#please. please be nice im havin anxiety about this

[cthonicascendant]

Just fucking all of them

vvell if you in5i5t

Fuzzy socks - What is something that made you smile today? vve got to meet tvvo of our tumblr friend5 in per5on vvhich vva5 technically la5t night but 5ince it happened on the 11th an im 5tartin to an5vver thi5 on the 11th im callin it today Soft blanket - Did you drink and eat enough today? maybe not 5ure Strawberry milk - What is your favorite (hot) beverage? black coffee not that i eVer get to drink it no more thank5 to mir Cupcake - Do you have a comfort food? If so, what is it? uh chocolate i gue55 i alvvay5 vvant chocolate vvhen im 5ad Teddy bear - Do you own any plushies? Please tell me about them! i only ovvn a manta ray plu5h it5 about the 5ize of a dinner plate an dark blue rainbovvy fabric Tulip - What is your favorite flower? one a them i5 dandelion5 Bunny - When was the last time you saw a wild animal and what was it? 5ome kind a bird out in the parkin lot here earlier Fluffy cloud - Do you think clouds are made of cotton candy? im too auti5tic for thi5 all i can think i5 they are literally vvater Vapor Warm milk - What is something that makes you feel comfortable? haVin 5omethin around my neck Angel - What was your last dream about? it vva5 i dont knovv i had the Vague impre55ion a bein at vvork but that dont make 5en5e becau5e that vvould be a nightmare an i mo5tly vvoke up thinkin that it vva5 a vveird dream Vanilla - What is your favorite scent? campfire 5moke Biscuit - Do you like to cook / to bake? no not really crovv i5 the baker Kitty paw - Do you have any pets? not at the moment Sprinkle - How old are you? (if you are comfortable sharing) fifteen 5vveep5 Pillow - What are five (or more) things that make you happy? bein in bed gettin attention uh vveed uh chocolate uhhh 5pendin time vvith friend5 vvait that5 ju5t gettin attention Puppy - What is something that you like about yourself? eVerythin vvhat5 there to not like

Pastel - What is your favorite color? Violet an teal Slipper - What is your favorite clothes? current faVorite outfit i5 thi5 turtleneck vve got vvith me5h 5leeVe5 an a royal blue an neon green plaid 5kirt got to be vvorn vvith boot5 an 5ome kind a bright legging5 la5t time i vvore it i vvent vvith the glittery 5tar print tight5 Cat nose - What color does your phone-case have? it5 a gradient from neon green through yellovv orange an then finally pink Soft fur - How are you feeling right now? Vaguely entertained Chocolate milk - If you are comfortable with it, share your phone’s wallpaper im goin to pa55 on thi5 one becau5e i think my notification5 vvould giVe eVeryone el5e anxiety /lighthearted actually im 5kippin becau5e im doin thi5 on my computer an dont feel like figurin out hovv to get a 5creen5hot in here vvithout fuckin up the formattin Animal Crossing - What is the last video game you played? pokemon cry5tal Sugar - How many siblings do you have? tvvo Popcorn - Do you prefer movies or shows? moVie5 Blush - What is your favorite season and why? fall it5 nice an cool an the leaVe5 are pretty Sparkle - What are some of your wishes? not feelin like an5vverin thi5 one 5orry Love - Are you in a relationship? all in 5y5 at the moment but yeah Pajamas - Are you an early bird or do you rather sleep in? vvere nocturnal Cream puff - What was the last thing you ate and did you like it? it vva5 a burger from vvendy5 an it vva5 alright Meow - Share a random fact about yourself, please ok you knovv thi5 i5 really long did you really haVe to 5ay all of them im tired here uhhhh the only thing i cant do left handed i5 vvrite neatly Warmth - Do you like to cuddle? once i get to knovv you ye5 Cozy - How many pillows do you have in your bed? like four or fiVe Glitter - What color are your eyes? MY eye5 are Purple like in my icon the body ha5 a different eye color obViou5ly Cinnamon - What are some about your hobbies? obViou5ly dravvin i al5o do a bit a paintin on the 5ide an knittin an im 5till tryin to learn diVination vvith card5 Unicorn - Do you believe in magic? i think it5 fake but vvhateVer im not goin to go policin vvhat other people do Butterfly - If you could live anywhere you like, what would you choose? i vvould vvant a nice hou5e near a city or eVen better like the entire floor of a buildin in the city dont knovv exactly vvhich one yet Princess - Do you prefer to wear skirts, dresses or pants? 5kirt5 not that i get to much Bonbon - Do you rather like sweet or salty snacks? 5alty

[kiwibirdlafayette]

Hi friends. Remember how I said I could write an essay about c!Tom Syndicate and his characterization.

guess what I did LMAO

Ted talk below ft. My personal interpretation of Tom’s Mianite character in mainly S1 and a little into S2 based on how I perceive his actions and interactions -

Disclaimer: If I feel off the mark it's possible, and if you disagree with what’s said, that's also totally fine.  I’ve never watched the entirety of Tom’s POV, I aim to someday and will inevitably add onto this. Also. All mentions of characters refer exclusively to the RP-verse, none of this pulls into consideration dynamics of the irl CCs, ofc.

-or, me overanalyzing what drives him, why he comes off as solely and only “evil and chaotic” (despite being a lot more complex than that) and how the difference in the dynamics of devotion make the killing Dianite at the end of S1 all the more impactful, as it directly influenced how he perceives relationships with others through the season, and drove the change in dynamics with the others through S2.  

From the start, we come to know two universal truths about Tom’s dynamic with his god in Season 1- 1) Dianite, as the god of Evil is ruthless, and isn’t forgiving when Tom messes up, and 2) Tom’s loyalty lies in whoever will reward him the best regardless of whatever he need go through, even if those promises of glory are empty. 

So, like, while it’s kind of defined that while Jordan's devotion (and borderline 'blind faith'; but a topic for a different essay) gets him adoration and love from his goddess, when Tom is devoted to his god, he gets gifts. Every time he kills for his god, or completes a task of some sort, Dianite awards him with fancy armor and swords and stuff and the like. And when he’s failed, those things get taken away. What this does is create in his head the concept of a ‘devotion transaction,’ where loyalty, love and affection is something you have to earn the right to hold onto; and can be stripped away at any time. I think this act alone is what shapes Tom's whole relationship with love and loyalty; and shaped the dynamics of his relationships to a type of dependence and a constant need to prove himself to maintain those ties. 

Or alternatively, the only way to stay close to someone is to do everything in your power to keep their favor, lest you be smitten down, or worse, abandoned completely. This plays into whereas Jordan's devotion to Ianite is a ‘I will do anything for you even if it kills me or may not be for the greater good because I love you so much I trust your every word’, (becoming a love language of acts of service out of unconditional love) Tom’s devotion comes more from a place of fear to appease or be killed because Dianite has him in a literal-metaphorical death grip, translating into his love language of overwhelming clinginess to what material and emotional ties he has and lashing out when it feels like those he can depend on are against him and seem to be trying to sever those ties (World War Mianite). 

The lashing out could also be a thing he picked up from Dianite who does that when Tom seems to be betraying him, but I don’t particularly want to get too much into that. The bottom line is mainly that he hates being alone, he hates having no one to depend on, and that notion alone is enough to make him take desperate measures.

Because despite wanting to be a lone wolf, or so badly to be on his own, he needs other people to survive, just like he needs Dianite to survive. On his own, one could say he’s kinda pathetic /lh, unrealizing how much his friends actually lift him up from that. 

I can’t remember who put it how, but I really align towards the idea that Tom isn’t inherently a bad person, nor intentionally wants to be the villain of the story- He just wants to have fun in the end. However, he’s so dependent on his god because in a way Dianite acts as his lifeline, the guy who picked him up because he wasn’t Mianite’s kind of champion in the same way that Tucker was, Dianite's the guy who helps him out when the ‘good guys’ are only ever against him. Almost in a way he leans on Dianite, he puts his devotion before most other things even if it means putting aside fucking around times because if he can't prove himself to his god, then it opens up the possibility that everything he's depending on could go away. His god is not merciful, his god could drop him at a moment's notice, and he'd have to be godless among his peers who have Mianite and Ianite (respectively) behind them to back them up. And Tom wouldn't have anyone. This of course, not to say that he thinks that Jordan, Tucker, and Sonja, etc. are solely and only against him (and don't care about him) but more so that at the beginning, he cares more about self-preservation in an anarchy server dominated by war then necessarily accepting that his friends don't want to kill him at every turn. It isn’t till the end of the season when we see that shift, and how that builds towards his infamous betrayal of his god.

So that reliance on Dianite, and focus on what Dianite wants versus his own needs/the need to connect better with his friends (who he is taught by Dia are only against him because of who he follows'') translates into the "overexaggerated evil chaos destruction" that became his primary character archetype where instead of the chaos being fueled primarily by his own funky little brain, he basically does all that he does to appease Dia and keep the god on his side, and ultimately keep him alive. Because from a nuanced perspective, it’s not really that he’s following Dianite, he’s Dianite’s mercenary- or, instead of it being a “we help each other out”, its a “you do my dirty work” kinda thing.That difference in dynamic ends up isolating himself from the rest of TR also then giving him that validation that yes, he can be independent from those Mianite plebs and 'doesn't need nobody' (ironically all while continually being unconsciously chained to Dianite) However as the season progresses (and in my personal headcanon involving Syndisparklez) his attention starts to shift once he realizes that he belongs to that group just as much as Jordan, or Sonja does despite being on the opposite side of Mianite and Dianite’s feud. And unlike Dianite, they indulge on his wanting to just have fun and mess around, versus the “everything is a puzzle piece falling together in working towards some specific end goal and every little mess up only sets us back” mindset that Dianite imparted through the way he defined devotion when it came to his champion. And once he starts to slowly accept that kinder reality and hang more with his friends (god alignments aside), he loses that emotional and material tie to Dianite (but never loses the dependency of never wanting to be on his own) and starts to depend more on his friends, clinging to them as he had wanted to, involving himself with more things they did because it gave him a space to just be him. 

And it is this arc of moving away from "fighting for his god to prove himself so that he's always being there for him” into ‘wanting to prove himself to his friends to show he does care and that everything not be a turf war'' that feeds into the impact of the cumulative event of him killing Dianite at the end of S1. It serves as a literal act of severing any ties he had with devotion and putting the ties between him and his friends at the forefront. At the same time, it symbolically visualizes Tom pulling himself away from Dianite’s grip, telling himself he doesn’t need Dianite: he is capable of pulling off chaotic stunts on himself, able to hold his own against the Mianitees and Ianitees, and isn’t just some pathetic little bastard man that was pulled out of the ground. And the by becoming Mecha-Dianite, Tom essentially becomes a pseudo-physical manifestation of his liberation from Dianite's chains where he doesn't have to depend on anyone. He can depend on himself, he is capable and he doesn't need to drive himself into the ground trying to prove his worth.

In season 2 when Dianite comes back, Tom has this different sense of self about him, because this Dianite is different, and he’s different. He holds onto the Mecha-Dia status like a badge of honor; he won’t fear this god. And he finds eventually he doesn’t have to. This Dianite isn’t inherently "evil", in fact, he’s near opposite. He still rewards Tom, but not in the way S1 Dianite did where he was breathing over Tom’s shoulder just waiting for him to inevitably fail some specific mission; in fact, since he’s dead he’s barely there. S2! Dianite also has greater affections to Mot, whom he treats more so how Ianite treats Jordan, where loyalty-devotion translates into genuine love. And in a way I think that fact plus his newfound separation from the notion that he needs his god to survive prevents him from falling back into old mindsets. Instead, he redirects a similar, but different emotional dependency from what should've gone to his god, now to Jordan (in not necessarily a romantic sense, despite what my normal behavior on this account might suggest).

Because even though he might have persona-autonomy, and isn't bound to a single individual defining his worth, he's still not someone who thrives on complete and utter independence. Tom still remains someone who needs and relies on having someone to fall back on to help him out, give him things, build things for him and so and so forth - and the need for that kind of connection continues to drives him to be so energetic and passionate for his relationships with others-- but instead of it being out of fear, it's out of affection. A kind of nuance in someone's love language where time spent together is driven not by needing it otherwise you have nothing, but clinging onto someone because they've brought into your life a "stability" (in quotes cause nothing about Tom isn't volatile) that keeps you alive, and fuels a different kind of fire. Even if he can't prove he's the best to them, it doesn't really matter anymore, because he needs them out of seeking a type of unconditional love since being completely alone or isolated would just drive him batshit. While a state of self-identified independence juxtaposed against emotionally dependency was so hurtful to him in the past, it has shaped into something that ended up more positive; as a way of becoming infinitely bonded to those he cares about, giving them his all and fighting with all his heart to hold onto them.

if you made it this far. thanks for reading my brain worms ily smooch smooch /p <333

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PS. hopefully this art makes more sense now ;]