#please tell me you’ve heard this audio

[star-dust-shark]

YOUR GENDER IS SO COOL!!!!!!!🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈💛🩵

Nah it’s fugly

But thankssss

[snailmail444]

ohhh, can you do hcs for what the sdv bachelors say during sex?

Bachelor Volume Headcannons

18+ 🌱 NSFW 🌱 MDNI

PART II of the double feature!!! Happy New Year lmao I hope you enjoy this filth 😈 shoutout to @hopefuloverfury who did a HOT bachelor volume headcannon list very recently that I ate UP. Check that out Here

Poll said post as you finish and I had this finished so here you are everyone. As always, MDNI, NSFW content under the cut.

Harvey-

💚 Kinda loud, tbh.

💚 I envision him as captain dad noise already, so I think during sex it carries over and he’s groaning and grunting these hot gravelly moans.

💚 Genuinely. I could go on about the sounds this man is sure to make. Because DAMN. Somebody get him into ASMR sex audios he’d make a fortune.

💚 Now that said I don’t see him as much of a dirty talker.

💚 It doesn’t come naturally to him. He’ll do a bit and try his best to appease you if you’re into it, and he’s definitely a person who could learn, but it’s never been easy for him and won’t be.

💚 Gets too in his head about if what he said was hot or if it was weird. Takes him out of it worrying that he’s taken you out of it. Which, relatable.

💚 But he does know through empirical evidence that his sex noises are hot, so he doesn’t hold back. Especially if you two are going at it rough, or you’re sucking him off, it’s obscene.

💚 Will praise you with that same sultry rasp, because that’s another thing he thinks is safely in the always-hot category.

💚 Such a good job baby, feels so good, etc. Can never go wrong.

💚 Loud to the point his voice cracks when he cums 😇

Elliott-

❤️ My hot take is that I think Elliott would say the filthiest things you’ve ever heard during sex.

❤️ HEAR ME OUT!!!

❤️ I just think that as a man who is incredibly well read he knows what’s hot. And he’s not afraid to say it, either.

❤️ Especially with some of those dime novels that are his guilty pleasure, he’s picked up a thing or two.

❤️ Of course it’s still in a very Elliott way, but he’s a dirty talk king.

❤️ He’ll be worshiping your body while he details everything he wants to do to you. How he’s going to mark you with hickies where everybody can see that you’re his, how hard he’s going to ravage you with his cock, how many times he’s going to make you cum, etc.

❤️ Matches it with equal praise and romantic lines, too. It’s all about balance, and he wants to fuck you like a beast while still reminding you that you’re precious to him.

❤️ Grunts and huffs and moans, but not a lot unless he’s right about to cum. Man’s got more important uses for his mouth!!

❤️ Kind of irrelevant, but I see him as the type to passionately fuck you against the door to his cabin or overtop his writing desk or deep into the mattress. It’s not often that the furniture isn’t creaking and knocking in time to his thrusts.

Alex-

🤎 Okay so another hot take. But I think Alex is secretly incredibly shy and romantic.

🤎 Empirical evidence includes: his heart events imply that he puts on the machismo front as a defense mechanism, and he was raised by the most lovey-dovey old people you’ve ever seen.

🤎 SO. I think he would be very sweet in the way he talks in bed.

🤎 Lots of softness and nerves, but he’s still kinda noisy.

🤎 Tries to muffle himself because he’s embarrassed about making too much noise, but he can’t help it.

🤎 He’ll be about to tell you how good you’re doing, how much he loves it, and his words will warp off into a whimper because it’s too much.

🤎 I feel very strongly that he is a whimperer. I’m sorry. It makes sense.

🤎 Especially with his insane physical endurance he ends up overstimulating himself because he can’t get enough.

🤎 Like he can go a third round, sure, but he’s overstimulated and his voice is cracking and his cheeks are bright pink with exertion.

🤎 Lowkey he’d love it though I mean let’s be real. Let’s be so real. He wants to come until he’s crying. And he will.

🤎 Please don’t come for me abt this it’s just my take.

Shane-

💙 The curse words. The curse words.

💙 Listen. This man is already somebody who swears a lot so in bed? He’s letting FLY.

💙 Fuck that’s so good, you’re so goddamn tight, holy shit that’s hot, et cetera.

💙 Not much for moans but he does grunt so like. Same difference?

💙 Like it’s not that he’s stifling himself he just grunts and groans and swears instead of moans

💙 No whimpering I’m afraid 😔

💙 But he makes UP in dirty talk good lord.

💙Since he’s not a mean person just prickly from his defenses he’s well practiced in being mean even when he’s not.

💙 So ladies gentlemen and those of us that know better, we’ve got the makings of the PERFECT mean dom

💙 Dirty little slut, you’re so fuckin’ pathetic for it, beg on your knees just for the privilege, I could Go On.

💙 Only like that if you want it of course, but like with his gravelly sex voice asking if you think you’ve earned the right to cum yet? Somebody take me AWAY.

💙 Cums with a bit of a yell.

Sam-

🩷 It’s been said before I know.

🩷 But I must also agree. Sam is the loudest in bed. Far and away.

🩷 Good LUCK getting him to shut up honestly, between his whines and whimpers and moans he’s either apologizing for his lack of control or thanking you profusely for letting him hit.

🩷 Because Sam genuinely can’t control himself when he’s fucking half his vocabulary consists of sorry. He wanted to do it slow and sweet, but fuck, you’re so hot and tight around his cock he’s pounding you instead and he’s really sorry but he just can’t help himself.

🩷 I don’t see him swearing much tbh, not unless he’s completely fuck drunk. If he’s not babbling some pseudo-polite good boy nonsense, he’s whining. Maybe the stray shit or fuck, but not to excess.

🩷 Also throws in a ton of compliments. You’re so hot, you feel so good, you sound so beautiful, and so on. I just see him as an open complimenter, and when his mental circuit board is on overload he’s unable to stop himself.

🩷 Gag this man. Do it. I dare you.

🩷 He’ll be moaning and whimpering and drooling all around the gag, his eyebrows drawn up and in, eyes pleading for you to let him moan properly.

🩷 The most pathetic man you’ve ever seen and all because he can’t whine for you. God somebody just take me away, lock me up.

Sebastian-

🖤 King of being amused by how turned on you are.

🖤 He’s chuckling, huffing, asking incredulous rhetorical questions like “yeah? Already?”

🖤 I could see him falling hard and fast, so he’s probably using his dry sense of humor to hide how fucking gone he already is.

🖤 Because emotional vulnerability isn’t his thing so it gives him some distance while still allowing him to enjoy how fucking hot and adorable everything you do is.

🖤 As far as his own sounds, though, he’s not moaning or whining a whole lot.

🖤 He does whisper a lot of swear words, and he’s HEAVY on the panting, as a consolation prize.

🖤 Dirty talk gets a little spicy with him just because he lives to tease. He’s not the heaviest dirty talker even on this list, but he can definitely turn up the heat.

🖤 Lowkey I can see him being a hand holder because he can’t help himself. He can only keep his affections at bay so much.

🖤 And I bring that up only because he’d lose his breath the moment your fingers twined with his and reward you with a soft, stuttering moan.

🖤 Definitely bites you to keep from making noise when he comes. He’d probably end up whining if he didn’t.

[joocomics]

1:06 am

pairing: bf!jiung x fem!reader

genre: smut wc: 1130

cw: bf!jiung goes from vanilla to rough, sub!reader, oral sex (m!rec), spanking, praise kink, hair pulling, name calling, light face slapping (f!rec)

Jiung savours every second of your orgasm.

His hypnotising voice coos praises at your ear, as you pulse around him rapidly from experiencing the first climax from his cock in three weeks. He’s never heard your voice brake like that before, and he holds his breath for a moment in order to not miss a single note from it. While he was on tour you made sure to keep each other entertained by exchanging a few audio messages when you both felt too touch starved, but your moans in those footages weren’t slightly close to this.

“There you go, princess…” his lips place another praise in the form of a gentle kiss on your jawline. “You did so well for me, angel. You always do.” He moves his lips lower where your skin is warm and sticky when your arched back finally lays down.

You keep humming although your rush begins to wind down, as Jiung continues to peck at your neck through wet nibbles and compliments that slip from his tongue like honey.

“Think you can give me one more, baby?” He asks, feeling his chest flutter at your cute sounds. He has a slight idea of what the answer might be from the way the rolling of your hips resumes. “I missed you so much.”

You keep him close with legs around his hips, and nails scratching his back, as you practically melt into the bed from the pleasant feeling of his weight and cologne creeping in the air - two things that always bring you comfort and security, you missed it so much.

Now is the time to ask him; to request what you’ve been craving to try with him for the past weeks you’ve been away from each other. You’ve thought about doing it through a call or a message almost every time you got off to another one of those videos, but you couldn’t get yourself to do it.

You tell him you missed him too, bringing your hands up to his shoulders.

“Can we try something different?” You speak out and his eyes blink at you curiously. “Can you be more rough with me?”

“Rough?” Jiung remains silent for a few seconds before leaning forward in your neck again. “Elaborate, baby.”

“You know…” Your voice comes out airy, as his tongue traces the shape of your ear. “You can treat me like a whore instead of a princess this time. See if you like it.”

Jiung wonders where did this come from, but he decides to leave the questions for later.

He’s not one to deny you what you want, and his mind quickly thinks of a way he can fulfill your desire along with his own.

“On your knees then.”

Excited, you quickly kneel in front of him, skimming his hand going around his shaft.

“Use me as you want, baby,” you gush impatiently, “please.”

“So needy…” He tilts his head, amused by the way you anticipate his next move. “What am I gonna do with you?” He tugs your roots, forcing you into his crotch with your ass up in the air. “Go on, take it.”

Jiung pushes you roughly, shoving his size down your throat. Instead of letting you do it on your own, his fingers all tangled in your hair keep your head steady, and he begins to fuck your mouth in a way you’re almost sure he hasn’t fucked your pussy in a while.

“Ah, shit…” His voice cracks, as his tip reaches a spot in your throat it has never before. “Fuck, feels so good… s-so fuckin’ good, stay just like that.”

You hold on Jiung’s thighs for support letting him mercilessly take over your mouth, as he babbles overwhelmed. The bucking of his hips is rogue; the strength makes you numb, but that doesn’t stop your cunt from clenching.

“How’s that feel, huh?” He speaks over the choking lewd noises erupting from your mouth. “Is this what you wanted?”

He pulls you away, leaving your mouth hanging open and empty, only strings of drool that were connected to his erection now swing from your lips. He checks out your face closely after you rise up to nod.

“Feels good,” you mumble already lightheaded. You smile at him with your dazed eyes and glistening lips. “I like it so much.”

Jiung gives your cheek a light slap, and kisses your wet lips deeply. So many thoughts are clouding his mind and they’re all about how crazy he is about you.

“I like that too,” you whine before your tongues swirl around each other.

He pulls back and flips you over, making you lay on your stomach.

Your ass receives a nice amount of slaps that fill the silence of the room, and an unexpected string of spit that gets spread between your cheeks and mixed with your arousal. Right after that moment, Jiung inserts himself into you with a single strong push through your folds, making you yelp into the cushion and kick your feet behind him.

“Here you go, doll… giving it to you like the filthy slut you are.”

It didn’t take him long to get used to watching you in this new light, not at all. Knowing that you trust him enough to give yourself to him like this; reminding him once again that he's the only guy who can have you, see you, feel you in this state helps him unlock something new in himself too.

“So fuckin’ wet,” Jiung cusses through a sharp chuckle. “You’re loving this, aren’t you, pretty slut?”

“Yes, y-yes, don’t stop…”

Gradually Jiung begins to get more and more entranced by your desperate muffled whines, and he leans forward to press your face even further into the pillow.

“You sound even more beautiful like this…” He grunts over your shoulder, pounding as fast as his hips allow him to while the corners of your eyes drop their first few tears.

Soon enough his hand leaves the back of your head, and you gasp for air after peeling off the stained pillowcase.

With a new type of hunger, your flesh gets groped again to the point it now starts to sting, before Jiung lifts your hips up.

This new angle in addition to the same rapid speed has you roll your eyes back into your head.

“Fuck, Ji—“ you mewl, feeling the pressure in your core close to bursting. “Please, wanna c-cum, p-please, please…”

“Ah, baby...” your boyfriend forces you to bend, so his hand can get a hold of your neck while he speaks a few words at your ear. “You didn’t think this through if you think you can cum whenever you want while acting like a whore.”

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise in advance for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[zsakuva]

Hey Saku! I had a question about the dialogue for your audios. I’ve always thought your writing, banter, and conversations you’ve made between the characters and listeners seem so realistic! I just wanted to know how you’ve been able to do it so fluidly. Is it simply a matter of practice? Or has watching movies/tv made it easier to imagine? As a writer I’m curious! 🩵

Thank you!

It is absolutely a matter of practice.

TV shows and movies can't get you anywhere because when dialogue appears, more often than not it's between two people you can hear. Meanings and subtext are much easier to insert because the words used are carefully chosen, and the audience can hear all sides. I'll give a very simple example.

Person A: Where did you go? Person B: I went to the market. Person A: Oh. What did you get? Person B: A bushel of apples for £5. Person A: That's it? Bloody hell, the prices have gone up. Last time I went, I could've bought a pie as well for that price. That's a rip-off, that is!

For two characters that can be heard, this is fine. But if Person B was the Listener, the audience misses out on vital information: where they were, what they bought, and how much they spent.

When writing from a second POV, it gets tricky. Conversations breathe, speed up and slow down depending on what takes precedence either for the story or the characters. If I wanted to change the above example to suit audio roleplay, it could be this:

Person A: Where did you go? Person B: I went to the market. Person A: Oh, to the market? What did you get? Person B: A bushel of apples for £5. Person A: You only got a bushel of apples for £5? Bloody hell, the prices have gone up. Last time I went, I could've bought a pie as well for that price. That's a rip-off, that is!

This gives the audience the unsaid information, but it's too on the nose. Repeating the Listener's dialogue is like spoon-feeding the audience. I do use it sparingly, but omit it where possible; what I've learnt is that information said by the Listener doesn't have to be immediately repeated. Structuring dialogue can be like a puzzle, and the audience can piece that puzzle together. One way I could write it is:

Person A: Where did you go? Person B: I went to the market. Person A: Oh. What did you get? Person B: A bushel of apples for £5. Person A: That's all you got for £5? Last time I went to the market, I could've bought the apples and a pie for that price!

This is a little more concise, and gives all the relevant information said by Person B. Also, I removed 'Bloody hell, the prices have gone up' and 'That's a rip-off, that is' because Person A is already inferring that, so there's no need to say it.

Of course, there are many exceptions to this kind of guideline depending on the character you write and the story! I'll give one example.

Person A: Where did you go? Person B: I went to the market. Person A: Why are you back so early then? Person B: Well... Person A: Please tell me you didn't go to the new lake market instead. You didn't buy anything... did you? Person B: I bought a bushel of apples for £5. Person A: …You spent the last £5 you had on a bushel of apples? You could've bought a pie too for that price at Mayva's stall!

The context here is different, but the scene allows for a natural repetition of dialogue. It also infers that the new market is probably expensive, and their usual market—a frequented one as Person A knows the vendor's name—is further away.

My audios aren't as realistic as I would like them to be as I need to write around these hurdles, but that also becomes a fun challenge. Though the Listener can't be heard, they are still speaking, so it's paramount that information isn't lost in the void, and I always need to check before I'm happy with the script.

The more you do it, the better you become. Practice makes progress!

[blackseafoam]

Healed Wrong

part 5 previous WC:749

Clone Trooper Flinch finally gets help and faces the consequences of not doing so sooner, and get's a little tough love from an older-brother for it. Description of injury, non-graphic.

whumptober 2024. Day 25. surgery l stitches l being monitored l "It's for your own good"

“Stop saying that.”

“Hmh? ” 

“Stop saying ‘shut up’ and answer my question, please.”

Flinch opened his eyes, squinting at the bright lights. He went to lift his left hand to cover them, but it didn’t move. When he blinked away the intrusive radiance, the first thing he saw was a clone medic standing over him. 

“Can you hear me? Flinch?” 

Flinch stared at the owner of the voice, taking several moments to process. He glanced around, vision still bleary from heavy sleep. The walls were gray durasteel, they looked like the thin sheet metal like the ones at his last base, designed to fold up and pack into containers. He was on one of many half a dozen cots that lined the wall, a mirrored set on the opposite side, several other soldiers laid nearby.

“Where is this?”

“You’re at the aid tent. You went down in the field, do you remember?” 

“I, I don’t know.” Flinch’s head swam, his thoughts drifting away before they could finish. 

The medic wrote something on his datapad; then began reading off it. “You’ve been fighting off septic shock for a day now, due to a wound in your arm. He gestured to Flinch’s right arm, which was wrapped in a thick bandage around his bicep. 

Flinch took stock as he listened. He had several intravenous lines. A scanner array hovered over his bed, monitoring who knows what inside his body. Most confusingly, his left hand was tied loosely with a cloth to the side of the bed. 

“From what I can tell, it's a wound originating from your tattoo healing wrong. Your personnel report says you had an encounter where you were submerged in the swamp at your base, does that sound correct?” 

Flinch nodded absently, moving his right arm to undo the knot to free his left hand. The movement sent shocks of pain through the deep muscles in his arm, he felt like he could feel his bones. The medic simultaneously leaned over to stop his hand “Don’t move your arm.” He demanded, too late, then worked to untie the cloth. 

“You’re a terrible sleeper. Even on sedatives you were talking in your sleep, and you kept reaching for your injury. So we had to do this, sorry.” 

Flinch’s hand was free, he was self-conscious enough to not instinctively start grabbing at his arm. 

“You were even telling the droids to ‘shut up’ constantly, kept putting them in audio-off mode. We had to have someone whip up a code just so they’d stop obeying you.” He laughed, humored bewilderment in his expression. 

The words entered Flinch’s head but barely registered. He smiled back, even though he wasn’t sure what they were laughing about. 

The medic cleared his throat. “Anyway, the bacteria from the water created a serious infection in your soft-tissue, and it went on long enough that it led to sepsis. Flinch, why didn’t you get help earlier?” He asked, as gently as he could with obvious irritation in his tone. 

Flinch was barely keeping up with the words, his gaze drifting around the room. “You know my name?”

“Your buddy Hanni made sure we knew it when we came to pick you up.” 

Flinch’s eyes finally focused on the medic when he heard his patrol partner’s name. 

“Anyway, we opened your wound and flushed out as much of the bad stuff as we could. The edges have been stitched up but we can’t close it until we’re sure the infection is gone, which is why it’s so important to not touch it.” He raised his eyebrows in emphasis. “ The antibiotics are working for now, but… greater measures may have to be taken once we get you to an actual medical station.” He paused, his face went concerningly serious. Now he had Flinch’s full attention. “I don’t want to alarm you, but I am obligated to prepare you for the possibility that amputation may be on the table.”

Flinch’s blood went cold, he clenched his jaw and looked away, eyes unfocused. The medic gently grabbed his good arm as it reflexively went back toward the bandage, then grabbed his hand. “So, if you don’t want that to happen, you have to listen to everything we say, got it? You have to heal as much as possible before we send you off, then you’ll have the best chance, okay?” He patted Flinch’s forearm gruffly, driving his point home. 

Flinch nodded, suddenly exhausted again. 

“Okay?”

“Okay.” He closed his eyes.

[fanterfane]

Welcome to the Star Pride! (Sketch)

Here's a thing I've been working on with OccPixTFs (https://www.deviantart.com/occpixtfs)! Fayne beefcake lionification/twinning into Pix's OC Leo! Fayne had never really been a fan of old console games... Especially from consoles older than he was by more than a third of his lifespan. He'd just never understood the appeal of them, with their strange 8-bit graphics and esoteric genres. But when the local game shop closed down they had a closing sale where everything had to go, he had some spare time so figured he might as well give it a chance! The store owner seemed especially keen on getting rid of a specific Sega Genesis and a game for it named Star Pride Voyagers... (https://www.deviantart.com/occpixtfs/art/Star-Pride-Voyagers-199X-Mockup-Pixel-Art-959597243) He gave Fayne such a discount that he got the cartridge AND the console for just 20 bucks! What a steal!! It was honestly too good to be true... He took it home and with some effort, removed it from it's unassuming packaging. It was wrapped in a way that made it seem like they wanted to keep whatever was inside in, rather than keep it safe from whatever was outside... Which was strange to him but Fayne tried not to overthink it like he usually does. When he launched the game and dusted off the old console, the ginger boy was hit with a loud intro, narrated by a campy sounding macho lion! Sitting down, Fayne prepared for a blast from a past he'd never seen before! "Welcome to Star Pride Voyagers! We can see you're new here, but you've got the courage and power of a lionhearted Captain~! After this Training Tutorial, you'll be an ace pilot in no time!" Played the crispy ancient audio from his speakers... Sending a chill up the boy's spine. It was a strange intro, for sure. But Fayne wasn't worried at all until the console started crackling, and he felt static in the air. Then, he started to grow... and grow... and then bluish fur appeared on his skin and he knew he was in for it! Fayne had heard before that a group of lions is a pride, but he definitely wasn't ready to experience a lion's pride firsthand! Now he just needed to find his flightsuit...and his ship, for that matter~ This is probably one of the gayest things I've ever drawn. It took a lot of willpower for me to get myself to make a true male on male transformation/corruption piece with a masculine framing, but it worked out in the end! Tell me what you think. Is it too far for your tastes? Or are you happy to explore new things? I for one am excited to learn more about masculinity and gender in a positive way!! Originally finished in September 2023!

If you like the art I make and have decided that you want to support me and help create more of it, please consider joining my Patreon at www.patreon.com/FanterFane for all of these benefits and more!

Preview all completed art at least two weeks or more before it's publicly posted!

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And my eternal gratitude!

Alternatively, if Patreon isn't your style, you can also support me via a tip on ko-fi.com/fanterfane, or by subscribing on fanterfane.fanbox.cc!

[dinsdjrn]

everything i wanted | j. miller | track two

track one | track three | masterlist

bodyguard!joel AU

AU!Joel x singer!f!reader

summary: I'm scared to death I'll scream your name and still there's not a thing I would change. That's okay, but I think about it. rejection never gets any easier, but we all find ways to move on. [w.c: 4.4k]

tags for the series: 18+, minors DNI, angst/fluff/eventual smut, sarah's dead (plot), ellie is alive, parental manipulation/abuse (maternal) (reader is in a classic love bombing abuse cycle please note the mother is not redeemable), depression, drug and alcohol use, sobriety, stalker behaviour from a fan, will update as i go, this ones gonna get dark but it will have the happy feel good too! as always if anything is missing tell me and i will add it!

a/n: i am back from vacation and ready to write the days away. this one is for @tightjeansjavi who keeps me going and reminds me not to quit.

track two - think about it

It always felt weird to record a song that struck a chord close to your heart. You were pulling on the most exhausting day of your life, and it wasn’t even entirely yours anymore. It had been polished and produced into something you recognized, but not something you knew and understood. It was a frustrating, but undeniably, good song. It held some of the grit you craved, whilst keeping the image that was carefully curated for you.

Overall it had been a successful morning in the studio and your complaints were for you to bury alone. When everyone had taken a break to grab a coffee and come back with fresh ideas, you stayed behind to send a small clip to your parents. 

[Audio Message]

Finally a complete song for the deluxe!! Can’t wait for you to hear the rest :) 

Your dad loved the message, all you got back from your mom was a ‘Call me’. 

You sighed making your way out into the hallway where there would be better reception. To no surprise Joel was just outside the door of the studio waiting. 

“I’m just making a call, uh, to my mom,” you said, not entirely sure why you explained it to him. 

“Do you want some privacy?” He asked. 

“Oh, oh no, it won’t be long. Sorry, I just didn’t know-“ you rambled, cut off by your phone buzzing in your hand. You swiped to answer it, now flustered from the most meaningless interaction with Joel.

“Hey Mom, How’d you like the clip?” You asked excitedly. 

You slowly sat down on the floor across the hallway from Joel. 

It was something that could go either way, but you were hopeful your excitement would deter a rude remark. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She spat. 

“What?” Your voice dropped, clearly defeated. 

Joel looked at you perplexed. You just rolled your eyes and sighed. 

“This isn’t a hit for the deluxe! Telling your fans you hate them is no way to make people WANT to listen to you,” She exploded, completely missing the point of the song. 

“Well you’ve just heard a bit, it’s about more than that.”

“It’s not what it’s about, it’s how it’s perceived.” She was condescending. 

“Okay, sorry mom.” Your voice broke.

“Well don’t make me out to be the bad guy, you asked for my opinion. At the end of the day it’s your album and whether you sink or swim is up to you,” Her tone was sharp and quick. It dug into your mind in a way only she knew how to do. 

You weren’t sure why you put up with her anymore, maybe you felt guilty, maybe she is just under a lot of stress, maybe, maybe, maybe…

“No, you’re right,” you sighed wiping tears away, “We’ll work on it.” 

“Love to hear it sweetie. The next one will be it I’m sure!” Her tone changed again, giving you emotional whiplash. 

“I have to go, the studio is going back in.” You lied.

“Go on! Make a hit! I miss you!” She promptly hung up before you could reply. 

As the call disconnected you felt the tears welling in your eyes spill over. Her words didn’t hurt you like they used to, they frustrated you to no end. 

“Fuck,” you whispered. 

You weren’t paying super close attention to your surroundings, but you felt a presence sit next to you on the floor. 

“Hey, hey, it will be okay,” it was Joel talking to you, comforting you. 

“I’m sorry, she is just so fucking frustrating,” you leaned your head back against the wall. 

This was so beyond what you’d ever expect of him, but it was comforting nonetheless. Your heart swelled at the sentiment. You weren’t one to really crush on anyone, but Joel had this gravity to him that pulled you in. 

“You’re okay, she has no idea how amazing it is,” he continued softly.  

“What?” You asked, confused at this new softer side of Joel. 

“The song, it’s great. I know people are going to love it.” He offered a small smile.

“We won’t know until it’s out there,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“Well I know, for a fact, one fourteen year old girl is going to love it,” He continued, “Hell I’ll probably hear it so much I’d pay you to take it off the album for me.” 

You offered a sympathetic laugh for his attempt at a joke. 

“Ellie?” You asked. 

“Yeah, the kid loves you, it didn’t connect until well… we got here.” 

“What made you finally recognize my music?” You asked out of curiosity. 

“The album on the wall, I’m pretty sure we have it on vinyl. And I’m fairly certain that vinyl rarely leaves the record player.” He rolled his eyes, they were softer than normal. 

You weren’t sure if it was out of sympathy for your pathetic display, or fondness for discussing his daughter. Either way you liked this side of Joel, it tugged at your heart. His complexities making your mind wander, you want to see him, really know him. 

“Well, she is welcome here anytime,” you said. 

You placed a hand on his crossed arms, it sent a chill down your arm and spine. Just a touch sent you into a frenzy. Your hand lingered and the silence drew on for just a moment longer than it needed to. Joel cleared his throat and it brought you back. 

“Thanks, uh, yeah thank you,” he turned away from you standing up. 

You had stopped crying and stood up to meet Joel. 

“Thanks, for being there. Well, and boosting my ego,” You smiled making your way to the door behind him. 

“Anytime,” he said with some southern drawl. 

You didn’t spend much more time in the studio that day. Your head wasn’t in it anymore and everyone could tell. You also had drinks with James to get ready for. Once everyone called it an early day you headed home to change and get ready for a night out. He didn’t say anything the entire way home, just like the day before. Joel followed, he kept his distance, staying in the common spaces looking somehow both devastating and intimidating. 

“Joel,” you breathed, dizzy and giddy from the atmosphere and the alcohol in your system. 

When you had agreed to go out, you only committed to one drink. Then one drink turned to four, and pounding back drink after drink made the world fade away. The booth gossip no longer interested you, you took James by the hand and made your way to the dance floor, Joel following suit. 

“We should get you home,” he stated, attempting to shuffle you back to the table. 

“This could be fun, if you let it! We could make the most of a bad situation!” You threw your head back and laughed. 

You brushed your hand against his arm. This was bold and unlike you in all aspects, but you were letting go. Letting go of the past 3 days, letting go of the past 5 years, letting go of every rational thought you’ve ever had. 

“No, you don’t know me. You’re drunk. I’m here to do a job, nothing more, nothing less.” He pulled away from you and forced you back to the table. 

“Joel, you don’t understand. I haven’t felt like this for anyone in a long time and you have to tell me you feel it too.” Your tone growing serious, accusatory.

What he said next sent an arrow straight through your soul. It was sobering and rejection hadn’t hit this hard in a long time. 

“I don’t, there is nothing between us. If you got caught up with me that quickly you’ll get over it twice as fast.”

His words winded you, you were too drunk to read him, but you tried. There was no sense of regret, mistruth, no sense of anything really. He was cold as the moment you met and it was harrowing. You’re sure if you were sober you’d see nothing but a cold, uncaring man. 

You had never felt a pull like this from anyone, and in the short time you’d known one another you desperately wanted to believe he felt it too. That’s all it was though, desperation. The first person in so long that made you believe that they might care about you, even if it was just for a paycheck. In less than three days he had treated you like more of a human than half the people you had met in the last five years. 

“Take me home, now.” You whispered. Unable to look him in the eye.

So he did, like any security detail would, he got you into the car with minimal disruption from paps. Not a word was spoken between you, the silence warped to your despair. Being turned down so blatantly was something you were used to from labels, but never like this. Never with someone you felt such a connection to so quickly. 

In the car your phone buzzed, you thought it was James asking where you went. It came from an unknown number. 

You can leave, but I will always follow…

It was definitely from the same person, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to care. This was your secret to keep. You didn’t want to come off as overly dramatic as your mother had previously accused you of doing. So you deleted the message and moved on, it wasn’t like it was a note at your door. 

When you got back to the apartment you made your way to your room without a word, stumbling down the hall. You didn’t want to cry, not for this. You wanted to sleep and hoped that this night would become a hazy memory, bound to your drunkenness like a secret. 

You stared at the bathroom mirror hoping that at the very least you could harness this feeling into capital. The thought made your palms clench and chest tight, you felt like you were suffocating. It sent you into a spiral you hadn’t felt in a long time, the fear of failing, not being good enough overwhelming you. This album was eating you alive and all around you you were surrounded by rejection, from Joel, from your mother, from your label; every direction pulled your head below the water in a new way. 

You hadn’t had a panic attack in years. You reached in the cabinet for your meds, you hadn’t needed them in so long, but as the tension in your chest began to build you felt yourself slowly losing control. 

Gripping the counter you let this feeling fester until it slowly passed. All you were left with was the fading buzz of the drinks in your system becoming a sleepy haze you were sure to regret in the morning. 

The next morning, the night before wasn’t brought up. It was almost unnerving how cold Joel was toward you but somehow he came off as indifferent. You knew any trust or relationship you had built was officially gone. Nothing left but ruins in your wake. 

By noon, he was gone and his relief Will Jones had arrived. Will was an older gentleman who clearly kept up with himself over the years. He was warmer than Joel and would make conversation the same way you’d make it with your dad. You knew you’d get along fine, but he also wasn’t Joel. 

You weren’t too keen on conversation, somewhere between the dull ache in your chest and your hangover you’d forgotten

your kindness. So Jones gave you your space and you worked on your music. 

And that’s how it went… for three weeks you’d rotate between Joel and Will. Not saying much to either of them. Wake up, go to the studio, get nothing done, go out and forget your frustrations, and repeat. Three weeks of failure in the day forgotten with a bender in the night. 

Texts would come through, always from a different number. Always along the lines of missing you and loving you, never threatening you. You never thought much of them and always kept them to yourself deleting them soon after they came in. 

You were falling apart and didn’t think anyone was going to notice. No one ever had before and there wasn’t anyone close enough to you to care. 

You felt stuck creatively, nothing you were making was impressing producers enough. You felt stuck personally, forever between a rock and a hard place. Your mother berating you for coming up with nothing, receiving a cold shoulder from Joel who you had only grown more fond of, feeling so isolated and alone even though this is what you’ve always dreamed of. You should be grateful for everything you have, but it came at the expense of your soul. 

It had been a particularly bad night for you, Will was with you tonight and you had gotten particularly clobbered. It was messy and no one was brave enough to stop you. You felt the eyes and phones on you and it was the moment you knew this was going to be a mess your team would have to clean up. Your carefully curated image of a humble small town artist was being thrown out the window. Just one night where the eyes at the bar looked a little too closely, they found out a little too much about you. It would all come crashing down in just a few short hours. 

“Get me out of here,” You said to Will, pulling on his sleeve like a toddler.

“Let’s go,” He quickly shuffled you out of the bar and to a car that was waiting outside.

The paparazzi were insane this time around and you had never felt so scared. The word must’ve already been out where you were and everyone wanted the shot that would destroy your image. It was worth so much more than a photo of you leaving the studio, or on a pre planned date with another emerging artist. 

The flashes made you nauseous and the banging on the windows and shouting from outside the vehicle had installed a new type of fear and anxiety within you. You clenched your fists and loved your eyes solely focusing on your breathing and heart rate. It was hard to focus in with all the noise around you and you knew that if their cameras got the shot it was going to be messy but you had to calm down. 

Eventually your car had made it through the mob of people and back to your apartment. You needed to collapse in bed, just sleep and forget everything. As soon as you came through the door you made your way to bed, fully clothed, make-up on, and began scrolling through twitter. Of course there were photos of you from tonight that had begun circling. TMZ was already spinning a story about how you had flown off the handle, with a full segment to come in the morning. Daily Mail had jumped on an article too in the forty minutes it took you to get home. 

Just like that it had all come crashing down so fast. Maybe it was the attention you had wanted, maybe not. Something about having your image fall apart and the world watching you come undone was cathartic and yet you didn’t feel any better. You knew you were making a mess for someone else to clean up. You were still buzzed beyond your capacity to form a coherent thought about the repercussions you would face. You knew what was to come and yet, in your state, couldn’t bring yourself to care. So in the most pathetic attempt to make the pain go away, you fell asleep.

Someone had woken you up the next morning, it didn’t feel like you had slept for very long. It could also be that you had slept a long time, you were just hungover. You rubbed your eyes which had felt extremely dry, and when you looked at your hands the black smears of mascara reminded you of the night before. You had fallen asleep without even making an attempt at getting ready for bed. You had never felt so disgusting, you’re sure you were a pitiful sight. 

“What time is it?” You croaked. 

“It’s nine in the morning.” A voice you hadn’t expected said. 

“Mom?” You questioned fully opening your eyes and looking at where the voice had come from. 

There she was in the flesh. She looked as if she had just walked off the page of a magazine, not a single piece out of place. 

“What are you doing here?” You sat up and questioned. Your head was pounding and you struggled to put the pieces of why she would show up unannounced together. 

“I flew out as soon as I saw what was going on on twitter,” She started, “And I’m glad I did. This was the first thing I saw when I landed this morning.” 

She stood and stalked toward you dropping a tabloid paper on the end of your bed. 

There you were in all your drunken glory, right on the front page, trying to escape the bar the night before. You flip to the article which basically called you out for cracking under the pressure of fame. Maybe they were right, you had reached your tipping point of rejection. 

You couldn’t stop what came next, but everything just came crashing down. And as if you were a kid again your mom came to your side and wrapped herself around you. 

She whispered that it would be okay, and how proud she was of you and for a moment you believed her. It didn’t matter what her motives were, whether or not she just wanted you back in the studio. It was nice to feel like someone cared, you’d been so surrounded by ghosts who didn’t give a shit about you to sit and be held and be told your love was enough to forgive her all over again. These were the tender moments you clung to for dear life. Without them there would be no one left to care about you, and you would fade away.

“Come on, let’s get you ready to go,” she said when you had started to calm down. 

There it was, she wanted you back into the studio to capitalize on this. For the moment you could forget about that though, because at least she was here, at least she cared. 

Within the hour you had made it to the studio and started tweaking some of the songs you had worked on before. Your mom had made herself brief and was on the next flight back to New York. Her work was done and you had been put on a strict studio to home lockdown by your team. It was for the best. 

The morning in the studio had been weird, Will and Joel were supposed to switch off today and as the day grew later you wondered if Joel had finally thrown in the towel. Just as your mind got away from you  he came in flustered with a kid in tow. 

“Thanks for covering for me man,” He said to Will.

He turned to you and looked apologetic, “Is it okay if Ellie sticks around today? She got into trouble at school and my brother was already at work, no one was available to watch the kid this short notice?” 

“Oh yeah, of course!” You smiled and said a little too cheer-y.

Joel looked at you for a second longer than comfortable and his eyes grew softer. He was reading you like a book. You’re sure you didn’t look great but no one had made a note of how miserable you looked. 

“Thanks,” he stepped toward you. 

“You alright?” He spoke softly, looking directly at you. 

You melted away at his concern, you felt like you were the only person in the world. His features grew soft just for you and all the feelings you tried so hard to get rid of had pushed their way to the surface again. 

“Yeah, I will be,” And just for a second you believed it. 

Your focus came back to the room and the young girl shifted behind Joel. 

“Hi! Ellie, so nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!” you stood and made your way to her. 

Ellie then smiled so big and beamed your way. You pulled her into a hug and she reciprocated. When you pulled away you could tell she was just buzzing. 

“I’m such a huge fan,” She said. 

“So I’ve heard. I hear you’re also quite the guitar player?” You looked at Joel who was smiling fondly at the interaction between the two of you. 

“I’m alright,” She said shyly. 

“Well, I have a song I need some help with so let’s see what you’ve got?” 

You and Ellie took a seat on the couch, you were excited to introduce someone to this world. You always felt like the one who knew the least but you could see the light and excitement in her eyes. 

“So I usually try to tell a story, pull from hardships in my life,” you explained. 

“Oh,” Ellie said and shifted a bit uncomfortable. 

“You don’t have to though? Is there anything you feel you want to get out in the world?” You asked. 

“Well,” Ellie hesitated, “I guess there is one thing, that’s kinda bugging me.” 

“Okay?” you pressed. 

“See, there’s this, uh, girl. She isn’t out yet but we were together for a bit.. and uh, well she ended things but I still have feelings for her.” Ellie’s demeanor changed and became disheartened. 

“Wait, I actually think I have something you might be able to help me finish,” you said frantically digging in your bag for your notebook. 

And that’s how it started. You and Ellie spent the day writing a melancholy love song together. Little did she know the piece you had written was for her father. 

The song spoke of the one person who could derail your whole life if they wanted and you had so much fun writing and recording with Ellie. She even helped with the harmonies and the production. It was a great song and throughout the whole process you and Joel shared knowing looks with one another. For a moment there was a sense of understanding and forgiveness between you.

You wanted to grip onto this moment and never let it go. Forget all the scandal, the fear, the things that got you into this position and just hold onto the feeling of understanding between you, Ellie and Joel. 

All good things must come to an end though, as Ellie left with her uncle so did the warmth that Joel carried. You felt as if you were back at square one and there was nothing you could do about it. 

The drive home was quiet and uncomfortable as it had been the night he turned you down, but you couldn’t figure out why. 

When you returned to the apartment it was so quiet. You and Joel hadn’t spoken much in the last three weeks but this silence was deafening. There was so much you both wanted to say but neither of you could find the words. 

“Goodnight, Joel,” You said quietly, getting ready to take your leave. 

“Y’know I saw the pictures from last night?” He said and you were taken aback. 

“I’m sorry?” You tensed, not needing a reminder of your downfall. 

“I saw them all, you dancing with those random guys. Shit faced beyond yourself. I couldn’t help but blame myself,” He looked at his feet. 

“Joel it’s not your-“

“I lied to you,” he cut you off.

“Oh?” 

“Three weeks ago, I lied to you and told you I didn’t feel anything. I don’t know if you were being truthful or if you were just drunk, but I felt that connection too.” He admitted.

You were left speechless. 

“I lied because I have a job to do, and I have to keep you safe. I couldn’t risk that for what I thought was just a fleeting moment of attraction. Seeing you last night though? That nearly killed me. I wanted to rip their damn heads off, the men, the paps, all of them.”

He sighed and continued, “I care about you, I care about the way you feel. I want to know you, I want you to care about me and that’s fucking terrifying.” 

“Joel,” you said barely above a whisper, not sure what to believe. 

You hadn’t realized it but he had made his way to you, and once you noticed his presence was suffocating. 

“I want to keep you safe. After seeing you with Ellie today I don’t want to wonder what could have been. I need to know.” He looked right at you, moving a piece of hair away from your face. Gently cupping your cheek. 

“Joel, I’m a mess.” You turned away from him. “The whole reason you’re here is fucked up, and I clearly am not one to handle things well. I’m so fucking scared and I-“ 

Before you could continue his lips found yours and you were pulled into an all encapsulating kiss. The way his lips moved against yours was like a man starved. It was delicate but desperate all the same. You sighed against him and he wrapped his hand around your waist gripping you close. It said everything you couldn’t say to one another. Nothing had ever felt more right and for the first time in so long you had felt safe, like everything was going to be ok. 

When you finally pulled apart his hand lingered on your waist and you knew there would be so much to discuss in the days to come. Now was not the time though, the what ifs, and logistics could come later. For now you were wrapped in the bliss of the truth, the safety of your apartment, and the idea that this moment was just for you. 

“Goodnight, Joel,” you smiled, and kissed him on the cheek. 

“Goodnight, darlin’,” he said and released his hands from your waist. 

You were on cloud nine as you got ready for bed, tired from the emotions of the day and still nursing a wicked hangover. 

Just as you were getting ready for bed another text from an unknown number came through. Your heart stopped and elation came crashing down. 

How could you? 

tags: @pedgeitopascal @morning-star-joy @canseethebrushstrokes @skysmiller @contemplatingchemtrails @kyloispunk @skythighs @reader-without-a-story @aryastark-baratheon @thetriumphantpanda @ilovepedro @beskarandblasters @joelsversion once again i am horrid at tag lists but happy to make an attempt at adding u <3

[thought-42]

Flipped the switch and set the ship across the sea

Star Wars, 2900 words, Luke Skywalker, Ezra Bridger

In which Luke talks to a stranger on the internet and Ezra has an existential crisis.

Notes: Takes place before this, and after the as-yet-unpublished au wherein Thrawn and Ezra head back to the Ascendancy instead of languishing in side-character purgatory for 13 years, and Ezra and Che’ri start training pseudo-Jedi in a program supervised by Thrawn and Wutroow and intensely side eyed by everyone else (including Eli and Ar’alani).

*

The message arrives on Luke’s extremely secure, ‘first member of the new Jedi order, twin brother to a sitting senator and princess, hero of the Rebellion’ datapad at that exact hour of the morning between too late to fall back asleep and too early to get up. The sender is just blanked out, which he’s never seen before. It’s probably an advertisement, at best. More likely a slicer trying to get access to his personal information. He may have grown up on a farm but he also grew up on one of the biggest hubs for criminal activity and slavery and smuggling, he knows better than to let anything onto his datapad that he doesn’t trust implicitly.

He should delete it. This shouldn’t even be a question.

He opens it, obviously.

The message is short, and unsigned.

‘so i hear youre rebuilding the jedi.’

He shouldn’t respond. It’s not even technically a question, and the lack of any context is concerning. It could very easily be interpreted as a threat. It certainly wouldn’t be the first one he’s received.

He answers it, obviously.

‘I sure am. May I ask why you’re interested?’

*

It takes a good three months of cautious messages before Laezra –human in the Chiss Ascendancy, which is apparently an entire place and society that exists; Force sensitive; charming; obsessed with sending pictures of his tooka– agrees to an audio call. Luke has never heard anyone speak Cheunh, but he’s still expecting an accent. He’s expecting someone who sounds way older than him. He’s wrong on both accounts.

“I feel like I should say it’s nice to meet you, but that’s kind of dumb,” Laezra says, static crackling behind his words.

Luke laughs, hopes it doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels. “Hi! Yeah. I’m Luke Skywalker.”

“I know,” Laezra says, probably not intending to come across ominous. “Actually, I wanted to ask: any relation–”

“Yes,” says Luke, trying to project ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’– but not in a mean way. Apparently even the Chiss know about his dad. Cool. Good. Great.

“Huh. Neat.”

“...that’s a word,” Luke says.

*

“So maybe a weird question,” Luke says, as soon as Laezra answers the call.

“Good start, good start. Do I need more caffeine for this? I might be actively bleeding, incidentally, but it’s fine.”

Luke feels confident enough in his understanding of Laezra as a person that this isn’t actually concerning. “You’ve mentioned that you’re human. And General Sindulla– she’s my brother-in-law’s arch-nemesis– used to talk about someone she knew a long time ago.”

“Oh boy,” says Laezra.

“Is that a yes?”

“It is if you promise not to mention my existence to anybody.”

“She misses you a lot,” he says, because it seems kinder than ‘she’s mourned you and your assumed death is, as far as I can tell, one of her biggest regrets’.

“Yeeeaaaaahhhh,” Laezra’s tone is remarkably similar to Ben’s when he doesn’t want to admit to stealing Luke’s fancy chocolates. “I’m going to reach out to her and everybody. I just… there’s some uncomfortable political stuff. And a lot of emotional avoidance. Acknowledging it is the first step, right?”

“Even if I could let her know you’re alive,” Luke says tentatively.

“Please don’t.”

Luke presses his lips together. “That’s crewel,” he says, finally, and doesn’t let himself feel guilty about it.

“It’s complicated,” Laezra retorts.

“Fear leads to the Dark Side,” Luke says. “She’s not going to be angry at you for surviving.”

“But she might be angry with me for… everything else.”

“And? You’re so far away. It isn’t like she could say anything to you about it. The only difference is she’d know you’re ok. Alive.”

Laezra changes the subject, clumsy and pointed, but later that afternoon Luke gets a message that reads ‘shell expect that im coming home but i dont know where home is and thats terrifying’.

Probably Luke should’ve realised that was the issue. Logically, if Laezra is the missing Jedi he’s heard about, it would stand to reason that his friends would want him to come back. If he was part of the Rebellion, he should be part of the new Republic– at least that seems to be the default assumption. But Laezra is already quite definitively part of something else.

It makes sense if you lay it out like that. Luke just would never have thought to do so. Laezra is the voice on the other end of his communicator, the void where he can send all of his middle-of-the-night existential crisis messages that are far too embarrassing to tell the people in his real life. His Chiss mirror– same birthday, same age, same lack of a living master, same jedi aspirations. His written Basic sucks because Luke is the only person he uses it with. He can never tell Luke where he is, or details about most of the people in his stories. He references drinks and plants and models of ships and traditions Luke’s never heard of.

Luke would love to meet him in person, would love to be able to show him the Jedi texts he’s found, or have him demonstrate a lightsaber form for his students, or take him flying in his X-Wing. But he thinks of doing all of these things like you would with a guest, like when he first met Biggs at school and invited him back to the farm. Like Leia should have been able to show him around the palace on Alderaan. A place where you are always welcome but that is not your home.

So yeah, he can see why Laezra might feel a little conflicted about talking to General Sindulla. It still doesn’t mean he shouldn’t do it, though. Luke tries to imagine letting Aunt Beru think he was dead for years on end and simply can’t.

He’s pretty sure General Sindulla has a kid. Ok, that’s a lie, he knows all about Jacen Sindulla through not at all creepy channels, and he totally respects his mom’s choice not to send him off to Luke’s scrabbled together attempt at a Jedi school. Not like Force sensitive younglings are pretty kriffing thin on the ground or anything. Not like Jacen’s dad wasn’t a jedi until the very end. It’s totally fine.

Anyway, Jacen would basically be Laezra’s brother, or cousin, and Luke can say from experience that not knowing about family members is really unpleasant for anybody involved.

***

Laezra lands at the public spaceport on Naporar so late it’s almost early. He’s coming back from his bi-monthly trip to poke things with his brain and the Force on Sposia. He takes public transit the six blocks to his apartment because the snow is coming down in giant wet flakes and when he steps outside the wind hits him so hard it knocks his breath out of his lungs.

His apartment is dark and cold – he left the kitten with his neighbour, and Za’lea is with Sacher and Thrawn on the Stringhawk hopefully not learning to commit war crimes. Personally he thinks she’s old enough to stay on her own, but he’s been reliably informed that his standards for childhood independence are deeply flawed. Even the timer on the UV light he set up over his sad little herb boxes has failed (again), so the only light in the entire apartment when he steps in the door is the notification light on his questis informing him of all his missed messages.

He dumps his boots and jacket and backpack all on the front mat to dry off, and takes his questis with him into the fresher so he can start running a hot bath while he checks his messages. There’s three from Tro’owmis, who still hates that he’s not allowed to take his questis with him when he goes to sposia and sends him urgent questions or orders every time he’s out of communication just to make a point.

The rest of the messages are from Luke. They’ve got attachments, and he makes the mistake of assuming they’re going to be pictures of whatever jedi artefact he’s dug up this week. So he’s utterly unprepared to see a kid with Hera’s bone structure and Kanan’s eyes staring up at him from the screen.

He does not drop the questis into the bathtub, because he’s a Jedi Navigator in the CEDF and a full-ass adult who doesn’t over-react to objectively mundane pictures. He does sit down right there on the floor very fast, and then gets up to go check the cupboards for alcohol he doesn’t have.

That’s a real kid. A whole person. Hera and Kanan’s person. He looks at least twice the age of luke’s nephew. Maybe a couple years younger than Za’lea. In one of the pictures he’s standing beside Chopper, smirking that little self-satisfied grin Kanan always got when he was pleased with himself. In another he’s all dressed up in a little suit, standing with a group of other kids in a formal looking office, face very serious. In another he’s sitting at the controls of a ship, holding a popsicle between his teeth as he pilots. It takes Laezra’s breath away more effectively than any blizzard.

‘His name is Jacen,’ Luke’s accompanying message reads.

Laezra’s got a pretty good idea what Luke’s intentions are, sending him these pictures. Getting in contact with any of the Spectors –or anyone from the Rebellion, really– had been basically impossible for the first four years post-Purrgil, two years just him and Thrawn alone on the world where they’d crashed with barely any functioning technology, then another two years working their way back to the Ascendancy. By the time he’d been somewhere secure enough to send a message, none of his codes worked anymore, and anything but the most basic of text communication was pretty much impossible to send over such distances. He’d have had better luck hiring somebody to take a hand written letter. And the longer he went without being able to reach out, the more terrifying the prospect felt. Word of the Empire’s fall had made it to the Ascendancy a couple of years after he and Thrawn had, and he’d actively tried to reach out again, but his messages bounced back, undelivered, or simply vanished into the void of the Chaos or some shaky holo-relay in the middle of nowhere. It hadn’t been until his Patriarch had contacted him personally to tell him about the rumours of a fledgling Jedi order –and provided the technology to contact the guy supposedly in charge of it– that the very real option to contact his family had been back on the table.

Ten years is a long time.

He has this idea, this nightmare scenario, where he calls Hera or Sabin and they don’t recognize him. He was a kid the last time he saw them. Some days he feels like a completely different person. Worse is the idea that he’ll contact them and they won’t care. He knows that’s wrong. He does. He knows they will care, the same way he would in their place, the same way he does. But knowing doesn’t stop his brain from catastrophizing.

And then there’s what he told Luke. What if they want him to come back to lesser Space? What if he goes? What if he goes and it’s perfect and he realises the life he’s built over the past decade has been so much less than he could have had? What if he goes and he hates it and it’s an obligation and he winds up missing his life and resenting all the people who got him through his midaged years in one piece? What if he goes and they treat him like that same midager, frozen in amber in their minds? What if nobody takes him seriously because he knows the wrong languages and the wrong tax system and the wrong history and pop culture and military structure? Or maybe worse, what if they treat him like a stranger? What if he looks at them and sees strangers where he should see family?

His questis buzzes, and he’s so primed for it to be Luke that he answers without even looking.

“Your student says you’re panicking,” Sacher announces from the screen. “Do I need to steal a shuttle and come rescue you from your own mind again? Or prison, I’ll also rescue you from prison.”

Laezra gasps out a startled laugh, leaning back against the edge of the full bathtub and exhaling roughly, even as he reaches out down the training bond, sending reassurance and apology at Za’lea.

“Literal existential crisis, nothing to worry about,” he says, all over-bright mania. “Also, one of us is likely to wind up in prison here and it’s not me.”

“Did the UAG find something upsetting?” she asks.

He presses his face into his hands. “You know I couldn’t tell you that even if they did. But no, it’s not anything like that.”

She’s quiet, waiting him out. He presses his knuckles into his eyes, breathes deep and steady until he feels less like he’s starting to float away.

“I’m imagining all the things that could go badly if I contacted Hera and sabin,” he says evenly.

She makes a soft noise of understanding. This isn’t the first time she’s talked him through anxiety about this particular subject, it’s just the first time where the possibility is so immediate and real.

“You know what I’m going to say,” she says. “Family and home are not the same things.”

She doesn’t remember her birth family, of course, and she’s never made any attempt to find them. But she’s already told him that even if she did find them it wouldn’t change who she is now. The analogy is about as subtle as a brick, but he feels like he always needs to hear it. He remembers telling Hera “nothing is more important than family”, the first time they’d all met her father. He and Kanan would have made terrible traditional Jedi. Lesser Space jedi. Frost, are he and Luke going to have to come up with a new name for Luke’s new Jedi to differentiate them from the Jedi Navigators?

Which means talking to Luke. Which means thinking about Jacen.

“I really do just need to call them, huh,” he says, slumping.

“If you were able to do so, hypothetically,” she says, pointedly, “yeah. You do.”

He nods. “Ok. Ok. I’m just gonna do it. I’m gonna call hypothetical Luke and get Hera’s hypothetical comm code and make a hypothetical call and hope it isn’t midnight wherever she is.”

She inclines her head. “Ok.” And then, “you know if you wanted to go back to visit, I’d go with you. I mean, we all would, but I don’t think they’d let us take the kids into Lesser Space, and Thrawn would definitely get murdered, and Tro’owmis would probably offend someone, but. I’d go with you, if you wanted.”

He opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He has genuinely never imagined any situation where he does not return alone, be it triumphant hero or lost child or lonely stranger. He was born an only child, but he lets himself remember sitting in the main cabin on the Ghost, squished beside Sabin at the table, and then for the first time he adds Sacher to his mental picture, sitting across from them, and then Jacen, constructs an image of him from the holopics and fits him right in there with the rest of them. It makes him lightheaded, the intensity of the wanting that strikes him.

“That,” he says finally, “would be amazing, actually.”

“Call her,” she says, and cuts the connection.

He keeps breathing nice and deep. He swipes the current call closed, and there’s already a new message from Luke, because even across galaxies now that they’re aware of each other it’s almost impossible not to constantly See each other to some extent. Kanan always said he was bright in The Force, and he imagines Luke must be even brighter.

He considers having his bath first, considers changing out of the clothes he’s been wearing for the past 30 hours and an inter-planetary hop, considers doing one more search for that whisky that Thelivan had bought him for his last starday.

He does none of these things.

Luke has made the comm code clickable, so he doesn’t even have the slow drama of typing it in. The call takes even longer to connect than it does when he calls Luke. He actually turns on the holo image, which he’s never done with Luke, and he can almost feel the signal from his questis struggling its way across the lightyears.

Part of him is hoping she doesn’t answer. He could leave a message. That’d probably be easier.

Naturally, he’s not that lucky.

“Who is this?” she says, as soon as the connection is established. The first thing that strikes him is that she sounds older. Or maybe he’s been remembering her voice wrong all these years.

“Hi, Hera,” he croaks out.

The noise she makes is somewhere between a gasp and a sob and a tiny scream, and it reaches right into his ribcage and punches him in the heart. “Ezra.”

She still recognizes him. She knows who he is.

It’s a good start.

[stevenbasic]

GITJ Post 311: Back to the Study Clinics, p3

Audio File Transcript Excerpts, Annotated

6.11.20¥¥      Site 004       Camera 013/”Study Exam Room 3”

<BEGIN TRANSCRIPTION, EXCERPT 7>

Time Stamp 10:23:05

Subj F8-021-TB (aka “Thalia Bates”): “So, is now when you hypnotize me?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч (aka “Karen/Karina Katasova, APRN, CANS”): “Oh, sunshine, remember what we talked about. <places patient file F8-021v2 onto countertop> I don’t like to think of it as ‘hypnotizing’ you. It’s more a mix of…’well, we call it ‘psychological induction’ and ‘guided manifestation’.”

Subj F8-021-TB: <laughs> “Okay if you say so - I just, like, want more…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Can you tell me why?”

<Agent biofeedback node xx0038 shows activation of B.A.galamukh1 implant; other vitals steady> 

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well, last time, a couple weeks ago, when you did it with me I…I felt great, after. I went home and I was so much more confident, with, like, my boyfriend, my math teacher. And, like, everyone, men…it was awesome.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That’s good to hear. You’re taking to treatment so well! But we should do your physical exam first, and get you your next injection. Here, stand up, let’s see the figure. Any progress since last time?”

Subj F8-021-TB: <giggles> “MMhmm, well -” <Subject stands, tightens gown around torso>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Oh, well, those got bigger! &lt;laughs> Fantastic, you look amazing. Have you had to buy new bras? Remember, we’ll have the custom ones coming to you soon…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I did have to buy a couple. Well, daddy did &lt;giggles>. I went up another two cup sizes.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “So that makes you a…?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “36HH.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: <typing into chart, entry dated> “Wonderful. Now, let’s take some blood, get you measured…”

<Agent KLCTVxx0038цч visualized drawing blood into vials labeled EP0021.F8192 and KLCTV6559.55564 and taking figure, height and weight measurements of Subj F8-021-TB, entering data into chart>

<BEGIN TRANSCRIPTION, EXCERPT 9>

Time Stamp 10:29:23

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Well, sunshine, that’s....five-eight and a bit. You’ve grown almost another two-point-f…another whole inch since last time, more than five inches since we started. And for weight it’s-”

Subj F8-021-TB: <laughs>”Omigod please, don’t tell me!”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: <laughs> “Oh it’s nothing to be ashamed about! But I understand! We’ll keep that a mystery but someday you’ll be proud of everything you’ve gained.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “What, when I’m, like, eight hundred pounds?” <giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Oh, Thalia, don’t be silly! But, tell me…what’s been going on with your father? You were mentioning him last time. Is he still embarrassed by what you’ve been posting online?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Oh, god, yes.” &lt;huff of exasperation> “He tells me all the time: ‘Tally! I’m a Senator! You can’t be SAYING these things!’ He’s so boring that way.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Aw, that’s unfortunate, that must be hard. But remind me - he wasn’t up for re-election this year?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “No, lucky him, ‘cuz it sounds like women won everything, huh? Like, the other senator from Minnesota is going to be a woman, now.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Oh? I hadn’t heard that.”

<Agent visualized readying Product dose>

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yeah totally. But, anyway, I know his political advisers tell him to just keep letting me do what I do, post what I want, that it’s doing wonders for his approval ratings or whatever. That he should, like, lean into what I’m doing, to use my, like, lots of followers. ‘Raise his profile’, a bit.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Mmmmhm. How does that feel, having influence like that? It must feel good, right? Thinking that you have this kind of…power, over your father? This important, accomplished man?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “It…does. But, it’s weird. Every time I see him he looks, like…smaller. Like, he’s not as smart or whatever as he used to be. And, like, with every new follower - or thousand followers - I get I feel like I’m…I dunno…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Getting stronger? Bigger? More important and influential? Oh, sunshine, you are. You’re growing into a strong, strong young woman. Thousands and thousands of people watch you, listen to you. You can tell them what to do, how to think. Do you believe that?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yes.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And, your father? Him, men like him? Their days, their days of being in charge are coming to an end. Do you see that? I think, in fact, that your father is-”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I think he’s a little scared of me.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes, yes. Go on, more, Tally, continue…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I heard, actually, that his advisors told him to be careful, ‘don't piss her off’, they said...”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That if you used the weight of your growing fame to hurt him it could honestly be the end of his career?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Omigod yes.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Sunshine I’m so proud of you. Now, are you ready for your next injection?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “oh god yes okay.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Alright here we go. Just a little pinch…”

<Agent KLCTVxx0038цч visualized administering Dose 005, Evolution Pharmaceuticals Product 0008/“Product”, labeled lot 00854g to Subj F8-021-TB on camera, time stamp 10:30:44; intramuscular, left deltoid.>

Subj F8-021-TB: “owww!” &lt;giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Sorry sunshine. Did that hurt?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Just a little. It’s okay.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: &lt;disposing of syringe, sharps container FH0093> “So, tell me. Since we last saw you - how are you feeling, Thalia?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Oh, yeah, me? Pretty good. Well, really good…warm? It changes every day. Full? Tingly?”  &lt;giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That’s all normal, good. You’d mentioned your boyfriend, how you were feeling different around him. Can you tell me a little more about that?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “About my boyfriend?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes, about him. I’m sure your boyfriend is…excited about how you’re changing, how much you’re growing. What’s happening to you is like every guy’s dream, these days. You’ve been with him for a while now, right?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yeah we started hanging out like, a year ago? And he, yeah…likes it. It freaked him out at first, but now…well, I don’t know if excited is a strong enough word. It’s almost like he becomes a different person when we’re, like, together…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “When you two are alone?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well, yeah…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Oh? How so?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well, lately, he really focuses in on…” &lt;subject motions to her chest> “And it’s like, well, it’s like he just can’t stop. Can’t get enough of them…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “You used the term ‘boob-monkey’ last time?”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;giggles> “Omigod did I? That’s my little nickname for him. Did I really tell you that?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “It’s okay. You did.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Omigod I’m such a dork. But, I don’t really know how else to put it. He can be really pushy, you know? In normal life, in school. But when these started to grow, and then when I get him alone, whenever I take off my top, or put them in front of his face, he goes real quiet. He can barely string two words together, you know? And he grunts…he whines. Kind of like a monkey or a, like…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “A baby?”

Subj F8-021-TB: <giggles> “Yes, yes!  Exactly. Like a baby!” <giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That’s interesting. Don’t you find that interesting?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Uh…yeah. And it’s, like, exciting, being able to do that to him. Is that normal? Is everything okay?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes, yes of course, Thalia. This is all within normal parameters for the treatment. He’s changing just as you're changing. Now, what else happens when you’re with your boyfriend?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well…he’s really into nuzzling into me, cuddling. Sucking on my, like…nipples.” &lt;giggles> “Oh…I’m sorry, this just seems so weird to talk about!”

<Agent biofeedback node xx0038 shows further increased activity of B.A.galamukh1 laryngeal implant; Frontal (15Hz) and Occipital (19Hz) Beta wave activity up-modulated>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Now now, we are both the women here, no need to be shy.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Ooooo I felt that…! <giggles> Yeah, of course. Well, like I said, he really burrows in, and even though he doesn’t tell me…well, he can’t tell me, but I could just sense he wants me to, like, smother him, to really mash my boobs around his face, to…yeah. Smother him.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And do you? Smother him?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well, &lt;giggles>…yeah. Like, playing. But, sometimes…it gets to be more than just playing.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “I understand. That’s good. That’s you exerting strength, do you see? Strength and dominance. Showing him what you could easily do, if you wanted.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “oh god yes I get it…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Does he struggle, try to stop you from actually smothering him?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “No. It’s almost like…the more my boobs cover his face, the less he struggles. It’s like he…wants it. Wants me to…bury him under my, like, breasts.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “He wants to submit to you, do you see? Be submissive. He wants to be buried in your body, inside you somehow, part of you. And there’s nothing you’d like to do more than that, is there?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “No, that’s…oh, god…exactly it.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Fascinating. Now, you are the social media…what is the word? ‘Influencer’, is that it?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yes, I have like almost eight-hundred thousand followers and subs, now. My videos have been getting millions of, like…likes.” &lt;giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “But you didn’t start that way, right?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “No, yeah, right. In fact, just like six months ago, before my first dose, I had only like a few hundred followers, my videos got maybe a couple-few views…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And, tell me…what changed?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well…these things!” &lt;laughs, motions to chest> “They grew like…like…well, one sub said like ‘watermelons after a rainstorm’.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And your followers…they are like your boyfriend?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Oh my gosh, yes…they’re constantly simping for me, now. Omigod the ‘mommy’ comments I get! ‘I want mommy’ ‘I want milk’, pleading for me to smother them with my ‘mommy milkers’...&lt;giggles> “Don’t they know I’m still in high school??” <;giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “I see. And…did you get the same sense from your father, or from the doctor, today, earlier?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I…w-what?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “It’s okay Thalia, you’re not in the trouble. As a member of the medical team, it’s my job to make observations for continued research. Honestly, I’m happy that you did what you did with the doctor today. Now, what did you feel when the doctor came into the room?”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;pauses> “Well, I just felt this, like, I dunno…connection to him. I was so grateful he was here to help me…but he was so little. I felt like he needed me to, like, nurture him, to care for him. I needed to pull him to me, to my chest…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Go on…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “He needed my comfort, my softness and hugs and…and deep down I could sense he wanted me to absolutely bury him between my boobs. And then suddenly I felt him just sink into my chest, felt him struggle a little bit, then relax. &lt;subject moans> It felt so nice…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That’s incredible Thalia - is that why you greeted him how you did?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I…yes. Can you…oh god, do the thing.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “I will, I promise. But tell me more about that, when you first saw the doctor..”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well…when he came in, I was just overwhelmed by how small and precious and, like…how vulni he was. I couldn’t help it - I just filled the room with my…what do you call them? Pheromones?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes, that is the right. You’ve been using them, practicing, at home?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I…yes. But they’re sometimes…hard to control.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That is okay. That is the good. I want you to practice, to use them. You will practice, you will use them. You will get stronger, you will gain control. Do you understand?”

<Agent biofeedback node xx0038 shows further increased activity of B.A.galamukh1 laryngeal implant; Frontal and Occipital Beta wave activity increasing in amplitude.>

Subj F8-021-TB: “Omigod there it is again, &lt;sighs>. Yes…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Now tell me again, Thalia, when he came in…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “The pheromones. They just gushed out of me. I could see immediately where he was looking. Even though he was trying not to look I could, like, sense where his attention was focused, how he felt, and I knew I needed to…to just deal with it, you know?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes, Go on, Thalia…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “He asked, his voice was shaky but he needed to know numbers, to know just how big I was, how big I was growing. So I told him, told him that I’d gained thirty pounds since my first treatment, and a lot of it up here.” &lt;subject presses out her chest, demonstrating breast size><;giggles>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Thalia, I see the smile on your face. You sound like you are the joking, but you are proud of your developments, aren’t you?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yes, well…who wouldn’t want to be bigger like this?  It just…feels…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “It feels the right, doesn’t it?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Yes, exactly!  But at the same time, even though I said what I said as a bit of a laugh, to him…I meant it. I wanted him to know just how heavy my breasts are…if that makes sense?”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “It makes the very good sense, Thalia. You are good. You did the good. Now…let’s talk about your father some more…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “...Daddy?”

<Agent biofeedback node xx0038 shows further increased activity of B.A.galamukh1 laryngeal  implant and activation of Eldritch Nanotech; new prefrontal Gamma activity present>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes…now, again, we’re just girls here, right? How is your father handling all of this?”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;moaning> “Oh god, yes. Well…I mean…he’s been gone for so long…he’s a Senator, you know. Lucky for him he wasn’t up for re-election this year. But yeah…he’s kind of missed all these changes with me, but he’s home now on recess…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Mmhmm?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “And at first he seemed really blown away - eyes wide, giving me these brief, almost awkward hugs. But lately…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: &lt;pause> “Yes?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Lately he’s let his eyes linger a little too long…and…I can see it. It’s like there’s this…longing in his eyes.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Thalia…do you get the same feeling with your father as you get with your boyfriend? With your followers? With the doctor?”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;hesitates> “uhhh…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “It’s okay, Thalia, this is all protected by HIPAA and our confidentiality agreement. What you tell me now is protected information.”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;pause> “y-yes…It’s faint right now. But I can feel it. Like, Daddy…he’s being drawn to me. Like he needs me to protect, to nurture, to care for him…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “To smother him, too?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “omigod yes maybe.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And…have you noticed any other changes, now that you’re growing up? You had said something about it before. Does your father actually look…smaller to you?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “I…Well, yes. Now that you mention it.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That’s wonderful, Thalia…you’re not imagining it. It’s actually happening, you’re making it happen. Do you see how strong you’re getting?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “oh, my god, Ms. Katasova…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Please, call me Karina. But how does that make you feel? That you’re growing and your papochka…sorry, your father…that he’s shrinking? That you’re making him smaller? That one day, a US Senator, he could be tiny compared to you?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Well…omigod. A little awkward? Because he’s my daddy? B…b…but…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “...but also a little powerful?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “<sigh>...nnngh...exactly…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “I want you to think about how empowering that could be for you, Thalia. To make him smaller, and weaker. You have this natural tendency to care for and protect others, and now you’re growing into the job. Imagine being the protector and nurturer, being bigger for them, while they all get smaller, and need you more, get dependent on you for warmth and love. You could be a mommy for your boyfriend, for your followers, for your father…”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Oh god that would feel sooo good…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Tell me how it would feel, Thalia.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Like, like I was giving the whole world a big, squishy hug!” &lt;giggles, hugs herself around chest>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “I think the world needs a hug from you Thalia!” &lt;laughs>

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;laughing> “Yes they do!”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “And your father, he needs your support now, to keep his job, as a senator. He depends on staying in your…how do you say? Good graces. He is afraid, Thalia. Do you see? If he has your support he can have everything, but you could take your support away.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Oh god yes it’s like I’m his boss.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes and you will tell him that, let him know. But you will be the kind, loving, understanding. He is a weak, small man. Your father, you understand, likes big boobs also. He likes them a lot. Just like your boyfriend, just like your followers.”

Subj F8-021-TB: “y-yeah my mom told me…”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “That is the good, that’s good that you can share. What do some of your followers, or your boyfriend, ask you to do?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Like, mommy stuff? Or, like, live in my bra?”

<Agent biofeedback node xx0038 shows optimal Beta wave activity>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Maybe your father would like to try some of these things too. ‘Mommy stuff’.”

Subj F8-021-TB: &lt;pauses> “Yes I think he might. <sighs, pauses again> Thank you, Karina.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “You are the welcome. &lt;smiles, pauses> Want me to call him back in here, the doctor, so you can practice?”

Subj F8-021-TB: “Omigod could you? That would be awesome.”

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “Yes of course. Why don’t you remove your top, begin making more pheromones? I can go get him.”

<Subj F8-021-TB visualized removing exam gown, unzipping sports bra>

Agent KLCTVxx0038цч: “How about a picture for your followers?”

Subj F8-021-TB: <giggles>

===============<end transcript>===================

thanks again to Tally Berry for allowing us to use her images.

My Patreon

[mrmaybank]

FEM ALLEGED DNI

Fandom: OBX

Title: Was it the worst you’ve ever known?

Character(s): Rafe Cameron, JJ Maybank, Pope Heyward, Kiara Carrera, and John B. Routledge

Request: No

Genre: Angst

TW: toxic relationship

A/N: I saw this audio on edit with Reyna and Octavian from HOO and I wanted to use it so here we are

Masterlist

(M/N) Routledge was a Pouge and Rafe Cameron was Kook. (M/N) admitted not his brightest decision but he was in love. Now looking back on he wished he had listen to the warning signs from his brother and his friends.

But at that moment he was in love and that’s all that mattered to him. Rafe was the love of his life, he was sweet and respectful but (M/N) would come to realize he was demon in disguise. Things didn’t fucked up until about two months in, it started with some gaslighting. With comments like you’re worthless and you’re not enough for anybody, when he was mad but seconds later would make (M/N) believe he never said such a thing.

Things didn’t physically until about four months in, it started with a few slaps then a few kicks until he was full on beating crap out of (M/N). Who just stood there and took it because Rafe had convinced him that was love, but everyone has a breaking point, everyone sees past the bullshit at one point and (M/N) hit his point.

Rafe had heard about a party down at the bone yard and decided the both of them need to go. So that’s where was (M/N), standing next to his boyfriend, who had an arm wrapped around his waist. Rafe talked his Kook friends while (M/N) mindless looked around, only engaging in the conversation when he felt like it.

Every now and then he would make eye contact with John B or Kiara or JJ or Pope who would smile him and he would smile back. JJ must of sensed (M/N) boredom because he motioned for him to come over. “Hey, I’m gonna over there and hang out JJ,” (M/N) told Rafe, he gestured over to where JJ was sitting with a goofy grin on his face.

“No,” Rafe replied going back to his conversation.

“Rafe, please I haven’t been able to hang out with JJ for awhile. Can I just go over there for a couple of minutes?” (M/N) asked.

Rafe had good poker face which was something (M/N) seemed to learn quickly. “Fine, go over there,” Rafe told him.

(M/N) smiled at him and started to walk off but didn’t get far before something hit his back, something cold. Something he could only assume was beer, he turned around to see it Rafe who had thrown it. “Oops,” Rafe said, dragging out of ‘ps’ sound.

At that moment something in (M/N) snapped, something that should have snapped awhile ago. “Oh my fucking god! You are a asshole, Rafe,” (M/N) hissed.

Rafe seemed a bit taken back by this, “Oh (M/N) you seem to forget yourself,” He told the pouge.

(M/N) just shook his head, “Oh, (M/N) you seemed to forget yourself,” he mimicked him, “Rafe you forget where you stand next to me. You’re in my god damn shadow, act like,” (M/N) spoke in a voice that sent chills down Rafe’s back.

“You don’t get to speak to me like that,” Rafe replied.

“No, I do because let me tell you something Rafe. You’re a failure, I mean maybe it’s not a coincidence every idea you’ve ever had has failed under your guidance. You are a fucking walking second place metal,” (M/N) told Rafe. Tears pricked in the corners of his (E/C) eyes threatening to fall but he willed them back.

He didn’t stay to hear what Rafe had to say he started walking over to JJ but abruptly stopped and turned to face Rafe, “And oh yeah, were threw go find someone else to fuck with,” (M/N) told him. He turned around and continued on his walk over to JJ.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

(M/N) shook his head, the tears starting to slowly fall from his eyes. JJ sighed and wrapped an arm around (M/N)’s shoulder, “Come on let’s go find John B,” It didn’t take long for the two of you to find him. He was sitting at a bonfire with Kie on his right and Pope on his left.

It was the just three of them, and they all looked up at (M/N) and JJ approached as they approached. John B immediately standing up when he saw his brother was crying, “What happened?” He asked.

“Rafe’s an asshole,” (M/N) replied.

“Yeah, we told you that,” Kie exclaimed.

“I know,” the (H/C) mumbled.

“What happened?” Pope asked.

“Rafe threw beer on (M/N) and then called Rafe a failure,” JJ said enthusiastically. JJ had shit eating grin on his face but it quickly morphed into one of confusion as he turned away from Kie and Pope to look directly at (M/N). “I thought you were madly in love, what happened?”

“I was, for awhile and then things got bad and somehow he convinced me what he was doing was love. That’s not love,” (M/N) replied.

“What did he do?” Kie asked.

(M/N) shook his head, “I don’t wanna talk about it,” he took the red cup from his brother’s hand and began downing, “I just wanna forget my troubles and forget me and Rafe ever happened,” He told them.

JJ raised his cup, “Cheer to forgetting Rafe,” he exclaimed.

“Cheers to forgetting Rafe,” They all exclaimed. (M/N) sat down on the log next Kie smiling fondly as he looked as his friends, knowing this was where he belonged.

[call-me-strega]

Joongdok Prompt #1: What am I to you?

Okay I don’t know if you’ve heard this audio before but that’s what this is inspired by

~~~ Okay so the idea for this is to be a confrontation between Kim Dokja/The Oldest Dream and Yoo Joonghyuk/Secretive Plotter where some scenario drama is going down post-"I read your story and/or I'm the most ancient dream who created the star stream" reveal. KDJ and YJH (or their constellation counterparts idk) are arguing when, in a fit of anger, YJH yells "Was I just a story to you?! Am I not real?! You watched me fight. Win. Lose. Tell me were you amused? Did you make popcorn as I became a murderer while the world burned to the ground around me?! I was I just entertainment for you Kim Dokja!?"

KDJ rebuttals " Of course you were more than that to me Joonghyuk!"

"Was I?!... Am I?"

With tears filling his eyes Dokja exclaims, " You- Your story was Everything to me! Your story was the only reason I had to live! Knowing that if you could survive this hellish apocalypse I could survive one more day of my hellish life to see if you would succeed the next day! And then you were within my grasp and I wanted to help you succeed. You are the reason I am alive and you are the reason I kept going. Please, please believe me when I say that your story- no- you are everything to me Yoo Joonghyuk! I could not live without you!"

And YJH is just speechless bc he knows that KDJ is telling the truth. And idk where to go after that but they'll probably kiss by the end of it.

[anomalyaly]

Chapter 18: The Catacomb is posted on AO3/Wattpad!

Ft. A snippet that I made an audio for, which you can see on my TikTok @ elsiecorvin.

He didn’t believe it for a second. She was up to something, off on another adventure perhaps. But then why hadn’t she invited him instead? Sebastian was the one who knew of her ancient magic, of the Keepers and their trials and everything in between. So why the hell was she with Amit, and why was she lying about it?!

He could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him as he paced around the Undercroft. He should be studying the spell book further, making sure he had interpreted it correctly and knew where to find the relic. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Elsie.

And then, as she tended to have the most ideal timing, the Ravenclaw girl burst through the gate.

With parts of her clothing singed off.

“Please tell me the burn marks are because you got careless with confringo.”

Elsie grimaced and pulled out a dragon’s egg.

A goddamn dragon’s egg.

He crossed his arms. “Do I want to know why you’ve avoided me for another week and then decided to show up here with a bloody dragon’s egg?!”

Elsie scoffed. “It’s not just any dragon’s egg. It’s the egg of a Hungarian Horntail.”

“Right. That makes it so much better.”

He skulked over to her, not masking the irritation on his face.

“Was this what you were doing with Amit?” he asked, a bit harshly.

She looked dumbstruck. “No. This was with Poppy.”

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fantastic. It feels really nice to be left out of your most interesting adventures.”

“I didn’t realize you would take it so personally.”

“You’re avoiding me. It is personal.”

“I’m not avoiding you!” Elsie snapped defensively.

“You’ve been avoiding me since the scriptorium.”

She fell silent. It was all the confirmation he needed.

She shifted her weight a few times - he had never seen her so fidgety before. He didn’t know what to say to make her understand.

“Can I hide this here?”

He blinked. “What?”

“The dragon egg,” Elsie said, cradling the purple glowing orb as if it were a mere infant and not the spawn of a fire-breathing death trap. “We rescued it from a poacher tent. Poppy and I are going to track down the dragon and return it.”

Sebastian stared at her blankly. His scrutiny must have made her uncomfortable, because she frowned at him and snapped.

“What?”

“You’re talking like you’re returning a library book, not a gods-damned dragon’s egg,” he said. 

Elsie huffed. She stomped over to one of the piles of crates and gingerly tucked the egg behind it, wrapping it in a stray tarp.

“You want to talk about the scriptorium?” she snapped. “Fine. Let’s talk about how I can still feel the effects of it, when I’m by myself and try to stand still, the pain from the Cruciatus Curse is there.”

His eyes widened with horror. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“You - you can still feel it?”

Elsie crossed her arms - a small puff of soot dusted off of them as she did.

“I’ve avoided you because I didn’t realize that you hated me so much in that moment that you were so easily able to cause that much pain to me,” she gritted out. “I had a lot of time to think, and Ominis was right - you wouldn’t have been able to do that level of damage unless you truly meant it.”

“I didn’t.” Sebastian realized his voice sounded pleading, but he didn’t care, not right now. He needed her to understand - he never wanted to hurt her. He only wanted to get them out of the room. “Elsie, I didn’t. When I cast it…it was hardly anything. It was - it was just enough to get us out of there.”

She didn’t believe him. “That’s not –”

“The scriptorium took over. Whatever Salazar Slytherin enchanted it with -” he interrupted her, raising his voice slightly to make sure he was heard. “You have to hold on to the curse to cast it, to inflict that level of pain. I didn’t. I stopped.”

For a moment, Elsie’s face was conflicted, almost as if she was trying to will herself to believe him. He understood her reasonings for questioning his truth - she had endured the Cruciatus Curse and was still suffering the effects from it. And it was his fault.

After a long stretch of silence, she spoke.

“Alright. I believe you.”

[pagerunner-j]

Welp: I did it. I got started on Big Finish. I have officially fallen back down the Doctor Who rabbit hole too far to get out.

If you’re not familiar: Big Finish produces licensed full-cast audio dramas, with a long history of doing Doctor Who stories. When I first heard of them, it was all focused on Classic Who, but at some point while I wasn’t looking they got going on the modern series, so now you’ve got…well…a LOT of material. And a ton of these stories feature the original cast, sometimes in mix-and-match fashion, because audio lets you go to absolute town with mucking about with all sorts of things, including, appropriately, time.

Like, for starters: You want a story with River Song and — wait — is that the Eighth Doctor? Sure is! (Yes, there are a ton of stories here with Paul McGann. The fact that he has a substantial audio canon, despite humorless nerd grousing about whether or not the movie even counts — hint: it counts — pleases me greatly.) Want to find out how Rose built that dimension cannon? Looks like Billie’s here to tell ya. You want David Tennant playing opposite his father-in-law? Who doesn’t? You got it. You want to loop in the rest of the family and find out what Jenny’s been getting up to? That exists too. (Hi, Georgia.) You want Torchwood episodes with the original cast, or a crew back in the ‘50s, or the surviving crew from The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit back in DW season 2, since, after all, they did say they were representing the Torchwood Archive? Big Finish has you covered.

Clearly, this will keep you busy for a while.

Anyway, here I am listening to the Doctor and Donna again, in a story that could slot into season 4, and who didn’t want more of season 4? I sure did! And here we are! Banter and bickering are happening! And the Doctor won’t stop saying “dongle!” Color me amused.

…oh god I will be buying so many of these. Send help.

[hanasnx]

i just wanna say i love terry mcginnis so fucking much and your posts popping up on my dashboard is just a reminder. and his ships?! omfg terry + melanie? love. terry + dana? would die for them but honestly, me thinks terry + one of the dee-dee twins is honestly an untapped dynamic. any thoughts?

i’m also so glad to see more of ak!jason because it feels like folk kinda forgot about him after release because the angst potential? like imagine it was his ex in babs’ place??!

i wanted to answer this right away anon bcos i loved that you even mentioned terry. he’s so underrated and since he’s not rly known i don’t get to talk about him with anyone. like please you’re so welcome in my inbox anytime

i also love his ships! i think him and one of the dee-dee twins sounds so cute but my favorite rare pair with him is probably inque. like when she had him tied up and kissed him i was like 😒😏 you should tell me more about him and the dee-dee twins bcos i don’t have much to say on the matter right now

i want to assure you i’ve never forgotten about arkham knight. and oh my god? his ex being in babs place is so hot bcos idk if you’ve heard the AK audio files you unlock when you collect riddler trophies but they’re so 🫠 like i was twirling my hair kicking my feet about it. saying shit like “did he hurt you?” “if anybody touches her they’re dead” etc etc. like the way he was talking about barbara and to barbara it was crazy to me i was losing it i had to bite things

[sister-lucifer]

Falling into the trap of DC comics currently (you play a rather large part in this mind you), especially Gotham, my new favorite being is the Creeper. Silly man in thong with large red feather boa running around, flirting with villains, eating punches and being insane? Magnificent.

Please tell me you’ve heard of him. He is so under utilized it hurts. I need him on a visceral lever. Desperately.

-🖋️

i haven’t read any stories with him but i know of him from the new batman adventures! he literally just shows up to be a freak and tbh i aspire to have that level of “doing whatever the fuck i want” energy. poor jacky though 😔

also they pay homage to the creeper in batman the audio adventures during one of jack ryder’s news segment:] very fun

i have MANY batman media recs if you want them btw

[theteethofgod]

Info-dump about Borasca. Please.

you do not need to ask me twice.

OKAY so Borrasca was originally posted to r/nosleep by rebecca klingle under the pseudonym c.k walker. this was before internet horror was really a thing and i kinda get the vibe that writers would use reddit as a place to post short form content with the intent of seeing what worked and what didn’t. the entire thing is still up on reddit and i recommend giving it a read (after you listen to the audio drama, the story is unchanged i just think the presentation is a lot more fun in audio form). klingle would go on to write for the haunting of hill house and bly manor so if you’ve seen those you know how fucking good this woman is.

from this point on: spoilers for borrasca (both seasons) and a general content warning for sexual abuse, human trafficking, drug addiction, forced pregnancy, and just about every other horrible thing you can imagine. i’m not gonna be getting heavy into that stuff but just be mindful if you are going to go and listen to it. it’s worth noting that these things are treated with the weight they deserve and if you’re mindful of your personal triggers you will probably be fine. it is not especially graphic or superfluous with it but it is integral to the plot so if that’s something you don’t want to engage with you should probably give the entire thing a miss.

so we follow Sam, a heroin addicted ex-con, as he is convinced to tell the story of how he ended up here to his parole officer. he keeps insisting that she won’t believe him, that no one has ever wanted to help him, etc etc, he’s a sad lonely dude. she insists otherwise - promising to at least listen (we love her she’s the best). his story begins when his family moves to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, due to his dad’s new position as sheriffs deputy (we hate him). as soon as he arrives at his new house he meets Kyle and Kimber who become his best friends. he also has a sister called whitney who is very stereotypical older sister energy (clothes, shopping, boys, get out of my room loser, you know the deal). anyway, kyle and kimber tell sam about this urban legend about the Skinned Men who come down from the mountains and kidnap people whose names are scratched into the bark of this huge tree (called the triple tree). the skinned men take their victims up the mountain to meet the Shiny Gentleman, who makes this awful screaming noise when he kills them. this legend comes from a deafening grinding shrieking noise that can be heard at random throughout the town. each night after the scream is heard the teenagers in town throw a “borrasca party” up at this huge treehouse built on the triple tree. everyone is kind of aware that people go missing at an alarming rate but “that’s just how it goes around here”.

soon whitney goes missing and sam starts looking for borrasca, not believing his dad who insists that she ran away to be with some boy. there’s a bunch of clues that they’re following that slowly start to unravel a huge conspiracy going all the way back to the beginning of the town and all the way up to government and law enforcement bodies.

right when they’re getting close to the truth kimber and her dad disappear. she left the funeral of her mother who committed suicide to look for the note than she’s sure she would have left her, convinced that she did it out of guilt for whatever is going on in the town. she finds the note but is taken before she can get it to anyone. kyle, who is in love with her, and sam, who feels guilty for her disappearance as he was the one who was obsessed with finding his sister are both driven to the brink by this and they finally push far enough to find borrasca. what they find is a series of building set up around and abandoned mine with a huge ore grinding machine set right in the middle. they watch as two cops throw the body of a woman into the machine, causing the screaming sound as it crushes her into powder - the shiny gentleman. they manage to break into the buildings are are met with rooms and rooms of beds with women chained to them. some pregnant, all sedated. sam finds whitney, she reacts with fear at the sight of him and he can’t understand why. spoiler: sam’s dad (who he looks identical to) moved to the town specifically to get involved with the trafficking ring - he sold his daughter to them when he found out she had a boyfriend as a means of “having her to himself”. we HATE him. kyle finds kimber and frees her.

the guy in charge, jimmy prescott (we HATE him too) confronts sam - eerily calmly. and explains that many years ago when the mine was imploded a bunch of metal leaked into the water table and rendered the entire town infertile. they started kidnapping fertile women from other towns, impregnating them, and then selling the babies to the townspeople. but once they got a taste of the money things got bigger and bigger - people would sell their girlfriends, daughters, wives etc. they would sell babies to the incredibly rich. getting powerful people in their pocket by doing so. they had essentially made themselves untouchable as so many people had implicated themselves. prescott explains that most of the children in town come from himself or kleary (ex sheriff) and that anyone in the town whose name began with P was a child of the prescott line, and any name with a K was a child of the Kleary line - designed to stop inbreeding. it’s so fucked up man.

while this is being explained the cops drag kyle into the room. they ask him to tell them where kimber is, he refuses. they cave his skull in and give sam the option of staying there and failing to save his sister or drive kyle down the mountain to save his life. sam chooses the latter but by the time he arrives at the hospital the cops have circulated the lie that sam attacked kyle. he is run out of town and never makes it back to borrasca to save anyone. he can’t live with the guilt and turns to drugs.

his PO believes him, is horrified at what he has been through, and contacts her colleagues in the sex crimes division only to be met with immediate push back and refusal to investigate which she claims is highly unusual. meanwhile, sam returns home and kimber is waiting for him. he hasnt heard from her in almost a decade and now she’s at his door with a trunk full of guns, an uneasy alliance with jimmy prescott (he wants sam’s dad cut out of the “family business”, kimber wants his dad dead, they both know that once he’s out of the picture one of them will kill the other) and the firm belief that kyle’s “brain dead” status that his family have declared is actually just heavy sedation so that he can’t talk about what he saw. sam is withdrawing from heroin, knows nothing about this alliance, and believes that he allowed kyle to be killed. it is not going to go well

ultimately they find borrasca again, trick jimmy, kill sam’s dad, save kyle (kimber was right), and manage to get their hands on the server that stores all of the “business” information about the trafficking ring. they get the whole thing shut down then all go to college together, like they said they would when they were kids.

this is a very brief and poorly written overview of the whole story but i seriously recommend giving it a listen. the production is fantastic and the cast are all very talented and really make you care about the characters. i’ve listened to it twice over now and both times ive been unable to stop once i started - even when i knew where it was going. a lot of breaking generational curses which, if you’re familiar with klingle’s more mainstream stuff, you’ll understand is very much her area. fuck sam’s dad.