#phupha you will forever be in my memory

[viriyanon]

epilogue (pt. 2)

part 1 | part 2

after gathering so much energy i finally post the 2nd part. and this will be about our love fool, chief phupha viriyanon and how i learn a lot from him.

p.s this completely does have nothing to do with me being an earth stan, yes

to be honest, i dont really have anything to say about episode 10 due to my lack of experience in intense romantic affair. im not sure about the feeling of getting reciprocated so i can only enjoy phupha tian being two fools in love lmao. also, being a tomboy with 5, 6 male friends constantly surrounding me and taking different roles in my life is already enough for me so... romance is kinda my weakness.

since the beginning of this drama, i immediately felt connected more to phupha. at first, i didn’t know that their age gap was pretty far but then i learned about it and i thought, oh my that’s why. phupha is an old soul. i am also an old soul. 

everything else just followed after the realization. the way phupha behaved towards a stranger who, additionally, was a supposed rich brat that would just drain his energy, the way he acted cool and tough as to assert his dominance over a newcomer but still panicked and immediately jumped into the frigid waterfall when someone he’s responsible for was not in his line of sight. phupha who couldn’t stand injustice. phupha who gave hard times and provoked tian all the time just to test his persistence, phupha who only gave his best smile and utmost attention to someone he cared about, phupha whose heart was actually soft and vulnerable because tian was his first in everything related to love and when his trust was broken, he scrambled back to build the thick-walled tower without stopping because he feared the only thing he had in life would be taken or destroyed, phupha who couldn’t admit what his heart really wanted and needed someone to fish it out of him. phupha who was ever forgiving and wise, phupha who in fact wanted a life companion and was a hopeless romantic, phupha who wanted the best for the love of his life even if it means sacrificing his happiness and risking his own safety if necessary.

phupha who was a guardian more than a lover and an older figure.

phupha is somehow everything that i am and will be in the future, therefore, my writings are mostly about him whose characteristic was not disclosed as explicitly as tian because it is a form of reflection. and yes, i know i took phupha’s side all the time, even when people were disappointed by his impulsivity. because i understand that feelings, to the point that i so was upset watching ep 8. i thought, “this is what i will do when im faced the same thing and maybe even worse but dude, it’s not right. ur supposed to be rational.” and i was stuck in confusion.

the existence of phupha makes me realize a lot about myself. that i’ve been so cold and reticent towards my own feelings and desire. if i allow myself to give no fck about what others will say about my decision without jeopardizing them, to put what i want to do instead of what i supposed to do on top of every consideration, maybe i’d find a peace of mind. maybe, i won’t be so fearful about failure and heartbreak and dissatisfaction in life. maybe, if i say what i exactly want, i will get exactly what i want. my thought indeed materializes.

also remember when torfun said that maybe phupha hadn’t found someone he loved so much when phupha said he didn’t want to see his partner in agony because he saw his mother cried when his dad passed away. at that moment, a thought instantly flashed in my mind. ah, so it is real. when you really love someone, you will try your best to survive and not die in some random places because you don’t want to be the cause of their sadness. you can’t be the reason of their tears and agony. and it’s what phupha hadn’t achieved, as well as me. maybe a reason to live is not only about an achievement. it can be as simple as someone’s existence or someone else’s happiness. but i can’t testify this yet. just, yet.

furthermore, i learn from phupha that i need a partner who can break me out of my boring routine and the said fortress, crack a smile on my face too by acting cute. someone who gives little surprises everyday, not presents but little things like their way of thinking, their reaction towards a situation, their story. someone who will ask me repeatedly if i really want this or that. someone who is sassy and daring yet loves to be taken care of. because phupha (and i)’s no. 1 love language is acts of service and if it’s not met, he simply won’t be satisfied and will feel jittery and uncomfortable for not proving something to his partner.

never in my life, would i learn deeper about love language if it’s not because of phupha.

to conclude, yes i talked too much about phupha it’s like exposing myself to the whole atots hypemen. im annoyingly attached to him, i know. but phupha’s appearance is so groundbreaking in my whole history of watching dramas. he’s so realistic, so grounded to the facts of existence, so straightforward, and it made him skeptical. but that didn’t mean he couldn’t and wouldn’t learn to change for a better of his life. when he finally opened up to change, he found a light. his own star. someone that he would want to see every night and day indefinitely.

im not tearing up writing this but aye sarunchana singing in the background really gets me into the mood. im reminded of so many dynamics in atots, how a thai drama that i side-eyed most of the time can make me feel again. not only towards my cold love life but also my regard to life.

[seatawinan]

a tale of thousand stars week, day 6

this? It’s my own 1000 stars journal to keep my memories here from now on the moment from the show that’ll stay with you forever? → tian and phupha in pha pun dao cliff

[blrush]

Rec List Request

A personalised list for @jammy-boy 🥰 could be of interest to others, so enjoy!

Basic requirements: - just finished and loved SOTUS - is Arthur/Merlin trash - loves a twist or reversal of classic “power-dynamic” - loves angst with happy ending ______________________________

Theory of Love

Film student Third (Gun) has been secretly in love with his best friend Khai (Off) for three years, but Khai is straight, a massive player, and a total arsehole if we’re being honest. This starts painful, but then they start playing around with tropes and expectations and then it changes POV which just HITS so hard and completely changes your whole perception. You know the movie Flipped? It references that, and then does the flip - so good.

Knowing the level of pining, pain and angst that you love (plus your background in film studies) I feel like this is required viewing. Get out the tissues. But also, it’s still really funny and cute/dumb (cause gmmtv) and the production was excellent. Also, Off/Gun are PEAK natural chemistry and Gun is such an incredible actor that watching him cry or yell at someone is still preferable to other actors being happy.

Watch on YouTube HERE

He’s Coming To Me

Precious baby boi Singto plays Med, a ghost, who is is stuck in limbo for 20 years - until he meets a boy who can see him, Thun (my baby boi Ohm) who promises to help him figure out his unfinished business and cross over. And then they were roommates! And then they start falling in love and it’s ANGSTY because they know Med will have to leave one day. Ouch, my heart.

You will enjoy the mixture of domestic fluff and tragic angst in this. But don’t worry it has a happy ending (kind of, I think, from memory haha). Also, you will enjoy the fact that they can’t touch (cause, ghost) which is *chefs kiss* except for moments of heightened emotions when Thun’s powers become strong enough that he can touch Med (FUCK YES, THIS TROPE IS EVERYTHING)

After much whining from fans, they put it up on Youtube haha so watch HERE. 

Until We Meet Again

ANNGST. RE.IN.CAR.NA.TION. ANGST. What else do you need to know?!?! Reincarnated soulmates trope?!!? HELLO!?!?  It’s so beautiful. I’m still not over it. And yes it has a happy ending, it starts super sad, then ends up super fluffy and the romantic fluffy moments oh god it’s so romantic. I know you love like soft domestic food sharing etc - this show is ALL about the cooking.

The casting, the characterisation, the acting, the story, the music, even the friendship group and the side-couple, it’s perfection *chefs kiss* PERFECTION

Watch on youtube HERE

A Tale of A Thousand Stars

After the lovely volunteer teacher Torfun dies (RIP poor torfun) in a tragic accident, her heart is transplanted into selfish pretty rich boy Tian (played by the beautiful Mix). After learning of her selfless character, he feels guilt and shame for living (the angst is very real) and makes it his mission to complete her life’s wishes and follow in her footsteps. 

As the new village volunteer teacher, he then falls in love with the very handsome and very shirtless chief Phupha (Earth), who lives to protect the trees, we stan an environmental man. Angst, fluff, complications, and many miscommunications ensue. I was tearing my hair out by the end of this show. Yes, it has a happy ending (eventually). Earth x Mix was a pairing we did not know we even wanted or needed until this show happened and now I cry every time I see a picture of them together. Every single time Phupha looks at Tian in this show I literally tear up. HE LOVES HIM SO MUUUUUCHHH *crying again*

Watch on youtube HERE

I Told Sunset About You

Childhood best-friends, turned enemies (for stupid kid reasons), to lovers. This is ANGSTY but so fucking beautiful it’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t even class this as “BL” because it doesn’t have any of the standard tropes, and there’s no silly sound-effects or innuendo jokes. This is like genuine lgbt+ indie-film realness. You can honestly just watch it for the cinematography and the music. The AESTHETIC of this show is what truly makes it special. The symbolism, the colours, this show said CINEMA. And the sexual tension is absolutely WILD. You will live for the angst (with a happy ending). And no, do not bother watching season 2, it’s perfect as a stand-alone mini-series. (I’m still upset).

Watch HERE 

and now for some stand-out non-Thai series...

Where Your Eyes Linger

Korea has gotten on the BL train, and has now made a whole bunch of viki mini-series that are all cute but this one is right up your alley. This is VERY merthur. It’s literally servant/master, bodyguard/prince trope. But, I thought the characterisation was nicely thought out and wasn’t what I was expecting. The tension is palpable, the angst is juicy, and the soft kdrama vibes are cheesy and wonderful. Angst with a happy ending (of course).

Watch on VIKI

HIStory 3: Trapped

So the Taiwanese HIStory series has been around forever, and I love the whole series (History 2: Crossing The Line is my all time fav). But for youuuu, I think the most appropriate is Trapped. Police detective single-mindedly obsessed with a gang leader? Yes please. But whatever power-dynamic expectations you would have of a police/criminal couple are twisted and warped immediately! This series is so endearing, it’s mostly comedy/action, and whilst it has plenty of angst, mostly it’s just CUTE as fuck. Also the side couple are adorable too!

The whole History series is on Viki now yay!

The Untamed

Look, I KNOW 50 episodes of plot-heavy chinese historical fantasy is a lot. But there’s a reason this show was soooo popular. It only took me like 3 attempts and a whole ass “guide” pdf to figure out what the fuck was happening in the first ep cause its non-linear. But, if you are in the right mood (ie; sick, or in lockdown) and need something to get completely LOST in for like a week, then watch this haha. I know you couldn’t make it through Guardian, but maybe this one will hit the spot.

This has all the angsty character tropes you live for. And cause it’s censored, there’s no actual romance, so instead it’s just the best kind of UST, character driven, emotional soulmate angst. To summarise: Wei Wuxian is; adopted, a trouble-maker, impetuous, head-strong, fun-loving, has a martyr complex and wants to save everyone. Meanwhile, Lan Zhan is; lawful good to a fault, stoic, shy, and has a martyr complex about saving Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian ONLY. Now throw them into the middle of supernatural / political turmoil and see what happens. Well I’ll tell you what happens, Wei Wuxian becomes the “villain”, gets killed, and Lan Zhan spends 16 years looking for him. FUCKING KILL ME OKAY. (No, that’s not a spoiler it happens in the first episode haha)

Do NOT watch on Netflix the subs are trash. Watch on Youtube or Viki

 ~ ~ ~

This list may seem long but I was VERY reserved in my selection okay you have no idea how tiny this tip of the iceberg is ����

Also, knowing your love of no-touching, tension, and angst. I would also briefly draw your attention so School 2013 in my bromance list which is the single most angsty show about friendship ever made.

Enjoy!

[burninglilys]

You are driven by your desires — the shaman had gravely told Phupha, as he held onto his palm tightly — you are confident but may become unempathetic on a gloomy day.

"You see this line?" the shaman had asked, shaking his head, pointing at a line on the center of his palm. "You see how straight it is? There are no rigid categories of right and wrong. Be sure to look at the grey areas in life, my boy. Not everything is black and white for you."

Nam had scoffed a little too loudly then, muttering something like see, I told you!

The shaman had touched the area where his thumb had ended, pressed down and said — you have no emotional connection to romance. Not yet anyway — in a blatant dismissal.

Phupha's eyes had found Torfun's eyes, then, who in turn had only smiled in return, her eyes dancing with something akin to amusement.

"You're just going to have to be careful," the shaman had said.

"Careful about what?"

The shaman had looked unimpressed, had pressed his lips in a thin line, and muttered quite seriously, "Someone is going to enter your life in bouts of hurricane. Nothing is going to be the same for you — you will thank them for that. You will love them for that. You will love them for showing you how to live. You will love them for everything that they are."

Phupha had been amused by this. "I will?"

"They will come and you will want them gone. They will stay and you will love them all the same. They will leave and you will find your heart leaving with them."

Phupha's amusement had died down then. He had never been the one for idle fantasies construed around words that were elicited by a mere touch of someone's palm on his. But this had seemed different.

"It will?" Phupha had asked in a moment of weakness.

"When you fall in love," he'd continued, oblivious to the turmoil in Phupha's heart, "you're going to fall deeper than what you imagine now. Do not allow yourself to be fearful of how ardently you'll want to be loved back. Do not hide from them. Your relationships have a potential to be restless, you see?" The shaman had tapped the starting of his heart line, underneath his middle finger. "Your relationship will last for a long time, though," he'd said, tracing his finger over his heart line.

"What then?" Phupha had asked, as though his future really did hold for him someone he is willing to give his heart for.

The shaman had looked disappointed then, had trailed a finger on his heart line pressed where it trailed off.

"It will depend on them," the shaman had said. "If you love them, you will want what is best for them. They will get to decide if they want to stay or leave. Not you — never you."

Phupha had nodded, entranced by the sincerity of the shaman's words, as though he could really be so consumed by love for someone, as though he could truly have that — have someone to return to, have someone to call his home.

All idle fantasies, Phupha told himself. Just because his palm showed the shaman things does not mean that they were true. There was no point in believing in those senseless dreams based on hopeless wishes he'd still had before. There was no point in hoping for someone who would love him just the same.

Then, he met Tian.

There was no point in hoping for love until a year later when his life revealed a cob-webbed space behind the camouflaged curtains that he'd thought of as previously non-existent — a space that Tian seemed to fit into, effortlessly, a space that had been Tian's ever since he lay his eyes on him.

Tian carried with him the winds of change, his presence cognate with all forces of nature, and Phupha felt his heart crawl out of his chest and sit atop of Tian, until all of him became consumed with Tian. Tian. Tian. Tian.

His heart screamed Tian's name when Phupha lay beside him, their little fingers touching. His heart screamed Tian's name when Phupha realised that all songs will, in fact, remind him of Tian. His heart screamed Tian's name every time Tian so much as looked, smiled in his direction. His heart whispered Tian's name — as continuous as the beat of a drum — when he found out. His heart thrummed Tian's name as he lay on the cold ground, blood oozing out of his shoulder.

Right now, when the room — their room, Phupha will maintain, even though Tian's leaving, even though he's staying here after Phupha had been cruel to him only to indulge Phupha — was enveloped by the hush of darkness, the distance between them an arm's length apart, Phupha is reminded of the words by the shaman, yet again. They will get to decide if they want to stay or leave. Not you — never you.

"Do you want to stay or leave?"

Phupha hears Tian's shuddering intake of breath, then the rustle of his clothes as he shifts to dangle his hand off of the bed. "Isn't it a little too late to ask that, chief? After you've asked me to leave only if I return the feelings you have for me?"

Phupha shifts closer to where Tian's hand is; he wants to twine their fingers together, wants to plant a kiss on the back of his palm all the way to his shoulder. He wants, wants, wants, to make Tian feel, even for a moment, just how consumed he feels.

Instead, he looks at the Tian — not that he can see any discernible features, barely a silhouette — and asks. "Would you want to stay here if it weren't for me?"

Tian is quiet, then.

"You must know," Phupha says, "all I want for you is to discover the life you want to live. For your sake. Not for mine, not for Torfun. Would you stay here if it weren't for me?"

"You must know," Tian counters. "I would follow you to the end of the world."

Phupha catches hold of Tian's hand then, weaving their fingers together. "What do you want for yourself, Tian?"

Tian's answer is brutal, honest. "You."

Phupha tries not to let his anxieties creep up on him, then — what if he were to not return home one day, would Tian have ruined his stable life in the city for nothing? — but this isn't about him. It's about Tian and what he wants.

"What life do you want to live then, Tian? Here, at the village, regardless of my presence, at the city or someplace entirely new?"

Tian is silent for a moment, then his answer — open, honest. "I don't know."

"It's okay," Phupha assures, shifting so he is almost at the edge of his mattress. "You don't have to know, now. You have time to figure out what you want. The village won't go anywhere. It will always be here for you."

"Will you?"

"Will I?"

"Will you go anywhere? Will you be here, then?"

In a bout of courage, Phupha presses a kiss on the tips of his fingers, hoping it conveys, I will be waiting for you till you figure out everything you need to. Even if it takes forever. Even if you decide that a life at the village is not what you want. Even if you decide that you could never come here, even to visit.

Tian sifts his palm so that his fingers are now splayed across Phupha's cheek, tracing shapes. Phupha plants a kiss to the centre of his palm, then at his heart line, all the while hoping that it translates to, do you know why the hornbill waits for its mate in the same place? Because it believes its mate is just lost, that it will come home when it finds its way back. I love you, Tian, do you know? I will be waiting like a hornbill waiting for its mate, even if you decide to never come back.

The repetitive shapes that Tian traces on his cheek don't cease to continue and Phupha finds his eyes grow heavy. His last thought before falling asleep is — I love you, Tian. Did you know? I love you. I would count a thousand stars and wish for only your happiness and safety. I love you.

("If you love them, you will want what is best for them. They will get to decide if they want to stay or leave. Not you — never you," the shaman had said.

"What if they leave?" Phupha had asked — he hadn't known where the questions were coming from; he barely believed in fortune foretellings. But there was something about the certainty in which the shaman carried himself, something that made Phupha was to unravel everything there was to know. What if they leave and I am the one waiting for them the way my mother waited for my father? What if they leave and I am left behind, only their memories keeping me alive?

The shaman had only looked pitifully in his direction, tapping the back of his palm to move to another one of his lines.)

The day is frigid and soaked in misery, when Tian leaves. Phupha can only look at the car in the distance, carrying his heart and soul, leaving him behind.

(The shaman, after reading everyone's palms, had found Phupha again. He had made Phupha splay his palm out, and had said, in a tone of gentle assurance, "They will find their way back home. One way or another.")

The day is warm, the sunlight golden and honey-hued the day Tian finds his way back home. Phupha can only hold Tian in his arms, then — can only shout I love you from the summit in his heart, can only whisper, "Welcome home," in his ears for it to also mean I love you.

"I am glad to find my way back home," Tian replies, and Phupha hears I love you too, interlaced with every word.

Phupha will say it out loud later, when they've both finished eating together — the first meal that they've shared in over three months. He will say it because stifling those words is no longer a possibility, he has been bursting at the seams. He will say it because even if it were, he will want Tian to know the enormity of his feelings. He will say it, and Tian will lean forward to capture their hands together. Tian will say, I love you too. I love you, so much.

For now, they entwine their fingers and make their way to the village that welcomes them as its own.

[theweepingmonk]

First Line Game

I was tagged by @rhyslahey thanks bestie 💙

Rules: List the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. Then tag some friends.

1) somewhere, in France | Isaac stares at Brett in the moonlight, mesmerized by the way the full moon turns the golden curls on his forehead a soft blue, the shadows softening his well-defined face and making him look younger.

2) I think I might have fallen in love, what am I to do? | Congratulations Tine Teepakorn you’ve been invited to the Love Ball!

3) warmth by another name | Yuan Zong hisses as Xia Yao rests his ice cold hand against his chest.

4) The Eeriness of Familiarity | Phupha scans through the documents in front of him, eyes blearing before he can finish the sentence he's reading.

5) If I Could Wish On A Thousand Stars | Tian wakes to the feel of someone shaking him, his eyes snapping open to the friendly faces of Longtae and Tul.

6) Freedom Is A Length Of Rope | “Darling, now you and I will be together forever.” Moon-Jo declares, leaving no room for argument.

7) You're The Anchor That I Tied To My Brain | Isaac hears Scott step into his room, but he doesn't acknowledge him, just continues packing.

8) Carry On | Three weeks after defeating Chuck, Sam notices a change in Dean.

9) A Gift From The World | Merlin peeks over the headstone he's hiding behind, watching the Shuck prowl around.

10) The Truth | As memories of Stiles fill her head, Lydia comes to a singular conclusion: the love she feels for him isn't the same as what he feels for her.

I think the only commonality is having a character perform an action. what do you think?

I tag @ralbeleren and anyone who sees this and wants to do it!

[dramadeewani]

ATOTS Week 2021

Day 6 (Wednesday 9 June): This? It’s my own 1000 stars journal to keep my memories here from now on

What has the show taught you? Answer a few questions with a gif or screenshot and a few words with your opinion(optional). You can choose to do any of the followings:

Favorite character / character you relate to the most?

It’s probably obvious to everyone that Phupha is my fav

As for the one I relate to most... 

What is your favorite quote from the series?

I had to pick two...

“Your feelings come from your freaking brain not from someone else’s heart in you”

“The place that fits you will make you grow”

What is one moment from the show that’ll stay with you forever?

Hahahahaha there was no way I could just pick one

[4giorno]

tag meme: list 3-5 snippets of literature/media that live in your head rent-free to the point where you have them memorized; write them down from memory, no cheating allowed!

tagged by @atotsphutian thank you so much <33 now if these are a bit differently worded than the og quotes im very sorry, i suck so much at remembering words dfgkdjfhkd i tried

i just want to talk to you - phupha, a tale of thousand stars // okay im sorry lara i swear i thought about this right as i read the first paragraph before i read your post fgjkshjd this is just such a simple but intimate thing to say and with the atmosphere of the scene it just hit me rlly hard

far be it for me to call myself a man of mystical inclinations. however, when i look at you, i get the feeling that nature is playing tricks on us. as if both the left and right hand have clutched the head to realize for the first time theyre two parts of a single whole - the bachelor, pathologic // now this for sure has some mistakes bc its so long but i cant express enough how much this quote makes me LOSE MY MIND. also i have so much thoughts about how daniil and artemy are much less doomed to be incompatible forever than everyone thinks and this is truly one of the foundations for that

i had the epiphany that laughter was light, and light was laughter, and that this was the secret of the universe - the goldfinch // my favorite book! and so theres ofc a lot of lines that i adore, but this is just a rlly pretty one thats striking and in my case easy to remember lol

tagging @batwizard @alyaluthientinuviel @affectionatemunkustrap and @beebly-boop and anyone who sees this and wants to do it! (only if you want to of course :’))

[tehohaews]

Atotsweek2021: Day 6- This? It’s my own 1000 stars journal to keep my memories here from now on

Favorite character / character you relate to the most?

I dont know if Tian is the character I relate to the most but he is definitely my favorite character. His entire journey is so inspiring 🥺🥺🥺 I love him so much.

What is your favorite quote from the series?

Just sleep? jk jk. I have a lot but I think these are my favs (yes cheating and selecting more than one)

What did you have for dinner? Stir fried kale and omelette. Why do you ask? I just want to talk to you

Do you want me to stay? I do

Where we feel safe and happy we feel like home.

The place that suits you is the place that makes you grow.

(also this wasn't canon but i like it a lot so)

Can you see those stars? Even if those mountains are strong and ginormous, they'll never be able to reach the stars, not even touch the sky. So how can I reach out to touch you?

(I just think that this quote from the novel is so meaningful specially since phupha's name means mountain and he sees tian as a star in the sky 🥺 something out of his reach)

What is the moment from the show that’ll stay with you forever?

Both the ep3 pinky touching scene and the ep8 post credit. I will remember you talat pai 😌😌