#piece of my god damn soul in here. though im sure if i read it again i'd cringe at myself

[haeroniel-doliet]

whoo boy i wanna talk again. besides what is my blog besides me reblogging sometimes pretty things and then sending out rambly self reflections to my 200 odd followers. ah yes. validation of venting to someone without burdening anyone. and maybe i think clearer when ive gotten a budding emotion out of my system. today im sappy about my graduation and how nice it was ;/ 

yes oh man the read more; love it. anyway ive had this bud up sometimes and i do like it but i dont get it out so im trying now to get out this feeling bc i dont function with held in feelings v well. 

this summer (2017. wow its not this year anymore) was emotional as hell for me, like, finishing school p shittily, traveling on my own (to family members and friends and to france?) and then being so in between with ib over and i knew i did badly and nobody believing me to when my results came and joy fell v quickly to tears. bc even though i surpassed my expectations in most of my subjects, my two most important ones ofc where two whole grades lower than they shouldve been. and i cried bc it meant to me i didnt get into university. i was bugged to call a uni who bluntly turned me down obviously, and i cried some more. struggling to sort out my social security being 18 and not in parents care apparently and difficult to explain why the fuck im abroad if i dont have a job or education going on. making plans to move to my brothers apartment to work and study and retake my exams from finland and take a forced gap year. 

bc of this i was so deflated for planning my stupid graduation bc feeling like a failure is not something to celebrate. id decided years ago my graduation was going to be important. bc graduation pictures are whet live on my grandparents walls and my parents house for years to come. i of course must have a beautiful flattering dress and the finnish grad cap (i didnt officially earn but hush) and to just be best me bc it’d make up for my shitty confirmation and might be the last time im celebrated by family. (ps my confirmation dress was a horrid lime strapless dress that makes me look naked in pictures where the flower bunch hid the top of the dress *shiver*. as well as being a sad 15 yr old who couldnt handle events being abt me and made it suck) and im not planning on getting married soon if ever. (joking to my dad its the last time hell see me in a white dress) but anyway, my brothers was a big ol deal bc he was the first of our gen to graduate, my cousins had a bit more casual things bc they are more casual and didnt think its such a big deal. which is maybe true. but for me. whoo boy. if theres gonna be one thing im gonna be celebrating i thought itd be my graduation and earning my god damn grad cap to be one of the adults. 

so anyway my whole situation is god damn peculiar being an international raised kid. i ofc went to ib highschool in london, “graduated” the same day as my last exam bc people needed to fly home the next day. graduate knowing nothing of your results or the future and with the fringe of impending failure over you. didnt even get properly drunk. never have been so i guess thats on me. no. thats another rant. anyway. all my 10 other classmates and i goodbye poof. no togetherness and fairwell thats it. we were kinda done (all but for my few good friends) so results day we message a lil into the group chat and then stop. we were not involved in each others graduation celebrations, not sure if some had any. in finland you do your exams, get your results then graduate all together get your hats and everyone has parties in the next few days so yea its party season. not for me. we celebrated late ish summer. (timed to my dads 50th so that i could have a little less spotlight and less pressure) and god everythings a blur and i dont wanna do invitations i dont wanna plan games to make it fun i dont wanna think of decorations or graduation presents or food bc UGH im a failure and nope. maybe in a better time i couldve. but parents plan food and get a venue (my request; nature and in finland bc like hell im dragging my grandparents to london or anyone else) and it is a military recreation spot but the by the sea and theres like nobody else so 8/10 . and i was hoping maybe they pull together entertainment like the way i made a quiz all about my brother for his graduation and hosted it. well. nah. they did try, a short quiz i helped make bc nobody knows me, my mom made a map game and ill get to the rest later. and the dress. bc it had to be good it just had to be. but like fuck do i want to go dress shopping. all i knew it had to be long (bc hello ugly legs) and with straps bc no more fake nakey. and tbh. the good stuff start happening when i only have to go to like one shop. my mom was there before hand, we try a few, and then damn. heres a flowy maxi dress. its a bit tight but super flattering (ended up getting larger one which was not as flattering but more comfortable) and my moms almost crying and she ends up buying it anyway  which im thankful for bc i found nothing that tops it. 

here it is btw, i have no clue if pics will stay under read more so i hope so but hahhah lucky yall

i know my face is  so attractive as is my posture but shhh were here for the dress right. also my uncle did actual photography bc hes an actual professional photographer but hes also depressed and doing it for free so havent seen those yet and just waiting patiently hopefully ill look tons more attractive in them. 

anyway were starting to get to the sappy part. so everyone says my dress is wonderful and gorgeous and everything right? and i genuinely agree i looked like the finnish maiden in blue and white and it suited the hat so well (pictured too) and i was so glad that was the dress, and that the world is so green behind me. things couldbe better but this was good. really good. people were dressed casual dressy with flowers featuered bc they know me that much and almost only people who i know and love were there. 

and i mean by this my cousin whos pretty much like a big sister to me <3 and helps me get my makeup right and my hair when moms too busy, my ‘auntie’ the only person i’d elevate to the honorary status not in the family, one of my moms highschool friends who came to my life in the past to years and is the most inspiring and spirited person i’ve ever met who treats me like an equal but is so passionate and caring and i can only dream to be like her, single, badass as fuck and confident in myself when i get older. (i admire her so much and it made me so incredibly happy that she was there and could come when most eveyone else is just my parents friend or family) then theres ofc my parents friends who have become close to all of us bc theyve been friends since before even my older brother was born. ive seen them more than some uncles and extended family tbh. and though theyre more mature and obviously my parents friends (while my ‘auntie’ is my moms friend and mine) and theyre hilarious supportive people who im so glad to see always, even if my own god parents couldnt make it (were in spirit and my godfather now messages me for christmas and new years to wish good luck and god im surrounded by supportive people my life is luckier than youd think) 

im not always close to the rest of my family, bc rather than being fully finnish like all them, ive grown up so international im a bit detached and its a lil sad but i know they dont mind so much and just like seeing me, i.e. my grandparents and great aunts and etc.(and ofc, dads words, more people you invite the more money you get. since i was doubting inviting people i dont rly know. but it all turned out hella well) and while in my last post i was bitter about how predictable and unimaginative my parents are at making surprises (yknow making things exciting like pinterest and media tells is right) apparently my extended family can fill these boots in their stead. cue the singing!  goodness so i think they sang a lot more than i can remember, but two stuck out. my aunt (the only real one and with a fantastic singing voice) soloed me the song of the bird that got up and flew away to see the world and homesickness. idk it was so sweet and she hugged me after saying it reminded her of me, and it was just genuine and sweet as hell. as well as her teaming up with every musical soul in the family to sing gaudeamus igitur- the song aparently sung at every highschool graduation/capping ceremony to celebrate our graduates. but since guess who didnt have that! they sang it for me, and it was the most unexpected sweet thing, bc they realised it during the party, scurried off to practice and sang the whole latin thing off their phones p much! god it meant so much for me. its incredible how much it means when someone subtly makes an observation about you (that is also correct) and then goes through surprising you with something so genuine and nice? gah! good shit. did i mention my ‘auntie’ remembered me once mentioning  a yarn i loved so much i hadnt dared to knit with it? she took a sample, went to find the yarn and made me the largest most amazing scarf (which i swear takes forever and im so thankful for) that she apparently just finished on the way there and it was perfect? maybe my absolute favourite graduation present. bc who else paid such attention to me, and didnt just take it literally, but took it to a new amazing level? heck.( also to everyone who now gives my artsy postcards to add to my collection. special ;* to you)

so- though it was a little bit of a hassle with some awkward bits, my brother only coming for an hour in the evening and conversations that went eeehhhh and etc, (plus at some point a lot of the memories of sharing a happy day with my dad and him being so proud of me were tainted by a big argument we had like a week and a half later ;( it was solved but tension stayed and its still slightly there) i managed to look p good, had my uncle hopefully take wonderful pictures of me and make me feel beautiful even if i wished i was skinnier and looked different and everything. i had people who really care about me hang out for a whole weekend and be good to me, and things went pretty darn well over all leaving me with good memories to gush over apparently! 

ohhh i totally forgot to mention huh, my lamenting above was resolved!!! i called my second uni (Aberdeen) and asked them softly like hi when will i know? bc you havent yet rejected and im uncertain bc i dont meet one of your requirements but exceed the others so? and theyre the sweetest. i gush about my uni all the time (partly to make me feel better about being there, but besides the point) about how many letters they sent me, how their entire vibe is so welcoming and accepting and like they value their students as important individuals and not just as figures to up their ratings. theyve been so caring- so open to understanding and taking the students under their wing without too much academic stress in the first term... so good and they genuinely are checking with people in charge and looking me up in their systems before telling me how they look at each case individually and will be back to me within a week and if not to call back! what uni says that. but they do- they get back to me in like 3 days. which happens to be my first day back in finland and 2 days before the graduation party. i get an email middle of the day while out with a friend but no i mustnt read it! i get back to her house, bc im staying with them, were doing dinner and.... i check and refresh and oh god im university!!! i did it!! im in!!!! holy fucking god!!! yes i jump a little and make them read it and yes i just found out right now and they bring out some champagne and i call my dad who apparently got tears in his eyes (which is so important, bc id felt him lose pride in me when my results came and id actually failed myself just like id said- aka what ended up to the argument. nope. i gotta stop spoiling good memories like this :[ ) and i suddenly felt pride in an achievement that my grades werent (now passing ib is an achievement. and the 75% of my grades that were fuckin bangin and i can be proud of) im IN. thats all that mattered, 

i was now resolved, i had a plan, i had something to tell the people who never see me so they can think well of me. i can have people congratulate me on getting to uni rather than ask about the ib! it was utterly perfect timing and made everything a little better. and im sure ive ranted about uni before, it being yknow the really right place for me, in almost every aspect except for chemistry (big part of course, makes me shaky in my whole degree choice) but im sorting things out. things are only getting better. bc im gonna see someone about maybe depression and not gonna have to vent here too much maybe. 

yikes tho, i wonder sometimes why i dont put these to my vent blog. but. my vent blog is so upsetting and horrible, like chest you scream into and shut. this is good. this is a diary entry i might want to see again. i dont wanna look into that hell pit to find this. im sorry if you’ve read this. but congratulations you now know me better as a person than most people who ever meet me. well not wholly, but getting there ;) . maybe if i ever date anyone in some future, i’ll find and edit these to give over as a summative glimpse into who i am. then again in some future id find a person who would never get sick of me talking all these feelings out in as many descriptive words as i can bc it eases me and theyd care. and do the same for me. yea. im changing. am i? maybe. things are blurry fuzzy and a little gray now. but my futures gonna be so colorful and clear i cant wait. 

[kaz11283]

I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.

37) Because I Love You God Damn It!

~~~~

The Secret Is Out

Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint

Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst

Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.

Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

~~~~

The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.

Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.

"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.

"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.

"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.

"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.

"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."

"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."

"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."

"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.

"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.

"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.

"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"

"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."

"Dont ask to much of me now."

"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.

"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.

You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.

"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.

"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.

"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.

"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."

"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.

"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."

"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"

"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"

"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."

"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."

"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.

"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.

"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.

"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.

"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"

"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.

"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.

It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.

"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.

"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.

"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.

Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.

"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.

"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.

~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[shirtlesssammy]

3x14: Long-Distance Call

Guys! We have a special surprise next week!! (Hint: We finally get to recap the gay angel episodes again!) Until then, enjoy our last episode for season 3...

Then:

Sam’s saving his brother no matter what

Now:

On a stormy night, a man drinks alone, contemplating life. His phone rings. It’s Linda. Ben tells her he can’t. “My wife.” He hangs up the phone. It rings again. Linda pleads with him. She loves him. He hangs up again. The phone rings AGAIN. He slams it down repeatedly and tears it from the wall. IT RINGS AGAIN! Damn, Linda, you are persistent. To stop the ringing, Ben pulls out a gun and shoots himself. 

Dean tells Sam they have a case. Sam tells Dean that they’re on a case --his. Dean balks at that because they’ve got nothing. Bela’s gone, the Colt’s gone, and Dean would rather work a case they can solve than wallow in his imminent death. 

They head to Milan, Ohio. They head right to the dead guy’s house and interview his widow. She’s a little belligerent but tells them that there was blood everywhere (Oh, that’s why she’s belligerent), favorite scotch was out, and the phone was ripped from the wall. 

Sam asks to look at the crime scene. He goes through the caller ID. Dean asks about strange phone calls. She admits that a couple weeks prior she picked up on a call that Ben was on. It was static. No one was there. 

Research time!

Dean finds out that “Linda” was Ben’s high school sweetheart --and she died in a car accident. On top of that, she was cremated. On top on top of that, Sam discovered that the caller ID on the phone traces back to a phone number used a century ago! (I presume Sam did all that research while he stared out the window.) 

They head to the bowels of the phone company to find fly infested, porn addicted Stewie. I’m going to skip over all this but will laugh at the ad that said “Order now & receive a bone-us gift!” Sam asks Stewie to trace the old-time number. (Natasha: flames on the side of my face at this damn offensive porn franchise.)

Dean pulls out the threat level 5 on the guy and the guy finds some results. There’s different houses that all received a call from that number. 

Sam heads to investigate one house. He poses as a phone company employee. He asks about strange phone activity. The man that answers the phone says that they haven’t had any issues. Sam notices the daughter looking concerned in the background. 

She pops outside to call his bluff. She wants to know why he was asking about the phones. He gives her a little give and she admits that she’s been talking on the phone with her mom --who’s dead. 

Dean checks in with similar stories. Then he gets a call. It’s the static-y voice of John Winchester. 

Later at the motel, Sam wants to know more about Dean’s call. Dean gets all nervous boy about it possibly really being their dad, and what they should do about it. What should Dean say? Sam, ever the pragmatist, suggests, “hello.” It’s funny, but I guess not really because Dean walks out on his brother. 

Dean comes back with a reason why things are happening here. It’s the birthplace of Thomas Edison, and there’s a museum with Edison’s spirit phone. 

They take a tour but the phone doesn’t have any EMF. They’re stumped as to what’s happening. 

Later that night, while Sam slumbers, Dean stays awake to answer his phone. John calls again. He asks Dean how he could sell his soul. “I was looking after Sammy like you told me to.” (Boris screams into the void) John tells Dean that the demon that holds Dean’s contract is in Ohio. 

Meanwhile, the daughter from earlier is IMing a friend when she gets a message from her dead mom. The mom says she wants to see her. The girl is scared but her mom reassures her that she’s with her. Then the girl’s computer flickers out and in the reflection of the monitor, we see the girl and her mom. 

The next morning, Sam returns from interviewing Lanie, the haunted daughter, to find Dean obsessing over demon omens. He shares his intel with Sam. 

Dean’s pretty sure the demon who owns his contract is following him. I pull a Dean voice to say, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” only Dean’s actual line in the show is “My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.” God. This show. Sam tries to tell him that the demon-killing exorcism that John gave Dean over the phone might not be as advertised. Dean’s a believer, though. He’s got faith in John! (Just gonna take a li’l writing break to tear at my hair.) 

Sam heads back to watch over Lanie, but before he goes the Winchesters hold an emotional shouting match. Dean’s ready to stop the demon from coming after him once and for all and thinks that Sam’s reticence is just more head-butting with their (now dead) dad. Sam accuses Dean of having “blind faith” towards his father and I weep. Sam leaves with one request: that Dean stay put until he returns from seeing Lanie. So. That’s going to go well. 

Lanie explains to Sam what’s been going on - that her mom’s requests have extended beyond the normal grieving cemetery visit. We cut to a young kid playing in his room. His toy phone rings. “Hi, mommy!” he chirps. 

Cut to Dean “Single Man Tear” Winchester sitting dramatically by his phone. It rings. 

Lanie reveals to Sam that her mother’s ghost told her to kill herself. When Sam hears the ghost’s catchphrase, “come to me,” he realizes that they’re dealing with something else entirely. 

While Sam experiences revelation, Dean heads off alone following his dad’s orders. f r o w n y f a c e. He ends up in a quiet, suburban home.

Meanwhile, Lanie’s brother Simon (of the toy phone fame) has gone missing. Sam saves him just in time from getting pancaked by a truck. As soon as the kids are buttoned up back home, Sam calls Dean. He tells him that a crocatta is after the people of the town. It’s a scavenger that lures grieving people and eats their souls. It tends to dwell in filth. Dean recalls the flies at the phone company, so Sam heads out on a hunt. (Meanwhile, YES, Dean’s off having his own questionable adventures, setting demon traps in a nearby house.)

Sam calls Dean for backup before assaulting Stewie, the phone guy. “I know what you are and I know how to kill you,” Sam says to the terrified guy. Someone looms behind Sam with a baseball bat. It’s Clark, the manager! He takes out poor soft-headed Sammy. Unfortunately, Clark takes out Stewie too. 

They both wake up tied to chairs inside the building. Clark kills Stewie and then fangs out. He unhinges his jaw and sucks out Stewie’s soul. Yummy? Clark then lays his hands on the phone console...because it’s time to kill Dean!

Elsewhere, in a police locker room, a man’s phone rings. It’s his daughter. “I know who killed me, daddy,” she says. The girl’s voice tells him that her killer is at their house right now. 

Clark explains to Sam that spoofing John Winchester was incredibly easy. All he had to do was find their phone numbers, then John’s old numbers. That let him listen to voicemails, read emails, and easily find the weak links that led him to target Dean. Oof. (Side note: a crocatta would make a seriously amazing private detective in an alternate Supernatural where monsters have better meal restraint.) 

Dean stands ready at the suburban house - ready to kill a demon. The grieving officer heads home, ready to kill his daughter’s murderer. 

Dean’s jug of holy water is met with an angry father with a shotgun, so things start out really well. They quickly devolve into a dirty fist fight. 

Meanwhile, the crocatta continues to villain-monologue at Sam.

Technology, Clark says, makes it so much easier to target people. They’re connected - yet isolated and easier to pick off. (I scoff at this overdone oversimplification of the role of “technology” in society. I hate when people try to pretend the past was trouble-free.) Sam finds his argument weak as well, and punctuates that by breaking free of his bonds and attacking Clark. 

At the house, Dean disarms the grieving cop and reveals the demon trap below the carpet. He starts reading out the exorcism. To his horror, the guy walks right out of the demon trap. When the guy accuses him of killing his daughter, the pieces click for Dean.

Sam kills Clark by jabbing his head into a retail hook suspended off the wall. OH I SEE, this show has always been obsessed with death by hook. >:| 

Dean and the officer avoid killing each other. Instead, they despair in beaten silence together, before we cut to Dean holding a compress to his forehead back at the motel.

Sam and Dean go over the case back in the motel, but talk quickly switches to EMOTIONS. Sam apologizes to Dean. Dean admits he was wrong. “I wanted to believe so badly,” he says. STORY OF HIS LIFE DAMN IT. He admits that he’s terrified of dying. Terrified of Hell. 

Sam gives him sad puppy eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with having hope.”

“Hope doesn’t get you jack squat,” Dean tells him.

For Sad Boys with Poor Coping Mechanisms Science:

Call Me By Your Quote:

I just talked to an 84 year old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband, who died in Korea! It redefined my understanding of the word 'Necrophilia'

That’s what happens when you mess with the phone company, dillweed

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[wingsofkpop]

Hiraeth - I.VIII: These Paths We Walk

pairing(s): Hybrid!Im Jaebeom x Reader, Witch!Mark Tuan x Reader, Werewolf!Jackson Wang x Reader, Vampire!Park Jinyoung x Reader, Supernatural!Got7 x Reader

genre: Supernatural!AU, Dark Magic!AU, heavy Angst, light Fluff, eventual Smut

warnings: Mature language, mentions of death and murder, violence, gore and blood, some satanic themes, etc. 

word count: 7,1k

synopsis: How far are you willing to go to find out the truth about Moon Dye Bay?…

chapter directory

Necromancy is a form of spiritual divination in which the executioner acts in the summoning of and communication with the lost souls of the dead. Its origins date back to the ancient Greeks, as the word necromancy is composed of Greek terms νεκρός (nekrós), "dead," and μαντεία (manteía), "divination." During the European Middle Ages, necromancy grew to be associated with black magic by traditional witches. As a result, its practice became strictly forbidden due to its disruption in the balance of nature. History recalls only one powerful witch ever held the ability to raise the dead at will—

“Still doing research for that special project?” Your mind snaps back to reality at the sudden inquiry. Tearing your gaze from the textbook, you look up to find none other than your favorite student in front of your desk. Hyunjin offers his usual crooked smile at your newfound attention and raises a questioning eyebrow. 

You can’t help but roll your eyes before answering, “You know the point of a study period is to—I don’t know—study? Preferably by yourself?”

He snickers. “I have a question that requires your extensive mastery in the literary arts, Ms. (L/N).”

“I’m sure you do.” You release a heavy sigh, not bothering to voice your annoyance at the use of your surname. Instead, you deliver Hyunjin a shake of your head before gesturing his continuance with a wave of your hand.

“I’m a little confused by the ending of The Grapes of Wrath,” Hyunjin pauses, “okay—a lot confused. I mean, why would Rose of Sharon breastfeed a stranger she literally just met? It’s weird…” 

You chuckle at his scrunched expression. “You’re right. It is pretty weird.” 

“So why’d she do it?” 

“Well, Rose of Sharon knew the stranger was starving to death,” You begin, leaning back in your chair to better hold Hyunjin’s gaze, “so you could say she wanted to give him a second chance.” 

“But why? She doesn’t even know him.” 

“Maybe not, but if you had the ability to save another person’s life—be it a stranger—wouldn’t you?” 

“But even after all her and her family went through, I don’t understand how she was able to find it in herself to do that. Especially after the loss of her baby.” 

“Humanity is a complicated, yet beautiful force, Hyunjin.” You hum gently, “Even among all the cruelty, hatred and hopelessness, it still manages to find a way to prevail—that ending is proof that against all odds, humanity will always win.”  

“I never thought about it like that…” Hyunjin shakes his head in disbelief, “Thanks, (Y/N)...” 

“It’s what I do, kiddo.” 

While the student grows silent to scribble down his realizations, you take the time to skim over your own notes—or lack-there-of, that is. 

After Youngjae agreed, albeit rather reluctantly, to assist you in your mission to return Jackson Wang to the land of the living, you spent the past few days cornering the bookstore and mausoleum’s supply of resources about raising the dead. But just your luck, every text thus far has proven to be less than helpful. According to the siphoner, necromancy is one of the more rare magical arts that is only practiced by specialized, powerful witches, which, unfortunately, also means there is limited access to such information. Neither you nor Youngjae have been able to find a spell or ritual that can guarantee Jackson’s resurrection without some kind of dire consequence. 

Who knew magic could be so complicated? 

“You know, you’ve been out for the past week…” You lift your head to meet Hyunjin’s gaze once again. “Is… Is everything okay? I don’t mean to pry, but it’s just so unlike you to miss any classes…” 

The typical university student probably wouldn’t give a damn about a missing professor, much less an absent TA. Hyunjin’s visual apparent concern spreads warmth throughout your chest—you are powerless to hold back the small smile that stretches across your lips. 

“A couple of my roommate’s friends disappeared out of the blue last week, so I just needed a few days to help her out.” You raise a playful eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you missed me?” 

“What? No way.” Hyunjin scoffs, “Though I did have to use Sparknotes for the past few reading assignments and barely passed Wednesday's quiz—” You burst into laughter, reeling your companion into the same fit only seconds later. After a brief moment, Hyunjin manages to collect his composure and finish, “—I am glad everything is okay… and that you’re back.” 

You nod with a smile. “I appreciate that.”

Aside from the daily meetings with Youngjae and nightly cry-piles with Sana, the past few days have proven to be quite uneventful. Jackson has not appeared in your bedroom since that first night, and true to your word, you haven’t told Mark about your quest for his revival. God knows what kind of Hell would break loose if that were to happen. You also haven’t visited the Prime residence since the day you caught Jaebeom with his drop dead—mind the pun—gorgeous vampire conquest. You’ve been meaning to call Jinyoung, but between your hours pilfering through useless research texts, comforting your distraught roommate and attempting to track down your M.I.A. best friend, you haven’t quite found the time. 

And though you’d never admit it to anyone, you needed some time alone—to think.

A rather obnoxious bout of laughter tears you from your thoughts, which is quickly followed by a scold from Professor Park. In an attempt to find the source, you peer past Hyunjin’s form and the sea of other students to the very back of the classroom where a group of young girls are utilizing the period as social hour. Amongst the familiar faces sits a pretty female student you don’t quite recognize, having never encountered her around campus before.

And although you can barely see her, something about her demeanor seems… off. 

“Hyunjin? Who’s that girl back there?” 

Hyunjin turns to examine the subject of interest before returning with a shrug, “According to my sister, she’s some exchange student from Taiwan. I haven’t met her, but I think Yeji said her name is Tzuyu.”

“And she transferred here this week?” 

He shakes his head. “Actually, today is the first day anyone has seen her.”

You go to inquire further, but the booming call of Professor Park announcing the end of class beats you to it. Hyunjin bids you one final thank you and a goodbye before sprinting off to meet his friends at the classroom exit. It is not until him, Professor Park and the remainder of the students are long out the door do you return to your research. However, the moment you manage to relocate your place, a sugary-sweet voice commands your attention once again:

“If I could bother you for a moment, Ms. (L/N), I need your help…” 

“Of course.” You mask your annoyance with as genuine a smile as you can muster and turn your gaze to the student. “What can I do for…” Your smile immediately falters at the sight of the young woman from earlier in front of your desk—only in this instance, you can definitely recognize her… 

It’s none other than Miss Aphrodisiac herself from the Project Estate. 

She offers a radiant smile, but the feature seems less than friendly. 

“Hello again, (Y/N). I don’t believe we properly met during our last meeting… I’m Tzuyu.” 

“Yeah, um, I-I wasn’t expecting to see you in my class…” You chuckle nervously, cautiously sliding your notes inside your book before closing the cover. “What… What are you doing here exactly?” 

“With how much the student body rants and raves about their newest teaching assistant, how could I pass up the opportunity to see you in action?” Tzuyu elegantly takes a seat on the edge of your desk before running her fingers through her flawless, auburn locks. Something about the dexterity of her fingers sends goosebumps budding across your skin. “Plus, it’s not everyday I meet one of Jaebeom’s… human companions.” 

“It’s not like that.” You insist, “Jaebeom and I barely know each other—”

“Ah. Right.” She giggles, “You’re close with the other brother. My mistake.” 

You bite your tongue, holding back the snide comment that would likely lead to the dismembering of your head from your body. Instead, you swallow what little remains of your pride, rise from your seat and ask stiffly, “You said you needed help with something?...” 

“You’ve read Macbeth, haven’t you?” Filled with both anxiety and confusion, you watch as Tzuyu takes a pencil from the container of writing tools perched on the surface of your desk. She twirls the utensil between delicate fingertips, gazing at it as if it is the most interesting object on the planet. You don’t need your gut to remind you something is most definitely off with her behavior.

“There’s this one piece of advice that Lady Macbeth tells her husband before he goes off to commit murder: ‘Your hand, your tongue: look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under ‘t’... ” She pauses, “Tell me, Ms. (L/N)... What exactly could that mean?” 

Your blood runs cold when she fixes her dark gaze on you. No longer interested in the pencil. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, attempting to ground the frantic beating of your heart before it literally leaps from your chest and into the palms of your company. Out of instinct, you chance a quick glance at the door—you may not have a mug, but a nine-hundred page, hardcover book to the face might make a pretty good distraction. 

“Hm, I suppose you’re more of an expert with prose.” Tzuyu says, lowering the pencil into her lap before hopping to her own feet. “Let’s try a bit of Frankenstein then…” 

She begins to stalk toward you, her eyes still locked onto yours like a vice. Your body immediately shuffles backward, attempting to keep as much distance between yours forms as possible. You only get so far—your back meeting the surface of the wall behind you as Tzuyu centers herself a few mere inches away. You can feel her crisp breath on your face as she murmurs:  

“‘I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, then I will indulge the other’...” 

“What are you—” 

Before you can finish your thought, a searing pain paints your vision white. The agony spreads through your veins like wildfire, stealing every ounce of oxygen from your lungs and rendering your knees weak. With a trembling hand, you’re able to save your form from buckling completely to the floor—but not before catching a glimpse of the same pencil impaled in the side of your waist. 

“Poetry is much more tasteful, in my opinion.” Tzuyu sighs, licking the blood from her nails as she backs away. You want to say something—scream and call her a plethora of less than appropriate names—but your mind is literal mush between the shock and the excruciating pain. You collapse to the floor with a breathy gasp, cupping your bleeding side with your opposite hand.

The vampire saunters toward the exit. Just as she makes it to the doorway, she whirls around to throw one final innocent smile in your direction: “Do us both a favor and stay away from Jaebeom… I wouldn’t want to scar that pretty face.” 

With that, she’s completely gone. If it weren’t for the pencil in your midriff and the blood seeping through your clothes, you would have thought you’d dreamt up the entire encounter. 

“Shit…” You gasp, attempting to dislodge the wood from your flesh. It doesn’t budge, deeply embedded between what you assume to be your ribcage. A pained wheeze spills from your throat as you reach for your bag, paying little mind to the bloodied prints your fingers leave in the fabric. After numerous attempts and anguished movements, you manage to fish your cell phone from its pocket. Crimson smears across the screen as you pull up the first contact you can think of. 

You really should have taken the rest of the week off.

 ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

From his perch behind a tree, Jinyoung silently stalks the movement of a burly stag as it parades across the forest floor. The creature, unknowing of the predator that hunts from a far, approaches a wild berry bush and begins to feast off its bearings—unknowing that its end is fast approaching. 

Jinyoung usually does not like to draw out these moments and would have killed the deer by now. Whether it is due to the absence of his physical strength or the tornado of thoughts tearing through his mind, he simply cannot bring himself to end the animal’s life just yet. There’s something so pure about watching the stag go about its existence, he realizes—he must allow its innocence to prevail a little while longer.

It’s been days since his recovery from the huntress’s attack, but he can still sense the weakness lingering in his bones. While Jaebeom’s blood chased away the fever of the wolf venom, it was not enough to regenerate his body to its full power. If he were to do so, he would need human blood… but that can never happen again. Not in this lifetime.

Animal blood keeps him mobile, and that is more than enough.  

A loud snap of breaking branches returns Jinyoung to reality in time to watch the stag tear off into the trees. He makes no move to chase after it, not desiring to waste his strength. After one final glance to his escaped meal, Jinyoung turns and greets the approaching figure with a tight frown:

“I already told you, hyung. I have no interest in accompanying you on a hunt into town.” 

“You know, it would be a hell of a lot easier than tracking down food out here…” Jaebeom snickers, “Not to mention, one human equals a dozen squirrels.” 

“And as I said, I much prefer the squirrels.” Jinyoung meets Jaebeom’s gaze with a heavy sigh, “I am perfectly fine, hyung.” 

“You’re a shitty liar.” Jaebeom shakes his head. “You need human blood.” 

“What I need is to find a new fare.” Jinyoung pushes off of his perch to traipse deeper into the forest, but the appearance of a hand on his shoulders halts his pace. He allows Jaebeom to maneuver his form back against the trunk of a tree, welcoming the slight relief the support brings to his muscles. He makes sure to keep his expression blank to mask his instability. But like always, Jaebeom sees straight through him. 

“You’re weak, Jinyoung…” 

“Nothing a nice rabbit can’t fix.”

Jaebeom purses his lips. “You can’t deny it forever. At least try a blood bag—”

“Why did you give me your blood?” Jinyoung interrupts his companion’s lecture, peering at Jaebeom with unwavering, unblinking eyes. “I thought you wished to punish me?”

“I was going to—I mean, I wanted to…” Jinyoung watches Jaebeom very carefully, noting the frivolous nature of his typically cocky features and hidden message behind his gaze. If he knew any better, Jinyoung would actually believe there to be some shred of humanity left behind those dark irises. 

“But you couldn’t.” He finishes.

“Don’t think it means you’re off the hook for working with Tuan.” Jaebeom huffs while taking a few paces backward. Jinyoung opens his mouth to respond, but the hybrid’s hushed murmur emerges instead, “(Y/N) came by last week… to see you.” 

Jinyoung holds back a smile. “Did she now?... I suppose you told her about your change of heart then.” 

Jaebeom remains silent. 

“Jaebeom-hyung…” Jinyoung’s eyes flutter shut as an audible exhale blows past his lips, “You need to tell her.” 

“It won’t change anything.” Jaebeom says with a frown, “She made it very clear that she already hates me.” 

“(Y/N) is much different than others, hyung—” 

“What do I care anyway?” The hybrid tsks, his sullen expression transitioning into one of indifference. “She can hate me as much as she wants. I don’t give a shit.” 

“Hyung, please—”   

The shrill ring of a cell phone introduces a bout of silence. Jinyoung has never been so annoyed by modern technology since now, grabbing his phone with a less than pleased sigh. He eyes Jaebeom while lifting the device to his ear, wordlessly communicating that the conversation is far from over.

“Hello?”

“Jinyoung?... H-Hey, it’s me.” 

“(Y/N)?” Jinyoung’s annoyance completely dissipates at the sound of your quivering voice. He notices how Jaebeom also reacts to your audible presence through the stiffening of his broad shoulders. He shakes it off as unease from your previous encounter and focuses back onto you, “Are… you alright? You seem a bit stressed.” 

“Yeah, you can c-call it that…” Your inhale picks up over the line, and Jinyoung cannot help but grow concerned by its unusual heaviness. “You are not going to believe the shitty day I’ve had.” 

“What happened?” 

“Well, the barista at my campus cafe accidentally made my usual decaf, my boss is seeking revenge for my time off through hundreds of ungraded essays… and I was stabbed… with a pencil.” 

Jinyoung’s eyebrows furrow. “I apologize, but I don’t think I understand…” 

“Long story short, Jaebeom’s scary, yet incredibly sexy girlfriend paid me a visit and literally stabbed me with a fucking pencil—” Your explanation cuts out into a yelp, which is followed by an array of stuttered curses, “And it—shit—hurts like hell.” 

“I’m on my way right now” Jinyoung, heart racing and head spinning, forces himself to his feet and hurries back toward the manor—Jaebeom hightailing close behind, having picked up the entire conversation. 

Before Jinyoung can inquire more about your condition, Jaebeom snatches the phone from his grasp and lifts it to his own, “Where did she stab you?” 

“Jaebeom?... My-My side… The pencil is wedged between my ribs, I can’t get it out…” 

“Don’t worry about removing it. Just try to control the bleeding as best you can.” Jaebeom explains, “Jinyoung and I will be there soon.” 

“Wait! Why are you—” Your voice cuts out as Jaebeom ends the call. Jinyoung notices the whiteness of the hybrid’s knuckles as he silently returns his phone. If it were any other situation, Jinyoung would have brought up their chat from earlier, but your wellbeing is on the line.  He delivers his companion a dark glare. To his surprise though, Jaebeom’s expression mirrors that of pure, unadulterated anger. 

Jinyoung pinches the bridge of his nose before releasing a sigh, “Do I even wish to know why your mistress attacked (Y/N)?” 

“I’d like to know too,” Jaebeom scoffs, running a hand through his jet black locks, “considering I told her that (Y/N) was off limits.” 

“You find out then.” Jinyoung hisses, “Or I will deal with her myself, and I won’t be as kind.” 

“Oh, trust me.” Jinyoung can practically sense the murderous lust spilling from Jaebeom’s pitch black irises—far from the light of humanity. “Kindness is the last thing on my list right now, Jinyoungie.”  

 ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“—and then she just acts all innocent! As if she did absolutely nothing wrong! I mean, what kind of self-serving, sadistic bitch does she think she is—Mark? Are you there?” 

“Huh?” Mark flutters his eyes open at the sound of his name. He blinks at his surroundings in confusion, still dazed from his abrupt wake-up call, before remembering his phone and the person currently speaking on the line: 

“Mark? Don’t tell me I put you to sleep?” 

“Nope, nope. I’m here.” Mark replies hurriedly, wiping the remnants of his nap from his eyes. “Luna’s a complete and total bitch, I got you.” 

Lia sighs, “Yuna, Mark. Not Luna.” 

With a silent yawn, he lifts his arms over his head and expels the kinks from his shoulders. Once his muscles are taunt and stretched, Mark releases a heavy exhale and murmurs, “I’m sorry, Lia. It’s just… been a long week.” 

“I get it, Mark.” She hums softly, “But I wish you wouldn’t stress so much about this. Minho made his choice, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

“I don’t believe that.” Mark rises from his chair before pacing across the room to the mausoleum’s lone window. He pulls the curtain aside, peering out at the vacant hills of the graveyard. “If he would just talk to me, then I’m sure we could figure something out.” 

Hundreds of phone calls later, and he still hasn’t spoken with Minho since the night he claimed to be leaving the coven. No one has. Not even Jisung. And Mark can’t figure out what’s bothering him more: the fact that Minho won’t pick up his phone, or that you have been purposely avoiding him for the last week. 

He’s trying to give both you and the young witch time—truly—but Mark can’t help but feel as if something is off. 

“Minho needs to figure out what he wants himself.” He forces himself away from the window, receding across the room to lean against the lectern as Lia goes on, “You can’t be there to hold his hand every time he goes through one of his moods. It’s not good for him or for you.” 

“What am I supposed to do then?” 

“Nothing, Mark. You do nothing.” 

Mark shakes his head, “You know I can’t do that.” 

“Just give Minho some more time to get it together.” Lia says, “He’ll come around eventually.” 

“I hope so.” Mark goes to grab his coffee mug from a nearby table, but accidentally knocks his elbow against the corner of the lectern. A mass of papers and books slide from its surface, crashing to the floor in a rather vocal descent. He releases a quiet curse, tucking his phone against his shoulder before lowering to the floor to begin tidying the mess. 

…How long does he have to wait until you come around?  

Lia continues to speak as he gathers the escaped pages, “Have you talked to Yugyeom lately? I heard that one of their wolves just up and disappeared.” 

“Yeah. That kid, Changbin.” He says, “Gyeom thinks he probably took off after our fight with the huntress. Remind you of someone?” 

“In this town? A lot of someones.” 

Mark goes to respond, but the title of a particular document clears the thoughts from his mind. Pushing aside a couple other pages, he grabs the flimsy packet before raising it into better view. At first, Mark is confused, unsure why this type of reference would be out and about. But as he surveys the other fallen objects, his confusion gradually shifts to realization… 

Then rage. 

He doesn’t bother to look up as the door opens, nor does he spare the puzzled newcomer a glance. Still clutching the document, Mark rises to his feet and takes the phone from his shoulder with his free hand. He pays his companion no mind as he quietly murmurs: 

“Do you mind if I call you later?” 

“Not at all. Just try to think about what I said.” 

Mark bids a final farewell to Lia before disconnecting the line. He takes a moment to drag a hand down his face before turning to a wide-eyed Youngjae. As soon as Mark raises the document into view, his expression immediately shifts to a panic. 

“So…” Mark tilts his head with a tight frown, “You want to explain why the hell you’re looking up resurrection spells?...” 

Youngjae shakes his head, “Hyung—”

“Explanation, Youngjae.” Mark watches the siphoner’s face shift through a rainbow of emotions. From terror, to anxiety, to dread, before finally settling on guilt. Keeping his gaze to the floor, Youngjae eventually delivers a shrug and whispers: 

“...To try to bring Jackson back.” 

Mark’s heart practically splits open. 

He stares at the younger witch with incredulous eyes. “Are you fucking stupid, Youngjae!?”  

“It looks bad, I know—” Youngjae hurries forward to stand in front of Mark and lifts his hand in good faith, “—but I’ve been doing a lot of research and experimenting with a couple spells and I really think that we can—”

“You aren’t thinking shit.” Mark spits, rounding toward the siphoner until their noses are a mere inch apart. “We don’t screw around with necromancy, Youngjae… It’s dark magic.” 

“We just have to find the right spell! (Y/N) and I are searching—” 

“(Y/N)? What does (Y/N) have to do with this?” 

Youngjae immediately closes his mouth, his eyes growing glassy in the evening light. 

It takes a second for the puzzle pieces to fit together—your inquiries about Jackson, Youngjae’s daily trips to the bookstore, your evasion—but once the realization hits, Mark feels his entire body go numb. 

Youngjae rushes forward to grab Mark’s arm, “Hyung, I’m so, so sorry! (Y/N) thought it would be better not to tell you, so I just—” 

Mark shrugs his hand away, refusing to meet Youngjae’s pleading gaze. “Get out.” 

“Just let me explain—”

“Get the fuck out!” A loud crash echoes throughout the mausoleum as Mark flings his mug across the room, causing the object to meet the opposite wall before shattering to a million tiny pieces. Youngjae doesn’t persist, grabbing his bag and beelining straight out the door. Mark pushes the sounds of the younger’s sobs from his mind as he goes, unable to see past the anger boiling inside his body. But even against all the rage, a sense of sadness remains at the forefront of his mind. 

His best friend betrayed him—again.

 ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“You find and take care of (Y/N).” Jaebeom commands, slamming his car door shut with a little more force than necessary. Then again, he can’t seem to bring himself to care above the red-hot fury coursing through his veins like venom. He ignores the curious stares of a nearby group of female students and proceeds to move around the car, “I’ll catch up with you later.” 

“And where exactly are you going?” Jaebeom bites back a glare as Jinyoung halts his movements. His entire body thrums, as if physically yearning for vengeance, but he masks his temper with a sharp inhale and a promise to release his frustrations out later. 

He nods at his companion, “I’m going to do what I should have done before.” 

Jinyoung merely stares at him for a moment, and Jaebeom can only hope he can’t see past the bloodlust in his gaze. Fortunately, Jinyoung doesn’t question him further. He releases Jaebeom’s shoulder and delivers one final nod before turning in the direction of what both can only assume is your classroom. Jaebeom allows himself a moment to watch Jinyoung—his noble brother—sprint off to save the day—to save you. Again. 

Jaebeom swallows the bitterness accumulating in his chest and heads in his own direction. It won’t be hard to track her. He can already smell her Chanel perfume—she’s close by, he realizes. 

She wants him to find her. 

Sure enough, Jaebeom recognizes her silken auburn hair and Louis Vuitton coat beside a towering oak tree, staring down at her phone. He doesn’t bother to check if those students are still watching him and speeds over to his target’s perch. Even when he’s a mere few inches away, she continues to mindlessly scroll through her phone. Jaebeom’s anger grows when he notices the amused smirk etched across her pink lips. 

“It’s about time you showed up.” Tzuyu says, “You know how much I hate to wait.” 

“Give me one good reason not to rip your fucking head off right now.”

“Not even a ‘hello’?” 

Jaebeom growls, “You think this is a game?”

“Perhaps.” She raises her calm gaze to his own before offering a sultry smile. “Beautiful evening, isn’t it?” 

Her flirtations only add fuel to the outrage raging through his body. He speeds forward again, snatches her wrists and slams her smaller figure against the trunk of the tree behind them. Tzuyu winces at his aggressive movements, but Jaebeom feels no sympathy. Your trembling voice and pained breathing echoes in his ears like a siren, tempting him closer to the point of no return. 

It would be so easy to plunge his hand into her chest, to squeeze her heart until it's nothing but bloody ash. Or maybe he should tear her limbs off one by one, make her suffer until she’s begging him to end her—

“You really do care about her, don’t you?” Jaebeom awakens from his imaginary rampage at the question. Her usual smirk is no longer along her face, but instead replaced with a thoughtful frown. 

He growls, pressing her wrists further into the bark of the tree. “I told you to stay away from her. You said you wouldn’t touch her.” 

“I never thought I’d see the day the big, bad hybrid, Im Jaebeom falls for a human.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” His tone is quiet—murderous. “I’ll kill you.” 

“No. You won’t.” 

“Yes. I will.” 

“No, Jaebeom.” She shakes her head with a sigh, “If you kill me, (Y/N) will never forgive you.” 

As if she had taken a red hot iron and plunged it through his heart, Jaebeom lets go of the vampire and stumbles backward. He barely catches himself before he collapses to the ground, and even then, his legs feel like they’ll give out at any moment. 

Tzuyu, still leaning against the tree, tilts her head with a hum, “She’s a good one, Beom. I feel it… that aura that carries around her.” 

“Stop it—” 

“And it’s because she’s good that she’ll never belong to you.” She murmurs, “But you already know that… don’t you?” 

“You’re fucking sick.” Jaebeom hisses. 

To his surprise, Tzuyu’s expression softens. “I’m sorry, Jaebeom.” 

There’s too many emotions swirling through his mind. He can’t think—can’t breathe. His chest feels like it’s caving in on itself, and his hands won’t stop shaking. He can’t get your face out of his head—your beautiful eyes looking at him with such betrayal and hatred. It hurts. It hurts so much. Why won’t his hands stop fucking shaking? It’s too much. It’s all too much—

He can’t help it… He has to turn it off. 

A switch flips inside of his soul, immediately locking out every ounce of pain. His lungs inhale each new breath smoothly, and his limbs remain as still as a cat. With a clear head, Jaebeom returns his eyes to Tzuyu, who is still gazing at him with such tenderness and understanding. For a moment, the warmth of her gaze reminds him of you. 

Tzuyu cautiously takes a step forward, “Jaebeom…?” 

“You’re right.” He nods, “I’m not gonna kill you.”

“What are you—ah!” Her inquiry elevates into a scream as Jaebeom whirls forward and sinks his teeth into her shoulder. His fangs plunge through the fabric of her expensive coat before piercing deep into her flesh. She attempts to struggle, but he is stronger… and the damage has already been done.   

He pulls away, licking the blood from his lips as Tzuyu collapses to the ground. She clutches her wounded shoulder, staring up at him with eyes of betrayal, confusion and fright. 

“You… You bit me.” 

Jaebeom smirks, “I suggest you spend the next day or so wisely… it’s going to be your last.” 

Tzuyu’s expression turns rabid. She scrambles to her feet before sneering at the hybrid, “The sooner you learn to accept your fate, Jaebeom, the sooner you’ll find peace—” 

“Meh. Fate’s overrated.” 

“Just remember this—” The vampire growls, “—after you turned me, you murdered the love of my life… at least I had the kindness to keep yours alive.” 

He snickers, turning to leave. However, just before he takes a step, Jaebeom throws one final comment over his shoulder, “Thanks for all the sex.” 

With that, Jaebeom smirks to himself and saunters off into the glow of the setting sun. 

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Jinyoung rushes down the hallway, careful not to speed for fear of running into a professor or student working after hours. The fragrance of your blood builds with each step, and he can’t help but grow more concerned with that knowledge. At the very least, he can still hear the faint beating of your heart. 

He follows the scent past a couple corners and down another long corridor to a massive, dim lecture room. Fearing the worst, Jinyoung quickly steps through the doorway before immediately spotting your incapacitated form through the darkness propped up against the opposite wall. He doesn’t hesitate to speed across the room and kneel in front of you. You’re unconscious, he realizes, but breathing—that’s enough to lift the heavy weight from his chest. 

“(Y/N)?” He calls gently, lifting his hands to cradle your face in his palms. “Come back to me, my dear… Please.” 

“Jinyoung?...” He’s never been more grateful to hear the sound of his name until now. Your eyes flutter open and dart around the area before drowsily settling on Jinyoung. The vampire in question breathes a sigh of relief, caressing the apple of your cheek with his thumb. 

“There you are.” He murmurs, “How do you feel?” 

“Like I was stabbed…” You raise an eyebrow before peering down at the pencil protruding from your abdomen, “Well, would you look at that.” 

Jinyoung holds back a smile at your sarcasm, appreciating that even wounded, you still manage to bear your usual fiery charm. His own eyes turn down to the object jabbed within your waist. He carefully analyzes the damage, determining the best possible solution to its extraction. As you said on the call, the pencil itself is trapped inside your ribcage. Jinyoung will have to be careful not to accidentally fracture your bones. 

He bites the inside of his cheek before returning his attention back to you. “I need to remove it, but it’s going to be painful. Very painful.” 

You roll your eyes, “It will also hurt a lot less when it’s out. I can handle it.” 

“I know you can.” 

Jinyoung keeps his gaze connected to yours as he wraps his fingers around the wood of the pencil, taking extra care not to brush against the swollen skin of the lesion. Your expression remains fatigued, yet indifferent during his preparation. He waits for your nod before he continues. 

In order to prevent as much further damage and to make it as painless as possible, Jinyoung removes the pencil as quickly as he can. Your furrowed brow and teary eyes slice at his soul, but he doesn’t stop until the object is completely taken out. Once it's free, Jinyoung tosses the pencil into a nearby trash can, pulls the sweater from his body and utilizes the garment to cover your slightly bleeding wound. He ignores the crimson of your blood staining his fingers, instead lifting his clean arm to his mouth before biting down. 

“What… are you doing?” 

“My blood will heal you.” Jinyoung answers, offering forth his bloody wrist. “It’s how I saved you after your assault in the alleyway.” 

“If I die with your blood in my system, won’t I become a vampire?” 

“You aren’t going to die.” 

You shake your head, pushing away his wrist. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather not risk anything.” 

“At least allow me to bring you to the hospital then.” He insists, “You’ve lost quite enough blood for one day.” 

Jinyoung curses at the mischievous smirk that spreads along your lips. “You have got to stop saving my life.” 

“Stop putting yourself in danger, and there would be no need for me to.” 

“Last I checked, I had no idea Vampire Victoria Secret was gonna show up and stab me with a fucking writing utensil.” You snort, gesturing over to your desk, “Grab my stuff before we go, please.” 

Just as you requested, Jinyoung goes about gathering your laptop and assorted belongings before sliding them into your bag. One book, however, catches his attention. For a moment, he pauses to stare at the title, then flips open the cover. His mouth runs dry when he discovers numerous pages of notes in your handwriting. 

Jinyoung closes the book before turning back to you, who is struggling to climb to your feet. He moves to help you, stabilizing your body against the wall while asking, “Why are you researching necromancy?” 

“It’s a long story.” You inhale deeply, “But to keep it short… Youngjae and I are going to try to resurrect Jackson Wang.”

At the mention of the alpha werewolf, Jinyoung’s muscles grow stiff. He stares at your face, attempting to read the stars in your dreary irises. After what seems like a long moment of silence, he eventually speaks, albeit quietly, “You understand resurrecting someone from the dead is no simple task… Why would you even attempt such a thing?” 

Your expression softens. “Because Jackson didn’t deserve to die, Jinyoung. The pack lost their leader—Mark lost his best friend.” 

“Resurrection is a dangerous craft, (Y/N).”

“Not if we find the right spell.” You argue, throwing your bag over your shoulder with a sharp inhale. “I know it sounds bat-shit crazy, but I have to try, Jinyoung. For Jackson and for Mark.”

Jinyoung inhales a heavy gust, before releasing an even heavier breath. He curses himself at being so affected by the hope in your eyes. Your determination is too alluring—you are too alluring. 

“I have a collection of grimoires kept by a coven of Dutch witches who specialized in necromancy back in the 15th century.” He finally says, “I will gift them to you as long as you grant me one request.”

Your eyes immediately brighten. “Of course. What do you need me to do?” 

Jinyoung grabs your hands. “I want you to forgive my brother.” 

“Jinyoung—“

“After you left, Jaebeom fed me his blood.” He explains, “He cured the werewolf venom, so I wouldn’t have to suffer.”

Your face first contorts to confusion, then to Jinyoung’s surprise, guilt. “He didn’t tell me…” 

“As I told you, Jaebeom has a good heart.” His lips upturn into a sad smile, “He just… has difficulty revealing that side of himself to others.” 

With that, Jinyoung carefully gathers your body into his arms. He manages to cover your soiled clothes with your jacket before heading for the door. 

“It is your choice. I will give you the grimoires no matter what you decide.” 

Jinyoung’s heart leaps when your head collapses against his chest, right over where his heart proceeds to race. Judging by your silence, he expects your mind to have descended into unconsciousness once more, but is pleasantly surprised when your slurred voice reaches his ears, “Hey, Jinyoung?” 

“Yes?” 

“Thanks for saving me. Again.” 

Jinyoung smiles, “It was my pleasure, (Y/N).”

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“Such a fucking idiot!...” Youngjae hisses, stomping his way past gravestones and monuments through the light of the setting sun. Usually, he would stop to appreciate such a beautiful moment in nature, but his mind is too preoccupied with thoughts of remorse and anger. 

Youngjae knew better than to keep something like this from Mark. His heart immediately drops when he thinks back to the older witch’s furious outburst—Youngjae hasn’t seen him that angry in a long time. Not since Jackson was alive.

He shakes the thought from mind. He should have never agreed to your idea in the first place. Jackson Wang is dead. And he can’t be brought back. End of story. 

A faint murmur of voices awakens Youngjae from his self-loathing. He hadn’t realized how deep he has traveled into the forest until now, so deep that he’s very close to the shore of the bay. His curiosity expands when he notices a strange light emitting from behind a group of closely placed trees. Against his better judgement, Youngjae decides to investigate. 

The nearer he approaches the site, the louder the voices grow. With a closer view, Youngjae can barely make out two figures conversing in front of a large bonfire. Due to the shadows of tree cover, he can’t recognize their faces, but something about their voices seems familiar to him… 

“You’re sure this is going to work?” 

“I’ve been planning this for years. There’s no way it won’t.” 

“Doesn’t this spell need a crazy amount of power?” 

“There will be a blood moon tomorrow night.” Youngjae watches as one of the figures retreats to the opposite side of the fire. If he is a bit closer, he might be able to catch a glimpse of his face. “I will have more than enough power to complete the transformation.” 

“And it won’t kill me? The transformation?” 

“You sound like you’re having second thoughts…” 

“I’m not!” The second figure insists, “The Primes deserve to pay for what they’ve done.” 

“And pay they will.” Youngjae’s blood runs cold as he finally gains sight of one of the figures. “The Primes and Mark Tuan.” 

“Holy shit—” Youngjae moves to make a mad dash back through the forest, but just as he takes a step backwards, his foot catches a large divot in the earth. He crashes to the ground with a faint yelp, cursing the new ache in his ankle. Panic skyrockets through his veins at the sound of approaching footsteps. Even against the slight pain, Youngjae manages to force himself to his feet, ready to make a break for it, but a broad chest halts his movements. 

Youngjae’s heart stops when he meets the gaze of Changbin, the temperamental omega from the werewolf pack. 

He smirks, “Your mother ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop?” 

Youngjae hisses, “Screw you.” 

Changbin remains unbothered. “What should we do with him?” 

“Well… we can’t have him warning anyone of our plans.” Minho comes into view, wearing a similar smirk to that of the werewolf. “And besides, he might turn out to be pretty useful to us.” 

“Why are you doing this!?” Youngjae demands as Changbin shoves him back to the ground. “Are you that desperate for revenge that you’d actually kill Mark-hyung!?” 

Minho shakes his head, “I’m not gonna kill him. That special gift is reserved for the Primes.” He chuckles, before lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “I’m just gonna take back what I rightfully deserve…” 

Youngjae sneers at the witch, “You’re a fucking traitor! A sick, selfish—” 

The siphoner immediately grows silent when Changbin lands a harsh hit against his cheek. At the heavy impact, Youngjae goes flying to the earth and doesn’t rise again. 

Changbin glances at Minho, “You sure about all this?” 

Minho only smirks. 

“I’m dead sure.”

[ineloqueent]

hi tina 💞 not sure how easy this is, since my astrophysics knowledge is nearing -273 *C, but you could do mutuals as astronomical sights? comets, planets, galaxies etc... sorry if not!! 💖✨

anna! and anon! you’ve given me a wonderful chance to ramble about space. you may come to regret it, however...

if i’ve forgotten you, please do not take it personally! i didn’t mean to. my mind is just but a glorified puddle :)

@archaicmusings — vega

vega is the brightest star in the constellation lyra, and happens to be my favourite star. don’t ask me why vega is my favourite star, or why lyra is my favourite constellation, because i haven’t got a coherent answer for you. i’ve just always been drawn to them. a bit like cal, really. i feel like we’ve known each other for far longer than just four months, and she’s so lovely that i’m fairly sure i could say anything to her and she’d just accept me for whatever rubbish i’m rambling about this time. and, in the depressing year that’s been 2020, cal has been a bright star.

@drivenbybri — halley’s comet

honestly, is there anything more iconic than halley’s comet? there can’t be much. probably the best known comet of all time, halley’s comet is a short-period comet (and if you’ve read starstruck, you know how much i prefer short-period comets to those long-period comets with their damned 200-year perihelions, even if certain people suggest that this makes them quite special), meaning that it is visible from earth every 75-ish years. halley’s comet last made an appearance in the lovely year of 1986, and will thus appear next in 2061 (i’m so excited for my 59-year-old self!!!). halley’s comet, though well-known, is still a rare breed, so to speak. it is rare, and extraordinarily beautiful that a comet appears to a human twice within their lifetime. sofie is rare, just like halley’s comet, and equally beautiful, both in heart and with that lovely curly hair of hers. i’m honoured to know her, just as i shall be honoured to see halley’s comet one day.

@brianmays-hair — cassiopeia a

cassiopeia a (or rather, the remnant of cassiopeia a) was a supernova within the constellation of cassiopeia. for those of you who do not obsess over interstellar matter the way that i do, supernovae are explosions of massive stars, or white dwarfs drawn to nuclear fusion, within their final stages of life. not much is known about how these explosions necessarily take place, and nasa has only caught on video one such explosion, back in 2016. the most commonly presented image of the remnant of cassiopeia a is a false-colour image, composed with three different wavebands of light. it is, as you can see, very beautiful. supernovae radiate energy and light throughout the cosmos during their existence, and thus having a great effect on the space surrounding them. i therefore liken jess to cassiopeia a because she has a brilliant personality, vibrant and inspiring, which comes across especially in her writing. but of course, the beauty of cassiopeia a has nothing on her.

@deacyblues — sirius

as far as we humans and the scientists among us know, sirius is the brightest star in the observable universe. housed within the constellation of canis major, sirius has always been monumentally important in terms of navigation, since ancient times. i tell pearl this all the time, but truly, i mean it; her outlook on life is inspiring, how she never fails to be positive even in times of great trouble. like sirius, pearl is a light, ever-present within the mindset of living for today, ever-determined, and unfailingly kind.

@joemazzmatazz — black hole

please let me explain before this gets taken the wrong way: I LOVE BLACK HOLES. i specifically want to study black holes, whenever i get the chance to specialise within astrophysics. they fascinate me to no end, with a kind of allure that only the mysterious can hold. furthermore, black holes may be the key to understanding the universe; if we understand black holes, we will be able to make headway on other matter, such as dark matter, and dark energy, the latter of which makes up the majority of the observable universe, and will lead us to astronomical (if you’ll pardon the ill-worded expression, and the unintentional pun) conclusions concerning both the beginning of our universe, and the eventual end. regan, just like a black hole, is a wealth of information, especially concerning the knowledge she harbours about disney, and the business management sector of it. it’s quite truly inspirational.

@im-an-adult-ish — the milky way

ah yes, the milky way. home to all of us. and that is the essence of my explanation here. meredith has such a friendly way about her, and she’s the kind of person you can easily turn to and feel welcomed. a bit like our little corner of the universe <3

@almightygwil — the sun

i think this is probably self-explanatory, if a bit repetitive, but ellie is a ray of sunshine. but perhaps that sells her a little short, because ellie is just so genuinely lovely that she must herself be the sun. her writing talent astounds me (you could say it blinds me, ha ha), and she never fails to be somehow both sweet and very chaotic at the same time. it’s very admirable (and certainly relatable, on the chaotic front). the sun itself, if we think about the surface and the fusion that takes place there, is both the sweetest sight ever seen, and quite chaotic, so i think it fitting that ellie is the sun.

@hijackmy-heart — callisto

callisto is one of jupiter’s moons, and my favourite, because it looks like a piece of the night sky decided to curl up into a ball. i don’t know nat too well, but i know that she’s gorgeous, like callisto, and loves roger taylor. let me explain. jupiter, in roman mythology, is the god of the sky and of thunder. in norse mythology, thor is the equivalent of jupiter, and to me, roger has always had a bit of that typical scandinavian look going, with the blonde hair and blue eyes (not to say that all scandis look like this, but he fits the stereotype :)). nat loves roger, and callisto orbits jupiter, so there you have it.

@six-bloodyminutes — the moon

the moon has a serenity about it, and mo has a knack for telling quite wild things with a most casual air. for instance, according to my sources, when a certain dorm room caught fire (?). mo thus bears this serenity, akin to the serenity i associate with the moon, with equal grace and chaos.

@dancingdiscofloof — pluto

pluto! the not-planet-oh-wait-maybe-it’s-a-planet-jk-jk-unless..? i still think that pluto should be considered a planet, despite the many arguments against the poor sod. pluto was once a planet, and should therefore have remained a planet, for the plain and simple fact that taking away its planethood was like giving a person a present, and then taking it back immediately afterward. anyway. i’m rambling. i also do not know rove very well, but i know that she’s kind, and, judging by the memes she shares, both of ryan gosling and tom hanks, that she is quirky— a bit like our beloved pluto.

@imcompletelylost — aurora borealis/aurora australis

also known as the northern lights/the southern lights, the polar lights, the merry dancers, the fox fires, or swarms of luminous herring (you can thank my ancestors, followers of norse mythology, for that one), the aurora is an astronomical phenomenon precipitated by the complete ring of light surrounding the poles, “which at its brightest has a distinctively green tint” (may, brian, et al. the cosmic tourist. carlton books, 2016.). yes i just made a citation from one of brian’s books. don’t worry about it. anyway, particles emitted from our sun are caught by the magnetic fields of earth’s poles, and thus produce this ethereal effect. but you know what the aurora has always reminded me of? disco lights. and libby is noting if not the queen of disco. oh, and, libby’s makeup talents? the aurora could never.

@aprilaady — butterfly nebula

the butterfly nebula is incredibly beautiful. but also, depending on from which angle it is beheld, it looks quite different. dor will surprise you, in the loveliest way possible (and sometimes the funniest) with a kind word or a joke, or even just a relatable comment. she has so many talents, being rivetingly smart within so many fields, especially the sciences, and in this, conveys multitudes, like the butterfly nebula. one might say her soul is painted like the wings of butterflies...

@doing-albri — solar eclipse

the alignment of the sun, moon, and earth. difficult to see, especially in totality, if you continually live in the same place. but there’s something magical in that alignment, i think. something quite poetic. it’s partially in the name ‘eclipse’ and partially in the nickname— a “ring of fire.” i saw the solar eclipse in august of 2018, and looking up at it, i was quite awestruck. you’re not supposed to stare directly at solar eclipses, because despite the moon overshadowing the sun, you can still damage your eyes significantly by looking at them. vi is so bright, both in her attitude and in her intelligence, and thus i’ve chosen the solar eclipse for her. also, when a solar eclipse occurs, using a piece of cardboard with a hole (or generally any thick-radius circular object with an opening), you can recreate the phenomenon on another surface, resulting in beautiful patterns and light-art, which i think speaks to vi’s eye for aesthetics.

@imalososos — meteor shower

meteor showers are perhaps some of the most beautiful phenomena i have ever seen. back in the summer of 2016, i stayed up all night to watch the perseids rush across the sky, and i was not disappointed, by any means. within the early hours of the 12th of august, an estimated 80 meteors darted across the heavens each hour. meteors, in essence, are clusters of mineral, usually debris from comets, which enter the atmosphere of a planet, and thus seem to shoot across the sky. now, you may be wondering, what’s the bloody blooming difference between meteoroids, meteors, and meteorites, and why are we talking about meteors in particular? well, meteoroids are cosmic debris that have not yet entered an atmosphere; as soon as a piece of cosmic debris enters a planet’s atmosphere, it is classified as a meteor. as for meteorites, nothing is a meteorite unless it strikes the ground. anyway. you didn’t come here for my science ramblings. meteors are also called ‘shooting stars,’ and let’s be honest, they’re space’s idea of art. streaks of light across the sky? sounds like a painting to me, and darya, among many other things, is an artist— and a brilliant one, at that. so i think it very fitting to describe her as the art of the universe <3

@mazzell-ro — saturn

i! love! saturn!!! being the only planet in our solar system with highly visible rings, it just stands out to me. it’s absolutely gorgeous, and an object of much inspiration to me, when i was little and decided that space was absolutely something i wanted to see. i could write an eight-verse song about saturn, i love it so much, and honestly, i think ro could write one too; she’s an excellent musician. but aside from its lovely rings, saturn is unique because its composition, in the ratio of its gases, would allow the planet to float in water. ro is uniquely wonderful, and her writing!!!!!!!! makes me so soft and happy and makes me want to give her the word. quite how i feel when i look up at saturn.

@mistiermistshazierdays — zodiacal light

you may recognise this term as brian’s speciality from when he was studying astrophysics. but what is it? zodiacal light is that strange triangle of light that appears glowing in the sky after twilight and before dawn, and is the subject of much earth-based astrophotography. extraordinarily beautiful, scientists are still not entirely sure what the phenomenon is, but most research and practical experiments are in favour of zodiacal light being sunlight reflected off of cosmic dust (also known as stardust!). now, if my knowledge of ancient greece and its mythology serves me, the name phoebe comes from phoebus, and (thank you google) means ‘bright.’ zodical light… bright… phoebe… you might say it’s a match made in the heavens. quite literally if we’re talking space. phoebe, you kind soul, you are stardust.

@speciallyred — andromeda galaxy

and last, but certainly not least, dear anna. i name thee the andromeda galaxy, partially for your own name, and partially for its poetic beauty. andromeda, the neighbour galaxy of our deal ol’ milky way, is actually about 2.5 million lightyears (15 trillion miles, 22.5 trillion km) away from us, here on earth. call me vain for the number of times i’ve described the beauty of space throughout this rather extended exposition, but andromeda is startlingly beautiful. one reason for this objective beauty is that andromeda is estimated to be home to roughly double the number of stars within our own galaxy. anna is one of the most talented poets i have ever come across, hands down, and what be the food of poetry, if not the stars?

[blue-maiden4]

Together Forever and Growing Pains

I'M IN LEGIT PAIN RIGHT NOW.

MY POOR BOY 😭😭

Anyways I'm gonna leave my thoughts on these episodes down here so spoilers right ahead:

-First of all: Ruby, Sapphire I know you tried to help, but dear Arceus proposing at the age of 16 IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL.

-Can we appreciate how handsome Steven looks on that shirt and suit? Damn he looks good on it 👀 (If he weren’t a minor I would marry him, but my heart already belongs to Leon so nevermind, pretend I said nothing)

-Rather than saying a straight 'no', Connie said 'not now', AND HONESTLY THAT'S SO SWEET AND IM DYING. And Steven's heartbroken face DESTROYED ME. I've never experienced such feeling but I can imagine how much it hurts. I really appreciate how Connie handled the situation in such a mature way, like she wanted to talk out things first and such. She is without a doubt Steven's soul mate ❤️.

-Watching Steven just laying on the sand while crying broke my heart in a million pieces, I felt your pain Steven, and it sucks that you have to go through this when you’re dealing with some heavy issues right now.💔

-"There isn't a future where you didn't proposed" I'm double dead now, the fact that no matter which time line they're on, Steven would propose to Connie. My heart 😭.

-Also I've seen some people asking why Steven is so worried of Connie leaving, like, he can just go visit her with Lion's help, but remember he can do the same with Lars and he acted the same way, so despite being able to visit them, the whole feeling that he's getting left behind is what is triggering these kind of reaction (or at least that's what I think).

-And remember, no matter how much you love a person, do not propose to them at the age of 16 (sorry I had to this xd) 

Okay now moving onto Growing Pains aka the episode that destroyed me physically and emotionally:

-BOI Where do I even start with this one? Okay first, seeing Steven all depressed over Connie's rejection and just eating ice cream and all kinds of sweets as a coping mechanism hits home. And this is something people do in real life when they are going through a heartbreak. Poor boy he needs a hug. 

-I would be lying if I said I didn’t scremaed the moment his body started growing our of nowhere, HOLY SHIT THE CORRUPTION THEORY IS SLOWLY BECOMING A REALITY. LIKE THAT SHIT STARTED AS SOME SORT OF JOKE, IT AIN’T FUNNY ANYMORE 😰.

-Connie being concerned about Steven and convicing him to see a doctor is the best thing ever. FINALLY SOMEONE THAT MAKES HIM SEEK HELP (Sort of)

-Okay, the fact Steven’s bones are fractured or broken is really worrying. Like, the only reason this kid isn’t dead is because of his healing powers is really messed up, and if we remember what happened in CYM, it makes sense why he was so weak and nearly dying, it was ‘cause his body was so damaged on the inside and the only things keeping together was his own gem half.

Seriously just look at all those cracks in his bones

-Also, the way Dr. Maheswaran explained how his body was constantly healing, yet it looked that mentally he hasn’t healed, that hit me like a truck. It also reminded of Pink Pearl, her gem showed no signs of damage, yet that crack on her eye was mostly due to the trauma she still had.

-The fact Steven is having the same side effect is just so....AGH I can’t even describe it, there’s no words that can say it.Seriously, he’s been through some heavy stuff since he was 13, with being so close to dying a million times, seeing loved ones die in front of him, his self doubt and existencial crisis due to Pink’s/Rose’s mistakes. That’s some serious and heavy shit, that surely was to have some effect on Steven at some point.

He’s been trying so hard to just forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple. Those experiences are somthing that will haunt him forever until he adresses them properly. Also, the fact he tended to bottle up his emotions as a kid had also a role in all of this, he had to deal with this stuff on his own, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, ‘cause he didn’t knew what else to do without becoming a burden.

-”What you haven’t told her?!” 

DUDE, YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECTED CONNIE TO TELL HER MOM HOW YOU FRICKING PROPOSED TO HER? COME ONE, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA TELL HER, SHE WOULD HAVE FREAK OUT AT THE IDEA OF 16/15 YEAR OLDS GETTING MARRIED FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE.

-Bruh, the moment he was starting to tear up, due to all the stress and pressure he was feeling at that moment. And the way he snapped out at Connie....oof, like I don’t blame him at all, but it broke my heart. The pain he was feeling at the moment...god...😭😭😭.

-Greg getting in there and comforting him, that’s what made me cry, the whole thing that Steven’s feeling like he’s always about to die, and how he’s supposed to be happy now that everyone is saved but just can’t....it hurted....a lot. 

-And my respect and love for Connie and her mom increased here, not only she called the only person that could calm him down/help him, but they also treated Steven in way as to not alter him more and without judging. Seriously, I’m surprised Dr. Maheswaran, wasn’t like WTF the moment Steven started listing all of his traumatic experiences, instead she only explained how all of this gem stuff he’s been involved with has caused him so serious trauma.

-Now let me just say, that even though it is mostly th CG and Greg (to some degree, like the dude tried his best), we have to remember that the Gems have no idea about how a human body works, let alone how a mind of a person works. And it’s true that it wasn’t a good idea for Steven to move in with the Gems at such a young age, heck Greg is his father, he is supposed to take care of Steven and such, but considering the circumstances and that Steven is half-gem, he probably thought it was for the best, as he couldn’t teach him about gem stuff, probably the CG convinced him about this. Now, with the whole ‘they should have noticed or figured out something was wrong with Steven’, let me tell you one thing: that’s not how it works. Sure a parent should be able to tell when there’s something wrong their kid, but considering Steven became so dang good at avoiding the subject and bottling up his emotions (keeping them to himself), it practically impossible to tell when something is wrong. Parents aren’t physics, they can’t read our minds, so unless we are the ones that address the issue, there’s no other way they can’t find out about our problems. And that’s what happens in Steven’s case, and since they didn’t wanted to push him to talk about it, well, that makes it harder.

CONCLUSION: 

THIS TWO EPS DESTROYED ME, SERIOUSLY THEY LEFT ME IN LITERAL PAIN.

I was expecting them to make me cry, but dear lord, they were such heavy episodes, they even suprassed Prickly Pair, which is an episode that also messed up with my emotions. But these two made me cry. They just hit so close to me.

I’m not sure I’m gonna survive til the finale (really one of the next week eps is called Fragments, and that doesn’t give me any good vibes)

NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I WILL GO CRY IN A CORNER WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL AS I LISTEN TO DEPRESSING MUSIC CAUSE I DON’T KNOW OF ANOTHER WAY TO COPE WITH THE PAIN.

[purplepalmdelight]

why life is still okay (rambling fic rec pt. 1)

firstly: shout out to @trulyalpha for apparently owning my entire bookmarks page on ao3 (bc i only realised all my favourite fics were written by the same person,,, yesterday. bc im really smart like that) anyway breakdown of why she’s a stoncy saving grace thanks!!!

you ease my mind, you make everything feel fine.

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842039)

yes this fic is from 2018. yes i read it every other week. it’s good for the SOUL. jonathan getting taken care of is always just such a good and sweet concept (maybe it’s my intense, undying love of him, but he deserves to be taken care okay) and. okay i’ll admit, sometimes i forget how fucking FUNNY this fic is, but it’s genuinely hilarious, okay? you gotta trust me on this. it makes me cackle at inappropriate times absurdly often. ("Hi." "Hi." "I want you, you fuck." is a top line. i laugh so hard every TIME.) all three of them are so incredibly in character, and somehow this NAILS the fact that they’re all massive disasters pretending to be confident. and i’m not someone that reads ~smut~ often (though it’s more mentioned than described, very non-explicit) but this didn’t make me even the least bit uncomfortable. it felt very natural and in character and made me laugh as much as the rest of the story. all in all, i always come away a little more in love with the characters, and that’s a really precious feeling.

you could be the one to make me feel something

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269476/chapters/32912745)

i take back everything i’ve ever claimed. this IS the funniest piece of writing i’ve ever read, and it WILL remain so, probably until the day i die. i honestly... barely have words. my expectations were high when i started it, but in retrospect, they were LEAGUES below what i got. the characterisation, the progression, the dialogue, the story; from the overarching aspects to the tiny details, it’s impeccable. i genuinely read this twice in one day, and then again the next. every single part of it is so good, but in terms of FAVOURITES... the christmas section. hilarious. down to its bones, well crafted and heart felt. it hits me right in the chest every time. the story, from the beginning, has me just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is, and as everything grows more intense, so does my investment. it pulls me in and doesn’t let me go until it’s good and ready to see me leave. again, the sexy aspects are so in character and natural that it’s uncomfortable or weird to read and instead just leave me grinning like an idiot. also ( “It did frustrate me, in more ways than one. It’s also a weird plan, like … did you expect me to be so overwhelmed by the power of a boner that I’d just admit my feelings?” is SUCH a funny line, i think about it literally every day. literally. every. day.) the characters are afraid to be messy, to make mistakes, and they all feel so ALIVE that when i leave the story, i feel like i’m leaving a friend. it’s honestly beautiful and honestly breathtaking. this story is better than a lot of published books, honestly, and i’m so grateful for it. so thank you.

i crash my car ‘cause i wanna get carried away!

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131202)

...you really wanted to make me cry, huh? i cried out of grief, yeah, out of the depth of nancy’s guilt and the pure rawness of her mourning, but i also cried out of catharsis as she came to terms, and out of laughter a few times. the bit about total eclipse of the heart as a motif was... that was so well done. i hate drawing comparisons, so please understand that this is criticism of a concept and not a particular story, but in so many stories then nancy’s grief feels... trivialised? that’s not quite the right word. romanticised, maybe. as someone who has lost a friend in the past, it’s just... it doesn’t feel realistic? and that’s okay, because it’s hard to nail something you haven’t experienced, and i wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. it’s just that stories like this, where i can really resonate with nancy and follow the journey of her recovery WITH her are so rare. this story is a gem, it really is. i don’t love it for all the same reasons as the others, but i love it fiercely all the same.

there’s nothing magic going on, and then along came you

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14994137)

sure, you could be the one is the funniest fic i’ll probably ever read, but nothing magic is such a close second. it’s laugh-out-loud, get-tears-in-your-eyes, fall-out-of-your-chair, and it’s also so goddamn SWEET i can hardly stand it. of the several fics i generally group together in my head (nothing magic, you could be the one + its sequels (might have to make an individual post about this series), laugh until we think we’ll die, and got nothing for you; all very similar, yet incredibly unique) nothing magic is the shortest, but that doesn’t mean it compromises on quality, oh no. it just means i can read it quicker, and therefore more often! when it’s late and i’m tired and i need a laugh to calm down before i sleep, i generally go search this fic up. remember when i mentioned the whole “being just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is” thing? it’s like that except... almost funnier. in you could be the one, it’s just that the story naturally tugs you into adoring these two messy, silly, sweet, amazing young adults, because how could you not? how else could you possibly feel? but here, they are genuinely just... that funny. they are actually just so funny that you as a reader click with them and find yourself grinning like an IDIOT because oh my god you’re disasters. maybe it’s the inherent relatability of a tired highschooler trying to make it through the summer and hating his job along the way, but this fic hits right in the heart every damn time.

got nothing for you other than love

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596658)

"You trust me," she says.

They both know it's a fact, not question, but he still says, "Of course."

and

By then, his shell wasn't something he could step out of. It was part of him. But that was okay. He didn't need more. What he had was enough.

He always did have trouble with wanting more.

and

"Hey, babe?" Nancy turns her head to look at Steve, touching his shoulder. "Can you buy me a drink?"

"Sure thing. What d'ya want?"

"Surprise me. Not like that time we were here and you snuck out the store, went to a smoothie stand, and came back with a mango smoothie."

Steve grins. "But I did surprise you."

and

"Do you have food in the backseat?"

"The sandwich has only been there for like, two weeks—"

and

"Ugh. Too much cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant, remember?"

"False, you're not intolerant of anyone except people over the age of fifteen with bowl cuts and guys who wear shorts in the winter."

and

"Where are you off to? I'm your only friend," Kali says, frowning.

and

"You good, man?"

"Yeah," he says, his throat dry, "I'm great."

"Yeah, you are," Nancy says, and he is. He is.

and i can’t continue because that’s, like, barely halfway into the fic and i’ve already skipped so many of my favourite lines and i would have to skip so many more. you see what i mean about sathana being funny as hell? and like all the others, it’s not just the humour here. i mean... it is, because it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY I LITERALLY CANNOT SAY THAT ENOUGH but the reason it’s so funny is because it’s so candid. it’s so smooth. the whole thing flows. you’re not left feeling that you’ve missed a piece or that anything was sacrificed; you just feel like you’ve read something incredible. this fic is an experience of its own that i honestly have never experienced before. it’s sweet, and it’s gentle, and it’s just so overwhelmingly good that i don’t think i’ll ever quite get over it. in short? it’s a blessing. my expectations were high, but holy fuck did you blow them to bits.

one more favourite line:

Things are ending, things are starting, and everything looks bright. It won't always be that way. The sun's got to set at some point. But, gazing up at the sky, at the pink bleeding into orange, Jonathan figures it'll have to rise again. No matter what happens, these two things are constant.

"Hey, you look awfully lonely," Nancy calls out, walking towards him, reaching out to him with the hand not in Steve's.

Well. Maybe not just those two things.

that scene, in general, is beautiful, and it wraps the story up on such a genuine note. it feels like a film with how clearly i can picture it. it feels like no fic i’ve ever really read before. it feels... good. i guess i don’t really have the words. it just feels so good.

as an overall statement on why i call her my favourite author... it’s the realism. maybe that’s surprising, considering how many times i said “funny” or “hilarious” in here, but in the end, i wouldn’t be so attached to her work if it didn’t feel so real. i can open a tab and instantly get transported to a home i’ve never lived in. it’s comfortable. it’s sweet. and the dialogue/banter is always perfectly crafted. there’s just never really a downside to her fics, honestly. even if i wanted to search, i don’t think i’d find one. not even one of those “their only problem is that there’s not more to enjoy” kind of comments, because every single one feels perfectly crafted in its own right. it doesn’t need more or less. it stands for itself and it’s goddamn good at it.

i didn’t anticipate having to do multiple parts on this post, but- surprise surprise- i haven’t even gotten to my favourite one yet! so yeah, pt. 2 will be written after i finish the history essay trying to murder me, god knows when that is. in the meantime, please go give her some love and adoration. she deserves it.

[dahmerthepeoplenomer]

Hey how goes it! This is a ‘Death Becomes Her’ oneshot for Ernest Menville. I was happy to get this character suggestion because I love this movie. Bruce Willis😍👌🏼! So this takes place after he tries to regain his sanity and leaves Helen and Madeline behind. Hope you like it. Enjoy! NSFW!

Forget and Remember

“Ern.” I say softly and rub the man’s arm.

“Ernest.”

Nothing.

“Ernest!” His eyebrows start to furrow in...distress?

“ERNEST!” I shout just loud enough to get through to his sleeping state. He instantly springs up, glasses crooked and hair a mess.

“Huh?” He looks at me with wide yet tired eyes before adjusting his glasses.

“Everything okay?” He doesn’t usually fall asleep in his office unless he’s highly stressed about something or is in a restless mindset. He looks around before stretching his arms above his head. He cocks his head to the side and instantly grabs his neck. A low groan of pain escapes his lips.

“Mm, what time is it?” He adjusts his cardigan before standing up.

“Quarter past 10. I was gonna let you sleep for a bit longer but I figured I’d come check on you. You don’t normally sleep this late. Are you feeling alright?” I move my hands up to feel his face. His arms encircle my waist.

“Yeah I’m okay. I’m glad you woke me up when you did. I was having a ridiculous dream about them again. They were chasing me and threatening to hurt me if I didn’t stay and take care of them. Good God, can the memories of those two just go away? It’s farcical at this point!” He rests he chin on top of my head in defeat.

I wrap my arms around him and gently stroke his back. If there was a way to wipe his brain clean of the names Helen Sharp and Madeline Ashton then I would. Post traumatic stress comes in all different shapes and forms I’ve come to find.

“I know it’s hard to deal with the past stress they’ve caused. If I could fix it or take it away then I would.” I say in an attempt to ease his tension.

He just continues to rest against me - his thumbs making little circles against hips. After a moment of silence, he breaths in deep and releases a relaxed sigh.

“Doesn’t help to dwell on the matter when I have you to focus my attention on now.” He mutters above my head.

I pull back to smile at him before saying, “Come on, let’s get you some breakfast.” I lean up to peck his cheek and he follows me out to the kitchen.

~~~~

Ernest was broken in every sense of the word. He was only a shell of man when I first met him. I remember the day we met very clearly. I was on kind of a soul-searching trip of my own when I noticed him. Ern was seated by the elegant fireplace in the winter lodge we were both staying in. He wore a casual dress coat with slacks and a trapper hat - the flaps were pinned up exposing his ears. The chair he sat in was partially turned toward the window. He wasn’t focused on anything in particular as he stared out at the falling snow. I do, however, recall the forlorn expression in his eyes. That’s what drew me to him.

I had just finished unpacking my duffel bag in my room before coming to relax in the the upper lobby with my book. The whole resort was beautiful - tall cathedral ceilings with skylight windows. There were mahogany wood pillars with stone wall detailing, giving it that true rustic cabin feel.

I made my way over toward the rocking chairs by one of the fireplaces and took a seat. Pulling my knees to my chest, I gazed around the large room. There weren’t many people. Just the lady at the front desk speaking with a young couple, an older gentleman with his dog, and...him. When my eyes spotted him, like I said, I was instantly drawn in. He looked a little lost inside himself. I turned my head in an attempt to refocus but found myself looking back to him. It was like a gravitational pull. I started to wonder if everything was okay.

After a sigh and shake of my head, I began on the first page of my book. Anyone who knows me can tell you that whenever I start a book, I get lost. Try to ask me a question and you’ll most likely receive a low ‘mm’ or small noise of acknowledgement even though I have no idea what was said.

I continue reading, occasionally glancing at the man no more than fifty feet from me. Time starts to pass - hours possibly. The suns sinks lower. People are coming and going. But he’s still there - unmoved and unfazed by his surroundings. I peek over my book to steal a look only to notice his eyes are already on me. They quickly flick back towards the window. After a moment, he looks back to me, making eye contact. I lower the pages in my hand to deliver a small smile. Unexpectedly, he matches my expression only to look back outside. I pull my lips in and continue my story.

The sun is now completely set. I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with daylight savings time. I like that it gets dark because it gives me an excuse to wear pajamas and cuddle up in bed early but sometimes I like to have just a little more daylight to go out and do things.

About halfway into the novel, I decide to mark my place and close it up. I stretch my arms up and yawn. He’s looking again. I raise my eyebrows and make a face that says ‘hiii what do you want’ but in a playful manner. He smirks and again returns his gaze towards that damn window. I smile at him and wait to see what he’ll do next. ‘What an intriguing person,’ I think to myself. In an instant he whips his head my way, squinting his eyes to feign suspicion before slowly turning away. I then let out a giggle. ‘Looks like im going over there.’

I start over towards him. He starts to look a little nervous as he adjusts himself in his seat. “Well, if you’re gonna flirt with me then you might as well introduce yourself.” I joke, earning a slightly timid smile from him.

He clears his throat and says, “E-Ernest. My name’s Ernest.”

“Nice to meet you, Ernest. I’m (y/n).”

A moment of silence goes by before he stutters out, “Oh, uhm, why don’t sit down?” His hand gestures to the chair in front of him.

I sit down cross-legged and look to him. “What brings you here, Ernest? Hidden snowboarding talent?”

“Yeah sure, me?” He laughs. “No, It’s the serenity and scenery for me. What about you? Extreme skier?”

“Absolutely not. Same reasons as you actually.” I smile at him.

“Absolutely not? What about ice skating? That’s not too terribly hard.”

“I’d fall on my face or crack my head on the ice,” I purse my lips and add, “but i don’t fail at anything so I’d fall in style.”

He chuckles saying, “It’s not that difficult, but I don’t doubt that. You appear to be a very smooth person.”

“Smooth? This dork? Nu-uh, nope!”

“Ah come on, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“You’ll believe it when you see it.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Well you’ll just have to prove it to me sometime.” He laughs gently.

“Ernest! Are you asking me on a date? Calm down we only just started talking and now you’re making plans!” I fake a look of disgust before smiling.

“I..hah..uhm - well I..you are very beautiful.” He stumbles over his words and quickly looks away, taking off his hat. His fingers fiddle with fur on the inside.

I smile at him and give him a thank you.

“You’re welcome.” He’s looks down bashfully.

What a sweet, kind soul. He’s been hurt in the past, that much is evident. I watch the way his hand reaches up to stroke his face. His green eyes flicker around the room and land on me a couple times. With pursed lips, he lets out a soft sigh. “Sorry, I-I’m not really that exciting. I understand if you want to go back to your room or if you’d rather ME leave then I..”

“What? No! I want you stay. Of course I can’t stop you if you want to leave but I’d rather you stay.” I give him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t say anything but stares at me as if searching for any indication of dishonesty.

“Alright?”

“Okay.” I finally get a smile back.

We continue our small talk for a little while longer before I suggest getting a drink. He agrees and we head down to the bar room. This room is just as beautiful as the rest. We sit the farthest away from the other people in here. The live piano player strings out a beautiful melody.

A few beers and a couple of old-fashioneds later, he’s telling me stories of his life - his body becoming more animated as the alcohol sets in. I find myself thoroughly enjoying his company. We discuss topics ranging from music tastes to embarrassing childhood memories. I wasn’t expecting him to say that he’s a doctor.

“No way, a doctor in what?” I ask curiously.

“Well I was a surgeon early on. I then ‘downgraded’ by transferring over to mortuary practices. Not exactly the best conversation piece.” He laughs through his nose.

“No that’s really fascinating! Better than anything I’ve ever done. I never really had a ‘calling’ as one would say.”

“Yeah well I wouldn’t say doing these jobs were my calling per se but they pay the bills. Hence me being here, trying to find some sort of inner peace.” He says.

“I understand that completely. Same goes with me. So should I now refer to you as Dr. Ernest?”

He raises his eyebrows and tilts his head trying to look as pretentious as possible. “That’s Dr. MENVILLE, Ms. (y/n).” I snort a laugh at him.

“Well excuse me. That’s Ms. (Y/L/N) to you, Dr. Menville.” He laughs as well.

As another drink gets placed in front of me, Ernest walks his fingers towards the glass. He lightly pulls it his way. I flick his hand, shooing him away. That doesn’t stop him. Continuing his ministrations, I grab his hand and hold it down onto the bar as I down my drink. After I place my glass down, I realize my hand is still over his. He looks at them and flips them over, running the tips of his fingers along my palm. I eye his hand and then start a trail to his face. He’s already looking at me. My gaze floats up and down from his green orbs to his lips.

Not sure how or when, but we found ourselves crashing into one another in an attempt to walk down the hallway to his room. His fingers fumbled with the key to open the door. Once inside, I wasn’t expecting what he did, or rather said, next.

“(Y/n), may I kiss you?”

I wanted nothing more than to say ‘aww’ and hug him but desire was too heavy to ignore. I grinned instead and pulled him down to me, lips crashing together. This seemed to be enough encouragement for him seeing that I was pinned to the wall - hands running up and down my body. His mouth exploring quickly from my lips to my jaw and neck. I moan out, fingers delving into his hair.

Ernest picks me up, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist. He places me down onto the bed and I can feel how aroused he is through the fabric of his pants. Our mouths connect once again as our tongues begin an endless dance.

“Are you sure about this? Absolutely certain?” He mumbles against my mouth. “I mean, if you’re not comfortable then I understand.”

“Yes, I’m positive. I trust you.”

He nods in return.

We shed our tops and as he starts to unbutton his pants, he stops dead in his tracks. “Shit.” He mutters. “I..uhm, don’t have any..uh..”

“It’s okay, I’m covered.” I groan out.

With that Ernest discards the rest of his clothes allowing me to see him fully. He’s not the biggest but he’s perfect for me and utterly handsome. He then pulls my jeans all the way off. I’m already wet and ready for him. His gaze doesn’t linger on me too long but the look of hunger and lust on his face doesn’t go unnoticed. His double take almost made me giggle. He pushes me up towards the top of the bed and climbs onto me. His hand guides his member into me softly and we moan out in unison. I yank his head down, our mouths connecting. God, does he feel good. It’s like his body was made for mine. We just fit together.

As his pace becomes sloppy I know that he’s close, as am I. My climax comes first as I yell his name and cling to him. He’s not far behind, following me into waves of pleasure.

After collapsing beside me, I cuddle up next to him. His arms hold me as if i might disappear. After a minute or two my breathing returns to normal.

“Ernest?” I question.

“Yes?”

“What just happened?”

“Well I just had sex with a beautiful lady who I already enjoy having in my arms. I can’t say the same for you, but I hope it was at least half decent.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Oh it was a little more than half decent, Dr. Menville. You know you’re stuck with me now, right?”

He wholeheartedly chuckles before saying, “I wouldn’t mind that, not one bit. But, of course, that means you’d be stuck with me.”

I push myself up to look at him. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” I state. He shrugs, giving me that same self-deprecating look from earlier. I kiss the look away and pull back to see a genuine smile plastered on his face.

I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or if I’m already intoxicated by this man but I feel so content laying here with him...on him. I listen to the steady rhythm of his heart beat as it lulls me to a deep, tranquilizing sleep.

~~~~

I watch Ernest spread some grape jelly on his bagel and take a bite. His eyes scan over the Sunday paper as he enjoys his meal. I sit down across from him and lean onto one of my arms.

“Ern, do you remember the day we met?” I ask.

“How could I forget? I remember how much I drank to calm my nerves after we went to the bar.” His chest rumbles with a chuckle as he folds the paper in his hand in half. I smile sweetly at him.

“I remember everything about that day. That was probably the lowest point in my life. But when you sat down across from me, I could only stare at you in awe. I didn’t want to seem like a creep so every time you looked up, I would look away. You looked so beautiful....then of course you caught me gawking at you like a moron so I had to make a joke of the situation.”

“You had to throw in your Ernest charm.” I wink and smirk.

“Yeah well I’m glad I did now but in the moment all I could think was ‘shit shit shit shit she’s coming over here’. I could’ve been sick, that’s how nervous I was.” He laughs.

“I know, I could tell.” I giggle. “It was adorable though. I quite literally almost said ‘awe’ when you asked to kiss me in your room.”

“Well, I didn’t want you to change your mind once you realized it was possibly just the alcohol making you feel the way you did so I was cautious.” He shrugs. “That was a beautiful night nonetheless.”

“It very much was. I was thinking we should plan a trip up there again. Weekend getaway or something, it’d be nice.”

“Yeah, let’s go. We never did get to go ice skating - too busy with more...important matters.” He smirks and turns back to his paper.

[everyonesawhoregrace]

Nothing But A Memory

@awesomemikaus​: request where reader is Campbell's daughter, but she doesn't know anything, about the reason she came to town and so on, and Tommy plans to use her as a spy, approach her with that motive, but when she realizes that she doesn't know anything , falls in love with her, also that the reader is an angel. And then hell breaks loose when he finds out. very angsty pleaese

An: I'm gonna name my CHILD Sloan. Also , thank u for requesting this bc wow. I loved this. So much. So much that it's 4K words. X

"She can't get hurt, Arthur! Oi! Listen to me!" The brother was clearly upset by how nonchalant Arthur was to his statement. Only once the brothers met each other's eyes did Thomas feel comfortable enough to speak again. "She can't get hurt."

"She's our enemy, what the fuck do you mean she can't get hurt?!" Arthur's eyes widen, he can't wrap his head around Thomas's statement. Not even a bloody week ago, the two were plotting her death.

Thomas grabs a fistful of his brothers shirt and pulls him to his chest. "You lay a finger on her and I swear, Arthur..."

"She's Campbell's daughter." He reminds his brother, just in case he tumbled and took a fall for the worse.

"Please!" Tommy's never pleaded to anyone, let alone his brothers.

But with the weak way Thomas executes his words, Arthur feels a pang in his heart. Thomas falls back to his chair and lets out a shaky breath. He knows that his brothers fell spellbound to the lady.

"Fuckin' hell, Tom..." Arthur takes a step back, swallowing. You've fallen for her, haven't youse?"

3 Days Ago

Sloan Campbell arrived to Small Heath by the luck of the late night train. She was overjoyed to enter Birmingham, the busy, underdeveloped city. As a lover of history, she stayed concentrated in the vast city, occupying her time in libraries, city hall and the museum. Of course she was oblivious that her father, was on a special mission in the very city she was visiting. Alas, twas only Aunt Pol, John, Arthur and Thomas knew about Sloan's visit. It was the Shelby clan who had a plan to mercilessly sacrifice the lady in return for Campbell's injustices to them.

"He's causing chaos throughout the damn city nevermind our own business." Thomas banged his closed fist on the table, during their regular meetings.

The topic of inspector Campbell was brought up. Thomas got upset rather quickly before Polly Grey decided to make the boys feel reassured.

"You don't pay him no mind, we'll get him soon enough." Polly snaps, "Thomas sit down, I've got something to tell you lot."

She watched the colour return to their faces as she told them about Sloan Campbell, the only daughter that stems from the likes of inspector Campbell. She explains Campbell had a love so deep for his only child. He would do anything for Sloan. Anything.

It was Polly Grey who suggested the boys dangle the life of poor Sloan over Campbell, allowing him to flee the city in return for his daughter's life. It was going to be an exchange, simple, harmless. It would only scare the girl.

But it was Thomas who had allowed the darkness to consume him. Once Polly left, he had begun to stir up another plan.

"We need to punish him the way he's punished us." He said after a few drinks were in his belly.

Thomas put down his hat on the table and looked at the blades within the stitching of the flatcap. He was motivated by the idea of killing her.

Polly was discrete, only use her, do not actually harm her. Polly would no allow for the brutal killing of a lady. Especially an innocent one. And innocent she was. And yet, Thomas had different intentions.

Thomas continued. "Like the ones in the war who wanted us dead. We need to kill them before they kill us."

"Fuck yea..." Arthur concludes, after a line of coke. He rubs his nose and grabs a glass of whiskey from the table.

John speaks up. "We ought to blind her Tom,"

"No, worse. We kill her, and lay her body on the same ground Campbell walks so brazen on. This is our city, it's about time we show 'im that boys."

So, it was a plan, the brothers all agreed. Thomas was to be responsible for the capturing of the lady. Arthur and John were going to gut like her a pig and that Inspector Campbell will go running back to Belfast.

There he stood in city hall, awaiting her presence when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Who would've thought the person who tapped him was the lady herself.

Of course, she didn't know who he was. All she wanted was to know where the ticket booth was, after all, she had noticed the stranger had a ticket to the tour.

"Sorry to bother you, but could you point me where the ticket booth is?"

Thomas was frazzled, no, he was rather nervous. Not by the woman herself, nor the fact that the person he was going to shoot dead was standing before him, but rather, her remarkable beauty. She looked nothing like the photograph he was given, no, that was too old of a photo. It was blurry and did not do her justice. The woman before him was breathtakingly stunning, God like. She took his breath away, alongside everyone else within her presence.

He pointed to the ticket booth, she had smiled revealing such a pure soul.

She looked nothing like the awful Chief Inspector Campbell.

Following that dreadful day, Thomas followed Sloan around the city. She was shy, happy, she wore her emotions on her chest. She was unjustifiably beautiful. Petite, brown hair that framed her perfect face. She was the type of woman to use her hair to hide her face, and she smiled, and she laughed. She was goofy, original, she didn't want to please the fucking world. She simply wanted to live. Sloan would always drop a coin into the beggars hat, but more than that, she would stand beside him and ask him if he's alright. She was perfect, the more Thomas studied, the more his cheeks grew hot and his hands grew sweaty.

Yes, that she was, picture perfect.

Finally, Sloan had noticed him peeping one day while she read a book in the library, she raised her head as he ducked his. Pretending to be occupied in a book until she cleared her throat. Sloan stood before him.

"Can I help you?" She asked Thomas, who had looked up at her.

He wanted to run away, feeling his throat dry. He shut his book and got lost in her eyes. "Sorry?"

"You've been watching me from the second I got here. Never mind the fact that I'm nearly certain you're the same lad I had encountered a day ago 'round City Hall."

"I-" He began. Again, she's taken him by surprise. Thomas thinks fast. "I wanted to ask you if I can take you out. I find you beautiful and, yah, will you allow me to take you out for tea or somethin'?" He felt his heart race, his face heating up. He wanted to roll his eyes to the back of his head. Take you out for tea or somethin'? Really Thomas?

She chuckles, narrowing her gaze at him. But the truth was, Sloan was flattered. The man before her was a tall and handsome with great posture and teeth. Hopefully he's got a good paying job too.

No, to Sloan, the man before her was undeniable, most of the men in the world were pretty fucked up from the war. All they do is drink and fight. So, she cracked a smile and replied dubiously, "Alright then. I'm staying at the Midland Hotel, pick me up for eight tonight."

And with that, she spun around and walked her way back to her seat, where she opened up the book she was reading and started where she left off.

Thomas didn't tell the boys that he was going on a date with Sloan fucking Campbell. Instead, he told them that he was going to entertain the new barmaid Grace. They cheered him on, and off Thomas went.

Though it was a fake date, the closer the lad got to the Midland hotel, the more anxious and uneasy he got. Thomas was fumbling with his tie, shifting in his suit. He got feverishly irritated with the cuffs on his blazer and nearly tore them from his suit altogether.

Meanwhile, Sloan readied herself rather quickly. Wearing a navy blue dress and black kitten heels. She had allowed herself to calm down after finishing two glasses of champagne.

She stood before a mirror once finished and beamed at the finished product. "So, you find me beautiful?" Her serious, sexual face makes her giggle.

"Oh Sloan," She turns to her side and runs her hands along her dress. "You do look mighty fine though."

And she did, with her hair in light curls and a touch of makeup on. She put on her favourite perfume and listened to the radio, Sloan was a natural beauty, but she looked especially stunning tonight.

So stunning that when she walked down the stairs to the lobby, two men had offered their hands to assist her before Thomas was able to get to her. He made sure to claim her before any man would.

"Hi." She says, her hand falls into his. His hand is warm, and she flushes. The two are nervous.

Thomas stands tall, "Hi, you look..."

She's taken his breath away, all he does is shake his head. The silk material of the dress is plush around her curves. Thomas notices her décolletage, Sloan's stunning. Thomas quickly concluded and leans down to kiss her cheek.

"You look absolutely mesmerizing tonight, Sloan." He whispers in her ear.

She blushes, and as the two get on with their first date, she can't help but hold her tongue, wanting to tell Tommy the same thing.

He was kind hearted, chivalrous. He took her to a restaurant where people grew rather interested in Tommy and Sloan. 

They were numb to it, she discussed her passion of history he explained his passion of horses. They listened to each other in great detail. He explained that he had three brothers and a sister, to which she told him that she was an only child.

"Are your parents alive?" He asks, knowing the answer. But there was something so sweet about listening to her speak. Thomas grew fond of her voice, among many other things.

"Yes, and yours?" She tore apart a piece of bread and popped it in her mouth.

"No. Are you close to your parents then?"

She takes a sip of her wine. "I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Also. Yes and no. My mum and I are very close, but my father and I could have a better bond for sure." Sloan mentions Thomas's full plate. "How come you're not eating?"

He runs his sweaty palms over his pants, "I'm too nervous to eat." He replies honestly. His stomach twists and turns in knots. Somehow, the dinner that was supposed to be a stall before her death, ended up being so much more than that.

She blushes, looking down. "Do I make you nervous?"

Sloan looks at him with big eyes, and Thomas is nearly certain she's capable of murdering him. Right there. At that very moment. All he desires is her lips against his, and her body against his.

You take my breath away, Sloan.

After dinner, the two walked side by side down the street. Thomas has so many good qualities about him, it made Sloan very happy. Even though he was a hard shell to crack at first, he opened up and revealed things to her that he would have a hard time with admitting to anyone else.

Beaming, she up and into his eyes, "Thomas,"

"Yes." He raised an eyebrow, looking down at her.

"The people of the city practically bow down to you, I can't help but wonder what it is that you do."

His mouth twitched, "I own several businesses."

"Business that involve horses? You had told me you love them."

"Yes, something like that." Thomas doesn't want to give much away. After all, he is a no good criminal.

She chews on her inner cheek and Thomas smiles.

"Is there something else you'd like to ask me?" He stood in front of her, preventing the two from continuing their walk.

"No." She reveals, meeting his baby blue eyes. "I just want to tell you I had a great time with you tonight."

He ought to grab that face and kiss her all over. No, he thinks about the plan. How could he forget!? Death to the inspector’s daughter. But as she poured her heart into him, he can't help but put that idea in a cupboard in the deep depths of his mind, and shut the door. Death to the inspector’s daughter, no. Not her.

"As did I," He grins, and is startled when she rests her hand on his chest and leaves a soft kiss to his cheek. Thomas flushes, "Thank you."

She chuckles and mentions the hotel down the street. "Will you walk me to the hotel?"

Fuck. The end already?

Thomas nods and the two of them walk a little closer this time. He puts an arm around her and once they stood in the lobby together, Tommy Shelby willed himself to bent down and kiss her. Though it was a ballsy move on Shelby's part, Campbell deepens the kiss. She hooked her arm around his shoulder and went from a quick peck, to a passionate kiss.

She gives his hand a squeeze as she settles into her heels. "Thanks again for a tonight."

"No," He's drunk off of that kiss. Where did she learn to kiss like that? Holy hell. "Thank you." So much.

The two went their separate ways. Tommy feels as though he's walking on clouds. Sloan doesn't feel an ounce tired as she lays in bed, flattered by the kind words shared tonight.

Once he's home, he doesn't resort to the drugs as a sleep aid, but rather, Thomas falls asleep dreaming pleasantly of Sloan.

The two became inseparable. Thomas surprised Sloan with flowers the following day, he took her to Johnny's Yard, where they spent an evening under the stars. They held hands this time, and he smiled and laughed more. He wanted to kiss her lips again, and she wanted nothing but the same.

"You've brought me to the outskirts of the Small Heath, where there are portable homes and plenty of cow shit to keep a garden alive for years!" Sloan pinched her nose, giving Tommy a silly face as she sat beside him. "I wish you had told me, I wouldn't have worn heels."

The two of them sat under the stars. The soft autumn breeze was welcoming. The women from the homes had prepared a dinner for the young couple. Thomas was adamant on keeping Sloan out of the city. Campbell had harmed Polly just hours ago, and that scared Thomas. He feels conflicted though, with admitting to his family that he fancies the Inspectors daughter. Thomas doesn't quite know what to do.

"I reckon I was conceived here." He whispers, kissing the top of her head.

Sloan laughs, burying her face in his chest. "Well I'm honoured to be here, then. Despite the cow shit."

Thomas flushes. "I want to own this land someday."

"You should." She looks up and smiles at him.

"I've never told anyone that before," Tommy chuckles. He notices the long grass shift in the wind. "I've never really thought about the future like this, before."

"Why?"

"There was nothing really good for me to look forward to until now." He found himself looking at Sloan before admiring. "Until I met you."

Her heart melts, and she lunges at him, covering him in kisses.

Laying together afterward, Sloan had noticed the stars in the sky settle into bright white lights. She smiles helplessly, cuddling into his chest, the smell of him is delicious.

Thomas also gets lost in the night sky, with his lady by his side, what else can he do except take a deep breath and feel like life is complete. That night the two of them made love under the stars. It was slow and soft, yet feverish and passionate.

Sloan had giggled as the Thomas laid on his back struggling to breathe. "What is it?" He asked, oh, he could hear Sloan laugh forever.

"I've never made love outdoors before." She whispers.

"Nor have I." He replies honestly.

The two lay nested together until they fall asleep.

He had been stalling with the boys. Apparently things between "Grace the Barmaid" and Thomas had been progressing. The boys believed it, gullible they are. Polly stuck her nose up as Thomas told the family a lie. But regardless, they agreed, a day after tomorrow, they were to kill Sloan Campbell.

That evening as the two of them laid naked, listening to their soft breaths and the night sky, he had something very important to say. Something that's been occupying his mind since the first time the two of them went on a date.

"Sloan, why aren't your father and you close?"

Certainly she's just as fucked as her father is. It was John who said that as a way to excuse the fact that they were going to kill a woman.

"Well I don't agree with the things my father does, his values, his beliefs, they're...well, they're quite terrible." She reveals, feeling comfortable with talking to Tommy about this. "Aside from the fact that he used to hurt my mum."

He grits his teeth at the thought of young Sloan having to witness any form of abuse within the home.

Thomas cradled her head on his chest, as he tended to do after the two of them made sweet, sweet love. So, John was wrong, she isn't bad like her dad. She's just as loving and good as Thomas knew she was all along.

With that, he goes on to ask her an extremely important question. "Do you reckon you love me, Sloan?"

She stops running her hand over his chest and sits up to look at him. She's red from the sex, or perhaps it's the question he's asked her. "Tommy-"

Thomas sits up and combs through her hair. The loose curls that fall from her bun. "Honestly. Do you?"

"I..." She said, her eyes drift elsewhere. "I do have strong feelings for you but love?"

He swallows, making up his mind rather quickly. "I love you, Sloan. And I'm going to propose somethin' and I want you to listen to me."

Her eyes widen.

"Come away with me. Let's go somewhere only we know, somewhere quiet and freeing and-"

She puts a finger on his mouth. "What are you talking about? Running away?"

He grabs her wrist and Tommy leans in to run a hand over his jaw. He gets lost in her sincere eyes. "I don't much about the world, Sloan. Hell, I feel as though I barely know meself sometimes. But a life with you, I do want. I-I need it, to be honest." He set his lips firmly, his time his thumb runs over her bottom lip. "I'm certain about you."

"We can't run away together."

"Why not? I've got enough money to travel the world-" Please, please, please allow me this!

"I want to stay here." She whispered, watching the colour in Tommy's eyes shift from a soft blue to a the bright sea blue. Her fingers caress his cheek just as he was doing to her. "With you, n-not run."

His shoulders dropped. But he had hope, one last sliver of hope. Thomas noticed the crease in between her forehead and gently kissed it. "Meet me here tomorrow evening. Think about it, Sloan. I'll have my bags packed, and I hope you will too."

She nods, agreeing that she'll consider the idea of running away with Tommy.

Unfortunately, that night, when Tommy dropped her off at the hotel, he didn't receive a goodnight kiss.

Sloan didn't sleep. She paced around with nothing but an occupied mind. The truth was, she was beginning to fall deeply in love with Tommy. But to run away? It was something she didn't want.

It led to so many questions, like why did he want to run away? Why was he so adamant? Sloan felt her heart sink to her stomach as her heart rate lowered, she fell asleep with nothing but an aching heart.

The following morning, Tommy stood before his family. Today was the day Sloan Campbell was to be murdered. Polly still hadn't a clue of their plans so she was not invited to the final meeting. The entirety of that meeting, Tommy was quiet. He had his bags packed at home. He had sent a letter addressed to her to the Midland Hotel, a love letter if you will. One that contains solid information that will hopefully push Sloan into leaving with him. 

"Why is he being so quiet?" John had grumbled to Arthur who shrugged.

"I 'ave no fuckin' clue." He whispered back before the doors to the Garrison opened, revealing a shaken Polly. Her eyes are hungry for blood, her eyes set on Tommy.

"Been doin' your job have you?" She asks, hasty and panicked.

"What?"

"Spying on Campbell's child, Tommy, hows that been?!" She’s got her hands on her hips.

Fuck. He's been caught. Before he can confess, or lie, he cheek is met with Polly's hand. She slaps her nephew hard, like when she had caught him stealing from the baker down the street.

"Have you no disregard for this family?! You're fucking his daughter!"

Arthur stood from his seat, his eyes meet Thomas’s. "What the fuck is she talking about, Tom?"

“Oh yea, I’ve heard about the love letter you’ve written to her. The delivery man was practically shaking in his boots, Tom! Soon, Campbell himself will know about this!” 

“Listen to me-” Thomas begins, but Arthur lunges forward but John grabs his older brother. 

“Enough, Arthur! Sit down!” 

“I ought to kill the both of youse!” Arthur barks.

"She can't get hurt, Arthur! Oi! Listen to me!" The brother was clearly upset by how nonchalant Arthur was to his statement. Only once the brothers met each other's eyes did Thomas feel comfortable enough to speak again. "She can't get hurt."

"She's our enemy, what the fuck do you mean she can't get hurt?!" Arthur's eyes widen, he can't wrap his head around Thomas's statement. Not even a bloody week ago, the two were plotting her death.

Thomas grabs a fistful of his brothers shirt and pulls him to his chest. "You lay a finger on her and I swear, Arthur..."

"She's Campbell's daughter." He reminds his brother, just in case he tumbled and took a fall for the worse. John tries to break the two up, but there isn’t a soul that can tame Thomas when he’s passionately angry. 

But with the weak way Thomas executes his words, Arthur feels a pang in his heart. He knows that his brothers fell spellbound to the lady.

"Fuckin' hell, Tom..." Arthur takes a step back, swallowing. “You've fallen for her, haven't youse."

"She's happy." Thomas whispers, looking down as he chucked his cigarette on the cold street. "With me, I mean, she's happy."

“Fucking hell!” Arthur slams his hand against the table. “Out of all the girls in the land, you pick her!” Of course Arthur was thrilled for his brother, after all, he hadn’t been with a woman since before the war. But Sloan was too risky.

Polly speaks, "Tommy, you cannot love a woman like that, she, her father is an inspector for the government."

"But I am."

"You are what?" She's afraid to even ask.

"In love with her." He whispered.

“What do you want to do then?” Arthur finally asked after calming down. “Marry her and run off?” 

He felt his breath shake, “I honestly don’t know.” 

And yet, he found himself in Johnny's Yard at dawn. Thomas stilled as she stood on the grounds. He had wished, prayed and pleaded that she would accept his letter and pack her belongings. He saw her frame at the top of the hill, she stood beside the tree the two had laid in the past two evenings. Sloan’s heart was breaking as she stood by herself. No bags packed, all she had was the letter he had sent her at her side. She had met him here, this was the second time, and like the first, Sloan was quite anxious of what was to come.

Thomas didn’t allow the time or heart to say anything, so, instead, he cocked his gun back and swallowed. With her back to him, be began. "In the bleak midwinter."

She was shaking, and it pained Thomas to see her this way. She dropped the letter, the wind consumed it. Thomas looked up and watched as the love letter soared into the air.

"Thomas," She whispered. Sloan felt her heart in her throat, choking her. She clenched her fists. "Please why are you-"

"Shut up!" He snapped, it tore him apart. "Shut up."

Tears roll down Sloan's cheeks, all she can do is muster the strength to turn around. Her eyes met Thomas's, and when she saw the barrel of the gun, Sloan did feel like dying. Her heart was broken, the man she had fallen so rapidly in love with was going to kill her. This was a devastating love story. A tragedy she had read about in Julius book, Creid Erton.

"You didn't mean any of it then?" Sloan's voice is shaky as she speaks so timidly. "The love, the vow to protect me."

“I told you we should leave together. You should have listened.” His eyes glazed over. “You should have listened!” He shouts, and his fingers rim the trigger. 

There is a pop, and a bullet sores between the two. Tommy grabs Sloan and forces her to the ground, she gasps, looking up at Thomas who shields her, “Stay down.” He tells her. 

“Sloan!” Campbell’s voice comes from the bottom of the hill. “Shelby, you bastard, give me my daughter!” 

Sloan panics. “Let me talk to him” She tells Thomas, “He won’t hurt me if I tell him I’m safe-” 

“No!” 

“You pointed a gun at me, he thinks you’ll kill me.” 

Fuck, she’s right. “Be careful, please.” Thomas allows for her to stand, she slowly makes her way towards her father. 

“Dad, I’m alright.” She has her hands up. 

“What the bloody hell, Sloan?! What are you doing with Tommy? Do you know who this man is?!” Campbell lowers his weapon. 

“I love him, dad.” She starts.

“Love!?” He laughs, and raises his gun. “Yer just as stupid as yer mother.”

Thomas gasps and Sloan lets out a cry before a stray bullet punctures her shoulder, she falls back and sees the beautiful sky. Thomas is on his feet and shooting at Campbell who dies from a gunshot to the head. 

He races down the hill and grabs Sloan who is losing more blood every second. Thomas put pressure on it, and she screams in pain. He repeats that he loves her, and he’s sorry. Her world goes dark and the next time Sloan wakes up, she’s in a hospital in Belfast. 

And Tommy Shelby is nothing but a memory.

[theskyexists]

ive bought harrow the ninth and am now attempting to reread act 1 so that i may understand it better

ianthe clearly proposes that Harrow not get herself killed trying to bring Gideon back - reading it over again. instead to take the future and somehow?? be really powerful together and forget about their cavaliers. but harrow says no

im once again struck with how offhand this book introduces the concept that the empire goes out to deliberately kill planets over a couple of generations

now im not sure....there also seems to be an implication that there’s no aliens - because they say only humanity has a soul - but client planets were said to rebel - i guess the human colonisers rebel against central solar system command sometimes? but then what enemy does the Cohort fight? possibly it’s just bigotry that they think aliens dont have a soul

but like - they find LIVING PLANETS and then - kill them slowly. to the extent that they need to move the entire population. WHAT? why do they do that??? just so they can do some bone tricks???!

what the fuk

so how did the planets get murdered again? and which solar system planets could really have been said to have had enough life to have a soul?? cos like, only one of them is really known for that

why did God give Harrow the choice to go back home TWICE if he was never going to let her?

once again, why mess with the Hand candidates if God was always gonna come for Cytherea? just to mess with him more?

yeah - harrow keeps hearing and saying ortus ninegad but the rest of the world remembers gideon.

Harrow truly is totally mentally shattered AND time is totally fucked up

but sometimes in the fake-ish timeline Harrow remembers but doesn’t remember Gideon - like how she notes that there were two womb-bearing members of the Ninth who were the right age...but only elaborates on herself

for some reason - Harrowhark remembers Ianthe’s arm ripped from her by Cytherea - but now it’s whole. for some reason

that letter is still so what the fuck

‘like you did the last time’ - hm harrowhark sewed Ianthe’s lips shut? how did she come by the power?

is ianthe - calling Harrowhark God?

throughout the first act, they keep referring to time, having too much time, or not mastering time, or not having enough time, ‘this time’ etc.

the eggs you gave me all died - that’s DIRECTED at Harrow, is my theory

ok but the planet revenants come after Lyctors and also God (- God became God when? at the Resurrection) before the Lyctors happened - God was still at Canaan House - despite the Revenants already coming right...

is Teacher criticising god and lyctors for leaving Canaan House lol?

ok so yeah Canaan House WAS part of a ‘last sacrifice’

ok so - Harrowhark is a little resurrection miracle. This implies that God killed a lot to resurrect the Houses.

wow God is being a very dad to Harrow

Blood of Eden - BOE - they turned their back on the solar system. now they hate necromancy. in other words - when the solar system died, God resurrected it - but before that point some humans had fled - lived. and they can see what absolute fuckin horror necromancy is ACTUALLY

so what im getting is...maybe...god resurrected humanity by killing the planets...?

i just realised that Ianthe has taken Gideon’s place as the smartass in the room - the counterweight to Harrow’s portentousness

what the fuck do augustine’s comments to Mercy mean???? why is she unloveable? why would he say that God doesn’t need her? and why is it obscene that Augstine calls God John? What is the dangerous game she’s playing? What was the foul implication??

‘Then that is your downfall’ OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Harrow BURN!!!

what i don’t get is - the Cohort is an army - when they land they die because they’re being killed by an enemy at the front - NOT in pure sacrifice for thanergy. so why does only the death of humans and planets produce thanergy. why is the death of the enemy not good enough? they don’t have fuckin souls?? they MUST be complex life. and doesn’t a planet produce a constant stream of thanergy? but i guess it’s not dying enough - generally its life maintains itself in ecosystems.....unless a fuckin lyctor ‘makes the juice flow’ i guess!

sometime in the next book there IS gonna be a ‘are we the baddies’ meme. muir loves memes and she stuck skulls on absolutely EVERYTHIGN. Like WHY THE FUCK would you colonise planets if you gotta kill them for it? LOL????

huh? augustine just said that they can’t use necromancy when in the river - but mercy mocked harrow for having hypothermia ? implying her fundamental failure was not being able to necro while in the river? Harrow’s inability was what was wrong partly right?? oh no ok it’s how Harrow tried to compensate for her body going lights out while in the river. alright. that was written confusingly

how and why is this a completely different story???

The Sleeper.......is Harrowhark? the suit is too close to what she was wearing killing the asteroid. and the sleeper is lying on ‘something’. oh they just straight up say it lololol

ortus got into trouble 19 years ago...hhmmmmm wasn’t Gideon 19??? huh? which is why Mercy started at Harrow’s peculiar YELLOW eyes that Harrow can’t see herself i think

‘i do things face to face’ ortus says after stabbing harrow. HUH? why go for a stab if decapitating would have done the job? just to give her a small chance to fight back? (face to face?)

why not tell God that ‘his’ attack dog is trying to kill you?

why does Ortus the First want me dead? ‘who?’ ---uh. has she forgotten him completely (time shit) or is she saying the wrong name? mercy wouldnt reply like that then right?

she told him and he’s like - oh well guess you gotta just get through repeated almost-successful attacks on your life. ???? THANKS GOD!!!

‘you, with your unfortunate memory for poetry’ HA! i love how we are reminded that she knew all the fuckin damn books nearly by heart which is insane!

Teacher suggests his dying at least three times a day?? hahaha what?.........................is this purely a meme reference. is that meme the mental image im supposed to have of Teacher??????????? is this trying to say that this meme was preserved in the amalgamation of human life that is Teacher?? oh my god....

no.....palamedus and camilla....did old Harrow really kill them.....

seems like all the murders were consensual maybe?

it’s probably too straightforward that Harrow created and alternate timeline and made for a Harrow Lyctor without Gideon dying and kicked her to the original? maybe she took Ianthe and Coronabeth with her bc she needed Ianthe’s help

is this Cytherea or Dulcinea? Pro seems real this time. why does Dulcie call Pal and Cam strands and cords?

did muir put in a fuckin secondary school S - muir’s just like - im gonna put in all the memes as a nod to ancient human culture

still no idea what the messages are that Harrow is getting

This Harrow is so goddamn sick. I mean she was sick before, but at least she had Gideon. Really do feel that that helped her. now she didn’t have that -- AND she’s getting slapped with trauma another five times

if ortus can undo the thanergy of her own bone then why not simply crumble HARROW into dust? cos there’s a core of thanergy fusion in her that he can’t undo?

FLKJDFKLJSDLFSD fucking IANTHE ‘Wow! Not how I imagined this happening, at all.’  FUCKIN HELL

Harrow with her fucking fucked up dramatic inner monologues about weakness and Ianthe comes in with this shit. she really is doing Gideon proud here.

Did love Harrow’s musings about how only a truly idiotically obedient Cavalier would be the only one to keep to a vow of silence. HAH! nice one muir

‘have you taken the time to rest lately?’ asks God, YOUR FUCKING SAINT IS TRYING TO KILL HER IN THE FUCKING BATH YOU IDIOT AHAHAHAHA

JEZUS FUCKING CHRIST - try and be normal Harrow! try and make some soup and read a book! Harrow: *does and then hyperventilates hidden under her bed after 86 hours of zero sleep*

she was trying to remember what cutlery did. why is this so goddamn funny hahahaa. this book has ONLY been Harrow being in extreme states of misery ALL THE TIME both mentally and physically to the point of death

GOD IS HAPPY THAT SHE MADE SOUP AND DOESNT EVEN FUCKIN NOTICE SHE’S NOT SLEPT FOR A WEEK SOMEHOW THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT

thats what you fucking GET you piece of shit god! you push a prodigy teen to the brink and she fuckin explodes your lyctor and feeds you her fuckin marrow. maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her goddamn fucking understandable distress

SHE FUCKIN HITS HIM WITH THE FUCKIN TRUTH what an IDIOT of a God. he truly doesn’t understand mortality anymore huh

I LOVE HOW MERCYMORN CONTINUES TO MAKE HARROW YOUNGER IN HER HEAD AHAHAHAHAHAHA she’s only nine years old!!!hahahaha

naturally God focuses on how - wait- actually harrow is truly an INSANE necromancer - INSANE

still no idea what the fuck is going on in the not-past

aww. ianthe’s scent soothes harrow now. begrudgingly of course.

i thought this was gonna be lovely angsty harrow/gideon but naturally that did not happen

harrow is comfortable! first time in the whole book! one moment of comfort!!!

‘love my twin, also murder’ tridentarius pffjlfjdljf

‘how i crave your honeyed words’ hah

wow this scene sure is weirdly sexual with these similes lol ‘as though she had shyly undressed for you’ ok there Harrow you about to chop her arm off calm it probably sex repulsed thirsty teen

i do love how....there is this theme again that’s everybody underestimating the main character - who is actually a prodigy. Gideon had that with the sword and Harrow also has it with being a Lyctor now

it’s so telling that these Saints would rather be shits to these babies than help Ianthe grow a new fuckin arm

i dont see why Ianthe can’t work off this bone construct which is her own stuff and put some flesh on it since SHES A FLESH NECRO?

Ianthe that’s super gay

wow muir really never delivers on full gay does she??? i dont mind but i think it’s so striking hahaa

how are Harrow and Ianthe still hung up on the Saint of Duty? i mean, if they dont have him against the RB they’re dead anyway

why is the First going through rain and ice?

Harrow haunted? naawwww

i cant help but like mercymorn though - she cares. it’s soured ages ago but she cares.

awww Harrow needs Ianthe to sleep

Ianthe constantly poking Harrow for her prudishness is so goddamn funny.

‘It’s the type of energy i wish to take into my future’ AHAHAHAHAHAAH IANTHE MY GOD

‘i always forget you were an honest to go nun ... and six years old to boot if you listen to mercymorn’ HAHAHAHAHAHA

‘you look good enough that im proud of my handiwork but not so good that i’ll be consumed with lust and ravish you over the nut bowl’ fpdfjsdfkjsd this is what harrow means with crude japery and yet....

mercymorn has started to call harrow three years old. i will NEVER tire of this gag

all of the blood of eden stuff happened in the past 25 years??? god was on the erebos, but he also remembers ortus kicking the commander out of an airlock? that was in the last 25 years??

Ianthe‘s carressing the nape of Harrow’s neck. hmmhm

its honestly super weird if you think about it for more than 10 seconds that theyre talking about their cavaliers whom they murdered (im still not sure if all consensually) ten thousand years ago (!) and how hot they were that just seems.....fucked up

Harrow is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all the time but especially now. yep well that was to be expected i guess lololol

Harrow being painfully frozenly fascinated by (god having) sex and deeply repulsed is very Harrow

oh nooooo well that was a perfect kiss between them really

the funny thing about Harrow is that though she is so completely fucked up - just like Gideon - she is fundamentally a helper.

why wouldn’t Harrow have thought of blood wards! she knew he could only bleed thanergy! it;s the first thing i thought - just use not bone wards then!

ortus thinks anastasia is in Harrow - which makes me think - why does he think that’s possible?

mercymorn now calls Harrow a two-year-old. i am waiting for embryonic genius

so did they use the river to get to the planets theyre killing?

Harrow feels the peace and pleasure of a stroll through nature that she has come to kill

oh my god - Harrow somehow saved Cam and Pal is still attached to the mortal plane!!

Harrow helps Cam risking herself entirely just like that. yknow as she does

i wonder if Pal has realised that Harrow is not who he remembers

i think he realised once he realised haz mat suit was Harrow also...

ianthe xo’d harrow.....lol

im sad that original harrow is definitely dead.... :( loved her. guess gideon’s not coming back either. not sure how the second adept survived. she didn’t survive in the original timeline either. but she was ‘killed’ in the other - just like coronabeth..so that means soemthing

this whole ‘flashback’ stuff to Canaan House is Harrow being in the River the whole time. the cold temperatures, the blood, the creatures theyre fishing from the sea that apparently abominations

after all, we’ve just learned about river bubbles and a haz!harrow that can change their parameters.

all the people ‘dead’ she’d not spoken to much or at all beforehand. like they’re NOT real, in the River. the only one not like that is Dyas...

the fact that the narrative keeps calling Dulcie, Dulcie means she’s really Dulcie.

there’s giant organs falling from the ceiling. this is definitely the river

they talk about time AGAIN

the Body is the devil who let herself be used to complete the work of Teacher and the Lyctors in his mythology....hmm. and when they realised the price (AFTER? the work was done?) they wanted her dead but he buried her....SHE allowed them to become Lyctors?? I still don’t understand why the heck that was necessary

the king is dead, long live the king. hmmmm

Harrow comes onto a hallucination of the devil who was her first crush with the voice of her parental figures and the eyes of a love interest she can no longer remember - which is actually not precisely a hallucination probably - and gets summarily rejected lol OUCH (the Body didn’t mean it that way ofc)

Harrow is so repressed on every single front but definitely sexually

I love Mercy

so there is death beyond death. does everybody go into the river and become a mad horrid ghost? like - is that everybody’s fate? how awful

ok so God DID resurrect the planets also. ? but like. then why are there resurrection beasts?

what does resurrection mean? and who killed the planets in the first place?

BECOMING NONE HOUSE, LEFT GRIEF

oh.....my god.

ARE YOU AND IANTHE BEING SAFE!!?!?!?! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

HIS BODYGUARD IS THE DEVIL??

so the destruction of Earth somehow made God? as though it was something that simply followed from it

A.L. was destroyed in the first assault? Of an RB

so the RB’s were happily running off in the other direction until they decided to fuck around and kill their mates to become immortal and powerful - then the RB’s turned around and came towards them - which meant leaving the planets God had resurrected forever.

what the fuck god??? hahahahaa

God always seems so likeable goddamn.

Harrow is such a dramatic bitch. Affection??? JUST KILL ME!!! KILL ME!! LET ME SMASH THE GLASS SO I CAN KNEEL IN IT AND BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!!

Harrow goes into her fun kid's game of not dying to traps.

But she instantly calls him father. OH MY GOD

HE DOESNT BELIEVE HER!!!

'then that will be your downfall' - is what Harrow said to Augustine AND IT WILL BECOME TRUE FOR THEM ALL

to be dismissed like that where it hurts most - to have God Dad dismiss her only slip of comfort her only pillar of truth in this crazy old world

'nobody had watched you leave'

SOMEBODY HAD - I love all the deliberate references to Gideon

Temporal lobe!!!! Again the temporal lobe!!!

So why was it again that Harrow refused to be locked in with the Emperor?

So isn't God gonna check out Harrow's temporal lobe? He's just gonna let that mystery go to its death?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK

Muir what the fuck??!!!!!!!!

Oh it was.....a hallucination?

Always love how this dips into genuine horror sometimes

What's weird is that Lyctors seem made for the task of going into the river and killing Resurrection Beasts - instead of the other way around.

So say - that the sword somehow holds Gideon's soul (we've just learned that that's possible from Pal and also Ortus trying to get Pent to summon his grandma by his sword) - does it not make sense that Harrow 'for some reason' stabbing Cytherea's corpse with it transferred it to her? Or maybe it's SOMEHOW Anastasia if Ortus was macking on her. But Ortus thought HARROW had/was Anastasia.

IANTHE WANTS TO MARRY HARROW - HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Every fucking chapter doesn't make things any clearer. This is worse than Gideon the ninth

Hello???? Am I reading a canon alternate universe roleswap au??? What the FUCK is going on. This is like - if they hadn't gassed the 200 and her parents instead adopted Gideon for her clear necromantic gifts which nobody noticed somehow the other time round

I do love how Aiglamene was the sole source of slight comfort in Gideon's life. And Crux was Harrow's - apparently in any sequence of events.

Harrow is tumbling through timelines. But how can you do that just by messing with the lobe?

WHAT!! WHAT!!!

Is this...is this what I think it is??? Is thi

The fanfic roots are STRONG in this one. In fact I believe I've READ this fanfiction

Harrow's temporal fever dream (in the river?) HAD HER (Decidedly Not) VYING FOR 'HER DIVINE HIGHNESS' hand, which is either the Body or Gideon or both lololol. Seeing as the previous had Gideon as the main unnamed titled character - I bet it's Gideon ahahaaga

A fucking. COFFEESHOP AU. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

We've had roleswap, 'ball' au, and coffee shop au populated by the ghosts of the dead LOLOL,

I knew it!! I knew that they were ghosts and that they were in the river!!

Ok so but when did Harrow shoddily create the bubble? When she adjusted her memories at the start? When is this. Ah Harrow has the same thought hahaa

So the stage is a - she was building her memories while sleeping?

Why is that she cannot access her lyctorhood like this...

I just realised that Harrow's mind made the party food taste like SALT based on Ianthe's cooking!!!! Hahahaha

THE NARRATOR IS GIDEON. But it doesn't sound like Gideon though

There's more to the work than simply preserving Gideon's soul though. There are next steps that Harrow prepared for that Harrow doesn't know about yet

Who was the sleeper and why was it in Harrows riverscape of memories that she ACCIDENTALLY??? made

Ok she sounds like Gideon NOW

Gideon no it's not because she didn't want you! It's because she wanted you to live!!!!!

And she succeeded....your soul is INTACT in her body!!!! You're protecting her with full consciousness!! How the fuck. And why didn't that happen before when she went to the bubble?

Are the ghosts of the contestants happy that they got pulled out of the River briefly? Or were they so briefly in there they couldn't remember?

She returned them to the RIVER???? is that really such a kind fate????

Something has gone wrong in the River - yeah because why r all these ghosts going insane and stoppering it up like slib

Do love how Muir has found a way to give these characters more screentime

I actually said 'oof' when Harrow screamed at Ortus - oof that really is embarrassing. GodDAMN Ortus you stepping up with the emotional support!

I've EVEN read the damn fanfic in which they switched bodies. My god.

A. L. apparently is thought to wander about still. I think she's the body....I do believe she's the body. That's why the Lyctors are scared of her

She thought - what. Mercy is talking about blood of Eden's commander. What is going onnnnn still!!!! Mercy is the traitor I guess. But how is blood of Eden connected to the ninth house and the body?

Why is Mercy awake on the mithraeum and not in the River anyways?

Gideon.... And the commander were in cahoots? So did A. L. and Anastasia an the body and the commander all have the same eyes?????

What the fuck is going on indeed.

Cytherea seems to have had a plan B for getting revenge on the Emperor. Or something had a plan B with her corpse as the main weapon.

If guns are so effective against people why aren't they still used.

The messages are from the commander. I.e. Gideon's mother. I.e. Anastasia? We never explicitly did learn how she met her end no? Gideon was convinced that Anastasia had taken the baby. It just seems incongruous how the Emperor spent like 80 years on the Erebos and the Lyctors were faffing about - meanwhile there was this drama going on in the last half century?

I love Abigail Pent. Love that I got to see more of her.

I'd honestly forgot that Judith was alive by the end of all of that shit

The sleeper is -the sleeper is Gideon's mother. Also. She's haunted by her mother. SOMEHOW. what the fuck? They couldn't drag her spirit back from the river they said!

'you wizards never learn' there's a whole modern regular sci fi world and culture out there! Or maybe it's just a. L.

Is it? Or is it Anastasia? Or is it the commander? Or are they the same thing?

The sleeper wants Harrow's body. Somehow invaded it - probably from the river? - which means its Anastasia or the commander. Which means that whatevers possessing Cytherea is someone else.

In retrospect - Harrow's coldness to Ianthe talking about - to what her - seemed nonsense at the time - in the very first part - doesn't quite fit.

Oh my fucking GOD Gideon is fighting Ianthe for messing around with her fucking girlfriend - who is HARROW, who actually, Ianthe wants to marry.

They just went from ramping up to a serious fight to Gideon dropping Corona's name and suddenly they're like - ah we got more important priorities actually.

Augustine's first thought at thinking a.l./the body (?) is in Harrow is John - and the Second is Joy!(mercy?)

'How I was gonna have to take showers with all your clothes on.' fuckin Gideon hahahaha

Wonder if Ianthe truly believes what she's saying - that Harrow was trying to rid hersel of Gideon. It's preposterous. It's just hurtful talk.

GIDEON REALLY THOUGHT THAT LOOK TO MEAN THAT HARROW DIDNT LOVE HER??? THIS IS A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ALL THE ANGSTY DRAMATIC SHIT IVE BEEN YEARNING FOR

Oh my fucking god Gideon calling Ianthe out for being in love with Harrow in the most iconic way ufsojdjdodnd 'she wants the D - the D stands for dead'

Crazy brain-mutilated Harrow sure made it seem that way I can tell ya that!!

Hahahahahaha Ianthe remembering Harrows prudish Ortus/Cytherea shit. Amazing

Aw Gideon really went and fell right into the cavalier/bone mistress shit huh. And trying to shield Harrow - well as noted before - very necessary because harrow has been having a godawful miserable time - mostly because of herself.

Gideon appreciating Ianthe's pun xD

Love how neither of them position themselves as the love of Harrows life but instead as inexorably attached to her by the sheer role they play in her life - they don't dare aspire to what they think they can't get.

Muir realises this is gonna end up as a Gideon/Harrow(/theBody)/Ianthe ship right?

Oh WOW THIS IS AMAZING. nonius the legendary nonius!!! Come to protect Harrow!!!

For some reason the Sleeper can manipulate the rules of this River bubble and doesn't seem surprised about it

If all her cavaliers were this excited for death, she was definitely the problem.lololol. somehow Harrow, you inspired undying loyalty in even a person that you treated abominably

Yeah Harrow you slowpoke. If the Sleeper can adjust the rules - so can you

If the sleeper was not Harrow's invention - but planted itself - then they're very lucky it got to the ghosts that weren't actually there - first.

So it was the commander....a portrait in a shuttle of blood of eden - can only be the commander. And redhaired? There are too many red haired people in this book!!

It's nice how all these ghosts got to have lasting impact from beyond the grave

NONIUS KNEW ORTUS/GIDEON?

Ok so ....there's the bed of the River with stoma. But there might also be the other side.

Did Harrow really not account for steps beyond her plan to mutilate her brain?

Is this book really gonna go: fuck you Gideon will die anyway ?????

But.wait. the sleeper had a two-hander. Where did that go???

I don't get it. If they go into the river - won't they also go insane?

SO NYAH!!!!!???

Ok but - what? The Commander ALSO -somehow - took over Cytherea's body?

'did the ten billion give you that too' I KNEW CANAAN HOUSE HELD EVEN GRUESOMER EXPERIMENTS AND SACRIFICES THAN LYCTORHOOD. God is made of ten billion souls. I think they killed humanity on earth to spare it 'slow inexorable apocalypse' and used the power to make the Empire from the resurrected. There was an extremely vague implication by Teacher to the amount of souls violated in Canaan house in the first book.

So God knows the commander went for the ninth house? Firstly, how. I don't understand how Anastasia fits in here!!! It would explain though how the commander

So the commander found the ninth house - and she died right? They tried to call her spirit but couldn't. But she became a revenant?

Ah. God THREW the bomb.

A fuckin wake me up inside joke jskdjskdnd

So Mercy and Augustine ( not Gideon ?) had all turned against God? And they were working with the commander to -... Make a baby????? And then evacuate the houses???? (For when God dies - there being a risk that Dominicus would go out I guess)

Make a baby/body to lever the one who lies in the tomb into....?

Love how the book foreshadowed Mercy and Augustine manipulating and lying to God - and turns out they did that on much bigger scale

They....meant to kill the baby to break the blood ward?

'The woman who I was pretty sure was my mother, wearing the body of the woman I'd had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she'd murdered -' KSNFKDJDKFJJFC

So why did they want this consistently characterised as kindly and humane god dead?

GIDEON THOUGHT IT WAS HIS!!!! But he called Wake Anastasia then????

They really are the same???

Oh my god I know what they're gonna say. Gideon is the daughter of God. WHICH HARROWS FUCKIN ROYALTY AU FEVER RIVER DREAM FUCKING FORESHADOWED HAAHAHAHAHHAA

Isn't it fucking ironic that God told Harrow that - HE WANTED HER TO BE HIS??? WHILE GIDEON HIS ACTUAL DAUGHTER WAS SPINNING INSIDE HER CHEST LIKE A LITTLE NUCLEAR FUSION REACTOR

They've been trying to kill him for more than 500 years???? Did mercymorn actually genuinely learn the extremely fine knowledge of the body for THIS purpose? How many thousands of years ago did they decide to kill god?

A fucking DAD JOKE

GIDEON REMEMBERING HOW SHE USED TO TELL HARROW HOW HER OTHER PARENT MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD SO STOP PICKING ON HER

I am fucking DELIGHTED I AM SO GODDAMN OVERJOYED

It segues into a reminder of how shit their childhoods were and how their suffering had them lash out at each other endlessly and how it made Harrow suicidal and shit though - which is great

ALECTO'S EYES. THE A. FOR A. L.

A. L. The cavalier of God....but she walked. She had a body.

Ohhhhh. That's why they betrayed him. That age-old hurt. Ten thousand years old but still the bane of their existence, the seed of their madnesses. The loss of their cavaliers. Oh how did they manage to keep that from him?

I honestly thought - is Mercy saying she knows he killed humanity? But that's not what she couldn't have forgiven?

But why did he hide it? Why did he hide the perfect way? ('it would be easier' why???)

Ah. Yes. The expansion, why would the Emperor do that?

Uhhhhh. Couldn't Mercy have done that all along??????????????????????? Couldn't Mercy have killed God all along? That was both a trick and utterly sincere.

Augustine and Mercy were trying to do the right thing..... Mercy.... :'( Augustine was right. God is much less sentimental than he seems.

'im not even mad that you failed to either fix or put down Harrow' hm guess the constant kill quest HAD come from God after all. What a goddamn bitch of a man

What was the original plan? Unleash a. L. ? And then what? How would that help with the whole Dominicus going out problem?

Had God ever really thought to make up for all the bullshit he put his Lyctors through. He seems so affable and human but he's caused so much suffering. He's as good at manipulation at them - better!

The resurrection beast can't kill him, but he let his Lyctors die to them one by one anyway. So why??

Why are they punching each other in the River? They can use theorems right? God could blast Augustine to pieces same he did mercy?

Yes! It's true! Pyrrha and Gideon both exist in the same body - foreshadowed by his cavaliers build. There was something so fishy about it.

I love how Gideon has exactly the same response as me: what the fuck. Pyrrha??? Gideon??? What the fuck??? Why did they BOTH have an affair with their enemy??? So ok. Pyrrha stayed underground from Everybody for the thousand years. SOMEHOW their compartmentalisation let her pop up in his body regularly and not just when Gideon remembered her - because the hadn't fucked up his brain. But then how did THEY do that.

This absolutely galactic balsiness

The stoma thinks John is a resurrection beast. Might it be.....because he's..... A revenant. A 10 billion souled kinda- revenant ? A bit like.....Harrow is? Which is why he felt kin to her? Which is why he compared her creation to Resurrection?????I've really gotta reread those messages from commander wake.

A fucking jail for mother meme. Jail for one thousand years. Gideon how do you know this one????

I KNEW Ianthe would do that. Knew it. She doesn't want the system to die. Coronabeth is still out there. Well guess what - she's on the opposite side babe. Ok I realised that Gideon's mum apparently stuck to Gideon and then the sword? But also did Harrow manage to break the blood ward because of of her proximity to Gideon? Did Harrow uhhhh get put into a pocket in the river? But the emperor wasn't murdered!!! Fuckin chapters kept lying. They're on a hold planet. Finally - we meet the people. Alecto and Camilla and Corona? And Judith.? Did Alecto somehow do a time twisty around to come save Gideon at that moment in the river? Once again nothing much more is clear.

[silversprit]

me reacting to danganronpa shit with no context

includes all 3 main games! ask for context if u want heeheh

FUCK YALL ITS CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRO ITS LITERALLY THERE ITS ALL THERE (referring to leosaya of course)

i also love how everyone else hates him, though him and mukuro junko coudlve been really intriguing

kyoko doesnt even waste time speaking

SAYAKA DO IT. FRIENDZONE THAT NAEGI

DIUKGJHSDN DKUCFH CNXUDGFJKHN AXGUF NAEGIRI CANON CELESTE/MAKTOTO CANON????? WHY DOES EVERYONE LOVE MAKOTO at least sayaka friendzoned him

MONDO WHAT THE HELL ok its confirmed hes gay AHHAHA LEON JEALOUS OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP AHAHAHAHAHAH

HOYL SHIT NOOO LEON AND SAYAKA NEVER SAW GENOCIDER :( NEITHER DID MUKURO NO!!!

SAYAKA DO NOT BE THAT ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT TOGAMI HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR BREATH

CELESGAMI CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT WO- maybe not maybe im reading too deep “he and i are of a kind” WINK WONK

KYOKO JUST LAUGHS WHAT IS THE CONTEXT

toko pleeeease stop obsessing ove rhim hes so bad

ishimondo canon i think that ones actually canon someone on the dr crew said it i think

SAYAKA WTF “he’s great” SAYAKA/ISHIMARU?

fuck you byakuya “don’t breathe until i tell you to” shut the fuck up

-

i would say band-aid confirmed but honestly? it already was MONOKUMA HUH WHAT

hm comparing gundam to komaeda… is that a good comparison? idk much about sdr2 i cant say for sure SONDAM CONFIRMED again it probably already was

sodddaaaa dont beat him up

HAHAH THE GIRLS DISSING TERUTERU IS SO FUNNY akane just here for the food

i love you twogami you are so good HAJIME NOT KNOWING WHAT YAOI IS JUST… MMM FEELS RIGHT

OOH CHIAKI SORTA DISSING HAJIME OUCH

AKANE!! WHAT THE HELL THATS SO FORWARD I GUESS THAT THING FROM THAT ONE SCENE WAS MORE THAN JUST

TERUTERU GAY FOR HAJIME CONFIRMED also kazuichi/hajime but thats more believable… wait “come and be my worthy partner” TWOGAMI/HAJIME EVERYONE IS SO HORNY FOR THE PROTAGS

“she’s in the wild ‘n wet world of yuri now!” IBUKI WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ARE YOU DATING HER WAHAT i mean i do think it could be cute also hajime’s was surprisingly calmer than i thought it would be

WOAH HIYOKO WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU JUST SAY KOMAEDA WAS INTO LOLICON WHAT honestly im glad no one trusts komaeda (this will get me murdered)

SONIA KNOWS KUZUPEKO CANON EHLL YEAH ibuki was friends with him? i dont remember that

everyone is being angry at ibuki gonna kms /j /j /j shes just playin her death metal HIYOKO NOOO WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKES IT

F-FUYUHIKO BLUSHING AT CHIAKI??? NO. I CANNOT ACDEPT THIS ibuki is so gay i love her she is best girl for a reason

i dont trust most of the people’s reactions to her thats weird

akane just confess to nekomaru already damn you dont gotta keep innuendoing ooookay is teruteru bi cause hoyl shit these reactions make me think so thats actually p cool

ibuki keeps referencing that one scene in chapter 2 and i love that

hajime says “stop talking about your panties”…. bro shes- you know what nvm he can figure it out on his own

KUZUPEKO CANONNNNNNNNNNNNN

ibuki being gay for peko feeds me i love them together but like kuzupeko but like peko has two hands! gundam just laughing.. imposter sus

glad none of the dudes (except for teruteru rolling eyes emoji) is being horny for hiyoko and monokuma calling her a loli is. technically correct? shes an adult if the dr timeline is right

love that ibuki still goin on about that scene girl… same also love that kazuichi and gundam bonding over loving sonia

ibuki rejecting soda like that… good for her. hajime yes you’re soul friends geeez it snot that hard to understand

-

havent played v3 so my opinions might be stupid (you have been warned)

wow these are surprisingly boring also whats with the talk of ghosts thats weird

miu dont diss tsumugi like that i thought she was cute also yeah okay maki you dont need to be like “im not interested” okay we know u straight baby its ok /hj kaito wanna see her cosplay (lenny face)

HAHAH RIP SHUICHI

STFU KOKICHI HIMIKO IS NOT UGLY UGGGHGH WHY DOES THE FANDOM LOVE YOU YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE

angie finds keebo attractive you say? and tsumugi asks if he knows romance? and shuichi calling him a dryer? fascinating

angie calling gonta a grandma is both cute and kinda odd. why is kirumi calling him mother? my god miu can you not be horny for 5 minutes

ohhh i get it now nvm gonta asked if she was the mom of the group AND KOKICHI ASKING HER TO BE HIS MOM HAHA KOKICHI MOMMY KINK LOLOLOL tsumugi drooling ooh

OHH GONTA CALLED ANGIE THE GRANDMA OF THE GROUP WHILE BLUSHING WHAT angie is honestly so cute shes obsessed with atua and sacrifices but shes cute

kaede asking why korekiyo wears a mask… sadge if only she knew what awaited her in 2020 also maki asking who his sister is is

monokummma

aw kaede called tenko cute. also kiyo just straight up being like “yeah imma kill her” is so brave

shuichis is so boringgigig

-

im crying i cant find the ultra despair girls one

ALSO I HOPE YOU NOTICED THAT THE DR1 ONE IS ONLY LIKE HALF OF THE CHARACTERS BECAUSE I WAS SO HAPPY THAT LEOSAYA HAPPENED THET I JUST HAD TO POST ABOUT IT

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[hmasfatty]

So this is my Good Omens playlist! I wasn’t going to share it, because I was pretty sure that no one other than me would EVER want to listen to it but I showed it to a friend today and she thought it was great so here you are! Every song on it has a detailed justification as to why it’s included and obviously I’m not going to write out all 69 of them (yes that’s how many tracks there are, leave me alone) but here are a random 15 just for fun/to help me procrastinate doing my reading for next week’s classes.

“Two Lost Souls”

We're two lost souls

On the highway of life

And there is no one with who we would ruther

Say, ain't it just great

Ain't it just grand

We've got each other!

(jazziest music break ever)

This song is from the musical “Damn Yankees”. While I’m not sure Crowley and Aziraphale would be big fans of baseball they are almost certainly fans of musical theatre and this song is just so much fun I had to include it!

Liszt: Dante Symphony: “Magnificat”

My soul doth magnify the Lord.

And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

For he hath regarded : the lowliness of his handmaiden.

This is included both for the hell connection of it being the Dante symphony and the fact that the setting of the Magnificat is utterly angelic. If Crowley hadn’t slept through the 19th Century I would have assumed he was something of a muse to Liszt and to Berlioz, who also appears on this playlist.

“Earth Angel”

Earth angel, earth angel

The one I adore

Love you forever and ever more

I'm just a fool

A fool in love with you.

Ok, this one is just about that sweet sweet “angel” lyric. The song also has some personal nostalgia for me as it appears in an absolutely awful old Mark Hamill movie of the same name that I used to watch on repeat when I was about 12.

Verdi: Requiem: “Dies Irae”

Day of wrath and doom impending.

David's word with Sibyl's blending,

Heaven and earth in ashes ending.

All about that apocalypse! I wasn’t sure about including this piece - it’s one of my favourite pieces of music and I was worried I was just including it out of my own desire to be listening to it at all times - but another friend recommended it for the playlist so here it is!

Liszt: “Mephisto Waltz no. 1”

Fiendishly difficult piano piece that almost certainly would have been inspired by Crowley if he wasn’t asleep. Are we sure he was asleep? Are we sure he wasn’t off being a composer’s muse?

“Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy”

Dining at the Ritz, we'll meet at nine precisely

(One two three four five six seven eight nine o' clock)

I will pay the bill, you taste the wine

Driving back in style, in my saloon will do quite nicely

Just take me back to yours that will be fine (come on and get it)

It’s Queen, it’s camp as hell, it might as well be their theme tune. Had to include it.

Pärt: “Speigel im speigel”

The title means “mirror in the mirror” which, just, would be enough in and of itself. But I also love what Arvo Pärt has to say about Tintinnabuli, the style of music which this piece is written in “Tintinnabuli is the mathematically exact connection from one line to another.....tintinnabuli is the rule where the melody and the accompaniment [accompanying voice]...is one. One and one, it is one – it is not two. This is the secret of this technique.” Two halves of one whole - sounds pretty ineffable to me.

“Papa Gavotte”

This is a jazz piano piece by Chilly Gonzales. No, it’s not bebop. Yes, I pretty much included it because it’s got “gavotte” in the title. It’s a nice little tune though, I reckon Aziraphale would like it.

Berlioz: Symphonie Fantastique: “Songe d’une nuit de sabbat”

Another composer I could have sworn was inspired by Crowley. He ran away from Rome in drag to chase after a woman he fancied, for someone’s sake! This is another piece I nearly didn’t include because I’m too partial to it but a friend convinced me otherwise and I’m glad they did. This piece is about witches and demons and at one point the violinists all flip their bows over and start playing with the wood instead of the horsehair! Madness!!!! Crowley may not have inspired this piece but he definitely loves it.

“Holding Out For A Hero”

Somewhere after midnight

In my wildest fantasy

Somewhere just beyond my reach

There's someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat

It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

This is on the list because of an AMAZING fanvid made by Armageddon With It (look it up on YouTube). In it Crowley is the hero that Aziraphale is constantly holding out for. Which, you know, is not wrong.

“If music be the food of love”

If music be the food of love Sing on, sing on, sing on, sing on 'Til I am filled, am filled with joy

This is the first setting by Purcell of text by Shakespeare so, you know, appropriate just for that. But this whole piece is just so perfect for Aziraphale: hedonist extraordinaire. I used to sing this particular setting back in my brief career as an opera singer so it’s got some personal connection for me too.

“I’ll Be Your Mirror”

I find it hard to believe you don't know

The beauty you are

But if you don't let me be your eyes

A hand to your darkness, so you won't be afraid

Eyyyyyyyyy it’s the Velvet Underground! There is some actual bebop on this playlist, but obviously this isn’t it. Some more mirror imagery for you here and I also like the idea of “When you think the night has seen your mind/That inside you're twisted and unkind”. Gets me in my dark twisty places, that’s for sure.

“Cut To The Feeling”

I had a dream, or was it real?

We crossed the line and it was on

We crossed the line, it was on this time

I've been denying how I feel, you've been denying what you want

You want from me, talk to me baby

I want some satisfaction, take me to the stars, just say "oh"

This was a recommendation from a friend and boy were they right. I just wanted to copy paste the whole song. All about that post-apocalypse relief!

“Someone To Watch Over Me”

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see

I hope that he turns out to be

Someone who'll watch over me

Same energy as “Holding Out For A Hero”, different decade. Aziraphale definitely loves Gershwin and definitely knows this song. It gives him feels.

“Fallen Angel”

Gonna ride up from hell

I'm the Fallen Angel

I mean come on! This is the Blue Öyster Cult song and while the lyrics aren’t completely pertinent you can guarantee Crowley loves this song. He’d love listen to it in his car some time.

So I’m going to stop there before this playlist makes me fail a unit but I’m always happy to discuss any other songs on the list (especially Aziraphale’s love of Hildegard of Bingen or Crowley’s distress at missing out on the 19th Century Romantics) and I ALWAYS welcome new suggestions for additions.

[killcomet]

Mutuals!!! here!!! read this!!! i love you!!!

heres an appreciation post to all my mutuals that i consider family!!!!! because i love you lots!!! 

WARNING TO ALL NON MUTUALS, THIS IS LONG AS FUCK

@anpandan Danny boy!!! i love you so much oh my god you are such an amazing person and i have so many good memories with you, bad ones too but even those are nice !! you make me smile and i when you sometimes respond to my updates i send you it makes me smile so softly and its just a really nice feeling? i love you a lot Danny!!!!! happy new year!

@unknowntalesx Pao, we havent talked in a while and i hope youre doing well!! ill always love you even if we dont talk. i miss you and you are such a good part of my day when i do talk to you, even if they arent very often. happy new year and merry christmas Pao!!!!!

@little-star-in-the-universe Holley Jolly, im so so proud of your resilience. youve overcome so much and grown so much as far as i can see when i talk to you. you are such a good thing to me, even though you may not feel the same. i know that you always struggle, and im incredibly impressed at how far youve come, even if youve taken steps back. even when youre feeling shitty, you always listen to me and talk to me when i need it and im thankful for that. i love you, youre my family, i hope i never ever lose you. happy new year!!!

@little-bunny-jungkookie Parent!!! ahhh you are such a role model in my mind?? you always seem to keep a somewhat level head and always are so so supportive and just ugh i want to meet you so bad?? i always love talking to you and you always seem to know how to help even if its just like telling me to go drink water or sleep. i really truly consider you family, like i would consider you someone i would follow? anyway, i love you a lot, happy new year!!!

@sundaetae Dee Cookie, my smart cookie, you amazing person you. i love you a lot, you seem to have this aura around you that just lights up rooms. you are so so creative and im so glad your personality is the way it is. you are such a light in some peoples lives and are such absolute joys to them. you are so so smart and you are a god damn fantastic thing to this world, i love you, happy new year Cookie

@jungkooksbuttons Bub, i love you a lot, even when i do seem a bit agitated. you are such an important piece to my world, and you always are there to support me when i need it. youre my cub, my cutie patootie!! you always make me smile when im a bit down and its p great honestly, and when you always talk to me about cough cough you know who cough cough you always try to just let me talk about her? which is kinda nice, but i love you my cub bub, happy new year!!!

@bloomingjiminie Marshmallow, wow i remember when i gave you that name, you were pouting about not having a nickname and wanted me to make one for you and i thought of marshmallow bc youre sweet and full of fluff and a wholesome being which is what marshmallows are. we dont talk as often as i would like, but i love you a lot and you mean a lot to me, and i just want to hug you tbh, happy new year Dia!!

@seokjinownsmyass Mina!! you amazing person, i remember when i first met you i gave you the nickname my love because you were low key jealous that me and eden were flirting so i called you my love and it just kinda stuck for a while (tho i stopped when Rae showed interest cough cough didnt want to get into that whole thing lmao) but you are such a funny and caring person and we dont talk very often but im glad we do talk in those few cases we do, its nice, but i love you a lot and happy new year!!

@problematicsinnamon baby, where do i even start. you mean a fuck ton to me, even tho i sometimes act kinda shitty. youre so supportive and so so so kind and patient and i just love you so much. you just light up my world and always make me smile and just overall always help me a lot through things. youre so so understanding and i look forward to when i get the chance to talk to you. i remember when you would go crazy the first few times i flirted with you and it made me laugh and made me smile. i remember when i said i like being given nicknames and you called me starlight and the softness i got from it. i remember when the server started shipping us lmao i remember when the first time you said i could come to you whenever i needed it. they all meant a lot to me, because they made me smile. i love you Eden baby, happy new year

@simonbunnyjunior Simon Sweetie, you wholesome being that i love v much and would suffer from the most annoying people for you. you always get me so excited when you come around. its like a bout of excitement and its really nice when im having a bad day to see that youre talk, even when im just simply lurking. theres moments i had with you that really made me laugh and smile, like the “its just platonic” thing that happened a bit back, i love you sweetie, happy new year!!

@lofisapphic Honey Bee i would drop kick someone for you. you mean a lot to me, like really truly a lot. i would never let you die and i would kill you in the after life if you did, and im saying that bc you say you will a lot. i love you to the moon and back and i would 100% support anything you do, unless its killing millions of people, thats a big no no. bUt you have y love so that should sate you for a bit lmao but seriously tho, i love you a lot and happy new year

@bangtansoftboys Robin!!! my honey bun!! we dont talk often but you are a v wholesome person. just your entire personality is so soft and fluff and overall p great. when i first came on the server, and first talked to you, i kinda thought of you as this intimidating person that was impossible to talk to, and honestly thats hard to believe now. youre way too soft to even try to intimidate me, not that you cant try. anyway, i love you a lot and hope you have a great new year!!

@kingdomzeldaquest Lotte!! my other parent!!! i love you a lot, even though we dont talk too often bc of time zones. you along with some others have been my family the longest, and i love you a lot. i remember when i first met you and i thought it was honestly wild when you said you were from australia. you always have loved me so much and always cheer me up when im feeling shitty, overall im v thankful for you lotte, i love you, happy new year

@spriteisbetter Esther !!! you wholesome wholesome human being, where do i start. you are such a soft yet firm soul hon, and i love it. youre understanding yet know when clear about what you say. you always try to make me feel better about how im feeling when i talk to you all about that stuff. youre such a comforting person and always seem to calm me. i miss you a lot and i think always will. you made my day good when you were at school and always check up on me when you can to make sure im doing ok and better, and i appreciate it a lot, more then you know. i love you hon, happy new year!!!!

@generalchenchen Rachel, bby!!! you always are such a happy soul, a loud, but happy, soul. its really nice when you dont make me talk about anything and just,, talk. its nice when you ask about my day and i tell you then you babble on about whatevers on your mind. i find it v cute and endearing when you get super excited about something and just ramble on and on about said thing. i remember when you had me come over for a sleepover to cheer me up. im so so grateful that you trust me enough to talk to me about things on your mind and that you trust me enough that you want to tell me when you leave the country. i love you, would die for you, happy new year bby

@daydream-hobii Sweets!! ive always admired your writing and i just love it a lot. youre so sweet and just really make me happy when i read your stuff and when i see that youve answered my asks! youre a really nice and v understanding when im a little down or when im not taking care of myself. you overall are just a v caring person that im grateful to know, i love you! happy new year! (´ヮ`)

@puppieseokie Fay, i know we dont talk often and were not as close and i am as everyone else, but you still mean a lot, you always have a somewhat level head and you always seem to be so calm and i kinda admire that considering the server were in together lmao but i really do appreciate youre existence, love you, happy new year!!!

@shadowclaws Sophia!!!!! i miss you!!!! i love you a lot!! i remember when we were kids and vaguely remember meeting you in kindergarden and man that was wild when i had the revelation that were in the same kindergarden class as me. you are such a funny and relatable person and so easy to get along with tbh. youre my longest friend and im incredibly grateful for you, happy new year!!!

im sure theres people im missing but im getting tired of typing and my fingers are getting cramped and this is really fucking long so like ヽ(。_°)ノ

but i love you all a lot!!!!!

[londonspirit]

Thoughts aka ALL THE FEELS!

I’ve seen it three four times now and I’m still all over the place!!! 

I’ve cried my way through the first viewing: started on Vormir and didn’t really stop until the end! And went full on bawling and ugly sobbing in the last 30 minutes or so.  It got better with every time but in the end I was always in tears, sobbing (not so) silently into my scarf.  Here are some random and not in order thoughts, gathered through the last four times. 

- the first moments where Hawkeye loses his family were terrible, and my heart ached for him. 

- HEARING Sam in the earpiece made me all mushy and squeey and there might have been noises. “On your left” will forever make me all teary eyed from now on! 

- seeing all these portals opening gave me all the goosebumps: that was one hell of a fucking epic entrance!!! 

- as was the Ladies’s Squad moment! So fucking incredible! I cheered so much!! 

- CAROL!!! The HAIR! Her “Hi, Peter Parker” She’s the fucking cutest, and I love her so much!!! 

- Peter freaking Parker!!! As little screen time as he had, it was perfect. And he finally got that fucking hug!!!! And it was a damn good one!!! *clutches heart* 

- Tony Fucking Stark!  My beautiful, flawed, very human superhero! My darling darling heart. God, I can’t even type this without tearing up. 11 years in the making, he’s made the final sacrifice, gave us the ultimate proof that he’s got the biggest and softest heart in all of history!!! I had a bad feeling going into the film,  I feared it would end like this. Yet, it was perfect, the only way I could accept it.  I’m just glad he’d got at least a few years of peace and happiness. Im so proud of him, leaving behind one hell of a legacy in form of his wife and his lovely (and probably clever as fuck) daughter who will carry on her fathers heart and soul inside of her! Im sure she’ll be doing some GREAT things!!! 

- Family Stark! Soft cuddly cardigan wearing Tony,  sweet understanding Pepper, cute kid who’s just as cheeky as her Dad!! *clutches heart*  Im sure there’ll be a shitload of fic covering those five years and I’ll be reading them all!!! 

- Pepper. Gosh, that woman. In the past, she made me want to smack her around the head, tell her to either have patience or just leave him (alone). Yet she stuck around, and for the very first time she actually UNDERSTOOD what her man’s doing. In the end she understood. And she let him go which broke my heart into a million pieces. She loves him. And there it shows. She’s always tried to keep him save, and upon realizing that she couldn’t, she gave him the peace and love he deserved and needed. And in the end, she’d let him go. He can rest indeed now. *sobs violently* Even after a fourth time seeing it (and making it through most of it without crying), that fucking sentence is my undoing. Always. 

- all the tiny callbacks to 22 movies - such a beautiful love letter to everything the MCU achieved and continues to do. The elevator scene, Bucky’s goodbye in the end, Tony’s last line.. all those tiny things (thankfully fresh in my mind due to recent rewatches!) are so lovely and wonderful and I love them all for doing them!!! Such attention to detail - one of the many reasons I do love the MCU so much!!! 

- fucking CHEESEBURGERS!! Never thought some simple food will be the reason for more violent and very ugly sobbing! 

- PEGGY! JARVIS! HOWARD! The Ancient One! All those ‘old’ faces, that was so cool!!! And very unexpected so that was an amazing surprise! 

- the fucking END CREDITS!!! The OG 6 getting their special moment!!! That was soo beautiful and made me sob all over again!!! 

- Cap!! As y’all know he’s NOT my fav (and even though he was a tad OOC in this (LANGUAGE, Cap!), he won me over in this. I loved the quips (”Yeah, I KNOW!”)  tho, and also LOOOOOOOOOVED him wielding the fucking hammer!!! God, that was incredible!!! I wished I could see this for the first time again and again! The entire cinema exploded into cheers, it was amazing!!! (Which naturally leads to me wanting to know whether he faked not being able to move that damn thing back in AoU or if he’s grown worthy during the last few years…)  Im seeing loads of people not liking the ending, feeling that it’s not what he would do. Seriously??? That man’s saved the world/the universe soo many time, sacrificed so much to keep everyone save, and you still think - given the chance - he wouldn’t go and FINALLY have the happy ending he deserves? I mean, I’m not a comic book person, I can only go from the films but honestly, it was the only way they could’ve ended Cap’s storyline. He knows everyone’s save, there’s nothing left to do for him (cause you can bet your ass that Tony made sure EVERY SINGLE THREAT has been eliminated with that damn snap!) why wouldn’t he pursue some happiness for himself after all these years. 

- 3 hours have never felt this short!!! There was barely a lull in the storyline (after my third viewing i would choose only two scenes to run to the loo and they’re pretty early on so…), the pace is incredible, the plot’s tight and well thought through.  Yes, the time-traveling isn’t perfect but honestly, that’s not the point. It’s about the people, the OG Six and their relationships, built through the years, about love and respect, about the trauma they all went through and how they dealt with it. It’s all about the people, the plot for once is only secondary. And that’s fine. It works when you don’t think about it too hard (just don’t, you’ll only get a headache from it). And even if, there’s a few explanations out there already, and I can totally live with that. I don’t need this explained in the smallest detail. It works perfectly (for me), that’s all I care about. 

- I also wonder about a few things: just read that Hollands lines might have been altered and now Im dying to know whether that’s true. I wouldn’t put it past the Russos to have him say something else entirely and then did ADR with a gazzilion lines only to throw him off.  Same goes for everyone else: did they KNOW they were filming Tony’s death and his funeral? Or did they film more and differently and didn’t tell them what as actually happening? When did they tell RDJ that he was going to die? And how? Was he allowed to have a say in it? SO MANY questions. I NEED ANSWERS!! 

- Tony’s speech in the end!!! That was not only Tony speaking, to me that was also RDJ, saying goodbye (finally able to actually LISTEN to him w/o sobbing  too loudly). And that makes it even more wonderful and sad and heartbreaking and lovely!´I will miss him so fucking much. He’s been MY hero from the start; and even though there have been more over the years to adore and worship, when it comes to choosing one over the others, I will always chose Iron Man! .. .no, I will always chose TONY STARK! He’s been my first superhero, I’ve been with him all the way, and I will always remember the time when he was Iron Man, ready to die for the world, hell, the universe, sacrificing all he had for the lives of everyone else. Which in the end he did without hesitating. 

All in all it was the perfect homage to the Original 6! A perfect ending, coming full circle after 11 years! Everyone got their arc closed, their story told. There’s new blood now, Carol and Scott, Shuri and Valkyrie, Strange and Spidey, and more, they will keep everyone save! 

So yeah, seeing it four times (with a fifth one in the works (on Sunday) and perhaps a sixth with a friend along the line), I’m still loving every damn second, and it’s still the best and most epic and perfect film in the entirety of the MCU!  I will miss Tony, his snark, his biting sarcasm, his huge heart, his looking after everyone whether they want it or not.  But the MCU is in good hands, I have the feeling Carol will be taking over that part (the sass is already there!), and I’m sure the rest will do pretty damn great!  You can rest now, Tony

[mooifyourecows]

moo! whats ur favorite line in Open Tab????

this is a really hard ask to answer tbh

do you realize how many words are in that mother fucker?

and do you realize that about 99% of them are complete and utter bullshit?

lolol

nah but it’s especially difficult to pick a single line. Like... there are handfuls of consecutive lines or paragraphs that stand out to me more than just a single line. Probably because of how big of a slut i am for short, incomplete sentences that don’t really make a ton of sense on their own but when presented together in a scene, are (hopefully) pretty poignant.

I’m also bad at praising myself so i feel weird when I pick out a line or scene and am like, “LOOK HOW GOOD THIS IS. AREn’T I grEAT fOR writING THIS. wOW IM SOMe kiND of geniUS orSOMETHing. eVEryone beHOLD MY TALeNT anD SKill, ID lIKE TO DEDICATE THIS AwaARD To my cATS and DOG and thAT basTARD at WALMART WHO GAVE ME ATTITUde in The DAIRY seCTION, JuST LooK AT ME NOW yoU sON of A Piece oF SH--”

ya know?

but I also don’t want to leave this unanswered. and i may or may not have woken up at 3 am and hurriedly read through some random chapters in a desperate search for something to use and I don’t want my efforts to be a waste so uhhhhh here are a few lines that I think are kinda swell? (and i’m pretty sure i’ve used them before in asks that were similar to this one but hey, if i repeat it enough, maybe it’ll become true ammiright) (i’m also gonna cheat too though because they’re not all just gonna be a single line. so sue me)

First is probs one of my favorite bits I ever wrote because on top of loving to write crappy little incomplete sentences, I also love writing shitty long run-on sentences (sue me again):

Maybe he would’ve turned towards Sugawara in annoyance and frustration, with sweat dripping down his temples, and maybe Sugawara would’ve made eye contact with him and smiled, smiled that bright, triumphant smile with his nose slightly scrunched because- “I did it!”- and maybe Daichi’s heart would’ve skipped a beat, or two, or six, or maybe it would’ve just stopped altogether and Asahi would’ve had to drag him off the court and to the infirmary as he tried to wrap his mind around the soul ripping feeling of falling in love in a single instant.  

ooo yeah baby pour that sweet sweet run-on all over my body hnnnnn

uhm anyway. uhhh i like these two lines from two different chapters that are kinda similar because i like the message i was trying to.... uh... push? lol:

“Instead of doing things for each other's sake, let’s do everything for ourselves and live selfishly together for the rest of our lives,” Daichi said. “How does that sound?”

and

“We’re stupid, Daichi. We have been from the very start. And… you know…” he shrugged. “That’s alright, I guess. I’ll keep being stupid and you keep being stupid. I think it’ll all be fine so long as we continue to meet in the middle.”

okay and it just wouldn’t be Open Tab if I didn’t include a total garbage line like:

“Excuse me Sawamura-san but you better fuck off before you get dicked in the god damn throat,” Akaashi said calmly.

and I guess I will leave this ask off on these lines that i didn’t really think that much of until my best friend told me why she liked them. they hold more meaning to me now:

“And for what it’s worth… I don’t think spite is a terrible means of motivation. Spite is just another form of passion.” 

Wellp, that’s all I got for you. Thanks for the ask Babe, and if anyone has any favorite lines or scenes, feel free to share! I haven’t been keeping up very consistent interaction with y’all but i’m still here... in the shadows... lurking... binge eating and sleeping either way too much or not even close to enough. So stop on by and say heyoo

sorry ive written fuckall these past couple months

i promise ill try harder in the future