#please for the love of god HIRE VOICE ACTORS FOR VOICE ACTING ROLES

[cremanata]

chris pratt really said “...........let’s-a-go....” in the most generic, boring voice ever help

[corhore]

Peach being a generic GirlBoss was the one thing I hoped they wouldn't do, but they did and i'm annoyed.

Also her voice sucks. Please for the love of god hire voice actors for voice acting roles.

[idcallmyselfhuman]

I'M CAUGHT UP IN 2.1

It took a helluva long time to get a feel for Aventurine but my god they did a fantastic job with him. I didn't know what to think of him at first, and the community's propensity for shipping puts me off of a lot of characters since traits of theirs just become a mix and match for "compatibility" and it annoyed the hell out of me so I avoided a lot of shit. (Which is hypocritical since I've contributed to this too?? Lesson learned.)

The quest essentially forcing you to take a look at his character by himself and pay attention helped a lot. Admittedly, the voicework is what actually sold me. Camden Sutkowski is fucking amazing and I've heard that this is his first voice acting role, which is so fucking impressive? They really know how to hire actors who just make the character/s their own, it's actually incredible.

I am very excited for Acheron's story and whatever the hell Aventurine and Acheron were talking about when they brought Caelus up. It's Trailblazer lore how could I not be?

Sunday is a certified freak and I cannot explain to you all how long I've been waiting for THAT kind of character. I love to hate an obsessive "servant" of god who ends up developing a god complex. He's great. Please keep getting worse.

All this just to say that my main takeaway for the whole of 2.1 is that I LOVE GALLAGHERRRR WHATEVER HE DID IT'S PROBABLY JUSTIFIABLE FREE HIM

[herstarburststories]

(He Isn't) A Good Guy

Kinktober day 15: humiliation kink

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen is tired of everyone saying he's a good guy.

Warnings: dirty talk (kind dark bc of the kink), handjob, p in v, riding, cheating, possessive, slapping

You have to be careful with what you're good at. You might just end up doing it for the rest of your life.

Jensen Ackles never caught the appeal of that saying. If you were really that good at something, why wouldn't you want to do it?

Such a mindset was as constant as a mother’s love and made Jensen's loyal company for a long time during his career. He pictured it would last forever: the head pats, positive criticism, and his charm that caught more and more fans. The Hollywood man was happy, really. He grew to be a good — if not great — actor. He had a wife and three kids that were the love of his life. He could go anywhere and find a job through the instantaneous recognition that Supernatural bestowed upon him, not to mention its gift of a best friend, Jared, and the raw amount of personal growth he went through. 

He was perfect in the most diversified aspects of his life, and, God, it was boring as fuck.

Whatever Jensen did, he was excused for it. Plenty of people would light themselves on fire for him (and hey, don’t think he was ungrateful for that), but being called a good guy that apparently couldn’t do any wrongs while the rights came out even in his sleep could be devastatingly annoying.

He thought he might have some problem, perhaps even a middle-aged crisis. Come on, who, with his life, would feel compelled to look for something else? Ackles had the money, the friends, and family. He had everything everyone dreamed about, but he just wanted to wake up.

Then, he met you.

You were the woman in her twenties who was barely starting in the media business, yet you had enough luck and talent to evoke the CW's attention that early. They wouldn't hire you as an official director, but you were in the training process. You were a prodigy, as most people on the set liked to joke about.

You sighed, slightly frustrated about the direction these takes were going. Asking Ackles to follow orders was roughly the same as punching a wall; the brick didn't break, and it only left you with scuffed knuckles and growing irritation. “Jensen, you need to tilt your head to the side or we won't be able to catch her face on camera.” 

“I'm doing that,” he said as if it was obvious.

“The camera doesn't agree with you.” You crossed your arms, tired of having this heated squabble again.

“I know how to shoot sex scenes, Y/N. I've been doing that for—”

You interrupted him: “I'm aware of how long the show I'm working on has been going, Jensen. Now, take my hint and do as I say. I get that you have done this before, but we are trying a new position, so your M.O. might not work.” You knew he was a good actor. Supernatural wouldn't be what it was if it wasn't for his character. Still, you needed this episode to be perfect in terms of filming. It was your first actual chance to prove how worthy you were. Jensen had his career and little apple pie life settled, but you had to scratch and squirm to insert yourself into the industry. You knew what you were doing. Nonetheless, you attempted to pacify his self-assurance by being assertive and gentle at the same time: “Just listen to me and try it. Please.”

The green-eyed man opened his mouth, very much ready to spit out a contradicting retort, but at the last second, he clamped his jaw shut and opted for a smirk instead. “Yeah, boss.”

It was the first time in years that someone actually came at him. Jensen felt the bruise aching his ego that spiked a sudden pressing need to puff out his chest and say I know what I am doing. Why don't you watch? 

He'd call that the Texan man behavior, alpha macho testosterone levels on high, but, honestly, he was just mad that someone had the audacity to talk to him like that, as if he was a rookie on his job. Jensen's whole body heated up, his jaw clenched, and his breath caught on his throat when he glanced at you — of course, he'd never put a hand on a woman, but God, that was infuriating. He wasn't a middle school child in need of a lecture.

But this was his first impression. As you gave everyone fifteen minutes to relax before shooting again, he went to his trailer, gait unnecessarily heavy like a child throwing a tantrum. Jensen locked his trailer and closed his eyes, trying to pick out his emotions — how long have it been since he got mad? That couldn't be healthy.

Do as I say. Your words were echoes in his head, spinning and making him dizzy. Just listen to me.

And the look you gave him. It wasn’t adoration as a fan or nervousness like a new worker. You didn’t excuse him as anyone else did. You glanced at him as you would to any other person on the set that had made a mistake: you pointed it out and didn't offer any sugarcoating to dull the blow.

It felt refreshing.

Shaking your head at the scene unrolling on the other side of the camera, you let out an exhausted sigh. This was your second directed episode, and Jensen wasn't making it easy for you. He always seemed like such a nice guy, yet you weren't surprised by his mulish behavior. You had called him out, and now he was turning it back around on you. Celebrities were complicated on their one, but male ones even more. Their egos required a role for themselves.

“Everyone, ten minutes!” you announced, placing the headphones on the table next to you. Your crew started dispersing, Ackles included, when his name left your lips: “Jensen, c'here.”

The green-eyed man arched his eyebrows, not sure why you wanted to talk to him so privately. Still, he approached you.

When you were a kid, you went through a phase when your smile wasn’t very pretty. It was too much teeth, eyes too tight, and head lifted high enough to show under your chin. Your parents couldn't just up and tell you that it looked terrible, obviously, so they just showed you multiple pictures until you decided that you didn't like something about it.

Maybe that would work with Jensen.

You patted the chair next to you, and Jensen sat there with a wisp of hesitation. You clicked on the scene you had been trying to get right for almost an hour. The replay went smoothly, Ackles's shoulders shrugging by the end. He didn't see the fuss about this.

“Seems good,” he said nonchalantly. 

You squinted your eyes at him. Someone as talented as him couldn't be serious about not seeing a problem with how ridiculous his vampire transformation through the last season was. “Seems like a sitcom”

“It's a dumb scene.” Jensen shrugged.

You groaned. “Can't you just accept that you can do better?”

Jensen crossed his arms and straightened his posture, holding a defensive atmosphere around him. God, he was infuriating sometimes. “Maybe you can. I've been doing great for years. You might not be the right director for this kind of show.”

“Just do as I said. You're in the scene, but I'm the audience. I can see right through you. I'm seeing things from another perspective and trying to tell you how to improve. That's what a director is for. Go ahead and try it!”

Your friendly conversation with the lead apparently had the opposite effect. As soon as he went back to his place in front of the camera, Jensen Ackles appeared to acquire the stubborn, incredibly unprofessional desire to take on all the worst camera angles only to get on your nerves.

“Are you kidding me!?” You elevated your voice, furious at how careless he was. All your patience has been zapped. “You're doing it on purpose. How can you be so petty?”

“Me? Petty!?” he said between gritted teeth, almost hissing as he walked to you. “I've been playing Dean for years. I know him more than—”

“I know. You do a big job with that character, but Jensen, you make mistakes. It's part of the process. You're a grown-ass man, so you can take what I'm saying and make something useful out of it. I'm the director; you are the actor. I don't care about how long you’ve been on this stage, and I don’t care for incompetence. You ain't doing good, so do as I say and fix it.”

Jensen tensed up when you said that, exhaling shortly while his eyes glued on you. You were half his age, yet the way you presented yourself — arms stiffly crossed, eyes ablaze and chin lifted — spoke of your power on this film set. At the end of the day, he was just a man, and he was in your court. Just like that, you held all control. He bit his bottom lip, neck red with the heat of anger and adrenaline that lashed through his body.

He was furious, yet all his body could do was react as if you had kissed him instead of punching his ego.

Anger and luxury both came from the same place. They were just different branches on the same tree growing from a common seed.

The half of Supernatural's leader actor started doing it on purpose, then. Not acting in a way that could collide with his career or mess up the shooting schedule, but an occasional bitched scene here and there when he had a chance, and always when you were in charge of the scene.

He relished in it: someone treating him like a man and not an untouchable idol. A woman who would look straight in his eyes and not be too intimidated, excited, or lovey-dovey to tell him all the bad things he needed to hear. You were someone who could put him in his place.

Unfortunately, playing around can only get you so far. If you bring someone to the pool, they won't be satisfied with just one foot in the water. They'd want to swim, splash water at their friends to get them all wet and soaked too. 

What started with provocative, fuming rage and nuisance soon melted into something deadlier. It was something unmanageable, a burning fire that attracted all the wrong kinds of glances. Yet, neither of you could help but follow where the smoke signal led.

You were here, in each other's arms. It was a dirty little secret that went way beyond just an illicit affair: it was about what you two could give to each other without even asking, and what other people could never quite comprehend. . . And they didn't need to. Jensen had you, and you had Jensen. To desire and savor the result was enough.

Your hand was wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a painfully slow rhythm. You had two legs wrapped around his, your face hanging next to Jensen's — close enough that you could kiss all of his freckles if this were out of love and not necessity — as you spoke.

“Everybody thinks you are the good guy. Little mister perfect.” Ackles groaned at the malice in your tone. He hated that — how everyone called him perfect, how every single person told him he was such a good guy. You were his only grounding force under the blinding lights. “But I know you aren't. You are nasty, disgusting, and so needy for someone to put you in your fucking place.”

The male's lips parted slightly, a pornographic moan leaving his body. This perversion felt like a hair short of sin. Who in their right mind would be so turned on by a girl half his age picking up all the worst things one could say about him, only to throw them exactly where it hurt the most?

Why, in the name of God, did he want more? Why was Jensen bucking his lips, needy noises that he never dons escaping his trembling body? Why was his cock hard as fuck, ruinining your fingers with sloppy precum while he internally begged you for more? 

It was like receiving a miracle and giving it to the devil.

“Look at you,” you continued, a smirk painted on your features, “getting fucked in your trailer by the woman who basically told you to stop whining and get your job done like a real man.” You loved being in control of the usually overconfident Hollywood star. If only his dearest fans knew how much of a submissive he was — how he just needed to be told where he belonged. 

“Y/N…” Jensen managed to say, his chest moving erratically fast. You leaned in to press your lips to his, and he whimpered. Ackles' hand slid to your waist in an attempt to pull you closer, but all he got was a slap on the arm and lack of friction on his dick. “Y/N!”

“I didn't say you could touch me, stubborn idiot.” You hissed, getting up to throw away your skirt and underwear. Jensen sniffed, feeling so ridiculous about himself. You had way too much control over him, but he couldn't really care about anything other than you touching his cock right now. Fuck composure or else. “I'm not your wife. I'm not one of your thirsty fans.” Each word came out in a harsh tone, those syllabus together had no other duty but hurt him, and he loved how they agonized in his body, redirected right to his hardness. You got free of the skirt and your soaked lace panties. “I don't need you. This?” You gestured at yourself and Ackles, a wry laughter coming out as you climbed on his lap. “I'm doing you a favor. So, you better thank me and take whatever I choose to give you. Understood?” Jensen's eyes were obsessed with your image, not leaving your face once— not even to look at his hard cock that was so close to your cunt due the new position. He just nodded, wishing that was enough to show you his piece of mind. It wasn't. You slapped his cheek and howled. “I made you a question.”

Jensen gulped, the red on his cheek from your smack couldn't compare to his blushed body. This felt so good, finally getting what he wanted. Ultimately, he blurted out: “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now let's put you to good use.” You winked at him, a hint of silly playfulness before you got all his length inside you at once. Both of you moaned, the unique sensation of your walls around his hard dick was marvelous. So warm, tight, and wet. Everything he deserved in one pussy, one woman. You started to move your hips up and down. “You feel so good inside me, baby. Like your cock was made for me— I think you were made just for this, to be fucked by me. What do you think?” His eyes fluttered shut, Jensen was allowing himself to get lost into you. You were heaven in sin, fucking him so nice. You weren't having his silent, though. You both had to be quiet about many things regarding to your mutual arrangement, you couldn't get more of closed mouths. Not when this was happening. You grabbed Jensen's jaw, fingertips pressing against his skin. “You better start answering me before I get out of here and go get some with a real man.”

Jensen groaned, holding your hips possessively. You knew he was one of the jealous kind, talking about other men touching you always got a reaction out of him. “I'm a real man.” 

“Show me then, baby.” A glimpse of sweetness appeared as you leaned in to kiss his lips. It didn't last much before your lips went to his neck, words coming through an open-mouthed there. “You know, they all are so caught up in your act, Jensen. The perfect texan boy, the amazing husband, the unproblematic idol…” You chortled, sending goosebumps through his whole soul. His dick was deep into you as you were riding his restlessly. “I bet you get tired of this. I bet you just want to fuck me in front of everyone sometimes, just to show them how dirty you can be.” He nodded, a soft whine leaving his lips. He was so tired of being the good guy. Only you knew him. “Like right now. You spent the whole day messing up with me, teasing me, just so you could get punished. And here we are, fucking in your trailer, while everyone is getting ready to go home.” He tried to move his hips as well, to get more of you. When you didn't stop him, Ackles winced and bucked his hips, hitting your G-spot, going deep and raw inside your tight cunt. One of his hands went to your pussy, digits pressing to your clit. Your next words came during groans of pleasure. “You should go too, baby. But you can't help it, huh? You just want go fuck me, even though I don't even care enough to send you a message to make sure you got home safe. You like it. You love that I'm not crazy about you, that I don't care.” His heart ached, but his cock only grew harder. Jensen could feel he was on the edgy. “So, you stay here instead of going home to your sweet wife. You stay here instead of hanging out with your best friend. You stay here instead of looking through your social media just to get an ego boost. Is this what a good man would do, Jensen? No... But that's okay. Men like you just need to be put in their places, and you love it.”

“Y/N!” He screamed helplessly, pulling your body closer to him when he came inside you, marking your pussy as his. A treacherous, lust stained thought was placed on his shoulders, whispering lovingly to his ear like you did your swearing: breed her, get her pregnant with your baby. Make her yours.

You had broken him, and he loved every second of it. He couldn't wait to give you the shattered pieces as a gift.

You came with an excruciating grunt right after him, all over his cock. The feeling of Jensen coming inside you always pushed you right way. You sighed happily, resting your head on his chest.

He enjoyed moments like this.

You remained there, waiting for his cock to relax inside you, get less hard before you pulled you. When it did, you pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone, walking to grab your clothes.

“Jensen,” You coughed after putting on your skirt. “I'll send you the new script tonight. Send me an email to confirm that you got it.”

What you truly wanted to say was, tell me if you got home safe. But you couldn't.

“Sure.” Jensen answered with a nod. Once again, he also wanted to say something else: thank you for giving me what I need, for seeing me. I love you. But he couldn't.

You picked up your wet panties, throwing it at him with a teasing smile before leaving the trailer.

It was enough.

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[twentyonepilotsficlibrary]

hii, would the admins recommend their favorite fics with the “enemies to lovers” trope? please?

yes, we most certainly would. i’m going to start because it’s my favorite trope!!! and then the other admins can edit this post later! - ana

ANA 

(i got a little carried away ops)

Behind the Fence by HappyGetLucky (1/1 | 10075 | Explicit)

Tyler wants to bang his neighbor, but he wants to hit him too.

Or the one where Tyler is married to Jenna and Josh is married to Debby but they're in love. Also, everyone is obsessed with their lawns.

Stick To Your Guns by regionals (1/1 | 13657 | Explicit)

Josh wouldn’t have been Tyler’s first choice if he knew that he was going to grow up gay. Josh is prickly, hardly letting anyone get within an arm’s reach of him. He’s charming and handsome and barely nice enough for Tyler to find himself falling head over dick for him before he can do anything to help it.

//implied/referenced suicide

They Told You Put Your Blood On Ice (you're not going to make it) by peachypunk (slashfanatic22) (6/6 | 11682 | Teen and Up)

"Tyler is intriguing. Within the short time Josh has known the guy, it’s almost like he’s been issued a challenge. And Josh loves a challenge"

Minor-league hockey player!Josh. Disgruntled ice rink manager!Tyler. You do the math.

Sway (6/6 | 17029 | Teen and Up)

Quiet, reserved band nerd Josh Dun hates the terrible, rotten, no good Tyler fuckboy Joseph and wants nothing to do with him.

Until one day, Tyler fuckboy Joseph shows up on his doorstep.

Wicked Games by heyitsbabz, youngvolcahoes (19/19 | 146861 | Explicit)

Josh didn't mean to be rude to Tyler. Sure, Tyler abandoned him in high school when Josh told him one of his dirty little secrets, but Josh didn't hold grudges. He didn't.

OR, the one where Josh is an idiot, Tyler is a bigger idiot and they both end up fucking shit up.

Hole by edy  (1/1 | 13032 | Mature)

"I swear to fucking God, Tyler," he yells at the top of his lungs, from his own apartment. His voice is loud and right above Tyler's head. "If I have to smell this shit wafting through the air vents for one more day, I'm gonna fucking report you."

//self-harm

Going Down by edy (1/1 | 836 | Mature)

hey asshole, Tyler texts him, because that's how you talk to your arch nemesis. meet me at my house. you're going down tonight.

Fuck no, Josh replies, come to my house, asshole.

fuck you, Tyler says, i'll be there.

teethmarks by peterandhispirate (1/1 | 8958 | Mature)

Tyler is on house arrest.

//animal death, graphic depictions of violence

stop being such a (dick) by peterandhispirate (1/1 | 3539 | Teen and Up)

The last thing Josh wanted was to get involved with Tyler Joseph or his snapback-wearing buddies.

But here we are.

//homophobic language 

kay

better take it back, joseph by peterandhispirate (1/1 | 1423 | Teen and Up)

Needless to say, Josh wasn't pleased; he gnashed his teeth and  narrowed his eyes and fucking growled, because why did Tyler Joseph, of all people, think he had the audacity to say that?

I'll Go With You (around the corner) by marsakat (1/1 | 10149 | Teen and Up)

Tyler's friends insist that he sign up for a dating app, and he caves, realizing that he has no one to be romantic with at Christmas.

Meanwhile, a new guy is hired at his job and they instantly don't like each other.

you're out by petzawentz (2/2 | 12008 | mature)

They'd been trying to catch, or even find Joseph for even longer than Josh has been graduated from the academy. He isn’t going to lie, he’s feeling a rather smug sense of satisfaction for being part of the team that had finally brought him in.

His satisfaction is forgotten briefly, when he looks up from the file in his hands, and through the glass into the interrogation room.

Joseph is staring straight through the glass, directly at him. There’s a smile on his face, and a smug look in his eyes.

Normally, if a criminal tries something like that, Josh is unbothered. They do it all the time; guessing at where they figure someone would be, to try and unnerve the agents, Josh supposes.

So he’s expecting that.

What he’s not expecting, is for Joseph’s smile to grow, and for him to lift one of his cuffed hands in a mocking little wave.

Right then, Josh feels a nagging kind of tug in his stomach. It’s telling him to walk away, run, don't look back.

He really should’ve listened.

Instead, he shakes off whatever bad feelings he has, and determinedly heads into the interrogation room.

   (Strike one)

I Was The King Of This Hologram (Where There's No Such Thing As Getting Out Of Hand) by 20dollarfobleed (4/5 | 5409 | mature)

Joshua William Dun has stolen every fucking lead role there was from right under Tyler Joseph. Josh always teases him for it and Tyler hated him for it. Tyler is obviously excited when he finally gets a lead role, but it comes with some... conditions.

OR, The fanfic based off of a Friends Episode in which the two lead actors hate each other but have to make out for the production.

It's only acting though... they're just... really good actors?

[m00nslippers]

What do you think about Accidental movie star! Jason? He's shopping for groceries one day when someone walks up to him and goes "You fit the description of my character perfectly. Please audition for a movie I'm directing." Jason is skeptical, but acting is a passion he has missed so he gives it a try. The movie turns out to be a hit and now all the directors want Jason in their movies

Lol, I like it. He’s just shoppin’ for groceries, minding his own business when he sees a mugger steal a lady’s purse and Jason just leaps into action, doing parkour and shit, just crazy, highly-skilled stuff and punches the guy out and gives the lady her purse back, all without even thinking and delivers a scathing, angry lecture at the robber, like sometimes you’ve gotta steal, he gets it, but you don’t steal from old ladies who can barely afford their medications, in broad daylight, and knock kids into the street to get hit by cars when you run away!

A director of a big action movie, what there when this all went down and he’s just so impressed, so captivated by the guy, he has just great, emotional expressions and voice, these movie-star handsome looks, the height, the body, the physical skills, it’s everything he’s been looking for in this character. Can he act? Who knows, but his looks and abilities are already so appealing that if the guy couldn’t act for shit the movie would probably still sell well just on his looks and the action alone. It’s not like action movies usually need a lot of depth anyway. It’s worth a shot right?

So he goes to Jason and explains himself and gives him a card and a time to show up to audition with the casting director. He asks, do you have any experience acting? Jason’s thinking of all the undercover work he’s had to do over the years and the little bit of drama club he had in middle school and says, a little. Jason is just…really confused by the whole situation. The Red Hood, in a movie? Ridiculous. Sure no one knows he’s the Red Hood, but still. He accepts the card and everything but he doesn’t think he’s going to show up…until he tells the story to Roy so they can laugh about it, but Roy is like, “No, you should do it! You’d be so good, Jaybird!” But Jason is just like nah nah, I ain’t gonna embarrass myself, but Roy is serious.

So then Roy enlists Dick and suddenly everyone Jason knows is demanding he show up for this goddamn audition. Cass is saying how he’s always doing all the voices when reading to her and it’s so good, and Alfred as talking about how Jason would read Shakespeare opposite him in the evenings and how he’s always trying to get him to do community theater, Tim’s got a bunch of recordings from their undercover work where he embarassed a bunch of evil scientists by making them looks stupid and it doesn’t prove anything but it is funny to watch them because everyone fully believes Jason is some super-evil taskmaster sent by their boss to get results, Bruce is trying to break out the recording he made of Jason’s middle school play…and finally Jason is just like, “Fine, I’ll go! They’re just going to tell me it was all a joke and to never darken their door again but if you need an opportunity to laugh at me, whatever, I’ll appease you assholes.”

So he shows up to the think, and like he thought the casting director isn’t keen on some rando with no credentials showing up to audition but the director is there too and is super enthusiastic so maybe it was a joke on the casting lady instead of on Jason. But they give him a script and have Jason read opposite some lady who is apparently a famous hot actress but he doesn’t pay attention to that stuff so he doesn’t really recognize her. So they start to do the reading, where the love interest is trying to make the hero leave his life of running-and gunning behind to live happily ever after with her and the hero gives her some bullshit like, “This is what I am, I’m no good for that life, I’m just an empty shell, blah blah blah.” The typical poor attempts to put some emotional stakes and depth into a movie that’s just a vehicle for stunts, so no one is expecting much but–

Jason just kills it. Like, holy shit. he can do angry, he can do heartfelt and hesitant and torn and determined and the full emotional range. He’s not stilted or putting on some fake tough guy exterior, he just completely sells both the pent up rage of a hollow man left with nothing but violence, but also the man who wishes he could have had another softer, happy life, who really loves someone. They casting director is floored, she’s trying to hire him immediately and the director is looking so smug, and the actress is looking him up and down with interest like already planning the headlines where it’s revealed he’s her newest fling. And Jason is just thinking, that was pretty fun but I doubt this will amount to much, but to his surprise he’s already getting a contract shoved down his throat and they’re trying to push him into signing on for a movie and two sequels if the first one does well and he’s so overwhelmed. This isn’t really happening, is it?

He sits on the contracts a bit and is trying to think of an excuse to turn down a few million dollars that won’t sound completely insane but int he end Steph goes over to his apartment everyday to bug the shit out of him, like, “Oh my God, Jason, I would know A MOVIE STAR! Don’t you know it’s my dream to drive the paparazzi insane by cheekily photo-bombing all of their pics with really stupid stunts and peace signs?” and he points out she already does that with the paps around Tim and Cass and she’s like, “IT’S NOT ENOUGH I NEED MORE.” So he ends up signing the contracts and wondering what he got himself into.

Filming goes well, he does most of his own stunts, makes friends with most of the stunt people and a few of the actors, the lead actress keeps trying to get into his pants but he’s not interested in being front page news (little does he know he’ll make it anyway). Filming completes, he goes home, thinks well that was an experience, and doesn’t worry about it much until he shows up on the red carpet for the release. It’s not a film that’s going to win any Oscars but it’s expected to make some money. He takes Roy as his ‘date’ because he loves stupid action movies and at the scene where he’s pouring his heart out to the love interest Roy straight up cries and a few other people in the theater do too, which baffles Jason. At the end of the film there’s a standing ovation and the director is trying to show Jason off like he’s the star and people are saying it’s going to be a summer blockbuster sleeper hit and Jason is going to be the next big star, like Matt Damon or something, he can do action and acting, but this is pretty standard for movie premiers Jason figures, so he doesn’t take any of the praise to heart, he’s just like, that was an experience I guess.

And then the movie hits theaters. It’s 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics like it too and say it’s got great action with a hot new star who somehow manages to put real emotion into tired tropes and how they unexpectedly cried in this film that everyone wrote off as a stunt vehicle with guns and car explosions and gang/mob violence. And people start taking pictures of him and glomping him in the streets and he’s doing the press junket on freaking Ellen and the Late Show with the actress and she still keeps trying to get him to date her although now she’s wondering if he’s gay with Roy because he took the guy to the premier with him instead of family or a girlfriend. And people are already talking about a trilogy for the sequels and now the movie is blowing up in China and some other director is trying to sign him for a drama Oscar-bait role that would usually star someone like Ryan Gosling and he’s just like…how did this happen?

[way-down-meme-town]

Tootsie (Act I)

Under the cut you will find 124 lyrics from the 2019 musical Tootsie for your enjoyment!

Opening Number 1. “The night is falling on Manhattan and soon the daylight will be gone.”

2. “Anticipation’s all around you as one by one the lights are coming on.”

3. “Your feet wanna fly and your pulse wants to raise ‘cause you’re free and you’re young and you’re in the right place.”

4. “You’re right here. You’re right now. You’re a part of New York.”

5. “Nothing in the world is like the feeling that anything is possible here, even the impossible is possibly possible here in New York.”

6. “Any dream can be a dream come true in New York.”

7. “Underneath the city that is all pavement is a city that’s all heart.”

8. “God, this is exciting. Don’t you feel giddy?”

9. “Alright everybody, let’s all stop the rehearsal again.”

10. “Would my character say the city is all heart?”

11. “Where in the history of the printed libretto does it say any of that?”

12. “My character deserves his truth.”

13. “I am just saying what every other actor on this stage is thinking.”

14. “You want out? You’re out.”

15. “This opening number is benign and dishonest, directed by an inept, derivative hack and this musical sucks.”

16. “Is he an actor? Yes, of course he is. Is he successful? Yes, of course he’s not.”

17. “You won’t see his name on the marquee.”

18. “Sounds to me like you don’t know what the hell you’re looking for.”

19. “He’s feeling victimized and bitter, like nothing good is gonna happen soon.”

20. “The odor of humiliation begins to permeate the room.”

21. “They need someone nicer, someone less reactive. Can you really blame them?”

22. “He’s gonna make it to the top.”

  Whaddya Do 23. “Whaddya do when suddenly you realize the calendar inside your head is running out of pages?”

24. “Whaddya do if you can see the odds are good you’ll never be the person you’ve been trying for?”

25. “Whaddya do when everything you wanted more than life itself is laughing at you?”

26. “Whaddya do? You make it work.”

27. “Whaddya do when everything is happening but everything is happening to everybody but you?”

28. “Are you haunted by the fact all you want to do is sacked and it’s all you want to do until you die?”

29. “I am stuck struggling in the muck, standing here all purpled and perplexed caught in the gap between what the hell just happened and what the hell is gonna happen next.”

30. “Ya got the list of all the hopese and dreams I missed.”

31. “Sometimes I look in the mirror and I am sad at what I see.”

32. “I came to the conclusion there really must be something wrong with all of those douchebags who won’t hire me.”

  What’s Gonna Happen 33. “I know what’s gonna happen.”

34. “I’ll try to go to bed with fear of failure flopping like a fruit bat in my head.”

35. “Which incidentally isn’t half as disconcerting or upsetting as going for a part you know there is no way that you are getting.”

36. “I’m heading downtown for the audition where everything I’m dreading will be coming to fruition.”

37. “Somewhere through the fog of insecurity and hate, I’ll try to convince them that I’m charming.”

38. “They’re gonna throw the book at me ‘cause I’m guilty.”

39. “We hereby sentence you to a lifetime of waiting table and debilitation self-loathing.”

40. “She’s a fake. She’s a phony. She could never win a Tony.”

41. “I now live in a place I know quite well. I’ve left the world and I’ve entered hell.”

42. “I’m this far away from a fainting spell.”

43. “I’m trying to take it slowly.”

44. “I’m trying to be my best.”

45. “I watch a vivid sequence of humiliating instances from my past go by and think what kind of masochist keeps coming back for me.”

46. “No! I know what’s gonna happen. Don’t tell me that I don’t.”

47. “Don’t say that I’ll rise to the occasion cause I won’t.”

48. “I’m smart enough to know that I’m too stupid to admit you can’t survive a diet that consists of eating shit.”

49. “The trick is knowing when it’s time to pack your bags and say that’s it.”

50. “You know what’s gonna happen. I know what’s gonna happen.”

  I Won’t Let You Down 51. “I’ve always imagined that you are the flower and I am the dirt.”

52. “My world spins around you. Whenever you fall I’m the one who gets hurt.”

53. “I give you all I have. Give me one thing in return.”

54. “Have me help you to help me to help you to help me to help you learn that I won’t let you down.”

55. “I’ll be here to play any role you need me to play.”

56. “You give me your trust. I give you my word.”

57. “Nobody sees me and nobody listens and nobody cares, but you know what’s in here. Love and devotion that needs to be shared.”

58. “I won’t let you down because you believe in me, because you’re the one who can see I’m here and alive.”

59. “I won’t let you down cause when I felt empty inside you filled up my cup, you lifted me up.”

60. “I’ll never let you down. I’ll do what you need me to do.”

61. “I promise I’ll always come through. Just call and I’m there.”

62. “Please make the right choice. Remember my voice.”

63. “Just give it some thought. I love you a lot.”

  I’m Alive 64. “I’m alive. I’m alive. Good God almighty, I’m alive.”

65. “Don’t hold your nose. I won’t decompose.”

66. “My world was a dud. Lots of death, lots of blood.”

67. “She was almost dead, but she’s alive.”

68. “What can I say, I got carried away, but now’s a new day.”

69. “Here’s the headline. She’s gonna be mine.”

  There Was John 70. “I was the girl in the bubble at school, behind my own personal wall for protection. I’d sit there alone like a fool. I never was able to make a comeback.”

71. “This life takes everything you give it, like a puppy or a kid.”

72. “He told me he wanted some kids and a wife, and that’s when I realized this is my life.”

73. “Yes, my heart was almost broken but I’d made my choice and I’d make it again.”

74. “Here is me, another dressing room number one thousand and three. Exactly where I should be.”

  I Like What She’s Doing 75. “I like what she’s doing. This might be a thing.”

76. “She’s fun but profound.”

77. “What she’s selling, I’m buying.”

78. “I love that she’s trying. Let’s follow her lead.”

79. “We were flat on our back, but now we’re on track.”

80. “She’ll polish this turd into treasure somehow.”

81. “Well, we got work to do. God knows how we got this far.”

82. “Alright kiddos, it’s your favorite stage manager. Breaks over!”

83. “Everyone else, there is a revised schedule on the board.”

84. “He saw your motionless hair and your avocado figure, and I lost the man I loved.”

85. “To be fair, dear, you did kill the last one.”

86. “Don’t I deserve a chance at a future that celebrates me?”

87. “I love what we’re saying. I’m smiling at last.”

88. “It’s great how we’re playing. I’m having a blast.”

89. “I trust you completely, so does the whole cast. We like what you’re doing.”

90. “She’s got something special that makes you engaged.”

91. “It’s almost electric when she hits the stage.”

92. “I can’t tell you how but, honey, I hope she keeps doing what she’s doing now.”

93. “She won’t take directions. She’s changing the play. She’s like an infection that won’t go away.”

94. “She just wants to fight me. She does it to spite me. I hate what she’s doing.”

95. “She’s bringing up memories I need to forget.”

96. “She’s stealing my girl, she’s stealing my show, and I’m ready to blow all because of that cow.”

97. “Goddamnit! She’s gotta stop doing what she’s doing now!”

98. “If you take her, you better take care of her!”

99. “I will devote my life to her happiness. I love her.”

100. “I like what she’s doing. She’s got so much heart. She’s so friggin’ sexy and so frickin’ smart.”

101. “She’s made me an actor.”

102. “Something was missing and she’s what it was.”

103. “How will I live without you here?”

104. “You have turned this show into a joyous anthem for all women.”

105. “I won’t let you down, because you believed in me.”

  Who Are You? 106. “I can’t escape the feeling I met you long ago in someplace filled with sunlight.”

107. “I’ve never been a needy or romantic guy, falling like a meteor in some poetic starry sky.”

108. “This is a different story, something completely strange. What the hell am I doing?”

109. “It’s nice connecting with someone, somebody I can talk to like someone I’ve always known. Where on Earth were you hiding?”

110. “I think it’s just amazing how fast this friendship has grown.”

111. “It’s felt so long since I was young and running free. I locked myself inside a box, but suddenly there’s the key.”

  What’s Gonna Happen (Reprise) 112. “You’re gonna stand me up and I’ll be staring at the phone, sitting there all dismal and pathetic and alone.”

113. “It never doesn’t happen.”

  Unstoppable 114. “She’s got me flying like a bird.”

115. “Stand aside, cause this girl’s on a roll. She’s unstoppable.”

116. “We got the role! We got the gig!”

117. “Told you before. Show me the door, I’ll kick it down.”

118. “Look out world, cause this girl’s on a roll!”

119. “Nothing and no one, not anything anyone ever can do or say can stop her.”

120. “I’ll be taking the world over soon.”

121. “There’s no mountain these heels can’t climb.”

122. “Nothing on Earth can stop me, cause I’m unstoppable.”

123. “Another sold out house tonight and it is because of you!”

124. “This has turned out better than I ever could have imagined. I love you.”

[razberryyum]

Positive Things about Guardian as a series (spoilers)

So I’ve been pretty harsh about the production team behind Guardian (writers, directors, set designers, wardrobe, the crew…including the extras…basically anyone who are not Bai Yu, Zhu Yilong, the actors who played Old Chu, Little Guo and Zhu Hong, who are Jiang Ming Yang, Xin Peng and  Gao Yu Er, respectively) and about the quality of the show as a whole when it doesn’t involve our main characters/leads, and I’ve actually been feeling bad about that now that the initial sense of shock has worn off a little. As a result, I woke up this morning and decided to make a list of all things that are GOOD about the show. Now, I am still hurting about how it ended and the things that went wrong which imho could have easily NOT (f.e. the 10,000 years dirt nap), but…BUT I will try my best NOT to let that negativity seep into this. 

So here goes, in no particular order, the positive things about the show:

- the show even exists. I mean, really, God bless, especially considering where it’s made. How did that even happen?? Despite all my bitching, I still marvel (almost DAILY so far) at the fact that Guardian exists and I got to watch it cuz China could’ve easily never put it back online. 

- the existence of Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan. But that’s pretty much a given. Especially since my life is forever changed because of them.

- every Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan scene together. That’s a given also. I would not be surprised if the writers literally used all their meager talent and energy on constructing those moments so that’s why they didn’t have much juice left for everything else. I mean, that’s a good thing, right? Kinda.

- they got Bai Yu and Zhu Yilong to play Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. I really hope the two actors got compensated well for their performances, though somehow I doubt it, especially since, from what I understand ZYL (omg I just stupidly realized the acronym for his name is the same as Zhao Yunlan’s. Wtf that is so cute!) was still very slowly rising in the ranks. But hopefully their current popularity as a result of the show has made up for it.

- the score and songs. Bought the OST from iTunes like one or two episodes in, loved the score and themes. I even bought Bai Yu and Zhu Yilong’s duet “Time of Flight” a few times (different platforms, different devices) cuz I just wanted to contribute to them…even though…who knows if they even see a cent from it, and pretty sure my few measly dollars probably isn’t helping anything. Probably just makes me seem stupid and insane. 

- the cute episode titles. Which I wasn’t even aware of until @avenuex123 pointed it out. Adorable.

- the censorship. Ok, censorship is never good imo, but in this singular case, perhaps because there were existing restrictions on the BL subject matter, the actors therefore were willing to sign on since they knew they didn’t have to do anything explicit (or maybe they would’ve been willing, this is just my own stupid assumption because of how Chinese society is…I say that as an Asian American with many…erm…”old-fashioned” friends and family members) AND they probably saw it as challenge to find creative ways to convey the nature of the characters while working within the confines of censorship laws. Although, this might be a case of me just trying to look on the bright side.

- the easter eggs. I agree with fellow Guardian fans who have pointed out that there was some love put into the making of this show, which is clearly exemplified in the small momentos scattered throughout the series. 

- the time travel concept. Not that the delve into the past was done well because I did have problems with it, but I did really appreciate the fact that Zhao Yunlan was the one and only all along due to his being sucked up into the wormhole and spit back out 10,000 years in the past to meet Shen Wei for the first time. I thought it was a tremendously romantic idea…even if the general execution of the past left a lot to be desired. I promised that I wouldn’t be negative, but I still have to say that while love at first sight is a lovely notion, it was still a bit hard to swallow that SW would fall SOOOO head over heels with ZYL after just conversing with him for like a few hours, to the point that he would pine for him for 10,000 years (though it’s probably technically more like a few decades due to his dirt nap, but I’ll buy it felt like 10K years to him). I just wish ZYL spent more time in the past with SW, and actually @xparrot‘s fic (”Now Lie In It" on AO3) made me feel a LOT better about the whole thing since they successfully fixed the problem by awesomely separating each scene we saw into days and years. But I did like the time travel idea; it was cool, even though it’s different from the novel.

- the nature of the necklace. I really liked the candy wrapper core. Broke my heart into bits and pieces in a GOOD way. Really loved everything about it. I understand it’s different in the novel as well, but in the context of the changes done for the show, I thought that was a pretty brilliant move. 

-  the Da Qing and ZYL ownership scene in episode 35 with SW listening. Loved that scene and the multiple purposes it was serving: establishing Da Qing’s relationship with ZYL, giving voice to how SW was feeling about ZYL leaving,   inspiring SW with the necklace idea, and then of course, the censorship workaround because it was like very homo while being nohomo at the same time. 

- SW and ZYL’s wardrobe. Probably a given since the fact that I love them means I love everything about them, but, like, SW even looked good as the Black Cloak Envoy and ZYL as Kunlun and those outfits (and their hairstyles) could’ve gone wrong so easily…thank God no one thought it was a good idea to make them wear a stupid looking afro wig or feathers on their heads.

- Old Chu/Little Guo. They were adorable, my second OTP from the show, and I was seriously jealous of all the PDA they were getting away with.

- recurring characters. Even though some of their acting abilities were highly questionable, I did appreciate how certain characters introduced in the beginning of the show would pop up again later on. I’m sure a good part of that was to save on hiring more people, but I still thought it was neat. For example, I wasn’t too fond of the merit brush dude (cuz his story was dumb and draggy), but I did like how this innocuous store owner that was little more than a background character at the start eventually became one of the villains. 

-  Ye Zun. He’s so CUTE. I mean, ok, Zhu Yilong playing him helped, but just seriously, his character is so fucked up and misguided and emo and adorable that I just wanted to give him a big hug all the time. When that shitty cockatoo he calls “Boss”** started smacking him around, I wanted to reach into the screen and throttle that ugly POS. I wouldn’t even be surprised if that asshole more than physically abused Ye Zun. Anyway, I just felt bad for the little puppy. I wish we got to spend more time with him and that he got redeemed earlier so that he could enjoy some love and hugs before being led into the wormhole (or…wherever it was that his big bro was heading off with him…wait, would it be the wormhole? But they died, right? So technically it should be like the reincarnation hole?) **(btw, why “Boss”? Why not “Leader”? Are the head villains paying their henchmen to follow them? So weird that they call their leaders “boss” which would imply they’re being paid wages which I truly doubt is the case)

- Da Qing. He’s a cutie too. Really wish the kitty girl had lived so that he wouldn’t be all alone, now that ZYL is gone. I guess Tech boy Lin Jing is going to take care of him now?  

- Zhu Hong. When she wasn’t inexplicably screaming her dialogue, I did like her…but a huge part of that is probably because I remember the actress from Yanxi Palace (she was playing a small villainous role but she did a good job) and I felt sorry for her. Putting the unrequited love aside, it must also be tough seeing ZYL now and yet knowing that’s not even the same guy she loves at all. Damn, that actually must be so unsettling for everyone who knew the old ZYL. 

-  the personality swap episode (ep 25). THAT was freaking adorable. Just wish it lasted longer and that eventually it affected SW and ZYL. Although, since they already eye-fuck each other like 99% of the time, what would be different? I guess SW would be a little looser…and ZYL would be a bit more sad and pining-er? (Btw, I literally never heard of the word “microexpressions” until Zhu Yilong entered my life). Omg, an image of them switching outfits just popped into my head. Oh shit, that would’ve been FUN to see. Dammit.

That’s all I could come up with for now…I’ll probably add more as I think of more things. Please feel free to contribute if you think of positive things I’ve left out. I might not agree but I’d still love to hear them.

[mastcomm]

Fran Drescher, Millennial Whisperer – The New York Times

Fran Drescher’s voice, if you ever have the chance to hear it deployed in very close vicinity over shrimp tempura and spicy tuna sushi, is actually quite soothing.

When Drescher played Fran Fine on “The Nanny,” the 1990s sitcom she created with her then-husband Peter Marc Jacobson, she was pitching her voice higher, squeezing it up her nose, acting. Back then, The New York Times compared Drescher to “the sound of a Buick with an empty gas tank cold-cranking on a winter morning.” But here in her living room above Central Park, sitting among crystals, fresh lemons, fine sculpture and photographs of herself meeting establishment Democrats, she sounds more like a Mercedes purring out of the Long Island Expressway. For those who grew up with “The Nanny” as our nanny, her voice is so embedded in the subconscious that hearing the softened version is almost therapeutic. Imagine if Nanny Fine had an ASMR setting.

“I’ve heard it’s like a foghorn, a cackle,” Drescher said carefully, balancing her plate in the lap of her little black dress. “I always just describe myself as having a unique voice.” When she left Queens for Hollywood in the late 1970s, her manager told her, “If you want to play other parts, besides hookers, you’re going to have to learn to speak differently,” she recalled. Instead Drescher leaned into her natural gifts. In 1992, she pitched herself as a sitcom star to the president of CBS: “Because of the voice, they think I’m the seasoning in the show,” she told him. “That’s wrong. I’m a main course.”

America has not heard from Drescher much lately — she has not appeared regularly on television since her TV Land sitcom “Happily Divorced” ended in 2013, and “The Nanny” is sadly hard to stream — but this week, at 62, she returns to TV with NBC’s “Indebted.” As in the pilot of “The Nanny,” Drescher appears unexpectedly on a doorstep, except this time, it belongs to her adult son (Adam Pally). She and Steven Weber play Debbie and Stew Klein, a couple of boomer dilettantes who crash their kid’s married life with the news that they’re in debt. The role of Debbie, a boundaryless hugger who swans around her son’s suburban home as if it’s her own personal retirement community, inverts the “Nanny” dynamic: Now the kids have to take care of her.

When Drescher weighed whether to take on the show, a family sitcom that draws on generational conflict, she thought of her own family. “My parents, who are still alive, thank God, were so excited about me being on network television again,” she said. “You know, not everybody could find TV Land,” she added, “but everybody could find NBC.”

The role was not written for Drescher, exactly. The pilot script had called for a “Fran Drescher type,” and when the real Fran Drescher signed on, she required a few adjustments. “People are used to seeing an annoying mother-in-law in a sitcom, but that’s not what I signed up for,” Drescher said. “When you have somebody whose persona is bigger than the part, you got to make it right for me. Or why have me?”

That meant giving Debbie Klein some passions of her own. “I had to bring myself into it,” she said. “I really infused the sex appeal, the sensuality, the vivaciousness of the character.”

“Indebted” creator Dan Levy, a comedian and producer for “The Goldbergs,” said that he originally modeled Debbie and Stew after his own parents, but that the steaminess was all Drescher. “My mom was like, ‘That’s not based on us,’” Levy said. “She elevated that to a whole level that I was not expecting.”

In the decades since Drescher first opened her mouth onscreen, the Fran Drescher type has achieved a quiet dominance over popular culture. “The Nanny” has been syndicated around the world and remade in a dozen countries, including Turkey (where it was called “Dadi”), Poland (“Niania”) and Argentina (“La Niñera”). In “The Nanny,” for anyone who doesn’t have the chatty theme song implanted in her brain, Drescher plays a Jewish woman from Queens hired to tend to the three precocious children of a wealthy English widower, Maxwell Sheffield, who is also Broadway’s second-most-successful producer (after his nemesis, Andrew Lloyd Webber). In foreign versions, the ethnicities are recalibrated — in the Russian one, the nanny is Ukrainian — but the Fran Drescher type is otherwise preserved. Wherever she goes, the ethnic striver is transplanted into a posh setting as the help, and her appealing culture and individual charm pull off the ultimate makeover — reinventing the strait-laced insiders in her own brash image.

Across the internet, Fran Fine is helping to perform similar tricks. With her pile of hair, power-clashing wardrobe and cartoon proportions, she has been fashioned into an avatar of stylish self-respect. In GIFs spirited around social media, she can be seen in a cheetah-print skirt suit, sipping from a cheetah-print teacup; inhaling a plate of spaghetti with no hands; and descending the Sheffields’ ivory staircase as if entering New York’s hottest club.

“I send this when I’m excited,” Drescher said, summoning her phone from her assistant Jordan and thumbing to a GIF of Fine twirling across the mansion in a fuchsia dress and a self-satisfied look. “How many people can send their own GIF?”

The Fran Drescher type is a kind of advisory role. First she was the world’s nanny, showing kids how to mix prints and be themselves, and now she has matured into a cool-aunt persona, modeling a fabulous adulthood. (“Broad City” made this transformation literal, squeezing Drescher into a low cut rainbow and cheetah-print dress and casting her as Ilana’s Aunt Bev, and by extension the spirit guide for a new generation of Jewish comediennes.) “I’ve never had kids, so I’m not really parental,” Drescher said. “I’m a mom to my dogs.”

“I’m kind of an influencer,” she added. Drescher has led an unconventional life, and “I share it,” she said. “It gives my life purpose.” In two memoirs, she has discussed being raped at gunpoint in her 20s, surviving uterine cancer in her 40s, and divorcing Jacobson only to acquire a new gay best friend when he subsequently came out. Recently she thrilled the internet when she revealed that she has secured a “friend with benefits” whom she meets twice a month for television viewing and sex. “I don’t think it’s that shocking a thing,” Drescher said. “I’m not in love with him.”

The kids who grew up watching “The Nanny” are now Nanny Fine’s age, old enough to properly covet her closet and cultivate a newfound respect for her persona. On Instagram, the @whatfranwore account catalogs classic “Nanny” outfits, and @thenannyart pairs them with contemporary art pieces. Cardi B once captioned a photo of herself in head-to-toe cat prints: “Fran Drescher in @dolceandgabbana.” The actor Isabelle Owens will mount a one-woman song-and-dance show dedicated to Drescher in New York this month, called “Fran Drescher, Please Adopt Me!” “As everything from the ’90s comes back, people are rediscovering her,” Owens said, noting Drescher’s fashion, her confidence, and her voice; Owens is still working to perfect her impersonation. “There are so many layers to it,” she said. “It’s so delicate and lyrical.”

The Fran Drescher type, no matter how big it gets, still risks reducing the woman behind it. “All of her is in me, but not all of me is in her,” Drescher said. “I don’t think any of my characters could have ever created and executive-produced ‘The Nanny.’” Fran Fine might have been able to wrap the boss around her red-lacquered little finger, but Drescher is the boss. When she secured her own New York apartment, in 2004, it was here, just across the park from the house that stood in for the Sheffield mansion on “The Nanny.” Soon her transformation into Mr. Sheffield will be complete: She is developing a Broadway show of her own, a musical adaptation of “The Nanny” that she will co-write with Jacobson.

“The Nanny” is a timely bid for Broadway. Drescher takes the stage’s most classic feminine archetype and gives her a modern upgrade: She is Eliza Doolittle if she refused to take her voice lessons.

That’s perhaps the biggest misconception about the Fran Drescher type — that the voice is an unfortunate obstacle, rather than a cultivated asset. Once, a fan asked Drescher about the classic “Nanny” scene where Fran Fine goes for sushi, naïvely swallows a wad of wasabi, and says, in an eerily neutral broadcaster’s voice, “Gee, you know, that mustard really clears out the nasal passages.” The fan wanted to know how Drescher had managed to pull that voice off. Sitting in her parkside apartment, perched in her producer’s chair, confidently apportioning her wasabi, Drescher revealed her secret: “I’m very talented.”

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/fran-drescher-millennial-whisperer-the-new-york-times-2/

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

The Lion King (2019)

Great films make you feel the whole range of human emotions. I’ve felt deep, abiding sadness, soaring joy, and even personal betrayal at the hand of some of the best movies I’ve ever seen. But rarely have I ever felt so insulted as I did at the hands of this soulless, charmless, bloodless shot-for-shot remake of one of the greatest animated films of all time. I call this the Circle of LIES. What went wrong here? Well...

Just like...so much, you guys. I’m not going to recap the story for you because you already know it and also, this version did not change one goddamn thing in terms of plot, other than to make things take longer and feel simultaneously slower and faster and also worse. This is the opposite of Hakuna Matata.

A LOT OF THOUGHTS:

I would like to start by recognizing the technical achievements of this film in terms of pushing movie-making technology forward. They created an entire virtual reality landscape and populated it with all these animals in order to capture the actors’ performances. That’s pretty rad, man, that’s like James Cameron inventing whole new ways of making movies just cause he has a boner for the Titanic. But as with all new technology, I think we could have used a lot less “could we?” and a lot more “SHOULD we?”

We start off fairly promising. “Circle of Life” gave me chills for about 2 seconds when the female solo vocalist came in and the animals were gathering and for a second my nervous system was just reacting to the majesty and the overwhelming noise of it all and I got the good shivers and that was great. And then I saw Rafiki and my spine jumped out of my body and noped the fuck out of there. 

I’m taking a stand. I hate CGI monkeys. Hate them. There is nothing creepier or more disturbing. The more photorealistic you attempt to make it, the more uncanny valley it gets, but if it’s not realistic it’s also somehow worse? And Disney is obsesssssssed with CGI monkeys, particularly this year. Dumbo? Horrifying monkey. Aladdin? Even worse monkey in a starring role. This film? Constant close-up shots of the monkey who has a big stick that he uses AS A WEAPON. #banCGImonkeys2k20

I try not to rag on child actors - I’ll save my ire for the multibillion-dollar corporation that is responsible for hiring them - but like, I will say this. JD McCrary, who plays the voice of Young Simba, is...no JTT, you feel me? Is it fair to compare this kid’s performance to what is, arguably, the greatest child voice acting role ever recorded in a Disney film? I would argue if you don’t want comparisons, don’t remake the film in the first motherfucking place.

One of the things I hate most about these “live action” remakes is that the villains are a lot less campy and a lot more serious. They’re not having any FUN with their evil, they’re just in it for power or glory or some fucking thing but we’ll never know really understand why because all of their personality has been converted to wallpaper paste. That being said, I felt Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) was able to provide the best prototype I’ve seen so far for what these superserious edgelord villains could look like going forward. His voice performance was probably the one I was most impressed with, and he was able to imbue Scar with some real potent, seething resentment behind the mask of a lion’s face that barely moves. He’s even pretty scary at moments, so I welcomed that wholeheartedly amongst the emotionless drivel I was being served by pretty much everyone else.

Do you know what the most unnerving horror movie I have seen this year is? It’s not Midsommar or Us. It’s the voice of a young child, scraped and broken, crying, “Dad? Dad...wake up!” from behind the face of an unmoving, unblinking lion cub. I didn’t cry. I only stared in mute, unflinching horror at the unholy abomination Disney had wrought. 

It feels like an honest-to-god personal attack that “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” is sung during the MOTHERFUCKING DAY TIME. It’s the sunniest it’s ever been! You know the peace the evening brings that they’re singing about? Well they sure as shit don’t since it’s 2:00 in the afternoon and literal sunbeams are dappling over their creepy, unmoving lion faces! Do you...do you understand how much of an affront it is to know that there is a board room full of men (cause let’s be realistic here) at Disney right now, and when they were doing the storyboards for this film, they presented this part and someone probably said, “Hey uh...is it a problem that they’re singing ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’ when it’s daytime out?” and the entire room burst into laughter because it literally doesn’t fucking matter to them because this movie is going to make ONE BILLION DOLLARS no matter what. 

Also? Unpopular opinion alert. Beyonce is not a great voice actress. And she was not the right choice for “Can You Feel the Love at Midday” because that is meant to be a hushed, quiet, magical moment shared with her childhood friend and burgeoning love, and instead Beyonce is turning it into Sunday church. That’s not her fault! Don’t hire Beyonce if you don’t want her to y’know, BE BEYONCE. But it absolutely does not fit the vibe of what’s happening here and it makes an already completely ludicrous scene even more ridiculous, if you can believe it.

Of the 10% of the movie that is anything even remotely original (Keegan Michael Key and Eric Andre as the comic relief hyenas; Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen riffing as Timon and Pumbaa, respectively), half of it is pretty great. I really enjoyed the comedic beats and thought Rogen and Eichner especially were a much-needed highlight. The other half (a filler scene to answer the question no one asked about “how did Nala leave Pride Rock without Scar noticing?” and an extended 5-minute montage of Simba’s hair traveling a la the feather from Forrest Gump and floating to Rafiki so he could do some gross poop hair magic) is unnecessary to the point of being offensive.

Did I Cry? No the fuck I did not and that is a PROBLEM. I felt nothing. No wonder. No magic. 

Feel free to make up your own mind - I’m never here to tell you what to do. But in a world where the 1994 film still exists, I ask you to consider - REALLY consider - how you would like to view this story of loss and growth and taking responsibility for yourself and those around you. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[ninasfireescape]

just some new thoughts from seeing hamilton

this time, someone started the awkward clapping when he goes “my name is alexander hamilton” but this time after a few seconds everyone else joined in so it wasn’t so awkward

i never noticed but at the beginning not only do we see hamilton’s mother dying but there’s also a brief bit where you see her fighting with her husband

i really really like sharon rose’s peggy. obviously it’s not a role you can do much with but she hops over to eliza during satisfied and she gives a little bow at the end of the schuyler sisters and she’s always bouncing

it’s weird that on broadway, samuel seabury is an american actor doing a slight english accent while in london he’s an english actor doing an american accent and in both hamilton imitates him with an english accent

I’m a known king george hater but this new actor jon robyns is the best person i’ve seen in the role. his “awesome wow” is really funny and he holds notes for uncomfortably long periods of time also yes he twerks during the reynolds pamphlet

i don’t want to hate on any actors but rachelle’s accent has not improved at all. she sings “ado ado ado ado” and says in a completely English accent “thank you for all your service”. her singing is still good and her burn is something else but please just hire her a dialect coach.

i made a post about this already but whenever i see hamilton i revert to the version of myself who first became a fan who was a lams shipper and start looking for subtext. and there was some. normally i watch to see whether they do the handshake or face touch; this time they did both. also they kissed (sort of). hamilton leaned in to kiss him on the lips and laurens turned his face so it was on the cheek during story of tonight reprise.

another thing i never noticed: the ensemble pass hamilton’s letter to him along the balcony during history has its eyes on you

like two people clapped at “immigrants we get the job done” english audiences why are you like this?

all of say no to this is like the feminist brain vs lesbian bisexual brain meme. i’m like “god this is such a problematic sexist portrayal and why does she have to have such a low cut dress” but also “mmmm maria reynolds hot”

however say no to this is so unsexy. idk what it is maybe it’s the costumes but it just looks so awkward and laughable when she runs her hands up his satin green waistcoat

every time i see it i hope they’re going to commit more to the supposed feminist message of the song about how men twist the story in their favour but they never do

washington in your side and one last time we’re both really strong performances. probably the two best in the show.

i have reached a point where i groan whenever angelica comes onstage because i HATE hamgelica and i hate how they butchered angelica’s character. anyway in the reynolds pamphlet she’s telling him off but looks as if she’s about to kiss him they’re that close 🙄🙄🙄 she doesn’t want to kiss the dude who just revealed he cheated on her sister you fools

this might be a bit of a reach but in blow us all away the guy in the play george eacker is watching is wearing a really similar outfit to ham at the beginning? and the woman is wearing a blue dress?? parallels???

this is where i need to talk about ash hunter. i’d never seen him before but i was impressed. i don’t like ranking anymore because i haven’t seen any bad portrayals - just either average good or very good. his was mostly average but there were some things he did that boosted him up. i particularly liked him putting on a silky voice to imitate king louis in cabinet battle 2 and there were other moments where he basically acted like a little shit. however, one thing i didn’t like was him covering his face in *that* bit of its quiet uptown because it takes away some of the emotion of him breaking down. also this will sound so shallow but i do feel hamiltons should be attractive considering everyone falls in love with him but the only ones i would call attractive are jamael westman and michael luwoye

i’m so bad but whenever i get emotional i get drawn out of the action by remembering a hamilton meme. like in his dying speech i suddenly remembered that post where it’s like “one week into school: i imagine death so much it feels more like a memory” or when he sees the other side I started laughing about how cleve changes from laurens to philip just by spinning around. then during your obedient servant i remember how i wrote a fan fiction where burr writes hamilton the same letter to complain how he lost his umbrella

i’m so emo about hamliza though i love them

at the stage door i only met jason pennycooke, dom who plays washington and tarren again (who came out after like five minutes how does he change so fast) but i was still so glad to meet them

[walters-tampon-string]

Method Acting

Fandom: Durarara!!!

Rating: T

Warnings: Implied sexual content (some mild hints but nothing too drastic)

Characters: Izaya Orihara, Shizuo Heiwajima

Relationships: Orihara Izaya/Heiwajima Shizuo

Description:  No one told them that there was going to be a kiss scene involved...

“What are you smiling about, bastard?” Shizuo Heiwajima growled, trying to put as much hatred into his glare as possible. After all, if Izaya was smiling, then that could mean nothing good for him. The best he could hope for was that he could somehow manage to intimidate the bastard into reconsidering whatever it was he was plotting in that head of his. But that would be the day pigs flew. He could try to strangle Izaya with a metal pipe, and the bastard still wouldn’t be frightened of him. He was too cheeky and brave for his own good. Shizuo was glaring goddamn daggers into him, but the man’s face remained practically serene as he spun around and hummed, the long pink and white kimono he had draped on flowing around him with an elegant grace.

“I just think we finally got put into very fitting and appropriate roles for once. I, a rich, prominent noble person, and you, a lowly servant-” Izaya’s sentence ended with a yelp as he dodged the water bottle Shizuo chucked at him, the bottle exploding everywhere, unfortunately nowhere near the louse.

Shizuo gritted his teeth in annoyance. What exactly was getting on his nerves, he wasn’t sure. Was he irritated because Izaya was being a perpetual asshole like always? But he should be used to it by now. Was he mad at himself for allowing Izaya’s quips to get under his skin in the first place? Shizuo had always had a ridiculously short fuse and bad anger issues. It didn’t take much for his temper to flare, and that flaw of his had almost caused him to lose roles before, seeing as some directors or actors felt afraid to work with him. He would like to point out if they didn’t want him blowing up half the time, they should try to avoid productions that involved Izaya, but whatever.

Maybe it was even something as base as the fact that no matter what he threw, Izaya managed to always have the evasiveness of a god and dodge it. It was a constant frustration, when all he wanted was to see the bastard get his just desserts for once.

Maybe it was a combination of all three.

Even though he didn’t get the satisfaction of seeing the water bottle hit, he took consolation at the filthy look Izaya threw his way, his strange wine-red eyes glimmering with hatred.

“Fuck you, Shizu-chan,” Izaya hissed. Shizuo felt his eye twitch at the nickname. Fuck did he hate the little bastard.

Shizuo was pretty sure he had some kind of blessing-curse rombo-combo going on right now. He was somewhat blessed, because he’d actually been managing to land a steady stream of roles, especially for a newer actor such as himself, and his status was taking off faster than he expected it to. Granted, most of his roles so far had been pretty small - just some parts in a couple of commercials and a few background roles in some TV shows and movies - but he had actually managed to land a few good spots.

He had gotten a very solid voice acting role for the main character of a popular anime, got to act as a main side character in a TV show for two seasons, and had even played the main antagonist in a monster movie that was getting quite the cult following.

He had been getting more and more fan letters, more and more interviews, and his name was being reached to a wider audience.

Pretty good, right?

However, there was a downside to it all. The curse of it being that almost ninety percent of the productions involved him working with Izaya Orihara. Izaya Orihara and him probably should get along. They were from very similar circumstances. They were both relatively young actors who were trying to make it in the industry. They had both been willing to pursue acting, despite knowing the risks such a life involved.

However, Izaya was an absolute asshole. He was always taunting, always sniping, always verbally jabbing at him. The pest even had a tendency to play pranks every now and then. And what Shizuo didn’t understand was why it was only him? Of course, he’d seen Izaya be mean to others, but he’d also seen a humble side of the flea. One who was professional and polite. Why couldn’t he get that kind of side of him? Even if it was just another act that the flea was pulling off. Was it because he had accidentally decked him and nearly broke his nose during a fake fight scene during one of their television shoots? Because that had been an accident .

Well, whatever the reason, it seemed Izaya had a personal vendetta against him and was determined to annoy him in anyway possible. One of his newer methods, Shizuo had been noticing was nicknaming him stuff. Protozoan had been the first, which, okay… was just a fancy way of saying the word idiot. He supposed as far as insults went though, it was generic though. But then, the flea had began throwing the word ‘monster’ around, probably to hint at the time Shizuo had, during the movie where he played the antagonist, “transformed” into a monster and had to wear a rubber suit, which Izaya, of course had found amusing.

Then, in one of the episodes of the TV show, there had been a miscommunication error, and for a good segment of the episode in question, a character thought Shizuo was a woman, who called herself ‘Shizu-chan.’ Ever since that episode had hit the airwaves, Izaya had been using the nickname to death.

He had considered getting the directors, but he knew that would be fruitless. Izaya had a way with words. Shizuo didn’t know how the flea did it, but he could get almost everyone wrapped around his finger in an instant. He would be able to convince the directors that it was simple misunderstanding or joke and sometimes, even pose it in a way that made Shizuo look like the bad guy.

So, he supposed if he wanted to be out of here faster, he should just do his lines as well as he could so he could get away from Izaya faster.

Also to get out of this tuxedo faster as well. It was making him feel unbearably hot.

So, turning away, he went to go some distance away from the flea. He had to remember… he was in a movie. A really big budget movie. The boost in his career this would give him would make it well worth having to deal with Shizuo.

He read over the lines of his script. His part was a bit harder. His character was a servant who’d been transferred from England to Japan, so he had to speak some lines with a bit of an accent and sprinkle in some broken Japanese every now and then, in order to try and make it authentic. It would lead help lead to the character Izaya was playing, Sakuraya, to feel the need to tutor the butler character, which would then lead to their eventual falling in love.

Shizuo grimaced. Not at the story itself. The story and the lines were fine. But the idea of having any romantic involvement with Izaya made him miserable just thinking about it.

But at least the directors had wanted their relationship to be “subtle” and “somewhat hidden” as to help fit the time period. So, the most they would be doing was handholding and maybe a hug.

And Shizuo supposed he could resist breaking Izaya’s hand enough to do a shoot.

All of a sudden, the director was calling for them to get into their positions. Shizuo took a breath.

Here went nothing. -------------------

Shizuo hated Izaya, but he had to admit, he saw why Izaya kept getting hired back. The guy was a very good actor. In fact, Shizuo might even say he had more talent than Shizuo, at least with his acting range. Izaya could seemingly put on any face he needed, always seemed to put the right inflection to his words. He spoke very eloquently and his memorization skills of his lines was top notch.

Shizuo, on the other hand, was a little harder on these aspects. It took him a couple tries to say some lines right and some lines he just struggled to remember. He wondered if that was part of the reason Izaya hated him too, because he was the only reason they were somewhat slow in any production. Well, Shizuo found Izaya’s infuriating perfectness to be annoying as well, so there.

But once they got it all down, the scenes seemed to flow naturally. Once Shizuo got himself in the right headspace, it was almost hard for him to remember that the soft hands he was holding belonged to the bastard flea.

They said their lines, they did their scenes, and eventually… the day was over.

Izaya stood up and looked at his hands in disgust, “Gotta go wash my hands now. Shizu-chan’s filthy hands no doubt got germs all over them.”

“Oi! What do you mean, filthy, you bastard?” Shizuo hissed.

And just like that, the illusion was dead and they were enemies once more. --------------------- “WHAT?” Both Shizuo and Izaya exclaimed the next day when they looked at the now changed script.

“You cannot be serious,” Izaya said, looking at the director imploringly.

“Please,” Shizuo groaned, “I’d be willing to do anything so long as you don’t do this.”

However, the director had very little sympathy for their plight. “We’ve decided the one way to get people to actually talk about the movie is if you two kiss. It makes it more romantic anyway.”

Izaya opened his mouth, and the director cut him off, “Before you say anything about historical accuracy, Izaya, it’s historical fiction for a reason. And if you noticed, the kiss happens in private. It’s staying in. If you two are that adamant about not doing it, we can easily find new actors to replace both of you.”

Shizuo supposed it couldn’t be more straightforward than that.

Growling, they both walked away in disgust.

“Remind me to buy some mouthwash before we shoot,” Izaya said, rolling his eyes.

Shizuo bristled, “You know I am not exactly eager, either, you fucking bastard.”

Izaya gave him a smirk and said, “Oh please, this is the probably the best thing to ever have happened for you. As far as I know, I might even be Shizu-chan’s first kiss!” He sing-songed the last part, mockingly.

“You wish, you rotten flea!” Shizuo said, tossing the script at Izaya, who like always, managed to dart away right in time, giggling.

He refused to acknowledge the fact that unfortunately, what Izaya said was indeed the truth.

Oh well… he supposed he had no choice.

The things one was willing to do for one’s craft.

--------------------------------------------------------------------- Acting was a little harder that day, at least for Shizuo. Naturally, he got into the flow of things again, but he couldn’t help but be distracted in the back of his mind that his lips were going to have to touch Izaya’s. And what’s worse, the director wanted it to look authentic. It couldn’t just be a little peck or anything, it had to involve tongue and everything, because of course it did.

Eventually though, as they continued to do the scene, it became a bit easier to fall into the role. He and Izaya were sitting on their knees, and Izaya had placed a hand on his knee, the two of them staring into one another’s eyes. Once again, Shizuo had to give it to Izaya’s acting ability. There seemed to be an actual heat in the gaze, and it seemed to electrify the air around Shizuo.

The scene was coming up any second now. Izaya was the one who had to initiate it.

Suddenly, the hand on Shizuo’s knee lifted and delicate, soft fingers touched his cheek. Eyes half-lidded, Izaya whispered, “Shitsuo-san, may I try something with you?”

“Of course,” Shizuo replied, eyes going half-lidded himself. He tried to look calm and somewhat confused, even though he was antsy as hell.

He had expected Izaya to hesitate. He probably would’ve if he was in the flea’s situation. However, the slender man actually closed his eyes and pressed their lips together immediately, his hand winding into Shizuo’s hair in a way that felt way to good.

Shizuo had to admit, he was a bit surprised. He had expected Izaya to purposely make this miserable for him. Maybe eat something absolutely nasty so his breath reeked or something while they were kissing, but Izaya’s lips actually felt soft and his breath warm. Shizuo hoped the fact that he stiffened when Izaya kissed him translated to his character being surprised rather than he himself being nervous.

Now was the point where Shizuo’s character was supposed to protest.

Pushing Izaya off of him lightly, he grabbed Izaya’s hands and said, “Master Sakuraya, we… we can’t.”

Izaya breathily chuckled and said, “Of course we can Shitsuo, so long as we are clever and coy.”

Then once more, Izaya pressed his lips to Shizuo’s. And this was the part where they were supposed to get more intense with the kiss, Shitsuo eventually giving in to his desires, at least for a moment. Izaya reminded him of this by tracing the line of his lips with his tongue, which caused Shizuo to gasp involuntarily. The flea took advantage of this, his tongue goading Shizuo’s to work with him. The flea was letting out convincing little hums too.

He was too good at this.

Eventually, Shizuo went along with it. And it felt good. Izaya was a great kisser, despite all of his other flaws. Shizuo found himself actually getting lost somewhat in baser desires.

However, eventually Izaya pulled away and his character let out a giggle, “See, you seemed to enjoy that, Shitsuo-san.”

Now, this was where Shitsuo was supposed to exit the scene. Pushing Izaya away, this time more roughly, he wiped at his lips and said, “No Sakuraya, doing such illicit acts will get us in trouble eventually. I… I have to leave.”

He stood up to leave, hearing Izaya’s character call out, “Shitsuo, please-!”

But Shizuo’s character snapped the door closed.

“CUT!” he heard the director say, but Shizuo continued to walk on until he reached the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. Had… he actually enjoyed kissing Izaya? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night Shizuo was haunted by his dreams. Dreams of soft lips against his. The feeling of hands shifting through his hair. But there was a slight change to the context of the dreams. Instead of innocent hums, it was shameless hums he was swallowing. Instead of pushing Izaya away, his hands were slipping underneath Izaya’s kimono, feeling up the man’s pale skin, pinching a nipple and causing the other man to mewl in his mouth.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya whined, “Please-”

Shizuo awoke with a groan. Shit… what the fuck… --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Working with Izaya was already a pain in the ass, with the flea being, well, the way he was.

But somehow, this felt even worse. Cause now, he felt awkward.

His dreams hadn’t ended there. They had continued well throughout the night. Every single time, Izaya was in a new position, saying new things, but the concept was basically the same. Shizuo felt himself burning with shame.

Sure, Izaya was attractive, and okay, he was a good kisser. But he was an asshole.

And he was his coworker. He had to remember this. That kiss had been nothing but acting. Nothing else.

But for the whole day, as they were doing their shoots, Shizuo found he couldn’t focus. He kept messing up the lines, he refused to make eye contact with Izaya half the time, and he couldn’t put any heart into his lines.

Eventually, the director, frustrated, decided that what they needed was a break. He gave generic advice to Shizuo, which made him feel embarrassed… but he had simply nodded and walked away to the set to get a drink from his water bottle, wondering if it was going to be like this for the whole rest of the movie shoot. Because if so, he was going to lose a very valuable acting role, cause he highly doubted this director would have the patience to deal with him.

All of a sudden, he felt something hit him in the back. Not too hard, but enough to catch him off-guard.

When he looked down, he saw a water bottle rolling innocently by his foot. When he looked at the direction it had been thrown from, he saw Izaya smirking, saying, “Revenge.”

When Shizuo didn’t laugh, Izaya said, “Oh fine, no sense of humor… anyway, I just came to ask what the hell was with you up there? You struggle sometimes, but never that badly. What’s got you so bothered?”

Shizuo swallowed as he looked at Izaya. He couldn’t believe he was about to say this.

“Can I kiss you again?”

Izaya actually blinked in surprise for a moment. Shizuo expected him to refuse or to be disgusted, but Izaya actually just smirked.

“What?” Shizuo barked gruffly, already bracing for Izaya to mock him.

However, he was pleasantly surprised when Izaya just said, “See… told you it would be the best thing to happen to you.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes and snapped, “Shut up and come over here, flea, before I regret it.”

“Happy to oblige,” Izaya said with a purr, before striding over and pressing their lips in a kiss.

It was as good as Shizuo remembered it.

He would’ve been happy to stay there for a while, but Izaya pulled away and said, “If you want continued kisses, you got to take me out to dinner first.”

Shizuo swallowed and said, “Deal.”

Izaya was an asshole… but maybe… just maybe… he could get this to work.

Shizuo had always been the hopeful sort.

[erydiel-art]

(ENDED)CASTING CALL FOR: Voice Actors/Music Artists!!! Multiple Roles Available!

DEADLINE MARCH 31ST, 2018!!!

Hello everyone! I’m Erydiel, and I need your help! This is a long post, so beware!

I am currently working on my own anime called “Changing Fate.” To not give away too many spoilers, the anime is in a modern setting with fantasy-like elements, and involves romance, action, angst, etc. You can think of something like Naruto/Bleach, but closer to a Sailor Moon-type style. It’s a little weird of an explanation, but I hope that I’ve grabbed your attention! If you’re interested, read more below!

Now, here’s the deal: this project of mine is a one-man team. I make the story, the script, and do all of the artwork and putting everything together. Since I’m the only person doing this, it takes time to finish all of it. At this point, I will most likely release 1 episode at a time, OR finish all of the episodes and release them once a week. I’m still not sure what to decide yet, which is why I’m doing a casting call now.

Right now, this casting call is for both voice actors and music artists! To prepare you on what you’re getting into, Changing Fate will have:

- 15 episodes of various lengths

- 2 OVAs

- a trailer for the anime

- an anime intro/outro song

- a character reveal trailer

All episodes will be released on Youtube (and Vimeo, possibly). Now, I am a college student on a very limited budget, so I cannot pay you for your hard work. However, you will receive credit on every episode/video that’s released that you’re on, and you can absolutely add this series to your resume. (I’m sure that employers would love to see that you’ve worked on a long-term project, right? I know I would!) I WILL attempt at making a kickstarter to raise funds, so if it is at all successful I will be able to pay you then depending on the work you’ve done. Of course, this is something that will be discussed when we get closer to that time.

So, are you still interested? Wonderful! Here are the requirements in order to apply:

VOICE ACTORS:

1) Must have a good microphone, and/or be able to remove any background noise/static/etc. from the file before sending it to me.

2) Send files in either a .mp3 or .WAV file format

3) Be able to work with me in making sure that voice files are correct, and if needed re-do a line if the tone of a scene needs to change.

4) You will also need to be okay with scenes that either include or imply: torture, blood, death, pain, etc. Torture scenes will only be for 1 episode or so, but the situation is implied multiple times in the anime. DO NOT apply if you are NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS. I do not want to accidentally hurt you. I may not know you personally, but I always try to make sure that everyone is okay before moving forward.

MUSIC ARTISTS:

1) Be able to create several tracks (if needed) to fit various scenes in the anime.

2) If you can sing, or know someone who can sing, and be able to get them to sing the intro/outro song for you in the music file.

3) Send the files in a .mp3 or .WAV file

4) Be okay with certain scenes as stated in the Voice Actors Section above.

5) If you can do an intro/outro song but can’t create certain tracks, etc. (and vice versa) that’s OKAY. I don’t expect for only 1 person to do everything: I know different artists can create different genres of songs/tracks, so I’ll be expecting to hire more than 1 person. Just be you when applying!

6) Be okay and patient enough to be able to make any tweaks or changes to a song/track if needed. This may happen multiple times.

FOR BOTH:

1) When applying, send all applications to erydielart@gmail.com

2) The email subject heading should have either VA or MA, the character or track/song you wish to do, and what lines (for VAs only)

EXAMPLE:

Voice Actors:

VA (Accalia) Lines 1-5 Sample

or

VA (Accalia + more) Line Sample (Use this if applying for more than 1 character)

Music Artists:

MA (intro song) Sample

What I will be looking for in the emails:

Voice Actors: What character(s) you wish to apply for, plus the files that have the sample lines. EACH line (given below) MUST HAVE it’s own file, and named! For example, if you are doing Accalia’s sample lines, you would do: Accalia-Line 1 for the 1st sample, Accalia-Line 2 for the second sample, etc. Please make sure that you do this when sending emails!

Music Artists: Tell me what you wish to do: intro song, outro song, or background music. Then, I want you to include either a demo reel or examples of your work that either fit or are similar to the music that you wish to do for Changing Fate.

——–

Okay, now that all of that is done, time for the fun part! Voice Actors, this section is for you! Here are the Characters that you can apply for:

MAIN CAST:

Accalia Enelya (Ah-Kay-Lee-Ah Ee-Nel-Yah)

Gender: Female

Race: Nashoba (werewolf)

Accalia is one of THE main characters of the show. She will be one of the main focus in the anime, which also means she will have many, many lines. She is Tsundere to most people, but is heartwarming/acts normal to those that are the closest to her. She is a fierce protector who does not like Humans for the most part, but also knows that she is just a tool for their protection.

Lines:

1) “Humans…they disgust me.”

2) “Hey, get back here you scum!”

3) “It’s time to change.” (The line that’s spoken before a transformation scene occurs)

4) “I’m sorry…but I can’t. Not now, not ever.”

5) a file of a *sound of disgust* or a sound of “disapproval” (Similar to Cassandra from Dragon Age Inquisition)

Natsuki Arai (Naht-Su-Kee Ah-Rye)

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Natsuki is a soft-hearted man who is the love interest of Accalia. His voice is softer/feminine than most males, but NOT too feminine. You can clearly tell that he is a male, especially if his voice is raised in anger (which is quite rare). He is a gentleman at heart and tends to be the peacemaker in arguments.

Lines:

1) “Hello, my Lady.”

2) “I assure you that this must be wrong. Can we not resolve this another way?”

3) “Accalia, please, let me help you! You don’t have to do this alone!”

4) “All of this pain that you went through…I’m so sorry, my Love.”

5) a file or track of a *gasp* sound.

Paula Kisurugi (Paul-Ah Kiss-oo-ru-gee)

Gender: Female

Race: Human

Paula is Accalia’s best friend and closest ally. They have known each other for years, and will depend on each other if everyone else is against them. Paula is known to be a klutz, but she makes up for it with her sarcastic remarks and jokes. She will defend anyone who she is close with, although Accalia is most likely to protect her first.

Lines:

1) “Hey, get back here you jerk!”

2) “You know we gotta get them together, right?”

3) “Lia, you know you can trust me, right?”

4) *crying* “I can’t believe this…why did you have to suffer so much?!”

5) a file or clip of giggling or laughter. Be creative and feel free to send more than 1 file of this!

Cain Kazuhaya (Kayn Kah-zu-ha-yah)

Gender: Male

Race: Natissa (Vampire)

Cain is similar to Accalia in being Tsundere, but it’s not as strong. Instead, he’s almost like the classical annoying Jock that gets on everyone’s nerves. However, despite that persona he is a protector of his friends above all else, and is especially kind to Accalia because he owes her for saving his life long ago. He is also the love interest of Paula.

Lines:

1) “Yo.”

2) “Heh, hey Shortie. Did ya lose on the bet already?”

3) “Hey, back off!”

4) “They’re going to pay for this.”

5) a sound file of anger or yelling (like a battle-cry for a fight)

Damerick Bennett (Dah-Mer-Ick Ben-nett)

Gender: Male

Race: Nashoba

Damerick is known to be a Jack-of-all-Trades and makes constant jokes to make others laugh and be happy. He is an old friend of Accalia and Cain, and looks out for them often in times of need. Like Cain, he also is close with Accalia due to saving his life long ago, and wishes to pay her back for her sacrifice. If you ever feel down and need a pick-me-up, Damerick is the guy to go to.

Lines:

1) “Yo!”

2) “Dude, you gotta be kidding me!”

3) “Looks like it’s time to dance, yeah?”

4) “I don’t understand…why do we have to suffer like this?”

5) a sound file of a “WOO!!” or a yell of joy. Take your pick and be creative!

OTHER ROLES:

Sasha Anderson (Sah-sha An-der-son)

Gender: Female

Race: Human

Lines:

1) “Hey, what’s up?”

2) “…Really?”

Hampton Yamazaki (Hamp-ton Yah-Ma-Za-Kee)

Gender: Male

Race: Natissa

Lines:

1) “Huh?”

2) “…I don’t think we should be doing this…?”

DeAndre Parker (Dee-Ahn-Dre Par-ker)

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Lines:

1) “So…what do we do now?”

2) “Uh…what?”

Tran (Tr-Ann)

Gender: Female

Race: Human

*Vietnamese accent preferred, if able*

Lines:

1) “Hi.”

2) “…Thank you.”

Jordan Roan (Jor-dan Row-Ann)

Gender: Male

Race: Nashoba

Lines:

1) “Are we going to do this or not?”

2) “…Really?”

Various Female/Male Random voices/roles

*There are no lines here, just let me know if you can provide a voice for these smaller roles! They are of different ages, from children to old.

GODS/GODDESSES:

Zaman (Zah-Mahn)

Gender: Male

God of Time & Knowledge

Lines:

1) “Hello, my children.”

2) “My child, I’m afraid that it will only get worse from here.”

Xantara (Xan-Tear-Rah)

Gender: Female

Goddess of Earth

Lines: 

1) “I have failed you, my children. I…am sorry.”

2) “Do you think it was mere chance that you two are together? You two are together by fate!”

Araceli (Ah-Rah-Cel-Lee)

Gender: Female

Goddess of the Heavens

Lines:

1) “My child, do not look so down upon yourself. Your soul is too pure for such a sad look.”

2) “…I see. I have not thought of that before. You surprise me, my child.”

Asar (Ah-Sar)

Gender: Male

God of the Underworld

Aznil (Az-Nill)

Gender: Female

Race: Demon

Lines:

1) “Just give up already, Nashoba. We WILL rule over this world!“

2) “You don’t know what it is truly like to suffer. So, I will show you what it’s like myself!”

Aaaand that’s everything! Quite a long post, but it was necessary. If you all have any questions about this, please send in an ask! I will be happy to answer any questions or concerns.

Also, if you have no interest in this, please still reblog this! I need to get this reblogged everywhere so that others can see. Thank you SO MUCH if you do!!

DEADLINE IS MARCH 31ST, 2018

So please apply before it’s too late!

~Erydiel

[twh-news]

[Heartbreaking. That’s all I’m going to say. JUST READ IT. Plus there’s a video on the site!]

Tom! Hiddleston! Loves! This! Bolognese!

It’s amazing Bolognese, the most incredible Bolognese you’ve ever had. You think you’ve had great Bolognese? Try Tom Hiddleston’s Bolognese before you continue to talk about great Bologneses you’ve had in your life. (You braise it in the oven after browning it on the stove—that’s the thing. Also: Bacon! Also: Butter! He also loves bacon and butter!) He made this Bolognese last night, after we’d parted following day one of our two-day early-January walking tour of London, which was half Before Sunrise ten-mile stroll-and-chat through the city, half My Dinner with Andre philosophy symposium. He settled into his Camden house (alone) and spent the evening cooking and watching a screener of Moonlight (alone), which he could now confirm for me was as amazing! and riveting! and touching! as everyone has said.

He heats up some Bolognese for me and we make our plan for the day, which I correctly predict will involve another walk through another astonishingly beautiful park. Yesterday, it was Regent’s Park. Everyone knows about Hyde Park, but do they know about Regent’s Park? No, and I must see it. In the park, I pulled out my old Olympus digital mini tape recorder, and Tom Hiddleston looked at it and whistled in admiration: “Hello, Olympus! This is a great Dictaphone!” He’d used one to test himself on accents when he was at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art.

Long walks, that’s his thing—to think stuff over, to figure out his lines, to process what’s going on in his life, both the triumphs (turning a routine Marvel villain into a fan favorite; a Golden Globe win for The Night Manager; the occasional Bond rumor; a UNICEF UK ambassadorship to South Sudan) and the heartache (“Hiddleswift”). On New Year’s Day, he says, Regent’s Park was even more beautiful than it was during our walk: It was foggy, and the lanterns were lit, but you couldn’t see anything beyond the mist. It reminded him of the London of old, the one he loves so much, the London of J. M. Barrie. It was a simpler time then. Lately he’s been thinking a lot about simpler times.

The Bolognese is even good cold! He’s heated it up, but it’s even good cold!

Please don’t think he’s being full of himself being full of his Bolognese. Tom Hiddleston is enthusiastic about everything: Barack Obama (“An enormously temperate man!”); his Thor director, Kenneth Branagh (“Such a humanist!”); Jonathan Franzen’s Purity (“It holds the Internet to account—it shows you how it can distort identity in an unhealthy way!”); Moana (“Incredible!”); Dwayne Johnson in particular (“That man radiates joy!”); Matt Damon (“I think he’s got real integrity!”); Michael Fassbender (“Extraordinary!”); Chiwetel Ejiofor (Amazing!”); this porridge he makes, which is just oatmeal and almond milk and chia seeds (“I’m obsessed!”).

This is important to keep in mind while you’re getting to know Tom Hiddleston: His zeal is bottomless. It’s one of many things that were it not for what we know about his personal life, we might already know more about. For example, you might already know he’s the kind of compelling, versatile actor who can leave his mark on all kinds of roles—as a slick spy in The Night Manager, an emo vampire in Jim Jarmusch’s Only Lovers Left Alive, a condescending Asgardian god in Thor—but maybe instead of it being a thing you know about Tom Hiddleston, it’d be the thing he’s known for.

You might know, instead, that he’s an English gentleman of the purest caliber who has never spoken out of turn about any of his relationships, who roots for his co-stars and colleagues loudly (really loudly) over social media, who has never been caught flipping the bird at the paparazzi who hunted him after his famous breakup, who wouldn’t curse during my many hours with him no matter what the circumstance because his mother would be so disappointed to read it. If you took the measure of Tom Hiddleston without any influence from Daily Mail and In Touch Weekly stories, you might think to yourself: Here is a handsome, thoughtful man who is not wasting his potential, and that is a heartening thing to see in this world. Also, he’s tall. A thing you learn doing these interviews is that actors are always far shorter than you ever imagined. Tom Hiddleston isn’t. He is tall and strapping, and I kept thinking that it is so Tom Hiddleston to live up to the hype.

In his kitchen, he makes our third cup of tea of the day; by the end of my interview, we will both be in kidney failure from all this tea, and we will finish talking while hooked up to dialysis machines. We sit beneath a large canvas photograph of the big De Niro-Pacino confrontation scene in Heat, which is one of Tom’s favorite movies; there’s another Heat poster in the library. Heat is the best!

But in the pantheon of things Tom loves, the thing he loves most is Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks is the greatest—what a career that guy has! It’s clear why he might love him so much: Tom Hanks seems as all-in as Tom Hiddleston. “His decency is poured into everything he does,” he says of Hanks. Even the comedies. Even in Turner & Hooch! “I’m nowhere near Tom Hanks’s contribution or even close. All of it’s not high art, you know? But there is a value in it, you know, somehow, somewhere.” What he’s saying is: It’s worth it for us all to think about what we’re putting into the world. He’s saying it would be great to be known for your decency.

And here Hiddleston does a brief impression of Tom Hanks (he does very good impressions of everyone, including me after a day) that is hard to describe, except to say that it summons Tom Hanks in a very profound way. Its only flaw is also part of its charm: While he does the impression, he’s also looking at you to see how much you’re enjoying it, and then he can’t stop smiling when he sees that you are, so ultimately what you get is an impression of Tom Hiddleston enjoying himself doing a Tom Hanks impression.

This seems like a wise moment to address a sneaking suspicion that I batted away at first—inconceivable, given the physical specimen in front of me—until it became unavoidable: By most definitions, Tom Hiddleston is…uncool. His vulnerability, his enthusiasm, his Bolognese, these are not trademarks of a dashing movie star. And yet here he is, a sweet-natured bookworm trapped in the second act of a movie where the overlooked geek has been given the face and body of the only man who should ever be allowed to wear a suit (or jeans, or that long-sleeve navy T-shirt he wore when we had dinner).

But now consider uncoolness as a general thing, how in its most concentrated form it frees a certain 1 percent of people to be who they truly are, turning uncoolness into the ultimate coolness. Tom Hiddleston’s sincerity and eagerness to engage, to connect, go from making a confounding first impression to a genuinely winning second one.

On every level, Hiddleston is in: He’s there, he’s present, he’s yours, he’s heartfelt, he’s real. And that can be a double-edged Chitauri Scepter, since it leads to the stuff about Hiddleston that wounds him: the Golden Globes speech in which his enthusiasm for his UNICEF work plunged him into a YouTube-able-forever moment (and its subsequent apology) that I can only watch through my fingers; the infamous I ♥ T.S. tank top, which is now synonymous with the words “Tom” and “Hiddleston.” The world might not be ready for the kind of earnestness and sincerity that comes along with Tom Hiddleston. I am here to tell you that we would be a much happier race of humans if it were.

His conscientiousness was built into him as a boy by his father, who is the best chemist in the world. They lived in a modest home in Wimbledon along with his mother, who is the most compelling arts fund-raiser alive; his elder sister, Europe’s best journalist; and his younger sister, a gifted midwife with a singing voice that comes directly from God. The Hiddlefamily was solidly middle-class, but Tom’s parents sacrificed to send him to the best schools—Eton, Cambridge, and then RADA. He learned the basics of scrupulosity, though, from his father, who taught him that there is right and wrong, fact and myth, and that sometimes you have to work hard to spot the difference. This was a life lesson for Tom Hiddleston, passed down from father to son, but it’s also an acting lesson.

See, he thinks the audience deserves people who have studied. Acting isn’t about lying or pretending, the way people sometimes say it is. It’s about getting the experience of the person you are portraying exactly correct, and the way you do that is by going to the experts. In Skull Island, the Kong reboot, he plays a former British SAS soldier who is a renowned tracker, hired to help find whatever it is they’re looking for (which turns out to be monsters). For that performance he: read The Tracker, the seminal memoir by Ur-tracker hero Tom Brown Jr.; trained with a former Navy SEAL even though this is like the 70th time he’s played a soldier; and researched a jungle-warfare school in Malaya where actual British SAS soldiers are believed to have trained in the 1960s.

We’re at a pub he likes in Hampstead Heath called The Bull & Last—evening, day two—eating steak and broccoli. He does an impression of David Attenborough’s voice-over for Planet Earth II, which we’d watch a bit of after dinner, only Hiddleston’s narration is about him eating a bite of my meal (“…the male must dine on his companion’s steak…”).

Where would we be without experts, is his point. How would we learn? And so one of the things Tom Hiddleston is determined to fix about the world right now is what he calls our “strange public distrust of experts.” In his Twitter feed, which consists solely of enthusiastic re-tweets of film promotion and causes he loves, one tweet stands out: a Guardian article about the rise of fake news and how David Cameron’s name turned to pudding when the Daily Mail published an account of him sticking his dick into a dead pig’s head as an initiation rite.

[#twitter: https://twitter.com/twhiddleston/status/753155188542742528 ]

And guess where that all came from? An unconfirmed rumor and an anonymous source! But it doesn’t matter, Hiddleston points out: That story is now part of the David Cameron story. Which would be one thing if we knew for sure it was true, he says, but we don’t. Which is why it’s time for “a movement in critical thinking, to really resist this dilution of truth and holding people to account for twisting it or distorting it.”

(As if to underscore this: A few days after I returned to the States, a friend sent me a link to a Daily Mail article containing nine pictures of Hiddleston and a “mystery brunette”—me—hugging, laughing, and bidding each other farewell. For the record, I was laughing about his Attenborough impression; I was hugging him because we were saying good-bye after two days and because: Tom Hiddleston!)

So yes, fake news is a thing, and now is the time to talk about it. This is the first time he’s talked about any of this, he says—about politics, news, anything beyond the scope of his roles. He used to politely beg off. But he sees that’s no longer an option. We can’t afford complacency anymore. Look what’s happened in the past year to the world’s most powerful democracies.

Which is why he’s decided to step into the fray himself, consequences be damned. “If you’re under attack,” he says, looking me square in the eye, his voice raw, “if your values are under attack, if you’re being shamed, if you’re being humiliated, the animal response is to hide in the bush. It’s to be less, to make yourself smaller, to diminish in size and volume. And the lesson of 2016 is we have to love more, we have to risk more, we have to be braver, we have to be more outspoken.”

It wasn’t until much later that night, after we’d parted, that I realized we had started talking about Taylor Swift long before we started talking about Taylor Swift.

It is tempting to say that the union of Hiddleswift was cooked up in a panicked publicist’s office: That professional breakup lyricist Taylor Swift—who knew this very magazine was about to publish a story suggesting that maybe she hadn’t been so honest about whether she knew she’d be a lyric in Kanye’s “Famous,” that maybe there was even a videotape to prove it—urgently needed a professional, tactical, romantical distraction. That maybe a British actor who was trying to break through to an American audience sensed an opportunity to become something more here. Maybe those two urgent impulses led to them sitting on the rocks, having a perfect kissing moment, while a person with a camera stood not so far away and took pictures.

But—but—it is also equally possible that it was real. I mean, this happens, right? Beautiful people fall in love, don’t they? And these two made a kind of sense: They were similarly earnest and pale and high-rise and shiny. He had that James Dean daydream look in his eyes; she got his heart racing in her skintight jeans. Can we leave room for the notion that they fell in love?

It lasted three months. They ate dinner in restaurants; they traveled to England to meet his family, and to Australia, where he’d be shooting Thor: Ragnarok. But soon after that Australia trip, that was it, and we were left with only unconfirmed tertiary sources saying that Taylor did. not. like. how public he was with his affection, like, say, confirming their relationship to The Hollywood Reporter and generally walking around with a smile on his face like a man in love.

“Taylor is an amazing woman,” reads the prepared statement Tom Hiddleston has memorized and is now giving me at The Bull & Last, where his voice has gone low. “She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time.” But I didn’t ask that, I say. I asked something else. So I wait, and he says, “Of course it was real.”

I ask if he wants to say anything about Australia, about the Fourth of July party at which he donned that fateful tank top, about the rumors that she thought he was too eager. Does he want to say anything about any of it?

And here he puts down his fork, a bite of my steak still on it. He looks off into the middle distance, and here is what he says:

“The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ” The friend pulled out the "I ♥ T.S." tank top that Taylor’s friends are contractually obligated to own. “And we all laughed about it. It was a joke.”

So that’s his statement on the entire relationship: an explanation of the tank top. “It was a joke,” he repeats. “Among friends.”

“I only know the woman I met. She’s incredible.” But, man, all those cameras. “A relationship in the limelight takes work. And it’s not just the limelight. It’s everything else.”

I can vouch for this depiction of Tom Hiddleston. He is definitely, without a doubt, someone who would put on an "I ♥ T.S." tank top, both to protect a scratch from sun damage and to make his new friends laugh while th—wait, sorry, he’s still talking:

“I have to be so psychologically strong about not letting other people’s interpretations about my life affect my life. A relationship exists between two people. We will always know what it was. The narratives that are out there altogether have been extrapolated from pictures that were taken without consent or permission, with no context. Nobody had the context for that story. And I’m still trying to work out a way of having a personal life and protecting it, but also without hiding. So the hardest thing is that that was a joke among friends on the Fourth of July.”

He still isn’t looking at me. The last piece of my steak is now poised on his fork in mid-air. He is so sad, and I can’t take it anymore, so I put my hand on his and I say, ��Tom, Tom, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about the tank top anymore. I got it. I understand. I’ll tell the world.” But he can’t stop talking about it. He literally cannot stop talking about it.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I just, I was surprised. I was just surprised that it got so much attention. The tank top became an emblem of this thing.” It’s hard to tell me this, he says. He wants to trust me. He wants to trust that the world won’t use this to embarrass him again, but he doesn’t know. He just knows it will follow him until he talks about it.

And anyway, none of this has anything to do with the person he fell in love with. “I only know the woman I met. She’s incredible.” But, man, all those cameras. “A relationship in the limelight… A relationship always takes work. A relationship in the limelight takes work. And it’s not just the limelight. It’s everything else.” He wanted a regular relationship. So did she, he says she said. “So we decided to go out for dinner, we decided to travel.”

After the breakup, he moved to Australia for Thor: Ragnarok, and each morning he’d wake up at five and go running, and the cameras would be there. “I’m getting up so I can do this job well. I’m getting up to go for my run so I can play Loki as well as I can.” Everywhere he went, whether it was checking e-mail on a park bench or looking at a menu, if he furrowed his brow it meant he was miserable and that would incite a new tabloid story about how hard he was taking all of this. It was a tough time, a public tough time. Chris Hemsworth gave him some good guidance; Hugh Laurie checked in. His family worried.

So you can think whatever you want about Tom Hiddleston, you can swift-boat Hiddleswift all you want. But he is as bewildered by the whole thing as you and I are.

He looks at me finally and he says, “I’m not going to live my life in hiding.”

The next morning, I wake up at five to pack for my flight back to New York, and I see an e-mail from Tom, sent the night before, asking if he could come to my hotel to talk to me about something. I tell him yes. He lives 20 minutes away; 15 minutes later he knocks on my door.

He explains that he wants to be honest with me, that it would be hypocritical of him to talk about honesty in the world and then not be with me. I have to understand, he says, that a relationship is between two people, that it doesn’t belong to him alone. But like David Cameron now knows, it is neither practical nor wise to let rumors hang in the air. He wants me to know that he has no regrets, he says, “because you have to fight for love. You can’t live in fear of what people might say. You know, you have to be true to yourself.”

But I understood all that, I tell him. I understood last night. It’s six in the morning, Tom. I have a flight to catch. And he shakes his head, feeling foolish because maybe there was something he thought he could say that wasn’t quite coming out the right way, and instead he says, “Yeah, okay, I just wanted to make sure.”

So we sit and talk for a while. We talk about how relationships go sideways, how the ripples of a breakup can still pin you to a wall even months later.

I turn my tape recorder off and I stand up, but he doesn’t. He shakes his head again, his hands clasped together, and he hangs his head. I sit back down and we talk some more because I finally understand that he isn’t here as someone who needs to explain his side in a PR battle; he’s here as someone who is still crushed by the end of a relationship.

So we sit and talk for a while. We talk about how relationships go sideways, how the ripples of a breakup can still pin you to a wall even months later. We talk about heartache. We talk about sadness and healing. We talk about what it’s like to love and what happens when the object of that love withdraws but all your love is still there. We talk about how those things can really change a person. The world will chip away at your optimism, and you just have to fight back. You have to be someone who is still full of joy and full of love, who can still use a word like “obsessed” about porridge. You have to be bold and open. You have to be honest. You have to be like Tom Hanks. We all have to be more like Tom Hanks.

He carries my luggage downstairs for me and I get into a cab for the airport, and I think about sincerity and I think about snideness and I wonder why so many of us seem so much more comfortable with snideness. I think about one of the last things he said to me, which was about David Bowie. Had he mentioned how much he loves David Bowie? He loves David Bowie! On New Year’s Eve, he listened to “Under Pressure” with his friends. ’Cause love’s such an old-fashioned word, he recites. And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night. And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance, this is our last dance, this is ourselves. You should’ve seen his face when he was saying these words. His eyes were closed, and it was like he was in a trance. It was the best face!

Taffy Brodesser-Akner is a GQ writer.

This story originally appeared in the March 2017 issue with the title “We ♥ T.H.”

[hiddlesfashion]

Tom Hiddleston GQ March 2017 photoshoot. 

full article below

Tom Hiddleston on Taylor Swift, Heartbreak, and Great Bolognese

Perhaps you learned his name only because of his recent three-month romance with Taylor Swift. But by then, Tom Hiddleston was already a beloved Marvel villain, James Bond short-lister, Night Manager leading man, and truly gifted wearer of suits (like the ones he‘s got on here, in this season’s color: brown). Taffy Brodesser-Akner heads to London to absorb the full blast of his English charm offensive—and find out why Tom and Taylor wound up on the rocks so Hiddleswiftly.

Tom! Hiddleston! Loves! This! Bolognese!

It’s amazing Bolognese, the most incredible Bolognese you’ve ever had. You think you’ve had great Bolognese? Try Tom Hiddleston’s Bolognese before you continue to talk about great Bologneses you’ve had in your life. (You braise it in the oven after browning it on the stove—that’s the thing. Also: Bacon! Also: Butter! He also loves bacon and butter!) He made this Bolognese last night, after we’d parted following day one of our two-day early-January walking tour of London, which was half Before Sunrise ten-mile stroll-and-chat through the city, half My Dinner with Andre philosophy symposium. He settled into his Camden house (alone) and spent the evening cooking and watching a screener of Moonlight (alone), which he could now confirm for me was as amazing! and riveting! and touching! as everyone has said.

He heats up some Bolognese for me and we make our plan for the day, which I correctly predict will involve another walk through another astonishingly beautiful park. Yesterday, it was Regent’s Park. Everyone knows about Hyde Park, but do they know about Regent’s Park? No, and I must see it. In the park, I pulled out my old Olympus digital mini tape recorder, and Tom Hiddleston looked at it and whistled in admiration: “Hello, Olympus! This is a great Dictaphone!” He’d used one to test himself on accents when he was at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art.

Long walks, that’s his thing—to think stuff over, to figure out his lines, to process what’s going on in his life, both the triumphs (turning a routine Marvel villain into a fan favorite; a Golden Globe win for The Night Manager; the occasional Bond rumor; a UNICEF UK ambassadorship to South Sudan) and the heartache (“Hiddleswift”). On New Year’s Day, he says, Regent’s Park was even more beautiful than it was during our walk: It was foggy, and the lanterns were lit, but you couldn’t see anything beyond the mist. It reminded him of the London of old, the one he loves so much, the London of J. M. Barrie. It was a simpler time then. Lately he’s been thinking a lot about simpler times.

The Bolognese is even good cold! He’s heated it up, but it’s even good cold!

Please don’t think he’s being full of himself being full of his Bolognese. Tom Hiddleston is enthusiastic about everything: Barack Obama (“An enormously temperate man!”); his Thor director, Kenneth Branagh (“Such a humanist!”); Jonathan Franzen’s Purity (“It holds the Internet to account—it shows you how it can distort identity in an unhealthy way!”); Moana (“Incredible!”); Dwayne Johnson in particular (“That man radiates joy!”); Matt Damon (“I think he’s got real integrity!”); Michael Fassbender (“Extraordinary!”); Chiwetel Ejiofor (Amazing!”); this porridge he makes, which is just oatmeal and almond milk and chia seeds (“I’m obsessed!”).

This is important to keep in mind while you’re getting to know Tom Hiddleston: His zeal is bottomless. It’s one of many things that were it not for what we know about his personal life, we might already know more about. For example, you might already know he’s the kind of compelling, versatile actor who can leave his mark on all kinds of roles—as a slick spy in The Night Manager, an emo vampire in Jim Jarmusch’s Only Lovers Left Alive, a condescending Asgardian god in Thor—but maybe instead of it being a thing you know about Tom Hiddleston, it’d be the thing he’s known for.

You might know, instead, that he’s an English gentleman of the purest caliber who has never spoken out of turn about any of his relationships, who roots for his co-stars and colleagues loudly (really loudly) over social media, who has never been caught flipping the bird at the paparazzi who hunted him after his famous breakup, who wouldn’t curse during my many hours with him no matter what the circumstance because his mother would be so disappointed to read it. If you took the measure of Tom Hiddleston without any influence from Daily Mail and In Touch Weekly stories, you might think to yourself: Here is a handsome, thoughtful man who is not wasting his potential, and that is a heartening thing to see in this world. Also, he’s tall. A thing you learn doing these interviews is that actors are always far shorter than you ever imagined. Tom Hiddleston isn’t. He is tall and strapping, and I kept thinking that it is so Tom Hiddleston to live up to the hype.

In his kitchen, he makes our third cup of tea of the day; by the end of my interview, we will both be in kidney failure from all this tea, and we will finish talking while hooked up to dialysis machines. We sit beneath a large canvas photograph of the big De Niro-Pacino confrontation scene in Heat, which is one of Tom’s favorite movies; there’s another Heat poster in the library. Heat is the best!

But in the pantheon of things Tom loves, the thing he loves most is Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks is the greatest—what a career that guy has! It’s clear why he might love him so much: Tom Hanks seems as all-in as Tom Hiddleston. “His decency is poured into everything he does,” he says of Hanks. Even the comedies. Even in Turner & Hooch! “I’m nowhere near Tom Hanks’s contribution or even close. All of it’s not high art, you know? But there is a value in it, you know, somehow, somewhere.” What he’s saying is: It’s worth it for us all to think about what we’re putting into the world. He’s saying it would be great to be known for your decency.

And here Hiddleston does a brief impression of Tom Hanks (he does very good impressions of everyone, including me after a day) that is hard to describe, except to say that it summons Tom Hanks in a very profound way. Its only flaw is also part of its charm: While he does the impression, he’s also looking at you to see how much you’re enjoying it, and then he can’t stop smiling when he sees that you are, so ultimately what you get is an impression of Tom Hiddleston enjoying himself doing a Tom Hanks impression.

This seems like a wise moment to address a sneaking suspicion that I batted away at first—inconceivable, given the physical specimen in front of me—until it became unavoidable: By most definitions, Tom Hiddleston is…uncool. His vulnerability, his enthusiasm, his Bolognese, these are not trademarks of a dashing movie star. And yet here he is, a sweet-natured bookworm trapped in the second act of a movie where the overlooked geek has been given the face and body of the only man who should ever be allowed to wear a suit (or jeans, or that long-sleeve navy T-shirt he wore when we had dinner).

But now consider uncoolness as a general thing, how in its most concentrated form it frees a certain 1 percent of people to be who they truly are, turning uncoolness into the ultimate coolness. Tom Hiddleston’s sincerity and eagerness to engage, to connect, go from making a confounding first impression to a genuinely winning second one.

On every level, Hiddleston is in: He’s there, he’s present, he’s yours, he’s heartfelt, he’s real. And that can be a double-edged Chitauri Scepter, since it leads to the stuff about Hiddleston that wounds him: the Golden Globes speech in which his enthusiasm for his UNICEF work plunged him into a YouTube-able-forever moment (and its subsequent apology) that I can only watch through my fingers; the infamous I ♥ T.S. tank top, which is now synonymous with the words “Tom” and “Hiddleston.” The world might not be ready for the kind of earnestness and sincerity that comes along with Tom Hiddleston. I am here to tell you that we would be a much happier race of humans if it were.

His conscientiousness was built into him as a boy by his father, who is the best chemist in the world. They lived in a modest home in Wimbledon along with his mother, who is the most compelling arts fund-raiser alive; his elder sister, Europe’s best journalist; and his younger sister, a gifted midwife with a singing voice that comes directly from God. The Hiddlefamily was solidly middle-class, but Tom’s parents sacrificed to send him to the best schools—Eton, Cambridge, and then RADA. He learned the basics of scrupulosity, though, from his father, who taught him that there is right and wrong, fact and myth, and that sometimes you have to work hard to spot the difference. This was a life lesson for Tom Hiddleston, passed down from father to son, but it’s also an acting lesson.

See, he thinks the audience deserves people who have studied. Acting isn’t about lying or pretending, the way people sometimes say it is. It’s about getting the experience of the person you are portraying exactly correct, and the way you do that is by going to the experts. In Skull Island, the Kong reboot, he plays a former British SAS soldier who is a renowned tracker, hired to help find whatever it is they’re looking for (which turns out to be monsters). For that performance he: read The Tracker, the seminal memoir by Ur-tracker hero Tom Brown Jr.; trained with a former Navy SEAL even though this is like the 70th time he’s played a soldier; and researched a jungle-warfare school in Malaya where actual British SAS soldiers are believed to have trained in the 1960s.

We’re at a pub he likes in Hampstead Heath called The Bull & Last—evening, day two—eating steak and broccoli. He does an impression of David Attenborough’s voice-over for Planet Earth II, which we’d watch a bit of after dinner, only Hiddleston’s narration is about him eating a bite of my meal (“…the male must dine on his companion’s steak…”).

Where would we be without experts, is his point. How would we learn? And so one of the things Tom Hiddleston is determined to fix about the world right now is what he calls our “strange public distrust of experts.” In his Twitter feed, which consists solely of enthusiastic re-tweets of film promotion and causes he loves, one tweet stands out: a Guardian article about the rise of fake news and how David Cameron’s name turned to pudding when the Daily Mail published an account of him sticking his dick into a dead pig’s head as an initiation rite.

And guess where that all came from? An unconfirmed rumor and an anonymous source! But it doesn’t matter, Hiddleston points out: That story is now part of the David Cameron story. Which would be one thing if we knew for sure it was true, he says, but we don’t. Which is why it’s time for “a movement in critical thinking, to really resist this dilution of truth and holding people to account for twisting it or distorting it.”

(As if to underscore this: A few days after I returned to the States, a friend sent me a link to a Daily Mail article containing nine pictures of Hiddleston and a “mystery brunette”—me—hugging, laughing, and bidding each other farewell. For the record, I was laughing about his Attenborough impression; I was hugging him because we were saying good-bye after two days and because: Tom Hiddleston!)

So yes, fake news is a thing, and now is the time to talk about it. This is the first time he’s talked about any of this, he says—about politics, news, anything beyond the scope of his roles. He used to politely beg off. But he sees that’s no longer an option. We can’t afford complacency anymore. Look what’s happened in the past year to the world’s most powerful democracies.

Which is why he’s decided to step into the fray himself, consequences be damned. “If you’re under attack,” he says, looking me square in the eye, his voice raw, “if your values are under attack, if you’re being shamed, if you’re being humiliated, the animal response is to hide in the bush. It’s to be less, to make yourself smaller, to diminish in size and volume. And the lesson of 2016 is we have to love more, we have to risk more, we have to be braver, we have to be more outspoken.”

It wasn’t until much later that night, after we’d parted, that I realized we had started talking about Taylor Swift long before we started talking about Taylor Swift.

It is tempting to say that the union of Hiddleswift was cooked up in a panicked publicist’s office: That professional breakup lyricist Taylor Swift—who knew this very magazine was about to publish a story suggesting that maybe she hadn’t been so honest about whether she knew she’d be a lyric in Kanye’s “Famous,” that maybe there was even a videotape to prove it—urgently needed a professional, tactical, romantical distraction. That maybe a British actor who was trying to break through to an American audience sensed an opportunity to become something more here. Maybe those two urgent impulses led to them sitting on the rocks, having a perfect kissing moment, while a person with a camera stood not so far away and took pictures.

But—but—it is also equally possible that it was real. I mean, this happens, right? Beautiful people fall in love, don’t they? And these two made a kind of sense: They were similarly earnest and pale and high-rise and shiny. He had that James Dean daydream look in his eyes; she got his heart racing in her skintight jeans. Can we leave room for the notion that they fell in love?

It lasted three months. They ate dinner in restaurants; they traveled to England to meet his family, and to Australia, where he’d be shooting Thor: Ragnarok. But soon after that Australia trip, that was it, and we were left with only unconfirmed tertiary sources saying that Taylor did. not. like. how public he was with his affection, like, say, confirming their relationship to The Hollywood Reporter and generally walking around with a smile on his face like a man in love.

“Taylor is an amazing woman,” reads the prepared statement Tom Hiddleston has memorized and is now giving me at The Bull & Last, where his voice has gone low. “She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time.” But I didn’t ask that, I say. I asked something else. So I wait, and he says, “Of course it was real.”

I ask if he wants to say anything about Australia, about the Fourth of July party at which he donned that fateful tank top, about the rumors that she thought he was too eager. Does he want to say anything about any of it?

And here he puts down his fork, a bite of my steak still on it. He looks off into the middle distance, and here is what he says:

“The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ” The friend pulled out the “I ♥ T.S.” tank top that Taylor’s friends are contractually obligated to own. “And we all laughed about it. It was a joke.”

So that’s his statement on the entire relationship: an explanation of the tank top. “It was a joke,” he repeats. “Among friends.”

I can vouch for this depiction of Tom Hiddleston. He is definitely, without a doubt, someone who would put on an “I ♥ T.S.” tank top, both to protect a scratch from sun damage and to make his new friends laugh while th—wait, sorry, he’s still talking:

“I have to be so psychologically strong about not letting other people’s interpretations about my life affect my life. A relationship exists between two people. We will always know what it was. The narratives that are out there altogether have been extrapolated from pictures that were taken without consent or permission, with no context. Nobody had the context for that story. And I’m still trying to work out a way of having a personal life and protecting it, but also without hiding. So the hardest thing is that that was a joke among friends on the Fourth of July.”

He still isn’t looking at me. The last piece of my steak is now poised on his fork in mid-air. He is so sad, and I can’t take it anymore, so I put my hand on his and I say, “Tom, Tom, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about the tank top anymore. I got it. I understand. I’ll tell the world.” But he can’t stop talking about it. He literally cannot stop talking about it.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I just, I was surprised. I was just surprised that it got so much attention. The tank top became an emblem of this thing.” It’s hard to tell me this, he says. He wants to trust me. He wants to trust that the world won’t use this to embarrass him again, but he doesn’t know. He just knows it will follow him until he talks about it.

And anyway, none of this has anything to do with the person he fell in love with. “I only know the woman I met. She’s incredible.” But, man, all those cameras. “A relationship in the limelight… A relationship always takes work. A relationship in the limelight takes work. And it’s not just the limelight. It’s everything else.” He wanted a regular relationship. So did she, he says she said. “So we decided to go out for dinner, we decided to travel.”

After the breakup, he moved to Australia for Thor: Ragnarok, and each morning he’d wake up at five and go running, and the cameras would be there. “I’m getting up so I can do this job well. I’m getting up to go for my run so I can play Loki as well as I can.” Everywhere he went, whether it was checking e-mail on a park bench or looking at a menu, if he furrowed his brow it meant he was miserable and that would incite a new tabloid story about how hard he was taking all of this. It was a tough time, a public tough time. Chris Hemsworth gave him some good guidance; Hugh Laurie checked in. His family worried.

So you can think whatever you want about Tom Hiddleston, you can swift-boat Hiddleswift all you want. But he is as bewildered by the whole thing as you and I are.

He looks at me finally and he says, “I’m not going to live my life in hiding.”

The next morning, I wake up at five to pack for my flight back to New York, and I see an e-mail from Tom, sent the night before, asking if he could come to my hotel to talk to me about something. I tell him yes. He lives 20 minutes away; 15 minutes later he knocks on my door.

He explains that he wants to be honest with me, that it would be hypocritical of him to talk about honesty in the world and then not be with me. I have to understand, he says, that a relationship is between two people, that it doesn’t belong to him alone. But like David Cameron now knows, it is neither practical nor wise to let rumors hang in the air. He wants me to know that he has no regrets, he says, “because you have to fight for love. You can’t live in fear of what people might say. You know, you have to be true to yourself.”

But I understood all that, I tell him. I understood last night. It’s six in the morning, Tom. I have a flight to catch. And he shakes his head, feeling foolish because maybe there was something he thought he could say that wasn’t quite coming out the right way, and instead he says, “Yeah, okay, I just wanted to make sure.”

I turn my tape recorder off and I stand up, but he doesn’t. He shakes his head again, his hands clasped together, and he hangs his head. I sit back down and we talk some more because I finally understand that he isn’t here as someone who needs to explain his side in a PR battle; he’s here as someone who is still crushed by the end of a relationship.

So we sit and talk for a while. We talk about how relationships go sideways, how the ripples of a breakup can still pin you to a wall even months later. We talk about heartache. We talk about sadness and healing. We talk about what it’s like to love and what happens when the object of that love withdraws but all your love is still there. We talk about how those things can really change a person. The world will chip away at your optimism, and you just have to fight back. You have to be someone who is still full of joy and full of love, who can still use a word like “obsessed” about porridge. You have to be bold and open. You have to be honest. You have to be like Tom Hanks. We all have to be more like Tom Hanks.

He carries my luggage downstairs for me and I get into a cab for the airport, and I think about sincerity and I think about snideness and I wonder why so many of us seem so much more comfortable with snideness. I think about one of the last things he said to me, which was about David Bowie. Had he mentioned how much he loves David Bowie? He loves David Bowie! On New Year’s Eve, he listened to “Under Pressure” with his friends. ’Cause love’s such an old-fashioned word, he recites. And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night. And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance, this is our last dance, this is ourselves. You should’ve seen his face when he was saying these words. His eyes were closed, and it was like he was in a trance. It was the best face!

[katrinaneenie]

Finally! A Blogathon dedicated to Broadway musicals and films. I would like to thank Rebecca from Taking Up Room for choosing musicals as her theme for her first ever Blogathon. Congratulations Rebecca; and, I hope this will become an annual event. Please check the link below to find more posts on a variety of wonderful musicals.

https://takinguproom.wordpress.com/

I have to be honest, for years, I was not a fan of musicals. I found the story lines boring, predictable and unbelievable. Even during the few times I actually liked a song or dance, I definitely did not enjoy the whole movie; nor, did I ever watch a “whole” movie musical. Unfortunately, I can just see Walt Disney turning in his grave. As a matter of fact, I avoided them as much as possible. However, all that changed when I forced myself to sit through a musical from beginning to end. The movie that drastically changed my disdain for all films, musical, was Funny Girl.

So how was I forced to watch this movie? 

The first time I watched Funny Girl (1968), I was home, alone. As a college student, I was working pretty hard on my double major (History and Education). That glorious day, the gods smiled; and, my classes were cancelled due to hurricane warnings. So, I ended up “free” to warm up some left over chili and become a couch potato.

On television, the Tuner Movie Classics (TMC) channel had just announced their movie lineup for the day and evening. As the fates would have it, the best thing to watch on TV that day was a dreaded musical.  I self talked myself into giving it a try. I learned that it was nominated for seven Oscars and four Golden Globe awards. Barbra Streisand, in her first movie role, won both awards as Best Actress. So, I watched my first musical, twenty-two years after its release date.

So, how did I have the staying power to endure watching a whole musical?

As I was getting my fatty “free day” ready, a loud weather alert began beeping as a warning banner ran across the bottom of the screen.  The hurricane alert had escalated from a 3 to a 4.  Hurricanes are seasonal storms in Florida. You kind of get used to them.

However, I still had some chores to do in case the hurricane disrupted power lines and water. I had little time to complete the “Hurricane Drill.” I found the candles and matches, located the flashlight and radio, located extra batteries, and filled the bathtub with water.  Now,  like a true Floridian, I decided to continue with my plan: Watch Funny Girl.

Unfortunately, as the storm became louder and more destructive, I became overly anxious; and I have to admit, a bit fearful.  Even so, the only thing I could do was to hunkered down on the couch with the volume, turned way up. I gave Funny Girl my undivided attention.

  From Broadway To Film

In 1964, Funny Girl successfully opened on Broadway with recording star Barbra Streisand cast in the lead and co-staring Omar Sharif. Her energetic portrayal of comedienne, Fanny Brice was brilliant. Producer Ray Stark, then turned this “Hit” Broadway show into a movie released in 1968. The legendary, William Wyler, was asked to direct. He was known for his sensitive direction of actors and his ability to display actors in profound moments that made their characters more realistic. It is almost an understatement to say he was one of the best directors in Hollywood.

A Tiny Bit of Behind The Scenes History

During the making of this film in 1967, the Israeli-Egyptian Six Day War broke out. Most of the movie’s  financiers were Jewish as well as the cast.  Omar Sharif is Egyptian. Many wanted Sharif fired including Streisand’s mother. Jewish director Wyler fought to keep him.

According to an article for TMC by Andrea Passafliume, Sharif relates this story in his autobiography.  This is Wyler’s words, as repeated by Omar Sharif:

We’re in America, the land of freedom … and you’re ready to make yourselves guilty of the same things we’re against? Not hiring an actor because he’s Egyptian is outrageous. If Omar doesn’t make the film, I don’t make it either!”

You have to love “99-Take Willie.”  To add oil to an already burning fire, Streisand and Sharif began a love affair, although both were married but separated from their spouses. To add to this, publicity released pictures and posters of Streisand and Sharif kissing. Egyptian newspapers condemned him for kissing and acting with a Jew. The film was banned and never been released in that country. I am sure their “decency codes” would not allow the film’s released for other reasons too:  The suggested sexual overtones and the drinking or smoking. Unfortunately, Sharif’s citizenship was denied and his Vista revoked so that he could never return to his homeland. Clearly, he paid a high price his art that would haunt him the rest of his life.

A Summary of The Movie  

This is the movie trailer.  I like this trailer because it depicts the very first words spoken in the movie: Hello Gorgeous.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GDb28aVxSgA

Eventually, Fanny will keep coming back; until, one the musicians takes pity on her. They need a substitute for a roller skating routine. Fanny can barely keep from falling down as she crashes into the other girls. She literally ruins the act; but, she was so funny the audience begs her to do a song. She and the rest of the world discovers she has a great voice, and a star is born.

Here is a clip of Fanny singing  for the first time on stage

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k4pYENXT9Ek

After this performance, Fanny is backstage explaining to the other show girls that Ziegfeld, himself, will knock on that door and her to be one of his “follies.” Then, someone is knocking on the door. Fanny opens the door to the most handsome man she has ever seen. She freaks out and slams the door in his face.

Then, she catches her breath and opens the door again. An awkward start to be sure. He explains how much he enjoyed her performance. Fanny is uncomfortable with the compliments from such a “gorgeous” man. She even slips and says he is gorgeous when she was thinking it. She tries to remedy her blunder by saying that she meant that his shirt is gorgeous.

Before Nicky leaves, the theater owner passes by and says a friendly hello to him. Then, Fanny reminds the owner has hired with pay.  He realizes she wants to know how much pay. As he walks away, he yells back: $25.00 a week. Nicky informs him that he will pay her $35.00 a week. He explains a friend of his told him to be on the look out for fresh talent. The owner makes Fanny a counter offer: $40.00. Then, Nick offers her $45.00. The owner exasperated makes his final offer: $50.00. Nick said that $50.00 was as high as he was authorized to go.

As the owner walks away again, he shakes his head as he realizes that he is paying Fanny double from what he originally intended.  Giggling Fanny asked Nick the name of his friend who has him looking for talent.  Nick confesses that there was no friend. He made it up.

Fanny was rather shocked: You took a gamble?

Nick said: That’s what I do.  I am a gambler.

Fanny offensively says: Yeah, but you gambled with my life.

Nick says: Isn’t that what you did tonight on that stage?

So, Nick is a charmer, sophisticated, well-educated, elegant, a world traveler, wealthy,  comfortable with the upper social classes, and is a total con artist. Fanny was head over heels in love. Yet, Nick was not interested in changing any part of his life. He liked being free to do whatever he wanted, without a second thought about anyone else. As a matter of fact, Nick directly leaves Fanny to race his thoroughbred horse in Kentucky.

The next time Fanny meets Nick she is working in the Follies for Florenz Ziegfeld (Walter Pigeon). Fanny is convinced that Nick got her the job.  After Fanny’s debut with the Follies, Nick sends her a dozen yellow roses and invites her out to a sleek dinner club. Fanny sadly refuses because her mother is giving a party in her honor; and, the whole neighborhood is coming. Instead, Fanny hesitantly invites him to her party located in a Brooklyn family owed bar; and to her surprise, he graciously accepts.

Nick blends in very well with friends and family. As a matter of fact, he is invited to a penny ante poker game with the local elderly ladies. They had no idea who they invited to their table. His shuffle alone should have alerted them to his expertise. However, being the charmer, he allowed them to win, even though he was holding the winning hand.  He didn’t fool Fanny’s Mama Rose (Kay Bedford).

Her observations were right on the money: He fits in like a friend and not a stranger. He looks at home. He should fit in like a stranger. Fanny relies: He is a gentleman. He fits in anywhere.

Rose relies: A sponge fits in anywhere. A stranger should look a little strange.

Later, that evening Nick confesses to Fanny that he gets lonely but he loves his freedom. Fanny confesses that she is too busy to have a boyfriend. They both admit that they feel lonely at times. It is in this scene Streisand sings her now standard: People

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8G021T3FKp4

Of course, Nick’s “work” allows him to travel; and, he must leave, again. They will not see each other for over a year. Eventually, you realize something is definitely off about Nick; but, you hope, like Fanny, you are wrong. You start feeling that these two people have to get together; but, you wonder, like any relationship, will it last.

A year later, they will meet again and go on their first date. The film is laden with Brice’s comedic one liners. Yet, it is in this scene with Nick that one of those quips, really took me by surprise. To me it was the most hilarious line in the whole movie. Nick compliments her on the color of her dress because it looks wonderful with her eyes. Fanny retorts: Yeah, well that’s just my right eye. I hate what it does with the left. Later in this same scene, Sharif and Streisand sing a duet about the basics of human relationships.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LU6DqMyFDOU

The Movie continues through their years together, good and bad; until, the marriage sadly ends. The final song, My Man, was sung on stage right after Fanny learns her marriage is practically over. This scene is such a stand alone moment in the movie. Streisand’ mesmerizing performance is unforgettable. There is a little more about this scene I would like to mention later in this post.

Dancing?

Unlike most musicals, this movie has very little dancing. The only dancing in this film happens when it was part of the story. For instance, when Fanny is asked to dance a waltz by her man crush, Nicky Arnstein (Omar Sharif), she dances. However, the camera is focused on Fanny’s overwhelmed expressions. We see her as she mentally drools over her handsome dance partner.

In addition, whenever the Ziegfeld Follies do a dance number on stage, there is some dancing; but, only because it is part of the stage act. So, this musical, like all musicals, uses song to help tell the story; however, this film does not use dance to move the story along.

Personal Favorites

There are great songs, breathtaking scenes, gorgeous costumes, and a fascinating story. Many of the musical numbers are truly unforgettable. I especially like the scene when Fanny decides to quit the show at the train station and follow Nick before his transatlantic ship sails away. The rest of her show friends try to talk her out of it. That’s when she belts out: Don’t Rain On My Parade!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Yfh_CpA9Sk

Not only is this one of my favorite musicals; but, as a woman, I found it inspirational too.  Brice and Streisand were forces to be reckoned with. Against the odds, they each made it and did so doing it their own way. Their confidence, intelligence and strong will power keep them going.  For this movie, all of the magic and creative forces that went into making this film is what all films should try to accomplish.

Directors Know What Is Best

There are many elements to making a great film; but, having a great director is at the top of the list. An example of this is evident in the closing scene. True, to Wyler’s genius, he used the knowledge that the off camera relationship between the leading stars was ending. In the final scene, when Fanny must sing My Man knowing her relationship with Nick was over, Wyler kept Sharif behind the curtains during the scene. She knew he was there; an, they talked between takes.  With every note she sung, you could almost feel her heart painfully breaking. This was perfect magic.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdlz6QzyAVA

  The 2 hours and 38 minutes goes by pretty fast. Which of course is a compliment to the movie itself.

The Real Fanny Brice

This movie was made only 13 years after the real Fanny Brice passed away in 1951. She was considered as a comedic genius and had one of the best singing voices in the 20th century. She was intelligent, witty,  and a consummate performer. There were few who had such a command of the stage. In person, she was elegant and very classy. Those who knew her personally, said she was always herself; and she treated everyone the same. One of my favorite quotes from Brice is actually great advice for everyone.  This is her life lesson shared

Let the World know you,

As you are,

Not as you think you should be,

Because sooner or later, if you are posing,

You will forget, to pose,

Then, where are you?

  No matter, what misery was in store in the life of Fanny Brice, she took it in stride and literally rolled with the punches. The “real” Fanny Brice was hugely popular on the stage and on the radio. She used her God-given talents to entertain millions; and, she always left her audience in appreciation of her enjoyable performance and usually, in much laughter.

If you have read some of my posts before, you know I love history, especially personal history. I love learning how someone, through their defeats and victories, has come full circle to find their bliss or purpose. I ordered a biography on Brice’s life that I intend to review in another post for Life’s Daily Lessons. Until then, I will leave you with the knowledge that Brice worked on her radio show, The Baby Snooks Show, from 1944 to 1951. There was only one episode that was filmed for television. The night it aired, in May of 1951, Brice died of a cerebral hemorrhage. She claimed the show worked on radio but not on television. Here is the clip of that television episode.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=qkOoUzNKeCs

I often wondered how she managed the mental discipline she needed to perform as six-year-old Baby Snooks at age 59. Truly, an amazing entertainer.

Reference Links:

https://www.google.com/search?q=funny+lady&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062994/

http://identity-mag.com/films-that-have-been-banned-in-egypt/

http://www.tcm.com/this-month/article/220494%7C0/Behind-the-Camera-Funny-Girl.html

http://www.tcm.com/this-month/article/220494%7C0/Behind-the-Camera-Funny-Girl.html

Broadway Bound Musical Blogathon: Funny Girl (1968) Finally! A Blogathon dedicated to Broadway musicals and films. I would like to thank Rebecca from