smelled worse and worse and worse, all the time. But, because I was so rampant myself, I forgave her infidelity, never having heard, as you did, from your brilliant therapist, about the dignity of honesty.’

‘Dignity. It hit home, yes, it did. As well as the designation, negative, of course, being nothing but an opinion, the notion of which I developed in the book as being untrue, because of the suffering of men and women alike, and yet, as I looked upon it, and now I know you, I understand what she meant, and it changed me. I’m nothing to you. And it pleases me immensely. I hate the feeling of being ahead of men all the time. I hate it.’

‘What happens with that, I have to know.’

‘It emasculates them, and makes me, as a woman, extremely uncomfortable. I don’t want to hear about their lack of experience, and yet they will tell you, almost, sometimes, proudly.’

‘Why proudly?’

‘As though, 50 Cent, they have somewhat or partially saved themselves for you, and you know your numbers are too high. You know you’re out on a limb.’

‘Even with prostitution, Loraine.’

‘50 Cent, please. Do not underestimate the terror you wreak in men.’

‘I said I was gay, and they laughed, Loraine. They were less scared.’

‘You were kind.’

‘You’re funny, Loraine. Why were they less scared, Loraine?’

‘Let’s theorize. Eighty seven percent of men have bisexual fantasies, God?’

‘That’s right, Loraine.’

‘As a prostitute, I was always afraid men would kill me for numbers. And, it’s safe to say, all men are afraid of being killed for gayness.’

‘True, Loraine. How is that a theory, Loraine.’

‘I know you’re teasing me.’

‘Let’s go on with the apartments.’

‘I love you gay, by the way.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. It’s so satisfying. Let’s go on.’

‘Why, though?’

‘No, nothing, just sexually satisfying, that’s all.’

‘Oh, I see. Go on then.’

‘Soon enough, I was being stalked by [ ], two apartments ago by this time. The rocks hit my window three times a day, morning, noon, and night.’

‘How did you get there at noon?’

‘I retired for awhile, hearing about the repercussions of working with paint, and I couldn’t afford the rent, and my dad paid it, not realizing what I was up to with you.’

‘I’m glad for this opportunity, to say to you etherwise and on the internet that I’m sorry for pressuring you. I know, because of the work I did on the book, that this is the work of a woman, to maneuver men into relationship, with discontent, etc. However, I feel I over did it, and I picked the wrong man.’

‘What do you mean? [ ]?’

‘No. I mean, I had no business dating an innocent, and, for all your cheating, I did not, because you lied, realize that you weren’t an innocent. Regardless, with the information I had, I misstepped. I want to clear something up now which I thought was funny and weird and a drag, I never asked [ ] to tell her mother that I was a hooker.’

‘She said you did.’

‘Wrong. I asked [ ] to tell her mother that she was dating a girl.’

‘Oh, really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Sorry, Loraine. I made a mistake.’

‘That’s what I thought it was, a brief, drunken?--’

‘Of course.’

‘Conversation.’

‘She asked me to tell my mother I was dating a hooker, and I couldn’t, Loraine.’

‘And I couldn’t date a younger man, whose mother didn’t know.’

‘Why?’

‘I wanted to be vetoed, I think, before the shit came down.’

‘Vetoed.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So we would break up.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘I knew I was wrong for dragging a young man, and you will probably agree, you were just a little douchebag still.’

‘I was, Loraine. Let’s go on.’

‘K.’

‘So, with construction, the hated loft, and a stalker, I moved to a higher apartment, six blocks away. I stood and looked at him, in the window of my new apartment, the proprietor of an underground poker club and understand now that he pitied me.’

‘I did, Loraine. I knew you were moving into hell, and I felt bad. And, if you think the Chinese weren’t in on your blog, you are wrong, Loraine. We knew of you too. And the hookers hated you for coming out the way you did, Loraine. We all did, Loraine, in Chinese culture. We, the men, wanted this from the women, and they wouldn’t, Loraine. Do you know how many times we called hookers, Loraine? Many, many, many, times. And they would come to a hall, it’s called, an underground apartment with a poker or hooker club, Loraine.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘The hall with several men, and pretend not to be hookers until the money came out, Loraine. We knew the drill, Loraine.’

‘Like a companion service?’

‘That’s right, Loraine. I would see them in the small bedroom, which you know well, and others would too. And you would never have done that, with your fear of men, it was one at a time, and we knew you were good for it, being Chinese, we had seen it time and again, Loraine. Chinese men call hookers, Loraine. They do, Loraine. They call them in groups, unlike white men, so, when we went to the wine bar in Gastown, there they would be, Loraine. They tried to date us, and we hated them, compared to you. A few hours of lies and we hated them, Loraine. We had seen the damage to our fathers, not knowing why, of reputations past. When your book first came out, we cheered, Loraine. We cheered, we actually cheered, Loraine, in my poker club, which I took somewhere quieter, Loraine. That’s what I do, to this day. I’m smart and I’m business oriented and I’m bad in jobs. I hate them, Loraine. I’m independent.’

‘I’ve had four speed pills.’

‘I did that too.’

‘I bet you did. You weren’t getting much sleep during the day.’

‘Which brings us to the material which was released by the police some years later, Loraine. That shit got around like crazy, Loraine. The Chinese men were so happy, they thought they would die. And women returned in droves, Loraine. And moreso when they realized that the book was famous, Loraine. They confessed to their white men, and were dumped, Loraine. And the Chinese men were waiting with open arms, Loraine, knowing, as we did, about the Chinese tradition of keeping silent on women’s pasts.’

‘Yeah. Awesome.’

‘Why?’

‘I missed the white men so much.’

‘How did you know?’

‘Well, jealousy is a bitch, and the Chinese men of Vancouver know this well, so, by force of will, I looked at these couples, and was very surprised to see a prurient interest remaining in the eyes of men.’ 

‘Oh, I see, so you deduced that it was something else that took them away, and you really weren’t going to publish that?’

‘No.’

‘Why? You have now.’

‘Yeah. I didn’t want to hurt the little Chinese girls, in case I was wrong. It was a bitter diatribe.’

‘That’s what we heard.’

‘Yeah.’

‘What do you make of this?’

‘Now? You must realize that the Chinese tradition of female fidelity following marriage is inadequate for dealing with women’s desires.’

‘That’s true.’

‘Faultless, when you study it closely.’

‘True, Loraine. Let’s move on.’

‘Let’s be brief. That apartment lasted about three months. I spent two thousand dollars hanging curtains. There were flanges, which is, Lord?’

‘A Chinese trick to disguise development, Loraine. She didn’t see the high rises going in.’

‘How did you know it was her?’ asks 50 Cent. ‘Moving in, I mean. She knew the building, but you didn’t know where she was coming from.’

‘I’ll stop you right there. I knew her. She was already famous, 50 Cent. And really, really, didn’t realize it. Even among cops, because they would come to me sometimes, and we talked about her once. I never was arrested because underground poker clubs are not illegal, they are contrary to business, and against by laws, at the time, as a client based, home based, business. But they could exactly arrest me. But we were noisy and people complained, Loraine. That young boy you met once?’

‘Yes, 50, about ten, and half black.’

‘Oh.’

‘They left, and I knew the dad by then. He came to terms with me. Did the adjacent apartment, the three men, really throw rocks at your wall? Because they hated me. They all had jobs.’

‘Oh, wow. Yeah, they did. Because [ ], as my stalker, was pinging rocks against something twenty floors down.’

‘Let’s go on,’ says 50 Cent.

‘After a number of migraines, pain in my ears, I can’t remember if the experience of deafness, wait.’

‘It was before, Loraine,’ says God. ‘You got yourself arrested because of the industrial belt sander. She was crying, 50 Cent. And it turned out, when this came out, most of the men were crying at night. They would hold it in all day, and then bawl at home, in front of their girlfriends, and try to convey the hell they were experiencing at work. And when a woman, Loraine, came out as deriding it, they jumped on board. Soon enough, the hearing truck was there, and true enough, men were losing actual hearing, it was measurable. The hearing truck, Loraine, had not been used in years. It had fallen by the wayside years previously. No, Loraine, prior to Yaletown.’

‘Wow.’

‘What were you going to say?’

‘”It was pretty bad for awhile,” a man said about Yaletown. But it was the way he screwed up his face. That’s all.’

‘How did he screw up his face?’

‘In disbelief, I guess. But remember, only, mostly, prostitutes are home all day.’

‘Exactly, Loraine. So this is what happened, Loraine,’ says the poker club proprietor. ‘We knew that you were the whore that was famous, and we knew you were taking over the apartment, and we felt guilty as hell, but couldn’t decide what to do, and did nothing. And that was it.’

‘Okay. That’s that, then. Weird.’

‘What?’

‘Looking at you over there. I could see you were a bit depressed.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I was, Loraine. I loved the apartment. I hated the noise. I was getting about two hours sleep a night, and doing drugs all day, speed mostly, also crack, later in the evening, with friends. And that’s it.’

‘What time do your clients go home?’

‘They stay all night.’

‘Oh. Okay. So I moved in and the apartment had never really been cleaned. I cleaned for two weeks. I got arrested under the mental health act, and served three weeks in the psychiatric ward at Vancouver General. There, when I realized I was being admitted, I broke a window.’

‘Yes, she did,’ says God. ‘She was fucking furious.’

‘Why?’ says 50 Cent. ‘Why?’

‘Why?’ 

‘Oh, I see. She’s a wild cat, my girl. She’s so passive most of the time, but she will rise up when she sees injustice and that’s what you did.’

‘Yes. I laid down, fighting a furious migraine, on a velvet bench and refused to leave city hall. And that was it. The start of my mental health career.

‘I moved again. This time I was homeless. The put me in second stage housing. [ ] paid for an apartment, because he missed me. It was a shitty apartment, which needed ten days of plumbing and the kitchen sink was on an inside corner, and the fridge opened opposite to the kitchen, so that, if you gained weight, which I was gaining due to the horrific pharmaceutical called Clopixol, you wouldn’t fit around the refrigerator door.

‘I was tortured there. I was tortured there for three years by the Vancouver Police. Wait. The torture began at the prior apartment. And some have not heard the list, so I will make the list, the torture included--’

‘What about the small boy?’

‘We said hi very nicely. It struck me that he was alone at home, and I would, in my bedroom, hear him play video games. And then, they were gone. And, in their place, was a noise machine.’

‘What is a noise machine?’ says 50 Cent.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean I don’t know what it is.’

‘The police would like to take this, Loraine,’ says God.

‘We were using noise machines to quell complaints about development, and, rest assured, people knew we were using them. And Loraine took it hard, 50 Cent. You will lose your hearing from a noise machine alone, wouldn’t you say, Loraine.’

‘Yes.’

‘So that’s it,’ says 50 Cent.

‘No, they dumped what David Suzuki tells me are CFC’s, the propellant for dry ice, into my fan vent. I couldn’t sleep in the bedroom. The moved in below, people were leaving like crazy, 50, it was so noisy.’

‘And,’ the police continue. ‘When she got people to call the police non emergency line, it pissed off the women, who pissed off us, and we retaliated. One night, we watched her masturbate. She knew we were there, and she didn’t care, 50 Cent. We have watched people masturbate for years, 50 Cent. And she is not unusual. People pretend to have oral sex, and open their mouths. She knew and she decided not to care. That’s true, isn’t it, Loraine?’

‘Yeah.’

‘How did you know?’

‘They called me. I saw the 778 number and knew it was unusual, and because there were two different 778 numbers, I concluded it was a bank of cel phones, such as the police might have. They react, you know. You hear them. They were on the adjacent roof.’

‘Oh, I see. So, you’re brilliant, too. I thought you were only a doctor, Loraine.’

‘Yeah. Kinda credit a weird ESP and thank [ ] [ ] for telling me, well, firefighters were shitting in girls boots, about the antics of the police.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like letting each other off for drinking and driving for example.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘So, when there were two fake fires, I knew that it was them.’

‘How?’

‘Chit chat. I heard from someone that whoever lit the fire was not being evicted.’

‘But you don’t remember who?’

‘No. They shit in my stairwell.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘What else, Loraine. This is very interesting, and I can’t believe you didn’t come to me again, you must have been enraged over the battle.’

‘Yes, I was, suffice to say, but moreover, I simply assumed, because you eschewed love so grandly, that you were beyond hope.’

‘What did you think of what [ ] said, Loraine.’

‘I have to say, and this is the pretty, pretty, thing about naivete--’

‘You never see this shit coming.’

‘What shit?’

‘Your numbers, 50 Cent!’

‘Fifty threw you off a bit?’

‘Stunning.’

‘Why? I had nothing but money and they were throwing themselves at me like crazy, Loraine.’

‘Your insecurity is astonishing.’

‘I know. As is yours.’

‘Oh please, you’re funny.’

‘It is, Loraine. You’re something and you think you’re nothing all the time. It’s weird.’

‘Money would help my self esteem. My tells are few as well. Fame is nothing without money.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘What’s it worth?’

‘We’re hearing what it’s worth. And everyone in Ottawa knows you, Loraine, even those two young boys on the bus tonight, though they don’t read you, all of them. And they will. Trust that, now. That’s how fame gets going, Loraine. People find you interesting, and your work speaks for itself.’

‘K. I need money though. This working with lower men is weird. I feel like a joke.’

‘Why? I did too.’

‘I don’t know. Do you?’

‘I thought all the fans were mocking me, Loraine.’

‘Women don’t mock with their vaginas, do they?’

‘Funny, Loraine. The ones I slept with told each other, and laughed because I was so horny, Loraine.’

‘Oh, I see. Do they laugh now?’

‘Yes, Loraine. That’s why I need a little horn dog, Loraine.’

‘Okay. Me too. Men don’t laugh though, do they?’

‘Not really, but they tell, and you look like a slut, Loraine, if you like it too much. And you do like it too much, for work, Loraine. Women don’t try as hard as you.’

‘No, but.’

‘What?’

‘All kinds of women ended up in prostitution because of equality and capitalism, while for me, it was a calling.’

‘Oh, you couldn’t say no to it, Loraine.’

‘Nope, I couldn’t say die to my sex life, that’s all. But, as time went on, I realized I was well placed.’

‘Why, Loraine? And what is happening now?’

‘You don’t know who knows. The men who have an actual chance with you, begin to avoid you because they don’t want to hear no.’

‘Which men?’

‘I feel like I’m dealing with low men, and I’m not sure if it is my social standing or my sexuality, or both.’

‘This is what I think, Loraine: Your social standing is too high for your fee, Loraine. And you’re getting men who are too stupid for you. No matter what you say, smarts plays a massive role in success, Loraine. You got me. No one got me, Loraine. No one, Loraine. No one, Loraine. No one, Loraine. My wife was beautiful. My hooker that I loved so much was not horny enough, Loraine.’

‘Oh. Well, when I heard your songs, I felt we were perfect for each other. So that was it.’

‘Oh, I see. You’re hilarious, Loraine. When you wanted to drop to your knees, what did you think?’

‘I thought maybe many women had dropped to their knees, and though, I wanted to be among their numbers, and wanted to do whatever was required, I had to honour my own boundaries.’

‘I see, Loraine. So you wrote a poem instead?’

‘Not exactly instead. I was really debating bare back, like some kind of idiot. Just as an aside, black women held on to black men, through, in part, bare back, wouldn’t you say?’

‘That���s right, Loraine. It’s important to be judicious, but to do it when you’re in love.’

‘Yeah. And when you have commitment too, though. Though I feel it’s too late for me. It’s too late for women now, they have to undo the past.’

‘What?’

‘Well, I’ve said that, somewhere, you can’t refuse a man when you’re already having sex with other men, so it doesn’t allow for normal courtship and commitment prior to sex.’

‘What’s normal, Loraine?’

‘I wish that bareback had more meaning still. I wish sex had more meaning still.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like I will jump into bed early on because I don’t want to be, wait, why do I do that?’

‘Why do you do that?’

‘Oh, I know. I know this one. I was afraid if I was too careful and then had sex, I would get dumped after being thoughtful about my relationships, I wanted to appear careless, so men wouldn’t be able to hurt me.’

‘Stupid.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good thing you were careful.’

‘Yeah, but get me now, though, because I want to do those condoms and I don’t want to get a disease from prostitution and that could still happen.’

‘I know, Loraine. It could happen to any of us.’

‘I know that. I just mean I want a chance to be happy before I die of something.’

‘You won’t die.’

‘If I got herpes, I would be so sad, because I would never now abandon. I don’t know abandon, 50. I want to know abandon.’

‘I see, Loraine.’

‘Eminem wants to say something, Loraine. We won’t leave you, but we might get another girl, and have only safe sex with you, and whomever gave it to you, would be able to have sex with you, and not with the new girl. What did you think on the ether when I pretended, and in my song, to have herpes, Loraine?’

‘Well, you were a little unexpected treat from heaven, and I couldn’t refuse you.’

‘I came on you, theoretically, and the men, my friends, in the ruse, knew already as well, as I told you.’

‘Right. Did you ask God for this ruse?’

‘I did, Loraine. And God agreed. He wanted, and he tells me this, to discover if you would be the kind of woman who would accept rampant promiscuity in men, though you yourself were not rampant. I did it for 50 Cent, even more than myself, Loraine. It was my idea, though.’

I laugh a bit.

‘You are though.’

‘Yes, I am. And I’m so grateful to be, finally, finally, and I pray I get to know this in real life, be as small as I feel.’

‘Oh, that’s it. You feel too big and you hate it.’

‘Right. That’s right.’

‘What do you feel, Loraine?’

‘Insecure is one.’

‘So you can’t get dumped if they’re worse than you?’

‘Right.’

‘Too dominant is another.’

‘And that’s it.’

‘I think so.’

‘Let’s go on,’ says God. 

‘Tell people how equality and capitalism give rise to female promiscuity, Loraine.’

‘I do specify that developmental capitalism affects nations which live on immigration, and describe how men and women alike are forced to battle for fewer and smaller parcels of green space. I mean Europe has less immigration, but they haven’t escaped female promiscuity, so let’s just call it capitalism.’

‘They have though, in the past, they’re putting a lid on it, while saying it’s not racism.’

‘Love, not money, what do you think about that?’

‘Love, not money? What about...? Oh, I see.’

‘Yeah. Anyway.’

‘What about the Chinese?’

‘Well, we’ve talked about the one child policy.’

‘Yes, that’s right, Loraine. Go on, please.’

‘We’ve discussed five male aptitudes, including math, spatial, logic, labour, and competition. And, in the book, I discuss competition as prohibitive for women. Work is rife with competition and women don’t do well there. Therefore, they quit working and segue to the sex industry. Anti depressants became a way of life for working women, wouldn’t you say, God?’

‘Fifty percent of working women have taken antidepressants, Loraine. For married women who stay at home, and some of them are very poor and can get free “medications”, the number rests at one percent, 50 Cent. Loraine is very good at delineating trends from anecdotal evidence. She’s the new Faith Popcorn. She was good at her subject, finance, and Loraine is good at hers, sexuality.’

‘What are women’s strengths, Loraine?’

‘Morality, socialization, and language.’

‘Morality.’

‘”Women are weak willing and mean spirited during times of war,” God said.’

‘When did he say that?’

‘Years ago now. It’s blogged.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. And this is a real war, with real bloodshed. You haven’t read the book yet, have you?’

‘Have some weed, Loraine. And a beer. We’re only half way through your apartments, Loraine.’

I laugh a bit. ‘K.’

‘So, in brief--.’

‘Why do they segue to the sex industry though?’

‘They can’t make enough money at work to escape the wave of development.’

‘It takes years to development a city, 50 Cent. You know this from New York. And Loraine has lived through three booms in Vancouver, 50 Cent. It’s huge there. It’s huge there.’

‘What about Toronto?’

‘She was in Vancouver, 50 Cent. She couldn’t escape the waves of development. She couldn’t. Everywhere she went, someone was, literally 50 Cent, tearing up the fucking road. Everywhere. She heard a concrete saw so loud that she left her apartment to see what it was.’

‘Oh, I see. What was this underground noise, Loraine, at Taylor Street?’

‘It was noise machines,’ say the cops. ‘And people were wild eyed, right, Loraine?’

‘There was a wild eyed woman, yes, I went again and saw it was a tented manhole, but I had never heard an associated noise in all my years, and thought it was the police, again.’

‘The police, in Canada, are the most peaceful in all the world at present, 50 Cent,’ says God. ‘Peaceful,’ he says.

‘And that is my baby’s work? What does she say about cops that has them so happy.’

I smile. ‘They’re allowed to go to prostitutes now, 50 Cent.’

‘Why is everyone using my name? God?’

‘Because you’ve been listening and you still can’t believe what you’re hearing, 50 Cent, this is your baby,’ says God. ‘Your baby.’ She doesn’t like down, 50 Cent. When the letters began, 50 Cent wept a little, Loraine. He was done in about five minutes, Loraine.’

‘Why were you in love with [ ] so fast, Loraine?’

‘Everything you did in the battle made me hate you so much, 50 Cent. I pleaded, and begged for your suffering. West 11th.’

‘Why, Loraine?’

‘I could not believe you would laugh in the face of love.’

‘Why not?’

‘I thought you should have ignored me, 50.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you didn’t love me.’

‘Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. So despite when you fell to the floor with love for me.’

‘Not fell, sank, overwhelmed with sensation.’

‘What?’

‘Do you remember early loves?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That.’

‘Oh. Wow.’

‘It also contained a sense of mutuality.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘I hated getting an ego though, and you did what you had to do. The second I would feel that I was getting around you, I would feel to big for my britches.’

‘Oh, I see. So I did right?’

‘I think so. You truly misunderstood my motivation for dating [ ]. I wanted to show you, and I’ve told you this, that I was capable of dating a black man.’

‘You looked for him.’

‘Yes. You saw his picture.’

‘Yes.’

‘You wrote.’

‘Yes, again. Out of how many black men, and how many did you write to.’

‘Three to five, perhaps.’

‘Three,’ says God. ‘And she, he’s a gang bang boy, 50, loved his face. He’s sexy. He’s handsome. And he’s tough looking. That’s what she wanted. And when it came to light that he was a robber before, she sank, again, to the bed, naively. He had prison shoes which she noted, 50, yes, she did. She could tell he was a convict, 50 Cent. He argued about nothing right away. He was late on purpose. He told her he had to go and buy a hat, when she was already sitting in the coffee shop, so she was mad, believing him stereotypical, and he is, 50 Cent. He is nothing like you, nothing like you. She wanted to kiss a black man and then tell you that she was learning. She was very worried about the smell, and that’s why she never licked [ ]. She was scared. She smelled her, and she smelled normal. And that was it. Loraine, wasn’t drunk, barely high, on weed, she had had two beers at home, and had been staying up late when she heard from [ ], inviting her to a little party, with [ ], [ ], and this bisexual woman, a very black women, 50, with wide eyes and a very black face, you would have loved her. You would have, 50, she was so pretty, and Loraine jumped on her right away, they were kissing immediately, and they went upstairs and traded partners, and had the fun, and then, Loraine likes this one.’

‘”Loraine?”

"Yeah?"

“Would you take [ ] down to the cab, please.”’

‘I believe I said taxi. Loraine says cab so she got that wrong. Don’t smile, Loraine. We have good weed in BC too, you know. I’m high all the time, and [ ] is high all the time, too. And so is [ ] by the way, though [ ] prefers beer. And though you wanted me to break up with my wife, it is not happening. She loves me. And I love her. We’re going, because I know you will ask, to pimp her, and I will see women quite a bit, because that’s how I am.’

‘Oh, that’s nice. I’m sorry I blamed you. I should have realized I was too smart, but this brain damage thing, and male attributes--?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your little truck, your little band, you guys had a bus, your little talents, with your drum set, you had a great sound, and I was so proud of you. I hated your fascination with classic rock and lyrics. I wanted new material.’

‘You’re the new material girl.’

‘Yeah. How much smarter am I, G?’

‘You are much smarter, but life is easier for him, Loraine, because, we’ve tried to explain this to 50 Cent, men have it easier, save war.’

‘Yeah, exactly. And save environmentally destructive labour.’

‘You thought I was an idiot, Loraine.’

‘I really didn’t, [ ]. I was proud of you. I just think that I thought you were an idiot in the relationship. I was laughing at futility, not you.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Like what do you mean? Example.’

‘There are no examples, sorry, I felt it a lot, I just knew, wait, I have one, remember when, and I didn’t laugh, I had you to my apartment with [ ] for dinner?’

‘Yes, once.’

‘Right. You were so uncomfortable. It was that type of thing I saw all the time, and I was distancing myself all the time.’

‘I felt that. Was the finger really for me?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What about the pussy?’

I sigh. ‘I wish I could remember that. But you and [ ] and [ ] were the only viewers.’

‘Really? You didn’t use it for work?’

‘No. Not at all. I don’t do that shit for work.’

‘You did once.’

‘Unpublished.’

‘The police have it.’

‘Probably.’

‘Let’s go on,’ says God. ‘Loraine is getting tired. Get a beer and drink, Loraine. How high are you still?’

‘Coming down, why?’

‘For longevity, we have a ways to go, and you still haven’t made your point about the government.’

‘Right.’

‘What is it?’ asks 50 Cent.

‘I was going to wax a bit, and timeline the little affairs a woman will have when forced to leave the home.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘As submissives, women are naturally inclined to please men.’

‘Oh, I see. Men as dominants.’

‘Right. So when women work outside the home, and when we go out, and when the government decides prostitutes can’t have a stable home, and that we are crazy, and stuck, with men, in hospital, in the shelter, on the street all day, I was, meeting men. Victimhood.’

‘Why do you meet so many men?’

‘Because you are where the men are, out.’

‘I see. So it’s not you.’

‘No, 50. You know that by staying home, I kept my numbers low and stayed single.’

‘No, I don’t.’

‘Oh. That’s what I did.’

‘That’s where my little gang bang girls went, into the sex industry, because they were horny with no work world aptitudes and no opportunities.’

‘Yeah, but some of them had opportunities and still chose the sex industry. I mean, why would I give up a job as a church secretary?’

‘What?’

‘I was working as a church secretary. But it wasn’t enough money. Instead of moonlighting at some small thing, I quit.’

‘Oh. I didn’t know you were a church secretary.’

‘A year and a half.’

‘Were you monogamous with [ ]?’

‘I don’t know. I guess not because I called her with the news of losing my prostitution virginity.’

‘Was that the pimp?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What did he pay you, a pittance, with a dance.’

‘She pulled down her pants and pulled up her shirt and said, “it’s not that bad, right?” She was wearing black. Did you like me?’

‘Black, like dress pants.’

‘Cargo pants, cute.’

‘Oh, I see,’ says Eminem. ‘Who helped you with that?’

‘[ ] in Spain.’

‘Oh. The daughter.’

‘She chose it, I just encouraged her. She bought three pairs, and I was so proud of her, it was Zara.’

‘What was she like? Pretty?’

‘Very.’

‘Why?’

‘A little masculine and a leader, but a beauty like her mother, they have real jaws and real bone structure, not like me.’

‘Oh, I see, not masculine, then?’

‘Not really, bone structure though, which--’

‘It looks a little masculine, it must be said, but we are/were far prettier than Loraine, and she didn’t care, at all, ever. She is the least jealous au pair, we had ever seen, and we had lots. And she had no reason to be secure, what a freak, bisexual, my husband told me, poly, he said, “a slut, she told me,” but--’

‘”Give them something to look at,” she said when discussing her tramp stamp to be. She got away with this with a man, and I had to tell [ ], and [ ] was not offended, other au pairs had done the same. “Was she flirting?” she would ask, over the hash and stuff, Loraine, like, why had I shared for free, when that’s expensive.’

“Yeah.”

‘”Nope, I would say, not even a little bit.” And because we had always had au pairs, she trusted me. I left her, finally, but for a same age woman.’

‘Really?’ says 50 Cent. ‘You look so pretty tonight, that’s why I’m a bit bamfoozled by this. How did you manage not to get a boyfriend.’

‘She refuses everybody,’ says [ ]. ‘We told you this.’

‘But why, when you were so lonely?’

‘Nobody could get me.’

‘Why?’

‘I never fall in love, and when I do, I am sexually unsatisfied.’

‘Oh, I see. Sounds familiar. Lloyd has that too, that’s why he liked your bashed in little face so much. “She’s abused,” he said. “I bet she’s soulless, stupid, and doesn’t even realize it.” He also said, “I bet she innocent as the day is long. I bet she’s a total idiot, I don’t care if she’s a prostitute. I have met some of these, 50 Cent, and even if they do ever stupider shit than her, like come in the face, they still think some man will fall in love with them.’

‘How did you identify that, Loraine?’

‘It was lore from birth, of course, reputation was everything.’

‘Oh, I see. Which is why you got mad and starting representing as a slut.’

‘Yes. And also, I thought I was a slut. But yeah, it was vindictive.’

‘Toward men?’

‘Yes, for sure.’

‘Why were you so bitter at a young age?’

‘Our parents divorce devastated both of us, 50, I would hear her crying in her bed at night, you don’t know this Loraine, but through the fan vent. I would estimate that she cried several times for about ten minutes. She missed our mother terribly. She was soft and loving when we were young. It was sexuality that brought out the worst in her.’

‘Are you really an 80/20, [ ]? You’re so conservative. You have to do gross things, you know, and your [ ] is the victim. Are you even a pimp? You have to learn to share her with four men. Can you do that?’

‘These are all very personal questions, and I will answer them, even in front of my sister. I am as gay as you are, gayer 50 Cent. Twenty percent, not ten percent. And we fall in love just as you do. And I have a man, Loraine knows him etherwise, that I am in love with, and, if this were to come together, should polygamy be legalized, because I am a law abiding citizen, and no, I would not move a man in without the bonds of marriage--’

‘Are you serious?’

‘I wouldn’t put my wife through that, I wouldn’t put my family through that.’

‘What does that mean to you?’

‘What did it mean to you?’

‘Touche.’

‘Loraine doesn’t respect marriage because it leaves her out, and I have come to feel the same about my male lovers. I agree with you. I want, need even, equal commitment from all of the men. And, it has been said, over and over again, if any given man does not fall in love with Loraine, there is no relationship.’

‘Oh, I see. I didn’t realize that. I thought your men would come and go, like [ ] [ ]’s.’

‘Loraine won’t have it.’

He laughs. ‘Why?’

‘She did not save herself for all these dirty things only to be thrown aside. She did not. She eschewed the gang bang at twenty five, after one clean one.’

‘Oh, I see, I thought, from all your talk, that she had had come in her face already.’

‘No.’

‘What, then?’

‘I have had two men, [ ] and [ ], masturbate into my mouth. And I licked [ ]’s asshole and touched my tongue to [ ]’s once and laughed too much.’

‘What about come from boyfriends?’

‘About fifteen, whether sex or oral.’

‘In your body.’

‘Right.’

‘Wow. I thought it was worse than that to attract a big old slut like 50 Cent.’

‘That’s why we respect her.--’

‘I’m bored!’ Eminem says. ‘Drink, Loraine.’

‘What did you do at your little gang bang? Was it three?’

‘Yes. Finger cuffs.’

‘Got it.’

‘I remember it as including a condom for oral as well. But, I wasn’t drunk, but I had been drinking a bit, as was my habit--’

‘How many?’

‘Never more than three,’ says [ ]. ‘She was a light weight. She wanted the sex. That was it.’

‘And smoking weed.’

‘Right. It’s just, there was no come, I don’t remember come at all.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘And they both came.’

‘Well, they laughed, and then disappeared into their rooms--’

‘At their place? How did you meet?’

‘I’m bored,’ says Eminem. ‘We’ve done all this, 50. Tell your [ ] about your little kibosh on the two on one.’

‘I was getting to that. Even [ ] has done that. And I knew this, 50 Cent, and I credit my sister for leading me to her, because Loraine refused to feel ashamed, for anything, refused, and my [ ] trained me to be ashamed of my sexuality, trained, 50 Cent, trained, 50 Cent. She did not do it to Loraine, she did it to me.’

‘Why?’

‘Control over men, I have been forced to conclude.’

‘Yup, me too.’

‘Really, yeah.’

‘The one you can control.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Do you really argue that casual sex is okay for men, and not for women?’

‘In most times, like eras, and places, men acquire more experience through fewer women, who must be polysexual women with the ability to exit sex work.’

‘So you advocate prostitution?’

‘I specify that in climates of equality, when women are required to be out in the world, and thus at the mercy of male domination, which naturally includes sexual demands, prostitution is imperative for helping men keep pace with women.’

‘What if it veers from equality?’

‘Loraine argues throughout the book about the substandard choice of prostitution, [ ],’ says God. ‘She never fully advocates it, as you see here. But, when women are not in love, it is the only viable option, besides polygamy, which remains illegal, for polysexual women I speak of. She says that monogamous women will settle for a less than perfect marriage--.’

‘Which she has done. But she found me, and I, 50 Cent, believe that I am enough of a leader to lead this type of family. That is what I believe. And, of course, we would never do drugs, and I would prefer that the men not play the field overly, that’s what I would prefer, but nor would I stop them, and even [ ] says, he could not share a woman with four men without sometimes needing to see another woman, it would be an exigency of ego.’

‘All of which she talks about,’ says God.

‘Wow,’ says [ ]. ‘My sister was a silent stream, as it were.’

‘She is,’ says God. ‘And she recently told 50 Cent that sexuality is finite, and she wants to get on and screw her husbands.’

‘So does my wife. She says, and I quote, “I have never been this hot in my life, until your sister came up and started talking about the gang bang. This is me. This is for me. I love it. And 50, we aren’t as dirty as you, no, we’re not. 80/20′s don’t want to come in the face, come in the mouth is not as common, and there is a lot of making love with the woman, together, and apart, it’s almost more like a line up. Loraine is very oral, more than me, and very dirty, more than me. And it’s orientation, I have asked God, not conservatism.’

‘Oh, I see. Wow. I didn’t think your virgin [ ] had it in [ ],’ says 50 Cent. ‘The men must be a huge pay off for you. I’m so slutty with women, it’s hard for anyone. That’s why, and I mean no fan has ever approached me without addressing my reputation, Loraine did.’

‘Oh, I see. What did she think?’

‘She heard it all. How, Loraine?’

‘I don’t know. I knew he was rampant, anyway, line ups of women like.’

‘How?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘ESP?’

‘Perhaps. Screwing is all he sings about, well, and violence.’

‘I hate violence.’

‘He shares women, you knew that.’

‘Yeah. I thought he was a gang bang boy at first, and then I wrote Third Wife because he refused me.’

‘You thought he might be a polygamous center.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

‘He had three prostitutes in that movie.’

‘In his house?’

‘In my house, what do you take me for?’

‘An asshole.’

‘I pay all of them, [ ], all of them, if they want money, shorty gets her cut, is an idea in a song, Bitch, Get In My Car is about picking up prostitutes, I’m going first, is about sharing a woman. Eminem--’

‘Finally. --writes about sharing a little woman one night, with Dre, who is also, though smaller than us, a gang bang boy with a lovely face, which Loraine liked to hear about in my song.’

‘You wrote about his face?’

‘No, when she saw it. Your [ ] is so smart, Loraine. He’s so smart, he picks up nuances of language like nobody’s business.’

‘I’m noticing this.’

‘I talk at her, she drifts, I know too much and she’s lost, I can tell this. I had no idea she was studying, with limited experience it turns out, sexuality, really. Unbelievable. Who knew? is how I felt when I read the title. I thought it was a feminist, mean old, anti male diatribe, until my [ ] started crying. She cried, and she cried, and she cried, and she cried, and I knew she had lost her virginity at eleven--’

‘Eleven! I was eleven.’

‘She’s French. Her [ ] never thought to keep her inside the house, she ran around with the neighbourhood boys.’

‘I didn’t run around with boys,’ I tell her. ‘I ran around with girls.’

‘Loraine was a tomboy, though. She liked to wear pants and climb trees, she hated being stuck in a skirt--’

‘I’m bored!’

‘Enough, then. Suffice to say, I can handle it, and I will see the odd, preapproved prostitute, I get the word from friends, only I have never acted upon it.’

‘Your sister is very popular, she almost never has to advertise.’

‘She has her website.’

‘And it actually detracts from one to one appointments, and still, she is popular. Your father has said he wondered because she was still in business no matter what, and he had heard of girls getting ousted.’

‘Oh,’ I say.

‘Truly,’ says 50. ‘I told you one story and there are many more.’

‘That friend that committed suicide, Loraine? He saw a thousand prostitutes, no kidding, and his wife came to hate him. He was a Wilt Chamberlain, Loraine, seriously, of course I never told you that.’

‘That’s what I am,’ says 50. ‘I can’t stop. I don’t want to. And I don’t understand why Loraine doesn’t mind. She doesn’t desire men like I desire women, she desires this family like crazy, I can see this now, Loraine, I know I was a prick for a long time, and Lloyd talked with the hand, and Eminem was nice to you, but this is equality for you, isn’t it?’

‘I feel like I have the better deal.’

‘I feel like I have the better deal.’

‘God says these two will be happy together,’ says God. ‘I say these two are so compatible that they are the proverbial two peas in a pod. I’m interrupting, 50 Cent. Loraine has just as big of a heart as you, and she has just as big of a libido, you wait, 50 Cent, you will be begging for mercy yourself, friend of mine.’

‘Are you serious? From what?’

‘She’s crazy, 50 Cent. Nobody wants her. Nobody. You ask. I tell. Nobody wants her. And now that she has placed you in the picture, really nobody wants her, the black men know that you are higher, and that’s it, it’s over for her, 50 Cent. She tells everyone about you, and she says she will stay single forever, and that’s it. When she said, in a poem, that my “esophagus to my stomach will be filled with empty clouds” if she couldn’t have you, she meant it, she meant it. And that’s her. So on to you. 50 Cent is dangerously loyal, Loraine. And sometimes you will have to push him out the door--’

‘She was making me unhappy with her smell, Loraine. I was dangerously loyal, a few a week, until I smelled her, then I got mad.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘--to see his prostitutes, and he will be glad you did.’

‘Loraine has a question of her [ ].’

‘Why hasn’t [ ] let you make up for lost time, I mean clearly you never asked because I don’t see issues with your passion.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your not getting some sexual experience after marriage is clearly your decision. You love each other. You’re still hot for each other. It hasn’t killed it, I mean.’

‘How does it kill it, Loraine?’

‘I argue that men need to be ahead of women, God say in all things, though women--’

‘What?’

‘--are the sexual superiors.’

‘Men still need more experience?’

‘That’s what I say.’

‘Why?’

‘An exigency of the male ego, she says,’ says God.

‘Touche, again. Let’s move on, enough about me.’

‘We’re at West 11th Avenue,’ reminds God.

‘One year on Clopixol, three years of white gas torture, and then I move to Ontario. [ ] sets me up. He pays for a two bedroom, two bathroom.’

‘Out of guilt, I want it said. I knew, but couldn’t justify admitting, in light of my family, [ ], and I know you’ll understand that, and she did too, intrinsically.’

‘I do. Back to me. I can do all this line up stuff, 50 Cent, but what is the pimping that you speak of?’

‘I am her keeper. As the head of the family you are her keeper.’

‘Oh, I see. You are pimping, in essence, to the family, and you are pimping to outsiders.’

‘Why that?’

‘Every family is different but I will. Why, you are asking, I know you are.’

‘Yes, [ ] doesn’t want that. She wants only the family.’

‘Thus the two peas in a pod comment. I have her set up with a few clients already, who can’t live without her, no matter how lame she is, because she is so good. She’s a ten. She had a sign at seven, in church.’

‘I knew she was good, but my mother put doubt in my mind over the passage of diseases.’

‘Loraine,’ says God, ‘has never passed a single disease in her entire life, [ ], never. She is vigilant.’

‘With condoms or something?’

‘Yes, and abstinence.’

‘Oh. That surprises me. I thought I was the abstinent one. How many years, Loraine?’

‘I say sixteen, that’s what I say, because though Loraine was happy to have men around, she served only, no oral, no full service, no oral on her, nothing. She was fingered, with gloves usually, and occasionally would let a more dominant man, upon request, come on her breasts, and that was it. Five years of complete abstinence, [ ].’

‘That’s more than me, because I met [ ] at thirty, and we were hot and heavy. I never lied about men to her, Loraine, I want you to know that, but I made my decision for monogamy, and women seems extraneous to that.’

‘Why?’ says 50 Cent.

‘I was pining for men, not more experience or more sex with women.’

Spencer wants to speak to the desperation of bisexuality. Loraine knows it, [ ], make no mistake. She came out--’

‘So I hear some eighteen, ha ha, good math, Loraine, years later. My [ ] neglected to mention it, when she was telling me I had to choose. She never said that?’

‘No. This is what she did me with: “You can’t love someone else until you are whole within yourself.”’

‘Good one, Loraine. A catch 22 for the depressed.’

‘Right.’

‘And what else?’

‘She derailed, as you, I cried on her shoulder once, the relationships with [ ] by saying that a relationship which lasted ten years was not enough.’

‘You could have had children.’

‘Yeah.’

‘We would have stayed together,’ says [ ].

‘I annoyed you.’

‘My leg hurt. I loved her so much that it made up for the ten percent lack in the bedroom, [ ]. She was awesome, [ ]. But, it’s like she said in that book, her experiences, we did a year, she slept with seven, including the gang bang, which I did not explicitly approve of--’

‘Whoa.’

‘She was naive, [ ], it wasn’t to hurt, but I told someone and soon everyone at BCTel knew about it, and I felt stupid loving her still, so I lied, obviously, and we, she actually, ended it. She is right about women and experience, men hate it, they hate it, and she didn’t fully understand that, though she will wax about knowing things about reputation.’

‘She wanted to fly in the face of it.’

‘No. I thought I was a slut and I wanted to appear to fly in the face of it, I was dealing with profound jealous of male sexuality, which, from a very young age, seemed awfully easy compared to ours.’

‘They could walk away.’

‘Yep.’

‘Unscathed.’

‘And promiscuity helped you how?’

‘With jealousy.’

‘And you had to do it.’

‘I did, because some experience under my belt made me realize I wasn’t so jealous anymore.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, why?’

‘I’m jealous of [ ], Loraine. You’re saying it’s more normal for men to be jealous than women.’

‘Yes, I do, but how do you get that already?’

‘From the ether?’

‘Oh, okay, okay, okay.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m bored, read the book,’ says Eminem. ‘Spencer? Loraine wants to say.’

‘He knows it, I knew it, I was thirty two, Loraine, when I finally slept with a man, and I loved it, as you did with [ ], even though it was only kissing. Mine was more than that.’

‘When did you glean all this experience with women, Loraine?’

‘I was looking for a girlfriend during that year, hey, [ ]?’

‘Yes, as I recall.’

‘So those were the desperate years. Then two. Then Spain. Then I came out, that summer, [ ] confronted me about a brown envelope so I was--’

He laughs. ‘She never says die, does she?’

‘Nope.’

‘Crack?’

‘Yup.’

‘She knows all. She settles for nothing less. She is the one, official person in the world, now everyone, who knows that I have only slept with two people, both women. I would see the odd prostitute but I’m afraid of bringing a disease home, and I love my [ ], Loraine. I love her. I don’t care what happened before, she was honest with me, and I was able to decide. Which brings us back to that she was crying, for three days, Loraine. And the [ ] wondered what was wrong. Are you really on Facebook with [ ], [ ], and [ ], and [ ] is an immigration lawyer. What’s [ ]?’

‘A housewife, and Loraine feels sorry for me because I’m so pretty and I had Bell’s Palsy for ten years which ruined my looks, but I was married when it happened and, we talk of this, he stayed with me.’

‘Who is he?’

‘I went to Calgary, let’s say, with [ ], Loraine doesn’t remember his name, we met in a bar, we knew him from cadets, he was militia, and, as you know, I had two boyfriends in cadets, never at the same time, but it was lore, as you say, and Loraine admits to being jealous, though later they both tried to hit on her--’

‘A bit young.’

‘Exactly that.’

‘They were the reason she quit cadets, she wasn’t up for a whole new generation.’

‘Really, Loraine?’

‘Yes. Well, rank played a role, but a fairly small one. [ ] tackled me one night, and I felt I wanted to be a woman instead, at eighteen.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘She yelled, “I’m too old for this,”’ says God.

‘Oh, I see. So it was getting too manly for you.’

‘I guess. Yeah. Just, yeah, that’s why I blame them because it’s a real standout feeling when the cadets you raised wake you up one morning with lust in their eyes.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘Why [ ], Loraine? [ ] said she dressed so weird it wasn’t even funny.’

‘[ ] should be left to her own devices, she is cute, she knows what she likes, but it was a stupid thing, trying to make her feel good by introducing her to parental units, when the passion wasn’t there.’

‘For you?’

‘Seventy percent for me, the most I ever got with all my girlfriends, as a man, I prefer men, [ ]. So does she. We knew this. I knew she was only thirty percent. That surprises me that you cried, Loraine, because I thought it was only temporary.’

‘For me it was marriage.’

‘Why?’ she asks.

‘Moving in.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Loraine. I thought you wanted out of that place.’

‘I wanted to be happier at home, I thought, like [ ], and it was [ ] that I was jealous of at the time, that if I had roommates, I would be happier.’

‘A roommate.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And me.’

‘I was as dumb as you, I thought he might marry me, and stay with us, with you as a friend.’

‘I thought he might sleep with me, that’s how stupid and naive women are.’

‘Truly.’

‘50 Cent want to tell [ ] that he, also, dated a transsexual, and now, Loraine, with your theorizing on gays, she admits she is more gay, and closeted about poly, than trans. She says when she came out, she thought it was better to be a prostitute as a woman.’

‘That’s what I thought. I hated my penis though, and I doubt that she did, being self proclaimed, etherwise, gay, 50, eh wot? to use Loraine’s cute Englishism, from Patrick Crean in heaven, no doubt.’

‘I don’t use it, I’m Canadian, it was her [ ] that says eh wot?’

‘Oh, ha ha, Patrick, you are so cool and funny.’

‘I know,’ I say.

‘You even put up with Loraine, Patrick Crean in heaven.’

‘I love Loraine as much as I love my own sons, and [ ] is a treat too, though much more conversational. I love them both, and this was easy for me, [ ], and, make no mistake, it continues to be, despite Loraine’s rancor at her illness, and my constant interference in her health. She has learned so much, and both David Suzuki and I are proud, because of her mental deficit, due to the e. Coli early in life. [ ] was spared the constant bottle feeding of water, Loraine, which [ ] talks about to this day, Loraine, feeding you water. Do you know this?’

‘Feeding babies water, yes.’

‘Why?’

‘Caries.’

‘Oh cavities.’

‘It’s called caries in infancy, because often the teeth are under the gums still,’ says Doctor [ ], my dentist. ‘I’m not the one who fucked up her veneers,’ he assures. ‘She got an evil dentist, [ ]. She could have those veneers fixed and they would be much better, he hung them inward, in opposition to her request, I asked, Loraine. She had seen the closing in of her mouth and was looking to, not mask it, but contrast it. She was right. It would look so much better, [ ].’

‘Can you do it, because though the lengths are good, I think they’re unremarkable.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I can, yes, the teeth themselves, the ceramacist is to be credited, are excellent, and Loraine was instrumental. She was, [ ], I have, actually Loraine, talked to him, believe it or not, we discussed you yourself at an industry party, and, though his wife was there, he was unabashed about the love in his eyes. She taught him teeth, [ ]. Seriously. He got so much repeat business after her, it wasn’t even funny. He has a new house because of Loraine.’

‘What is it with my sister?’

‘She is the highest intellectual,’ says Patrick Crean in heaven, with a deficit, of three and a half billion brain cells, according to God, due to your [ ] feeding her water with e. Coli in it, knowingly. Knowingly, [ ]. Knowingly, [ ].’

‘She knew,’ says [ ].

‘Fuck,’ says [ ]. ‘I knew I loved my sister, I will say that, but it takes years to sift through the bullshit.’

‘I’m bored!’

‘Loraine needs some weed,’ says God. ‘She is still having fun. She is at West 11th Avenue right now, but we are already past that, we are at West 8th (the second) Avenue, Loraine, where you wrote the essay and conceived of The Cycle of Heterosexuality.’

‘What do you think of the capitals, Lord?’

‘You reduce them, Loraine, when a concept becomes imbedded, and it is imbedded, trust me. You have made more women cry than 50 Cent himself.’

‘How many guys are you on the hook for?’ I ask Spencer.

‘How many guys are you on the hook for?’

‘This is what I am trying to write about actually.’

‘What’s that, Loraine?’ asks Spencer.

‘How many guys you are on the hook for when the government destroys your little home.’

‘How do they do that, Loraine?’

‘Development, you have to move, you spend, I spent a month homeless. I fucked a guy bare back out of pique. I was a patient at the St. Paul’s psychiatric ward at the time, and the nurses annoyed me immensely and would lock me up for smoking weed.’

‘Who else?’

‘In the past week, I have associated with three men that I met, and consequently had some form of free sex with, while I was living at the shelter, when, psychiatric again, my only citable crime was trying to stay warm in a parked car because I was unable to find my way home at twenty below. I was, I had already been picked up for the crime, and the police had just dropped me off at home. The paperwork said that my [ ] had called and reported me as suicidal. It is true, that, at God’s demand, I had, a month earlier, emailed my [ ] a good bye letter, and--’

‘Yes, Loraine, you died of starvation after not eating for twelve days, on top of severe dietary restrictions which gave rise to a shit cleanse, Loraine, the most abused individual in the entire world today, having been fed shit for most of her life, had experienced entire endocrine system arrest due to the plethora of gases fed to her by various police forces which participated in the torture of millions of citizens over years and years and years of both American and Canadian, and even European history,’ says God. ‘Loraine brought this thing to a head, it bears repeating, [ ], 50 Cent, Lloyd, Eminem, Game, Spencer, Octavia, Neil, Bruce, Elly, Nas, Nelly, T.I., Dan, Alonzo, Winthrop, Joseph, Chingy, and Brian, that Loraine Laney, your little whorey, little, chaste, gang bang girl, took down cops in Canada with one paragraph in which she said that cops needed hookers. That’s right. Loraine Laney brought peace to the Canadian civil service. Yes, she did. Yes, she fucken well did. Go pee, Loraine.

‘Loraine Laney, [ ] [ ], is a force to be reckoned with, make no mistake, it is no mistake that your children love her and don’t love their [ ]’s as much. Loraine has no pretentions, none. She will take--’

‘That’s what [ ] say about me.’

‘And it’s true,’ [ ] and me agree. ‘You don’t, and, without the word, it is something I have always admired about you.’

‘Tell him about “any port in a storm,” says [ ].

‘What? You told her that? About me, no doubt?’

‘Yes, but she took it as a comment on manhood, God tells me, because I asked, Loraine, and it really fucked her up.’

‘I so wanted to be special, and it was very tied up with sex.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean sex, now, is not inextricably woven with specialness.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Monogamy, sorry, sexual technique.’

‘But you have a massive ego,’ says Eminem.

God laughs. ‘If you think your little idiot has an ego, you are out of your mind, Eminem.’

‘She doesn’t. Maybe with sex,’ says [ ].

‘Never,’ says God. ‘She works her little tushy off to please men. Yes, she does. She takes nothing for granted, Eminem.’

‘I know, God. Sorry.’

‘Loraine, right now, is freaking out a bit,’ says God. ‘Because she smelled shit, and, since she washes, believed the smell to be associated with two loud bangs from nearby her apartment, but not near a neighbour. It sounded like the roof,’ says God. ‘So let’s complete. Spencer wants to ask how you convinced the higher ups to allow it.’

‘I argued that since police at large were tasked with protection of prostitutes at large, and since the male sex right is given rise to by protection, to absent police from sexual liaisons with prostitutes was to make a cuckold out of them, in light of their rampant, and for some years effectively legal--’

‘I get it, Loraine. You blamed equality and capitalism and the vulnerability of the submissive for women’s promiscuity, where are men to blame?’

‘They’re acting on natural dominance, though, so they are not to blame either.’

‘Who is to blame, if you were to put a responsibility on it.’

‘It has been very interesting talking to young people on the ether about that.’

‘Why, Loraine? You whorey little slut.’

‘I do shut up, I promise. I promise, promise, promise, you will see, when I feel my pussy, my mouth closes.’

‘It does, she’s all uncomfortable,’ says [ ]. ‘It’s true, [ ]. I know her better than you.’

‘[ ] never shuts up. I want her to.’

‘That’s because sex isn’t threatened,’ says 50 Cent.

‘Oh, I see, so that’s what it takes.’

‘That’s right, and all it takes is one, so bide your time, and choose well, and you will always be the leader. I can’t believe, well, Snoop is doing it with his formerly cheating wife, Loraine. They are going to undertake a gang bang, and, perhaps ironically, Dre loves her, though they have never consummated. He wouldn’t. He knew, like Lloyd knew, exactly, from men, I heard it too, what she was up to. Bare back and everything, [ ] and Loraine. All of the hip hop wives were doing it, her too, Loraine. Iced T had enough. We all had enough, and, to broadcast, to all and sundry in hip hop, Loraine Laney talked about poly and got cheated on too, without hardly so much as a single cheat herself, and, when it was, infinitely forgivable.’

‘Really?’ says Iced T.

‘Yeah,’ says God. 

‘Yeah,’ says 50 Cent. ‘The bitch was so out, you need a new word for out. The second she had feelings for someone, she would mouth about it. Bad. People hated her, Loraine. I’ve asked. Hated you. At the beach, your innocent little bullshit with your polyester hound’s tooth pants in blue and red, that Eminem would have liked so much, your velvet, your animal prints, your satin, you had a whorey satin shirt, they said, and leopard pants, and a faux leather skirt. You were a whorey, whorey girl, Loraine, and your [ ] is not impressed.’

‘I know, 50. I had to tell her at fifteen not wear bubblegum pants and--’

‘Cops do it, too, Loraine, when a girl is getting out of hand, shit on her. We shit on you twice now. Just so you know. Cops shit that shit in the stairwell, not firefighters, they do they’re own girls and the cops do the hookers.’

‘Maybe someone needs to look deep inside himself.’

[ ] laughs. ‘Agreed. Shitting. Weird. Go to a hooker yourself, or get married, stop judging my sister.’

‘The rappers are laughing, Loraine. Your [ ] is so smart, Loraine, and we see that you see it too, he will take a single word out of context and make an issue out of it.’

‘Yeah. That’s what I’m seeing. A single word. I have to agree. Is he brilliant, God?’

‘Why?’

‘I think he’s a brilliant organizer.’

‘That seems lame.’

‘But it translates so well, to your family life, and to administration. When [ ] tells me, and she does tell me, that you have been disappointed--’

‘By what, I can’t wait to hear this.’

‘Sorry, believing. --by the lack of combat arms experience.’

He laughs. ‘What? Are you fucking serious? She thinks I’d rather be cannon fodder than an officer? I have never said any such thing, and nor are you a dirty girl.’

‘Oh boy. Well, I couldn’t turn it into a failing.’

‘Why?’

‘I never had a playmate than my [ ]. We never argued. We had a wonderful time.’

‘She had girlfriends, [ ] had boyfriends, but now my sister is a big, old whore and my wife is all married. Do you want only 50 Cent, because that’s what some people think, that this is for his gayness.’

‘Oh my God, no.’

‘Really?’

‘No. This is why I’m such a nightmare.’

‘This is why you don’t marry?’

‘Right. I started realizing I attached to groups.’

‘Oh. How many?’

‘Bored,’ says Eminem. ‘Once a group of fifteen younger men surrounded her at the beach, and she farted and ran away.’

‘Are you kidding me with this? How many groups, Loraine.’

‘Four or five,’ says God. ‘And there is nothing to it, for a gang bang girl, they just become friends, and date one of the men. This is what your father’s friend [ ] [ ] was like.’

‘Bored.’

‘They’re doing it again. They want me to get off the fucken--’

‘They do,’ says God. ‘And Loraine is scared, 50 Cent, make no mistake, if she smells shit, she smells shit. And that is it. Loraine.’

‘Yes, God?’

‘Wrap it up, kidding. What do you want to do?’

‘We can’t believe that speed kept her going this long. We want some, and we want to be able to do it after work and do it without fearing that our licenses will be revoked.’

‘Yes, absolutely. This is good.’

‘Why?’

‘I knew it was drugs and prostitution.’

‘We know, Loraine. Get a beer. Publish again. Stop being so cool all the time. All the cops are in love with you and you are old and ugly.’

‘God says this is true,’ says God. ‘Women fell for Eminem at first, too, Loraine, and he got adept at chasing them off. He did. The herpes. The mom shit. The shit shit, the asshole fetish shit, he told so many women about that, Loraine. And, little by little, they laid off, because he was too hard core. You are disinterested. 50 Cent is the love of your long life, and that is it. Let’s wrap it up, they are shitting her, 50 Cent, and the neighbours are scared and they, the ones who were there before, are really scared. Let’s see if they go, Loraine. Stop.’

‘Yes, Lord.’