#pills that make you green: Apocrypha

[tpwrtrmnky]

green that makes you pills

[ID: Three panel comic.

Panel 1: A crudely drawn grayscale stick person is looking at a blotch of green, saying "hm"

Panel 2: They touch the green

Panel 3: There is a "pop" and a bottle of pills falls to the ground.

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

debasement

[ID: Two-panel comic.

Panel 1: Two cleanly drawn stick people, one green and one grayscale, are saying words.

Green: "I am an unintuitive trans metaphor!"

Grayscale: "Being transgender is bad!"

Green: "You are incorrect!"

Grayscale: "My opinion is unchanged."

Green: "I am aware."

Panel 2: The two cleanly drawn stick people are shown to be standing on a crudely drawn table, while a crudely drawn green stick person is pointing at them.

Real Green: "No I don't look or sound like that. This is really weird who made these?"

Fake Green: "You are transphobic."

Fake Grayscale: "Yes."

Fake Green: "That is bad."

Fake Grayscale: "No."

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

Look, let me show you why they're grayscale

[ID: A screenshot of an image editor with a crudely drawn stick person selected against a transparent background. On their right is a histogram of the pixels in the selection, showing a distribution across the whole range of grayscale colors.

The person is saying "Hi, I'm an accountant for an environmentalist group and my opinions on chromatic people are pretty normal, I'm glad to finally have some representation for those of us who are normal and don't suck in these comics as I feel like they really don't do enough to hey what's going on is this a one-off shitpost hey wait no don't do statistics on my pixels what the fuck are you doing"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

[ID: A crudely drawn green stick person stands next to a crudely drawn cylinder with a black outline, and a somewhat realistically rendered blue cube, saying "hey what the fuck"]

[tpwrtrmnky]

So anyway, and this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, here's why I will always say no to whether there are pills that make you white

[ID:Three panel comic.

Panel 1: A crudely drawn green stick figure is having a conversation with a blank space.

Blank space: "Yeah so I'm on pills that make you white"

Green: "Oh no. Please no."

White: "What? You've got something against white people?"

Green: "Are you hearing yourself? Do you think about the real-life connotations of what you're saying outside this metaphor at all?"

Panel 2: Same as above.

White: "This is cop behaviour, you know. I can be any colour I want, white people are discriminated against just as much as every other colour."

Green: "You're still doing it. You keep doing it. I can't believe you're still doing it."

White: "Can't you just suspend disbelief and engage with the in-universe idea that I am white in a way unrelated to-"

Green, shouting: "No. Do you hear yourself?"

Panel 3:

White: "You're acting like I haven't thought about real life connotations but clearly white people are being made invisible in these discussions and-"

Green: "You have to be doing it on purpose. Holy shit. This is not a good way to talk about visibility. Please."

End ID.]

this isn't canon, by the way.

[tpwrtrmnky]

since i'm talking about stick people yuri anyway here are some scattered shitposts i never bothered to port over to tumblr

pills that make you green but in the porn universe

[ID: Three panels.

Panel 1: A stick person is talking to a doctor

"Doctor I would like to turn green"

"Green like my... pickle?"

Panel 2: Zoom in on the other one.

"No absolutely not. What the fuck. This is extremely unacceptable behavior for a medical professional. I am going to risk my chance at medication by reporting this incident. Fuck you."

Panel 3: Zoom in further.

"please I just want to get the services I'm asking for it's every fucking day in this timeline no I don't want 'extra sausage' and 'special sauce' on my pizza I want to have dinner I am hungry"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

END OF HCEKIGN GRENE AND VALID: PART B (PART 1)

[ID: Six panel comic over two pages with smooth and off-putting stick people.

Panel 1: The green person is contemplating hecking existence.

Green: "That was hecking thinkers… Could I become even more valid if I hecking desaturated?

It feels hecking uncomfers, but then… i have to defer to the hecking valid wisdom of someone who's not grayscale socialized like I am."

Panel 2: An olive green person with a rectangular build and square head interjects, while the other green person does an excited face and points at them.

Olive: "That's a ridiculous idea and-"

Green: "WOAH! You're hecking green with a square head! That's so hecking different and valid!"

Panel 3: Cut to a highly frustrated olive green in a more rendered, painterly style of shading, hand on their forehead, expression irritable.

Olive: "You're going to call me my culture's slur for viridic people aren't you?

I see it in my future."

Panel 4: The green person screams in shock.

Green: "Woah! You can see the hecking future?"

Olive: "Wait-"

Green: "That is so hecking valid! Do you have other hariyaali powers?"

Panel 5: The olive green person perseveres in the face of the hecking green person's clueless grin

Olive: "Yeah, I can control railway systems-"

Green: "So valid!!"

Olive: "No. Look. What the fuck is going on?"

Green: "I'm out and having a great day!"

Panel 6: Dramatic perspective of the two from above.

Olive: "You know what I mean. The whole world is wrong."

Green: "Tee hee! I don't know! Your mystical wisdom is so inscrutable and valid!"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

END OF HECKING GREEN AND VALID: PART 1

[ID: Six panel comic with disturbingly smooth stick people, over two images.

Panel 1: A green person is sleeping peacefully in their bed while it's dark outside. They're saying:

"(hecking) Snoooor… (hecking) mimimimimimimi… (hecking) snooor…. (hecking) mimimimimimi…"

Panel 2: The sun, smiling, emerges outside with a "riiiise".

Panel 3: The green person opens their horrifically rendered eyes, with a smile on their face.

Panel 4: The green person is walking outside, the sun is shining and some happy dogs are playing with their owner, who has a book on their head.

Green: "Another amazing day of being hecking green and valid! Yay!"

Panel 5: The green person encounters someone who is yellow on the left and blue on the right.

Green: "Holy hecking hecks, you are incomprehensibly valid!"

Blue-Yellow: "I am??"

Green: "Yes!! What color are you?"

Blue-yellow: "Blue and yellow!"

Green: "That is impossible to understand! So valid!"

From off-panel: "Halt!"

Panel 6: Our hero is accosted by a grayscale person!

Grayscale: "I, the Paragon of Hecking Inaction, am more valid than you!

If you need pills to make you hecking green and valid, you are not hecking with chroma norms!!"

Green: "Heck!!"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

More valid adventures with Green and friends!

YAY!

[ID 3 : Three panel comic in that evil, evil style from above.

Panel 1: A smiling green person is saying "Wow I sure love being hecking green and valid! Time to validate some more people!"

Panel 2: A red, rectangular-ish person is holding up their bottle while green watches happily.

Red: "I drink torment juice, it tastes bad and hecking hurts! I do this for no reason!"

Green: "Wow! That is so hecking valid! Can I have some?"

Red: "No! It's expensive."

Panel 3: A turquoise person is in tears and Green approaches to console them.

Turquoise: "Sniff... Uweeh... A mean green person said they're more oppressed than me!"

Green: "Oh no! That is not hecking valid!"

Turquoise: "They even said... sniff... they even said that being mistaken for a green person sometimes isn't the same as being green all the time!"

Green: "That is so mean! Nobody is more oppressed than anybody else!"

Turquoise: "Thank you for being one of the good ones."

This ends the hecking ID number 3!]

Pills That Make You Hecking Green And Valid! :D

[ID 1: A horrific imitation of pills that make you green comics with disturbingly smooth stick people with faces, of all things.

Panel 1: A grayscale stick person who would be just as valid as they are is talking to a doctor, saying: "Doctor! I wanna be hecking green!"

The doctor, with a huge smile on their face, responds: "That is so hecking valid! Here you go, take 1 mg of green pills a week!"

"Yay!"

Panel 2: The happy green person is talking to a big meanie, who is frowning.

Green: "I love being hecking green and valid!"

Meanie: "You are neither hecking, green nor valid!"

Green: "That is mean!"

Meanie, now reformed: "Oh no I'm sorry, my mind has been changed, you are valid!"

Panel 3: The green person is sad, because a lime green person and a moss green person are arguing!

Lime: "Grr! Pointless argument!"

Moss: "Grr!!"

Green: "Noo! Don't you see that all infighting is always pointless and silly? You are both valid!"

Lime: "Good point! The two of us will now make out sloppy style. Goodbye!"

End ID 1.]

[ID 2: The hecking valid adventures continue!

Panel 1: A sad orange person is talking to the green person! What will they do?

Orange: "I have accepted my fate as an orangecel desaturatoid."

Green: "Tee hee! I think whatever website you're getting these funny words from must be very cool! You should keep using it!"

Orange: "Thank you for validating my ongoing misery!"

Panel 2: Two green people are talking! The first one says: "I work in HR at the Heck Portal deciding which employees to unalive!" (Note: "heck" and "unalive" are censored.)

The other green person responds: "That is so valid! I am so happy they're inclusive at the heck portal!"

Panel 3: A tall purple person is talking to the green person!

Purple: "I'm interchromatic!"

Green: "Wow! That is such a valid label! Can I use it too?"

Purple: "Of course you can! Everyone can use every label always!"

Green: "Wow I am so glad you're not mean! Tall people scare me, it would be problematic if a tall person was mean!"

End ID 2.]

Stay tuned for more valid adventures with Green and friends! Yay!

[tpwrtrmnky]

Oops, they're in a situation now

[ID: The above stick person is now pointing at a rack full of colorless hats, complaining at a dark red person.

"See this is what annoys me about chain stores. Only grayscale hats!"

End ID.]

here's just some person I made up

[ID: A crudely drawn stick person wearing a stack of five different hats in multiple colors]

They're not getting into any situations or anything, they're just hanging out.

[tpwrtrmnky]

>Orangepup Dogsaturated: Walk over to the gourd and roll over in front of it for attention

[ID: Orangepup dogsaturated is rolling on the floor in front of the pumpkin. Also, three idedntical copies of Dad Egbert from the webcomic Homestuck enter through the vault door.]

A team of frustrated lawyers have breached the security of your bunker! They inform you of a cease and desist letter regarding your recent shenanigans. You are to stop operating in this visual medium immediately!

[ID: Zoom in on Orangepup Dogsaturated saying: "Well okay I guess? I don't know what the fuck it is I did? Can a dogperson not be stuck in a room in their home with a pumpkin? Is that illegal now?"]

[ID: A crudely drawn picture of a room with a vault door. A crudely drawn orange stick person with dog ears is in the foreground while a green dog person and a blue dog person are staring intently at a pumpkin.]

Your name is Orangepup Dogsaturated. You are getting somewhat sick of being stuck down in this secure underground bunker. What will you do?

[tpwrtrmnky]

non-canon

[ID: A three panel comic with crudely drawn stick people

Panel 1: A grayscale person is looking at their hands... I guess, in horror.

Grayscale: "I... I can't believe it.

My entire existence served to be part of a shitpost making some kind of meta point

I'm not even canon! This is so unfair!"

A line of dialogue appearing from the void: "Oh, you think you've got it bad?"

Panel 2: The void continues speaking.

"I was created just for the green person to insult me because my identity has "real world" "problematic connotations."

They hated me just for being white! As if there is anything problematic about showing my struggles as a white person being discriminated against for being white!

White people like me were excised from canon entirely! It was like a white genocide or something! Even now, my struggles are being framed as a joke at my expense for how I sound "racist" in "real world terms"!

Panel 3: Zoom out. The grayscale person is somewhat dejected.

Grayscale: "...No, uh, you sort of, I mean, uh, that's... you're very awkward to listen to. It's sort of uncomfortable."

White: "Oh, so you think all white people are evil and deserve to die then?"

Grayscale: "Is this what the noncanon void is? Just you doing this forever?"

White: "Yeah basically."

End ID.]

Look, let me show you why they're grayscale

[ID: A screenshot of an image editor with a crudely drawn stick person selected against a transparent background. On their right is a histogram of the pixels in the selection, showing a distribution across the whole range of grayscale colors.

The person is saying "Hi, I'm an accountant for an environmentalist group and my opinions on chromatic people are pretty normal, I'm glad to finally have some representation for those of us who are normal and don't suck in these comics as I feel like they really don't do enough to hey what's going on is this a one-off shitpost hey wait no don't do statistics on my pixels what the fuck are you doing"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

quasicanon

[ID: Three panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.

Panel 1: A grayscale person is talking to what appears to be a blank void, but is actually a person whose white color blends perfectly into the background. A lime green person with an eyepatch and a pauldron on their shoulder is also there.

Grayscale: "I don't get it. If this isn't canon, why is stuff... continuing?"

Void: "It's me of course. I am simply too interesting. Just another thing to thank white people for."

Lime: "That's not it. Let me explain."

Panel 2: The grayscale person and the white person are in the foreground while Lime explains. The background takes on a dramatic gradient which makes White visible, revealing their top hat, goatee and twirly mustache. They look ridiculous.

Grayscale: "Lime green? Aren't you one of the most established canon characters?"

Non-canon Lime: "Not exactly. I'm a version of Lime Green that diverges from canon due to events that were retconned.

I was part of a poorly executed joke about infighting between near-identical chromatic people, which came off as dismissing real intracommunity power dynamics."

Panel 3: Zoom in on Lime, who continues.

"The thing that is happening here is an extension of a wider issue that is affecting canon as well as this quasicanonical space.

We are being subjected to total allegory collapse.

Nonsensical story elements that were first introduced as jokes are taking on lives of their own and separating us from making any sense whatsoever as commentary on anything.

End ID.]

Look, let me show you why they're grayscale

[ID: A screenshot of an image editor with a crudely drawn stick person selected against a transparent background. On their right is a histogram of the pixels in the selection, showing a distribution across the whole range of grayscale colors.

The person is saying "Hi, I'm an accountant for an environmentalist group and my opinions on chromatic people are pretty normal, I'm glad to finally have some representation for those of us who are normal and don't suck in these comics as I feel like they really don't do enough to hey what's going on is this a one-off shitpost hey wait no don't do statistics on my pixels what the fuck are you doing"

End ID.]

[tpwrtrmnky]

pre-canon

[ID: Two-panel comic with crudely drawn stick people.

Panel 1: A quartet consisting of a dark red person, a blue person, a grayscale person and a green person are trying to escape from the Green That Makes You Pills, which is moving through the terrain of the quasicanon void followed by a trail of pill bottles as Quasicanon Lime, a person with a white outline and a top hat, and a grayscale person look on in horror.

Blue: "Aaa!"

Grayscale: "Run!"

Green, fallen over: "Help!"

Dark red, in smaller text: "um do you think we're not all running away form the green that makes you pills? do you think you need more help than the rest of us?"

Foreground grayscale: "What the fuck?"

Lime: "The quasicanon void contains many concepts that are sort of... bizarre."

Panel 2:

"Yeah there was like a stickpeople skin couch over that way, it was pretty weird even by you guys' standards", says a fully rendered actual human woman with red hair, dressed in black jeans, a band t-shirt of some sort, and a black hoodie. She is a complete stylistic outlier from everything else in the image.

The three stick people are looking at her, the white one in shock, the grayscale confused and Lime exhausted.

White: "Abomination!"

Grayscale: "Wh- what are those things on your face??"

Lime: "Please don't bring that thing up, it was really weird for everyone involved.

Also I told you to stay away from the panels, your thing hasn't even started yet, do you have any idea how weird and jarring it is when you just show up like this?"

End ID.]

Look, let me show you why they're grayscale

[ID: A screenshot of an image editor with a crudely drawn stick person selected against a transparent background. On their right is a histogram of the pixels in the selection, showing a distribution across the whole range of grayscale colors.

The person is saying "Hi, I'm an accountant for an environmentalist group and my opinions on chromatic people are pretty normal, I'm glad to finally have some representation for those of us who are normal and don't suck in these comics as I feel like they really don't do enough to hey what's going on is this a one-off shitpost hey wait no don't do statistics on my pixels what the fuck are you doing"

End ID.]