#pepper: i cant believe you left a 17 yr old in charge of the kids at home alone tony you're so irresponsible istg

[worstloki]

Part 2

Tony: hey so Pepper and I wanted to go on a date night and- Loki: I'll handle Morgan and Peter. You guys take your time. Tony: ...you're not even asking for anything in return this time around? Loki: If I was to ask anything it would be that you don't return Tony: ouch. i am wounded, really, loki. here i was thinking you’d gone good Loki: eVeRY tiMe you guys return its when we're in the middle of something fun! Tony: lighting candles in a circle and writing in strange blood to commune with dead presidents to lecture them on ethics is NOT a regular pastime for kids!! Loki, mumbling: mj and peter were enjoying it --- Loki: today we shall go shopping Morgan: you have cash?? Loki, in a perfect impression of Thor: No, I don't have cash, but I do have an electronic card which stores credits. It's called a credit card. Peter: ohmygoodness tell me thor hasn't actually said that Loki: He did not. Peter: okgood, my faith in him is preserved- Loki: he said it about emails, right around when he asked why he would need a phone or a computer to receive them Shuri, solemn: may his ancestors provide his lost soul guidance Loki: yeah...uhh... maybe don't hope thor asks odin or bor to get involved since they'd probably tell him to commit genocide when he rage quits trying find the laptop's power button Morgan: geNocide? what's that Loki: In this case it refers to the mass extermination of a race PEter Shuri and Morgan: *stare at him in disbelief* Loki: what, you didn't know that? 

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Tony: wait so Thor did that and then YOU ALSO attempted GENOCIDE before turning up on Earth?? why tf would you do that!! Loki: My grandad did it! both my father's did it! my brother did it! I thought it was a family tradition! --- Pepper: Loki, why did my 4 year old hand me a critical piece on the negative ethical implications of genocide to proofread? Loki: I feel like that's a question for your 4 year old Pepper: Loki: What! It's an important topic and children should be able to solidify correct moral beliefs from an early age! --- Tony: LOKI, if you don't stop terrorizing people RIGHT NOW I am calling off your weekend playdate Loki: *dramatic gasp* you cant do that! I have rights! Tony: Not if I decide to lock the front door! Loki, scoffing: as if THAT would stop me from getting in Tony: If you don't make those penguins normal-sized again I swear you wont get hot chocolate for a week! Loki, lips trembling: but- but- you cant just do that! Tony: I'll stop you from reading bedtime stories too! Loki: No! You know how much those mean to M- Tony: JUst turn the penguins normal and get them out of those ridiculous avenger costumes, Loki! Loki: But its FUNNY- Tony: No it isnt Loki: yes it is Tony: no it isnt Loki: yes, it is The Avengers, watching them argue: what. the. frick. --- Shuri: Did you know jellyfish have survived for 600,000 years without a brain? Loki: A ray of hope for Thor --- Morgan: isnt this mean? wont he get angry? Loki: it depends on your definition of ‘mean’, and ‘angry’ really. And also whether you'll value his face when he notices more or less than the consequences. Morgan, shrugging as she helps loki dye Tony's goatee orange: oh okay --- Tony: stop corrupting my kid!! Loki: Morgan? Anything to say about his claims? Morgan: dad, corruption is a social construct which subjectively classifies deeds done for personal gain with a negative light Tony: Morgan, looking Tony in the eyes: and I do this for free

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[t'challa enters the lab] T'Challa: Shuri I need you to adjust the ne- [t'challa looks up to see the lab has been cleared in the centre and is being used as a stage as shuri peter harley and morgan take turns rehearsing shakespeare soliloqueys and inserting vine and movie references] T'Challa, smiling fondly: I'll just come back later

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Tony: you KNOW Doctor Who is on at this time and every single time you attack you pick NOW Loki: You can hardly prove that it is intentional Tony: you prick! i know for a fact it aint coincidence because it happens every single week! And you’ve literally got DALEKS and CYBERMEN running around today! And last week it was actual literal Weeping Angels that teleported people!  Loki: now, now, Anthony, calm down, is this really how a father of four reacts to missing a tv show? Tony: a father of FIVE because apparently you're one of the immature kids on that list too! Loki: well, i guess my equivalent age does fit in with the rest of your brood Tony: YEA- WAit what, how old are you exactly?? Loki: only a bit younger than thor Tony: who is like, a gazillion years old Loki: He's the equivalent of 21, actually. Maybe 22 by now? The Avengers, looking over to Thor: what. the. frick.