#please help me my brain hasn't known peace since i thought of this a few days ago

[crowsquaks]

I pity Clow Reed.

His tragedy is one based on love that fucks me up.

Now before you call me out with "he fucked so much stuff up" "mans was the walking definition of a 'problem'" yes. I know- but that is exactly why I pity him and the cluster fuck he caused.

(This is way longer then I meant for it to be so it gets to go under a cut. I am completely NORMAL about this I swear.)

We get bits and pieces of who Clow was from Cardcaptor, Tsubasa, XXXHolic from an outsider view. He was weird, eccentric and powerful. Yet, when you put all of the view's together, you get this picture that I still have so many feelings with to this day.

Clow fucked up. He know he fucked up with his single thought that stopped Yuuko's time from continuing. Where she was supposed to die, and she didn't. She was stuck outside time by something he did on accident because for a split second he couldn't bear the thought to lose her. That was the moment the whole cycle started, and where he resented being as powerful as he was.

This one choice was something far worse then he could ever dream. (I will continue to pray to usagi to give me a manga, even a one shot I'm not picky, of Clow and Yuuko.)

Now, we know one thing. I will not back down from this, but Clow loved Yuuko. In what way can be interpreted however you want, family, friend, lover sort of love- but he loved her.(I can also ague Clow has a TYPE, but I digress.)He loved her so much that he lost control over his magic to try to stay with her. Which we see a theme in clamps works with the more power you have the more you have to be careful. With great power comes great responsibility.

After we see the loss of control, we don't know what happens next. Except at some point they never see each other again. What we do know is at some point Clow had Momo, but it seemed he wasn't able to use her for what he needed. What would he need her for? To try and fix his mistake with freezing Yuuko's time? Hmmmm. Well- Clamp??? Alas we'll never know, but the crumbs for us to think are there.

After that the timeline gets a little wonky, Clow makes Kero and Yue. He splits himself in 2. Makes his way to the country of Clow to fill the spot his not self is no longer in due to Fei Wong's fucking around. Then we've got nothing, no idea what actually happens to him in the clone time line, just poof. He dead and Toya is king.

The we hop back over to Eriol and he makes Suppie and Ruby moon. Which wouldn't make you suspicious, lonely dude made some friends- except butterflies. Who's mark are butterflies. Yuuko's are. There out in the open, a subtle gesture until remembering how much he loves his creations. Even if he is no longer "Clow" there is still a piece of him in there loving Yuuko.

IT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL.

Clow Reed is a tragedy who is consumed by love and his hubris brought him to his knee's in the most human way possible.

~~

Quick side note, I wonder if the stray thought ever crossed Yuuko's mind looking at Watanuki that... if in another life she and Clow could have had a child. Would that child look as Watanuki does and is this what she couldn't have with him, because she already knows her story has ended. I like'd to to think the person she was talking to when she left was Clow.