#percy with his scary dog privilege

[ogjacksonsimp]

yall know what trio would be unstoppable??

Hylla, Reyna, and Percy

Hylla, who knocked a WOLF unconscious with one hit and THREW a car.

Reyna, who beat Thalia in hand to hand in seconds, and cleared the rest of the hunters.

(both sisters can lend their strength.)

Percy, who the gods are SCARED of.

[aroaceleovaldez]

the dynamic of demigods thinking which other demigod is the most powerful is always amusing to me because. like, we know the big 3 kids are all the most powerful. That's just a fact of their universe. And then we know nearly every character views Percy as the strongest demigod, and most people are very rightfully intimidated by him.

and you look at the powers of the Big 3 kids and there's Percy, but then you realize Nico is just kind of objectively more powerful than him but simply chooses to hang out in Percy's shadow like he's Percy's scary dog privileges. Like, the two of them are pretty equally capable of causing multiple different apocalypses. Nico just also has like four different instakill powers and it's not like he doesn't use them. He very much uses them! Not infrequently, even! And they don't seem to take a significant amount of energy from him! And other demigods are pretty intimidated by both of them! But Nico makes a conscious point to keep his cards close to his chest and not let on exactly how dangerous and scary he can be if he wants to. People are already scared enough of him without knowing anything about him and he doesn't like that. Percy doesn't think about that nearly as much, and so usually just goes in guns blazing and that's part of why he's considered a wildcard. And then Nico himself puts Percy on a pedestal, so those who do know more about Nico's abilities then presume Nico knows something they don't about Percy that implies Percy is even stronger than him.

And even on a meta level Nico's narrative role requires him to be functionally more powerful than Percy, because he very often serves the purpose of getting Percy out of situations he can't handle on his own. That's just part of his function as a character! But also narratively he can't overshadow Percy so he just takes a backseat of his own accord and that's very amusing to me.

[percyluvr]

hiii could i request a percy x daughter of zeus hcs? 🫶🏼 but my request would be that even though reader is crazy powerful she’s not at all what people would perceive as a “zeus kid” and is honestly laid back and just like percy

percy jackson x daughter of zeus!reader summary: hcs about percy with a gf who's a daughter of zeus

when you first got to camp, percy was definitely thinking "not a daughter of zeus, that guy sucks ass"

yes he judges people he doesn't know, we all do

at first, the two of you could not get along with each other

constantly arguing

you definitely "accidentally" zapped him and he "accidentally" soaked you with water

you both had dish duty for a month and you got to know each other more

he was pleasantly surprised to find that you were nothing like your dad at all

like you were chill af and he was down w that

i think you two definitely still had your arguments because as children of the big three you were very impatient and easily angered, as we saw with thalia and percy

but you got through it (usually after having a duel)

always keeping each other on their toes

if there was another war, you two would be a force you wouldn't want to anger

camp halfblood now has scary dog privileges x2

the two of you train together all the time, but sometimes you get carried away

like, you'll be summoning big storms and shit and he'll like accidentally create a tsunami bc y'all are trynna strengthen your powers

you got yelled at and put back on dish duties for almost ruining the camp

if percy was feeling sad, you would take him by the water and create lightning in the sky in the shape of a heart

immediately makes him smile and he gets all happy and makes a heart in the water

you two are ALWAYS sleeping in each other's cabins

bc like

it gets lonely being strong and sexy and you just wanna feel each other's warmth through the night

i think because you two are children of the big three and you've been through so much, ur nightmares are so much worse

and sleeping in each other's cabins helps you two calm each other down

that's the only reason mr d and chiron let you do it

also, because they couldn't get you to stop no matter how many times they put you on cooking or dish duty

everyone at chb is scared of y'all....

like in heroes of olympus when the other povs show just how scary percy and jason are, i think it would also apply to you as a child of the big three

your dad does NOT approve of him

but neither of you care

poseidon likes you tho, hes a supportive king

you can fly but you're scared to take him with you because you think your dad will zap him right out of the sky

but he always takes you underwater

you guys go to his dad's palace underwater and you meet his tyson

tyson LOVES you more than anything

maybe even more than he loves percy

which is a LOT

you guys are always on quests together, but its fine nobody is really worried

they were when you guys first went on a quest together bc u two still didn't get along then

but now you do

so they know the quest will get done with EASE

y'all work together SO WELL now that you like each other

bc on ur first quest... oh lord..

we won't talk about that tho bc its CRAZY what y'all were doing to each other

but yeah, u guys work together so well and all the quests at camp get done with ease as long as you guys go together

in conclusion, y'all are just a power couple

[hchollym]

Ooo PercyxMarcus for that who's the x who's the y ship meme

Ooh, yay! I'm assuming you mean all of the AUs, so here we go! 🥰

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Percy is the werewolf, and Marcus is the hunter who was raised to hate them. He believes werewolves are monsters until he meets Percy and then his whole world gets turned upside down. He realizes that his family was wrong, and now he has to stand up to them to save Percy's life and do what's right. Though it would be even better if it was werewolf Percy and vampire Marcus. 😭

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Percy is the mermaid, and Marcus is the fisherman. I want hurt Percy who got caught in a net and a flustered Marcus nursing him back to health. Marcus seems all gruff and grumpy and intimidating, but pretty Percy finds it adorable and can tell that Marcus is actually very sweet underneath his grouchy exterior.

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Ooh, interesting. I could see this both ways, but I'm going with Percy is the witch, and Marcus is his familiar in the form of a giant, intimidating dog, which freaks everyone else out, but Percy loves it! (Think "scary boyfriend privileges.") I could totally picture Marcus barking at the twins and Oliver every time they try to talk to Percy (though for very different reasons).

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Ooh, I could see barista Percy, but you know that Percy would be addicted to coffee, so it's got to be barista Marcus. I want an overworked, frazzled Percy who is barely functioning, and then there's Marcus - this gorgeous barista who always has Percy's drink waiting for him with some type of biscuit or sandwich because he's realized that Percy forgets to eat otherwise. In Percy's mind, Marcus is an angel, but Marcus just thinks the gorgeous redhead in a suit is smart and sophisticated and way out of his league. Cue meddling friends. 🤣

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

I'm not a huge fan of this type of AU (like at all), but Percy is the professor, and Marcus is the TA.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Percy has to be the knight (he's literally named after Sir Percival), and Marcus is the prince (even if his family isn't rich, they probably have more money/power than the Weasleys).

Oooh, but to flip this around, imagine Marcus being the Troll Prince (maybe in this AU, trolls aren't as tall, violent, or stupid, but instead, they're more like Vikings; or Marcus' family could be royalty because they're only part Troll so they can interact best with the other kingdoms).

Percy is sent to fight Marcus by the human king (Dumbledore) who spreads the message that these hedonistic savages need to be taken out. Percy originally agrees, but once he meets Marcus, he realizes that there's more to the story than he thought.

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

This is tough too, because I love single parent Percy, but I can't picture Marcus as a teacher, so single parent Marcus it is. He got someone pregnant from a one night stand, but they decided not to keep the baby, so Marcus is raising him/her on his own. I imagine this child adoring Percy as their teacher and wanting to invite him over for dinner, ice cream, movies, etc. Marcus may or may not be encouraging this.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

I love writer Percy, but I have to go with writer Marcus, whose ideas are great but his grammar is atrocious, so most people won't give him a chance. Editor Percy does though, sticking his neck on the line with his company, but with his help, Marcus ends up becoming highly successful.

These inspired me, so I have a few new ideas for stories! Thanks for the ask! 😊

[xoxochb]

Ohhh can you please do Leo Valdez x very tall/stoic/intimidating s/o?

I totally see him with a partner who’s got scary dog privilege, yk?

Thank you so much if you do!

⋆·˚ ༘ * draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man

warnings: this is basically just a silly blurb

pairing: leo valdez x intimidating! daughter of thanatos

“you’re girlfriend looks like she’s ready to kill a man” percy jokes

leo laughs at this, “that’s because she probably is”

“what?” percy gives him a worried look

“I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but she once killed a man by pure luck!” leo beams

“she’s not a goddess” percy hits his shoulder

“It’s true! do you remember that demeter boy that used to always flirt with her? well-”

he’s cut off by percy gasping

“I was just wondering where that kid went the other day!” he stands up abruptly, “that’s not normal!”

“first day on earth?” leo starts laughing, but is cut off (again) when he hears you scream his full name, and when he looks over you’re making your way to him

“It was nice knowing you” percy gives him a comforting pat to his shoulder

[puzzled-pegasus]

@poppitron360

It was movie night in Camp Half Blood’s big house, and Jason sat on the floor next to Leo in front of the couch, Percy sitting on the sofa above and behind him. The demigods had decided on watching Big Hero Six first, and like most movies, Jason hadn't seen it. Leo promised him it was really good, though, and Jason trusted him.

Attending movie night were the Camp Half-Blood members of the Seven: Annabeth, Percy, Piper, Leo, and presently, Jason. Nico had been invited, but he had plans with Will Solace, so he wouldn't come.

At this moment, the two girls were in the Big House kitchen, supposedly popping popcorn and finding snacks, so Jason was alone with Percy and Leo. The movie was set up on Disney Plus, so all they would have to do when the girls got back was hit play.

“You sure you're okay on the floor there, Jason?” Percy asked.

Jason turned to smile at him. “Yes, we’re okay,” he assured. “We’ve got blankets and stuff. Leo’s got a pillow.”

“Do you need a pillow?” Percy asked Jason.

“I only need a pillow,” Leo interjected, “because some of us aren't fortunate enough to have an ass, Percy. So check your privilege.”

“Well, you could always just sit up here,” Percy retorted.

“Now why in the hell would I want to do that?”

“You guys are nuts,” Percy decided. “You're sitting on the floor like dogs when you could be on the couch like kings.”

“Maybe I want to be a dog,” Jason said. “So I can sit on the floor with my bestie.” He nudged Leo.

“Whatever, wolf boy.”

“If you really want to help, my shoulders are sore from training.”

Percy laughed. “Oh, is that what this is? That’s why you sat in front of me like a dog, so I’d pet you?”

“Duh,” Jason said. “Why else?”

“Alright, easy, boy.” Percy rolled up his sleeves and leaned forward, putting his hands on Jason to oblige his request.

“Can you—uh, over, a little bit.”

“What, here?”

“Mmm.”

“That good?”

“Mhmmhnmm,” Jason mumbled.

“Boy, you are a puppy dog,” Percy marveled.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Leo said. “You want me to pet you too, Jason?”

“If you're offering,” Jason said sincerely.

Leo looked surprised for a moment. He glanced up at Percy, and back at Jason. Then, he broke into a crooked grin. “Sure, dude,” he said, “where?”

“Anywhere,” Jason groaned.

Leo flushed, and Jason realized how that sounded.

“Whoa, man!” Percy mock scolded, “keep it in your pants.”

“Yeah, dude,” Leo snarked, “I know I’m hot, but you gotta control yourself.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Leo.”

“Oh, you love it.”

“Dude.”

“Okay, fine,” Leo said. “No more teasing. Pets on your puppy head.”

“Thank you.”

Leo followed through, reaching up with one hand to stroke Jason’s hair. “There you go. Are you happy?”

Jason couldn't help leaning into Leo’s hand. “Uhmhm.”

Suddenly, Leo moved right up close to Jason, leaning in so their faces were inches apart. He spoke in a soft voice. “Yeah? You like that?”

“Yes,” Jason sighed.

“Oh, Jason,” Leo purred, committing to the bit now, “your hair is so soft. Did you wash it today?”

Leo’s tone was making Jason’s head feel fuzzy. “Mhm,” was all he managed.

“Hmm, it smells nice, too. Gods, you're so pretty with your marble statue face. Who's the pretty boy?”

“Pretty?” Jason mumbled. Leo was definitely joking, but…hardly ever did anyone talk to Jason like that. Leo made his voice light and gentle, his words affectionate, and his touch downright intoxicating. Jason was really curious where this was going.

“Yes, you’re my pretty boy,” Leo continued, leaning even closer. “Oh, you with the big blue puppy eyes. Yes, I’m right here, and you're a good boy. It's okay. Good boy, Jason.” His tone was so convincingly soothing, it was a little scary.

Jason’s limbs felt numb.

“You really like that, huh, baby?” Jason heard Leo put a little extra y’all in his Texas drawl. “You’re just melting like butter in my hands.”

“Hey, Leo,” Percy grumbled, “can you lay off? I’m starting to feel violated.”

“Oh, but Jason loves it,” Leo countered. “Don't you, sweet potato?” He gave Jason’s hair a gentle pull.

“Dude, you know he's being mean, right?” Percy said, patting Jason’s shoulder.

“Eh, he just pretends to be mean,” Jason mumbled, nuzzling affectionately into Leo’s hand.

Leo scoffed, scritching Jason’s head. “No way, dude. I’m so mean to you. I’m gonna beat you up in the parking lot after this.”

“Oh, yeah? After we cuddled together at movie night?”

“This is all a ruse, Jason. I actually hate your guts.”

“Aw, how dare you fool me like this.”

“I know. I’m so evil.”

Just then, Piper came into the room, holding a bowl of popcorn and a party sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Jason grinned up at her from his seat on the floor, Leo’s hand still in his hair and Percy still rubbing his shoulders.

“Hey, Pipes,” Leo greeted.

“Hey, guys.” Piper set the snacks down on the coffee table. “Annabeth’s in the bathroom. What…” she noticed everyone's hands on Jason. “What are we doing?”

“Petting your golden retriever boyfriend,” Percy said casually. “Also, Leo’s trying to seduce him.”

“Leo,” Piper scolded, putting her hands on her hips.

“I did no such thing!” Leo said innocently.

Piper raised her eyebrows.

“Well, maybe a little bit,” Leo admitted, sharing a playful smile with Jason. “But can you blame me? Look at this beautiful man.”

“He is beautiful,” Percy agreed.

“This is true,” Piper nodded. Finally, she smiled down at Jason. “And how's my beautiful guy?”

“I’m good,” Jason replied, still grinning at her. She looked so cute in her movie night pajamas.

“Are they giving you attention?” She asked.

“Mhm,” Jason replied in a daze as Leo rubbed the back of his head, “And this is all very manly, just so you know.”

“Oh, of course.” Piper knelt down to the floor to sit on Jason’s other side, opposite of Leo. “The masculine urge to get headpats and back rubs.”

“Exactly.”

“As a man,” Percy said, “I can confirm that is a thing.”

“Same,” said Leo. “And to be called a good boy while getting them.”

“That's not…not true,” Jason admitted.

“And it's totally understandable,” Piper said. “Can I get a kiss, though?”

“Please,” Jason agreed.

Piper leaned in, tilting Jason’s chin toward her, and kissed him. When she pulled away, she was still touching Jason’s face with one hand. Her kaleidoscope eyes changed colors hypnotically as she looked at Jason with affection.

“I love you,” Jason muttered.

“I love you too, you big dork.”

Jason reached up to touch the hand that was on his face, wishing Piper would keep it there forever.

“Do you want a hug?” Piper asked.

“Always,” Jason confessed.

“Come here, Sparky.”

The other two had to stop touching Jason for a moment until he and Piper figured out how to hug comfortably while sitting on the floor. Jason leaned heavily into his girlfriend’s arms, face in her shoulder. Her pajamas were soft.

“Aw, we all need to hug you more often,” Piper observed, “don't we, Jason?”

“I like hugs,” he agreed.

Piper held him for a long moment. Another hand patted his back—it felt like Percy. Leo moved closer to Piper and Jason, running his hand through Jason’s hair again. “Jason,” Piper checked, “are you doing okay, with everyone touching you at once? Do you need some space?”

Jason laughed, though it was sort of muffled into Piper's shoulder. He pulled away from her hug to look at her. “Are you kidding?” He said. “This is awesome. I feel so popular.” He grinned at Leo, then Percy.

“Dude,” Percy said, “you are popular.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Okay,” Piper laughed, “fair enough. Should I join you guys, then?”

“More, the merrier,” Leo shrugged.

“Absolutely,” Jason agreed.

“Yeah, you just try to get pats from everyone in town, don't you?” Leo teased, patting his back.

“Eh, mostly just you guys,” Jason said.

“Still a four-way snuggle fest. So scandalous.” He tutted and shook his head in feigned disapproval.

Jason scoffed. “Oh, and yet you participate.”

“It's totally against my will,” Leo insisted. “How can I help it if I’m being bewitched by your puppy dog eyes? And your pettable head?”

“My gods, Percy,” Piper said, “I see what you mean now. You guys are flirting so hard it's making me feel like the third wheel.”

“Sorry, Pipes,” Jason said. “Leo, stop it.”

“Fine, but it's gonna be really hard with how pretty you are.”

Jason blushed. “Oh, fuck off,” he said, suppressing his smile.

Piper laughed. “Alright, guys. I have an idea.” She squeezed Jason’s shoulder.

“What kind of idea?” Jason asked.

Instead of answering him, Piper turned to Percy. “Can you hand me that pillow?” She asked, pointing to a pillow on the couch next to him.

Percy handed it over, and Piper set it in her lap. Then she tapped it, looking at Jason, gesturing for him to lay there.

“Ohh,” Jason said, nodding in understanding.

“Aww,” Percy cooed.

“Oh, you got the good seat,” Leo said, sounding only a little jealous.

“What’re you waiting for, goofball?” Piper asked Jason impatiently.

Not wanting to disobey her, Jason followed his girlfriend’s command, lying down to rest his head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair, and a few sparks of static electricity crackled.

“I hope that's happy lighting,” Piper said.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry,” Jason said, worrying he might have shocked her.

“Oh, gods, don't be,” she laughed. “It's adorable.”

“Oh,” said Jason. More crackles as she ran her fingers through again.

“You can't even control it around her, can you, buddy?” Leo said.

Jason ignored that comment. “You’ll let me know if I hurt you, though,” he worried, “right, Piper? I don't want to do that.”

“Don't worry, Jason,” she assured. “I’m nowhere near getting hurt. You just relax.”

“Okay.” Jason lay his head back down, trying to do as she advised.

“Jason,” Leo called, “did you still want me and Percy to pet you, too?”

“Ooh, yes,” Jason perked up.

Leo grinned. “Alright.” He moved closer to Piper, such that he could easily reach Jason’s back.

“Should I, uh…” Percy tried, “are you guys going to want me, too?”

“Bro,” Jason said seriously, “I always want you. Get over here.”

“Oh. Okay.” Percy slid down from the couch and moved to sit in Jason’s field of view, opposite Leo and Piper.

Percy glanced at the both of them, then met Jason’s eyes, uncertain. Jason offered Percy his hand. Percy took it between both of his, looking unsure of what else to do. “Is this gonna be enough?” He asked.

“Well, if you want,” Jason offered, “you can touch anywhere on my arm.”

“Uh...do people usually touch each other's arms?”

“Yeah. Like—” Jason pulled his hand away, gesturing for Percy to hold out his arm. He demonstrated running his fingers up and down his friend’s forearm. Percy turned his arm with Jason’s movement, almost instinctively. “See? Like that,” Jason said.

“Oh, that is nice.”

Jason smiled. “Maybe I can just do it for you first.”

“Hm. I’m okay with that.” Percy moved to sit closer, letting Jason move his hand further up his arm.

Jason was now laying in Piper’s lap getting head scratches from her, while getting back rubs from Leo and petting Percy’s arm. He was in a very good mood.

He noticed a bruise below Percy’s elbow, about the size of a drachma. “What's this?”

“Huh? Oh.” Percy looked where Jason was touching him. “I think that's from sparring yesterday.”

“Ah. What about that one?” Jason pointed to a couple of fading scratches on his upper arm.

Percy smiled. “Oh, I think that was Mrs. O’ Leary. I need to keep her nails really trimmed, otherwise those things are like razor blades.”

“Yeesh.”

“Yeah.” Percy pulled his shirt collar down to show a much bigger bruise on his upper chest. “Look at this one.”

“Yeowch,” Piper said. “What happened?”

“Spooked a pegasus while I was trying to clean her hooves.”

“Ooh,” Leo winced, “lucky she didn't get your face, bro.”

“Gods, I know,” Percy shook his head, “been kicked in the head once before, and…you know, I think that's enough for me.”

Finally, Annabeth came into the room, holding a bowl of ice cream. “Um, hello, everyone,” she said, taking in the scene. “Did you all not see the couch or something?”

“Nah,” Leo answered, “the floor’s just more fun.”

“Alright, then.” Annabeth stepped over Jason’s legs to sit on the couch. “Are we starting the movie? Who’s got the remote?”

“Oh, I think I set it on the arm…thing,” Percy said, pointing to the sofa’s armrest.

Annabeth found it and picked it up. “Can I hit play?”

Various affirmative noises from the demigod snuggle pile. Annabeth hit the button and the Disney castle intro started on the screen.

“Leo,” Piper asked, “will you turn the lights off?”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Percy said, standing up. “I’ll do it,”. He flipped the switch and the room turned dark, then he returned to sitting by Jason.

“Percy, don't you want to sit by me?” Annabeth asked.

“Uhhh…” Percy looked at her, then down at Jason.

Jason smiled. “It's okay, man, go sit with your girl.”

Percy returned the smile gratefully, then stood up again to join Annabeth on the couch. Jason still had Piper and Leo to sit with him, so he was happy. The movie started.

The demigods shared popcorn and Doritos throughout the movie. Piper fed some to Jason, because he really didn’t feel like sitting up.

Jason wanted to see the whole movie, he really did. But he lost consciousness not even halfway through, with his head in Piper’s lap and Dorito crumbs in his hair.

Hello fellow Jason Grace lovers!

Just now I have finished and posted a fanfic on ao3 which is inspired by some doodles by @manygeese which I won't post without their permission but they are free to add them to this post :)

It's essentially just a fluff where Jason and the CHB Argo II members have a movie night in the big house and he is like a golden retriever for everyone. He gets headpats. Also Jiper/Jasper is there because I like them, sue me.

There's also this one moment where Leo makes it really sus for like ten lines but don't worry Percy stops him loll

[fbfh]

thalia + bff reader

wc: ~750

pairing: thalia grace + fem (they/them) bff reader

requested: fuck yeah!!! <3

warnings: affectionate bullying of jason, one jason x brick mention, one sex joke, general crackheadery

a/n: thalia is the blueprint for cool punk friend <3

If you are Thalia Grace's best friend

Which you are

Congratulations!! You officially have the coolest best friend ever

Helping her dye her hair has been a longstanding tradition between you

Usually accompanied with trashy reality tv

The amount of times you've helped her dye the back of her head while she does the front and the Steve Wilkos show plays in the background is more than either of you could count

Honestly I'm almost getting Max and Chloe from life is strange vibes

Also

Being bffs with Thalia means you officially have scary dog privileges

Anytime someone tries to talk to you in public when you don't want them to

Thalia sends them the most intimidating look ever

Suddenly they remember they had to pick up some dry cleaning ttyl! 🏃

So yeah she's the best

You have vicarious bullying rights over Jason now too

Sometimes you'll just pass by him and be like hey Thalia asked me to tell you that she's going to be late

Jason: okay thank-

Also that you're a fuckin nerd

Jason:... you.

Piper can't help but giggle

Also messing with Percy together is one of your many favorite pastimes

At one point

You're not really sure how it came up

But the question of if Percy or Jason would be a better hypothetical boyfriend had come up

They asked you to be the tie breaker

Percy: who would be a better boyfriend, me or Jason?

"…"

Percy: like if you had to choose

You share an icked out look with Thalia

You finally answer

"If I had to choose? Probably the brick that hit Jason in the head that one time."

Thalia BUSTS out laughing and Jason gives you an incredulous look, suppressing a laugh of his own

Jason: you are NEVER going to let me live that down are you

You and Thalia at the same time: nope <3

Literally Thalia is the most fun to be around

She's like the best friend that you could possibly have

And if anyone asked her she’d say the exact same thing about you

Literally you have so many inside jokes you can't keep track

Everything reminds you of something funny

Even the most innocuous thing

Someone will be like hey do you want to spar after lunch and you just bust out laughing

You pull it together and agree

As you walk off one of you is like "it's better than sparring after linner" and you start laughing again

Your texts are SO embarrassing to open in public

Like you'll be sending the weirdest memes and reaction pics

You get a text from her and it's just an attached image

You know immediately you can’t open that until you’re somewhere more private

When you finally open it, lo and behold it’s a motivational poster that says “pick yourself up by the boot straps <3”

With a picture of doc martins with dildos on them

Boot

Strap

You bust out laughing

Def the type to have regular sleepovers too

Like yall just get so bored without each other

A lot of these sleepovers lead to impulsive hair dying

Midnight snack runs

Laying on the ground staring at the ceiling talking about whatever bizarre deep random shit crosses your minds

You know that garfield comic about sitting here and thinking deep thoughts

This one

You quote that on a regular basis

Oh and this girl is sO ready to throw hands on your behalf

Ik I mentioned this earlier

But for real

Yall are each others ride or die

And honestly she’s an amazing bff!!!!!

You guys talk about everything

Once she asked if you’d still love her if she were a worm

You’re like I loved you when you were a tree so yeah

Worm is a huge step up

She’s like yeah

Yeah worm is a huge step up

At one point you made matching friendship bracelets

Hers has little punk spikes on it to match her other bracelets aww! <3

And tbh post camp thalia is giving platonic life partner vibes

You’ll probably get an apartment together and start your young adult coming of age sitcom together

One of you will get a job at a bar and make some wacky friends

You’ll have to deal with your annoying neighbors

You and Thalia, taking on the big city!

Hilarious anecdotes ensue

I’d watch the shit out of that tbh

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[skygatecreations]

what up i was tagged by @kaitenkenburokuren

RULES: Answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions

not tagging that many ppl either.

not taggin no one because I pmuch know all of em pretty well and they all busy being awesome at life. but thank for the tag, these fun despite how smartass I sound.

under cut lmao <- same bro

1. Coke or pepsi? coke <-same

2. Disney or dreamworks? Disney has a higher hit vs. miss ratio with me, but Dworks got some good ones.

3. Coffee or tea? Coffee bro.

4. Books or movies? prolly movies. usually animated sh** that I use as ‘inspiring background noise’ and don’t actually watch a lot of the time.

5. Windows or mac? Windows cause it’s what I know best. Also I don’t tend to  like Apple’s monopoly-ish-ness.

6. DC or marvel? Marvel pm strictly because I like the movies. No clue on comics...Also ol X-men cartoon Storm was my homegirl as a youngling. I honestly think she might have subliminally created the thing I have for white hair lol

7. Xbox or playstation? Playstation cause that’s what fell into my lap.

8. Dragon age or mass effect? no.

9. Night owl or early riser? night owl <- same

10. Cards or chess? cards...but preferably neither because I’m uncannily terrible at non-video games...k actually pretty bad at vid games too but the nons...Jesus Christ 8/

11. Chocolate or vanilla? Are we talking ice cream because that kinda important op. like get yer sh** together...anyway if yes, then Chocolate.

12. Vans or converse? probably neither. not usually my look...also I’m picky as Hell.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar? ...what you just call me bro?

14. Fluff or angst? angst in certain doses. Also I’m picky even with that.

15. Beach or forest? both.

16. Dogs or cats? both

17. Clear skies or rain? both kinda - no like...that patchy sort of cloud+sun after it rains that makes the light look all awesome and sh**

18. Cooking or eating out? eating out, but if I learn to cook more it’ll probably be a harder call.

19. Spicy food or mild food? mostly mild. There if like, 1 at times very spicy food that hurts me but tastes freaking amazing lol but been trying some slightly spicer that my normal jam foods lately.

20. Halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? can’t decide. strangely apathetic at this...slightly concerned about myself now. thanks for the existential crisis, man. 

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? maybe a lil too hot tbh. just increase water intake and *thumbs up*. cause a lil too cold makes the migraines worse. like ‘difference between vom-ing or not’ worse.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Flight bro.

23. Animation or live action? Animation. like good 2D Disney-ish stuff, not this eyesore bullsh** on CN these days.

24. Paragon or renegade? Apache attack Helicopter. idk.

25. Baths or showers? shower <- same...I like baths but I don’t have a plug for the tub so they don’t happen much...

26. Team cap or team ironman? shut up I haven’t seen that movie yet.

27. Fantasy or sci-fi? depends on the mood.

28. Do you have three or four favorite quotes, if so, what are they?

‘Fall seven times, Stand up eight’, ‘Don’t be afraid of dying, be afraid of not living’, ‘Fly as far into the crash as you can’ (or ‘drive’ if we talkin cars) ‘You panic, you die.’ ...idk, a lot of stuff I heard from people that are generally a lot braver and cooler than I am lol.

29. Youtube or netflix? Youtube. Can’t afford netflix. check yo privilege damn.

30. Harry potter or percy jackson? HP. not even close.

31. When do you feel accomplished? *bitter, empty laughter*

32. Star wars or star trek? Not a space opera fan but if I have to choose, Star Wars all the way. because it’s a little LESS space opera.

33. Paperback or hardback books? hardback but can’t say no to all the free classic ebooks that I’ve been finding. Bro. Read the Jungle Book(s). the REAL ones. That mess is epic. All movies made of it so far are SH** and it will anger you once you learn how sh** they really are.

34. Horror or rom-com? Rom-com if must choose. because I have an overactive imagination and I will have f-ed up dreams. My sleep pattern is sh** enough as it is lol...and yet I listen to a lot of ‘true scary story’ narrations...

35. TV shows or movies? tv shows because easy background noise

36. Favourite animal? MANY. Dogs, cats, horses, sharks...

37. Favourite genre of music? MANY. like...only criteria is “do I like it?’. notables are classic rock, epic soundtrack-y sh**, and I’m super hooked on synthwave right now...which basically means I like 80′s synth music...

38. Least favourite book? idk, if I dislike something that much I stop reading/don’t read. I guess Hunger Games series qualifies tho compared to everything I’ve read. Not a bad story, but I really...don’t like first-person perspective...so cringe. sooo shamelessly made for self-insert fantasies.

39. Favourite season? fall I guess.

40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head? toss up between Neo-tokyo and Running in the Night (totally freaking different vibes? told you I like a lot of sh**)

41. What kind of pyjama’s do you wear? usually-loose camisoles and soft pants/shorts, preferably of Jersey material. I dislike fuzzy ‘warm’ sh**. let the blankets do their damn job lol

42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day? my whole life is one big existential crisis.<- SAME BRO

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? Bruh that dark.

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show? tbh AS a theme song? ...probably Yuichi ikusawa’s WARRIORS from one of the Yugioh openings. Pretty damn epic. only up to a certain point of the full song tho (opening cut is fine). eventually he starts doing this weird actually laughable thing with his voice and ruins it.

45. Harry potter movies or books? Books. movies are good for book movies though.

46. You can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? OTPs are great but I have friends on tumblr and some that I I’m having active interactions with and are expecting stuff from me. I sacrifice the OTP for my duties. *salutes*

47. Do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? *more bitter laughing*

48. What is the worst way to die? anything slow. Bonus bad points if you are alone and have time to think of your fam and friends and how your end will effect them...that got dark again. moving on :)

49. If you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? idk man, maybe just go around looking for wild animals to hang out with without their knowledge...or the risk of being mauled. Or go places I’d never go by myself because ghetto-as-hell and just chill.

50. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be? The first hop of the Wright Flyer. Dawn of powered flight bitches. 

51. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you? ...bruh. No. like I know a lot of people would think that would be cool and sh** but if you think ‘people just don’t get you’ now, imagine if you really were incapable of communication. like...sh** would suck. And you’d have to be a hermit somewhere with no money cause no/extremely limited livelihood options...is my adult showing? I feel like my adult is showing.

52. What is your most favourite album currently? I don’t really do albums. I pick and choose what I like.

53. What is your favourite TV show character? lots of them. usually the dudes with complex/’juicy’ backstories...which is pretty boring because a lot of people would probably say that. because those tend to be the most interesting.

54. What is something you were obsessed with as a child? doggies idk

55. Do you have any tattoos/piercings and if not would you like any? just single earlobe piercings.

56. Biggest pet peeves? hard to call. a lot of things annoy me lol. maybe people not taking responsibility for their own actions/bullsh**.

57. A place you’ve always wanted to visit? Close between Germany or Japan, I got family both places. Japan narrowly wins.

58. cheesecake or carrot cake? carrot cake if it good...and doesn’t have deer turds- I mean raisins. ...I think I got all of them? idk you see one I missed lemme know.

[supersharkgentlemen]

Bold of you to assume percy wouldnt be able to kill on his own. But yeah, he want that career in politics, of course he would rather someone dirty their hands for him. And whos better for this job if not his "scary dog privilege" boyfriend)))))

Pretty sure Marcus would 100% commit a murder if Percy told him to. I mean, it's Percy, he'd probably have a good reason for it anyway.

This is 100% accurate in every way. ��️

Percy, talking to Oliver: You know, I should have Marcus kill you for that.

Marcus, walking in the room: Who do I need to kill?

Percy: I'm just joking-

Marcus, already pulling out his wand: No, is he bothering you?