#pills that make you green: Apocrypha

[tpwrtrmnky]

excellent

[ID:

Three panel comic with crudely drawn stick figures.

Panel 1: A green person is holding a pill bottle, saying: "Pills that make you green? No, this is estrogen."

Panel 2: The green person throws a pill into a mouthlike, circular cavity in the middle of their face, saying "nom"

Panel 3: The green person now has wide hips and breasts.

Green: "Yes. Excellent."

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

next-gen

[ID:

Three panel comic on a white background. Panel 1:

A crudely drawn self-insert of Typewriter Monke (Beth) is talking to a 3d rendered green stick person.

Beth: "Yo. Green. New art style's looking good."

Green: "What

why do I look like this"

Panel 2: Beth corrects her glasses while the green person flails their arms.

Beth: "Look. Profits are down."

Green: "Profits…?"

Beth: "You need to embrace next-gen graphics."

Green: "Next?"

Beth: "Also stop using big words. Modern transfeminist propaganda must be easily digestible."

Panel 3: The green person is shown in a full-body shot while Beth is in the foreground.

Green: "This sucks. I would like to go back."

Beth: "You suck. Fuck you."

Green: "I don't think this hostility is about me, I think you're having a rough time and coping in an unhealthy way."

Beth: "Well I think you're a little shit. Green turd."

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

pandering

[ID: Three panel comic crudely rendered in MS Paint

Panel 1: A self-insert of the author that has named itself "Beth" is doing the iconic pose of Gendo Ikari with her hands clasped in front of her face, while a green stick person watches.

Beth: "I've figured it out. I know what I need to do to revitalize this comic."

Green: "Focus more on commenting on relevant social issues instead of pointless arguments you've been in online?"

Beth: "Shut."

Panel 2: Zoom in on Beth, who says:

"It's simple, green. I pander to the lesbians. How, you ask?

Persephone, from The Hades Calculus.

And also Greek mythology I guess but who gives a shit about that"

Panel 3: Green turns to face Persephone, a crudely drawn anime woman with white hair and red eyes, in a black uniform with golden trim. She's holding a dripping pomegranate.

Green: "…I don't think you can just do this. I think this is copyright infringement."

Persephone: "Release me from this self-indulgent metafiction immediately."

Beth: "See this is good. Do a funny situation now."

Persephone: "I will arrange your innards into a funny situation."

End ID.]

THE BETHLEIGHYNN OPTIMIZATION navigation:

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[tpwrtrmnky]

20.

[ID:

Four last panels.

Panel 1: The green stick person, not yet saturated, wakes up in a bed.

Panel 2: Green's bedroom, with a closet, a computer desk and a chair.

Panel 3: Zoom on green.

Panel 4: Zoom further.

Green: HOLY SHIT-

Cut to a title card which reads:

Dreams (that make you take pills) That Make You Green

By R.D. Olivaw and 'Beth'

End ID.]

dreams

[ID:

four blank panels in ms paint

that's. the whole image

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

self insert

[ID: three panel comic

A crudely drawn green stick person is talking to an equally crudely drawn self portrait of tpwrtrmnky

Green: "Hey what the fuck? I thought I was your self insert?"

T M: "Yeah, you misfire pretty often when you start assuming things like that, Green. And guess who that backfires on? Me."

Green: "How does it-"

T M: "You're demoted. Lime Green is the main character now."

Green: "Can you even do that?"

T M: "I am your literal god. I can do whatever I want."

Panel 2: Zoom in on a irritated Green, who says:

"I don't think you actually have that much influence over others' perception of this comic. Like if you say Lime is the main character I think most of you casual readers either won't see it or they'll forget."

Panel 3: Zoom in on the self-insert, who says:

"Don't think you've got a point just because you're all zoomed in and pixelly. I'm more zoomed in than you right now. Fuck you.

ooooOOOooo look at meeee I'm Green, I'm all calm and rational while the grayscale is being silly and ridiculous, haha this bit is never going to get old!

You know what? This isn't canon. There. I win."

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

demon

[ID: A single panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.

A lime green person is talking to a violet demon person with horns, wings, digitigrade legs, a tail and a whip.

Lime: "No."

Demon: "Aw, why not?"

Lime: "Do you have any idea how much world building it would take for this to make sense"

Demon: "There's dogpeople!"

Lime: "Yeah and dog people are already confusing enough! Get your own canon with like, serialized story telling or something!"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

END OF HCEKIGN GRENE AND VALID: PART B (PART 1)

[ID: Six panel comic over two pages with smooth and off-putting stick people.

Panel 1: The green person is contemplating hecking existence.

Green: "That was hecking thinkers… Could I become even more valid if I hecking desaturated?

It feels hecking uncomfers, but then… i have to defer to the hecking valid wisdom of someone who's not grayscale socialized like I am."

Panel 2: An olive green person with a rectangular build and square head interjects, while the other green person does an excited face and points at them.

Olive: "That's a ridiculous idea and-"

Green: "WOAH! You're hecking green with a square head! That's so hecking different and valid!"

Panel 3: Cut to a highly frustrated olive green in a more rendered, painterly style of shading, hand on their forehead, expression irritable.

Olive: "You're going to call me my culture's slur for viridic people aren't you?

I see it in my future."

Panel 4: The green person screams in shock.

Green: "Woah! You can see the hecking future?"

Olive: "Wait-"

Green: "That is so hecking valid! Do you have other hariyaali powers?"

Panel 5: The olive green person perseveres in the face of the hecking green person's clueless grin

Olive: "Yeah, I can control railway systems-"

Green: "So valid!!"

Olive: "No. Look. What the fuck is going on?"

Green: "I'm out and having a great day!"

Panel 6: Dramatic perspective of the two from above.

Olive: "You know what I mean. The whole world is wrong."

Green: "Tee hee! I don't know! Your mystical wisdom is so inscrutable and valid!"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

END OF HECKING GREEN AND VALID: PART 1

[ID: Six panel comic with disturbingly smooth stick people, over two images.

Panel 1: A green person is sleeping peacefully in their bed while it's dark outside. They're saying:

"(hecking) Snoooor… (hecking) mimimimimimimi… (hecking) snooor…. (hecking) mimimimimimi…"

Panel 2: The sun, smiling, emerges outside with a "riiiise".

Panel 3: The green person opens their horrifically rendered eyes, with a smile on their face.

Panel 4: The green person is walking outside, the sun is shining and some happy dogs are playing with their owner, who has a book on their head.

Green: "Another amazing day of being hecking green and valid! Yay!"

Panel 5: The green person encounters someone who is yellow on the left and blue on the right.

Green: "Holy hecking hecks, you are incomprehensibly valid!"

Blue-Yellow: "I am??"

Green: "Yes!! What color are you?"

Blue-yellow: "Blue and yellow!"

Green: "That is impossible to understand! So valid!"

From off-panel: "Halt!"

Panel 6: Our hero is accosted by a grayscale person!

Grayscale: "I, the Paragon of Hecking Inaction, am more valid than you!

If you need pills to make you hecking green and valid, you are not hecking with chroma norms!!"

Green: "Heck!!"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

debasement

[ID: Two-panel comic.

Panel 1: Two cleanly drawn stick people, one green and one grayscale, are saying words.

Green: "I am an unintuitive trans metaphor!"

Grayscale: "Being transgender is bad!"

Green: "You are incorrect!"

Grayscale: "My opinion is unchanged."

Green: "I am aware."

Panel 2: The two cleanly drawn stick people are shown to be standing on a crudely drawn table, while a crudely drawn green stick person is pointing at them.

Real Green: "No I don't look or sound like that. This is really weird who made these?"

Fake Green: "You are transphobic."

Fake Grayscale: "Yes."

Fake Green: "That is bad."

Fake Grayscale: "No."

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

since i'm talking about stick people yuri anyway here are some scattered shitposts i never bothered to port over to tumblr

pills that make you green but in the porn universe

[ID: Three panels.

Panel 1: A stick person is talking to a doctor

"Doctor I would like to turn green"

"Green like my... pickle?"

Panel 2: Zoom in on the other one.

"No absolutely not. What the fuck. This is extremely unacceptable behavior for a medical professional. I am going to risk my chance at medication by reporting this incident. Fuck you."

Panel 3: Zoom in further.

"please I just want to get the services I'm asking for it's every fucking day in this timeline no I don't want 'extra sausage' and 'special sauce' on my pizza I want to have dinner I am hungry"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

green that makes you pills

[ID: Three panel comic.

Panel 1: A crudely drawn grayscale stick person is looking at a blotch of green, saying "hm"

Panel 2: They touch the green

Panel 3: There is a "pop" and a bottle of pills falls to the ground.

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

Look, let me show you why they're grayscale

[ID: A screenshot of an image editor with a crudely drawn stick person selected against a transparent background. On their right is a histogram of the pixels in the selection, showing a distribution across the whole range of grayscale colors.

The person is saying "Hi, I'm an accountant for an environmentalist group and my opinions on chromatic people are pretty normal, I'm glad to finally have some representation for those of us who are normal and don't suck in these comics as I feel like they really don't do enough to hey what's going on is this a one-off shitpost hey wait no don't do statistics on my pixels what the fuck are you doing"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

[ID: A crudely drawn green stick person stands next to a crudely drawn cylinder with a black outline, and a somewhat realistically rendered blue cube, saying "hey what the fuck"]

[tpwrtrmnky]

So anyway, and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, here's why I will always say no to whether there are pills that make you white

[ID:Three panel comic.

Panel 1: A crudely drawn green stick figure is having a conversation with a blank space.

Blank space: "Yeah so I'm on pills that make you white"

Green: "Oh no. Please no."

White: "What? You've got something against white people?"

Green: "Are you hearing yourself? Do you think about the real-life connotations of what you're saying outside this metaphor at all?"

Panel 2: Same as above.

White: "This is cop behaviour, you know. I can be any colour I want, white people are discriminated against just as much as every other colour."

Green: "You're still doing it. You keep doing it. I can't believe you're still doing it."

White: "Can't you just suspend disbelief and engage with the in-universe idea that I am white in a way unrelated to-"

Green, shouting: "No. Do you hear yourself?"

Panel 3:

White: "You're acting like I haven't thought about real life connotations but clearly white people are being made invisible in these discussions and-"

Green: "You have to be doing it on purpose. Holy shit. This is not a good way to talk about visibility. Please."

End ID.]

this isn't canon, by the way.

[tpwrtrmnky]

[ID:

Zoomed in view of the 3d modeled green stick person from above. Dialogue from off-screen is likely Beth.

Beth: "From here on out you should narrate what you're doing out loud in case someone is reading the comic while cooking pasta and not looking."

Green: "…Many of your ideas are bad and this is one of them."

Beth: "Your topology is bad."

Green: "You modeled it."

Beth: "shut up shut up shut up shut up"

End ID.]

THE BETHLEIGHYNN OPTIMIZATION navigation

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next-gen

[ID:

Three panel comic on a white background. Panel 1:

A crudely drawn self-insert of Typewriter Monke (Beth) is talking to a 3d rendered green stick person.

Beth: "Yo. Green. New art style's looking good."

Green: "What

why do I look like this"

Panel 2: Beth corrects her glasses while the green person flails their arms.

Beth: "Look. Profits are down."

Green: "Profits…?"

Beth: "You need to embrace next-gen graphics."

Green: "Next?"

Beth: "Also stop using big words. Modern transfeminist propaganda must be easily digestible."

Panel 3: The green person is shown in a full-body shot while Beth is in the foreground.

Green: "This sucks. I would like to go back."

Beth: "You suck. Fuck you."

Green: "I don't think this hostility is about me, I think you're having a rough time and coping in an unhealthy way."

Beth: "Well I think you're a little shit. Green turd."

End ID.]