#please Paul Hollywood bless this cake

[crowrelli]

everyone cross ur fingers for my Apple butter crumb cake to not overflow the pan 😭🙏🙏

[scone-lover]

Presenting The Great Watford Bake Off!

Episode 1: Cake Week

Fic by me, Art by @subpar-selkie!💖💖💖

Thanks to @carryonsimoncarryonbaz and ashspren for beta reading!

Chapter art below the cut. It is also embedded in the fic itself! 🦇

Read on AO3!

Chapter Art by @subpar-selkie​

Simon’s incredible Smaug the Dragon cake!!!

And here’s a little chart I made of the stations setup so it’s easier to visualise.

Tweet Transcriptions

The Twitter images might not be accessible, so here are transcriptions below!

Section 1

2/9/20 8:20 PM

Paul Hollywood Trash @bakeoff7892

i thought simon was cute until i noticed he wears one of those bracelets w the himalayan water in it 

I would die for Simon Snow @ladybird72

@bakeoff7892 shut up he cares abt the environment :( 

Simon Saves Seals 🌞 @simonsnowscone

@bakeoff7892 @ladybird72 Hey guys! There’s a link in my bio to donate to the Pristine Seas project if you’re interested in helping protect the ocean! :)

Agatha @wellbeloved

@simonsnowscone ily babe 💖💖💖

Section 2

2/9/20 8:35 PM

ginger 🐿 @thegingerbreadvegan 

@shepfromomaha i am so appalled that you’ve never eaten a jaffa cake that i will literally mail u some rn just say the word 

your good friend shepard! @shepfromomaha

Bless ur soul. This is the real reason I went on Bake-Off

Penelope Bunce @bundtcakebunce

@shepfromomaha PLEASE do not share your address anywhere, they could be an axe murderer

your good friend shepard! @shepfromomaha

no come on, who would murder a bake off contestant? we’re so wholesome and sweet!

dev-dev 😈@daddydev

@shepfromomaha only some of you are wholesome ;) 

Section 3

2/09/20 9:04 PM

rhys @theyseemerollin

@tbgpitch wait wdym “hungover” !!!

Simon Saves Seals 🌞 @simonsnowscone

@theyseemerollin @pitchblack if you tell them i will end you

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch @tbgpitch

@theyseemerollin @simonsnowscone I would never tell them that you showed up to the qualifying rounds sleep-deprived, sopping wet, and hungover, a walking disaster. 

Simon Saves Seals 🌞 @simonsnowscone

@theyseemerollin @tbgpitch :(

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch @tbgpitch

@simonsnowscone 🖤

Section 4

3/09/20 7:20 AM

Paul Hollywood Trash @bakeoff7892

i’m sorry who the fuck is dating who @simonsnowscone @wellbeloved @tbgpitch @daddydev

Simon Saves Seals @simonsnowscones

@bakeoff7892 *whom

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch @tbgpitch

@bakeoff7892 @simonsnowscones OP used the correct grammar. Dimwit.

Agatha @wellbeloved

@bakeoff7892 um why is dev included in this

dev-dev 😈@daddydev

why would i not be included ;)

[spamilton1776]

Broadways Next Pierre

Over this past week the Broadway community hit a stand still when The Great Comet announced that Oaks run would be cut short in order to make room for the famous (no doubt, extremely talented) Mandy Patinkin. the problem? Mandy (a white famous actor) was essentially robbing Oak (a black actor) of a job. though it is up for debate if this was the right or wrong decision, the reality of this situation is Broadway is short a Pierre.

What now?

you simply cant have the great comet without Pierre, and there is surely nobody who could step in and learn the role within weeks.

thats what YOU think.

while we have been caught up in the storm that is The Great Comet fanmdom, we have failed to see whats been sitting in frot of us the whole time.

Jake Paul.

i know, i know. i sound crazy. but hear me out.

for those of you who dont know who Jake Paul is, let me fill you in :

Jake Paul is a You Tuber who has earned over 9 million subscribers to his self-titled channel where he posts comedy sketches, vlogs and songs. Also an actor, he was cast as Dirk on Disney Channel's Bizaardvark, Lance in the YouTube Red Original Movie Dance Camp, and Dugan in the FOX Digital movie Mono. He is a crowned muser, with over 3.8 million fans. which means he has a HUGE fan base.

now that you are familiar with the BLESSING that is Jake Paul let me tell you why he would make the perfect Pierre.

the whole reason Great Comet is in danger is because of TICKET SALES, well fret no more, Jake Paul's humongous fan base is SURE to drive up ticket sales, while opening the show to a whole new genre of people.You think Mandy would raise ticket sales? i have put together a detailed graph for your benefit.

this is what ticket sales for great comet look like as of right now..

tragic.

BUT using my extreme graphing knowledge I have put together a graph of the projected ticket sales if Jake Paul joins the show....

thats what i call progress.

now of course you still have your concerns about this plan, but no fear the answers are here.

“but EMMA” you're saying ‘Jake Paul is white, isn't that why the fandom went crazy? shouldn't we continue to keep this show as diverse as possible?”

silly child. Jake Paul isn't WHITE. hes NORTH AMERICAN.

sorry. it just really angers me when people ERASE HIS ETHNICITY.

now that his race is out of the way, i believe that Jake Paul would be the Perfect Pierre even WITHOUT his fan base. You see, Jake Paul has an endless amount of unique qualities that make him the Perfect Pierre.

first off.

hes a team player. Other than his amazing portrayal of the very complex character Dirk from, BIzaardvark, Jake Paul is famous for something else... team 10. TEAM 10 IS A SQUAD OF YOUNG LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS WHO TEAMED UP TOGETHER TO TAKE OVER HOLLYWOOD. Not only is Jake Paul PART of this, but he CREATED it. this shows not only is Jake Paul a team player, he is also a leader. this is VERY important in show business.

next we have Jake Paul's IMPECCABLE talent.

Jake Paul is a triple threat, the whole package. hes a professional boxer, actor and..... singer. dont just take it from me, let SOCIETY DECIDE.

They agree with me.

this showcases many things...

-Jake Paul is an amazing performer

-see above

‘BUT EMMA” you're saying “ if he is so amazing how do you know he wouold be able to make room for a Broadway debut?”

well, a week ago Jake Paul and Disney made a MUTUAL decision that he would no longer be appearing in their hit TV show Bizaardvark which means Jake Paul is out a job. it feels like god almost wanted this to happen.

finally, Jake Paul should be Pierre because he can relate to the character.

Pierre is a man who has lost the flame of love in his heart, a man of many mistakes, who in the end falls in love with Natasha.

Jake Paul is a man who had once lost the fire in his eyes, he would be with another girl night after night, and found himself is a cold relationship with Alissa violet. he has made many mistakes, trust me. but we all have our flaws. dont we?

in the end, Jake meets a beautiful girl....Erika

she is amazing, the light of his life

his bae.

she is his Natasha.

it is essential that an actor can relate to their character in some way, for Jake it would be a piece of Cake.

Jake Paul is the answer wee been searching for, turns out we just weren't searching hard enough. i hope you all take this suggestion into consideration

if you have any questions please ask. and please, share this. make it go viral. we need Jake Paul to save this amazing show,

or soon, great comet wont be everyday

bro.