#pleasing not blessing... ugjt look at me fucking up my words
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#you know it gave me a lot of thinking when i was making footage of interview#that my voice is hollow dusty and so close in words you lost in sentence what i am speaking to you#i had a problem with my voice when i was young. being dislextic wasnt helping and when i was shush i closed and rather not speak at all#one reason is i spoke to fast and so weakly you cannot hear anything then just sounds and me opening my mouth. but cannot understand at all#i guess maybe is that i am generaly fast lol speaking and my heart beating fast by what i known from doctors now#but filming the interview just gave me sight why anyone would wish to listen to me in the first place?#i dont have blessing tone#i dont have much to tell#i wonder if people listen just because they are being polite not wish to tell me to shut my lips#when i try to do better i dont even hear the difference i cannot know if i would try to get better in my speaking#feel like an abyss#i was thinking i am getting comfortable in my voice#and well generaly using language#feel like i cannot speak and write in my mother language as well with english#felt and feel pretty useless#pleasing not blessing... ugjt look at me fucking up my words
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