#personal bounaries are ok!

[burnkastel]

I love you systems with problematic introjects I love you systems creating 'unpalatable' art I love you systems who feel ostracized from system spaces due to their introjects i love you systems with complex trauma that is understood through art

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

ok so I'm in the "talking stage" with this person rn. and like we've already gone past the we like each other convo. but i still feel like um predatory(?) if i do anything for her. like even a simple thought like i like her makes me feel that way and i know its all the internalized biphobia or whatever but how do i overcome that i feel like i will never overcome this feeling :/

Remind yourself that attraction is something you cannot control. You cannot decide whom you are attracted to - it just happens. "Predatory behaviour" is something that people choose to do. Predators choose to be predatory. They harrass people and don't respect bounaries. Are you doing that? My guess would be no. You talk with someone. Someone who also said they like you which mean they like talking to you. There's no crossing of boundaries if you talk to someone who enjoys talking to you.

And to take it a step further: it's not harrassment if you kiss/touch/date/fuck someone who wants to kiss/touch/date/fuck you. Ask them if it's okay to do X before you take the next step or let them know that you would like it if they did X. As long as you are following basic rules of consent and respect, you're not doing anything wrong. And most of all: it's not morally wrong to be attracted to someone and/or wanting to get intimate. Attraction isn't predatory. It's a very natural and common human experience that can be actually quite enjoyable. So try to enjoy it, it's exciting and more importantly not morally wrong.

Maddie

[sugar-petals]

Hi, I was wondering do you have any ideas on how exo biases reflect in us the same way our bts bias does?

ok so, this goes after the same “how we pick our bias based on our struggles” / “what gift of ours they reflect” format.

kyungsoo

what you believe you lack: ability to maneuver throught the trials and utter chaos of life. you find it hard to keep cool, set bounaries, and do things precisely your way. you long for being a compelling, subtle, and collected character who handles everything thrown at them. you often wish human nature would confuse and faze you less. you wish that everyone just does their job and won’t cause upheaval. you wish all was better regulated and things taken care of.

your potential and gifts: you’re a devoted family person and aspire for peaceful living. meanwhile, a part of you is highly logical and assertive. you are extremely efficent and always the one to arrive at the finish line first because you’re so focused and single-minded. your smile is innocent. people think you’re cool for liking RnB. you’re great with animals and a genuinely good friend. you’re loyal.

jongdae

what you believe you lack: you assume you’re naturally unintelligent and don’t fit in, have nothing valuable to say even when you try very hard. you think others will exclude or step on you and not consider your opinion. you’re anxious that you end up silenced and scorned at, made a sheep. you fear that you’re not outstanding or interesting at all in any regard, or live up to high expectations.

your potential and gifts: a meme machine, someone who truly pursues what they want. you are humankind at its most brave when you realize that you can direct circumstances to your wishes more than your former powerless self thought. you can go against any outdated norm you want and get away with it. people like you for being a renegade, not for taming yourself and biting your tongue. people support you when and because (!) you speak the truth.

yixing

what you believe you lack: a shield to protect you from how invasive reality is, all while you’re afraid to lose touch completely. you feel left out or squarely pushed to be on our own devices. you feel discriminated against or entirely underestimated. you feel like you could never achieve a sense of pride or show your true colors. you want harmony and fairness but are proven otherwise everywhere you look.

your potential and gifts: you are dignified, sexy, cool, smooth, and talented. show stopper potential right here. you cannot be overlooked because you are a royal. you have a sense of justice and treat everyone with the same base line of respect. you’re deep. you are cute and the least likely to annoy an introvert or sensitive person which you can interpret as a certificate for a sound character. you work hard and take things seriously.

suho

what you believe you lack: the skill to make everything happen the way it should. in fact, “shoulds” govern your life. life made you disappointed and a misanthrope. you know that you can still be frustrated and overworked if you have everything others wish they had. the dark side of responsibility or your attempt to seize it is eating you alive. you wish you had real support and encouragement.

your potential and gifts: that patience is something only surpassed by water washing down a stone. you believe in etiquette, you’re the old school and you’re damn right, manners are there for a reason. also, yes, you are attractive and look very elegant to others. you are welcome in every household. other people may disappoint you, but you are no disappointment to others.

baekhyun

what you believe you lack: you’re emotionally, sexually, romantically, and socially deprived to extreme degrees. you often feel a sense of numbness, coldness, loneliness, demotivation, unimportance and lack of purpose in the greater scheme. your worldview is cynical bordering nihilistic. you find it hard to connect meaningfully and never feel you know the right thing to say/do. you are conventionally attractive but got left behind in the dating race. you isolate yourself. you have severe body image issues. you depend on others valuing you more than the average person and feel bad because you think it’s a bottomless pit that nobody can fill, not even you.

your potential and gifts: you’re the determining factor in a social setting. others admire you. in fact, they are obsessed. your ambition is boundless. you know how to protect yourself. you’re a professional, invoking jealousy and awe wherever you go. other people do love and respect you, you’re just way out of their league for them to word it your way. you have the midas touch, all you pick up as a project turns to gold.

minseok

what you believe you lack: organization and sweetness in life, something to stir things up. you’re feeling like you are caught in eternal boredom and chores and it’s driving you insane. hell, you are against this entire system, the rat cage is turning you into a hypervigilant. you wish for more diversion in your life. you want to really raise the roof but are haunted by a terrifying restraint from within yourself.

your potential and gifts: you can bring order to things and speak frankly. people see that you are a dark horse, understated but still always to be reckoned with. people like you for your curiosity, constructiveness, and ease to be around. they feel safe and comforted around you. you don’t seem to age since years. you are great at all leisure and ever-pleasant.

jongin

what you believe you lack: what you beat yourself up for is that you feel like a slob who can’t engage others no matter what you do. you feel isolated, un-dateable, weak, always pushed to the fringes. you think you need to be nicer, fitter, sexier, fiercer, and more popular and adapted to be accepted. you wish you had more pizzazz and appeal. you never thought you could cause a stir or get any attention. you retreat from the world a lot and rein in your energy.

your potential and gifts: even if you’re not actively athletic, you do have it in you. your body is in better shape than you accuse yourself for day by day. you get one with music and naturally stand up for yourself. others can’t do you no wrong. despite what you say to yourself, you have nice skin. you’re always the most passionate person in the room.

sehun

what you believe you lack: excellence — you assume you’re always meh in everything. or vice versa, you have unacknowledged expertise, something you can’t make a reality. you feel like you’d have to take life more seriously but you’re just floating on, closed up, annoyed, overlooked, even cast out. you wish you knew the balance of speaking your mind and acting with compassion. 

your potential and gifts: people think you’re cute no matter what you do. nor do they criticize your moral standards unlike you assume they do. they think you are nice and forthcoming all while being what you are, a badass bitch. you are universally envied and well-known in your circle, believe it or not. people would kill for your silhouette.

chanyeol

what you believe you lack: you think your life has been going down the drain ever since. everything feels dull. deep down, there’s nothing else but sadness and exclusion from all the important things. you wish you had more overview and a bigger emotional and physical presence. you wish more people would love and support and hype you. you hardly find excitement these days, it’s all dragging you down

your potential and gifts: even if you might feel lost in social situations, you still have your aims and you should very well stick to your motives. you are fine-tuned to people and help others out. you can safely leave the rocket science in florida: you don’t have to be a born sunshine, superman, or a model to get by. a good heart and a dose of charm is enough down the line. the secret to a happy life is not in looks nor attitude but how you uplift others.

[cowboyjenunfilterednsfw]

Hey Jen is it ok that I really dont like penetrative sex? Like its not anything psychological or whatever I just dont like the way it feels and i feel kinda helpless even when its just myself idk why, I feel like i can never really have sex without it tho cuz everything else is kinda just foreplay?

Hey back.. It is perfectly fine to not enjoy penetrative sex.. our bodies are all different so we have different needs. 

I guarantee you .. in the realm of lesbian sex (or any sex with a woman involved) Penetraiton is NOT the end game.. just part of the whole experience.. if you want it to be.

 Lesbian sex starts the moment you hold hands or kiss and expect to go father, even if you don’t. What the male perspecitve calls “foreplay” women and lesbians call sex. Sex is  the whole adventure.. orgasm is not the “goal” and neither is penetration. The goals are to connect with the other person(s) and to help each other feel wonderful sensations on the body and in the mind.using our senses

SO don’t worry about it.  Let your partner(s) know that you don’t enjoy it ( you only owe them an explaination if you feel like gving. one) and try all of the other options. Never  be afriad to try something(s)  new... . but it is also okay to set boundaries. 

Feeling helpless is not a good feeling for  me either. I don’t see penetration as relinquishing control but more as “ i trust the other woman enough to allow her that kind of intimacy with my body.”. But penetration is not for every one and not a requirement for a wonderful and healthy sex life.