#petrr parker x depressed! reader

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Hurts So Bad... (Part 2)

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Invisible or Blind?

Masterlist

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: For the first time, Peter Parker meets someone he has no idea how to save...

Warning: angst(obviously), mentions of suicide, depression, self-harm...

Sorry it's so late😬

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The days after big drops in your depression were always the cleanup days. The realization days.

The 'wow. i really am fucked up, aren't i?' days.

You cleaned your cuts carefully. You picked out a jacket to wear for the day and an extra long sleeved shirt to switch into just in case you have to take off your jacket for any reason.

It was April.

It sucked, but these were the precautions you had to take when you cut yourself.

Because you weren't one of those people that just let your problems be known to the world. You didn't need the judgement. The silent stares. The "concerned" teachers. None of it.

You desperately wanted your terrible thoughts and feelings to be over, however you didn't want help. How you expected it to end, you didn't know. You knew it wasn't just going to magically go away, but you had no idea what it was going to take to get rid of it.

After all, you didn't even know how it started. So how could you possibly know how you could end it?

There was one thing you knew for sure though;

You'd brought this upon yourself.

-

Spider-man was Peter Parker when he'd met you officially.

He truly hadn't realized how many classes he had with you until now. It was insane.

You were in his homeroom and his chemistry class on some days. And his American history class and gym class in others. It really made him wonder, was he that caught up in his own life or were you just that invisible?

You didn't exactly shy away from the spotlight or hide behind anyone. Yet somehow you just managed to be another face in the crowd. He was sure that if he were in a room with just you and no one else he probably still wouldn't notice.

The only thing he truly recognized about you was your best friend; Cecilia Gulliver.

She was one of those girls in school that you couldn't miss. Always a story going around about her.

Supposedly she was rich. Or at least fairly wealthy. She got along with everyone. Always giving and never taking. One of those "sunshine" girls. Always with a smile on her face.

He'd watched her with you at lunch.

She brought a lunchbox and offered some of her chips when she noticed you hadn't touched your food. Peter watched as you shook your head and said no. When she asked you what was wrong, you mumbled a small "nothing" before you placed your head down on the lunch table. Semi-comforting, she laid her hand on your shoulders and patted lightly before joyfully continuing her conversation with the rest of her friends at the table.

"That's it?," Peter mumbled to himself from his table.

His best friend, Ned, turned, his mouth full from eating his sandwich. "Huh? What's it?"

"Nothing..."

He watched her with you in Chemistry.

For an assignment, everyone had to pair up.

After asking you once again if you were okay (to which you responded that you were even though it was obvious that you weren't), Cecilia left to find a partner. Perhaps one that was willing to actually hold a conversation with her.

Being that you never left your seat, you hadn't found a partner. The teacher partnered you with Flash Thompson.

Peter's jaw clenched and his grip tightened on his pencil as he attempted to do his work. It wasn't even the Flash part that bothered him.

This wasn't what you needed. It angered Peter just sitting there thinking about it.

You didn't need to be checked on once and then left to suffer alone by someone that was more than capable to help you. Didn't she see you were struggling? It made him wonder if she even knew? Or was Spiderman the only person who'd found out?

But there was one thing that rang true, this Cecilia girl definitely needed to check her priorities.

That night, he swung by your house again. First, to see if you were hurting yourself again. Secondly, simply to just see how your home life was.

Peter knew it was sort of creepy, but he really couldn't bring himself to care.

Looking through windows and using his super hearing, he silently observed you sitting in your room.

Your mother walked in. "Did you finish your homework?"

"Yes ma'am." You sighed, staring listlessly at the designs of the blanket on your bed.

Your mom noticed, a small frown sneaking onto her face. "Did you take your vitamins this morning?," she asked?

"Yes," you replied.

"Well... take two instead of one tonight." With that, she left.

The second the door closed, you rolled your eyes. "Like, they actually do anything..."

Peter frowned, shaking his head slightly. "Hmm.." He paused for a second before swinging over to the next window.

A man sat in this room, watching tv. Peter watched as your mother walked in.

"She's doing it again," your mother mumbled.

"Doing what?"

"Falling into that mood," she answered. "I told her to take some more of those serotonin vitamins."

Your dad scoffed. "If you really think she's actually depressed, why not just get her actual antidepressants? 'Stead of that crap you get from the herb shop."

"Because our daughter's not depressed," she snapped back. "Everyone gets sad. Strong people come back from it."

"Okay," your dad said, rolling his eyes, wanting to just be done with the conversation.

"That's it? Just an 'okay'?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you not care about our daughter?! She's struggling and here you are just watching your game and-"

Peter scoffed before swinging back to your room.

Were your parents insane or just plain stupid? Your mother screaming at your father for not caring even though she's actively ignoring your issues? And your father obviously sees something wrong with it, but is too nonchalant to say anything?

It was so foreign to Peter. The whole situation.

You. Your family. Everything about this. And he'd only seen minutes of it.

Needing to clear his head, he took one last glance at you sulking on your bed before going home.

-

He hated to admit it to himself, but it wasn't until it really started to affect him Peter actually started to do something about it.

He'd look into your house of course, to make sure you weren't harming yourself. But he went for at least a solid week before it became too much for him to just push aside and wish it would just go away.

Until he couldn't eat without thinking about how you probably weren't eating.

Couldn't fall asleep as quickly anymore because he was up thinking about how you probably weren't sleeping.

Couldn't even dress himself or work out without looking at his arms and thinking about all of the ways you had your way with yours.

Until he just couldn't ignore it anymore.

See, the thing about learning something about someone, whether if it's about a heavy topic or light, is that once you do, it makes it so much easier to start noticing the small things they do because of it. And it feels satisfying when you notice those things because now you don't have to wonder 'why' about it because now you have context.

Like finding out that someone likes someone else, and then noticing that they blush when that person walks into a room or that they stutter when they speak to them, and knowing that they do that because they have a crush on them.

Or finding out that two people are related, and then all of a sudden start seeing all of the small resemblances.

But it's a different kind of feeling you feel when what you've learned about someone is like what Peter learned that night before.

He couldn't ignore it, no matter how hard he tried.

Suicide? Self-harm? Regardless of what anyone says, those topics are heavy. And they don't just go away.

Anyone who might've paid any attention to you, could be suspicious. But Peter knew for sure. He knew what was under those sleeves. He knew the pain behind those eyes.

But he couldn't say anything.

He was just Peter Parker now, not Spiderman anymore. He'd never even spoken to you before. How would you react to some stranger all of a sudden having some big interest in you?

But he couldn't leave it alone. He couldn't leave you alone.

He'd seen what you'd done to yourself. He'd seen what your "loved ones" did about it.

And he wasn't going to stand by and watch it happen anymore.

'With great power comes great responsibility...'

When he saw you sweating in gym class, so close to the point of passing out because of the long sleeved undershirt you wore to hide everything, right as the coach announced that the class would be playing dodgeball, he decided;

If he couldn't talk to you, he could at least protect you... even from a distance.

His senses focused intensely as a ball went hurling right towards you...

-

For you, it was a particularly crappy day. Everything seemed to annoy you. You had to eat the school's breakfast because your mom hadn't bought cereal, you were hot as hell with your stupid jackets on, and you could tell you were annoying your friend with your sour mood.

And just now, on top of all that, some idiotic ball-hog guy in your gym class kept jumping in front of you...

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