#playing various sound effects and going “this is what it sounds like when mals alone w/ you (lennyface)” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

callunavulgari · 4 years ago

Text

Year-In-Life | 2020

Or that annual New Year’s meme where I talk about what the year was like to live through. And since this is 2020 the read through below features: a whole lot of depression, frank discussion about losing my cat, and pictures of my face.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Lost my best friend. I lost a hamster when I was about ten, but other than that, I’ve never lost a pet before. Losing Mal was the worst thing about an already awful year. I have lost family members that I have mourned less than her. I am still fucked up about losing her, and probably will be for a long while yet.

Things that I haven’t done before - 2020 edition - consists of extreme depression, global pandemics, wearing a mask if I’m not either at home or in my car, having covid, being in the ER twice in one year, cutting all carbs and losing sixty pounds, spending a weekend in Vegas (in January, obvs), gambling (and winning over a thousand dollars), and probably a lot of other things that I’ve blocked out. But it’s always going to be the year that I lost Mal.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Apparently, according to 2019 me, my resolutions were to lose weight and quit smoking. Which, strangely enough, I actually did. Who knew that going to the ER for heart issues at the age of 30 would scare me into switching some things up.So, yay! I kept my resolutions.

Resolutions for 2021 - lose the rest of the weight. End goal is only another 50 pounds away. Write something original if you can, but don’t stress if you can’t. Heal. Be happier. Breathe deep. Don’t do something you’ll regret.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? One of my coworkers had a kid earlier in the year, but nothing since.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Mal.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries this year, because that is illegal. I did go to Las Vegas in January though, before the year turned into an absolute shitstorm. It was actually really wonderful, which I wouldn’t have expected out of Vegas. We watched our friends get married on the High Roller. Ate a lot of very good, but very expensive food. Gambled a bit and actually won money. Saw two Cirque du Soleil shows - the Beatles and water one. Saw the Bellagio fountains and maybe cried a little about it. It was really nice.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? Well, I didn’t get a ring and we didn’t get a house, but we also made the decision to not do that this year. We did however, get a better president, so that was nice. In 2021, I would like a little more serotonin and a little less anxiety. And I’m not gonna say a damn thing about a ring.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 20th, 2020. Any other dates don’t fucking matter. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I lost a ton of weight and quit smoking, hopefully for the last time. Covid didn’t kill me. I didn’t kill me. I know that sounds bad, but it was a really, really horrible year.

9. What was your biggest failure? I don’t know. Not being able to save her? Not knowing that the heart abnormality had gotten that bad? Not getting her on clot busters the minute we took care of the thyroid problem. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had Covid near the end of October and had regular illnesses a couple times throughout the year. I went to the ER in May for heart-related problems. And I’ve had debilitating headaches every single day since Covid, so. Yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? We rescued a new kitten approximately four days after we lost Mal. It was too soon, I think, and if I could have done it again, I may have waited longer. But BMO was incredibly depressed after she passed and had basically stopped eating, so we were desperate. But I can’t regret getting her. She’s been the little bit of sunshine we’ve had since October. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Everyone and everything sucked this year. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I don’t know, mine? I’ve come a long way this year in terms of weight loss and smoking and holding it together, but I’ve also sunken into the deepest hole that I’ve possibly ever been in since September. I will always be deeply frustrated by Nick’s mother and my mother, so that’s not really new. Everything sucked. Hopefully 2021 is better.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bullshit medical stuff. Turns out that two ER trips, countless doctor visits, and dental fuckery is really expensive. I did also go slightly crazy and bought Nick too many gifts this year, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t bad. Also planning on buying a relatively pricey comforter as soon as I’ve confirmed that I haven’t gotten it for Christmas. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I am going to be completely and totally serious when I say that I don’t think I’ve experienced true excitement since about February. I did get a very intense, brief spike of serotonin when I saw the new Dragon Age and Mass Effect trailers. But like. I don’t know. That’s kind of it.

Okay, no, that’s a lie. I was happy to lose the weight I did and was super proud of myself and my health was phenomenal, but then Mal happened and covid happened and it’s hard to see the good things that happened this year when I feel this fucking horrible right now.

16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Toss a Coin to Your Witcher (because yeah, that was this year, fuck). Teeth. Don’t Get Me Wrong. The Untamed theme. Well, the entire Untamed soundtrack. Dance Monkey. We Won’t Be Falling. Promare soundtrack. Own Me. Into the Unknown. Monster. Waving Through a Window. Eurovision soundtrack. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? So much more depressed. Which says a lot, because 2019 was not super great. ii. thinner or fatter? But hey, on the plus side my answer to this question is finally thinner. iii. richer or poorer? Probably around the same. Or maybe poorer? I had a lot in my savings last year that I had to dip into because of medical shit. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I’d done... anything. I wish I was allowed to leave my house without worrying about infecting myself or others. I wish that I had gone to the park more. I wish that I’d travelled. I wish that I’d written more. I wish I’d cooked more. I wish I’d worked out. Spent more time with my cat.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? God, I fucking wish I’d spent less time in my apartment.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I don’t know. Nick’s family wants to have a big gathering since his grandpa might not be around next year? But the idea of that makes me super flinchey, for obvious reasons. I mean, I’m reasonably sure that the antibodies are still in our system, so we have a smaller chance of infection, but fuck. Also, large gatherings have been giving me anxiety, also for obvious reasons. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? I hope that we’re staying home. I want to make pirozki and spend the transition into the new year on my couch, maybe playing a video game, maybe napping. 22. Did you fall in love in 2020? Still love him. He got me through this year. I don’t think I could have done it alone. 23. Best month for you this year? January through March was not horrible. I can’t remember a definitive good month of the three, but January was Vegas, which was really good, so lets go with that.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2020? The Untamed (live action and anime), The Magicians, Guardian, various Watcher Entertainment segments, She-Ra (season 5!!!), The Haunting of Bly Manor, Over the Garden Wall, Leverage, Motherland: Fort Salem...

My favorite being The Untamed, hands down. Obviously.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t think I have enough energy for hate at this point. I’m just tired.

26. What was the best book you read? Favorite was probably a tie between Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth, which works out well since they’re part of the same series. I really, really loved this series and am kind of sad that I have to wait until 2022 to get the third part of the trilogy. Top ten below, because why not.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

The Lost Future of Pepperharrow by Natasha Pulley

Something to Talk About by Meryl Wilsner

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E. Schwab

Return of the Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

The Last Sun (and it’s sequel) by K.D. Edwards

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Toss a Coin to Your Witcher has singlehandedly escorted me through 2020. Basically all the songs listed a couple questions up were my favorites of the year, but the Untamed soundtrack was probably my favorite. Promare soundtrack was also bomb af.

28. What did you want and got? Nick’s mom bought us nice bookshelves when we moved into the new place.

29. What did you want but didn’t get? A lot of things. Namely, I wish Mal was still with me.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Promare, 100% Most of the other movies I watched were all rewatches. I watched My Neighbor Totoro, Onward, Knives Out, Emma, and that Eurovision movie. They were all pretty swell.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I wrapped presents on the living room floor and watched Last Christmas, which I thought was just a rom-com Christmas movie but surprised the hell out of me at the reveal that her love interest was dead the whole time? Like? That came out of left field. We then had a very quiet lunch at the Lantern, the Chinese place we go every year, and ducked into Oakland Nursery and Barnes and Noble long enough to grab some plants and books. I also got to see the Easton Christmas tree from across the street. It was snowing and honestly, a really pretty day. Oh, also I had to go to the dentist. That was less fun.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If I’d been able to keep Mal. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? I wore a lot of comfortable work appropriate clothes and pajamas. My clothes don’t really fit me anymore since I lost all the weight, but I refuse to buy more until I’m actually at my goal weight. 34. What kept you sane? Nick was very helpful every time I had an anxiety attack and/or broke down crying. It could have been a lot worse, probably, but I literally cannot wrap my mind around that right now. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Every single actor in the Untamed live action is unfairly gorgeous, especially Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan. Also, Henry Cavill was a shockingly good casting for Geralt and needs to be grimey all the time because he is a LOT more attractive when it looks like he hasn’t showered in three weeks. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789 2020—– This has literally been my response since 2015. Here’s to hoping that it won’t be my response in 2021. Also, children in concentration camps? Lying to the public about the pandemic? The race riots that happened earlier in the year? Literally everything else? This year has been fucking awful. 37. Who did you miss? Mal. Myself when I’m not feeling like this. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Annie. New coworker, delightful lady. If the pandemic was not a thing I definitely would have already gotten drinks with her after work.

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Uh. Annie is a delightful person and brought me and Nick food when we were wasting away with covid. She also gave us toilet paper when we ran out after all the assholes in the entire country bought all the toilet paper in March/April.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

This is me in like... February? I think? In public. Without a mask. I have lots of pictures of me in January, but all of them have someone else with me.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, snatched just outside the doors of Barnes & Noble with the Easton tree across the street. Note the mask dangling from my ear.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Okay, so like. Two things. One- I had a meal in Vegas, that was fucking amazing. Actually I had a couple of those. Let me see if I can find pictures. Okay, so below are the two best meals I have eaten this year. The top is a butternut squash and pistachio ravioli, which came with this sweet butter sauce and it was so. fucking. good. Like, I have craved this thing since January. The bottom is the beef wellington at Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen. Which was... overpriced, but admittedly still delicious. I could have lived off that damn ravioli though.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? My birthday was actually pretty okay, all things considered. The snow was magical and I felt solidly okay for most of the day. Other than that, all of the nights in Vegas were great.

44. What are you excited for next year? So, the message to me from 2019 me for this question is about how I was really sad on December 26th of 2019 and that I hoped that 2020 would be the year that we “seized life by the horns or whatever” and like. Baby. 2019 me. I realize your depression was valid, but holy fuck, my sweet summer child it got so much worse. Though, I guess technically I did seize life by the horns for a bit. And then September hit like a bag of bricks.

Anyway, I am cautiously optimistic and hopeful that the transition of power to Biden goes smoothly. I’m hoping that things get better and not worse. I’m excited for several books, movies, and games, but mostly, I’m hoping that things are better.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: My message from last year was this:

“I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have!”

Thanks 2019 Heather. It got worse. (Though admittedly, and knock on fucking wood, but 2019 me is right. It could technically still get worse. But I have hope that it won’t.)

My valuable life lesson in the year of 2020: Life sucks. Keep your head on straight. Mourn your dead and love your living like you’ll never see them again. Live life like you could die tomorrow. And don’t take the little things for granted. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I am going to make it through this year If it kills me - This Year, The Mountain Goats

(2018 me apparently quoted Singing in the Rain. 2019 quoted something sad and pretentious. 2020 me is just tired and clinging to life by my damn fingernails.)

First Fandom of 2020: January of 2020 seems to have been solidly The Magicians, The Witcher, and The Untamed. Favorite Main Character of 2020: Wei Wuxian, fuck. Favorite Villain of 2020: Wei Wuxian, fuck. Close second if that doesn’t apply - Xue Yang. Favorite M/F Couple of 2020: Does Parker/Elliot/Hardison count? Because them, holy fuck. Also, female!Byleth/Jeritza. Favorite F/F Couple of 2020: Catra and Adora!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! Er. Also, Harrow/Gideon. Favorite M/M Couple of 2020: Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji. Close second is probably Ryan/Shane. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Honestly, probably the Untamed. I’m not usually crazy about live actions, but fuck, it was good. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher. Also, in the last month I have been all over Mark/Damien(/Sam) from the Bright Sessions because I just listed to Neon Darkness. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Yeah, idk. There’s crack in every fandom. Last Fandom of 2020: Buzzfeed Unsolved. And honestly, I’m still not out of The Untamed. Favorite Fandom of 2020: Definitely the Untamed. Dipping into the Witcher was also nice.

#heather says what #2020 #new year's memes #selfie tag?

3 notes · View notes

once-upon-a-ouat · 5 years ago

Text

“Teach Me to Fly”

Summary: Mal, Regina and Lily are on the open grounds outside of Storybrooke where Mal is teaching Lily to fly. However, when they hit a roadblock, it turns out that the problems that are holding them down have deeper roots than it might appear. Canon Divergence post season 6. Regina and Lily bonding with a side of Dragon Queen and Lily and Mal.

For my 100 followers celebration on tumblr I got a request from @theonceoverthinker for a Dragon Queen fic in which Regina and Lily bond. I've never written Lily before so this was a fun experiment (although it got a little out of hand with the length). I loved writing this story and I hope you'll like it as well.

Word Count: 3485 words

Read on FFN or AO3

Lily was making circles in the air above their heads as she was readying herself to perform the maneuver she was trying to learn. Mal had showed it to her earlier and the two had made it a few times with Lily following her mom’s every move until she seemed to perfect it enough to try it on her own. And that was why Regina and Mal had their necks craned up, their gazes following the dragon in the sky.

Lily lowered herself down as she headed for the trees that were a couple meters away, having her wings at the precise angle Mal had shown her so that she’d be able to make a swift turn without slowing down. They’d tried the maneuver in the free space without anything they needed to avoid in the way and Mal had deemed her ready to try it with real obstacles. And she seemed to be doing great, executing everything just the way her mom had taught her, but when it was time for her to make the turn, she lost height and barely managed to avoid colliding with the tree trunks. She hit them with her wing, though, and the strong impact caused the thick branches to tear through her wing.

Mal immediately dissolved into thin air to reappear at the place where Lily made her abrupt landing, and Regina followed suit, letting her magic engulf her in a cloud of smoke and teleport her next to the two of them.

Lily’s own magic kicked into motion, too, and she turned back into a person. She was sprawled on the ground, clutching at her left arm and grunting in pain.

“Let me see,” Mal dropped down on her knees and helped her daughter to a sitting position. She pushed Lily’s right hand away, revealing the tear on her forearm. It was a deep wound–Regina could swear she could see the bone–that had Mal gasp in shock. “Are you okay?” she asked, her gaze jumping from the wound to Lily’s face and back again. “Regina, will you, please?” Mal barely looked at her before focusing her attention back on her daughter. She pushed the hair out of Lily’s face and stroked her cheek soothingly as if she was a small child in need of comfort.

“Yes, just splendid,” Lily let out through gritted teeth, crouching as if she was trying to hide from her mother’s worried stare. “Why don’t you heal it?” she managed to make it sound tart despite the amount of pain she was most certainly in. Still, she readily extended her hand, hissing in the process, when Regina knelt down next to her, her palm glowing in purple.

“Regina’s magic is more powerful,” Mal explained, ignoring Lily’s sharp tone. “It’ll heal it quicker.”

In support of her words, Regina’s magic did its job and healed the wound in no time.

Regina’s hand hovered over Lily’s forearm for a few extra seconds. She wanted to make sure everything was properly healed. “There,” she said when she assured herself she’d done everything in her power.

Lily nodded without raising her head to look her in the eyes, “Thank you.”

Despite the attitude, Regina knew she meant it. Things between them had been a bit bumpy when Lily had first learned about Regina and Mal’s relationship. The bad blood from one of their first interactions and the compromising position in which she’d caught Regina and Mal, thus learning that they were dating, were probably a big part of the reason why she hadn’t been keen on the idea at first. She’d stormed out that first night when she’d found out and hadn’t come back until the next afternoon. Mal had been worried sick and Regina had barely kept her form turning into a dragon and flying over the town to look for Lily.

Lily had come around, though, and the three were living together now in Regina’s mansion. Mal and Lily would have their late night talks during which Lily often times ended up braiding her mother’s hair since she was an expert in that area. She and Regina would go shopping – sometimes for clothes, other times for groceries, which would inevitably end in Regina buying the most sugary cereal they could find per Lily’s insistence and against her own will, but, at least, in exchange Lily had agreed to take some cooking lessons from Regina. It was beyond her how someone who lived alone could not have any cooking skills whatsoever, but when she first saw what a disaster Lily was in the kitchen, she realized why the girl preferred to stay away from all activities that could be considered cooking. Still, with some help from a professional she was able to get past both the darkness put in her and her mom’s genes and had learned to do some basic things. Unlike Mal who insisted that her dragon side was getting in the way of cooking and simply refused to try.

And what really warmed Regina’s heart was that Lily and Henry got along so well. Although she had to admit that Lily had a point when she stated how weird it was to be sort of a big sister to her best friend’s son. But they played video games and showed each other me... memes? Regina was never quite sure she’d gotten the word right, but they seemed to have a great time together. And she was happy to have such a loving family.

“What happened?” Regina asked while Mal was looking her daughter over for any injuries and used her magic on even the smallest scratches she could find. Regina could swear there weren’t even scratches at some of the places Mal was “healing”.

Lily was looking at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with the ring she was wearing. “I lost control,” she admitted quietly as she moved away from her mother’s touch.

“This is why I’ve been insisting on practicing more often, Lily,” Mal said calmly but with a certain firmness to her voice as she took her daughter’s hand in her own.

Lily had been doing her best to avoid practicing control over her abilities ever since she’d decided to stay in Storybrooke. She’d seemed excited at first, but had soon started avoiding the lessons with her mom, finding various excuses to do so – looking for an apartment, looking for a job, looking for her father. It seemed like the only thing she wasn’t looking for was the ability to control her magic. Mal had decided to give her some space but the spontaneous transformations that had become more and more frequent necessitated practice. Still, Lily had only agreed to learn when things had really gotten out of hand after she’d wrecked a building. Luckily, no one had gotten hurt.

“You need to learn to control this,” Mal said as softly as she could while also trying to get her point across. She was always extremely self-aware when it came to her daughter, afraid that anything she did could make Lily jump into a car and drive away, never to return.

“Well, excuse me if I didn’t grow up in a magical land and don’t have twenty-eight years of uninterrupted experience in being a dragon,” Lily snapped and pushed herself up, causing a piece of the torn sleeve of her shirt to rip off and remain in her mom’s hand.

“Lily,” Mal jumped to her feet, too, calling after her daughter who had already distanced herself from them, running through the clearing. She was ready to summon her magic again in order to catch up with Lily when Regina put a hand on her upper arm, giving her pause which she knew would last only a few seconds.

“Let me,” Regina said, keeping it short for she could feel the tension in Mal who was ready to bolt and chase after Lily if she had to.

“I’m her mother,” Mal almost snarled at her with viciousness that Regina had rarely heard from her.

“And you’re doing great,” she reassured, knowing exactly what dark thoughts were swirling in Mal’s head. “But right now she’s agitated and might find it easier to talk to someone who’s a bit more removed from the situation,” she laid out her reasoning. She had no doubt that Mal could handle the situation. But sometimes the best way to handle something was to step back and give yourself time and space to process your emotions. And she wanted to give the opportunity to do so to both Lily and Mal.

The coldness drained out of Mal’s gaze as it softened and she nodded. “Okay.”

“Everything will be fine,” Regina rubbed her arm soothingly.

Mal nodded again, not convinced enough to confirm it verbally, but Regina could understand that. She knew what it was like to worry about your child and the relationship between you. She hadn’t expected her words to have a profound effect on Mal and would’ve been surprised if they had, but still, she wanted to offer Mal as much comfort as she could.

“Here,” Mal took her free hand and pressed the piece of Lily’s shirt in her palm as if she was entrusting her her most precious treasure. And, in a sense, she was. “In case you need to track her.” That wouldn’t be necessary and they both knew it– there wasn’t anywhere for Lily to cover herself since they’d found the most open space that Storybrooke’s grounds could offer to practice–but Regina still took the piece of clothing in hopes that it would do Mal’s nerves some good.

She removed her hand from Mal’s arm when she made sure that her girlfriend wouldn’t fall apart if she let go of her and headed after Lily.

She found her sitting on the ground behind a bunch of trees, her back rested against one of the trunks and her thighs pressed against her chest.

Lily looked up at her, ready to start a fight, but paused when she saw it was Regina and not her mom. “I’m not going to apologize,” she said as she looked at her knees and started picking at her jeans.

“I haven’t asked you to,” Regina said as she moved closer now that she knew Lily wasn’t going to run away again. It was a start. And Lily’s language had changed a lot from when she’d first arrived. She’d lost the “shove off” for which Regina was grateful. Not that it would’ve deterred her, but it was good to see the positive influence life in Storybrooke had had on Lily.

“Good,” Lily said, not showing any reaction to her approach. “Because I’m not going to.” She did look up when Regina came to stand next to her, though, and could do nothing to hide her surprise when Regina sat down on the ground.

“Okay,” Regina said. “Do you want to tell me what happened with your magic?” she used the opportunity that Lily’s shock provided to ask.

“No,” Lily gave her curt response before she’d even finished her question, looking away again.

“Okay.” Regina readjusted her position to make herself comfortable. It looked like they’d sit there for a while which was fine with her. Her only concern was Mal who was probably going out of her mind already. But there was nothing she could do about it. Pushing Lily wouldn’t get them anywhere. So she prepared to wait as long as necessary and hoped that Mal had enough patience and faith in her to do the same.

She made sure not to look at Lily, giving her space, but also quiet reassurance that there was someone there for her if she wanted to talk. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she noticed Lily giving her a nervous glance from time to time.

That went on for a while before Lily finally spoke. “Will you stop that?” she demanded.

“Stop what exactly?” Regina asked, looking at her. The sight was concerning. Lily looked somewhere between throwing a fit or bursting in tears. Possibly both at the same time.

“Both you and mom are always so understanding and I just can’t stand it,” Lily said, her hands colliding with her knees in frustration.

“Why is that?” Regina turned towards Lily fully, inviting her to continue.

“Because I’m always left wondering if this last thing I did will finally make you explode, if this is the thing that will make you so mad at me... you’ll never want to see me again,” she finished in a hushed tone and angrily tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Well, I can help with that,” Regina said, putting a hand on Lily’s own, thus causing her to look at her. “There’s nothing you can do–do you hear me, nothing–that will make either your mother or me give up on you.” They’d been through different versions of that a couple of times in the past. The wounds still seemed to resurface every time something went even slightly awry. But both she and Mal were ready to see Lily through every last one of her episodes of doubt.

“Just wait until I do something truly outrageous,” Lily chuckled, but it sounded more like a cry of despair. “I always do something outrageous,” she added quietly, staring at her knees. She looked like she was remembering all the horrible decisions she’d made and Regina couldn’t watch her walk herself down that path.

“Lily,” she said, “look at me and your mom. We’ve done more than a few outrageous things in our days of villainy. We’ve killed people.” She’d never thought she’d bring that up during a pep talk but there was a first time for everything. “You couldn’t possibly push us away.”

“I want to believe that, too. I do,” Lily said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself more than Regina. “But mom always looks at me like I’m the most perfect thing she’s ever seen, and I just... I’m not.” Her voice was getting shakier by the second. “I know I’ll do something that will disappoint her. Enough to push her away forever,” Lily was on the verge of tears. Regina could see them gathering in her eyes, waiting for the smallest push to start falling. She’d never seen her cry before.

Regina took a deep breath before asking, “Do you know what the price of casting the Dark Curse was?”

Lily looked at her and the confusion in her eyes seemed to force the tears back. She shook her head.

“I had to crush the heart of the thing I loved most,” Regina said slowly. It was painful to bring back the memory. But if it had even the smallest chance of helping Lily, she was willing to do it. “And that was my father,” she continued, feeling her own eyes welling up with tears.

Lily was looking dumbstruck at her. She’d already pieced together what was coming next.

“As you know, I cast the Curse so you can figure out what happened.”

Lily nodded, barely. But she still hadn’t run away so Regina supposed that was good. It was what gave her the strength to continue.

“I found him when we went to the Underworld, and do you know what he told me?” she asked, wiping away at the tears that had started falling down her cheeks at the memory. “He told me he forgave me.” She managed a smile as the tears kept coming. “I crushed his heart out of vengeance, and he found the strength and love to forgive me.” She looked Lily in the eyes. “Because he’s my father.”

Lily squeezed her hand while Regina conjured a tissue to wipe away the tears and her smeared mascara.

“Listen, Lily,” she shoved the tissue in her coat pocket and took Lily’s hand in both of hers, holding it tightly. “I know it’s hard to believe that someone can love you unconditionally when no one ever has. Because every time you let your guard down, life would slap you in the face.” She herself had had her fair share of that, losing everyone she loved over and over again. Hell, she was still scared to death that she’d wake up one morning and Mal wouldn’t be lying next to her and would be ten feet underground instead, leaving her with another gaping hole in her heart. “It’s hard to take a leap of faith when you’ve broken your bones time and time again because there was no one to catch you. But I can promise you that this time there is someone to catch you,” she said looking at Lily to see that the tears were filling her eyes again but there was also hope in there. And a dash of courage. “Your mother will never give up on you because that’s what parents do. No matter how hard you try to push her away, she’ll be there for you. And so will I.”

The tears started falling from Lily’s eyes, making room for the relief that flooded her. “Thank you,” she whispered as she squeezed Regina’s hands with her own once more.

“Always, dear,” Regina smiled at her and pulled one hand out of Lily’s death grip to conjure a tissue for her.

Lily took it from her, ending the hand-holding, and wiped her tears away as she laughed nervously. “I’m so glad I got over my jealousy of you.”

“What are you talking about?” Regina knitted her brows.

“When I found out you and mom were dating, I was acting like a real bitch because I was jealous.” She started bunching the tissue in her fingers. “I was scared mom would stop spending time with me because of you.”

“That’s-”

“Stupid. I know,” Lily nodded, the self-deprecation hitting Regina harder than she would’ve expected.

“Not at all,” she said, drawing Lily’s attention back to her. “When Emma first came to town, I was so scared that she would take Henry away from me. I would stop at nothing to make sure that wouldn’t happen.” She hated to think of those times. They seemed like another life that she had no desire to revisit. It’d been painful enough to live through it once. All the hatred, desperation and fear had made her more than a real bitch. “I understand,” she said, wishing to put a stop to the stroll down memory lane. It was pointless anyway. Things had changed for the better and she had people who loved her now, people she had to take care of.

“I’d just found my mom,” Lily added, feeling the need to further justify her actions or simply to share. Regina wasn’t certain. “I didn’t want to lose her.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Regina patted the back of her hand. “Your mom was ready to end our relationship for you.”

“I know,” Lily nodded. “That was what changed my mind, you know? I realized you weren’t a threat to our relationship and I wanted her to be happy. And you make her happy.”

Regina smiled at Lily’s words.

“How did you react when she told you she was ready to end things between you because of me?” Lily asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

“I understood completely,” Regina said without hesitation. “I would’ve done the same if Henry had asked me to and your mother knows that. You and Henry are the most important people for me and your mother.”

That seemed to reassure Lily. “I’m so happy mom has you.” She smiled at her.

“I’m happy to have her, too,” Regina admitted. “But we’d better get going because she’s probably completely out of her mind by now,” she stood up and dusted herself off. They’d been gone a long time. She was surprised Mal hadn’t come looking for them. She knew she would have if she were in Mal’s shoes. But then again, she’d never had much patience.

“You’re right,” Lily got up as well but didn’t bother to clean her clothes from any dirt that might have stuck to them. “She was already freaking out before I even left.”

The two headed back in comfortable silence.

“Can I ask for advice on magic?” Lily spoke hesitantly.

“Of course, dear,” Regina was ready to jump into magical lecture mode right away. “Tell me what happened before.”

“Well, you and mom were watching and I got scared that I’d fail and disappoint you,” Lily said, pushing her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

“Magic is emotion,” Regina said. She thought Mal would’ve mentioned it but even if she had, it might have slipped through the cracks. Either way, it was worth repeating. “When you fear that you’ll fail, that’s exactly what will happen.” She remembered her own countless fruitless attempts to master even the simplest of spells. Self-doubt definitely hadn’t helped. “Instead of putting your energy towards worrying, try to focus it on the task at hand. I know it’s easier said than done, but with some practice you’ll learn in no time.”

“I feel like that won’t be a problem anymore.” Lily grinned at her.

The two soon saw Mal pacing around like a caged animal. She immediately rushed to them when she spotted them, even forgetting to use her magic and teleport in her haste.

“Lily,” she threw herself at her daughter, wrapping her in a suffocating embrace. “Are you okay?” she asked as she pulled back to look at her. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, mom. I’m sorry,” Lily said as she held onto her. “You were only trying to help. I was out of line,” she said, causing Mal to give her a surprised look. “But I’m ready to practice again. If you want to?”

“Are you sure?” Mal asked, instinctively glancing at Lily’s arm to make sure the wound wasn’t there anymore. “You got injured.”

“I’m fine,” Lily said. “And I know you two have my back,” she added as she turned to look at Regina.

“Okay then,” Mal agreed. Her smile was as wide as it could get.

“Great.” Lily disentangled herself from her mom’s arms and took a few steps back before turning into a dragon and rising in the sky.

Mal followed her with her gaze before looking at Regina. “Thank you,” she said as she caught Regina’s hands.

“Of course.” Regina smiled. “Now go join your daughter.”

“Want to come?” Mal offered. It would hardly be the first time Regina had ridden on her back.

Regina shook her head, “I think I’ll sit this one out.”

Mal gave her a grateful look and a quick peck on the lips before turning into a dragon herself and joining Lily.

Regina watched the two dragons glide through the sky. She had no doubt that Lily would soon master all the moves. Soon she’d be able to fly without needing neither Mal, nor Regina’s help. But they’d still be there for her even when that happened. Because it was what family did for each other.

#regina mills #lily page #maleficent #dragon queen #once upon a time #ouat #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing #100 followers #operation end

12 notes · View notes