#phantom is autistic trust me he told me himself

[zxaxel]

mmz four guardians doing normal life stuff is so funny to me.

imagine them out at a buffet like. fefnir will be LOUD and eat everything there is to offer. phantom is awkwardly sitting there since he doesn’t wanna go get food by himself. leviathan is talking to fefnir and everyone in the room can hear them. harpuia is apologizing for the noise and is so embarrassed.

okay but imagine them taking a group photo. they definitely want phantom to do it since he’s like a ninja and can move fast or something. fefnir wants to fire his weapon to make the photo look cool. harpuia is stressing about trying to get them all in position for when the camera goes off. leviathan wants to do the editing after. they make phantom sit in the front because he’s the small one. every photo is blurry.

GOING TO A GROCERY STORE. harpuia is trying to keep everyone together but fefnir and leviathan just want to go to the candy isles. they make a shopping list and absolutely nothing on the list is bought. phantom pretends to not know any of them. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH

[shikagemaru]

Been having an identity crisis recently. There's It a whole lot of things adding up to that. Call it a rant and ignore it if you want. There's only like 3 of you guys anyway.

I would put a readmore here if I knew how to do that on mobile (thanks for sucking, only social media app I feel at all comfortable with)

•It really doesn't help that the past 7 years of my life have been completely stagnant. Since I haven't been able to work my wife and I have had basically no freedom of our own.

•2 years ago I was put in jail because a pair of psychopaths decided to go from 70 to 0 on the highway in front of us, and get out to try attacking us. I tried backing up to go around but obviously the car behind me was too close and the highway was at speed in the right lane. So I had to go around on the grass while these 2 crazy assholes were approaching while shouting threats. One was coming for my wife's window. So I did what I had to and bumped one of them. He wouldn't move and our safety was more important than him being hurt a little. There was a high speed chase through our community, and while we're on the phone with the police these two are trying to force us off the road. The cops even see one of them hanging out the window shouting threats at us. We pull into a mcdonalds parking lot and after talking to them for a bit the cops arrest me because he said I "ran him over" on purpose. He was so uninjured that he refused medical care at the scene, but he kept telling people I ran him over. They were also both arrested btw. I was held without food or mpving air for over 13 hours and I have a history of heat stroke and hypoglycemia (it's bot exactly that, but it's like living outside of a big city and tellinf people you're from there instead of the local podunk you actually live in). Long story short it was torturous, and then I got put in actual jail. They didn't care that I have a long list of disabilities. When I was released I had to wear an anklr monitor while taking weekly drug tests. The numbers on the drug test kept reading that I was using weed even though I wasn't. It was insanely stressful as the numbers didn't change from one week to another. My fear was that because I was rapidly losing weight from stress that the thc being held onto in the fat was being detected. NOPE. turns out one of my DAILY meds was testing false positive. "Shouldn't they know about the false positive drug and account for it?" Youd think. But when they scanned my medication bottles that one came out blurred and they never entered it into their system. In case there are any lingering feelings that I was guilty, the court case more than handled that. The prosecutor was the kind of scumbag that, before my trial, tried prosecuting this guy's mother-in-law for assaulting him when she tried taking her grandkid out of his arms because he was using the baby to shield himself when the family confronted him about having a fake medical license and it ruining all their lives. It turns out I was put through hell and all he was seeking was "anger management counciling" because he believed that I, the guy protecting his wife, had road rage issues. One listen to the 911 calls would have straightened thst up. My lawyer kicked his ass just a little more than I did on the stand. Long story concluded, thanks for the ptsd. The nightmares have been lovely. So is panicking whenever a door closes kinda loud.

•Last year I was able to self diagnose myself with autism. For those who don't know, the vast majority of autistic people self diagnose, largely due to "experts" on average not being well educated on what autism is outside of the stereotypical cases. Most women aren't diagnosed until adults. Most "high functioning" (which is an awful description when you lesrn that it was created by a literal nazi to separate autistic people into "kill these ones" and "don't kill these ones" categories) people aren't diagnosed until adulthood. And by then actually getting the diagnosis is a challenge. And frequently it involves exercising privelege to get the right people involved.

So knowing what I know now a lot of my life suddenly makes sense. People accusing me of being manipulative when I literally don't know what it is that makes them think that? Severe miscommunications? Obsessing over specific topics to the point where people want to avoid me? Always being "the weird one" and as a result being a social outcast from day 1? Despite being considered very intelligent, I've been super easily manipulated by people my whole life. I can barely ever tell a person no, even if I know I should. Hell. There have been entire relationships I've had with people where I thought we were friends and they didn't think the same thing. Learning who or even how to trust becomes a challenge.

Yeah, it all makes sense now. I want to say "i don't know how they didn't see it", but I do. The 90s was shit for mental health. Since they knew I had tourettes (thanks for that, universe) and adhd, my obsessive tendencies were labeled ocd. Actual adult relationships have gone entirely to shit because of miscommunication. People seem to think I mean one thing when I mean another entirely. People think I'm angry when I'm not. I've basically been told never to be passionate about a topic.

How does a person handle that? It doesn't unfuck relationships with people. Once someone thinks you're lying and manipulating that's it. Nothing you can ever say will ever dissuade them. It doesn't matter that they were the ones that misunderstood. Somehow it becomes the fault of the autistic person. And good luck if you're ever autistic and have a panic attack. So I'm trying not to care about that. It's hard. It's especially hard knowing that things didn't have to, and may not have gone the way they did if i had known about it earlier. I wish I could rebuild certsin relationships. My wife and I used to fight, but since we realized that both of us have these triggers because we're both autistic, we resolve almost every misunderstanding like a walk in the park. But that doesn't work with people you haven't spoken to in years. Even if a lot of it was frankly their fault.

•And the latest fuckery? I have no idea what gender I am. If I had the power to shapeshift I'd probably change on a daily or hourly basis. I had an alt account years ago where I posted fanfiction. Some people in the community assumed they knew my gender and pronouned me as such in the comments. That was the first time I had ever experienced gender euphoria. I was....upset, when someone corrected them. Would have been nice if they asked me first. I enjoyed the confusion quite a lot actually. And since I have a terrible time coming up with names for things (my screen name is from 20 years ago and I never figured out a new one) so I don't know where I would start building up a new persona. And for what? To get the rush of people not knowing which pronouns to use? I hate it. I want it. I don't know if I can ever come out as trans. People think trans means m2f and f2m, and it doesn't really matter to the public consciousness that there's more to it than that. I want to scream at people that I'm trans, but i don't know what I even want my body to look like. If I woke up tomorrow and I was suddenly transformed would I be happy? I have no idea. No? Yes?

I don't know who I am or how to even identify. I'm a disabled, autistic, lgbtq ethnic minority with no financial freedom, and my 40s are approaching. Life is a challenge. Sometimes I wish I could just Danny Phantom it up. And by sometimes I mean daily.

[dracolord1208]

Divergent Mornings

Dracolord1208

A03 

Day 1: First

Summary:

Symmetra meets with Junkrat and for the first time learns that he is also neurodivergent somewhat like her.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It was around 6 am when Symmetra finished her morning jog and shower. Feeling ready to start the day Symmetra headed to the workshop, she was looking forward to working on her latest project. She was developing a new shield generator that would automatically give her teammate’s shields. Her teammates would be able to act freely within its range while being protected. However, she felt that its design was still missing something. She wanted to this shield generator to make a large enough contribution to the team.

As Symmetra approached the workshop she noticed something strange; the lights were on. Heading into the workshop, she was met with the vision of Junkrat sitting on a pile of scrap; the soot-covered Junker was fiddling with some device while listening to something with a pair of headphones Symmetra had never seen before.

Symmetra was very surprised to see the Junker working this early in the morning. Her mood perked up a bit as she studied him. He seemed to have his entire focus on the device he was working on. Symmetra found that she had a hard time reading people, but she found it much simpler to do when people were as animated as Junkrat. Due to this, she discovered that she had a much easier time conversing with him than with others. While she wasn’t sure if, she would call him a friend he certainly had no reservations in doing so with her.

“Good morning. It is uncommon for you to come in this early.”

Junkrat kept working on his device, twisting it around and inspecting it carefully.

Figuring he had not heard her, she decided to speak up. “Good Morning.”

“I can hear you, you know. No need to yell.” Junkrat responded while still focusing on the task at hand without looking away from it.

“Oh, okay.  Well, I was wondering why you were here this early.”

“Pains, you know. Leg decided to itch a storm even though some lizard probably ate the last of it by now. They kept me up you know. Decided it was best to try to work on something than to just turn in bed and all.” Junkrat now finishing up his device placed it into a box to the left labeled ‘to be painted’.

Symmetra did know what he was talking about, having lost her arm two years ago she had also experienced some phantom pain. Luckily it had been quite a while due to the neuro-connectors in her arm allowed her brain to rationalize the pain away.

“Sorry. What are you listening to?”

“Nothing right now. They are just making the room quite. I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. So I find tuning out everything is pretty handy. I was even able to get these fancy noise stopping ones from Angel. Sometimes my mind just needs less you know? Probably not.” Junkrat was now looking down trotted feeling tired and for some reason vulnerable.  

Symmetra was now uncertain. She wanted to cheer Junkrat up somehow, but she was worried about how he would react.  

“Well, actually I find that certain stimulations help me when I get overwhelmed.”

Junkrat’s attention was now completely trained on Symmetra. “Overwhelmed?”

“I… um, I have a harder time dealing with things than other people. Some noises and types of lights give me the most trouble. As I have grown up, I figured out what kinds of stimulation works best for me. It used to bother me when I was younger because I knew I was different from others, but it doesn’t now because I can do things nobody else can do.” Symmetra then began to manipulate hard light in a heavily practiced method.

“Yeah, your hard light is something else. I still can’t believe it’s not magic or something. It’s truly a spectacle. When I first joined Angel gave me a full look up. I was having a hard time listening to all her fancy medic talk. Said something about some letters and stuff.”

“ADHD?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Eventually, she convinced me to let her help. That’s why she gave me these headphones and started me on treatments for my radiation.”

“Radiation?”

“Yeah radiation poisoning, I try my best to hide it.” Junkrat was now showing Symmetra his fingernails. “Me and Roadhog paint our nails black so you can’t see the effects of the poison.”

“Why?”

“Don’t exactly trust everyone here with my weaknesses.”

“Why are you telling me then?”

“Guess I trust ya. Yeah, you are a suit, but don’t act like one, I don’t think you would sell me out if it only made you look better. That’s what I hate most about suits. They care more about how others think about them than they care about doing the right thing. You, on the other hand, want to make the world a better place. I mean I don’t agree with you on how you want to do that, but I know your hearts in the right place. Also, it’s only fair after you shared with me.”

“I, I … I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t have to say nothing were friends right?”

Symmetra was at a complete lost. Junkrat had accepted what she told him instantly without even questioning it. He had then proceeded to expose himself to her as well.

Satya knew he was right about her. She knew by now that Vishkar was aiming to do well in the world yet she also knew that there were times that corporate needs went about the task in a way that she didn’t approve but what was she supposed to do.

“Thank you. I’ll be back.” Satya decided that she needed some air, so she quickly found herself absconding from the situation.

Once Symmetra had left the room, Junkrat decided that he was done working on his project and decided to head to the firing range. “Guess it’s still too early to consider her a friend. Real shame though girl’s got enough spark in her to light the world on fire.

Notes:

Howdy so this for the first day of Junkmetra/Symmrat week. I just want to make it a bit clear that in this Junkrat has ADHD, Radiation poisoning (non-lethal), PTSD and quite a bit of repressed memories. This is common in almost all of my works just clarifying. Also, Symmetra is autistic, that being said in reference with her comic she is not heavily bothered by it in her day to day, and I tried to reflect that. Now I do want to state that I am not neurodivergent so I if I got anything incorrect feel free to message me on Tumblr and I can look into adjusting some things where needed. I hope you all have a good week and life I love all of you. My Tumblr is http://dracolord1208.tumblr.com/

Series this work belongs to:

Part 1 of the Draco's Junkmetra Week series