#please don't ask me the inks i've forgotten i'm a terrible person

[marmotsomsierost]

it's still technically the first of October for me, so i'm not technically late. technically.

twsbi M and B nibs, with (incomprehensible mumbling) ink. water applied with fingers because I'm a fuckin gremlin who forgot their fricken water pen.

[stubz]

you are my best friend

"Mary...Mary...MARY!"

" 'M AWAKE!"

"you were snoring like a bear, and you have ink on your face. Here take this." handing her a handkerchief the young lord takes a look at what it is exactly that has her working this diligently this early in the morning. History of Sorciers Black Market, Slave Trading in Sorceir and Nearby Countries, and scattered papers of what appears to be personal files of both nobles and commoners.

'Seems like she's finally reached the last batch of suspects and witnesses' Nicol muses, 'both good and bad news.'

"It appears that we're approaching another wall isn't it Mary? Unless you found something in this last batch?"

With a deep sigh, the young lady stretches in her chair, cracking her stiff joints. "No, unfortunately, the only thing I've found in this is that it appears that Duke Tracy attends some interesting evening parties, honestly, I'm going to need Geordo to singe out my eyeballs later."

"Shall I go wake him then or would you be fine with waiting until breakfast?"

"...it's hard to tell if you're being serious right now."

With a chuckle, he takes a seat for himself and reaches for the forgotten tea set on the table, somehow the water has stayed relatively warm. "How long have you been working to be able to fall asleep while sitting in these horrendous chairs?"

"What time is it?"

"About 6 o'clock."

"Morning or evening?"

"Morning...Mary please don't tell me that-"

"That I stayed up all night for the third time in a row? Why yes, yes I did Nicol. Also, we both know that out of the two of us, you are the one with the worst sleep habits."

"...well I can't argue with what's true. Now would you like one sugar or two with your coffee?"

"Two please, unlike you I have taste buds. How you drink this black I'll never know."

"It's an acquired taste, that's for sure."

"Nicol."

"Yes, Mary?"

"Do you, do you think we'll come over this wall like the others? That we'll find another lead?"

"I...why do you ask?"

"It's just...what if this was it? What if this was the last clue? Our last chance of finding her...I mean by next month it will have been 3 years since she disappeared. It's only getting harder and harder to find new things, not to mention that it took us months to find these documents and...what if we took too long and our chance of finding her is gone?"

"So are you saying we should just give up then?"

"Wha-No! That is not what I'm saying!"

"Oh really? Because it sounds like you are."

"How. dare. you. How dare you Nicol, you know better than anyone how much she means to me."

"Then why are you acting as if we'll never find her!"

"I'm not!"

"YOU ARE! Talking about how our window of opportunity is gone, how that was our last clue! You might as well say she's dead and gone! JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"

"Well sorry for letting them get to me! Sorry for letting the gossip and rumors finally slip through and plant seeds of doubt in me! Sorry for letting the nightmares, that have been plaguing me for weeks, make me act this way!"

"...Mary, I-"

"Sorry that I made the poor decision of letting you know of my paranoia and fears. Sorry that I thought you would understand, how it feels to have these voices swimming around in your head! Horrible, terrible, appalling voices! We never find her. She's dead in a ditch somewhere being eaten by street dogs. A slave to someone who's broken her spirit and they do unspeakable things to her. We find her deathly sick or mortally injured and all we can do is hold her as she dies-" she's interrupted by a soft yet strong 'pomf'.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry. It's just, hearing you say that reminded me of what I overheard the adults say...of what I overheard Father say. I just, never ever want any of us to give up on her like they have. You're right, I know exactly how you feel about her. As do you, you know that I love her just as much you do. Again I'm sorry for doubting you Mary, it was cruel."

"...I'm sorry for exploding there. I just, wanted to talk to someone about this and you seemed like the best person."

"You have nothing to apologize for, and your right. I-I have them too, the voices, sometimes they're so quiet that I can ignore them. Other times I can't, they're so loud that it feels like they're trying to break through my skull. I understand." they stand there for a while in silence, in a way that is not uncomfortable or awkward. Rather it's welcomed.

"Nicol."

"Yes, Mary?"

"Why are you so bad at hugging?"

"Well to be fair the only people I hug are Mother and Sophia, and even then they're the ones who are mostly doing the hugging."

"Alan should give you lessons."

"Now that's something that I never thought I would hear. Wait you hug Alan enough to determine that he's a better hugger than Sophia?"

"When all of this started, before he started the play with Sophia, he was very sad and I was the only one there for him for a while. I didn't know what to do until I remembered what a certain someone said about the healing power of hugs and so I hugged and held him until he felt better. After that, he started hugging people when he felt sad until he just became a person who likes hugs. Mostly from me and Sophia, however, I have caught him hugging Keith a few times."

"Well if you taught him Katarina's hugging techniques then maybe I will ask for some lessons."

"...your serious."

"And surprised that you figured that out yourself."

"Well of course, after all, you are my best friend."

[thylady]

I posted 212 times in 2021

52 posts created (25%)

160 posts reblogged (75%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.1 posts.

I added 36 tags in 2021

#spotify - 9 posts

#thylady - 7 posts

#original - 5 posts

#my writing - 4 posts

#desiblr - 3 posts

#19 years old - 3 posts

#musings - 2 posts

#writblr - 1 posts

#indian kids be like - 1 posts

#aries - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 26 characters

#reading it being an indian

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Since I've not been around for a while, I thought to share my notes from the first week of the free mental health course by Yale University I applied for a fortnight ago. Trust me I know nothing about journalling and I'm a terrible student for that matter,yet used the basic Blue & Black ink alternatively for my understanding,no other reason.

‌P. S. Also,lately I've been thinking to start a blog about Gen Z youths as of now, weekly most probably, but I don't know whether to open a new account for that or not, please suggest me and random ASKs are always welcome. Glad to come to any of your help if I can, though you cannot pour from an empty cup must I tell they say!

- thylady

Please share your views : @wordsaremydiary @wonderingprocrastinator @bluelogy @floralbeast @aakhyasharma @mishti-doi @just-a--man @sizzlingdazebear @adifferentshadeofpink @starviki @alexthemagicalgirl

With💜XOXO

12 notes • Posted 2021-05-09 19:45:33 GMT

#4

you know when you feel jealous and sad both at the same time when you see your new friend has forgotten and then you also step in his/her shoes and try to understand and then you consider yourself being immaturely over-sensitive "seeking attention" in most people's words & you hate it to be morose as it's a Tumblr Mutual ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well in my case it's @mishti-doi but you've forgotten me and I don't mean you any hurt ಠ﹏ಠ

And where the hell are you @aakhyasharma ??? I miss you ᕦ(ಠ_ಠ)ᕤ

Here's a song for you

And for all of you : @meganasaurusx @bluelogy @floralbeast @aakhyasharma @starviki @wordsaremydiary @mango-pickle @alexthemagicalgirl @adifferentshadeofpink @edgar--allan--h0e @wonderingprocrastinator

Omg I forget so much as I get more mutuals,also you hon @sizzlingdazebear (╥﹏╥)

12 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 00:16:55 GMT

#3

It feels so nice when Tumblr feels home ಥ_ಥ

@mishti-doi @sepehrr @skiesandflowerss @ruins-of-heart

love you all (╥﹏╥) 💜

14 notes • Posted 2021-10-28 15:23:46 GMT

#2

GEN Z YOUTH TODAY(INTRO)

So basically there are going to be 3 pointers for today and without further ado,let me start.

First of all, what is Gen Z? Why there is so much hype about them,et cetera?

Gen Z is the abbreviation of Generation Z. Yes, you are absolutely correct,the last generation in terms of the alphabets, but wait........does that mean the generations succeeding them have no names? Well of course not! The generation after Z is the Alpha Gen and so on. Generation Z is considerably named after the generation of people born in between 1995-2012 but I personally consider it to be till 2010 because that was the year since when the hype of Facebook and other areas of technology were coming into the spotlight. As mentioned above,the Alpha Gen is considered to be the generation of children born in between 2012-(I'll update:-P).

Now, a general misconception is all the 90's children are Millennials and all the early 2000's children fall under Gen Z, which I not at all agree with. Millennials are the people born in between 1985-1995,when the change in society in terms of rational thinking and new inventions was witnessed all over the world. Digging further,one may ask if the people born after 1995 but before 2000 fall under Gen Z at all,to which the answer will be, it varies from person to person. Since people born after 1995 are late 90's children,some may have grown up holding onto the culture of the early 90's children, the Millennials while others may have grown up owning up to the vivid culture of Gen Z,as 2000 neared more and more. One more factor that works in the case of these people is the combination of their work and personal lives - a late 90's child with a 9to5 job is more likely to be a Millennial than someone born in the same period busy netsurfing(a new word from this gen) at home.

The main reason for them to be the "hot topic" is not only because its young teenagers are becoming young adults(do not confuse this phrase with the literary genre, I repeat DO NOT) but for a greater reason - presumably in a million centuries, Generation Z is recorded as the first generation to be born to bring CHANGE in the society and thus, the world : the generation that speaks Charity begins at home in actions and not words,as reported by tons of researchers and psychologists. This is the generation that expresses its mind without any filter(another word to be learnt from these folks),stands up for what is right and wrong and is much more comfortable than any other generation accepting the world as it is.

Second,why I chose this generation as my topic out of all other topics to start my blog?

The answer is simple. Being a Gen Z youth myself, I know exactly how much our(since I am not talking about myself only) generation is misunderstood and misinterpreted every single day, and when I woke up one morning randomly searching about Gen Z on Google sipping my bed tea, I realised I need to start talking about this topic sooner than the right time, as long as my blood is warm within, else I shall miss out recording my musings as a young adult of '21,not only to understand "us" better but also to understand our seniors and all other generations,even our juniors.

Third, what is the point of this blog?

I hope, anyone and everyone, reading this blog, feels better than before, because this generation is recorded as the Most Depressed one too(since birth,trust me), for being helpless to have too many choices but not the right one, and helps one another to feel good a bit more and also,most importantly, gets to know oneself better, for often we need a reminder to check the validity of the entirety of our soul.

Concluding this, I give you a punky song as of today and planning to give you one from different genres one at a time, at the end of every Gen Z Youth Today blog.

P. S. I was wondering whether my mutuals exist at all or it's just that they've forgotten me ┐( ˘_˘)┌

- thylady

With💜XOXO

Dated 10.05.2021

22 notes • Posted 2021-05-10 17:48:34 GMT

#1

What if ; 9/8/10

What if;

A question I bombard myself

too much with nowadays,

fear and anxiety crawling in

to hold a place in my little world

of depression and diaries,

filled with entries of what would've

had me hours passed crying out loud

with nobody to hear but myself

and ask once again

What if;

A day came in my life

where all of this was rewinded to

and I was a happy kid,

or at least one as I thought myself to be

and I was a completely different being

with a place held on above at a height

much higher from the ground

which I never realised but

What if;

A pet I have in the years ahead

never leaving my side for once

and is just there for me in general,

when here I am

dreading my life on a situation

happened almost three months ago

which probably had a lot of possibilities

to create a scenario in my head

See the full post

38 notes • Posted 2021-08-20 04:34:23 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[getitinbusan]

Jungkook friends to lovers, angst and smut. Inspired by Lana Del Rey's California. Please leave feedback if you'd like more.

It was a rare rainy August day in California, the heavy drops creating a melody on the window as you put the dishes away. You were tired, lonely and the feeling you had in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. Well into the second month of not making rent, it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken way longer than it should have to come to the realization that in LA you were nothing, not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea. The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn't he write you? It was a ridiculously  hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent. You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he'd last come around.

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

"I'm feeling low, I don't know who I am, only who I'm supposed to be. What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roomates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends. Does she even think about me? It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it's not enough, I would give anything to wake up everyday in bed beside her. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can't, I made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I'm destined to keep her at an arm's length so she'll never know the price I paid. How does she even see me now?  Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together? I've been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…"

~When I see you smile in the screen

You're good at everything

You're just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don't like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

"I'm afraid I may not get back for a while,  please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality."

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest your mind took you back to that day. "Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  You'd both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.  

California had lured you into its promise when you'd just turned 14. Having been accepted to The Movement Lifestyle Studios intensive dance program in LA you left all your friends for the summer. You were going to be discovered! It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time to take their places in the studio. Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. They called out names and put you into groups, it appeared to be by age and you made your way to the tiny gathering of four. Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated, "This is Jungkook." He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations.

Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends. Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he'd knocked at your door. He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members and he couldn't sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent.  Inseparable, days were spent side by side and the others referred to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He'd facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters. They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with an I miss you and a few lines of lyrics he'd written. You didn't know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different. Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you'd be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing. 

Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend the nights catching up. He had rules, the fans came first and girls were 

not allowed. Even though it was just friendship it could be easily misconstrued, everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight. While you were happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to. "I wish I could go and explore the city with you, like we used to," his voice trailed off. You were laying in each other's arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head, "All I wanted was to take you on a proper date. I've been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I'm stuck, I have everything and I'm not allowed to share it with you." His arms gripped you tighter, "I'm sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don't expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you're the only girl I've ever loved and there won't be anybody else, ever." 

You remembered every word of his confession,  every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people. He left in the morning without knowing, too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.  

LA became home right after the tour left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could tour with him. A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later.  

"Congratulations on your new house in LA! I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it's hard living with others sometimes. Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset. Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn't miss the colors? Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again. I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you. We are coming back in November for a few days and I'm hoping I can see you, I'm lonely already.   

Jungkookie

~Won't you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia~

When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the awards production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date. Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn't late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work. It was Namjoon's job to get Jungkook out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Kook must have eaten something bad for lunch and wasn't feeling well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotels back receiving door. Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses, what you wouldn't give now to see that smile again. Barely giving him time to get in you'd sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger. "Jungkookie, I hope your ready for the best day of your life! We're going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then instead of returning you to your 5 star fancy hotel you're staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!" He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeong-guk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it. Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren't looking. If you weren't sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can't believe you brought me here." Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio it used to be your escape, every break you'd make your way to the tree for a time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled,  it felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car. Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class. Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move. You were careless, It didn't take long for the photos to hit social media. Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, "You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean" You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was perfect, and the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt. "Kookie, this isn't Korea, you don't have to be so modest here AND you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look like a god." He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request. Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could. The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in. Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side. "My god Jungkookie,  look at your abs!" He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach. "Stop, it tickles." he giggled. But you didn't, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn't move. He had you pinned and flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him. Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side. "Welcome back, Kookie," running your hand through the back of his hair it was now or never.  Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you. "I love you," you whispered, nose to nose he smiled and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. It didn't last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, the photos and videos from the studio had been discovered online. "I'm so sorry Kook, I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand. "Let's get out of here, you promised I wouldn't be going back to my hotel tonight." If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet,  adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air. It wasn't just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever. Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, "I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I'm not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won't be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don't want you to get hurt." 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can't live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night." He rested his head against your chest, "You'll always be mine," his hands traveled to the hem of you shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them.  Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples. "I've never done this before," he confessed. "Me either," you whispered, "So, I guess the bars pretty low." His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it's home between your legs. He was soft and careful placing his lips over over your clit,  sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn't be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slide inside you. "It's good Kookie, please…i can take more." He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in slowly. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly, "The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined." Circling your clit between his words you came hard on his tongue. "I made you so wet," he said, impressed with himself. "I need to feel myself inside you." Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed your damp hair off you face, "are you ok? do you need anything?" he placed his forehead against yours. "Just you Kookie, I love you so much, please… I want you so badly." Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance. "Tell me if you need me to stop okay?" He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry, let's stop, I didn't mean to hurt you." He thumbed away the tear, "No, baby… I'm okay… I'm just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I'm feeling right now" he smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside you. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other. Every few hours he'd wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn't a dream, making love each time,  harder and faster. It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more. "I have to leave soon, I don't want to," he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, "Please tell me to stay." Your heart broke at his words, "If I ask you to stay, I'm selfish, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… " your voice trailed off,  "and I'll always wonder if I made the right decision," he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up. It was Joon, "I'm outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I'd come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye." Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you're probably in trouble too." Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting, 

 "Thank you for yesterday." Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying. You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and

Namjoon's voice broke through the moment "We've got to go Jungkook." Stepping away you'd left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, "keep it." He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one more time he eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart. You held onto your silly notions until May, they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up to them you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind,  opening old wounds. He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn't have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don't ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You're brighter than the brightest stars

You're scared to win, scared to lose

I've heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You're changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

I'll pick you up

I'll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We'll hit up all the old places

We'll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in. Bundled in Jungkook's hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students. So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do. Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn't be? Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you, "Hi." he walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution. "Hi," you were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he'd grown more handsome. "I can't change what happened… and for the rest of my life I'll be sorry for all of the time we missed." He was getting closer,  "But I can't take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…" he reached for your hand. Pulling it back away his head fell in disappointment, "Jungkook, I can't listen to this… look at me," reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again. "I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story" he tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin. "God I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. "How long are you here? I've got to teach class.. It's my first day but I'd love it if we could catch up?" He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness. Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face. "I'm your private lesson Jagi, I've booked you for the next two weeks" Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?" Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you, "There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn't negotiate on…that's you." 

Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror,  'I wrote you something"

The only thing I can do

In the garden

In this world

Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you

And to breathe as the me that you know

But I still want you

I still want you

"Y/N I promise I'll never let you go again"