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whyireadsomuch · 6 days ago

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Okay I don’t usually add to these things but I absolutely loved the description in op’s post, and while reading it I realized something: your description of Lorelai’s journey in AYITL matches up really well with the lyrics to “Reflecting Light” (Luke & Lorelai’s first dance, and later wedding, song)!

You all know the song, but here are the pertinent parts:

“I rode the pain down

Got off and looked up

Looked into your eyes

The lost open windows

All around

My dark heart lit up the skies

<And…>

Give up the ground

Under your feet

Hold on to nothing for good

Turn and run at the mean dogs

Chasing you

Stand-alone and misunderstood

Now that I've worn out

I've worn out the world

I'm on my knees in fascination

Looking through the night

And the moon's never seen me before

But I'm reflecting light”

You could argue the song is about Lorelai’s journey toward growth. Realizing Luke was who she really loved, going for it, (“give up the ground under your feet”) and trying to be a good partner to him was step one, but she always needed to face her family trauma (“rode the pain down”) and deal with the complexities of it (“got off and looked up, looked into your eyes”) before she could really (“reflect [not just shine her own] light”), be “on her knees in fascination” at everything she has been given, and truly be a family with Luke. 🥹

I'd love to defend Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life for a minute (I don't usually make long posts and may delete this later for that reason) because I feel like writing something inconsequential.

Other people get lots of comfort watching the original show (especially in the fall). I feel cozier watching AYITL. The characters are much older; the dizzy, flighty, still-growing-up feelings for Lorelai and Rory have faded, and it's full of moments that make it clear that certain things in their lives are definitely always going to be there. Constants. Luke, Stars Hollow, family, Kirk, Taylor, the changing of the seasons. Now - for my defense. (I'm rambling.)

Okay, many, many people don't like the revival. I understand. It's different in a lot of ways from the original show, and lots of expectations were not met. When I first saw it, it threw me too. But I didn't dislike it. In fact, the more I rewatched it, the more I thought it was almost better than the first show. The leading ladies are not flashy young stars anymore - Rory is Lorelai's age when the OG show first began, and Lorelai is gracefully and fabulously careening toward grandma times with all her wit and charm, all her most comfy habits, and it makes me want to hang out with her more than Season 1 of the show ever did. And I think the fact that ASP came back to write for these characters again and end it on her terms, at last, was an absolute win, and I love how she did it because it fixed so many things I thought were wrong in the show.

Lorelai is self-centered, terrified of commitment, and has no idea how to put others before herself and not run away during the hard times - unless something involves Rory.

Rory is self-centered, thinks she is special, and has no idea how to deal with not getting what she wants. The consequences of her actions almost never directly affect her, and when they do, said consequences are quickly stamped on and snuffed out by her mother/friends/family.

Emily is self-centered, desperate to be in control, and finds her worth in what other people think, in how things look, and that includes what Richard thinks.

In the show, Lorelai has moments where she learns to stay and learns to put other people who are not Rory before herself. Those moments don't last. She definitely has good intentions, but they're all conditional. She only has good intentions up to a point - and that point is usually when someone or something threatens her happiness and feeling of safety, or Rory's happiness and feelings of safety (understandable; that's her child).

In the show, Rory is told she is the sweetest kid in the whole world. Rory is told she'd never do anything to hurt anybody. Rory is told she's special, she's smarter than her peers, she's not like other girls. Rory 100% believes that. She also probably has a bit of a problem with living up to that image - she wants to be all of those things, and thinks she is, and can't handle it when it seems like people think she's not. (That may or may not have something to do with Christopher, who always had somewhere more important to be, or with Lorelai, who was so cool and strong and sure of Rory.)

And the show has moments, too, where Lorelai has to face the music and see that she's screwed up or is hurting someone with her behavior (Max, Chris, Luke, Jason, Emily, Richard, Sookie), but very very often, Lorelai breezes her way through that music and keeps moving, and flits to the next thing or person that will make her happy, because she does not know how to stay and stand and fix what she's broken. Because it only matters if she is happy and if Rory is happy. (The same thing goes for Rory in the show - consequences come, but Rory rarely has to properly deal with them herself. She is coddled and propped up the whole way.)

Now, to my point!

I watched AYITL and noticed something was different right away. Lorelai is with Luke (she should be), who is the opposite of her - constant, loyal, selfless, determined to stay no matter how hard things get. But they're not married. Lorelai is scared to really commit, and marriage is one of the hardest things you can commit to - ever. And Lorelai is not happy. Rory, for her part, is not perfectly settled as a reporter or a journalist or any of the things she was always told she could be. And she's not happy. And Emily, bless her, has lost her husband and her false sense of control is spinning away, and of course, she is not happy.

And A Year In The Life takes the show's clumsy half-arc of these three Gilmore women and perfectly completes it.

Lorelai's fear of commitment and habit of bolting when things get hard drives her to push every new chef out of the Dragonfly, refuse to expand the inn to better accommodate Michel's needs, shun Rory's tell-all of her past mistakes, shame Richard at his funeral and break Emily's heart, and worst of all, nearly wreck the closest thing to a proper relationship she's ever had: the one she has with Luke. She can't face that she misses her father, loved her father, and that maybe her mother is right about her relationship status. She can't face that people might read Rory's writing and see all her flaws and all her mistakes growing up in printed ink, and she can't run from that. And when Rory insists, Lorelai cuts ties. Lorelai has spent years avoiding marriage with Luke. She has spent years hurting her mother in an effort to defend herself at all costs. And she has spent years ensuring the Dragonfly Inn is exactly what she wants it to be; because changing it would be uncomfortable, and as a result, she won't commit to a new chef, she won't expand, and she's about to lose Michel the way she lost Sookie.

Rory's bubble of self-centeredness and assurance that she's special is popped with the needle of reality at last: she is not special. She's a young woman who has to actually work hard to find a job and make some money, like everyone her age. She is talented and she is smart, but she's not God's gift to journalism, and people keep saying no, and people keep asking her to prove her skills and her merit, and she doesn't know how to deal with that because everyone has always told her she can do anything she wants and she's the best. She wants a distinguished career and can't find anyone who will take her on; she tries to write for a raging batty feminist (hello Alex Kingston I love your work) and that goes sideways; she wants Logan Huntzberger but she turned down his proposal and now he's engaged and it has to be a secret; she wants somewhere to live - just not Stars Hollow because she's better than the thirty-somethings stuck back home. She wants Lorelai to approve of her book and insists her mother give her this, as if Lorelai hasn't always given her whatever she could. And when Lorelai says no, Rory does what she wants anyway and almost fractures their relationship over it.

Emily's control is completely gone - she can't control her emotions, she can't control her tongue, she can't control her maid or her maid's handy family, she can't even control a stupid painting of her late husband. She's on a downward spiral and her anchor is dead. She tries to regain a sense of worth, because surely that will bring happiness back. She tries to gain it from how many possessions she has, that doesn't work. She tries to gain it from Jack, who is not well-suited to her but he makes a matching accessory to the life other people will see. That doesn’t work. She tries to gain it from therapy with Lorelai, control her daughter at last, that doesn't work. She tries to control Richard's headstone, that doesn't work. She even tries to find solace with her beloved D.A.R, and she finds that emptiest of all.

A Year In The Life has these women finally face their flaws head-on and grow. The way characters should.

Rory: Rory is confronted with the fact that she is not special and has to move home like everyone else her age and get a job she does not want, because that's life, and that's what everyone else has to do in the real world. And when she's at her lowest, pouting, she gets advice from someone who has faced his own flaws long ago and has grown and who knows her at her best, and encourages her to get up and work hard (Jess Mariano, ladies and gentlemen). And she does. Rory hits bottom and takes Jess's advice and works at understanding her mother, who is not perfect, and even goes to interview her father, who is also not perfect. She fights with Lorelai over the book and insists on her own way, and when Lorelai refuses, Rory can only blame herself. She has a rabble-rousing night with her LaDB boys and winds up sleeping with Logan in one more bubble of fantasy, one more umbrella-jump of escapism, like the old days, because Logan is her weakness. And when she wakes up the next morning, Rory turns and walks away from Logan and the affair and her insistence on having what she wants regardless of who she hurts (hello, Dean Forrester and her affinity for taking spoken-for men) for the final time. And the consequences of her desires? She’s pregnant. (Come on, we all know the baby is Logan’s; Rory’s life rhymes with Lorelai’s.) She goes to Christopher to interview him for the book and is subtly asking her father why he wasn’t in her life, because she needs to know what to do with her baby and her lover. She didn’t go to Lorelai to figure that out. She went to her dad, because the truth is, Rory didn’t have her father, and part of dealing with the consequences of her actions is to work out how to take care of this baby and whether or not that means involving the father. She’s owning up. She goes to Lorelai and offers to give up this book; she doesn’t make excuses or whine, she wrote the book anyway because she believes in it, but when she’s gotten three chapters in, she respectfully goes to her mother and asks her to read it and then, for the sake of Lorelai, not herself, Rory promises to quit and throw the book out if Lorelai does not approve. Because Lorelai is more important to her than herself. Rory has worked hard and made mistakes and gotten pregnant and she has stared the world in the eyes and seen she’s not special. And she has to deal with that. And she does, finally, deal with it. And she’s happy.

Emily: Emily is confronted with the fact that nothing is inside her control—except what she does. Worth does not come from what she owns or who she’s with or what she’s wearing, and it didn’t come from her marriage, either. That wasn’t why she married Richard anyway. She is miserable and alone, and part of that is her fault. She married Richard because she loved him, and she keeps coming back to Lorelai because she loves her, and she opens up her house to Rory when Rory needs a place to write because she loves her. Emily looks around at what she has and recognizes what has worth and what doesn’t, maybe for the first time, with clear vision. She recognizes that she can’t control everything. At first, that fact keeps her down. She forgets what day it is, the curtains are closed, and she doesn’t get up in the morning. No Richard, no Lorelai, no reason to move. And then Lorelai calls her, and tells her about who Richard was and what Richard did and how it mattered, and that inspires Emily. She can get up. She buys a place on Cape Cod, totally opposite of the sort of life everyone admires and expects to have worth, and she does what she’s really always been best at—she loves. She takes care. She took care of Richard, she took care of Lorelai and Rory when they needed it, and she takes care of Berta and her wonderful family, instead of having a maid take care of her needs. She packs up and moves out, she sends Jack away, she reveals the D.A.R. for what it is and quits them forever, and she takes a job at a whaling museum because she just likes it. It’s nothing fancy, and neither is her oceanic house or the music she plays in it or the clothing she wears, because none of that is worth anything anyway. Her family is. Her friends are. She gets the painting of Richard done right and brings it with her, and she gives up attempting control of everything and only takes control of how she behaves. She gives Lorelai what Lorelai needs for the Dragonfly, and her only stipulation is that she gets to spend more time with her daughter and Luke. She loves, she takes care of others, she helps. And she’s happy. And now, the best for last. The star.

Lorelai: Lorelai sits in that stupid Stars Hollow Musical and hears a song that perfectly describes her problem—it’s never or now. Make a commitment. Do something hard. Make your life about something other than your momentary present happiness and comfort, the way you do with just Rory, sometimes, but make it a permanent change. Make change permanent! Don’t run away! …And then she runs away. She’s been miserable, she’s hit bottom, like her mother before her and her daughter after her. She’s losing friends, she’s losing Luke, she’s losing Emily, she’s losing Rory over the manuscript, and it’s all her fault. Lorelai tries to breeze past it. She does Wild. She does what she’s never done before, she does something hard and uncomfortable, but she does it for herself, and therefore it doesn’t quite work. She tries to hike, Dipper Pines won’t let her hike, she meets other women her age who think this hike is gonna fix things, it doesn’t, and she gives up and goes to get coffee because that’s her go-to. (Coffee is speedy, bad for you, and only a temporary rush—kind of everything Lorelai clings to, actually.) But the coffee shop is closed, and when Lorelai is denied that allegorical Band Aid, she goes around back and sees a great view and finally finds clarity. She didn’t need the hike—she needed to think. She needed a moment of silence and introspection to gain the insane courage to finally stop moving, stick around, and face her fears. To put her eyes on herself and then take her eyes off herself and onto other people—namely the people she loves. Lorelai calls Emily and cries, because it’s hard to do this, it hurts, but with one story, she proves she loved her father, and she knows her father loved her, and the fact that she’s calling shows that she knows Emily loves her too, and she loves Emily, and has loved them both all along. It gives Emily the strength she needs to get out of bed. That was hard, but Lorelai did it. And now she’s going to do more hard things—she’s going to commit. It’s never or now, and Lorelai chooses now. She goes home and the first thing she does is propose to Luke and become Lorelai Danes overnight. Hard. Scary. Just right. She patches things up with her daughter, and chooses Rory over herself—for the hundredth time, yes, but when it’s at its hardest for her to do. “I’ll read it when it’s done.” Lorelai expands the Dragonfly using one of the biggest monuments to her fear of commitment – the Twickham House. She goes to Emily for help, which is also super hard, but this time it’s not for Rory – it’s for her, and it’s for Michel, and it’s for the Dragonfly. And she accepts Emily’s affectionate terms. Lorelai chooses Rory, Luke, Emily, and Michel over herself, and commits, and she doesn’t run away. And she’s happy.

And all of it is earned. Finally earned.

I could talk more about the incredible writing, about ASP at her best, about the perfect themes and scenery and the very intentional end to Paris, Lane, Kirk, Taylor, Dean, Jess, Logan, Chris, and the general cast’s stories, but I’ve already rambled for too long.

Suffice it to say: A Year in the Life is my Gilmore Girls. It’s best version of the story. I think it was expertly done. Not perfect, but an ending that was earned.

#gilmore girls #my gg brainworms #gilmore girls ayitl #ayitl #a year in the life #gilmore girls a year in the life #amy sherman palladino #asp #writing #sam phillips #song lyrics

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l0velyrand0m · 5 months ago

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Old Soul - The First Avenger

This is the second chapter for my captain america/bucky barnes fic (full story on wattpad, l0velyrand0m). Posting the second chapter to see if i get any interest, if so i'll continue posting, but the main story is linked below.

The first chapter is also pinned at the top of my blog <3

"Hey there, grumpy," Bucky said, finally catching up to Eliza as she strided confidently down the street. "Mind if I walk with you?"

"Screw you, Bucky," she retorted in reference to the "grumpy" comment. She wasn't grumpy, she was pissed off. And she had every right to be.

"Maybe later," he replied, making her scoff. "Look, remember earlier when I said you were twenty-four? So he couldn't control you? Same goes for him."

"But I'm protecting him, Bucky," she strained, tears threatening her eyes. She sucked in a deep breath. Elizabeth Rogers didn't cry. "There's a difference. He's gonna get himself killed."

And then it hit him. Why Eliza had been so adamant about Steve's enlisting. About his lies. About his sacrifice. She was scared to lose him like she'd lost the rest of her family. And to an understandable extent - she would be alone.

"Lizzy, look," Bucky said softly, taking her hand in his. "It's gonna be okay. I swear to you. They're not gonna take him. He's not physically capable of doing that. But if you don't take this position. You're gonna regret it."

"I know," she sighed. "He'd be mad-"

"No, Liz," Bucky stopped her. "He's gonna be so proud of you."

Eliza raised her head and looked at Bucky in the eyes. Her own brimmed with hot tears that threatened to spill. Her lip trembled.

Bucky took her in his arms as she let out a small sob. "I can't lose him too. I can't lose either of you."

"Neither of us are going anywhere, doll. You gotta believe in us."

•••

"Welcome to camp, Miss Rogers. I'm Chester Phillips," the colonel said as he took Eliza's hand, and shook it firmly.

"It's an honor, Colonel," she replied.

"This is Agent Peggy Carter, she's here to supervise the division."

"Basically, I'm your boss," she said with a genuine smile. Her accent caught Eliza off guard at first, but it was certainly nice for the ears. "But somehow I think you'll be the only other competent person in this camp."

The Colonel walked away, leaving Peggy and Eliza to walk to the different tents.

"As the division's mobile nurse, you'll hang around me and take care of the boys as you see fit," Peggy explained, handing Eliza a clipboard with some personal files on all the soldiers.

The two girls came up on a line of soldiers waiting for their orders.

"Recruits, attention!" Peggy yelled, grabbing everyone's attention. "Gentlemen, I'm Peggy Carter. I supervise all operations for this division."

"What's with the accent, Queen Victoria?" one of the men shouted, a sly smirk on his mouth. "I thought I was signing up for the U.S. Army."

"What's your name, soldier?" Peggy requested, calling out the special soul in the crowd, this made Eliza snicker quietly. She'd gathered enough information on Peggy in the few minutes she'd been talking with her to know what was going to happen to the guy.

"Gilmore Hodge, your majesty," he said sarcastically.

"Step forward, Hodge," Peggy instructed. And he did so, smirking. "Put your right foot forward."

"Hmm," he hummed. "We gonna wrassle? 'Cause I got a few moves I know you'll like."

Peggy punches Hodge hard in the face, causing him to physically inch back a couple paces, clutching his nose.

"Agent Carter," Colonel Phillips says as he drives up.

"Colonel Phillips," she greeted.

"I see you're breaking in the candidates. That's good!" he turned to Hodge, who was still very much in shock from Peggy's surprise introduction. "Get your ass up out of that dirt and stand in that line at attention 'til somebody comes tells you what to do."

"Yes sir," Hodge apologizes quickly, running back into line.

Phillips now turned his attention to the recruits in line. "General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons, but they are won by men. We are going to win this war because we have the best men..." Phillips trailed off as he noticed one of the men were shorter, much more frail looking than the rest. Eliza felt a pit grow in her stomach as she looked down at her clipboard and sifted through the pages.

Steven Grant Rogers

Brooklyn, New York

07/04/1918

Her head shot back up as she scowled at her brother, making dead eye contact as Phillips spoke. He finally took notice, cringing as she burned a hole in his head with her angry gaze.

"But every army starts with one man," Phillips says, catching Eliza's attention again. "By the end of the week, we will choose that man. He will be the first in a new breed of Super Soldiers."

•••

"Are you crazy?!" Eliza reprimands as she follows Steve to his barracks. "What the- What did I tell you? Did that whole angry outburst mean nothing to you Steve?"

"It meant you don't believe in me."

"Oh for Christ's sake, stop doing this. Stop putting words in my mouth. You're being very unreasonable right now."

"Sometimes I wish you would swear, so I could tell how you really felt."

"Oh trust me, I'd get us both kicked out of this camp if I was swearing right now. I can't believe you!"

"I don't wanna hear this."

"Well you're gonna!"

"Rogers!"

"What?" the twins said in unison as they turned to look at Peggy Carter.

"Agent Carter, I apologize," Eliza spoke quickly.

"Me too," Steve added.

"Okay.. Elizabeth, come with me. You.. off to wherever you need to be. Bye now," Peggy waved him off. "What was that?"

"Nothing. Unreasonable patient," she shrugged.

"I can tell the Colonel to have him sent-"

"No! Well..." Eliza had to think about her next words very carefully. Or there was a good chance she wouldn't be speaking to her brother any time soon, and not just because he was now in the military. "No. It's fine. I'll speak with Erskine about it later. What did you need?"

"Hodge is in the infirmary and requests that you look at his nose," Peggy said with a roll of her eyes. "He's fine, I didn't punch him that hard."

Eliza chuckled, "Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be over there as soon as I can. Thank you."

"No problem," she replied. "We leave in about fifteen for a bit of running practice for the men. You have to come to make sure none of them keel over and die."

"One of em might," Eliza muttered bitterly.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Gotta go attend to the crybaby, I'll see you in ten."

Eliza rushed to the infirmary tent, ducking through the opening to see Hodge complaining to one of her assistant nurses about his nose and the tiny trickle of blood that trailed down his upper lip.

"Gilmore Hodge, my pleasure," Eliza strained. Ever since his little theatrical performance, she decided she didn't much care for Hodge.

"How-do-ya-do, doll?"

The term felt weird hearing it from his mouth. The last person to call her that was Bucky. Whom she was beginning to miss ever since he left after their walk only just about a week ago.

"It's Nurse Rogers, for you, Hodge. Please," she told him.

"How about Lizzy? Liz?"

"Absolutely not. We're done here. Shut your mouth before I get Phillips to send you home. Got it?"

"Spunky. I love it. We'll talk soon, Liz," he says as he got up and walked out.

She was livid with the man. The audacity to take her name. Her nickname from Bucky, and drag it around so carelessly. Somehow, it hurt much more than she expected it to. Bucky was her best friend, and basically an older brother to the two. When he told her not to let anyone call her any derivative of "Liz" or "Lizzy" back when he coined the nickname in the first place... it made her want to punch Hodge. Right where Peggy had before.

But she didn't have time to chase him down just to scold him. He'd enjoy that. And she wasn't going to give him the time of day.

She took in a deep breath, packed her kit, and headed towards Peggy in the jeep next to the starting point of the recruit's run.

"So how was Hodge?" Peggy asked. "Dream man?"

"I'll kill him myself if he doesn't do so in the trench," Eliza chided.

"Oh damn," Peggy smiled. "I love your attitude. I can tell how well working with you is gonna go."

Eliza smiled at Peggy with a feeling of worth.

This was the start of a wonderful friendship.

•••

"That flag means we're only at the halfway point," Sergeant Duffy explained, his voice extremely loud. Eliza wondered how his vocal cords still worked at this rate. "First man to bring it to me gets a ride back with Agent Carter. Move, move!"

Eliza sighed. "Don't worry," Peggy said, leaning over so she was heard. "No one's come close to getting that flag in 17 years I've heard. No one's getting a ride back with us."

"Rogers! I said fall in!" Sergeant Duffy yelled. Eliza whipped her head around to see her brother pull a pin at the bottom of the pole. The pole toppled over, the flag brushing against the ground about seven feet from him.

He strolled over, unhooked the flag, and handed it to Sergeant Duffy (who looked as if he'd seen a ghost) with a small "Thank you, sir". He climbed in the car and sat on the other side of Peggy, who was grinning uncontrollably and watching the Sergeant's reaction with glee.

The others continued running off, and the car drove away.

"Smartass," Eliza mumbled. Steve caught her word however, and his face dropped. He leaned back in the seat and let his hands fall in his lap.

"Don't let her get to you. She doesn't like anyone in this division," Peggy told him. "That was rather clever of you."

"Thank you, ma'am, but I don't think that's why she's upset with me."