#please heed the warnings of course. they're there for a reason!

[non-un-topo]

Rating: M

Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Trans Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Trans Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Gender Identity, Crusades Era Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, No actual SA occurs, Canon-Typical Violence, POV First Person, just trust me though, Melodrama, gotta tag for that because i'm a dramatic person

Summary:

At first, there were only names. Yusuf of the Kaysanites, pious and sure and cunning like my merchant father before me. Yusuf, a strong, godly name, given and taken by no one but myself. It was the name with which I carried myself to my new life, to the walls of al-Quds. I could not have predicted, at the time, the violence that would befall her. Her, that was the land that was holy, and her, that was me. A merchant’s daughter from Mahdia, who carried an old sword and a new story.

[greenboyfriend]

choose a fish to fill you with whimsy & glee! (tarot reading)

"what can you look forward to?" image 1: this guy's got it all figured out. he's able to breathe above water due to the bowl of water superglued to his face. one might even assume he has prosthetic legs, or perhaps even feet... image 2: the ideal male figure... you may not like it, but it's a fish with a broom as a tail and no internal organs. image 3: a fish that doesn't resemble anything in particular. no... not at all! image source not everything may resonate with you, and that's ok! take what does & leave the rest. don't force it.

1.・。.・゜✭

you guys!!! there is something very wonderful in store for you, so long as you’re able to get yourself out of this rut! you may be feeling powerless, suffering some sort of attack, and being forced into the role of the victim. however! justice means to tell you that there is a major change that must be made on your part. instead of letting yourself be victimized, take action! use those emotions you’re feeling to tackle this challenge with passion– take that risk!! don’t be afraid to get creative, too. above all, and no matter what it takes, you’re going to need to address this, and with confidence.  in a broader sense, this situation is teaching you how to overcome a fear of yours. maybe you’re not the best at asserting yourself, but that’s ok! we’re all learning!! take this as a step in the right direction.  the extremely right direction, i might add, as the 9 of cups and justice seem to imply, this will be a very fruitful endeavor for you. the 9 of cups is often referred to as the “wish” card, because it represents having your wish fulfilled. after you take action, i see this result leaving you feeling quite pleased with yourself, and even a little smug! as you may know, justice is no card to be trifled with, so keep in mind that the actions you take regarding this situation will heed important results. do what you know is right and believe in yourself! you can do it!!! all of these cards are reversed-- except 10 of swords-- indicating that they're meant to inform your future actions (in the next few days, or next week). so don't worry if you haven't thought about it too much yet. but please remember that justice does not play! believe in yourself, you'll know when the time is right. there is some 18+ info beyond this point... click the link to read the rest but be warned its literally 2 sentences and NO ONE UNDER 18 SHOULD fucking READ IT! /srs link

(10 of swords, page of wands reversed, 9 of cups reversed, justice reversed)

2.・。.・゜✭

hello my silly little broom fish. you’ve been working hard! if you haven’t, expect to work hard soon! you will be taking on a new project or adventure, which will require your full attention. i’m thinking, some of you guys might be taking a new class, or be receiving training of some kind. you’re going to need to put your all into this! you may already have an idea of what to expect, but some things will be new, too. take the time to really get into the minute details, tie up loose ends, and recheck, then rerecheck, and rererecheck just for good measure.  this may also be a way for you to expand your horizons, and become a leader. if you have a good idea, share it! you may end up showing others the way, and being a representative of some kind. remember, though, to be painstaking about this, and really brush up on those fine details.  along the way, make sure you’re keeping yourself on course. if you need a moment to reflect and think about where you’re going, consider it a part of the process. while it is also a good idea to consider other perspectives, keep in mind that you’re here for a reason. you may have to assert your position & really push for your way of doing things. again, if someone else has an idea, don’t underestimate it, but don’t underestimate yourself, either! this may take the form of having to resist authority, and you may have to be firm. in doing this, you may also be able to reap a reward of some kind! remember, there are so many people in the world that would push for their perspective no matter what, even if they haven't researched it at all. based on the 8 of pentacles, you most certainly have researched, so believe in yourself! make that stand!!... well, when it comes to. all of these cards are reversed, so this situation is likely to come into fruition in the future-- in the next few days, or possibly next week. mull over it for a while. when you start to see the signs, seize your opportunity!

(8 of pentacles reversed, 3 of wands reversed, 7 of pentacles reversed, 7 of wands reversed)

3.・。.・゜✭

ok go off!!!! or somefin it’s time to commit to that regimen. whether that’s eating healthier, taking more time for yourself, or, if you’re like me, trying to practice more self kindness, creating an organized structure/routine is likely to help. so, for example, i’ll take my own life into account: i’ll often think certain thoughts can make me feel bad about myself without me totally realizing it, and lately i’ve been trying to change how i talk to myself. i use a systematic approach, in that i recognize the thought, then force myself to replace it with a positive one, instead. it seems silly at first, but the more that i stick to this method, the more success i’m seeing! this is just my example, but can be applied to your own situation! it’s always tough to start something new, but a month or two in, or maybe even a week, you see improvement. & it’s ok to make mistakes! you may be focusing too much on what you lack, or your shortcomings. there may also be setbacks keeping you from achieving your goals, or maybe you’re convinced that you made the wrong decision.  know that it’s always darkest before the dawn!! you may be in a bad place right now, and if you are, consider how you can make things easier on yourself. instead of letting yourself be a martyr, or feel powerless, do what you know will make you feel better. like that new god forsaken ariana venti song, be your own damn best… friend. it’s wise counsel. both of the readings above this are about the future, but for you, i think this is very much about the present. with all cards facing you except temperance, there is a story unfolding, where you complete some unfinished business, and find peace. the peace part is likely in the future, with it being reversed and all, but the time for action seems imminent, or already happening. i think you probably know what you need to do. whatever those plans are that you’ve been sitting on, make them happen! i just keep getting “declare yourself openly”!!! so do with that what you will.  you may even discover some sort of missing truth, keeping you from seeing things fully. you may also be swept up into the tides of change, and witness all the elements fit seamlessly into place. so hey! enjoy!

(the emperor, 5 of cups, 8 of wands, 10 of swords, temperance reversed)

[shona22]

Sterek fic rec: October edition (2024) 🐺 ⚓

Each month, I'll be sharing some of my favorite fics (and I'll make sure to backup and download them for safekeeping). Please note that I have a soft spot for darker themes, so warnings and tags will be plentiful - reader discretion advised!

Want specific recs? Feel free to send me an ask with your preferred tropes or genres, and I'll do my best to find some from my bookmarks. 

Pay by the hour, but don't leave so soon by JettieBettie 

"This is the last time," he tells her, heading toward the door.

"That’s what you always say. But I end up wearing his face for you again and again.”

Note: an incredibly hot pwp. I won't spoil much, but it does have an amazing Stiles voice regardless of being so short. 

___

Step towards me, step away by Areiton 

The truth is, he’s been more than a little bit in love with Derek Hale for a long time.

Note: A compelling exploration of an unconventional relationship. Complex characters, angst, and favourite tropes (Derek angsting over age gap, Kate comparisons) lead to a satisfying ending. Worth the read!

___

I found you hidden in plain sight (why'd I take so long?) by Gorgeousgreymatter 

Stiles is pretty sure he’s hallucinating. He’s got to be. There’s no other plausible explanation, he thinks, as he sits on the sidelines of the lacrosse field and feels the cold, hard bench underneath him, the roar of the crowd at his back like the worst white noise machine in the world.

There’s no other reason why he sees it, the hulking, black figure of a wolf peering at him from the treeline behind the bleachers. Its eyes flare in the glaring glow of the stadium lights, but they’re the wrong color, he thinks: blood-moon red instead of cobalt blue, but the familiarity of it all makes his stomach roll and clench.

Note: Gods. Another one my favourite trope, where Derek gets his alpha spark back because of Stiles. The line, the one which had me gnawing my pillow at 3AM:

“Jesus, Stiles. You never stopped being mine, did you?”

___

Somebody that I used to know by Percybyssheshelly

Stiles and Derek have been together for months.

The trouble is, they weren't yesterday.

Note: short, but packs a punch. If you're having a bad day and want some relatively short angst with happy ending fics, this one's for you. 

___

We live (not as we wish to) as we can by Endrversed

“I’m not a closet case,” Derek repeats, teeth gritted.

“Oh, yeah?” Stiles taunts, daring Derek with his eyes. “You coulda fooled me.”

“I’m not – gay.”

Derek spits that word out. Stiles snorts, no humour in it.

“Sure. You’re totally straight, dude. You just get all up in my personal space every time we’re alone. Stare at my lips any time you think no one’s looking. Well, I’m looking, Derek, and I know what you want. I know what you really want is to bend me over and fuck me.”

Derek is a closeted frat boy, and Stiles gets under his skin. Enemies to fuckbuds to <3

Note: Heed the tags. After DBC, I've been craving closeted frat boy Derek with the perfect Stiles voice. This one delivers. Endversed's mastery seals the deal.

___

UST (an unfortunate series of tropes) 

Stiles and Derek sitting in a tree, M-A-R-R-I-E-D.

Wait, what?

Or: Stiles thought he and Derek were finally getting to be bros, and then Deaton had to go and ruin everything with his stupid spell.

Note: Amazing Stiles voice + mature Derek. Re-read worthy! Accidental soul bonding and more - my ultimate tropes. 10/10, left craving more.

___

Stronger in numbers by bloodwrites

Stiles doesn't want to be the Alpha's mate, he doesn't want to be locked up for his own protection, and he's damn sure he doesn't want to be dealing with blood and werewolf parts on a weekly basis, but somehow that's what his life has become.

That's not going to change, unless he can convince Derek to trust Scott and the hunters, because it's the only way they're going to chase the Alpha Pack out of town.

Of course, that only solves two out of three.

Note: please heed ALL the tags. Also, remember, Derek’s somewhat of a certified jerk in this. And yet, somehow, that's the fic’s appeal. It honestly has the feels of a classic 2010-2014 fics, and that makes me eat it up even more. Also, it's HOT. 

___

Werewolf love songs, vol 1 by aggybird. 

Peter decides to use the power of Barry Manilow's music to make Stiles and Derek fall in love.

Meanwhile, there are monsters and stuff, and Stiles and Derek are stupid.

Note: amazing fic very close to my heart. I love meddling uncle Peter, and the gradual progression of their relationship. It's also such a classic early sterek fic, and like the other ones, I'm always starving for it. It's funny and incredible with Stiles’ voice. 

___

Rapture, sweet rapture (won't you put your hands on me) by queerly_it_is

Somewhere in the stringy mesh of his overactive brain cells, Stiles is sure there must be memories of what it was like to not have a totally possessive creeper with a leather fixation for an adopted brother.

Note: please heed the warnings. It's pseudo-incest! 

[eod-agent-13-12]

Keep it Locked, Under Key

A new location means more security for a certain Zoraxis captive, yet there was more to it than just relocation.

Content Warnings: References to torture, unreliable memory, separation, Zoraxis being a horrible place to be in, aftermath of experimentation, references to death, verbal insults, conditioning, blood and injury

(As always, please heed the tags.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"... You know, this is the setup to a horror film." He looked at him while he stood at the entrance of the sealed door. "Should we turn back?" Everyone was watching him.

He gave everyone a smile. "I agree. Let's go back. This place is giving me the creeps."

"You know, I can't keep healing you like this. They would catch on what my actual powers are at this rate."

"I'm sorry. But they really want to take my powers away. They can't." I avoided the brown eyes that stared at me intently despite not being there. "... And believe me, they tried."

"We know. She's not mad at you, B. It's just the fact. ... I'm sorry that your powers are more visible and harder to hide."

"... Are all of you alright? ... They took a lot of magic from me. And I-" I stared at the wall, chest tightening when all of us sounded exhausted.

"Just... take it. If it weren't for your powers sealing up their memories before it was documented, I wouldn't be able to heal you."

"... Sometimes, I wish I could seal memories. Hivemind is nearly done with the memory extraction machine. It's... hard... If we're not careful, it's likely they would give us a mind wipe. I just wish I can shove it away, you know? Then maybe, it wouldn't hurt as much." I winced, looking at the needle scars. My body feels numb, even as the magic between us evened out.

"There. That should get us through a couple of days. They seem desperate for your powers. They could take you away from us at any time."

"What of you? If they... take me away, what of you? Your magic will soon be revealed. I can only seal 5 things at once... and only one is left empty. The one they're after me for. If I have to shift-"

"Then do it. We can handle our powers if needed. Even without this, we handled well when... Kie was around."

A brief silence hung. Despite our separation, it was a miracle we could still communicate.

"... He managed to escape. We know him. He wouldn't back down if he even has a hint of where we are."

The door to my chambers opened, revealing another scientist. My connection to the rest was cut, thankfully.

"Staring at the wall again? Should've known. You'd always done that after being useless. You're only kept alive for one reason and you can't even give that."

... You'd kill me if I gave it. Why would I do such a thing?

"There's no point in talking with you. But you have gotten a little rebellious lately."

My fingers returned to gather my hair when I saw hands reaching for a pocket. The cold chain and stone wrapped around my neck before I could even stop myself.

And, just like any other time, I barely remember what they did to me.

We just finished high school, enjoying life before college takes us to our own paths. Still in the same university but we all have our separate courses. It was such a happy day when we found out all of us were accepted.

"I knew you could do it!" Kie smiled at us, light blue eyes shining as he hugfed everyone. He'd always been the center, despite the fact he seems to be the only one who doesn't have magic.

Everything was settling in.

Until it wasn't.

We came looking for answers when we heard the news to never go out at night. At first, we complied. But curious minds will linger and we started to as questions.

Funny thing that happens when you look: The answer comes to you.

Murmurs of someone's death. Puddles of blood. Disappearances of those who spoke out against... Zoraxis.

We couldn't back out. Our drive for answers only pushed us further.

There was blood on the walls, followed by the pain returning. They couldn't find the reason why my powers can't be taken away.

So they settled with grabbing my magic, no care how injured I got. How injured any of us got. How quiet everything turned out to be.

The quiet is terrifying.

They managed to get an inferior copy of my powers. While it is not capable of sealing, it can dampen. But it'll only last for a while.

They can't lock things as well as I can.

To this day, I can't imagine it. What would flash in his mind the morning after? Would he think we're dead? Will he blame himself?

If we were to meet, will my green eyes even light up upon seeing him? Will I remember the color of his own? Will I remember what everyone else looked like? I don't even remember my own appearance.

Will we even recognize each other after so much had been taken from us?

But the sound of certain footsteps was even worse.

They'll pull on my lock and key, fully knowing that their actions bring me agony.

Yet I lost the ability to voice it. The smell of blood taught me that words no longer mattered.

If anything, I need to preserve my strength until I can do lasting damage.

"It's your decision to look around. Young people these days. But I'm warning you. Looking into Zoraxis will cost you so much. You all have bright futures. Don't hinder yourselves by hitting a wall."

"... A transfer? Babien, can you still reach us from there? What even happened?"

"... I couldn't... I couldn't stop myself. They were... I couldn't hold back. I... I killed them." I sobbed, still feeling the dried flakes peel off my skin. "I couldn't let them. I just couldn't. I wasn't able to take it anymore!"

"We'll find a way. But... in case we can't... we can hold on. It's not your fault. Just like with Kie, it's not. Any one of us would've done the same."

The others echoed the sentiment. "... I'm sorry anyway."

"We know."

I stifled my tears, only to cry further. I know that the restraints they will put on me would stifle any emotion I have left.

"... May we meet again."

Zoraxis will take me to a different base... and I don't know what it'll be like.

But maybe... this time, I'll find a way to ask for help. And get everyone out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And there we go! Babien's backstory! Took a while to get through it.

Not putting this in the arc tag since this happened before the plot.

Tag List:

@phoenix-and-found-family, @the-one-and-only-043, @agentwraith, @agent--shadow, @silverdragon889, @blueorchid-95

[rikas-things]

Diabolik Alcoholik part 4

To read more or get caught up, please check out the table of contents:

Reiji smiled again as he placed his hands on his hips, though it was far closer to a sneer than an honest smile.

"But of course! What, were you not expecting to meet Ayato so soon? Perhaps your guilty conscience has plagued you?"

Her brows furrowed.

"He attacked me first!" She defended, "It was self-defense!"

"That's not at all how it appeared to me," he dropped his smile as he spoke, his voice dry and laced with suspicion.

"I have no reason to-" he held a hand up before she could continue.

"Whether it was or wasn't is of little consequence. The fact of the matter is that you've made an enemy. If you wish to remain in good cheer I suggest you take heed of this: 'to follow your heart is to lose your mind.'"

"What does that mean?"

"Think of it as a warning to keep your wits about you. You seem like the outspoken type, and I'm advising against that. That hotheadedness will not do you good in the long run."

She thought his words over for a moment, not quite sure what the advice he gave had to do with the saying he used but she was willing to try if it meant facing "Ayato's" ire as little as possible.

She grew a determined look in her eyes; she had no idea what kind of family this was or why they invited her into their mansion but maybe she could make this work-who knows?

She could probably make a new friend and become a big sister to some of the little ones!

Whatever they were like, she hoped they'd be nicer to her than Ayato.

"I'm ready. Where can I meet them?"

Reiji put his fingers to his chin as he fell deep in thought.

"Hmm...it seems a few of them have already gathered in the living room."

She eyed him over, wondering to herself how he could tell where they were since she couldn't see a Bluetooth device on his person.

"My brothers are an eccentric bunch, but aside from Ayato, they're mild-mannered."

This time she was completely silent, mulling over one singular word.

"Brothers."

To the mind of someone as boy-crazed as Yui, you might as well be telling her you're giving her a million dollars.

While Ayato was awful she couldn't deny he was quite attractive, and, as she gave Reiji a good look, he was also quite handsome in his own right too.

Messy yet fantastic hair, gorgeously soulful eyes, a strong, chiseled jawline...

If his brothers were anything close to what she witnessed here, she knew she'd have the time of her life.

She ran full speed ahead toward the end of the hallway, hearts in her eyes and arms open wide to accept any beautiful men that were waiting for her-when an ice-cold glass of reality splashed her face.

It came in the form of Ayato Sakamaki, who was wide awake and sporting two large knots on his head and a very unsavory frown.

"This sucks...my head friggin' hurts!" He muttered to himself as he sulked in his chair, his hair and school clothes as disheveled as ever.

As soon as he turned his head, Yui dashed behind the wall and stuck herself against the wall in an attempt to blend in, mortified.

This is bad, this is so bad! She thought to herself. I can't be alone with this guy!

"Hey," a low voice came from her shoulder, which set her alarm off.

Yui turned and nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned to the source of the voice.

"I could smell you from my seat, you idiot!" Ayato roared.

He then sneered at her.

"I got two head injuries 'cause of you! So prepare yourself! I'll show the meaning of the word Hell!" On the last note he showed her a dark grin.

She smiled as she sweated profusely, barely hiding her fear.

How do I get out of this??

"Ahem," another voice rang through the hall.

Reiji appeared with a bitter grin on his face.

"As much as I'd love for you two to finish your chit-chat, it's time for you to make your way to the living room."

As Ayato ranted about Reiji taking too long, Yui let out a long, loud sigh of relief.

A little too loud, as Ayato caught wind of it and turned his attention to her, leading no end of threats and jabs at her expense.

Having heard enough, Reiji intervened as he adjusted his glasses.

"Enough of this, hurry up for the meeting, you two!"

[thebreakfastgenie]

Ao3 20 Questions

Tagged by @queerbashir! Thank you! I am tagging @onekisstotakewithme @koboldkatalyst @majorbaby @youngpettyqueen @xslytherclawx-writes and anybody else who wants to (please tag me if you do it!) because I never keep track of who among you writes.

1) How many works do you currently have on ao3?

30

2) What's your total ao3 word count?

92,888

3) What fandoms do you write for?

The ones I still think I'll write for again are MASH, The West Wing, and Star Trek.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

'Til Death (Un)does Us Part

5) Do you respond to comments?

Usually!! I try to, but sometimes it's hard and then it's been so long it feels weird to do it... I often do it anyway. I respond to most of them.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh that's easy.

Downpour

If you choose to read this one, please heed "creator chose not to use archive warnings." It's there for a reason.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8) Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't! I did get anon hate about a fic, calling me cringe for writing a fic about abortion. I called them a pro-lifer and got a follow-up clarifying they meant fic isn't activism. Of course I never claimed my abortion fic was activism so idk what they were on about.

9) Do you write smut?

No, but this was supposed to the be the year I started. It still could be.

10) Do you write crossovers?

I wrote a couple chapters of an NCIS/Ace Attorney crossover when I was about 14. It is not on AO3. It is still on fanfiction.net as far as I know.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! I really doubt it.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'd love it!

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic?

No. I'm open to the idea in theory but I'm kind of a neurotic control freak about art so I think it would be hard.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

I guess I have to go classic and say Kirk/Spock, in terms of ships I've written for.

15) What's a WIP you'll probably never finish?

Josh Dies AU will probably never see the light of day but oh do I have some good ideas for it...

16) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and characterization. I like to think I use narrative devices competently. I have pretty strong grammar and vocabulary fundamentals and that's really helpful.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes are the worst. Sex included, which is why I haven't really written smut in the past. Description can be hard; I think I'm getting better at setting a scene but describing characters and what they're doing is the hardest thing for me. Any kind of action, as simple as nodding or walking across the room, sounds unnatural to me when I write it.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages?

I would only do it if absolutely necessary. If the reader isn't meant to know what the character is saying, I will simply describe that they are speaking in another language. If the reader is meant to know, I will indicate in the dialogue tags and maybe throw in some italics if I think they're called for. I would consider using dialogue in another language if I thought something really called for it, but I'd want to get a professional translator I could work with, and that's obviously not going to happen in a fanfiction setting. I might do the odd word here and there, especially in a language I have some familiarity with, but that's it.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

NCIS. First on AO3 was Supernatural.

20) Favorite fic you've written?

The Emergency Room

I just think it's my best writing. It has a nice theme to it to but I can't take credit for that, I was just reiterating the point the episode already made. I have some WIPs that I think are writing of this quality but this has the benefit of being completed. I have other fics that I think I was more creative with or have more interesting concepts but when I reread this one I go "wow, I wrote that?"

[dilly-dahlia]

!!PLEASE READ THIS IS IMPORTANT!!

☾ first and foremost, I am a minor. because I care for my safety, I ask that you try to limit interactions with me. of course, base level friendliness and compliments, small talk, etc are allowed, but I will not be trying to create any sort of lasting relationship. I will be friendly but cautious in interactions

☾ this is a SFW account. I will decide whether or not I want to change that once I turn 18, so do not press that

☾ this is a safe space. I will not tolerate any form of hate towards other human beings. there will be no racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, discrimination, sexism, etc. you will be blocked if I see any of this

☾ if I for some reason receive any sort of hate message, it will likely be ignored. first of all if you're hiding behind the anon button to hate on a seventeen-year-old, then you need to be checked out I am quite literally just a girl trying to enjoy myself. second, I don't care. I have my own things to deal with in life

☾ don't repost, copy, or do anything else with my work. I work hard on it and am unpaid. this is a hobby. please don't. I will occasionally allow translations under certain conditions

☾ branching off of this being a SFW blog, don't request any smut, incest, stepcest, rape, noncon, illegal or extremely problematic age gaps (17 & 35; 24 & 57; etc). basically just no spicy content. I might be willing to write some darker things like stalking and murder, etc, just be sure to keep it 16+

☾ I do write about some heavier stuff. I am currently working on an MCD rewrite and it will likely have a few darker themes and discuss mental health, morality, things like that. I try to tag everything properly, but sometimes I miss things. if I do, please let me know

☾ with that being said, please heed trigger warnings and tags. they're there for a reason. I don't want to trigger anyone. if any of my posts is especially bothering then please talk to me about it, and I will see what I can do to keep it off your dash

☾ not really a rule, but a precaution. I can't develop mental images, at least not good ones or very often, and thus when I write x readers the reader won't be described. however do know that the very rare moment I do imagine the reader, I am imagining myself. if you'd like a specific type of reader, please specify in your request

☾ this is an Aphmau centric blog. I will very very rarely ever mention other fandoms, so when requesting I ask you to please only submit those in the Aphmau universe

☾ finally, this is a hobby. again, I am quite literally just a girl. I am in high school still. this is in no way a full-time thing and I will probably be inactive for weeks at a time. do not be worried. check-ins are appreciated, but I am likely just drowning in myself. with that being said, try not to bombard me with "part 2??" "when are you updating?" "are you posting soon?" it only makes me less motivated to actually post. the things that keep me more motivated are more likely to be just seeing people enjoy my writing and excited for more without being too pushy

[thethistlegirl]

A new mission leads to Greg learning yet another piece of Jim's past. There's a good reason Jim can't stand the Marine officer they're flying cover for...

I told myself I wasn't going to wander off into ANY more fandoms right now but I couldn't help myself with this one. I'm having a good time with the found family potential (at some point I'm gonna have to write the WHOLE little found family of the 214 in a fic) and I can't pass up a good team dad and his kids dynamic. And of course I got too attached to Jim and the way he unexpectedly wears his heart on his sleeve despite seeming like he'd be characterized as the one who doesn't do feelings. Which of course means I instantly decided to use that against him...

Please heed the tags, I didn't use the Archive warnings because everything that happened to Jim is in the past, but I still warned for it in the tags.

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 8)

A/N: Ayoooo. Hey guys, here's part 8 and I'm so sorry if the previous chapters kind of frustrated you. I didn't really mean for it to but I hope you enjoy this one. I'll be posting 9 tomorrow or the day atfter. Thanks again for your feedbacks, y'all motivate me a lot ^^ ♥ (My Wi-Fi has prejudice against tumblr rn)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, bois. ANGST (I cried like a sucker during one part I wrote 😔) mention of blood, yet again drinking, some speckles of fluff, and unnecessary dialogue if you look closely enough :^ I feel like a terrible writer today

WC: 4k I think?

Tags: As always my taglist is always open uwu

@haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@hardzzellos

"You look...beautiful." Ben's comment is indeed one thing to start the night. It's not like he's never told you that before–it's just the tone in which he has said it in is...different. A foreign tone never been released from his lips until you. You look up at him through your lashes, giving him a slanted smile accompanied by a bubbly chuckle. "Thanks. You smell nice too."

The corner of his eyes crinkle as his curving lips push them up. As expected, Rosy chimes in between you and Ben almost too quickly, the blurry speed in which she has arrived in making you gasp. "Excuse me, babe. You got interviewers on your tail and I- oh," her brows shoot up upon seeing you, seemingly haughty eyes flicking up and down your outfit in mild contempt.

"Surprised to see you here as well." The smile plastered on her face couldn't be any more forced than it is.

Girl, chill. Anti-aging soaps are not easy to manufacture these days. You begin holding your breath to prevent yourself from bursting into a fit from hearing that thought ring in your head. You shrug, garnering the guts to shift on your heightened stance and lean in an inch close.

"You're not the only one with a celebrity date."

You turn around too early to gauge her reaction, finally exhaling from holding your breath too long. You can finally conclude that she's had an effortless transition from being benign to far from being benign. The smoothest one-eighty you've ever witnessed. You remember her clearly being downright considerate of you the first time you met her yet now is a whole different story. You wonder if she was actually ever considerate.

As the boys and Lucy indulge in brief interviews, you stand behind the scenes and get the first-class chance of conversing with Brian. He's readily the coolest person in the house right now, bantering with you every once in three, fascinating topics. How fortunate are you to be in the spot a million Queen fans would die for but of course, you don't want to leave out Roger who - by a landslide - makes you wish you could wheeze and snort all you want if you weren't in a luxury event such as the Oscars. He seemed intimidating for you at first but as he joined in your talk with Brian, things escalated real quickly.

With the pre-ceremony interviews and the clinking of champagne glasses dampening, you begin hunting for your seats in the theatre.

Before you know it, you are informed that only a specific line of people are given exclusivity for the seats. And it shocks you that Joe, Allen, Ben and Gwilym are not given that card when in fact they were part of the very film that brought forth a new generation of fans.You shake your head disappointingly albeit contented that Rami, Lucy, Brian and Roger and their wives are part of the exclusivity.

Utterly determined to know the results - by Joe's 'sovereign' vote - the rest of you hang around in the waiting area, focusing on the ceremony rights shown on TV. Quietly sitting through the results, you all whoop and applaud at the mention of Bohemian Rhapsody obtaining three awards straight– your cheers amping up a notch as Rami brings home the 'Best Actor' award. Joe begins filming your reactions for Instagram, zooming into Gwilym, Ben and Allen's faces for most of the video. You throw your head back in laughter at how goofy the boys look; a bunch of men in their 30's bouncing up and down with one of them documenting the entire episode. At one point, Gwilym yanks as you in for a group hug, mercilessly crushing you in between their muscles– the disorienting experience now being something you wish you would never undergo again.

As Rami's thank you speech unfolds, you pay attention closely. The sentimentality of him lovingly thanking Lucy for being his anchor after dedicating his award to Freddie Mercury is just overwhelming and you wish you could tear up but your mascara would be waste. You're certain that made Brian and Roger emotional as well.

An hour after the ceremony, you all head down to the Vanity Fair after party in the same limo you had arrived in with every single person in the group eager to get the night progressing. Regardless of saying that these type of parties are not up to your speed, you try to get along with the evening and revel in what you know would be your last night with them. Sadly enough, Roger and Brian had to skip out on this with rough schedules on their hands. The moment they walked out of the place, they spent nearly half an hour congratulating the boys and having other celebrities congratulate them.

As you are seated across Ben and Rosy, you can't help but notice him acting a little distant from her. She's all nuzzled up against his arm and he is nowhere close to returning the favor. He's just...lost in thought, staring out the tinted window. It's still early to assume that in all the hours you were within a close range to them, Ben only ever acted aloof, giving her attention when the situation required it.

Perhaps a lover's tiff took place?

"Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing too." Mimicking your position, Joe calling you back to Earth makes you gasp a little. You close your eyes and look at your fingers blankly after recovering, sighing. "I think we should end all this pretending. It was simply a cop-out in the first place."

"I know," he whispers audibly enough for only you to hear, running his fingers through his fiery, red hair, "you should probably come clean soon enough before you leave."

And that you will. At least, you'll try.

In your defense, you thought the after party would host a fancy banquet but seated around with celebratory drinks -considerable with something classy - and attendees breaking down on the dance floor is a rather okay scene as well. As long as you don't end up like the night you were invited out for a drink with your colleagues, you should be fine for the most part.

The boys and Lucy have fully immersed themselves in the beat of the music while you've decided to remain stationary with one glass of wine, the only glass you'll be having for the rest of the party.

The entire time you gawk at them amusingly as they break out their dance moves, your eyes always find their way to Ben, who makes you snort painfully from all his antics as he moves along with Joe. They're a mess with their ties and buttons undone from all the movement and the sight inspires you to stay put.

But oh dear lord, can Ben dance like an uncle.

Keeping your attention on them, a descending weight sinks down next to you. You pay no mind to whoever it is but do as her voice interrupts your thoughts. "I hope your eye is on the right person, honey." You click your tongue in exasperation, turning your body towards Rosy and her developing, bitchy tendencies, scoffing as you place your drink down to set things straight with her. "First of all, what did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of talk?"

She smacks her lips together at you, simpering. "You didn't think I'd notice?"

"What are you talking about?"

Her almond eyes narrow as if she's trying pin you down with a warning. "Please, don't act like I never noticed. You're overstepping that boundary between you and your best friend- my fiance." Okay, so she's noticed. But your neutralized expression is not going to be giving away anything.

You incline your head to one side in hopes that the facade you're pulling would decompress her suspicion. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Ben is like my brother. "

Grabbing her drink from the table, she sighs and stands up, hands firm on her hips and face silhouetted under the beaming light nevertheless giving you a transpiercing glower in the manner of seeing through the makeshift barrier you've pulled up. "He better be. Try backing off every once in a while when I'm around."

To your dismay, you snap inside, whipping your head up at her and replying sharply to make the message crystal clear. "Rosy, you have no idea." Unable to withstand the atmosphere you're in, you put great emphasis on your words and snatch your drink, walking out to the mini garden to finish what's left of your wine without having to bear being around her.

The question is unadulterated and obvious– bold and italicized if you wish to give it a stretch and clarify it.

Why is Ben still with her?

Is he that clueless not to realize it?

You don't want to pry the answer out yourself but ruminating on it, Rosy pulling off a full one-eighty only when Ben's at an appropriate distance for her to squeeze you between her fingers is just about good as a reason as anything. Your unwavering feelings for Ben are clearly perceived by her– from the way you had reacted the day he introduced you both to each other to not so long ago.

You wonder if Ben ever took heed of her growing attitude towards you.

Finishing your wine in one, immediate, swig, you place it down on the marble surface before you with your fingers cradling the stem of the glass– relishing the spicy liquid flushing down your throat.

At the extent of overexerting themselves, Joe and Gwilym flop down back on their seats like jelly, tuckered out from the unconventional combination of alcohol and unsteady movement. Panting like a dog who had just participated in a marathon, Joe shrugs out of his blazer and tosses it over his shoulder, silently wishing the ice in the bucket that held the bottle of wine would save him from the grinding heat of the wine he had just about five minutes ago.

"Mate, you're deep in the heat." Gwilym comments as it is followed by a gentle laugh on how Joe's glistening in sweat under the dimming lights. He hands him a partially bland look before wiping his forehead with his handkerchief. Lucy and Rami are situated at other end of the place enjoying a chat with another party of people meanwhile Ben and Rosy are nowhere near any of them. Until, of course, they reappear from God knows where and Ben suddenly asks Joe where you've gone.

"I-I don't know." He says after a hefty sigh. Somewhat eager to find you, Ben begins excusing himself from Rosy whom which he has spiked a bitter reaction from for sharing his supposed time for her with you. Fed up and jealous in the slightest, Rosy snaps at him.

"Okay Ben, why do you always have to skip in between minutes to hang out with her even when we're together?"

He pauses from turning around completely and sighs. "She's my friend, babe."

Unwilling to accept his statement, she claims. "Well your friend is getting in the way of what was supposed to be our time together! Can't you set aside a limited time for her?! " This has alarmed Joe and Gwilym but it isn't their business to butt in and stop a quarrel from breaking out. Unless it turns physical, which is doubtful to happen. Ben, a little frustrated but still tolerant of her ongoing skittish behavior, tries to reassure her. "I know that, alright? But something's been bothering her for days and I just want to make sure she's doing alright."

"Can't you leave the worrying to Joe? He's her bloody boyfriend anyway!"

Wagging his forefinger at Rosy, Joe grumbles as he is not having any of her talk, scrunching his brows at her.

Grabbing her shoulders gently, Ben tries to relieve her of tension and assures her once more, but with a well-known fact she obviously still doesn't accept. "Joe's a little drunk. She's like...a sister to me," it really took him an abrupt pause to say 'sister', "besides, you're my fiancee. There's nothing to be jealous about."

"Why does she still have to be a part of your life? Our life?" Now that's a question that has just shifted Ben to a farther side. His brows knit together in momentary disbelief, unable to take her words in a good light. "God, Rosy! She's been around for so long! At least make an effort to accept her!" Like a slap to her conceitedness, Ben turns on his heels and walks out to find you. Leaving Rosy a steaming mess of insecurity.

However slightly drunk, Joe mutters to himself as he makes sure neither Gwilym or especially Rosy hears his words stumble out in a whisper. "You've grown a pair, Ben. You've grown a pair."

You've been outside for nearly half an hour; wine glass empty and your hair, along with the skirt of your dress, drifting along the harmless breeze and the waning moon spilling some light from behind the shaded clouds. Though there were a couple of people that found their way here to get some respite not too long ago, you're just glad to have this space to breathe in from the draining background of the party.

As you lose yourself in thought, a certain voice brings you back to reality.

"Nice night out, huh?"

Turning around slowly, you are met with the cool, forest green irises that you've grown to never tire of seeing. "I'm surprised you're still well-kept in that suit despite the scene back in there. " You give in to a chuckle, your smile pulling Ben to approach your side leisurely. "It's my Oscars suit. Something worthy of protecting."

"Hah!"

As he rests his elbows on the surface next to you, the distance between your skins makes you a tad bit anxious. Comfortable silence falls upon you both– for Ben at least, it's tolerable however you're not taking it well, not even in the slightest. You rub your hands together and sigh, prompting Ben to finally ask you.

"You alright? You've been tensing up lately."

You nod, closing your eyes and opening them afterwards. "This dress is just depleting me of bodily warmth." Half a lie told by you. Acting on his thoughts, Ben begins taking his blazer off but you stop him mid-shrug. "Keep it on. You look better with it on."

"This would look better on you, you're obviously freezing." He's really keen on keeping you warm but you're just as so in letting him keep it on. "I'm serious. Keep it on. I'm fine."

What can he do but just give in? When you're serious, you're serious. He lifts his shoulder in half a shrug, ducking his head as an idea flickers in his head like a bulb. He wants to relive something that has been lost through the years and it's only right that he does...now that you have less than a day to disappear from his life completely.

"Y/N..." He muses gently. You raise your brows at him in question, taken by surprise that he has his hand held out to you. Bewildered, you raise your finger to ask what on Earth he's doing. "What- what are you doing?"

He licks his bottom lip and the smile on his face becomes bashful but certain. "What else does it look like I'm doing, silly girl? Asking you to dance."

You're sorry that you couldn't keep a snort at bay. "Pfft. Ben, I think you're asking the wrong girl."

"Just let me dance with my best friend."

"Wow! That's noble of you," your chuckles can not be contained, even so much as restraining yourself from letting the blush spread throughout your face. But he has the fragments of what was once your heart, so why wouldn't you? You slip your hand in his and the grin on his face widens. "There we go. Easy does it." He breathes out, his voice getting gravelly. You hit him softly on his chest for cooing, at the same time realizing that his voice becomes that way only and only when he's nervous– something uncommon between you both. As his hands find home on your waist, you throw your arms around his neck, laughing at how awkward yet funny it feels. What a huge nod to how you danced with him on Homecoming.

"You're so weird sometimes. You got your fiancee, why don't you dance with her?" Getting used to the sting of referring to Rosy, you question anyway. He initiates with a sway before responding. "I already have. But, " he diverts his heavy-lidded eyes from staring off the distance to yours and suddenly, it feels like you're home, "I want to finish that Homecoming dance."

You find yourself speechless as you shift your unflinching gaze at him and he at you, your bodies swaying along the concrete and in perfect sync, coincidentally to the sudden change in music from inside, compared to the bittersweet night you had before the day that parted you both. Thin silence hangs in the atmosphere but only because you are looking at each other in a way you never have in your entire lives.

Instinctively, you break your gaze from his and rest your head on his chest, your hair falling into your face as your eyes screw shut. You hear his heart skip a beat, unusually in the same manner yours always has. Feeling your head follow the rise and fall of his chest tickles you inside– temporarily making you forget about the pain of soon letting him go and producing a sense of safety.

Maybe it's because of exhaustion? You wonder. He doesn't hesitate to stroke your hair and revel in the moment as well, easing you in closer to his body without breaking the sway. "You'll be there on my wedding day, right?" He asks nervously, his question pulling you back to the harshest reality.

You open your eyes slowly, your lips trembling as you let out the saddest sigh, feeling your chest tighten from the anxiety of soon telling him the truth.

"Y/N?" Your tensed-up body alarms him and so he breaks away and lifts your chin up lightly, being met with glossy and regretful eyes. His messy brows drawing together in slight worry. "What's wrong?"

Everything.

However uneager to push him away, you do, escaping his warm embrace. "Ben, I..."

He's dreading for your answer, painfully anticipating for the best or the worst to the point where his hands are lubricating with sweat.

You swallow the lump that has hardened in the back of your throat, pressing your lips together to prevent a sob from escaping and shunning his prying stare. "I can't..."

Joe's half-assed predicted, worst case scenario is slowly unfolding.

"What are you saying? You're not- you're not going...to be there?"

You bite down on your lip hard enough to make it swell, shaking your head and casting a sideways glance.

"Why?"

Tell the truth. Just tell him and you're either getting a support or another jab to the heart.

"Y/N, please! Tell me why!"

"I'm leaving, Ben!" The words didn't seem to stumble or carelessly flop from your lips, in fact it speared through him clean thereby catching him off guard. His eyes have fallen gravely, lips parted due to shock.

"I got into a medical school I had previously applied for. And I'm leaving," you snap your eyes shut and open them in tears once you've looked up at him, "on your wedding day."

"Why didn't- why didn't you ever tell me?" He's pleading for your explanation, barely clinging on to the belief that you would always tell him things.

You don't answer as you are battling to muster up the courage to say it.

"Y/N, please! You never tell me anything these days! And this- this news, it's important! You're leaving on the day I need you the most, and you never bothered to squeak a word about it! Not a single, bloody word! Why?!" He's racked up with disbelief and apparently, anger. Eyes rimmed, clouded with mixed emotions and face full-blown red from the pressure.

He grabs you by the shoulders and pleads heartbreakingly, his lively voice reduced to but a whisper. "Why..."

"I-" You're still holding back.

"Say it! "

"You'd soon forget about me, Ben!" You inhale sharply as you add, croaks present in your voice while you take two steps further away from him as you lament. "I'm hopelessly in love with you, you idiot! I've always been. I try- I try to brush off every single prick that stems out every minute I realize that you already belong to someone else..."

"Y/N-"

"I figured not telling you would help me let go. And it's the only way I can...because screw you for being a clueless, irreplaceable bloke! I can't imagine my bloody life without you in it! I don't think I can ever love anybody else...but you, "

"Y/N..."

You don't let him finish and achingly throw your hands to your chest as a gesture, pounding your chest thrice as you're finally wearing your heart on your sleeve. "I can't blame you for being oblivious to my feelings. You're committed to Rosy...and as much as I want to see you happy, I don't want to stand idly by and- and feel this way when you've pledged your heart to her...I want to forget and for you to forget me," As the warm tears you've held back for so long roll down your cheeks, you hug yourself through the pain, "I want you to be happy without worrying how I'd feel. And disappearing from your life, is the only way I know how..."

"Y/N, please, don't say that- don't do this...you can't do this...you c-can't..." With hands shaking, he strides towards you to haul you in back into his arms but you take an agonizing step away, stopping him in his tracks. "I have to. I...I want to. It hurts so much, Ben. It always has but promise me," even if you have taken a step away, you take it upon yourself to take those steps close to him and cup his cheek with a cold hand, "promise me you'll revel in that happiness. It's going to hurt being away from you. But it's going to hurt even more if I stay. And watch...my best friend grow old with someone else." Finally rendering him wordless, you shake your head and whisk past him back into the party which has died down a bit, leaving him a pondering mess out under the bleak sky.

"How could I be happy without you..."

You'd gladly do anything to go back home right now. The weight of what just took place is crushing you and the need to escape is fuming. But the thing is, Ben was never one to let you go easy.

He never did and possibly never will.

He sniffles and inhales sharply, jogging in after you and calling out your name amidst the constant noise and chatters. "Y/N, wait!"

You reach your table just in time to see everyone still gathered around with drinks raised and laughs released but you have to excuse yourself deliberately. "Y/N? Where have you been? What's the rush?" Lucy notices your hastened movement and places her hand on your tense shoulder. You snap your head at her with your purse in your grasp, shaking your head and apologizing that you have to leave, forgetting to rid your eyes of tears; the sight of you amping up Lucy's concern therefore leading you into her embrace. "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"

"Y/N!"

Ben's distant but audible voice echoing through the place just sends you panicking inside. "I'm so sorry, Luce. I have to go."

"Y/N, wait! What's wrong?"

Just as the rest could react to Lucy calling out for you and Ben dashing past them to catch up, you've already disappeared into the crowd, headed out the theatre to take a cab ride back to the hotel. Relentless to let you go, Ben follows your trail, spurring a quick frenzy from the rest and having them pursue Ben in return. Once you reach the outskirts of the pavements, you don't think twice before crossing the highway with your focus hardened before you.

Gasping for air upon exiting the theatre, Ben glances around in haste and finally spots you marching down the street oblivious to your surroundings despite treading along the pedestrian lane. His eyes widen in dread and acting on a fight or flight reaction, he yells for your attention as he speeds down the street to pull you in or rather save you from a possibility of getting hurt with all the rushing vehicles and careless drivers. "Y/N! Y/N!"

The boys, Lucy and Rosy arrive outside just in time to witness Ben race towards your direction and in a moment of feeling time slow down, you feel your heart in your throat at the late flash of nearing headlights, to add a heavy force propelling you off your feet and onto the other side of the road. What gets you up from the ground are the mixed screams of a familiar bunch and the sight of a bloodied man in white laying unconscious on the cold surface of the road.

White noise suddenly fills your ears instead of your own voice as you scream out his name.