#pleaee don't mind me whining here
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#sometimes i want to have people i can talk to on a daily basis#to like y'know wake up to messages and actually talk in group chats and send one another pictures and stuff like that#because it's kinda hard to only have your blog as an outlet because there's no guarantee someone will listen or care or see it#and you delete your posts feeling shittier than ever#but then i remember that on average it takes me like 2 days to respond to a text IF i haven't forgotten about it#and i can just start ignoring people for nothing just because idk i forgot or i don't know what to say#and also that i avoid socialisation in every meaning of it like fire and skip all social events and wear headphones most of the time#and i understand that i come off very cold unfriendly and uncaring sometimes#and that if i was texting a person like me i would already get an impression that they hate me or don't care at all#and then i think that it's probably better to leave things as they are to avoid disappointing anyone and distressing myself#but it doesn't really help on the days like today and like all other days in general#i only feel connected to people through my fics now and that's probably why i dedicate a lot of effort and time to them#(still writing 200 words a say tho even with all that effort)#anyway#pleaee don't mind me whining here#i'll delete this in the morning i just feel like shit rn
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