#personaltxt

[detektyv]

i dont wanna be posting my whole medical history on here but i dont have anyone to tell this to rn but we might be in our chronic pain era

[wtfuglydemon]

i feel like as much i identify hard it jirai, due to my lifestyle since i was 15, the age i started to drink, the ptsd, the self harm the recent find i probably deal with bpd and a bunch of other disorders, my mind will never let me fully think of myself as one due to never thinking i live up to expectations, i simply follow them from the back to not feel alone in this world.

i also don't really like all the fighting with people who simply don't understand the constant pain of living and how it is nice to know people who you can see that understand your pain, these people will always try to claim something but separate themselves from what originated it in the first place, life is already painful is stressful and i am constantly trying my hardest to not end it all, i don't need to care about these people judging others as well.

[dreamboyf]

no, my being trans didn't kill my family's child. I will not own that. I will never own that because it isn't true in any sense. THEIR disgust, their bigotry, their rejection of their own child. that is what would have killed me. I am what saved their child. She lives in me. I go by a different name, I look different, sound different, but I never died. Mourning a child who did not die, but who metamorphosed into something lovely and strong, by nobody else but MY own hand, is nothing short of a fucking slap to my face. I will never play into the narrative that I killed my parents child even as a joke. It's a fucking insult to the blood, sweat, and tears that went into digging myself out of the fucking grave THEY dug for me and dropped me in.

[hellcheerforeverfan]

How I started the new year:

I'm on my period

I broke the wood stove door and the cost to replace one is 600 bucks

I'm flaring because I am on my period

My mom twisted her or worse broke her ankle

I just got an email that my university bill wasn't ever fully paid and that now it is more debt to pay ( I had a payment plan that should of charged my card automatically I don't understand why this wasn't brought to my attention before they gave it to collections)

your girl is doin terribly and wants run away

my kofi

[threatlevelmidniight]

real lesbian culture is liking and reblogging your crush's repost about how she "craves affection" and "hates being single" in the hopes of signalling her about your existence which is already rife with aching love for her, instead of actually making a move.

[taibobo]

content warning for discussion of ED under the cut

i find it so weird navigating my life as an adult with such a heavy fixation on my body and body image. it makes it impossible near damn all the time to leave the house without like… the creeping anxiety of people looking at me and thinking i’m literally the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen. and i have to constantly pacify myself and convince myself that i’m fine even when i’m like . at the grocery store 😭

plus i think it definitely affects the way i consume media and make content. not only does my mental / physical state contribute to whether i’m productive or not, but with the way i draw any of my self inserts and the characters they love interacting with them… i think you can really tell that i am just kind of a weird sad little man who wants people to care about me as i’m wasting away.

idk just thought dumping . many thoughts head empty

[vap0000r]

sad day for station 19 stans

[vnd3d]

i think.... 2020 is gonna be when i actually draw stuff for my dumb invader zim au whether its good or not 😔

[catradoras]

one hope: klance becomes canon early/mid s8

one belief: klance becomes canon, korrasami style

one fear: klance is not canon, zutara style

[detektyv]

the only transition pics that get a lot of attention are ones where the person ends up passing very quickly during their transition. or like a drastic change Boy to kratos type . and like good for them honestly im very happy for them. but like i never see support for people that have been on hrt for years and still dont look drastically different .. and i dont mean attractive guy who looks like an elven prince type of transition . what about my fellow just some guys . my regular "ugly" guys

[wtfuglydemon]

Birthdays were never something that meant too much to me, ever since i was a child i always got the bare minimum, a poorly done cake and MAYBE a party with like, 5 to 6 people, i rarely got any gifts either. After my 10's i stopped getting that altogether, gifts were rare because i often asked for stuff that my mother would consider it "my birthday gift early" because she always hates spending money on me, after 15 i didnt even got birthday wishes and only receive a cheap box of chocolate, its been that for a decade now.

I see my nephew, niece, cousins getting big, expensive parties with tons of gifts, with my mother sometimes spending almost 1k on them, going out on their birthday to celebrate it and all it does is make me think: "My existence was never something to be celebrated, unlike everyone else, people dont care i exist and that's why i never get anything."

This year, at best 2 people out of everyone i talk to even remembered my birthday, it really got me thinking how little i matter in general, after all, its engrained in my mind that those who remember are those who are glad i exist, they're bothering themselves to remember that i was born, that im someone in their lives who was brought into this world even if everything up to now has been nothing but painful, meaning out of everyone who talks to me, only those two do. Excluding my current partner even. It made me cut myself on that day, i maybe had the worst birthday of my life and even a month later im still not over this.

I wish i could have been someone who people were glad existed. Maybe one day i will be.

[averyfocusedfjord]

WHY!! IS EVERYONE SLEEPING ON LUCKY 13!!

[mysteriouslotuscasebook]

one of my projects at work is working w stats and i am so excited tusydjdvs

[peepomatsu-moved]

sometimes i wonder how many old mutuals i had were lost to suicide or other circumstances and i feel so sad

[chillshroom]

.

[elnorart]

I spent all day yesterday doing computer upgrades and cleaning... But tonight after work my gurl and I are gonna doodle sesh so those will be up tomorrow probably!! I am trying to not immediately fall off the 'posting train' right after starting this. Trying.