#phron’s will wood essays

[inphront]

ok ok ok so literally not even one person asked me to do a full english kid breakdown of mr. capgras, nobody wanted this not even me, but i am hyperfixating INTENSELY and i must do text analysis about it. buckle in this one’s gonna be long and the fact i’ve included a cut is your only chance to back out of So Many Words About This Song.

so first of all, the title!!! Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer’s Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to the Fusiform Gyrus). that uh. already gives us a lot to analyze let’s get started.

mr capgras: in reference to the capgras delusion, in which one believes a loved one has been replaced and it’s not actually them. ties in really obviously to the song’s hook of “you’re trying to replace yourself.” the narrator could thus be interpreted as delusional and speaking that line to a loved one, or, given the album’s overarching theme of self-discovery, the song could pose the question of how to love *yourself* if it’s not really you, and of whether feeling unlike yourself constitutes delusion.

secondhand vanity: vanity as in a mirror, the site of a lot of discomfort for someone as thoroughly depersonalized as the singer of this song, OR vanity as in conceitedness… or, to use a more pointed synonym, ego. the addition of “secondhand” clarifies that the markers of the singer’s ego or selfhood— such as their reflection in the mirror— don’t actually belong to them, but are passed down from somewhere or someone else.

tulpamancy: ohhhhh boy ok. so the term “tulpa” hails from tibetan buddhism and refers to a body created within the mind. tulpamancy is a modern internet practice in which one effectively creates an imaginary friend type persona that eventually gains the ability to speak and act autonomously— the quickest way to explain it is like a self-built DID alter, though i really feel the need to stress that a tulpa and an alter are. Not The Same Thing. anyway this builds on the themes we’ve already discussed re creation of identities or alternate selves, but adds the layer of intention: the singer creates identities that are Not Them on purpose. it also delves into another recurring theme in self-ish, which is the tension between scientific/psychological explanations for what the self is and spiritual/religious ones. tulpamancy, a term with spiritual origins that nonetheless describes a secular practice, sits a bit awkwardly in between, but is distinctly less scientifically based and pathological than the concept of a capgras delusion.

prosopagnosia: we’re back to pathology! this is the medical term for face blindness. again with mirrors and depersonalization— the singer cannot recognize their loved ones (or, for that matter, themself).

pareidolia: so the slash might make you think these are synonymous or similar, but they’re actually practically opposites in the context of the song: pareidolia is the human tendency to take a random pattern or shape and interpret it as something with meaning, *most commonly a face.* it’s easiest to describe with photo assistance, but take the example of an outlet. it’s just two rectangles and a semicircle, but doesn’t it look like a frowning face? or sometimes the headlights of a car look like eyes and the grille like a mouth. things like that. the face is one of the most indisputable ways to identify someone, and we’ve just established that our narrator 1. can’t actually identify anyone by their real face because they are face-blind, and 2. sees faces where there aren’t any (thereby seeing identities where there aren’t any).

fusiform gyrus: part of the occipital and temporal lobes of the brain; largely responsible for… you guessed it, object recognition and perception of faces. the idea that the narrator’s identity struggles are a “direct result of trauma to the fusiform gyrus” completely flies in the face of my earlier point about intention: where tulpamancy is “you’re making new identities on purpose,” trauma to the fusiform gyrus is “you got hit in the head real hard and now your sense of self is fucked.” it ties into the album’s broader questions about free will (sure, you’re doing this on purpose, but your intentions are impacted by something completely outside of your control) as well as suggesting that the disconnect the singer feels between mind and body is just as much caused by issues with the latter as with the former.

congratulations, you’ve arrived at the analysis of the actual song.

intro:

the song starts off with a pretty clear thesis: “you're trying to replace yourself.” the song follows *someone* who is disconnecting from who they are via the construction of false identities. what is a bit less clear is who “you” refers to. given the intense depersonalization underscoring the whole song, that ambiguity makes perfect sense; the question of who “you” refers to is kind of the basis of. all of self-ish. the song changes back and forth between first and second person, which *could* indicate two different people but could just as easily be one person talking to themself (more speculation on this later), or even a general “you” referencing all of humanity.

verse 1:

Carving out a fact from a reckoning: reminiscent of the idea of pareidolia and of delusions generally. to carve out a fact or perception of truth when all you actually have are questions is practically the definition of delusion. though the term “reckoning” in particular does tie in a bit to religion, as one reckons with their faith. spiritual or not, the singer takes their struggle to find an answer as being an answer in and of itself.

Beckoning you back, skin sagging off its skeleton: “skin sagging off its skeleton” is some of the first language we get around the idea of masking and falsehood, and also suggests an out-of-body experience. there’s a literal separation occurring within the body as well as tension between outward presentation (skin) and inner foundation (skeleton). in spite of the illusion’s “sagging off,” unable to maintain itself, it still “beckons,” implying that it has some amount of influence.

Levitating off the ground/is another man wearing your face: a significantly more direct exploration of masking and falsehood. could reference an apparition/hallucination, or perhaps it refers to a reflection in the titular vanity; the narrator is dissociating to the point that they aren’t in their body at all and sees someone else wearing their face upon looking in the mirror.

All the other false identities/remedies or enemies to mitigate your memories: another clarification of the fact that the addressee is constructing masks, or “false identities.” this line is our first foray into why they do this— specifically, “to mitigate your memories.” they (“you”) have been through something that they want to be distant from or can’t deal with as themself (perhaps whatever it is that went down in 2012), so they create other selves to cope. the idea that those selves can be “remedies OR enemies” could imply less than complete control (the masks were meant to be remedies but some of them have wound up as enemies) or that they want to pass off the role of “enemy” to somebody else (they have disconnected from and reconstructed the part of them that is their own worst enemy).

Shuddered at what they found/when they stripped away the grace: suggests that whatever is *under* all these masks is reeeeeal ugly. in fact, so ugly that even the masks themselves “shudder” when they see it.

Eulogy or biography: so first of all, both of those tend to get written about dead people. this brings in another form of dissociation (the one discussed in cotard’s solution) while also stripping the singer of agency (a dead person gets no say in how someone else tells their story). furthermore, eulogies tend to focus on the good in a person while biographies focus on the fact. “eulogy or biography,” therefore, could be translated “compliments or honesty,” “the false self or the real one.”

I’m who I oughtta be/and that is God to me: double meaning! grammatically, “that is god to me” could mean that being who they ought to be is of religious significance to the narrator, *or* that the narrator ought to be their own god. this is also the first time we’ve heard first person in the song. for this set of lines, the singer seems actually confident in who they are, to the point of placing spiritual faith in their use of the word “i.”

So, my God, what’s wrong with me? If who I wanna be might be/never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, no, never: well scratch everything i just said about the narrator knowing who they are. not only do they not know what’s wrong with them, but using “my god” right after calling themself god means that they’re talking to themself. this is a considerable hint that “you” and “me” refer to the same person, given that person is having conversations with themself. it is possible that the divine surety in their identity was, in fact, another mask. the next bit furthers that by implying that even when the narrator is connected enough to themself to be using the first person, they *want* to be one of their replacements: “who i want to be might be never,” a void, a falsehood. of course, with the way the song actually sounds out loud, “never, never, never” reads more like an interruption: the singer starts confessing to wanting the masks and the depersonalization around and then immediately admonishes themself for it.

chorus:

You’ll never take me alive, baby! You’ll never take me alive/you’ll never take me, you’ll never take me, you better pray that I die: so you can interpret this two ways and they are exact opposites. either this is the “real” narrator speaking to the masks, saying they’re never going to give into their mental illness and will always hold onto their identity, or the alternative identities reminding them that they’re around to stay, and that no matter whether they were constructed intentionally they cannot be controlled anymore. tulpamancy horror! no matter the interpretation, there’s a clear schism between the singer’s selves. “you’ll never take me alive” is something that only gets said in an argument, and “you” and “me” being the same person clearly presents an internal war.

And no, you’re never gon’ find/somebody to replace yourself, somebody to replace yourself: no matter how much analysis and how much construction of masks takes place, the split (i have been trying to keep my dissociative disorder out of this analysis and i don’t think i’ve been succeeding tbh) has happened already and cannot be undone. by this point in the album, the singer has lost themself already (as outlined in 2012). mr capgras, functionally, is a departure from their attempts through the album to *find* themself in favor of… y’know. trying to *replace* themself. the ultimate conclusion in that they will never succeed at this and all of the replacements they build won’t ever fill the hole their missing ego is supposed to occupy.

verse 2:

while verse 1 talks about the creation of new selves or ego states as something that hides or forces disconnection from one’s true identity, verse 2 takes it a step farther and calls into question whether it’s even possible to have a true identity, or if that was always just another mask. let’s get into it.

Damn, I thought you’re not your imposter: an incredibly obfuscating/confusing way of saying “i thought you’re yourself” (presumably, “damn” means they were proven wrong about this). this lyric also blurs the line between the constructed identities and the real ones: what if you *are* your impostor?

You’re so sure you’re not gonna get caught/dead in your own skin: another reference to cotard’s syndrome, as well as reinforcement of the narrator’s dissociation. they can’t fathom being connected to their body even in death. there’s also an air of hubris to the line; being sure they’re “not gonna get caught” implies that the consequences of replacing oneself can be escaped through further replacement and they’ll never have to face up to the truth of who they are.

But you didn’t choose what you were born in: ultimately, any self that gets created is still going to have to share a body and its associated baggage (trauma to the fusiform gyrus, for example).

And another man in your repertoire/ready in your head and fed upon your memoirs: yeah so for these two lines i just completely give up on not bringing the systemhood into my analysis honestly. the words “repertoire” and “ready in your head” suggest intention, calling forth an image of someone with a wardrobe full of people that they can put on or take off at will, but on examination, these lines actually highlight the singer’s lack of control. we know that the singer doesn’t remember 2012, nor how they lost their identity, so the idea of “another man” being “fed upon [their] memoirs” is quite alarming: i one of these personas that was meant to be an intentional construction has access to or possibly even wiped out (fed upon) memories that the “true” self doesn’t know about. which begs the obvious question of “can it even *be* the true self without memories?” this verse takes the sentiment of the song from “somebody trying to replace themself in order to cope with depersonalization and ego death” to “the replacements and the dead ego are equally real (or equally fake).” the self-replacement fails not because the replacements could never measure up to the real thing, but because they measure up too well.

Still the same rules apply/from the birthday to the mourning: the first birthday gift you get is your body and you’re stuck with it till you’re dead. not only that, but “mourning” happens *after* you’re dead. the singer is thoroughly disconnected from their body even though that’s the only part of them that will persist after death.

What you feel and what you do/are those things really you/and if not, then what is? (Never never never): in a capgras delusion, one believes that their loved one has been replaced even if they behave exactly the same. this line begs the question of “if the imitation is indistinguishable from the real thing, does that not make them the same?” most people define themselves, at least to an extent, by what they feel and what they do. if you’re convinced your actions and even your feelings are false and belong to somebody else, then what metrics are left by which to define yourself? the “never never never” is positioned almost as an answer to that question.

So, my God, what’s wrong with you/and I’m still asking who that is/never, never, never…: an echo of the earlier line, with a change in voice. the narrator’s questioning spiral and attempts to create alternate selves have only left them more disconnected, such that they can’t use “me” anymore, even when discussing problems that very much belong to them. the set of nevers is once again presented like an answer to the question of “who are you?” they can’t create themself because the masks don’t even have anything to cover up— perhaps there was never, never, never an identity to begin with.

chorus:

the chorus repeats twice before the end of the song, to the classic will wood accompaniment of “the earthquake in this instrument hall sure is increasing a lot in magnitude,” giving it an overtone of desperation and complete mental break. during the last chorus, we get background lyrics pulled from another song on the album: this is not enough, this is not enough to prove it yet! no, I need to hit the bottom. so while at the start, the creation of false identities was at least somewhat intentional, the singer is now completely lost and embarking on a quest for evidence regarding who they are (as seen in hand me my shovel, the song being referenced). not only can they not control the masks, they no longer have any clue what’s real. what they do seem to know is that “you’re never gon’ find somebody to replace yourself,” these being the final lyrics of the song. replacing the narrator’s lost identity has proven impossible; they’re back to trying to find it.

if you actually read all this first of all i love you and second of all i hope you’re like. okay. either way it was very fun to write i have so many thoughts about this album please let me know if you want me to break down any other songs like this!