#pissed off at myself for stopping hannibal but literally like even watching it last night the abigail scene i was sooo upset

[angelblumes]

God for real, I have no idea what to say to anything to anybody talking abt my mental health like honestly I do try to be the most honest with my therapist because I dont really talk to any1 else irl abt it but you think I know words for how I feel? no. I do feel like a goldfish. I forget everything I've ever felt when I walk into the building. Thanx 4 the good luck tho 😊❤ I also had a little moment rsd when I asked my dad something and he didn't take it seriously so I did cry, salads are really the worst thing to accidentally forget abt/ something bad happen to it😢 😐 😑 I dont even care if you talk abt hannibal, its fine! I understand! I feel like I complain abt bugs almost everytime, but 😑 I got paranoid because a flying big ass beetle was on the ceiling of my porch? And i was 👀 so I wasn't paying attention when another 1 got all up in my face. I stg it made me mad cuz wth why are bugs like that? I had some watermelon w/ brown sugar and white sugar 😌 also some taco bell 4 dinner. I did write inside of my little diary tho 😁 also im sure ur therapist didn't want to kill u 🤣 We are the same person 💗 I also therapize myself , but its just me being emotional/mentally ill and then me trying to talk myself into being logical abt it. Sometimes I feel like I dont be mentally ill and different and im normal, but once I'm around other ppl im like oh ! yea I got problems and everyone can clearly see that and 😬 I still gotta work on it. Not to say I look bad or anything, I just can't put on a normal ppl mask you know? OK good night this was also very long and rambly and all over but✌❤

UR THE BEST EVER. have i said that? its so true. the salad didnt even go bad!!!! i will eat the rest of it today hopefully! and dw i hate bugs like i totally get it😭😭 umm.. i dreamt abt captain america and the winter soldier HELP. we were like besties... idk the only thing i really remember is that they were both hilarious like the whole dream is just me laughing then stopping and then laughing again. there was other stuff but i forgot it obv. i watched a hannibal amv and the song was "take me to church" haha but it showed scenes from the last eps and i forgot i havent seen most of the last season.... like i dont think u mind but spoilers!!^__^ abigail dies and i stopped watching for like 6 months bc of that. i had to rewatch the ep too bc i didnt know exactly where i left off. which is good cuz i did miss a few important minutes at the end but i did break down and sob again. they took hannibal off netflix too so i had to watch it on effing HULU. i despise hulu. the ads are ridiculous im already paying y'all just give me the show! i brought that up bc umm... i cant believe i just QUIT season 3? its so good like i skipped around eps bc i rlly already know what happens but i will watch it all the ads r just impossible. anyway my friend just SCOLDED? ME? for eating a banana too slow????? my rsd barely like bothers me w her bc i just get pissed off like she does this stuff sometimes and it always is ridiculous. "we dont want to get gnats" by me taking a few minutes to eat a god damn banana?😐urgh. i had an awful panic attack bc my allergies are so bad i cant rlly breathe thru my nose right. n i was brushing my teeth and trying to breathe thru my mouth. n i couldn't. i have asthma btw so i was lile oh god this is some extreme asthma attack and im going to die. i did not die. i hate panic attacks like i nvr know its happening in the moment and it makes it worse. n normal ppl masks... SO RELATABLE! anyway um i dont feel like counting all whatever i said so i'll say one thing more. i brought up the hannibal here bc not bc of THAT amv but the one to hoodoo by muse😭 muse is.. big right? i really feel like i live under a rock and i've never been outside. i don't know how i'm supposed to know this stuff. anyway oh em gee. its soooo good. the video. i mean the song is too. i hate amvs where they're like good but the music sucks. even if its good music if it just doesn't vibe then it sucks. anyway idk it totally wrecked me after like seeing abigail die AGAIN and then will saying "i forgive you" and then hannibal walking away and then will n hannibal kill whatshisface together. i might just try to pirate hannibal only bc of hulu's 1-2 minute long adds every 10 minutes. i dont have that kind of patience. i'm always long and rambly do not worry❤️💗