#please enjoy the pent up complicated feelings jo has because of course she does

[cagesings]

 @angelsweeps  /  riff  sent:  “you’re  the  best  thing  to  have  ever  happened  to  me.”

 it's  difficult  to  smile  at  him  in  the  doorway.  though,  it's  difficult  not  to  smile  even  as  the  corners  of  her  lips  waver  and  part  with  each  yawn.  staying  awake  this  long  to  be  able  to  see  her  husband  is  a  surprise  to  herself.  the  past  almost  eight  and  a  half  months  were  long,  to  say  the  least.  each  day  lasted  forever  and  was  shorter  than  the  last.  it  was  less  than  a  year  ago  that  they  found  out  they're  having  a  baby,  yet  it  feels  like  it's  been  at  least  a  decade.  especially  after  today  when  she  couldn't  fall  asleep  and  eventually  woke  him  up.  the  baby  coming  early  scared  her.  johanna  still  doesn't  feel  prepared  even  as  their  daughter  lays  in  her  arms.  

 ❝  you  should  find  a  better  thing,  then,  ❞  she  mumbles,  unable  to  raise  her  voice  any  louder.  ❝  come  here.  we  have,  um,  we  have  a  little  girl.  if  that's  alright.  ❞  the  last  words  sweep  through  as  habit.  no  matter  what,  they  have  a  daughter.  they  can't  change  that.  the  moment  they  laid  the  baby  on  her  chest  while  she  was  shrieking  and  flailing  her  little  arms  in  protest  of  coming  from  such  a  safe  place  to  joining  a  too  bright  and  scary  room.  johanna  can't  admit  now  that  having  a  little  girl  scares  her.  she  knows  she  should  hope  for  a  healthy  baby  --  that's  the  most  important  of  all  --  yet,  a  boy  she  can  protect.  girls  don't  have  that  same  luxury.  ❝  we  don't  even  have  a  name  for  her.  ❞