#please I wanna talk about fuck up Elphaba made and I get comments like ‘yeah but she did nothing wrong’

[moghedien]

low key one take I’d wish I’d see more about like either version of Elphaba (book or musical) is that she does make bad decisions often

Like morally? She is right. Obviously she’s morally correct about most things and often seems to be the only one to care (though her being the ONLY one to care is largely a musical thing)

but girl doesn’t think anything through. She often just acts without considering where actions will lead and what affect it will really have or if she could do something slightly different for a better outcome. In the musical, this kinda makes more sense as things happen quickly and whatnot but she still doesn’t ever really have a plan on what she’s doing even when she has time and that leads to her accomplishing basically nothing. And in the book she is often very explicitly given a whole lot of time to think and plan and whatnot and she still just acts spur of the moment all the time

And like as a side effect of this all of her plans just sorta go no where? In her life time, at least, and any movement or change largely becomes the responsibility of others once she’s gone.

like, my girl is so stupid sometimes. She is flawed! I wish people would stop trying to make her out to be perfect, the point is that she doesn’t have to be perfect or correct in everything she does in order to be good. Like please let her have her flaws, she still coulda made better choices even if she made the best choices of any of the characters

[songbird-berry]

RACHEL AND QUINN HEAD CANON 

SUNDAY AFTERNOON MARCH SOMETIME

Rachel is actually terrified. She’s not seen her since high school and their relationship then was not that great or healthy

But she is taken away by how beautiful Quinn still is “my chariot awaits!”

I love that Q will, at least internally, just be like "I am genuinely A MESS why are you looking at me like I'm still in a cheerios uniform?"

Rachel just kind of looks down at the ground and focuses on her breathing for a moment “it wasn’t about the Cheerios uniform”

And rachel places her bags on the back and sits.

Coffees in a tray on her lap

Quinn just doing the eyebrow raise and driving up to the house without a comment. Probably doesn't talk at all until they get into the house.

“Are you up for eating?”

"Leftovers will last me for a few hours."

Breathes and makes herself at home placing coffee on kitchen counter and just placing the whole bag in the fridge. “Black coffee is okay I hope?”

"Yeah, it's easiest to drink coffee black on tour anyway."

“It’s nice to see you again Quinn.” And she just hands her the coffee and looks expectantly hoping she’d lead them in the direction of somewhere more performing then the  of the kitchen

Quinn just smiles awkwardly and takes the coffee before just leading Rachel to her bedroom. It's definitely a mess, but the bed is freshly made. She sets the coffee down on the side table and takes off the hoodie, tossing it on a chair in the corner and climbing onto her bed. She's probably wearing a tank top.

Rachel takes off her own jacket and takes a few sips of her coffee before placing it next to Quinn’s. “I’m going to sit down on the bed, okay?” And she does not too close to Quinn but close enough

Quinn nods, grabbing her coffee and taking a few sips, nestling it in her lap. She has various scars on her arms, all of different types.  "It's getting harder to detox. To come down. To be a person again.  And no one wants to treat the trauma without me clean and sober, but I can't do that. I tried once. I really fucking tried."

“Maybe don’t do it cold turkey.”

She reaches over to take her hand, giving it a squeeze

“Baby steps and accepting support “

She sighs. "It's getting harder because I'm giving up." Her words are quiet. "I've been doing this shit for over a decade now. I've tried stopping so many times, and I can do it for a few months at a time, but without a way to treat the trauma... I just go right back to it."

“You don’t have to give up or give in”

She scoffs, taking a long drink of her coffee. "I'm just tired of fighting it."

Rachel just kind of squeezes Quinn’s hand tighter gasping a little at that admission. “Being tired makes everything so hard but if you start accepting help for things. Even if they’re little. You won’t feel so alone. You’ll be able to keep fighting a little longer. You’ll be surprised what time can do even if it feels like it’s been so long already.”

Aka she wants to say “I am magic and you haven’t let me in your life before now” but doesn’t wanna scare her

"Everyone I know has their own fucking shit to deal with. They don't need mine too. Fucking Frannie it's finally healing from so much and I don't want to be why she stops or backslides. Pretty sure Liv is helping with that, though not entirely sure how. Bea is going through lord only knows what right now. There's not a lot of spare help to go around."

“If you’d let me...I can help.” She thinks it might even help her but it’s not really about that as much as it is wanting to help Quinn find what she needs

"You're out of here in what, a month? Besides, you have work. You don't need to be worrying about me too."

“You think transforming into Elphaba every night is work?”

"Legally speaking, yes."

Rachel laughs, “We have a month and I have very little to do outside of performing every night.”

"That doesn't mean you should be spending it worrying about a fucked up rockstar who literally made your teenager years a living hell, for funsies."

“I don’t believe it was for fun.”

Quinn shrugs. "I don't know, I got a kick out of it sometimes."

“And so do I but that’s besides the point.”

“I think you can trust me. I think part of you already does. Let me help you.”

"What happens when you're gone? What happens when the tour moves on and you go with it? Distance is the very reason I knew I could get away with drug usage without Frannie worrying. I can't imagine I won't be inclined to pull something similar."

“I don’t know.” And she just kind of let’s go of Quinn’s hand

“A month is a long time.”

She shakes her head. "No, it's not."

“So you just want me to give up then because you’re ready to?”

Groans. "No, I want you to be fucking realistic about it! You'll be gone in a fucking month and I'll still be here. Or I'll head back out to Cali. Either way, it's stupid to think I'll change so much in a month that I won't just go back to doing what I always do. Bury it, lie about, and get fucked up next chance I get."

“Then come with me and travel when work make you”

Crazy talk Berry

"Nope. No. Not happening. Bad idea times about a million."

“I have nothing else.”

Sighs. "You're not supposed to. I'm not your problem."

“I don’t see you as a problem.”

"That's your first mistake then. Because I am. I always have been."

“In your eyes maybe.” And she grabs her hand again to squeeze before excusing herself. Rachel makes it to the kitchen before the tears of frustration start creeping and she’s stuck breathing and fighting them before grabbing water for both of them and going back to the bedroom . She’ll drink a lot of hers before sitting back on the bed “let me lay with you”

“Please.”

Quinn just sits there, drinking her coffee really confused cos she really is just so used to people seeing her as the problem. Even if they don't mean to. She's fucked up and to everyone else it doesn't look like she's trying to change even if she is. Shit is just hard, but god forbid the pretty white girl with the rich family and the amazing music career have actual fucking problems. And I almost don't think she expects Rachel to come back, so when she does, she doesn't look at her. In fact she probably avoids the concept all together, even as she sets her mostly empty coffee aside and moves to curl up under the covers.

Rachel is aware she made the wrong move in walking away. That’s usually how it seemed when she took care of herself first. “I won’t give up on you Quinn. I never did.”

Probably just scoffs as she buries her head into her pillow cos she's definitely trying not to cry.

Rachel just kinda warns that she is going to hold her now and lies down and embraces her

She definitely like inches away at first, cos again weakness around people is not her forte but she does end up just crying, curled in on herself.

Rachel just moves with her. She’d move if Quinn like told her to but her inching away is a defense and Rachel knows it

Rachel is stubborn as usual

“I’ve got you”

She eventually rolls over and just buries herself against Rachel instead which I think is genuinely something she's only ever done to people like Frannie or Arin, people who she trusts wholeheartedly because they've been the only ones to ever hold her.

and rachel just holds her close rubbing her back and focusing on not just saying what her brain is yelling at her.  She just wants to be there for Quinn in the moment

“I’m here, okay?”

That definitely just makes her cry harder, honestly. She's so bad at being cared for but also physically can't stop if she wanted to. Like it definitely takes a really long time for her to stop crying and even when she does she definitely just stays buried into Rachel, cos I think some part of her is genuinely scared that if she lets go Rachel will leave.

I don’t think Rachel moves, she just holds her and rubs her back and like whispers sweet nothings into her hair or something cause she can’t help herself but doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable either

Quinn eventually calming down but her brain just refuses to function properly so she ends up saying, "You suck" even as she just curls further into Rachel, cos she definitely kinda blames Rachel for the crying so obviously it is Rachel's fault and thus Rachel is the one who sucks, but she really also definitely doesn't mean it.

“I know.” And she giggles a little, pulling her in tighter.

"You realize you didn't deserve the hand you were dealt either, right?"

"Now, sure. But over twenty years of abuse doesn't change the fact I treated other people that same way."

"You want to change. You have changed."

"Doesn't mean I don't owe you the apology anyway. That I don't owe you acknowledging what I did and that it was wrong."

"I forgive you Quinn. Okay?"

Presses a soft kiss to Rachel's neck. "Okay."

"Do you need anything?"

"Kinda feel like I need sleep again. But like, not really, no."

"Let me rub your back?"

"M'kay." Totally just has her face  buried into Rachel's neck, placing random soft kisses.

Rachel will just hum and rub her back until they fall asleep or Quinn wants her to stop

Quinn deffo falls alseep

rachel will too lulled by the sound of quinns breathing

how late do you think they should sleep LOL. I feel like at least a few hours have passed since rachel got there, like 11-1 range they fell asleep

I feel like Quinn set an alarm on her phone so that she knew Rachel would be able to get to the theater in time, which is probably and hour and a half before showtime, but whether they sleep that long or not idk

i can see it happening to be honest. rachel is tired. she sleeps a lot lol so shes pretty stoked quinn is so snuggly

They totally wake up to the alarm and Quinn just groans and buries her face into Rachel because she's comfy

I don't think Rachel realized how hard it would feel to wake up when this is like a dream come true, being held and in the arms of Quinn Fabray. But waking up is already so hard. "We can just roll  back over and go back to sleep."

"No." Grumbles but gets off her. "You have work. hat is the Rachel work alarm."

“I don’t want to leave this moment.”

"You have to leave soon, or you'll be late. And I will not have you be late. Not because of me."

“I need to shower.” And she’ll like sadly untangle herself and sit up

"Bathroom is over there? You can borrow some of my plainer stuff if you'd like to actually change?" Kinda just gestures to the en-suite, not really sure if that's what Rachel meant but also knowing that she didn't particularly factor THAT into her alarm.

“A pair of leggings and a tshirt of some sort would be great if it’s not too much.” She definitely didn’t think any of this through but she doesn’t mind it despite her heart beating fast “I’ll be right out” and she’ll shower and do all that

She’ll come out wrapped in a towel

Quinn just humming and going to dig through her closet. Rachel probably comes back to like ten different fucking options (because tbh if she's not hanging out in sweats she's hanging out in leggings cos bby likes to be comfy) and Quinn sat on the bed playing with a Switch or some other handheld gaming device cos it makes for easy entertainment on tour.

Rachel thinks it’s cute but just grabs a simple black pair and let’s say one of Quinn’s band shirts were in the mix and Rachel chooses that before going off to change

Q owns, and wears, entirely too much of her own merch. She just thinks they're comfy and why would she sell something she doesn't believe in?

Rachel will go into the kitchen once she’s dressed to dip up Quinn a assortment of the things she brought. “You’ll eat, right?” She says as she brings it in to the bedroom. “At some point while I’m gone at least?”

Quinn just smiles. "Yeah, I'll probably eat a little, shower, then finish eating. Then y'know go shopping."

“It’s the perfect plan. I need to call an Uber. I can come back if you need me.”

And there’s like

So much ache in her voice like please need me

"You're still coming over tomorrow, aren't you?"

“Is that still what you want?” And she’s dealing with the Uber now so she doesn’t have to look at Quinn when she answers.

“Like we planned?”

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?" Like she's probably hiding behind her switch so she doesn't have to look at Rachel.

“You might feel like changing your mind once I leave.”

"And why would I do that? I still haven't gotten to do with you what I want."

Rachel can’t help but flush, “I know where you live now.”

"That you do."

"What time do you want me?"

"Maybe around lunch?"

“Do you want me to dress up for you?”

"Short skirt, underwear optional, it'll come off soon enough anyway. Everything else is on you. Or well, it will be, for a while."

“I look forward to it Quinn.” And her eyes light up her whole face really does when she smiles.

Quinn smiles softly. "So do I." She climbs off the bed and pulls her hoodie on. "I'll drive you back out to the gate."

“The best ride in the city if you ask me.” And she’ll definitely like warn Quinn she’s hugging her when they get to the gate

Before doing it

Quinn just chuckles. "That's definitely not true." She definitely hugs her tight back and presses a kiss to her cheek with a quiet, "Thanks."