#please dont be mean Im very sensitive over this fic and already shitting and crying from embarrassment

[bibblelevi]

Silver Soul ch 12 sneak peak because who knows if/when it will ever be published

Warnings for Season 4 Part 2 spoilers, major character death, mentions of injury and violence, mention of vomit, descriptions of grief

Levi stands close by as the medics place the stretcher down beside you. The two boyish-looking men grab your limbs.

“Be gentle,” he snarls. They nearly cower, but instead nod their heads incessantly, muttering “yes sir”s over and over while you’re gently laid down.

They lift you up. He steps out of their way and follows distantly behind.

“Kirstein.”

Jean is staring at the ground, red eyes glued to a blood stain in the floor. Armin, and Mikasa draped Sasha’s body in a sheet and saw her off, while Connie sat there trying to tear his hair out of his head. Levi counts his lucky stars that it wasn’t you, even if he does feel guilty for it.

“Jean,” he says, more firmly, calling him by what he used to when he was just a hot-headed kid on his squad. He hasn’t realized how much he’s grown in a handful of years. Jean silently raises his chin, locking eyes with Levi.

“Yes, Captain?”

Levi murmurs your name and nods in the direction you’re being carried. “I can’t see her off. You go for me.”

“But Connie…”

“Then do whatever you need to do. Just get out of here.”

He’s trying to take the kid’s mind off his worst nightmare coming to life by giving him a new purpose. When you survive, Jean may have some semblance of hope restored. Not everything will have been lost.

“Yes, sir,” Jean answers.

The tall boy—because Levi still sees something of a child in him, regardless of how easy it is to remember he’s anything but that—starts for the door. Levi clasps a hand over his shoulder, and lets his gaze fall to the floor where Sasha’s body lay hollowed-out barely an hour ago. An ice cold hand dips inside his body, violates and seizes the similarly hollowed spot right between his ribs, dangerously close to his heart.

“I’m sorry, Jean.”

Jean’s breath catches. “How… how the hell… After everything… by-by some fucking kid. I don’t… It’s makes no sense. It didn’t happen.”

“I know,” Levi says. “I know.”

Jean doesn’t linger. He leaves without saying good-bye, and Levi frowns at the floor. The day is bleak for a reason.

He reminds himself of the things he has to do before the sky turns black: Confer with Hange and the other Squad Leaders, scrub his skin raw, sign some documents, ensure Zeke and Eren’s captivity, confirm his departure. Make sure Connie doesn’t puke up a lung wailing over his dead friend. Make sure your body isn’t permanently mangled where he shot right through you. Make sure Hange eats something before they sign death certificates until dawn.

“Captain,” a voice interrupts his train of thought.

Levi glances over his shoulder where Onyankopon stands a few feet away.

“Onyankopon. You’re still here?”

“Yes, I had some things to finish up. I’m heading back now.”

Levi nods. He remembers Onyankopon kneeling over your body, and your fingers brushing his arm as he made you laugh. He had shown you a photograph.

“She said you had someone back home?” Levi says. It’s unlike him to pry at someone’s personal life, but this is something important to you. Or, at least, it was something you enjoyed hearing so much that you wanted Levi to know about it. Probably so he could enjoy it, too.

“Oh, yes.” They start walking out together. “Shelby, she’s working to become a doctor. She’s incredible.”

“How did you meet?”

“Ah,” he winces. “I may have accidentally nailed myself in the hand hanging a picture.”

“How does one manage to do something dumb like that?”

“Well, you see, some of us are clumsy. Nails are thin and small.”

“I see.”

“Yes. So, when I went to the hospital, Shelby tended to me. Had to give me a shot, too, and I’m deathly afraid of needles.”

“Deathly?”

“Deathly.”

“You would not have survived here. Lots of pointy edges. Prickly things.”

Onyankopon snorts. “You’re somewhat prickly yourself, Captain.”

Levi’s face scrunches and he whips his head toward him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You can be… quite callus.”

“No one’s ever told me that to my face.” Except for you, at some point, he’s sure. And maybe Hange, too.

“Don’t take it to heart,” he assures. “The Corporal was adamant that you’re anything but.”

“Oh? She doesn’t know what she’s talking about, ever. Never believe a single word that comes out of her mouth.”

Onyankopon hums while Levi chews on the inside of his cheek. He has no doubt he’s the worst person alive, because the thoughts warping through his head are inappropriate considering the circumstances. He shakes his head as if to empty them out, only to open his dumb mouth instead.

“Do you like her, or something? Sure, you have a fiancée, but plenty of men take lovers. I’ve seen it happen. Maybe you think she’s— “

Onyankopon stops dead in his tracks. It’s the first time Levi’s ever seen him make such a face.

“I take it back. You’re not callus at all. Just painfully awkward.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t really care what kind of man you think I am, but maybe you should concern yourself with whether your partner is going to bleed out from a wound you caused rather than who may or may not be interested in her.”

Levi's face doesn’t twitch. He doesn’t even fix Onyankopon with a glare, because he’s somewhat relieved that for once, another person has the balls to tell him he’s a fucking idiot. He likes it when people agree with the things he loathes most about himself.

“You’re right,” he says. “So, is your fiancée like, I don’t know, nice?”

Onyankopon stares at Levi, more confused than he’s ever been in his entire life. But he follows the man and rambles about the love of his life, the same way he had rambled to you, until Levi, for a rare, precious moment, relaxes.