#please just be kind to each other I'm tired of so much hatred in the world

[vampire-bat-boy]

When can we finally stop with the shitty "ehw men" jokes? Why is it obvious for everyone that it's not okay to say "ehw females suck" but then it's okay to say "Men are disgusting"?

Or when a woman posts "I fell love with a man even though I could've fallen in love with a woman :("

And the entire comment section will be full of "My condolences" "RIP" "I hope you get well soon"

IT'S NEVER OKAY TO MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE FOR SOMETHING THAT IS TOTALLY OUT OF THEIR CONTROL

Everyone should have the right to be and love whoever they want. All that happens when you hate on men as a gender is that you make people feel unsafe around you.

Trans men

People who are bisexual and openly express their attraction to men

People who express masculinity in their gender

Transmascs

Straight trans fems

Gay men/attraction towards men

When can we finally stop spreading hate and just be kind to each other? Like gender doesn't say shit about what kind of person someone is wtf just be nice to each other

Sincerely, a pissed of trans man that just had to read the same old joke of "Men are so disgusting" again

TERFS and Radfems will be blocked on sight. You have no space on my blog fuck off this is a trans safe space

[skyechild]

𖤐 pairing: Idol!Seonghwa x Actress!reader (M/F) 𖤐 genre: smut ehehe 𖤐 warnings: language, alcohol consumption, miscommunication, rumors 𖤐 wc: 8.9k 𖤐trope/au/kinks: trope: (one sided) e2fwb 𖤐 summary:  You and Seonghwa have been friends since childhood, but one miscommunication caused a rift and between you. What happens when you both learn to communicate and you tell him your side? 𖤐 notes: surprise Sar im your secret santa for CODN' Secret Santa. (This banner sucks, and im sorry this took so long) 𖤐special tag: @kpop-stories-21 𖤐 tag list: @cultofdionysusnet / @kikouku / @spooo00oky / @yoonjonguwu 𖤐 Playlist: Crazy Form by Ateez, Getting Closer by Seventeen,

"Why are you always in the fucking way?" The voice comes from behind you and you already know who it is. Your body tenses and turn around in the dress. "Excuse me? Do you plan to walk into my dressing room?" Your glare at Seonghwa as he hums, looking the dress up and down, He has to admit it's a beautiful dress, and it looks beautiful on you.

It's a dress slightly modernized, and that hat is very cute. He is not one to bring anyone down. You are a successful actress for a reason and he isn't going to bring you down.

"Why are you even here Seonghwa?" It was almost hard to not call him Hwa. It had been a few years since you last saw each other. You had to admit, he had grown up very well. He was attractive, very attractive. He had debuted with a group you knew as Ateez, with one of your friends being the social butterfly Wooyoung, the boy being a year and a half younger than you.

He rolled his eyes, as if the (valid) question was stupid. "Im casted in this drama...what are YOU doing here?" You crossed your arms. "You better not be the lead male." His lips quirk into a smirk. "Oh my lovely little Y/n is going to be my partner?"

You felt the blood drain from your face in almost horror. This was a vampire themed tv movie. There were kisses, there was neck biting, a possible bed scene. Was your hatred enough to make you back out of this? These were only promotional photos.

You bit your lip and turned around, picking up the train of your dress and walking towards the director and photographer. Seonghwa grabbed your bicep and frowned. "You hate me that much that you would back out?" His brows furrowed, a thinly veiled look of hurt hidden by disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm not, I just want to shoot the photos. The faster we shoot, the faster I can leave...this." You motioned to him. The muscle in his jaw jumped and you raised a brow. "Did that offend you? I'm so sorry princess." You mocked, calling him the name Wooyoung called him privately.

You watched the muscles in his jaw tense. "My patience is running thin Y/n." He warned and you pulled your arm away, huffing. "Let's go. I don't want this to take all day." You continue your walk over.

"You look beautiful Miss L/n." You felt the pink spread over your cheeks. You were never good with compliments. "Thank you Director Hong." Director Hong was only a few years older than you, his assistant however, was two years younger. A pretty boy named Felix that looked like the stars made their home on his cheeks. But his voice was almost a whiplash. You smiled at the younger boy.

"Please, call me Josh." You chuckled, shaking your head. "Then you have to call me Y/n. We have had this conversation many times. We are friends, remember?" He rolls his eyes teasingly. You and Joshua had gone to college together with you only meeting him through a mutual friend, Minghao, Who was tired of you whining about the artist being one of your only friends.

"Shua." You called him the nickname you used in college. He grinned softly, nodding. "That's fine." He chuckled, motioning towards where the pictures would be taken. "Alright Y/n, these are just promotional photos." You nod but the energy kind of drains once Seonghwa is standing beside both men.

"It's a bit of a remake of Dracula, similar to Gary Oldman's dracula." You bite your lip and grin at Joshua. He knows about Your love for that movie, and the actor himself. He has to shake his head teasingly before you are put into positions by Felix, the flashes from the cameras almost making you blind and many photos and different positions Joshua motions for a break. "After break it's time for the duo photos."

A bit after and after an outfit change for you, one more towards the era you felt was nice did Joshua break the news. "Alright, these ones will probably be the main ones they post." You hold back your grimace and Seonghwa smirks. "A bit seductive." Joshua reiterates and you want to punch the grin off Seonghwas face as it grows wider.

"You heard him, seductive." You glare at him before you move into position. "Alright Felix, would you please position them?" Seonghwa stands behind you, one hand wrapping around your waist and one wrapped around your throat. Your mouth opens a bit as you tilt your head back and over, resting it on his shoulder as Felix explains. Your eyes close and you can barely feel Seonghwas breath against your neck, his mouth parted.

Felix steps off the set and to the side.

It's almost perfect. Joshua calls out. "Seonghwa can you get a bit closer to her neck, you're a bit too far away." He nods and pulls you more towards his chest, mouth getting closer to the skin of your neck. Photos are taken in that position, his eyes down and almost closed. "Look at the camera Seonghwa." He looks up, eyes dark and sharp as he stares at the camera.

You go through multiple photos with him and you are getting to the point you are starting to get squirmy. One of the last positions has you are fully in his arms, leaning against his left arm as his right hands tilts your head back till you are arched back, laying on the ground with your hand gripping Seonghwas shirt and the other holding his right hand when it moves to rest on your sternum.

The last one is your least favorite. Felix has you back to the position you started in but turned slightly towards Seonghwa. "Kiss." You hear both Felix and Joshua say at the same time and your body stiffens from reflex. Seonghwa nods and holds your cheek in one hand, putting a thumb between your lips so they dont touch fully. You thank him in your head quietly before you close your eyes, hands holding his thats around your waist. At Least he had some morals unlike some of your other coworkers.

You sighed once Joshua called finish and quickly shoved yourself away from Seonghwa. The slightly surprised look on his made you raise a brow. “Why do you look so surprised?” He blinked a few times before smirking. “Was surprised you let me almost kiss you.” Your eye twitched. “God, I can't stand you.”

“Then sit.”

“I fucking am.”

You bit back the urge to punch the guy in the face. If these were just the promotional pics, how were the rest of the shootings going to take place? You knew Joshua but Felix was pretty new to you. But he didn't seem very new to Seonghwa and that made your skin crawl. He was young and wasn't involved in what happened. But Joshua was just the photographer, maybe you could get him to come visit the recordings. Maybe you'll see if your manager can talk to Yoohyeon’s manager to see if she could stop by sometimes with Pie.

You walked off towards your dressing room and stripped out of the uncomfortable dress. You shivered as you slipped on your robe, the familiar knock sequence of your manager alerting you to her incoming, making a noise of acknowledgement as you watched the door swing open. “Alright little daisy.” Your manager had been with you since the beginning and you grinned softly at the sight of coffee and a donut in her hands. “Is that for me?” Your eyes glittered as you gave your manager the puppy eyes. When she shut the door she looked at you. “Did you play nice with Seonghwa?”

Your huffed, moving to sit down in the chair in front of a mirror to start removing your makeup. “The best I could with his shitty behavior.” She rolled her eyes.”Sujin please.” Your manager sighed. “Fine.” She watched you carefully as she cocked her head to the side, meeting your eyes. “You know that you won't be able to avoid him for long, you're in the same movie now. You need to tell him the truth.” She spoke as she placed her hands on your shoulders. “That's his fault for believing the rumors, Sujin! ‘N this was first year of high school. It's almost been ten years. It's easier to just return the attitude he gives me.”

You rubbed your eyes and sigh, the gentle squeeze on your shoulders told she understood. You do want to tell Seonghwa, but every time you looked at him the anger of him believing the rumors instead of coming to you always lit a fire inside you, leading your disappointment and anger towards him. If he came to learn the truth it would be like this between you both.

You lean back in your chair, resting your head on Sujin’s shoulder. “I'm so tired of fighting him but he never bothers to learn the truth.” You close your eyes and sigh. Sujin frowns down at you before she purses her lips. “Y/n.” You look up at her, seeing the look in your eyes and furrowing your brows. “I could talk to his manager? Or Hongjoong’ he seems to listen to him.” You sigh. “Wooyoung knows everything so i'm surprised he hasn't told him, i did ask him to not tell him. If Seonghwa ever wants to know the truth he can ask Wooyoung who will probably tell him to come to me.”

You smile as your manager takes down your hair from the updo the hair stylist had put you in. A breath left you as you closed your eyes, the small massage making you relax into her. “Fuck that was starting to give me a headache.” You confess and she chuckles, fingers sliding through your hair.

There's a knock on your door and you both turn to face it. “Who is it?” Sujin calls and you hear Joshua’s voice on the other side. “Just me, can I come in?” You stand up and move towards the door, opening it with a bright smile. “Hi Shua.” He gives you a tight hug, stroking your back for a moment. “Hello little one.” You forget how tall your best friend is sometimes, he's about a head and a half taller than you. 

Pulling him in your room you quickly shut the door, not noticing the eyes watching the door close, a frown on his lips before he is following, getting close enough to hear the conversation.

You lean against the wall, a giddy feeling in your chest. Joshua always gave you the butterflies in the tummy and a giddy feeling in your chest. He was the first crush you had other than Seonghwa. You rest your head on the wall when you turn to face him. “How can I help you?” You smile and Joshua chuckles, returning the grin. “You could help me if you come to lunch with me.” You feel a blush rise on your cheeks. You forgot how direct your friend could be. 

“..as a date?” He hummed softly. “Yes and no.” You crossed your arms and nodded. “When?” He pulls his phone out the same time you do, both checking schedules. “How about Thursday? We can go when everyone takes a break.” You nod. Thursday is full with filming of some of the movie.

Seonghwa crosses his arms from where he leans against the wall a bit down from your door. You're going on a date with Joshua? He glares at the door. Of course you would go out with him, he was perfect. He rolls his eyes and kicks one leg over the other, head down.

Standing straight you wrap your arms around Joshua’s waist and squeeze. He chuckles and hugs you tightly back, swaying a bit before he backs up, hand on the door. “I'll text you.” You nod and wave and he leaves the room. 

Seonghwa is gone before the door opens. 

Joshua walks down away from your room before turning down a hall, catching the younger male. “It isn't nice to eavesdrop on a private conversation.” Joshua spoke, startling Seonghwa. He tenses. “I wasn't.” Joshua huffed. “I saw you turn the corner.”

Seonghwa fights back the slight amount of shame he feels from being caught. “I was just wondering what you were doing with her…” Joshua raises a brow. “Why would you care? You hate her.” Seonghwa looks down, biting his lip. “I don't hate her….” He trails off and the elder crosses his arms. “You could fool me, probably her too. She's convinced you hate her. Believing the rumors and not coming to her.” Joshua starts, cutting the other off when he opens his mouth. 

“What kind of friend are you?” Joshua narrows his eyes. “She told me everything. What you said, what the rumor was. The truth.” He walks closer, keeping eye contact with Seonghwa. “Maybe stop being a bitch and ask her what really happened.” He looks at the younger for a moment longer before sighing. “She doesn't hate you. But what you said really hurt her.” He whispered. “Let her tell you the truth.” Joshua walks past him before he can reply and Seonghwa is left standing in the middle of the hallway, staring at the floor blankly. 

He clenches his fist. He should probably talk to you before the bed scene. He doesnt want that scene to be more awkward than it will be. He ruffles his hair angrily before returning to his room to remove his makeup and change, already finding his own manager inside, sitting on the couch. “Where were you? We are in a time crunch. We have a radio broadcast.” Seonghwa nods. “You have an interview next week with how the movie is coming along.” He lists and Seonghwa slips on his jacket and grabs his own.

His manager stops, frowning. “Where is your head at?” When there's no response his manager’s frown deepens. “Seonghwa.” He jumps, eyes locking with his managers. “Where are you at?” Seonghwa frowns back. “Sorry I'm just…tired I guess. It's been a long day.” His manager looks at him for a moment before nodding and walking behind Seonghwa as he leaves the room. “Van is here.” Seonghwa nods, looking around in case he will get a glimpse of you. He sees you walking towards him with your own manager, not looking at him. 

You have to get past him to be able to leave and you want to disappear, go out the back way. Maybe if i don't look at him he wont talk to me. You hope, biting your lip but smiling as your phone starts ringing. It's a small part of Wooyoung’s part in mist. “Hi Woo.” You whisper, glancing at Seonghwa as you walk past him. 

I'd like to thank Satan for creating Wooyoung and his perfect timing. 

You hum when he starts complaining about Seonghwa and Hongjoong. “Hey, Joong is a busy guy. Plus everyone, including atiny, know you like when he degrades you.” There's a scandalous gasp on Wooyoung's end. “...just because my heart flutters doesn't mean anything.” You roll your eyes. “Wooyoung thats a degradation kink, try to lie again and i'll tell Hongjoong.” You threaten and the line is silent for a moment before Wooyoung's voice drops into a whisper.

“I know Seonghwa went to do promotional photos today. How did that go?” You sigh, your own voice dropping. “About as good as you think Woo.” There's a sigh from the other end. “I don't know what to do Woo…” You continue when it's silent. “Everytime i see him, i think of his words and the fact he didnt want my side of the story fucking hurts. The pain fuels my anger so then I just…break.” You start mumbling at the end. “It's been years, Woo.” Wooyoung sighs and nods. “I know.” He murmurs before there's muffled talking on his end. “I gotta go, Seonghwa is the last one here, do you see him?” You take a quick glance around before nodding. “Yeah, he's just kind of…staring.”

You smirk for a moment before waving at Seonghwa and disappearing into your car. “I waved and now I'm leaving.” There's a burst of laughter on the other end and you gasp mockingly. “Did you put me on speaker phone?!” San’s laughing joining just confirms your guess.You barely get a look at the shocked look on the others face before the door is closed and you're off to your next schedule. 

“Have fun on the radio guys, I'll be watching!” The replies come together into gibberish and you laugh softly before hanging up. “Love those kids.” You mutter.

Looking up at Sujin you smile a bit. “What's next?” She hums as she drives. “Next is just a solo interview about what you're excited about for your upcoming movie, then there's a meeting with a brand that would like you as one of their ambassadors.” The smile that's playing on her lips has your stomach spinning in anticipation. “What brand?” You bit your lip, crossing your arms. “Starts with a G and ends with a y.” Your grin slowly grows.”Givenchy? Same one Hao is in?” She nods, her smile growing along with yours. “Can I message him about it? Or do I need to wait?” You are half tempted to pull out your phone.

Minghao has been your best friend since before you were even in the industry. Being under the acting portion of the same company you both had been friends before either of you had a debut. Minghao with his dancing and artwork and you with acting, you were both known friends. You were each other's rocks, especially when you found out Seonghwa was debuting in a kpop group.

She nodded, a glance back at you as she drove. “You can message him about it. He will probably be very excited.” You pull out your phone quickly, the memory and day with Seonghwa slipping your mind as you quickly texted your best friend about the news.

If there was one thing Sujin was good at, it was distracting you and making you forget about whatever happened during the days that made you sad. You grinned softly as you talked to Minghao throughout the rest of your free time between schedules.

Once sitting on the couch next to the interviewer you placed a blanket on your lap to keep modesty with how short your skirt was. “Hello Y/n, thank you for coming on the show.” You grinned widely, shaking your head. “It's no problem.” You leaned back. “So it seems you are having a new movie coming up. It looks like Ateez’s Seonghwa will be the lead male.” You nod softly. “Have you guys already met?” You nod, looking towards the camera. “We actually did promotional pictures today.” The interviewer gasps. “Can we expect anything? Can you give us any hints?” 

Shaking your head you chuckled. “There's no need, once the photos are out it will be all you need to know.” You tease carefully and the lady in front of you pouts softly before it changes. “So you met with Seonghwa, with their rising fame did it make you nervous at all. “No. I was already friends with Wooyoung and San. So it wasn't hard to be friendly with him. I'm only a few months younger than him and I've been watching them for a while. They're all so talented and friendly.” You mention.

“Should we expect any collabs soon?” You laugh at the question and shake your head. “Oh no, I can't sing or anything at all, ‘n i wouldn't want their captain's hard work to go to waste.” You grin. “Though everyone knows of my friendship with Minghao, he often tries to help me dance but I'm not very good at it.” The interviewer shakes her head. “We have seen some of the tiktok challenges you do with some idols. They look like some of the best ones we've seen from the actors and actresses”

You bite your lip and nod, bowing a bit. “Thank you.” Your cheeks turn a soft pink at the compliment.

You weren't used to compliments from strangers. Even now with being in the industry for almost 8 years. Your attention is brought back when the other chuckles softly. “So it’s Seonghwa’s first big acting role. Are you teaching him the ropes?” You shake your head. “I think he got it down from when Ateez had their own acting film.” She nods and sits up straight. “Well thank you for visiting me here Y/n. I hope to see you again soon.”

You nod and smile, standing up once the camera is off. “Thanks for inviting Lia.” She grins, eyes turning into crescents. “No problem Y/n. I do want to see you again soon though.” You nod. “We can get lunch in a few days?” You propose and she nods, standing up as well. “I'll be off first.” You bow your head a bit as the younger girl waves you goodbye.

Sliding into the car you huff when you catch Sujins gaze. “You did pretty well hiding your reactions from everyone.” She compliments and you nod, keeping quiet as you lean against the seat and closing your eyes. “Just a few months with him then you're done.” She comments and you sigh, eyes closing. “I can't believe he believed the end of what he saw.” You mumble before sitting up straight. “Now it's the meeting?!” She laughs and nods, driving away from the set and back to the company. 

“Should I go home after this or ask Hao to get lunch with me? Maybe Jun?” You're mostly talking to yourself but your manager still answers. “It's been a while since you last saw Jun, why don't you call him and see if he's back?” You purse your lips and nod. You know both of your managers had to have something going on between them. Considering her cheeks turning pink whenever you mention you're gonna see Jun.

You giggle quietly at the thought. You wont ask until she comes to you, after all it's her personal life even if you are friends too. You're just happy she doesn't keep it professional and stand offish as your last manager did. 

“Actually call both of them, I know their friends too.” She comments and you smile, nodding. You'd love to see both of your friends at the same time. Plus it's a known fact between all of your fans that you guys are best friends so you don't worry.

Seonghwa totally slips your mind once you step into the meeting room to talk with givenchy.

You also walk out as a new ambassador for the brand. You're quickly calling your two friends and asking them to dinner. “It's been so long.” You pout. “Especially since we have all gone to eat.” You wait for them to answer, grin growing as they both say yes. “Ok, how about in an hour? I just want to get out of these clothes and into something more comfortable.” They hum in response and you end the call, biting down on your bottom lip.

—---time skip—-

The next months are brutal, you barely got through the first month of shooting and Seonghwas remarks before you were aware of the kiss and bed scene. “Seokmin…” The blood drains from your face. “Don't worry Y/n, The covers will be over both of your bodies, nothing will be seen and both you and Seonghwa will be wearing skin coloured clothing so it's not like you'll both be seeing each other naked. The chemistry so far is amazing.” He grins brightly and you feel your protests crumble.

How can you be mad when he gives you that smile. You sigh and nod, Seonghwa behind you also nodding. You rub your eyes lightly, careful of the make up. “Alright, the scene is the day after tomorrow. Hopefully you'll be able to prepare yourselves in time.” He leaves with that remark.

The tv crew for the interview is already arriving and both of you go back to your rooms to put something a bit more modern on before you back in chairs in front of the cameras, Lia beside them. You smile as the camera man counts down and Lia starts her greeting before asking for both of you to introduce yourself.

“Hello, Im Ateez’s Seonghwa.” He bows his head a bit. 

“Hey, thanks for having me again. Im Y/n.” 

She smiles before she crosses a leg over the other, hands on her knee. “So how has recording been so far? We have seen the pictures, which look incredible. It seems like you have incredible chemistry even through pictures.” She comments and you shift in your seat. “Yeah it's been, about as you'd expect for a movie filming. Seonghwa and I have actually met before. We went to middle school together but never talked.” You can feel the way the male tenses a bit beside you. “It also helps that I'm already friends with most of his group.” You grin a bit. 

“What about you Seonghwa? How've you felt so far?” You're a bit nervous about his answer. You could both destroy each other's careers with a single sentence. You tense a bit as you look over towards the male beside you.

“So far I think it's going pretty good. Its fun working with Y/n and seeing her again after a long time.” You want to laugh in his face at his words. Thats a whole fucking lie. You smile at his words, making sure it feels natural. “So as your first big screen debut how does it feel Seonghwa?” She asks and he chuckles a bit.

“It's a big change from webtoons and small things like Ateez has done before.” He nods, you nod along with him. “But Y/n has been amazing at helping me learn more. I'm happy it was her that got the lead.” You think he's being truthful at the beginning. You have helped him a lot with learning the ropes of acting, getting him used to it just in case he gets another role in a different movie.

“That's amazing!” Lia grins and she sits up straight. “So you're way through filming right?” You both nod and she lowers her voice dramatically for the effect. “Can you give me a little inside as to how the movie is going?” You shake your head. “I can't give you anything Lia, I'm sorry.” You sigh teasingly and she slouches back in her chair. 

“Alright, I give.” She pouts a bit and you grin and sit up straight in your seat. “But…” You say, grabbing her attention. “We have a scene coming up that everyone will like.” She gasps. “Is it a kiss? Bed scene? A steamy make out?” She throws questions and you ignore the barely concealed shock on Seonghwa’s face. 

You know you might get scolded later, but you liked breaking the rules sometimes. You grin and Lia sighs when she notices you won't answer any of her questions. “I guess we should end it here.” She speaks, back to herself as she bows her head. “Thank you for visiting again Y/n and thank you Seonghwa for coming today, hopefully i can see you guys after the movie comes out.” She has a hopeful lilt in her words and you nod.

“Thank you for having us Lia.” The cameras shut and you're off the seat, eyes landing on Sujin who is already on the phone, eyes narrowed at you and you smirk, shrugging your shoulders. ‘Give the people what they want, just a peak.’ Your mouth and her scowl dissipates, a sigh leaving her lips and she turns away.

“You're going to get in trouble for that.” You glance around, making sure all fans have gone before you turn back and half roll your eyes. “Sujin knew I'd probably pull something, I do it sometimes, especially with Lia.” You wave your hand dismissively. “Plus, I have to keep everyone on their toes.” You pat his cheek teasingly before walking away towards the hallway. You're half way down the hall when Seonghwa catches up to you, holding your wrist.

Frowning you turn around, seeing the other biting down on his bottom lip. “That photographer…” You raise a brow. “Shua?” He nods, frowning. “He told me a few things, well more yelled at me the day we had the promotional photoshoot…” You pull your arm out of his grip before sighing and pulling him to your dressing room and making him sit down. “So what?” You continue and he looks away before he starts recounting the more one sided conversation.

By the end you're huffing out a laugh. “Ok? He told you the TRUTH if you were interested in it. The side you should've gotten, the side that made sense and matched with others.” You chuckle bitterly. Seonghwa went to college, not knowing Joshua as he was a few years ahead. You can tell Seonghwa is done with your attitude but you think he deserves it.

You snort as his eye twitches, raising your own brow before getting comfortable on the couch and staring at him. “So why are you here?” He clenches his jaw, and sighs. “I'm sorry…” It's clear and audible but it still sends surprise through your body. “You're sorry? Now you're sorry?!” You almost let out a hysterical laugh, disbelief on your face. “Are you sorry before you feel guilty for yourself or because you know the truth and realize you did the wrong thing? Didn't get both sides?” You spit, locking eyes with him. 

“Y’know what, let's just…forget it and once we finish the movie we will go our separate ways.” You wave your hand and sigh before getting up to grab your clothes. “Now, if you'd get out, that'd be great. I'm going to see Wooyoung after this.” He frowns. You're going to see Wooyoung? “Why are you going to see him?” You sigh and face away from him. “If you aren't going to leave, can you atleast make yourself useful and unzip the back of my dress so I can change.”

He nods and walks closer. “You didn't answer my question.” You sigh  once he unzips the dress, slipping on your shirt before turning around once he steps away. “Thank you. But I'm going to see Woo because we are friends.” You explain before slipping your shorts on under the rest of the dress and slipping it off. Seonghwa sighs, resting his head in his hands. “I never hated you…” You rolled your eyes as you slipped on your shoes and grabbed your phone. “Ya’ coulda’ fucking fooled me.” You snap before you're grabbing the rest of your items and calling Wooyoung. 

“Hey Woo- '' He frowned as you called one of his members. Grabbing your phone he hung up the call and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly, you couldn't help but melt into his hold first, hiding your face in his chest with a sigh. Your body tensed and you tried to pull away only to give up when you felt his body shaking. “...Seonghwa?” His sniffles grew loud and he hid his face in your neck. “I’m sorry Y/n…” You sighed. “I never hated you Hwa, I was just… just…disappointed that you didn't want to listen to my side.” You sighed. “I missed you Hwa. A lot, but you seemed so happy to just drop me because it didn't look like you cared.” You frowned gently, arms raising and hesitating before hugging him back. 

You heard him sigh, a shaky sound as he hugs you tighter and pulls back. “Tell me everything.” You pause, eyes flickering between both of his eyes, seeing if there was anything else in his eyes. You have a few hours before you have to meet Wooyoung. Pursing your lips you sigh. Why not? You mumble before putting your back down and turning to sit on the couch. Once Seonghwa sits on the couch you take a breath before explaining.

—--

By the end Seonghwa hasn't said anything, he's quiet, eyes on his hands as he tries to find the words. “Why did you think Yujin told the truth?” You speak and Seonghwa bites his lip. “I had a crush on her…” You scrunch your nose in disgust. “Are you serious? You believed I was a slut because she said so? You believed I slept with your family. Your dumbass believed her over me, you knew her for maybe a month. What other lies did you believe? Didn't she tell you that I slept with your friends too? That I slept with the whole school?” He looked away. “No, Seonghwa look me in the eye when you lie to me.” 

His eyes found yours after a moment. “Im…” You kept eye contact and his bottom lip trembled. “She fed me so many lies I didn't know what to believe.” He spoke and you sighed. “I won't forgive you and I won't forget, but we can be friends again.” You handed him your phone. “Put your number in and we can talk more, maybe even meet up after shooting when our schedules line up for dinner or drinks.”

Seonghwa’s cheeks flushed red. “I, uh, i'm not a good drinker.” You blinked before you nodded. “That's right, Wooyoung told me.” He huffed before he put his number in your phone. “Maybe we can continue back to when we were friends? When Yujin wasn't there?” You sighed. “I think we talked enough about it right now. I'll see you tomorrow.” You finished and got up. Seonghwa watched for a moment before he nodded, resting against your couch.

You could almost see the million thoughts going through his head and you bit your lip before walking over to him and leaning down. There was only one way to get his mind to stop running. You knocked your forehead against his gently. It was a thing you both always did when one was spiraling, thoughts running 100 mph with no end in sight. “Breath Hwa.” You could hear his breath hitch, no doubt remembering how many times you both did the same thing to each other. 

Once you felt him relax you stepped back, his eyes looking at you with almost sparkles. Your cheeks flushed. “Stop looking at me like that.” Why did he still have the same effect on you as he used too, if not more intense. Enemies to lovers was one of your favorite tropes. You rapidly shook the thought out of your head before walking towards the door. “Text me Hwa. We need to catch each other up on everything.” Your voice was the softest it had been towards him in a while.

He nodded, a small smile growing on his lips as he watched you leave. He finally had a second chance. When he lost you he felt it. The pain of losing your best friend. But the lies she kept telling them only fueled his hatred for what he believed you had done. Why didn't he ask for your side, ask his family or friends if it was true? Everything he could have done was now spinning around his head. He really was an idiot.

He pulled his phone back and sent you a text, smiling as he saw your contact name. He stood up and walked towards the door as well, not seeing you in sight before he left as well, heading back to the dorms just in time to see Wooyoung leaving. “Bye Wooyoung.” He said instead of a greeting. The younger waved before he was shutting the door and off to meet up with you. 

He bet Wooyoung knew what had happened, assuming by the way Wooyoung had given him a soft smile. 

—--

The next day you both met up for shooting, you had both agreed to head out after the shoot to catch up, maybe continue where the good things ended. He had high hopes. You bit your lip as you watched him come into your dressing room, Sujin giving you a firm look before walking out. Seonghwa smiled faintly at you. “I know today is the kissing scene and the bed scene is two days ago. I think we should be on friendly terms…” He trailed off, leaning against the make up table you were at as you nodded, eyes locking on his. 

The silence should've been awkward or tense but you guess the talk yesterday had an effect. You licked your lips as you leaned back. “Tell me about afterwards. When did you join your company?” You watched him look down as he started talking about what happened after. You both went back and forth talking about what had happened when you both split ways. 

There was a knock on the door that interrupted you both, a voice through the door telling you it was time to shoot. Giving each other a look you both went out, hoping to finish quickly so you could both go to eat after. Seonghwa had an early schedule tomorrow and you had a rare day off. You took a breath as you went onto the set, going through the lines and scenes in your head. Giving both the director and Seonghwa a confident nod and a smile, you were both ready to start. “We finish last time right before the kiss, so we will go from there.”

You smiled as you stood in front of Seonghwa, face softening as you changed into your character, arms going around his neck and one hand on the back of his head in his hair. When the cue was given you went through your lines, head tilted to the side before you glanced down at his lips, before Seonghwa was leaning down to press your lips together, a hand somewhat covering both of your lips., the other gripping your waist.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you felt consumed by Seonghwa, letting him lead.as he adjusted you both, turning as the camera changed positions, tongue swiping against your lip and you let him, a harsh breath through your nose as you let the other move you like a doll, your grip on his hair. You gasped as he pulled away, your head tilting back as you felt him move to your neck. You bit your lip as the camera zoomed in on Seonghwa, catching the way his mouth opened and bit down on your neck. 

You faked a struggle and held your neck as you backed up, fake blood smearing against your neck and Seonghwas mouth.

“Cut!” You gave Seonghwa a high five before you both changed into a different scene, a grin on both your lips as you both changed and cleaned up.

The filming ended quicker than usual and you thanked everyone for their help before you nodded towards the other. “I'll meet you by the door so we can head to dinner together? There's a place across the street I've wanted to try.” Seonghwa nodded before you both disappeared into your room,

You had to admit, you were a bit scared of what this dinner could come out to. He could only want to be on friendly terms for only the rest of filming. But he seemed genuine. Maybe he wanted to start catching up? You frowned as you finished changing, slipping on your jacket before texting your manager that you would be getting dinner with Seonghwa and would be home later. You got the expected reaction from her.

‘???? Dinner??? With THE Park Seonghwa??? What happened to this mutual hatred?’

There were masses of texts from her and you had to sigh, a fond smile on your lips before you locked it and put it in your pocket, walking to the door and finding Seonghwa already. “Well?” You question and his head snapped up, gaze meeting yours and he nodded. “Let's go.

You smiled, walking beside him as you both left to go to the restaurant across the street. “So this dinner, did you want to talk about what's gonna happen after this? After filming ends?” He took a minute, eyes on his feet for a moment before he looked over at you. “Yeah.” You nodded, pursing your lips as he opened the door for you, giving a small smile and nod of thanks as you asked the waitress for a private table as her eyes widened when the recognition hit her. She led you away towards the back where there were small partitions splitting the few of the tables. “Thank you. Could we start with water and desert wine?” She nodded, scribbling it down and disappearing.

You took a breath and sat down, Seonghwa sitting across from you. “I think we should be friends, start over.” He started, looking at you. “I'm not saying forgive and forget, I'm saying, maybe forgive over time? I��ll show you that I'm better, that I won't hurt you again.” He pursed his lips when the waitress came over with the water and wine. Nodding his thanks he continued. “I did miss your friendship, and I'm sorry that I let her brainwash me with lies.” You nodded, drinking your glass of wine as you listened to him talk.

“Im ok with that…” You nodded and you couldn't fight your smile when you saw Seonghwas own. “I’ll give you another chance, but i wont forget.” He nodded. “I get it.” He smiled crookedly. “Maybe we can get back to where we were in friendship?” You shrugged and watched as he took a drink nodding. “Maybe.” You nodded, licking your lips and both looking through the menu and you both quickly picked something and ordered before you leaned back in your chair. 

“Sujin was surprised when I told her where I was going, more that i was going with you.” He nodded, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Yeah, I think Woo was surprised when I told him.” You grinned wider at the mention of the younger. “I'm waiting for his call.” You admitted, Seonghwa nodding before he took another drink, closing his eyes. “Maybe he will wait til after?”

He didnt end up calling that night.

The dinner ended with you both drinking another bottle of wine before walking back to your place, giggling and bumping into each other like old times. Every now and then your fingers would brush and Seonghwa would hesitate to hold your hand. Was it too soon? You both had just made up and he didnt want to risk it by doing anything dumb too soon. 

You bit your lip, once you got inside the lobby you pressed the button for the top flood and barely got inside before Seonghwa had up up against the mirrored walls and a rushed ‘i cant wait’ before he leaned forward and pressed your lips together again. This one was full of passion, longing and a bit of sadness. You gasped before you relaxed and let him take over again, hugging him close to you before he heard the elevator ding, dragging you out and grinning against your lips.

He gripped your hip as he pressed you against the wall beside the door, locking the door easily. You let out a sigh as his lips met the skin of your neck, eyes closing as your hand reached up to tangle in his hair, pulling him closer. Your free arm wrapped around his waist as you held him against your body tightly. “No marks.” You managed to get out and you heard Seonghwa huff. “I can't make you either. Your fans wouldn't be happy and neither would mine. The media would have so much fun.” You managed to choke out when he nipped at your neck, hands slipping under your shirt and up towards your bra, stroking the warm skin of your back. 

You rested your head back against the wall, tugging on his hair to bring him up to your lips. “Are you going to let me ride your cock Hwa? Make me forget my name and only remember yours?” You could feel the effect your words had on him, his cock on your thigh twitching with every dirty word that left your mouth. You giggled against his lips as he grinded against your thigh, hissing quietly. He leaned down, tapping the back of your thighs, hinting at you to jump. “Wrap your legs around my waist baby.” He murmured against your lips as he pressed them together, nipping at your bottom lip.

He chuckled, catching you easily as you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand hands tangling into his hair as he deepened the kiss, letting him lead you to the couch. His hand slipped up your back to find the clasp of your bra and easily unclipped it before you both fell onto the couch, him grinning. 

“I just might make you forget your name. You've been teasing me lately.” He hums. “I could punish you but I bet you'd like it.” You rested your head back against the cushions, legs falling from his waist but still caging his hips in. You chuckled. “I think we have waited too long for you to just punish me, after all.” You trailed off, lifting your hips enough to grind against him, a smirk on your lips as you felt the hardness pressing against the fabric of his cheeks. “You're seeming to get a bit…what's the word, impatient yourself.” You hummed, sitting up to slip off your shirt and bra. “How about we practice for that scene?” You grinned a bit, sliding your hands underneath his shirt and pulling it up. “We can make it real. Not having barriers against us.”

You grin and he groans against your lips as he leans back down. “Such a tease.” He shifts both of you enough to get your pants and panties off as his shirt and pants disappear. “You're already so wet.” He cooed quietly, hands sliding against your thighs before he shuffled down and laid on his stomach the best he could, thanking you in his head that you had a long couch. 

“Can I?” He flicks his gaze up to you as he glances at your pussy, licking his lips. You pretend to think about it for a moment, but the warmth of his breath against the wet patch of your panties makes you clench around nothing. You nod and he wastes no time with getting you accustomed to his tongue. You would've never guessed Seonghwa was good at head, but looking at some of the videos and what fans have to say you should've guessed he would be.

You groaned at the swipe of his tongue through your folds, hand tangling into his hair as you let your head fall back on the couch, eyes closed. “Fuck…” You feel more than hear Seonghwa hum against your pussy and your hips jolt from reflex, a string of expletives leaving your mouth.

You sighed as you felt Seonghwa wrap his lips around your clit and suck, his finger pressing his way inside after swiping them through your folds. You wanted to close your legs but it was like he could read your mind, his hands coming to pin your legs against the couch before pulling away, licking his lips. “You taste so good.” It sounds pornographic, the whine you let out when he pulls away. His eyebrow raises and his lips quirk into a smirk. “Was my tongue that good?” The smirk on his face tells you he knows it was. You pout, avoiding his eyes as he presses his fingers into you, crooking them upwards, fingertips pressing against the spongy spot inside of you, a grin on his lips. 

“There?” You nodded, hand gripping his wrist as his massaged the spot, eyes tracing over your body. “You're so pretty.” His tongue swipes across his bottom lip, hunger in his as he adds another finger. “More?” He looks back up at you, free hand coming to stroke your side, humming as you nod. “I want you cock Hwa. Please…” He bit his lips before he slipped his fingers out and straight into his mouth. He groaned softly at the taste, eyes falling shut before you wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to put his cock inside you by yourself. 

A quick swat to your outer thigh had you stopped, a pout on your lips as he looked down at you. “No.” You huffed before it broke into a low whine, gripping his wrists once he caged you in with his hands next to your head as he slowly pressed inside you. His eyes locked between your body, biting his bottom lip. When he glanced back up he furrowed his brows at the slight pain on your face. 

“I knew you werent stretched enough, so impatient you couldnt wait long enough so i could fuck you comfortably? Maybe you wanted it this way.” He cooed once he managed to fit all of him inside, a deep breath leaving. “Wanted to be stretched by my cock and not my fingers. Do you like the pain?” He taunted and you bit your lip as your eyes opened, looking up at him.

A look into his eyes told you he was holding himself back the best he could, Maybe talking was distracting him. “Hmmm.” You hummed out, eyes a bit hazy as you tried to focus on the man above you. “You can move.” He raised a brow but sat up, hands on your hips, a faint smile on his lips as you kept your hands on his wrists. The first snap of his hips ripped a gasp from your throat, a groan following. “Fuck thats good.” You whined, tightening your legs as his gaze stayed on where you both were connected. “Look at you…” He murmured. “Taking me so well…” He bit his bottom lip as his thrusts sped up slowly, punching moans out from your chest with each one. 

You released one of his hands to put it against the arm of the couch to prevent your head from hitting it, Seonghwas thrusts scooting you up the couch little by little. He raised your hips a bit, shifting his aim and grinning when you tighten your grip and arched your back, a loud broken moan leaving your lips. “Right there?” At your frantic nod he kept his hips aimed and sped up his thrusts, licking his thumb and rubbing your clit quickly. “Fuck…” He breathed, hissing under his breath. “You're so tight.” He looked up at you. “Cum baby.” He purred as he held back his own orgasm, wanting you to cum first. 

Watching you fall apart on his cock made him wish he could have recorded it. The thin layer of sweat covering your body and the way your body arched, mouth falling open in a silent moan, the way your eyes squeezed shut and your grip on his wrist tightened. Beautiful. He had half the mind to ask if he could take a pic. The image had him quickly pulling out, his cum pooling on your stomach and some on your chest. He let go with a groan, giving you both a second before he got up and walked to your bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it to wipe off his cum.

“Hey Y/n. You need to go pee.” He murmured after he finished cleaning you up. “And take a shower.” He spoke softly, using the other side of the rag to wipe his own body clean. He will take a shower when he gets home. You nodded, disappearing into the bathroom on shaky legs. He sat down at the table after slipping his pants and boxers back on. You both had to talk about what had just happened.

When he saw you come out he nodded towards the chair in front of him. “We should talk about it.” You nodded before you sat down in front of him and quickly spitting out what you were thinking in the shower. “I'm ok with keeping this friends with benefits thing…” Seonghwas mouth dropped a bit, surprise on his face. “I know jacking off only helps so much until you start needing something better.” His cheeks are turning pink so you continue. “While I know any of your fans would line up for a chance, we would be better. We are friends to the public eye and it won't be TOO hard to pass everything with no scandal.” You watch him, mouth still open. You grinned slowly. “Hwa?”

He rapidly shook his head, shaking away the surprise before he covered his face. “Im…ok with that.” He admitted and you chuckled. “While its hard for idols its hard for actresses, we are seen as sluts or whores if we hand out with any guy that the public doesnt seem to know. Hao, Jun and I hang out because we are all under the same company so theres no scandal.” He nods, peeking through his hands. 

“We can both fill each others sexual needs. Easy.”

You were both in agreement. You smiled at him. "Maybe we will end up as more some time." That got Seonghwa to pull his hands away to look at you. "Really?" You nodded.

"Really."

[lorynna]

Everything about being a lesbian has been destroyed for me and is now tainted with sadness. Everything. Even LGB community. Even women's rights. My experience in all those spaces, I'm tired.

I always wanted to publish a lesbian love story. Now all the lesbian publishers are captured by gender ideology, so are all the successful lesbian writers. Everybody gaslights us we are evil because we won't accept the lie men can be lesbians, even though it provably disadvantages lesbians. I'm so hurt, so lonely, so full of rage and bewilder words seem a silly tool to try to convey any of it. I have so much hatred in me. Must be nice not to have to carry this. I've been fighting gender for years. I think I have to step away for my mental and physical health, which are already shot. It would be so nice not to be here.

Hello anon,

first of all, I get your frustration and your anger. I really do.

It's one thing to roam around reading posts on Tumblr or other social media, then turning off the phone and not being confronted by it anymore.

But it's a whole different thing to face everything again each time you want to enter a safe space in daily life that should have been for you but has been overtaken by gender brainrot ideology and overall people that don't belong there.

I am sorry your experiences inside of those spaces have let you down. You should still be proud of who you are and for being brave enough to not give up on your beliefs just for the sake of comfort, because I know how hard it is to keep holding onto them and how easy it would be to turn your brain off and stop caring and just going with the flow of society.

And you should most definitely still write that book! Everytime I read a novel about a sapphic relationship and then some kind of woke gender ideology nonsense gets mixed into it I cannot help but roll my eyes. You could really make a difference and I bet many other women would appreciate that book. Even if you just write it for the sake of you having fun by doing so - please proceed!

Taking a step back for your mental and physical well-being is always good and I hope you can find some peace during that time. Try to find some like minded community! It might help to find some support here and there!

[onlyplatonicirl]

im sorry if this is kind of like a vent post a little bit but i just want to get it off my chest

Interacting with utmv tumblr lately has been giving me anxiety. I feel scared that like, everyone hates me even though I literally do nothing except write my fic and I just try to be friendly and kind to everyone who also likes all the sans undertales but then other people get mad at me for being kind to the "wrong" people, which is how i got put on a "proshipper" list despite not being a proshipper and strongly disliking problematic content.

I'm scared of utmv "antis" because i see so many people's blogs where they talk CONSTANTLY about hating proshitters and find joy in starting drama, which is a horrible and extremely detrimental mentality to have. I thought we were here to enjoy utmv, not... shittalk everyone we dont like. I'm scared of utmv "proshippers" because i dont want to be associated with or see dark content or anything nsfw at all because i am very uncomfortable, I just.

Want to be normal. I want to have fun. I want to be a nice person. I feel like everyone hates each other and has so much underlying beef with each other and whenever I reblog art I get nervous if the artist secretly hates me or something.

tldr im just really tired. Nothing happened to prompt this im just. H.

if you have beef with each other thats fine but like. dont drag me into it, please just block other people you dont like, callout blogs and callout posts dont do anything except create food fights unless you have solid proof of someone being a genuine piece of shit (a groomer, a transphobe, yadda yadda).

I've never understood the need to constantly complain about things. It drives me away because it makes me miserable. I hate dreammare but I don't even think you could keyword-search a single result about it on my blog if you tried. Because I just don't talk about it at all. Which I don't understand why it isn't the norm.

In my life I've lived I've grown so tired of anger and hatred, I've been surrounded in it to the point where it makes me sick, and i cannot hold onto it for more than an hour. I don't hold grudges, I don't hate, and if I dislike someone I will just not talk to them because I would rather stick dynamite up my nose than be the cause of online drama and shittalking. There are a few people on this platform that I strongly dislike and think should not have a platform due to their actions but I don't want to engage in war. I'm not interested.

Drama is not fun and it never has been when it's over things that don't matter. If you find it fun you need to severely re-evaluate yourself.

again this isn't directed at anything in particular i just dont like being nervous all the time.

[macksting]

I'm gonna try to find other places my favorite people here are, that are not X or Tumblr. I'm gonna try to retain my contacts here. But I'm leaving again. I don't feel a need to get myself banned to make some point, and it looks like that's easy to do for now. He wants us off this site? Fine, I'll go. There's better places to be anyway.

But before I go.

I apologize in advance to any Christians who feel unfairly hurt by what I'm about to say, but: I don't hate Christianity, but I hate being unable to escape it anywhere I go. In the same way that a Christian atheist may still have a rabid hatred of Muslims, I find Christian and ex-Christian trans women still want our suffering to be holy, to be martyrs. Mostly they don't go running into the mouth of hell to suffer, if nothing else because that'd hurt and most of them aren't that devoted to this mindset; and some of us fly too close to the sun not out of masochistic death cultism but out of just being at heart a bunch of pains in the ass, so I ain't talking about that either. I'm talking about needing to be seen as suffering, as more suffering than others, as a kind of social oneupsmanship. And it's not better to do so in some kind of communion or solidarity or whatever, it's still ridiculous no matter how you do it.

We should be learning about the means of each other's oppressions, to better understand our own, not turning it into a fucking pissing contest.

And I cannot escape these mindsets. I see these baffling crab-bucket behaviors in these shitty online spaces that I almost never see in real life, with real world groups and people, because... iunno, maybe because I live in the PNW and a lot of folks didn't grow up being told that suffering is the highest form of virtue and therefore that if you are not suffering enough then you are not virtuous enough, and since real suffering sucks, it's best to just make people accept that the level of suffering you're going through, which is bad, is superior and unique and untouchably awful.

My friend Michael says it's also kind of a white thing. By creating a hierarchy of who is most oppressed and placing yourself on top, you can make yourself feel immune to criticism, and apparently this is just something a lot of white folks feel they need. Myself, iunno, I'm white too, I hope I don't do that, but I suspect my particular brand of OCD means my anxieties in that regard can't be alleviated without significant therapy and medication, which is not better but it does seem to make me a little less likely to try to put myself on top of hierarchies out of sheer terror of myself.

I seriously cannot escape this shit. I dunno how much I've got to go dismantling my own bullshit, but at least I wasn't raised Christian. It must be so exhausting. If you see me posting something positive that's happening, believe me, it's not intended as toxic positivity. It's intended as a radical statement that a better world is possible. It's radically asserting that life is not pain, and that our pain has causes that can be dealt with. And I dearly do hope it pisses someone off to see someone living their best life in spite of the horrors. A car outside our homeless shelter says, "Birds sing after the storm, so shall we," along with countless Christian statements scrawled all over it, and I am not waiting for some storm to pass. It won't pass in my lifetime. I'm singing now. And some of those songs are happy, and some of those songs are angry, and some are both.

If all you want is the aesthetics of suffering or the aesthetics of social justice, fuck off. I don't need more Christendom. I'm trapped in this place, and I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like Shrek yelling at Donkey, "can you please stop being yourself for five minutes!"

[gothsuguru]

please reveal your suguru-coded hozier songs :) i believe it would be beneficial for my sanity :)

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK :3 and omfg i have SO many honestly i can say practically every song can be suguru-coded but that’s probably bc i’m insane <3 but omfg… here’s just a FEW! (i love you gaia <3 i love you suguru <3 i love you hozier’s music/lyrics <3)

• as it was: i’d argue that this is THE most suguru-coded song that has ever existed… i think it speaks a lot to suguru’s descent into madness! especially when hozier talks about being “unmoved” — i think suguru himself, canon 3rd year -> cult leader!suguru simply won’t allow himself to be swayed by what anyone says… he’s his own man & thinks his own thoughts and ultimately just gets swallowed up by darkness & the hatred/negativity that consumes him!

the lyric Of All Time that i think ENCAPSULATES suguru is:

“but your love was unmoved… and the sights were as stark as my baby, and the cold was as sharp as my baby, and the nights were as dark as my baby… half as beautiful too.”

• arsonist’s lullabye: THIS SONG IS SOOOOO 3RD YEAR GETO CODED… actually just OVERALL teen!geto coded! hearing voices, staring into open flames, telling himself not to tame his demons but keep them on a leash (which he essentially does with cursed spirit manipulation.) also love that in this song, 16 is the age where his senses start to fool him & something else, “an other”, would start to rule him (suguru’s demons taking a hold of him -> leading him to defection.) and then the talk of being a man, but for him, the only peace he’d feel is the ashes left in his wake (suguru wanting to kill non-sorcerers so peace could be felt for himself/other sorcerers.)

“when i was a child, i heard voices. some would sing and some would scream. you soon find you have few choices, i learned the voices died with me.”

“when i was 16, my senses fooled me, thought gasoline was on my clothes. i knew that something would always rule me. i knew the scent was mine alone.”

“when i was a man i thought it ended, when i knew love's perfect ache. but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake.”

“all you have is your fire, and the place you need to reach. don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash.”

• too sweet: this one is so curator!geto coded :3 i just really adore the lyrics in this one and if you end up seeing some of hozier’s lyrics used to describe suguru in the fic… don’t blame me okay… i just Like the way he Describes things :3

“don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake, smelling like a bonfire, lost in a haze?” -> gives me kenjaku vibes/chilled out suguru vibes!

“i think i'll take my whiskey neat, my coffee black, and my bed at three. you're too sweet for me!” -> curator!geto is tired but sophisticated and sexy!

“you know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain! pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape — if you can sit in a barrel, maybe i’ll wait until that day…” -> the way curator!geto sees fashion designer!reader!

• it will come back: HEAVILY CULT LEADER!GETO CODED… he’s such a sly fox, a wolf, a papabear ready to strike. suguru is the PATRIARCH of his family, and sometimes his little family feel like sheep/lambs to me… idk this song just gives me manipulative!geto vibes and i think this geto is very… obsessed w a non-sorcerer and can’t seem to steer clear from them… he has rules set in place, says he won’t enforce them, but expects people to follow them (but he won’t follow his own…)

“i know who i am when i'm alone. i'm something else when i see you. you don't understand, you should never know how easy you are to need. don't let me in with no intention to keep me — jesus christ, don't be kind to me. honey, don't feed me, i will come back.”

“it can't be unlearned. i've known the warmth of your doorways. through the cold, i’ll find my way back to you. oh, please, give me mercy no more — that's a kindness you can't afford. i warn you, baby, each night, as sure as you're born — you'll hear me howling outside your door.”

• talk: MY FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME! <333 one of my fics is named after a lyric in this song! i think suguru is BOTH orpheus AND eurydice coded! suguru devoted himself to his grief and became who he became, and at the end of the day, he is absolutely willing to die for his cause (and did).

“i'd be the choiceless hope in grief that drove him underground, i'd be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around…”

• son of nyx: this song has no lyrics, but the music reminds me of a… lament? i sat down one day and started writing about cult leader!suguru to this song and how he ingested so much negativity & curses that OF COURSE it consumed him too. son of nyx was the fic name (i lost the whole draft unfortunately but nyx is the goddess of darkness so i thought it was apt!) essentially it would’ve been a character study almost about suguru lamenting about his life in bed (all sexy & poetic bc obvi… you already know he sleeps on black satin sheets!)

• eat your young: suguru who’s mad at the system in place that causes young sorcerers to die/be killed. rather than it being a ‘fuck you’ to non-sorcerers, i think it’s a ‘fuck you’ to the higher-ups. like “oh? you deemed me as the worst curse-user of all time, in all of history? y’all ain’t see NOTHING yet!”

“i'm starving, darling. let me put my lips to something, let me wrap my teeth around the world. start carving, darling…” -> recently defected!geto getting ready to bare his teeth to the world.

“if you hesitate, the getting is gone. i won't lie, if there's something to be gained — there's money to be made, whatever's still to come…” -> call geto what you want but you can’t say he’s not a hustler! 😭 he was about that bread!

“skinning the children for a war drum. putting food on the table selling bombs and guns. it's quicker and easier to eat your young.” -> hatred for the system, using children as fodder to fight curses.

“we can celebrate the good that we've done! i won't lie, if there's something still to take — there is ground to break, whatever's still to come…” -> geto getting ready to declare war & begin the night parade of a hundred demons!

[odsont]

I tried to fight my inner demons as hard as I could but...

Why I think Wanderer would be a better archon then Kusanali

(By not a lore player, if you disagree with anything I say, please explain why, I would like to hear, trust me, I try as hard as I can to find at least one good thing about Nahida's character so if anyone has anything to say I would be so glad to hear it)

(Didn't mean to offend anyone)

(Unless you're Nahida)

So I come up with some reasons why Baladeer would be a perfect archon (based on personality, God criteria and official genshin writings and lore), why Kusanali is not supposed to be an archon at all (based on personality and archon criteria and on lore of other gods) and why having Lumine fighting sages and helping Wanderer to become a God would make the game and Nahida's character so much better (based on my opinion) and now I can't stop thinking about it

(Nahida is so selfish and noone knows it because of her acting like uwu anime cutie who cries for no reason all the time and saying that she likes hooman while girl literally manipulated her person just to make her believe in Nahida's views, used Katherine's body without her consent (and got it damaged, broke Katherine. (I care about her and her creator a lot, ok?) Saying that it's fine cuz she's a puppet (Katherine was showen as someone who's a living creature many times and even if she is just a souless puppet, she's still Sandrone's property), took away Scaramouche's gnosis with no hesitation even tho bro begged her not to (he was technically her enemy but taking away his heart was too personal, beating him up or anything wouldn't be.)

Listen..maybe I'm being too empathetic to a fictional charcater, but when she said she only kept Wanderer to use him, it was fine, if she killed him it was fine, but the moment when she talked about breaking his heart just to scare Dottore (she could've done the same with her gnosis, she wasn't about to actually break it anyway) really made me feel so so bad for him. Like I'm a bitch and I would bever do smth like that??

Another thing that people say is that "Scaramouche is evil" "he tried to take Sumeru away from Nahida" so is/did Barbatos?? Morax?? Ei even in her own quest was a bad guy (literally a part of Inadzuma quest was about Inadzuma needed someone more empathetic then Ei's puppet, oh, what a shame that Ei never made a puppet that was actually kind, understanding and incredibly good at politics/s)? Rukha too ig?? Archons are evil in one way or another, Scara said himself that their fight was an archon war (because Archons also fought each other for territories) And Nahida obviously lost (would have if traveler wasn't there).

We literally have 2 more canonical confirmations that Scara would be a good archon.

We saw how much he loved Haypasia and *cough cough*

"But those of this world who call such a being a "false deity" misunderstand the true meaning of the word. Shouki no Kami now understands countless things and shoulders unassailable might, and may be said to surpass mortals. If gods must love mortals, then Shouki no Kami, who grants failure in equal measure to humanity, loves them also. If gods must watch over humanity, then Shouki no Kami, who has borne witness to infinite love, hatred, partings, grudges, and maddening anger — thus does he watch over mortals".

Dide literally fits the "archon criteria" perfectly??? Nahida doesn't (expect for her loving her people but I already said why I disagree with that but I believe my point was too subjective to actually count it) I'm pretty sure I forgot some of my arguments but I'm too tired to write it anyway lol. In my personal opinion Sumeru would be better if we just fought Sages and then helped Wanderer become a good God, Nahida could be a better character since this way she would be allowed to be silly child

(I just realized interesting thing that both Nahida and Wanderer were created (most likely from irminsul) destined to be a God but not being able to achieve this at first, hey, maybe they both could be Gods, we got 100 updated about desert, no way a baby can handle it by her own + desert people were treated as less "human" then others for ages, Scaramouche would feel so much empathy towards them!

[vazaha-tya]

to clarify

i am neutral about snape

i don't like him as a person but he's a potentially interesting character

i just don't think he's well-written

his role as a spy was barely exploited

the reasoning behind his abuse of children is flimsy

and the whole marauders-snape relationship is described so badly it can be interpreted in every direction

were the marauders bullies and snape a hapless victim of their dastardly ways? eh. we're talking abt the dude who invented a curse to make someone bleed out. how do you think remus found out snape knew more curses in first year than the rest of his classmates?

were the marauders defenders of the weak against a future death eater and his friends? probably not. the pantsing scene at the very least showed they targetted him for their own enjoyment more than anything else.

or were the schoolyard fights meant as allegories of the greater tension of the war brewing in the background? most likely. the atmosphere was tense in the castle. people were disappearing, awful laws being passed as death eaters infiltrated the ministry and pureblood rhetoric was spouted louder than ever.

i think the marauders probably didn't have the time to torment snape as much as people seem to think considering they were mapping out the school, becoming animagi, running around on the full moon, doing homework (+playing quidditch for james) and who knows what else. draco had the time to bully harry because he literally had nothing else to do. that's not the case here.

but i also think james is probably the one who antagonised snape and insulted/hexed him first, maybe called him a dark wizard and generally comforted him in his idea that he had no place in the light side. his friends also probably followed, especially sirius who never learnt what a moral compass was and who probably doesn't have a standard of what "going too far" means. can you imagine what bellatrix and him got up to as kids in grimmauld place? i hardly think he understands the concept of bullying. james was spoiled, sirius fucked up and the other two very eager to please. a recipe for disaster.

but snape didn't become a death eater because of the marauders. he already resented muggles before coming to hogwarts and knew a lot of curses which he's kind of implied to have happily used. his break from lily pushed him further down the dark path but he was already involved in purist circles. he wasn't alone, he had friends (who died in the war too if i understood it right, or went to azkaban).

the marauders weren't ganging up on him 24/7. they started the hostilities, yes, and took pleasure in humiliating him. snape and his friends apparently took pleasure in attacking muggle-borns though.

they were all shitty kids terrified to die and lashing out at each other. the thing is that the marauders didn't get to grow out of it (except remus, who did put the rivalry behind him and pettigrew who's generally ignored in this) and snape did but stewed in his hatred.

snape would have been a compelling antihero if he had been better written. if it was made clear that he is selfish and bitter yet still fighting for the right side. (i wish jkr hadn't involved lily. i'm so tired of her being only characterised by her relationship with the men in her life). if he was just a complicated man, one who isn't absolved by his tragic backstory. or if it had taught him to be better, if he had been a mentor to harry instead of another reason to think he wasn't safe anywhere

and if his spying years had actually given useful intel ffs. because what did he learn as a spy that the order used? smh

[solis-angelus]

A Plea for Some Helpful Advice

(short vent? Underneath)

I'm being very mature about my gradually spiraling mental health which shows it's face in forms of sudden bouts of anger, hatred and mostly crying. I feel hatred and envy and jealousy and vengeance and whatever whatever towards almost all of my family members, each at different random moments of time. I never felt this way even a year ago. (Because i used to? idk? Really love and appreciate my family. My family has no reason to deserve hatred and anger and jealousy from me..well other than some reasons but none thats of imminent concern or a direct and expected case of family conflict.)

I don't know what's happening with me but what I do know is that it's getting incredibly difficult to not draw attention to myself, in the form of desperate on-the-verge-of-crying nagging to my mother to talk to me, praise me, pay attention to me etc, sudden shouting, or bad behavior in general. And this scenario becomes ten times worse when I count in that I am involved in a joint family structure. We are visiting my aunt's house tomorrow and I'm hoping to just wing the interactions instead of excessively worry and counterproductively predict my bad behavior with family.

So, the aforementioned (in the first line) step of solving this thing is— obviously running away from home. And that is what I'm going to do. Not in the bad connotations no, I'll be civil and behave like a normal human being and rely on my "increased college exposure" excuse to get myself a college in a faaaaaaar away state, that the family won't be able to visit often. It's gonna hurt like HELL to not be able to hug my mother in person, and I know it's gonna be sad for her as well.

She doesn't want me to go. Since my father passed in 2021, we've taken in my cousin brother (whose parents are incapable of parenting). Taking care of a child at her age is no cakewalk (i help obviously). Our presence presence helps each other a lot, just seeing the other's face after a long day is the anchor to this tiring life we've found ourselves in. And I really have no reason to actually go out of city this early. Other than the aforementioned spiral into insanity. and also because if I stay in this city, I'll have to devote a lot of time to my cousin brother (aged 7, so u can understand what i mean). Both taking care of him and his academics as well as existing for his secure attachment relationship etc whatever etc. Plus there's always something or the other up with my aunts and uncle, and being the eldest's (my mother's) daughter, and being their reliable long term unofficial therapist, the duties fall on my back like they belong there. And juggling all this family, plus travel time to and fro my college and home, I won't get much extra time to STUDY (which yk, a normal 19 Yr old is supposed to do instead of taking mental responsibilities of their entire clan). Also minor sidenote: I'm tired of it. I'm tired of doing this. I don't want to do it anymore. I want out.

My family is GREAT btw, I have a great family, they've done many many uncountable good things for me since my birth to till date, so yk I have no room to complian. I shouldn't complain. But since this is a deserted alleyway in the middle of a fuck-knows-where universe— a.k.a. the internet and in a website where nothing is there and everything is there, I can say it, let my illogical words out, sometimes. screaming into the void and all that.

So, if you've reached this far, can u PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE???

Some disappointment? (god knows I deserve it), some hope? (..I kind of want..?), BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, SOME ADVICE (I NEED IT.) Reviews, criticism, I'll take anything. Please. Please please please

[feralforfrank]

── LOVE CONFESSIONS IN THE DARK.

BRADLEY "ROOSTER" BRADSHAW X FEM!READER

summary you've been tasked to grab your clean clothes from the laundry room during a storm. little do you know, a certain someone has a similar task.

cw ANGST, but it's the last time. FLUFF. kind of bad writing. storms, thunder, the dark. feelings!!! miscommunication fr, definitely not how the navy operates, but idc. NON-DESCRPTIVE READER. TELL ME IF I MISSED ANYTHING.

note THE LONG AWAITED LAST PT3 IS HEREEEE. im feeling kind of...weird about the ending. i like it, but i dont love it. i hope you peeps enjoy it, though!! sorry for taking so long to write and post it :/

2.3K | masterlist

Sunday noon came around quicker than you wanted it. You'd slept until eleven and elected to stay in bed until it was time to eat. When that time came, you ate Penny's homemade burritos that Nix had sneaked in without the boys seeing.

The two of you ate in your bed and then laid back down. Phoenix was literally on top of you, her hands supporting her head. If Hangman were to walk in now, he'd never let her live this down. Badass Nix with messy bed hair, practically cuddling her heartbroken friend. It was a rare sight.

"I'm exhausted, Nix. I wish I'd never opened my goddamn mouth." You sighed, rubbing your temples.

You were tired. After your confession, you raced back here, flopped under the covers and cried, much like the night before. You wanted to take everything back—every word, movement and facial expression. Rooster hated you, and that was the only way you could get close to him—the hatred—but now you've shattered that wall. 

He doesn't like me. I ruined whatever connection we had. Fuck that stupid mouth of mine. Why did I have to react so poorly both times? He's not mine. I want him to be mine. No. Yes. Fucking hell, this headache. Can't we go back to normal—our normal? That has been your train of thoughts for God knows how long, and it was seriously tiring you out.

"Everything will work out for you. Rooster is full of surprises," Phoenix responded reassuringly.

You looked at her weirdly. "What kind of fucking riddle is that? Have you lost your mind?"

She just laughed, sitting up. "Shut up. I know what I'm saying."

You were about to reply when the screech of the bunkroom door caught your attention. "Oh my God!" Fanboy shouted, closing the door again. "Am I interrupting something?" 

You snorted. "Have you never heard of knocking?" You yelled back.

"What are you doing on top of each other, man?" He sounded traumatised. You giggled.

"None of your business!"

"Whatever, man. I came in to tell you it's going to storm real hard soon. Prepare for a blackout."

"Okay, thanks!" You hear the shuffling of feet moving away from your door and groan.

Phoenix makes a move to stand up. As if she knows what you're thinking, she speaks up. "I'm not going."

"Oh, please, Nix! You know how much I hate it down there! Especially if it's storming out," you whine but to no avail.

"You're in the Navy, for Christ's sake. And it's a quick job. Go in, grab the clothes, and come back. I already put them in the dryer. You only have to fetch them."

You groan but get up as well, blindly searching for your phone and earbuds. If you were going in that dark, scary laundry room, you'd at least do it your way. And who's a better companion than Taylor Swift?

It was early in the evening when all lights shut off. The heater in your room stopped groaning, and you concluded that the expected blackout was happening now. Nix was sleeping in her bunk above you, and you sighed. You'd put off going to the laundry room in hopes of Natasha changing her mind, but there was no way you were getting out of it now.

You really didn't want to face Bradshaw, and there was a big chance you would in the hallways. Unfortunately for you, no one has invented time travel yet, so you're destined to bump into him at some point. You work together, for fuck's sake. It's impossible to ignore him forever.

So, you gather yourself, put a hoodie over your t-shirt with the nearest civilian shoes, and plug your earphones before pressing play on Taylor Swift and blindly find the door. The backup generator is up and running, for the hallway lights are on. 

A few people are conversing and leaning on their bedroom doors. Some greet you with a nod and a smile, and you shoot them one back, ducking your head so as not to be spotted by your friends—who are likely hanging out with Rooster.

You arrive at the laundry room and immediately get to work. There's no one else in here, and it's cold. You feel like a child, shivering in fear as if a ghost will pop up from a corner. The music is blasting, and you're grateful, for the eeriness of this place makes you jumpy. Fuck, it's so dark.

Unbeknownst to you, Bradley was also on laundry duty. He'd put it off as much as he could, even paying Hangman to do it once. He hated the silence in that freezing room and how far away it was from everyone.

So, here he was, trying to walk as quietly as possible; so no admiral ghosts pop up to scare him. Lucky for him, he only had to put them in the bin, press a few buttons and be out of there in seconds.

He's startled when he sees you. Well, he spots your back, but he knows it's you. The unmistakable Taylor Swift tune reaches his ears. Bradley leans against the doorframe, watching as you bop your head and slightly move your hips while you hum the lyrics. 

He chuckles. Your undying love for the singer was the cause for your callsign, although not many people knew that. You made up a story about how quick you're in the air—that's why people call you that. But he knows.

And he loves his knowledge over that little detail about you because it's so significant. Bradley loves memorising things about you—from how you struggle to french braid your hair to how you like Heineken beer more than Corona because you don't like the stupid connection it has to Fast and Furious.

I miss you. The words are on the tip of Rooster's lips, but he doesn't dare say them. He wanted to give you space and time to rethink your words because—surprise, surprise—he's been in love with you for God-knows-how long. And he wants you to love him back, truly, but he doesn't want to freak you out. So, he'll gladly settle with watching you dance to Taylor while trying to hide the fond smile taking over his features.

A loud crack of thunder startles the both of you. The place goes completely black. Bradley moves off the doorframe, but you drop the half-filled basket with a gasp. A soft fuck escapes your lips, and Bradley decides to close the distance between you and help.

His hands look for your waist, wanting to help you up. He hadn't thought about how isolated you were from the world. You don't have time to move away from the hands circling around you, and a yelp escapes your lips when you hit something solid. One earbud falls off in the process.

You fight to move away and swat the person—God, please let it be a person and not an actual fucking ghost—with a shirt. You cry for it to get away, but the arms find your waist again while the person hushes you.

Bradley. It's Bradley. He's holding you tightly, shushing you, and you gulp deep breaths, trying to calm down. Your heart beat fast from what has happened, and because holy shit, Bradley Bradshaw is holding you.

You have to move away—your skin is on fucking fire. So much for ignoring him.

You push him, turning on your phone's torch. "What the fuck, Bradshaw? I almost had a heart attack." You hit him with the shirt you're still holding.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was here to do my laundry, but the lights went out." He leaves out the part where he watched you dance. "I heard your basket fall, and I wanted to help."

And suddenly, oxygen is no longer making its way to your lungs, and your whole body is tense. Bradley is right here, in front of you, staring at you with his hands on his hips. And he also knows how you really feel about him. He has to go now.

"You, uh, you can go do your thing," you stutter, pushing your hair out of your face, your eyes never finding his. "I'll finish this on my own."

"No." It's nothing but a statement. "I'm not leaving you all alone down here."

Your heart warms, and the corner of your mouth lifts oh-so-slightly.

"Aren't you doing your laundry?"

"Fuck that. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Alright." You get back to picking your clothes out of the bin.

The silence between you lies somewhere between tense and comfortable. You feel at ease with Rooster here, knowing that no harm will come to you before him, but you can't help but feel awkward since he knows about your feelings now. The lights turn back on, and you have to make your blush disappear before he notices.

You ignore how your stomach turns—butterflies and anxiety—and close the washing machine bin's door when you finish. Well, you at least try to. The door won't latch, making you look like an idiot pushing the washing machine for no reason.

"Here, let me help." Oh my fucking God.

Rooster is hovering above you now, his hand replacing yours. He pushes the machine's door hard, and you hear the satisfying click. 

You can feel his breath down your shoulder, but you try not to tense. Your head spins to him involuntarily, and your eyes meet his. Your eyes fall from his eyes to his lips, and he does the same. Oh my God. Does he want to kiss you?

Your question is answered three long seconds later by him crushing his soft lips onto yours. It's like how all those novels and poets describe it. Instant fireworks. Your body tingles, and your heart pounds so hard that you think it'll rip off your chest. His hand encircles your waist, and you tighten your hold around a random shirt.

He's doing this out of pity. And just like that, the dream you've had for God knows how long is shattered by your own thoughts. You have to pull away.

"W-We can't do this, Rooster."

Your eyes meet his as you touch your lips. They're tingling, scratch that, your whole body feels like it's been electrocuted. He looks hurt and confused as he pants a few feet away from you.

"Why?" It sounds so sad.

"B-Because you don't like me, Rooster. I know you hate me, but I don't want something I've dreamed of for so long to get destroyed because of your silly antics." You sound even sadder.

"Is that what you think?"

"It's not a thought, Bradshaw. I know it. I've seen it with my own eyes." Tears have gathered in your eyes. Fuck, those mood swings.

Bradley exhales deeply. "I don't hate you, Swift. Never in my life have I felt what I feel when I'm around you. I feel all hot and tingly when you walk past me. My cheeks burn like a kid when your comments involve my love life, because deep down, I want you to be the protagonist of my fantasies, not some random girl I met at the Hard Deck.

Your jokes and your talent, your wit and your beauty—I love them. Your charm and ability to persuade everyone into doing chores for you are my favourite. I love listening to you talk, sarcastically or not, because you always have something to say.

Do you know how many times I've eavesdropped on you and Phoenix so I could learn more about you? I know about your hatred for Fast and Furious movies, your obvious Taylor Swift adoration, and the one time you got hammered and thought you were talking to her. 

I love knowing all those details about you, and it's not because I can use them against you. They're what make you...well, you! You're nothing like the girls I've met in my life. You're extraordinary, and I..."

He hesitates.

"Is this...Did Natasha put you up to this? I swear I don't want your pity and fake love confessions, Bradley. You don't have to pretend to be in love with me—"

"But I am! I am madly in love with you. The kind of love that is so dangerous and—and so crushing. I want to be with you every second of the day, annoy you, and make you smile. It's all I've ever wanted for years now."

Your eyes are wide and glossy, eyebrows raised in shock and confusion, and so many emotions. 

"I love you, Swift," he confirms.

"Prove it." Your words are merely a whisper.

Despite the hard rain and thundering outside, your voice is the only melody in Bradley's ears. And he doesn't hesitate. He crushes his lips against yours again, this time with hunger, passion, frustration and love. You kiss back with just as much force, but before you know it, you're pulling back, gasping for breath.

Bradley's hands are cupping your cheeks, and his forehead is touching yours. Your breaths mingle as you stare up at him. Your fingers grip his shirt tightly. 

"Is that enough proof for you?" He whispers.

You lightly shrug. "I still haven't forgiven you for almost calling me a slut." That's a lie—you have. You forgave him as soon as your head hit the pillow yesterday. He didn't mean it.

He sighs a long, sad sigh. "Please, let me make it up to you. I was a—a jerk. A complete and utter idiot. I don't deserve your love, but please, I need it. Give me a chance to prove how much I love you." Your heart clenches, and a smile tugs at your lips. 

"You can make it up to me as long as you want, Bradley Bradshaw."

He smiles back, and you think; this is it. This is heaven on earth. Bradley Bradshaw—the man you've longed for so long—smiling at you with nothing but adoration. You're heart feels light and free.

You don't want the moment to end.

[theroguesharlequin]

For the songfic prompts, I’d love to see what you think for Coldwave and “Why do [you/we] always make things so damn difficult?” (Yes I am trying to lure you into Coldwave angst with me but I also know you have the brilliance to make this humorous!)

It was hard for brain to spit out the perfect song, but! I got it!

Fuckin Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn, once or twice

Dug my way out, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

They met as two sad sap kids just trying to find something in the world they could hold onto, for better or worse. Sometimes Mick wasn't sure which one they were.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss knowing it's all good, it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

The early days with the Legends, without Len, fucking sucked. He'd admit that to himself now. They were still finding their beat and still underestimating him at every turn.

Fuck, he missed Len. It was a constant ache every damn day. Right up there with the centuries of fucked up memories as Kronos.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

He was tired of never feeling enough.

Having Lita in his life made the feeling both better and worse. She was a living reminder of his failings but also that he could do better. He did do better.

But he couldn't just do, he had to talk, his own kid deserved that. He wasn't good at it, but she was patient with him.

He wanted so bad for Len to meet her, they'd annoy the hell out of each other for sure.

Len would break hell and earth for her, no question.

You're so mean (you're so mean)

When you talk (when you talk)

About yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices (change the voices)

In your head (in your head)

Make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it

Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game

It's enough, I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same, oh

Things were better, at least with Sara around. She reminded him of his partner, why Len had liked the former assassin. She was the only one who came close to understanding what he'd lost.

Until the Zari but not Zari- whatever.

'Queer Platonic Partner'. He knew all the words but stringing them together was new. She'd explained it to him and some other terms too. She was the only one to actually sit down and talk to him without taking cracks at his intelligence.

He had a lot of new terms now. Some were kind of nice.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

He was back. The real one. Not some dope-whatever or twisted up version of him, but him.

Of course the first thing they did was argue. Too full of emotions and no good outlets.

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try, try, try

But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics 'cause they're everywhere

They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that, why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

"Why do we always make things so damn difficult?" Mick snorted at Len's surprise, cause they didn't do heart to hearts.

Well fuck that shit, it was getting done.

Mick kissed the jackass. It was kind of nice. "No more running."

Yeah, oh, oh pretty, pretty please

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me, yeah

You're perfect, you're perfect

They got their shit together and went home.

It was time for him and Len needed grounding, needed his home and Lisa. Mick was going to be a grandad and by damn he was going to be a good one.

Things were better. Lita still occasionally to tell him to get his head out of his ass so he could tell Len the same thing, but it was better. Better than better.

It was actually pretty fuckin' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect

To me

[siimjaeyun]

VOLUME TWO: ICE ICE BABY

synopsis: all you've ever wanted was to be good enough for jake sim, the captain of the soccer team, and the boy any girl would kill to be with. the issue? you know he's only with you to get back at his ex and have an eye candy around his arm. but when his friend sunghoon is back at school, maybe he'll teach you that you're more than just a pretty trophy.

masterlist

You manage to release another sigh as you make your way inside your home.

Jake had bailed on you for the third time this week, doing so at least two to four times for the past three months and you were tired of it. Half of the time it was because of practice and the others were due to excuses you're pretty sure he pulled out of his ass.

You wanted to text the group chat but figured you didn't want to add to the hatred your three best friends already had towards said male boy.

You didn't have any work to do, so for a change in sceneries you head to the local ice rink, the only possible place you think of as your second home.

Once entering, the scent of ice and water touch on the memories of your last summer. Yet you don't pay attention to the bittersweet feelings when the ice rink owner approaches you.

"Y/n! How have you been, it's been quite a while since I last saw you." She takes a good luck at you, admiring your smile in particular.

"I've been well, just busy with school and some other stuff."

"Well you know you're always welcome here and if you ever want your job back just say the word? You should head inside, there's only one other student in there." You nod your head and bid farewell while picking up a pair of ice skates and heading inside.

Too engrossed in the feeling of the ice under you as you open the gate to skate, you don't catch the boy staring at you.

"My, my do we meet again?" You glance up and find none other than Sunghoon with a smirk on his face.

"Hello to you too Sunghoon." You contemplate whether it be best to run off and come back later, but it's not like you could handle another disappointment.

"Jake never told me his girlfriend skates." You skate past him and keep going before choosing to answer.

"Yeah well I doubt he's talked about me at all. But if you don't mind I'd like to be alone." You try to get past him again but he blocks your view.

"I'm just trying to talk to you? I wanna get to know Jake's pink princess better." His ending comment was your last straw and you shove him, making him lose balance while you exit the rink. You miss his yells to come back and instead go into one of the waiting areas, throwing off your ice skates in frustration.

"Hey hey, I didn't mean to say anything bad "

"Fuck off Park Sunghoon." You say sternly, picking up your skates and trying your best not to cry in front of him.

"Hey, y/n look at me. I'm sorry." Sunghoon abruptly takes a hold of your shoulders and gets you to look at him in the eyes, noticing the guilt painted on his face.

"I know you didn't mean anything, I'm just tired and I hate hearing that name."

"Pink princess?" He questions.

"Exactly. I just want to be here in peace and do me another favor, please don't tell anyone you saw me here. No one can know okay?" Confused, he agrees but still can't help but feel bad for the tension from earlier.

"But on one condition." Sunghoon leaves the room and you choose to follow him up a flight stairs, considering that there's a possibility he could murder you then and there.

"That condition is for you to keep this a secret." He holds a key out and opens the door which leads to the area right above the skating rink for you to see on both sides.

"I thought the keys to this place were lost." You ask, amazed by the way all the skaters appear from your sight of view.

"They were, I figured if I knew a secret than you should too." He goes to the cabinet, and pulls out a sheet and some pillows for the both of you to sit.

"So, if we're on a secret basis, then tell me about yourself." You were surprised by his question to say the least, since most people could care less about any of your actual thoughts.

"Well what do you want to know? Aside from my utter hatred for the nickname?"

"Why don't you want to tell people you know how to skate? As an ice skater it's kind of offensive." He fakes being a pain letting you release a small laugh.

"I just think of this as my safe place. When all eyes are on you, there's not much you can do that isn't for yourself like ice skating and song writing."

"You write songs?" A small blush forms on your cheeks as you realize the accidental mention.

"Yeah, but they're not good. It's just my little world I guess, what about you?"

You turn the conversation towards him and find yourself rather entertained. There's a few serious moments, and others where Sunghoon is close to beating you up for teasing him showing a bit of his fangs in the process.

"Okay okay final question, why do you hate the color pink so much? And why do you let Jake talk you into it." You sigh looking at him with your pinky out.

"Pinky promise this stays between us? The only other people that know are my friends Giselle, Sunoo and Jungwon okay?" He agrees, and let's you continue.

"Well, when I was younger and my biological parents were still together, I caught my dad cheating on my mom with another woman in their bedroom. Later, my dad divorced my mom, got remarried and abandoned us to make a new family...the color the woman always wore was pink. Her lingerie was pink that day I caught them, when they got divorced I met her in the lobby in a pink dress and their wedding dress was also pink. Pink is to me a color of false promises, it's a symbol that love doesn't exist," you say honestly before answering his second question, "I wear pink because Jake said it's my best color or it's what he repeated often. I'm so pressured to be good enough that I make myself wear pink thinking it'll prove something. And that is pretty much everything there is to know."

"Thank you for trusting me y/n. And rest assured that everything is safe with me." He holds your hand and you became startled when his phone rings.

"My mom is calling me to come home. It's almost ten o clock." Your eyes widen as you confirm the hour, exiting the room instantly with Sunghoon.

"Hey sunghoon, thanks for listening." Sunghoon just smiles and hands you a sticky note.

"My number. I'm here anytime. We might only know each other for a day, but I can tell there's a lot more to you than meets the eye." He walks away and you head home, inputting his number almost instantly.

Maybe Park Sunghoon wasn't that bad.

------

taglist: @abdiitcryy @nyfwyeonjun @pinkhyunie @hobistigma

[romqnticstylez]

hello, lately I have seen many tiktoks with hatred towards ronarry where they compare it with harmione or just say "they are brothers"...

I think you have been loving the ship for a longer time and that is why I ask you what is the difference between ronarry / harmione and why them do you ship? (shippeo ronarry)

ok so im not really good at explaining this kind of stuff so bear with me anon

Harry doesn't really like spending time alone with Hermione. Sure, sometimes he does, but he prefers Ron. Sometimes he dreads being alone with her. Not getting lovey-dovey vibes there.

They aren't attracted to each other. I don't want this to be too long and take days to respond so I'll just say that again. They are not attracted to each other. Hermione's type is someone argumentative and someone who can make her laugh. Like Ron. Harry's type is someone funny and someone who can pull him out of his 'brooding sessions'. Like Ginny. That's an oversimplified version to why I think Harmione wouldn't work. Anyways...

Now we have Ron and Harry. They're both supposed to be straight so of course they're not gonna be into each other in canon, but I think they could work because honestly I dunno what would change between them if they got together. It'd be pretty much the same except for more cuddling and doing some not-kid-friendly-at-all stuff. If Rowling wasn't homoph*bic and acknowledged made Harry bisexual, he would've been into Ron. And no, I'm not just saying that because I ship them.

We don't know what Ron felt towards Harry but he was obviously not gonna be into Harry in canon because..well read above- But it's fanon. That's the point. Of course they're not gonna be attracted to each other in canon; not seriously since endgame is them with Hermione and Ginny and not a teensy tiny crush because of homoph*bia.

saodosakGOjawjowjodjasjovsajoga (sorry tired for a mo')

Ron and Harry have a particular dynamic that is NOT the same as Harry and Hermione's dynamic. Ron and Harry's relationship could turn romantic but Harry and Hermione's wouldn't last if they got together. No offense to whoever ships them and thinks they'd work out, but I think they're incompatible as a couple.

I don't have to ship Hermione and Harry just because I ship Ron and Harry with the thought 'They have similar relationships' because they DON'T. It's very different, and I'd rather ship a sweet Best Mates to Lovers ship than an incompatible ship that's familial (I have a similar relationship with my brother so don't attack me with reasons why they AREN'T like siblings, please.) or toxic/abusive ships.

TL;DR: They have different dynamics; I think Ron and Harry's is much much better for a romantic relationship. This wasn't meant to offend anyone, by the way, but I hope it answered your question Anon! Also it'd help if you ignored any mistakes or typos.I don't wanna reread this again. Any-who, bye.

Harry liked Hermione very much, but she just wasn't the same as Ron. There was much less laughter and a lot more hanging around in the library when Hermione was your best friend. - HP4

[certified-sloth]

Ok so this is an AU where you know what Belphie's intentions were. But you basically lost everything before coming to the exchange program, so you don't entirely feel fazed by it.

Note that this is a completely different turn of events.

!!Slight spoilers to the original storyline, please read at your own risk!!

An exception (Belphegor/MC)

You held your hand up, holding onto the door of the attic, the demon trapped inside had mirrored your actions, as if he's trying to grasp for your hand.

You smiled sadly. "I'll get you out of there, I promise." You whispered as you rested your head forward.

You heard him sigh and asked. "Do you even know what I'd do once I get out of here?"

You kept silent. You were aware of his intentions, you weren't dumb enough to not notice the hidden hatred in those amethyst eyes.

He seemed to know you noticed, and yet here you are, still trying to get him out.

You laughed a little and looked at him. "I don't mind, I just want you to be back with your family, especially Beel." You responded.

This made him look at you puzzled. "Do you have a death wish? Once I get out of here, I'll kill you."

You hummed and turned away from him. "Again, I don't have much to live for, I know what it feels like to be separated, I don't want anyone else to feel that way." You said calmly as you headed toward the stairs.

"If you repay my kindness with pain, It won't matter to me." You stopped and turned to look at him one last time with a smile for this night.

"Good night, Belphie." You finished as you left the demon alone.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he turned away and headed to his bed. You've got to be some stupid human to think like that.

He sighed and closed his eyes, remembering the day he met you.

"...I'm doing this for Beel."

That was what you told him, but he knew full well that, that wasn't the only reason why you were helping him.

At first he thought, maybe you were just stupid. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

He was too tired for this.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Belphie, Belphie..!" A voice called out.

He opened his eyes slightly to see you at the door.

He grumbled and picked himself up as he slowly approached you.

"I got you something." You said to him with a smile. He raised an eyebrow at you as you handed him a picture of Beel through the door.

He took the picture as his eyes softened once he saw the face of his twin. "...where did you get this?" He asked.

"I got it just earlier when we went to Madame Scream's, he was talking about wanting to visit there someday with you and me." You answered.

He grimaced at the thought, having to go with you, but the thought of Beel saying that made him conflicted.

He turned his back on you as he sat on the floor, leaning onto the door. It seemed that you mirrored his movements this time as he heard a soft thud from the other side.

He looked down at Beel's picture with longing eyes as he sighed. "How's Beel?" He asked.

"He still eats a lot."

He chuckled silently.

'That's not new.'

"...but he misses you. There's no day where he doesn't think of you, ...nor Lilith." You answered.

He froze at the thought that they already talked about Lilith to you. "So they told you about our sister?"

You hummed in confirmation. "She seemed lovely." You replied.

There was a long silence until he asked... "you're not doing this just for Beel, right?"

"Didn't I tell you just yesterday that I don't want anyone else to feel what I felt?"

He frowned and leaned the back of his head on the door.

"...What was it like for you?"

He heard you laugh bitterly. "It was like I could blame anyone. But hey, you still have a family to come back to."

He paused and turned his head to see your back facing him. "I lost everyone I ever loved, so what use would it be if I died when you're free?"

"Don't you think that's too dismissive of you to think like that?"

"That's funny, coming from my soon-to-be murderer." You joked.

He thought about your words. Right, why should he suddenly care?

"You hate my kind, Don't you? I'm not sure why, but you can do whatever you want soon." You finished as you stood up, leaving him alone, with no place to respond to you.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

He heard the door open. He opened his eyes to be met with you standing at the door.

He sat up to see you smiling a bit. "I kept my promise." You said as he looked up at you.

He left his bed, and soon, you were met with him hugging you.

"...you're free to kill me now. What are you waiting for?" You spoke as you returned his embrace.

He thought about it for so long, he was confused, why was his urge of bloodlust disappearing with each passing day.

Is it because of the things you talked about whenever you came to him?

Or was it because he had no interest to kill someone that already knew what he'd do?

He sighed as he held you closer. Just a bit more, he was so close to you, he can strike you, and you were even willing.

...so why can't he do it?

He trembled slightly in your arms, he shook his head as if denying what he wanted, what he craved.

"I... can't." He whispered.

This caught you off-guard. You slowly pulled away from him, as you were met with his hesitant eyes.

"Why not?"

"You have yourself to blame for that." He answered as he looked away with a frown.

This only made you smile in disappointment. "That's a shame." You said as you swept his hair away from his face gently.

"You hate humans, but not only did you hug one... you're letting them caress you like this as well." You pointed.

He looked down at you and smiled a bit.

"Maybe you're an exception."

[saphirered]

Hi! I saw that you were in the mood for writing, and I had a request! It's kind of vague I'm sorry, but would you mind writing a caleb ×(human cleric) reader where the reader tries to help caleb through his emotional pain instead of physical pain like a regular cleric would, and it just is super sad and sweet and ends with a kiss? Thank you sm!!

I hope this one’s to your liking! Thank you for requesting. 

You’re wandering around the tower not nearly sleepy enough to actually get some decent rest. What could you say, you are a bit of a night owl and you’re still processing the battle earlier today while wandering around. Going floor to floor, common room to common room, talking to the cats and playing with them until you began feeling tired while the others retreated to their own rooms. You eventually recognised Frumpkin coming from one of the small doorway shoots and call him over. 

“Hey buddy. What are you up to?” You get a meow in response as he nudges against your leg so you kneel down and give him some pets. Before you know it you’re sitting on the floor playing with Frumpkin taking out the lace from around one of your sleeves to wiggle around as the cat happily jumps at it trying to catch it. You laugh until Frumpkin seems to get tired. 

“Are you getting sleepy? Maybe I should let get back to Caleb then?” You pet him and he meows once more practically jumping into your arms. 

“Okay I’ll take you back if that’s what you want.” You lift up the cat in your arms as he makes himself comfortable and go up to Caleb’s room. When you reach the right floor Frumpkin jumps from your arms when you see Caleb rubbing at his forehead eyes clenched shut letting out a slight hiss of discomfort. 

“Caleb? Are you alright?” Your voice spooks him as he jumps slightly and blinks quickly. 

“Ja. I’m fine.” You walk over to him and he looks a little pale, eyes once you actually see them are slightly bloodshot and sunken and forehead sweaty. 

“You don’t look fine. Let me help.” 

“I will be alright. I don’t think this is something you can fix.” He gives you a sad smile and goes to move on back into his room.

“Try me. If you don’t at least tell me I won’t be able to help and if you do and I can’t nothing changes. What do you have to lose?” You try to convince him. You’re worried. With a deep sigh he holds out his hand for you. You take it and he leads you into his room. It’s very barren, no stained glass windows like in yours and the furniture is very simplistic. 

“Should I cast a quick cure wounds?” You offer and he nods as he leads you over to the couch and sits you both down onto it facing each other. You cast the spell but not much seems to change. You frown and try casting it again but not much seems to change. 

“It’s not working?” Caleb asks more than states. It should work… Unless whatever ails him is not of physical nature. You can cure aches, numb pain and stitch wounds back together but only of the physical kind. Magic would not help here.

“No. Which is why I will repeat my question from before; are you alright?” You look at him with worry and he seems hesitant. 

“I-uh… no. I’m not alright.” It takes him a good while to speak the words. “It’s stupid. I should just go to sleep. I’ll be fine in the morning.” He’s about to get up but you stop him.

“Caleb, you’re hurting. It’s not stupid. It’s okay to not be alright as longs you don’t bottle it up. That pain won’t go away until you face it and deal with it appropriately.” 

“You make it sound so easy.” He gives you a sad smile. 

“It’s not. I’m going to ask you to do a very difficult thing, what might be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done. Face whatever you’re pushing away. Don’t let it consume you. Face it. And if you feel comfortable talking about it I am here for you. If you prefer to not speak it out loud I will still be here for you but please do not drown in a pool of your own pain.” You practically beg him and you can see him struggle even though he does not meet your eye. 

“I can’t help but take responsibility for this intertwinement with the Assembly. The risk you are all at, your families, your friends. I shouldn’t have been so naive as to believe I would be truly free of them and because of that everyone is now trapped in this web. I’m afraid I… I’m afraid. Scared because I do not want this to fall apart. I’ve already lost one family at my own hands. I can’t- I really can’t lose another.” The cracks become more apparent and eventually Caleb breaks burying his head in his hands taking deep breaths. You sit closer to him and rub his back before wrapping an arm around him. He puts his head on your shoulder, rubbing at his face. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for dragging you into this. This shouldn’t be your burden to bear.” Caleb wraps his arms around you biting back tears. You hated seeing him like this. Not because you didn’t want to, because him opening up to you like this and putting his trust in you when he felt most vulnerable is a blessing and an honour but you cannot help but feel hatred and anger towards those who put such a bright and good individual on such a path and break him down. 

“It’s not yours to bear either. It should never have been your burden to bear.” You lean your head against the top of his softly brushing your fingers through his hair. 

“You told someone once; you’re not born with venom in your veins. And it seems to me that you believe that but you also believe there is still venom in your own veins. Lucky you because I happen to know how to make antidotes. You’re a good man with a good heart, Caleb. The good ones are most often also the ones to take the blame for things out of their control because ‘what if’s. You can’t change the past and you can’t right what you never wronged in the first place. But you can work towards a better future and that is exactly what you have been doing, what you are doing.” He grabs your free hand between both of his and kisses it.

“You’re too kindhearted and forgiving for your own good sometimes.” He whispers. 

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. Or maybe you’re just trying to find any sense or hint that I might be wrong or lying because that’s easier to accept. It’s what you’re prone to do; blame yourself for things you have no control over. So I will make you a promise. Every time you struggle, have a hard time, doubt yourself, need comfort or a shoulder to cry on, I will promise you I won’t ever tell you what you need to hear. I will instead tell you the truth. You may not always like it or agree with it but it is the truth and I will help you see it if that’s what it takes.” Another kiss is placed on your palm. 

“You have no idea how much I love you. And I have no idea what I have done to deserve such a loving and kind and good person in my life but I know my world is brighter for it.” 

“You best not forget. As for what you’ve done, nothing. You didn’t need to do anything but be yourself because I love you for you. Now, will you hold me to my promise or Erathis preserve me, do I need to kick your ass for it to sink in?” Caleb musters a smile, a genuine one. 

“I promise I will hold you to it. And I promise to make use of it. Changing times.” He looks at you and from his expression you can read he’s truthful. That’s all the confirmation you need. 

“So will you try to stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over?” You ask with a raised eyebrow not entirely serious as this is not a something to be resolved so quickly or easily. Instead of a reply he gives you a deep long kiss. When you pull apart you poke at his chest.

“That’s not an answer Widogast.” You tease, his mood seemingly lightening.

“Small steps.” He smiles placing his lips on yours once more to spend the rest of the night in each other’s comfort and embrace. Small steps but steps nonetheless. That’s all you could ask for. 

[mariaiscrafting]

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.