#phan nasa au

[kidicarus13]

Ares Mission Journal, Astronaut Philip Lester

Summary: The Phan NASA AU that we’ve all been waiting for. Don’t tell me that you haven’t been waiting your whole life for this, because lets be honest, you’d be lying to yourself.

Word Count: 23,324

Warnings: Lots of pain and fluff and angst, the lovely slow burn angst so strap yourself in for that lads.

A/N: I actually originally wrote this for my astronomy final project (minus the swearing and I changed the names around so my astronomy teacher didn’t look up the people’s names and discover that I’m writing about actual people). Yes, I did write gay fanfiction and turn it into my forty-five year old male astronomy teacher with a wife. But he probably enjoyed it, honestly. Lots of inspiration from @mangothatismelancholy​‘s lovely story Misfit on Wattpad (go read it like seriously it’s won a WATTY it’s so fucking amazing please go read it).

This fic is also on wattpad exactly the same, if you wanna check it out!

Ares Mission Journal, Astronaut Philip Lester

March 23rd, 2037

They say that in life you never completely get what you want.

They say that there’s always a point where you just can’t do anything anymore, where there’s that final obstacle you will never make it over, that there is always someone better than you.

Throughout my entire life I’d chosen to ignore this outlook on life where you always assume the worst. Because if you always assume the worst thing will happen then how do you ever get the motivation to try in the first place?

This was my mindset when I applied to be an astronaut on the Ares Missions.

But people all around me, even my closest family and friends told me that it was unreasonable, that I shouldn’t get my hopes up and I should find something else to do for when I inevitably get rejected. So many people told me this, that I actually started to believe it.

But then I got the letter back from NASA.

And I’d gotten accepted to be one of the astronauts on the Ares mission.

To say that I freaked out is an understatement, really. I was so ecstatic and excited and relieved that all of my hard work and all of those long years at college had finally paid off in the best way possible. Out of millions and millions of people that applied, somehow I was one of the five selected. One of the five.

And I’ve been given the job of recording everything that happens on this mission--the training, the launch, the flight, Mars, and the departure from Mars. It’s a really important job, considering what I’m writing could end up published in newspapers and scientific articles for future generations. But no pressure (nose pressure), right?

So far I’ve heard absolutely nothing about any of the other astronauts on my team, as we are not allowed to post online that we’ve gotten accepted. I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow (our first day of training) to meet the rest of the crew. Honestly, I’m somewhere between excited and terrified to meet them. I mean, we’ll be spending the next three and a half years together, which would be a very long time if we all ended up not being able to stand each other. But just like everything else I’ve done in my life, I’m looking at this in the best way possible. NASA most likely chose people that would get along exceedingly and have traits that complemented each other so that we would work together stupendously on Mars under high-pressure and tense situations.

Who knows, maybe I’ll be meeting my four new best friends tomorrow, if NASA really did choose people in that fashion. Maybe I’ll even meet the person I’m meant to be with and we’ll fall in--no.

No, that’s absolutely crazy. Forget I ever even mentioned the whole thing. I’ll record how well everything ends up going tomorrow after the first day of training.

March 24th, 2037

I just want to reiterate my thanks to NASA for giving me this experience. Walking into the headquarters of NASA today was the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me. Just taking a step inside, watching everyone turn to me and look at me with respect, seeing the spaceship I’ll end up leaving in soon in the process of construction.

Someone needed to pinch me, because honestly, none of it felt like it could possibly be real.

And the other members of the crew were all absolutely amazing. All of us are so different yet weirdly compatible as a group (which, once again, was probably NASA’s intention). Well . . . almost. I’m sure we’ll get there soon.

The first crew member I met was Daniel Howell. From what I could gather about him, he’s calm and cool and collected, all of the time. I assume that he won’t crack under pressure (at least not noticeably), so if for any reason we get into a bad situation, he’ll help us pull through it. But on the downside, he seems to struggle with caring about people. All of us were sat in a circle, and I turned and asked him a single question.

“So, how are you? Excited for the upcoming training?” I asked cheerfully, plastering a huge smile on my face (which wasn’t hard, considering I was already bursting with happiness and bubbliness). But as a smile formed on my face, a frown appeared on his.

“Look, I know we’re both on this mission together, and you’re really excited, but . . .” he trailed off, and it looked like maybe, just for a second his eyes flickered warmly towards me. But just like a lighter, as soon as his eyes brightened, they fizzled out.

“But . . .?” I questioned, leaning my head forward in curiosity.

“I think it would be best if we only talked when absolutely necessary, Phillip.” By now everyone else in the room had turned to stare at us.

“W-what? Why?” I stuttered. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Dan sighed, almost looking guilty--but not quite. “Philip.”

“It’s Phil, actually,” I corrected before I could stop myself.

“Phil, sorry. Look, we’re here to get to Mars, that doesn’t mean we have to be best friends,” he stated flatly.

“W . . .” I trailed off. Without a second glance back towards me, Dan stood up and pulled his over to a corner where he proceeded to get on his phone and ignore us.

One of the other three guys, Tyler, who’d been staring at me in shock for the past five minutes walked over to me and unceremoniously collapsed in a chair beside me.

“What an ass, huh?” he spectated, gesturing over at Dan.

“I’m sure he has his reasons,” I muttered, looking down at the carpeted ground.

“Hey, don’t let him get to you, alright?” Tyler said, playfully punching my shoulder. “Anyways, this is Anthony,” he pointed to a guy with dark brown hair and brown eyes (nothing like Dan’s eyes, though), which were squinting in distaste at the piece of paper he was scribbling on. “He’s clearly the smart one out of all of us. And that’s Connor over there, he’ll be the communicator between us and Earth.” I glanced over at Connor, who looked up from his computer for a moment before returning to typing at the speed of light. “You’ve already met Dan, obviously,” Tyler said, turning to scoff in his direction. Dan was hunched over in his chair over his phone, bent over just enough that his dark chocolate brown fringe fell down to cover his hazel eyes. His whole body was tense, and he seemed to be trying to draw himself in on himself to get as small as he physically could. Most likely he just heard Tyler talking about him and got flustered. But why? If he didn’t want to be friends with any of us, why did he seem to care about Tyler’s opinions of him?

Unless maybe . . . he does care, and he was lying when he said he didn’t want to be friends with us.

And that’s when I made the internal decision that no matter what, regardless of anything Dan says, I’m going to become his best friend, and I’m going to find out why he doesn’t think he can let anyone in his life.

And so I made this promise to myself, in the middle of a NASA conference room, with Tyler talking a mile a minute next to me about his entire life story. Even if it would put me through pain, I was still determined to get to know him.

April 18th, 2037

Today is the last day before we leave. Our last day on Earth before we’re shot into space in a piece of metal that may or may not explode.

For these past few weeks we’ve been training nonstop to be prepared for the strange conditions on Mars (if you’d wish to read a full in-depth long journal about all of training we did and how it affected us, then go read that document. However, this particular journal log will be dedicated to how us as a group gets along and our interactions on Mars, as well as a sort of “personal diary” for me to write down my favorite experiences of the trip). But in these weeks, I still haven’t made any progress with Dan. The rest of the group keep telling me to just let it be, let him be the silent, resilient, emotionless member of our group that can bench press 250 pounds (seriously, I’m not joking). I know that somewhere inside of him, a part of him is screaming, begging and desperately craving to show emotion, to have a friend. And so I refuse to give up, no matter how insane people tell me I’m being.

Speaking of insane, a group of Russian scientists have recently been begging NASA and Americans not to send our mission up to Mars. They say that supposedly the radiation and UV rays from the sun can make us blind, or give us cancer that makes your body slowly deteriorate from the inside. The scientists here at NASA told us that they’re just making stuff up to stop our mission from going to Mars before them. I mean seriously, Russia, previously the Soviet Union really thought that we would take there cockamammy advice about cancelling a space mission? They’ve got to be mental to believe that we’d cancel it, especially when we’ve come this far.

Seriously, we’re leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow!

To say I’m excited is an understatement--I’m ecstatic. Even though the risk of the spaceship exploding persists, I still want to go. After all, dying while trying to accomplish my dream doesn’t sound that bad. At least I’ve chased my dreams and never gave up on them, unlike other people who think their dreams being a reality is impossible. I’d much rather die trying to make a dream a reality than doing something I wouldn’t enjoy doing for the rest of my life, always wondering what if . . .

April 18th, 2037, later

I didn’t think I would be making another journal entry today, but something extraordinary just happened.

Dan and I talked.

It was around 10:45 at night, and I was walking to the kitchen to make some food, as I couldn’t sleep, when I walked past the door to his room. Usually his door is always closed and locked, but for whatever reason, today it was left open slightly. Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but I’m more of a believer in fate and destiny than just writing every peculiar event like off as a coincidence. Curious, I walked towards the door and put my ear against the small open crack, careful not to put any of my weight on the door. From inside the room, I could hear soft sobbing. Intrigued, I pushed open the door, and peered through it.

Sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, whilst shaking with sobs, was Dan.

My mouth fell open at the sight of him so unraveled. Usually he was so put together and collected, like the rock that tied our group down to sanity, so seeing him like this was just odd.

Quietly, I stepped inside and precariously shut the door behind me, careful to make no noise. I crept forward towards Dan, each step harder to take than the last.

I opened my mouth, willing for words to come out--comforting words, letting him know that I was here for him, that I’d hold him until he felt better.

Instead, all that came out was, “D-Dan?”

Immediately he shot up and stared at me, my presence clearly shocking him.

“Phil?” he questioned, his voice cracking. “W-what are you doing here?”

“I-I’m sorry!” I exclaimed. “I was just walking to the kitchen when I noticed that your door was left open, then I heard crying and I got worried so I came in here to make sure you were okay and I’m sorry, really, I should’ve just stayed outside and--”

“Wow,” Dan interjected, rolling his eyes and successfully cutting me off from my embarrassing rant. His mouth quirked up at the corner in amusement and I was stunned. It was the first time I had seen him do something with his mouth that wasn’t frowning. His eyes seemed to brighten, which made my mouth drop open.

He was . . . beautiful, almost in an ironic way. Sad tears adorned his cheeks but his eyes glowed with so much warmth and yet he was still smirking mischievously. Somehow he wore each emotion better than anyone else I had ever seen.

“I just can’t figure out why you care so much,” Dan remarked, almost to himself.

“And I just can’t figure out how you don’t care,” I retorted, not even a moment later. “How does never showing any emotion and always being alone seem so appealing to you?”

Dan looked down at the bed now, shrugging, emotion gone from his face again.

After a minute or two of silence I figured he just wasn’t going to answer, but then he answered so quietly that if I hadn’t been listening closely, I would’ve missed it.

“Because then I won’t get hurt again.”

“W-what? Who hurt you?” I asked.

“That doesn’t matter,” he whispered.

We sat in silence for few more minutes, until I got the courage to speak again.

“Why were you crying?” I mumbled. Next to me, Dan tensed.

“I was just thinking about tomorrow.”

“What about tomorrow?” Dan turned his head down to stare at me, his hazel eyes stormy.

“About all of the risks, what would happen if the spaceship exploded. What if those Russians are right and being on Mars can make people go blind and get cancer? What then?” Dan exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes at him. “You really believe the Russian scientists over ours? And besides, you’re really strong, I’m sure you’ll be okay.”

Dan’s eyes flashed with an emotion I didn’t understand until he turned to stare into my eyes. Being this close to him, I could see that his eyes weren’t just brown, but flecked with gold and green. Nervously, I swallowed. Then he suddenly broke his stare towards me and turned to look at the ground.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” he finally whispered. My eyes widened in shock. Was he maybe talking about . . . me?

“Then who?” I asked softly.

Dan opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, until he thought better of it and shut his mouth.

“Nothing,” he muttered, before standing up and starting to shoo me out. “As stimulating as this conversation has been, we both need to sleep before tomorrow. So get out of my room,” he snapped, startling me.

“O-okay,” I stuttered, walking out as he was pushing me to go faster. The moment I was outside, he slammed the door shut in my face causing me to flinch.

It seemed like he had opened up to me, even if it was just for a moment.

Now that I knew for sure there was something in there, I most definitely wasn’t going to stop trying now.

“Bye, Dan! See you tomorrow!” I shouted cheerfully, before skipping back to my own room for some much needed sleep.

April 20th, 2037

Well, we did it. Yesterday we launched into space for our physically and mentally exhausting 253 day long journey to Mars. And miraculously, the spacecraft did not blow up--we’ve made it into space and are on track to Mars.

But it might as well have exploded, as Dan has started ignoring me again, despite what I thought was a breakthrough yesterday.

When we boarded the spacecraft, I ran to sit by him, and turned to tell him hello. He didn’t answer, he just stayed on his phone, typing rapidly, like his life depended on this single text message. Either way, he was completely ignoring my presence.

“Hey, Dan,” I said softly. His eyes still remained focused on the screen. Finally, I tapped his shoulder wearily.

“What?!” Dan spat at me in annoyance. He had looked up from his phone finally, but his eyes were filled with anger towards me.

“I-I just wanted to see if you were doing okay because yesterday you seemed kind of worried about the launch and I was worried about you,” I said timidly, folding my hands into my lap and biting my bottom lip.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. Worry about yourself,” Dan answered hollowly, turning to stare at the bland grey wall made of solid steel and titanium.

“But--” I protested, before Dan cut me off.

“I’m fine!” he exclaimed, turning to face the wall. Next to me Tyler whistled.

“Someone’s on their man period,” he joked, laughing.

“You don’t know what he’s going through,” I told Tyler, annoyed. Tyler’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Look, Phil, I know you’re really nice and all, but standing up for Dan? Really? He’s the biggest ass I know, and I’ve met the Kardashian family before.” Anthony and him both chuckled at that, causing me to gasp in shock.

“How could you say that? When you have absolutely no idea what he could be going through! I know you’re just trying to make a joke, but next time don’t insult other people while you do it,” I lectured.

“You don’t have to defend me!” Dan snapped angrily.

“See!” Tyler retorted.

“But I want to,” I mumbled. Dan’s eyes went wide as he turned to look at me, the hazel orbs pooled with disbelief and surprise.

“And why? I’ve never done anything for you,” Dan whispered, his voice cracking, only the second time I’d heard him speak with so much raw emotion present in his voice.

“Because I care. And I believe you will too, someday, when I’ve finally convinced you to be friends with me.”

Dan let out a dry, sarcastic chuckle. “Yeah, that’s never going to happen sweetheart. I think I’d rather jump out into space and get crushed by all of the pressure than be your friend and care about you.”

Despite Dan’s biting tone and harsh insults embedded into his words, I still noticed the way his eyes flashed briefly, as if the way he had spoke to me had caused him pain.

“Astronauts, take your seats. Take off in sixty seconds. Fifty-nine . . . fifty-eight . . .” the voice droned robotically as all of us scrambled to fasten all of the buckles and bars in place.

“Well, we’re really doing this,” Anthony marveled.

Yeah,” I answered breathlessly. We were doing this. We were doing this.

And I was terrified.

“If we all die, I just want to thank you guys for at least putting in all of the effort to get here,” Connor announced, swallowing nervously.

“Me too, man,” Anthony agreed.

“Guys . . .” Tyler suddenly piped up. “I’ve never been in love before. What if I die on this mission and never get the chance to fall in love?” his voice trembled. It was odd seeing someone normally so put together and humorous just falling apart before your eyes.

At the mention of love, I found my eyes flickering towards Dan nervously, surprised to see that his eyes were already trained on me, the emotion in his eyes unreadable. I looked away, blushing.

“It’s okay,” Connor suddenly chided in. “Maybe you won’t find love in this life, but I’m sure you will one day. Everybody has that person out there for them.” A tiny smile formed on his lips and he looked up at the wall, a longing look entering his eyes.

“I think you’re lucky, Tyler,” Anthony suddenly interjected. “You’re not in love, Tyler, so it doesn’t hurt when one of you leaves.”

Connor’s head shot up and he stared at Anthony, disbelief and worry starting to cover his face.

“What are you talking about?” Connor asked sharply, his words taught and harsh.

Waving at Tyler, Anthony roared, “HE’S NOT IN LOVE! HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET HERE AND HOW HARD IT WAS TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO LEAVE HER FOR YEARS AND I--” his voice cracked suddenly, causing him to falter. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from, I think that the take off is just freaking me out.”

“It’s okay, I get it. That must be really hard, Anthony. I hadn’t even thought about it that way.”

For a moment the three of them remained silent, until Tyler unexpectedly blurted, “Is there someone waiting for you on Earth, Connor?”

Again the small but genuine smile appeared on Connor’s face. “Yeah.”

“And she’ll wait for you all seven years?” Anthony asked.

“He’s waited for me before, he’ll do it again.”

The robotic voice interrupted everybody before anyone had a chance to react.

“Ten.”

My heart rate shot up almost instantaneously.

“Nine.”

“Dan,” I whispered.

“Eight.”

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“Seven.”

“I’m scared. Like, really, really scared,” I muttered frantically, my words all over the place.

“Six.”

Maybe he wouldn’t answer me.

“Five.”

Maybe I was wrong about him.

“Four.”

Maybe he really just didn’t care.

“Three.”

“Me too,” he enunciated softly.

“Two.”

On a dumb impulse, I released my death grip from one of the bars holding me down, and slowly I inched my hand towards his, closer and closer until--

“One.”

Our hands made contact--sweet, blissful contact that made my stomach swoop so badly I forgot about the spacecraft entirely.

“Phil, I--” Dan started to say, before getting interrupted by the spaceship lurching upwards so forcefully that his head shot back. I tightened my grip around his hand, clinging onto him like he was the only thing rooting me to sanity. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact his grip on my hand seemed to increase too.

“Alphis to spacecraft, do you read? Over.”

“This is Connor. I read. Over,” Connor responded in a shaky voice.

“Everything all right so far? Nothing strange? Over.”

All of us turned to look at Connor in confusion. His brow furrowed in confusion. “Um . . . no. Should there be? Over.” Connor’s voice was filled with worry.

There was a long pause of silence. I turned to look at Dan, who was biting his lip while looking at the ground thoughtfully. His hand was still tightly holding onto mine, shaking ever so slightly, so his whole “calm aura” wasn’t fooling me.

“Spacecraft to Alphis, can you hear me? Over.”

The silence that came from the speakers was almost ominous.

“Dan?” I asked softly. “What were you going to say? Before we took off, I mean.”

“Oh!” Dan exclaimed, seeming nervous to be called out. “I-I didn’t think you’d remember that.”

“Of course I did,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Now stop trying to avoid the question.”

“Um . . . I just wanted to say thank you. For, you know, being there when I needed you to be. Even though you didn’t have to be there.” A blush filled Dan’s pale cheeks as he looked down at the floor, purposefully causing his fringe to fall in his face in a failed attempt to hide his growing blush. My mouth fell open at his confession, shocked that he was showing this much emotion to me in the first place, when just before the flight he was trying to ignore my existence.

“R-really?” I stuttered. “Does that mean that you--”

“Don’t push it, Sunshine,” Dan scoffed, looking back over towards me with a small smile. My heart fluttered involuntarily in my chest.

“Sunshine? Why Sunshine?” I asked, moderately annoyed.

“Because, Sunshine, you’re always happy, smiling, and there for people when they need it,” Dan told me. Now it was my turn to blush.

“Shut up,” I mumbled.

“But also when they don’t need it. I’ve gotten many a sunburn in my day,” Dan sassed, sticking his tongue out at me.

“Excuse me? Are you an adult? Or did NASA start a program to send kids into space?”

“Oh, that must be how you got accepted. I was wondering why they chose you, Sunshine.”

The ship suddenly rattled, starting to shake violently with such force for a moment I really did fear that it would explode.

Dan laced his fingers through mine, before resuming to hold onto my hand so tightly it started to go numb. I noticed that his hand was shaking slightly, his eyes fixated on our hands like he was trying to burn the memory of them entwined in his mind. With our lives possibly about ready to end, he probably was.

“Phil . . .” Dan whispered, his voice so soft that no one else but me was able to hear him.

“What happened to Sunshine?” I asked after a moment’s hesitation, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sorry, Sunshine, but I need to tell you something if we’re going to die here..” My eyes widened and I leaned over to him as much as I could with all of the restraints around me.

“W-what?” I stuttered.

“Look, I . . . I think that--”

Abruptly, the spaceship stopped shaking

“Alphis to spacecraft, Alphis to spacecraft. Can you hear me, Connor? Over.”

“Connor to Alphis. Yes, I can hear you. We’re all okay. Over.”

“Alphis to spacecraft, thank God. Our readings were telling us that the heat shield had adjusted slightly during takeoff. It must’ve been a malfunction in our sensors. Are you sure everyone’s okay? Over.” My eyes widened and I looked over at Dan, who seemed to be breathing easier now.

“I guess your fears were warranted then, Dan,” I whispered to him. He frowned thoughtfully.

“Yes, we’re all okay up here. Can we get up and move around now? Over.”

“I don’t see why not. But if for any reason the spacecraft starts having problems, rush back to these seats to strap yourselves in. Over.”

“Hey, Dan, do you want to--” I started, looking over to Dan, but he cut me off by wrenching his hand out of my grasp and moving to unstrap himself from the seat.

“No,” he concluded tersely, before standing up and waltzing out of the room towards his room, leaving me to stare after him in confusion. Why is it that just when we start to make some progress he has to walk away, leaving me disoriented and at a loss to what had just occurred? Sighing, I began to unfasten all of the straps holding me down to the seat when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, Ty--” I stopped abruptly when I looked up to see not Tyler, but Connor. “Oh . . . Connor. Sorry, I just assumed that you were Tyler--”

“It’s fine, Phil,” he reassured me. “Look, I wanted to talk to you. About Dan.”

I unbuckled the last few straps and lifted the bar from my seat and stood up, running a hand through my hair in annoyance. “If you also wanted to tell me that I’m wasting my time trying to befriend Dan and that I shouldn’t pursue him because he’s just some heartless jerk, then I really don’t want to hear it, Connor. Sorry.” Brushing off my shirt, I started to walk away in the direction of my room where I planned on sitting for the next few hours, debating what had possibly gone wrong between Dan and I and how I could fix it.

“No, Phil, I don’t think that. In fact, I think Tyler and Anthony are wrong about him and how you should treat him.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked. Well, I guess it made sense. Whenever Tyler and Anthony would insult Dan (usually in front of him too) he never did join in. He just sat quietly in the corner, often working on something on his computer, or on the phone with someone. Almost like Dan, but he gets along with everybody and actually shows emotions. “Sorry. I guess it’s not really that surprising, actually.”

“Why do you say that?” Connor questioned, his brow furrowing.

“Well, you’re really nice and I’ve never actually seen you make fun of Dan, so I guess I just jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry,” I said sheepishly.

Connor just shook his head and smiled, a look of total amazement covering his face. “You’re sorry? Really?”

“What?” I asked, confused.

He just shook his head again, laughing this time. “I just don’t see why you’re sorry, or calling me nice. Have you ever looked at yourself? You’re literally the living, breathing definition of nice. If you opened a dictionary and looked up the word ‘nice’, you would find a picture of yourself.” I rolled my eyes.

“No, I’m not Connor. If that was true, wouldn’t Dan not hate me?” My voice pitifully cracked on the last phrase and I couldn’t help but lower my head in shame. “Sorry,” I muttered as I felt tears come to my eyes. “I don’t mean to act like a child.”

“Phil, you’re not acting liking a child at all. If you weren’t acting like this, it would mean that you don’t care about Dan.” I opened my mouth to object, but Connor cut me off. “You’re really not, Phil. And believe it or not, Dan doesn’t hate you. At all. It’s just hard to see that he cares because he has so many walls up around his heart it’s near impossible to see any emotion that he feels.”

“Then how can you see it?”

“Because,” Connor started, sighing and closing his eyes as if reliving a memory. “I was once just like him. And I can see how nervous he is to be feeling anything towards you. He must’ve been hurt before, really badly. If he shows any flicker of emotion towards you, Phil, know that he’s screaming at you for help, for some way out of the fortress he’s built around himself. Somehow I think you’re the only one who can help him out now. So don’t abandon him now, even if people tell you that he’s not worth it. Because he is, even if they can’t see that now.” With that, Connor turned around and started walking to his room.

“Wait, Connor!” I exclaimed, rushing after him. “Thank you. For telling me.”

His mouth quirked up at the edges in a smirk. “Of course. Any time.” Connor strolled off to his room, opening the door before turning back to look at me again, a huge smile adorning his face. “Just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.”

“W-wedding? What? Why would you ever suggest something like that?” I stuttered, going red.

“Talk to you tomorrow, Sunshine,” Connor told me between giggles, closing his room door behind him. Rolling my eyes, I walked away from his door and headed over to my room, my eyes lingering on Dan’s door for longer than they should’ve. I couldn’t help but wonder what he could possibly be doing in his room. Sleeping? Reading? Exercising? With him, I’m never really sure about anything. Dan wasn’t so much about being black or white, he seemed to prefer a different shade of grey every time..

But I’ll worry about him tomorrow. Today I’m going to go to my room, write all of the journal entries and documents I need to write, and then sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day, and I’m determined not to let Dan push me away then.

August 25th, 2037

Well, as it turns out, the so called “tomorrow will be a new day” was a complete lie. Dan has been busying himself with work and refusing to stop to talk to me at all these past four months. Each time I approach him, even just asking him if he wants me to grab him dinner since he’d been exercising for about eight hours straight (you think I’m joking. I’m not), he’ll just shrug me off and walk away.

I suppose Connor was right, in the sense that Dan had multiple walls that were incredibly difficult to tear down. After he let his walls down for just an instant towards me, it seemed like he got scared and was afraid of me not caring for him anymore. Instead of confronting this fear and telling me about it, he did the only thing he knows how to do, that he’s done for his whole life—shut me out.

Which hurt slightly, I suppose. But how could it not?

But what really bugged me, the thing I really wanted to know was what Dan was going to tell me when he thought we were going to die. I distinctly remember him saying my name, almost telling me something, before the radio from Earth cut him off. And then he promptly refused to tell me what he wanted to say once it was safe to get up.

It almost feels like he’s avoiding me on purpose, and nothing I do or say will make him stop. Maybe opening up to me scared him slightly, so now I have to prove to him that he won’t regret opening up to me.

Which is exactly how now, at ten o’clock months later, I was outside his door, pacing, trying to think of the best way to approach him.

Writing about it now, I can see that I was being absolutely ridiculous. If I wanted to talk to him, I should’ve just walked right up to his door and knocked on it until he came out to yell at me to shut up.

Instead, I ended up sitting on the ground next to his door, hugging my knees to my chest, hoping that he would come out eventually and be forced to interact with me. Sometime about fifteen minutes later, he opened his door, most likely to grab a late night snack from our food storage. He didn’t get very far, though, as my presence went unnoticed until he walked straight into me and tripped, slamming into the ground on top of me with a grunt.

For a moment we just laid on the ground, unmoving. It was almost as if all of the words I’d been wanting to say to him for the past months wanted to come out at once, before they all promptly decided to get lodged in my throat, causing me to stare at Dan opened mouth for the greater majority of a minute.

“Um . . . Phil?” Dan finally asked, his voice apprehensive.

“Y-yeah?” I answered after a long moment of silence.

“Why were you sitting outside my room?”

I nervously swallowed, glancing up at his confused and questioning hazel eyes for a moment before quickly diverting my eyes and focusing on the black material of his t-shirt.

“I-” I started, my voice breaking off. It felt like my throat had physically closed and I couldn’t speak or breathe. “I was waiting for you to come out,” I finally answered.

“Why didn’t you just knock?” Dan asked, looking at me like I was insane.

“Would you have answered?” I shot back, raising my eyebrows. Dan sighed in defeat, biting his lip and looking down at the ground with a sigh.

“No,” he admitted, fiddling with the thread coming off of his shirt. “Probably not.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice an octave higher than usual. Dan looked pained as he stared back towards his room, as if longing to dash back inside and not come back out again.

“Because.” Dan proclaimed flatley, emotion void from his voice, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

I rolled my eyes, refusing to accept his answer. “We both that’s not true, Dan. So you can stop lying.”

Dan glared at me, his jawline clenching. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“But you need to talk about this. Look at you, you’re falling apart! Why can’t you just talk to me?” I questioned, even though I already knew the answer (courtesy of Connor).

“Phil—” Dan started, his voice strained. “I-I’m sorry, Sunshine. But I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

Dan looked down at the ground, and I could almost see the thoughts that must’ve been flying through his head. The way he was acting, anyone else would’ve just stopped, turned away, and let him be.

And I almost did.

But then I remembered Connor’s advice.

“If he shows any flicker of emotion towards you, Phil, know that he’s screaming at you for help, for some way out of the fortress he’s built around himself. Somehow I think you’re the only one who can help him out now. So don’t abandon him now, even if people tell you that he’s not worth it. Because he is, even if they can’t see that now.”

And I knew that I couldn’t listen to Dan—I had to read between the lines, in the way his eyes seemed to look pained when he told me to back off, in the slight tremble of his bottom lip, how his hand was shaking ever so slightly, and the way his whole body was tense, as if anxiously awaiting my answer, despite claiming to not care.

“Dan,” I whispered softly. “I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you tell me. So you can stop trying to push me away, okay?”

No one else but me could’ve noticed, because they didn’t look at Dan the way I did, look at every single detail of his actions and knew exactly how to read them—but after my reassurance, he seemed to visibly breath again, his jaw relaxing, and I could almost detect a small smile trying to form on the corner of his mouth.

“Please,” I whispered, while Dan hung on to my every word. “Stop, it’s not going to push me away.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” Dan whispered back breathlessly. “I don’t know how to let anyone in, how to make people do anything but hate me—”

“I don’t hate you.”

Dan let out a small chuckle at my antics.

“I don’t hate you, too.” A real, genuine smile formed on his lips, and I noticed for the first time he had deep, adorable dimples.

“Don’t move,” I whispered, before taking a step towards him and wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace. My chin rested on his shoulder, and I could feel his warm breath on my ear. His whole body had tensed up, his arms frozen at his sides like he didn’t know how to react. Maybe he didn’t.

“Relax. It’s okay, I’ve got you,” I muttered into his ear, causing a shiver to run down his spine. After a few moments, I felt him place a tentative arm around my shoulders, before pulling me even closer to him.

I felt him start to shake again, but this time it wasn’t with anxiety—it was with sobs.

“It’s okay,” I whispered into his ear again. “It’s okay, Dan, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.

“I promise.”

“You do?” he asked shakily.

“Of course.” I felt Dan pull me in even closer, until I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began—we were just us.

Dan, I thought. That was all I could think, the sole thought of him making my heart race and causing my breathing to quicken.

“Will you be my friend?” I asked after a long period of silence of us just standing together, our arms wrapped around each other tightly, refusing to let go.

Dan sighed, disentangling his arms from around me and taking a step back. “I’d be a terrible friend, Phil. You know that.”

I scoffed and playfully punched his shoulder. “What are you talking about? You’d be a great friend, Dan. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“I’ve never even had a friend before,” Dan admitted, biting his lip. I could see the pain swimming in his eyes—or were those tears? “I’ll just end up hurting you or something. I have no idea how to be a friend or care for people or make them happy.”

“Then I’ll teach you,” I whispered.

“Phil,” Dan whispered, his voice cracking. “I’ve managed to make you stay away from me for so long, why are you bothering me now?”

“I was never away from you,” I answered. “You just weren’t looking, so you didn’t see me.” Dan’s lip started trembling and his eyes seemed to well up with tears.

“I-I was looking, what makes you say I wasn’t looking?” Dan stuttered, his hands starting to shake as well. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed his hands.

“But were you really seeing?” I asked softly. For a long moment Dan just stared at me in silence, his eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. Dan opened his mouth as if to say something, his eyes shining warmly towards me for once, before he slammed his mouth shut again and started to stare at the ground again.

“Fine,” he muttered in defeat.

“What?” I asked, confused. He let out a small chuckle, his mouth quirking up at the corner as he looked at me, his eyes fond.

“Fine, I’ll be your friend,” he grumbled, clearly trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably.

“Wait, really?” I gasped, my mouth falling open in shock. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious,” Dan scoffed.

“You won’t regret it, I promise!” I exclaimed, bounding forward and for the second time, wrapping my arms around Dan. He clearly wasn’t expecting it, as he fell backwards and nearly fell onto the ground for the second time in our exchange. Quickly, I grabbed him by the waist and managed to keep him upright. “Oh my gosh, are you okay?!”

“I’m fine,” Dan mumbled, his face bright red. My face started to flush as well when I realized that his shirt had moved up slightly, so I was now pressing my hands against his bare hips. Once I made sure he was able to stand on his own, I wrenched my hands off of him and took a step back.

“S-sorry,” I stuttered, afraid that I had somehow now passed some unsaid boundary he had and that he’d take back the whole being my friend thing that he had begrudgingly agreed to.

“It’s okay,” Dan spluttered, his face still slightly red.

“So, what were you up to before we ran into each other?” I asked brightly, trying to change the subject.

“You mean before I ran into you sitting outside my door, waiting for me to come out?”

“Shut up!” I laughed, playfully punching his arm.

“You know, I have to say, your choice of pastime sounds quite fun. I also enjoy sitting outside my friends’ doors awaiting for them to exit too,” Dan teased, giggling. The noise surprised me at first, as it was the first time I really ever heard him giggle with no self-constraint, like he didn’t care about trying to hide how he truly felt around me anymore.

“So are you implying that you sit outside my door and wait for me to come out, seeing as you just told me that I am your first friend?” I shot back, smirking.

“Excuse me!?” Dan exclaimed. “Are you implying that I stalk you? Because last time I checked, this whole friendship was your idea and you wouldn’t leave me alone until I agreed to be your friend.”

“Oh, you thought I was going to start leaving you alone now? That’s funny, I was planning on sleeping over in your room every night now that we’re friends.” Dan’s eyes widened and his cheeks started to turn a slight hue of red.

“W-what?” he stuttered.

“I was joking, Dan, calm down,” I laughed. “No but seriously, what were you doing before you ran into me?”

“I was just going to go get some dinner before going to bed, I was kind of hungry after skipping breakfast and lunch—”

“Are you serious? You skipped breakfast and lunch after all of that exercise? Are you trying to get sick, Dan?” Dan seemed to shrink under my harsh tone. It was weird how now that he wasn’t guarding his emotions so much around me, I could actually see how much my words could affect him.

“I’ll be fine, I’m always fine.” At this statement, I just rolled my eyes, knowing how incorrect it was.

“Clearly, you’re not fine. Come on, I’m taking you to get food. Right now.” Without waiting for an answer from Dan, I grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards the kitchen in the center of the spacecraft.

“Phil, I’m fine, calm down, it’s not like I’m going to die or anything—”

“Too bad,” I retorted. After walking in silence for a peaceful minute, my arm still linked through his. “What do you want to eat?” I finally asked.

“Well, it’s not like there’s many options, is there? We’re supposed to be eating those freeze-dried packets each day—”

“Actually, Dan, we’re supposed to be eating three of those freeze-dried packets each day to keep up our nutrition intake so our muscles don’t deteriorate from the unusual gravity and pressure. However, since you have proved to be incompetent at counting to three each day, I believe I will be taking over for you in the food department,” I sassed, a small grin appearing on my face when I saw the look of bewilderment (and a tad bit of amusement as well) appear in his eyes.

“Excuse me? Did you just say I can’t count to three? I’ll have you know that I used to watch the Count on Sesame Street every day when I was kid—well, that and Winnie the Pooh—but I was incredibly proficient in maths while in school, you idiot,” Dan said in his rush to defend himself. I let out a small chuckle at his idea of an insult. Clearly, insults were another thing that his skills somewhat lack in, most likely from his limited experience with people.

“Mm, really? Just sounds like a lot of excuses, if you ask me.”

“I was four grades ahead in math at my school, Phil, more than you could say about your mathematical achievements, I’m sure!” Dan exclaimed, trying (but failing) to unlink our arms. For someone so strong he probably could’ve easily just wrenched my arm out of its socket, but something told me that he didn’t really want to break the link between our arms just yet.

“And I was valedictorian, your point?” I shot back, a few stray chuckles escaping as I struggled to hold them in and be somewhat serious. Dan just rolled his eyes.

“And here I was thinking that you had to be a well-rounded student to win valedictorian. I guess I was wrong.”

“Hey!” I exclaimed, smacking his chest playfully. “That’s offensive, I only ever had one A minus and that was in P.E. in the sixth grade!”

“Of course it was P.E. that dealt you in, you never really struck me as the athletic type,” Dan remarked, almost to himself. He wasn’t wrong, though, in school sports really just weren’t my thing. This probably had to do with the people playing the sports rather than the sports themselves, but I digress.

“Yeah whatever, Mr. Athletic and Strong and . . . Jock . . . Guy . . .” I trailed off, causing Dan to launch into a fit of giggles.

“Just call me Mr. Athletic and Strong and Jock Guy from now on, then. Forget Sunshine, that’s by far the best nickname we’ve came up with,” Dan said, a real genuine smile on his lips that I found my gaze focused on. How did one simple motion that I’d seen countless amounts of strangers do in my life seem so special on him? Maybe it was just because of the way his eyes lit up as well, and how his whole demeanor just seemed happier when he did actually smile—but either way, it was so much more entrancing than anyone else’s smile that I’d seen.

“Whatever,” I scoffed, suddenly realizing that I’d spaced out and left him without a response for too long. I unlinked our arms and crossed mine over my chest. Dan remained silent at that, and just as we reached the door to the kitchen he reached out and grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking inside.

“Phil,” he started, before freezing with his hand still gripping my arm. Nervously, I glanced down at his hand that was clamped down on my forearm before flicking my gaze back up to his nervous gaze.

“Yeah?” I asked softly.

“I-I’m sorry if that was rude or something, I just . . .” he trailed off, releasing his grip on my arm and staring at the ground.

“Yeah?” I pried, not letting him off the hook that easily.

“I, uh, actually used to be really unathletic and bad at sports when I was in high school,” Dan blurted, not pausing to breathe before continuing, “and I was, um, bullied for it a lot. You know, being the emo kid that sucked at every sport that we tried to do, even worse than the girls in the class was awful. So, um, I decided that I didn’t want that in my life, so I started working out a lot, until I’d gotten to the point where I am today. I don’t really know what I thought I had to prove to any them, they were all just a bunch of assholes, anyways,” Dan said, chuckling nervously while running a hand through his hair. “So, um, I wasn’t always Mr. Athletic and Strong and Jock Guy.”

For a moment I just stood in silence, staring at Dan in wonder. Connor definitely wasn’t lying when he said it would be worth it when I managed to break down some of Dan’s walls and see who he really was. Seeing this other side of him, the side that he hid away from everybody else except for himself was just . . . well, amazing. The fact that he trusted me, me out of anybody that he could possibly confide in as well, sent a rush of euphoria through me. Or was that just butterflies?

“But you,” Dan quickly interjected into the piercing silence that had fell between us, “you’ve always been “Sunshine”, it seems. And I don’t think that’ll ever change,” he added fondly, making my heart swell. I looked up at him, a lopsided smile on my face.

“No,” I told him, “I don’t think it ever will. Not towards you, anyways.” Without waiting for a response, I reached forward and linked our arms together again, and dragged him into the kitchen.

But I didn’t miss the prominent tomato red blush that appeared on his face.

“Hi Connor, Tyler,” I exclaimed as we walked into the kitchen. I felt Dan tense next to me. “Hey,” I whispered to him. “If you can’t handle talking to Tyler right now, I’ll make you your food and bring it to your room, if you’d like.”

A small smile appeared on Dan’s mouth, but what was most noticeable was the way his eyes lit up. They were filled with total unadulterated fondness and admiration towards me. He just shook his head slightly, all of his features lit up as a complete smile took over his face.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked rhetorically, almost to himself.

“I’ll be here all night,” I joked, before taking on a more serious tone. “Or forever, if you’d prefer?”

The tiny uplift of Dan’s lip was back, a smile drastically different from his huge smile just a few moments ago, but somehow this one seemed more real, seemed to carry much more emotion than the previous one. “I suppose I could settle for forever.”

I froze, caught in the moment staring up at his glowing hazel (but not just hazel, there was also a mix of gold, and occasional specks of green and blue sprinkled throughout) eyes, the eyes that had previously been so cold towards me. But now they were lit up, brighter and more orphic than any of the stars I could see if I just took a step to the left and looked out the window. They were somehow more complex than anything I’d ever seen, and since I worked in the astronomic field, that’s saying quite a lot. I suppose when you find someone who’s gaze towards you somehow trumps that of any other alluring star or captivating planet, you’ve found the one.

Wait, what?

“Forever sounds all right,” I finally managed to choke out after leaving him without an answer for so long.

“Hey guys, fancy seeing you two here!” Tyler suddenly exclaimed, walking by and watching us curiously. “What brings you two to this part of the ship? Together? At this time?” Tyler finished his dramatic proclamation with a wink towards us.

“It’s literally only eleven o’clock, Tyler, it’s not like we’re having a three in the morning binge eating session,” I quipped, annoyance dripping off of my words from being interrupted.

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you ended up here at obscene hours of the night eating obscene amounts of food.” My jaw dropped, and I just gaped at him in disbelief.

“We agreed to keep that between us!” I hissed angrily. I swear if he tells Dan—

“Yeah, well, thanks to that sarcastic comment, I don’t really feel the obligation to keep that secret right now.”

“Shut up!” I whisper yelled, trying not to call that much attention to how much I was panicking. “Please shut—”

“So, Dan, I came in here one night about two weeks ago to grab some food at like three in the morning, as one does—”

“Tyler!” I exclaimed, this time not disguising the look of panic on my face.

“Hey, Tyler, leave him alone. I doubt Dan really even wants to hear your embarrassing story of Phil,” Connor interjected swiftly, from where he stood on the other side of the room sipping a coffee. He looked pretty indifferent towards the whole situation with his casual slouched posture and expressionless face as he took another sip of his coffee. But I didn’t miss his sly smile and coy wink at me after both Tyler and Dan stopped looking at me, which caused me to flush involuntarily.

For the first time in the past few minutes, I chanced a gaze up at Dan (okay, not really up, he’s literally only like a centimeter taller than me. I was just slouching at the time and he was standing up straight) and noticed with a jolt that his eyes were trained on me, curious filling the hazel pools. A small smile appeared on his lips when he noticed my returned gaze, before he looked back over at Tyler, the small smile turning into a mischievous smirk.

“Actually, Connor, I’d love to hear this ‘story’ Tyler knows.” My mouth dropped open, and Tyler chortled in response. Over by the wall, Connor covered the growing smile on his face with his hand, resulting in a glare from me. But right next to me, Dan was practically shaking as he chuckled, seeing my flustered reaction.

“Shut up,” I grumbled, shoving him slightly, just resulting in him not even moving an inch. He started laughing harder, leaning on me for support as he gasped for breath. Connor’s and Tyler’s eyes were fixed on the two of us, most likely scrutinizing us for being so close to each other, especially when Dan’s personality is so reserved.

“Um, so, anyways, I came to the kitchen a couple of weeks ago to grab some food, at three am, as one does, and Phil was just—get this—sitting down, eating basically all of our food. I’m pretty sure that we won’t have have enough food to last these last two months now.” Tyler was shaking with laughter by the end of his story, the rest of us just staring at him, eyebrows raised.

Dan turned to me, his eyes an unreadable emotion as he pulled me aside, placing a tentative hand on my shoulder.

“W-what?” I stuttered, confused, the contact between us causing me to be even more flustered. Sure, he’d agreed to being my friend, which involves some physical contact, but somehow each time it still caught me completely off guard and caused me to lose my breath and act completely irrationally.

“You didn’t tell me you were binge eating,” Dan finally got out, his demeanor swiftly changing to one of concern and worry.

“We weren’t really talking,” I mumbled, biting my lip and looking at the ground, the wall, my shoes—anywhere that wasn’t Dan, really.

“That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t have come and talked to me!” Dan exclaimed, looking offended.

“Well, you didn’t really come across as the person to talk to about my problems at the time, Dan.” I started biting my lip nervously again, almost afraid of how he would act. This was a complete three-sixty from how he was acting just an hour ago, I wasn’t even sure how to act around him anymore. Not that I ever knew how to act around him in the first place.

“But why?” Dan finally got out. “I don’t understand.”

“It was just once!” I defended. “And it won’t happen again!” Dan just glared at me in response.

“Really? How do you know that it’s not going to happen again?” Dan blurted, before he got a lot quieter and whispered, “What if you get hurt? Eating too much at one time can really damage your health, and it’s not like I can just take you to a hospital if something bad happens? What if you start doing it regularly and there’s nothing I’ll be able to do to stop you because—”

“Dan,” I stated calmly, gently placing a finger over his lips to silence him. His eyes widened considerably and a faint blush started to appear faintly on his cheeks. “It won’t happen again. I have you now.” It seemed like for a second, Dan was just going to smile and agree, then we’d hug it out and I’d grab him his food like we’d originally intended and then we’d go back to his room and talk for a few more hours before we went to sleep. Instead, the grin faltered on his face before it could fully appear.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” he questioned, his voice piercing cold—but not towards me. Somehow I knew the icy tone was directed at himself.

“No!” I protested without thinking. I mean, he wasn’t wrong, I guess, when I was binge eating that night it was because of him. But now he was different, he seemed less guarded about his emotions, he’d finally decided to trust me. That wasn’t something that I wanted to lose now, after coming so far and waiting for so long to finally make any progress.

“No really Phil, was it because of me?” Dan’s piercing glare bore into me, and instead of just outright denying it again (like I had originally planned), I found that the words just got lodged in my throat. “Phil?” Dan pushed, but in a softer tone now. He almost sounded strained, like he knew the truth would hurt him.

“W-well, yeah, I mean I guess it was because of you. But it was just a one time thing, Dan. And now I have you, so now that won’t even be a problem anymore,” I found my voice getting quieter and quieter as I went on with the sentence, a light blush dusting my cheeks. How many times have I blushed today? It has to be at least 394 times.

“If for whatever reason, Phil, you want to do that again, come and talk to me about it. Okay? I’ll help you through it.” Dan’s voice was soft and gentle, fondness slowly seeping into his phrase even though it was quite obvious he had just originally intended for the phrase to be serious and firm.

“O-okay,” I stuttered. Dan cocked his head at me in confusion.

“Are you alright? Normally you don’t stutter, usually it’s me messing up my words.” After Dan’s bash towards himself I found myself chuckling quietly to myself.

“Dan, you’re the most articulate and intelligent sounding person I know. And of course I was going to stutter, Dan, I’m still not used to this whole you actually caring about me thing.” I watched Dan take all of this in, from the furrow of his brow to the slight downward curve of his mouth as he took it all in.

“I’ve always cared about you,” he finally managed, after several attempts at trying to speak.

“Really? It was kind of hard to tell,” I mumbled, remembering the cold way he’d been treating me these past few months, and the first time we’d met when he first dismissed my offer of friendship.

“Maybe you were looking, but you weren’t really seeing,” Dan remarked inquisitively. A moment later a lightbulb went off in my head as I recognized that phrase as my own from earlier.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, lightly slapping his shoulder “That’s rude. In order to use my words you have to cite your sources, and I don’t see any bibliography so . . .” Dan snickered in response as he walked over to the counter and starting to add hot water to his packet of freeze-dried food.

“Sorry,” Dan apologized (though he didn’t really sound sorry at all). “I guess I’m just one of those people who copies and pastes everything from online because they’re too afraid to use their own words.”

“Sounds pretty accurate,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Excuse me?” Dan yelled, snapping his fingers at me, before holding up a finger and downing his entire freeze-dried food pouch.

“That was definitely me in grade school,” Tyler remarked from the other side of the room. I jumped slightly as I looked back over there and noticed him and Connor both still standing there. Somewhere in my conversation with Dan I seemed to have forgotten all about their existence.

“Nice to see that you have noticed our presence finally,” Tyler said, somewhat dryly.

“Sorry,” Dan and I apologized at the same time, before turning to look at each other and start giggling.

“By all means, carry on, I’m actually quite entertained,” Connor suddenly piped up.

“Shut up,” I grumbled in annoyance.

“Well, as cute as you two are together, I’m going to bed. I have to be up at ten in the morning to run through all of the systems to ensure that they’re all functioning properly with NASA scientists,” Tyler announced as he began waltzing out of the room.

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘as cute as we are together?’” I questioned, just before Tyler could duck out of the room.

“Oh, you guys are in the stage of denial right now. I see.” My eyes widened at Tyler’s words, in both confusion and slight distress, as I’m sure none of what he was accusing Dan and I of was even remotely true. “Denial is the first stage of love, you know!”

And on that note, Tyler just waltzed out of the room, Connor following close behind, shooting me an encouraging smile.

“I have to be up at six to talk to several reporters on Earth. Tyler should stop complaining,” Connor told us, before walking out of the door, leaving the two of us alone.

“I’m kind of tired too!” Dan suddenly exclaimed. “You know, too much exercise, not enough food, that kind of thing.”

“Dan,” I said sharply, causing him to flinch.

“Y-yeah?” he stammered. His hazel eyes widened and I could see the panic in them.

“Don’t shut me out again, okay? Remember I’m here for you, always.” At the end of my proclamation I shot him a small timid smile, unsure of how he was going to react. He still seemed a bit on the fence about feeling and being open about said feelings, so I really had no clue how he was going to react to me expressing my feelings.

“I won’t,” Dan promised me, hesitating a moment before reaching up and clasping my shoulder. “I don’t know if I even can anymore,” he added as an after thought, his voice much smaller. His confession made the side of my mouth quirk up in a lopsided smile as I just looked at him fondly.

“I’m glad,” I whispered. “I really am.” Dan’s eyes seemed to light up at this, like he had been half-expecting me to react badly to his confession (I have no idea why he would’ve thought that, considering every time he showed me genuine emotion I felt like bursting with joy). Nervously, I reached up and brushed his fringe to the side, revealing his forehead. Without hesitation, I leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, though my lips lingered for a moment longer than they probably should have for the kiss to be considered platonic.

The moment I leaned away from Dan, he seemed to jump twenty feet away as he rushed towards the door.

“Good night!” he yelled, before slamming the door that separated the hallway from the kitchen shut. I let out a small chuckle at his antics, knowing that he’d rushed to leave because he hadn’t wanted me to see his reaction. Unfortunately for him, however, it was pretty hard to miss the way his entire face flushed and turned such a dark shade of red he could’ve blended in with the NASA logo on the wall behind him.

A huge grin broke out on my face as I found myself reliving Dan’s reaction over and over again. I brought my hand up to my face in an attempt to stifle the grin slightly, stop it from completely overtaking my face, but it was already a lost cause. With a slight skip in my step, I too walked out of the kitchen, heading towards my room to get some much needed sleep.

September 2nd, 2037

I woke up to incessant knocking on my door, banging against it in no particular pattern.

“Phil!” they yelled, before continuing to bang against my door.

“What?” I grumbled in annoyance, pulling the blanket up over my head, determined to ignore whoever had decided to wake me up this early after my late night with Dan last night.. We’d stayed up until when normally the rays of the sun would start to peek out from over the horizon. However, since we’re on a spacecraft, we don’t really have a sunrise or sunset like on Earth. I remember confessing to Dan somewhere around four in the morning that I missed seeing the sun on Earth, seeing the sunrises and sunsets every day.

Dan just laughed in response to that, leaning back against the pillows of my bed, putting his hands behind his head.

“Really?” he asked, still chuckling quietly to himself.

“Yeah,” I answered, my brow furrowing as I walked over and sat next to him, my gaze locked on him until he looked over at me. “What, do you not miss it?”

“No,” Dan responded without a moment of hesitation. “How could I when I have you? You’re the literal human embodiment of a star, and more beautiful if you ask me.” My breath caught in my throat at that, and I sat with my mouth gaping at him. Dan hadn’t shied away though, in fact he seemed to grow more confident under my stare. His mouth was lifted up at the corners in a small grin, as his tired eyes stared back at me, full of warmth. On his lap, he’d laced his hands together over his crossed legs, and as always he was wearing all black—except for his socks, which were a bright blue that he’d had to borrow from me when he’d found a hole in his black ones. His hair was messy and curly atop his head, as he hadn’t taken the time to straighten the long brown locks that morning.

“I know that you don’t believe me when I say that, Phil, because for whatever reason you can’t accept the fact that you are an amazing person—but you are, Phil, you really are.”

“O-oh,” I had stuttered in response, at a complete loss for words. That had seemed to happen more and more lately, Dan telling me something, actually expressing his emotions more and more as he grew comfortable with me that ended up rendering me speechless and unable to respond. He didn’t even realize the effect his words had on me when he said them, he didn’t even notice the way my whole face would light up with a huge smile, and how a light blush would coat my cheeks as my heart would skip a beat.

And then there was the way he’d just dismiss my words when I tried to tell him the same, explain to him that he was just as extraordinary as he claimed I was, even more so in fact. I still wasn’t quite sure why he seemed to harbor so much hatred toward himself, but I was determined to find out, just as I was determined to find out everything about him, no matter how trivial it was.

“PHIL!” the person screamed outside my door, startling me out of my flashback. Groaning, I sat up and got out of bed and stumbled over to the door, only tripping and falling over once (which was quite impressive, in my opinion).

“What!?” I spat in annoyance as soon as I flung open the door. Standing in my doorway with a smug grin on his face was not Dan, like I’d originally been hoping for, but instead was Tyler.

“Phil!” he exclaimed. Without waiting for a response he just waltzed into my room, turning to look at me with a confused look. “Did you forget what today was?”

“Um . . .” I mumbled, my mind reeling as I tried to remember what he was talking about. “What?” Tyler rolled his eyes in response, but he didn’t really seem all that upset. In fact, he seemed like he expected it.

“Well, I guess you have been distracted recently by Dan.” At that I opened my mouth to protest, but Tyler raised an eyebrow, causing me to fall silent.

“Yeah, whatever,” I scoffed, but I found the scowl on my face turn into a grin that took over my entire face as my thoughts went back to that of Dan. How could they not, with someone as endlessly fascinating as Dan? Even if I sat and just thought about Dan for days straight, I still wouldn’t be able to fully grasp why everything he did was so captivating to me. Just arguing with Dan about the silliest of things is a past time that I’ve found myself enjoying more than anything I used to do with friends back on Earth. Somehow it seems that Dan had, without even trying, managed to steal the spot of the most important person in my life. It’s not like he even tried to become that person, that he made a conscientious effort to become such a significant person in my life. Maybe he’s had that spot secured since the first moment we really talked to each other, in his bedroom on our last day on Earth.

We’ve made so much progress since then, became so much closer. Not only had he become the most important figure in my life, but I liked to think that I became that person in his life, too.

“Phil?” Tyler demanded, waving an insistent hand in my face, yanking me out of my thoughts for the second time.

“Sorry, what? I was spacing out,” I explained, feeling a slight flush take over my face and neck as I realized I had literally just spaced out in the middle of a conversation thinking about Dan.

“Today’s our board game night, remember? NASA wants footage of us doing normal things to show people that spaceflight has progressed and is now actually quite comfortable with the artificial gravity system we’ve created and such,” Tyler recited, a small grin forming on his face. “Do you think Dan will join us? We told NASA officers that he wouldn’t a month ago, but if you think he would—”

“Yeah, I’ll go ask him!” I interjected excitedly, the prospect of seeing Dan again causing a huge smile to break out on my face.

“Do you think he’ll say yes?” Tyler inquired, a slight frown appearing on his face.

“I’m sure if I ask him he will,” I answered, turning to my closet and starting to pull out clothes to wear.

“Really?” Tyler’s voice wasn’t really filled with surprise at my confident statement, he seemed to have adopted more of a curious tone.

“Yeah, really.” Wordlessly I turned around and started to peel off my shirt and pull on another, this one bright blue with the NASA logo imprinted on the front, along with a pair of black skinny jeans.

“You guys seem to be getting pretty close,” Tyler stated, the same curious tone underlining his words. I turned to face him with a questioning glint in my eyes.

“Very close!” I heard Connor yell from across the hallway.

“Like, really close!” I heard a third voice add, most likely Anthony.

“Shut up,” I grumbled in annoyance, stalking over to my mirror where I tried to style my hair into its usual fringe.

“So what was he doing in your room until three in the morning last night?” a voice asked me, causing me to jump in fright and drop my comb. Huffing, I turned around to see a smirking Connor leaning in doorframe, Anthony right behind him with a matching expression.

“Talking,” I responded laconically, finally deeming my hair acceptable before grabbing a sweater off my bed and shrugging it on. “And it was until four in the morning, not three.”

“Really? Just talking?” Anthony pried. I raised my eyebrows at the three of them, wondering why they were all ganging up at me at the same time.

“. . . yeah, is that a problem?” I questioned, crossing my arms.

“No, of course not,” Tyler stated, taking a seat on my bed. “We’re all just curious as to when you guys are going to fuck.”

“W-what!?” I screeched, turning a dark shade of red I didn’t even know was possible. “W-why would you say that?”

“Oh, he’s still in the stage of denial,” Connor told the rest of the group, me still in a state of shock and mortification. “Which is, as you all know, is the first step in falling in love.”

“E-excuse me?” I practically screamed.

“Phil, honey,” Tyler enunciated, walking up to me and grabbing my shoulders, forcing me to look up at him, “it’s time for you to realize your feelings and swan dive into the gay.” I just stood dumbstruck, looking up at Tyler in complete and utter confusion.

“What feelings?” I managed to get out a moment later. Around me, the three boys all just burst out into laughter. Connor was leaning against the wall, shaking, as Anthony clutched to him, his whole body shaking as he laughed. And in front of me, Tyler had been reduced to the floor, where he laid in hysterics.

“W-what feelings!” Tyler echoed, before launching into another fit of hysterics. From across the room, Connor locked eyes with me, and gestured to the figure that had just appeared in the doorway. My attention immediately was torn from Connor, Anthony and Tyler and was instead redirected towards Dan. He still looked half-asleep, so I quickly came to the conclusion that the three of them must’ve woken him up.

“Phil? What’s going on?” he asked groggily, letting out a huge yawn. I felt my previous frown twitch up and turn into a grin as I took in his adorable bedridden appearance.

“Nothing, they’re just being stupid. I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” I asked, concern dripping from my voice as I walked over to him, wrapping him in a tight embrace, unable to resist when he looked so adorable. Dan initially tensed the moment my arms wrapped around him, but he eventually relaxed into the embrace and lifted his arms up and pulled me closer to him. The corner of my mouth quirked up slightly at that, a small smile that somehow seemed to encompass more emotion than the previous smile that had lit up my entire face. This one seemed smaller, more personal and intimate almost, one meant only for Dan, not one that I just offered up to anybody like my other smile.

“Those feelings,” Connor piped up suddenly, causing me to freeze.

Wait . . . what?

“What?” Dan asked, pulling away from me reluctantly, and shooting Connor a curious stare.

“Nothing,” Connor quickly stated. “I was just explaining something we were talking about with Phil.”

I just stood there, my mouth gaping at Connor in disbelief. Was he implying—were all of them implying that I . . . that I liked Dan? That I had feelings towards him that were even more complex and serious and . . . romantic than I had previously thought?

No, that’s just completely ridiculous. Dan and I are best friends, that’s all. Of course they might interpret it differently, because we were much closer than other friends, but that’s because we just clicked in a way that I never thought I would with someone. Sure, I felt very strongly about Dan and his happiness and felt overjoyed every time we would talk, and let’s not even mention the swooping feeling that I feel whenever we touch, but that doesn’t mean that I love him or anything. Seriously, is the oxygen machine broken or something, because absolutely nothing they’re saying makes any sense at all, whatsoever.

“What do you think, Phil?” Dan suddenly asked me, breaking my train of thought instantly. I looked up at him in confusion, but found myself just getting lost in his eyes rather than giving a coherent response. Seriously, how many colors are his eyes? Surely no one else has eyes this complex, otherwise I wouldn’t find myself staring at them so often—

“Phil?” Dan repeated, sounding worried.

“S-sorry, what?” I stuttered.

“Anthony was just explaining the whole board game thing to me, I was thinking maybe we could go start that now?” Dan told me, looking at me curiously. “Are you sure you’re okay? If you don’t feel well we can postpone it for another day, I’m sure NASA wouldn’t mind.”

“N-no, it’s fine, I’m fine,” I spluttered, feeling incredibly nervous to have Dan’s eyes on me all of a sudden.

“Really? You seem kind of off,” Dan observed, reaching up and placing a hand on my forehead, which almost caused my legs to give out underneath me. “You feel kind of hot.”

“No, really, I’m fine,” I squeaked, feeling the other three’s gazes all locked on me with matching smirks.

“Okay . . .” Dan agreed tentatively.

“Come on guys!” Anthony told all of us, walking out of my room, Connor and Tyler both following him. Tyler caught my eye as he passed and winked at me, causing my eyes to widen in shock. They were serious about this whole me liking Dan thing, weren’t they? I still have absolutely no idea why, they’re being completely foolish and jumping to incorrect conclusions—

“Let’s go then, I haven’t played Monopoly since I was six!” Dan proclaimed with excitement, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me along. Somehow the embrace was the exact thing to calm me down and return me to feeling somewhat sane as we launched into one of rounds of carefree banter.

“You could play Monopoly when you were six?” I questioned, remembering how I couldn’t play Monopoly with my family until I was at least eight and understood the math and logistics of the game.

“What, you couldn’t?” he teased, smirking at me.

“Right, I forgot you are also Mr. Math Prodigy, of course you learned how to play Monopoly when you were six,” I retorted with an eye roll.

“Actually, I learned to play it with my parents when I was four, but if it makes you feel better, sure, I learned it when I was six.”

“Ass,” I muttered, shoving him gently.

“Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you, I was too busy reciting the first thousand digits of pi in my head,” Dan remarked sassily.

“You’re right, you definitely aren’t an ass, that’s insulting to all of the donkeys out there.”

Dan’s mouth dropped open, and he stopped walking to dramatically throw a hand across his chest. “Excuse me bit—”

“Language!” Anthony hissed, slapping a hand over Dan’s mouth. “We’re supposed to make this family friendly, with no cursing!”

“Oh, I guess you can’t be here at all then, Dan, your all black outfit isn’t exactly ‘family friendly’.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault the NASA shirts they gave me were all black!” Dan said, playfully smacking my arm.

“Didn’t you specifically ask NASA to only give you black clothing?” I asked, trying to stifle the giggles that threatened to escape from my mouth and failing.

“No,” Dan lied, a smile breaking out on his face as he tried to deny the lie. “Okay, maybe I did.”

“And this is Dan and Phil, the two best friends of the mission,” I heard Connor announce, causing both Dan and I to stop talking and look over to him, where he pointed the camera towards the two of us.

“Hi,” I said brightly, waving at the camera happily. Dan’s face reverted back to being emotionless, and he gave a small half wave to the camera. Rolling my eyes, I bumped into his side, offering a small reassuring smile to ease his nerves that had inevitably started once he noticed the camera in the room. He just huffed at my antics before sticking out his tongue at me, a smile reappearing on his face.

“As you can see, when they’re in each other’s presence, they tend to ignore the rest of the world,” Connor explained, causing Dan and I to glance at each other and turn slightly red.

“Guilty as charged,” I chuckled nervously, holding up my hands in the air. Tyler raised an eyebrow at me, before winking at me. I just flushed more in response, deciding to just ignore the three of them and just stay next to Dan and help calm his nerves towards the situation. Wordlessly, Dan grabbed my hand and led me over to the Monopoly board, and dragged two chairs right next to each other, and fell into one, pulling out the other chair and gesturing for me to sit down. I giggled at his stupid antics, sitting down in the chair. He instantly leaned over to me, pressing the side of his body against mine and resting his head on my shoulder. Before I could stop myself, I let out a noise of shock that I quickly stifled afterwards. Biting my lip, I just decided to pretend like there was no cameras and no one watching, so I just moved my head to rest on top of his. Dan let out a small noise of content, leaning into me further.

“Sorry, I’m still kind of tired from our late night last night,” he whispered, clearly intending the words to only be heard by me.

“It’s fine, I am too. I should’ve made us go to bed sooner, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be sorry for that, Phil, it was one of the best nights of my life.” My eyes widened and I found myself gasping before I could stop myself.

“Oh shut up, I’m sure you’ve had tons of better nights,” I muttered. Next to me, I felt Dan stiffen.

“Not for a long time,” he answered after a minute of silence between us. Concern flooding every inch of my body, I tentatively reached over to his hand and laced our fingers together, watching his tan, strong fingers weave through my thin and pale ones. I smiled lazily at the sight of our clasped hands and gently squeezed his hand to offer some form of comfort.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, hoping he would hear my almost incoherent apology.

“Why are you sorry?” Dan questioned, a small chuckle running through his body.

“That I didn’t find you sooner,” I answered after a moment’s hesitation. At that, Dan pulled away from me and shot me a curious look, that almost had a small undertone of panic as I watched his bottom lip tremble slightly.

“D-do you k-know?” he stuttered in confusion, his voice accusing and hurt. “Is that you’re being so n-nice to me? H-how—”

“No!” I interrupted, my mouth falling open at his accusatory words. “What are you talking about? What do I not know? Why would that change how I act to you—”

“O-oh,” Dan answered, his voice small. “I’m sorry, I thought you were just another one of those people who pitied me and didn’t actually care about me.” Dan’s voice was small and frail, cracking at some points; the harsh words directed towards himself, I could tell, and nothing hurt more than that. I would go step on the bloody sun if it meant Dan would never speak of himself like that again.

“Dan,” I said softly, wrapping an arm around him and bringing him closer to me. He slowly moved his head back to where it had been resting before on my shoulder, and I pressed a small kiss to the top of his head. “Dan, no matter what you’ve been through or what crazy backstory you have, you’re still you, and I still care about you so, so much. What you’re thinking of doesn’t matter, Dan, you’re my best friend, I still love you, nothing could ever change that.” It wasn’t until I was done speaking that I suddenly realized the weight of my words and froze.

Were Connor and Tyler and Anthony . . . actually right? I mean, yes, I love Dan. There’s no way I can deny that, but . . . how do I love him?

Damn it, this was probably exactly what they wanted, to start this seed of doubt in my mind until I couldn’t ignore it and it started to overrun my thoughts and mind until it couldn’t be ignored anymore. Had these feelings always been there and my oblivious self just didn’t even realize?

And what about Dan? How did he feel? I’m sure he just views me as his best friend, he doesn’t have three annoying friends that put thoughts in your head that you’d rather not think about. Or maybe he does feel that way about me, it’s not like he ever pulled away from any of my advances, and he certainly hadn’t ran away just now when I confessed that I loved him, in at least some capacity.

Seriously, what was their problem? Why did they think it was even remotely a good idea to get these thoughts going in my head?

“I . . .” Dan started, his voice shaking. “I . . . I think I love you too, Phil.”

My heart melted. Nothing seemed coherent anymore, my thoughts were somewhere up in cloud nine. The rest of the room seemed to melt away, the cameras, the other people, all there was was Dan, the boy in my arms who had just professed that he loved me as well, the boy who I had worked so hard to befriend, the boy who was too smart, a bit sassy, and sometimes a bit dark with his jokes and his humor. It was Dan, who has the best smile that you only get to see on the rare occasion he’s completely happy and doesn’t care who sees—this was one of those rare occasions.

Dan looked up at me shyly, his grin splayed across his face, causing every one of his features to simultaneously light up. His eyes sparkled with raw emotion, fondness that was directed at me, and me alone.

Unable to hold it back anymore, I wrapped my other arm around him and pulled him to my chest, resting my chin on his head, which was buried my shoulder. Wordlessly, he lifted up his arms and wrapped them around my torso, holding me to him as close he could. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes, and suddenly his form started to tremble in my arms. A moment later I realized that he was crying, that he was letting me see him cry, something I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see for a long time.

“Shh,” I hushed, pulling him even closer to me, and starting to rock back and forth. “Shh, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. I won’t let you go, either.”

“Okay,” he answered, his voice an octave higher than usual and scratchy with raw emotion.

“Are you guys ready to start the game!?” I heard Tyler suddenly exclaim, interrupting Dan’s and my moment. Dan stiffened in my arms and pulled away slowly, like he was reluctant to leave the embrace.

“Yeah, sure,” Dan replied, wiping the tears off of his face. Worried, I reached between us and linked our hands together again and watched the grin reappear on his face.

“Well, let’s start!” Anthony proclaimed, reaching forward and starting to deal the money.

TWELVE ACTUAL HOURS OF EXTREME PAIN, LAUGHTER AND EMBARRASSMENT LATER . . .

���No!” Connor screeched when he rolled a seven. “Dang it dang it dang it dang it!” Next to me, Dan burst into a fit of giggles.

“Aw, Connor, did you just land on my Boardwalk that currently has a hotel on it? Do you have that two thousand dollars to give me?” Dan taunted, still giggling.

“No,” Connor muttered in annoyance, huffing and crossing his arms.

“Do you have to mortgage your last three properties to pay me back? Oh, and even then you still can’t pay me back? That really sucks, doesn’t it?” I found myself bursting out with laughter at Dan’s attempt to trash talk (though if you’re trash talking during a Monopoly game, there’s already so many things wrong with your trash talking attempt. And your life, to be quite honest).

“Well, it’s not like we were expecting any other outcome,” I announced, shrugging. “Mr. Math Genius,” I added as an undertone, causing Dan to huff in annoyance and shove me gently away from him, before returning to my side not even a moment later.

“Shut up, it’s not like I didn’t go easy on you guys,” Dan scoffed, causing Connor and Tyler to start yelling in protest.

“Yeah right, like you were going easy on me—” Tyler retorted.

“If you were going easy on me I would’ve won, I’ve never lost a game of Monopoly before!” Connor exclaimed.

“There’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” Dan teased, starting to laugh against me. I felt a small chuckle of my own surface, along with a lopsided smile at Dan.

September 4th, 2037

I didn’t know.

How could I have known?

I’ve spent my whole life around other people, helping them through their problems, holding onto them as they carefully staggered their way through their own falling apart life.

So I should’ve known that someone close to me, the person closest to me in the whole world was struggling to carry on, struggling to carry the crushing weight of their existence and the certain absence of other people’s existence from their life.

It should have been me he clung onto at night and sobbed into, it should have been me that he turned to when just existing became too tedious a task.

He said that this was something he didn’t want to tell me about because he didn’t want pity, he didn’t want to burden me further when I already had problems of my own.

But I would’ve never pitied him.

Yes, I would have held him all of those nights he fell asleep alone crying into his own arms while he yearned to have a pair wrapped around his frame besides his own.

Yes, I would have wiped away his tears and kissed them away.

Yes, I would have whispered sweet nothings in his ear, mumbled promises of everything working out in the end, paint pictures of a fantasy world he had to escape to.

And yes, I would have felt pain for him. Felt angry that he had to go through any of this. Because he deserves none of this; all he deserves is the absolute best.

I would have even taken all of the pain from him in a heartbeat, stepped in and felt the grief wracking my own spine, feel the sorrow and utter agony he had to experience all of those years.

But pity?

No.

Never.

///

“I need to talk to you about something,” Dan blurted out of the blue, causing my energetic rant about narwhal horns to come to a screeching halt. My entire body stood on end as I tensed, unsure and afraid of what was to come next (as was human instinct, of course).

“What?” I asked, trying to keep a calm and steady voice but failing miserably. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing—I just—I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while now,” Dan admitted reluctantly, starting to nervously pick at his nails from his seat on my bed.

“Oh God,” I mumbled, my whole body filling with panic. What could this possibly be about? Someone was going to die, weren’t they? Was he going to die? Oh God.

“No, it’s nothing bad or anything, just something that I’ve never really told anyone that I just . . . want to get off my chest, and I feel like I can trust you. Or if I can’t trust you, I can’t trust anyone,” Dan enunciated carefully, letting his words fall out not in a disorganized clump of incomprehensible words, but instead thinking each sentence through and carefully structuring it.

“Phil . . . when I was six . . . my . . .” Dan trailed off, his eyes welling up with tears as he stopped and looked away towards my wall, blinking furiously. “Sorry. I thought I could do this without crying now, I guess not.”

“It’s okay, Dan. It’ll be okay,” I reassured, walking across the room and settling nervously in the bed, turning to look at Dan with what I hoped was an encouraging stare. He breathed deeply, clearly trying to calm himself down before he started to freak out.

“Look . . . um, when I was little, about six and three-quarters . . . I killed my parents,” he blurted, stopping and ducking away, shame coating his entire being, seeming to hang over his entire existence like a shroud.

“Oh, Dan,” I breathed, reaching over and grabbing Dan before pulling him into my lap, Silently I ran my hands through his hair, closing my eyes as I tried to process any of the information I had just learned.

There was no pity, no fear.

All I felt was the pain, my own pain and the countless agonizing hours of pain that Dan must’ve gone through.

“There was a candle, in my room. I was up late one night reading,” Dan sniffled, the retelling of the story clearly causing him an immeasurable amount of pain. “Somewhere around the middle of Robinson Crusoe, as the middle can be a bit slow, I fell asleep.”

I let out a small gasp, immediately stifling the noise afterwards. Right now Dan needed strength, someone to lean on and pass a bit of the pain onto. And I desperately wanted to be that person.

“In the middle of the night, while I was sleeping, the flame managed to spread across my desk, to my curtains, burning my entire house down, destroying everything my family and I had ever known while I laid unaffected, at least until the screams started.” Dan bowed his head as emotion took over his body and rendered him unable to speak. Instead I just pulled him into my chest, holding him as he sobbed, gently rubbing his back as I tried to convey to him that it was okay, that everything would be okay, that nothing had changed between us now.

“Dan, I love you,” I whispered, kissing the top of his head softly, causing his sobs to slowly start to ebb out. “No matter what. Don’t ever tell yourself anything different, because it’s not true. I love you, every stupid ridiculous adorable lovable part about you, Dan, I love. And I’m here for you. Always. That’s something that you can count on, even if it seems like the rest of your world is falling apart, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan mumbled in response, my words seeming to shock him into a stupor of confusion and happiness.

Never pity. Only love.

October 2nd, 2037

I woke up to the most incredible feeling in the world, the most incredible person in the world ensnared in my arms, their legs tangled through mine carelessly. Except it wasn’t carelessness that flooded through my body now at the feel of his body pressed up against me. All I could feel was love—just love, the mindblowing exhilarating feeling that accompanies loving someone, the overwhelming protective urge to always be with them, to spit at anyone that comes anywhere near them or hurts them at all in any way..

It was something I thought that I would never get the opportunity to experience. Throughout my whole life it was always me loving unconditionally, always pouring everything into my relationships. But no one really appreciates that when they’ve been loved their whole life.

But Dan. He hadn’t been loved his whole life, he wasn’t used to people showing that they actually cared about him, at least not anymore. So he was able to love me back. Unlike everyone else, who just thought me pouring everything into other people was ridiculous, he found comfort in it, was able to appreciate it.

And I love him.

I really really do.

In fact, I’m more sure about this than I’ve been sure about anything before in my life.

///

“Okay lovebirds, I understand that the two of you are just exploring your new relationship, but you have the rest of our time out in space to do that with each other. Right now, though, I think we need to have a mandatory group bonding session!” a voice told me, yanking me out of my bleary half-awake loving thoughts.

“New relationship?” I heard a voice grunt out next to my ear—Dan, I would presume. Unless Tyler crawled into my bed last night when he had a nightmare, which I somehow found myself doubting.

“You know, how you and Phil are dating now? That relationship? The reason why we’re holding the mandatory crew meeting, so we can discuss a system where you tell us before you have sex so we can put in earplugs and not walk in on you?” Tyler explained. I could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

“Excuse me?” Dan screeched, sounding mortified.

“Honey, calm down. He’s just being an ass, I’m sure there’s an actual reason why we had to call a meeting,” I explained sleepily, not as annoyed with Tyler as I once would have been. Now that I actually knew him better, I could see that he used the humor to hide what he was actually feeling, to hide how nervous he really was about how Dan would react to him.

“Excuse me!?” Tyler yelled in indignation, punching my shoulder. “What did you just call me?!”

“Calm down, Tyler. We’ll be out in a few minutes. Now get out,” I mumbled sleepily, barely even registering it as Tyler slinked out of the room silently.

“Phil?” Dan asked suddenly, his voice high and strained as it always was in the mornings. “Did I  . . . did I dream last night?”

Immediately any thoughts I’d had of falling back asleep for a few minutes before waking up were shattered instantaneously. “What do you remember from last night?”

“I . . . I told you about . . . my parents. Then you told me that it didn’t matter to you, that no matter what you still . . . love me,” Dan articulated carefully, sounding like he’d really thought this out since he woke up.

“That was real. You weren’t dreaming,” I confirmed, sitting up and turning to face him. His face was scrunched up in thought as he let my statement sink in.

“So . . . you love me?” Dan inquired softly, his eyes seeming to sparkle in the faint lighting as he spoke “Like . . . you actually love me? Despite everything I am and everything I come with? You can really look past what I’ve before and see who am I now?”

“I couldn’t have put it better myself,” I whispered. “No matter who you’ve been, Dan, or what you will be, I love you. Because I love you. I don’t know why, or why I’m even so drawn to you in the first place. All I know is that I am drawn to you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Phil . . .” Dan trailed off, his expression guarded. “Can I ask . . . how . . . you love me?”

“I just told you that, that it doesn’t matter to me. What do you mean how could I love you? Stop doubting yourself, Dan, for once in your goddamn life realize that you are amazing and I feel honored to even get to know you—”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Dan interrupted, his face turning a bright red. “I mean . . . in what way do you love me?” His face burned a bright red as he ducked his head away from me, almost in shame.

And I found myself freezing.

Dan also . . . loved me . . . like . . . that.

“I . . . I love you like you are the most important thing in my entire life, like I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with you, protecting you and holding you in my arms and arguing with you. I love you like you are the best person I will meet in my entire life—no, not like you are, you are the best person I will ever meet, without a single doubt in my mind. Dan, I believe that every person has someone out there that was made just for them, someone whose genes line up perfectly with another and perfectly complement each other. Despite it seeming improbable, I believe in soul mates. Even if you don’t believe in soul mates, I do. And I believe you are mine,” I confessed all at once, somehow managing not to stutter over my words, which was a new for me. In most pressuring situations I become tongue-tied and mess up my words and seem like I can’t even speak English anymore.

I suppose that there are some people that just make you feel like yourself, no matter how hard it may be to be yourself sometimes.

“I do believe in soul mates,” Dan answered few minutes later, confidence surging his voice for the first time since last night. “In fact, I’m one of those people that believe in the red strings of fate that tie us to someone that we’re meant to meet. With all that’s happened to make us meet and keep drawing us together after we met, the red strings between us must be threaded together and weaving together in an incomprehensible knot that will never snap despite all of the pressure that may be inflicted upon it.”

“Kind of like our relationship,” I stated, shrugging lightly. Next to me Dan gave me a confused look, prompting me to elaborate. “What we have together is endlessly complex, something that most others can’t understand. And no matter how much pressure is put on our relationship, how much strain and tension, it could never snap. Never.”

“Are you sure about that?” Dan inquired, sitting up and facing me, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as he sent me a thoughtful look, clearly thinking about something I didn’t know about. His bright brown eyes shone as he looked at me, his face crinkling up as he smiles. And dare I say . . . the way he’s looking at me, it feels like it’s filled with so much emotion, so much raw tender love and compassion and it was so obvious that he really truly and genuinely cared. Before, they were just words he was saying, but now just looking at him, I can see the love that flickers between us as we speak.

It was something I’d never seen in a couple before. Not even my parents would look at each other this way, like the other was their complete and utter world and they’d die for them in a heartbeat.

Actually, Dan is my world, and I would die for him in a heartbeat.

Perhaps he isn’t the only one who looks completely and hopelessly head over heels in love when he stares at the one he cares about. Tyler and Connor and Anthony all saw something in the way I looked at him.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Besides the way I feel about you,” I confirmed, after sitting and gathering my thoughts into an articulate phrase for about a minute.

“Well in that case . . .” Dan whispered softly, the words barely audible from his lips, as he hardly articulated the words in the first place.

And then Dan was leaning in, shifting from his position on the other side of the bed to lie closer to me as he continued to get closer. Realizing his intentions, I let my eyes flutter close slowly just before we made contact, but after about thirty seconds of thick tension between the two of us, I opened my eyes again, his deep brown eyes already fixated on me. He appeared nervous, his bottom lip trembling slightly, and for a moment I had to wonder if maybe he had never kissed someone before.

“Is this okay?” he questioned desperately. “Like, you don’t think I’m weird or—”

“Dan,” I stressed, rolling my eyes. Deciding that instead of waiting for Dan to make the first move, I was just going to do it myself—God knows I’ve been waiting long enough, there was no reason for us to delay it any further.

And so I leaned forward and pressed our lips together softly before he could reply. The words he was planning on responding with got stuck in his throat and he ended up making a loud noise of shock, his eyes going wide as his whole body tensed up and became rigid for a moment.

Until I pulled him into my arms, and lost myself in the kiss, lost myself in the feeling of just holding Dan, feeling Dan, breathing in Dan, kissing Dan. It felt like all of my senses had been heightened, and I could feel and hear everything—if I always felt like this I’d be a fucking super hero. Dan slowly relaxed in my arms, letting the tension flood out of his body as he went limp in my arms and kissed me back harder, cautiously placing a hand on the small of my back where my shirt had ridden up.

In response I just clutched him harder, kissed him deeper and more passionately, determined to show him how I felt without saying any words, to just hold him and kiss him until neither of us could breathe anymore and have him understand how much I love him.

I think he knows now, though.

“HEY! YOU TWO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT THIRTY MINUTES AGO! STOP MAKING OUT AND COME TO THE DINING ROOM RIGHT NOW!” someone screeched from the door, making me jump apart from Dan in surprise.

Standing in the door looking unimpressed was Tyler, glaring at the two of us. “I’m not leaving until the two of you are up and dressed and then walking towards the dining room.”

“I hate you,” I groaned, but got up anyways. “But I’m not getting dressed, if you want to call a mandatory meeting this early you’ll deal with me in my pajamas.”

“IT’S TWO IN THE AFTERNOON, IT’S NOT THE MORNING ANYMORE!” Tyler screeched, his whole face turning red as he lectured me.

“We’re in space, there’s no such thing as the concept of time like we have on Earth. If we want to sleep until five in the afternoon, there’s nothing stopping us,” Dan defended, becoming defensive the moment Tyler started scolding me.

“Calm down lover boy, I was just teasing him,” Tyler reassured, holding his hands up in the air and backing away slowly, as if he was afraid Dan would jump forward and stab him for insulting me.

“What, you thought I was being serious? I was just joking, Tyler, lighten up,” Dan laughed, his face lighting up as he started giggling. The corner of my mouth quirked up at the sight of him laughing without filtering his reaction around Tyler.

“O-oh,” Tyler stuttered, seeming at a loss for words. He turned to me with an incredulous look on his face, his jaw dropped open as he mouthed ‘he’s laughing’. In response I just chuckled at his reaction, used to seeing Dan laugh by now so I wasn’t nearly as shocked as he was. “I’ll just—um—go to the dining room now.”

Tyler ran out the door after abruptly excusing himself from the conversation. Dan’s laughter slowly died out until he walked up to me, a smile painted across his face.

“Shall we?” he offered, holding out his arm to me for me to link together with his.

“We shall,” I agreed, looping my arm through his and pulling his body close to mine as we both started walking towards the dining room to attend the meeting.

///

“Nice shoes,” Connor commented, not even looking up from his notes he was reading over when we walked into the room.

“Shut up,” Dan grumbled, flushing a bright red as he shuffled his feet slightly, revealing that he was, in fact, wearing bunny slippers.

“Okay, fine. How about we discuss your new relationship instead? How’s that whole thing going? If you ever need any advice or pointers about anything my door’s always open—unless there’s a sock on it, of course—”

“Connor!” I yelped, turning a bright red at his words.

“Which the two of you need to start doing if you guys want a bit of privacy as well. I do NOT want to walk in on anything—”

“Tyler!” Dan yelled this time. “We’re not . . . like, going to . . . you know . . . do that . . . anytime soon,” he stuttered off, his whole face a shade of red I’d never seen on him before.

“Wait, then what were the two of you doing all of last night?” Connor asked, confusion covering his face as he squinted up at the two of us from his seat.

“We were just talking about . . . everything, really,” I answered, not entirely sure how to reply. Dan probably wouldn’t appreciate me telling them what he told me last night, so I just decided to be as vague as possible.

“Everything? What does that mean?” Tyler questioned, looking even more confused. Next to him, Anthony was typing away on his laptop, his eyes wide as he stared at the screen and continued typing frantically. Typical Anthony, though, tuning out completely from the conversation as he worked.

“I . . . I told Phil about something that I hadn’t told anyone before,” Dan spoke quietly, but all of us could still hear him due to how silent the room had grown apart from the constant clacking of Anthony typing on his computer. My mouth fell open as I turned to face Dan, realizing that he was about to tell them too.

Wow, he really wanted to get along with crew now.

I have to wonder if that might have anything to do with me.

Or perhaps I just know that it has everything to do with me.

“What does that mean?” Connor inquired slowly, leaning forward in his seat and growing serious.

“Um . . . I told him that . . . um . . . When I was a kid I did something horrible,” he stammered, looking down at the ground as guilt flooded his expression. I slid next to him, linking our hands together and sending him a small reassuring smile as I whispered,

“It’s okay.”

“One night when I was six, one clear crisp November nights—you know those nights, where you just look out the window and stare at the trees and stars and think about how vast the sky really is and how the universe may be an infinite size, something we’ll never be able to fully explore as the wind comes in through your window, stinging your face slightly with its gentle pinpricks, but a nice sting, one that feels refreshing and energizing—”

“I know those nights,” Anthony suddenly whispered, before turning red and looking back to his computer. “Sorry, continue.”

“Anyways, um, after staring out my window for a while, I decided to start reading a new book, as it was already quite late, and I wanted to get at least halfway through Robinson Crusoe, the new book my parents had bought for me,” Dan paused for a moment, taking a shaking breath before continuing. “About halfway through—”

“Halfway through? In one night? It took me a month to read Robinson Crusoe! And you were six!” Tyler exclaimed, wonderment taking over his face. “Wow, you must’ve been one smart kid.”

“Not smart enough,” Dan whispered, closing his eyes as the rest of the room fell silent again. “Halfway through, during the slow part, I fell asleep by the candlelight. Little me didn’t really think much of this, the words seemed to lull me into sleep, into their grasp and the thought of blowing out the candle never even crossed my mind.

“I woke up a while later to screams echoing throughout the house. By then, the fire had spread. It was too big for me to blow out then.” Dan stopped speaking abruptly as his eyes started to fill up with tears. “And it was too late. My parents were dead while I laid in my room sleeping, blissfully unaware as the rest of my house went up in flames.”

“Dan,” Connor breathed, his eyes welling up with tears as well as he gazed at Dan. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault, you know that?”

“But it was my fault,” Dan insisted. “Though . . . it was an accident. And there’s nothing I can do to change it now.

“I just wish that . . . I could see them one more time. Tell them how much I appreciated them pushing me to be the best one more time, just tell them how much I love them . . .” Dan trailed off, the tears in his eyes starting to fall and he hastily reached up and wiped them away, hiccuping as he tried to hide the fact that he was crying despite it being painfully obvious. “Sorry if it seems like I’m complaining, it’s just that I really cared about them, you know, and when it feels like you’re the reason the people you care about die . . .”

“It’s possible,” Anthony murmured softly in the room, but loud enough for all of us to hear him and turn to him with wide eyes. “Seeing your parents again.”

“What!?” Dan barked, his eyes going wide and revealing just how bloodshot they really were from crying. “Are you lying!?”

“No . . . that’s what I’ve been working on for the past couple weeks. The spacecraft’s radar picked up a signal a little ways away, and the object the signal is showing me is . . . very peculiar,” Anthony explained, biting his lip slightly as he spoke.

“What did you find?” I asked softly, knowing what Anthony meant. He had found something, something that could help us—but the object, whatever it was could potentially be dangerous

“They’re called cosmic strings,” Anthony continued apprehensively, like he wanted to explain it to us but didn’t want to get our hopes up too much. “Have you heard of them before?”

“Aren’t they the theoretical objects that some scientists predict were made during the big bang when the universe went through a phase transition? From what I’ve read, scientists believe that they are one-dimensional like line objects, as thin as an atom that have a density of over a million tons—like vortex lines in liquid helium, almost?” Dan questioned, seeming unsure of his knowledge as he rattled off what he remembered, taking a seat as he spoke, me sliding into the chair next to him not even a moment later.

“Wow, not bad,” Anthony remarked, looking over at Dan with an impressed expression. Dan just flushed and glanced down at the table. “I definitely didn’t remember that much about them, I had to look them up and study them a bit.”

“Okay, but how exactly do cosmic strings relate to what you’re talking about?” Tyler questioned, before his eyes got wide a moment later and he continued, “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that!”

“It’s fine, Tyler, don’t worry about it,” Anthony assured, turning to his computer and typing a little bit before turning back to face him. “However, cosmic strings have everything to do with what I’m talking about.”

“And what may that be?” Connor didn’t look up from the table when he spoke, his gaze remained fixated on a certain point on the table.

“There’s two nearby,” Anthony finally admitted. “Cosmic strings warp space time as they move, but when two cosmic strings get near each other . . . they move towards each other at the speed of light, and when they hit . . . it does some really weird things to spacetime. Like, for example, allow for time travel. Or allow for traveling to a parallel universe. The spacetime around the cosmic strings after they collide turns the virtual particles in the spacetime into almost real particles with large densities and energies.”

“Wait . . . so I could see my parents again?” Dan gasped, his mouth dropping as he looked at Anthony.

“But there are risks, aren’t there? We might come out at the wrong place in time, or go into a parallel universe and not be able to come back,” Connor elaborated, a perplexed look crossing his face.

“That I can’t deny,” Anthony sighed, looking defeated. “I’ve tried to look and see if any scientists have predicted no risk with entering the area where space time has been thrown off due to the cosmic string interaction but . . . there’s nothing.”

“I’ll go with Dan,” I stated firmly, leaving no room in my voice for discussion. “The two of us can go in the extra pod, the one meant for emergencies.”

“Phil,” Anthony said, sounding exhausted. “That’s too dangerous. We couldn’t let the two of you go, I could be sending you two on a suicide mission.”

“But it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? If we die, at least it means that we died together, happy, while trying to make Dan’s dream come true. I’d die for that to happen!” I articulated, sounding confident and put together for once while thinking and speaking on the spot.

“Or I could go alone,” Dan suggested meekly.

“Absolutely not,” I spat. “If you go anywhere, I’m going with you.”

“I suppose we could tell NASA that we noticed something odd in the radar system and sent you two to go check it out . . .” Anthony said slowly, a hopeful glint appearing in his eyes as he thought about it. “It just might work.”

“Phil, I couldn’t ask you to—”

“Dan,” I stressed, turning to glare at him. “You can’t convince me not to go with you. If you want to go, I’m going to go with you. Because I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dan muttered in defeat.

“There’s no other way to time travel? Nothing?” Tyler piped up suddenly, his voice dripping with confusion.

“Well, theoretically, yes. Realistically, besides cosmic strings? No, not really,” Anthony explained. “We’ve yet to find a wormhole, and even if we did, the spaceship we’d send into it would have to travel at the speed of light just to enter it, and our technology isn’t that advanced yet. Traveling into a black hole is too risky, and too far away as well. The other theory is that in a universe where all of the matter is rotating, if you go off in a spaceship you could end up coming back years before you actually set off. However, this solution of general relativity that Kurt Goedel came up with would require the matter in our universe to be rotating, and we don’t know if it does for sure.”

“Also, people wouldn’t live long enough in the ship to actually be alive when it arrived back before it left, with the speed our ships go now,” Dan added.

“So . . . would you guys tell NASA that so Dan and I can go to the cosmic string collision?” I questioned, looking at the three men also sat around the table.

“Actually . . . it does work,” Dan suddenly interjected, his voice soft.

“Excuse me?” Anthony inquired. “How do you know for sure?”

“When I was young . . . maybe like four or five . . . I saw someone talking to my parents, hugging them, someone I’d never seen before,” Dan explained, his eyes going a shade darker as he remembered.

“Who was it?” Connor asked softly. “Phil?”

“No,” Dan said firmly. “It was me. Now.”

October 5th, 2037

“Why do you always write in that notebook? It seems like everytime I turn around you have it out and are writing frantically in it,” Dan commented from his position in the pilot’s seat of the small spacecraft we were sitting in.

“Because it’s my job, it’s why NASA hired me to go on this mission,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “Plus I like writing down everything that happens.”

“Yeah, but I’ve read your journal. You include actual dialogue that’s the exact words people spoke. Most people don’t write like that in their journals, they just kind of summarize their feelings about the day, Phil,” Dan told me, shrugging slightly as he carefully steered the ship the left a tiny bit.

“Well . . . um, that’s because I haveaphotographicmemory,” I mumbled, getting progressively quieter as I continued to talk.

“What? Actually speak English, please,” Dan joked, obviously trying to get me to relax and realize that whatever it was, I could talk to him about it.

“I said I have a photographic memory,” I spoke quietly, looking over out the window, my face turning red. Ever since I was born, I strongly disliked sharing that fact with people. It just makes them look at you differently because you can clearly recall every conversation you’ve had, something you looked at as clear as a picture in your mind. Even telling NASA when I applied that I had a photographic memory and would be excellent at logging a day’s events because of it was difficult for me.

“Really? You’ve never told me that before,” Dan commented, looking pretty nonchalant about my response. “Me too, actually.”

“Wait, what? Are you serious?” I gasped, turning to face him, ignoring the captivating view of the spacetime madness the cosmic strings had caused outside the window.

“Yeah. How do you think I got accepted to NASA? My charming good looks?” he joked, laughing.

“That was definitely it,” I confirmed sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

“Maybe if you were the admissions officer,” Dan laughed.

Then the spaceship entered the region of distorted spacetime. Without control, the spaceship started lurching out of control, alarms going off all over the craft, the alarms lighting up the control panel, painting Dan’s worried face with a slight red glow.

“It’s taking a lot of fuel for the spacecraft to keep flying when there’s this much resistance!” Dan yelled, his lip starting to tremble as he frantically tried to punch codes into the control panel. “We just have to reach that light over there, I see my parents through the distortion, I think if we make it there we should be fine. But I don’t know if we will make it there, this spacecraft doesn’t hold much fuel in the first place.” Helplessly, Dan stared at the control panel, his eyes welling up with tears as he started to panic.

“Maybe if we got rid of some of the weight—”

And then I knew exactly what I had to do. To save Dan, to save him from floating around in this cosmic spacetime hell where they dangle memories in your face forever.

To let him see his parents again, like he wanted to.

I’m sorry Dan.

Goodbye.

I love you.

November 2nd, 2018

It worked, I suppose.

I’m back then, back in 2018, back when I was a child and my parents were still there. Before I fucked everything up beyond fixing, ruining the people I cared about.

In fact, I’m sitting in a motel on the street I grew up on, writing this. Just down the street, Dan lives on, blissfully ignorant to the pain his future self will be subjected to. Lives on without knowing that the person he fell for is dead.

Also because of me—my fault again. It’s always my fault.

I don’t know how to write like he did. He knew how to paint beautiful pictures of scenes, describe his feelings in a moment along with the dialogue. But me . . . I don’t know how to write down my feelings. With Phil I felt like I could finally feel again, after repressing them for so long after my parent’s death.

But now he’s dead too.

And I don’t know how to do this without him, how to approach them without him. I don’t think I can.

Why would he sacrifice himself for me? I’m not worth it—and I never will be. So why would he make such a brash decision? Especially one that leaves me alone without him, the only one I love from my time.

It hurts.

Too much.

\\\

Somehow I found the courage to knock.

I managed to conjure up the willpower to get up, to walk down the street to my childhood home.

And knock.

“How can I help you?” a voice asked, yanking me away from my thoughts. It was my mother. My mom.

My role model, my inspiration, everything I aspired to be.

“You know, you look really familiar. Do we know each other?” she questioned, shooting me a curious look.

“Yes,” I gasped before I could stop myself. “It’s me. Dan. Just . . . a bit grown up, I suppose.” She just stood there, her mouth open in an ‘O’ shape.

“How are you . . . how could you possibly . . . why . . . ?” she breathed, blown away.

“In the future two cosmic strings collided. I was on a mission to Mars at the time, but the crew I was with let me go so I could see you guys again,” I hurriedly explained, tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at her. “I thought I would never see you again,” I sobbed, lurching forward and pulling her into a hug and crying into her shoulder.

“Dan, I would never leave you! You know that, why would you ever say that!” she exclaimed passionately, wrapping her arms back around me without hesitation. “Rylan, get out here now!”

“You guys didn’t leave,” I whispered into her ear in a broken voice. “Of course you guys didn’t leave. It was me. It was all my fault. I made you guys leave.”

My dad ran out of the house, up to the two of us in the driveway, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Emily? What’s wrong? I had to leave Dan in the house alone.”

“Rylan,” she breathed, taking a step away from me and allowing him to look at me for the first time. “Look at him. It’s him.”

“D . . . Dan . . . is that you?” he asked incredulously, staring at me in shock. “Did you somehow . . . time travel here?”

“Y-yes,” I stuttered, tears welling up in my eyes again. “I j-just had to see you guys again. When the opportunity presented itself, I just couldn’t turn away the chance to see you again.”

“Again? Why don’t you just go see us in your time?” he asked, confusion glinting in his eyes.

“B-because,” I whimpered. “You guys are dead then. Because of me. Because I was so, so dumb and couldn’t even blow out a candle before I fell asleep. Because of me you guys are dead and I was left alone and it’s all my fault.”

“Dan!” my dad exclaimed. “Of course that’s not your fault. It’s a simple accident, any of us could’ve done it. I’ve gone to bed leaving candles burning before, how could I blame you for doing the same as a child?”

“What if I just stay until when you guys are supposed to die? I’ll just save you, and you’ll never die!” I exclaimed suddenly, struck with the brilliant idea out of nowhere.

“No, Dan!” my mom hissed. “Are you crazy? That’ll create a paradox—you’ll save us, and we’ll be alive, but then you’ll never come here to save us in the first place, and we’ll be dead again, then the whole process starts over again.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I wailed. “I have nobody! The person I fell in love with came with me on the spacecraft to meet you guys, but he ended up flinging himself out of the spacecraft so the weight was lower and the fuel would be able to get me all the way here! Don’t you understand? Not only are you dead, but when I finally opened up to someone again and loved them, they left me too! And it’s all my fault!”

“Oh Dan, no. Baby, no,” my mother hushed, stepping forward and pulling my cowering form into her arms, holding me close and swaying the two of us as I sobbed. “None of this is your fault. Absolutely none of it. You just have to work harder for the things in your life than other people do—but that means that you’ll appreciate what you have more than others in the end because you know how hard it is to find someone like that.”

“He really is amazing,” I sobbed, laughing slightly as I sniffed loudly. “I think he’s my soulmate, actually. The two of us just get along so incredibly and there’s never a dull moment between us, and he just makes me so damn happy.”

“Then save him,” my dad said, rolling his eyes as he joined in on our hug, pulling me closer to him as well. “We’ll be here, taking care of you and raising you right until we die. And then he will take care of you when we’re gone, it sounds like we can trust him with that.”

“How am I supposed to save him? He’s just floating around in a messed up area of spacetime, probably seeing all of these memories surrounding him that he can’t reach! There’s nothing I can do now,” I whimpered into my dad’s shoulder.

“Oh, Dan. Do I really have to spell it out for you?” he chuckled. “I thought you were a genius.”

“Dad,” I groaned, but I couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped my throat at his words.

“Dan, you know how to time travel for God’s sake. Travel back to the time right as he jumped in and swoop in and save him before he runs out of oxygen. Obviously. Clearly this guy hasn’t forced you to watch enough cheesy romance movies yet,” my mom scoffed, sounding offended by her last phrase.

“Mom, we’ve been on a spaceship for the past year. That’s where we met, mom. There’s really been no way or time to watch chick flicks and romance movies,” I answered, rolling my eyes in annoyance. “Geez.”

“Well, now you have all of the time in the world I suppose,” my dad joked, giving me one final squeeze before pulling apart slowly. “Now go. I’m sure you have to fix your spaceship before you leave, and I’m sure you’re going to want to get there as soon as you can. I think. How does time travel work for the one traveling?”

“Oh hush!” I laughed, shoving him.

“Bring him by before we die, Dan honey, if you could?” my mom inquired with a hopeful face.

“Of course!” I answered, smiling at her happily. “I’d love for you guys to meet him.”

“What’s his name?” my dad asked. “Then you should really go.”

“Philip Lester. But he likes to be called Phil,” I responded, a faint smile appearing on my face at just the thought of Phil. “He’s basically the human embodiment of the sun—always happy, cheery, just brightens up the room he’s in. Makes other people and planets look dim compared to him. I call him Sunshine sometimes—not as much as I used to, but I do—because he is my literal sunshine. Without I’m left disoriented, alone, and confused, unable to survive without him. Every moment with him feels timeless, like something I’m always going to remember even if it’s just a split second loving glance he sends me at three in the morning when we’re talking.”

“Augenblick,” my dad muttered under his breath. “A decisive moment that in time is fleeting, yet momentously eventful and incredibly significant.”

“That sounds like a lot with Phil. He just does stuff sometimes, like whisper I love you or kiss me and it means the world to me,” I answered honestly.

“Well, don’t just stand there talking about everything he does and how he makes you feel! I know how soulmates work. Now go save him!” my mom screeched, pushing me down the driveway. “I love you, so now go save the one you love so maybe one day you can be a parent too.”

“Too soon, mom,” I groaned.

But I smiled anyways, despite my annoyed words.

October 5th, 2037

I was finally back to save him.

It took a year of repairing the spacecraft, then another year and a half in space traveling back to the cosmic string collision.

But I was finally back to save him.

As I flew through the area with warped space time (this time with plenty of fuel), I searched for the memory that would show Phil jumping out of the spacecraft. After a few long minutes of searching I finally found it and flew through it without hesitation.

I came out on the other side, watching the other spacecraft containing me fly through a past memory with my parents and disappear.

But I didn’t care about that.

What I did care about was the man that was currently floating aimlessly through space, clearly squeezing his eyes shut and tensing his entire body.

So I took my parents advice and followed my heart. I decided to not care what the rest of the world would think as I rushed over to him, opened the top hatch and let him tumble into the spacecraft, gravity suddenly affecting him again.

With ease I caught him, and closed the top hatch before turning back to just stare at him.

He laid limply in my arms, his head lolled slightly to the side, his raven black hair ruffled up in a quiff above his head messily. His eyes were still scrunched shut, like he thought he was still in freefall through space and he was just trying to block it out.

But it was Phil. Everything about him just screamed Phil, proclaimed that this was, in fact, the man I’m in love with.

So I leaned forwards and rested our foreheads together and whispered, “I love you.”

And then I kissed him softly, kissed him until he kissed me back, recognizing my lips from anyone else’s in the world.

“Hey,” I muttered, pulling him into my arms again. “You’re safe now. You’ll always be safe now.”

“God, I love you,” he murmured in my ear. “I can’t believe you found a way to save me.”

“I’ll always find a way to save you,” I responded softly, basking in the scent and feeling of Phil after being away from it for so long. He’d only been falling for a few seconds until I swooped in and saved him, but I’d been apart from him for two and half years, and I wanted to savour every moment with him, never take a moment of him being with me for granted.

Not ever again.

THE END.

And they lived happily ever after, forever and ever, for infinity and beyond.

You are such a dork.

But you love me (*^_^*)

Somehow. Who knows how I put up with you.

You know, I thought most of your writing wasn’t going to be that great from your comment about not being able to write that well, but it was actually pretty good. I mean, you could do with a few lessons from me and a bit more of an extensive vocabulary.

Oh fuck off.

But Dan, I thought you couldn’t live without me, I thought I was like the literal sun to me, and me just being in your presence makes your life makes it so much better!

That was then, this is now. I’ll gladly throw you out of the moving spacecraft now.

Am I still supposed to give this notebook to NASA?

I wouldn’t suggest it. They might think that we’re both slightly insane.

I mean, time travel is a theoretical concept to them still, they probably wouldn’t believe us if we said you actually went back in time and got advice from your long since deceased parents.

I was thinking more along the lines of them reading our personal thoughts and just thinking that we were insane, but yeah, the time travel stuff doesn’t really help either.

Anyways, so how’s your day going? (^-^)

Phil, I am literally just sitting at the front of this spacecraft headed back to Earth passing a notebook back and forth with you while giggling about it. How do you think my day is going?

Clearly I don’t know, or I wouldn’t have asked. Duh.

You are literally five.

Does that make you a pedophile then?

Please shut up.  Just actually talk to me like a normal person.

No! I’m not a normal person, remember? \(^o^)/

Dork.

You say that like you’re not also a complete and utter nerd and dork.

Nerd.

R00d.

Plz stahp with the txt tlk it hurts mah brain m8.

Fine. NASA will know that you’re the one who ruined this amazing conversation and drew my notebook about our space mission to a close.

I THOUGHT WE WEREN’T SHOWING NASA THIS JOURNAL BECAUSE THEY’D HAVE TO PUT US UP FOR A PSYCHIATRIC EXAMINATION.

Hee hee. You’re cute when you’re mad ^_^

That’s it. I’m done with you.

NOOOO Dan no stop walking away get back here Dan NOOOOO. Rude. How rude. Just ignore the literal sun, I’m sure that’ll end well for you.

The end. For real this time. Phil, don’t you dare write another sentence.

Another sentence.

Works Cited

Anderson, David Lewis, Dr. “Cosmic Strings.” Anderson Institute, andersoninsitute.com, www.andersoninstitute.com/cosmic-strings.html. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

Asthana, Anushka, and David Smith. “Einstein Was Right: Space and Time Bend.” theguardian, www.theguardian.com, 14 Apr. 2007, www.theguardian.com/science/2007/apr/15/spaceexploration.universe. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

Bonsor, Kevin. “How Time Travel Will Work.” Bibliotecapleyades, bibliotecapleyades.net, www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/time_travel/esp_ciencia_timetravel25.htm. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

Bonsor, Kevin, and Robert Lamb. “How Time Travel Works- Cosmic Strings.” How Stuff Works Science, science.howstuffworks.com, science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-myth/everyday-myths/time-travel5.htm. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

“Do Cosmic Strings Exist?” LIGO Scientific Collaboration, www.ligo.org, www.ligo.org/science/Publication-S5S6CosmicStrings/flyer.pdf. Accessed 16 Mar. 2017.

Engel, Joshua. “Relativity (Physics): If Matter Bends Space Time, What Does It Bend In?” Quora, quora.com, 8 May 2012, www.quora.com/Relativity-physics-If-matter-bends-spacetime-what-does-it-bend-in. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

Hawking, Stephen. “Space and Time Warps.” Stephen Hawking, hawking.org.uk, www.hawking.org.uk/space-and-time-warps.html. Accessed 15 Mar. 2017.

[cywscross]

Any recs from fandoms you don't follow that closely or just fandoms you've only read a few fics from?

Hmm.. some. I can rec a few fics from a handful of fandoms.

LUCIFER

Devil's Bargain by WolftheForsaken (WIP)

Trixie gets kidnapped. Lucifer disapproves.

-0-

NIRVANA IN FIRE

implacable tide by forbiddenstars for One_Hundred_Zeros

When Lin Shu turns ten, he is fostered into the household of the Empress. Jinghuan grows up alongside his new, irrepressible foster brother. This changes everything.

Like Thunder Under Earth by troubleinmind

"Once I have my official post in the military, I will ask General Mei to appoint me as your personal guard.”

Lin Chen at Meiling in four portraits, and a long apology.

Events As They Happened by aboxthecolourofheartache

Xiao Jingrui and Yan Yujin get themselves into a scrape. Lin Chen saves the day. Mei Changsu brings everyone back from the edge.

-0-

JURASSIC WORLD

Pushing Boundaries by Macx (WIP)

Owen Grady had always had a talent for animals. Like his grandfather. It was a talent that ran in the families.

Masrani Global recruited him to train raptors. It was an intriguing, novel idea, something only a crazy or insane person would attempt.

Owen wasn't crazy or insane. He knew he could do this.

He just didn't know how deep he would get into it, how strong the connection to the pack would become, how close... they, the four of them, would become to him.

His grandfather had always warned him: don't get too close. Don't let them connect. Well, it was too late for that now.

-0-

KUROKO NO BASKET

Designation: Miracle by umisabaku (WIP)

It's been three years since seven human experiments, called "Miracles," escaped Teiko Industries, alerting the world to the presence of super-powered children. Now they're finally integrating into society-- going to normal high schools, playing basketball, falling in love-- and trying to find out if it's possible to truly escape their past.

-0-

LOG HORIZON

Begin and End by Rikkamaru (xHP crossover)

This is how it begins: a boy rejected by his family, a boy reunited with his brother by his sister-in-law's intervention. A boy who found a family in an online game. But how will it end?

-0-

X-MEN

your head caught in a waking dream by addandsubtract

in which charles is sent to a mental institution as a child and by the time raven breaks him out, he's irreparably damaged. because this is me, there's also a road trip involved.

and these, from atoms by kay_cricketed (WIP)

Five years after the Cuban Missile Crisis, Charles and Erik find themselves in a situation where they must rely on each other for survival. Trapped in a coal mine deep beneath the earth's surface, and having lost his wheelchair to a disaster, Charles fights the nature of his physical limitations while Erik struggles to remain distant. Ironically, in the dark, it is impossible to hide your heart.

-0-

GOOD OMENS

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see by Azzy

For some entirely unfathomable reason, after the end of the world hadn’t happened, Crowley didn’t go back to his flat for a solid month.

-0-

THE MENTALIST

the dead outside my window by pprfaith

In one world, the lie Patrick Jane tells is, "I am not a psychic."

-0-

GINTAMA

Pandemonium by Xparrot

The Yorozuya trio gets an unexpected reward. They really should've checked their daily horoscope before accepting: Beware of old women bearing gifts, don't count your lizards before they're hatched, and be careful when life seems too good to be true, because it might be a sign that everything is soon going to go very, very badly.

-0-

HAMILTON

177(6) by ashilrak, lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)

Reincarnation is normal in this verse.The Hamilsquad is at college guys, and guess what, they all fucking remember lol

-0-

DELTORA QUEST

On Paths Unseen by lovelyleias

It was supposed to be a temporary secret, but it tore them all to pieces.

(Or; what would happen if Faith was real, and Lief and Doom knew).

-0-

LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

The Saga of Kollr by oneiriad (xVikings crossover)

One minute Leonard Snart is standing with his arm deep in the Oculus, waiting to die in a temporal explosion. The next he's stuck in the Scandinavian winter at the beginning of the 9th century.

-0-

HUNGER GAMES

The Avalanche And Little Pebbles by Dyce (WIP)

What if someone else caught the eye of the public and the revolution before Katniss? When a boy from District Seven wins the Games and captures hearts everywhere, the revolution comes when Katniss is only fourteen. Tiny, poor District Twelve may be an afterthought for everyone during and after the revolution, but to Katniss, it's all that matters.

-0-

K-PROJECT

Building Up Walls by DarkrystalSky (WIP)

Deviates from episode 7: Shiro decides to let himself to be captured by SCEPTER 4 at the stadium, in a twist of events that will bring him face to face with the Gold King himself.

-0-

KEYS TO THE KINGDOM

Arthur in the House by taywen (WIP)

The AU where the Trustees decide to raise Arthur.

-0-

CRAZY RICH ASIANS

Siege by Ashling

“Either you meant it when you asked me to marry you,” she says, “or you didn’t.”

Love and loyalty, war and witchery, Nick and Rachel.

-0-

XXXHOLIC

The Professor's Wife by foolish_mortal

The students all said that Professor Doumeki had a wife who made him lunches and impeccably pressed his shirts. Watanuki found this hilarious. For the wtfholic fest prompt: "The only people who can see Watanuki are customers with wishes."

-0-

TWILIGHT

Swansong by pprfaith

She's Swan and she's just passing through, accumulation of all you never knew.

-0-

HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE

Hearts and Their Consumption by setepenre_set (SO MUCH LOVE FOR THIS TBH)

Wizard Howl eats hearts. This isn't just a metaphor.

-0-

TEMERAIRE

All True-Hearted Souls by mardia

"For God's sake, if someone doesn't talk Laurence out of these constant heroics, I wouldn't bet a farthing on his chances; no, and not ours either.” Four times that John Granby helped save William Laurence's life.

-0-

ME BEFORE YOU

but I'm not ready to say good night by violentdarlings

Before Louisa has to face a world without Will, Will has to live in a world without Louisa.

Or: bizarre twist of fate = happy ending. Happyish ending.

-0-

THE MARTIAN

i'm coming home by kearlyn (WIP)

Mark Watney never manages to make contact with Earth and NASA never realizes that he survived the storm and evacuation on Sol 6. So, needless to say, the crew of the Ares IV is incredibly surprised when they land on Mars to find a scruffy, malnourished, mentally unbalanced, but still-alive astronaut waiting for them.

These are the stories of Mark's long journey home and the lives of the people he touches along the way. (Mostly told from not-Mark POVs.)

-0-

FAST AND THE FURIOUS

Along the Way by nightrider101 (WIP, very very old, prob long abandoned, but this was my first F&F fic I ever read and I loved it)

Dom has questions. He hopes Brian has answers.

The Next Quarter Mile by astolat

“We going to get somewhere anytime soon?” Dom said.

Brian was staring out the windshield. “Do you trust me?”

“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Dom said.

“If you say yes, I’m going to take you on the worst fucking ride of your life,” Brian said. “Do you trust me?”

-0-

KINGSMAN

Care and Custody by esama

Eggsy takes out the medal in slightly worse circumstances, asking for a miracle.

-0-

HIKARU NO GO

Watch and Learn by Trial and Error by esama (wip/abandoned)

When God gives Hikaru his wish, he begins his journey again with a new goal in life, to prevent Sai from fading.

-0-

STAR WARS

Re-Entry by flamethrower

Re-Entry is an alternate universe epic that spans time and possibility. Obi-Wan Kenobi, while still a young Padawan, suffers an injury and wakes up with all of the memories, experience, training, and Force-strength of Old Ben Kenobi. It isn't long before the Jedi discover that Anakin Skywalker, a five-year-old slave from the Outer Rim, has undergone the exact same change. Obi-Wan and Anakin bear the scars of harsh lessons learned; those who love them must learn those lessons quickly, before the mistakes of old are repeated.

-0-

YOWAMUSHI PEDAL

One of the Better Days by heihua

Based off the anime post-ending scenes: Imaizumi, tired of having to watch Love Hime but unwilling to hurt Onoda’s feelings, ends up asking Onoda for anime recommendations. Everything goes downhill from there.

[phanfeed-ao3]

Terminal

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YZQBjp

by phantasticworks

Phil finds himself stuck in an airport in Florida when a nasty storm blows in from the coast. His phone is dying and his will to live without it is too. He stumbles across a cute brunette who may be just as dorky as himself, and of course flirting ensues. And maybe this cute stranger has a charger to spare? Really your goal as a reader is to solve the incredible important mystery of whether or not he gets his phone charged (and maybe have a little Phan story along the way)

Words: 20038, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell & Phil Lester

Additional Tags: Airport AU, hotel au, Smut, Fluff, Humor, bad writing tbh, dan is an introvert, phil is on a mission to woo him, nasa shop, Phil's POV

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YZQBjp

[danfanciesphil]

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Read on Ao3!)

Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.

The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.

He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.

From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey

As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.

From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.

It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.

Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.

From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x

From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx

Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…

But obviously that’s absurd. 

Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.

Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.

From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x

There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-

He texts back.

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx

For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.

His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.

Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.

Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.

“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”

Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.

Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.

From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x

From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx

Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.

From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x

From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx

From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x

From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx

From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x

From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.

He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.

Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.

Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.

*

The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:

Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx

Two things cross Dan’s mind.

First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.

Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.

He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.

Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.

This time, Dan just taps out a simple:

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.

Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…

Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.

Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D

Another notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil started following you

“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.

amazingphil liked your photo

“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.

amazingphil commented on your photo

amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx

Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.

*

Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.

No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.

“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.

Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.

One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.

“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”

Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.

“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”

Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”

Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”

Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”

“Him?”

Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.

“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”

Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”

Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.

“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”

“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.

“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.

He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.

“Ty, I don’t want to see-”

“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”

“He’s looking at the camera!”

“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”

Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.

“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.

Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”

He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.

Not that Phil being single would even matter.

“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”

“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.

He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester. 

He won’t.

*

This is a good philosophy, in theory.

In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.

Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.

“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.

Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”

“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”

“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”

For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.

“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”

If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.

“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”

Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?

“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”

“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”

“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.

They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”

Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”

“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”

As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”

“You don’t wanna dance?”

“Not in the mood.”

Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”

With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”

‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.

“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”

Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”

Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.

He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.

He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.

Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”

“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”

Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”

“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”

“So, how much?”

“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”

The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.

“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”

A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.

“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”

And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.

*

For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.

He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.

“Same again?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”

He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.

Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.

It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.

Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”

Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”

He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.

“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”

Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”

“Dan,” he grits.

“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”

He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.

Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.

“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”

With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.

*

At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.

That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.

*

At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.

“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”

“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.

He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”

“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”

Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.

“Wait, he left without telling you?”

One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”

“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”

As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.

Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.

He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.

Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”

Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”

There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”

“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”

Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”

“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”

“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”

A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?

In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.

Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.

“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.

Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”

“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”

“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”

Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.

“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.

Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”

“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”

Speechless, Dan simply stares.

“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.

Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.

So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”

Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”

As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.

“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.

Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”

(Part 4!)

[sunshinedjh]

Summoning Love Part Eight: Different

Summoning Love: Phil Lester has the ability to make anything he desires appear at will. However, with great power comes great responsibility. And along with his parents wanting to disown him, his entire school thinking he’s a freak, and being the only person in this world he knows of with a hidden power, things can get rather lonely…   Phan |Superpowers |High School Au |

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Part Seven

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Word Count: 1266

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Wattpad<<<

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Warnings: N/A

Phil awoke with a start, his breathes heavy and sudden. Images still flickering through his head of what had happened two nights ago.

It was stupid really, that he'd had a nightmare about it. Sure he'd been chased and threatened with knives that night, and that was obviously what his dream had been about. But that night had also probably been one of the best nights of his life for another reason.

Shaking his head thoroughly, Phil tried to get rid of the thoughts, not only about his nightmare but also about the boy he'd found himself constantly thinking about over the last couple of days.

It was as Phil concentrated and woke up properly that he noticed what he was surrounded by. A strange abundance of objects appeared to have found their way onto his bed. Including some dvds and books, some socks, and a pair of underwear (probably his, though possibly not).

Sleep summoning.

That was the only explanation. It had happened to Phil before, though albeit it hadn't in a while. It only seemed to occur when there was something in particular troubling him.

Rubbing his eyes and pushing the duvet off himself slightly, knocking a book off his bed in the process, Phil took a rather puzzled stretch.

He got up and began returning the things to their rightful place, when he heard his phone buzz.

Diving to grab for it, he turned it on. Who on earth would be texting him at 7am...

From: Dan Today 07:03am

'Hey, do you wanna walk to a school together?'

Phil froze, rereading the message multiple times before even thinking about a response.

Did Dan consider the two of them to be friends now? Was that a thing, they were gonna just hang out from now on? Phil didn't mind at all, he almost anything but minded actually. It just seemed a bit strange to actually have someone to call his friend. Other than Pj of course, who Phil really wished he got to see more.

Composing himself, Phil began to type out a response.

From: Phil Today 07:04am

'Sure, where do you wanna meet? xx'

After arranging a meeting place and placing his phone down, Phil frantically began rummaging through his wardrobe to decide on what to wear.

His hands momentarily settled on the leather jacket he'd worn the day Dan had saved him, that was a definite no. NASA shirt, no. Plaid shirt, no. Phil sighed. Was it just him or did it seem like he was getting ready for a date?

He finally settled on a denim jacket, with a white shirt and skinny jeans.

After eating breakfast, brushing his teeth and making his hair look moderately presentable, Phil decided he was ready to head out.

-

Checking his phone every two seconds, Dan was waiting.

He wasn't the most patient person in the world admittedly but Phil was ten minutes late for gods sake!

It didn't help that it was pouring with rain either, causing Dan to look more like a drowned hamster than a human. He'd taken refuge under a tree about five minutes ago, giving up on pacing up and down.

He scrolled though his texts to Phil over and over, cringing at how needy and clingy he sounded now that he looked back at them.

His gaze fell upon the kisses Phil had sent to him in some of the messages. Dan wouldn't have dared to send kisses to Phil, but when Phil did it to him Dan couldn't help but like his heart was being tied up in knots.

As much he loved the idea of him and Phil hanging out from now on, he couldn't help but be a little afraid that he was gonna accidentally blurt out his undying love to the man at any moment. He couldn't help it, Phil was just so damn...

Beautiful. Holy shit, there he was (and about time). Dan eyed him in curious awe as he walked down the street towards him, giving Dan a goofy wave.

'Hello there Howell' Phil beamed.

Dan almost felt himself wince at being called Howell, that was what all the bullies called him. He didn't wince however, since he felt as though his surname sounded quite nice when it rolled off Phil's tongue.

'H h hello' Dan greeted.

He watched as Phil's eyes looked him up and down curiously, before he decided to step under the tree that Dan was using for shelter.

'Your hair isn't so curly when it's wet huh?' He said thoughtfully. 'Well no, obviously not' Dan chuckled. 'Why, don't you like my hair straight?' 'No, I just... curly hair suits you' 'Thanks, I'll bear that in mind'

'Do you wanna start walking?' Phil asked, grabbing Dan's wrist. Dan felt his body tense, Phil was so nearly holding his hand. All he could do in response was give a weak nod and try not to freak out as they began walking.

'You know' Dan began, trying to rapidly distract himself from thoughts of hand holding 'I used to hate my hair being curly' 'Really, how come?'

'I don't know I guess I just thought it was different to everyone else's, no one else I knew had naturally curly hair. And well I didn't like being different, so I straightened it every day so no one would ever see'

'It's good to be different though' Phil exclaimed. 'No one should wanna be like everybody else' Dan paused. Somehow Phil's very cliche statement got him thinking.

'Yeah, but you know, I was already pretty different in another way...' 'I guess so' Phil said thoughtfully 'I suppose we're both not the most normal of people'

Dan scoffed. 'Oh come on, I'm more different than you. There's being a nerd different, and then there's having actual wings different'

'Hey shut up the wings are cool!' Phil found himself defending. 'When did this become an outcast competition anyways?'

'I don't actually know' Dan giggled. 'And anyways did you call me a nerd?' 'Yes I did' Phil let out an offended gasp.

'A cool nerd, though' Dan added, turning to look at Phil at just the right moment to catch his lips upturn into a smile. Realising he probably shouldn't be looking at Phil's lips, Dan quickly turned his gaze up to Phil's eyes.

'It's weird, don't you think' Phil stated, catching Dan, who was distracted and not expecting the boy he was gazing at to suddenly speak, by surprise.

'What is?' 'How we get along so well after having only just become friends'

Dan nodded thoughtfully. 'Yeah, it is, I feel like we've been friends for ages' He agreed, blinking and pausing as if he was deciding whether or not to add something to the statement.

'You know, I'm not usually one for sentiment' he spoke up 'but I like you Phil, I hope we can remain with each other' 'That's a strange thing to say' Phil commented.

Dan thought for a minute. Thought about all the people who had come and gone in his life, all the people who had left him. He hadn't even considered he fact that that might be classed as a weird thing to say.

'Well I guess I just mean that you make me feel less like I'm so different to everyone else' Phil nodded, seemingly in understanding.

He began to think about his powers, how Dan was the only other person he'd ever met before with a power. Phil knew he'd have to tell him, but not right now. Soon.

'I like you too Dan, and you know, you may be different, but you and me aren't as dissimilar as you might think'

Next Chapter

[ca-se-passe-la-haut]

Des reconnexions magnétiques proches à l'origine des orages magnétiques sur Terre

Une étude effectuée par une équipe exploitant les données des satellites THEMIS étudiant les interactions du vent solaire avec la magnétosphère terrestre montre que les orages magnétiques peuvent provenir de beaucoup plus près de la Terre que ce qu'on pensait généralement, de quoi impacter directement de nombreux satellites. Elle est publiée dans Nature Physics.

La magnétosphère qui entoure la Terre est modelée par son champ magnétique interne et les mouvements incessants d'électrons et de protons émanant du Soleil. Les "orages" magnétiques sont provoqués quand un flux de particules chargées du vent solaire parvient à traverser le "bouclier" que représente la magnétosphère et ses lignes de champ magnétique incurvées qui forment un vaste dipôle magnétique autour de la Terre.

Au-delà de l'apparition de magnifiques aurores dans les régions polaires et parfois aux plus basses latitudes, ces orages magnétiques peuvent avoir des conséquences importantes au niveau du sol. En 1921, une telle tempête magnétique fut responsable d'une coupure générale des communications télégraphiques aux Etats-Unis et causa des dégâts sur des stations électriques, jusqu'à induire un incendie dans une gare new-yorkaise. 

Plus près de nous, on se souvient du grand blackout qui plongea 6 millions de Québécois dans le noir le 13 mars 1989, le jour où des aurores ont pu être vues jusqu'en Floride et à Cuba...

Aujourd'hui, un orage magnétique de grande ampleur de ce type a été estimé pouvoir causer des pertes de plusieurs dizaines de milliards de dollar par jour rien qu'aux Etats-Unis. 

Quand l'énergie magnétique associée au vent solaire est transférée à la magnétosphère, elle s'accumule jusqu'à être convertie en chaleur et en accélération de particules via le processus de reconnexion magnétique. Ce phénomène a été étudié depuis des décennies mais sans que l'on sache aujourd'hui à quel endroit ont lieu ces reconnexions magnétiques lors des orages magnétiques observés sur Terre.

Vassilis Angelopoulos (UCLA) et ses collaborateurs ont analysé les données enregistrées par le trio de satellites THEMIS de la NASA (Time History of Events and Macroscale Interactions during Substorms) pour essayer de déterminer où apparaissaient les reconnexions magnétiques dans la magnétosphère, là où le vent solaire a pour effet de réarranger les lignes de champ magnétique et peut induire une importante circulation de plasma. Du côté "jour" qui fait face au Soleil, le flux magnétique de la magnétosphère est érodé par le vent solaire, et ce flux est normalement rétabli par des reconnexions de lignes de champ du coté "nuit" opposé. Mais il est aussi possible que des reconnexions magnétiques aient lieu du côté "jour". 

La connaissance sur les zones d'origine et les processus en jeu est aujourd'hui très partielle car les orages magnétiques sont rares et les satellites déployés pour les étudier aussi.

Angelopoulos et ses collaborateurs montrent dans leur étude la présence qu'une reconnexion magnétique ayant eu lieu à proximité de l'orbite géosynchrone a produit un intense orage magnétique. Or, la zone de reconnexion se trouvait entre 6,6 et 10 rayons terrestres, soit entre 42000 et 64000 km du centre de la Terre. Ils estiment que ce phénomène de reconnexion, beaucoup plus proche de la planète que ce que l'on imaginait, serait induit par la forte pression dynamique du vent solaire. Dans cette zone, les reconnexions magnétiques étaient supposées être extrêmement réduites par l'effet du fort champ magnétique dipolaire terrestre. Il n'en est donc rien selon les chercheurs américains et coréen. 

Ce résultat indique que les reconnexions magnétiques de la magnétosphère sont bien associées aux orages magnétiques et qu'elles peuvent apparaître à une distance relativement faible. Il dit aussi qu'il devrait être nécessaire d'explorer plus en détail le phénomène afin d'affiner nos modèles et mieux prévoir la "météo spatiale", que ce soit pour les impacts sur les satellites ou les hommes en orbite, ou bien au sol.

Source

Near-Earth magnetotail reconnection powers space storms

Vassilis Angelopoulos, Anton Artemyev, Tai D. Phan & Yukinaga Miyashita 

Nature Physics (13 January 2020)

https://doi.org/10.1038/s41567-019-0749-4

Illustration

Illustration de la zone de reconnexion magnétique à l'origine d'un orage magnétique détectée par les trois satellites THEMIS ( Emmanuel Masongsong/UCLA)

via https://ift.tt/2RsfoXV

[septic84]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell & Phil Lester Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester Additional Tags: Airport AU, hotel au, Smut, Fluff, Humor, bad writing tbh, dan is an introvert, phil is on a mission to woo him, nasa shop, Phil's POV Summary:

Phil finds himself stuck in an airport in Florida when a nasty storm blows in from the coast. His phone is dying and his will to live without it is too. He stumbles across a cute brunette who may be just as dorky as himself, and of course flirting ensues. And maybe this cute stranger has a charger to spare? Really your goal as a reader is to solve the incredible important mystery of whether or not he gets his phone charged (and maybe have a little Phan story along the way)

Loved this story. It's so good!

[ao3feedphan]

Terminal

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YZQBjp

by phantasticworks

Phil finds himself stuck in an airport in Florida when a nasty storm blows in from the coast. His phone is dying and his will to live without it is too. He stumbles across a cute brunette who may be just as dorky as himself, and of course flirting ensues. And maybe this cute stranger has a charger to spare? Really your goal as a reader is to solve the incredible important mystery of whether or not he gets his phone charged (and maybe have a little Phan story along the way)

Words: 20038, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dan Howell, Phil Lester

Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell & Phil Lester

Additional Tags: Airport AU, hotel au, Smut, Fluff, Humor, bad writing tbh, dan is an introvert, phil is on a mission to woo him, nasa shop, Phil's POV

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YZQBjp