#please say it. it is a normal regular pronoun and not interchangeable with they

[cassiefisherdrake]

The Witness is it/its, not he/him or even they/them. It/its. Thank you. <3

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

The best thing happened at work today. I wanna share, both to encourage people they can do it & to appreciate the person who did it.

So....for context we put our pronouns on our work nametag (he/they). Most people ignore it & misgender us anyway (ma’am, miss, she 😣).

This older, grey haired man (best guess is he was 40s to late 50s) noticed our pronouns. Normally people ignore it, but he didn’t.

So we had this conversation:

~

Older Gentleman: *pauses to stare at our nametag & pronouns*

Us, internally: Oh no. Please don’t say something bigoted or painfully ignorant.

Older Gentleman: “So I have teenage kids and I’m new to learning this pronoun stuff...so, ¿how does that work?” *points at our nametag* “¿What does the ‘they’ do?” (/polite, curious)

Both of us: *awkward pause*

Older Gentleman: “Sorry. You don’t have to explain and I absolutely don’t want to be disrespectful.” (/insistently genuine, gentle)

Us: *blank stare, shy smile* “It’s okay. I’d rather you ask and make the effort to be respectful.” (/srs)

Us: “Use them interchangeably. Use both, back and forth.” (/srs)

Older Gentleman: “Okay.”

Both of us: *quiet pause*

Older Gentleman: “So ¿did you use he/him before? ¿What were your original pronouns?” (/gentle & curious, fidgety like a curious little kid)

Us, after an uncomfortable pause (deciding to be honest but not say it explicitly): “I don’t use my original pronouns.” *shrug*

Older Gentleman, understanding that implies it was she/her & not asking further: “Okay.” *appreciative, apologetic smile*

Both of us: *awkward pause again*

Me, deciding I feel comfortable to explain: “I’m nonbinary - not entirely man or woman.” (/srs, tentative & hopeful)

Older Gentleman: *nods* “Okay. While I’m learning [and might forget to use they], ¿which binary pronoun is more comfortable?” (/genuine, srs, curious)

Us: *blink of surprise* “He/him.”

Older Gentleman: “¡Okay! I’ll use he.” (/genuine, srs)

~

He went on to order food very politely & patiently, & when he gestured the two people with him to order (“he’s ready, it’s your turn”; “tell him what you want”) he correctly gendered us. He didn’t demand why we changed our pronouns & didn’t say anything bigoted.

??? 🥺💚

That's the most respectful & polite way to handle something like that. And it completely made our day (/srs, genuine). We’d been at work since 6am, up since 5am, & it was 2pm (we had a 9.5hr shift), & we were exhausted & in pain (& dysphoric from getting misgendered all day). But that respectful interaction that took him maybe 5 minutes had us smiling, more energetic, & with a little bounce in our step for the rest of our shift.

Honestly I’d rather be asked by everyone how to use our pronouns correctly & how to best respect us than deal with another person who sees our pronouns, decides not to ask, & uses she/her anyway. He even asked some borderline uncomfortable questions, & I still felt safer around him overall than most of our customers.

So please, if you feel confident enough for a second, ask. Your server, the customer service employee you talk to, the retail worker, that intimidating goth person who wears spikes, we are all people worthy of respect. If you’re unsure how to use a pronoun, ask. But don’t shame someone for not using pronouns you expect &/or are already familiar with.

On that note I’m gonna keep smiling like a little kid who found a dollar (/lighthearted, poking a little fun at myself). I adore that man & hope he becomes a regular or semi regular customer. 🥰

~Nico (he/they; co-host, protector)