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crusty-chronicles · 9 months ago

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The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 16: Not Myself

Synopsis: Y/n tries to make today the best it can possibly be…Even if that means pretending to be okay with it. Meanwhile, the boys encounter a very familiar chimera ant. But what's that???? Oh no! 😱😱😱 Could it be???? Childhood trauma 🫣

Silence.

It was quiet when Gon returned to the small home. Too quiet for his liking. He expected to hear you and Killua talking. To come back to your usual banter before you went on your date with Palm. But there was nothing from either of you.

He walked in further. A faint mumbling from your room at last reaching his ears. Maybe the two of you were in there? However it didn't seem likely as he approached your door. He couldn't sense Killua's presence inside with you. Then all at once you'd gone quiet.

Like you just now realized he was here.

Gon was by no means an idiot. Sure he had his moments, but that didn’t make him completely oblivious. Something had happened. Something had been happening judging by the way Killua was distancing himself from you and Gon. Never saying much anymore. Instead, observing from afar.

And now something was happening with you. As if your muttering hadn't already been an indication.

He gave a few knocks on your door before calling your name.

“Y/n!”

He could hear you let out a sigh before responding.

“You can come in.”

You were sitting on your bed when he walked in. The room being much neater than Palm had left it. But the room wasn't the only thing that was different. Somehow, you seemed less drained. Getting up and taking your clothes with a certain vigor that wasn't there before.

Gon could tell immediately that something was off with you. You'd been dreading going on this date all morning, and now you seemed enthusiastic about it. Moving about with energy he'd never seen you have before.

“You were quick, you know that?” You said, giving him a pat to the head that was almost robotic. Not something you'd done out of affection like earlier, but because you simply had to.

Why were you treating him like that? Like he really was a little kid. The gentle inflection in your voice making him worry. The best way to describe it was a forced cheeriness. Except he had trouble telling if it really was forced.

Then you'd flashed him a smile, but it wasn't yours. It felt fake. Practiced. Artificial from how perfect it looked. How wide and toothy it was. A small noticeable gap in the middle. Had that always been there?

Your smiles, your real ones were always crooked. Almost to the point of being cruel. And they were small. Never stretching out across your entire face.

But this one looked charismatic. Devoid of the usual tiredness you held. To someone who didn't know you, it would feel welcoming. Charming. But to someone like Gon who'd spent the better half of a year with you, it was anything but. Like a switch had flipped.

“Thank you so much, munchkin.” And now that he was hearing it again, your tone…. It was boisterous.

This was not you.

It couldn't be.

You who was always tired, always snarky, always comforting…Were now upbeat and detached. What had happened in the 30 minute span he'd been gone?

“You're acting off.” He voiced his concerns at last. But instead of reassuring him, you just brushed it off like nothing.

“Am I? I feel fine.”

A brief squeeze to his shoulder before you spoke again.

“Don't stress yourself out over nothing, okay?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” He didn't believe you for a second.

You weren't fine yesterday when you came home. You were on edge. More irritable than usual with Palm’s presence. And now you were acting like this. This was not nothing. Maybe the stress from the Chimera Ants had finally broken you? Maybe it was something else?

Maybe it was someone else?

“Never better. Now give me a few minutes to change and we'll be on our way.” Again came that smile as you ushered him out. The one that was the complete opposite of yours.

You'd closed the door shut once he was out. It was like you were hiding from him. Scared to be around for more than a few minutes. And before he could try to figure out what it meant, he was face to face with Killua.

“Oh, you're back.” His voice coming out scratchy.

Then there were his eyes, puffy and slightly bloodshot. He'd been crying. Gon wanted to question him. Ask him what was wrong. But he had a feeling it wasn't the right time. You were leaving in 10 minutes. If he asked now, Killua would probably shut down at an interruption. And then he'd refuse for it to be brought up again.

He'd wait until you left to get to the bottom of this. But he knew, he was certain he knew what the reason was.

Something had happened between the two of you.

And a fight was the most likely answer.

—-------------------

You weren't used to this anymore. Being so smiley and upbeat just because. Acting like you had it all figured out. And maybe you did when you were 7. There'd only ever been one goal at the time. One purpose. But you also had a home. People to connect with.

Maybe that was why you were so damn happy.

You didn't have to worry about looking over your shoulder. You didn't have to worry about food. You didn't have to worry about taking care of others. All you had to do was make the head of your clan happy. Appease him in exchange for everything else.

But now you had nothing. You weren't wanted anymore. Maybe you never really were. Your life for the past twenty something years revolved around your usefulness. What you could offer others in exchange for normalcy. And the revelation had pushed you past your limit.

It left you feeling numb. You simply didn't care anymore. Whatever happened to you after this, it didn't matter. The brief concern from Gon didn't matter. The regret littering Killua's aura didn't matter.

They wouldn't have to ‘worry’ about you ever again. So you plastered on a smile you'd long overgrown. A tone that was honeyed and eccentric. Movements that weren't slowed with exhaustion.

It felt like you were disassociating with every step you took. The person you were trying to portray had died 13 years ago with their sister. All that was left now was a husk.

A coward, a disgrace, a burden.

Something so pitiful and useless, yet it longed for a reason to keep going. A life worth living with people worth living for. And for a moment, it had that. For a brief moment, you had that.

You were supposed to enjoy today. Make it worth it before you sought out ‘Father.’ But you were just floating by. Living because you had to. Treating it more like a chore than one last hurrah.

Tired. You were so unbelievably tired. You longed for rest. And if it happened to be permanent, then that wouldn't be so bad.

You shouldn't think like that. No, you had to get through today first.

The boys had wanted to see you off. Or well, Gon had wanted to see you off and Killua followed him. The boy in green seemingly oblivious to the other’s melancholy state. Had Killua not told him about the fight?

A small part of you wanted to know why. But you reminded yourself it wasn't your concern. Not anymore. Whatever they chose to do next, it was no longer your responsibility.

A call of your name snapped you from your thoughts.

“Over here!” The voice sounded again.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the prettiest woman you've ever seen. Long brown hair with amethyst colored eyes. A black and pale-yellow dress with stockings to match. She waited for your response with a bashful expression.

“Huh? I'm sorry, who are…” the words dying on your tongue as the realization came.

No way.

No fricken way!

But your eyes were never wrong.

The woman in front of you was none other than Palm. They’re auras being an exact match. The only difference was that it was less intense than before.

You could feel your cheeks warm as she came closer. The heat rising to your ears at the small laugh she gave. This was really her? You were by no means vain, or at least you tried not to be. But you couldn't help getting flustered by the beautiful woman in front of you. Your facade momentarily slipping away.

“P-Palm?” You stuttered. Still unbelieving that she was the one in front of you. You could sense the discomfort steadily rise from her aura.

“Do I look strange to you?” She seemed to be second guessing herself.

It took you all but a second to gather your thoughts. Your radiant front returning.

“Strange? Not at all. If I'm being honest, you're absolutely breathtaking. My heart can't stop beating.”

But it truly did beat for someone else entirely.

“Oh no, please stop it. You're being far too loud! It's just so embarrassing!” Palm squealed, hiding behind her hands.

You gently coaxed them away from her face. Offering a smile that felt a little more genuine.

“Hey, don't hide away from me. I'm supposed to be your date, remember? And you're not the only one who's all dressed up.”

Your cooing tone making butterflies erupt in her stomach. For the first time that day, she took a real good look at you. You'd been dressed a little more formal than she was. Wearing a nice button up with a pair of black slacks. Her previous worry replaced by a feeling of fondness at your effort. Then you'd extended your arm forward, offering a small bouquet of roses.

“These are for you, by the way.” You said. And her heart melted right then and there.

“Ooh, you're being too sweet!”

The interaction being observed by both boys with scrutiny. It looked like you and Palm were going to get along just fine. And it was bittersweet for the small assassin, who didn't expect you to be so radiant after your fight.

A part of him expected to see you upset. You sure as hell sounded like it earlier. But another told him that this was probably for the best. He'd hurt you enough this morning. Said things he could never take back. And now it was time to let you go. Who was he to stand in your way after what he'd done?

But the boy in green had a different perspective.

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to feel relieved that you and Palm would hit it off. But it wasn't how things were supposed to be. You and Kite liked each other.

You and him were supposed to end up together, right?

It'd taken him and Killua a while to get used to the idea, but Kite was someone who'd earned both of their trusts. Who'd earned their respect. And the way he'd stepped up when you were at your lowest, it meant something.

It showed that he really did care about you, and that you were finally comfortable enough to let down your guard.

You two just fit together in a way that felt too special for words.

But the way you looked at Palm said otherwise. Your eyes so bright with a smile so big. You looked more at ease than you had with Kite.

Then again, you hadn't been acting like yourself today.

Gon wasn't selfish enough to believe just because you and Kite had liked each other, you couldn't find anybody else. That you couldn't move on.

But you and Palm didn't fit quite right together.

He and Killua didn't know her. They didn't trust her or know anything about her intentions. In fact, he'd almost been the one forced on this date. She'd also threatened the both of them several times. He didn't feel comfortable with you going out with somebody like that.

When Kite had put up with so much to keep them safe.

He didn't like the thought of leaving you by yourself with her, but you were always careful. And he needed to find out what was going on with you and Killua. So he let you go, reminding himself that this was just one date. This was a favor, and you wouldn't be going on another one with her.

“We'll leave you to it. Have fun Y/n!” He encouraged before tugging Killua away to talk. Palm leading you away in the other direction.

He was immediately met with resistance from the small assassin. Killua pulling back and trying to turn his head to see you. Watching almost frantically as your figure shrunk smaller and smaller out of sight.

“We can just let Palm drag them away! You know Y/n doesn't fight. We need to keep an eye on them just in case.” He argued. Trying to justify following you around.

Grasping at straws because if you were being serious this morning, it'd be the last time he ever saw you. The last time they ever got to see you happy.

‘You can't even fight anyways. You'd just continue to be a burden.’ The memory of what he said hitting him like a truck.

You weren't a burden. He wasn't doing this because you were. He just wanted to make sure your date went perfectly, so he could let you go with the knowledge that today had been your best.

“They're getting away. We have to-” but Gon stopped him before he could finish.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

The question catching him completely off guard. His eyes widening as he tried to come up with something to say.

“What? Crying? Maybe you were just seeing things.” It was a very flimsy excuse even Killua didn't buy.

“Killua, you can't lie to me. We've been best friends for over a year. I don't need you to tell me you're upset to know.” And in Gon's eyes was an unshakable resolve.

One that was saying, ‘it’ll be okay.’ That it was okay to trust him. But Killua was still too afraid to tell him everything. He wouldn't look at him with that same reassurance if he did.

“What happened while I was gone?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head. His eyes brimming with a familiar wetness from this morning.

“I can't say…. You'll hate me.”

“I could never hate you. I promise.” Gon assured. Wrapping his arm around him in a side hug. Remembering what you said about promises and taking it with stride.

“You mean it? You won't leave if I tell you?” Because if you left today and Gon followed, he'd have nothing. All because he'd blamed you for everything.

“I swear.”

He took a deep breath before finally explaining everything.

“...Me and Y/n got into a fight this morning. And-and I told them I never wanted to see them again.” But he'd said a little more than that. Worse than that.

‘I hate you.’

“I didn't mean it. But just look at them. They look so happy. Like it's a relief to never see us again.” You were happier without them.

“I messed up….And I don't think I can fix it this time.” He admitted. Leaning into Gon and finally crying. Letting go of everything he'd kept bottled up today.

“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say when this is the happiest I've ever seen them?”

“You say you're sorry.” Gon said, as if it was a matter of fact.

“What?”

“You apologize to Y/n. I won't argue that they seem happy, but something about it feels forced. Like they're pretending. So maybe they feel just as upset as you do. Maybe you’ve been too lost in your thoughts to not notice it. But nothing will get better unless you two talk about it. You know that right?”

No, he was wrong about that. Things would get better for Gon if he apologized. But for Killua, he'd already made his bed. When the month was over, he'd be gone. Bisky’s words reminding him that he was only burdening Gon by staying. And that was why he was in this mess now. Blaming you for that. He'd made it your fault.

“It won't fix anything.” He said at last. He couldn't take back anything he'd said. He couldn't possibly make you love him again with everything he said and accused you of.

But Gon's persistence would win in the end. And although he didn't know it yet, it would be something Killua was eternally grateful for.

“Just try. For me, try.” When it came to Gon, he'd do just about anything.

“Okay. I'll try.”

—------------

How long had it been already? Maybe four hours. Were dates usually supposed to be this long? Were you supposed to be out the entire day? You didn't know, or rather you didn't care to ask.

If your date lasted a little longer, then that wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, you were more drained than usual. Using so much energy to look your absolute best. Expending yourself beyond the usual limit despite your tired mind’s protest.

But so far, nobody except you knew the depths of your physical strain. You were always good at hiding how you really felt. Being taught emotions were a weakness from your former clan. Pitty, fear, burnout, and the like. All of it wasn't needed, with the exception of your determination to persevere.

You were currently at a restaurant with Palm. Nodding along enthusiastically as she told a story about her and Knov -her mentor. You could see her aura swell with unwavering affection when she spoke about him. There was respect there, yes, but it was mostly love. Infatuation probably fit a little better.

And it had you thinking about why she was on a date with you when she seemed to love him so much. Then again, she talked about him like he was a light who shouldn't be dimmed by someone like her. Like he was too perfect to even approach.

Maybe it humanized her a little bit. Letting you see her as a person with feelings rather than an unstable psycho. Because, despite your differences, you could understand her sentiment. Her reasoning with Knov.

And why, you may ask?

Because it felt similar to yours with Kite. It wasn't quite the same, but it didn't have to be to relate to each other. You both felt the object of your affections couldn't possibly have feelings for people like you. It had led you to a realization though.

Fear of rejection didn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You two should be here with completely different people. You shouldn't have to go on a date to feel wanted by somebody else. To seek validation from others. Although you'd been forced on this date, but that's besides the point.

You knew how you felt and she knew how she felt.

You two weren't right for each other. So you asked-

“If Knov gave you a chance, would you take it?”

You could feel her shock. Then her confusion. Then her embarrassment.

“I…I think I would. But he'd never, and anyways, I'm here with you. Let's just focus on each other for now, okay?”

You could tell she was trying to be nice. It let you know she at least cared on some level about your (non-existent) feelings. You didn't mind all that much. And it gave you an out of she tried to ask for a second date.

Oh right.

There'd be no second date anyways.

Which reminded you- the boys had been following you all day. You could never mistake their auras, no matter how faint they made them. They were seated three tables behind you. Holding up their menus every time you turned around so you wouldn't see them. Something that normally would have a real smile tugging on your lips.

But they didn't want you anymore.

They didn't need you anymore.

Why they couldn't just make this easier and leave you alone, you didn't know. Perhaps they wanted to make sure you actually went through with it. Or perhaps Gon wanted to make sure you were safe and Killua followed him. You still had no idea if he knew what happened or not. You had to remind yourself again that it was none of your business anymore.

So you continued on like nothing was happening. Giving Palm your full attention and then some. Anything to avoid the weight of your situation a little longer.

—------------------

A laugh. Then a compliment. And finally a smile. The way you were speaking with so much energy. It wasn't you. Gon was right, you felt off. Then again, all of it could've been genuine.

It looked like a weight was lifted from your shoulders from Killua's perspective. You were happy you were leaving. Unfazed from the argument.

And it hurt.

It hurt to see you were doing better than ever without them. The circles around your eyes ten times lighter. He'd never known you to be so talkative. So in your element around others.

Had they ruined your life by persuading you to stay? You were never like this with them. Had you always been this well off without the duo?

So full of life?

Would you even want an apology? Or would you say ‘Thank you, I can finally move on with my life!’ Treat the argument like a blessing in disguise?

He just might break if that was the case.

—--------------------------------

You'd been everywhere. A caffe, a park, an ice cream parlor. Practically going sightseeing in this city. Currently, you and Palm were walking through an aquarium. It was probably the first activity that completely wiped off your wide grin. Replacing your indifference with awe.

You'd heard about these things from one of your older peers. The way they described it didn't do justice to what you were seeing now. You'd always wanted to go, but between looking over your shoulder and being completely broke, you never had the opportunity.

Your eyes trailed after a sea turtle. Watching it zoom by and upwards. A small school of minnows following suit. You don't know when it happened, but your eyes had focused solely on the pane of glass that separated you from the marine life.

You were used to seeing everybody's emotions. To sensing their intensity. From searing anger to the brightest joy. But you'd never seen anything like this. Pure content from every creature swimming by. A wave of calm undisturbed by fear or malice.

You focused on people because you had to. You needed to know their intentions for your safety. You never bothered with animals. You weren't scared of them and they weren't dangerous unlike your own kin. You just never saw the purpose in doing it.

But now you did. It was a treat for your eyes and a blessing to your overworked senses. You don't remember the last time you felt this peaceful. If you were to be killed right now, you wouldn't have any complaints or regrets. You'd die in this blissful state without worries.

You barely registered the feeling of Palm resting her head on your shoulder.

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She whispered.

And all of a sudden, you weren't pretending anymore.

“Yeah. This is always what I imagined I'd get to see with my eyes. The best in what the world has to offer. The beauty of life as a whole…But it's not all like this.”

Maybe if it was, you'd have lived a better life. You would've had a family filled with love and support. Kari would still be here with you.

“What do you mean?” Palm asked.

Despite the bittersweet feeling in your chest, the wide smile on your face became more genuine. Softer.

“Humor me for a bit,” you responded before making goggles with your hands. Summoning your nen into them to create your spyglass.

“This is how I see the world.”

You placed your hands over her eyes and watched as the shock settled in. She took in every detail with wonder. The complete serenity radiating off of each creature.

“You really see like this?”

“Most of the time. Some days I get overwhelmed and shut off my nen.” You explained before pulling your hands back, realizing you were a lot closer than you initially thought.

A bright hue overtaking her face, to which you responded by clearing your throat.

“We've still got a bunch of exhibits to visit. C'mon, after this I have a surprise for you. We won't get a chance to see it if we're late.”

You offered her your hand once again. And to your surprise, she took it without hesitation.

—---------------

It was nearing the end of the day by the time you reached your destination. The sun barely beginning its descent as the two of you sat in a small clearing by the edge of a lake. To your shock, the boys were still following you. You figured they would have left you alone by now. So you decided, for the sake of your sanity, to completely dim your senses until you couldn't feel them anymore.

You'd be vulnerable, but you supposed it didn't matter now that your day was drawing to a close. Whatever happened now, you'd be okay with. Come what may, you had no regrets. Or did you.

“Is there a specific reason you brought me here, or did you want to watch the sunset together?” Palm asked, her tone slightly teasing.

You returned it with another wide smile. Trying your best not to show the strain that came with it.

“Well you see, I wanted to be a hunter once.” The words were almost painful on your tongue. Something you hadn't said out loud since you were seven.

“I knew an old man who was probably the closest I got to having a father. He was a real stinker though. A grouchy old codger. Buuuut he told me that fire flies were one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. Do you know why?”

She shook her head no.

Funny how you could ramble on now that your life has lost meaning.

“For starters, they're bioluminescent. And I don't know about you, but any creature that can produce it's own light is cool in my book. Second, is the reason why they glow. Do you know that one?”

Again she shook her head. And before you had time to be embarrassed about what you were going to say, you went for it.

“They glow to attract mates.”

The sun had set perfectly over the horizon as if right on cue. Not even a second later had little specks of light descended down. Circling around the tall oak tree that was centered on the lake before a few made their way over.

“I guess you could say love is in the air.” Ew, since when did you become all cheesy?

You stood up, offering her your hand and pulling Palm to her feet.

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

—---------------------

“How much farther are they gonna go?” Killua complained.

The two of them had been following you all day and still your date wasn't over. From that small diner, to the aquarium, and now a forest. At this rate, he wouldn't get a chance to try and make things right until sundown. You and Palm couldn't possibly have that much to talk about. Nothing that should've kept you away the entire day.

“I don't know…But maybe it's time we stop following them around?” Gon suggested.

And once again Killua was grasping for straws.

“I…Not yet. The day's not over yet. Anything could happen. And don't you think it's strange Y/n hasn't sensed us yet?” It was probably his most valid point of the day.

It didn't make it any less true though. If you hadn't noticed them following you, then there was a lot more you wouldn't notice. Or worse, what if you'd shut off your nen? You'd be completely open to an attack.

“Maybe they did and just let us tag along? When have you ever known Y/n to let their guard down?” Gon countered.

He knew how much making up to you meant to Killua. He knew how badly he wanted to reconcile with you. But maybe it was best to wait for you to come back later, instead of chasing you around. You could take care of yourself perfectly fine, and deep down Killua knew that. Gon knew that he knew that. Which is why he couldn't let him keep making excuses to stay.

You two would get a chance to talk, of that he was sure.

“I don't know. But I just don't feel right leaving them.” The small assassin said at last.

“Look,” Gon directed towards the clearing you and Palm were in. The two of you sitting down and talking.

“They'll be okay.”

It was then that the weight of the situation hit him.

What was he doing? Following you around like a little kid. You deserved your privacy. He'd already ruined your piece of mind.

'Stay away from both of us. You'd only continue to be a burden.'

It was funny in a way. He'd called you a burden, yet here he was like some sorta stalker, waiting for the opportunity to approach you. Bringing Gon along because he just couldn't leave you alone. Unable to tell him the truth about what happened. Why saying sorry wouldn't fix everything.

So focused on staying in both of your lives that he somehow managed to push the both of you out.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“You're right. Let's leave them be. I'll get a chance to talk to them later.” He gave a tired smile that mimicked yours.

It was then Gon pulled him into a real hug. Giving his back a small pat.

“It'll be okay. For now, let's go home.”

Home.

Except it wouldn't feel like one without you there.

The two of them started their trek back. Much slower and a little more tired than when they'd been following you. The sun just barely setting before Killua sensed it.

The unmistakable sensation of bloodlust. Which meant… A chimera ant was near. Maybe it had already passed through? Then again, the feeling was only growing stronger.

Damn.

Should they warn you?

No.

Palm would go berserk if they interrupted her date.

Damnit.

“Killua? Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

That's right. Gon wasn't able to sense the ant whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to fight either. Not without risking his life, and Killua promised himself that he would protect Gon no matter what.

“There's a Chimera Ant nearby. Damnit, and I can't let you wander off without knowing where it is.”

“I can defend myself. All the ants that came before weren't a problem. This one shouldn't be either.” Gon protested.

But Killua just couldn't risk it. So much had already gone wrong.

“Just let me protect you.” His fist clenching self-consciously.

“Let me do one thing right today.”

And for the first time in awhile, there was a strong resolve in his eyes. Burning with determination.

“Okay, but I won't run away. No matter what, we stick together.” Gon relented.

Killua gave a nod. Just in time for a figure to emerge from the underbrush. One they'd seen before, to their surprise.

It was the rabbit ant. The very same whose arm you'd broken back at the NGL. The one you'd shattered to protect Gon. And was that- Damn! A murky aura surrounded it. One that was practiced.

It had managed to learn nen.

“I thought I smelled humans,” It sneered.

The duo quickly took a stance, preparing for the ant to lunge. Instead, it only continued to taunt them.

“I remember you. That's right. You're those brats from before. It looks like your luck’s run out. Especially without that other human here to save you.”

Seems it also remembered you. Not good.

“You two are about to get a taste of hell you're never gonna forget.” It continued with a smirk. Pointing at the two of them.

“Of course, it won't last forever you know?”

Killua could feel Gon tensing from besides him. If he lost his cool now, they'd be in serious trouble. There was no telling what that thing’s ability was. They both had to be careful. Size the enemy up before making any rash decisions.

‘Run. If you don't know what the enemy is capable of, keep your distance.’

“Where is that other friend of yours?” Rammot looked around before staring them down with a malicious grin.

“Once you tell me their location, I promise I'll make it quick. It can't be that far. They are your protector, aren't they?”

Gon took a step forward, and Killua had to fight himself not to take one backwards.

“I'll just walk around making lots of noise and swinging your severed heads. And it won't be long before they come to find me. That's how humans are. Am I right?”

Wrong. You wouldn't come for them. Not anymore.

But those words were Gon's breaking point.

“You won't lay a finger on them.”

Killua had never seen him this aggressive. He was sure without a doubt Gon would have given his life right then and there to keep you safe. After what happened with Kite, it made sense he'd be more protective of you. More pressured to make sure the same never happened with you.

But this was not the way to do it. And whereas Killua was flawed with overanalyzing combat, Gon was flawed with being too impulsive. Letting his emotions get the better of him. So the small assassin quickly extended his arm in front before he could make a move.

“Don't. Trust me on this, you don't stand a chance right now. Not without your nen.” He warned.

And before Gon could respond, the ant made a dash forward.

“Let's just test that theory, shall we!”

—-------------------

You stood hand in hand with Palm. Guiding her to the edge of the lake. One foot on the surface of the water without disturbing it. And much to her shock, you didn't sink into the water. Then you took another step back, urging her forward.

“What are you-” She started.

“Trust me. I won't let you fall.” You assured.

Walking on water. Quite the trick if you do say so yourself. You'd used your nen to form a small circle under you. Almost like a little shield to keep you afloat. And as long as Palm stayed in that same radius, she'd be fine.

She gave you a hesitant look, inching towards you but not ready to take the full leap. You offered up another reassuring smile. Lightly brushing your thumbs over the back of her hands. A gesture that had her blushing.

“You promise you won't drop me?” She asked.

“Only a fool would drop a girl like you.” You responded with a teasing grin.

With that, she took her first step onto the lake. Staring back up in awe at you. Grabbing your forearm as you lead her deeper into the center. A flurry of fireflies surrounding you both.

You took that as a cue to use the rest of your nen. Conjuring up little instruments back on the shore. Two marionettes, one a jester and one a ballerina, began to play. A somber jazz melody filled the air causing Palm to look around.

“I thought some slow dancing would be a nice way to end the day.” You redirected. Guiding her arms to your shoulders as you placed yours on her waist. Swaying her softly to the music while she continued to look up at you flustered.

“This is…I've never experienced something so special before.” Palm said at last.

You could feel affection swell in her aura, and you really didn't know how to take it. You were flattered but…Nevermind. You just had to finish the day. Get through this part and make it memorable. And then, you'd get the quiet you desperately craved.

The music had swelled to a part you remembered. It had been an oldie. But regardless, it remained something from the better part of your childhood. One of Kari’s favorites too.

“Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me.”

So you treated it like one of your favorites too. Leading while you danced. Every turn, every spin, every dip was precise in a way that felt effortless. The sun vanishing beyond the horizon and soon replaced by stars. The fireflies illuminated the lake, creating something that mimicked a fairytale.

Beautiful and serene.

You wished you could've done more today. Enjoyed yourself more. God knows these would be the last memories you'd be creating. But you just weren't that person anymore. You'd changed. You would have liked to say for the better, but you were a fuck up everytime. Amounting to nothing no matter the outcome. You shouldn't have wasted the energy trying to keep up, but it's not like you needed it anymore.

You and Palm made your way back to the shore. All of your nen returning to you in a rush. Though you couldn't say you felt any better with it.

Your day was over.

“Thank you for everything,” Palm started.

And so too was the pathetic life you lived.

“I really enjoyed myself.” She looked up at you with rosy cheeks.

“Me too.” You expected it to end there. Preparing to leave when what she did next caught you off guard.

Palm had leaned forward with her lips slightly puckered. Your reaction was slow, but just before she reached you, you'd leaned back. Placing your hands on her shoulders to keep her at a distance. Your face scorching hot as your mind raced a thousand miles a second.

She wanted to kiss you. And maybe you should have let her. It would have made the night all the more magical, right? But this wasn't just any kiss. It would have been your first. And you wanted your first kiss to be with….

An image of a certain silver haired hunter flashed in your mind.

Your heart already belonged to someone else. Someone you weren't even sure was okay. Who you still had no idea about what happened to him. But you didn't mind. You'd wait forever if it meant there was a chance to see him again. Or you would have if your circumstances were different.

All you could do now was hope he'd turn out okay. Continue living his life to the fullest.

“I'm sorry. I'd really like to return your feelings, but I just can't. I…” I'm in love with a man who's probably dead. It didn't feel right to bring that up. Because saying it, meant you had to admit it to yourself. And you were the furthest thing ready from that.

“What? Why not?” You could feel her bloodlust start to spike. The feeling mixing with red hot anger.

So you brought up the only thing that could possibly get you off the hook.

“We're not right for each other, and you know that. You love someone else…and so do I. And that's okay. We had fun. We got to enjoy each other's company today. And that's okay, too. But just because today was great, that doesn't mean we're meant to be together.” Your words were cooing. Like you were explaining something to the boys.

Palm only stared at you in dead silence. Her anger retreating back.

“You told me about Knov earlier. It's clear he holds a very special place in your heart. Believe it or not, you hold one in his too. You're his only pupil. He practically lets you follow him around everywhere. And if he's willing to put up with you at your worst, that says something. Believe me, I would know a thing or two about that.”

Because Kite had done the same. From your temper to your breakdown, he'd stayed. Maybe he liked you back after all.

“Don't force yourself to be satisfied with somebody else, when you could be happy with him.”

You could feel her bloodlust simmer down until it fizzled out completely.

“...Do you really think…he likes me?” Her voice was shy, but it still had an edge to it. If you said something wrong, she'd snap.

And then it'd be back to square one.

“Yeah. Watch. He's gonna be happy to see you're okay. Now…Do you want me to walk you to your place?”

For the last time that night, you extended your hand. And for the last time, she took it. Her grip more assured and less timid.

—------------------

It was like Killua was stuck in time. Seeing the Chimera Ant get closer and closer with its fist raised. Its sights set on him. He willed his body to move. To dodge. Anything. But he stood paralyzed, preparing for the pain of a fist making contact with his stomach.

But it never came.

Gon had shoved him out of the way with a cry. Both of them toppling over each other and skidding a few feet.

‘Run.’

Killua froze once again at the sound of his brother's voice. He could see that Gon was talking, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear the concern. ‘Killua, are you okay? You have to get up. He's coming back! Move!’

He felt his body get shoved once more, except this time, Gon hadn't moved with him. Rammot lifting up his hand and slapping him without any restraint. Its bloodlust aiding in keeping him down. Gon was unable to defend against it with his own aura.

He was completely defenseless.

And yet…He was still giving it his all.

Killua could only watch in horror as he was tossed to the side. The boy in green trying his best to get up before Rammot kicked his stomach, once again sending him flying before his back made harsh contact with a tree.

“GON!”

The ant turned around with a sadistic grin. Almost giddy at the small assassin's destress. Blue eyes wide with an oh so delicious fear.

“Perfect! That's more like it! That terrified expression! I love that one! Now I really feel like killing you! Haha!” It laughed out before lunging once again.

‘Run’

No he couldn't just leave Gon. He had to stay. He had to keep him safe. He had to keep both of you s-

Rammot plunged its fist into his ribcage. The force sending him back. If he hadn't been guarding with nen, his ribs would've been completely shattered. But he still couldn't find it in himself to get up. His entire being shaking with uncertainty.

‘Avoid battles you can't be sure you'll win.’

But he had to win. He had to.

“I'm going to crush you two into a bloody pulp.” Rammot threatened. His feet blurring at the corner of Killua's vision. One lifting up and preparing to smash his skull in.

Yet his fight with Gon wasn't over. The boy in green forcing himself up and giving the hardest kick he could to the back of Rammot's head. Following it up with a barrage of punches.

But thanks to the ant’s body armor and newly found nen, it hardly felt the impact. Instead turning around with a wide grin.

“Back for more?” It taunted, wasting no time punching Gon in the stomach once again. Watching as he coughed up blood before inevitably collapsing. Unable to fight through the pain any longer.

The ant picked up his head from the ground. Staring joyfully into Gon's disgusted expression.

“What was it you said? I won’t be laying a finger on that human? How about I break all your limbs and make you watch as I devour their flesh. I’ll even save the head for last so you can say your goodbyes before I kill you next. Or better yet, give them to Pitou to add to their collection like that other human.”

Through his blurry gaze, through the immense pain, through every ache in his body, Gon willed himself to speak.

“How dare you. Touch them… and I’ll make you suffer.”

A threat you’d used many times. But somehow it felt heavier coming from him. A promise with the intent to follow through. Here Gon was, giving his all to protect you in every sense of the way. Here he was defending Killua even though he was vulnerable.

A sun with light so bright, its warmth could reach anyone.

A sun, being dimmed by someone like him.

A moon who only thrived off of the light from the sun.

“Stop! You can do whatever you want to me, just let him go!” Killua pleaded.

He wished you were here to protect them. But it was his fault you were gone in the first place.

Rammot let go of Gon's head. His body hitting the ground with a ‘thud.’ The ant turned to face him with a tilt of its head.

“Is that so? In that case, you'll be the first to die!”

Damnit.

God damnit.

‘When your enemy is unknown…' Illumi’s voice came again.

‘Run away.’

Hit after hit, he couldn't move. Getting kicked around the grass like a toy. Rolling to a stop before getting kicked once more. It hurt, but he had to endure it. He couldn't just leave Gon. He couldn't run away like a coward.

‘Run.’

But every time he disregarded his brother’s warning, a searing pain coursed through his head. A stinging, throbbing pain. As if being stabbed directly in his brain. It was torturous. It felt neverending and he just couldn't escape from the agony.

But then he heard it.

Your voice. Your morals. Your encouragement. Your warmth.

‘You don't leave your friends to die if you can save them.’

The stinging sensation seemed to dull.

‘As long as you two are okay…Don't mind dying.’

It gave him clarity.

You almost died to keep them safe. It was only right they returned the favor. Gon had already done what he could, so now it was Killua's turn to do what he couldn't.

The realization coming just as Rammot slammed its foot directly on Killua's spine. Again and again with a laugh.

“Now move! You can't, can you? Ha! Since you're frozen with fear!”

It gave a few more stomps before kicking him away again.

“Damn. This feels incredible. Should I kill him or the other one first? Maybe savor both. I can't decide!” The ant rambled to itself.

“Damnit! I can't get enough!”

Killua got up on shaky elbows. Pushing himself up. He'd already made up his mind.

‘Run. Hurry.’

No. Not this time.

He could feel himself crying. Seems it was all he was capable of doing today. Blubbering like a baby because nothing had gone his way. He'd been such a screw up.

‘Gon…

Y/n…

I will protect you…because…’

“Because we're friends.” He was nearing hysterics. Standing up as he clutched his head in pain. A broken sob leaving him before he shouted everything out.

“Do you hear me, Gon? You're my best friend! And Y/n? You're my big sibling! And I'm sorry for all the awful things I said this morning!”

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

His head. His heart. Everything. But Rammot only watched his breakdown stunned. Killua's destroyed expression sparking something cruel inside it.

“Stop that right now. Don't look at me like that. I can't hold it anymore. I'm gonna…Do it. I've gotta…”

The two enemies unable to hear the other through their own thoughts.

‘Run.’

Killua was fighting with his brother's voice. Through every wave of pain, he persisted.

‘Run.’

‘You can't tell me what-!’

‘Run, run, run.’

‘SHUT UP!’

“I don't ever want to lose them!” All he could see was the two most important people in his life. What he would be losing if he gave in.

‘Run.’

“They're my…”

‘Run.’

‘Goblins! The both of you!’

‘Looks like we really made them mad this time, Killua.’

‘Run.’

‘I thought you said you weren't our parent?'

'I'm not. It's called being a responsible adult. Now go and do one of those first things while I set up the bed. I know for a fact there's a 99% chance you'll throw down with the fitted sheet if you do it.'

'Come on, let's do what they ask before they decide to throw another pillow at you. And I don't think they'll miss this time.'

“They're my…”

His nails were scratching at his forehead. Completely unaware of Rammot's incoming attack.

“THEY’RE MY FAMILY!!! THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!”

He plunged his fingers into his skull and tugged. Itching at the part of his brain that hurt the most. As he pulled something out, he could have sworn he heard your voice.

“Atta boy.”

In a speed that rivaled yours, he dodged Rammot’s attack last second. Appearing behind him with a needle in his hand. The Chimera Ant baffled by his disappearance.

Killua couldn't help but lose what little love he had for his big brother in that moment. Laughing at the absurdity of what he'd done because you…You were nothing like Illumi. And he was a brat for making that comparison before. For even thinking it.

“He got me. Damn Illumi.” But despite the betrayal, he couldn't help but smile. If this was what was controlling him, what was stopping him from reaching his true potential…then now he was free. Free to fight besides his best friend, and free to stop letting his fear of being a burden get the best of him.

He turned around to face the ant. Explaining what happened even though he knew the ant could care less.

“Why the hell didn't I catch this before? He planted this deep inside my brain.”

“Huh? What're you saying? Are you nuts?” Now the ant was the one stood still. Unable to process that now, it was completely outclassed.

“How were you able to dodge that?”

But Killua ignored the question. Continuing to ramble on before releasing his ren. One that was cruel and dark. Not malicious, yet just as cutthroat.

“Now go and tell the other ants…If they even come near us, they're all gonna end up dead.” He warned.

Rammot seethed with anger at his words. A weak nothing was threatening him? How dare this human mock him. How dare it even think of doing so.

“WHY YOU!” The ant gave one last lunge forward.

“That so? Fine.” Killua was at his limit already. Drained in every sense of the word. So without much hesitation, he decapitated the ant in one go. Glaring at the thing that caused him so much trouble.

He didn't have any more sympathy to give. He was done with today. Crushing the ant's skull in his hand like nothing.

“Who cares?”

All he wanted to do was go back home and see you. Apologize for blaming you for everything. Take back what he said about you leaving.

Then….

The three of you could go back to normal.

You'd be the big sibling, and they'd be the little brothers.

He wasted no time making his way towards Gon. He was out cold. Killua turned him over, checking for any major injuries. When he found none, he tossed him over his shoulder and started making his way back. Gon was hurt, but it wasn't something he hadn't dealt with before. He'd be fine.

Both of them would be okay.

But not without talking to you first. He reached the spot where you and Palm had been sitting. You weren't there. He hoped with everything in him that you were back at the small home. That you hadn't left yet.

So he set his sights there.

—-------------------------

Somewhere along the way, Gon had woken up. His grip tightening slightly on Killua before he spoke.

“Killua? Did we-”

“I took care of it. We won't have to worry about seeing that guy again.” He responded. Already knowing what was on Gon's mind.

“And Y/n?”

“They weren't at the lake when I checked. But it's fine. I'll see them at home. You just rest. You're body needs it after what you just put it through.” It was meant to lighten the mood, but he didn't mean it any less.

Gon had pushed his body too far. If he were anybody else, Killua would have been pissed. But he was just relieved he hadn't sustained any major injuries. That he didn't have to leave him after all.

“...Okay…You're my best friend too, you know…” Sleep evident in Gon’s tone.

The words stopping Killua in his tracks. His expression shocked because - Gon had heard everything. He knew how important he was to Killua.

“What!?!?” But Gon was already snoring softly in his ears.

“Hey! You can't just pass out on me after saying stuff like that!”

He got no further response for the boy in green. So, with his cheeks red and a few grumbles, he continued on his way. How absolutely embarrassing. Yet it felt elating at the same time to know he was also important to Gon.

All that was missing was you.

—---------------------

The lights were off. Which meant…You hadn't come back yet. Or maybe you'd already left. A feeling of dread washed over him. Was he too late? He'd never be able to forgive himself if he was.

The door was still locked too. And as he walked inside, it felt empty. He placed Gon down on the couch before making his way over to your room. He gave a few knocks, but there was no response. In a last ditch effort he opened the door.

Your room was neater than how Palm left it. Your bed was also made eerily to perfection. No sign of you recently coming in. You weren't here. And it was already midnight. He was about to leave when something caught his eye.

Kite's hat was still on your nightstand.

You wouldn't have left it behind. It was too important to you. Then again, you were leaving them behind…But Kite was different. He'd always been different to you. Try as Killua might, he couldn't help but feel a spark of hope that you weren't gone yet. There was still a chance.

He exited your room just in time for the lights to come on. Standing still anxiously as you finished locking the door, unawares to his presence. All your energy from before seemed to be gone. You finally looked like yourself. But it all went away the second he called out to you.

“Y/n.”

You visibly tensed. A brief flash of shock before your expression went completely blank. You weren't expecting to see the boys. You thought they'd be asleep by now, or at the very least out of the house. You weren't ready for another confirmation. More screaming and arguing. You should've been gone already. It was clear your presence did more harm than good.

‘I hate you.’

‘You're a burden.’

‘If you cared you wouldn’t have abandoned us!’

“I just came to get a few things. If you'll excuse me…” You did your best to keep your tone steady. Not to let anything show. But still his words rung heavy in your head.

You wouldn't be dragging this out with a goodbye. You were only inconveniencing them the longer you stayed. Yet as you tried to push past Killua, he panicked.

“No!” he blurted out. Taking a few steps forward before he realized what he was doing. How this was already not going as planned.

“I uh…Can we please talk?” His tone was much softer than you were used to.

It had you eyeing him suspiciously. And now that you were actually seeing him, he was injured. Bruising accompanied by swelling. A queazy feeling settling in your stomach as you spotted red in the center of his forehead. The last thing you wanted was to appear weak at a time like this. So you turned your head away from him. An action that felt undeniably cruel.

But this is what he wanted, right? For you to stay out of his life. It was only common sense you should act like you already were.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

If you'd been looking, you would have seen the exact moment his heart broke. You didn't sound angry. You didn't say it to be petty. From his perspective, it felt like you really were done with him. You'd already moved on.

And he just couldn't accept that.

“What!?! Y/n please.”

Killua had never felt this pitiful in his entire life. So small. He never expected to be treated like a complete stranger from you. You were his big sibling. But it seemed like all the warmth from you had gone and faded away.

Why was he staring at you like that? Like your indifference was hurting him. Why was his aura flooded with regret and sorrow? Was he second guessing himself after all? Or was this a test? A trick? A way to lure you back in, only to spit in your face once again.

Tell you something sweet to then accuse you of not being enough again.

That was it right?

He'd blame you for his injuries next.

No.

They were the ones who followed you.

It wasn't your fault.

So why were you blaming yourself? If you'd been there, would the results have been different?

‘You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep.’

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.’

No. No it wouldn't have. There were just some people who you'd never be able to make happy. No matter what you did. And unfortunately, it was always the people you cared the most about. Your body once again shutting down at the thought.

“... I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. Can't you just write it in a note or something?” You didn't mean for it to be that harsh, but it was the only way to get your message across.

You were done.

And the longer you were pestered about it, the sooner you'd snap.

What was this? Why were you acting like this? Cruel. Detached. You'd wanted to fix things earlier, right? So what happened? What the hell happened? How far had he gone for you to treat him like this?

He didn't mean it. Any of it. And he needed you to know that. He took a few more steps forward, tears once again brimming his eyes. How many times had he cried today?

How many times had been because of you?

“Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.” He'd said it. Gon said all he had to do was apologize. And if that still wasn't enough, then he'd do whatever it took for you to forgive him.

But your response was the last thing he was expecting.

“... Okay…”

One word.

One single word that was meant to brush him off.

And he couldn't help but become desperate for something more. A response that wasn't empty. That wasn't cold.

“Okay? Okay!?! What's wrong with you!?!? Don't you care!?! All you have to say to me is ‘okay’!?!”

And the damm had finally broke.

“Tell me you hate me! That you never want to see me again!!! Just say something more than okay!”

You'd opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to figure out something to say. You didn't want to argue anymore. You were tired of it. Tired of today completely.

“You're gonna wake him up if you keep screaming.” You gestured towards Gon.

An action so baffling, it made his jaw drop. This was it. You were officially done. But he wasn't ready to let you go. He couldn't stand knowing they mattered so little to you. He couldn't stand you not knowing how much you meant to the both of them.

“Like I said. I need to grab a few-” But before you could get the words out, Killua had rushed over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your middle sobbing.

“I'm sorry, don't leave! Please!”

Hug him back, please. He needed you to hug him back. To say things would be okay. He needed you to stay.

You placed your hand on his head. And for a second, he thought the situation would end there. That you wouldn't leave after all. It had him believing everything would be okay. That you'd ruffle his hair and make him promise not to say anything like that again. But instead, that brief moment of contact was used to push him away from you.

Making him stumble back in shock.

As if you were swatting away a pest. Like he was inconveniencing you by holding on. And that was what broke him completely.

You were done with them.

You didn't have to say it for him to know…You hated him.

He could take a lot of things. He'd endured the worst kinds of torture for years from his family. He'd been forced to see carnage at such a young age. He'd always been treated like some kind of trophy instead of a person. And he never once complained. He never once argued with what was forced upon him.

But this...This he couldn't take.

You pushing him aside to enter your room. Like you were dead set on being out of his life. So once again, he wasted no time clinging onto you. Feet almost dragging on the floor as you tried to move forward. Burying his face against your side.

“I don't care if you hate me! If you don't want me anymore! Don't leave! Don't just leave us here by ourselves!”

You'd placed your hand on his head once more. You were gonna push him away again. And the fear pushed him to speak from the depths of his soul. A plea for you to stop.

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear!?!? I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you gone! Don't-Don’t give up because I was being stupid!”

Your movements stopped. Listening to Killua's cries in silence. Taking in everything. This was also a song and dance you'd done before. Love that was given, then taken for no other reason than because you'd messed up.

Love you?

It was enough to break you too. An ugly feeling clutching at your heart. One that was tired of the constant push and pull between love and hate. Killua unable to know he'd resurfaced a trauma so deep and scarred from your childhood.

‘You are very important, little one. So very gifted, and you never fail to make me proud.’

‘Taking the fall again? You know better than to lie to me.’ A slap to your face. Then another one.

‘My pride and joy. You're a one of a kind prodigy.’

‘Disgraceful what you've done. Forsaking the name given to you just to act foolish? Tainting the clan that graciously welcomed you with open arms. Your punishment is total isolation for a week. Now get out of my sight.’

“Stop talking. I know what you're doing. I'm not an idiot.” Your tone accusing. And before Killua could explain anything, you'd shoved him off of you once more. Now glaring with a look that could only be described as hate.

“What? Did something else go wrong that you want me to fix? Well I'm done being the fixer. I'm done with your problems always being my fault. You only want me here to have someone to blame, right?”

You pointed directly at him. Shaking your head before you clasped it tightly in your hands. A cruel grin on your face while he saw you cry for the very first time.

“I didn't do anything wrong! I'm not perfect, but I'm not the cause of all your problems!” You hadn't been here today. It couldn't have possibly been your fault this time.

But maybe somehow it had.

“I didn't make things worse intentionally!”

It was then that Killua realized what was happening. He thought he had it bad but…you had it worse. His heart ached for you while you continued to break right in front of him.

“I told you-I told you I can't always get things right! But of course I'm older! It's always my fault! I'm the strongest! So everything falls on me when someone gets hurt!” You let out a laugh. One that sounded defeated.

Your eyes met his and you gestured to yourself frantically.

“Haven't I done enough for you!?!?” Your voice seeming to bounce off the walls. The space falling into silence.

They'd put too much on your shoulders. Or maybe the weight had already been there. Carried over from what you'd experienced previously. Now it was Killua's turn to try and comfort you. His turn to lift your burdens. But he didn't get the chance to.

“Why-Why am I never good enough?” It was a whisper at this point.

You weren't good enough for Reik.

You weren't good enough for Kari.

You weren't good enough for Kite.

You weren't good enough for Gon and Killua.

You will never be good enough.

“You are enough.” Killua's voice snapping you from your spiral. The very same words you didn't get a chance to say this morning.

But somehow you just couldn't believe them yet. Then you'd heard it. Her.

'I love you, you're here with me. You're safe with me. Let me protect you for now. Just until you get your strength back.'

He was trying, wasn't he?

“Then why? Why don't I feel like it?”

The small assassin was at a loss of words. Who did this to you? Who had ruined you so completely that you couldn't put yourself back together. He took a step towards you, but you'd put your hand up to stop him.

“You know what? I don't care anymore. Say whatever you want, I'm done.” You wiped your eyes and instead of going towards your room, you started towards the front door.

Killua had to try one more time. Now that he knew what you really thought of yourself. So he grabbed your wrist this time. Funny how now the roles were reversed this time.

“Don't leave.”

You tried to pull your arm away.

“We can't do this without you. We've only gotten this far because of you. You're- You're-”

It was hard to put into words just how much you'd changed their lives. How important you were. But he needed to. Especially now that you had stopped trying to pull yourself away.

“All my family has ever done is use me. They have this image in their head of what I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to become. But you've never done that. When I'm with you and Gon, it's like I can finally be someone I'm proud of. I've never had someone care about me like you. But maybe I've taken advantage of that. Maybe I've been doing to you what my family has been doing to me. Expecting you to fit this image of what I think is a perfect big sibling.

But you're not perfect. And neither am I. And that's okay. I don't want you to be perfect because then you're not you. You're not the one who calls us goblins or chases us around when you're upset. You're a stranger. I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning, and I regretted it ever since. I do want you in my life. Both of us want you to stay. Please…”

You'd collapsed on your knees crying. And he wasted no time kneeling besides you. Pulling you into a hug.

“I really can't keep doing this. It's unfair when I leave, and I know that. But do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I'm not safe. I can't risk anything happening to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it happened again.” Losing another kid, it would kill you.

“But when you tell me you need me, then say you want nothing to do with me…it's cruel. It's-its-!” It's just like Father.

“You don't know, you can't possibly have known, but I've always been measured by my worth. What I'm capable of doing just for a moment of normalcy. Of being wanted. It's not your fault.. but I can't keep doing this.”

You can't keep losing your purpose in life.

Being praised for completing missions. Then being hit for failing. Being told you were burdening your clan for making a mistake. Being isolated in the dark for messing up. Only for him to pretend like it never happened.

The constant push and pull of love and hate. Of being praised and belittled.

You couldn't do it again.

But kids tended to be unsure about their own feelings. You couldn't put it on them for saying things when they were upset. But goddamit, what about when you were upset. Who was there to be understanding for you when things went wrong?

Nobody.

You were just supposed to take it.

Endure it.

Killua hugged you a little tighter.

“I didn't mean it.” He reaffirmed.

Your tears finally slowing down.

“We're your little brothers. And we love you. I love you. But I'd just like to know why you keep leaving. And if you're not ready to talk about that yet, it's fine. We'll both always be here if you need us. You don't have to bottle things up anymore.”

The same thing Kite had said to you when you lost control.

And he'd meant it just as much.

Not a single trace of deceit in his aura.

So you allowed yourself to believe it one last time. Knowing you wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't true again.

You at last returned the hug. Engulfing the small assassin in your arms.

“You can't ever say those things again to me, okay?” Your voice was smaller than it had ever been. Almost scared with the slight waiver to it.

“I promise. I'm not gonna make you deal with everything anymore. If something's wrong, we'll deal with it together.” And finally he heard it for real this time.

“Atta boy.”

It was almost enough to make him cry again. That was until the couch started rustling. A flash of green peaking over at the scene.

“So are you two good now?” Gon asked.

The both of you looking over in shock.

“Hey! You heard everything again!?!? How many times are you gonna pretend to be asleep!?! You know it's very rude to eavesdrop!!!!” Killua scolded. His face a bright red.

And before he could roughhouse with the other one, you let out a laugh. A real laugh. Your laugh. And you'd finally given your real smile.

“Get over here,” you encouraged.

Gon bolting from the couch and stumbling over into one side of your open arms. You gave both boys a squeeze.

“I love you both, my little sun and moon.”

Maybe….

Maybe you were just about ready to tell them everything.

----------------------------

Not so Fun Fact #15: Y/n is very squeamish with touch. Especially around their face, due to what they experienced as a child.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm

MASTERLIST

An: Let me know which line hit you in the feels the most. For future references 👀👀👀. And by reference I mean to make Gon's fight absolutely devastating. Or just the final stretch of the Chimera Ant Arc entirely.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader???#big sib reader #older reader #found family #x reader #platonic #moon and sun insert

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thestarfishinjootsoffice · 1 year ago

Note

Hi, thank you for finally replying to my ask! I actually forgot I even send an ask to you and I forgot what idea I had in my mind at that time. You said I could send again sooooo can you please write platonic headcanons with the main 4 during the hunter exams, where reader is Kurapika’s younger sister who’s the same age as Gon and Killua and also semi-mute? She rarely talks, seems shy and always clings to Kurapika. Oh, but she’s as capable as her brother, that’s why everybody else was surprised at her skills and strength

Sorry if this is too long, don’t rush it and stay safe!

Yesss!!! I'm so happy when people request anime too!! Lesgooo!! You stay safe too!!

Saving kurapika for last!!! 😍

Warnings:

Relationship: platonic!

Main four x kurapika's younger sister!

Gon

Tbh you were his best friend besides killua.

Tries to make you as comfortable as possible since he isn't completely dumb and notices how shy you can get. He thinks it's kinda similar to kurapika, considering he isn't exactly chatty either.

Also, he lowkey freaks out the first few times you spoke, his first reaction was literally-

"Y/n, you can speak!?" *gets bonked by killua* I swear he isn't trying to be rude.

This dude will drag you everywhere and tries to get you to know you more and to possibly make you feel safe enough to speak to him more. He definitely doesn't mean any harm.

Since you are the same age as him and killua he thinks it's a must for all three of you to be friends.

Sometimes his behavior can get overwhelming to you and make you get even more shy.

"Woah, you are really close to kurapika! Killua doesn't seem to be that close with his siblings. Well I wouldn't know since I don't have any." Would ask questions about you and kurapika.

Was shocked af when you had shown off your skills. Didn't necessarily think you were really weak but didn't think you were this strong.

After whatever you did he would praise you and stay stuff like "wow! Y/n I didn't think you were that strong! That was so cool!"

Would stop worrying about you a little less. Now knowing that if you were ever in danger and there was no one, you would definitely be able to protect yourself. (Let's hope whatever you're fighting against isn't too strong.)

"Hey y/n! Come over here for a second!"

Killua

Probably acted kind of a jerk to you the first few times.

But then after a while seeing that you weren't all that bad he started loosening up a bit. And then eventually you became friends with him.

Would've thought you were weak if it weren't for that zoldyck blood in which he sensed something far stronger within you.

Still even so he still thought you were nowhere near as strong as him. And overtime he started to become a little protective of you.

"Y/n you can speak!?" Killua bonked gon on the head.

Doesn't mind your quietness. He prefers it, he likes how energetic gon is but he also wants someone he can vibe peacefully quiet with.

He's kinda jealous of your closeness with kurapika. At first he thought that younger siblings could never get along with their older ones but clearly you and kurapika proved him wrong. He wishes he and illumi could have a healthier relationship sometimes.

If he's feeling especially silly and happy he might try to separate you from your older brother's hip and get to hang out with him instead during free time.

Killua's not shy, just self reserved. Even so he can understand most of your behaviors.

Wasn't that surprised when you had shown how capable you were when you had to fight against an enemy. Though it doesn't necessarily change his opinion on you. He feels a little more at ease.

"Why don't you hang out with me and gon for a little while?"

Leorio

You're like the little sister he never had.

Didn't really pay you much mind as you never really did anything outstanding for the majority of the exam but as he spent more time in your presence the more he started appreciating you.

You grew on him quick, he's now also your older brother.

Because of your pretty introverted nature he felt quite obligated to be at your side a lot.

Will almost cry if you want to spend time with him, he's never been this happy before. Although in the hunter exam the amount of things you can do is pretty limited.

You're somewhere without kurapika and someone goes out of their way to talk smack in front of you? Don't worry you'll see leorio sprinting towards the person in a very loud and aggressive voice.

"HEY WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY!?"

Since leorio is more in his delusions most of the time he'll think of you as kinda pretty weak. Don't get him wrong it's not like he'll force it on you, he just feels like he needs to help out in stuff mostly.

Around kurapika alot so that also means he's around you alot, it's a win win. You get two protective and older sibling figures by your side.

Jaw dropped. It dropped to the ground and 5 feet more under. Now he feels kinda bad and embarrassed he thought of you as something that needed help with.

Still tries to help you as much as he can when you're about to be fighting with someone.

He tries to look calm even though he made a dumb expression earlier. Although he does hold a proud smile.

"You were really cool..!"

Kurapika

Kurapika doesn't mind it when you seem to cling to him 24/7. In fact he likes it. As in he feels more at ease when you're in his line of sight. Being the two sole survivors of your clan it's really no wonder.

Of course this without a doubt forms an inseparable and unbreakable bond and trust.

Your older brother was the only person you could comfortably be alone with until the hunter exam. It took kurapika by surprise when you actually decided to hang out with someone other than him. It's not like he hates it but he feels a little uneasy, something you've had your entire life suddenly being away from you is something not so many people can be okay with.

He warms up to the idea eventually though. In fact he does enjoy seeing you interacting with other people. Seeing you by yourself without him with gon, killua and leorio and others sends a melancholy wave of pride through him.

He encourages you to spend more time with your now called new friends.

He wants you to spend a bit more time being independent before he goes away for something which he never told you about or plans to ever tell you about. (Ehem.. Revenge)

Knows you are fully capable of stuff but it doesn't stop him from feeling obligated to do something for you.

Anyone who brings slander to your name in front of him must be a real hell of an idiot.

Not surprised at all like killua after you leashed your skills fighting a random monster or opponent or something. He already knows after all he was the one who taught you everything you knew about anything really.

"I'm proud to have you as my sister y/n..."

Sorry if the last part seems rushed, it's because I am in a rush actually 💀

#leorio #leorio paladiknight #gon freecss #killua zoldyck #kurapika #platonic #hunter x hunter #hxh 2011 #hxh #hxh killua #hxh gon #hxh leorio #hxh kurapika #reader imagine

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kywaslost · 1 year ago

Text

Grief - Kurapika, Gon, Killua, and Leorio

A/N: I just found this in the depths of my writing folder, and realized that I don’t think I ever posted this. This was written well over a year ago, maybe 2, but I still think it’s decent enough to post.

Warnings: depression, losing a loved one, blood, cuts(not sh)

Leorio, Kurapiki, Gon, and Killua were all sitting down around the dinner table, waiting for you to come home. It was custom for all 5 of you to sit down and have dinner together every night, and it was something no one could miss. So often it was hard to find free time for the five of you to spend time together, so that is what dinner was for. Your time was often spent talking about your day and what plans the 5 of you had. Dinner was often filled with laughs and good moments.

Except for tonight, it was anything but. Dinner usually started around 6:00 pm, but it was now 6:30 and you were nowhere to be found. The food was growing cold, and the four boys ate, despite wanting you to join them.

“Does anyone know where Y/N is?” Killua asked. “She said she’d be back in time for dinner. Do you think she’s in trouble?”

Kurapika stood, spooning some of the leftover dinner into a dish to save for you. “She told me that she was going to visit her friend.” He left the dining room to stick your plate into the fridge for you. He yelled from the kitchen, “I’m sure she just lost track of time.” The other three boys took their dishes and brought them to the kitchen to wash.

“Which friend?” Gon asked with worried eyes. “Is it the sick one? Maybe something happened?”

“I’m sure that’s who she’s with,” Leorio responded. “Y/N’s been talking about how little she’s able to see her friend.”

There was a bang coming from the front of the house. When the four boys turned around, they saw you bolting up the stairs and heard your door slam shut. Melody stood in the doorway, looking upset.

“Melody? What are you doing here?” Kurapika asked, walking towards the front door. He could see the tears brimming his co-worker’s eyes. “What happened?”

The other three boys gathered around them.

Melody sniffled before answering. “Her heart is beating with grief,” she whispered, finally making eye contact with Kurapika and the others.

“Come, sit down,” Gon instructed, worried for his friend. You had taken off running without a word, and here Melody says you’re grieving. Once everyone was settled, Melody finally spoke.

“Y/N called me, asking me to come pick her up from the hospital,” she started. “I could barely understand what she was saying, even with my enhanced hearing. I could tell that she was greatly hurting, so I rushed to get her. When I arrived, I could immediately hear the pain and grief in her heartbeat.” She paused for a moment. “I’ve never heard grief like this.”

“Did she tell you why she was so upset?” Leorio asked although everyone had a hunch.

“Her friend has passed,” Melody answered. “I guess her friend died before Y/N even got to the hospital.”

“Oh no,” Gon whispered. “This must be so hard for her. We should go see if she’s ok.”

“No.” The command was sharp, quick. Kurapika stood, looking around at the others in the room. “Having all of us run up there right now will do nothing but overbear Y/N.” He turned to Melody. “Melody, we cannot thank you enough.” The girl nodded.

“Please let me know if Y/N needs anything,” she instructed before leaving.

“We can’t just leave Y/N by herself,” Gon whined. “She needs us right now.”

“I agree,” Killua cut in. “But I also agree with Kurapika. Having all of us crowd her right now isn’t what she needs.”

“So who’s going up there?” Leorio asked.

“I will,” Kurapika volunteered. The boy was always fond of you, treating you more like a sister than a friend.

“You are closest with her,” Gon muttered, “but I want to make sure she’s ok too!”

“We can go see her later,” Killua suggested. “In the meantime, we can reheat her dinner for her!” The two boys went running off to the kitchen.

“Let me know how she is, ok,” Leorio said. “Let me know if you need me to do anything. We’ll need to keep an eye on her for the next few days. Mental health is very important after losing someone close to you.” Kurapika nodded.

“Thanks, Leorio.”

Kurapika ascended the stairs that led to everyone’s rooms and the bathroom. Your room was at the end of the hall, next to Kurapika’s room and across from Killua and Gon. Upon approaching the door, the blonde could hear gut-wrenching sobs from behind the door and his heart broke. He hated this for you. He knew how much your friend meant to you, and he knew how much you wanted to go see them. You had just been so busy lately, with classes, work, and sports and you never had a free day to be with your friend.

“Y/N?” Kurapika called softly, knocking on the door. “May I come in?” There was no answer, and the blonde didn’t know if he should wait on this side of the door and speak to you through the door or if he should go in and comfort you. While debating with himself, he suddenly heard a crash coming from your side of the door, along with a scream. Kurapika grew alarmed. “Y/N! I’m coming in, ok?!”

“Is everything ok!?” Leorio yelled from the base of the stairs. Killua and Gon were already running down the hall and towards your door.

Kurapika was in your room, scanning the area for you. Your bed was blocking a large portion of his view, yet he could see that your desk was completely cleared of everything that was once on it. He walked over to the other side of your bed to see you on the ground, struggling to breathe.

“Y/N!” Gon gasped, jumping over your bed to kneel next to you. Kurapika was at your other side in an instant, panicking himself. Killua, though he was worried, didn’t want to make you feel crowded so he went to get a broom and sweep up the broken remains of what used to be on your desk. Leorio was now in the doorway, watching as the scene unfolded before him.

“Y/N, are you hurt anywhere?” Gon asked, yet you were in no state to answer. Even though you couldn’t give him a yes or no answer, he could see blood seeping from your clenched fists.

“Y/N, honey, you need to breathe,” Kurapika stated in a desperate attempt to keep you calm.

“Sit her upright, Kurapika,” Leorio instructed, now sitting beside him. “It’ll help her breathe, but be prepared. She may not want to be touched, and it could potentially make things worse, only for a moment.”

“I don’t want to make her worse!” Kurapika shouted.

“Guys, stop yelling!” Gon said strictly. “Kurapika, do as Leorio asked. I’ll help.” The two boys wrapped their arms under you, pulling you into a sitting position.

“Y/N, please breathe,” he called. Gon’s arm still lingered behind you, unsure whether or not you were okay with physical comfort yet.

On the other hand, Kurapika pulled you into a tight hug against his chest. “Breathe with me, ok?” You showed no sign of even recognizing that someone was talking to you. Gon tilted his head in confusion.

“Y/N? Can you hear us?”

“Probably not,” Leorio answered. “Her mind's going a million miles an hour. If she doesn’t calm down she’s going to pass out.”

Kurapika was accentuating his breathing, trying to get you to breathe with him, but it was no use. You slumped against him with a long sigh. “Y/N?”

“She’s passed out,” Leorio commented. “Gon, can you get a cool cloth, some water, and a first aid kit?” The green-haired boy nodded, running out of the room. Killua joined the others on the floor near you.

“Is she going to be ok?” he asked. Leorio looked at you with worried eyes.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted quietly, pulling your hands into his to see the various cuts and shards of broken materials from where you threw everything off of your desk. “It’s going to be hard next few weeks. Maybe even months. We just have to be there for her.”

Gon returned quickly with the supplies Leorio asked for, handing them to the tall man. Kurapika lifted you to place you on your bed, laying you down gently. The next several minutes were silent as Kurapika and Leorio cleansed and bandaged your hands. Killua made his way to the head of your bed, moving your head to his lap. He ran his hands through your hair gently, massaging your scalp. Gon was wiping the dried tears from your face, careful not to be too harsh in the motion.

Three days have passed since the passing of your friend. You hadn’t said a word, hardly even leaving your room. To be honest, your friends were really worried about you. Gon and Killua had to fight you to get out of bed to at least move around.

“Exercise is important Y/N,” Killua would say softly.

“It’ll make you feel better,” Gon would add. The two boys would finally leave you when you walk with them outside to get the mail, then quickly return to your room.

Kurapika had to force you to eat, waking you up for every meal. He wouldn’t go as far as making you join them all downstairs for meals, but he’d sit with you to make sure you actually ate.

Leorio was concerned about your overall health. He took note of how long you’d been sleeping, how pale you looked with red puffy eyes and a runny nose. He’d frown every time he peeked through your cracked door to see you staring blankly up at the ceiling, not moving. There were even some moments he’d come in and touch you just to make sure you were still breathing.

All four boys accompanied you to the funeral, never leaving your side for even a moment. Kurapika sat beside you during the service, holding your hand tightly. Gon was on your other side, hugging you to make sure you knew he was there for you. All Leorio and Killua could do was give you sympathetic looks. When the time came for the burial, Kurapika still had your hand in a tight hold. Killua was at your other side now, wrapping an arm around your waist. Leorio and Gon kept a hand on each shoulder, holding you steady.

“Kurapika,” you said quietly at the end of the funeral. “I want to go home. I’m tired.”

The blonde nodded with a sad smile. This was the first time you’ve spoken since your friend died. “Alright, let’s go.” He pulled you gently beside him as you all walked to your car. He helped you into the car before sliding into the driver’s seat. Leorio joined him in the front while Killua and Gon sat with you in the back. The car started and left the funeral.

You were almost asleep when you got home. Killua shook you gently, letting you know that it was time to go inside.

“Leave her be,” Kurapika said quietly. “It’s been a hard day for her. I’ll carry her in.”

You feel the boys beside you leave, then two arms wrap around you. You were lifted out of the car and carried into the house. You felt each bump as Kurapika climbed the stairs to get to your room. He placed you on your bed, tucking you in gently.

“I’m sorry,” you heard him whisper. The bed dipped down beside you. “You shouldn’t have to go through this.” A calloused hand ran through your hair. “I wish we could do more for you.”

You felt Kurapika stand to leave and quickly reached out for his hand. “Stay. Please.” The boy gasped, spooked by your words. You couldn’t see him well in the dim light, but you could just tell he was relieved.

“Of course.” You scooted over to make room for him, curling into his side once he got comfortable. “Is this ok?”

You nodded, sighing. “Yes, thank you.” You layed in silence with him

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apollowhoo · 1 year ago

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Main 4 + Adult Trio x Oc!Leah!With Various Powers

(First time writing with an oc :0)

Hisoka

Your unique abilities and strong Nen definitely captured Hisoka's attention. 💀 He saw a potential rival in you and was intrigued by your Emotion Empowerment.

Hisoka, the thrill-seeker that he is, becomes fascinated with your powers and wants to test you in battle, just like with Gon. He would challenge you to combat, hoping to witness the full extent of your abilities.

Hisoka found your magical powers tempting, especially your telepathy, which allowed him to dive deeper into your emotions and psyche. It doesn’t matter how much you’d try avoiding him, Hisoka would find his way to you.

Illumi

Your extraordinary powers definitely intrigued Illumi, who saw potential in your abilities for his own benefits. So Illumi wouldn’t really care about you, he’d only care about your powers. At first, he approaches you with great skepticism, but gradually, he grew intrigued by your Emotion Empowerment and how it could be manipulated.

Illumi quickly recognized the usefulness of your Spiritual Gateways in his line of work. Although the relationship would primarily be based on mutual benefit, they developed a special understanding.

Your ability to channel emotions into powers really does fascinate Illumi, he would occasionally observe you in combat to further examine your techniques.

Chrollo

Chrollo, being a collector of unique abilities, he couldn't resist the allure of your powers. But let’s be real, he would most definitely try to steal your nen.

I have always headcanoned him to have a very greedy side and this side of his would appear while trying to steal your nen abilities. Chrollo would manipulate, gaslight, fight, threaten you to get her abilities.

If he somehow does fails to do so his B plan would be to proposed an exchange of knowledge, sharing his insights into Nen and unconventional applications. In return, you gain access to Chrollo's vast library of stolen abilities, allowing you to expand your repertoire. The interactions between you two would be stimulating, filled with discussions on the nature of powers.

Despite Chrollo's mysterious nature, he developed a sense of respect for your unique capabilities, and y’all formed an unusual alliance based on their shared knowledge.

Gon

Gon, with his boundless enthusiasm, quickly befriend you. Gon would mostly by fascinated by your glowing stars and balls of light!

Gon would often finds himself entranced by their shimmering beauty, and his emotions fuel your powers. You both would spend hours together, experimenting with your abilities and discovering new ways to combine each other’s powers.

Killua

Killua, would be impressed by your proficiency in nen and her diverse magical powers. He would see you as a potential equal in terms of combat prowess (which is something big i should say).

Killua would act like he despises you but he secretly admires your skills. You two would engage in intense training sessions, pushing each other to your limits.

Kurapika

Kurapika, with his analytical mind, would be fascinated by your power of Emotion Empowerment. He would mostly observe how your emotions directly influence the greatness of your abilities, and he’d actually spend time studying this unique aspect of your powers. Kurapika would also emphasize with your personality.

Leorio

Leorio, is obviously fascinated by your abilities but his favorite ability is probably the one to open Spiritual Gateways. He would also see the potential to use these portals for humanitarian purposes! Such as reaching remote areas in need of medical assistance.

It would be cute if you two collaborate to provide aid to those in need, utilizing her powers of teleportation and healing to make a positive impact on the world!

(This took me a while xd)

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aifanfictions · 1 year ago

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Write a story about platonic female omega reader protecting Killua and Gon and adopting Killua as her pup. She becomes very protective and nurturing with him and he realizes that’s what a mother is supposed to be.

Omega's Embrace

In a world where strength was everything, (Y/N) was an anomaly. She was an omega, and not just any omega, but one with an unwavering spirit and a fierce determination. Despite societal norms that dictated omegas should be protected, she was the one doing the protecting.

One fateful day, (Y/N) found herself in the company of two remarkable young boys - Killua and Gon. The moment she saw them, her instincts kicked in, and she felt an overwhelming need to shield and nurture them. They were both alphas, and while that might have intimidated some, it only fueled her desire to care for them.

As they embarked on their adventures, (Y/N) became their steadfast guardian, a silent but unwavering presence. She was always there when they needed her, whether it was to provide first aid, offer comforting words, or just be a listening ear. Killua, in particular, caught her attention. He was a remarkable alpha with a traumatic past, and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel a maternal instinct toward him.

One evening, as they sat by the campfire, Killua turned to (Y/N), his silver eyes filled with curiosity. "You've done so much for us, (Y/N). Why are you so protective of us?"

(Y/N) smiled gently, her omega instincts guiding her words. "It's in my nature, Killua. I can't help but want to protect those I care about. You and Gon are like my pups, and I'll do anything to keep you safe."

Killua was taken aback by her words. He had never experienced this kind of nurturing care before. His own family had been more concerned with his assassin training than his emotional well-being. But (Y/N) was different. She was the mother he had never had.

Over time, Killua grew to appreciate the comfort and warmth (Y/N) provided. He realized that being a mother wasn't about strength or power; it was about love, care, and protection. He started to see her as the embodiment of what a mother should be, and he cherished the bond they shared.

As they continued their journey, (Y/N), Killua, and Gon became an inseparable team. They faced challenges together, and (Y/N) was always there to support and nurture them. And in the process, Killua discovered that a mother's love could be found in the most unexpected places, even in the heart of a protective omega.

One evening, as the group settled in their camp, (Y/N) found herself sitting by the fire with Killua. He had been quiet all day, lost in his thoughts. Sensing that something was troubling him, (Y/N) decided to break the silence.

"Killua, is something bothering you?" she asked, her warm gaze fixed on him.

Killua hesitated for a moment, but he couldn't keep his thoughts to himself any longer. "I've been thinking about what you said, (Y/N). About how you see us as your pups and how you'd do anything to protect us."

(Y/N) nodded, her expression soft and understanding. "That's right, Killua. You and Gon mean a lot to me, and I'll always be here for you."

Killua looked at her, his silver eyes filled with a mix of emotions. "I've never had a real mother, (Y/N). My family... it was never about love or protection. It was always about power and control."

(Y/N) reached out and gently placed a hand on Killua's cheek, her touch tender and reassuring. "I'm so sorry, Killua. No child should ever have to go through what you did."

Killua leaned into her touch, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You know, (Y/N), when you said you saw us as your pups, it made me realize what a mother is supposed to be. It's not about power or control; it's about love and protection. And I'm grateful to have you as my... as my mother."

(Y/N)'s heart swelled with love and warmth. She wrapped her arms around Killua, embracing him like a true mother would. "I'm grateful to have you as my pup, Killua. And I promise to protect you with all the love in my heart."

In that moment, as the stars twinkled above and the campfire crackled, (Y/N) and Killua shared a heartfelt mother-son embrace. It was a precious moment that neither of them would ever forget, a testament to the unbreakable bond that had formed between them.

Their journey continued, but now it was enriched by a deeper understanding and love. And as they faced the challenges of their world together, (Y/N) and Killua knew that they had found in each other the family and love they had both been searching for all along.

NOTE! This story was generated by OpenAI

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maycat-19-142 · 11 months ago

Text

Hxh headcannon

A/n: have a good day

⚠️:random headcannon, gon and killua are dumb

You woke up in a camp next to killua. His white hair red because of blood in some spots. You sat up and saw gon in even worse condition. His hair was down and kite was across for thr 3 of you. "You are morons" you say as killua look over " you could have died"

"Yet we didn't" he said as looked over to kite and gon

God why did you love the 2 like little brothers

Have a good day and night 🌙

Pixie out 🧚‍♀️

#pixie #pixie rants #fluff #x reader #fem reader #gn🌌#male reader #hxh #gon freecss #killua zoldyck #platonic

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illubean · 4 months ago

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Hi ! Can you do the main four hxh (platonic Gon and Killua) x reader neko who has the reflexes, hearing and speed of a cat. But who takes a lot of naps during the day and is very lazy .

How will they react if as a 'gift' you gave them a dead animal (cats do this when they like someone, and I think their reactions would be rather funny).

(Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my native language.)

Have a nice day!

Main 4 (HXH) With a CatHybrid!Reader

Characters: Gon Freecs, Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika Kurta, Leorio Paladaknight Type: Platonic, Headcanons, Gn!Reader

personally I prefer using the word hybrid instead of neko idk

Warnings: mentions of dead animals

Gon Freecs

coming from an island I think Gon knows a lot about animals

he's not too surprised when you bring him rodents you've caught

he literally goes fishing and I'm pretty sure there's others on the island who hunt so he doesn't think much of it

he probably gifts you some of the fish he catches too

he lets you do your own thing most of the time, since you're lazy and he's like the polar opposite of you

he is always out and about doing things or just simply exploring

Gon has both exceptional sense of smell and hearing just like you so you guys often react the same to certain sounds or scents

he doesn't know how to tell how your feeling by your tail behavior but he does know how to tell by your eyes

he knows that whenever your pupils blow wide, you're feeling mischievous

Killua Zoldyck

you'd probably mistake him for one of you if he hadn't been missing the ears and tail

both your reflexes and speed were evenly matched

but your hearing is much better than his

he generally trusts your judgement, so if your ears twitch and you take off in the opposite direction he's following you without question

you're very lazy so he knows that if you're running its for a reason

as for the gift thing...

the first time you dropped a dead rat at his feet he was very confused

you literally sat there like :3 while he was kind of disgusted...

"What the hell is this" "A gift :D" "Uh ok then..."

when he sees you laying around taking naps either basking in the sun or curled up in some corner he probably joins you since you find it so comfortable

and after that he understands the appeal

#nappingbuddies

Kurapika Kurta

he already gives me cat owner vibes so your whole hybrid thing doesn't bother him

he probably knows how to tell what you're feeling by the flick of your tail and position of your ears too

he often finds you sleeping or lounging about in odd places around his cozy apartment

and if you ever so choose to nap on top of him he will simply refuse to wake you up

he will stay wherever he is until you get up on your own

he has to hide any catnip he may have from you because yk...you're much larger than a normal cat and would probably go insane and accidentally destroy things

he knows about your little gifting habit so when you eventually start bringing small animals to him he pretends to accept them and throws them away when you're not looking

you are a very spoiled kitty; whenever he has the time this man cooks you fresh meals

whenever you're feeling moody he hits you with the behind the ears and under the chin scratch combo

and it works to make you feel better every single time

Leorio Paladaknight

he's 100% tried the cucumber trick on you

he watched you turn around then launch like 15 feet into the air and laughed because he couldn't believe it actually worked

pls hit him for that it's not funny.

in my head Leorio uses strong cologne so with your heightened senses you'd probably have to keep your distance

and he's lwky bitter about it...

but sometimes you manage to catch him on days where he's not going out therefore he feels no need to put any on

and boom you can cuddle with him then

when you brought him a dead animal one day he screams like a girl

"WTF GET IT AWAY!" "But it's a present :("

he kind of feels bad after seeing the dejected and confused look on your face but please for the love of god get that poor bird out of his living room

when you take it away he ends up forgetting about it until he finds it hidden under the couch or something a few days later

he ends up screaming again...

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kiame-sama · 5 months ago

Text

The Price of Freedom (Yan!Chrollo x Fem!Reader)

Warnings; yandere, yandere relationship, yandere behavior, coersion, dub-con, kidnapping, nen influence, platonic semi-yandere gon and killua,

~~~~~~~~

Pt 1: NSFW warning

Pt 2: NSFW warning

#kiame-sama #yandere #x reader #yandere x reader #reader insert #tw yandere #hxh yandere #yandere chrollo

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killualoverr · 3 months ago

Note

Hello there! Hopefully you will have a good time on app.

So can I request Killua with little age up reader, like reader is literally one year old and just act like she got all knowledge and what and Killua being annoyed by how he is treated as young one.

It's okay if you don't want to since you're still now or it's not your preference ^>^. Have a nice time ahead dear user.

₊ ☆ ‧₊˚ → killua x younger, genius reader headcanons!

cw: none that im aware of

note: tysm!! for reference, i wrote this with a platonic/sibling dynamic in mind since the reader younger than him. anyway, im sorry that it’s so short lol. nonetheless, i hope you enjoy! ^_^

- oh my god what a duo

- you both arguing is a constant thing

- killua sees you as bossy and sometimes he will end up doing the exact opposite of what you tell him

- you’re right most of the time, which annoys him, but he puts up with it because your “amount of knowledge is useful” (you’re his friend and he cares for you)

- even if you’re really knowledgeable and can fend for yourself you’re still a child so he still looks out for you

- no matter how much you piss him off whenever you protect him he's reminded you have genuinely good intentions though.

- you know how little kids are brutally honest?

- THAT ANNOYS HIM SO MUCH.

- anyway

- even with being youngest you’re like the parent of the trio considering you’re the most emotionally and intellectually mature about things 😭

- gon is always overwhelmed by you both

#hunter x hunter #hxh #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x reader #killua zoldyck x reader #killua x reader #killua zoldyck #killua #killua hunter x hunter #hxh killua #headcanons #fluff #hunter x hunter headcanons #hxh headcanons #x reader #answered #killualoverr #i’m so scared i might have misinterpreted this request 😓😓#either way hopefully it’s good enough

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0asisbliss · 9 months ago

Note

i saw another blog that did something similar and it warmed my heart!! im a bit shy to ask but could you write for yandere kurapika w a little sister around the same age as killua and gon? the idea of him having someone to dote on just warms my heart 💗💗💗

if you’re not into this type of writing, just feel free to ignore this ask!!!

Little Sis

Parings: PlatonicYan! Kurapika x Fem! Reader

A/n: I loved this idea. I should’ve probably said earlier that write platonic, and romantic Yanderes. Reader also doesn’t use nen.. NOT PROOF READ

Dividers by: cold—carnage bucciniexe

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your all the really had left ever since he lost you two lost your clan he’s never let you out of his sight. You thought it was sweet. How much Kurapika kept you by his side.

Over time Kurapika made a couple of friends to your surprise. Because Kurapika seemed very introverted in your opinion. Once he got comfortable enough with them to bring them around you. All four of you hit it off. You thought Leorio’s reason to be a doctor was sweet, and Killua, and Gon’s friendship left you astonished on how fast they grew so closely. Once everyone left you decided you wanted to see your friends again.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, just to see Hana.” You started walking to the door before Kurapika stops you.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late to be going out?”

“It’s just 5:30? I don’t get how it’s late-.” Your sentence was cut off by Kurapika dragging you back to your room.

“Yep exactly. Too late.”

You just sat there looking dumb. He’s been acting like this for the past week. What’s up with him?

You decided to take your outfit off that you chose to go out with, and put back on your pajamas. You decided since Kurapika was home, which was a rare occasion to spend some time with him.

You found him in the kitchen to your surprise cooking dinner which looked like tacos? He wasn’t really as much of a cook actually, but he tried since he was your older brother he thought that was what he was supposed to do. You walked into the kitchen, and stood beside him. He noticed you beside him, and glanced your way. Signaling to ask you what you might’ve wanted.

“Can I help?” You asked genuinely wanting to help him. You sometimes felt bad for your brother. He never really said much to you about his feelings, but you could tell just by looking at him sometimes that something was eating away at his heart.

“Sure.” He gave a warm smile before handing you a spoon.

Confused you ask him why he gave you a spoon instead of a knife.

“You could cut yourself or worst. It’s just too dangerous.”

You didn’t even argue when Kurapika said things like this he always meant well, but it never really made sense to you. It was always the small things most of the time like handling knifes, cutting paper with scissors, and doing other things with mildly sharp objects.

“What am I supposed to do with this Kurapika?”

“Stir the meat.”

“Okay.” You went over to the stove to find the pot of meat.

After Kurapika was done chopping the meat he offered to do the meat as well but you declined because you wanted to do it. Kurapika doesn’t really like when you do things for him, not in way that it’s just because he doesn’t like the way you do it. He just prefers to do things for you instead of the opposite.

He let you do this because you genuinely wanted to help. He found sweet on how much you wanted to help your brother.

Overtime the meat was ready, and you took the curiosity of preparing the tacos. You had made them all nice and pretty. You sat the two plates on the table, and gave Kurapika a kiss on the forehead before sitting down, and eating your food. While a the table you two sit in comfortable silence before Kurapika decided to break the silence, and start conversation.

“Where were you, and your friends planning on going?”

“Oh just to the fair.” You felt a little upset about canceling on your friends so soon, but you’re spending time with your brother right now, so did that really even matter?

“Oh alright.” He replied with interest.

You loved the way your brother tried even though he had his own issues, and battles he always tried to make time for his little sis. Kurapika knew he had to keep the last thing he had going for him safe.

#hxh x reader #yandere kurapika #kurapika x reader #kurapika

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crusty-chronicles · 5 months ago

Text

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 17: Countdown part 2

Synopsis: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. Shall we continue where we left off?

--------------------------------

You stood in the center of a clearing, waiting for the slightest hint of movement. All of your five senses tuned in to your environment. The smallest change of even the direction of the wind would be enough to tip you off.

A boost off of the grass.

You blocked a punch with your right arm. The small assassin stared with wide eyes. A curse of ‘Damn’ leaving him before you gripped him by the shirt and flung him in the other direction. He didn't have a chance to orient himself properly. His back colliding with a tree, effectively snapping it in half from how hard you threw him.

“Fast, but still not fast enough!” You called out.

You redirected your attention at a disturbance in the debris. From the dust kicked up came the boy in green. He made a dash forward, preparing to strike you. In what must've been the last second, he changed his attack. He jumped back on his hands and kicked as hard as he could towards your stomach.

“You won't get very far with cheap tricks.” You scolded before grabbing his ankle.

He tried to use his other leg to swing, but you stopped it easily. Using the new leverage, you spun in a circle to gain momentum before sending him flying upwards.

He gave a cry of surprise that quickly became annoyance. You were just tossing them around like footballs. Effortlessly.

From behind you Killua rebounded. Instead of attacking, he used his Echo Rhythm in the hopes it would disorient you. Doing laps around you as fast as he could. Yet somehow your eyes managed to linger on the real him.

If there's no opening, make one! Right????

There was a shout from above that startled you. Less than a fraction of a second you'd looked away. But it was enough. He lunged forward.

In the split second you glanced up, you saw Gon punch upward. A shockwave sending him straight for you. He used his physical strength to propel himself down.

They were coming in from both sides. There was no way you'd be able to avoid them both. Just when they were about to touch you, you vanished. Both of them looking at the blank space with surprise that quickly turned into panic. They were about to collide with each other. Killua twisted his body to the left. Gon to the right. Blows barely skirting around the other.

They recovered from the confusion and stood back to back. Waiting anxiously for any sign of you. A shadow from the corner of their eye. But it was too late. A sharp pain resonating on the sides of their skulls.

You had slammed their heads together. You gave a slight wince seeing them fall over and cradle the spot that hurt. A beeping from your pocket signaled that today's session was over.

“Alright. Five minutes is up.”

They gave sounds of protests as they sat up.

“We almost had you that time!” Gon exclaimed. He saw you this time. His reaction time was just slow.

“Yeah, let's go again! I didn't even have time to break a sweat!” Killua agreed.

Pure determination in their eyes. They were getting better, but another round would probably drain them. They'd be out of commission for a week.

“You two know the rules. One match a day. Then it's sensory training. Then it's meditation.”

“We know, we know. It's hearing today right?” Killua complained.

“Sulk all you want but it's a helpful skill. I picked up on your first attack because of it.” You responded.

He stuck his tongue out at you.

“Okay Dumbo. And did you really have to throw me that hard?”

Truthfully, you didn't mean to use that much force. It was a knee jerk response-and a very light one at that.

“You think that's hard? I could've sent you at least 35 meters easy. Hell, I almost sent Gon into orbit.”

“Yeah but he didn't get tossed through a tree.”

“I'd rather be tossed through a tree than stuck all the way up there,” Gon argued.

“Let's test it out then!”

“You're on! I'm gonna send you flying!”

“You wish!”

You tried to hide a smile as they bickered. It was two weeks ago when you first started their training.

You took baby steps with the boys. Starting off with something they were familiar with: speed training. The plan was to build up their physical strength before moving onto aura. Well, Killua would be improving his nen. Gon would just have to adapt once Knuckle’s APR expired.

It took them five days to master speed training. Both of them being quick enough to dodge every pebble you flicked their way. It improved their stamina drastically. Actual speed, not so much. If you just had the time, you would've been able to teach them properly. Right now you were skipping a few steps. But if you knew anything about these boys, it was that they were quick learners.

You were combining lessons three and four of your clan's methods. Sensory training was meant to enhance sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. The five senses. Everyday, one sense would be taken away. The other four would be used to figure out the scenario. It makes the individual more perceptive to their surroundings. A slight change could be picked out easily. Today the boys’ hearing would be taken away.

Combat training was meant to gain experience. There were two stages to this lesson: physical strength and nen strength. However, no matter which stage the student was in, they had to challenge someone undoubtedly stronger than them and fight them full force. Just until they became the same level as their teacher, or close enough to them. The boys were currently on the first stage.

Usually to advance, they would actually have to land one direct hit on you. But since you were pressed for time, you had to alter the condition.

“If you can get me to use my nen within five minutes, we'll move onto the next level.” You informed.

“What's the next level?” Gon asked.

“Actually fighting with your abilities against mine. Gon, you should be able to keep up. If anything, you'll probably end up getting stronger than me.” you explained.

It really was a blessing in disguise Knuckle took away his nen. His physical strength would increase leagues than what it was. If he could keep up with you at your best, for sure he'd beat you if nen was involved.

“Really!?!” He beamed up at you with excitement.

“No fair.” Killua pouted.

“It's nothing personal. We need to stick to your strengths,” you reassured the small assassin.

“You're more calculated in fights. You like to analyze your enemy's moves. You know when you're outclassed and tend to flee if it's more favorable. Despite your upbringing, nen combat is what you excel at. It's easier for you to control and predict.

“Gon's the opposite. Physical combat comes easier to him. His impulsive movements make for great offense. He charges right in, leading to the best surprise attacks. More or less, in a fight you'd be even. You'd probably outclass me in speed depending on how you applied your ability.”

“Faster and stronger than you? In just a month?” Killua questioned.

“In less than a year if we had the time. In a month, you might come close to overtaking me. In your respective categories that is. To fully max out on the categories you're weakest, it would take another six months.”

“What about seeing auras? Would either of us become as good as you at that?” Gon asked.

“You could probably do it now. That's baby stuff.”

“Hey!” The duo said in unison. Both equally as offended.

“Right, my bad. I mean it'll be easy. It's one of the first things I was taught…Then again, my eyes are pretty special. Who knows?”

Yup.

The boys still had quite a way to go.

—--------------------

Nights had become the hardest part of your routine. Everytime you closed your eyes you'd see him. You'd see her. If it was a particularly rough night, you'd see them. You haven't had this problem since Greed Island. The sleepless nights plagued by the worst your mind could come up with.

You used to stay up for days on end. Hoping when you finally closed your eyes, they'd stay shut. But you didn't exactly have the luxury of exhausting yourself right now. You couldn't afford to waste your energy. You had to be in top condition when the time came to face the ants.

The boys were experiencing a similar problem. Whether it was the stress of the situation or the pressure to get stronger, they were unable to sleep through the night. Often they'd wander into your room (where you sat on your bed, already awake thanks to tonight’s terror) and sit right next to you. It quickly became a habit.

Wait for the sun to come up, train, then take a nap out of pure exhaustion. The night would drag on while you waited for the next day to arrive. It wasn't healthy. However, tensions were too high to do anything else.

You had an idea though, of how to fix the problem.

“You've both earned a break,” you announced.

Both boys eyed you suspiciously.

“A break? Like right now?” Killua questioned.

You gave a nod.

“I don't think we can risk taking a break. We have to keep training. We need to get stronger.” Gon persisted.

You understood where he was coming from. But the harder he pushed himself, the less focused he'd be. It was only a matter of time before mental fatigue kicked in.

“You are getting stronger, but if you focus all your time training, you'll be exhausted when it's time to fight.” you explained.

“I know you want to keep going, but rest is important. You need to be in top shape both mentally and physically.”

The duo sat in quiet for a moment. Weighing the pros and cons of your offer. They looked to each other and nodded.

“Okay. What did you have in mind?”

—----------------------

The sand was warm under your feet.

You don't think you've ever been to the beach before. It was…nice. The air was saltier than you were expecting. And despite the sun beating down on you, it felt decently cool. There were more people than you were expecting, but you supposed you could tune them out.

You used to envy normal kids when you were little. Childhoods filled with amusement parks, aquariums, beaches, carnivals. An oblivious innocence to everything around them. You used to yearn for a piece of that normalcy. But the clan always came first.

Now you were actually here.

And there was nobody to stop you from enjoying it.

“Alright. Go, uh, go beach.” You ushered the boys forward.

“Go beach? You're like an alien who's never been to earth.” Killua teased.

“Hey!”

It wasn't your fault you didn't know what to do. Something something sand? Swimming? You'd figure it out. What mattered was that you were here to relax.

“Come on. Let's go before they figure out how to ‘beach.’” Gon laughed out, quickly pulling Killua away.

“Rats!!! You're both little rats!” You shouted after them.

They made a break for the water. Loading up the squirt guns they brought and splashing each other. You donned a pair of sunglasses and sat back. As long as they didn't drown each other. The little goblins. Maybe you could finally take a decent nap while they fooled around.

From where you sat, they actually looked like kids. They looked their age. It made you smile seeing how carefree they were. The stress of training long forgotten. And when Killua put Gon in a headlock for spraying his face, you had to stifle a laugh. You could sense nothing but content from the both of them.

You wished it could've been like this all the time. Maybe it would if things turned out okay.

“Kids are such a handful.”

You jumped at the sound of a voice next to you. It's what you get for letting your guard down, you supposed. You looked up and saw a woman in her thirties if you had to guess. She stared towards the ocean fondly.

A mother.

It wouldn't hurt to engage in conversation. You were here to relax after all.

“No kidding,” you responded.

You held back a grimace seeing Gon break free from Killua and body slam him into the water.

“Are those your boys?” The woman questioned.

You hesitated to answer. Technically, they weren't. Not by blood, at least. But did you consider them yours? Without a doubt they were one of your own.

“Yeah, those are mine.”

“Really? They don't look like you. Adopted?”

“Kind of. I'm a temporary caretaker.” And before she could ask what you meant by that, you quickly changed the subject.

“Which one's yours?”

She pointed slightly to the left.

“The little girl with the sunhat.”

Sure enough, there was a kid hanging into a dolphin floaty. Laughing along with another small girl. They looked peaceful, unlike your two demons who were currently wrestling. The contrast was almost enough to make you laugh.

“I heard that girls were easier. Is that true?” You asked.

The woman gave a small hum in thought.

“I personally don't think there's a difference. I mean, we raise them and love them the same,” she started.

“They're both stressful as babies and toddlers. They both end up becoming moody teenagers. Sometimes they get upset because they don't understand the decisions you make. Sometimes they don't even know what they're feeling and lash out…Boy or girl, parenting isn't easy. It's full of struggles no matter what.”

You don't know why, but her words made you feel relieved. Maybe a part of you was worried you were doing something wrong. That you weren't fit to take care of the boys. Maybe it was nice to hear your emotions were valid and normal.

“That's good to know.” You said after a while.

The woman smiled kindly at you. Heat rising to your cheeks at the small gesture.

“Enjoy all the precious moments while they're little. They'll be grown up before you know it.”

You were completely unaware the boys had stopped their roughhousing. Glancing towards you to give you a wave before they noticed you were already with someone.

A woman who was way too close for comfort.

Gon sent a small glare her way. He didn't like the way that woman was so friendly with you. He certainly didn't like the way she was touching your arm. Why were you letting her? He'd never known you to be social. So willing to engage in conversation with a stranger. What could the two of you possibly be talking about?

“Gon?”

He snapped from his thoughts at the call of his name. He looked towards Killua who seemed equally as uncomfortable.

“I don't like this. She's being way too touchy,” he responded.

And you were being way too reciprocal.

“Right? I mean I don't mind if Y/n makes a friend, but that's not friendly. She's too close. She's practically leaning on them,” Killua agreed.

Normally they weren't so protective of you. But something had changed. Seeing their friend being used as a chimera weapon had done it. A combination of not wanting to get involved with more people and defending his honor.

You weren't supposed to be with her. You were supposed to be with Kite.

The question now was: how were they gonna get your attention?

—--------------------------

You'd heard the frantic splashing of water first. Followed by your name. You stopped mid conversation and used your eyes to scan around. Yet before you could fully analyze what was going on, there was another cry of your name.

“Y/n! Help! Gon's drowning!”

You were in front of the duo in an instant. Using nen on your feet to stay above the water’s surface. Without wasting a second, you plunged your arm into the water and lifted Gon up. You expected him to be sputtering out water. Gasping for air. Struggling to breathe. Instead he stared back at you in bewilderment. Then excitement.

“You can walk on water!?!?”

It took you a second to process what was happening. Looking back and forth between him and Killua. The latter staring at you with equal shock.

No panic from either of them.

They duped you.

You promptly dropped Gon back into the water. Crouching down right after and grabbing the both of them by their cheek.

“How dare you! What possible reason could you have for scaring me?!?! You shouldn't play around like that!!!”

They both mumbled out a ‘sorry big sib.’

“Sorry’s not good enough! Explain yourselves!”

It was Killua who broke first this time.

“Why were you letting that lady flirt with you?!? I thought you were a boy kisser.”

All your frustration vanished. You were left baffled and flustered instead. The term ‘boy kisser’ completely catching you off guard. You were getting too old for this.

“Shut up! You're a boy kisser. You like boys.”

It wasn't something you'd said out of seriousness. Just a way to get the boys to leave you alone. Yet the moment the words left your mouth, Killua's face went red.

“Nuh uh!” He waggled a finger in your face, trying to play his reaction off. He shouldn't have said anything because he knew that you knew. You could see him, even if you weren't trying.

The deceit in his aura.

Oh.

You didn't really know how to handle this. If you should even address it. Yet, you were already talking before your mind could catch up.

“Aw, sweetie. It's okay if you like boys.”

You realized you were digging your own grave as a choked sound left him. He looked between you and the boy in green, trying to gauge his reaction.

“Or girls! That works to! Or both! Both is an option too. Maybe neither?” you cringed with each word that left your mouth.

You were making things worse judging by how the small assassin hid behind his hands. There was gratitude in there, but it was mostly drowned out by embarrassment. Before you could open your mouth again, Gon spoke up.

“I don't think it matters. Like who you like, that doesn't change anything between us.” He flashed Killua a reassuring grin.

Atta boy.

“Oh look sand! We should go over there.” you quickly changed the subject. More for Killua's sake than yours.

The duo waded towards the shore with you walking next to them. It was quiet for a bit. And then-

“So are you a girl kisser?”

“I was not flirting with that woman!”

—--------------------------

Now this was what you were picturing when you offered to go to the beach. Sandcastles. Except much less chaotic. Did you know the sand had to be wet before building? No, no you did not. Did you think the structure would crumble if you poured a bucket of water over it? Also no.

Why was this so hard?

You let out a noise of frustration, attracting the attention of the boy in green. He offered to help you out, and because you had absolutely no idea what you were doing, you accepted. His strategy was similar to yours, except he actually wet the sand before building with it.

You did your best to sculpt the sand in a point. Hoping to give it that castle feel. Not even a second later the top collapsed in. You slapped a hand to your forehead.

“Yup. I'm cursed,” you muttered. Prompting a laugh from the boy next to you.

At least he was having fun.

You looked over to your right. There was a kid no older than five putting sand in a bucket. Only to dump it back out in a perfect castle shape. Then they'd used a little metal tool to make windows.

“That kid's cheating!” You pointed out.

Gon followed your line of sight. He tried to hide his amusement at what had you so upset.

“Right. I forgot they made tools for the sand. Maybe next time. But hey, ours isn't too bad.”

You redirected your attention to what looked like a mound of dirt with indents. Despite being a complete failure, a part of you swelled with pride. You made that. And there would be time to improve later anyways.

“What is that? A mud hut?” Killua teased.

You were about to give a rebuttal, but it died in your throat seeing what was behind him. An actual castle with so much detail, it left you speechless. Even the little bricks were etched into the sand. And was that a moat!?!? The kid had talent, you'd give him that.

“How the heck did you do that?” You gestured to the castle behind him.

He beamed up at you before manipulating his hand to be razor sharp.

“I used my nails. Pretty cool, right?”

Pretty cool? It was spectacular. You didn't even think most adults could make something that detailed.

“Anyways, what went wrong with yours? Did you two even try?” He joked.

You feigned a glare at his words.

“Not all of us can change our hands at will. And you know what? You're not invited to the mud hut. Isn't that right munchkin?”

“Yup. In fact, we're raging war against your castle.” Gon played along, lifting up his water gun and aiming it towards the detailed structure.

Killua quickly stood in front of his castle. Using his body to shield it from any potential harm.

“You better not! It took me ten minutes to make!”

Okay, bragger much.

“Can't we just have a truce or something?” He tried to sway.

You pretended to give it some thought.

“50 percent of all your gold imports and we have a deal.”

“50 percent? My people will starve!”

Gon gave a warning shot, slightly missing the castle.

“Okay! Okay! We have a deal!”

You gave a small nod, telling Gon to stand down. The two of you watched as Killua started to build a little bridge. It took him no time at all to connect the structures, standing up right after and dusting himself off.

“There. We're allies.”

The difference between the two castles was almost enough to make you laugh. The mud hut standing strong against the palace. You were about to open your mouth to say something, but you quickly shut it seeing Gon light up at something in the distance.

“You two wait right here! I'll be right back!” He called out before running off.

He came back carrying something big over his head. Something that had…flippers????

“Is that a fricken turtle!?!? Put him back right now!” You scolded once you saw what it was.

He placed it down in front of you and Killua, holding it back by its shell.

“Are you scared?” He teased.

“It's a turtle why would I be-”

The turtle lunged its neck forward. Jaws open in an attempt to bite you.

“He just snapped at me!”

Gon leaned down to stare it in the eye.

“No! Bad turtle!”

Said creature hung its head down low. As if ashamed. Hunters and their damned animals. Of course it would play nice with him. Then again, you never were good with animals.

“Don't reprimand him! Just set him free!” you ordered.

“He probably senses your hostility. Maybe if you were nice to him he wouldn't wanna bite you.” Killua observed, though there was a mischievous glint in his eye that let you know he was messing with you.

“Senses my butt. That thing is just out for blood.” You huffed out.

Gon lifted up the turtle one more, holding it up right as he started talking.

“This guy is a leather back. And you see it's tail? Super short, right? Well that means it's actually a girl. She probably came to lay her eggs on shore.”

This was the most excited you've seen him in weeks. He was in his complete element when it came to nature. Most likely due to his upbringing. You supposed you could deal with this animal hating you, as long as he was happy.

“Let's put her down and see where she goes.” Killua suggested.

Gon set the turtle down and let it go. She shuffled back next to him for a second, surveying the beach for any threats. Then little by little she made her way forward. It took her about ten minutes to reach the spot she wanted. Using her back flippers to dig a sizeable hole in the sand. She stilled when she was done, presumably laying her eggs. Finally, she kicked the sand back in place and made her way back to the ocean.

But not before throwing a hiss your way as she passed you.

The boys stared in awe. You, not so much.

“I think we just witnessed a birth. Is that like, legally binding?” Killua asked.

You bonked the back of his head.

“Gremlin. Alright, let's give the little lady her space.” You ushered the boys away from her nest.

A few hours later, you found yourself being buried in the sand. A form of retaliation after you forbid the boys from going back in the water, not yet over the drowning prank they pulled. Plus, they'd gotten bored finding shells and giving them to you. All of which were currently in your pocket. You prayed they didn't crack under the pressure.

Your poor sunglasses were tossed to the side. By now your legs were completely covered. They wanted to move onto your torso. Pestering you to lay down so they could continue piling sand on.

“Just lay back.” Killua pushed you back lightly.

“No. You're gonna toss sand in my eyes. Those are my money makers.” You argued.

“We won't. I'll cover your eyes with my hand if that'll make you feel better,” Gon offered.

You were on the cusp of giving in before a beeping filled the air. All at once, the smiles left the boys’ faces. It was time. Somehow it’d slipped their minds. They'd gotten so caught up spending time with you that they forgot.

It was as if the life had been sucked out of them. Reality once again crashing down. It was nice to just be kids for a moment. To have a simple life. But they had a responsibility to fulfill. You had a responsibility.

They avoided your gaze as you got ready to leave. Truly, they tried to talk you out of it the first week. They didn't like you going over there and coming back injured. And they certainly never hid the way they felt about it. But you were nothing if not true to your word. And they knew that.

“I'm sorry. I'll be home soon okay. If you want-” you started but were quickly cut off.

“We'll be fine. Don't worry about us.” Killua dismissed.

“Go do what you have to do.” Gon added.

You sent them an apologetic look before you left.

—-------------------

You stood in front of the metal door anxiously. It felt reminiscent of your first time seeing it. You didn't know why you were so nervous. You've been coming here everyday to see him. Maybe a part of you was scared something changed. For better or for worse.

You unlocked the door and pushed it open. With bated breath, you took a step forward. You could feel the agony and malice return. A sickly feeling you became familiar with. It meant nothing had changed. Your routine would continue on to the next day.

You approached ‘Kite' slowly. Right before you entered his attack radius, you sat down. You promised the boys you wouldn't let him hit you anymore. Not since he'd broken your arm.

“I'd say having my leg broken was worse than my arm. Couldn't run for shit,” you said aloud.

You figured if he couldn't kick your ass everyday, the least you could do was stay and talk. You didn't want to leave him by himself. Even if he couldn't hear or sense you. You had no clue if you were helping him by doing this. If subconsciously he was listening.

You hoped he was.

That you were a useful distraction to the torment he was currently going through.

“We went to the beach today,” you started.

“The little ghouls pretended they were drowning because they thought some lady was flirting with me. Why that bothered them, I couldn't tell you. It pissed me off though. I made sure they weren't allowed near the water again.”

By now ‘Kite' was at the edge of his radius. Standing in front of you with jerky movements. Try as you might, your nen couldn't suppress the movement.

“We made sandcastles though. Or at least, Killua made one. The kid's crazy talented. He made little windows and everything. Me and Gon? Not so much. It looked like something a toddler would do. And you know what? I was very proud of it. Never messed around with sand before. It was nice. I also met a turtle today. She was super mean though. I mean I can't blame her. She just wanted to lay her eggs.

“I got gifted some nice shells. I think I'm gonna keep them in a box for safe keeping. Maybe turn a few of them into a necklace. We'll see when this is all over.”

You stared up at him looming over you. Strangely, you weren't threatened. It was almost comforting.

“They looked…so sad when I had to go. I think they genuinely forgot about it. About everything. That's supposed to be good, right? Why doesn't it feel that way? Why did it feel like I made things worse?”

You wrapped your arms around your knees and rested your head on them.

“I don't know what I'm doing with them. I don't know what I'm doing with myself. It always looked so easy when I was growing up. The adults making all the decisions. Like they had everything figured out. Maybe they did. Maybe I'm what's wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.”

You let out a drained sigh. Looking up from your arms and searching for his eyes.

“Every decision I make feels like the wrong one. Some days I just want to give up. Run away like I always do. But I can't…I don't want to. I want to be strong. I want to be enough. But right now, I don't know what to do. I haven't for quite some time. I just don't want the boys to end up like me.”

You didn't want to push them too far.

You sat there for a moment. Letting the silence be your comfort. You'd usually ask how his day was, even if you knew he wouldn't respond. Yet you couldn't find it in you to keep talking. You'd sit here until time ran out. Then do your best to put yourself back together before you went home.

You got in a crouching position. A shuffling sound making you go on full alert. You directed your attention towards the noise, focusing your eyes on the dark corner.

An aura. An empathetic aura.

“Who's there?” You called out.

A rookie mistake. If you sensed something, go on the offense. Take the element of surprise. Had you been so off your game that you forgot one of your most basic principles?

“No need to get so defensive. It's just me.” From the shadows emerged Morel.

Was he wiping away a tear?

“What are you doing here?” You asked. You were standing up by now, your back to Kite.

Never turn your back on an enemy.

You didn't perceive Kite as an enemy, Morel noted. Confidence in your own abilities perhaps? Or was it something else entirely? Something soft judging by the tone you used talking to him.

“It's my turn to watch Kite. Usually Knuckle and Shoot know when you're coming to give you your space. I thought you'd be another hour.” He answered.

He could see the tension leave your shoulders. You were protective over Kite. No. You were protective of the vulnerability you shared with him. His eyes only. Like that smile you gave him.

Knuckle and Shoot were scared of you?

You were more bark than bite. He couldn't sense any hostility from you despite your guarded exterior. That didn't mean you would back down if push came to shove.

“You were watching me,” you said after a while.

It didn't sit right with you that he could've revealed himself at any time and chose not to. Yet you couldn't sense any ill intent from him. So why just stand there until you were finished?

“I didn't mean to. You just looked like you needed to let that out. Call it a hunch.”

Hunters and their damned instincts. A part of you upset that he wasn't wrong.

“You two are lovers?” He gestured between you and Kite.

Immediately your face flushed. You tried to sputter your way through a response. Glaring when you heard him start laughing.

“Guess not then. You just seemed to care a lot about him.”

The atmosphere had lightened. Your defensiveness being chipped away the longer you talked. A gut feeling telling you to let down your guard completely. But you weren't ready for that quite yet. Your trust had to be earned.

“We're friends. Plain and simple,” you finally got out. Only for your face to burn impossibly hotter with his next choice of words.

“But you have feelings for him?”

The heat spread to the tips of your ears.

“Why is everybody interested in my love life?” You mumbled before answering. Why were you answering?

“Yes, I like him. And maybe he feels the same way, or felt the same way. Doesn't really change anything currently, does it?”

You looked up at him, watching as he tried to stifle laughter. The same way you did when the boys would get into petty arguments.

“Dickhead! Don't laugh at me!”

You realized then that you were closer to him. Since when had you moved forward?

“Okay, okay. How about a simpler question? Do the boys get along with him?”

It took you a second to answer. Trying to collect your thoughts after they'd been scattered.

“Are you kidding me? Gon absolutely adores him. The happiest I've seen him is when he's talking with Kite. They really bonded over Gon's father. Personally, I think the guy's a dick, but hey, it's something…It's sweet in a way, how much he looks up to him.” You stopped talking when you realized you were rambling.

You briefly glanced over at Morel. He was looking at you expectantly. Waiting for you to continue on. Not at all bothered that you strayed from the topic.

It was oddly reassuring.

“Killua didn't really like him at first. I guess he wanted Kite to earn his approval. Usually if Gon trusts someone, Killua will as well. Not this time though. He did eventually come around. I think seeing Kite help me out so much put him at ease. But my God, the teasing from both of them. Literal torture. I wanted to pass away and have my spirit evaporate.”

You covered your face with your hands once more. Doing your absolute best not to relive those moments and block out the embarrassment. Completely missing the way Morel's features had softened.

If it hadn't been clear before, it sure as hell was now. The three of you were close. Inseparable even, judging by how things played out the last time they were here.

“You really love those boys, don't you?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.

You uncovered your face with your hands. Your expression was more serious this time. More somber.

“... They're my family. I'd do just about anything for them.”

You were very different than the person he first perceived you to be. You were strong, despite running away from a fight. It made sense in context now given your response. You'd protect those boys at any costs. Even if it meant leaving someone behind.

Even if it meant losing your life.

You also had more guts than most pro hunters. Cussing out the chairman, and then scolding a group of hunters for the situation the boys were in. Then there was the fact you scared the crap out of his students. One look was all it took. You were a fiery one for sure.

Most importantly, you'd made a promise and stuck to it. You were here everyday. You would spend about an hour here with Kite. Although you stopped letting him hit you, you still found a way to be near him. He had no doubt you'd eventually find a way to fix him.

“To be honest, I thought you were a coward when I first saw you,” Morel admitted.

“A broken body barely alive after fleeing from a battle. Not even trying to fight before you already made up your decision. It goes against everything hunters stand for. But…”

He paused and flashed what looked like an amused smile.

“Those boys are deathly protective of you. Killua chewed me out for calling you a loser. He valued defending your honor more than protecting his pride. If looks could kill, he'd have vaporized me and Knov on the spot.”

He was hoping to get a positive reaction out of you from that. But you only looked down and clenched your fists tightly. Yet it wasn't anger that radiated off you. It was guilt.

“You weren't wrong about me. I am a coward. I ran away because I was scared. I was…”

You didn't know how much you wanted to reveal. If you should reveal anything at all. You looked up to gauge his reaction. It was the same patient expression from before. Waiting, but not wanting to push for information you weren't ready to give.

“Go on, little one. What happened next?”

It felt like you were small again. Admitting to something you were ashamed of. Like you were talking to Father before your revelation about your clan.

You felt safe.

“I was reminded of my past. I needed to get out of there. I really think I would've left Gon and Killua behind if they weren't right in front of me.”

You were shaking when you finished. Trembling with guilt. So strong and yet so utterly weak.

“You're just a kid.” Morel said at last.

You sent him a small glare with no real malice behind it. If anything you were frustrated with constantly being looked down by these people.

“Don't talk down to me, old man. I'm a helluva lot younger than you, but that doesn't make me a kid.”

A ‘guess not’ leaving him as you leaned against the wall before ultimately deciding to sit down again. You didn't know when you got this close to the other side of the room. When your feet started moving you forward. It wasn't good to have your body in action while your mind was elsewhere.

Surprisingly, Morel sat down next to you. He glanced at Kite, then back to you. As if weighing the pros and cons of something. If he should ask you the question burning in his mind.

“Why do you keep coming back here?”

And there it was. Your body tensed up. You didn't know how to respond.

“Are you hoping something changes with Kite? Or is it something else?” He continued interrogating.

You were frozen. Your very being shutting down. You wanted to get up and leave. Yet you were unable to move from your spot on the floor.

“Are you punishing yourself for running away?”

He hit the nail right on the head. He knew he did judging by the way your eyes had widened. He couldn't help but pity you. You'd been broken down over the years. It was obvious with your way of thinking. That you had to make amends for the smallest of mistakes.

“Shouldn't I?” you asked. Your voice was small, as if you truly couldn't fathom a world where it wasn't your fault.

“I'm responsible for this. Shouldn't I deserve to suffer for it? Shouldn't I deserve the worst for causing this?” You gestured towards Kite.

This glimpse of your true thoughts, of how far you'd been conditioned to spiral, it was upsetting. Beating yourself up when you were already down. All of it had to come from somewhere. From grief.

“You won't last long with that kind of attitude. Sometimes things go wrong that are out of our control,” he scolded. He gave a small sigh before continuing to speak.

“It's funny, you know?”

“What?” you forced yourself to say.

“You sound just like that Chimera ant we met. His name is Colt. He blames himself for his human sister's death. For the queen’s death. Now he's got a little one to take care of, and you know what he said?”

You shook your head no.

“He promised he wouldn't make the same mistakes with her. That he would protect her at all costs. Now who does that sound like?”

You could feel your eyes start to burn. There was no way. No way you could ever relate to one of those things. After all the pain and suffering they've inflicted. And yet you did. Eerily so.

“You lost someone too, didn't you? It's why you're hard on yourself. You haven't forgiven yourself for what happened.”

The coincidence was almost enough to kill you. One tear. Then two. Then three. Then multiple at the same time.

Kari.

Your Kari who was ripped from you far too soon. Whose face you were starting to forget with age. Who had been the light of your life.

“...I lost my little sister. I could've saved her. I could've saved her, but I ran away. I was too scared. I'm a disgrace. I'm worth less than nothing.” You buried your face in your knees in an attempt to hide yourself.

You didn't want anyone's sympathy. You refused to let anyone see you cry if you could help it.

“Really? Those boys seem to think you're worth more than gold. They'd rather die with you than live without you. Why do you think they wanted you to use your nen on them?” Morel countered.

“Because they're stupid,” you sniffled out.

He had to stop his eyes from rolling at your comment.

“You don't get it. If you told them to jump, they'd ask how high. If you decided right now not to go through with the extermination mission, they'd walk out with you.”

You could probably murder someone in cold blood right in front of them, and they'd find a way to excuse it. Their trust in you was unwavering. It was clear they held you to the highest standard.

Yet you still couldn't see that. Believing the worst in yourself because it was how you were brought up. The trauma inflicted on you from such a young age. You had to come to terms with it eventually. You had to accept it was never your fault.

“I know who you are” he admitted.

You'd stiffened up once more.

“The things you went through when you were a kid. Don't let their teachings warp your perception on life. You are deserving of love. And you have it. That clan's been backwards for years.”

You lifted your head up. If you weren't so vulnerable in the moment, you would have snapped. Instead you'd looked scared.

“How much do you know?” you hesitantly asked.

“We had to do our research when putting together the extermination team. You weren't hard to find with the name Netero gave. They've still got your missing photo up on the hunter website. The reward is still there too.”

You would never be free, would you? Forever tethered to the ghost of your past.

“They're still looking for me. They never gave up.” It was said more to yourself than Morel.

They were lying in wait somewhere. Or perhaps they really did forget. A part of you was grateful for the information. A heads up to be more careful. You weren't out of it yet. When this was over, you'd get rid of your nen entirely. Rid of the risk.

“The boys don't know, do they?” Morel questioned.

“No. And I plan to keep it that way.”

“You should tell them before someone else does. They're bound to find out through other means. And I doubt they'd think any lesser of you.” He tried to convince.

“... I'll think about it.”

You were reminded of Netero and how he greeted you so casually in front of them. Using a name you'd long discarded. It was only a matter of time before something else came out.

“Be easy on yourself. If it helps, I know someone who does counseling for hunters. You weren't kidding about the stuff some of us experience. I can put you in contact with them if you ever want to talk about something. The boys too. I think it'll be good for them after this is over.”

You wondered what he got in return for helping you? Was it just because, or was there something he was after? People rarely did favors without expecting something back. The only person you met who did was Kite.

“Why are you being so nice to me, old man?”

He smiled at you as he pulled out a cigar from his pocket.

“We're all on the same team here. Besides, it can't be easy taking care of two kids. I'd say you're doing a pretty good job, though.”

He lit the cigar and took a puff, blowing out perfect smoke rings. He extended his arm out, offering it to you.

“Do you smoke?” he asked.

“No, but I could give it a try.”

You reached for the cigar, and just as your fingers grazed it, he pulled it away.

“I forgot. You've still got the boys back home. They'll get sick with the fumes.”

You internally thanked him for his hindsight. With Gon's heightened sense of smell, he'd get lightheaded in minutes. And you doubted either of the boys would appreciate it if they knew you smoked. They'd probably scold you too.

“Yeah…You're probably right.”

—---------------------

You got home later than you expected. You supposed it was inevitable you'd lose track of time. You just need a moment to process things. To cope with the decision you made.

You mulled over it again and again. Trying to convince yourself out of it, to no avail. You looked for every possible excuse, but you could find no good reason.

You stood in front of the small home. Unlocking the door and finally stepping inside. You could hear the two boys conversing quietly in the kitchen. You hoped you hadn't ruined their day by leaving.

“I'm back!” You announced as you approached them.

They turned at the sound of your voice. A few take-out boxes littered the table. One going completely untouched. Good. They remembered to eat.

“We saved you some. It's from that one place you said you wanted to try, remember?” Gon offered.

Truthfully, it was a way for both of them to make amends for earlier. They hadn't meant to show their disappointment. It was just hard not to when the three of you were finally spending real time together. They knew how important this was to you. The last thing either one of them wanted was stop you from going.

But every time you did, it took a toll on you. Today more than others, it seemed. You looked miserable. The circles under your eyes had darkened impossibly worse. There was an undeniable heaviness in your expression that wasn't there before you left.

Did something happen with Kite?

“How was he?” Gon asked.

The same thing he asked every time you came back. A part of him hoping something changed for the better. That there was an improvement. But this time was different. He wanted to know what went wrong for you to be so despondent.

“He was…the same.” You said slowly. Resting your head on your hand.

“You're not hungry?” Killua observed.

You hadn't made a move to grab your food. You always ate when you came back. Even just a little bite. Something was wrong.

“I’m just thinking.” You responded.

“About?” He prodded.

You let out a drained sigh. Looking between both boys before deciding to just rip the band aid off. If you didn't tell them, they'd eventually find out some other way. You wanted them to hear everything from you.

“Can I talk to you two about something serious?” you asked.

Serious usually meant bad. And judging by the way the color drained from the boys' faces, they certainly thought so. You were quick to explain that wasn't the case.

“It's about me. I think I'm finally ready to tell you everything. My life before.”

Morel was right, and you were tired of denying them reasons for your actions. Tired of leaving their questions unanswered.

“Are you sure? You don't have to force yourself.” Gon assured.

You had come this far. No going back now.

“I'm sure. The question is, will you both be able to handle the truth?”

Handle knowing and not being able to act. Their reactions to Kite offered some much needed insight. Seeing the aftermath of what happened caused a rageful vengeance in one of them. What would hearing about what happened to you spark?

“After all we've been through, you think-!” Killua went to argue, but you stopped him with a raise of your hand.

You didn't mean for it to come off like you thought they were weak.

“I know you two are strong. I mean, promise you won't do anything rash. I don't want you getting mad or angry. Or try to hold anyone responsible. Nobody can change what happened.”

They sat in silence for a moment. You were willing to trust them with this. To finally open up under the condition that they would control themselves. It was difficult not to be alarmed with your words. What exactly did you go through?

They didn't dare speak. Fearing if they said one wrong thing, they'd never get another chance to hear you out. Instead they both opted for giving you a small nod.

So you finally began to explain everything. How you came from a respected clan of hunters. One that was primitive for the most part. Exceptions being made only for the most valued members.

You talked about what your role was. How you were trained since infancy to be the best of the best. To be strong. To be utterly devoted to your clan. You explained that you were a prodigy. The best tracker among your peers. Your eyes more precise than Father's. You were chosen as one of three potential candidates to become the head.

You told them about your best friend. How he was right with you in terms of trajectory. How the two of you hated each other at first. How you were able to get past your differences when it mattered. Forming a rivalry rather than a feud.

You talked about the old man who used to give you sweets. How he made you work for them by quizzing you on trivia from his time growing up. You talked about his daughter who used to sing the kids songs. Who might've been the closest thing you ever had to a mother. Carrying around her tunes to this day.

And finally, you talked about Father Reik.

The punishments you were given for failing. For lying. The isolation. The darkness. The starvation. The hitting. The people who blindly revered him.

All the death and suffering your clan caused. How you tried to stop it, but couldn't. The way lives were taken without a care because ‘it’s nothing personal.’ The moment you realized you didn't want any part of it anymore.

How you made a plan to flee.

How they all turned on you.

How your little sister was murdered right in front of you.

How you hid all these years in fear of the same thing happening to you. Why you kept running away. Why you refused to fight.

To prevent the same fate from befalling them.

“I used to hold a grudge. But now I'm just glad to be away from them.” You admitted.

You could sense that your words were unsatisfactory. A feeling of disbelief washing over both boys. You forced yourself to elaborate further.

“I…I don't hate them. Despite everything they've done to me, I don't hate them. They took me in. They fed me, gave me a home. They made me strong. Strong enough to protect the ones I love.”

“They abused you.” Gon said.

He had been clenching his fist tightly. Trying his best not to let his anger get the best of him. But he just couldn't accept you’d forgiven them. That you were still making excuses for them. After everything they did to you.

He couldn't fathom being grateful to them. Why? It didn't make sense. Could they still have a grasp on you? Or were you truly done with it all?

“Yeah. Yeah they did.” You agreed.

“I don't want to excuse their actions, but it's not something that's black and white. My people were brought up to be the best of the best. To endure the worst hardships and persevere. From generation to generation. The outside makes you weak. You start thinking instead of focusing on what's best for the clan. It's a backwards sort of thinking that takes years and years to unlearn.”

Why were you giving them your sympathy? They didn't deserve it.

“It takes so much energy to hold a grudge. I should hate them. I should hate him. I should want them all to suffer.”

Yes you should! You should be angry! You should denounce their actions entirely! You should-

“But I don't. That doesn't mean I forgive them. Just being far away from them is enough.”

Your words were soft. The tone immediately snapping him out of his harsh thoughts. He promised he wouldn't get mad. That he wouldn't try to hold anybody responsible. He promised to be passive and listen. Yet here he was, getting worked up on your behalf.

You just wanted peace. To be left alone. Considering everything that happened, it was the bare minimum you were asking for. And if that's what you truly wanted, then somehow he'd manage to let it go.

“You're little sister, what was she like?” Killua questioned, diverting the subject to something lighter.

Something he'd been curious about for the longest time. The name you always mumbled in your sleep before reaching out. The girl who you completely shut down at the mention of.

Kari.

He wondered if she was anything like Alluka. If the way he treated her was anything like the bond you shared with your sister. Was he doing as good a job as you?

“She meant the world to me.”

You used your nen to conjure two small figures. One was taller than the other. They picked the smaller one up on their back.

“There are things I remember about her. Things I could never forget. Her hair was always a mess of unruly curls.”

The smaller figure sprouted curly hair. Jumping off of the taller one and proceeding to run in place. The taller one joined them, throwing its head back in what looked like laughter.

A silhouette very reminiscent of you.

“I tried brushing it out once, but the comb snapped in half. She said she was tired of her hair not doing what everybody else's was. After the third comb, I convinced her she didn't need to look like anybody else. That I loved her the way she was a thousand times over any approval from our peers.”

That sounded like you. Encouraging and soft when you wanted to be. Good to know that hadn't changed over time. But maybe a small part of the boys ached that they hadn't been the only ones on the receiving end of your affection.

The two figures sat down. Little fingers folding into signs Killua could not read.

“Her eyes were a light brown. So light, they were almost gold.”

The color of honey.

“But little by little, her face is starting to get blurry. And I know that one day I'll forget completely. The last thing I have of hers is our promise. What remains of her aura.”

Your promise not to fight. And you were willing to break it for them.

“We had a list of goals we wanted to do once we left the clan. Get a dog. Get a house. And ride a Ferris wheel. Stupid, but hey, we were five and seven. To us that meant a life well lived. I only lasted this long because I wanted to live for the both of us.”

You really loved her, didn't you?

A dejected feeling settled in both boys. Would either of them ever hold a candle to your sister? It looked like she took up your whole heart, leaving minimal space for anyone else. She drove you forward. Did they hold you back? Did you regret crossing paths with them and having the life you dreamed of on hold? Did you-

“But now I have you two. I have purpose. And I'd do anything to keep you safe. Even if it means you hate me for it.”

No. You loved them just as much as you had loved her.

How selfish to be insecure over someone you cared for deeply. How shameful.

Things had been out in context now. Especially your tendency to flake when things got rough. And for the small assassin, he couldn't help but feel like he was the worst. He didn't know. You just wanted to protect the both of them and he'd snapped at you. He said awful things to you. Things that he didn't know tied back to something so terrible.

And you'd forgiven him anyway.

“I'm sor-” he tried to apologize but was cut off.

“Please don't apologize to me. I don't want any sympathy. I'm not telling you all this so you can feel bad for me. I'm telling you because I trust you. You've never hidden anything from me, so I figured it was time for me to do the same.” You explained.

There was really nothing either of the boys could add to that. You'd told them about your upbringing. Now you wanted to focus on the future. A future they promised you'd get to fulfill your goals in. Where you'd be safe to live out the life you wanted to. So instead they said-

“Thank you for trusting us.”

—-----------------------

Fun Fact #16: Y/n’s new ability is called Playtime, in which they summon two marionettes. Each composed of a full half of their nen, leaving them completely exposed to outside attacks when both are summoned. Either can be used for defense or offense. When in offense mode, the marionette attacks its opponent relentlessly despite its small stature. Being able to avoid most critical hits and move with agility. When in defense mode, the marionette is used to block oncoming attacks by switching places with Y/n. The move is called Substitution. If Y/n is able to use Substitution consecutively three times, the marionette is able to steal the opponent’s ability for one hour. They will only disappear for three reasons. Y/n unsummons them. Y/n dies. Or Y/n passes out.

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An: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's here, after two months. We've almost reached the end game now. Fun fact- "You can't die, I won't let you” will come back to haunt us in future chapters 😃. I just love foreshadowing don't you? Also, our fun fact of the day is a mousekatool that will come in handy later. I just don't think I'll find the space to do explain it during our next two chapters, but we'll see.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH ✨🌈💕

And Happy Father's Day 👔👔👔 (because let's face it, y'all are the dadiest of daddies 🤤)

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #gon x reader #killua x reader #mayhaps a kite x reader???#big sib reader #older reader #x reader #platonic #moon and sun insert #found family

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z0-ne · 1 year ago

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Fish eyes (!PLATONIC! UNCLE ILLUMI X CHILD READER + FATHER KILLUA)

This story is based off the illumi portion of THIS scenario! I know a lot of ppl like to think in the future he'd be better and suddenly understands what he did was wrong but like- what if he doesn't???

!warning!~ This story includes, stalking, kidnapping, hurt no comfort, child abuse and some gore.

READ WITH CAUTION!~ illumi is NOT a good person in this story.

Being one of the children of one of the greatest accomplishments in the zoldyck family is a blessing on one hand.

Your father doesn't follow in his own father's footsteps, something you are grateful for, your mother the same. Both assasins within their own right have taken another path with children of their own.

They're loving parents, well, as loving as they can be with the emotional damage they've received, specifically your mother. She's sweet in her own way, but if you had to pick between who was more playful and affectionate it would be your father for sure..

You always assumed it was because she's paranoid, of who? You have no idea, but you do overhear your parents conversate over someone you can only assume to be a bother to them. Sometimes your Uncle Gon would visit as well and be included in the conversation after dark.

Its ominous, you've never heard everything they said, because you would always end up having to sneak out before they mention a name, but you do know that there may be more than one person.

Its nothing to worry too much about right now though, you're still young, and you have two of the strongest people yet as your parents, not to mention your auntie alluka who tries to keep tabs on you all at all times, and your uncle Gon just in case you get lost.

Of course that is if you ever make it outside the mansion grounds, but you never travel that far. As the second youngest of six siblings, you have a lot of people on your back, watching you and making sure you don't wonder too far off.

It makes you wonder what's beyond that, why security suddenly got so strict, then again right now you're only seven, maybe it'll loosen up a bit as you get older, but it is odd. Your oldest sister said things didn't use to be like this.

You tried asking why, first your father but he just told you 'you're too young right now, stay here were you're safe' and rubs his thumb over your forehead to brush off the question. Then your mother, but of course she basically does the same, saying it's best to stay here. Even auntie alluka seems hesitant to tell you much of anything.

Uncle Gon is out of the question, he tells you about all the big creepy monsters out there, some are gross, like the evil giant bugs that roam around, or some gross snail person that leaves a trail of slime that leads to nowhere. Uncle Gon is like reinforcement to make sure you don't get curious about wondering.

Sometimes it works, other times you think you can take those monsters head on. It makes you more curious about the world outside that your oldest sister and her friend travel freely.

You tried asking her about it, since she travels with a girl who trains under your uncle's wing. She's not his daughter but she looks and acts so much like him from what your father told you about them back when they were your sisters age.

Unfortunately, they just share a look of worry then mask it up with a smile and tell you that your far to young to know.

On one hand its a blessing being a child of one of the Zoldycks greatest accomplishments...on the other...it's a curse.

_______________________________

Asking those older didn't seem to work out well, and you were weighing your options on asking your second older sibling, he's usually outside, fiddling with a drone he built, to gaze at the world outside and scope out where he'll go next.

Ultimately you decided to approach him and ask the question. "Why isn't it safe outside the mansions security?" Its an innocent question overall, maybe switching it up a bit will get them to answer.

He glances at you from over his shoulder and grunts a response. "What did dad tell ya?" you furrowed your eyebrows in frustration. Him brushing you off like you're a bother doesn't help answer your question.

"Come ooon...tell me." You said, somewhat demanding but also putting in a hint of annoyance in there as well as you pull at his sleeve.

"No way! If dad already told ya then forget it, go play over there or somethin!" He says as he moves his sleeve away from you and points over to a tree a few steps away from you with a frustrated expression..

Glaring up at him you huff but shrug as you stuff your little hands in your pocket and go over to the tree he pointed you towards. 'Stupid brother...' you think to yourself as you kick a rock. Its frustrating not being told anything.

Then, as you kicked the rock again you noticed something...it's small but you see something odd in the corner of your eye a weird figure, black floating all around it, little specks of green and yellow...since it's so far you can't see much else so you ignore it.

Your focus is not being able to figure out what's really outside the mansion walls, you want to know.

__________________________

'A curious lil thing' is what your uncle gon would always say, maybe it was because you were curious. It was why you were running from your nanny to the front gate right now.

Both parents out, your oldest sister on a trip of sorts with her friend and your brother in his room somewhere.

You've thought about it many times and honestly, when you get to the gate...climbing it seems like the best option, and you throw your caution into the wind.

You know you can climb this even at your age you've climbed higher trees. So you hoist yourself up and look back to see how far behind your nanny is, and you hear her call out your name but her voice leaves an echo behind, you giggle and continue up the wall.

It doesn't take long for you to make your way completely over and you take a look around, its...more forest? No worries, you keep running, curious about what lies ahead of those trees.

"(NAME) please! Come back it isn't safe!" You hear your nanny call out for the upteenth time but can only giggle as yyou keep running, your childlike delight and innocence not picking up on the danger you were about to be in.

You take a few turns here and there, until suddenly something feels...off...the playful atmosphere you had just moments ago replaced with something...scary...

Running comes to a halt, and you take a look around as to where you are. Your arms at your side and hands balled up, you don't recognize it.. the trees are taller...much taller than you remember, and when you look up all you see is leafs...covering everything.

"Huh..? Nana Misa?" You stand up straight and call out,, as you try and retrace your steps from where you are, but something about that feels wrong too.

Its not until you feel a pit in your stomach, your heartbeat picks up and ththere'a sudden shortening in your breathing that you quickly turn around...and there's some...stranger...

Very long, black hair, as black as the night sky...probably darker than that. Skin painfully pale, almost as pale as snow...and those eyes, they're pitch black and they remind you of a fishes eyes...

You once again, stand up straight your hands out of your pocket now stuffed inside them again as you look up at the strange man. "hey...who are you?" You question with a tilt of your head, despite that unnerving feeling you got from him earlier.

He stares at you, those unblinking eyes seem to stare into your soul as he doesnt say anything for the longest time.

"You're just like him..." The strange man speaks, and his voice is smooth like butter but just as unsettling as his appearance, its like looking at one of those creepy characters from a scary movie your oldest sister use to watch.

"Hey! I asked you a question!" Despite your fear you try and mask it with false confidence and a demanding tone.

"I won't make the same mistake twice..." A large hand attatchef to one of his long lanky arms reached out to grab you, and it was like you just froze.

What is this..? This feeling? You can't move, you know you should jump back,, swat his hand away, bite, kick, scream do something to prevent him from grabbing you but you can't. Your brain screaming for you to move away but your body isn't responding.

Its like you're in a trance...a terrible...terrifying trance that's taking over your entire body, freezing it in cold unexplainable fear...

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" A shout, a familiar voice snaps you out of that trance, and you see her, who you believed to be your savior.

"Nana! Nana Misa!!" You don't know what happened but all of a sudden you felt your body and your mind get back in order,, and you dashed over to her, hot tears rolling down your face as you rushed to her and gripped onto her dress, burying your face into it and smudging tears all over the white cloth.

Her hands made their way to caress your head, gentle, warm, comforting and overall protective. Its so familiar, you were always being protected and now is no different...

"Oh...An obstacle... How unfortunate..."

Except it is different.

The man from before, you turn your head to look at him. That tone, nothing behind it but evil...its so scary...you want to look away, but when you feel your nanny's hands begin to tremble, you look up and see her face painted with the same fear yours was, the only difference is that she has some resolve.

"Please...(Name)...run..." her voice trembles....you had never heard her voice tremble before up until now, and it only intensifies your fear

"Nana...?" A crack...there's a crack in your tone, from confident to worry...you've never heard her usually soft calm kind voice tremble, you've never seen such a look of fear in her eyes, sure you've seen concern or worry but never...fear...not like this.

"I said run!" A sudden yell from her and you look up in surprise. She yells at you, not once breaking contact with the man with fishy eyes.

You try to protest, but she shoves you to the side when he steps forward. From there on it all happened so fast... you didn't even have time to run.

"Stay away!!" You hear her yell out, watching the scene in slow motion as she takes a dagger from her sleeve, and raises it above her head, in preparation to strike.

The man however just stand there...those fishy eyes...standing there...watching her as she prepares to slam the blade down upon him.

Why can't you move?

In an instant, he walks past her, and your nanny stops. She stops and doesn't move for awhile, before suddenly she falls to her knees, eyes wide tears at the sides threatening to spill, her lips parted and her eyebrows still furrowed...

Then all you see is red...

Dark red...crimson...it spits from her neck...when did he cut her? it spills out like a sprinkler on the sink, like thick water it spurts from her neck and her entire body jolts around limply.

You stare on horrified, not even noticing the man approach you, not hearing him..let along seeing him reach out to grab you.

The blood spurts from her neck for what feels like hours, covering the once green grass beneath her and painting it red...her body jolts around aimlessly before it slumps limp to the ground with a sickening thud.

Loose pink hairs fall over her pale face, dark red blood drips from her once pink lips and her uniform, the once white apron now dirty with what could be blood and mud.

You can't speak...you can't move, you only look on hopelessly as she lays there...watching her hand twitch...once...maybe twice before nothing...

"I won't make the same mistake twice..."

Then a cold feeling overwhelmed you, a cold feeling of someone grabbing your arm, their grip was rough, not even bothering to handle you with some gentleness like your father and mother or even uncle gon. Its not warm like them or Nanny Misa. Its cold and rough,but you can't move or even resist as it begins lifting you up.

You hang there like a rag doll as you stare at the corpse, the corpse of someone you cared deeply for, like she was an extension of your mother, an aunt of sorts. now just a corpse and through that unnatural coldness...you fell warm tears fall down your face...

"Nana...Nana!!" Your voice echoes, but not enough,, it cracked and you reached out to the body but it was too late.

It was too late for anything, because that strange man was already on the move, running with you like some rag doll, carelessly like you were less than a human.

He stops infront of a car, a limbo, its long and black, pitch black like his eyes and hair, and as you sob he sighs like he's frustrated with it and throws you in the car and climbs in himself..

"Oh a crier, how dreadful...~" another voice says with an odd tone, expaserated and dramatic.its just as unsettling as the other man who threw you into the car.

You can't see through your blurry eyes and the heavy tears that fall out of them,but you can tell that it's a long drive...a long... draining drive because the one who called you dreadful made hints at shutting you up for good. The man that kidnapped you however immediately shut it down.

Eventually the car did stop, and it was time to leave the car, which threw you into a big hysterical fit. You kicked your legs, swung your arms and screamed and cried as the man tries to find an opportunity to grab you..

"Your struggling is useless." That cold voice points out as he grabs your arm and yanks you out the car, forcibly dragging you through what seems to be the woods.

Your sobbing doesn't stop, like you're hoping your parents will hear you, uncle gon, your sister...anyone... maybe you had even hoped the man would have some mercy and return you.

However as they kept walking and there was yet another heavy sigh from the other man with the off voice you figured that it was much too late to be returned.

A loud creak could be heard then a slam, the immediate feeling of a cold breeze hit your face and if you weren't scared before you definitely are now..

Your cries get louder, echoing through the halls as the man holding your hand firmly simply walks, his heels clicking against the hardwood floors, dangling you above the ground from his height alone.

Then it stops. Another loud creak of a door as he lifts you up by your arm to make eye contact with him but your too scared, still crying. He sighs.

"Since you won't calm down ill have you stay here until you stop being so hysterical." His voice blank and empty of any sympathy as he tosses you in the room.

You land on the cold hard floor with a loud thud,, your body throbs in pain as you snap your head up and look to the door,, you quickly stand up run over only for him to slam the door shut, a loud bang following.

"NO!" You scream out, scratching at the door, twisting and yanking at the knob, and you even went as far as to slam your body against it..

In the end however...nothing worked... jt just left your little body sore and you're heart torn to pieces as you realize you can't get out... and you were back to where you were before, sinking to your knees, sobbing as you call out to anyone who could help...your father...your mother...uncle gon...your sister...your brother.

The thought of never getting back home...it brings you to your knees as you sob loudly for them, hoping they'll come...come and take you home..

^___Bonus! ^-^________^

Letting out a heavy sigh, Killua slumps back on the side of the ship he and his wife boarded, a trip back home after a weeks work of work. It was exhausting but going home to see his kids would be pretty rewarding, he brought gifts back as well.

His hair grew in the back so he pulled it into a low pony tail but other than that the front remains the same. He looks out into the distance and suddenly his eyes twitch a bit.

"Something...feels wrong..." he mumbles under his breath, but he doesn't know what...not yet at least.

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